I'm exhausted just by watching this. Do yourself a favor and stay away from avoidants-- they will suck your energy dry...

@hansmartin6053

4 ай бұрын

Well, if you never learn you will always fail connecting with avoidants.

@carnivoreyogini1576

4 ай бұрын

@@hansmartin6053 No such thing as 'connecting with avoidants'. It's a one-way situationship. Always.

@theBrusatori

4 ай бұрын

I’m a DA trying to heal. Take it from me, stay away at all costs. It’s a black hole.

@22khalil1

4 ай бұрын

Is that what that is? Ew I felt that way. Drained. Down 🌪️ No Thanks ☺️ ❤

@22khalil1

4 ай бұрын

@@carnivoreyogini1576exactly. Issssa LOOSE LOOSE Situation. 😊LOL We are the prize and when we don’t cooperate we become an issue? I Don’t think so. Keep it moving like Cattle 😂

They’re like repelling magnets, no matter how you approach communication, from what angle, slow or fast, that magnet is always going to repel you. Yeah, I understand they have an attachment style that comes from trauma, but it’s no excuse for cruelty, rudeness, emotional abuse, cheating, lying or leading someone on. Zero tolerance for that.

@faithrance941

4 ай бұрын

That metaphor is so true.

@gutta9922

4 ай бұрын

Yup. It’s not cool man. I’m tired of people trying to make them victims more than the other styles

@OneWhoKnowz

4 ай бұрын

Exactly and my ex took the test and came out secure. Ain’t no way if she was secure she would be able to apologize and take accountability which she can’t

@sandrabell1999

4 ай бұрын

The only serious they want is when they find a partner who is the major provider...esp financial ... know one who was a "kept" man for 27years until she had enough & gave him a taste of his own medicine....she left him without any warning.... ghosted him.. like he probably would have done to her if the tables were turned.. IMHO

@sandrabell1999

4 ай бұрын

​@@gutta9922 IMHO they are self absorbed and they try to project that on you to make it seem that it you! You're the weak and needy one.. . SO FALSE

There are no success stories. They WILL miss you during no contact and return, but usually they only want a friends with benefits situation and they will leave you again. No contact is for you to take space and heal. An avoidant is a lost cause and not worth a second of your time.

@DidiGrooves

4 ай бұрын

YEP

@jessicamorales2555

3 ай бұрын

That is only the truth. But the other truth is my instinct or trauma that leads me to chase him, even knowing he is definitely not worthy. Healing is not easy, and takes time and purpose. Is good to ready the comments and remember....

@sindymendez1359

3 ай бұрын

Exactly, when they return there are always hidden motives

@seniorarubia

3 ай бұрын

@@sindymendez1359100% snakes 🐍

@Ricardo-ur5os

3 ай бұрын

I told everyone they were wrong when I re connected with my ex, I left her once and we bumped into each other after a month, argued a bit but then met up again the next day and had a great time together. I wish we never had. They don’t change, it’s a waste of time. Somehow it was my fault for “leaving her like everyone else” after she’d been so avoidant with me. Maybe wake up and try and change your ways then, the only common denominator is you.

I'm an avoidant. She broke up with me. I'm going to therapy and working on this. I will never allow myself to hurt the one I love again.

@DidiGrooves

4 ай бұрын

good for you and those around you!

@ricklazer7731

4 ай бұрын

@@DidiGrooves Thank you. It is a battle. Us avoidants are fucked in the head but the healing process has been quite quick as long as you embrace it (atleast that is my experience). I am so excited to love someone to the fullest extent my heart can allow and not EVER hurt them.

@djw8504

4 ай бұрын

This comment was refreshing! Good for you! Hopefully you will find happiness and enjoy your life with a nice person! 🙏

@ricklazer7731

3 ай бұрын

@@joygibbons5482 I wouldn't say ashamed is how I'd describe it. You are right, we are avoidant for a reason. We're avoidant because something happened to us that traumatized us. It could be a breakup, could be a bad relationship with parents or friends. What we need to do is see why we are avoidant and fix it, because it is not healthy.

@GiggityCook

3 ай бұрын

Proud of you man

My ex gf blindsided me 25 months ago!!! I dropped off the face of the earth and remain in No Contact, radio silence! I'm not on any social media! She knows nothing about me. Not a peep from of her. I will remain in no contact forever!!! It's her loss, and I'm totally healed now. When she walked away at the time it felt like a death!! All is good now!! :) Stay Strong!!

@derwoodhamburger

5 ай бұрын

R.I.P to your ex avoidant 🙏🌹

@pj8624

5 ай бұрын

Yes! Thank you! :) @@derwoodhamburger

@fieryheadedgirl

4 ай бұрын

Wow. That helped me. My avoidant bf discarded and ghosted me 6.5 months ago and I'm still in a world of pain and still haven't slept through the night without waking up sad even once.

@pj8624

4 ай бұрын

Glad it helps you. I understand your pain and how you feel as I lived through it also. I lost 20 pounds at the time. It took 1 year for the pain to subside. Now I'm flying, no more pain. I never thought I would ever feel like this, as I no longer care whether or not I hear from her again. Give it time and ride through the storm; I promise you'll feel better again. Remember, you're the Prize not him. Let him learn the lesson of what he's lost. He lost the Prize! Stay strong and remain in no contact. They broke it and it's their job to try to fix it. Would you really want to go back to someone that let you go? Chances are they would do it again sometime down the road. You're the Prize! Stay Strong! :)@@fieryheadedgirl

@lindsay3793

4 ай бұрын

​@@fieryheadedgirl I am experiencing the same thing with you. It's been about six months since my narc discarded me. It's so painful still. I cry a lot and I can literally feel pain in my heart as I type this. Every once in awhile I feel like I'm healed but then I circle back to utter grief, crying my guts out, and feelings of despair. Anyway, just wanted you to know you are not alone! ❤️

They dont get lonely because they are already in a rebound relationship which they more than likely had lined up before they left because they cant be on their own & need validation all the time,instead of working & being better in their relationship they leave for someine who is less than you so they dont have to step up & be better.......let them off anyone who thinks they can do better than you or doesn't choose you all the time and see your worth let them go....they are not worth it

@coryb5634

5 ай бұрын

Wow 👌 well said watched it the last week

@sansadrake4133

5 ай бұрын

That sounds more like a narc not an avoidant

@uniquedavenport

5 ай бұрын

Sounds exactly like an avoidant lol

@charltoncooper4128

5 ай бұрын

💯

@shawnasatchell8897

5 ай бұрын

That’s actually Not true I’m avoidant I avoid ALL relationships I have conversations with ppl. I talk to coworkers…etc But NO , I absolutely DONT have someone lined up or some kind of rebound I don’t have any desire to be in a relationship or sex just bc …. I chose to invest my energy in myself ( I don’t/ won’t hurt myself) … and I don’t have to measure up to anyone standards or compare myself to anyone else I feel free :)

I made no contact for over a year and he got married less than a year after no contact. She can have him. Emotionally unavailable people are a waste of time.

@SkyePhoenix

4 ай бұрын

Yeah they are!

@sf808opalaman

4 ай бұрын

(Can I double “LIKE” this?!!) Emotionally unavailable people ARE a waste of time!!

@gutta9922

4 ай бұрын

They are unlovable

@sf808opalaman

4 ай бұрын

@@gutta9922 …in a way, they got it beat out of them.

@Mari-lv1rd

4 ай бұрын

this happened to me! she looks like me! so these avoidants are suddenly available to other people???!!!

They have a fantasy partner concept but never work on themself to be a trusted partner for that fantasy partner🙄🙄🙄and that is when I question their intelligence

@DeeDREAM518

4 ай бұрын

Yes they are not emotionally intelligent or mature at that. They are smart enough to know what their problem is but broken enough to break their partner n they feel like it’s even n hope no one else finds you appealing. They are damaged you damage you in return so you don’t move on. They are low key narcissist.

@trucuriousity

4 ай бұрын

Lol never thought of it that way. They want someone they know they're not good enough for, and if they had them, they'd just leave for that reason. My last bf told me I checked all the boxes. We had great chemistry and a strong connection. Then he said he just wasn't in love with me and that I should go find someone who can love me the way I deserve. Made a WHOLE bunch of sense lol.

@NinjaOutfitInTheWash

4 ай бұрын

@@trucuriousity I experienced the same exact thing. Made me so fucking angry. Why play with people like that if you know you are like that. Just giving up way too easily.

@GypsyInThirteen

4 ай бұрын

Yassss omg thisssss!!!

@mariapavuk9646

4 ай бұрын

@@trucuriousity my ex husband who’s probably an avoidant (we had a long-distance relationship for 3 years before I moved to his country) told me something similar “I love you but I don’t love you romantically anymore” and “you don’t deserve all of that” which made me so freaking angry bc I tried to communicate with him throughout the entire marriage. He said he wants independence and guess what? He found a new girl 1,5 months later while I’m still heartbroken. Btw I found out that ALL of his previous relationships were long-distance which makes me think he’s a 100% dismissive avoidant.

Most people aren’t anxious avoidant. They are responding anxiously to avoidant behavior which is healthy and normal. They sense the toxicity. Avoidants turn secures anxious. Avoidants shouldn’t be allowed to date until they have had a solid couple years in therapy.

@R3DST1CK

5 ай бұрын

anxious turn secure avoidant

@kerensegevnoy

5 ай бұрын

Omg you nailed it

@tinac6114

5 ай бұрын

Yep mine turned me anxious! I've always been secure.

@dimitrifert3321

5 ай бұрын

Quite right yeah! I started doubting my secure attachment after her shutdown started. What got me mad was that she couldn't give me decent explanation on what was going on and as I truly needed it, I started compulsively dig for it, trying to find out how to react properly.

@MrRobot15x

5 ай бұрын

Same boat didn’t get an explanation. But on the third day i bowl down gracefully and go no contact. On the second day of no nc she started bread crumbing me i did not pay no mind.

No contact means NO Contact! And the purpose is getting over your EX! Not get them back. So many people have opposite intentions to get them back .

@PaulKing-cr7zw

3 ай бұрын

No contact means it's over/whether that intention of no contact is from yourself or whether it is from your ex ,supposing it's from your own perspective,then you will be clear as to your reasons as to why you want that(then on the other hand try to understand from your exs perspective-they have their own reasons as to why they want no contact with you-and therefore you have to respect that just as you would expect them to respect your decision to not want any contact with them:-it can be difficult but not impossible ,you have to discipline yourself-distract yourself- once you accept this the better you will start feeling and being in yourself.a fresh start can bring better things/people into your life ( for you- and you matter most - not your ex )

No 45 days, No contact is: you walk away and never look back. No contact is forever if the dumper doesn't contact you.

@lotusbomb7594

2 ай бұрын

I initiated no contact once I felt the shift in the ‘honey moon phase’ but I told him he should break it. If I initiated no contact should I break it ?

@ubuntumike5794

2 ай бұрын

@@lotusbomb7594no if you imitate no contact don’t break it until they contact you and when they do, you can start the new relationship from there as long it’s worth having a relationship with said person

@katerinadiou5649

19 күн бұрын

I initiated no contact, but he keeps reaching to me everyday. I ignore and block, but he reaches my mom and dad and friends in common. It’s really hard to move on when he doesn’t let me.

@libelulaz

Күн бұрын

I couldn't believe that when he said: in 45 days if you feel you're over them, you can try to iniciate contact again. WTF for?!!! What was the point of getting over them then? 😂

Avoidants want people in their life, but they don't. So you make your presence known and then NEVER reach out. Let them do all of the reaching out. I learned the hard way.

@SkyePhoenix

4 ай бұрын

Better yet, go no contact. Permanently.

@gregm762

4 ай бұрын

You hit the nail on the head. We do want people, but in a limited way. It’s a difficult conundrum for us to work through. I work best with a small group of friends and professional acquaintances, which still gives me plenty of alone time and independence. Trying to date one of us is just Einstein’s definition of insanity. To quote Billie’s song, “it’s not what we’re made for.”

@taleandclawrock2606

4 ай бұрын

Trouble is, if you let them train you to never reach out, you are being trained to be unequal/non reciprocal/ unhealthy in your approach in relationship. Personally i dont want anyone who makes me a worse person....

@SunshineAndSnowflakes

4 ай бұрын

​@@taleandclawrock2606how does not reaching out a lot make you a worse person? Some people like talking everyday and some every other day or just a couple of days a week. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of those. If you are an everyday talker and you're with someone who isn't, you're probably just incompatible.

@gutta9922

4 ай бұрын

@@taleandclawrock2606yes you are correct 100% can not love an avoidant. It will not work. Even if you let them do all the reaching out the AA will become anxious and say you aren’t doing enough to validate them. They will then raise all hell. Either you will start to reach out more and then they’ll discard you or you don’t reach out more and they’ll discard you. You can not win I promise you

Avoidants core wound is fear of rejection. One of their coping mechanisms is needing space. Fear of losing independence is not the core wound, rejection is.

@Ytdeletesallmycomments

4 ай бұрын

Nah they are addicted to being a victim. That is why they dont change. They dont care about rejection to feel that you must feel love. They dont

@TheVerbalAssassinFAFO

4 ай бұрын

​@@YtdeletesallmycommentsNo, you don't have to feel love to hate rejection. It's all just ego. No love in that.

@jill3330

4 ай бұрын

Yes, and by projecting that fear they tend to end up being abandoned or rejected! Ironic, isn't it? They are their own worst enemy.

@reemsaif3105

3 ай бұрын

True that's me ❤😂

@Kitaap

3 ай бұрын

Avoidants and anxious hve the same core wound indeed. They both can't deal with uncertainity in relationships. Because their parents probably didn't give it to them. The avoidant feels secure in their "not needing anyone" and hides in a golden cage. They want that connection but fear it to death, but they've buried their fear of abandonement. Anxious attchment is much more aware of their fear of abandonement and tries to solve relationship uncertainity by clinging as hard as they can.

If you don't try with an avoidant narcissist, they accuse you of not caring or cheating etc. If you do try, they devalue you and reject you. Its a lose lose situation.

I was the phantom ex, he made this clear. When he came back I couldn't compete with the mythological version of myself that he had in his head.

@sonnenschein553

3 ай бұрын

Wow. ❤

@Rambunctiousrainbow

2 ай бұрын

Same 😞

@dakinicrystal

Ай бұрын

Amazing.

@Tdawgg.

21 күн бұрын

Me too. 10 years apart. What a terrible experience. Very eye opening and glad I learnt about attachment styles from this so I know to never date another one.

@angiemoreno1013

16 күн бұрын

Wow. That's next level...

My boyfriend told me on one of our first dates “I’m not a chaser and I don’t dote on anyone.” What a giant red flag that completely flew over my head. I paid dearly for my ignorance. Never again will I date a personality of this type.

@rosethemer7796

4 ай бұрын

Oh wow mine said the same thing. He said "I don't chase anyone"

@lolife1981

4 ай бұрын

Wow. I have said that exact quote word for word.

@gabrielaquintanafonseca2567

4 ай бұрын

The guy I was dating told me he got bored with people really fast and that was the reason why he had never had long relationships. Of course he ended up telling me he actually didn't want to date anyone after having treated me as his gf for 3 months

@TheVerbalAssassinFAFO

4 ай бұрын

​@gabrielaquintanafonseca2567 Mine told me the exact same thing in like the second conversation! I should've put the "closed" sign out as soon as I heard it. But no, my ego took over and I told myself that those must've just been boring people. He wouldn't get bored of me because I'm anything BUT boring! Man, oh man. Everything I needed to know was right in front of my face from the very beginning, but I didn't realize some of the things, and ignored others. I was just so excitedly attracted to him. It was unnatural, and I suffered horrifically for it. 😮

@Thepdxgal

4 ай бұрын

Mine said Exactly the same thing and I remember thinking what are we 12? Should of listened games games games so so exhausting I’m f&$#+& done

Avoidants are usually shocked into reality when they "discard" me only to realize I can choose to be more "aviodant " than they are by walking off, going no contact and leaving them in the dust. I am secure, so I can easily go solo or have a relationship. I choose what I will put up with and I don't play "Avoidants" mind games. ❤

@flagirl0315

20 сағат бұрын

I’ve gotten there too. Once these behaviors start I’m like cya

What's the point reaching out to someone who didn't want us? There's no point at all....self respect and self love must take place ,forget about them and move on😊

@Kavilion

3 ай бұрын

In my moments of weakness I’m so desperate to reach out. My mind is always trying to rationalize a text. I took a screenshot of this comment and I will look at it in the hopeless moments. Thank you ❤

@mluna1898

3 ай бұрын

@@Kavilion You got this 💜

@PhilipLoader

18 күн бұрын

@@Kavilion I’m in the same boat right now. Block your mobile phones (their numbers, so they can’t text, call, DM, ring you up) helps immensely I’ve found. Immensely!!!!!

I’d rather the electric chair than a dismissive avoidant relationship again

@noussa-tf3lb

Ай бұрын

Worst thing ever I mean it's more devastating than being with a narc

@tsk12171

24 күн бұрын

So true. 😅

@brownsugardelima

22 күн бұрын

I think I’m stuck in one right now :(

@noussa-tf3lb

22 күн бұрын

@@brownsugardelima communicate it to him/her & put some clear boundaries

@jayc342009

18 күн бұрын

Prove it

6m of no contact I’m proud of myself. I am self aware , that I have anxious attachment style / he is the dismissive avoidant . I have realized that I didn’t need him . I am actually doing better. I’m not missing out on anything. Just live life in peace .

@AviatorsVEVO

4 ай бұрын

6 minutes? 😂

@fieryheadedgirl

4 ай бұрын

I'm at 6.5 months. But I'm in significant pain still. Did yours give you closure or suddenly abandon you and ghost? (Mine did that). How long were you together for? (Sorry for asking personal questions) :)

@AviatorsVEVO

4 ай бұрын

@@fieryheadedgirl if you're keeping tabs on how long... then you're doing no contact wrong. the point is to get over them, not mental manipulation to get them back.

@gemmaburns6407

4 ай бұрын

@@fieryheadedgirl iv been with mine for nearly 5yrs! So hard work I went nc for 3 mths enough time for me, it was the best thing I ever did for myself, they do come back mine did and this is the 2nd time but this time is different, I’m not clinging to hope that things will be ok, the nc was all about me, stop thinking about what he’s doing and go look in a mirror and tell yourself everyday how amazing you are and what you really want because when you take back ur power you really won’t care either way, I was so heartbroken for the 1st mth is was unbearable, no man is worth more than urself, learn to love yourself better and when you do that’s when they want to come back, take care xx

@fieryheadedgirl

4 ай бұрын

I *am* using no contact to get over, not get him back. But I am still very aware of how long its been and shocked he has never reached out in over 6 months. No one manipulating anyone here. @@AviatorsVEVO

No point in getting them back.. once you get them they start fantasizing about the last phantom ex. These people are extremely sick in the head and should be avoided you cannot have a happy relationship with them. It’s like trying to be with a spoiled child who will never take accountability for their transgressions. They are never alone with their thoughts, they are serial cheaters. They are never fully in the relationship. They always have back up plans. Don’t walk, Run. Go no contact and stay no contact.

@trtl9106

5 ай бұрын

Damn.. it sounds like they hurt you really bad

@madrugada1986

5 ай бұрын

And are you ready to take accountability for your own behavior in that relationship..? I'm scared to get bitter, therefore I'll try to heal instead. One great thing I have learned from "my" avoidant, is that no one is owing you. You have to take accountability for your own needs and happiness. If they don't meet your needs the first time around, you are free to leave. If you choose to stay, then, well...

@Cross8798

5 ай бұрын

This is true 💯

@Blkbeat

4 ай бұрын

True

@xw6475

4 ай бұрын

I fully agree with them. Better leave these people where they are. You move on and go have a happy life, i am 41 years old and recently dated someone like that. I am too old for that shit.

Honestly! Life is a GIFT! Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. Does anyone want to waste that precious gift on people who are messed up and just mess others up? It's tough loving a DA but for God sake leave them be and give yourself the time energy to enjoy that Gift or give your love to someone who can reciprocate it. I wasted 20 years and it's the advice I'd give myself long long ago.

@KandyKoatedKrafts

4 ай бұрын

Excellent advice!

@Phoenix00797

3 ай бұрын

20 years is a long time 😢

@Archi-B24

2 ай бұрын

Hey man, when did you say that is enough? how can I differentiate between if I'm overly anxious attached or if she is avoidant & I shouldn't try to keep on going like that? Appreciate it in advance.

@chris51385

2 ай бұрын

Say this all the time! Life moves fast, why waste it on someone who can’t meet your needs and is a constant struggle when there’s someone who wants it and can return it like you? As my therapist said: “do you want a project or do you want a partner?” Avoidants are lifelong projects, they rarely make any meaningful changes and just you putting up with them in a relationship is in effect just enabling them to never introspect and always remain how they are. Most never seek healing in therapy and doing the work because they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. It sad, but they probably will never experience a full life bc full lives include true love and relationship. They end up alone in their little protection caves, fantasizing about their dream lover who doesn’t exist and feeling self righteous about all the people they hurt.

@SkyePhoenix

2 ай бұрын

I think I loved a dismissive avoidant in part, because it felt "familiar" and familiar feels safe, even when it hurts.

They are bad news and like playing with people. You can never get a straight answer.

As a former anxious avoidant, I dated a dismissive avoidant who throughout our "relationship" was never affectionate nor made any effort to make it work. In addition, I also found out that she was still in love an ex boyfriend from her past which led to me finally walking away. I would definitely not recommend anyone to date a dismissive avoidant. It's not worth it.

@Gbb93

4 ай бұрын

Did she ever get back together with that ex or was she just in love but not wanting him back?

@abigailcosta1716

4 ай бұрын

Ouch... Some of us are trying here!

@ladvita32

4 ай бұрын

Hey! I'm a DA. I have learned how to get along and am pretty (mutually) happily married. I have an exceptionally patient partner tho. I would make about 90% of the population miserable in a marriage but that's because most of us have dysfunctional attachment issues of all kinds and my patience is close to zero. I'm quite fortunate to have found someone who gives me the space and freedom I need.

@ericlewis6883

4 ай бұрын

Funny how you don't mention any of the things you do for your partner....@@ladvita32

@alexruan5639

4 ай бұрын

Time to go apologize to your exes

Avoidants despise their own medicine. It's pretty hilarious 😂

@Iamsimplyfree

5 ай бұрын

Treat others how you want to be treated. Apologize and do better if you messed up. Running away again literally does nothing, and no one will chase that. Pray that you're enlightened one day 🙏🏽

@AviatorsVEVO

4 ай бұрын

@@Iamsimplyfree fk avoidants... honestly. i'd take hitIer over a dismissive avoidant lol smh

@tredd9019

4 ай бұрын

Not far from Narcs in my vast experience.

@carnivoreyogini1576

4 ай бұрын

@@tredd9019 Spot on! They come back because of narc supply running dry. Avoidant narcs are a sure bet.

@gutta9922

4 ай бұрын

Yup just mirror them then they become anxious😂 they know what they are doing. Even if unaware at first over time they be conscious of it

As a therapist. I am beyond impressed.!

I am an anxious person, but 45-days of no-contact I will definitely forget about that person and move to a new one lol

@balnirokli

2 ай бұрын

absolutely...so do I ...

@chris51385

2 ай бұрын

Im secure who’s only anxious with avoidant people. Many anxious are probably actually just this. I have no problem being alone. After a breakup with an avoidant I really love, I’ll feel a glimpse of relief at 45 days no contact, but I won’t be over them. I can’t have any desire for another person for many months, sometimes a year or more.

@cortneyozment7825

2 ай бұрын

Same

@cortneyozment7825

2 ай бұрын

@@chris51385meh I’m an anxious attached and I def will move on if it was a short relationship!

@MikeWheels

2 ай бұрын

Wow this was amazing, so much tangible knowledge. Thanks man

Honestly, after 3 breakups with a dismissive avoidant, I am done. I'm tired of being put on a back burner for days on end. All I want is peace✌

The cycle forced me to go within and heal myself. I had to see my own codependency. The reprogramming is literally as a drug withdrawal. Took about 2-3 years, but worth the work. Every codependent has to go through it. Side effect of Western living.

@ghitasoubhi1242

4 ай бұрын

Can you give me some advice 🙏

@SunshineAndSnowflakes

4 ай бұрын

I wish more people would do this! Coming onto threads to blame an ex when you're unhealed too does absolutely nothing but get other unhealed people to give virtual high fives.

@IndorilTheGreat

3 ай бұрын

​@@ghitasoubhi1242 Remember that you are in control of your own life. The only person in your life that can truly validate your own thoughts and beliefs is *yourself.*

@jac1161

3 ай бұрын

"I had to see my own co-dependency"...."reprogramming is literally as a drug withdrawal".... yes and yes!!

This is spot on in every way. No contact is supposed to be for you, not to get them back. If you heal during no contact, you won't want them back when they try. Maybe I am secure now, instead of anxious which is what I used to be.

A person doesn’t have to be anxious to want to fix a problem the other person invented.

@artemdorin

26 күн бұрын

*does

I agree so much, I feel like you hit the nail on the head. The avoidant always goes after the same "type" and then feel disappointed when it is a "repeat" of the same cycle and then they resort to ghosting, then they look for a new "type / partner" and repeat the same shit again but there is never any conscious realization or reflection or growth on the part of the avoidant. I don't get that at all.

And they adopt anxious people like pets They’re bad owners but They seem to like to choose those, claim they’re annoying, then come back if you’re silent

@agotahorvath

3 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@xoesknow

2 ай бұрын

Top tier comment !!!

@savvyladylondon5841

2 ай бұрын

This is a really good summary, which I can relate to.

Become the ex that they miss… simple.. you need to relate the good times to you, by being your best self and then being unavailable, letting them miss you..

@julie-annjameson721

4 ай бұрын

Yes ❤

@chris51385

2 ай бұрын

No games. Games r toxic. We shouldn’t have to pull back to get them to come in. It’s not sustainable and not healthy.

@JoePAcalaughs

2 ай бұрын

Holllaaa 💪🏻

As a person with anxious attachment style, I completely endorse the "anxious attachment death wheel". Everything about it is true in my case, and I am thankful that I have been able to figure the last 2 stages by the time my subsequent breakup occurred (because the previous one wrecked me). I won't chase anyone anymore, no matter how much I crave for that connection to materialise. I am way too tired and ill now. I'd rather make myself happy and refuse to have my efforts to make someone feel special and understood consistently taken for granted. Rather invest all that in myself now: the lesson has been learned.

@scottyb.8710

4 ай бұрын

100% agree

@formalhault5820

4 ай бұрын

What if he's a top 10 percent man all these girls want due to hypergamy lol?

@thomasandersen2534

20 күн бұрын

Me too. I have enough anxiety as it is. She wrecked me. I still love her. She’s better than this. I was close to her two sons. I don’t know what she’s thinking.

Bro your editing style is insane; great quality must’ve taken ages to do!! Keeps you engaged.

@chrisseitercoaching

5 ай бұрын

This means more than you know to me!!!

Yes being a secure person in a relationship with an avoidant will cause so much trauma that in order to stay with them you will develop an anxious “attachment” to fit them, don’t go there.

Avoidants sounds dangerously close to narcissism traits.. 🤨

@ruthr8990

4 ай бұрын

Yes you are right. They want everything on their terms.

@Ytdeletesallmycomments

4 ай бұрын

They are.. Covert ones. 😂

@janettebotica7925

4 ай бұрын

They are

@salemimen9378

4 ай бұрын

Yes...because the narcissist is an avoident but not the opposition...otherwise both of them are worthless

@SunshineAndSnowflakes

4 ай бұрын

But they aren't. If you pick it apart and look at their traits by comparison then you would see that it's not the case. For instance, some people consider an avoidant shutting down as narcissism because it's similar to stonewalling, but the reasons behind why they do it are different. Avoidants will shut down when they need to get away from a situation that feels uncomfortable as they don't know how to properly navigate through it. Narcissists stonewall to punish you as an element of control. I've dated an anxious narcissist who was controlling, emotionally abusive, had unexpected outbursts, wanted constant communication. That doesn't mean I compare all anxious leaning people to narcissism though. If you find yourself being attracted to any unhealed attachment style, it's best to look into your own and start doing the work to prevent a life of continuous cycles. Secure people don't do this.

stop treating no contact like it’s something that should be temporary and time bound. that’s just going to cause the dumpee to look forward to the day where they should “give it up”. Just go no contact. Permanently. As the person that’s been dumped, it’s not your responsibility to fix what you didn’t break. Let your avoidant dumper go through their stages of the “death wheel”. If you reconcile then great, but if not then it’s not meant to be. Why want someone that doesn’t want you? No contact always works. Either you stick with it and grow as a person and become more secure over time, or you get your ex back if they reach out first and that’s also a win if that’s what you want (it shouldn’t ever be you to reach out as the dumpee really!!).

@trucuriousity

4 ай бұрын

And ultimately why the hell get back on their death wheel a second time. If they come back it's probably just to use you.

@SoulDelSol

4 ай бұрын

No don't get back with ex. No contact is to move on and let go

@jac1161

3 ай бұрын

I start self blaming and apologizing ...bad problem I grew up doing....apologizing to my abusers.

@kaana5748

Ай бұрын

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS

Best is to turn No Contact into Perpetual No Contact. One has to respect oneself first and foremost.

“If you could talk to an avoidant about their ideal person” uhhhhh yeah, they won’t communicate…. Hard to communicate when they avoid ALL communication

my ex was an avoidant. we broke up nov 26 and for 2 months we had no contact. we met unexpectedly and we decided to try and patch things up cause he said he missed me and wanted me back so we did. i was really hoping that this time we would improve but unfortunately we became worse. we had a heart to heart talk and i asked him if he sees me in his future and he said “i dont know”. he then kept saying he was too toxic for me. i told him i was willing to compromise this time. he said he hated seeing me suffer with him and that i shouldnt adjust to someone who wasn’t willing to change their behavior for me. i felt my heart broke literally into pieces. i went to as low as almost “begging” him but he pushed me away. hurts so much to know he doesn’t and never valued me.

@ragingphoinix9144

5 ай бұрын

In a way, he valued you enough to not keep cycling with you.

@patriciapeeters7

5 ай бұрын

Value yourself and let go, that's the lesson for most of us ❤

@nickz.9744

5 ай бұрын

you shouldnt compromise their thoughts to your life in order to be someone. if they dont accept it thats the way it is..

@megangagliardi9896

4 ай бұрын

The problem is he DOES value you, but cannot wrap his mind around it . I am at 4 days NC so at the very beginning , and as much as he completely devalued me at the discard , refused to call us any thing more than FWB, he also told me I was the kindest and best person in his life . I know he valued and still does value me , but he cannot bring himself to that space . Do not question your worth . Ever .

@kristenhyler3400

4 ай бұрын

@@megangagliardi9896I’m also 4 days no contact after my DA partner just broke up with me for the first time in our 4.5 year relationship. I am freaking out but trying to stay calm. I just love him so much and wish he wanted to talk to me.

If you loved your partner and the relationship meant something to you, there's no way you are over your ex in 45 or 90 days. After 90 days the dumpee will feel less anxious and depressed, but that's it. Realistically, it could take up to 6 months to start feeling better about yourself and the future.

When they go no contact with me I make sure that I make sure they hate me so much that they will never come back.

@Defy1x

4 ай бұрын

What do you do? I kinda do the same. I trust people but once they show me their toxic side and that they are a POS i usually go crazy and lash out and tell them all of their worst fears

@JakeKlineMusic

2 ай бұрын

@@Defy1x that just reinforces their toxicity. If you don't have time to play the "walking away again" headfuckery game for a lifetime to finally draw them in, then block them & even get a restraining order if you have to.

@Defy1x

2 ай бұрын

@@JakeKlineMusic oh i block them after i tell them their worst fears. Ive gone no contact for years.

@wendydaniel1110

2 ай бұрын

Love it. Good for you😂😂😂

@mercedesb5344

21 күн бұрын

I’ve done the same lol

I went 4 months of 0 contact, then we crossed paths socially and for the next 3 months, it was me reaching out with just 3 brief, generic texts (nothing personal or flirtatious). Eventually, I offered a casual invitation to get together sometime. He jumped on it and has been pursuing me ever since. Though the breakup hurt, I needed those months apart to heal, to stop being anxiously attached-- my chasing made him run. No matter what happens between us now, I'm a better person for working through my own issues. I think he has too.

@KillStealMusic

5 ай бұрын

Did you chasing or your needs push him away?

@sakutaro3musik486

5 ай бұрын

it´s a trap don´t fall a 2nd time

@MIMIDSH

5 ай бұрын

@@KillStealMusic yes. Previous life experiences on both our sides had made me anxious (chase) and him avoidant (resist). Our unmet (unhealthy) needs escalated to where we hit a wall. Healing my anxious attachment is allowing for his healing as well.

@MIMIDSH

5 ай бұрын

​@@sakutaro3musik486 I'm not the same person I was then.

@gemmaburns6407

5 ай бұрын

Same here! Once you go nc you become secure and when they come back just mirror there behaviour and you’ll never get anxious again 😊

I’m new to your videos, but they have made me cry. I don’t want to be a Fearful Avoidant. I hurt people. I hurt myself. I can’t seem to find the proper therapist to help me. Thank you for not making us Avoidants feel like garbage human beings.

@junisalaugo621

3 ай бұрын

Search coach Craig Kenneth

@lizdestefano4905

3 ай бұрын

Same here, because darn I feel like garbage from reading these comments

@MayBlake_Channel

25 күн бұрын

There's a relationship coach/therapist on KZread named Adam Lane Smith. He's very compassionate towards "ethically avoident" people. I'm also avoident and I love his content! It's so helpful. You might want to check him out

This is why when the saucer men fly over, They say "there's no intelligent life here captain"

@no_one_211

4 ай бұрын

Yesssss

Been in no contact with my DA ex for almost 5 months now and I highly HIGHLY doubt he's ever coming back because his ego and his pride are way too damn big... Anyways, its his loss. He went back to his fwb like a week after we broke up and continues to see her... meaning he never valued me or our relationship the same way I did. It's a heartbreaking realization but happens when you date an immature and emotionally volatile m̶a̶n̶ little boy. Learned my lesson for sure...😩

@BlueBlue23

5 ай бұрын

May God give you someone better.. I never took personally the fact that he likes to talk to other women. I know my worth and he is the one missing out.

@SkyePhoenix

4 ай бұрын

Don't count on him not coming back.

@desertangelfish140

4 ай бұрын

This is my story also. He Ran back to his lady in waiting. She is a meth addict with mental and emotional issues.

@jdhgeui2838

3 ай бұрын

That was horrible to read. Wow. You are an incredibly strong person for being able to write about it.

@adaofcharles1217

2 ай бұрын

Sis, this fool reached out to me after 8 months through telegram, because I didn't remember to block him there. When I didn't respond, he came to my home and started calling my name which I also ignored for some minutes before I went out and told him to stay dead like the ghost he is. They always come back, when their new relationship fails, or they couldn't get anything better. Just don't take them back, please don't.

NARCISSIST's attachment style is anxious avoidant or anxious dismissive. Their sense of identity relies on them rejecting people. They continually test their partners if you love me let me then break your heart and take me back. Again and again and again.

@jac1161

3 ай бұрын

and avoidants don't do that?! They will silent treatment and kill your spirit!

@majdadreo2323

3 ай бұрын

@@jac1161 Both are toxic. The difference is in intent. A narcissist is deliberately destroying you.

It is also worth taking a moment in putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Regardless of their attachment style. In particular, if the attempts at contact have gone on, even intermittently, over many years. To a person who may suffer trauma-based depression, what I'm doing seems reasonable, even though I know it is irrational to think that the other person can fix what was broken. As only you can do that. Each attempt at communication does two things: 1) It rips off the band-aid, and exposes you to rejection again. 2) It more likely than not, repels the ex-partner. From their perspective, it is over. You no longer exist in their world. Each time you contact them it probably feels like a violation of their privacy, it's unwanted, it feels disturbing, and could even elicit feelings of fear. When it is over, it is over. Grieve the loss. And try your hardest to not ever contact that person again. If they reach out to you, so be it. But the idea of the 'no contact' rule shouldn't be time-boxed. There is no hard or fast rule. As each person is different. Each ending is different. You have to find a mindset that is willing to grieve a lost love and accept that it is dead. They are in effect, dead. You can't speak to the dead. So, don't try. I really wish, when I was 20, and my world fell apart, that someone older, and wiser and explained this to me. To tell me that there is no point in trying to ever contact that person for the rest of your life. They may one day want to say 'hi', twenty or thirty years down the line. But don't force the issue. It's over. And there is nothing wrong with you. They didn't reject you or abandon you. They simply decided to switch to a different flavor of ice cream. And if they take a flaming dump on you in the process and end it in the cruelest manner possible... then this person never really loved you. They never deserved your heart. Your spirit. You're always are and will always be so much more than how you are defined by them in that relationship.

Avoidants don’t bother watching this. Atlst anxious learns but avoidants most likely stays stagnant.

@ericlewis6883

4 ай бұрын

Truer words were never spoken. At least us APs try to change and work on ourselves. That would mean they actually have do face some of their fears and they're too afraid of vulnerability to do that.

@jac1161

3 ай бұрын

definitionally, narcissistic

@adaofcharles1217

2 ай бұрын

Exactly.

@TuneL0wDieSl0w

2 ай бұрын

Im an anxious avoidant and I am watching this to unlearn horrible insecurities and heal that way I don’t hurt people I care about anymore.

I never realized that I was the avoidant until I started talking about my emotions with my current partner. I can't believe how much harm I've done due to not understanding this was the reason. Im aiming to break the cycle and this video has been a massive breakthrough in recognizing my patterns. Thank you Chris. You've done in 20 minutes what I haven't been able to figure out about myself in years of trying to heal and be better.

It's wild how accurate this is. I've literally lived this.

I’m an avoidant I DO NOT break the No contact I go on with life. Work extra, work out, go to church more, sleep ALOT…whatever to get things off my mind. Definitely NOT a new relationship ( I would rather be alone than be with any person… there is one person I fall for EVERY time ) When my ex reaches out I usually will go back Your 8 stage is 100% accurate

@user-tz1hl3pf2w

5 ай бұрын

@shawnasatchell8897 so we should not expect an avoidant to reach out, even if they want to?

@derwoodhamburger

5 ай бұрын

You're avoidant? You should be in jail

@Blkbeat

4 ай бұрын

@@derwoodhamburger😂

@shawnasatchell8897

4 ай бұрын

@@derwoodhamburger That’s sweet :) So if I said I have a fear of snakes I fear dogs I fear heights I fear closed spaces like elevators I’m ok … no biggie, it’s understandable But bc my fear is human closeness and trusting others I should go to jail Ummm yeah ok :) Thank you for opinion Thank God I don’t/ won’t ever really meet u. It’s ur quick judgment and condescending attitude that probably proves to avoidant ppl why they’re better off avoiding ppl in the first place Have a great day :)

@shawnasatchell8897

4 ай бұрын

@@user-tz1hl3pf2w I only responded to say that NOT AVOIDANT PPL break no contact…. I Do NOT expect ANYONE EVER to come back to me. Once a person has showed me I can’t trust or depend ( security ) I DONT want them to come back. I’m ok without them .

I am a self aware avoidance! And he is right on point! Working on my self.

Move on from day one. Life is too short to waste time on people that is avoidant/unsecure/anxious. You deserve better. Action is what matters

200 days after avoidance walked out! Almost over her!

I am so appreciative of the dismissive Advoidant I met and fell in love with. He helped me become more secure from being anxious, learning to give him space over the last two years, because he always came back to me. So it started to secure me within saying I was not abandoned when love is always there.

@sonaliduttamusicandart

4 ай бұрын

So are you guys in relationship? And is the relationship/understanding working for both of you?

@leahweinberger583

3 ай бұрын

I dunno , if he's going out with others...that's like a license to cheat..and that is 100% abandonment, however it is then YOU who are abandoning You.

@sonaliduttamusicandart

3 ай бұрын

@@leahweinberger583 avoidants who are purely just avoidants, won't lie, if they cheat, they will say upfront, so they are trust worthy.. taking space doesn't have to mean that they are cheating, I suppose.. by God's grace.. While there are narcissists, who will not take any time off, but will cheat you while in relation with you and hide that from you.. so it's more about integrity that differentiates the two.. by God's grace

@CatalinaFOIA

Ай бұрын

This is called: Non-committal pairing & it is a License to Cheat 100%

As a person who practices the ‘no contact rule’ cause self respect, dignity, and my energy is of value… what this man says are facts. Usually I’ve had everyone that I peace out come back with accountability towards their actions.

@jac1161

3 ай бұрын

@carlabellbg5724 I have a feeling sunny side has narc traits. It's never EVER them playin a part?!

You’re saying we should “reach out after 45 days after the no contact rule with the avoidant that left”….( ? ) Noo way….unless the avoidant would reach out first - then why even contact them at all?

@sparkparker

4 ай бұрын

No, he said at 45 days, check in with yourself.

Chris did some great research love it. I will add up to it the avoidant doesn’t want to lose their independency true but also focus on the partner with whom they are with not to have any independency from them. Which will kill the anxious partner more during the break up

This is the best video I've seen on the avoidant topic so far ... Wish i had known all of this when i broke up with my ex and former highschool friend a couple of years ago. This vid would have saved me soooo much heartache. Could not be more over him now though. He left me feeling like a used napkin dumped next to a trash can, (didnt even care enough to put me inside the bin) I will never again tolerate this kind of behaviour from a man. I do understand he was damaged goods .....but what we all need to understand is that our shitty childhood or our shitty experiences with previous partners does not give the right to mistreat others.

I can not believe how 100% accurate this video is. The entire thing. It literally sounds like you’re talking about my last relationship with my ex. If we ever talk again I’m going to show her this video.

@Justaliltlebitt

3 ай бұрын

I probably needed someone to point that out. Thank you.

This video is fantastic, Chris. Spot on.

SO validating. He told me he’d never had a love like he had with his toxic abusive ex and didn’t think he ever would again. Told me he loves me, loves being with me, is crazy attracted to me, loves how well I love him, thinks I’m the most beautiful person … but doesn’t have feelings deep enough to commit. And wants a committed relationship and ours is holding us both back from having that with the right people. We’d been friends for 15 years, stayed up all night talking and laughing and connecting, have crazy chemistry, tons of mutual friends and interests … but he’s looking for some … other person he hasn’t met yet. But he still wants me in his life. I went no contact for a while and was feeling over him and now he’s showing affection again.

@brennam954

3 ай бұрын

Set firm boundaries with him. Tell him that you want something he can never give you and it's best if you remain in no contact indefinitely. You won't be able to move on otherwise, you will undo the healing you've done, and I guarantee he will not change.

@magicisreal111

3 ай бұрын

Thank you. You're right. After 6 weeks of no contact we started communicating again. He's out of the country so I felt like it might be safe to correspond but it just makes me miss him and feel frustrated that we have this beautiful connection and make each other laugh and adore each other ... but he somehow thinks there's something else out there for him that isn't me. And that sucks. @@brennam954

I've done this over and over with the avoidant and still we wind up back on this wheel. I'm so tired of it. I want to progress but every time we do, he pulls back and around and around we go. It's no longer fruitful for me to give him space for extended periods of time while I disconnect to get over him, and when he finally comes back and seeks to reconnect, I'm depleted and wary of putting my heart and myself back out there for him again. He just destroys me over and over just to repeat this vicious cycle. I just don't want it anymore despite my feelings that we're so perfect for each other. It's killing me inside. I'm sure I'm on the 6th step of the anxious cycle again but I don't want to repeat this anymore. I want a loving fulfilling relationship and my avoidant love just can't seem to grasp & hold tight to us for any sustainable real future. It's utterly exhausting but I love him so much!!!! I pray God blesses us both to find a way but find myself so disheartened. ❤💔

@jdhgeui2838

3 ай бұрын

Please please please, speak to family, or a professional. Have other eyes on him, and bring attention to the issue. You're gonna regret this so much in 20 years, having been living in this tornado of emotions constantly every day. You NEED external help, even if he hates you for it. Talk to a professional, family, HIS family, bring the situation all to light. Bring down the curtains of this abuse and hold a mirror to his face so he sees what he's doing to you.

@blessedbee186

2 ай бұрын

Perfectly toxic more like. Love urself more.

Dude. I am the avoidant and my actions have followed what you have laid out to a T. It all makes sense now. Thank you so much.

Your videos are brilliant. A fascinating subject. I am a trainee therapist. The games avoidants play are another part. You have covered the absolute fundamentals, however the damage and repercussions of this attachment style are the pieces that we pick up as therapists. I am in Domestic Abuse, where these styles clash resulting in all types of abuse, triangulation, coercion etc. It's real. Thank you, I find your videos amazing.

Thank you for confirming my intentions on how to handle the situation with an avoidant and grow myself to be the best version of myself to embrace self-actualization.

Solid video Chris! 🙌🏾

I finally let go of an avoidant and usually I would feel pain after I let go of the relationship, but I feel so relived. Avoidants can fuck up your emotional health!

Just move on, I know it’s hard but most of these DA’s are just colossal disappointments.

I've gone through the no-contact rule and it absolutely works.... In particular when my focus is simply put back on my own life and creating the best version of me. And yes, my avoidant person took note, and voila! I became someone he wanted back in his life. Great... Or.... Not so great... Cause here we are, 6 years later and three cycles of break-up, then no-contact, the re-emergence, friend zone, rebuilding of trust, rekindling, another round of intimate relationships and the cycle repeat. Eventually, no-contact simply becomes another expression of codependency and coping strategy that only leads to heart ache, unless enough trust and maturity can be built to dive in and elucidate the core wounds in both people.

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t.

@kanereall

2 ай бұрын

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

@jack-gx

2 ай бұрын

Really? How do i find one please?

@kanereall

2 ай бұрын

Have you heard of Maurice Gleti? She's indeed a good counselor.

@jack-gx

2 ай бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

This information is so peak. Thanks Chris. Loving this

Great explanation! Still it doesn’t make it easy to date an avoidant. The only thing I gathered out of it is to be thankful for the experience and clearly move on and become more secure. Avoidants are the best karmic partners to teach us to grow and improve. They are just light up the way with our own tears to grow. Stay strong my fellow anxious KZreadrs as it’s not an easy path in anyway.

Why would you want to check in with your ex once youre through the 90 day no contact and you're over them anyway?

It does indeed feel like a death when experiencing this for the first time, if you have an anxious attachment style. In my case, it was exacerbated by the death of a parent at a young age. There will always be the fear of abandonment and rejection. So, when the first person I feel in love with, cheated and then left me for that person, it was like a death, but with the added feeling of trauma. And I did everything you shouldn’t in terms of contact. Tried multiple times over 25 years. And to this day, that person will not acknowledge my existence. So, I do wonder if I had made no attempts at contact whatsoever, if that had helped me in the long term. As this is a limbic trauma loop that led to drug addiction and suicide attempts in my early 20s. Sadly, I didn’t have a support system to recognize what I was experiencing. And my brain persuaded itself that just getting her to acknowledge me, would fix everything. I know now, that I was wrong. But it took forever to reach this point. And I still battle with it everyday. But it’s not their fault. They just happened to be the unfortunate soul who uncorked an untreated childhood trauma. Something they could not fix. It was a journey I needed to take on my own.

I can't imagine why anyone would reach out to an ex ever again

Beautifully told and filmed🎉

I used to be anxious. Went to therapy. Did a lot of healing and now dismissive avoidants are just a turn off. I go no contact and stay no contact after they come back. It's become easy over the years. I recommend you heal first..

@NotMyRealNameBro

Ай бұрын

What type of therapy did you use?

A long term relationship with a narcisist turned me from anxious to fearful avoidant. The phantom ex is true, but I don’t long for them at all. In fact I dread running into them randomly as we still have friends in common, and every moment I find out that our friends protected me from running into them is a huge blessing. I feel tormented and traumatized, and after many years constantly partnered, I’m now going into my third year of absolute singlehood, unable to like or attach to anyone and turning down whoever approaches. I don’t like being avoidant, I wouldn’t if I could.

Wow thanks a lot for those cake charts that explain perfectly the stages in avoidants and anxious! Im astonished! First time in your channel

made no contact for 2 months just to find out from this vid its '90 days' probation lol I guess it is somewhat of a relief mine happened sooner but man all the emotions I had to endure. I'm in a much better place now but after the meet up we are back to no contact again lol pretty pathetic but I'm pretty proud of how I'm holding up. Self-regulation and introspection is indeed the way to go.

Why would u reach out if you’re over them???

Fuck bro. The amount of time you put into these videos compared to others about this topic is so apparent. Don’t stop

Oh my god!! You’re fabulous!! The best explanation I’ve ever heard

great one ! thanks

The dating landscape is a severe wasteland. Misery loves company.

I like to categorise it by being aware or unaware. I can understand from an unaware perspective because imagine someone coming to you and expressing this is 'wrong' with something you strongly believe in or is your 'normal'. It's when someone is aware of it, but doesn't act upon it is when i feel like it's a conscious decision to do those things As for the partner, as another commentor has said, an awful lot of people are unaware of attachment theory, their actions etc. And as someone who has only found out due to dating a severe avoidant, it really made me question my reality. Hence why learning about it really made me come to an understanding of where this individual is centering from. Doesn't mean I stay around and accept the behaviours, it just gives me an understanding of the why.

i’m in the no contacts phase where i don’t want to talk to anyone other then family and closest friends that i’ve know for 3+ years

And thank you for this video. It has been extremely helpful and informative to me.

The modern world is crazy. Spend time with people who didnt grow up these days. I never heard of these crazy people until i was 50

@jac1161

3 ай бұрын

most of my friends are in their 70s. I"m 40s. I cannot tolerate people my age ...they are addicted to SCREENS..that's what happened.

@JoePAcalaughs

2 ай бұрын

Haha truth 😂

The cheat they lie they blame

As a FA.. who was seeing a DA who disappeared..i can say i when he ghosted/blocked all the time, i actually found doing my own thing, then hed return me going all anxious again.. so a year and a bit without him has really helped me recognise, him myself and do my diploma, self love big time but also go deeper to why i was triggered so badly and that was interesting... so Marcus thank you, to helping me grow in self love As a avoident becoming more secure, its been a journey ❤

This video really help me, thank you!

Wow! Well done! Such an amazing research!

I’m all three (NOT SECURE) and I agree with stepping back and going no contact and trying to get over me. It actually makes me want to come back but the roller coaster continues on after that. It’s a never ending intricate dance of push pull behaviors 😭😭

The Best No contact Explanation Ive ever watch so far.. ❤ Very imformative🎉

Wish I found this info sooner! Thank you.