What's the #1 thing you pulled from the video?

@ckay9006

4 жыл бұрын

That you survived and thrived .

@teresabaptista7016

4 жыл бұрын

... How vulnerable we all are to any form of abuse.

@tullyarcher6226

4 жыл бұрын

How knowing about cluster B or at the very least basic psychology would save a lot of people from this kind of targeted abuse. Knowledge is the power to protect yourself. There were so many parts of this where you got suckered in because you just didn't know something.

@user-cs5to9cp3t

4 жыл бұрын

Everyone ever is a victim of something. Real or percieved. It is how we choose to react that defines us.what doesnt kill us (mentally, spiritually, emptionally) will make us a stronger us.

@user-cs5to9cp3t

4 жыл бұрын

Everyone ever is a victim of something. Real or percieved. It is how we choose to react that defines us.what doesnt kill us (mentally, spiritually, emptionally) will make us a stronger us.

You know you're cured when you don't feel the need to watch Richards videos every day. But you probably can't get there without watching Richards videos every day.

@viktorija4485

4 жыл бұрын

😊😂 Its truuue! 😂

@berniebarclay2183

4 жыл бұрын

I come back to them every now and then to remind myself to never do that shit again! And also because my codependency issues are still there and he really helps with that.

@Jeweli.

4 жыл бұрын

I like the refreshers and the encouragement. I wouldn't say I was a co dependent anymore but I still have CPTSD. I find it very hard to trust others and also take a sharp intake of breath like gasping if anything sudden happens, like if I drop something, or a loud beeper or doorbell going off next to me and I wasn't expecting it. (had to turn that right down or I'd let out a scream.) My poor neighbours! It doesn't scare me, I'm just very vocal about it.

@Jeweli.

4 жыл бұрын

I would get desensitised to that if it happened to me a lot I expect though. It's strange how it's an automatic reaction over something not even scary!

@uneattheapple1919

4 жыл бұрын

I consider myself cured and very lucky to overcome the trauma but after several years something drowns me back to these videos. I reopened the case. It doesn't bring any negative emotions, that's how I know I had fully recovered. Even when I am attracting other narcissists into my life, which I quickly recognise now and just go no contact with these people, it doesn't disturb me at all. I just see it for what it is and move on. I think what brings me back to rethink narcissists, psychopaths and other personality types is that I had discovered something more about what might be the reason for their sick behaviours and manipulations.

"Scammed" is how I felt too. The hardest part out of all of it for me wasn't the abuse, manipulation, etc, it was that I had loved a ghost.

@leprechaunalley7207

4 жыл бұрын

Eloquently said. You took the words right out of my heart.

@viktorija4485

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly the same here. Its so hard realizing that I've been worried about my own sanity...

@antoinqueen8261

4 жыл бұрын

Me too

@BDCsSanctuary

4 жыл бұрын

Same here.

@kimgordon3695

4 жыл бұрын

They're emotionally unavailable

I didn’t realize I was living with a narcissist until I had cancer. And I began to realize how coldhearted the woman I live with was. And the scam isn’t a financial one it’s an emotional one. They drain you of your compassion and love. And when you need compassion and love in return they consider it a weakness of yours.

@nylaclancy2655

Жыл бұрын

Yes..!!

@beautifulbutterfly5578

Жыл бұрын

That is why You got a cancer in the first place, You were drained living energy by this vampire.

@vettevegas8549

Жыл бұрын

Exactly.

@asmaeelife

Жыл бұрын

A cousin of mine had a similar experience as yours. Hope you’re doing now better physically and emotionally

@diamondgold5277

Жыл бұрын

@Slim Pickens I pray you have Recovered and way far away from the Narcissist, them are the people that makes us sick, it's lot's of people and Dr's agreeing to this.

"Namasteeeee...the F away from me". You're hilarious!! 🤣🤣🤣

@brendarewan7441

Ай бұрын

Why is it the poster can say anything but commenters can get blocked typing the same word?

This is a reminder that even in adulthood, parts of your innocence can be stolen, something covert narcissists do quite naturally

@sama3033

4 жыл бұрын

That's exactly how I feel. There's an added level of darkness to my life I didn't have before. It's really uncomfortable, that new knowledge. Lost innocence.

@melissamiller6182

4 жыл бұрын

It's so heartbreaking when you realize you were conditioned to it sometimes. I didn't realize my stepfather was a covert. I got together with a malignant. My whole world turned upside down. Feels like I'm trying to heal 2 dark entities at once. 🤔😔

@kklo1560

4 жыл бұрын

Melissa Miller you can heal. I’ve been participating in Richard’s courses since January. The 30 day challenge changed my life. I now journal, meditate, but the most important change has been honestly identifying & accepting emotions. All of them. I listen to my body now, it’s a miracle how in the end it does want to thrive.

@matthewtoddbehindthescenes367

2 жыл бұрын

That is a really good and original point.

@jeniferfuhrman1525

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I totally felt like I lost my innocence. I was becoming someone I didn't like!

Actions always speak louder than the words. Narcissists know exactly what you want to hear. Stay quite and just observe. Observation is such a powerful tool.

@brendaartgirl

4 жыл бұрын

Same yes agreed stay quiet and it gets exposed. The things they do though, twisted smh.

@helenhingston2661

4 жыл бұрын

Me too. At about the 3 year mark I just began to stay quiet and watched. I also looked up silent treatment and what it was used for, one of his favourite controlling mechanisms. I had never met anyone who who could turn off their feelings the way he could. Once I started to educate myself I could clearly see the manipulation and there is always a sub text in everything they do. Loved this video, everything that was said about the healing process and how long it takes really resonated with me. I have learnt so much from this relationship about myself and what love is.

@sgtmuffinbadger6147

4 жыл бұрын

Yes correct

@carolinospelt2932

4 жыл бұрын

That‘s really the smartest advice. They learned what to say in which situation but it doesn‘t mean anything to them. Watch them in quiet and you‘ll know!

@Kristel280

3 жыл бұрын

His words about women "the more I say to them in the initial phase that I am probably not the right person for them, the more they want me"

I truly believe that only when you have been in a relationship with someone with NPD can you comprehend the experience. It is mindfuckery you have a difficult time processing and even more difficult time trying to explain it to someone else. Thank you for your thoughtful videos- you are helping more people than you know.❤️

@ezrc9294

2 жыл бұрын

Best comment ever "I truly believe that only when you have been in a relationship with someone with NPD can you comprehend the experience. It is mindfuckery you have a difficult time processing and even more difficult time trying to explain it to someone else."

@catmomjewett

2 жыл бұрын

You’re right. I’ve thought someone was a friend and told them what I go through only to find I’m suddenly a deluded, dishonest crybaby. If they meet my oh so sweet husband who worships the ground I walk on? Well..you know. Richard has changed my life. ❤️

@anitaelliott8684

2 жыл бұрын

Very well said!

@catmomjewett

Жыл бұрын

Yeah. Can’t explain to someone else. Being preempted so you look bad when you tell the truth. I have one cousin who believes me. No sibs. Not my son. My daughter gets it, but too much damage done for us to have a loving relationship. Even my therapist of 2 1/2 years scolded me after meeting him. She believed he just wanted to make it work! Make WHAT work?! My total annihilation? Richard has made an incalculable difference in my life.

@racso1160

Жыл бұрын

Its crazy how you feel alone after this .. . Only a few will understand … I had to stop talking to my own family bcUse I keep repeating myself . If I say one day Im fine the next they they won’t undertans why I feel so bad .. and ask me why?? Its frustration over pain and sadness .. I had to cut them out cause my head his tired

Narcs Don't Have Relationship's They Take Prisoners . I Could relate to all you say thanks for sharing

So frustrating...when they are so charming to everyone.

@catelewis7223

4 жыл бұрын

Yes I agree Anneka, but if it fools others even people close to you and they don’t believe you it’s upsetting.

@starlingswallow

3 жыл бұрын

YES! Everyone but *me* He saved the best acting for everyone else....I once asked him, "why do you save the best of yourself for everyone else?" He had no answer.

@pippipster6767

3 жыл бұрын

Yes ... the one I was dealing with I would tell, as it was true, that when nice it was not possible to meet anyone nicer. ‘But there was another side which was unbearable.’ Cliche perhaps ... but really is Jekyll and Hyde dealing with these very dangerous nuts.

@danagough7123

3 жыл бұрын

Which PROVES their having Complete ability to Choose and Control their behavior. They're just Stupidly misogynistic in thinking they can get by with Wrongs toward certain people in their lives. Note their boss is NOT one of them they would Try

@eagleeye2300

3 жыл бұрын

You got that right.

Victim and a predator at the same time ... gosh that resonated

@berniebarclay2183

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, completely. Not like a normal break up at all. My partner of 21 years left me three years ago. (He isn't a narc) and I was utterly devasted, heartbroken and full of grief. However, my head wasn't fucked up at all. Had a relationship for just over a year with a narc and was IN BITS. Had to do so much work to get back on track. I still miss my long term partner but have no regrets and we are on friendly terms. I wouldn't piss on the narc if he was on fire though. Garfgh!

@ivanichiva

4 жыл бұрын

They are all victims but they think:I suffer let others suffer while we are like: I suffer I don't want others to suffer.

Just watched Lord of the Rings, The Twin Towers. As I watched Golum/Smegel, I keep thinking about the victim / abuser character. Sam could only see the abuser, and Frodo only saw the victim, neither one could see the whole reality of his character. We believe these two types are incompatible, but they aren't.

@sage9836

3 жыл бұрын

Wow! This is an amazing comparison.

@PsalmThirtynineEleven

Жыл бұрын

@D C Brilliant analogy!!!

@CrawfishCuban

9 ай бұрын

That really makes alot of sense...before I could never really understand why he was like that.....but he's a monster.....a narc monster looking for his supply" the precious"

@ThePossumone

5 ай бұрын

Very good point

"Never mistake lust for a connection" very well said Richard and thank you for your direct approach and sharing your personal story with the world . you have helped me SEE things .

Words are words. Anyone can use them, Actions. Actions are everything. I dont need the words, show me.

@atomicsonic8610

4 жыл бұрын

... but, as a human with a heart you'll NEVER guess what those actions really are by a Narc. Like, you think he saved that baby from a fire ... when really he started that fire, and likes his baby meat rare.

@just2_sharew_u526

4 жыл бұрын

Yup, don't believe anything you hear and half of what you see. And that is for the center of the bell curve people LOL!

@jackgoodings

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly. It's not as straightforward as words and actions. It's all completely mixed up to a point where you dont know what it what, because nothing matches .. putting aside words matching actions for a minute .. there is contradiction in the words, and there is also contradiction in the action, very subtle, and explanatory, and we excuse lots of the bad words, the bad behaviour. It just is all over the place

@trayseewritesstuffh8757

4 жыл бұрын

Agree with comments regarding narc, that is an entirely different arena. One of which I won't play gladiator in again. When writing my comment I was speaking from a healthy relationship point of view, forward thinking on the future. 20 years in a marriage that ended in a few hours. Hardest pill I had to swallow, the aftermath. The realization that there was no Love in that 20 years. I spent 20 years in a game and didnt see it, why...because I have Narc mother. My childhood was very similar. Imagine family get togethers.

@atomicsonic8610

4 жыл бұрын

@@trayseewritesstuffh8757 BTW: Me too! I had to double-check that I didn't write this! 20yrs ... then quick confession of NO love ever--intentionally. Never. Just amputated the life I thought I had & the future I'd planned with him. You sound like you came out the other side now, whole again--& still open & friendly. Congratulations!!! You did GREAT! 🦄

One year with my Covert Narcissist/Dismissive Avoidant: MONTH one : Great MONTH two : Greater MONTH three : Fabulous (heavy love bombing starts/mirroring...) MONTH four : Heaven (I love you...) MONTH five : Seventh heaven... MONTH six : Mask starts to come off (devaluing starts...), No more love bombing which abruptly stopped. MONTH seven : full devalue/dismissive behavior, refusal to talk about issues by ignoring, silent treatment, she would just look away and it seemed I magically disappeared, aloofness, very strange behavior that you would not believe, until it happens to you. It's like they want you in the same house, but in different rooms. MONTH eight : distancing/lying begins (gaslighting also) begins sabotaging relationship by no longer putting in ANY effort. One sided relationships are not fun at all, so yes, you can be in a relationship and still feel lonely... MONTH nine : VERY passive/aggressive in nature, not a care in the world, lying clearly shows... MONTH ten : Frustration sets in... MONTH eleven : Everything is my fault... MONTH twelve : I left her for good, NO contact at all, PERIOD MONTH thirteen : MONTH fourteen : Her; closure letter mailed to me, but, she'd like me to respond (Hoovering) Me; Still NO contact, too late for her, I DID NOT RESPOND.

@johnhatton730

3 жыл бұрын

its interesting that you brought up dismissive avoidant, hard to tell the difference till you realize they can be both

@r3d_ti3_guy

3 жыл бұрын

Month six - twelve was extended two months each for me. I put myself through a real learning experience! 2.5 yrs of hell on earth.

@laraoneal7284

3 жыл бұрын

Tom. Congratulations. I went no contact from my family of origin 20 years ago. Done forever. Thank God.

@lawrencedavis5459

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly what I experienced but over a ,18 month period. She left 2 times and came back. Never again.

@mindylehrman6471

3 жыл бұрын

Me too r3d... I should have left at the end of month 5 but was already hooked when it all started to fall apart. Two years later, I finally hit my breaking point. 8 months out, still healing little by little, one day at a time.

I learned that the words "I love you" are a green light to the narcissist. It's what they wait to hear so they know they have you hooked in a little deeper and they can push you a little further. Every little bit you give is the ok for them to take a LOT more until you are completely gone. I went from an independent woman, apt, great job, full time school; he wasn't even making enough to file taxes. He was living at home in a hoarded up room. I helped further his career and his image, and now I'm a shell and he is the one with "everything" (appearances). That's ok. I'm taking me back and once he is left to live with only himself, his thoughts and his fragile ego, he will flail. But what I finally had to come to terms with is that I am NOT responsible for his inner insecurities. I have to find me again. I have to rebuild what I allowed him to take from me and I am doing it if it's the very last thing I do in this simulation.

@Eightfinger

10 ай бұрын

Whenever you make concessions, or fullfill a wish that they have, they see it as bonus points they now can spend. My partner was relentlessly asking me to move in with her, to give up my old life. And if we had a problem, she always found a way to spin it as if that only happened because we don't see each other all that much. And after a year of hesitation, I was "finally ready" and sure enough that she is the only woman I want to spend my life with, and told her that yes, I can see that future for us, and I can fullfill that wish of hers now, because I feel the same. What followed was 2 weeks of hell, were she broke EVERY taboo and no go we had in our relationship. And then tried to portray herself as the victim of her own deeds. It was like 2 weeks of "BPD/Narcissism Bingo". She did EVERY SINGLE HORRIFYING thing I ever heard about BPD/NPD. She got me on the hook and then used my renewed love... to indulge herself at my expense. To test how far she can go now. As if she was getting off on power and control. Never, ever, make a Narcissist feel secure. Everything is a harsh trade negotiation. And you can't negotiate, if the other person knows you can't or won't back out of the deal. When there are no dealbreakers, they play god.

@dylanLHaniif

4 ай бұрын

This is chilling... I shrank myself so he could look like a man.. He never once asked or demanded me to make these descision.. Its crazy how he tugged on my strings without verbal communication.. Mind games, silent treatment and the sad puppy dog victim eyes WORKED WONDERS on me.. Still trying to get him out my house while I am renting.... Its comical ....no more tears left

"Being with somebody but also feeling like they're just not there". So true, my feelings exactly! Pathognomonic for narcissists and psychopaths!

@alouise3557

6 ай бұрын

(Googles "pathognomonic")

They need constant validation and very draining pep-talks. ALL. THE. TIME

@mandolaa4855

3 жыл бұрын

Cause they are empty, hallow beings

@DefineHatespeech

2 жыл бұрын

Then if you confront them about their delusions, they insist there is nothing wrong with them. Doesn’t get more mentally sick than that.

@mbaksa

2 жыл бұрын

@@DefineHatespeech When I've been telling her how things actually are in the real world, I would often get a response "Why does it have to be like that?", and it often felt as if she was blaming me that the things, that I have zero influence on, are the way they are. Now I understand she was actually not happy with me tearing down her fantasy, because she wanted to live in a world of fantasy.

@patient8098

Жыл бұрын

My eyes constantly rolled to the back of my head..

Namaste TF away from me 🤣

@lifewithjeanette8157

4 жыл бұрын

I cracked up lol 😂

@74dmagnum

4 жыл бұрын

I legit laughed out loud at that! That is the perfect tagline for these times we're in.

@hollyw2901

4 жыл бұрын

It should be a Teeshirt for sure

@74dmagnum

4 жыл бұрын

@@hollyw2901 yes! I'd wear that phrase on the front with Team Grannon on the back.

@cornifourie6775

4 жыл бұрын

I loved that!

Can totally relate. Married to a covert for 28yrs. Getting to the end of healing 7 1/2yrs. later. I thank God for my deliverance and recovery. I loved who I THOUGHT I was married to. So so so sick relationship.

I love the remark you made in refering to your Narcissistic ex: "I loved a ghost, that person did not exist." I can relate to that. It is both haunting and incredibly sad---but incredibly liberating to realize the truth of the matter. Thank You for sharing your personal story, along with your psychological pain. Thank you for your videos and for passing on your invaluable information on Narcissism and other BPDs, so all of us who have been affected by this insanity can find our healing!

Piglet "how do you spell love?" Pooh "you don't spell it you feel it" best advice ever (if your not feeling it they are just empty words ;)

@uneattheapple1919

4 жыл бұрын

I was terrified when I discovered at the age of 45 that love means different things to different people. I thought love meant kindness, care, empathy, compassion. When a narcissist seduced me with his lies and I woke up to the lies I couldn't believe that people actually call lies love. I was nothing but a narcissistic supply for the ever-hungry ego. It was a big awakening to hell on Earth.

@angieholt736

3 жыл бұрын

@@uneattheapple1919 Well said!!!! Thankfully we escaped, but they are still living their hell on earth. Instant karma for them. I am a much stronger person due to the pain inflicted by an empty shelled narcissist.

@chuckprichard3691

3 жыл бұрын

Feelings are a funny thing. You certainly don't want to ignore them, but they can lie to you, too. Also they can be ephemeral.

The predators need you to accept dichotomous thinking so their sob stories have the effect they want: to make you stop thinking of them as abusive. They can't be, because they're a victim!

@mireillelebeau2513

4 жыл бұрын

But everybody know that a victim ( in another context) can be the abuser? No? Nobody have heard of the triangle Victim/abuser/helper? where everybody can change of role model if context change?

@tullyarcher6226

4 жыл бұрын

@@mireillelebeau2513 Many people haven't. For various reasons.

@tullyarcher6226

4 жыл бұрын

@Pine Trees I'm sorry you went through that. It's so manipulative. ☹️

@atomicsonic8610

4 жыл бұрын

@Pine Trees I am so sorry that you went through that $hitty, $hitty $hit!! I can empathize. Mostly, though, I thought you deserved, from one human to another: You shouldn't have gone through anything like that! I'm so sorry, you Kind Soul!

@pneumarator1444

4 жыл бұрын

Smarty pants! 😉❤️

22:10 "but they do more than that, they attack the ROOT of who you are, the ESSENCE of who you are, and they don't just attack it, they'll let you know that they hold you in CONTEMPT for it. They reject you utterly as a human being for it". I have wondered myself many times if I am also a narcissist (they project a lot. but maybe some of the points are valid for me?). But this bit hit home for me. She was very vocal and open about it, in private, many times. And each time it was a barbed poisoned spear, cracking my core me more and more. I shared with friends that something had broken within me, that my inner integrity was no longer there. I felt like a bonsai snapped in two, and badly reassembled. I lost pleasure in many things, and interest in female relationships. I simply feel like my relationship and emotional wings are broken, and I am too tired to flutter the stumps. I gave my all, I ripped my heart out of my chest to sustain and comfort her, and my heart and worth as human being got summarily thrown into the composter. I hope, one day, to recover a little. because at this precise time, I see my future as that of an an old man reserving a small table to himself and looking into the distance, getting scared and anxious any time anyone gets close.

@susanthomas9610

Жыл бұрын

Dont despair you met a demon their out there we all know that, that's why we have been though such hell.Your a wounded Warrior, in time you will become stronger, believe me, fight the good fight!

@nylaclancy2655

Жыл бұрын

I've been living that exact way for 20 yrs now. But I don't really go anywhere. Safe..it's warm..

I replayed this 5 times. Scrolling through all old photos, deleting them one by one. Richards words, filling in the blanks of the past, FINALLY seeing the 🔥🚩BURNING RED FLAGS 🔥🚩 what a mess. Thank God im still breathing and free from this nightmare.

So, once you've learned to turn off the "empathy" gene, how do you turn it back on? Now I feel like I'm not nice to anybody because I don't trust ANYBODY.

@TheRealJohnHooper

4 жыл бұрын

You cant be nice to anybody? Hm..

@emmanolan6643

4 жыл бұрын

Katie Weird If you can turn your empathy off and on you might be cluster b yourself non cluster b neurotypicals can’t turn empathy on and off like a tap

@toocutepuppies6535

4 жыл бұрын

@@emmanolan6643 You can turn it off when other people finally beat it out of you, physically and/or emotionally. Trust me.

@Getnodrama

4 жыл бұрын

@@emmanolan6643 it is just a reaction from abuse and childhood delusions. Very healthy. Stay alone as long as you need to, find People who are stable (if there are some) and remember that every relation is just a reminder of who you are and are not. You are one the good way. The first answer seems good to me. Also, dont try to love everybody. Just be you

@CuShorts

4 жыл бұрын

Katie, I get what you mean. Something approximating an answer is: practice forgiveness, practice compassion. Even to the most wretched. Maybe this poem will help; background music submersed in judgment the wings shed i have become a purple beetle in the void skittering through the weeds popping up in Hell i dream of being something much better the fault is found in the aspiration to power the most high, the most powerful beings in the universe they are glowing creatures of Pure Compassion they span the dimensions, their Loving Eyes shepherding all souls they have not chosen this path, they have grown into it they did not want to be powerful, they wanted to be right

Amazing story, brother.. My experience is similar.. And I thought I was going crazy, until I started watching your channel.. I think you might have saved my life.. You're a good man, friend..!

@viktorija4485

4 жыл бұрын

I thought I was insane too...That Im wrong, that my feeling are not ok... Until I saw Richards channel. Its cognitive disonance :/

@chrisbailey7820

3 жыл бұрын

Hope your doing well bro

‘I didn’t think this girl would run a vendetta against me …. I thought women were nurturing’!!!! Yes. This is why content like your Richard is so important. I was blind like you. Mine were psychological terrorists. My sister in law took me to the point of suicide. I think there needs to be much more dialogue on female bullying - particularly covert narcissm. Thank you Richard. Bless

@deadislander

5 ай бұрын

ME TOO 😭😭😭

My God you described my life perfectly. I'm completely broken at end 9 years of this. Just hearing one person understand to describe me my life was divine Universe. Thank you Richard. 🙏

You NAILED it Richard! “The lights are on, but they’re just not there”...PERFECT!!! What happened to them?!?! Where did their soul go??!!

@davidbudzynski4847

4 жыл бұрын

Almost schizoid isn't it?

@heatherlomaxmusic4776

4 жыл бұрын

David Budzynski like living in Zombieland

@just2_sharew_u526

4 жыл бұрын

What happened? Richard explains in lots of videos. search for Complex Post Traumatic Stress.

@leorarochelletobias5815

4 жыл бұрын

Heather Lomax Music there are “soulless“ beings on Earth 🌎 beware!

@sueskeie4627

4 жыл бұрын

Mine was schizoid and paranoid. Very covert though.

My mother was a narcissist, my EX-husband was a narcissist, his mother was a narcissist, my neighbor is a narcissist; literally, ANY words out of their mouths is worth a penny of their weight. I find that there are cultures that have more narcissistic tendencies than others. Narcissists are commonly very insecure deep inside, at the same time can be an extrovert wanting constant attention. I find they don't listen because they are already waiting for you to stop talking so they can get their voice heard. So yes, lights are on but no one is home is right - there is someone in there that just wants to hear their own voice and that's it so they are not listening to a word you are saying (that is unless you are talking about how wonderful they are) then they are all ears. Narc’s don't like me anymore (and I love it) because I can spot it so fast that they know I know and they cannot get anything over on me, it's beautiful I can walk away and feel like I just dodged a bullet for future acquaintance and waste of time in my life.

@katydrew5274

4 жыл бұрын

I think British people are more narcissistic..I'm talking the baby boomers really. They are often superior and love to ignore/ ghost instead of communicate.

@jillfraser2749

4 жыл бұрын

Ditto 😉🌻

@Blondehairedwarrior

4 жыл бұрын

CKLG waiting for you to stop talking .....yessss , this was soooo my dad.

@Bar_Bar27

4 жыл бұрын

They really know that you know, that you're "different" and won't be an easy target, then they start to hate you out of nowhere and you wonder why.. because they are narcs and now have been Spotted! If someone hates you for no reason, a narc..

@leprechaunalley7207

4 жыл бұрын

Yep. Just had someone block me on Twitter for ignoring their request for pictures of me and just treating what they said with respect, but ignoring this other thing. I shouldn't have ignored it. I should have called it out.

For 7 years from age 22 to 29 I suffered horrible relationship with a narcissist, she was 3 yrs older than me and previously married to a much older man, I was soooo naive but confident, I fell head over heels in love and was so easily manipulated, she made every decision, including what I wore. I eventually ended up in a psychiatric hospital a fumbling mess, I remember looking at myself in a mirror and having a clue who I was, I had no opinions, I didnt know what clothes to buy or even how to have my hair cut. I have since become a narcissist sniffer, I can spot them a mile off and avoid them like the plague, usually they are slightly dim and mouthy, they are bullies and for years after this relationship i took great pleasure in outing these people as publicly as possible, showing the world how weak they really are. They only bully and prey on kind empathetic people and when i collared them most of them cry or breakdown, they are sadly very damaged. Nowadays I've gone full circle and just steer clear as after all they are sick, damaged people.

Richard my story and your story were exactly the same . The PTSD, the intelligence, the sexuality, the moral boundaries. My Narc was a military man who had PTSD and I would read and read about PTSD and none of it fit at all. Then I started looking into Covert Narcissism and of the 20 symptoms he had 19. That’s when I knew. And 6 years later I watch this video and your explaining my story. Almost exactly.

@ThePossumone

5 ай бұрын

They say they are empty so they are not there

“ Only a wounded heart knows the secret of a soul”~ Rumi 🌞🙏♥️☯️💫

Yes, I fell in love with an illusion. The immense pain one suffers in a relationship with a narcissist is devastating. During the relationship, it was the pain of always being in a state of not being able to have true intimacy that began my path out of the darkness.

@loriallen9237

2 жыл бұрын

We just have to focus on thankfully being out. I've been out almost a year. ((hugs))

@hippydippy11

2 жыл бұрын

Yes exactly the same, that was also my wake up call! Very puzzling initially until you slowly begin to put the pieces of the puzzle together and you see a not very pretty picture!!

@jeniferfuhrman1525

2 жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you mean! I just didn't understand until these videos.

As my therapist explained to me: for sure as a child, he was a victim. But now he's an adult, and as an adult, he's a torturer. You're living with the adult. I found your KZread channel yesterday, and I agree: vulnerable/covert narcissist is the worst one. I lost 12 years with him. And it took me 3 years (the last ones) to realize who he was for real with the help of my therapist and friends. Incredible!

What hit home for me was when you shared the begging for scraps as if they were the best thing ever.

"they're just not there" no communication is ever complete. There is no couple, no "us" as a team. Vulnerable narcissism - me too for years I wanted to understand - it was like I was living with 2 different people. I got cancer over 26 years of the stress and anxiety.

@helenhingston2661

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly, no 'us' or ' we ' always 'I' or 'my" even after 61/2 years.

@RedroomStudios

4 жыл бұрын

totally agreed with the lack of "us" or "team'! in fact my ex made me feel like an enemy to be defeated at every turn in the relationship. she was impossible to communicate with, just as Richard said... she could never just focus on the specifics of the disagreement, everything always turned into a personal attack and her bringing up stuff from the past as well as information about me that she got out of my relatives and then twisted it to make me feel like I was somehow damaged.

@kaylees1072

Жыл бұрын

@Jem your story seems so similar to mine. -22 year relationship -every conversation was never completed. If I tried to finish it he would say he couldn't handle it mentally or emotionally and would find different ways to exit. -my health issues include constant back pain, anxiety, then anxiety attacks after 3 different disclosure of infidelity days however he never disclosed info. I had to find out. Daily headaches, insomnia, crippling clinical depression that required medication. He was able to get away with it for so long because he would always bring up his abusive childhood into every discussion that then turned into a battle because he was always defensive. The final thing he said to me that broke the trauma bond is: why do you keep trying to have serious conversations with me. I don't want to talk to you about anything unless it's about random topics or current music artists or cars. I realized after 20 years he only wanted a woman to be quiet unless he introduced meaningless topics to talk about. He didn't want a partner with her own ideas, agendas, or plans. I'm a teacher so my every day is all about this. Now he said this to me before yet not so bluntly with words. Like if I brought up home repairs so we could put our house on the market he would say fine wouldn't do them and then months later would walk out because I was being a nag to a man who was just trying feed him family. This is was a bunch a crap we were never struggling financially.

@jem2250

Жыл бұрын

@@kaylees1072 Maddening, isn’t it? I hope you are healing now. My ex moved on to live w a trauma nurse who is well to do. How is that for irony? He gets away w so much. Charms, knows how to pick a woman who can care take etc. It has taken me years to let go of my resentment and grief over lost years. Getting there.

@sponkmcdonk3898

Жыл бұрын

@@kaylees1072 this is word for word how a woman was to me.

"She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes She can ruin your faith with her casual lies"

@bubblerings

3 жыл бұрын

She's always a (Narc) woman to me... (la di dahh)

@carollangley2984

2 жыл бұрын

Billy Joel

It’s amazing how much Richard was able to get from his experience and how much he was able to give back to those of us who needed a helping hand. Thank you, Richard

As an afterthought, I'm reminded of the "problem, reaction, solution" tactic....and immediately, the feeling of confusion is present....

"Namaste the f*ck away from me" is so perfect for my situation. Incredible timing.

They do not know how to connect emotionally, AT ALL! Yes they DO NOT know how to love. With a narc it is all your love that keeps the relationship going. I had been with my narc husband for 32 years. I almost suicided. Jesus saved me in so many ways. I am doing amazing. Best shape of my life, full of joy. Leave the narc, follow Jesus. Thank you friend for your honesty, you are so right on!❤️

@danad8201

2 жыл бұрын

I have been with my covert narc for 34,5 years. I am getting divorced just now. Wonderful time. I am excited being away from the marriage. The greatest shift in me was made by Richard and his videos, especially video 1984 Bateson double bind. Unbelievable. Disgusting.

@susanthomas9610

Жыл бұрын

I know jesus saved me too we needed him so bad to protect our sanity, I came to thinking and it's why I feel I am on the way to healing that it was like rape that horrible act that became my realisation, rape of my mind body and soul trying to suck the life out of me truly a parasite. I have our lord to thank for my eyes being truly opened.

The rejection for me 100% heightened every single day! I was living in fight or flight and had a really bad eating disorder.

This is exactly what I went and am going thru. One thing that I feel helps me out ( from being such a sucker) is that I did not see nor understand what the hell was going on and who could be like this. And this is why. Its because I am a healthy person and I don't understand unhealthy. Its only going thru this that I realize that there are some messed up people. I don't think I would change a thing, going thru this has given me a opportunity for person growth. It's showing me exactly my character , its like you said making me stronger

@catmomjewett

2 жыл бұрын

Really good points. I never felt so good about myself, my own value, my instincts as I do after 27 yrs of tangling with narcissism. After that marriage and realizing my mother was one, as well, I am over the moon gratified that I am still intact. Not long ago, I was like walking dead. Now I am someone I love. Basking in that sh!t

@jeniferfuhrman1525

2 жыл бұрын

Agree, I feel the same

They are hard to spot, these female psycho narcs - and thy are really vicious.

@polarisx6833

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed. The female narcissists are hard to spot because we are biased to see women as victims and are naturally inclined to help women in need. This is what they exploit without mercy.

@babydumpling2880

4 жыл бұрын

Teresa Baptista - oh it gets easier to spot them after a while. Took me years ...but can smell them from afar now, thanks to talks like these from Richard & school of extremely hard knocks. Tricky, slimy creatures though

@teresabaptista7016

4 жыл бұрын

@@polarisx6833 ~~ They exploit without mercy because they are psychopaths and because as females they are much more intelligent than any man.

@teresabaptista7016

4 жыл бұрын

@@babydumpling2880 ~~ Yeah! Richard Grannon talks are the best and are really helpful in overcoming narcissist abuse and codependency. I was married for 16 years to a male narcissist... It almost killed me.

@polarisx6833

4 жыл бұрын

@@teresabaptista7016 They are not using intelligence or even seem to have significant self awareness. They are all using the same algorithm. Its like they all went to the same school. Once you know what they are doing, you can predict their behavior with nearly 100% accuracy. You can even manipulate them like a puppet. A friend is dealing with female family member who is a narcissist. I can tell my friend what to do to get specific reaction with a nearly 100% accuracy, which doesn't lesson the pain of a narcisistic attack. It just helps my friend understand the attack isn't personal.

This is so crazy!! No one can tell me synchronicities aren't real!! I just uttered the same thing 10 minutes ago, that when they say "I love you" it means the complete opposite.

@LizzyCurran

4 жыл бұрын

Enaah the Virgo it’s so fucked up.. they use it to manipulate & use your love language to get you to put your guard down/weaken your boundaries 😣

@mbaksa

2 жыл бұрын

I'm my situation I felt that "I love you" was not about hate, rather as a method to encourage me to continue doing stuff for her.

When I realized what I was really dealing with, the narcissist, I felt like I was in a horror movie.

@victoriamarie8588

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! It made me realize how insidious humans are capable of being. It was such a rude awakening. 😢

@mbaksa

2 жыл бұрын

I'm still unsure if she is a covert narcissist. Once she asked me if I see her as a narcissist, because she felt I had suspicions. Once I also had a nightmare where she showed herself as a narcissist. I chose to ignore all that, and in the end we broke up because I was too triggered by her being deceitful about one thing. I felt manipulated. And the worst thing now is me thinking I may have overreacted due to CPTSD. Not knowing is the worst.

I can relate so much with the part where you talk about the realization that they never loved you in the first place, the moment I realized that, it was so brutal. The discard wasn't as bad as the realization I had a month later, after trying to figure out what happened. Also what you mention about the person you were before the relationship and the person you are now are completely different people. I still have no idea who am I supposed to be, I certainly will never be that person I was again, it absolutely breaks a person.

Disney programming has a part to play by showing an idealised version of women and reality and this sets you up later on.

@obadiahscave

4 жыл бұрын

That's interesting, and probably true...

@cantabrian1009

4 жыл бұрын

The 'Disney-esque' fairytale fantasy story and expectation is something I have experienced. Woe betide anyone that doesn't follow the script....

@deegeo3659

4 жыл бұрын

Don't forget about Prince Charming! Took me forever to realize there's no such thing.☹️

@lausdeandl

4 жыл бұрын

One reason I dislike Disney.

@deegeo3659

4 жыл бұрын

@Vanessa Poss I believe you are right on. I've noticed both Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast are about narcissistic relationships. Snow White is scyzophrenic, with her multiple personalities..,.ie the 7 dwarphs! There are so many double meanings in all their movies, not just cute fairy tales.

I realize he cannot love me. He thinks he does. I was scammed from the beginning. I have been with him 38 years. I have been recovering from it, attachment trauma upon more trauma, while staying in it. The first 35, I was completely alone in this! Now I know it’s all real. I am real. He is what he is. But I can still be too reactive when he attacks the essence of who I am. Yes, total contempt, rejection, and sneak attacks. But when that isn’t going on, I can manage. We have built a decent life. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I went through a previous one too.

@analee3299

3 жыл бұрын

you deserve to be happy and free. With God all things are possible.

@vickibarker8658

2 жыл бұрын

I can totally relate to your story. I have been with my narc for 21 years. I have never experienced such a devastating sense of helplessness and imprisonment. He started off really abusive and contemptuous. Over the years I have got stronger and have left a couple of times, sadly to return. The worst thing for me is the fact that he has adapted himself to the changes in me. So the more self respect and strength I get, the “kinder” an

It’s one of the most painful, lonely and cruel experiences one can ever experience. They are a sales-person and they are really good and selling you shit and getting you to believe it’s gold It’s the ultimate bait and switch scheme

Ah so true!! My narcissistic long term boyfriend looked me in my eyes and said he wanted my soul. Never been that creeped out before and I knew exactly what he meant. Then of course denied it and gaslight me. Classic game. And of course he turned it around on me and was telling his monkeys I was the unstable one. I am dealing with a very sick individual. Hope everyone dealing with these people will find some peace in their lives. My heart goes out to you all, stay strong ❤️

I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 12 years. I have watched many videos, trying to get my strength up to leave him. He has emotionally abused me, worse than I ever knew was even possible, which has also caused physical results. I would say in all honesty that he nearly destroyed me. I thank you very sincerely for sharing this video. Something in me clicked while watching you speak and I feel that I have the strength finally that I've been hoping for.

@BBrunnel

2 жыл бұрын

good luck I hope you were able to leave him sending you so much love!

@jolesliewhitten6545

2 жыл бұрын

Plan quietly and run! Don’t let him know you are leaving.. Be safe.

@janet947

2 жыл бұрын

Please read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft and that will open your eyes to what’s going on and how to safely move on..

@erinmurphyart4590

Жыл бұрын

Please update. Hope you got away!

@Chaxbs

11 ай бұрын

How are you now?

I like the analogy, "It was like having a house that was so infested with some sort of rot or lice that we had to strip everything down to the foundations, and even dig out some of the foundations and start again, such that the person I am post the relationship has very little do with the person I was before." It really was a deep self-healing process. Thanks for sharing this side of things Richard.

The lights are on but no ones home...... even after the relationship that haunting feeling will remain so do not stay stuck in the relationship in hopes of resolving this in your mind. It’s always gonna be creepy.

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

Elka Roth,You look cute 🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

The point about using "I love you" as a device for control erally resonates with me.

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

Maya Nihal,You look cute 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

@mayaniebieska8425

2 жыл бұрын

@@jackpetersen7545 hopefully not anymore, I hope to rebuild what's left :). Thank you for asking 😊

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

@@mayaniebieska8425 You are welcome.I am Jack from USA 🇺🇸.You?

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

@@mayaniebieska8425 Which country are you from?

13:04 Eating can be like a drug but also putting on weight is for protection. If you don’t feel safe.

@eagleeye2300

3 жыл бұрын

Indeed. Another one of my mechanisms was to keep my hair really short for 40 years.

I suffered for 5 years in an intimate relationship with a borderline. I found my inner psychopath in that time, brought out through her use of projective identification. I've always been quite self aware and I believe my inner psychopath or what Jung calls the shadow is what protected my emotions. It was a fight to save my emotions from being destroyed by her. Right in the beginning my love was being rejected by her, I thought suck it up and be a man. What I learned was I became a fool. I've become reacquainted with my emotions and now after going no contact for 2 years. A beautiful thing. Victims become perpetrators in some shape or form. Cluster B abuse is bloody insidious. Stay frosty out there.

@BDCsSanctuary

4 жыл бұрын

Very insidious.

@RedroomStudios

4 жыл бұрын

amazing comments! I really identify with the fight to save my self identity as she tried to control and limit who I could speak to / have as friends, how I was to behave that conformed to her idealized vision etc. when I fought back against her controlling ways she called me abusive. there was no compromising with her... everything had to be her way or I would be made out to be some sort of monster. its all about manipulation and control and it can be a massive struggle to hold onto your own self, goals, dreams, etc.

@sandrahollett2299

3 жыл бұрын

I really hope what I’m going through is like an inner psychopath and not that I’m actually out to harm or drain from people. I’m scared because I find spending time with people I love to be healing, but I recognize that I can be quite draining

Thank you for this. My narc mother was also an abuse victim. My father abused her. And she in turn turned against me and blamed me for everything. She would even say, my father started abusing her after I was born! I believed everything she said and was so miserable until I found videos and articles that helped me understand better.

Answer: I Cannot Believe how incredibly similar our stories are. This is my #1 take away from like 25 of your videos from 3am to 2pm(now) , I spent the first 8 videos completely shattered, astonished mixed with terrifyingly excited in a way. Served up with a thick blanket of Sisyphus-like dreed on top, realizing the hard work needed to correct these issues to be functionally content in the future.... I'm a survivor of severe mental and physical child abuse, a product of alcoholism, adoption and abandonment too. Furthermore in the glowing wisdom of my 17 year old self (2003) decided to fix these issues by proving my abusers wrong and joing the Army to later become an Airborne Ranger. now I'm 36 years old, father of 3 wonderful angels from 2 woman the latter of which is a raging covert narcissist (i think!). I'm forever in your debt and although I'm for sure buggered right up into the clouds, at least I know what, why, and what could be. So Thanks Richard, your truly a good man for helping me take the first steps. Im showing these to be syblings who will know doubt be helped aswell. As for the wife. I'm not gonna break up our family but she is goonna be tuuuuuuff.

That was my ex...I could never properly communicate with him, he was an extremely charming facade and control freak and incapable of vulnerability..took me mostly 3 years to recover also, even longer.

5.5 months only with an extreme narcissistic psychopath... took me 2 years in total to recover. My life did a 180 through counseling and self-reflection. It's hard mental work to reflect on and heal your entire life. I was lucky that this happened to me at 30 and not later with even more years to reflect on and more time wasted.

@just2_sharew_u526

4 жыл бұрын

Blessed with time. I have maybe 10-15 years left

@paulclinton6414

4 жыл бұрын

5 months with a loser narc, sorry for your lost of time and life.

@cc1294

4 жыл бұрын

3 years of and on with a narcissist. My saving was/is that he's married. I had to threat him that I will tell his wife and go to the police if he's not letting me go. I also had to leave my hometown because of his nacissistic stalking. Thank God I'm not living with him or having children with him. Still a lot of healing has to be done. I will go to therapist this week. After a lot of searching on KZread for information about narcissism, I now understand so much more about it all and it's making it a lot easier to cut the strings. Heal, set bounderies once and for all, and get on with my life 💪♥️

The lights are on but nobody is home. That is it exactly. I am convinced that men are blind to evil in women. These narcs inspire a very beautiful dream in you. It is so hard to let that go. It takes a very long time to come to terms with it and understand what the hell happened to you. Nobody is born with the coping skills required to navigate it. It is not a regular breakup so those who have never come against it minimize your emotional body slam from hell. I rebounded from mine and went directly to a different kind of narc. The second one was much less painful to get rid of. You are great at helping people through this.

Goosebumps! Wow 😳 Narcissism is rooted in cptsd. So interesting how you believed women weren’t capable of real abuse. I grew up with a narcissistic mother but fortunately I had a Dad who loved me unconditionally, otherwise I don’t know how high my chances would be of truly healing.

THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE RECOVERING FROM A BREAKUP FROM AN "N" RELATIONSHIP NEEDS TO HEAR!!!!

Narcissism: if you don't get given, you learn to take.

@paulclinton6414

4 жыл бұрын

Gross.

@ds-oc3vj

4 жыл бұрын

INA nutshell

@phoenixmode6909

3 жыл бұрын

Well put.

64 years old and starting my life from scratch, I finally got out ,he took everything I had worked for all my life . The evil in him is something you have to see and hear for yourself to believe. He turned everything on me as he always did , got people believing him, he spent around two years ,pretending to be a vitamin, once I filed for divorce. The thing is he knows he's a narcissistic person on a high scale ,but he doesn't care .He told me " I'm not the monster you are " once I realised what his problem was .I would say he is totally void of any empathy, but can fake it well .

Wow brother I know exactly what you went through. It lasted a little over 2 years from beginning til me still recovering at this point. 7 months since the abandonment. Sex was to the point where I actually was feeling it was the center of the entire relationship. I was deeply in Love with her and was driven by the crazymaking antics of her to insanity, but had already figured it out through watching and reading about narcissism. I initially was looking into her ex husbands narcissistic behavior and had realized she had inherited a lot of behavior characteristics from him and I was the target!

I’m 8 months no contact, but the hostage taking trauma bond was so powerful it took a huge toll on my health and my confidence, and frankly I was crushed by the indifference and the cruelty of the narco path. Therapy and detoxing has helped me overcome the damage inflicted by the dark triad narc. Happier, stronger and narc free is the only way to be. 👏🙏❤️

@MeganMingler

4 жыл бұрын

Wanda Jane i’m only four months and no contact but our stories sound very similar. I’m glad to see you were doing well and congratulations.

@passionatagreen

4 жыл бұрын

Megan Basile It is important that we move on from them. We must love ourselves, as we are worthy. All the best in your recovery. 🙏❤️👏

Yes I feel scammed. I opened my heart and it was all a fake from his side.

@jenbodhi1133

3 жыл бұрын

Same

Thank you for being candid with your experience....got me emotional listening to this because I too suffered emotional detachment as a child to the experience this as an adult from an emotional leech. It's like reliving trauma from the past when the CN discards. I appreciate you deeply for making these videos and hope that you too find healing.

It feels like I'm sitting talking with a close friend, when Richard speaks. It really takes an incredibly warm and genuine human, to come across the screen that way. Thank you so very much for all you do!

I love that you are opening up about your story. ❤

@RedroomStudios

4 жыл бұрын

agreed... he has hinted about it many times but I think this is the most detail he ever got into. I found this to be one of his most powerful videos.

I spent many years recovering from my covert narc ex, even 22 years later I almost couldn’t believe how sick he still is😳because EVERYBODY around us loved his charming shell persona🤖so it had to be me who misunderstood... wasted maaaany years, but have become a slughtly wiser person now in my late 40s🤨

@mreloo

4 жыл бұрын

did u know about narsicist 22 years ago? me 40 years with my covert narsicist wife year and half awake...im still with her..still in shock. . physically emotionally , spiritually and financially smashed ...oh the pain .

Disgustingly grateful and driven insane by the shame of it, in love with a ghost. Personally the worst part as well, is the trickery and the fucked up way it makes me laugh at my own inability to see it, I think I shock my counsellor sometimes (and myself) at how the inner child in me can cry so much at the injustice and within minutes laugh at the pure genius of it all. I call it the hurt tickle when you want it to stop cause it’s painful but you can’t help laughing as well. Thanks Richard, love what you do 🤗 xx

You described the 4 yr relationship and marriage to my ex perfectly. (Met ALL the indicators of a covert N and boarder line.) I had never heard of such a person or believed anyone was capable of such a farce and cruelty. I had never loved so deeply only to come to realize that “I was in-love with a ghost”. It was a complete mind-f*ck. It made me emotionally numb to the thought of romantic love.

I have watched your vidoes for about 2 years now. IMHO this is the 1st time we've seen the REAL You. We've seen Teacher You. And Mentor You. And Jokester You. And Woo You..... But I really feel like I just got a glimpse of the INNER Child You. It took courage to be this open and honest about a time in your life where you were vulnerable. Im honored that you trusted us enough to not only allow us in thru the garden gate, but you opened the front door, and had a chat. Namaste.

@laurafinley7773

3 жыл бұрын

You are spot on in your description. It's only because of people like you, I also have a friend of a friend to talk to, that I am resigned to get over this extreme betrayal & start again.

Good job you had no kids with this person. At least you could walk away. Thanks for this lesson Richard. So many men have suffered and yet we don't always hear about it.🌞

“Strike me down lord Vader, and I shall become more powerful than you could ever know.” 🤣 Right!? Damn this is such a good video. I’ll watch this multiple times.

I experienced a narc who told me daily that she ‘loved’ me. I never heard her say it to her parents or extended family in 3 yrs. Interesting 🤔

I remember journaling about that 'pathetic sense of gratitude' for scraps of affection he deigned to throw my way. I also remember that I wrote about it several times and I KNEW that was going on and I KNEW what he was doing, but the knowing of that didn't stop me from going back for more . And I hated myself so much for identifying it and yet being unable to break out of it. I berated myself for it while also knowing it wasnt something I should berate myself for. The cognitive dissonance seemed to be in several areas, not just one. I felt tangled up and couldn't see a clear way thru. And running thru all of it was seeing the game and yet not being 'strong enough' to get out. Ugh. I'm out now, it's been over for a few years, but I still have no plans to get back into a relationship. That and a few other relationships all with strong narcissistic types really did a number on me. Better alone than go back to that, being single is infinitely better!

The number one thing for me was two things: First, that there are people in the world for whom the lights are on but no one’s home. That’s a powerful image because I see now that they never come home. The inner deadness is permanent. And secondly, that their out of control energy is contagious. I used to think I failed because I let myself get worked up by this person’s attacks. But if it’s contagious then my only real mistake was exposing myself to that person’s toxicity. Thanks, Richard!

Hi Richard, I was with a demon for 20 years. He would often victimize others and I would sometimes "see" him, then I would get away for a few hours and be drawn back by my weaknesses he knew so well! He would use the attack on character in all disagreements, and if I did not agree he would punish me (threats, breaking stuff, physical abuse). It took me not agreeing with him and his drinking to cause me to "wake up" and let him go long enough for him to find another victim. I have been fighting strong against his destruction for 4 years plus working on my own deep healing process, and lost a 15 year business and house, but gained so much more! Now I raise our 3 kids as a sole parent, and have a global coaching business to help others in life and business, focusing on mindset, success and motivation. Love the videos, since hearing your very deep understanding clears my own mind and reminds me of just now much I have gone through, and got our kids and I out of. Glad to hear you are out of the abuse and can see it better. Best, Amena

Btw, it sounded like I made the video and I am the one who is talking about my own experience! This is scary. I encountered what you described exactly. Thank you so much for sharing. KZreadrs talking about narcissism saved my life. My family and my closest friends saw me suffering with that person with absolute silence, no one dared to tell me what was happening to me while I was suffering and fighting the fights of my life.

Anxious to know: what’s her version of the story? That’s always interesting to hear... ‘cause I have realised that they have very twisted perception of reality, especially about themselves... thanks!

@duderanch18237

4 жыл бұрын

If she's remotely borderline, she'll change the story entirely, twist facts, etc. And believe in her mind her recollection of events. I dated a girl with borderline for 6 months. She sounds exactly like his ex was.

@bio3m

4 жыл бұрын

Rich was an abusive cheater, duh 😂😂

@TheCarrottTop

4 жыл бұрын

That’s why you can never win an argument, as their perception is always self conceited.

@marijanadrmic6724

4 жыл бұрын

TheCarrottTop and they are so convinced in their ‘reality’ because they are sooo afraid, deep down, to even think of the possibility of something else...

@TheCarrottTop

4 жыл бұрын

I think they’re fundamentally very sad, scared little people...pitiful really.

I do rather say sir, I like your hair in this video

@cathybutcher4826

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, I would like to run my fingers through it. I apologize Richard. I do respect you very much. 🤗

@rainbows9060

4 жыл бұрын

@@cathybutcher4826 you could be his hairdresser. That way it will all be above board. Tee hee.

@CWdudeyo

4 жыл бұрын

Same 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

“Some people call it second hand trauma. If somebody is cycling through massive swings of emotional dysregulation, you will too.” On this Christmas Eve, that is the richest, most mindblowing jolt of affirmation and freedom anyone has ever gifted me. I wrote a friend two days ago that I feel like I am being “unknit” from my mother’s womb. It is a delicious and decadent luxury to be unraveled.

That 'void' I completely identify with from day 1 😮

When you first started telling your story I wanted to hug you. You have such kind eyes and seem to be a truly caring person. Then I started crying because everything you were saying that you experienced and went through brought back all the memories of what I went through also. There were times I wanted to kill myself and you described the way they take you down little by little. How they are a hologram, a projection of what you want to see but not who they really are. It's been a couple of years being over this person so it opened up the doors again. Like you, I learned a lot from the experience and I am not the same person going in as I was coming out. My house, the trusting soul that I once was, is gone. Life is a lesson and hopefully, I won't ever get involved with another one of their kind again as you did. I don't know if I could pull through again. You explain things so well and I appreciate that. You make sense of the senseless. Thank you.

@sacredrain7757

4 жыл бұрын

Hurts me to see good, smart, loving people destroyed by another’s damage, but thank you both for letting me know that the illusion is so good that anyone can get sucked into the vortex and get seriously spun out for years after. Tnx for sharing.

@dontpanic80

4 жыл бұрын

Just reading through so many comments and, if they all have the same characteristics, so do we. They won’t give 2 minutes thought to us though whereas we are trying so hard to process this and understand both ourselves and them. We are trying to see a safe way back to ourselves but it is a new ‘self’. Wary as heck and not the same at all. Anyway. They lost more than we did.

@analee3299

3 жыл бұрын

@@sacredrain7757 it makes us more street smart, hopefully. Sociopaths play on niceness. A book called The Gift of Fear discusses how a evil man asked to help a women with her groceries up to her apt. She said no. First red flag. When someone ignores your no. Then he said can I use your bathroom. I promise I will leave as soon as I am done in one minute. Red flag 2 making a promise. I forget what 3 was but it kind of seem like an analogy to the narc's way as they do this too.

@analee3299

3 жыл бұрын

the nice person said they didnt want to seem mean so they ignored their unease. So now as a survivor of abuse when someone asks or invite you somewhere, I think it is easy to say no. or say to the evil guy. I said no. and mean it

@sacredrain7757

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I am still vulnerable.

16 years with the narc. 20 years to recoup. I did my time. My kind, loving heart is still intact. Moving on to sharing that gift with other worthy people. Thanks for your videos, Richard.

This makes a lot of sense on multiple levels. Thanks for posting this.

I’m sorry you went through that and thankful you are sharing your experience.

The reconstruction of the self and your life really hits the mark. It takes so much effort and so much time and who comes out the other end of the recovery is a very different person.

The painful truth: I was looking for good looks, exciting sex and acceptance. If I would have been connected with my inner intuition, I KNEW this person was bad for me. I felt it in my guts. I didn't want to listen. It was mutual illusion that was meant to be broken.

@jenbodhi1133

3 жыл бұрын

Same

Still working on the realization , my mother (93) my mother NEVER loved me. Her daughter Wounds so deep attachment Trauma for fkn DECADES. It’s ONLY now in the last 3years that every book , retreat, cult, workshop , more books has culminated in knowing what was done to me . And the realization happened in the last 3 years ! : Because of U TUBE . Thank God for all all, all ,the binge watching of REAL sites about Narcissistic Abuse. And RICHARD G , THANK YOU I watch you all the time from the beginning of this freedom. You are helping victims like me on so many levels. Predators the brite lite of truth is Beaming you out

im having major emotional flash backs and micromanaging trying to navigate getting ONE person that was a friend to watch this and believe its real and say holy S&%$ man.. thats brutal.. im sorry that you were slandered and alllllll of your community has bought into the illusion .. the raw pure loss of an entire community over a hundred people.. and realizing that she has a new supply .. and grief of not sharing this loss with anyone . Im doing your emotional literacy course and have bought the big pack as well.. this is so much more damage done internally .. so much brainwashing .. over a hundred recorded arguments that make me have a trauma response and are heartbreaking.. i cant charge her.. i cant have any validation from my community and even my family doesnt want to hear about it. I need to FUNCTION DAILY . . and rebuild from NOthing... during a pandemic . Im so disgusted with myself and furious. I wish there was a focus group i could go to.

As usual I really feel so much resonance with your experiences. And I too went through 2 narc relationships, not 1, but 2 of the goddamn things before I "woke up" from what was happening. I thought to myself "this is sooooo weird! I'm such a good person, honest, kind, loving, empathic, supportive, appreciative, humble, resourceful, self-sufficient, organised, high-functioning, no debt, no addictions, great job, etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah". And then I googled "Domestic Abuse" because I was sure that's what I'd experienced, because there was: the reeling-in where they'd pursued me for months with "love-bombing" and begging for me to give them a chance because they were "different", the flowers and gifts, and always wanting to rush to the next level; then once they had me, they isolated, forced big investments both emotionally, financially, then came the put-downs, devaluing, gaslighting, future faking, promises that were never kept; then came the all-out verbal and psychological abuse when I expected anything in return or promises to be fulfilled, which led to yelling, screaming, name calling, using my childhood against me, right through to physical violence, doors being barricaded when I'd try to leave, threats to destroy me financially, to destroy my career... and what was worse was I didn't even know how to fight back because I'd grown-up with just my mum (my dad died when I was young - and these creeps would even use that against me!) and we were very close and supportive of one another and mum and I never fought, she was so supportive and loving, compassionate to everyone not just me ---- so that was my model for how to treat others and how I expected to be treated in return. I got out into "the real world" only to discover that's not how people treated one another at all! Doubly shocking because I'd been a straight-A student and highly regarded in my home town, so people treated me really nicely especially knowing the childhood trauma I'd experienced, so I was wrapped-up in cotton wool by anyone that knew me because they'd seen how despite my hardships I never let it hold me back and chose to use it to excel. But meet a narc and they don't care about your past, what you overcame, your achievements, your goals and dreams --- nope, no siree, it's all about the narc now and what you can do for them! Veer from the path they've chosen for you and it will be all-out war - you're going to pay! Both narcs had "mummy issues" for sure, and they were looking for a "mummy replacement" --- the creepy weird relationships they had with their own mothers should have been the red flags from the outset --- both mothers saw their sons as "gods" yet infantilized them - now that is super weird stuff!

Borderline ex. He'd suddenly start yelling at me out of the blue. I seemed to be having an argument with him inside his own head while I was busy minding my own business in another room. When I asked what was wrong he'd refuse to speak to me for hours. After the hours had passed it was just I pissed him off. He never, ever said why.

@carribgirl007

4 жыл бұрын

You made me laugh. Omgoodness! That must of been horrible.

@RedroomStudios

4 жыл бұрын

yes, this made me laugh also because it happened to me so many times. to me everything was going along fine and I was minding my own business, yet for no reason I would be accused of something that I didnt do or wasnt thinking. when I protested that the attack was baseless and the whole thing imagined by her well then she would just keep ramping up the visciousness and basically have both sides of the argument in her own head while I sat back and watched.

@vitamia9113

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly!

@monicageorgson4870

3 жыл бұрын

So anxiety inducing

@katuk8173

3 жыл бұрын

Yes. I would call this word-salad rage when my CN would do it to me. He did it to me a couple of hours after my mum died!

Excellent. That was so clear. Really spoke to me. Thanks Richard.