I had this even as a small child. Living with the women in my family that were ALL narcs. After I got my grade school records in my 20's. I read that every teacher mentioned it, but NONE of them did anything about it! 😬🤔 This has to change! No one is protecting the children.

@FromSurvivingToThriving

4 жыл бұрын

Such a sad truth!

@l.5832

3 жыл бұрын

Too true. As a child routing bloodwork came back that my cortisol levels were really high. I realize now it was due to the constant stress from home environment. The doctor never followed up. Mentioned high level of stress hormone in a child and didn't ask questions!

@bluebardot

3 жыл бұрын

@@l.5832 I'm sorry to hear that happened to you! That doctor should have done more, no question about that! I hope you are feeling more relaxed these days

I have thousands of trauma triggers. THOUSANDS! I prefer to sit in my room alone because that is the only way i don't get triggered.

@LittleLulubee

4 жыл бұрын

Same

@lordvenus7999

4 жыл бұрын

sory to hear that, whish u get well soon

@wendellignatin1228

4 жыл бұрын

Better than trying to attach to people that mistreat you!

@wendellignatin1228

4 жыл бұрын

There has always been the expectation that I be invisible.I have always felt alone even when in a room of dozens of people.

@DMCdantenero112

4 жыл бұрын

With me it's the other way around. When I'm all alone in my room, my mind won't shut up. So I have to go outside and do something. If I'm not occupied, my anxiety will become debilitating. My manager genuinely thought I was extremely hard working because I was always up for more hours. But I just wanted to go to work to shut my damn mind up.

And now i know why I’m hypervigilant and can’t sleep...thx for the info

@prairieN

4 жыл бұрын

It's not a perfect cure, but I've had insomnia for a few years and the thing that helps the most is to change the scent of the room I'm sleeping in. I think my brain connected a smell with a trauma and it's a trigger in the middle of the night. I put some of my favourite perfume in my diffuser and it's better. I wish you the best in your healing journey

@mtbmama4652

4 жыл бұрын

same here! i needed to hear this. l get so sleep deprived and jumpy. All of this makes so much sense. thank you michelle

Everything you said is so incredibly true! I can't even go grocery shopping without being hypervigilant about running into my ex. And yes, he used to use car rides to abuse me because I couldn't just get out and leave! Except, a few times, I really did just get out of the car and found my own way home. Sad times...

I am on high alert and have alot of flashbacks .cpstd has effected me for awhile ever since I have been gangstalked by professinal gaslighters .

@jane-ew2jh

3 жыл бұрын

I feel its more of doubts tat kill u rather reality we start doubting everyone

To all abuse survivors 🙏🏼🌹

I dealt with this and it's still healing. I moved in with my parents for a year and then moved states away from my abuser to feel safe~ I jump from loud noises, I actually HEAR noises louder than they are. My home is a safe place and over the last 6 months I've been healing from this in particular. It's getting better! ❤️💕 The more peace I experience, the more I heal and feel safe. Now my apartment neighbors walking around or slamming doors doesn't make me jump out of my skin or abruptly wake up me up in a full on panic attack feeling like I was going to die from my heart racing and not being able to breathe. It gets better but you HAVE to get OUT! You have to get safe and be around safe people. 💕💕💕

@simonschneider5913

9 ай бұрын

i try to get out right now, thanks. i just woke up to all of this.

I watched old videos of myself today from before my exit. It was amazing to see the hyper vigilant self in action. It was all over my face. I just want to hug that girl I used to be. Thank you for this timely video. I’d love to chat with you sometime.

Been living this way since I was a kid

I went through this for 24 years. I completely fell apart and it took years for me to get just healthy enough to leave. Then my toxic family took his side and it was non stop bad mouthing and assumptions. I moved far from all of them and they continued to harass me by phone and internet, telling me I needed therapy. Well no shit!

You explained my mother “ for as long as I can remeber, my mother lived inside of my 24/7. All I did was with her inside my brain commenting on every single thing I did. She is still there. And she destroyed me completely. Now she acts like an angel and saus things like” nobody knows why people get sick” she could never admit her faults. If she does it’s something like” I can’t turn back the time. I should have been more strict so you would have listened and things would have happened. You are a failure because I wasn’t strict enough.

@LittleLulubee

4 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my stupid, witch, excuse for a mother

I suffered a TBI .. I was in a induced coma for 6 months . The TBI occurred when I was scared , and hypervigilant. From that point on Fear and hypervigilant became safety. Here is an example .. There is comfort in bad thunderstorms.. The sounds of thunder and heavy rain mean I can hide in the woods and not be seen or heard.. I get my most restful sleep in a Thunderstorms . My fear comes when I become close to anyone or when I'm in a group of happy people.. I put on a mask and have learned to suppress my true emotions. I like to be alone ..and never got lonely.. My Narc made me feel lonely. I have avoided relationships . Now when I find a mutual attraction, When it comes to actually comes to going out, I run for the hills.. I'm so confused Thank You Michele for giving the strength to even face this... You are doing God's work..Saving souls, is greater than the body

Love your video’s..they have been so valuable to me. I have been married 35 years with a person who has caused me so much suffering, now i have understandings and knowledge of the condition he has and now has damaged my health and happiness. I have been dealing with chronic illness for several years now..surprise! My system is staying ENOUGH! I have no doubt have this condition and this is so valuable to me!!!! Thankful for your insight, your sharing the journey you have been on. It’s a blessing to me and others...

These narcissist should pay 💰 for emotional distress.

Seen a commercial that was selling a necklace to calm you (liars) What a joke ( Ha ! ) Guess they should be told about you Michele This is why we need strength from God Christ Jesus our Savior This is why I'm listening

I think I need to listen to this daily 😁

"8 to 10 years after coming home almost 800,000 men are still fighting The Vietnam War-"Paul Hardcastle 'Nineteen'

@GaveMeGrace1

4 жыл бұрын

19

Hi Michelle. I loved the format of your video. I was married to the Narc "Mr. Happy" for 27 years. I asked for a divorce after 20 years, but he told me he would fight for custody of my 3 children. My youngest was 2 at the time. I was a stay at home mom and lost my financial worth. He earmarked 120k for the kids in the form of a 529 college fund under his name. I just learned he told my daughter the money is gone and she can't go back to her SUNY college. He put a home we owned into foreclosure. He controlled the finances and hid 100s of thousands of dollars behind my back. If you can create a video of how husbands hide money from their spouses, I know it would help many women.

I’ve had severe hypervigilance for years. But living in a Covid-19 world has made it a million times worse.

@FromSurvivingToThriving

4 жыл бұрын

So sorry to hear that! Hang in there and hopefully take advantage of the online communities that provide support =)

Michelle thank you for giving us all these golden nuggets bless you angel💫

I was hypervigiliant for 20 years in my marriage. I was walking on eggshells, avoiding contact, alert, always trying to read people. I started mindfulness and meditation during this time and it really did help. The deep breathing does help. I am still healing. I may try NLP, as suggested. Thank you for this video. Your voice is calming and reassuring and you are empathetic as you have been through it yourself. Much love . ❤️

Thank you so much for this video! 👌 I will share with survivors of domestic violence I work with 🙏

Thank you! That's exactly what's happening to me...I have trouble sleeping and I can't relax, sometimes when I'm reading and I think I'm not stressed I have panic attacks. Now I've just realised that I need help.

This is so fascinating and makes so much sense. My father was very abusive. Even walking past him to fast and making wind and he would swing at me. Now I'm 54 years old and just starting to understand why I have these type issues. My sister also has severe anxiety issues.

I found having multiable potable comforting items can help dont let people opinion bother you im 6'5 male and carry a teddy bear to places i don't have comfortable calming places its taken me 15 years to that just remember theres always lights at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark it is

This is so timely. I've just started implementing these tactics and they've been calming me down. I used to automatically go into dissociation when the hyper vigilance became unbearable. Now that I'm going trying not to dissociate, my hyper vigilance has been through the roof. The other night I felt like I was going to explode trying to figure out how to convince myself I'm not selfish for wanting to consider my needs over my parents. I finally told myself that I'm okay and that it's not my job to please others. I talked to myself the way a good enough parent would. A parent that knows that is the parents job to be there for the child, not the other way around. My nervous system shift was measurable. The sad story I tell myself about my life has been narrated by my parents and ex. It's all about finding my trrue story. I remind myself that I flourished during those rare moments there was someone around who believed in me. My parents like to think that they were always saving me from myself, but I was actually pulling myself out of the depression that resulted from the confusion of being raised by communal narcissists.

Michele you've the best feminine voice i hearded perfect content

@johnpaul2285

4 жыл бұрын

mesmerizing in a beautiful way she really helps for any day

Michele I have been in several toxic relationships but this last one was the worst. You nailed everything perfectly describing a narc relationship and the impact they have on us. I never had all this “chatter” inside my head before. I will be practicing what you say. Thank you so, so very much.

9:57 with the negative self talk. I canNOT get out of this hole...there is a family emergency every 8 hours somehow...sister had to put her dog down Thursday nighy...dad needed a blood transfusion Friday morning...Friday after dropping my dad home my sister (who was previously diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy) found a new lump and was at the hospital...today it was waiting for the results of ger ultrasound - there is NO end to my being on edge, i cant sleep AND im going through divorce and lost my job...i just struggle every dang day so hard.

Being given the Silent treatment by a narc is very triggering and I don't know how to react any more. I was emotionally abused all through childhood by a mother who periodically pretended I did not exist. Silent treatment for days, even when I was sick and she should have been caring for me, she gave silent treatment and pretended I wasn't there. So encountering a coworker that gives silent treatment brings back the past treatment as well as the current.Not sure if "laughing' is going to help me with this. Not sure how to respond to coworker who is a narc that gives silent treatment. VERY TRIGGERING!

I've meditated a lot in the past but am hypertensive nowadays, but think I'm pretty relaxed.

You teach so well, Michelle. You explain everything so clearly with science and empathy. You have been one of the most important influences on my trauma healing. Thank you!

@elyse2440

Жыл бұрын

I feel the same way

Thanks! Get stuck in hypervigilant mode can feel so energizing at some point; be careful. I was in this mode for a while. It got me to act. Getting out of the state was definitely challenging.🥴

Great information in this video. Thanks for all you do Michele.

I was manifesting hard for some help today, with this! I have had a horrible day.... and it showed up in my feed ❤️thank you so much❤️

this was a really good talk, Michelle. thank you. it has been 5 years since the nasty narc left. i am much better, but the hypervigilance is still a huge problem. i feel stuck in anxiety land. triggered by many things. i am diagnosed PTSD. i will try your suggestions. my dear therapist never helped me like you do, Michelle. my therapist just tells me to go do things to get over my anxiety. good advice i guess, but it's not working.

Yes he would tell me how to drive, and he would tell me if I did good and then if I did bad

You sound so positive, it's a breath of fresh air.

Thank you for this Michelle, sending lots of LoVe n Liight your way ✨💫💜

Thank you Thank you Thank you very much!

Honest Self Compassion Honest Michele Thank You

Gonna start doing diaphragm breathing for 10 minutes everyday, when I wake up and before bed. Also before eating & whenever I experience stress/a trigger so that I’ll be more resilient when handling crisis. Thank you ❤️

I am ugly with a lot of scars. I am constantly reminded by my past and cchildhood abuse. I’m hypervigilent to everything. In summer I can’t see people who look normal. I also hve excess skin. I am hypervigilant to everything. I hate my life

@l.5832

3 жыл бұрын

Sending you love. Not everyone judges by outward appearance. As for 'normal', have you really LOOKED at people out there?! No matter what your definition of 'attractive', most people walking around out there look like crap but they don't care and neither should we. You probably look WAY better than you think.

Very clear and concise explanation and tips. Thank you! Yes, it's not an easy process to re-engineer your thinking. But knowing what to look for and using the words 'opportunity to address this' is very empowering!

Thank you so much for the knowledge!

THANK YOU! I couldn’t figure out why I have been scared to do the things I used to do after narcissistic abuse! About to go on a rafting trip today (which used to be one of my favorite things to do) and am terrified. Your video popped in to my feed this morning!!! Thank you, thank you! Knowing why helps a lot!

This is so helpful. Thank you

Thank you so much ... this makes a lot understandable.

Wow spot on

Thank you. You have helped me a lot.

Thank you so so much for this video. It's answered a lot of questions that I've been so confused about why I am the way I am. And thank you for the hope

Incredible video with amazing tips!! Thank you so much!!

Thank you so much for this video. You have given me so much hope!! I thought I was losing my mind. Thank you💜💜💜💜

This is life saving info. God bless you

This was really helpful advice. Thanks for sharing!

thank you xx 😘 so good and now i get it ! xx

Thank you so much for good tips for healing. I have more triggers than I knew! Better get to work! 🥰💕

Excellent. Such great video. Love the way you communicate!

I have this my whole life

real compassion is nowhere to be found...but thanks for the videos, you saved me for now.

Thank you. I have a constant knot thanks to CPTSD.

14:46 You really wanted to say it, didn't you 😂Seriously though, thank you very much for the video! You described my current situation amazingly well, and gave me directions on how to heal it. Your videos have been way more helpful to me than therapy!

May Allah bless up for this help . love u Michelle

Wow this was good

Michele this problem can be for different reasons including some of what you said and the mind goes on and on at times and it's always something that you can do about most things.😊😊😊.

I love you

😢 so true. I literally cannot talk to my friends in front of my mother because she thinks they will hurt me. ( btw they are very decent people.)

Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/

@Handlegrip

3 жыл бұрын

Your right!! After you go through something so traumatic it does feel natural to want to help others that are where you were. I'm glad you chose this destiny. You seem to have a kind heart and genuinely care for people. I appreciate what you are doing. I can relate to what you say and enjoy your personality.

Is this also the cause for social anxiety? I'm hypervigilant whenever I go out. I keep analyzing people's facial expressions and body language to see whether they are judging be badly. Even at home I don't feel safe. I keep ruminating about future shame. And yes, I live with narcs and I even stopped trying to get out.

Negative memories keep flashing bk. Pls do a video that. Is that emotional flash back??

I was going through this a year ago

I don't know how to give myself compassion.

when im afraid because of guilt, or feeling of being responsible for someone or something, and cant sleep, i say, i dont have to do anything right now. nothing, its me time and i lay doing breathing exercises. if that turns into critical blaming, i think wait, spiral thinking of blame and shame just brings me down, so what is one thing i did right today, got done, feel good about. maybe it was just putting up a boundary or taking a shower. it can be anything you dont give yourself credit for. because i found that no matter how much i did, i never gave myself credit for anything. but the hyper vigilance is always there. ill get there, baby steps, im listening to this, that's good.

Help me, I'm in this situation right now, I don't know what I have to do, I can't trust people anymore, even my friends, I'm so scared :'(

@wms72

3 жыл бұрын

Pray. Read the Bible.

The fact that elementary school teachers turn a blind eye to this is disgusting. Imaging how many children are being abused behind closed doors and have to sit in class all day long acting like they’re ok

❤️🥰😍

Omg that's why I fear driving at night and over bridges. How do I request you for coaching?

Sounds like me...

My narc wife's cousin, whom I'm friendly with, says my wife can't live without me. This makes it difficult for me to move out.

@Handlegrip

3 жыл бұрын

How are you doing now?

My narc wife might be cptsd? She seems to over-react to everything and screamed at me to-night.

Is it possible for a covert-borderline to add CPTSD symptoms in a toxic long-term relationship ? And if yes... could be very tough for this person and/or help this person because... she can neither realize it nor accept it ... she will deny the truth about herself and refuse to embark on the path of potential healing? I really need help to... help her, but don't know how unfortunatly. :(

Can you just stay in those relationships and get better? Or do you really have to leave them to get better? Sometimes it’s your own family and how can you leave them?

Michelle, what do we do if the positive memories are WITH the narc? Sure there was abuse, but some of my happiest moments of my whole life were early on in our relationship and marriage...it hurts too much to think that all my happy memories are over and done, ill never make new happy memories as meaningful as those, and ill never move on.

Prince H endured this for sure.

UPDATE: I got the welcome package. Thank you 😊 Hi Michele, I signed up and paid for the 3 month online work shop, but I'm not sure if I registered successfully. Please help! What can I do?

@FromSurvivingToThriving

4 жыл бұрын

Yay!! I sent it out last night - I'm truly looking forward to this upcoming workshop =) See you soon!!!!

I have hypervigilance after having a bad experience with a subscriber who tried to coerce me in the summer of 2008. I tried to put it out of my mind, but I had another feeling of hypervigilance in 2018 when I was bullied at an open mic night and those same feelings came flooding back and I froze. People were wondering why I didn't say anything, but I was in shock and couldn't say or do anything. When I had a chance to talk to the narcissist and told them that their friend's joke made me uncomfortable, they told me not to take things so personally and dropped me off at my house and then drove off before I got inside the house. I'm still trying to heal. Thank you for making these videos! Your channel and Doctor Ramani's videos have helped me so much!