For decades I've struggled with a partner that re-writes history. It's heartbreaking to hear his version of events or things that simply didn't happen. It destroys your self esteem. The way my husband tells it I blew up the Hindenburg, sunk the Titanic and was responsible for all the terrible atrocities of WWII. Pretty extensive list and very ambitious for someone who wasn't even born until 1967. 😢

@bernicegoldham1509

3 ай бұрын

Hope you find whatever it is you need to leave.

Going no contact with a narcissist in my family was a very good decision. Can you imagine your ego being so fragile that you never forgot what a 10 year old child said to hurt your feelings and still carry the grudge more than 20 years later? A narcissist certainly can!

@rubberbiscuit99

3 ай бұрын

You cannot make this stuff up. I say it every dang day.

@truthisthevictory9278

3 ай бұрын

'That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.'

@ivoryrosem2743

3 ай бұрын

My sister did this at my Grandfathers funeral. She brought up something that happened when we were 8 and 11 years old...something about hiding a remote control. She's literally 40 years old now. Everyone thought she'd lost her mind.

@kathleencondit1660

3 ай бұрын

The two in my family hold grudges from the 1950's. Strange.

@chinahandy-xb2dg

2 ай бұрын

So at one point a Narcissist seeks "important" (beautiful, intelligent, rich......) people to proof his one importance. On the other hand he likes to be with people who he thinks inferior to him. How is this do able? Does he devaluate everyone, or does he divide people, meaning, he devaluates some, but not all. Do N. have Examples (Vorbilder) that they look up to?

Elevating current day mediocrity and devaluation and trashing of past people and events. Villanizing their past victims and becoming, as you said, the victim, survivor and even the hero, the saint.

I can't stand when they deny and act like they did not do or say something they absolutely did....

I’m an adult survivor os sexual , verbal and physical abuse. I was placed into the custody of the state as a teenager . And was also abandoned by my family when I was at my hardest . I am now numb. I know I at times had grandiose thoughts of being different and more aware than others. But in reality, I just want to have close connections and a sense of saftey and love instead of feelng like an outsider all the time.

@Briakoi

3 ай бұрын

It may seem unfair at times, but the cards we are dealt are never in vain. Keep your head up! It will get better ❤️‍🩹🙏🏽

@Sarah_Benischek

2 ай бұрын

you're not alone, thank you for sharing.. I literally could feel your words. I too struggle with these feelings due to my past and familial abandonment

@munkyjammin

2 ай бұрын

I think Sam Vaknin presented survival narcissism...the traits we need to develop & utilise to.survive situations of hardship & suffering. If a person remains in survival mode for long periods of time they can remain stuck in this way of thinking, this approach to their life has become ingrained in their mode of thinking/ analysis. They become a variety of narcissist out of necessity. Perhaps this topic may be of interest ? We are always learning about ourselves when reflective.

@sunrayrosin7181

2 ай бұрын

@@munkyjammin survive! That what I’ve heard since I was as young as I could remember. I was called a “ survivor “ since I was a little child. I want to live already and not just survive.

@sunrayrosin7181

19 күн бұрын

@@munkyjammin I am now and always have been in survival mode. If I knew a way to be in living mode that would be so much fun. However, all I know how to do to do is survive . I once enjoyed engaging and interacting with many people on a much more grand level. But now the way of the hermit is much more comfortable. I wish i could find myself playful and at ease once again. However, I can never regain a sense of being welcomed home like i once was . And I wonder if i ever will feel safe enough to trust my heart, time and home to another person.

Reflecting on the past with the knowledge i have now seems different than remembering how i felt at the time.

Thank you for continuing to help myself and others by pursuing and sharing your dedicated work. We appreciate you.

I have had too much suffering in my life to be grandiose

Essential learning - thank you PDV !

My NPD/BPD brother went out with my family and I for pizza. I had 2 beers with dinner. Did not drink for 6 months... was traveling...My wife witnessed. He then asked my son to sleep over at his house . I said absolutely not. Weeks later.. even a year later ... I start getting calls form family members and emails from him saying I had 7 vodka martinis (i dont drink martinis) and he pleaded with me not to drive with my kids. (I barely even drink alcohol). He said i was pounding drinks.... needless to say its real. When these confabulations are confronted with truth of actual events. Its almost laughable and sad at the same time.

@jamiemcinerney8468

3 ай бұрын

Wow he sounds like my narc sister. I went no contact. I just can't ...... Too upsetting and really kind of dangerous.

@bernicegoldham1509

3 ай бұрын

Yikes. Extremely unsettling that he's trying to leverage your children like that. Love your 'absolutely not' response.

Like when Narcky made a comeback that was a line in a song. Everyone laughed (because it WAS funny) and I mentioned the songwriter is a favorite. Narcky said, "Artists are always stealing my lines". I tell you , sir, your videos have brought to my attention several cluster Bs who have passed through my life and why associating with them has been difficult - - it explains so much. I can recall a story for just about every topic you talk about.

This is absolutely brilliant and so true of the narcissists and professional victims I know

Thank you for explaining this. My mother would rewrite memories as a means of emotional processing. She would sit before the TV, knit, and sigh, and repeat something like 'yeah, that's how it is', or 'this is for the better', etc. Looks harmless, but there was a time in my youth I had to come with a plan, with a friend's help, to leave the parents house. Because I didn't have money or a job, and wanted to have both, and knew she won't let me, and wouldn't help me on my way out. So it got ugly at first, but then she come to terms, I left, and lived in the neighbour country, and worked there. And she came to visit, we had a walk, and she casually mentioned that it was actually her idea for me to move, and that she helped me. I was astonished to say the least, but I remembered those TV knitting memory sessions, so I wasn't really _surprised_ . Sometimes I want to know something about the past, but I realise it's pointless to ask her.

I had trouble wrapping my head around the first half but the final third really helped me understand. I often see the example of someone saying something they think is novel all over social media. They speak as if they’re the authority. Anyway, I’ll need to give this another watch to understand better!

Thank you very much for your very informative and enlightening explanations, these have helped me understand the dynamics of the characters in my family especially in relation to the interactions and of course conflicts existing.

This is an audio visual biography of my father. Brilliant. Thank you.

This is strike into my face. I was listening three times in row. Thank you

Loved you explanantion.❤

A Feature Film vs. A Documentary is a powerful visual for making sense of cognitive dissonance. I'd be willing to settle for a Docu-Drama just to keep the movie spicy, if I had any input. But, the basic legal facts deserve to have their place in history. It is the accomodation of the drama that waters down the truth imho.

Very relevant for today. Thanks

Makes me wonder if personality disorders could be/ are organized by the primary cognitive biases used? (In general) If we all rely on certain biases to make sense of our world to some degree- when does a a common human bias evolve into a red flag? 🤔 Maybe the difference is just each persons ability to recognize our biases and confront oneself?

@samvaknin

3 ай бұрын

We very rarely recognize biases. This is what makes them biases.

So much of what you said transfers over to the socio-political world!

I would like to see. Prof Sam with Jessie Lee Peterson. Make it happen. Dynamic duo, who’s with me!

@redpilljesus

3 ай бұрын

Why? Why would they?

Makes sense

Empaths are covert narcissists??????? Did he really say that??

@teagen1469

3 ай бұрын

Most self proclaimed empaths act really narcissistic. I dont think actual empaths are the type to brag on the internet about how empathetic they are. Which is what a lot of people do. Its like they are upholding a false self built around being empathic. Which would also increase grandiosity.

@Asildriez

3 ай бұрын

Yes, because many of them are. If they speak long enough it becomes very clear. Just the fact that you feel yourself so empathetic that you refer to yourself as an "empath" is already a bad start from my perspective.

@rebecca9949

3 ай бұрын

I think people who proclaim they're empaths are looking for something that sets them apart and makes them special. Most people don't feel the need to brag about a natural human instinct as if they're part of some superhuman class and only they feel empathy

@faddy24

3 ай бұрын

Most of us neurotypicals have some empathic traits but anybody who describes themselves as an empath or, worse, a super empath is somebody I would advise others to be wary of.

@mambamentality9119

3 ай бұрын

Yes it’s true I’m a covert narcissist from what I can tell from thinking about my past I can say yes it is true a covert narcissist is very tricky. I would look at it as camouflage.

Haha thanks again. I shouldn’t be laughing, but it is so predictable and funny to see. The many career shifts and then suddenly having a complete new identity, posting only about the things he just learned as if it’s the most precious knowledge on the world. Ordering the new colleagues around 🤭 They don’t know yet… After 6 months the story will start from scratch in another form. He will say again he was the business owner, manager or some high position person during his old job. While he was just one of the employees moving on to a “next opportunity”, “better position”, where they don’t feel bored with his delusions yet… 😅

@DarkMadamX83

3 ай бұрын

I have been through this with my ex. Replace the job, with me. All he learned, he learned from me to obtain a sense of humanity and normality. A personality. He would use this work of me to manipulate everyone else. So bizarre.

My mother has what I call selective memory. She never remembers or flat out something never happened. She does not like confrontation at all and shuts down. She looks away dismissively and won't acknowledge you. I'm trying to figure out if this is just a tendency in her life or is this something deeper psychologically ? All I know is coming across this channel I find myself relating to most of the comments on her about parents. Answers to questions I had. It's a lot to unpack. Could my mother be a narcissist is where I'm at.

I mortified the MO he left me alone

Interesting that Sam seems to have said empaths are covert narcs about two fifths in!

@samvaknin

3 ай бұрын

I have been saying it for many years. Search my channel for “empath”.

I hate it, but this is me....