They’re so creepy... once you know, you can’t not know. You look at them and are like ew.... what the hell reality was I in and the hell did I end up there!

@julia7711

4 жыл бұрын

Ikr!!

@8no1likeme-infinitestar65

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@unapologeticella4540

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly I cant wait to leave next month

@Urban_Piggy

3 жыл бұрын

Omg. My narcissist coworker dyed her hair bright red. All I could do was tell her after she’d asked what I thought of it that “it’ll wash out and to not worry about it”. And then she was all “oh but I don’t want it to change! I love it!” My only response was to tell her “Well, that’s what matters most.” If I levelled at her the amazing arrogance and bad taste that I’d assume have to coexist with her other frankly more damaging issues and psychological areas of concern then it stands to reason that -these are the areas of work that she -actually- should have addressed while on holidays, then I really and truly cannot wait for her next vacation (or mine.) Honestly! a badly needed personality overhaul or maybe even an exorcism should have been top priority ....but in her case, a horrible dye job chosen by someone colourblind or out for revenge was her first thought about how to spend her days off. How utterly oblivious. She chose poorly. She looks like she lost a high stakes bet. Repeatedly. And now she looks like the ass clown that she really and truly is (going by her work ethic.)

They are either the hero or the victim, never the villain.

@yankeegirldownunder1375

4 жыл бұрын

Excellent analogy! Cult leaders are the same

@CWdudeyo

4 жыл бұрын

Hero, in my case. 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹

@Normalizethis

4 жыл бұрын

They are usually playing hero and victim at the same time.

@Fan_Tash_Tic

3 жыл бұрын

Fact!! 🙌🏻

Someone telling you they love you but behave like hate you its called abuse

as soon as you start feeling responsible for someone else's happiness, you might want to take a closer look at that..

@wowwowwow185

3 жыл бұрын

good advice

@aaronwarner5492

Жыл бұрын

That’s my downfall with mine. I see it now. Never realized I was Co-dependent. I do now. 12 years of toxic marriage later and I’m in my way out. What a mess.

The covert narcissist’s brainwashing tactics can be very damaging. They can erase you at a core level.

@AngelKrystalStar

4 жыл бұрын

So true

@LimitlessThinker

4 жыл бұрын

Agree!

@tc4345

4 жыл бұрын

I listen to you also, you are also on the ball 👍🇮🇪☘️

@jilliev.87

4 жыл бұрын

My ex would tell me I was a shadow of my former self. Meaning he knew he shattered me. I’ve been away from him for years now...but I still live with second guessing myself often! I need to quit it. 😕

@dean8705

4 жыл бұрын

Love your vids.

This is so helpful. The greatest Aha moment, is when I remind myself it isn't me - it's them. We don't have to tolerate someone who always makes you feel bad. You feel that way for a reason. Selfcare is removing oneself from toxic situations and learning to trust instincts.

@debsabatino311

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, I am learning I dont have to hang around and manage toxicity. I can remove myself. A great feeling.

@nadegenazaire4356

3 ай бұрын

​@@debsabatino311no. You'll kill that one here, yourself

If you never want to be bothered by a narcissist simply know who you are and be a good person then you know you have never done anything wrong so their tricks will not bother you, it actually gets quite amusing. Always be balanced focused, happy and have a good memory of everything. Save messages, record phone calls and keep a journal of your interactions. Having friends and people in your life who know how you treat people and how you are as a person always helps too, this often leads to them really embarrassing themselves. Never show a negative emotion to them and try to be as egoless as possible to them, This honestly works the last 2 times a narcissist threatened police action and violence i was laughing for a solid day at least, it actually makes you really happy as they will seriously embarrass themselves in front of a lot of people.

The villian plays the victim so well!

"Look what _you_ made me do."

@nadegenazaire4356

3 ай бұрын

Too much love maybe oh!

What a great way of explaining this. Many times my stepfather would say” This hurts me more than it hurts you”. Ugh. Yeah, but I’m the one with the bruise.

@annettealmvik

4 жыл бұрын

😥😞 what a monster

I'm being gaslit. They use duality. They give you two choices where no matter the choice you take, you hurt yourself, they benefit

@maryfarrell2296

4 жыл бұрын

amy breunig!! Oh my God,. Soooo true,.Heads they win,. Tails you lose,.

@amybreunig1214

4 жыл бұрын

@@maryfarrell2296 what they are doing is murder by community assaults to your self, character and human rights.

@OsamaBinBrahmin

4 жыл бұрын

That's called a double-bind. Do some Googling!

At the heart of all the messages I see from Rich, the key one is to find you outside of anyone else's opinion of you. A good number of people who are psychologically abused, because it is invisible, have been questioning their reality from a very young age. The world we live in, where we are again propagandized into "if you can't see it, it ain't real", for a more desirable outcome, requires most importantly a person to recognize themselves through all of the lies. You aren't a list of negative past actions, self defense mechanisms or negatively projected opinions of others on to you. You are whatever the hell you think you are, and no outside influence is required to make that up. That is all you discovering you...

@annettealmvik

4 жыл бұрын

Yes!

Sounds like my mother. Her antics destroyed me for a long time. Thanks to people like yourself, I’m slowly getting me back again..thanks 😀

@TokioHotelForLife191

4 жыл бұрын

It takes time but you will get there. Don’t give up! :)

@fmoys1408

4 жыл бұрын

TokioHotelForLife191 thanks :)

@Xianne027

4 жыл бұрын

My story exactly...

@janesmith8894

4 жыл бұрын

Live a virtuous life... ❤

@minnystrawb8453

4 жыл бұрын

My mother is also a narcissist, so I totally understand where you’re coming from.

Their a coiled SNAKE...Seems harmless, but it will always strike...Stay one-step ahead!

@fisherwomyn

4 жыл бұрын

Marti Stankowski stay away!!! Run

“It’s not me it’s them. in that moment you can be saved.” got it👍🙏

This is my life for the last 10 years😳I remember when I had that moment of it’s not me it was so eye opening that it changed my whole world ... Made me start feeling like my life can be better and I felt my strength come back little by little ... Still figuring it all out but at least now I know I NOT crazy...

This is the clearest explaination of covert narcissism I’ve heard.

"do not resist!" says the law enforcement bully while he beats you

This made me cry. You helped me more than you will ever know. I’ve been following for a while and today I really needed this snap back into reality. Thank you

@sulis71ify

4 жыл бұрын

Bless you Sydney... Don't put pressure on yourself to run before you can walk.the amazing thing is that You're eyes are open now .. And what you have started to see, can't be unseen!!! Keep watching these type of vids, gain your own power back slowly and thoroughly. Knowledge is power, poppet!!!! Xxxx

@elizabethpettigrew4382

3 жыл бұрын

Same. ❤️

@datspookywitch

3 жыл бұрын

this community is so special to me. i'm so happy to be where i am now 9 months later. almost fully separated from the toxicity. keep strong everyone

She accused me of being a narcissist as she treated me like shit, gaslighting and accusations. I waited for her to change, she won't. I will one day find happiness she won't. Sad but i wish she was different.

@Narsufin

4 жыл бұрын

Yep, I waited too. It never happened, the problem was always me.

@jilliev.87

4 жыл бұрын

Or they say you’re doing something wrong, you change or fix it & then they’ll pick something else that’s wrong for you to fix. 😕 NEVER STOPS!!

@elwoodzo

4 жыл бұрын

That wish is exactly what leaves you wide open. Stop wishing, accept them wholeheartedly exactly as they are, and move on. You are gaslighting yourself with that wish.

@Narsufin

4 жыл бұрын

@@elwoodzo is right. I think there is truth in the idea that instead of wishing they would change and "missing" the narcissist, what we really miss is the feeling or the idea, which came during the love-bombing phase, that we were loved by someone. We weren't. It was an illusion, and we were most likely susceptible to it because we haven't made peace with the truth that we were traumatised in the past.

@crankiemanx8423

4 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my mother ...

Decades after my mother passed away, you're helping me to finally see why I struggled with suicidal episodes as my younger narcissist sister was allowed to beat and abuse me, and my mother claimed that I was the 'bad' one for not having completely diminshed and degraded myself before her. Yes, I was the 'bad one' when I tried to defend myself when my little sister beat me up (physically and verbally). For example, weird psycho shit like if I was even so much as winning the Monopoly game ("Go to start, collect $200" ) my little sister would scream and my dad would beat me (with his belt) into shock (yes, really!) because I "should have found a way to let my sister win". I grew up believing I was somehow inherently "bad" and deserved to die. Years later my elderly aunt (my mom's older sister) told me that she suffered the same scenario as a child. My grandmother expected my aunt to submit to my mother's every whim.

@misspeach6999

4 жыл бұрын

Wow!

@foxinaforever2022

3 жыл бұрын

My narc parents practically worship my little sister. When she was a very young child she would cuss people out and my parents would punish me because they said I must have taught her to cuss. She is not a terrible person as an adult, but I cannot get close to her because I can't get over the lifelong resentment our parents created in us. It is just sad. I feel like my evil parents won. And the dynamic is repeated with my parent's siblings as well. At least I can finally see the cycle and not pass it on to my own children.

@Xianne027

3 жыл бұрын

@@foxinaforever2022 Thank you for sharing. It sounds exactly like my story and I can truely feel for you. People who haven't experienced this psychological degradation can't imagine the pain we suffered. Stay strong! You're on the path to healing now and making a better life for yourself. ❤️

@nadegenazaire4356

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for confirming the multiple levels of the murders that this link allowed. If it wasn't actually that horrible, the whole of you would not have come together. It was a delight for many but at the end even their pretending christian counscioussness won't save the debils. Kill us all 4 and have for yourself and family all the richess you thought we have been hidden like the 200.

Well said and oh so very true and on point. It'll take you through insanity back to finding your sanity.

@elizabethpettigrew4382

3 жыл бұрын

Well said.

My mum abused my dad and drove him to suicide when I was 6 years old. I figured out my mum is a very dangerous borderline. Even at age 60!

@jasonduckworth

4 жыл бұрын

@Steph2020 Love Hi Steph, I'm doing great now .....thanks for asking :) My journey into understanding Narcs, Borderlines started about 5 years ago now. I wasnt doing too good back then, but slowly things started making sense thanks to guys like @RichardGrannon and many others here on KZread as well as books. I've been no contact for 14 years with my Borderline mother. She's age 60 with 3 sons who have no contact with her at all. Karma is a bitch isn't it. I'm living proof that this crap is hard to live with and understand ....but once you do understand it makes you stronger.

@jasonduckworth

4 жыл бұрын

@Steph2020 Love Everyone comes into our life to teach us something.....boy did we get taught! Stay strong Steph and keep healing :)

@jasonduckworth

4 жыл бұрын

Hey I'm sorry to hear about your father. I truly understand how you feel. How long ago did he pass away? shilling for the pig's? I don't understand what you mean.

One thing I really really appreciate about this channel is no publicity Yeeeaa ! this means I can fully immerse in the message, get in the zone .... thanks sooo much !

@amoremio9795

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly and I have never heard Richard asking for likes and subscribes

@borealiswan2363

4 жыл бұрын

@@amoremio9795 Sooo truue !

@nadegenazaire4356

3 ай бұрын

Were you afraid to let a big piece of shit. A trace is just a trace. Even if I go showing you, you're the boss, you have the right to do as you please. Maybe I shouldn't pay after all. As you can enter as you wish. We'll see tomorrow.

That is why I constantly questioned myself when I was with my ex. He would always say. I didn't say anything. You are just hearing things. You always attack me unnecessarily. It is very hard to be around them. I was constantly losing a part of myself every day. I was always saying to myself am I the one that start these arguments, and so on and so forth?

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."- Carl Jung

This is the best explanations of covert narcissistic abuse I have ever heard!

Richard, something I found so interesting this week. Eyes Left Podcast’s latest episode, in their Radical History section, it’s about a veteran with PTSD and his experience. In short, after years at the VA seeing a therapist, working on his brain, he came to the conclusion that what he needed was to work on his soul. That in fact, he had to heal a moral injury. It really resonated with me. PS. All of the podcast is really great. 👍🏼

My mother used to scream, “I hate violence!” As she was beating me!

@amybreunig1214

4 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry . Bless you with infinite healing.

@Urban_Piggy

3 жыл бұрын

She’s a Nutter!

@marmadukescarlet7791

3 жыл бұрын

amy breunig thank you 🙏🏻 She’s made the transition now (meaning dead, in the usual terms). After the initial shock wore off, it was a relief to be free of her.

@marmadukescarlet7791

3 жыл бұрын

Nancy Chivers although it’s tempting to brand them as insane, narcissists know exactly what they’re doing. On the other hand, people who have psychosis are no more likely to be physically violent than the average person. Don’t know if there are any statistics on other kinds of abuse.

Often times it's not "only" them playing the victim but the reason for their victimhood (is this english?) is YOU. it's YOUR fault that they HAVE TO be the victims. YOU did stuff wrong, YOU were terrorizing them and getting on their nerves... Blabla etc. I think that's important to see too, because you can let the victim be victim, but when it comes to blaming YOU, it gets tough and, for me, that's the point where you get mad. That's just how I see it

Thank you. I needed to hear this decades ago.

Speaking from experience, this was exactly my experience. An experience that was constantly diminished and invalidated. And when the discard came, all of a sudden, I was reported as a psychopath and an abuser so that she could get free accommodation from the local council. 3 years of that shit, all for the illusion of love.

@nadegenazaire4356

3 ай бұрын

And I still do understand that the pickpokets were sent to pay yourself in advance. And also taking her stuff to give her your stuff. Am I wrong ? Créateurs de SDF !

@nadegenazaire4356

3 ай бұрын

Je ne me cache pour vous répondre, voyez. Vous, vous vous cachez derrière votre pseudo.

@Narsufin

3 ай бұрын

@@nadegenazaire4356 Sorry, wrong number.

thank you, that's all I can say, just saved my life

Our cognitive dissonance does not let us accept their toxic behaviour for what it truly is. Lately, I have been watching for and recognizing it. Great vid, thanks!

What I can see in myself from this video is that I’m still using an old sliding scale of relationship that’s based on using a particular level of horrible as the base line- I can see I’m still referencing the overt elements of my childhood abuse as the marker of ‘truly bad’ and measuring the behaviour of what I’m currently experiencing against that- ‘well, I’m not having my head kicked in, I’m not experiencing the Defcon 5 level of verbal and emotional abuse I once did, so isn’t this better? Can this behaviour I’m experiencing now even be *called* abuse in comparison?’ And that’s the thing- as I evolve emotionally I have to upgrade my software with new parameters and I can see that I haven’t done this effectively because my confusion around ‘good’ is still being measured by ‘well, I’m not bleeding either physically or on a soul level so it must be better’. I’m still being kicked in the head by my ability to see multiple angles of any situation, of being able to see how something *could* be coming from wounding in the other individual (and wanting to show the compassion and support I wish I’d had when I was really, really sick from the trauma) but there have to be other markers to make the distinction between someone being wounded and someone being hidden in their abusivemess (even when it’s hidden to them too), don’t there- I can see so many intersecting vectors of my programming to self sacrifice for the wellbeing of others (I was the eldest, I constantly stepped in front of my sisters to protect them and took the full force of my mother’s rage and violence because I *could* take it)- ugh, I can hear that voice in my head, “I can take this, I’m strong enough”. Ugh, argh, foo, I’m still engaging in sacrificing myself, fuck it, only now it’s on a much more insidious and subtle end of the scale. The interlinking between emotional literacy and *internal permissions* is what I’m seeing- I can know that something isn’t sitting well in me and yet experience a total paralysis around doing something about it because my mind gets flooded with rationalisations based on making the *other* individual ok, not me, even when what’s going on is actually truly hurting me but it’s all so *subtle* and potentially understandable. I need to give myself more permissions to feel *good*, to have what I want, to feel what I want, to experience what I would like to experience with another, no matter how much I’m told that that’s outrageous or unrealistic or whatever. Loved this one, It’s really poked a hornet’s nest this morning and I *love* poking the programming. Xx

@candiedginger8729

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I too have come to that place of realization, of needing to update my software. He isn't going to change, at least not for the better. 😔 ... at least he's not as bad as mother or my first husband. Yup, I see now, that's a big part of why I stay.

@actsfittolead

4 жыл бұрын

Very well said. I am in the same boat right now, at least it is paralleled anyway. I am having to update the software as well, but it is scary as hell. I have worked my whole life in a paradigm that needs to come down. Deconstruction is a lot easier than construction. And as I am sitting in my pile of broken walls and plaster, I don't even know where or how to begin the rebuilding process. The real me is terrified of the rejection and abandonment but desperately wants the REAL connection with someone that is safe. Are there truly safe people out there? All of my relationships have been with NPD and BPD people - sounds like victim mentality. How does someone navigate this narcissistic world being their authentic self without getting eaten alive? Yes, I set boundaries. I know that one. But how do you enter in authentically without having yourself destroyed? Is it possible? I haven't experience it yet at age 46. A process for sure. ~Carrie

@bonnielucas6769

4 жыл бұрын

@@actsfittolead Nor have I at age 64. I haven't completely given up hope tho. It could happen but I have to be healed.

@Ninsidhe

4 жыл бұрын

​@@actsfittolead Not all of us are Wetiko cannibals- you're not alone. As a community we can forge a new lexicon, create new maps, learn how to be simultaneously cunning in the face of Wetiko while knowing how to keep our hearts and spirits in the space with those truly alive. I know it's only online at this stage of the game but personally I'm using Richard's work, and that of a few others, to help me navigate the realm of the dead without losing myself in the process. It's absolutely possible.

@candiedginger8729

4 жыл бұрын

@@actsfittolead that sounds quite eerily like me ... right down to the age and name 🤔 is your birthday in October too? It is strange reading something I might say knowing it wasn't me. Keep your chin up girly, we can do this. ⚘

Perfect description of covert narcissist!

I need more videos about the covert types of narcissist cause they are very slick at what they do and better at crazy making then the overt types. I was use to the overt types but as I was healing from that, I came in contact with a covert and not only did he try to sabotage my healing but tried to cause even more damage all the while claiming to be a simple man that just wanted love. Crazy making and mind fucking at it’s finest.😔🤯

I really appreciate how funny these treatises are. It really amplifies their wisdom and helpfulness .

This happen to me as a child from my abusive parents but Jesus saved me and rescued me

@bradfordkelly8282

4 жыл бұрын

No Joey, you rescued yourself

@ac-jn1iq

4 жыл бұрын

Bradford Kelly no, Jesus rescued him. Jesus rescued me from beatings as well as an adult.

@tim3854

4 жыл бұрын

@@bradfordkelly8282 outrageous that you tried to "correct" her

@bradfordkelly8282

4 жыл бұрын

tim3854 imaginary friends are great....when you are 5

@rebeccayoung9434

4 жыл бұрын

We walk with Jesus until we merge, then we are that 'I am'...

I was married to such a man. I unknowingly allowed him to shatter my light. I left him after 8 yrs & our son was 2. He later played even dirtier when I wasn’t under his control any longer & got custodial custody of our 6 yr old son based on my disability...my son didn’t really know him. He too had his light snuffed out by his dad. I saw the reprogramming in horror. My son was the ONLY control he had over me. He put a wedge between us by the time he was 14. At 18, they moved wo telling me. 5 years later...my son reached out, now 25 & I see the stronghold his dad has in him. I slowly talk about these practices bc my ex is the MASTER MANIPULATOR!! 3 ex wives later & it’s still all our fault. How can I get my son to realize that he’s been through the same thing as I? Thank you for all suggestions!! 💙

@jilliev.87

4 жыл бұрын

Ellie R ... thank you for your reply!

I really like how you are able to emotionally and psychologically put yourself in the position of the victim. (Especially the reference to the differences between gulags.) That sadistic relabeling IS THE mind fuck that does the serious damage. That type of gaslighting of the pleasure/pain experiences will rip someone to shreds and stress the body even with no direct physical harm. It's the ol' "i'm only trying to help you." This combined with Biederman's 8 characteristics is a recipe for the destruction of someone's life, NO MATTER WHAT the perpetrator/s claim. Thanks for this. I think it's so important for people who haven't experienced it to be able to understand it. And this is one of the better descriptions that I've seen.

Very glad I found this one today. Teetering on the brink of letting him back in. You are a star ⭐️

I've had so many converts try to convince me I'm either self-involved, arrogant or narcissistic. Its ridiculous.

@cetkat

4 жыл бұрын

I've learned that the traits they try to pin on their victims are exactly the ones they have themselves. They're never original, just projecting.

@dean8705

4 жыл бұрын

@@cetkat exactly. Compared to overts who openly will say they are arrogant etc coverts want the moral high ground.

@cheesescrust5399

3 жыл бұрын

The fact that you accidentally said "converts" gave me a chuckle hahaha. Damned Catholics

Worked with a lady today who had a full on mask slip with me a few months ago! Still need to deal with her. 🤷‍♀️ the coverts are so bad. Love that wrestling show! 🤣

Forever grateful for your videos! Educational, therapeutic and humorous all at once❤️ This one was particularly relevant for me. Thanks you!

Thank you for adding subtitles to your videos. I, as a person with hearing difficulties, really appreciate it!

Oh, and absolutely ADORE you Rich!!! Keep up the good fight old man!!!

Excellent explanation! The best one I’ve ever heard! Thank you! 💯💯💯

You dont even know how much you helped me your an amazing person.

Every day working with my sister!! Thank you for the help

I love how this entire video is put together. Pierre, right? And, oh yeah-invaluable message Richard. Bravo! Bravo!

Thankyou... made tears well up... not sure if from relief from undestanding or the pain of letting it happen💜

BEST!! video on KZread on covert narcissism (plus your 20 signs one). Thanks Richard, you are awesome !

They will twist it, turn it and abuse you when you have a negative reaction to their abusive behaviour. This made me endlessly question whether I was the one in the wrong, the cruel one. Just insanity.

Yes it’s good shit this is exactly what I’m dealing with

You're an angel Thank you Richard

I totally understand this and I have the awareness that’s the type of abuse that I’ve endured. I’m ready to leave my marriage of 23 years. The process of accepting it is where I am... but I have to save myself, what’s left of me and my sanity! I chose me and I can’t stay here and continue to die slowly any longer! Thanks for the video!

I have bpd, and for years I thought my behaviour was normal. It’s taken me a long long time to retrain myself and modify my behaviour. ❤️

Perfect analogy, am so grateful for your UTUBE teachings they have enlightened me so much!

Oh my Gosh...I'm in deep shit. Feel like talking. This blew my mind, eye opening. Gotta write, gotta write now. Thank you for these video's and tips they are so helpful!

Brilliant teaching..especially the analogies..you have just explained the last 21 years of my marriage..especially the constant debate inside my own head.."is he abusing me or isn't he?" and the constant shift-blaming and accusations of stuff HE was doing to me! The audacity of these creatures to do that is astounding! Only now am I ever so glad that he finally left and discarded me..Just have to watch for the hoover attempt now..

These shorter vids w the intros literally make me spit my water out...love how funny ya make these...and the one with the "hook so deep in them" gold! 🤣🤣🤣

*laughing* That intro! ‘Nomnomnomnomnom’. Now I’ll watch the rest. *still laughing*.

Thank you for this, very useful

Brilliant! Tyvm 🙏🏼❤️💪🏼😊

Excellent! Spot on. 👍🏻

Thank you!

Great info, thanks

Some of them truly believe that they are THE VICTIM and are bottomless pits of neediness that knows no ethical bounds to getting their fill. No rational introspection nor any amount of supply will appease. Gollum is the perfect comparative example for what they are.

My narcissistic mother while spanking me with a huge wooden paddle would say; “This is hurting me more than it’s hurting you”... f’ed up, I’m so grateful I can understand things now, stay no contact with toxic people and continue to take the time to heal ❤️

is like getting out of a sect-cult... tailor-made for you only !!! thanks for your videos

@Ninsidhe

4 жыл бұрын

Rebeca H ooooh, yes, I resonate so strongly with the ‘like getting out of a cult’- it really IS a cult. Their cult. Thanks for that, I like it.

This is EXACTLY what my ex wife is doing to her son, our son. She is abusing him, gas-lighting him and has now sent him to a mental health hospital (lunatic asylum) as a diagnosed psychotic. All the while she is feeding off the narcissistic food she gets from acting out the doting caring mother.

You just more or less described my Mother although she has some unique twists and variations on the theme

brilliant description.

Absolutely right, fabulous analogies, I so nearly got caught again but then I smelled it and saw it and now I can handle it

@nadegenazaire4356

3 ай бұрын

You must feel very high, your grace!

Yes. This is exactly what I've experienced from a narcissistic parent my whole life (as defined by a licensed psychologist, not by me). I can see thanks to your video that it was clearly the covert kind. I'm recovering from symptoms of borderline personality disorder now. Please don't tar us with the same brush. I have been split so much that I already feel alternately like a monster, an imposter and a victim when I'm not mindful of my thoughts and don't challenge them. I was told I was being abusive recently even as I went 'grey rock' on an outburst of narcissistic rage, and if I wasn't borderline maybe I wouldn't think twice about that accusation. But I know that I am capable of behaviour that is abusive, even without meaning to abuse. I've chosen therapy precisely because I *don't* want to inflict it on my loved ones.

Wow love the analogies. Make The invisible visible. Funny I always liked smeagal but he was a tortured soul, just like my ex narc and feeling sorry for them only gave them fuel. Thank god for people like you helping educate us x

Yesssss! You have helped me to totally cross over by nailing that sucka right on the head. You exposed the truth of the traits that I have a heard another human ever verbalize or understand when I try to make sense of it out loud… That’s crazy making crap has been looping in my mind like a broken record trying to organize it and make sense of it. Knowledge is power, and thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. The schnoz berries just don’t taste like schnoz berries, ya know 😉

“Why is it so much crueler..” Brain: cruller 🍩 I’m fried. Lol. Like a friggin cruller Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

@lovewillwinnn

4 жыл бұрын

Mary R 🤣

Great Video

Ugh so good I need this so much freind you helped me today

Omg I have a hard earned VERY expensive degree in these secret operators. 🥀🤮

I think the narc I knew was a covert vulnerable narc which is even harder to figure out. They know how to manipulate through sympathy and fake empathy so well.

And yep 👍.. spot on Richard

The "zoya" clip and im not drinking your milkshake killed me but it really hits home. I don't believe his bs anymore...!

I only wish I'd have had info like this when I was younger starting work etc. I have spent years confused and frustrated with people/customers that are narcs.

This is such a great video. Thank you. My ex-husband used to physically sit in the fetal position when we would argue. He would rock back and forth like he was insane. He couldn’t handle any sort of conflict without doing that or being super aggressive.

Thank you... ❤️☘️

I desperately need more videos on this particular form of abuse to educate myself and never ever ever make a stupid mistake again. Can we please have a video on how to stay SANE and recognize exactly the covert narcissistic abuse? Is it true that after a long time of this dynamic, the one who is abused will turn into a sort of narcissistic abuser him/herself? I really need more help with understanding this.

Thank you sir

100% SPOT ON!!!!!!! Crazy!!!!!

Wow, this made me think of so many things my father used to say as a kid to us he'd beat the shit out of us like "this hurts me more than it will ever hurt you!" Like seriously, what in the hell does that mean???

Thank you

This is about (unhealthy) type 2 (in the Enneagram system). The classic narcissist is type 3 (Vaknin). ASPD = type 8

you're wonderful

Yes, if you dare to stand up to them or defend yourself using any logic, they will turn it on you "you're the abuser, you're abusing me, I'm the victim!" gah omg! I've heard it all...! When I first met him, first victim ploy "I'm broke, I've got no money and I'm in debt" --- I felt terrible for him wondering what had caused this, thinking there had been some terrible crisis or hardship to have him in this position. Nope, not a victim at all --- a spend-thrift obsessed with excessive consumption and living beyond his means; ate 3 purchased meals a day plus lots of snacks; addicted to drugs, gaming, porn, anything that elicited that highly desired dopamine hit; and threw massive psychotic temper tantrums laden with abuse and expletives, blackmailing and stand-over tactics if he didn't get his way. Toddler in an adult body - all 6'4", 120kgs... fucking terrifying! And guess where he got it from? The mummy dearest ---- a chip off the old bitch. And all whilst the antics were playing out, there was the future faking, ultimatums, triangulation, smear campaigns, crazy making "Blind Freddy can see how much I love you! I only start yelling and screaming because I'm passionate and love you!" Second ploy: "Please don't leave me! Every girl I've ever dated had dumped me!" --- yeah, I can't understand why!!!! I've seen it all, heard it all... it's terrifying and I had no idea what was happening. Now I notice everything about people so that I never fall for it again -- slightest narcy narc trait and I'm outta there!

It took me three months to see my diagnosed BPD ex was extremely abusive vulnerable narcissist. After a few cycles I am out for about six weeks and NEVER intend to go back. What you say Richard , it is pure evil because it is so insidious. . Big thumbs up for this video.

@alondraacosta-mora6504

Жыл бұрын

It took me 4 years 😢

Thankyou.

Can I just add here, that a lot of people are saying how covert narcissists fly into rage when they dont get their own way & they cry & show vulnerability to get you to feel sympathy. I have found this to be quite the opposite with my covert i actually find he dosen't ever cry or act vulnerable at all he actually finds people who cry or show vulnerability as disgusting & humiliating & will degrade you when you do so, he does however feel the world has done him injustice but will only show bitterness & resentment about this not vulnerabilty & will describe how he is more spiritually awake & ahead in evolution to most people because of this.. also with the narc I have been with for the past 10 years will show no emotion & only passive aggression & only very very controlled reactions while he watches me break.. he enjoys making me feel vulnerable. For example, if I have said no to my partner he will swallow it like you have poisoned him & say nothing & leave you thinking "aw they took that so well theres mutual respect here" & they will not fly into rage... 2 weeks down the line however, they will unleash some heartless shit on you that leaves you thinking "what the hell did I do wrong!" It can be something like silent treatment or withholding money, making subtle digs to your self esteem at the dinner table & subtle comnents about the fact you said no to them! Then you have to learn to put 2 & 2 together so after a while of this happening you will start to figure out whats going on & you will think " why is he punishing me for saying no to him last week.. that's the only reason he must have all of a sudden gone so cold on me" Then you may bring it up & ask them "are you doing this for me saying no last week?" & they will call you crazy & say you are paranoid & need help, but they wont rage.. oh no...they will sit back & watch you crumble to pieces & watch you cry & call you an idiot for crying by calmly telling you to pull yourself together, look you up & down & cause you to feel totally insane. It's also worth mentioning you may rage & shout to try to get them to understand that you are hurt by the way they are treating you & then they will twist it around & call you abusive & a mess for shouting.. you then wonder if you are crazy or narcisstic or abusive. Second example: You bring up something they said during that episode that was hurtful hoping for an apology & they will gaslight you & say "i never said that" then you say "but i heard you" & they say you are paranoid & mental & guess what you never ever receive an apology & even worse they participate in crazy making calling you stupid, slamming doors in your face smirking while you lie in a heap on the floor hyperventilating. After a while you do start reacting and getting angry & shouting and raging "why are you lying to me on top of hurting me you never apologise!" & you know what they will say.... "What a mess, you are, leave me alone you evil messy person" & you feel like dirt for allowing yourself to react that way.. & you no what you do. You apologise. So I think its worth noting that passive aggression is just as harmful & not all narcs rage.. Hell! narcs can cause you to rage & cry & thats not your fault so dont feel confused if you seem to be doing all the raging & crying & acting vulnerable while they cruelly & calculatedly erode your sanity & leave you in despair. In amoungst all this of course you will be on a roller coaster of love bombing & devaluing & to the outside world they appear calm, cool, & collected, humble & wise while you, you are just a nasty raging vulnerable mess. I actually think if you look at the logistics passive agression would be & is often a coverts weapon of choice & I also think more often than not the thought of showing themselves as emotionally vulnerable or weak makes them feel physically sick & .... vulnerable.

@jewelsbarbie

3 жыл бұрын

I relate so much to what you explained in your comment! I went through the exact same scenarios. Thank you for sharing

Nice editing job!