I have been basically emotionally abandoned my whole life

@FromSurvivingToThriving

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that! I do know what that's like!!

@Kim-vs4vb

3 жыл бұрын

@ Gary....... so glad to know there’s others out there just like me.

@garybills8683

3 жыл бұрын

I’m just not very hopeful about the future

@Kim-vs4vb

3 жыл бұрын

@@garybills8683 know how u feel!

@cynthiajohnson9412

3 жыл бұрын

I hear ya.

So much nicer to just be with animals. People are too damn complicated.

@viliav8659

3 жыл бұрын

So true. Animals or plants. I have been living with mine for last 16 months and it is such a relief after all the human crap.

@garybills8683

3 жыл бұрын

I love animals their love is genuine

@dianep6335

3 жыл бұрын

@@garybills8683 I hope you have some nice pets. A reason to get up in the morning.

@cynthiajohnson9412

3 жыл бұрын

Everyone who's lived with emotional neglect should adopt a pet that's been abandoned cause we understand their fear and loneliness and know how to love and comfort them.

@garybills8683

3 жыл бұрын

@@dianep6335 I have a wonderful cat named Gus

I said goodbye to love. I’m just too nice and gullible and naive

@pattiannepascual

3 жыл бұрын

and I gave up because I am the opposite. I don't trust many people,especially strangers or new people.Always looking for their "truth" to show up. it's just too much work to start from scratch.

@whatsgoingon6256

3 жыл бұрын

Just focus on making yourself as healthy and independent as you possibly can, love will come naturally

@phoenixrising8007

3 жыл бұрын

@@pattiannepascual I hear you. I found that Putting up walls only keep ourselves stuck. It wasn’t until I learned how to heal myself that I was able to connect to healthy supportive people

@dianep6335

3 жыл бұрын

Gary, I relate exactly to what you're saying. But I wouldn't say you're gullible and naive, I'd say you're actually trusting and kind. The abusers in our society have shame-ified niceness, gentleness, kindness and trust by calling it gullible and naive. I'm thinking being "naive" means we started out trusting someone because we didn't have a reason to think they'd be nasty to us. We believed people would be decent to us because we're decent to them. But then we ran into the wrong people and got penalized for it and labeled gullible and naive, as if we did something wrong. The abusers simply ruined it for us. We need more people who are nice and trusting, especially men. Gary, please continue to learn what the coaches are teaching us and don't let the "bad news" about all the different types of abusers harden and ruin the kindness that's in your heart. I think we can have boundaries and self-protection and still maintain a soft heart.

@phoenixrising8007

3 жыл бұрын

Gary Bills, Not everyone mistakes kindness for weakness Never dull your shine 🌟

wow ! I think I have this problem no friends, feeling lonely but doesn‘t even want to communicate as much with ppl they drown my energy & I always feel weird or not as NORMAL as them bc I had childhood trauma (narcisstic abusive father & narcisstic immature mother) I also grew up very lonely in my room Often I feel like my coworkers can look through me and notice that I‘m „not as good or normal as them“

@pattiannepascual

3 жыл бұрын

you may just be an introvert or empath?

@eileenmccarthy7392

3 жыл бұрын

I relate to every word you wrote! Thank you for expressing this so well.

@spicyredhead7230

3 жыл бұрын

I feel exactly the same way. And I am still constantly being invalidated by my family when I set boundaries and am doing the work. It's like they want to keep me in the place I always was because it was convenient for them and now that I am changing, they are scrambling for purchase.

@Kim-vs4vb

3 жыл бұрын

Oh man this whole comment just described me and my current situation, I’m an empath, walked away 3 yrs ago from abusive narc family and 1 year ago from my narc ex.... it’s so hard, so so very hard a lot of days.....

@viliav8659

3 жыл бұрын

Welcome to the club!

SO TRUE! I feel afraid of men, and people in general. If I am myself or express negative or vulnerable emotions or events, I'll be re-written (invalidated), criticized, shamed, ridiculed, worse, punished and abandoned (like my Narc mom did!)

Learning emotional regulation can help with this.

The biggest struggle is finding meaningful work while dealing with CPTSD to get out of toxic environments

This is a huge issue for me.

This is why it's so hard - you get hurt by the narc spouse or whoever and then you feel that loneliness and you want to pour your heart out to the next friend or relationship and boom you can attract another narc because the love bombing feels sooo good. For a while. Michele is right. I found out kind of by accident that I could start listening to myself and not mind if I was by myself for a while. It was lonely but then I realised that I was starting to listen to myself just for a bit, just with a bit more kindness than before. It's certainly a journey to healing, there is no quick fix. Thank you so much for your wonderful insights Michele.

That’s so accurate it hurts

Yep, catch 22. It is hard to understand how it feels like you are doing time for others abuse. Because it is hard to regulate ourselves it can drive others away, then you are lonely on top of that which drives others away, then the trauma of being so alone makes it harder to trust anyone at all even if they stick around.

@adepejuadeyemi8099

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@whatsgoingon6256

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, its like you're left with all this trauma to fix all by yourself because nobody is interested, and few are equipped or experienced

@HaleyMary

3 жыл бұрын

100% true! I find it difficult to trust people sometimes because of having been bullied and coerced and maybe that distrust does drive people away. I don't even talk about this stuff right away with people, if at all. I have a couple of close friends, but not many. I feel it takes people to have gone through something traumatic like bullying or a medical problem in order for me to feel like I can connect with them. For me, people don't stick around long enough to even start to build trust. I don't know if I'm just not meeting the right people or am not in the right places to meet good people.

@Kim-vs4vb

3 жыл бұрын

@@whatsgoingon6256 so damn true, currently going through it. 😔

@Lyrielonwind

Жыл бұрын

If someone stick around me; it's toxic. I understand why I'm so lonely; I can be overwhelming due to oversharing.

Definitely struggle with the heavy loneliness. Big weakness it seems.

The guilt & shame of feeling overwhelmed with angst & anxiety for feeling discombobulated can be debilitating & confusing. Trauma transcends words for so many it’s a challenge to even figure out what you’re experiencing. It’s important to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is Hope to overcome the dysfunction 🙏

@graziaromano3531

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you...this is what I m experiencing and have done for a long long while

@heathercruz8282

3 жыл бұрын

Feeling like this too

The exploitations insults belittling berating mocking and invalidations from the malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I divorced whenever my children and I expressed any emotions or feelings has created so much c-ptsd ,anxieties Crippling Social issues , low self esteem , ocd, Lack of ambitions and drive

@stephena1196

3 жыл бұрын

Nancy you are here and making comments, which suggests maybe your ambition and drive is just focused on healing the damage caused to you and your children by the ex and not that you lack it. So don't be too hard on yourself, as things improve you'll have spare ambition and drive to direct to other things.

@stephena1196

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the heart Michele :)

Can u do a video on why after truama it feels like you are living your past life in the present over and over again like same kind of people same circumstances that brought trauma in the past

@FromSurvivingToThriving

3 жыл бұрын

This is an important topic - I will def do a video on this!! Thank you for the suggestion =)

@fitnesswithwasif3995

3 жыл бұрын

@@FromSurvivingToThriving thanks so sweet of u

@phoenixrising8007

3 жыл бұрын

Good point! We keep attracting the same TYPE of people until our childhood wounds have been healed. Once we change ourselves, the people we connect with change too.

I’ve never clicked a video so fast. Thank you for this!

I really feel weird saying this because I don't even know if you read anything I say but I'll say it anyway. I sincerely apologize if I have ben anyway rude or insensitive... especially about the last comment I made. I read your story about your parents and everything you've been through...I have no motives all I ever tried to do is make you smile and laugh and even maybe make your day go better. I truly have learned a lot from your videos...I am a police officer with the phoenix pd and I've seen first hand what the effects of narcissism can be...it doesn't only result in mental abuse but also physical...I'm going to end this by saying to keep doing what your doing...your are not only helping people to heal...but you are also maybe saving lives. Thought I'd tell you that...

@garybills8683

3 жыл бұрын

I read all comments and I thank you for your kind thoughts at no point have you been rude or insensitive in any way

This really resonated with me. The way you explained how we emotionally abandon ourselves was helpful. Also, I like the phrase “emotional hydration.” I used to use the term “emotional slut” to describe that over sharing/desperation for validation that you mentioned. I’ve come a long way but still work to be done!

@cynthiajohnson9412

3 жыл бұрын

Me too!

Your smile can save lives Michele Thank you

@paulasussman4751

3 жыл бұрын

She is amazing!!

@FromSurvivingToThriving

3 жыл бұрын

@@paulasussman4751 Love you Paula!! Will you be there Tuesday at Thrivers School of Transformation? We're meeting at 12 noon =)

@paulasussman4751

3 жыл бұрын

@@FromSurvivingToThriving I think I’d like to be ! I better check my email my organizational skills are you still coming online ha ha💜I know you understand

I love this girl. The simple clarity she brings to my mud puddles has given me immeasurable hope and clarity. I have hope that in time. I will be healthy and able to have healthy relationships. Thank you so much.

This is so true! I'm happy now. Thank you Jesus

@hannu3911

3 жыл бұрын

👋

It doesn't make sense to me - people will only give you a sip if you already give yourself enough water. I would get if they give some basic advice on finding water in oneself before they move away. But why would we want to be friends with the people described in the video who will leave us to slowly die of thirst? Sure narcissists home in on our vulnerability, but people who leave us dry in the desert aren't seeming much better. Or heck, even if they don't know how to help us but they atleast wish they could help our thirst before they turn away, that'd be a positive thing about them. But if they just get put off by our thirst, they don't seem like they are worthy of being friends at all.

OMG! this relates to me so much... the example you give of water literally so relatable to me . Literally self diagnosed myself with CPTSD. I literally feel emotionally numb and lonely. I feel disconnected and just focus on my needs. Thank you so much for this video pls also tell me how to deal with this all day?😭😭

I am in this right now....in unhappy relationship with narc...can't get out....don't know how. Because of him I have no job, constantly yelled at, can't share emotions, thoughts....you nailed it....he NEVER sees me & makes fun of my "fake" crying. I live in house with Silent treatment . I left last year, but proved to him my stupidity by going back...

@heathercruz8282

3 жыл бұрын

I'm living in the same situation 🙃 hang in there save money to get out good luck

So true Michelle and just as im watching this im feeling this after a life time of betrayal and injustice at its worst so this is vital to take note of when trying to date. Because i am virtually everything you are speaking of in this

You are Thriving. I have seen your initial videos and now you look amazing and more confident. Hope all of us can achieve this. Thanks for your work.

Exactly what I needed to hear. It is a horrible place to be. Thank you for the video.

I've realized I have this problem and have basically withdrawn from society and relationships because I'm tired of the only relationships I can ever attract being those who want to take advantage of me, but I can't "be there for myself" without going no contact with my family, because their hooks still have me strongly.

Michele Lee ❤️❤️❤️

The road to emotional self-regulation takes time and we have to be patient with ourselves. Great help Michelle , Thank you.

Needed to hear this. Thanks for the insights.

Excellent video, Michelle! SO grateful that you and your channel exist! 🙏❤️

There is a lack of honesty in this video, there is only so much you can do on your own in life. Having put in years upon years of of internal work, the reality is, most people are not versed in, or interested in the language of emotional validation and health. It is the societal construct that is narcissistic and systemically abusive. People tend to not have the critical thinking skills that are required to understand the full spectrum of what it means to spend time in reflection - and therefor integration of their full selves. Telling the most traumatized members in society that they are the ones who are not doing what it takes to be treated with basic respect and validation, to be seen, is not helpful and does not address the issues which are mostly creating the separation and loneliness in people, ie: it is systemic.

This is such important content. I’ve shared this with friends already and will also share with my teenage daughter. Thanks so much.

Very helpful and spot on.

Omgee I feel like u hit it on the nail and described me , thanks for this video

For me, this is the best video you've done!!🤎🤍❤

You are describing all I've been through N repeated for many years. Wilderness mentality and emotional abandonment. Thank you for bringing this to the fore.

Were all gonna come through these times better off for having suffered in neglect because we will truly know and appreciate the value of love and acceptance and we'll give it freely and accept it fully in a way that those who never went without can appreciate. Take heart, our souls are deeper and fuller and stronger because of our suffering. Thanks Michele, for guiding us through.

I feel more relaxed, balanced, and safe when I'm alone. And I feel very rarely lonely. However I do remember that I was desperately craving some positive emotions or feedback from others after I left my narcissistic family. I also feel I have been groomed to be transparent and honest so that the narcissist was better able to control me. Narcissistic abuse of children should be classed as a crime.

Michelle , thank you for laying out the realistic path towards healing. Your recent videos on CTPSD seem to get to the real core issues people need to address to reach a healthy self.

Thankyou for sharing your knowledge Michelle. Very valuable stuff 🙂

Spot on❤️

Love that painting

This was very helpful. Thank you.

Thank you for this information

@loreleimorgan6545

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, good information. Better than the narc twisting information as they stalk and hack you. The "victims" are decent human beings and will always come out winners.

I was very social . Until I learned who was who . What I was coping with (barely) And why I had been so defiant and majorly destructive to me ! Now that I’m NO CONTACT. .... I’m so lonely .. But would lay down & die before I go back around any of them ... it’s very frustrating. I pray for relief a lot

Dear Souls, Hang in there. Use what ever tools and techniques you can find to help you. Do NOT give up. Please understand that energies are shifting all over the place right now and it is challenging for everyone. All will calm down around May or June. Also know that technologies that are very advanced, Sci Fi like , will be coming out. Med Beds will assist with many things, possibly trauma. Other technologies beyond those will also manufactured, that do , indeed clear trauma and cellular memory of trauma. So do what you can for now, bu know that it will not be this way forever.

The concept of self soothing and emotionally regulating myself were until a couple of years ago a pretty alien concept. Trying to convince myself of my own worth felt the same as lying to myself and I was pretty unsuccessful in that department. Also trying not to internalise when I received criticism or rejection and to correctly interpret and choosing to accept or reject the criticisms was very hard to do myself. However I found that from speaking to other people in similar situations, I had no problem believing the words I was saying to them. I was not emotionally involved which made it easy to be rational and unbiased. So through my giving advice to others I slowly began to believe it myself and apply the advice to my own life.

Oh wow you're in such great shape! And beautiful long hair! Go girl!! ♡♡♡

I really can't stand being around people { Hate crowds } but at the same time I hate being so lonely

The only thing I don’t understand about life is how is it we that are trying to get our needs met and are genuinely lonely and always meet ppl that detect this and pull away, like you said, and why narcissists are essentially trying to do a similar thing yet always seem to find victims to manipulate and get their needs met through? But the unfair part of life is most of the ppl we are talking about here have cptsd and would reallly benefit from just 1 person being kind and quenching just some of our loneliness and isolation and just restore our hope in humanity after what we went through versus the narc who has zero good intentions, isn’t hurting and just wants to abuse/control…how is this fair? And it’s oxymorons like this that make me question god and life and how it always seems like the worst of humanity gets everything they want, and ppl truly suffering just keep falling short and most likely were abused/neglected In childhood when they had zero choice, and then over and over and over again before even realizing things like this we are learning now! Ugh it’s just so unfair and doesn’t make sense to me! Narcs were also most likely abused and took a “different path” to getting their needs met, but it’s like THEY GET THEIR NEEDS MET though 🙄 and ppl like us don’t, we just get more pain and more abuse because that’s what our parents set us up for? Anyone have any advice or thoughts?? 🙏

I am watching this while finally going on the camping holiday I wanted for years I'm finally strong enough to be happy alone - this is day 8 and feels so good In one of your videos you talk about binge watch narcissistic videos After watching that video I unsubscribe from a lot of therapists Now I'm mostly watch videos about the future I want I see myself and almost all the videos you post thank you so much for helping me

I been pushing people away because I'm so scared that they will find out what I been hiding

I completely relate to this

THIS IS ME TO A TEE!!!! BEEN OUT OF NARC REALATIONSHIP SINCE 2018 AND RECIEVED THERARPY. This has been going on for years. like years wo water.

Thank you

I really am seeing how I did this! I was never more lonely than in my marriage, Now I’m working Caring for & Loving “Lil” Me, talking to, holding & reassuring her I’m Here For Her! It feels so Good! I’m convinced it’s when we Value, Treasure & Love our little kid inside, step into & master boundary setting & also EMDR therapy, I hope to be able to become Narc Free! 💜🙏💜

My loneliness is horrible and never ending and I feel like I never have existed

@cynthiajohnson9412

3 жыл бұрын

It's a phase and you can work through it. And honestly expressing yourself under videos is a good way to start. Especially if you find something you don't agree with--that's good for you. It helps you define yourself. Post what you think. Start challenging things in the outside world and asserting yourself as someone who deserves to be heard. If people push back against you, take that as proof that you do exist and fight for your place in the conversation. It's hard at first, but it's a good way to get stronger, work your muscles. You are a person even if people in your past tried to erase you. That alone is prove of your worth. If you weren't challenging something and occupying a space others wanted to claim, they wouldn't have tried to erase you. Anyway, get out there a throw an elbow. It's your right and you should claim it. There must be something you believe in, something you want to share. If you want to start with someone who won't push back. Post your thoughts under this comment. Give it a try. You'll feel better.

It’s demonic ,demons are overwhelming you

@mattiescreations

3 жыл бұрын

You would know

Damn…I just learned alot about myself. I got a lot of thinking to do

Yes I believe I have complex ptsd because I was raised in a narcissistic family dysfunctional and I lost my mom last year my narcissistic mother and most of my family is narcissistic and they got there own belief narcissistic family system that all about control and man made rules and they got there own family church too I was raised in Pentecostal all my life but it’s very toxic and judgmental and narcissistic if you question the rules they shun you and reject you and I believe I deal with c-PTSD I isolate myself because of the abuse not only that but the spiritual abuse emotional abuse and childhood trauma and I’m still dealing with complicated grief

Yes so ture.

My god its so true

What is that beautiful tree 🌳 to the left, so pretty?

I love you

I have nobody. Due to my narc mother and then siblings and rest of family I feel lonely and with no defenses in this world. Very sad. I am unstable emotionally due to all the abuse for 50 years. I have had a hard life. Now that I have nobody, I associate that with difficult to heal because I have not love. And I dont agree with "you need to give love to your seld"

genius

I hate feeling like this 😕.

Ok, so I realize I might do this. But how do I NOT do this? AND WHAT do I do instead of this? Thanks! ◇♡◇♡◇

You haven't been specific enough on how to be there for yourself. There should be more suggestions on how to do the work. Not everyone can afford these sessions or workshops you offer.

@stephena1196

3 жыл бұрын

What I've found useful is to ask myself how would the malicious narcissist be to me, then I do the opposite.

@Kim-vs4vb

3 жыл бұрын

@ Hillary..... you just spoke my mind... as I was watching the video and she talks about being their for yourself.... I am thinking ok so how do I be there for myself..... I thought towards the end might have some more info but nothing... I agree, there’s no info given on how to actually go about being there for yourself and not everyone that is suffering can afford to access this help...

@ausroy087

3 жыл бұрын

I do agree - but I think it is all just quite obvious soft skills, being still with yourself, practising self-care, trying to gauge your own moods and thoughts better, being "selfish" about your wants and needs, generally: self-compassion, talking kind to yourself, understanding yourself, feeling exactly what you are feeling and labelling it no different to what it is... :))

@peaceofmindofpeace1650

3 жыл бұрын

@@ausroy087 Yes even guiding, coaching yourself helps. Speaking to ourselves positively. At the end of the day are autonom we have love to give and we can give it to ourself. Yesterday I started running again, in my own tempo. I felt so much better.

awsome outfit

@FromSurvivingToThriving

3 жыл бұрын

It's a T-shirt and Jeans kinda day =)

You are brilliant. How do you know all this?

How can a friend prove to someone they are safe to open up to and not push away?

I hated what I looked like since day 1 and I hated myself because I feel fat it feels like everyone pushs me away because of it

I am all brains, and no emo. I have the emotional bandwidth of a cantaloupe.

better just to switch off and go.

How to be there for yourself?

I’m 56

So what if bow im leaning to face my big hard scary emotions and i never had beforehand. Trying to navigate betrayal trauma amd i isolate and i am so loanly. 😢 i have felt left out my entire life. I received no emotional support in childhood, no instructions. And i do this, life story. Trauma dumbing. I feel so lost and i ddint mean to ouch people away but now no one seems safe either. I dont want to be immature and i try to set boundaries on myself with other people. How do you heal this deep loneliness? I try to be there for myself, but its so loanly to try and be there for myself. Definitely internalize abuse husbands words. Ugh, thirsty for sure

👍

No. That water example does not fit into the avoidant types that are distrusting and never do "trauma dumping". Lonely people will actually heal better with people if they are trustworthy. Trying to heal with affirmations is just another BS tactic - i have tried it. Not working when the system is still shutdown and dorsal.

There's nothing in the desert and no man needs nothing.

Not every child grows up and eventually leaves home. That is a false assumption that I hear on every channel that deals with narcissistic abuse. Narcissists are very good at keeping their adult children trapped and making it hard for them to ever leave home. I would really like to hear more people addressing the issue of adult children of narcissists who are stuck living with their families of origin as adults, whether it is because of money (financial abuse often accompanies narcissistic abuse), or whatever.

What does it mean to « be there for yourself ? »

@FromSurvivingToThriving

3 жыл бұрын

Excellent question I will make a video on this =)

@tazdrum73

3 жыл бұрын

@@FromSurvivingToThriving Thank you for considering my question! Many people have told me this as I battle long standing depression as a result of earlier childhood bullying, emotional abuse and infidelity by my wife last year. I have no idea what it means to be there for myself. Any time I do something for myself I feel a sense of guilt that I should be doing something else. My wife recently told me “there are so many things to do around the house but you are 3D printing and painting figurines.” My response was “so what - if it helps me focus on something positive then so be it”. I also find myself in the dilemma of my life as I try to decide whether to leave or stay. I cannot trust my wife. People say it takes time to rebuild trust, but I’m not sure if I will ever be able to achieve that. I am trying to focus on myself and try to overcome the negative feelings, but sometimes they are just too strong for me.

Proverbs 21: 19 - "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." What if everyone is contentious with you? No one is lonely when everyone around you is a clown, you like your own company, and live in spirit with the creator and heavenly Force's. "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." (Basically narcissist's) - Robin Williams There's a difference between feeling alone and fed up. Stop rationalizing! Some people need to be left alone and then they can come back healed only for the narcissist's, planes, drones, camera's, and smear campaigns to escalate. We have no place to go. So we will give them hell. Our dogs misread our emotions. They don't understand narcissistic abuse. They just know something's bothering us and become defensive, yet the narcissist's say our dog's our aggressive. No more word's! Society and authority has reached the end of reason. Enjoy the plagues!

Oh my goodness miss michelle....oh my goodness....now I'm wondering if your parents were beavers cuz DAAAMMM!!!....seeing you is like a religious experience...lord have mercy...lord have mercy!!

@hanswollo2545

3 жыл бұрын

What???....did you really just insult her?? Don't message me talking about her and think I'm gonna listen to it....your lucky your not any where near me me saying that or I would personally correct your ass

@hanswollo2545

3 жыл бұрын

Beavers make dams ignoramus...that means it's a metaphor....that's for people who are slowed down...get it

So your solution to loneliness is "dont be lonely" then others who are healthy will be attracted to you, and then boom- you wont be lonely. ?

👉 Rather inaccurate to suggest the Unconscious mind learns slowly don't you think Michelle?? You're versed in NLP right? What about all the amazing positive changes and things people have cleared in super-fast time all based on models taken from the Success of others. - Not to mention the idea that language, and all our early 'programmed negative' learning takes place very quickly at a very young age: sometimes even before we can speak!. A great example is Phobias: People don't 'learn' a phobia slowly; it happens usually in one single step and creates sensory synesthesia. Research - Milton H. Erickson

I wish there was help in Sweden for cpstd here is no Knowles and need treatment for this all is so me in all of cptsd .do you have online help face to face ?

@connectingthedots100

3 жыл бұрын

She mentions one on one sessions at the end of the video.

Sorry but allowing emotions rule your life is pretty bad advice. People that have been psychologically abused and those that are depressed are unstable enough as it is and then telling those people to let their emotions to rule their life even more than it is all ready just ends up in disaster. And is really the last thing they need. The way to get out of bad habits or a bad situation is to slow down, think critically and to pause a little bit if a volcano of emotions is ruling your life. But jumping on decisions based on a whirl wind of emotions your situation is most likely going to get worse.

You don't need shit