for me the hardest thing to look back on is just how much hatred and judgement there was and is still within my family because of the expectations of the mormon cult. Had we all grown up without it, I believe are family would be more unified and accepting of others.

It is really interesting to hear that perspective. And I think very important to talk about these things. I think as a cis man in the church I had a little bit of a different experience with Anger. I was always encouraged to be Angry. Angry at sinners, Angry at people not keeping their covenants, Angry at people just doin "bad" stuff. I was always pushed to be a warrior for Christ and yeah it's all supposed to be presented in a friendly smiley mormon facade. But the anger was always stoked (And the various abuses from adults I encountered growing up certainly didn't help that). When I left the church, I had so much anger and I was used to being at a near crusade level of emotional tilt at all times. It took years for me to slow that down and in the meantime I was just throwing myself at any adversary I could find. Sometimes quite literally. So coming down from that, learning to feel other things than Anger or a sort of fake Happiness was hard. Sad is OK, Sad doesn't mean the devil is trying to undermine you. Hurt is ok, hurt doesn't mean you're weak, that you aren't strong enough. Feeling or understanding love is something I still struggle with to this day. It was so cheapened in church. I am grateful to be out of it so many years now (about 19). It's always been hard in that time to share with people what it was really like. I am thankful to see you guys expressing it articulately and giving people platforms to talk about it and share their stories.

@sweetafton5655

6 ай бұрын

You go! Feel what you feel out loud. I hate that you went through that. But it is interesting to hear your perspective as a man in the church. Explains a lot.

@sweingold5686

6 ай бұрын

I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It makes me understand the " warrior anger" better.

This!! That dissociation from feelings is steeped in the culture of slc, even among non-lds. I had never felt so lonely than moving to slc. People I met felt so inauthentic and surface level. When I tried to be vulnerable, get to know people, I felt judgement instead of connection. I imagine that chronic deep loneliness contributes to the high level of self-unaliving going on in utah.

You two provide such great insight from having processed your experiences. Thank you!!

My LDS father was very angry, in an attempt to control everything he was frightened of. This was a horrible example of how to handle stress. Stress does not need to be expressed as controlling anger.

@juliebradford8522

6 ай бұрын

Love, love, love, this. So true! And I can totally relate. Thank you for sharing this with us. 💗

@alishabee369

6 ай бұрын

@@juliebradford8522 💕 I appreciate your response and am sending your little inner child and mine a big hug. :-)

This hit me on such a deep level. I was a member for 37 years and never felt like I could express myself in a healthy way. In fact, I had no idea how to express myself in a healthy way and unfortunately I ended up taking out all that anger on my children, never feeling like I was good enough, or not understanding what was wrong with me or how to change or how to do better or how to cope. and I have deep regret and guilt over it. Thank you so so much for this video. It is so validating to know that I am not alone. Luckily, my children Are much healthier and much happier since I have left the church and am in a really good place in my life

@alishabee369

6 ай бұрын

Such awesome work to break the cycle of abuse. You rock!

@aubrey6538

6 ай бұрын

@@alishabee369 thank you so much for this comment. Very sweet of you.😊❤️

@alishabee369

6 ай бұрын

@@aubrey6538 my pleasure to read about your actions and strength!!! 💕🦾

Anger is the emotion that wants to keep you safe. That doesn’t mean all anger is healthy. You can feel angry, but you can’t be cruel. Your emotions are YOURS.

My dad converted to LDS when I was 2…mom never took that leap, but we did attend church somewhat regularly until I was about 16-17. I was one who asked questions and had a sense of humor, therefore seen as a problem. Never heard about loud laughter being frowned upon but FELT IT. If I felt something was wrong, I asked about it and was generally met with quiet disapproval. I stopped attending around 16. I was sick of feeling othered because I didn’t stifle who I was (ie: acted normal). I did see my friend from a devout Mormon family deal with her mother’s constant disapproval and her father’s explosive temper, and I can think of a couple other fathers who likewise had explosive tempers. One was the young men’s leader and he yelled at us young women during some youth event because we walked through the cultural hall where the young men were doing some activity. God forbid we be normal teenagers. He treated us like Jezabels. Don’t remember the exact words, but remember the gist of the meaning. It had the opposite effect if he thought it would make us feel shame and want to be more reverent. Instead, I thought, ‘Screw that guy. We didn’t do anything wrong’ and I stopped going to church not long after. Peace out!

Anger is one possible response to a perception of injustice. When I spot anger (in myself or others) I try to check for any injustice that could be driving it.

I really did need to hear this- thank you 😊

This hit’s really close to home for me! I still disassociate from my anger. Thanks Carah and it was your hair that looks so nice. I don’t think it’s your tan. Either way very gorgeous

@CarahBurrell

6 ай бұрын

❤️❤️❤️🍄

I FINALLY openly expressed my feelings to members of the ward I attended by commenting on a post my young women’s teacher made about the LDS church. Among the things she listed was that the church loves LGBTQ. I started by asking if the church still teaches that those who deny ‘the gospel’ are cast into outer darkness. NOT A SINGLE RESPONSE FROM ANYONE in over 24 hours. And there are TONS of members I grew up around in her friends list. So, I commented that the lack of response felt just like when I asked questions as a kid/teen for clarification and felt shunned. That did the trick and my former young women’s teacher responded. She is/was a kind if malleable faithful Mormon. It was a good conversation where I got to point a couple things out (I DIDNT GO OFF LIKE I COULD HAVE) but I did get my feelings known to a bunch of people from my childhood. I’m sure most of them just see me as guided by Satan. Oh well.

I was a total basket case a good year and a half after leaving Mormonism. It was only made worse by the fact that everyone in my community thought I was being influenced by the devil.

Of course you have to repress your feelings because religion is in no way logical. It's a cognitive dissonance in that you are expected to believe the unbelievable.

I always wonder about this ridiculous over the top nice agreeable fake nice abut some people in it, they are burying their true human feelings to appear at peace and super happy wow. Feel freely all is okay and good. The dark feelings helps us to find meaning and real truth.

To: Nuancehoe - Which is the best way to donate to you? I went through YT, but now I am assuming they probably take a percentage from what I gave. Is there a better option that you'd prefer?