Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/

@starlingswallow

3 жыл бұрын

THANK YOU!!!

This is extraordinarily personal for me - I am about to turn 66, and just now figuring this out! I was “raised” by my narcissistic mother and oldest sister, and was overwhelmed with all manner of psychological problems when I first sought help from a therapist at age 23. However, the psychologist I saw then was really of very little help at all. It really wasn’t until I discovered all these narcissistic videos that I really felt understood and validated. Conventional therapy seems to be very inadequate and definitely way behind when it comes to narcissistic abuse, really wish these videos had existed when I was younger!

@anamericanman

4 жыл бұрын

I saw a psychologist 30 years ago at 19-21 after being raised by a profoundly narcissistic father, and not once did this psychologist mention this possibility.

@Faith-pf6cb

3 жыл бұрын

We're the same age and have very similar circumstances. We weren't raised with a computer....we had libraries but it wasn't until a post on fb about narcissism that I actually had to look up the definition. When I read the definition my mind immediately went to my mother, my father, my siblings, and my ex-husband. Obviously, I sought out a man like my father even though I was trying to get away from the dysfunction. Now the children who were born of that union also are on the spectrum but the youngest daughter is by far the most accomplished of all the narcissist I've dealt with in my life. I pray that I can somehow put me back together again.

@katherinepoltoratzky6068

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I remember a therapist and others telling me to "let it go". Yes in therapy.

@nschone7492

3 жыл бұрын

This content didn't start coming out onto the internet until after 2013 or so, so don't feel bad. I was researching extensively around that time and found very few online articles about narcissistic abuse: articles, not youtube videos. Those came much later so this is a fairy new subject still.

The first was a very smart therapist. Very few people understand that the damaged, sad people around a good-looking, charismatic, popular person is due to the fact that the good-looking, charismatic, popular person is a mentally Ill narcissist.

@suex9088

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this. So true! I've become a sad, tired shell of my former vibrant self, while he appears to the world as the "nicest guy". I'm exploring now how I can take care of myself. Be well.

@jaydeecee1643

4 жыл бұрын

Its like the suck the postive energy right out of you!

@katt9208

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed. But narcissism and its evil(er) cousin psychopathy aren’t mental illnesses. They’re disorders. I can have sympathy for a mental illness. Not so much for a disorder. It’s true that disordered individuals got there based on abuse/neglect/a narcissistic family-of-origin system. But they won’t take responsibility for the damage they do and the emotional wake they leave.

@ormorphe

4 жыл бұрын

Kat T I agree. It’s a CHOICE

@casperinsight3524

3 жыл бұрын

I had guy friends whose girlfriends were like shadows, they were quiet, shy and looked unhappy. The guy would say something derogatory about their girlfriend and he was believed bcuz he was so charismatic. Looking back I see how he stole the limelight while keeping her in the shadows. Narcissistic traits are evident once you are educated and realize what you're seeing. Thankfully narcissism is being exposed online by many healed survivors. Luv your videos 👍💖

I think this is so subtle that you may not even know it is there. You may have had a father who was hard-working, honest, paid the bills, didn’t drink or have addictions, but was not just emotionally present in the way he should have been. Maybe the daughter never even thought, “I don’t matter.” But the daughter somehow finds a covert narcissist who will never love her-disguised as the Prince Charming who seems loving and seems to be the one who is going to make it all different. The daughter ends up almost banging her head against a wall trying to get the narcissist to love her. He just can’t love.

@nehasharma-dy7ml

4 жыл бұрын

you wrote my story

@TheQueenOfSwords

4 жыл бұрын

@@nehasharma-dy7ml mine too

@melissagreene4174

4 жыл бұрын

Mine too

@rogue6344

4 жыл бұрын

You just explained my mother’s life. Unfortunately it’s a generational curse in my family. I’m glad I’m getting help.

@dannasmith-aldridge3011

3 жыл бұрын

Do they know how to love properly if they've not experienced or felt it themselves? Could we do anything that could possibly make a difference in that for them?

I think many children are saved from narcissism when they are around another adult who doesn’t have it and they realize oh- this is how good life can be or how peaceful?! I think the ‘it takes a village’ statement is so true bc those that can influence aside from the narcissist probably mean everything

@casperinsight3524

3 жыл бұрын

I agree with the philosophy that it takes a village to raise a child, it's the power of community. Positive influences can have a tremendous impact on a child's well-being and development 💖

I know the fog... Feeling numb... Feeling stuck. Knowing what I need to do. And not doing it. Then being guilty of enjoying the love bombing... The gifts. And attention. Im wrong as hell...

@stevenhiggins9985

4 жыл бұрын

Now I'm suffering the gaslighting. Ready to walk away. Just let her have the house. Take my cloths and tools and go. Can't change them. But I can stop the insanity. Gave too much of myself.. Getting me back. I stopped taking it personal. Stayed mindful and set boundaries. Have been fishing. Today again threatens me. Same insanity different day. I love me. I'll get more stuff. Not even gonna go there w her. She has too much personal power in the courts here. And just malicious.

@lesleygarvs4640

3 жыл бұрын

You need zero contact... She hypnotizes you... Let the Judges decide... These are trained people.. And a good source for you to see what is right and wrong... All these fears you have... She put them in you... Be aware of that... It hypnotizes you and make you weak... Judges will do you good... Good luck!

Sometimes it takes years to figure out exactly what caused the stress which leads to the physical problems. When you begin to put the pieces together your life begins to make sense and you realize you are not the crazy one. Run for your life literally run!

It’s taken 2 years of weekly therapy to realize I’m not the problem. 12 years with a narc, I had a mental breakdown 2 years ago. He’s done everything to me, cheating, constantly gaslighting me, when both my boys were born he claimed out loud in front of all the nurses etc they weren’t his kids. Refuse to sign the certificate and all.. he made the nurses feel so uncomfortable when he was refusing that they left the room until we could figure it out. He eventually signed it reluctantly- if I bring that situation up today, he claims “ I was just kidding with you, i wasn’t being serious” It wasn’t a joke when you made everyone else feel uncomfortable. A joke would be you saying it maybe once, laughing and then getting on signing it. That’s gaslighting people. Understand it. Bc his constant gaslighting is what made me have a mental breakdown. Now I have autoimmune disease, all the symptoms of C-PTSD and I’m drowning in my depression. Get out while you can.

@lesleygarvs4640

3 жыл бұрын

If i were there, i would tell him... No, they are not your children, they are your brothers... And simply divorce and move on... He doesn t owe you nothing... He feels what he feels.. Because he is an idiot... Well, good to know.. Now, fly away.. 🏃‍♀️🚮💣😅👠

@starseeds8121

Жыл бұрын

Feel your pain

Yes, that nagging feeling that something is NOT RIGHT. We've got to listen to our gut! ❤️💕🙏🏻

I just looked at the title. If there is such a thing as narcissistic victim syndrome I have it. Let’s go

Wow! Michele I'm so grateful. You just helped me see to clearly. Your list encapsulates my life. Thank you for the work that you do. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕🤡💕💕💕💕

Hallelujah! Thank you so very much. Still trying to figure it out after 15-year of marriage

I felt like a robot. Observing my life from deep inside of myself. My life was on this fast track to destruction with no brake, no exit, I felt chained. I felt like I was dying on a molecular level. I finally left when I found my *SELF WORTH!* Loving yourself is a huge key to getting out. The last 2 years I have been healing through talking, Sharing, journaling, art therapy, and getting validation and your videos have been HUGE in me realizing what I was dealing with. It wasn't until after I left that I found your "20 symptoms of narcissistic abuse victim syndrome" that it allllll clicked! I cried through the whole video, having to stop it a few times to cry. A huge, HUGE blessing!

I believe I have both. 💕 I jump out of my skin at loud voices and noises. I wake up during the night with nocturnal panic attacks, heart racing, can't breath and have thoughts of fear and dread of death. The last one which I believe are emotional/physics flashbacks, is my neck, jaw and head muscles clench up for what seems to be no reason. This happens when I try to nap and as I've journaled, on Friday and Sunday nights. I look back and remember that with the Covert Narc ex, Friday nights were stressful because we'd be unloading new inventory into our shop and working until all hours of the night after having driven with him home 4, 6, 10 hour car rides with him usually road raging. The stress was high because on these buying trips he'd blow thousands of dollars we didn't have and was depending on the upcoming (next day) weekend "sales" to cover the checks he had kited. And Sunday nights; we'd have made tons of money (usually) on the weekend, he'd be happy for 10 min and then go straight back into stress/rage-ville because now we needed more inventory after the big weekend sales. Over and over and over and over this cycle went on for 8 years straight. I've had to start talking to my body to get it to understand that I'm out, I'm safe, I no longer am with that monster. I talk to my head muscles, my neck muscles, my jaw muscles and try to bring them into the present safety....my sweet husband will even hold me and talk to my body as I cry...it's so painful. I feel like my whole head will shatter from the tension of my muscles. So on top of the Narc Abuse Syndrome Symptoms, I'm dealing with the cptsd which is getting better 💕 The toxic shame, the self-abandonments, and the vicious inner critic is also lessening through journaling and videos like this one. God bless you Michelle!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Beautiful work

My heart goes out to you! I am Truly Sorry that you've had to endure all that you have throughout your life as it does with Everyone that's been in the same situation (myself included). I Want to thank you for now helping all of us to finally see that there is a better way! And for showing all of us that there is a light of hope when we couldn't see one among all the madness that literally consumes our lives on a daily basis. GOD BLESS YOU FOR THAT!

When mental health professionals say they don’t want people using labels, I reply by saying: “It’s not a label, it’s a description of behavior patterns that I’ve observed about this person.”

@brianh1969

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! They also try to warn me about these videos. I tell them 1) The people in the videos understand what I have been through and offer helpful advice. 2) I am not diagnosing myself or my Ex via the videos. I am recognizing or identifying with them.

@smt456789

4 жыл бұрын

So true. And when you are with a trauma/abuse informed counselor you can use the label as a reference for clarity and they will get it without offense So many counselors can’t admit they do not understand or have appropriate training to deal with these issues

@evonne315

4 жыл бұрын

It's dangerous when people say that, about labeling, they cost others precious time and their own ability to manage their life and keep these messed up people out!

@TheOnlyWay

4 жыл бұрын

Do you know what she means when she says "the DSM"?

@breakthroughmoment1647

4 жыл бұрын

The Only Way Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5

Another excellent video. I share your channel often because you really explain things beautifully from your experience and your kind heart. You don’t wallow in a victim pity pool but show compassion and recovery is the momentum. Thank you 🙏💕

Exactly how I felt before I found your and others with videos like yours ive studied relentlessly trying to figure out how and why anyone could be so cruel to someone they say they love its like their all related so textbook and its not just me validating and powerful videos thank you so much

Thank you so much for this video

this video really helped me . thank you, i had a child with a covert narsassist. and i related to all the symptoms . it was a 20 year relationship. been out for 7 years and ya a total mess.. in my small town 2 psychologists said they didnt have enough training to help me. it was shitty. so i am an regualar watcher of your channel

I had everyone of the characteristics. Thank you for all you do and being so relatable ❤️

i have c-ptsd. I have mad trauma triggers.

@DavidJones-qx5yf

4 жыл бұрын

You just saying that in two short sentences lifts me up so much and gives me hope. Thank you so much !!! I hope you find the healing you need.

@wendellignatin1228

4 жыл бұрын

I am glad to be of service. As a fellow survivor I hope you find peace and love. Best to you!

You are doing a great job in helping out and coaching in this very difficult topic. Your mellow spirit is very helpful. I have learned so much from watching your videos. Thanks a bunch!

Finger prints of love , and finger prints of evil. Both leave them on people..

Thank you Michelle. Coming out of denial does require naming things and having an awareness of the abuse. But what you said about being stuck there is so true!

You’re nice. I’d be like- my therapist was clueless!

You are the first person that has ever mentioned a loving parent that worked a lot having a negative on a child enough to create codependency. I am always defending my wonderful mother and it has taken years, but I am finally acknowledging the hurt of trying to make myself "smaller" and "taking it easy" on my hardworking, but somewhat absent single mom. I always hear about overtly abusive families and my wasn't. Just not nurturing enough.

Michele---I love how you differentiate between the two. I think that this is important to understand. BTW, at the beginning of this video, you talked about how you learned what was happening to you by running across a letter that sounded like something that you could have written. That is exactly how I felt when your videos popped up on my KZread account. You described my life in so many ways and helped me to dispel a lot of the confusion and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that I had been struggling so hard with. You absolutely changed my life! I'm on a path now that I never could have imagined just a couple of years ago. I continue to learn from you and to be inspired by you.

WOW! THIS HITS HOME SO PERFECT! Doesn't make it hurt any less though! I'm still devastated after 2 yrs 😭

@zofiajaneczek184

3 жыл бұрын

You’re not alone, going on 5 years of NC with my malignant mother. It’s still very difficult and I’m not OK, life is just better and worse at times. Therapy hasn’t been an option because of terrible employment and no healthcare for years now. Just so much damn lack, life stinks a lot! However not having needs met is just something I’ve learned to sadly survive through.

Thank you for going in a direction of solution. After 20 years with a malignant narcissist, I need to focus my attention on healing the damage and not focus on their tactics that broke me. That was important to see at one point. I am aware, finally woke up. Now I need new tools to rebuild. Thank you for opening the tool shed. You are a blessing. ❤

You communicate with clarity. Your work is impeccable.

@sidlopes4429

4 жыл бұрын

"YOUR BATTLE WITH THE GUARDS WAS MAGNIFICENT ....... YOUR SKILLS. ARE. EXTRAORDINARY

@theartzscientist8012

4 жыл бұрын

She did a lot of editing.

@DebraDKT

3 жыл бұрын

@@theartzscientist8012 SO WHAT The final piece she posted was perfection. So Go somewhere else if u don't have anything constructive to say!

Thank you for this informative video. I had no idea there was a syndrome or that I was suffering from it. I'm 54 years-old and it's taken me years to figure out and understand the damage my narc father, narc ex-husband, narc daughter, and narc current husband has done to me. I have every symptom on your list.

@fleadoggreen9062

3 жыл бұрын

Hi , hope ur feeling better , I’d like to chime in , an exercise regimen greatly helped me, hard part is starting, there are easy basic exercises on KZread for beginners, hey have a good one

@lisaann915

3 жыл бұрын

@@fleadoggreen9062 thank you!

Good content. Thank you.

My Therapist is fully aware of C-PTSD and the trauma that comes along with it. She is aware and acknowledges Narcissistic abuse. My daughter and I both go to her because she is so knowledgeable of the Trauma that comes along with it. I'm extremely Thankful that I've found her.

Thanks for another great video Michele.

Now I understand what has happened to me and why I feel the way I feel. the constant rumination, the hypervigilance, the lack of a sense of self, the constant feeling of toxic shame, I was full of self blame before but I got over it because I knew something was up, social anxiety, highly triggered flight or fight response, need for external validation, adrenal fatigue, feeling like i'm going crazy, walking on eggshells all of that literally describes what I've been going through the past few years... Thankfully I never truly lost myself to the narc and his flying monkey's. Thankfully I was educated enough to know what gaslighting was and what harassment was and that, that was what they were doing to me. Thankfully I was educated to some capacity. But the aftermath and the pain of what I went through is still something I'm living with. If only i had know that there was no way I could "bigger person" through the abuse. If only I had known that these people were narcs and the flying money's of the narc. If only I had known that sooner. But I've cut them all off. I'm now in counseling and healing from the abuse that community put me through.

Before i knew anything about narcissism i would have realy struggled with 21 of these signs and thought i was the problem. Thanks to information i learned from your Chanel and other channels even though i am still in contact with abusive people i now see my situation clearly . Knowledge is power i now only struggle with 12 of these signs .I still sometimes relapse but i am a stronger person now. I can now read people better. Spot toxic people better and spot the baiting gas lighting and lies. I am now nearly 60 and have lived with narcissistic people all my life. If i had this information years ago i would have changed so much.

HI MICHELLI, YOUR ONE OF MY FAVORITES!

Really know your stuff young accomplished pretty Lady. . Hope you get what you deserve in your life. Thank You Michele

Your channel honestly helped me. It made me really relate with you as someone who has a Narcissistic mother myself (leaning more towards a sociopath) I see right through her now.

I remember your first videos!! You were so shy and would whisper. You’ve really helped me . I started on path then too.

Thank you so much for your videos, Michele! 💜

I remember how much this original video resonated with me. This was one of the first videos down my still continuing path of fixing myself.

what an awesome discription

ALL symptoms here

Hello again Michele, DITTO you explained exactly how I felt a few years ago, when I stumbled upon you. I was stunned n then the tears just flowed. Thank YOU, you validated my pain n I was on my journey to recovery. X

I remember being triggered by abusive argument a relative was having and I had a complete flashback to being beaten by an abuser many years ago. It was awful. But the current emotional abuse was so bad I realized I had to finally walk away from these family members who continued this. Plus flying monkeys. No contact.

Michele you know when someone is not the right thing because you can feel it and thank you for this upload and stay very safe you are doing a beautiful job.😊😊😊.

Excellent! Thank you

Thank you Michele for your efforts and providing us information on this topic 🙏❤️

Having emotional flashbacks was very confusing. I used to try to explain to people that some trauma from 20 years ago felt like it happened yesterday. I believed I had processed it, yet it was back. I never knew this term. Thank you for validating this strange phenomena.

@smt456789

4 жыл бұрын

Oh wow. I think I wrote your post. “Yet it’s back”. So good

@Rain9Quinn

4 жыл бұрын

When i told my doc anout that term emotional flashbacks, she had never heard it & said it really made sense. It also was an aha moment for me! I still have nightmares (or they have resumed) as i did as a child, but they arent related to my CPTSD situation directly. But definitely the emotions! The fear, the frustration of someone else behaving or accusing me that is absurd but im powerless to communicate the truth or get anyone to listen. I have the emotional flashbacks & wonder if the nightmares are an extension of these? Also Dr Ramani is a psychologist in L.A. who specializes in everything narcissist (her first name for searching KZread). Too bad i live in east coast... i have never in my 44 years of therapy on & off found anyone mention or suggest this. Even i had to self-diagnose with cptsd...(maybe after 39? years). A long time sufferingg & messing up my own life w/no skills!

@smt456789

4 жыл бұрын

@@Rain9Quinn the book Michele suggests, “complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving” by Pete Walker was/is very helpful for me. Like you I, Ive wasted much time with therapists who aren’t informed. To me this harmful bc valuable time is wasted and healing does not occur

@casperinsight3524

3 жыл бұрын

Ikr, I would get triggered and get stuck in freeze mode for days. It's very real and misunderstood sadly.

@Rain9Quinn

3 жыл бұрын

Casper Insight Same here. its awful.😢🤗

Wow. Every thing you listed. That is scary

Was married to a narc 20 years ago...now I'm dealing with my grown need daughter's..I'm heartbroken

@jaydeecee1643

4 жыл бұрын

@Emily Wheeler I feel like they all exist to persecute...instead of loving. I exist to LOVE!

Thank you for your insight. I do believe that it is so important to take the steps to heal after identifying what you have been through. Let the narcissist take care of him or herself. We are the survivors of this emotional abuse and it helps just to have someone believe in you and help your brain to heal 😉!!

KZread has basic exercise programs for beginners, exercise helped me feel so much better,just force yourself to start. Ya don’t have to be an athlete just get to it, really that’s all

I am so happy that narc stalkers are traumatized now and receive their echos

@narcabusevictimgermany9687

4 жыл бұрын

Why?

@mumblerapkilla5406

3 жыл бұрын

Recieve their ECHOS! Nice reference.

Amazing thank you so much!!

Is there NO legal recouse for pain and suffering when these people slander you, sue you for custody of your dog, knowing you can't afford a lawyer, fabricate dispicable stories to turn loved ones against you...then "Reactive Bait" you for DECADES afterward...etc etc etc...????

When you have EVERY. SINGLE. SYMPTOM!! lol

Makes me wonder thanks Michele !

Thank you for all you do Michele.

Yep...have all the symptoms.😢

Your previous therapist had a great a analogy. Thanks for info!

May i ask what a life coach is?. Yes 66 years old and i don't know. But left a marriage if 44 years because i didnt want to go insane.

I have one thing i do thats literally worked for me being out here in tampa bay... I MADE SURE I CHANGED THE DOOR LOCKS TO THE DOOR DEADBOLT OF THE APARTMENT N STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM PPL IN GENERAL AND DO NOT EVER BRING FEMALES TO THIS APARTMENT OR COMPLEX.. perhaps one day if crap ever changes then for once in five years i can finally begin to feel its okay to relax n all narcs are gone fully from my life or space.. but not until then😒 PPL CANNOT BE TRUSTED EVER.. they dont change.. they just learn how to lie better

@joshforest4051

4 жыл бұрын

You can't live your life believing nobody can't be trusted because you won't move forward like that. I understand completely where you are coming from (especially with sociopathic females)

@sonnyca

4 жыл бұрын

Duuuuuude! Take it easy or you’ll blow a gasket. On the bright side, you have the maintenance guy to fix that.

@pheonixrising3957

4 жыл бұрын

Its pretty goddamn pathetic that ppl dont give a flying shit ever either.. not surprising seeing how THEYRE ALL THE SAME😒

@brianh1969

4 жыл бұрын

They can and do take us to a dark place. You have a right to feel how you do. Can't begin to imagine what you went through personally. It can seem they are all around us. Due to my education and personal awakening, I realized how many have been in my life. I'm healing and starting to date. Yes, my default is to not trust. I am dealing with it. Give yourself the time and space to heal. Forgive yourself, seriously. You will and can heal. The energy bloodletting and abuse is behind you. Rest my friend.

@suex9088

4 жыл бұрын

I feel for you buddy, but is this what you want for the rest of your life? Find a counselor who can help you heal and put yourself back together. Otherwise, the narcissist wins!

Wow

First!!!! ❤️❤️❤️Thank you for posting! Your videos resonate with me and have helped me begin to heal from my abuse! I thought Inwas the only one! I suffered for two solid years and I believed something was wring with me!

@empireincbrookesalesbliss7069

4 жыл бұрын

I suffered in a toxic relationship for 18years!!

@yvettehernandez3625

4 жыл бұрын

I was in one for almost five yrs..

@elainebines6803

4 жыл бұрын

There still could be something wrong but if you are around a person with NPD it's definitely a contributory factor imo

@empireincbrookesalesbliss7069

4 жыл бұрын

Elaine Bines I am no long in the relationship.

I think a therapist interviewing a new patient who is in a relationship should ask, who do you need to do this for? when talking about what the patient thinks she needs to be better at.

I have lost the ability to trust others, i want to, like i used to , but i can't. I do not feel stucked, because i earned back my self esteem (thanks to you ❣️) and i can enjoy my life. I just prefer to do it all by myself . I don't know if this is a disorder or not.

How do I deal with toxic people in life? I have found through out my life that toxic people have been a huge presence in my life beginning in childhood. In love relationships and at work I have consistently found people that are abusive towards me and or in particular women who don't like me instantly upon meeting me. As well abusive men are consistently drawn to me, and at this point I am happy to be single. This is why I identify with other groups of people who experience unjust discrimination. I have not been able to keep jobs because of horrible people. I don't want to be under that kind of stress any more. Currently I am studying to be something that would be more independent.... But seriously why and how? I can't deal with how crazy and manipulative everyone is it's annoying

Damn that list hurt.

That's how I tell people about narcissists. I keep telling them about the behaviour until they start seeing a pattern. That's when I tell them it's a narc. It's really hard to tell people they are codependent. The codependents don't understand their part in the damage that gets created. But at least I told them, people can donas they wish but at least I warned them.

8:14... I have all of these. 😳😳😳 I knew it was bad. Married 21 yrs, 3 kids, and been the victim of narcissistic abuse

I broke down 2 years ago ,all my life ,I had been sorounded by narz people and I was thinking if I was the bad one ,no matter how honest I was ,it didnt work

Some great points brought out in this video. I feel that many in the "CPTSD" community become to fixated on what happened, retraumatising themselves by being overly focused on others and continuing the self abandonment.

@blrenx

4 жыл бұрын

Bingo ! learn the power of the word NO. Is this, 2 way respect ...

@crafty1975

4 жыл бұрын

@3 of four Well done on the good work that you have done around emotional flashbacks and identifying your trauma type. It sounds like you've been doing some of the deep work that leads to healing and recovery. For what it is worth, I am very proud of you for that.

@JaydeNicolexx

4 жыл бұрын

I do that

I don't have fear of abandonment, or a few of them, but I have 15 for sure. I dont get depressed too much, but I had been through a lot, and then one of the people who did those things threatened me, and I have been not feeling well since that day. I am a really strong person normally and always bounced back from really bad things but for some reason I am not getting better this time.

Yes, I have the whole cluster of symptoms . I am so confused and still with my NH of 30 years. I’m now self medicating with wine most nights. Is this common with others?

Good video. You look great.

Maybe I just want to run away from a difficult situation viz. being screamed at all the time? I've been fleeing responsibility all my life. My single mother may have been toxic?

10:00 that type of therapy visits are exactly what I went through. Very nice and helpful therapists that I would dump my life story on, asking them to tell me what was wrong with me. Helpful, but not the heart of the probmem. I finally know what my own goals are and where I need some help. I actually feel excited (but a little scared) to find a therapist to work through my own codependency.

I went to a therapist from 2005 to 2017. In 2013 I diagnosed that my mother was narcissistic. The therapist didn't know. In 2015/2016 I told the therapist I had married someone (2003) exactly like my mother. She didn't get it. We divorced 2017. The therapist never said anything about narcissism - even though I was showing epic symptoms of being a victim of narcissistic abuse

Thank you again for more valuable information. I had my psychiatrist tell me that I had PTSD and that I needed a therapist. I could always tell that something was wrong with me but I didn't know what. After I told him I shake everytime my husband gets home from work, he said I definitely had it. Thank you for the reassurance 💜

My knowledge of narcissist abuse and discovery of what had been happening to me is very similar ,almost exact to yours!! From searching and studying different disorders, joined private groups on fb and coming across a letter a lady had wrote and I felt exactly as u said "Did I write this, and It somehow got posted?" And then I had a array of so many emotions. But at the top of the list was RELIEF....I wasn't alone...I'm not everything he said...I'M NOT CRAZY!! My feelings of the years of abuse were very real.

THIS IS VERY INTERESTING, she is obviously quite intelligent, competent (and concerned) [and educated] on this subject. now that being said is it healthier to be as disinterested in this and videos like this .... you know "as possible" *?🤔 i don't honestly completely have an answer to this myself ,

It was a great way to explain the difference- thank you Michele! You are my favorite infj life coach- you have to be an infj.. are you?

@FromSurvivingToThriving

4 жыл бұрын

Lol - actually I’m not - my daughter is an infj.... I am enfp 🤗

@brianh1969

4 жыл бұрын

Michelle, great video. Really appreciated and timely. Yes, agree with your assessment of Therapists. This is why I appreciate yours and several other's videos. You've lived it, and you know. I nearly tear up every time I watch one of your videos cuz it resonates, and I feel understood. People around me try, but they don't get it. I am grateful for their support though. Days I feel so normal, and then there's the "other days". I am healing well, but still sucks at times.

Why the narcissist feels contempt for you. You tube it, Narc Contempt is very Crazy thinking. Please do a video on it.👍

I've experienced the emotional flashbacks before. I had a subscriber who was a narcissist who left a comment on my video and when I went by their channel to try to make a truce of respect, they got angry and tried to coerce me. I was in my early twenties at the time and it was very upsetting for me. I never heard of narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic victim/abuse syndrome back then, which was in 2008. Years later in 2018, I experienced bullying at open mic nights and I had a freeze response and I hadn't realized it at the time that I was experiencing an emotional flashback or even what an emotional flashback was. It's all very confusing when you're feeling those emotions and people are asking you what's wrong and you just don't have th words to describe what you're feeing.

and i am codependent too.

I had been seeing counselors while I was in a relationship with the narcissist, but for some reason, they never suspected that he was a narcissist. I explained in detail everything he had said and done to me, and even explained how it was affecting me, but all they did was tell me to leave him. I believe I wouldn’t be struggling as much as I am, if I had known what I was dealing with and how to protect myself from being hurt. It’s been over a year since my narcissistic ex left me, and almost 6 months since I gave our 2nd daughter up for adoption (which is the last time I saw the narcissist), yet I still feel awful.

@ravenel2

4 жыл бұрын

I hope you can find a way to recover-I read a book called The Girls Who Went Away, about women who had to give children up for adoption, and they suffer emotionally in a terrible way that no one understands-the same as narcissist abuse. They can’t tell anyone. No one understands but blames the victim-when throughout history, it has always been an economic issue of men being paid sufficient money to support a family and women not being paid enough money to survive. I Hope life gets better for you.

@naseemm2930

4 жыл бұрын

B C Luckily, I have a good support system, and everyone understands why I had to give my babies up for adoption. I did it for all the right reasons, but it still hurts. Thanks for the recommendation; I’m an avid reader, so I’ll definitely check out that book. I truly appreciate all your kindness.

I was talking with a therapist about stress responses and flashbacks. She works with soldiers from the nearby base who have PTSD. Her profile states she has experience in trauma/abuse and narcissistic abuse. I mentioned fight, flight and freeze reactions. The THERAPIST’S response was, “Freeze? I’ve never heard of it. I’ve heard of fight or flight but what is freeze?” Sadly this was recent - 2 years ago. I didn’t go back.

@jeannemarie3704

3 жыл бұрын

"Freeze" is I think called "disassociative fugue". 😆. I only know because I just started working with a counselor who is trained in trauma stuff. ✌ and said my short term memory loss basically is disassociation. Anyhow. Taken me my whole adult life to start healing. I am 52. .

@smt456789

3 жыл бұрын

@@jeannemarie3704 bless you Jeannie. Never too late. Just so sad to me that experience often seems to be the greater teacher. An experienced trauma informed counselor is a treasure indeed,

@iaindcosta

3 жыл бұрын

The Fourth "F" ... Faun, (I say "Flatter")

@smt456789

3 жыл бұрын

@@iaindcosta Fawning, flattering. Neither are what we were created to do

@iaindcosta

3 жыл бұрын

@@smt456789 True, they are learned responses

For most of my life, it seemed like I had PTSD but figured I didn't because I couldn't figure out how I could have gotten it. I had constant nightmares, and a very high startle response. I recently found out about CPTSD and that explains a lot!

Would this be on the lines of Stockholm Syndrome. ? Identifying with your jailer ?

@DavidJones-qx5yf

4 жыл бұрын

I can see how you could make that distinction. Technically they're two separate diagnosis but it is the same scenario. They take you hostage emotionally, mentally even physically via your emotions or mental abuse.

14:40 cleared it up for me. I've been wondering if my dad was a narcissist or not, though he's never treated me like my (narcissistic) significant other does. Glad to know this doesn't necessarily mean your parents were narcissists. My mom's an alcoholic who already traumatized me enough at a young age, and then my dad had to work out of town constantly to provide for our family, leaving me to have to rely on family friends to stay with for long periods while my dad was gone. I knew he hated having to leave me, but I always wondered why I had to live such a different life from other kids I went to school with, and I did always feel like I didn't really matter because of all the bouncing around I had to do. Not my dad's fault. But I wish I had a better sense of self while growing up so I didn't end up where I am today.

Im 23 and I think I have high social anxiety, cptsd and narcissistic traits and on top of that I'm a codependent too.. cause I've a mother that has unhealed cptsd and narcissistic traits herself she is 57 and we just realized it few months ago ..she had a extremely narcissistic mother herself and her father was kinda like that too. 5 years ago I went to a psychologist with my mother ,back then I never said what happend to me cause I've been always told to shut up and keep everything to myself. While my mother was telling the doctor how wrong I'm and that I'm so aggressive and she doesn't understand why ( even thought it was cause I got sexually abused as a child and never told anyone in my family till this day) and she took all my freedom and I never was allowed to go anywhere and do anything so I couldn't make any social skills ect.. He then told me that I have 'bpd" and that I'm a "narcissist" . I wish I had the space and guts to tell him all what happend to me cause being sexually abused wasn't the only thing that traumatized me ... I've been traumatized multiple times over 22 years of my life where I've been very very close to the edge of death 2 times and more...I now am searching since 1 year for a psychiatrist that can help me and I can't even seem to find anyone in germany where I'm currently living in(I'm from spain and romania). I wanna get better and heal all the things , I've realized that sometimes I slip in this victim state which I hate and the narcissistic traits are getting better since I realized what I'm actually doing wrong and what is a healthy behavior...

It helps to know that these symptoms don’t exist in people who didn’t get abused in childhood 🙏 The people with the ‘good enough’ parents don’t have that horrible inner critic, don’t look for their validation from outside sources (they find it from their encouraging inner parent) and they have principles and boundaries that they won’t compromise no matter how provoked they are by others

@ginagee8737

4 жыл бұрын

Sorry bit a person with solid foundations. Can be completely obliterated by a person with npd. A good life is no protection from a malignant narcissist. They can break a person irreparably. Often those who have experienced it before will see it. Look through the comments you will see how people suffer from good or bad families

@bethlanglois9361

4 жыл бұрын

Gina Gee they will suffer greatly but they will probably recover faster than the person who had an npd parent. That foundation really doesn’t count for a lot. In other words, it gives them an inner strength and resilience. Not saying their world won’t be totally shaken and disrupted and devastated for a period of time though. These narcs are brutal I know firsthand. What I’m saying is supported by psychotherapists so it’s not totally out there.

@suex9088

4 жыл бұрын

I was raised by the nicest parents who loved me. I married a NPD and 25+yrs later I'm a mess. I'm just discovering why now. I've got CPTSD and I'm an RN who's a rational, responsible person. I could never figure out why the NPD doesn't love me like my dad loved my mom. And why my happy, vibrant self has just crumbled over the years.

@ginagee8737

4 жыл бұрын

@@suex9088 so sorry for what you have been through. It is soul destroying. However you're here listening to the right thing. I truly hope you overcome

@ginagee8737

4 жыл бұрын

@@bethlanglois9361 that's just not true. I had an npd mother. I have had 4 narc partners. None lasted more than a year. Only one did lasting harm but that's when I started looking at my trauma. Even before I knew what npd was i would never stay with people who treated me like my nm did. So I say again stop making out that children of narcs cannot overcome narcissistic people. Or that those with no experience of it are safer from harm and more able to recover.

Thank you for this. I've been following your posts from a year and half. Didn't know what I was going through and how the person acted as to why. But many of the symptoms were dead straight on. As of August of last year 2019. I finally left the man along with my children's safety because of other worse red flag reasons as well. Its almost 1 year. Would love to work or chat with you about this over the phone if possible. I do have some video recorded in my page from my experience. If you can let me know if these were more of these symptoms. I would gladly appreciate it.

Wow..I just had an experience that totally kneecapped me.. I realized I have two core realities that slammed into each other at 100mph.. I need to sort this out.. it's a good thing.. It's kinda like the feeling and belief That I'm leading the way ,and I'm being Dragged along at the same time ..

I was real angry for years always thinking about what happened to me and my children. I was diagnosed with (ied) intermittent explosive disorder but now I think it was emotional flashbacks.

How about trying to FIND your gut reaction again? Mine is starting to come back, now that it’s safe