0:00 The Difference Between Overt And Covert Narcissism Part 1 4:50 The Difference Between Overt And Covert Narcissism Part 2 7:39 "I Would Never Do That" 9:48 What Is "Word Salad"? 11:04 The Advantages For Using Word Salad For Covert Narcissists Part 1 15:43 The Advantages For Using Word Salad For Covert Narcissists Part 2 20:02 Why Covert Narcissism Is Much Worse Than Overt Narcissism 23:23 Goodbye

@PH34RB

4 жыл бұрын

23:27 Cheerio

@natalie9884

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!

@kariwoodell8102

3 жыл бұрын

This is the bees knees Richard! I haven’t seen anyone, I lie, other than tarot card readers, breakdown their videos into tabbed sections. Immensely appreciated. Thank you.

@angpower8021

3 жыл бұрын

Your experience sounds a lot like mine thank god for u tube I wasted 17 years with a covert narsasist and the list of tricks is shocking but been no contact 5 months and with help of yours and other videos I can't unknow what I've discovered I'm eternally grateful cause most of those 17 years I was confused andabused

@smac1823

3 жыл бұрын

Love the links breakdown. I rewatch your videos dozens of times and it’s very helpful to have the breakdown when I want to get to something specific. You’re the only one who does it that I know of. Tell your buddy with the Minnie Mouse cup to do the same!

How dare you accuse me Of doing something I’ve clearly done

@aarongaffney725

5 жыл бұрын

hahhhahhahalololol OMFG they are the worst

@janettestephenson7947

5 жыл бұрын

😂😂

@finngrant234

4 жыл бұрын

Had a gf do this. And I became the crazy one for calling her out on what happened 😂 Its really quite fucking sad.

@OMGzzSTFU

4 жыл бұрын

😂😂 wow so true

@divinekate

4 жыл бұрын

That's absolutely hysterical .

What sucks is with the confusion and lies they create, they can make you look like the narcissist to other people.

@vedrancy

Жыл бұрын

they can try

@mrsamzambrano5740

11 ай бұрын

I agree they try they succeed with unhealthy people that want to believe their bs. But they can’t fool healthy people. So let people believe what they will. They are not a loss. They are you before recovery. They will have to walk the path of fire firsthand. Telling them or justifying defending explaining yourself is a waste. Wise people already know there is two sides. The only people who think there isn’t two sides & agree with abusers want to for some reason. Usually their perceived lack & the abuser distracts them from that. You won’t win with the flying monkeys either. See them also for where they are & their limited perspective & move on to healthier people. Sight is a faculty but being able to see is an art few master.

@JenAmigo

10 ай бұрын

Or worse- YOU begin to think you went from the kindest person to the actual narcissist 🤨

A good sign of an abusive covert narcissists is after being around them you dont feel good and dont know why. Theyve been running circles around you , beating you down , tearing you down. This is what they do to almost everyone. Secretly they have very low self esteem and so need to constantly pull other people down.

@martyrose

4 жыл бұрын

This is exactly what drove me to find out what was going on in my life. I'm not an anxious person but I was a nervous wreck all the time.

@AZDC99

4 жыл бұрын

They have a way of doing that through constructive criticism. The funny thing is that what they give constructive criticism about they are complete failures and their wife and they are not teaching you how "to not be a failed me." (although though you certainly use that as an excuse for hoovering line once you call them on their bulshit halfway through the life cycle of the "relationship. It's a lucy pulling a football on Charlie Brown scenario and on some level they know what they're doing!

@janishewes6383

4 жыл бұрын

I have two narcissists children and it has taken me years to realize I am not a bad mother because I cannot stand their energy and they are outright mean to me.I did not realize for a long time that I am an Empath and my mother and sister treated me the same way..One time years ago I asked my sister because she is older if I was a bad little kid when I was small and she no you were a great kid and then I said well then why were you so mean to me? She has not talked to me since that is about 20 yrs but she still gossips and tells lies about me.. I lived in fear for over 18 yrs until I could get away from her and her Mother.I refuse to call that witch mother. I was the scapegoat but I would not lie to my Dad and they hated me for that.they would send me away every summer because they were loose women and my Dads job on the Railroad kept him away a lot do they partied with all of the guys he worked with and made a fool of him but he was too weak to stand up tho them,, The sister was not my father's child but no one told me that until I was 60 yrs old.and they stole him blind It has taken me years to heal and find out how to enjoy life without fear.I was beaten a lot too but not by my Dad but why didn't he ever tell me that really hurts..he died in 1961 I found out it 1990 after he died.

@janishewes6383

4 жыл бұрын

sorry that was so long but it really helped so Thank You very much sending Gratitude xoxo

@janishewes6383

4 жыл бұрын

I forgot to say I also have two wonderful loving kids who are normal and have good lives and kids. So two great outa four is not to bad huh?

Do you guys ever look back at some of the things they've done and just wonder how you didn't leave? But at the time, your brain was in shock and probably wanted to think it was a joke.

@jackiejames3898

4 жыл бұрын

Yes yes yes yes yes and a million more yeses. I am still shocked at what I let slide. That person was not me. They are evil!!!

@Stormcloakvictory

4 жыл бұрын

And because (I'm kinda going through it atm) You tend to be blinded by wanting to think the person is a good person?

@marybwest4360

4 жыл бұрын

punch drunk

@AZDC99

4 жыл бұрын

Hear hear! I took s*** I never would have taken in my 40s versus my 30s and 20s and I don't look any worse or make any less money or whatever than I did that

@VonJay

4 жыл бұрын

I used turn into a grey rock while dealing with my narcissistic wife. That was before I knew it was a term. A lady here on the tube that runs a similar channel said that we find ourselves constantly having to recover from their antics. That was me. But I vowed to stop doing that last year, I had been doing that off and on for almost 7 years. I started to call her on on everything, and what I noticed was that, I stopped ignoring the BS. And the more I did it, the more I reminded myself that I didn't want to be with her. Grey rocking is a way to cope and also a way to ignore. Call them out on everything and it can get a little easier. Grey rocking also prevented me from opening up about things with others. Once I brought it to her family's attention, even though most of them were hesitant to almost not forthcoming, they gave me to courage to know that I wasn't crazy, that they've shared similar experiences. That and having to record our conversations gave me the sanity and the fuel to leave.

When your eyes are opened and you see what has been done to you for years, you feel stupid on top of hurt and they feel nothing.

@CharMinsky

4 жыл бұрын

Now I’m at this place, I’m wanting guidance on how to rebuild. I’ve lost hugely.

@robinrevell5873

4 жыл бұрын

@@CharMinsky I'm right there with you. 32 years of this merry go round.

@moving.quotes

4 жыл бұрын

If it's any consolation, you might have lost few. The Narcissist lost entire life because they can't change, you can.

@VonJay

4 жыл бұрын

Dennis I feel like I wasted so much time and energy. The entire relationship was absolutely pointless. And so strange because I remember having some great moments.

@janishewes6383

4 жыл бұрын

Move forward you are FREE and whatever you do do not let them talk you back because they will try..you can bet on it!

" I lied to protect you," is the worst. They only lied to protect themselves from me leaving sooner. Bye.

@bjc215

5 жыл бұрын

..agreed they lied..agreed they did NOT lie to protect you..agree they lied to protect their false ego.. ..disagree you have anything to do with it.. YOU are NOT a person (to the narcissist). They are stuck in a game to reinforce their false self. The lie is to protect their story. They really don't care about you one way or another.

@nefelibata4190

5 жыл бұрын

Black and white thinking let me guess you a fucking borderline?

@nefelibata4190

5 жыл бұрын

Gold Girl even you describing it makes me think he is the sane one, you like many women overthink to much and you also let your emotions control you way more than they should.

@Thaijler

5 жыл бұрын

I'd rather hear an ugly truth, than a beautiful lie. Then have it reinforced 1001 times so I know its true. On a side note, opinion is not fact and this is something we must be aware of when it comes to narcissism. Someone could have the wrong opinion of you, or they may be trying to gaslight you.

@victoriativoli6828

5 жыл бұрын

Wow Gail you hit it on the head. This happened to me for years. Now I realize what they did to me . Ouch

Watch out for the "I'm confused" defense, too, where they pretend to be confused but aren't.

@2okaycola

4 жыл бұрын

Max Maria ALL THE TIME! you’ll have said it 4 ways already & they play dumb so well that it’s not an act!

@shannonkennedy5442

3 жыл бұрын

Ohh my mother is the fucking queen at this shit.

@somethinggood9267

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, or playing dumb.

@evaberriman9929

2 жыл бұрын

Ah… yes, all the time….

@vickiezaccardo1711

2 жыл бұрын

OMG..your comment just gave me an intense flashback of a moment. I dont even remember the incident but the face, eyes, and expession just popped into my head. It probably happened many times

Thank you for making me laugh when I feel like I'm dying inside.

@jackiejames3898

4 жыл бұрын

We will get better eventually. Hopefully you are☹

@marcincalus1022

4 жыл бұрын

Also found him also funny

@JustActNormal

4 жыл бұрын

Same! My NPD ex is attempting ruining my life but at least I know I'm human

@marcincalus1022

4 жыл бұрын

@@JustActNormal remeber act 1 they play offence defense right if u see it they actually playing with themselfs eg if they talk about offers they like to offend them right if u know its not true than they offending them self right but than they defend their accussation against if u say true fact they deny it why coz they talk always about themself than turn script on them u shift shame back of u on them their are feeling bad coz of u making focus on them u can solve issues they cant comprohend to sort it y coz their a emotional toddler seeks attention. They want u to be their parent but u cant take their burden on y coz relationship is based on vertical relationship instead horizon relationship this is 100% As they shift all faults on you it makes a ptsd distress in their character

@JustActNormal

4 жыл бұрын

@@marcincalus1022 word salad is literally my NPDs favorite tactic. It's so annoying

At one point my 10 year old son put it brilliantly - "you know when Dad talks in those long sentences that don't make any sense." Ya, me slapping my head saying, its taken me 16 years to articulate that!!!

@tarico4436

4 жыл бұрын

This "word salad narc" test works some of the time, fails often. I've been accused of typing "a wall of text." Just to try to hurt readers. I'm about a fourth of the way to the completion of this single thought, but I have to stop now or no one will read all of it.

@leahsmith2078

4 жыл бұрын

Kids can see things so clearly and objectively :)

@karenwalker7820

4 жыл бұрын

Listen this so true me and my children look at each and roll our eyes and be ctfu 😂😂😂

@catelewis7223

4 жыл бұрын

Haha...good on him. :)

@namehere8099

4 жыл бұрын

🤣😂 out of the mouth of babes. Children are so innocent that's why they described it simply/throughly.🧡

I've suffered though thousands of conversations just like this with my husband. It's a soul killing experience.

@Andrea-sl8wd

5 жыл бұрын

Sparkleigh Ann GOSO

@sparkleighann7282

5 жыл бұрын

@Nelson Robert Willis Hahaha! That'd be great! 😂

@MsMcmoe

5 жыл бұрын

@Nelson Robert Willis - A few years ago I started watching MMA/UFC matches on tv so I could vicariously imagine the fighter taking down my narc.....

@leannmcgrath2435

5 жыл бұрын

Yes it is

@Isochest

4 жыл бұрын

That's why you have to walk away.

My husband just word saladed me, I threw it back on him.. and he said what you're confusing me?! And I said because YOU'RE CONFUSING!! And now I forgot what exactly he said originally. It is totally like being hypnotized.

@roddo1955

3 жыл бұрын

'But you keep poking me in my side! Stop doing that!' I am not stabbing you in your side! 'I did not say that, I-' See? You don't even know what you're saying 'Yes I do? I just said- I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. WHY DO YOU MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU? 'But you poked me in- Sorry, what? 'What?' Oh I thought I heard something. Go on., then; Go on! 'I...I...' You know what? I don't get what you're trying to do but I'm not going to let you. You need help. 'WTF?' see? Now you're angry.

I’m going through all of this now. I’ve never dealt with such craziness in my life. I want to bury myself and never come out. Makes me so sad.

@marileelockwood5408

4 жыл бұрын

jess isamess I totally understand.... I am sending you a hug and encouragement. You are not alone dear one! 💗

@RachyNoodleNest

4 жыл бұрын

You are not alone angel. I was walking my dog earlier and I walked past some graffiti and it said 'keep going' ❤

@carolynjanes4005

4 жыл бұрын

Although this comment was made 7 months ago,, I have to say,,, I feel for you! I wasted 20 years of my life dealing with this crap! So I know how devastating it is! I was so wrapped up in his confusing behavior ,,,that I didn't see it for what it clearly was! ABUSE!! Nothing made sense!!! until six months after a breakup,,, I came across information on this subject, and researched it! I truly hope you are doing better and are away from the craziness and the Madness of this this insidious disorder! Hugs!! ❤❤❤

@terryblanchard5842

4 жыл бұрын

I hope you have gotten free. Let the narc bury themselves.

@sarawhitmire7967

3 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry. The other night at the whole picture and the cruelty of gives a feeling of total give up.

A Narc is like a Energy Vampire 🧛‍♀️ they will suck the very soul from you until you are drained tired depressed.

@leilanikuuipo6004

4 жыл бұрын

Mary Wilson, you're not a victim of a Narcissist, Psychopath, Sociopath, or mentally ill person. You'd either have gotten depressed, sick or suffer PTSD, feelings of going insane. Maybe your on the wrong channel if none of this applies to you!

@jengable4888

4 жыл бұрын

Miss Sylvia ...I would agree !! It can be a psychological, physical and financially destructive !

@ineedhoez

3 жыл бұрын

And a codependent will volunteer to be the blood supply so they can get high from being the martyr.

My ex. You are describing my experience exactly: insecurity, word salad, hyper competitive, game playing rather than communication. My jaw has hit the floor.

@RedroomStudios

4 жыл бұрын

yep... all that stuff that is absolutely toxic to a relationship.

@robinrevell5873

4 жыл бұрын

Robin Siskin It's a very strange feeling, right? Like having the blinds pulled open and seeing the sun for the first time.

@Goldenman6288

4 жыл бұрын

All the above. After basically having a conversation by herself telling me that this behavior is actually what I want and why she's the victim of course, she'll finish it off with "you win." I'm like, win what? Then she'll follow up with "I'm not competitive, you're the one who needs to win all the time." Never in my life have I experienced such behavior. Working on escaping. Glad you got out.

@fleece9289

4 жыл бұрын

Biggs _Buzz that resonates with me, heard “you win” so often. Eventually admitted that everything was a competition and looked like thunder when I ignored the salad and re-asked the original question. I think eventually we learn to play games too, just different games.

@Goldenman6288

4 жыл бұрын

@@fleece9289 I hear it every conversation. The other morning she woke up crying and I gently asked "are you ok, why are you crying" what followed was wrath and word salad. Then I asked why are you doing this I only asked you what was wrong. She said, "this is what WE do!" Umm no honey, I sincerely asked you if you were ok and now we're fighting, that's not what I want. She said ok, you win you always have the upper hand. WHAT?! What frustrates me is I just want to have a normal conversation that leads to recognition, acknowledgement, understanding of each others points and then a hug and kiss and make up, but it's not possible. I feel silly for thinking it was for so long. She wants to go from fighting and telling me she hopes I die in my sleep to hugging and making up with no apology. It's gotten worse that I no longer feed into it as much. I always HATED playing games but I know what you mean and it makes me sad.

Love this - Thank you . My experience of a covert narcissist is that he was like an iceberg - 90% of his darkness was hidden !

@katiekamalafilms23

2 жыл бұрын

Great analogy

@alextomlinson

Жыл бұрын

More like 99

"Yes, I lied. I told you what you WANT to hear. How could you complain about that when I did you a favor?"

It seems to me that Narcissists who are shame based, feel entitled because they are victims, not because the think they are so great. They don't think they're great, they are just entitled to special treatment because they are victims, it's everyone elses fault, so they will get what's theirs at the expense of others. That's what I think anyway.

@noklarok

7 жыл бұрын

hi, i was thinking the same thing today.. Sam Vaknin has a video on extremes of consciousness,, he talks about Jews having this attitude since the Holocaust,, to never be the victim again.. many NPD/BPD cases involve abusive childhoods so maybe this is an analogous situation. The abused becomes the abuser rather than a victim because they are already the victim. If they are the victim they cannot be the abuser (while they put glass in your food.)

@arus2539

7 жыл бұрын

Could be "Drama Triangle" where they switch roles to suit their purposes. They are always the victim which justifies their abuse.

@nalissolus9213

7 жыл бұрын

Sounds like most women today in relation to men.

@carbfiendjack2901

7 жыл бұрын

All narcissists are shame-based

@carbfiendjack2901

7 жыл бұрын

+Pippi Elvesse Bernstein Have you ever met a malignant, abusive narcissist that had a childhood of excessive praise and not excessive emotional hurt? Because I believe this is a concept that only exists in theory. Every narcissist I've ever seen had an emotionally abusive, painful childhood. Sam Vaknin had an emotionally abusive childhood, as did HG Tudor, as did most narcissists that write about their narcissism. Narcissism is a system of defense mechanisms designed to protect from the pain of a sadistic superego. Sadistic superegos arise only through hurt and rejection. In fact the sadistic superego (the central cause and contributor to the narcissistic personality) would only arise in a painful, abusive household; excessive praise would create an excessively lenient and forgiving superego. If narcissism is a personality disorder designed to protect from emotional hurt, why would it arise from the very opposite treatment? Excessive praise doesn't create pathological narcissists. It may create arrogant people but there's a world of difference between those two concepts

I was with a covert narcissist for a year. I have now been one year free from him. Richard's description of the covert narcissist, OMG so spot on. Poor me, poor me, poor me - take me home, I'm a lost wee puppy. That is what this guy was like. He targeted me because I was an older woman, with money, fresh out of a 35 year marriage and desperate to be wanted and needed. Ironically my marriage had been to an overt narcissist, something I had never heard of but came to recognise during my time of searching for answers. The covert narcissist was an alcoholic, a pathological liar, in denial 100%, triangulated and was cheating on me with his ex - just to keep her from moving on to punish her - controlling, manipulating even to his own detriment. He gambled, drank, smoked, wasted all his money and wanted to use mine. He lied, lied, lied - he was a snake. He was Satan. Yet even now, knowing and understanding all I do - I still have this "draw" towards him. So complete and dangerous are the lies they tell you. I have to constantly tell myself the "connection" I felt we had was a complete illusion on his part, a trick and a scam. Because I am so completely the opposite, it is hard to get it into my head. And word salad - a feature of all narcissistic types, does your head in.

I used to memorize our conversations because whenever we got into a debate, he would keep going on tangents and make random paints until he was right because that’s all he cared about. At the end of it, I’d say, “That wasn’t the original point. The original point was ___.” He’d laugh and say, “Oh yeah you’re so smart! That’s why I love you. You’re the smartest person I know.” If I couldn’t remember, he’d gaslight me and demand that I state specific examples and repeat the entire conversation. I’ve seen him “word salad” other people and they never recognize it. I’ve seen his brother “word salad” people very clumsily and people would still not recognize it. As perceptive as I was, I still fell into his trap and questioned myself whenever I couldn’t repeat verbatim a conversation that made me uncomfortable. “You don’t even know what I said. You’re just getting mad because you’re too sensitive. That never happened.” I once recorded our conversation, but he grabbed my phone and deleted everything and accused me of trying to tarnish his reputation. Till this day, I’m baffled by what I was able to tolerate.

@KaleidoCult

Жыл бұрын

This sounds all too familiar to me. It seems not only was my mother a covert narcissist, my husband is too. Thnx for sharing

@gogosylvia293

11 ай бұрын

I could have written this myself. 😢

@TheAlj35

10 ай бұрын

​@@KaleidoCultme too! And I added a few more narc relationships to my list, including a very good high school girlfriend. I was attracted to them bc I thought I deserved the treatment they gave me.

I feel like “word salad” can often be a form of gaslighting. It’s so close in description of the experience. For me, it’s hard to distinguish the two when you’re in the middle of a discussion 🧐

@andrewdehne8932

4 жыл бұрын

same

@phoenixmode6909

3 жыл бұрын

Indeed it is. It's just another tool to make YOU feel like perhaps YOU'RE the crazy one.

@bobbivaneman1584

2 жыл бұрын

YEP. SPOT ON !

@JanGroh

2 жыл бұрын

The goal seems to be to leave you confused and off balance in either case. So you struggle to respond. (Your brain is too busy recovering from either the shock of the actual gaslighting, or trying to parse their word salad and just what on God's green earth it has to do with the conversation.)

@katwoman8595

2 жыл бұрын

@@JanGroh yes, exactly. Your brain is so caught off guard with the senselessness that you are always left a few steps behind in the communication. Exhausting as hell

Omg that’s spot on! “Linguistic ambiguity” is fantastic terminology. It creates quite a state of confusion. These people kill us slowly and so painfully.

All I know is if people in my life cannot treat me with loving kindness and compassion they can get lost. Life is hard enough without putting up with people who undermine you by putting you down and diminishing you, however they do it. Everyone has a right to remove themselves from, and live free from abuse.

@niceguyharry46

7 жыл бұрын

xiaoecho Well said

@angelika87

7 жыл бұрын

80% of problems vanish when you're not afraid to walk out at any minute

@wesnorthcutt639

7 жыл бұрын

so true, but ya notice they "change" for the better...temporarily? Just enough to get you to stay

@rdmname

6 жыл бұрын

wow this is so true. hes giving me short breaks after silent treatment and noticing that i isolate myself. its so fucked up....

@amyscott9496

6 жыл бұрын

xiaoecho true.. But they always seem so loving, kind and compassionate. This is why it's so hard to get out. They were that way in the beginning. Then they flip it around like you are the fucked up one. My nex would always tell me things like, I'm not a civil person, I'm super negative and he's not going to talk to me. It's kind of crazy. Just block them and never speak again. It's all about manipulation, playing the victim, and gaining back control 😣

I have been told that me telling him he's hurt me is hurtful to him so I'm wrong for doing it.

@korilynn5784

3 жыл бұрын

All the time

@tdhawk167

3 жыл бұрын

Been told the same. WTH is wrong with that person?! Geesh. You do heal. It does get better. I've lived through the nightmare, and so I know. You can do this! Sending you good vibes, sister

@1kmilez

3 жыл бұрын

and when i tell him how i feel he just tells me im 'dramatic' and that i have a psychological issue.😤 F him

@64colorscrayonbox22

3 жыл бұрын

They hurt you, you tell them you're hurt, they say the less empathic stuff, you start crying, they get angry cuz you're crying.

@somethinggood9267

3 жыл бұрын

Thats literally crazy

my family is so full of narcissists thats called a conversation

Whenever I would tell my ex he did something to hurt me he would say something like "Well, that sounds more like an internal issue because you should have enough confidence to not let other people's actions affect you..." blah blah blah. Or he would just slowly shift the subject to something else and eventually we're talking about something completely unrelated. It's very frustrating when you're trying to get your point across.

@berniebarclay2183

5 жыл бұрын

When mine made me cry he'd say "You're tougher than that." Nasty piece of work and I dumped his sorry arse as soon as I had my lightbulb moment. Yuck.

@johncorson6599

5 жыл бұрын

My ex narc did the same thing ... I would make lists of things she said or did to hurt me .. all presented with little emotion just wanting answers .. and never got an answer and she never gave a damn the least about my feelings .. when I left it was like being let out of emotional prison

@terejov

5 жыл бұрын

Omg that's exactly what he used to say to me

@nefelibata4190

5 жыл бұрын

You guys sound slow and shallow honestly, driven by your emotions and drama .. you take responsibility for your own actions.

@quincyslawgmailcom

5 жыл бұрын

@@nefelibata4190: Seriously? Unfortunately, you sound majorly detached from any authentic sense of empathy which in turn causes you to come across as being rather compassionless, and naff. Yes, one should take responsibility for one's own actions. No question. I believe you are cognitively leapfrogging completely over the fact that being skull fucked by a narcissist (or a number of narcissists, simultaneously), typically takes a great deal of time to slog through, to sort through. The nicer, the kinder one is as a person, the longer and more harrowing this mental and emotional, "coin drop," takes. This is especially true when one was raised by a narcissistic parent or parents. Please realize the fact that narcissists are far more inclined to be shallow, and/or slow. This is the case, for as Melanie Tonia Evans points out, narcissists function at an unconscious level because they do not want to face the trauma(s) within themselves. Their victims might well be slow to reach an epiphany, to see they are being systematically gaslighted; this slo mo' mode is usually for goodhearted reasons, lack of self-worth reasons, trauma from one's primary family (Which is often ongoing, even throughout one's adulthood. [Sick familial/social dynamics tend to be deeply embedded, and, therefore, resist to healthy evolution for all members.), but not because they, too, are shallow. One can only take responsibility once one has a fundamental understanding and grip on the narcissistic maelstrom one has unwittingly, unknowingly become caught up in. Before

Wow. I wasn't aware of the "word salad" technique outside of NLP, but now I realise how a certain person has cleverly failed to answer any point I made to them, while pushing me towards anger as a way to win arguments. Thanks for that - I won't be falling for it again.

Thank you for making me laugh while hearing, feeling and learning that I have almost been completely destroyed by a covert narcissist. I am 6 months away with no contact so that might be why I could smile and actually laugh out loud while watching your excellent break down of the tactics and abuse. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You are appreciated.

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

Kim winters,You are beautiful 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

Never react to a narcissist, manage him / her.

@navitapuri

4 жыл бұрын

Frei Sein any tips

@watsonspuzzle

3 жыл бұрын

Bingo.

@GrgAProduction

3 жыл бұрын

BA HA HA HA HA

@carolgates5297

3 жыл бұрын

Yup. It can be as easy as ignoring them and sometimes you got to be careful about how I find always asking them to help me and when they don't they can suck on it. Won't look them in the eye and act like they are a corner on the road to move around. Done . Forget about them.

@sarawhitmire7967

3 жыл бұрын

The drive is to hurt you. There is a sick pleasure

"Its like they all go to the same school" 😄😄😄 This is so true on so many levels. I thank GOD I can smile a bit after my experience with a Narcissist. These Narcissist need their own planet 🌏 Thank you for sharing 👍

@victorspirescu2691

6 жыл бұрын

BlessedByHim . I agree with that. How about Earth?

@sarahmcintyre9548

6 жыл бұрын

No no not earth..these covert beasts will eventually be separated from the rest of us and then cast into the lake of fire and brimstone. They've earned it.

@bingbongabinga2954

5 жыл бұрын

The planet Punched In The Face.

@bingbongabinga2954

5 жыл бұрын

Just assume everyone is an assholes and proceed from there. Let them prove or disprove.

@cherylvergin1757

5 жыл бұрын

According to Max Heindel in "Message of the Stars," that's exactly what will happen to all the people with low vibrational energy, and Saturn is where they're headed. Of course, their banishment won't happen until the majority of humans on earth are vibrating at a much higher level than is now occurring. So, another 600- 1,000 years, and in the meantime, thanks Richard!

My ex spoke this way. I can't explain it. It was so exhausting and so frustrating having a conversation with him. I can't even give you an example. I don't think it's a skill or an acquired talent. Their brain really must be malfunctioning.

@janemonroe921

5 жыл бұрын

B Dominguez u can't give an example because it's crazy talk & your not crazy!

@TheKitchenerLeslie

5 жыл бұрын

My ex used to keep it going for ever by making arguments about her feelings. Her Formula: "I hear you making noises that show me you're not agreeing with me 100 percent however I feel X and that equals your fault."

@ajitkumardas7561

5 жыл бұрын

Ping pong ball game. Narcissists r wall u r player. Don't think another player to defeat.

@betweenames

5 жыл бұрын

Theyre like alien robots. They'll use the answer they think fits even if it doesn't apply. They'll use your grievance to kitchen sink your relationship with everything they think you've EVER done wrong until you're exhausted from defending yourself against their revisionist history and false accusations. In summary, they are as***les to the nth degree. And they will always get away with it.

@PC-jd3dw

5 жыл бұрын

It's like the narcissist I know gets bored with any topic or answer I add to our conversation (or if it is getting too personal for them) and very abruptly changes the topic by making a covertly hurtful unrelated question/statement, which confuses and throws me every time. A form of control over the convo that is the weirdest thing ever!

Wow. You’ve literally described my ex boyfriend. Covert/vulnerable narcissist. I’ve never heard such a great description. Forever the victim from an event that happened 15 years ago. Projection, cheating, manipulation throughout our relationship. I still have moments where I feel pity and sorry for him now. The word salad is spot on. Exactly how our conflicts played out and left me utterly confused and on the lower ground. And the same argument repeated day after day. Thank you for your insights. Remarkably helpful to me.

Oh my g...... you opened my eyes YES she always pushed me into a rage and then I was then crazy one, having to look at my own behavior again

@robinrevell5873

4 жыл бұрын

I wish there was a way to keep hitting the thumbs up so you would know how much I agree with you. LOL

@janishewes6383

4 жыл бұрын

@@robinrevell5873 ME 2

@Revelation18-4

4 жыл бұрын

The same thing would happen to me. He would make me angry by pushing my buttons, then I would go off angry and then he would say I was the problem. What a jerk! When I felt like he was backing me against the wall, I would just walk away and do something else. Made him super mad. Oh well!

@katiemcbain4342

3 жыл бұрын

Right omg i always feel like its my fault

you dont know until its too late, unless you have prior knowledge..but even then, they appeal to your emotions and use your humanity to manipulate you.

@thedarkmaster4747

7 жыл бұрын

then reserve your humanity. when dealing with freaks enguage at will, but never entertain. (you are always right, they know nothing, nothing they say or do matters.)

@p.maryyayabear7078

5 жыл бұрын

I had 'red flag' moments before really getting involved with exN. Now after 19 toxic years, I am trying to find that 'intuition', 'gut', what-have you, again.

They're being evasive. They never actually say anything. Don't bother asking and yes they like having the last word.

@zeroswings2

5 жыл бұрын

evasive is exactly it...

@siyaindagulag.

4 жыл бұрын

So well put.... Great video eh!

I was so close to giving up on life I'm so happy I seen this video I cant even put it all into words, God bless you man

I was raised by a mother who was to my strong belief a covert narcissist and she had me thinking even at the age of 5 that I was the narcissist and the whole family is still convinced that I'm the "bad guy" and shes the victim. Thank you for shedding a light on this topic as it makes those of us who have had dealings with people like this feel less crazy. ❤

@TheAlj35

10 ай бұрын

Mine too! 😢I know how it feels to believe you're the most rotten thing on the planet. My narc mom tried to convince me I was indifferent to animals, I would never want children bc I hated them, and no one should love me bc im a monster. I'm NC a few yrs and realize SHE is all of those things, not me. I have a house full of rescued pets that I love like my children. I have a wonderful relationship w my children, son in law and grandchild, I have a loving husband now of 2 yrs that she tried to sabotage, after 2 divorces from narcissistic husbands. I stopped letting her control my life when on my granddaughters first bday party she tried to start a fight w me abt something my narc sister (the GC) did 6 months before. Sorry I'm unpacking this here. It's been a good thing for me to have validation online. And i hope sharing experiences can help others feel same. It's just unbelievable I put up w it for 40 yrs before I figured this out and put a stop to it.

When I mentioned how he was stressing our young waitress out (by using word salad), to the point that her manager took our table over; he said “I like to watch them squirm”... I should have run for my life at that moment!!!

@tracylynn6590

4 жыл бұрын

They say that's 1 of the early warning behaviors to look for!

@sheri4987

4 жыл бұрын

Tracy Lynn it wasn’t until about a year later that I started researching online, what the heck was going on! I was blown away when I stumbled on narcissism, and how they use the same tactics! Like sleep deprivation and triangulation!

@informutation

4 жыл бұрын

Don't blame yourself. They can make you feel as if life without them would be impossible.

@sheri4987

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Rob Price; that’s the truth. No matter how insane life with them was, there’s a feeling of being lost once away...

@sheri4987

4 жыл бұрын

Amy Shakalis now we all know. ❤️ Thank God for the internet (and Richard Grannon!). I NEVER would have figured it out on my own...

I would like to add to this brilliant lecture one line by Ross Rosenberg: "Don't absorbe ! Observe!" ... so if we use your information along with an observing attitude towards a person we perceive as a narcissistic person, we can really avoid a lot of pain and trouble. Thank you !

We live in a narcissistic society. Most people feel their needs are more important than yours. We all need to step back and be careful to not act this way. Be patient and respectful of others and life will be a little nicer for us all. Thanks for the video. Good info 🕊️ God bless ☺️

You saved my life with The Spartan Life Coach videos on narcissists 10 years ago when I left my ex. I had to come back and revisit your videos when I had an encounter with a narc a couple months ago. It took me a few weeks to identify it because it had been so long since I dealt with it. Thank you again for the content. Im doing brainspotting with a therapist for my cptsd now and its helped alot throughout this situation. A million thanks, Richard.

Yes, hyper-competetiveness, absolutely! I experienced this with a spouse and found it completely baffling. Thanks for bringing it out.

@texuztweety

5 жыл бұрын

If you are a woman, oftentimes, some insecure men can't stand a woman to be better than them...... at ANYTHING

@dragonclaws9367

5 жыл бұрын

He still always brings up that I make 2.00 more than him per hr. But swears it isn't an issue.

@baileygregg6567

5 жыл бұрын

These things burn coming from someone your trying to support who you either did or still do love, believed or not.@@dragonclaws9367

@jennyl7422

3 жыл бұрын

@@texuztweety yes my narc ex couldn't stand the fact I was more technical than he was.. I would say "I think I have a pretty good technical insight" and he would respond with "no you don't".. while I fixed many things around the house ( because I don't need a man to help me hang up a ffin shower curtain).. and he wouldn't trust me when I measured stuff (when we wanted to buy something and needed certain measurements).. why are some men so insecure?

"So I opened your email. Don't tell me you've never opened an email before, because I know you have. People read emails all the time. So don't come at me with this, this... sometimes people write letters, they write letters with parchment and a quill, and they send them by raven, like in Game of Thrones. Is that what you're saying, that I'm a white walker from game of thrones?!" LOL! yes, that is an amazing example of word salad, and spot on.

@jaybear1827

5 жыл бұрын

It really was a good example it left out some gibberish and made too much sense but I say it's still an A+

@SuperJanet1959

5 жыл бұрын

LOL

@MH-cv5ye

5 жыл бұрын

I've experienced sentence and paragraphs which are way less coherent than that. I recommend people record all interactions with these clowns.

@BB-zs9vh

4 жыл бұрын

the.dream.is.real 😂😂😂👏👏👏👏👏 I had to rewind this 3 times coz I could relate to it.

@BB-zs9vh

4 жыл бұрын

I tell you what! with a A-class argument like that he'd be a brillent barrister for a defendant.😂

every covert narcissist i have met loves to gossip about people they call their friends, is extremely insecure, overshares about their hardships in life and always talks about how they are the victim, immediately wants to be your best friend instead of gradually becoming closer to you, and keeps asking you intrusive questions about your personal life within a few hours of knowing you and of course acts like the victim when you refuse to answer their questions.

I'm having goosebumps... The word salad this is REAL AF and used to drive me crazy.. it still does, but now I've learned to realized what the Narc is doing, and TRY to disengage. Totally makes you give up asking ANYTHING.. word salad, mixed with lies... took me more than four years to realize TF was going on.... you react, then you enter the realm of reactive abuse.....

"Why can't you get along with my family?" " Why can't you get along with my friends?" "Why can't you keep a job?" "Why are you always so depressed?" He asked me these questions over, and over and over, so that I would stop looking at how he was treating me. I ended looking at myself... I blamed myself. I spent a lifetime blaming myself. You can't change these people. Leave!!!!

@XOXO-mb2vh

5 жыл бұрын

And we still play those words in our head because we cared.

@Moe-nm4nv

5 жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness. . my older sister did that to me constantly asking me when I would get a real job, when in reality I had a perfectly good job. I worked hard, never took days off. For years she woukd ask this until I left that job. Then it was onto the next thing wrong with me, your always sad what's your problem?. . I didnt have a problem.. She did. Three years away from that nonsense and I am so happy with myself for seeing the trap and walking away. I was never going to be good enough. Be well.

@XOXO-mb2vh

5 жыл бұрын

Amen. They make us doubt ourselves...even hate ourselves.

@blackmaster73

5 жыл бұрын

Yeh. The turning the spotlight away from themselves critically is quite a red flag. Also like the guy said, the hyper- competitive. I am naturally self critical and accept criticism so readily that I just drink it all up. My mother is an overt narcisst. I'm struggling though to work out if I have PTSD or if I am a borderline personality myself. I do have addiction problems, since i was a teenager.

@stephaniedegange2737

5 жыл бұрын

thank you, B

i've always liked your work, but the manner in which you so precisely and poignantly articulated the exact element of the cover narcissist is beyond epic. i have done a great deal of research on this topic but i have never come across so deft a description of this affliction. you fucking nailed it, mister. thank you for this.

@erdferkel111

5 жыл бұрын

i absolutely agree max!

My favorite instance of throwing off a narcissist is hearing screaming at me (accusation with no proof) and calmly turning to this person and quietly saying, “Why are you screaming at me?” She had no idea how to respond! It took the wind right out of her sails. 😊

The comedy that is slid in at various times is just pure gold lol. Love these videos!

So you've met my mother.

@Nizzii18

6 жыл бұрын

and my father

@chosen4purpose628

6 жыл бұрын

...and my husband 😕

@stellaanon9841

6 жыл бұрын

Joyce C Makes Mine too😒I'm so sorry!😔

@butti5734

6 жыл бұрын

and my father!

@andreatodd3095

6 жыл бұрын

Haha....and my mother in law!!

This is absolutely on point! You CANNOT have a sensible conversation with neither an overt or covert narc, in any contentious situation! They will absolutely make your head spin with word salad. And you will feel compelled to try and make sense out of their nonsense, which just adds to the crazy-making ordeal!

Thank you for bringing up the borderline, childhood PTSD, and covert narcissism in one fell swoop. They all look the same on the outside at times but they are very different on the inside.

"I do not do that." "I would never do that." "It will never happen again." , said my ex-husband. I love this video!!!!

@LAUREL5784

4 жыл бұрын

your best line: "said my Ex-husband"

@janishewes6383

4 жыл бұрын

said every narc in the world not just your husband

@VonJay

4 жыл бұрын

"I don't see me the way you see me" "I never said that" within three sentences of the same convo

@janishewes6383

4 жыл бұрын

@@VonJay how about "you always" and "Ya Butt" those are the ones that bug me the most..You see as an Empath I know what they are going to say or do before they do. seriously!

My last two ex's were narcissists 😖 the first was an overt and this most recent one (I ended it last month) was a covert..omg, this is just so accurate. I feel used, and sucked dry..just almost emotionally bankrupt. I gave everything I was absolutely to this guy and got nothing in return and I didn't realize it was actually happening till it was too late.. he made me feel responsible for every aspect of his life.. I'm starting to feel better but the damage he caused in me is astronomical, and only when I stepped away from the relationship to pick up the pieces did I see how bad it really was. Thanks for this video. 👍

@andyd6338

4 жыл бұрын

Same here but I've been accused of being the draining one and a gaslighter for raising things that upset me (we hadn't even decided it was a relationship officially but I was made decide quicker than I was ready)

@marymother1090

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah its them, not you, ever.

@thingsarecrazy

2 жыл бұрын

Now that you know anything you feel because of them if you allow them around you again is your fault! think about that sentence over and over let go move on repent and live. Your doing good

@Mo.1988

2 жыл бұрын

How do you know they were narcissists?

The word salad drove me insane with my ex. I had previously learned about it in psychology in high school and again in nursing school and saw it first hand when doing rotations on psych floors. and STILL didn’t associate that he was doing that. I just have been oblivious my entire life to this “type of person” and literally attracted them over and over. Every friend (almost), every relationship, my mom, my dad, a few other family members. It’s sick now that I know. I’ll never see people the same again. When my ex would do the word salad tactic, he would start giving tiny irrelevant details to stretch out a story for literally as long as needed. I knew he was avoiding the question each time but did not think he was actively manipulating me. I could tell he was going to use word salad almost as soon as he started talking and I would interrupt him and say no - I don’t need any extra bs. I need the truth and that’s it. And he still would go off on bs. It drove me absolutely nuts at times. I would just be like ok I don’t even know what you are saying anymore and just know that I know and I don’t need your answer! I could tell he loved when I got upset or mad.

@heartspacerelaxations6924

2 жыл бұрын

To them it is complicated. But I don’t doubt uncoincious distraction is at play, self distraction too

@alextomlinson

Жыл бұрын

Anything to avoid the shame of who they are and what they do

This brought back so many memories and explains my utter confusion and why each of us was having a different conversation

every one of these videos I watch is like a punch in the stomach of cold hard reality. My ex was a covert narcissist, and he almost broke me as person. I have aged what feels like five years within five months. Thank god for this video because it's helping me find closure and also reflect on my own behaviour and try and unlearn all the narcissism that I feel like I've picked up from spending so much time with him too!!! (that's a thing, I feel!)

My Father was a overt Narc and my Mother is a covert Narc the difference between them was my Father would beat us in public and tell anyone that tried to step in that he would beat them next if they didn't butt out... His favorite thing to say was "people only live because I allow them you live...If I wanted to I would just kill them if they don't please me." My Mother would only beat us in private... She would act like she Liked me when others were around and then when we got home she would berate me and remind me that she hated me... It was so confusing as a child I would think "Wow Mom is looking like she is liking me now... But it never happened.... Two very different kinds of people.

@sweetjudy7192

5 жыл бұрын

Please tell me how you are doing now... you had such a terrible vicious childhood.. I will pray for you I pray to God that you are doing okay...

@sequinsal

5 жыл бұрын

Sending love x

I'll tell you how deep it can go . I was 14 yrs old . We went out for 4 months . The damage she did , ended 2 days ago when I realised she was a liar . We started speaking 2 yrs ago , after absolutely no contact for 30 yrs (parents moved) and since the moment I left her , I have been tormenting and abusing myself . That is the evil of covert narcassism . When we started talking 2 yrs ago I felt something wrong , 2 days ago it clicked . If you are looking into this subject ... then that would be the first sign your with one , if you are with one . Be ware . Educate your self . The person I idolised for 33yrs , bearing in mind I wasn't even with them , was ruining my life . I am now healing , dealing and rebuilding myself . It is that serious but equally that easy . Peace . Thanks Richard . Lee .

I'm studying psychology in uni right now after having a an ex with multiple personalities/schizophrenia (not completely sure, i had to get out of there I was worried for my safety) and one who is a covert narcissist. Can't even describe the absolute drainage I have experienced in the past 2 years of my life from these relationships and I'm only 20 now. My mind and emotions have been drained, as well as my eczema and psoriasis has continued to get worse, especially with the covert narc. My skin would break out in hives when we got into a type of "word salad" argument that would make 0 sense. Doesn't help that I smoke weed and he'd often say "you can't even remember what you just said cuz you're high!" even though I knew I wasn't saying the things he was saying I was. One time I recorded a convo w him just to really make sure I wasn't crazy and the whole time he was continuously making up lies and trying to convince me of things I hadn't said 10 mins ago and saying wow you can't even remember. BUT NOPE. THE RECORDING SHOWS OTHER WISE. I'm single now and working to restore my physical health and mental health and surrounding myself with my friends and focusing on school. Take care of yourself everybody

I have watched this at least a dozen times, and every time, I get more and more out of it. *Pausing every five minutes and really reflecting on what you just said had helped me immensely, and I can't thank you enough, Richard.* God bless you and keep spreading these messages of healing. You're like a prophet of God, and I mean that sincerely.

Despite having covert narcissist parent, I still didn't fully get it until I ended up living with a covert narc for a roommate. I don't usually like to give labels to people, but for now it's a useful shorthand to describe overall behaviors. Anyway, I guess I was meant to be an expert on this personality. This former roommate hugged me the first time I met her after only 15 minutes, acted like she was this sweet, vulnerable lady, complained about boyfriend leaving her - and literally dressed in all white. One big innocent, walking victim. There were signs even before I moved in, but I missed them because I had never watched these videos. The next three months were hell on earth with a crazy lady who harassed me endlessly and yet every day talked obsessively about how the world was so cruel to her. She used word salad regularly. She had the narc manual for sure. And she learned about my pain and my vulnerabilities by first giving her own stories. Even when I tried to keep her at a distance, she always concocted some drama where she asked for my input. She also backed into my car in the driveway, causing $1,500 in damage, and blamed it on me. Finally I had enough of the crazy house and told her I was leaving. She began to accuse me of everything under the sun and flew into a rage. It was nonsense but I still fell for it. In the end I lost my temper and ended up arrested and then homeless for weeks, unable to get to any of my belongings.Because she lied to the police with two different stories the charges were eventually dropped and my life is back to normal. But I still remember the moment I was placed in that squad car and the very distinct knowing that I had been emotionally manipulated by a master, but in the end it was me who lost my cool when I never thought I would. God knows she showed me my weaknesses, my edges. I wouldn't wish that on anybody, but have to admit I learned from the experience about myself and the fact that you can never win with a narcissist - only cut your losses - and get out.

@CityofDreams95

5 жыл бұрын

@ I've actually thought about creating an application where empaths can come together and share and be in a safe space with individuals like ourselves .. Althought a Narc or some other type would get in it to reek havoc sometimes .. I would make it so that we can vote an indivual out ... For now it's just a dart thrown at the wall .. I have no come on how to begin creating a mobile app .. But . yeah . just an idea . ✌

@chinookvalley

5 жыл бұрын

Deborah Amazing how similar a situation I went thru with a woman who begged me for a place to stay. I opened my home to hell. And she keeps doing it to others... There seems to be no way to stop these psychos. Well, nothing legal.

Grannon knows his stuff, very good insight into these people. Good sense of humour along with the narration. He is dead right about everything in this video.

@mistiquefire3462

4 ай бұрын

True spotnon and very kind and genuine

I had a gut feeling about my husband when we were in the first year together, he was able to help me through a traumatic event and remember things that happened while I was in a drugged state. Which now I know he was gaining information. But this really scares me to death.

"I dont need this suit of armour....lets cuddle!" xD we have all been lured up Candy Mountain by soft spoken, majestic unicorns only for them to steal our freakin' kidneys. ♥

@gracelewis6071

7 жыл бұрын

Linsay Bryans omg 😅 😆💛

@extradimension7356

7 жыл бұрын

That's funny LMAO (Good one) ! F*cking unicorns... I want my kidney back or at least my dignity or how about a ride back down Candy Mountain... You b*stards ...

@ellebee2721

7 жыл бұрын

I ended up dating such a person after the same initial reaction to the over familiarity and love bombing. He turned out to be a really dangerous man.

@julieom1833

7 жыл бұрын

Elle Bee flash from the past candy mountain 🤣

@Lisa-lg2je

7 жыл бұрын

Hahhahah...SO TOTALLY TRUE!!! The perfect description and summary of a relationship with a covert narc. Thanks for brightening up my day with this spot on two sentence genius summary. :)

You nailed it when you talked about competition. Every thing that I say, he wants to win. If I say, I feel you don't listen to me. His answer: I listen more than you. You never listen, you just talk, talk, talk....😔 My attempts to solve our issues are just pointless. He's accusing me of doing the things I accuse him to do. Always throwing the ball back at me. I'm starting to question myself. Another issue, he says to our kids to never hit another kid. Which is fair. But, he gets mad at me. He threatens me by saying he will push me if I continue to piss him off. He believes men are allowed to hit women or are allowed to give threats. Which contradict what he says to the kids. But, he doesn't see it or maybe he does. Again the entitlement

Your explanation is by far the BEST and the CLEAREST. Children MUST BE TAUGHT the dangers of narcissists.

Wow, such a good breakdown of the covert narcissist and the tactics they use! I used to think my "wounded puppy-dog" father in-law was just depressed until I started reading about covert narcs a few years ago and had a light bulb moment. Everything from the failed grandiosity (he has a house that has been an incomplete and worsening renovation project for 30 years), to the "I've never done xyz to you" and the deflecting word salad is spot on and so well explained. I just wish he himself could see this and understand himself...but then he wouldn't be a narc so wishful thinking only!

Richard explains something called "reactive abuse" in one of his other videos. As a kid I would get harrassed by everyone, but no one would believe it. My family did it, people who I thought were my friends did it, my classmates, even some of my teachers. I didn't have words to explain it, but I knew it was wrong and I was displaying what was called "reactive abuse." Everyone saw me as some sort of psycho but didn't realise the constant stress I was under. My poor actions fueled the fire for everyone to keep doing what they were doing. This became a cycle that got worse and worse. Something along the lines of this would happen. 10 people I knew would harass me, I'd finally react and they'd go "gotcha, you're a bad person." This gotcha mentality is something I've seen described in other videos as a trait of narcissism.

@RR-gi9vo

4 жыл бұрын

This is what a few members in my family did to me... and they'd laugh! Ive intergrated my FPR finally... and Ive followed your emotional literary, critical thinking to get back a good state management so I have belief in myself, so what they think of me now has less hold. Thank you...

I call it machine-gunning. She talks and talks and talks - up to 30 or 40 minutes non-stop, constantly changing the subject, dodging, weaving, moving in for a series of jabs then backing out regrouping for her next attack. Like Mohammed Ali, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. And if I react, I am in trouble.

@joebobhenrybob2000

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly my experience. A neverending filibuster interspersed with bouts of purposely misunderstanding when they give you time to say 1.5 sentences. It is amazing how uniform, how predictable and repetitive they are. They fool us because no one would be stupid, so mentally and emotionally obtuse - tricked by dumbth.

@tracylynn6590

4 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY!!!!! WELL PUT!!!

@rhonddalesley

4 жыл бұрын

Then disappear when they run out of things to say not giving you a chance to say anything, grey rock you for days then start all over again with new stuff they’ve come up with. Then you get the ‘so what do you want to do?’ Knowing you’ll get it if you say you want to end it you start to come up with ways you’ll make it better whilst your brain is like mush because you haven’t got a clue what’s going on.

@CalamityM

4 жыл бұрын

Shit, I had a roommate who blathered on and on and it used to drive me nuts. I called it machine-gunning too because it felt like my brain was being pelted by words. I don't think she was a nars though, just deeply insecure and felt like she had to over-explain every little fucking detail. I hated trying to talk to her about anything, it just became exhausting.

@robinrevell5873

4 жыл бұрын

Cacked me up. "Machine gunning!!" LOLOLOL

Amazing that you can speak about something for 23 minutes nonstop while making solid points and being articulate.

Dude nailed it! The summary is perfect. Strangely my ex Convert Narc only submits to the overt or psychopathic, she has told me she will eventually push other men away. clearly she views good normal men as less than and beneath her. I thought i was the only one with the word salad so never even brought it up. Mine would often claim it was anxiety and she would talk very fast and long without taking a breath. And would often say another complete sentence very softly under her breath that was indecipherable besides a few words here and there and I would ask her what she said and she would always respond nothing or I did not say anything. I would often not bother pursuing it but now that is over some of those out of sequence words now make sense. It's like the lies she was telling and her inner voice were at odds, and the liar was winning.

This content is like the best public service announcement and punctuated with great comedy helps me to not succumb to a fearful state. Thanks Richard!

@Lisa-lg2je

7 жыл бұрын

I agree. It's really important public service work. All kids should be made aware of this years before they start dating....All schools should put it into their curriculum.

Great analogy of the dependent Narcissist and humans as a drug. When they don't find the attention they need, they often feel similar to the people they discard. Drained, low energy, depressed. Good video.

@buzzingbee6380

5 жыл бұрын

CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend he's handsome I wish his new supply would wise up. I've been praying for his change but I understand

My sister (an enabler) was dumped by her husband of 20 years after he emptied their life savings and liquidated their investments AND had an affair... all while he was a Methodist Minister! Then he moved across country with no apparent interest in ever seeing his kids again. My covert narc mom responded with “Well, how do you think I feel? He never even called to tell me why he didn’t want to be my son-in-law anymore!!!” Then she burst into crying to upstage my sister’s suffering. So classic! 😂😂😂

@jordanferguson2254

Жыл бұрын

Oh god, what a disaster ʕ⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠ʔ Really stands as a warning to cut cords with bs people as soon as possible, and not provide abusers a platform to abuse. These people know how to play the long game, so don't enable, don't blindly trust, don't ignore red flags, etc. Thanks for sharing 🌛

Thank you for explaining this. The Ping Pong talk is very descriptive. My ex husband is a covert Narcissist & as u said, It took me 17 years to note that most of my depression episodes were due to his behavior. But because he was always respectful, never raised his voice, never used any sort of violence, I didn't notice the effect of his verbal abuse on my self esteem. Please if u can make a video about how children of Covert Narcissists can defend themselves against their father's manipulation.

As a teenager I read Dune over and over again. It pretty much saved my life!

BUT. Once we know about it, we don't give up.... We say, "That doesn't make sense" or "Can you help me understand that?" If they're normal empathic people, they will usually clarify (as I would), and might even feel a little embarrassed realizing it was ambiguous (as I also do). If they're narcs, they'll be affronted, insulted, will nor explain, and will give more word salad. Ask enough questions? You'll be looking at a discard.

@conniemartin4878

6 жыл бұрын

Yes, I got more "patient" word salad! And gaslighting.

@KatarzynaWojnarSE8Design

5 жыл бұрын

We say, "That doesn't make sense" or "Can you help me understand that?" ... In most cruel version narcissists will mirror it back at you when you're most honest and "name the shame", (more common sense, observation, spots on and logic - worse for you )to humiliate you and showYOU as a one to be blamed as a manipulative, confused, unintelligent and foolish person, mostly in public (coverts will take you for the "private talk" to gaslight you and recondition you)...The more patiently you try to explain the issue with different approach, naively thinking it's your fault or flaw in explaining they will do everything enforce and chop your mind into word salad in your own head, mincing thoughts so at the end you don't know what and why you talking ...Been there, experienced it and still have my moments when I discover I am so conditioned I am falling in into that pattern automatically with my CPTSD, bah!

@okbruh

5 жыл бұрын

True! Even a simple request, if you don't understand, the narc (mom) would answer: "Oh God, you're so dumb!"

@betweenames

5 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY. Ask too many questions or succeed in proving their faulty logic and you are suddenly "incompatible" according to them

@ndparis9335

5 жыл бұрын

AmaindeJD bingo!!

I wish I’d found your videos a few years ago. Better late than never. I’ll never fall for it again thanks to you. Thank you.

This was brilliant. You made it funny as well which is good but my god the trauma they cause isn’t . Thank you so much for helping us all , you will never know just how much it’s appreciated .⭐️

Great to see increased focus on covert narcs. It's hard to heal when you don't know what happened to you or how it happened. Two therapists later for me, the confusion of covert narcissistic abuse was compounded by the lack of understanding on the part of the therapists. Even the professional community is limited to the traditional view of overt narcissism. Thankfully, I found your information and began to get some clarity which enabled me to move forward with my healing. Thank you for keeping up your valuable work.

@indiebaby

7 жыл бұрын

I feel that struggle. With my 3rd therapist. First was wonderful, but I moved away from the narc after abuse. 2nd seemed nice, but didn't really understand my circumstances. The third is promising. She seems to have some understanding, although I get the feeling she's playing catch-up or refreshing herself on the themes to treat me, which is awesome. It's really difficult if a therapist doesn't understand at all.

@christinelamb1167

5 жыл бұрын

Myra Pisarek Yes, I know exactly what you mean! Most therapists don't have a clue about narcissism. I suffered through years and years of horrible depression, panic attacks, constant anxiety, and feeling horrible about myself, all while going through "therapy". I knew I had been abused as a child, in many ways, but it wasn't until just last year that I even found out about narcissistic abuse. Once I learned about it, suddenly everything made sense to me! It explained all the craziness of my mother's behavior, and somehow something "clicked" for me, and my healing process has progressed by leaps and bounds! Good luck to you in your continued healing process >3

@cherylrock3612

5 жыл бұрын

Myra Pisarek I found that myself. I felt re traumatized on several occasions with 4 different therapists that had no clue about NPD abuse. Thank God, I found Richard and this community. I’m well into my way of healing from it and have learned to love myself. I won’t let it happen again, ever!

@SinMore

5 жыл бұрын

I hear that! I was seeing a therapist because my husband was emotionally abusing me. She literally tried to imply I was actually the covert narc.! She was so inexperienced she tried to say I had an identity crisis at 41!? I quit going to therapy and watched videos of Richard Grannon and Sam Vaknin. I had never experienced in my childhood this level narcissism. My husband would project the most vile things onto to me. I would feel like I was literally covered in shit. I used to throw things at my husband. Now, I do not love him anymore. He has very little effect on me now. I realize that we never really were in love. It's just hard to share custody of our daughter. Pretty soon I will never have contact with him again! I'm gonna throw a "Freedom from Narcissists Party" one day and everyone in the comment section is invited! Yeehaw!

@christinelamb1167

5 жыл бұрын

Sin D I'm so glad for you that soon you will be completely free of you ex-narc husband! And I want to come to that party!!

I found your delivery really enjoyable, and I like your sense of humor. It really helps when dealing with such a tough subject. The information was very helpful, thanks!

@aarongaffney725

5 жыл бұрын

He's great and puts so much high level stuff into easy to understand terminology

What a great video. It explains my ex narc girlfriend to a T. Knowing all of this information is essential for seeing the red flags in a new relationship so that you can escape early.

It's like you were there watching the covert narcissist do all these things to me.... honestly it's scary how everything you say they'd do or say is exactly what he did and said! I cannot get enough of your videos, they are extremely enlightening and helping me heal from the relationship I was in with an covert narcissist, he broke me! Another plus is you're funny and nice to look at! Thank you for making and sharing these videos. X

@AA-hd7ih

2 жыл бұрын

Agree ♥️

I recently heard of the passing of a childhood friend so I posted on Facebook all the fun times I had recalled during those years in my youth. I shared how her life positively impacted my life. I was grateful to have known her. The comment I got back from a cousin,which raised my eyebrows, was this. "Sorry for your loss, glad that your eyes have been opened a little. I hope you don't have to lose someone else to realize how short life is. You need to let people in your life that love you. So when are you flying home to visit". ....... I kept reading her text to see what I was seemingly missing because it seemed weird. When I asked by what was meant by the statements in the middle of the comments......they said they were being nice.....and thought I was reading it wrong.

Covert narcissism: Stealth invasion. The TROJAN horse. Learn to see it coming. Excellent video. Beyond accurate......

Brilliant. My first smile on my healing path from a covert narcissist. Loving this.

I love that you brought both behaviors into Narcissism instead of categorizing a narcissist by either of the two. I’ve never been able to categorize three in my life because they’ve all been both.

Very useful Richard...not only has he stolen both kidneys but my life of 34 years with him. Only started waking up to who I had really married 13 years ago...and because of family circumstances have been trapped and isolated in his web of deceit...and have had several run ins with his 2 psychopathic brothers. An exit strategy is starting to form whilst sorting out my youngest disabled adult son's future....Like a fool I have tried all avenues of communication with my husband and everything you have said in this video is exactly what I have experienced. This has confirmed that he is totally messed up and i need to limit communication whilst setting a dead line for getting out!

@pastorjeanna

7 жыл бұрын

My story is similar. Be careful. He will not easily give up such a steady source of supply. And when you do go, just do it and don't look back! Also, take care of yourself physically. After so many years of abuse, you will suffer from adrenal fatigue. Google it for ways to take vitamins and other supplements to get your systems restored and better able to handle the rage that your dumping him will no doubt trigger. No contact is the best way to heal. Thankfully your son is an adult so there will be no visitation to endure.

Ugh.... this is the best explanation I've heard regarding this. I thought I was going nuts with the word salad. I could never get a straight answer, just taken round in ever decreasing circles and then off at a tangent until I had forgotten what we were discussing originally. Total covert mindfuckery!

@DancingQueenie

5 жыл бұрын

Marje Me too. I eventually (with therapy!) realized one of the strategies was to have a way to make me wrong. We'd discuss a decision and he'd give me 50 different opinions. We should do A and we should do G and we should do C. All in the same sentence. So when I thought I got it- what he wanted me to do - he was stunned that I'd do something so stupid. I really really tried to make him happy and thought I could do it. In that case, I was wrong! Interesting that after therapy and getting my feet back under me, I'm not a target anymore. Yay!

@marywillis1630

5 жыл бұрын

Mindfuckery is right!

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

yup and the vagueness...they never give a direct answer...ever if it something to do with them and you. you even find your mind telling you am I being mind fucked? I did. Listen to that voice...it's never wrong.

Omg thank you. I just walked away from covert. I felt so confused, angry, It felt like getting hit by a bus emotionally. I really didn't see it coming. Thank you for your videos they are just what I needed. I am following your advice. I have pulled every connection in social media and blocked them. I ddo not ever want to experience this again. Thank you.

Thank you for your videos. I really appreciate how you can incorporate humor in your lessons. It really helps to lighten the pain when all you’re trying to do is find answers. Thank you🌸✨🙏

dating a narcissist taught me conversation is overrated. Quickest way to make someone understand how serious you are is to walk away and never go back.

@sarawhitmire7967

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah! I am to blame for this crazy situation I am in! I am scared. I let this by never letting go

The narcissists armour is Deny, Deny, Deny...

@neil7236

5 жыл бұрын

Esp the Covert

@dimatadore

5 жыл бұрын

or deflect

@dvtxrose

5 жыл бұрын

That's true they won't accept responsibility for anything and they blame you for everything

@OhMyPearls

5 жыл бұрын

Nature's Invitation In a relationship, if they make you feel crazy, the first time it happens, RUN.

@dianatutt400

5 жыл бұрын

Nature's Invitation My husband to a "T"-no pun intended-his last name. In 47 yrs I don't believe he has ever said "yes, I'm sorry".

He was a passive/aggressive covert narc with sociopathic tendencies. When I confronted him with something terrible he did to me when he was drunk, his reply was, " well why didn't you leave then?" A normal person with a conscience would've apologized and felt super bad that they could have done such a thing, but nope, not a narcissist! No never! Needless to say, I left the narc and boy was he wounded! No more of his 🐂💩! Narc free now 2+ years!

@nandanapalchowdhury4588

Жыл бұрын

Omg same...that response

6:38 loved that honest response to the subject. The darkness, the demons! Hits the nail on the head.

You had me at Dune. “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune

@BLOVES

5 жыл бұрын

Knowitall - “He who controls the spice, controls the universe.”

I was so excited to see you made a new video in this educational style. During my break-up from a covert-narc, you helped keep me semi-sane. I can confirm he had a past addiction( I supported what I thought was someone "fighting" to be sober for a couple years), when he relapsed, things ended. He also did the whole admitting faults but in a cold, matter of fact, "Yeah, and?" kind of way. I also agree, these kinds are more dangerous because they camouflage so well. After briefly dating an overt, I never thought I would ever date one of these kinds of people ever again. My ex seemed so normal to me at the time. For years he seemed normal. In hindsight I've began to understand other reasons perhaps why. But, now, some time after everything, I finally feel like it wasn't all for nothing. If it wasn't for this experience I wouldn't have the understanding I do now, and I feel like I'm much more prepared in dealing with toxic people and spotting them. Most importantly, I finally feel my true parts coming back. For those of you who are feeling broken, don't lose hope. It might take longer than you thought, you might not be who you were before, but you will get "you" back. I once read it put beautifully.... paraphrased... Parts of you that are wounded like your optimism, creativity, joy, and inner peace are scared and hurting. Some parts might go deep inside and feel gone, but they're not. They're hiding and healing. Give yourself time and your true parts will resurface. A little encouragement on your own behalf doesn't hurt, just be kind to yourself right now. You've been through hell. You're not there anymore. It's okay to need some time to readjust to a new reality.

@joblog4735

6 жыл бұрын

I not only identified with everything you wrote in the first paragraph but felt so uplifted and encouraged by what you wrote in the 2nd one. I'm 3 weeks into the awareness of what has really been going on and am still reeling. So, THANK YOU!

You are missing one point : narcissist can also be switching between covert and overt. They can go back and forth from the one to the other.

@tylreknutson8276

3 жыл бұрын

he DID say that. At the beginning. He said that almost all narcs flow between both depending on circumstance

Richard, I have watched many videos on narcissism and I just wanted to tell you that I love your direct straight to the point approach you take when doing your videos. It has allowed you to cover much more territory as far as each subject you address. Thank you for all you do... It is so appreciated... hugs Lisa