People. Why do you want someone back who can't appreciate you or work on problems with healthy communication and boundaries like a mature adult? Don't try to get them back, the future is brighter if you put in the work. If you don't, you're hurting yourself. I've been there.

@user-un6hq1hc8o

3 ай бұрын

Hormones :(

@UnacceptableTee

3 ай бұрын

Agree. I’ve done the extreme avoidant relationships. This is by far the most pain I’ve ever experienced. I was married to a diagnosed sociopath for 25 years. ( I didn’t know until the end) Got into a relationship with a diagnosed extreme avoidant. After several years of therapy I can say I’m over this and moving on. I do not want him back and what I found is once I healed my attachment style and l healed from his abusive behaviors; I no longer find this attachment style attractive. I wish him well and moving forward as I’m worth much more than all that.

@jenshaw8085

3 ай бұрын

Loneliness and selective memories of good times

@daisyh8481

3 ай бұрын

Because they couldn’t find anyone new

@walkertranger5746

3 ай бұрын

@@UnacceptableTeepain is unbearable! Thank you for sharing. You have been a great reminder for me to keep up no contact .

A person who rejected you, if allowed to get back, will hurt you again. Again and again until you regret taking him/her back. It's not worth the time and pain.

@Feijoagirl

3 ай бұрын

Definitely feeling the pain right now 😢

@samxsara

13 күн бұрын

It’s a comfort zone for someone who is scared of feeling zero pain

In the end, If you have to force it, it's not your size

@joaoluis654

3 ай бұрын

That makes sense in so many ways 🤔

@diamonds4383

3 ай бұрын

I love that I will keep that saying for the rest of my life. Thank you for sharing that.

@degrasi135790

3 ай бұрын

If it don’t fit you must acquit

@SkyePhoenix

25 күн бұрын

That's deep. I like it.

@tankthearc9875

6 күн бұрын

if i need a phd in psychology its too much work to get back an avoidant

I 100% did the no contact thing, and she never reached out and found someone else very quickly. I wouldn't watch these videos and let them give you hope. If they don't want to be with you then believe them and move on. I'm sorry you're going through this. It will be tough, but you'll live.

@jonestownboogiedown4476

3 ай бұрын

Good advice clickbait and false hope more than useful and trustworthy info. Wish creators were more responsible.

@chubanenjamir7741

3 ай бұрын

But why you did no contact in the first place? I don’t agree with this no contest rule especially if my partner just ghost me without any warning. He knows exactly I’ll be hurt and in pain , he purposely put the dagger through my heart so why would I try to reach back when he doesn’t care and respect me by just ghosting instead of communicating and figuring things out together.

@OnderHassan

3 ай бұрын

Exactly. No girl that ended it with me ever returned and this is especially true if she's young, attractive and has an abundance of options.

@debbiehepler2007

2 ай бұрын

False hope is torture. You’re right.

@FlightyWolfwood

2 ай бұрын

Ill be kind. But this is idiotic. No contact is NOT to get them back. Its to give Yourself the space to reflect and grow. Not only that but they tell you u have to forget them. Move on. If you keep thinking about them, then thats the energy you put out. That u havnt moved on. When they did move on. You come before You first and foremost. The majority of the time they feel the energy shift and creep around. It does happen. But the point of no contact isnt to wait for that moment. Its to be better, to make a good decision if the situation arises. Otherwise move on. Ppl get wrapped up with the pseudoscience, that they miss the whole point.

Putting up with any form of disrespect is garbage.

Rejection is redirection to something better. Dont try to get them back !

@denneciacarter

3 ай бұрын

Is this always true though? I really wonder.

@fightingmonk123

3 ай бұрын

​@@denneciacarter If we live in a simulation yes. It could only be a test. A no win scenario.

@rexduranzelandony

2 ай бұрын

It's monkey-branching

@matthewisthebest8152

2 ай бұрын

That’s only your view point lol

@fightingmonk123

2 ай бұрын

I got my avoidant ex back three times. Each time it worked for a time. But she just showed again that she didn't even want to spend lunch with me, just wanted me for rides so I'm going to stop having sex with her. I'm done with her this time around. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. Not even the sex is worth it. Who knows maybe we can actually be friends? Bottom line is this: relationships shouldn't be this hard.

I've walked away from people who I was crazy about, simply because I was too crazy about them and/or they brought out the worst in me. My sanity's not worth it.

@Gbb93

3 ай бұрын

Interesting. Are you perhaps avoidant?

@asher6047

3 ай бұрын

How do you walk away from someone you are crazy about

@Gbb93

3 ай бұрын

@@asher6047 Tbh I can totally relate. It would be hard to actually be with someone you’re truly in love with. Imagine how hard it would be to focus on other important things like work or school when you’re being ignored or you’re “fighting”? You’d practically be obsessed. I actually relate to the OP here.

@creatureofstyle

3 ай бұрын

This is sad. For anyone who thinks this, you're missing out on something truly beautiful and rare. If you're crazy about them try to stick it out. It eventually smoothes out and gets more calm and it's soooo worth it!

@shaynesimmonstattoo

3 ай бұрын

@@asher6047I just did it. Hurts to know that she just wouldn’t ever be able to communicate in the open way I’d need her to, and I couldn’t see a long term future bc of that. I still love her with my whole heart, but I know I need things she can’t give. Sucks.

Remember who they were and how badly they treated you when their mask slipped off and when they deactivated: the meanness, the coldness and stonewalling, the discard, the slowly chipping at your ego, the fact that they saw and knew you were in immense pain and confusion by their actions and didn't care, the way they self-soothed with new partners and alcohol and friends and their exs while you reached out again and again and all but begged to see them again and just resolve things in a loving way.... yeah, emotionally remember all that and what they put you through, and see if your dear soul and inner child would ever want to be near that toxic abuse again or if even logically such a person could ever make for a good and happy partner.

@NicoPrimetimerecs

3 ай бұрын

I do

@ladyb7327

3 ай бұрын

🥹Thanks For This For Real👍🏼

@Lucoms

3 ай бұрын

😢

@sharicoburn5475

3 ай бұрын

Exactly it's important to write this down and read it every time you feel any inkling of feeling drawn in by them again. Remember how horribly horribly horribly they treated you.

@jesseburgener442

3 ай бұрын

I really needed to see this comment right now. Thank you.🧡

When I finally started understanding the mechanics of my relationship, and breakup, with a “vulnerable narcissist”, I viewed my urge to reunite as simply a withdrawal symptom from a toxic drug. Getting back together was more to make the pain temporarily go away, than about getting this person back because they were so amazing and good for me to have in my life. I always felt like shit about myself when I was around them, but I kept chasing that “first high” feeling from the love bombing days. I don’t miss them - I miss the feelings, which were based on the false presentation they gave of themselves.

@blakegillette839

3 ай бұрын

This. Just so perfectly stated.

@fruitypopwhickle6806

3 ай бұрын

Smart that you figured it out within the mess. I was completely clueless he was a covert narcissist. All I knew is that he consistently treated me like shit, and spun things around on me when I confronted him. I ripped myself away from him cold turkey on the 29th May 2022. I was so hurt and confused because all I did was treat this person good and cater to them. 1 year, 11 months free and my life is so beautiful! I now have a partner who treats me with love, care and respect... Still can't believe I went through that insanity though....

@kmduarte2005

3 ай бұрын

@@fruitypopwhickle6806 That is amazing! What you did requires so much more than the average breakup. It’s painful and infuriating. You feel like you’re taking crazy pills! It took me a loooong time to figure it out. I was married to the first narcissist for 25 yrs., and I wasted 12 yrs. with the one after him. Gee, did I have a pattern, or what? I’m just glad that I ever did figure it out, because many never do. They were a lesson to be learned.

@kmduarte2005

3 ай бұрын

@@blakegillette839 ✨🦋✨

@fruitypopwhickle6806

3 ай бұрын

@@kmduarte2005 Kudos to you too!!! It really takes soooo much strength. More than the average person would ever know... It does hurt to waste so many years on these individuals, but the good news is that they are out of our lives forever!!!! I hope you find peace, healing, joy, laughter and love in abundance. We've suffered enough, now it's time to live and enjoy life.💐💕🌻🌷💕

I remember you posting about the woman who got her ex back and she did ALL the things that made him want her again. What's wrong with that is that he wasn't coming back because he actually wanted to be with her. He came back out of fear of losing her coming from a place of desperation, jealously and ego. That's a recipe for disaster...esp if he's unhealed.

If you're rejected by a narcissist go dance in the streets and celebrate

@forhisnamessake8462

3 ай бұрын

🥳🎉💃🎉

@Fairgreentube

3 ай бұрын

Seriously don’t do that it will just reattract them to you. Instead let them know you’re working on yourself and that will scare them away.

@DirkArnez

3 ай бұрын

So true, I shake my ass in the streets

@Fairgreentube

3 ай бұрын

@@DirkArnez 😂 you can do that too Dirk 😂

@Liz-wz8dh

3 ай бұрын

Definitely do. Many of them won't go the f*** away . Make sure to go no contact if they try to come back again.

I truly don't want him back. I ve come to terms finally that this is not going to work

@dannywholuv

3 ай бұрын

Me too. Took me over a year to get to this mind lol

This is bull. Avoidants reject you because things are getting too close for comfort. Once they are away from you that feeling disappears so they are free to miss you and want to get back with you. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's that simple,

@KrishnaChrist11

3 ай бұрын

agreed brother

@carlorizzo827

3 ай бұрын

That's pretty good!!

@charchar7897

3 ай бұрын

Avoidants move on to other relationships or distractions quickly. They only come back when the distraction doesn't work out.

@MrWhaatay

3 ай бұрын

@@charchar7897 I disagree. Why reinvent the wheel? They go back to what they know.

@kevingillard5474

3 ай бұрын

Flawlessly, brilliantly LOGICAL!

I’ve repeatedly kindly rejected him (the avoidant) because as a secure person I was not going to chase him and I’m not playing his games. He keeps coming back BUT nothing has changed so I keep asserting my boundaries. I pray for him and I do genuinely want what’s best for him. He needs to heal himself. I think that’s why he keeps coming back.

@Fairgreentube

3 ай бұрын

I hope so many people take your comment seriously. If more people were secure and didn’t entertain the behavior to begin with we wouldn’t have as many narcissistic people and the dismissive avoidants would have to get help and become secure.

@Sporkwoman

Ай бұрын

This is where I am at the moment, my avoidant broke up with me for the second time and I put my foot down and said they would never be anything there more than friendship unless he sorted himself out. It has only been a week and he's already chasing but I will not do that again, I owe it to myself.

@laceyloops

11 күн бұрын

How can you know that they haven't changed?

Humans miss people They’re avoiding how the really feel

@TheBreechie

3 ай бұрын

Actually the research shows homeostasis is thrown out when their attachment behavioural system engages - Their stomach roils, their heart rate increases, breathing is shallower, blood flow is redistributed away from the extremities…. They’re not fighting anything except to quite literally survive in those moments

@scottyb.8710

3 ай бұрын

If true, this would explain a whole lot about my ex’s behavior. She ended it abruptly six months ago and did so in a rather cold manner. She wanted no contact the entire time, but reached out 17 times for various reasons (e.g., the holidays, taking me to a medical appointment). Lots of push-pull and flirtatious behavior, followed immediately wanting no contact again. A week ago she told me that she wasn’t going to attend my baptism (we are both Christians and she is arguably even stronger than I am), but said she wouldn’t be there because “it is hard to see (me) in person.” When I look at her behavior at a higher level, it would seem to me that she indeed misses what we had, especially since she talked about how amazing of a man I was to her and how amazing our relationship was. She ended it due to some significant miscommunication issues on both of our ends, and she never felt special enough in our relationship. I’ve made significant changes in every aspect of my life over the past six months - physically, financially, spiritually, etc. I find myself thinking that the only reason she could find it hard to see me in person is because she knows that the messed up, she misses me, and she realizes that she’s not going to find what I offered her on online dating. The whole situation is just so sad. All she had to do was wait a few extra days where we could talk things through as partners, but she instead hit the nuke button and blew up 4 1/2 years.

If you're not satisfied with what you're doing, change it. Instead of trying to coach people to get back with ex's, how about coaching people to heal core wounds in themselves so they can have a better picker, love themselves, get boundaries and learn to enforce them, and not settle for people that have unhealthy behaviors and patterns. You attract what you are. Everyone deserves to be loved, seen and appreciated. Nobody deserves push/pull run/chase BS.

@sharicoburn5475

3 ай бұрын

I totally agree nobody in the psychology field should ever be encouraging people to try to get back with an ex especially such an unhealthy person. They should only be encouraging you to move on. There's a special place in hell for people who would encourage people back into such horrible mental abuse.

@maxsheerin8219

2 ай бұрын

This👌 what he is doing here is enabling Codependency.

@r.j.8220

2 ай бұрын

This is exactly what he discuses at the end of the video.

No contact is to keep from reaching out to your ex, not to draw them in. Lock that jerk outta your life!

He says “not every person who rejects you comes back to you’” that means exactly what it says! There is no 100% guarantee!

I appreciate learning why an avoidant will repeatedly pull away when you want emotional closeness and deserve to be valued as a person who truly loved them. When you spend time together and it seems as if you're a couple, when you ask them for a real relationship/ commitment. Don't be surprised if they call you a "friend"...or keep breadcrumbing so you keep trying to win them over so you'll stay around and feed their ego. That's when I accepted I will never have value, or be appreciated. I finally broke it off and I'm hopeful to find peace and move forward and work on myself. This was a push/pull over a few years. Safe yourself, I know it's hard but you can admit you loved them but they are not capable of reciprocating! Heal your inner soul, you deserve better!

Asking the wrong question… Why do you want them back? Are they worth getting back? Love this.

It doesn't matter if they come back to you because that means they also come back to everyone else they rejected

@loveislouderrrrr

3 ай бұрын

Omfgggggg

@miss4330

3 ай бұрын

Maybe some, but they don't go back to all.

@prosalmanplays7985

3 ай бұрын

Makes a lot of sense

@adaofcharles1217

3 ай бұрын

So true, exactly what I thought.

@TheFusedplug

2 ай бұрын

Yup again ..a narcissist

this is one of your best videos, by far. I wholeheartedly agree with you and maybe a few months ago I wouldn't have. I have healed and going back is not an option.

The problem with getting an ex back is when you get them back rarely have they, the ex, done any work on themselves. So half of the problem that caused the break up still exists and will break the relationship again. Take it from me. Over 3 years of breakups and excruciating pain with the same broken woman. It is better to move on, if you can

Then get out of the reunion game and focus on how to move on from a relationship into a better one. You have so much to offer, put that effort where it's best placed, be true, detach from likes and sleep better. The best relationship advice is how to get into and maintain a healthy, reciprocal relationship. Go well 😊

Dude, this is the most real video I’ve ever seen on this getting the ex back. You are helping me recover from my fifth and final break up from my FA. And yes, isn’t it contradictory that here I am on this particular video. I’m not interested in her coming back. I’m really trying to process what’s happened so many times, why I keep letting her come back and hurting me and how I break that cycle.

@sharicoburn5475

3 ай бұрын

You are chasing a fairytale that you created in your own mind or that they presented to you it was never real. It's like a ghost and you have to realize that it was never real and it never will be real.

@passerby6168

Ай бұрын

Some actors and actresses are very, very good. Stop watching movies a while. Or watch some but don't get sucked in. See them as the charade they are. This is helpful when actors and actresses waltz back into your view.

Nah. If someone rejects me - i'm not taking them back. Sorry. Nothing & nobody is ever worth my mental health, sanity & dignity. Whatever their issues are , whatever labels they want to give it - idc. I'm not a rehab centre for crappy people.

@Countcho

2 ай бұрын

good luck not finding a broken person in this world. relationships take work.

The DA came back but now for the second time he decided to ghost me. I’m hurting right now - going through NC but it’s hard as just started. Don’t ever get back with them they haven’t changed despite then saying they’ve done the work and that they still love you. All lies. They come back because of ego and leave when someone else they think is better than you comes along and monkey branches to that person. Just don’t get back with them at all - it will just bring hurt and pain upon yourself Currently trying to recover from this - it hurts so much that I need to undergo therapy.

This is the best video I have watched about getting ex back. Great job, this will help many people. Very clear, direct, honest and logical

They can’t come back when you block them. They can’t come back when you disappear. Don’t let them even try.

I love the perspective and scientific way you go about this is super cool.

more often than not, reason to want the ex back, is because I am so disconnected from well being, that confuse my bad habits and the drug of anxiety with happiness. So, then the problem is not on the ex's side....

I feel you taking a new direction and I'm here for it ❤️

I really like the science behind your videos. I have been in no contact for 5 months after I broke it off. I have been using the time for getting myself better and do not have any belief that she will come back. LDR, she monkey branched into a rebound then to a relationship.

Barely learning about the avoidant behavior at 39 years of age. For some reason I attract them. Dated 4 avoidants since my mid 20s and currently started dating another one 😢…. Luckily I have learned from my previous experiences and will have to end this relationship also. Too many damaged people out there folks

@shaynesimmonstattoo

3 ай бұрын

Around the same age, and I’m just now learning about it, myself.

@Seraphina93

2 ай бұрын

You’re probably kind and seem soft and safe, wolves love that

@maxsheerin8219

2 ай бұрын

They see confidence and want a bit. Then suck the confidence and life right out of you. My question now is, how do you handle conflict. They dont. They run.

@Happykid21

Ай бұрын

Same ,I'm in my mid 20s and dealt with avoidant ,also he was elder than me

I am so happy I found this. I was in a scary car accident and my thoughts are clearer now. Rejection wounds hit deep for a while. I am at peace and focused on me.

This video hit me really hard, wow. Thank you Chris.

Your videos keep me alive. Thank you ❤️

I just read this article. Crazy that your video came on my feed

This is the best video you’ve put out. Kudos to you.

I was with a fearful avoidant. As a secure attachment I cant understand how they operate, so I no longer wanna be bothered with it.

@samxsara

13 күн бұрын

The anxiety that comes with things going to well is just too much.

I really like how you ended this. Thank you for being honest and ethical ❤

Brilliant explanation👏 rejection/discard by avoidant creates love addiction. It takes long time to recover emotionally

I loved this video. Such great feedback and advice. Thank you.

You so honest, can’t stop listening to your video ! Wish more coaches would be like you

Wow, such an eye opening video. Never would've thought about things this way!! Crazy how this even got recommended to me to see it in the first place...

To go to your point towards the end, I recently saw a tarot reader. Don’t really know why. Never done it before. I researched it a bit and basically told her I just wanted her to read the cards without answering many questions. I didn’t want to lead her. Well-blah, blah-she read me like a book. Unbelievable how she did it? I dunno. She immediately picked up on everything and without knowing what two questions I was wanting answers for, gave me answers and even went as far as giving the initials to the third party influence. Anywho, towards the end, she stopped and looked at me and asked me: “is this even something you want? Is this a battle you are experiencing?” Do I? If she says the right things and her actions back up her words. Do I think she is capable? I don’t think so. This dating world isn’t a lot of fun. It should be fun but as we age, the more baggage some carry around. Read a great quote the other day: “If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you”.

@slick_Ric

3 ай бұрын

"how she did it" is a demonic spirit that she's channeling. get away from that stuff before it gets worse, turn to God

@degrasi135790

3 ай бұрын

It’s real. We can all tap in but it takes practice and some are more intuitive than others

I like your content because you have always been honest, not just trying to make a buck off of others' heartbreak! Integrity is undervalued. Thank you:)

I just found your videos, but i love the honestly you displayed near the end talking about your conflicted feelings about clients' relationships.

I love this. Good job! Thanks for sharing

Mine has returned several times in the span of 2 yrs but he always leaves again. It's exhausting!

@chiaraA.

3 ай бұрын

you deserve better for yourself - why do you subscribe to being a doormat - start asking yourself these questions

Love your integrity and honesty

I love your content. It is helping me so much with my complicated divorce

No contact is not to get an ex back but is for the sake of a victim who was targeted by a severe narcissist or a psychopath,it is a boundary put in place to stop any further abuse.

Narcissist's break up when the heir partner (victims) have run out of money

I respect you so much!!! For saying you’re prolonging someone’s suffering. You have a great conscious

Incredible video..especially the ending.

This film needs editing but the conclusion is the straight truth. Why do you want them back? Is it an addiction on your part too? Get them off the pedestal to be able to see them without the fog of love/addiction. This is likely to be surprising. If you have to dramatically change yourself to keep them it isn’t you they want, it is what you make them “feel” that they want. You deserve to find someone that wants you. Not as a source of a feeling but you. You deserve more than to be their drug (feeling) dealer of choice. At the end of the day if you have to change yourself that much you can’t sustain that anyway. I hope all that views this clip finds their heart’s desire. Blessings

@Halo2Trigate

3 ай бұрын

This is one of those rare good comments on KZread. Well said, ty for sharing!

@BlackRaven000

3 ай бұрын

💜

You are so right when you say it is an addiction. I’ve been dealing with this for years. get too close, pull back and run away, then try to get them back again when I start getting that craving and feeling. Then when we are back together a few weeks into the relationship, I start pulling away again. The high of getting back together is so amazing. I hate this cycle! All I want is a normal healthy relationship and to be healed from this crap!

@Seraphina93

2 ай бұрын

Lol u ARE the problem dude, it’s not them

@Seraphina93

2 ай бұрын

Marry that person, but goddamn u don’t deserve them.

@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529

2 ай бұрын

@paf9191 PLEASE get yourself some therapy! Surely you don't want to continue to hurt others and yourself like this???

@paf9191

2 ай бұрын

@@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 I have repented of it, and Jesus will help me to overcome. I am determined to not Continue this way.

@paulahamilton3018

12 күн бұрын

​@@Seraphina93isn't that what he said? He has identified that the problem is his and he wants to get healthy. Read his answer again

Thanks for being so real.

Chris thank you for your brutal honesty.! Keeping it real brings mucho respect!

14:42 I want justice for myself & for him to experience the same pain he inflicted on me. I was super secure & never cared about relationships in the beginning. I don't easily open up & trust people with my feelings. once I started to feel safe with him, he discarded me. Now trusting people with my feelings are impossible altogether. I will not allow him to think he can just get away with that. that's why I need to learn what makes him tick, so I can use it against him. after that is done, my healing will complete

This is very helpful thank you.

Thank you. I like your style and your brutal honesty. New sub here.

Honestly this is your best video

On the spot!!! Excellent analysis

Thanks chris, I needed this today!!love your advice

So interesting, makes sense, thanks

Good video, and enlightening. When you said it doesn't bring joy to your heart bringing people back together that struck me as profound... I just found you and I'm wondering if you've done videos on helping out the avoidant...I will look. I think that's something that's really needed because they can change but they have to understand themselves and many, if not all, do not self-reflect. We can do everything in the world but if they don't realize they have an issue and face it, things will never work out.

Love your honesty. I watched this video to get insights into my behaviour as an anxious person. Been dwelling on this for a while & I know that the reason I cling is because of my own fears of rejection, not being good enough etc so I invite someone to prove me right on my unworthiness. Essentially I've abandoned myself for avoidents, Paradoxically while I think I'm chasing & trying to get what I want, what I'm really doing is activating those famiiar rejection wounds which feel safe and what I really want is to run away from myself so I don't need to look deep within,I turn to another who I know can't meet those needs so I can repeat a familiar story to myself... Ie I'm unworthy of love.

This was refreshingly honest. I've been on this anxious/avoidant cycle for three years, and we have broken up and reunited about five times. I am supposed to meet up with her tonight. My intention is to go and end the cycle with her, and that I would be open to discussing it again in the future. However, in the meantime I need some time for myself. We've both been doing work around our own attachment styles (I'm anxious, she's avoidant), but she doesn't seem to be making any profound progress, and I can't handle the emotional yo-yo effect.

@alouise3557

3 ай бұрын

Just reading your words gave me anxiety. You have a problem yourself, yet you see that she's not making progress? Does she think that you're making progress? I'm curious.

@HikerGirl-ct3nd

3 ай бұрын

@@alouise3557stop being a such a da please😂

This video is the best bait and switch I’ve ever experienced on KZread. The final question is important.

Love the honesty of your video. Don’t want him back and feel good about it ❤

100% TRUTH!!!! Well said, Chris!

great advice!!!

When given the chance, your ex failed to value you then it means they're not worth your time.

Yeah, he weakly tried and I didn’t fall for it at all. I know its a trauma bond trap.

@samxsara

13 күн бұрын

👏 👏

Ok, this is what you do... It worked for me... After 4 years of being frustrated with my Avoidant partner, I finally had enough.... I'm going to lose her anyway, so I took my chances... I told her all the things that she had frustrated me, I don't hold back, I told her straight that she's an Avoidant and I list down what it means... I told her anything she says from now on will not matter to me, I'm not going to be angry anymore, hit me with anything you got, I'm not going to be bothered... The trick to telling them this is, to change subjects after every few conversations, don't let her start thinking and start reacting... Tell yourself, that whatever she says will not matter to you... Take charge of the situation, do not let anything she do gets to you... Keep on loving her, there will be moments that she's going to try to mess with your brain, just ignore it and just tell yourself it will not affect you... Soon enough she will stop playing these mind games because she sees that it's not affecting you anymore... It worked for me... Remember, during those feelings conversations, just completely change to a different subject and then go back to it again, don't let her react and don't let anything affect you, just ignore her nonsense and focus on the happy stuff, she will appreciate what you are doing and both of you will be much more happier

When someone shows you who they are and you refuse to believe them. You'll have no one to blame and deserve what you ask for but yourself, when wanting them back. When they show they don't value your love what more do they need to prove before you get it? They got all they needed from you now they're done. The most you should be hoping for is that they work on fixing themselves and the next person who enters their life won't experience what you had to from that person. When it doesn't work out the first time the universe is showing you they aren't your person so leave em where they are.

Ya know, to be so young you sure are very SMART!!! :) Not only that, you are kind at heart. Thank you for everything and I really enjoy watching your videos. You deserve all the praise you get ;)

Inside ourselves, we know our value We know what we should do and sit with our pain until we get up on our feet again Back is not forward

Your video came at the perfect time. I had an ex who I was basically like you say, I was addicted to them. I broke up with him even though I still wanted him. He was an assss either way. After thinking I had healed, two years later we spoke and the freaking feelings came right back and I was like wtf. One conversation and legit they came back. Stopped talking again for months because he didn’t respond after I called him out on being unhealed and that he needs to work on that. 😂 me too though. Anywho for a while I couldn’t stop thinking about the damn guy and then it started fading a couple months ago, and now I’m starting to feel like I’m almost there. During the time we’ve been apart I noticed what I did wrong in the relationship and saw so much of myself in him, so I’m compassionate towards him. So it’s been healing because I’ve opened my eyes. Now I know I wouldn’t be able to open up to this again. Simply because I know I deserve better 😊

You cannot control how other people think or feel. You can control what you do. Live your life knowing this. Stress goes to zero.

she returned to me, 3 weeks later only to message me that she didnt want to rekindle the relationship and she never wants to see me again. she asked for the small amount of money i owed her then we left it at that. i really have no faith now. ive been working on myself and it was a perfectly good relationship. shes just a fearful avoidant lol

@jurgenwehner3607

3 ай бұрын

I went through 70 of such breakup cycles.

@jennathejew6245

3 ай бұрын

Maybe you make everything about yourself and she was sick and tired

@kmduarte2005

3 ай бұрын

@@jennathejew6245Projection much?

@Wildanimal864.

3 ай бұрын

People are cruel

@lucaromano1479

3 ай бұрын

@@jennathejew6245maybe YOU should jenna

Hi Chris, thank you for this video! I'm just wondering - what about secure attachers that get broken up with by an avoidant? It's mostly about anxious attachers. Keep up the great content.

Im a secure attached and my ex left on monday. I am not needy I watch actions, she left on her own accord, I wished her luck and moved on. If she comes back she has extreme hurdles to cross but I have plenty of options. In sad but I moved on and so can you

If it makes you feel any better in relation to not enjoying helping people get their exs back, I’ve actually been watching your content in search of some sort of understanding that allows me to put my ex behind me in peace without allowing myself to get pulled back in once I feel semi-stable again.

I love ❤ your videos… you’re the only therapist that’s ever been able to make my relationships make sense… thank you

This came up at a good time. I’m two weeks in and already struggling not to reach out. I know it’s not for sure she’ll come back, but giving her space is my only chance.

@alouise3557

3 ай бұрын

Which one of you broke it off?

@Kavilion

3 ай бұрын

@@alouise3557 she ghosted me out of nowhere. I really thought it was going good

Why would anyone ever go back to an ex I will never understand. I go no contact not to make them desire me more but to keep them from being able to contact me while I heal and get over the break up.

Honestly, the most realistic video on "no contact" concept.

Thank you Chris !

Wish I heard this years ago!! Best ending ever!! Excellent excellent podcast!!!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

This was a great breakdown

lol have literally been looking this up for 2 weeks. Thank you.

Chris, what you talked about the latter part in the video is extremely, extremely important, i.e to question why we want an ex back and whether it's worth having them back.

@SkyePhoenix

25 күн бұрын

It's not worth it, trust me.

*OR A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING* Chris Seiter, one of your best videos! Brutal, but honest!

Love this!!

You are correct, but many be also you are getting to know human interaction and relationship[s in a ongoing and changing aspect of the current climate , changing all the time. almost like a resurcher. I would love for you and rob anderson in a 3 hour inter action. you are learuning about humans at a core level. and the strugle you see and feel is part of that learning process. Keep it up, few like you have the inerspection to see this. good job !

What is the point of putting a “No Contact” period (21-45 days) if the whole point of it is to heal from the break up and come from a place of not caring if you want you ex back again?

@TheresaElle

3 ай бұрын

Exactly. You escape them…you don’t want them back.

@ElloMawb

3 ай бұрын

But why put a time frame?

@user-zl9uj4ve5b

3 ай бұрын

It's never as simple as that. Most people want their ex back and are ultra eager to get them back. Getting them to put the breaks on for the reasons Chris described can take a lot of heavy lifting. So defining a No Contact Period is sticking with it is often a very pragmatic choice. Also, healing comes in different ways at different periods of time. Some breakups are temporary....a rush to judgement, hence the healing period may be shorter. Some relationships breakups may require a much longer no contact period (i.e. 60 days). There are so many possibilities and flavors depending on each individual situation.

@Seraphina93

2 ай бұрын

@@ElloMawbso u don’t go insane

Phenomenal video!! Truly amazing 👏