The saddest part is how they self sabotage relationships and never allow themselves to be truly happy and loved.

@S.G.W.Verbeek

4 ай бұрын

It is all according to Gaia's plan😊

@ramonaharter6407

4 ай бұрын

The sad part is that you don't even know your being used by a player and are just making excuses for his behavior using psychology

@javireyes7333

3 ай бұрын

@@S.G.W.Verbeekoh is it? How?

@S.G.W.Verbeek

3 ай бұрын

@@javireyes7333 Get inspired by nature. She has the answers you need 🏕

@FriendMariaAdrianna

3 ай бұрын

@@javireyes7333 I don't believe the trauma I got from my avoidant leaving was designed by anyone's plan. I don't think it should have happened at all. I think if I had learned self-respect and boundaries growing up, I never would have gotten into that situation in the first place. I was vulnerable because I did not know the red flags!

Watching this not to get my avoidant ex back, but to figure out what attracts them so I can avoid them in the future 😂

@riasb

3 ай бұрын

Frfr

@Aronyl1

3 ай бұрын

Periodt 💯 👏🏽

@the_awakened_soul

3 ай бұрын

Exactly!

@blonde_w_thewind1253

3 ай бұрын

Facts

@Portia620

2 ай бұрын

Sure!! 😂😂😂

Avoidant’s are so draining. No one deserves a on and off love. These people need extreme healing and therapy. They will continuously repeat this cycle. I’m currently in no contact with a avoidant and I will NOT break it. This is a miserable love. I don’t hate no one who has avoidant issues but definitely please heal it.

@user-us3st8qu2h

11 күн бұрын

💯💯💯

@tankthearc9875

6 күн бұрын

i find act like you will move on works

@ranakonswa2169

3 күн бұрын

​@@tankthearc9875 pathetic , just move on fr

Why do we want them back ? i think because we fell i love with thier best version, their full potential that they showed us in the honeymoon phase and we want that version back.

@northofyou33

4 ай бұрын

Yup.

@FriendMariaAdrianna

4 ай бұрын

Yes. Honeymoon phase. It's all they can give. Like a great movie trailer that ends up being a garbage movie.

@LivyWithWhiskey

3 ай бұрын

@@FriendMariaAdriannalmao 🤣🤣🤣

@javireyes7333

3 ай бұрын

Absolutely ! Fell In love with their potential and Best version of themselves

@javireyes7333

3 ай бұрын

@@FriendMariaAdrianna😂so well said… that’ s exactly what it is

Basically, why do you want someone who can't meet you needs of intimacy? Answer: You shouldn't because your needs are important, find a secure or anxious partner too who are self-aware and work on themselves.

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

Work on yourself, that's the solution. Who says secure people want to spend a lifetime constantly validating and reassuring someone. And even if you find an anxious person, the least anxious person starts behaving like a DA because they feel smothered. Understand that APs are as emotionally unavailable as DA only a different flavour of emotional unavailability.

@aleidagonzalez9558

4 ай бұрын

Amen! 😂

@kristidin1983

4 ай бұрын

Anxious people aren't self aware! 😂 Hardly!

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

@@kristidin1983 THIS!!!! But they act like the most self aware human in the room.

@NatzTalk

3 ай бұрын

@ketosisweightloss9480 EXACTLY! I'm secure and I'd get tired of validating someone. I may be strong and secure but I have things pressing me too and doesn't mean I want to deal with mine and someone else's all the damn time. Exhausting.😫

1.Anxious attachers 2. Willing to respect independence 3. Want what they can't have...fantacy 4. Mystery 5. Competition 6. Space Who wants this?

@ismailfa9698

Ай бұрын

True hell im done...

If an avoidant discards me, I’m putting my focus back on myself not spending my time thinking about all the different ways I can try and win him back. Good riddance!

@EssenceEmbodiment

3 ай бұрын

💯💯🙌🏼 yes! Not our responsibility!

@sheliasmith2884

3 ай бұрын

Amen we are done with this foolishness.

@maxsheerin8219

2 ай бұрын

If that were entirely true you probably wouldn't be on this tripe.

@sonja7halcyon

2 ай бұрын

@@maxsheerin8219 Your comment makes no sense.

@maxsheerin8219

2 ай бұрын

@@sonja7halcyon sorry, my spelling error. There now, I fixed "that one letter" just for you and hope you can make more sense if it 😉

Avoidants should just date each other in limbo forever . Perfect match

@princepesa

4 ай бұрын

Yes I wonder how much space they’d give each other 😅

@annabelleab296

3 ай бұрын

Avoidants dating each other doesn't work...one of them breaks up fairly early on

@AstarteRap

3 ай бұрын

😂

@maxamillion2140

3 ай бұрын

@@annabelleab296 My parents are both avoidants, they're very much like it's us vs the world. And it works really well.

@indridcold8433

3 ай бұрын

I am a true avoidant. Thus, I do not date. I will not be repeating painful experiences of the past. Nobody needs a mate, nor friends. They are unnecessary luxuries that anybody can exist without them. I ceased all attempts at amicable and amorous relationships the 8th of August, 2000 at 18:34. I have existed successfully without others intruding into my life.

"How do you get through all of this without triggering them?" You don't. No point in wasting your time. Go find someone willing to do the work to be with you.

@matusk3308

4 ай бұрын

100%

@r.bishop1127

4 ай бұрын

Exactly!

@Dahmer_Jeff

4 ай бұрын

Then why you here 😂

@cornwallismorgan874

4 ай бұрын

@@Dahmer_Jeff The video showed up and I was bored. Not everyone actively seeks out this content.

@PureWonder1111

4 ай бұрын

@@Dahmer_Jeff to learn what attracts them so I can avoid them like the plague

I will tell you why an anxious attachment wants an avoidant…. Because deep down they are actually avoidant too. (The perfect person for an avoidant… is someone they can’t have) They are avoiding connecting to themselves by “chasing/longing” for the “avoidant” who is avoiding them out of fear of engulfment. 🤷‍♀️ I would say the answer is to “come home to yourself” and you will no longer be attracted to someone “avoidant”. But with so many unhealed, it is then way too appealing to just stay alone. Not that it’s a bad thing… you give up the drama in exchange for peace and self love… and remain open for someone who vibrates on your new frequency, all the while knowing “if it doesn’t happen this lifetime, that’s ok too”. “The most powerful place to be, is in a position where you are ok if it happens, and ok if it doesn’t” 🙏🏻❤️

@orange_kate

3 ай бұрын

Anxiously attached have the concept of "earning love" deep rooted within them. If they can get an emotionally available person to show them affection, they feel better about themselves. The colder they are the better, it's a challenge! The dream of changing the other people is what keeps them going. It's a form of validation "I'm good enough for them to change (for me)", which is wrong ofc, but it's damn hard to get rid of this desire to be wanted by the person who doesn't want you.

@SallyRocketMoonChild

3 ай бұрын

@@orange_kate first, I think you meant to say “unavailable”. Second, I agree with you, but I believe the reason behind all of what you say, is because the anxious (AP) is in a sense “running from themselves/avoiding themselves/avoiding and unavailable for true intimacy” hence, they too are avoidant/unavailable. Perfect example (or proof of this) is… that the anxious isn’t attracted to someone who is actually available (as you said “the more unavailable the better/it’s a challenge”. Therefore, that anxious (AP) then becomes the avoidant to the very person/people who are available! So, you see now, why I say the anxious is in fact avoidant/unavailable themselves?

@Portia620

2 ай бұрын

@@SallyRocketMoonChild but this would make sense now when you really look at it because both parties have been traumatized typically at least that’s what they tell us in psychology so both parties are avoidant maybe in different ways and it plays out like this for both parties because they do to Close for a bit, but they can run away from it to feel safe again often on behavior he loves me. He loves me not, safe to them… anyone know how this can be fixed because I’ve heard that if an anxious person gets in a healthy relationship, it can be fixed or avoidant be fixed though?? When you look at different sides of the coin sometimes

@SandraWade666

2 ай бұрын

That's the very definition of a secure person. Secure person knows they'll be ok alone. I'm secure. My avoidant ex was pushing me into anxious mode with his push pull nonsense. Disrespecting my time by standing me up when he deactivated and no amount of me setting that boundary that standing me up was unacceptable worked. He gave me no choice but to leave.

@Rachel-up2lg

2 ай бұрын

I’m trying to get there

Dating an avoidant it’s like being in a thrilling Netflix series. You might already had enough but keep wanting more and more to see the happy end which will never happen..

@octuple505

3 ай бұрын

Great analogy 👏. In my experience my avoidant gf seemed to enjoy the beginning and middle of the relationship. So kind of like a series that never ends and can't go anywhere.

@gregkral4467

3 ай бұрын

it often doesn't happen for us either.... i think a lot of us have been thrown away after repeated fixing attempts at abusive relationships often enough that we just won't risk it again. it sucks. I can see why some will just leave first, and a lot take their vows very serious..... is tough when trust is shattered and we get the blame...... again, and again, and again..... would make future attempts at relationships feel futile in general, because ..... just don't wanna do that ever again kinda feelings....... never again forever kinda feel.

@Sagatta32

3 ай бұрын

I thank you for your patience.

@ragingspeedhorn

18 күн бұрын

Try being married to a covert/grandios narcissist with an avoidant/ disorganised attachment style and has adhd and cptsd ! Nearly finished me but I survived and moved on. Ive never been so wise as to what is out there and how she had the skill to disguise it! Most importantly, how I got to know myself . ❤

If you have to artificially give someone space- this relationship is doomed since the beginning. With the right person there wont be any need for giving space, space will happen naturally and intuitively since both people are giving and receiving equally. No anxiety. No shameful pain of feeling like a burden. Please leave those damaged people to themselves and never come back. You will never force them to change.

My avoidant ex was the first man I ever loved. This video gave me more forgiveness. Peace. He’s not in my life and I’m ok now. More so because of you. ~Sincerely….a healing anxious attacher.

Dating an avoidant makes for very expensive therapy bills.

@titwillo

3 ай бұрын

this.

@melkerner

2 ай бұрын

Being married to one isn't any better - harder to walk away with kids, home, debt, etc... I told mine if they did any of the things like today when we were dating - I would have ran the other way without hesitation.

@ItsJustAdrean

2 ай бұрын

@@melkerner Exactly. If you knew then, what you knew now, you would have jumped ship! Now they have you hooked, so they think they can act any type of way

@thebirima91

Ай бұрын

Same here. Didn’t even realize these dynamics were existing until it is too late. Three lovely kids though but a very broken partner.

@tankthearc9875

6 күн бұрын

actually i found if you act like you dont care they love it

My ex did this 30+ times. She'd break my heart, tell me to move on, then come back and complain I didn't chase after her. If I did chase her, she'd tell me to get a life and tell people I was crazy and obsessed. The only time she wanted me was when I would give up.

@cornwallismorgan874

4 ай бұрын

There are two things in this world I don't chase: liquor and women. If she wants someone to chase her, she can go play with the kids at the local kindergarten.

@jurgenwehner3607

4 ай бұрын

Same here. Just that it was about 70 breakups in 7 years. 69 times she came back after a few days, weeks or months. No kidding. When she was present it was most likely wonderful. The breakups and too much absence wrecked my heart and the relationship.

@jurgenwehner3607

4 ай бұрын

…including your details: exactly the same here! If I did what she suggested I was still to blame. Sorry, I can’t fix. I offered and invited her to join the work, repair, Gottman institute etc. Absolutely frustrating: She is a successful couples therapist and helps other couples but not her or us: Zero.

@taylorbee4010

4 ай бұрын

Cats They’re cats

@taylorbee4010

4 ай бұрын

Same core wound as anxious but the way their environment broke them made them wall up

It's so convenient for people who were hurt by the actions of avoidant individual to just label them as narcissists. But what they fail to understand is the fundamental markers of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder-- the existence of a false self and the desperate need for narcissistic supply-- are something the avoidant person DOESN'T have. As an avoidant person, what i can tell you is that what we are most afraid of and are averse to the following: 1. Loss of Freedom; 2. Getting manipulated; 3. People who cannot manage their own emotions and in constant need of reassurance and validation; 4. Feeling too much; 5. Overwhelming dependence of other people; 6. Other people's emotions; 7. Loss of agency and self (internal)-control. These are the things we've constantly dealt with and were burdened by as children. Understand that as children, we never felt truly loved. Needed maybe, but not loved. We do not know what unconditional love looks like; our love map is broken. The way we deal with people we are in relationships with is the practically the same way we deal with our own selves-- we avoid our own emotions and abandon ourselves in the process. Narcissists are always double standard in dealing with themselves vs. dealing with other poeple. They do not avoid their own emotions; instead they are way too preoccupied with addressing them. The narcissist's actions are always inclined towards manipulation (their environment and other people) in order to get what they want or to make their environment align with the narrative they have in their heads. On the other hand, the avoidant person's inclination is towards being ALONE, because that is how they feel safest. Narcissists cannot be alone, unless they encounter a terrible crisis, because they are in constant need of narcissist supply. The threat of other people's negative emotions is overwhelming to us, avoidants, because we recognize that this set of emotions is external to us and therefore, we have no means of stabilizing them. Our locus of control and emotional regulation is internal; whereas a narcissist lives with a delusion of grandeur that he can control other people and his environment. Avoidants are acutely aware of the notion that they cannot control anything outside of themselves and that they cannot rely on other people to give them anything they so desperately need, so they impose strict control over their internal selves and make it a point to be self-sufficient, so that they would not need anything from anyone and run the very painful risk of REJECTION. We always felt unaccepted and rejected as children.

@CeciledeLuire

4 ай бұрын

*Most* people are afraid of rejection, obviously. I respect the childhood wounds. And attachment styles serve to save yourself as a kid. You are not a kid anymore though. And *you can't take your childhood wounds as a justification for dismissing and rejecting people who like/love you and did not cause your wounds.* Therapy, growth and facing the wounds is key. And more than everything: learning self-love and re-parenting yourself in a better way than your parents did.. Or is your goal to push away yourself & others your whole life and stay in your childhood patterns forever?

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

​@@CeciledeLuireI truly hate it when people with an anxious attachment give us the same grow up rubbish. It's not only unkind but also harsh. Same can be said about anxious people who push people away with their neediness, including secure people. No one on this earth can ever meet all your needs. And as a DA working on my issues, I can assure you most of us don't want to deal with anxious attached people. It's hell. And I say that with love. Such a relationship is hell, full of constant triggers that make you shut down.

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

This is the first time I've seen a fellow DA in the comments section that truly has an understanding of self. I have a question, that is if you don't mind sharing. Did you grow up in a narcissist family? My observation has been that this attachment is born from having narcissistic caregivers. What are your thoughts?

@CeciledeLuire

4 ай бұрын

@@ketosisweightloss9480 avoidant *and* anxious people need to work on themselves ! Apart from that, in my opinion everyone should be growth oriented. Not taking responsibility is a huge part of the problem in insecure attachment styles. And your whole answer is just avoiding and dismissing responsibility and instead trying to blame me. I don't care, but that's what you do. Growth is rubbish for you? Interesting.

@CeciledeLuire

4 ай бұрын

@@ketosisweightloss9480oh and i'm quite independent. But i do like to have people in my life who are reliable. As i am.

never bother with an avoidant. you have to twist yourself into a pretzel just so they can shit on you if you have any needs at all

@yogirlvero

3 ай бұрын

Haha omggg

@yogirlvero

3 ай бұрын

Bahahahab

@AYKAY88

2 ай бұрын

100% FACT

@tankthearc9875

6 күн бұрын

its pretty easy act like you dont care even cheat on them they chase you , they love it

They want to be understood, but don’t want to understand. They want space and freedom to explore their hobbies, but want you to give up yours to be more supportive. They say you’re crazy and too sensitive and mean, but have intense reactions to offenses they made up themselves to create distance and devalue you to get it. A walking double standard with very little capacity for true insight or empathy so change is not likely. Let them be, they need a mom not a partner

@lunaleia952

3 ай бұрын

Tbh I have avoidant tendencies and empathy is a completely different topic. I have full empathy but issues with my attachment style.

@SandraWade666

2 ай бұрын

Truer words were never spoken

@SandraWade666

2 ай бұрын

​@@lunaleia952I'm sorry. Have you read Attached? Great book

This channel is brilliant. I'm a mental health counselor and just recently "ended" a situation ship with a fearful avoidant woman. This channel provides scientific-backed research presented in a clear, logical way and it's a gold mine for both my personal relationships, self-development, and my clients. Thank you. Edit: as for wanting them back: as someone who grew up with an anxious attachment style and having worked with clients with it, the anxious partner wants the avoidant partner because they feel like they have to "earn" the love of the caretakers who abandoned them. The avoidant replicates this in romantic relationships. They want the avoidant back for the same reason the avoidant leaves. The anxious partner just wants reassurance, and that doesn't stop once the avoidant partner leaves. That's the "why"

@fleurishadvisors232

3 ай бұрын

What do you do when the need for reassurance is constant? How do you get that need met outside of your partner? I am an avoidant that is working on learning healthy attachment and just recently ended a LTR with an anxious attachment partner that I felt like I couldn't reassure enough to get the space I needed to take care of my own needs so I had to leave to be able to have the capacity to take care of my needs first. I tried creating that space in our relationship but my partner had no respect for my boundaries and I felt like I was drowning in their insecurity and neediness. I tried very hard to heal with my partner but they just couldn't understand my need for any personal space and that type of co-dependent behavior isn't healthy for either partner.

@auralionasol2205

2 ай бұрын

You should date an avoidant, I date an anxious and I love how clingy they are

@katja6332

Ай бұрын

This is the first time I have read the explanation of why anxious run after avoidants,.. trying to earn love because of abandonment. Sounds reasonable to me. Thanks for sharing ❤

No, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want youto do that inner work, improve themselves to become secure. I told him I couldn't count on his words anymore, nor could I take him seriously. If he truly wants me in his life he needs to prove it! He called me and said he loved me. But I made my decision and not going to waste more time on someone who doesn't want to take accountability for his actions.

Its incredibly heartbreaking to witness them sabotaging the very gift of true love and support, it's so painful when you realize this fear is controlling them, they're using you while being used by the fear simultaneously, you try to save them from themselves hoping that when they finally come to you're both somehow still foolish enough to try It's so heartbreaking experiencing someone hurt themselves through hurting you while they think you're hurting them by trying to love them and maintain your dignity and self respect and sanity by the end of it They hate being loved, they deeply need love, they hate loving, deep down they're so loving, it's an all consuming sadness, I hate the cowardness and entitlement it's disgusting and debilitating but I don't hate them, I can't, I see them, feel their fear, the silent cries the confusion I feel all of their pain and I have tried to become a miraculous example of the courage to love and accept love and they just see it as weakness instead of a miracle a gift and reason to love me back and finally love themselves, theyre disgusted that I can be just as hurt, possibly in more agony and misery but not succumb to the game they have playing in their head 24/7 they hate that I can win just because I can love

@KereolaPatunia

2 ай бұрын

Amen 🙏🏼

@madhuparnaghosh6254

25 күн бұрын

Exactly this. I miss my avoidant ex so much. I am an AP myself (figuring it out through these videos, and reddit content, will talk to my therapist in the next session), and I realised I too made him distant. Having said that I didn't see he was counting the fights we have had to find an escape. He was so sweet and bam, switched off his emotions (idk if he ever felt any), and broke up over a text. When I wanted to talk he continously avoided those calls and didn't respond at all. All my pleading and messages went to deaf ears. He told he has moved on. This happened after he said we should marry, get a place together and all those. We discussed these for months. And then this happens. Idt he understands how he has hurt me. I still don't hurt him. I miss him and wish him the best.

No contact is so important, and really the only thing you can do when someone breaks up with you. I recently started reconciliation with my (hopefully soon to not be)ex, and she said "I knew you wouldn't text me, or blow up my phone, because you said you wouldn't, but I appreciate the space you gave me so I could think through the break up. I regretted it the the next day and every day since our last talk."

@Solaris501

4 ай бұрын

I was avoidant. My ex did no contact. In that time i discovered attachment, started therapy, and fixing my attachment has been priority #1.

@magicisreal111

4 ай бұрын

@@Solaris501 ❤️❤️❤️

@RainFall2112

4 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

Good luck 🌟

why would you want to resort to all sorts of trickery to catch someone who is not worth you?

I'm dismissiv avoidant. I can confirm that likely, at some point, my caregiver did not fill my needs. Learning & understanding myself and becoming my own best friend has been crucial. We are very sensitive to being criticized, judged or insufficient to those that we love. We shield our (true) emotions with thick armor, not to cause hurt! We may avoid confrontations and react poorly to others emo outbursts, leaving us feeling suffocated. We crave independence, self-reliance and space to on our own heal. (as we always have). We can equate emotional vulnerability with hefty commitment, leaving us feel locked down. We may understand the emotional intensity yet not reveal. Through our ego self-healing, we may indirectly cause others harm. We are highly sensitive. We rarely cry. As a dismissive avoidant, I thank you for your patience.

@luketimewalker

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing this

@tubesurf17

2 ай бұрын

My dismissal avoided ex. Girlfriend left 6 months ago. I've now healed and I can be with her in the same room Although we haven't talked for 7 mnth the question is as a dismissal avoidance. I want to ask Her to join me for brunch for 20-30 minute chat. I'm so curious as to how their family's id d oing. We were together 5 years. I grew feelings for all these people and well. We had a rough break up and I don't see why celebrate the very best times of our lives, there'd be had. I think we can handle this. My question was, how do I word this asking her to meet me for brunch.

@SidneyWells

Ай бұрын

Yeah thanks for sharing. Please either heal fully or date other avoidants and have fun, leave the rest alone. Your unhealed shits why im attending theraphy. And while yall travel and thinking living the high life i ruminating. I know, according to an avoidant, thats on me! Little they care.. but they can enjoy the affection and caring we can provide. Exact last words she said to me during break up: "You have much to give." Yeah and you can take much.. like everything..

@AJ-ru3gl

8 күн бұрын

@@SidneyWellsI assume you’re an anxious attacher. That’s just the opposite side of the coin. It is no better than being avoidant. You’re no victim here. Best of luck with therapy.

@SidneyWells

8 күн бұрын

@@AJ-ru3gl Yes, I am, and indeed I am on therapy. Because of an avoidant. Or a narc. Who knows? Because you know there are entire videos out there, which are trying to differentiate a narc from an avoidant. I had every symptoms of narc abuse, from nightmares, isolation, hyper-vigilance, and so on, you name it. I lived half year on chill pills. I got no real closure and I was the one, who initiated the break up. It is really not about my ego. Indeed there are some bad parts about anxious attachment, which I now aware of it and will act against it. But again, anxious attachers can self-reflect. You can talk with them. You have the intimacy for it. Not like an avoidant. Also seeing these videos, ppl would disagree with you which is worse and by how much. Avoidants pros: independent? Avoidant cons: lack of empathy, struggle with intimacy, surface level, struggle with self-reflect, and even if they, definitely not able to in front of you, rarely if ever they say sorry, they wanna solve every conflict by avoiding to even talk about, and if you trying to force it, they gaslight you to oblivion, will prioritize things over you, they feel and operate independently from your emotional state (lack of empathy), they are the most likely to cheat, often promiscuous, and the list goes on Anxious cons: they might need more assurance at the beggining, may feel like not that independent, might be more critical sometimes Anxious pros: they are very empathetic, no issue on intimacy, they self-reflect a lot, no problem saying sorry, they want to resolve issues, you will be in the first place, they will care about you and pick up your emotional state instantly, less likely to cheat Dont tell me it is the same.

It’s crazy because I’ve figured this out by researching and reading on it. Even with all the bullshit researching more about myself and him allowed me to have more empathy. I also realized he’s taught me to love myself more, and I’m doing that!💜 I now know what I want and don’t want. I’m now becoming more comfortable in my own space I used to hate being alone now it’s my peace. It’s all in how you😅 think about it. It hurt, but I learned and I’m still learning how to put me first and I struggled so long with that!😊 I wish him the best, and if oneday we meet again I’d be happy to speak. I now realize I needed space too!💜

Thanks for that measured approach. When we’re deeply hurt we’re usually longing to get the person back… but the adequate question you pose here is: why should I want someone back that does not have the capability to respect my needs as much as his own?

One thing that I wish this video also mentioned. The relationship dynamic itself can cause a person to be anxious or avoidant. For instance, if one person tends to be more avoidant, it would naturally cause the other person to be more anxious - and vice-versa. So a person might find they are the anxious partner in one relationship, but the avoidant partner in another.

They are masters at sensing your childhood/core voids/needs and see you through the loving gaze of the parents you never had. Hence, your inner child is crying for them back, but they dont exist. They only do this to get you attached so they can discard you after the honeymoon phase. That parental gaze they use is a trap. Solution is to parent our own inner child, heal our own core wounds/traumas FIRST, so we don't attract avoidants and other toxic creatures.

@HandsofGlory1

3 күн бұрын

This right here!!! FAAAAACCCTTSS! Most avoidants are narcs

EXACTLY!!! Why ARE they worth all this? Answer… they aren’t! I mean… they are human beings and I feel for their pain… but I am worth more than a life of games.

@buc876

4 ай бұрын

I can confirm that they really aren't worth the trouble

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

And we are worth more than constantly validating someone with severe self esteem issues. I believe anxious people deserve the best whatever that may be, but so do we. WE ARE WORTHY.❤

@DeborahJoshua24

4 ай бұрын

I can be thankful for one thing… to avoid complete insanity by trying to have an actual relationship with my avoidant spouse, I am no longer insecure. I have been getting help, and I am secure in the changes and healing that God has brought (and is still bringing) to my heart. Spouse’s title has been moved (in my heart… not in the legal courts… yet) from title of “spouse” to DP (Domestic Partner) to reflect more honestly what our “relationship” is like. He is angry about it and has belittling things to say about it… and even that doesn’t bother me. The person who commented about his (her?) life of having to constantly validate the anxious person… that was one thing DP refused to do. No validation came my way. He even hollered at me that he hated me saying “I love you” because it pressured him to say it in return… so I promised not to say “I love you” … and he said that would be best. That was probably 20 years ago… or more… no “I love you” in my house! I’m a dummy for staying. I thought I HAD to stay. BUT… I’m learning. I’m thankful to not have been driven off the cliff… or not walk willingly off the cliff… over the years. We’ll see where this journey leads. It’s interesting. I’m sad for him… but I’m moving forward now. He keeps telling me it’s all my fault. That affirms my decision to keep moving forward… and to deal with my faults.

@kristidin1983

4 ай бұрын

A life of games? I guess it's easier to not get yourself secure and blame. Typical AP.

@DeborahJoshua24

4 ай бұрын

@kristidin1983, feel better now? I didn’t realize you knew so much about my journey of HEALING! Oh wait… you don’t! BTW… I’m glad to answer any questions. I’m glad to share my journey of HEALING with all who are interested.

i feel like we just want to hold onto the memories we've made with them; thinking they'll change if we got back together, but then they never change, 'cause we CAN'T change them. Only they can change themselves. So that's why it's a never ending cycle of off and on relationships with them. 😔😔

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

💔🌟 keep the faith. We're all here to learn and grow

@sheliasmith2884

3 ай бұрын

Right

I'm an ex fearful avoidant and now secure, but maybe because I have always leaned more into my avoidant than my anxious side, I can understand dismissive avoidants and don't mind dating them. However, I haven't dated since I did the work to heal so something tells me that I won't find some as attractive anymore. I appreciate the space as I need a lot of it, but the way they freak out when it comes to commitment is not for me. I understand why they do it and don't hold it against them, but it's something I can't see myself having in my life again. If they are a self-aware DA then that's a different story.

@MartinHernandez-re6hh

4 ай бұрын

I can recognize a comment coming from a healing person (referring to yours of course). Blessings!

@SunshineAndSnowflakes

4 ай бұрын

@@MartinHernandez-re6hh thank you.

@ramashakaroun2863

3 ай бұрын

I'm a fearful Avoidant! May you please tell me how you did heal? Congratulations & thanks

@SunshineAndSnowflakes

3 ай бұрын

@@ramashakaroun2863 sure! I am enrolled in Thais Gibson's personal development school. It's really helped. Once I was able to heal my own attachment style, I no longer sat in that anxiety or personalized other people's actions.

@nikm2045

2 ай бұрын

Can we date? No seriously, sounds like the hallmark for viable relationship material. Still recovering from the PTSD of my DA experience. Never want to go through that again.

You want them back because you fell in love with the person during the love bombing phase, and you have hope that they'll be that person again.

@mararomero9729

3 ай бұрын

One thing is narcisissim and another is having an avoidant attachment style.

@kristinej.4182

2 ай бұрын

Good point. I agree!

I don't see value for time or emotional investment in people like this. They're unreliable, may require unwitting third-parties to regulate a relationship via unhealthy competition, have zero communication skills, and are massively high maintenance with a very short shelf-life. It's a guaranteed loss. As damaged as people can be, there are far more trustworthy, laid back, and responsible potentials in the relationship pond. More fun and less drama. Seriously.

@fm1224

3 ай бұрын

O yeah? Good luck in finding one, let us know when u do please.

@fm1224

3 ай бұрын

Oh yeah, good luck finding them, please let us know when you do.

Crap I'm an avoidant..Didn't get affection from my mother and it's destroying my life I want to change it..

@n19934

4 ай бұрын

You just made the first step in my opinion and I honestly wish you the best on your journey

@AstarteRap

3 ай бұрын

Time to heal

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

We need a road map 🌟

@sandrag8656

3 ай бұрын

I'm so happy to read this. It's possible. I pray for your healing. ❤❤❤

@karenc84121

2 ай бұрын

I’m just learning about all this. I’m thinking I want a relationship and so I began reading attachment book. Deep down I think I may be an avoidant person. But I have hurt so much from failed relationships and rejection and insecurity. This is so confusing. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I want to love myself too. I’m 66 and lonely

People have got flaws. You just need to understand them. nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship. . I However learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago my wife and I were on the brink of a divorce because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

@user-sk7kd8vs2w

4 ай бұрын

there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

@user-yy9mt6kl3h

4 ай бұрын

always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

@user-sk7kd8vs2w

4 ай бұрын

this is helpful, I will look her up online right now.... I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.

@user-yy9mt6kl3h

4 ай бұрын

Good. You will be happy you did.

@KentBuchla

3 ай бұрын

No, some people are not worth your sanity and peace. These are often people that are in denial and don’t work on themselves Avoidants display a low ability to change due the fact that their default mode is "AVOID"!!!

I think I hit someone’s trigger by asking them to be exclusive. It was after a couple of dates and sleeping together… she told me “I don’t want to lose you,” now I find myself trying not to lose her.

Chris is pretty legit. He actually goes into the psychology and biology of people..not just fancy buzzwords and phrases.....good on him for doing it right.

Yes, he fantasized about me, told me he’s obsessed with me, stalks my social media, told me he obsesses over my photos and our relationship was easy and sexy and beautiful and he’d always say how much fun he has with me and how safe I make him feel. But when I asked for a commitment, he said he just didn’t have those feelings for me and so we broke up.

@ashton1952

4 ай бұрын

Lovebomber and manipulator... looks like you dodged a bullet.

@bonnie1097

4 ай бұрын

He loved the attention. Not you. He will always chase attention from anyone and everyone. One will never be enough to fill his void.

@magicisreal111

4 ай бұрын

@@bonnie1097 yes. I know it’s true. We’ve been friends for 16 years so I had more trust in him than I should’ve.

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

​@@magicisreal111 that can't be a DA, probably an FA or a straight up narcissist

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

@@magicisreal111 "toxic relationship and fought constantly" Do research on distinguishing between a DA and an FA. I'm a DA and I can tell you, no DA is staying in a relationship where there is chaos. That's our biggest trigger. A DAs biggest need is peace. The ones likely to stay in chaotic environments are FAs. So if he doesn't have NPD, it's 💯 an FA.

I cannot thank you enough. I am very close to someone who is avoidant with extreme narcissistic traits. While I assumed/knew the reasoning behind the person is why they are (you could speak to their parent and figure it out pretty quick), this concreted that fact. Indeed, "Why?"

Avoidants do not want what they can't have, because if you reject them, be sure that they will not chase you. It takes a long time for an avoidant to open up and develop feelings, so when they see the other person doing it quickly, the avoidant doesn't feel it to be genuine. What the avoidant wants is to be loved for who they are and it takes time to get to know someone.

I'm an avoidant. I've never made it past meeting the parents. The issue is "we" know everyone wants something. The question is, is it us or are they dealing with their own demons? "We" feel if someone wants to truly be a part of our lives, nothing will dissuade them. When you've spent your whole live in "choppy waters" that is all you know... trust can only come from proven dependability. And that takes time.

These videos jus started showing up on my youtube and i am super grateful for this information.

I am codependent and fearful avoidant - it’s terrible because I want to be in the close relationship but self-sabotage. Working on healing my attachment style now

Since “multiple studies” found that frogs will always jump out of the water that’s heating up, I don’t want to imagine just how many frogs someone tried to boil before they came to their conclusion. I mean, even I jumped out of a relationship when I got “burned” too many times. Quit trying to boil frogs.

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

🤣

@AugustSchroif

2 ай бұрын

The French would disagree.

@dbesss9133

2 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

Via my enneagram learning Fearful avoidants: negative view of themselves and negative view of others Anxious Attachment: negative view of self and positive view of others Dismissive Avoidants: Positive view of self and negative view of others

I can’t speak for anyone else. But I had never had an avoidant partner before my ex. And the reason why there’s a sliver of hope still there, is because I feel like I have sunk too much effort into the relationship. There’s time, which is the only finite resource we have. And then there’s kids too.

Your content is great. Compelling and informative. Thanks.

I love it when I hear just the tip of the iceberg of my own messed up childhood as excuses for why I should be understanding & make allowances for someone else who was abused to treat me poorly. maybe it's time *I* get to behave badly bc of my childhood, maybe it's my turn to act out bc I have big feelings & other ppls reasonable needs are just in the way

I'm glad you cleared it up at the end. To keep an avoidant, you have to go through this cycle over and over again until your soul is completely crushed and you finally leave or you die of some stress-induced illness. Do avoidants ever look for strategies to keep an anxious? I doubt it.

So much good info. I was at the tail end of a relationship when I met the avoidant. I’m sure that made him feel safe. The trigger points are great. He was not big on talking on the phone or dates.

26 years total 2 relationships both Avoidants. Give them all the space they want by leaving and never going back. Your sanity will thank you

it took me a long time to click on a video bc of your youthful appearance. you are the smartest, most insightful, easiest to understand [another nod to your intelligence bc this subject is challenging to break into bite-sizes pieces], and the easiest to listen to [other content-makers either have irritating voice inflections, lip smacking etc.] There is also a group of male therapists that have such hostile energy, i think quite frankly they've become therapists to increase their market/mating value knowing the payoff is access to more women. This is based on the result of profoundly negative effects upon my mood. I feel so grateful to have found you, thankful that you continue making videos. I hope you have children. You will be a blessing to them.

Great vid. Being that there is a wide spectrum; those on the extreme side tend to be more manipulative, and toxic … cheat; maladaptive coping skills ; addictions; negative thoughts towards others; lie; gaslight and project. Both types of narcissism have both grandiose and vulnerable. They may lean a certain way more than the other but they do display both.

@ashton1952

4 ай бұрын

Apparently there are up to 6 types of narc now identified, but these you mentioned are probably the most common.

The most useful video I've ever seen, thank you

She hasn't blocked me but I did. I did say this that she can never have long lasting relationship because u jump from one relationship to another mostly as rebound. I don't care, I am not unblocking this heartless person who isn't even remorseful. What's worse is they cling on to u and then they have the audacity to ask for space. Whackos

@adambrown2226

4 ай бұрын

Facts

@noacitri9809

3 ай бұрын

Exactly - cling to you while asking for space. Brilliant!

The best ending to a podcast. Great speaker! Excellent advice to help people!! 🙏

Amazing proof and inspiring too! So many ppl are in such a danger because of avoidant traits and by being unable to see some facts of life to be assumed... There are answers! Thank you!

Chris Seiter.....your delivery voice is a good cypher for a youger Rod Serling! One of several things I enjoy about your talks...thanks for sharing the wealth.

I am an anxious or disorganized. I should be more confident of myself because I haven't read too much about avoidants, but I identified my ex boyfd as an avoidant and the moment I found out narcissist shares some traits with avoidant, I knew I was right. Everything is a match because my mother is a vulnerable narcissist and I end up being with avoidant boyfd(people say you attract to experience your core wound), gradually I can find that I was attracted to him because he gave me a similar feeling from my mother. And I have a grandiose narcissist brother😂So I know them pretty well. Narcissist and avoidant are definitely not the same, too many differences, their core wound, intentions, the way of thinking, etc. They just appear to be similar like them. Avoidants lean more towards vulnerable but foundationally they are different universe just happens to have the same planet. Just in my expereince grandiose is nothing like avoidants. Everything in the video I have experienced wholeheartedly and I agree that avoidant have a very strong coping way of survival skills which makes them so rigid not able to change because their wall work too damn well, which is a mask that appears to be similar with narcissist mask, and also they are both not able to change.

@tek3freak

4 ай бұрын

Agreed! Most narcissists are not DAs. DAs can't handle the type of attention and feed that a Narcissist requires. they want to get away from you, not hang on to you so you can feed them. Narcissist are definitely insecure attached, but more likely AP or FAs, though i am sure there are a few covert DA narcissists out there.

@ashton1952

4 ай бұрын

@the PiscesNotOnly Agree with you except that I've found narcs are the ones wearing the mask, they're all about pretending to be something special, and they'll keep a distance because with proximity you'll see through them. DA's I've found to be genuine but awkward around getting close because of their fears etc.

@ashton1952

4 ай бұрын

@ThePisces So true, I agree with you on almost everything there, just that narcs are the ones I've found, to be wearing a false face and are a persona; they can be very evasive too, because if they get too close to you maybe you'll see through that fakery and they won't be able to deceive you anymore and get more supply. DA's are genuine and don't bother with deceiving anyone to get supply, they don't like to owe anything. They avoid because of ligit reasons like attachment challenges and fears, whilst narcs on the other hand, are manipulating to get stuff out of people.

@ketosisweightloss9480

4 ай бұрын

​@@tek3freakExactly. What's crazy is people keep comparing DA to Narcs when narcissistic share more similarities with the FA more than any other attachment. It's not uncommon for FA to get mislabel as Narcissist

@ThePiscesNotOnly

4 ай бұрын

@tek3freak Just learning the short terms at this moment LOL So both vulnerable and grandiose narcissist are likely AP or FA, not DA. But FA easily mislabeled as grandiose and DA is easily mislabeled as vulnerable narc. That's the best I can get.

Great Video Chris

Dude you are amazing ; thank you for your research and knowledge

Thank you, Chris.....I really needed that!

Games. I just ended this relationship. Im 52 and hes 63. Still playing high school games

Ugh, It's really gross to look back and realise how my avoidant ex's friend group totally seemed like he enjoyed dating multiple girls that his friend liked. And would get mad if his friend would do the same. He needed to be the one who got chosen while he would never want to commit to the girls he dated. And I think he also enjoyed putting himself in between girls who were friends with each other, making them jealous of each other because they all liked him. Pretty avoidant boys (with a personality disorder in this case) seem like a very toxic combination. Broke my heart, my friend's heart and now is dating our mutual 3rd friend ☹️

What if you didn’t know he was an avoidant fell in love with him and it wasn’t until KZread videos On avoidant behaviors started popping up that the universe was answering your question as to what the f**k was going on in the first place…..😢

@northofyou33

4 ай бұрын

Exactly.

@kristidin1983

4 ай бұрын

Work and focus on you. That's all you can do. Once you become more secure, you'll have better boundaries. You'll not blame or point fingers. You'll figure out what does and does not work and either stay or go without hard feelings. That's what secure looks like. That's a choice.

@coachingliferealities

4 ай бұрын

Thank you and yes for the last year since not seeing him I have grown a lot. And learned a lot and continue to learn. If he cannot or chooses not to be at my level then he’s not worth it. I love him but I love myself more. And for the record….i am secure ❤️💞

@annabelleab296

3 ай бұрын

Usually avoidants and secures have the best chance for a successful relationship

@coachingliferealities

3 ай бұрын

I feel most times than not he’s not ready for anything. Believe it or not this has been going on since the tail end of 2019 but we didn’t get together until 2022. I will probably tell the story on my channel at some point with respect for his privacy. I would just rather meet someone new then dealing being a yo yo. I hope he finds true happiness.

As kind of an avoidant myself. I run after the first 2 happen way too soon for my own comfort. But I can confirm, if you go slow and feel each others vibe it can work. And no, don’t throw yourself completely, keep a bit of mystery

Chris, ,this is the most important new information I've actually heard of, I was with a girl for 8 years, I couldn't stand arguing and fighting as there was no point to it, if you people love each other, they will admit any wrong doings , and make compromises for each other, yet, my ex, lived to argue, fight and accuse guys of cheating on her. I was accused so many times, over 100+ times, possibly closer to 300 times, that I cared for her 3 kids that I helped her raise, but I couldn't handle her anymore.. Ive been single ever since, and might be for awhile.. I am willing to do things I didn't know that I could do for a girl, that even other guys wouldn't, or were less likely, like helping raise her kids, I believed, if you love her, you care for her children also.

The biggest miss in this video: if SHE had managed her avoidant’s emotions, if SHE hadn’t triggered him, if SHE had just acted differently. Your partner isn’t your parent. You just gotta nut up, go to therapy, and tale care of business. If you can’t, then stay single and stop poisoning perfectly healthy people.

Thank you for putting this info out there.

Also, I find your analysis fascinating, but I really crave your analysis of ongoing relationships that are not secure and not in the dating phase.

The why is because it feels like nothing else. Almost a game and addiction all in one yet your body and mind is saying it’s chemistry a once in a lifetime thing.

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

absolutely

Very good advice at the end actually 👌🏻

Jesus, just accidentally happened to open your video and it described perfectly two of my deepest relationships. I feel like I have stumbled over some ancient secret, absolutely beautifully explained. Thank you for this!

I was laughing so hard when you referred to the frog analogy and said that the frog would actually jump out with a gradual increase in temperature. I was thinking the exact thing before you said it. Lol!

That was nice, I heard how ugly I was and had my face parted in 5 categories and in detail was told how ugly they were and why along with "I love my ex" I gotta say thought that you showing us their childhood wounds..Makes me feel empathy for these damaged souls. Poor little ones! 😢

@ashton1952

4 ай бұрын

Sounds like an actual narc, they say nasty things, especially once you've seen through them. The best is to just get as far away as possible, it's a disorder and they just get worse, it's not like simply attachment challenges that are fixable.

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

Parents leave their mark in a child's subconscious before the child is 6. Parental programming of the subconscious remains invisible to the adult child unless they realize there's something unconscious messing up their lives... and decide to investigate. It ain't easy, but it is most often worth every ounce of self-analysis and the resultant tearful anger

@luketimewalker

3 ай бұрын

If I may, you're gorgeous!

@Vixinaful

2 ай бұрын

@@ashton1952 Yeah my psychologist (had to see one after this, I ended up in an autoimmune episode from the stress and nearly passed away) thinks he is a psychopath but I say he fits perfectly in covert narcissism along with schizophrenia. (he heard voices and showed flat affect and catatonia) It took a handfull of people online that 24/7 sat with me to break me out and afterwards a psychopath with the actual diagnoses set by a psychiatrist who had heard about the relationship looked me up and worked his charm so Im out three weks from that one, which added 3 more years of hell. Luckily that was an online contact only. I am now in regular conversations to break the cykle and its working. But boy..What a ride, whoosh! There aint nothing I dont know about the human psyche after this. 😆

@Vixinaful

2 ай бұрын

@@luketimewalker Woooow...That was really sweet. I appretiate that so much.

I had a long happy marriage and now as a widow I have an avoidant lover. So if he says “You’re too sensitive,” I just laugh and shrug. “I’m normal,” I say. We’re not moving in together, though. You’ve done a really good job with this video.

Great video! And your conclusion made a lot of sense.- the question of WHY? Something to think about for sure….

Her being with another guy means she's unavailable to him (the avoidant). Avoidants seem to be attracted to unavailable individuals. The more available the partner is the less attractive they are. This is what I am noticing.

I’m def anxious. She was presumably avoidant. It was a constant push and pull. I should’ve given her more space. But I felt like she almost wanted me to chase her. We worked together and I made the mistake of asking people at work for advice and when she found out, I was vilified. She said that was worse than being cheated on for a year by her ex. I’m in therapy now. Tried to get her to go to couples therapy but she refused. I made mistakes. For sure. But I never didn’t just try to show her that I loved her and would never cheat on her or bail on things. She never wanted to label things but wanted to get married 3 months in

@yogirlvero

3 ай бұрын

It’s hard when what you want is clarity; some advice and reassurance . Maybe it wasn’t the smartest/ most private way . but you’re aware . You’re good

Thank you for this video!!! ❤

Brillant video! Thank you!

Eye opening😢 video.Luckily,find them easy to spot these days and I Run...

My son has shown these avoidance traits since he was 3 yrs old when his father left us!😮😢

Extremely useful video

This might be helpful for your research: im a fearful avoidant. I have both behaviors. With commitment, every time ANY attachment style leans towards a commitment, I will sabotage it. Ive explored why and noticed a pattern in my entire life. I love variety, options, and a sense that I can change my mind anytime. I like being unpredictable to my partner so that if Im ever hurt or rejected, I can detach. “ It’s not that I don’t have anyone. It’s that no one has me.” I have only met one person I truly wanted to commit to and my heart was broken. So I never give myself fully to anything or anyone. It took me 7 years to heal from that breakup. So when someone tries to get too close then walls, barbed wire, and a mote goes up. The closer they get through the obstacles, the more harsh and mean I will get. I cant bare to be hurt like that again. Ive moved more toward secure now. Ive had to learn to bypass that panic feeling and narrate whats internally happening with me. Its helped to have a partner to care enough to listen.

@imperialgrind3128

17 күн бұрын

How have you moved closer to secure when you actively activate dismissive avoidant tactics when some gets pass the obstacles?

As a fearful avoidant I actually didn't expect to feel called out so much

Fascinating articles from Psychology Today. Avoiding is a learned safety behaviour negatively reinforced by a sharp drop in anxiety.

My ex has done the exact same things over 8 months now. Reaches out and love bombs me, then it changes to a personal attack on my character. This also sounds like narcissistic personality disorder.

@shawnmclean7707

Ай бұрын

I was labeled avoidant in a couples therapy that she initiated, leading the therapist to focus on my traumas and avoidant attachment styles. Then she canceled therapy and went her way. I had no clue what these things were. I gotten books by John Bowlby, founder of attachment theory and it turns out nothing is wrong with me. I’m secure-anxious and she’s avoidant if anything should be labeled. Guess what I learnt next? What narcissism is. You have to go back to Sigmund Freud, Otto Kernberg and even Aristotle to see how this thing works. Turns out I was deep in a narcissistic abuse cycle and was manipulated by someone who studied these things. Every term in the glossary was used on me, gaslighting, triangulation, stonewalling, silent treatment, etc. If you suspect this, run, run far away, go no contact and heal. This disorder takes years to reverse as it is built by years of childhood trauma. Don’t even try to fix them. Pity them and love them from a far.

Classic avoidant here. Literally like your friend who cycles through girls. Nearly 42. I'm so UNBELIEVABLY aware of what i'm doing but......i FEEL it. Everything feels wrong when these changes start to come in. You have to convince yourself that you aren't falling out of love with these people (who you, in some cases head-over-heels fell for) when every fibre of your being is telling yourself you are falling out of love. How do you successfully mentally gaslight yourself into the opposite of what you are feeling? It's like eating an apple and telling your brain and gut that it's a banana. "digest it like a banana, you idiot". It just doesn't work. So much self loathing......you feel fickle and selfish.......arrogant and laden with undeserved power over other people you adore but can't stay in love with.......until they're off doing better with others. I guess we die alone :)

Im avoidant and ive never felt so understood. Usually attachment styles are explained in ways that i dont relate to, but Chris does a really good job.

@tubesurf17

2 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing. Can I ask you? What would it take for your ex to win you back left?

Great video!

Yeah my ex she’s dismissive avoidant and she’s a teacher for special needs kids we broke up and got back again three times she broke my heart and each time the last time she came back saying I was a perfect person that she needed me in her life that she wanted come back as a friend with the possibility to start dating again in the future nope 🙂‍↔️ it didn’t work out again she just tortured me pretty bad sadly later she came back to say she was sorry for hurting me that she was pretty messed up she said I told her to seek help never heard from her again In Like 4 months

@AstarteRap

3 ай бұрын

Of course She's a social needs teacher😂😂

can you recommend some books for raising a confident secure child? Thank you for these videos videos they are a big help

@nakitanash

4 ай бұрын

If you are a securely attached person, you will naturally raise a secure child

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

@@nakitanash most folks are not securely attached people, hence a guidebook may prove helpful...

Because people are often attracted to others who are the opposite of them in ways they wish they were. (Aka; opposites attract) We are subconsciously attracted to others who represent an aspect of ourselves that we lack and need to work on. Avoidants wish they could attach more and crave closeness. Anxious peeps wish they could care less and be more confident and independent. Hence, why they are attracted to their counterpart.

@luketimewalker

3 ай бұрын

GENIUS

@luketimewalker

3 ай бұрын

Also Wow. Brilliant and stunningly gorgeous...

Thank you so much for this - I had already gotten to the question of "why?" before watching it but it was tremendously informative! BTW, I think you are extremely good looking! I would've chose you and not your friend!

it recharged my battery to stay away from the avoidant in december now i really want to do that again now. im hoping my life will get so much better with less struggle and lonleiness and fiends and small successes that i wont fall into low self esteem and go back to them

@annewellmann8867

Ай бұрын

You got this!!

Mind blowing! Thank you so much.

Dating who i believe is an avoidant for the past six years. Started off toxic and eventually learned how to communicate. A few months ago i went off on her, which pushed her to go silent. No more compliments, I'm anxious, and no sex. Everything i did was annoying. We are strangers in the house. No hand holding, no i love yous, she'll walk around naked knowing i won't touch her because of her telling me it's her body. We broke up in the early past and i blocked her in everything. We eventually talked and figured out where we went wrong. Im about to tell her she has to go, even though it hurts

At 61, I've gotten involved with my first ever avoidant. Until now, I never knew of such a thing. This girl stole my heart for a year. Without any warning, she moved a drug addict in, and texted me she has feelings for him, then ghosted me. I haven't seen or heard anything I six weeks. She just vanished. And She lives next door. In fairness, she told me early on, that her sibling and uncle molested her for years, as a child and her parents blamed her. Unfortunately I'd never heard of avoidant behavior. I'm still ghosted and moved away. It's been the toughest thing I've ever been through and I'm an ex marine.

That’s a dangerous game folks. Proceed with extreme caution lol.

@annadonahue4119

3 ай бұрын

All of life can be dangerous 😉