Ive been struggling to find genuine resources on NPD for awhile, because 90% of the information on them comes from victims of the abusive tendencies that tend to come with the disorder. This _actually_ helped me understand where those tendencies come from and why people often refuse to accept them. Its not that they're being intentionally malicious, it's a complicated web of the abusive tendencies from the disorder - and the inability to let themselves be anything but perfect to let the themselves address it. (Often those tendencies themselves are brought from that same fear - deflecting blame onto other people, and manipulation. Though sometimes that abuse can come from deflecting self esteem issues. 'Deflecting' in general seems to be the narcissists MO.)

@BorderlinerNotes

3 жыл бұрын

So glad you're finding this info useful. We are trying to avoid the usual "narcissists are bad" discourse that, to your point, seems to emerge from those who are victims of narcissitic individuals. As well, I'm not sure the information those sources offer actually elucidates anything about narcissism. Anyway, appreciate your feedback and thoughts.

@annekerotterdam7499

3 жыл бұрын

HG Tudor

@FLdancer00

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe YOU'RE not being intentionally malicious, but some are. They thrive on hurting others because it makes them feel good about themselves.

@NickyM_0

2 жыл бұрын

100%. Try asking a narcissist why they discarded you when they hoover you back in and you see the whole array of manipulations play out on the real victim (which is soul destroying for that person!). In reality they are both victims from very different perspectives. My daughter, who I believe is a textbook covert narcissist, is in punishing/projection mode for me attempting to make her accountable for something horrible she did to me (withholding money). She immediately ghosted me for 1.5 months (knowing she was my carer. I have fibromyalgia) and didn't contact me. Then she turned up on my birthday, as if nothing happened with grand gestures of presents/booked expensive restaurant/favourite flowers, etc. When I tried to talk to her about what happened she flipped the script, made it out as if I was 'belittling her', started crying and walked out saying she was done with me and terminated our Mother daughter relationship. I feel like my daughter that I once had has gone forever. My daughter now is all about power and control, over me/our relationship. I fluctuate between blaming myself and saying no! I was a strong, good, loving and very supportive Mum (although far from perfect but who is?!). I feel like now she is in competition with me. I used to think we had a very, very close and supportive relationship and I was so proud of that and her. Never in my life could I EVER have guessed we would be estranged. She is my only child and I brought her up by myself. So the heartbreak is all the more devastating.

@propheteyebert7063

2 жыл бұрын

@@NickyM_0 When I hear your story, it sounded more like YOU were the one behaving badly in the relationship. Being your care giver is not a daughter's duty. You took took her kindness for granted and berated her whenever she displeased you.

Im a recovering narcissist and there is so much i dont know. For me now its acknowledging the truth and avoiding all the rude, manipulative etc behaviors that i now see as cplex coping mechanisms. And replacing them with healthy ones.

@hamter5349

2 жыл бұрын

Your normal, most of these people are just narcissists with extra steps, system where they follow orders and serve their own self interests always,

This man is so warm.

@rachelsimbhu4383

3 жыл бұрын

Yes he is ! I'm so in love with him !!!

Wow, the fake news thing..... that really hit home for me. My Mom has denied a thousand times all the awful things she has said to me. Claimed they did not happen, even when my husband or kids have witnessed it. I wish I could say I was capable of coping with my mother better, but I am not. I am incredibly blunt with her now. I have called her a liar more than a few times. And yes, I realize there may be better ways to deal with this. But, soon she will be moving to a facility and with all facilities on lock down, I probably will not have to see her again. Imagine the relief and guilt I feel.

@souljacem

4 жыл бұрын

I hope you‘ll feel better and will find a way to create good boundaries with regards to her insults towards you.

@m0thdm

3 жыл бұрын

You gotta do what you gotta do Wendy, this is your life! :)

@Jake-cy7to

3 жыл бұрын

Hey Wendy, similar situation here with my father, Narcs are super hard on their kids, do not feel guilty, be empathic with yourself and understand that you've been through a lot unecessary shit thanks to this person and it is totally natural and reasonable to do what you are doing. And the fact that even then you feel guilty shows how empathic and good you are as a person. Much love

@doyoulovehimloretta1607

3 жыл бұрын

Hey girl hope you get some peace, I'm praying for my own mothers death 🙏 and hope to God it's soon. Take good care.

@ha-bv8is

2 жыл бұрын

@@doyoulovehimloretta1607 wtf

Only problem is narcissists quit therapy when they feel uncomfortable (when the truth becomes apparent).

@judyjones6304

3 жыл бұрын

And lawyers.

@rahmat1624

3 жыл бұрын

@@annekerotterdam7499 I'm not sure if I am a narcissist but If I am one then what should I do..should I avoid society? I just don't want to hurt people..please help!

@wyattblair9436

3 жыл бұрын

@@rahmat1624 that does no good. Go to a shrink and get checked. Go from there.

@davidkwizera9457

3 жыл бұрын

@@annekerotterdam7499 True I already found out am a narcissist because my friend honestly criticized me and I was teary, he said I am a nerd (fact) and that I walk weird and he told me to change the way I walk and I basically gave him the silent treatment, it was not satisfying my emotions, i felt like I was overreacting, its important to note i was hurt but it was not worth me ignoring him, because he is brutally honest, I know he didn't say it in an insulting way, before that he was coming to me telling me to speak to him, I literally refused to speak to him, but i felt like a weird feeling of me trying to make him suffer, i was like this is very immature for me, to give silent treatment over the smallest issue is not right, I always gave the cold shoulder all my life, but rarely, only when someone had done something really stupid and really hurt my feelings, but i noticed I was loving giving the silent treatment, so i told him I dont want to be your friend anymore if you insult me like that but i really wanted him to come to me and begging so i could say no and let him in my life again because I dont want to lose him really, so i KZread videos on people who give the silent treatment so i could read relateable comments on stories of when they gave the silent treatment and i saw comments that said they are narcissists and i was rejecting it, writing comments defending myself from narcissists and then i said let me take an online test for narcissism and i scored a whooping 21/40 for being an narcissists, for strong narcissism traits and I looked up traits for narcissists and I saw that narcissist can fake to be nice or do you favours so they can show you they are a good person and one for myself i found out is that we look for problems but we dont want to create them, we want you to do something bad so we can be mad but wont force you to do it. It has been like two days i haven't spoken to him and now that i know am wrong I want to say sorry but I hate admitting to wrongs and am really sorry. I literally teared up on how I have been manipulating them and so on and that i still want to manipulate them although i dont want to its like an addiction u cant get away from, and when I want to apologize this thought comes to me and says apologize so they can know you are sorry which is still like manipulating, I mean my day to day life am always thinking of being a star and protecting people but it has gone viral and am praised for doing something good, this just shows I don't have empathy for anyone who would go through something like that, I want to change but I think its kinda of impossible, I know i was wrong for what i did because he was just being brutally honest and I cant wonder why i was so sensitive to his criticism, I hope this is not a life sentence on me, am going to a therapists this weekend but one thing I have found to be helpful is to not focus on your own thoughts, because N's think a lot, so they are insecure because they look at every detail about themselves and compare it to others and want to be better than others or maybe feel like they could be a better teacher than the teacher or KZreadr etc, so when you criticize them on the things they focus a lot on, they feel offended so what i have learned on my personal evaluation is to not think at all, I avoid these thought from now on, but I will be honest with yu, these thoughts are what is always on my brain 90% of the time, so you can see where these things come from, and when I look at youtubers I compare myself to them and pretend i was in their positions and probably bring more enthusiasm and be more funny so the audience can say wow you are so funny, lol, etc, so if you have npd dont think at all, if these thoughts come ignore them really quick and when yu are offended, think twice, think on what the person really meant on their side, don't assume what they meant to say, just be honest with yourself, and after you know what they said, context etc, make a judgement, not based on emotions but on logic, if you base it on knowledge, it will affect your emotions and make ur own decision but if you base it on assumption, u are relying on your own emotions and ignoring the facts, its a battle, remember the real enemy is not your friends or family, the real enemy is the negative emotions that make us not to communicate to our friends, lets use understanding, and this is also a message for those without NPD, but npd's have it way worse when they are criticized, and another thing don't try to deny yu don't have it, because denial is a symptom of npd. WE ARE ALL GONNA FIGHT THIS TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the real enemy npd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@annekerotterdam7499

3 жыл бұрын

@@davidkwizera9457 go sports....

Narcissist working here, and this video is so perfect for being today's only video (just started 4 days ago), in that I could barely if at all hold myself able to read messenger messages I left to random people I hardly knew, and family members. It was so hard to read the little bits and pieces because I am finally seeing the light (that's what I thought at least) of who I used to be like, but I gotta not lie to myself, that's so embedded in my personality, however I'm working on it. Thank you for this video.

@KaliDurga108

2 жыл бұрын

i have a question: do you consider yourself as the "alpha" of your family?

@Busygiant

2 жыл бұрын

@@KaliDurga108 coming from a narcissist as well yes

@jewishgenes

7 ай бұрын

Insight. If you are suffering but show insight like this you will be just fine if you work on it. As one tips closer to the pathological end of these traits you can bet insight is almost non existent so…. You’re doing great!

I know of a lady who refused to admit she could see a very specific word in a book that would disprove her argument. Her son said 'look there it is" - She said "It doesn't say that" - Incredible

@ShadowsMasquerade

7 ай бұрын

That's crazy. I wonder what the internal dialogue of that type of denial looks like, if there even is one. They might just completely block it from their consciousness.

@jewishgenes

7 ай бұрын

@@ShadowsMasqueradeif it’s this far then there is no insight. The narcissist experienced an internal validation and the other experienced a symptom of the narcissism. That symptom looks intentional and conscious. In a normal setting yea that would be manipulating or funny. But in context of pathological narcissism that’s par the course

@user-kv4eb8pr3w

3 ай бұрын

Imagine the craziness that must feel for the kid. Often narcissists have enablers as well. So you have a whole family feeding into the craziness and they usually isolate the person that sees through the lies. It’s crazy making and takes a long time to wake up from.

This IS treatable, if the individual can accept that their range of behaviors, words are VISIBLE and harmful to others. Being revealed helps so much, admission, owning the abuse. still even with all the work, rewiring these attributes is like trying to remove the yellow from mustard. Opposition response, therapy, mindfulness, antidepressants and more therapy can work. I am this, to the letter... and there is not much worse than realizing/admitting this about oneself. very toxic, destructive disorder. the shame and self loathing also can actually be meaningful fuel for change.

@michaelr.5676

4 жыл бұрын

​@@dadsass126 it's an UGLY realization about oneself; wtg on being able to talk about it. sure you deserve to live and i have felt that desperation. the question is how well can you control yourself and SHOULD you be in a relationship? love is giving, that's not what we do. we're nursing the black hole inside. dogs are good therapy and it's hard to mess with their minds! best of luck, you can do it.

@gingersnapmurray

4 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate you all sharing this. Learning about it for sake of learning, and to recognize it in others. I didn't know until today that there was therapy for it. I came to KZread to understand more, to see if there was a treatment, and to understand how anyone with it would actually get that treatment. What brings a person to... Be ready to choose help? Thanks again for sharing. Best wishes to you all in your therapy and life!

@sharonakoth4102

4 жыл бұрын

This thing has affected me and has destroyed most of my relationship with people friends;relatives my siblings and even my partner's and am not happy about it how can I help myself

@michaelr.5676

4 жыл бұрын

@@sharonakoth4102 NPD is a collection of symptoms and everyone is different. Talk to the doctors and do EXACTLY what they say. Best part is- when you go to the talking doc, it's always about your favorite subject! If they say don't drink, don't be in a relationship etc- then don't. Let the pros not loved ones, get sick of you. Your family is not your therapy group. It will take a while to feel better about yourself; accept you'll be working at this likely for the rest of your days. But you can unlearn so much of the destruction NPD can cause! There is hope, the harder you work, the more you can smile again. Be patient, don't quit and listen to the people you want to keep! GL

@sharonakoth4102

4 жыл бұрын

@@michaelr.5676 thank you very much

This hit home for me. My wife has said some terrible things to me and claims that she never said them and that she cant possibly imagine herself ever saying such things. It confuses me a lot because i cant tell if shes lying or she truly doesnt remember. Neither situation is good and both are bad but in very different ways

@goldbrick2563

Жыл бұрын

Thats fckd up, i hope you got out of the relationship. Dont allow someone to put you into a state of confusion. Only a confused person would allow that to happen.

This reminds me of what Wilfred R. Bion termed the "thoughts without a thinker" that people who have various borderline conditions (BPD, NPD, Schizoid PD, etc.) seem to struggle with.. the therapeutic empathy that Yeomans describes as "the parts that [the patient] can't think about yet because it's too scary; the empty parts, the aggressive parts that are provoked in us through our countertransference." Borderline-structured patients communicate through evacuative projective identification - they need a container, someone to help them hold those negative, persecutory affect states that they can't yet accept in themselves.

@susanlogan5657

4 жыл бұрын

K.....

@gingersnapmurray

4 жыл бұрын

Would you be able to share any other resources on these thoughts? I'm interested in this topic. Would like to learn more. Thanks!

@jiminy_cricket777

4 жыл бұрын

@@gingersnapmurray on KZread, Don Carveth's channel is excellent.. he has 4 lectures specifically on Bion's thought (the first one is called 'The Trump Effect' and then Bion 2-4). Also stuff on other psychoanalytic topics. He is a professor emeritus of social and political thought at York U in Toronto, and a training and supervising analyst at the Toronto Psychoanalytic Society. As for Bion's thought, his essays entitled 'A Theory of Thinking' and 'Attacks on Linking' are both important to understanding what I was trying to get at in my previous comment. Also the concept of the defense mechanisms of splitting and projective identification (Bion's version, which builds on Melanie Klein's) are important as well. There is a great deal of secondary literature on Bion's thought, and I'm no expert on what is good.. but there's plenty to read if you're so inclined. Just on Google there are a number of articles you can find.. try typing (without quotes) "site:www.counsellingfoundation.org bion" or just "site:www.counsellingfoundation.org pdf" and you'll find dozens of chapters from various edited volumes on Kleinian and Bionian theory. Melanie Klein was probably Bion's main inspiration so you'll need to understand her thought to understand his.. Carveth also has a series of 6 lectures on Klein's thought. It might be a bit hard to follow, if you are new to psychoanalysis and its theory you might need to start with something explaining Freud's thought.. David L. Smith's Approaching Psychoanalysis-An Introductory Course is good (especially chapters 5-8 for a summary of Freud's metapsychology). And Richard Boothby's work on the Lacanian reading of Freud. And there are other books explaining Klein, like Hanna Segal's introduction to her work, which is the main book that Carveth discusses with his class. Also there's the internet archive, where you can borrow some of these books by Bion, Klein, and others, for up to two weeks.. and there's always the z library.. (google it and get calibre, you will need it). Coming back to Bion, the London Kleinians in Britain have done a lot to build on his thought, and Thomas Ogden and James Grotstein in America. Michael Eigen and Jeffrey Seinfeld are both great as well. And of course there's Otto Kernberg and Frank Yeomans and others at the Menninger who have been influenced by Klein and Bion as well. Anyway, sorry this message was so long..good luck, and stick with it, it will eventually make sense.. though it may take a while.

This is interesting re: empathy vs sympathy. My sister has every trait of narcissism. When was trying to pull me into something with a pity play about a year ago when someone she knew died. I gave her sympathy, and I could tell she didn't like that. She had no traction, or nothing of me to hook into. I thought her victimhood was largely performative, because she was listing all of these great supports and then hinting that she didn't have any support, contradicting herself. Plus, she seemed really happy around the time of the funeral; she was in command and pressing all kinds of people into service. I believe she got no satisfaction from that phone call and 10 days later she declared in front of others that I never take her calls. I got such a sick feeling around that time from everything getting twisted around, the lack of trust, and her weaving falsehoods or inaccuracy into every sentence - plus aggression, that I decided to never take her calls after that. She moved on to my younger brother, a sweet man. He has since broken out in a bad case of psoriasis for the first time in his life and thinks it's because of the stress of dealing with her. Around the time of her ramping up, she said she was going to see a therapist, but I strongly suspect she would only do that to have a sounding board or validation for bouncing between victim and hero.

If the families and other important people in the narcissist life don’t become aware and knowledgeable on how to help them, then it will be so much harder to treat this problem. The counselor’s and mental health professions are our teachers they are here for us to learn from, without everyone else involved, it hasn’t profoundly helped thus far. We go to them for the answer to start healing, it’s our job to maintain this knowledge and enact it. This is such a problem in all of the world. I’m excited to see that people are finally starting to take responsibility in this and not just push them out of their lives and say let someone else deal. We all have to deal with them, every single day. We can’t just assassinate them all, are we to put them all on an island somewhere? No, we are to educate ourselves on how to interact with them and stop enabling them. Thank you to all of the people who are putting this knowledge out there. Namaste

@ArchAngel435

3 ай бұрын

Stop enabling them, that's key. Narcissists have an uncanny ability to surround themselves with flying monkeys. We have to learn how to show them their shadow side so they can accept themselves, flaws n all

That's what friends are for. Besides empathy, therapist's are supposed to help the patient function by providing tools to move forward through treatment plans and homework.

@jewishgenes

7 ай бұрын

Exactly. Cures are optimal but therapy is completely functional.

Thanks! It's very nice to hear advice instead of being attacked like most videos I find out here

So spot on Dr!!! After dealing with these ‘personalities’ for nearly 60 years, I believe that the slow, empathising manoeuvring (via therapy and/OR relationships with these people) is the only way they can ‘grow up’.

This was wonderful to hear, thank you for sharing

Was friends with a narcissist for 10 years. 95% of the time he was a great friend if a little needy of attention but otherwise very supportive, always willing to help, very generous. It was all a facade. About once a year he would have these sudden complete breakdowns, triggered by just hearing about me spending some intimate time or encounter with some other person (he and I were strictly friends, never intimates. The parameters of which I was always exactly clear on) and in an intstant all that was abandoned for these weeks long hatefull, rage filled text msging tirades where he called me every insulting thing imaginable. Then he would be calm again, his usual self and expect us to simply resume our normal friendship as if he had not just behaved like a psychotic, petulant monster for weeks. I finally told him this was not normal behavior for any person and absolutely not acceptible and if it ever happened again for any reason our friendship would be instantly and permanently terminated. Of course it happened again and this time he actually engineered a situation to trigger himself and spent the next 5 months in this deranged state (I have all of his text msgs from this period saved on my phone if I ever need to show proof to anyone). I dont and wont have anything further to do with him . That is the consequence he was clearly warned about and must now suffer. I have told him he could see the friendship repaired and resumed only if he saw therapy. He is completely dismissive of it, has never appologized, wont even acknowledge he bahaved as he did. and now is dying from heart disease and tries to play on my sympathies by accassionaly texting me what he's going through. I reply with silence. I have made it clear to him - do you want to die alone or with a friend by your side? You destroyed this friendship for no reason because of your insecurities and terror at introspection and now you have the responsibility of working through all that so this behaviour never happens again, like any grown ass adult would take responsibility to do. But even dying he would rather just gloss over it and pretend nothing happened and hopes with enough lapsed time he can casually get me interacting with him again without ever confronting his own demons or other peoples feelings he hurts. I WILL NOT BUDGE ON THIS MATTER, EVER. i AM INTRACTABLE AND ADAMANTINE. You have to be with these people. There must be unavoidable and permanent consequances they are forced to endure. It's the only way to beat them - the only way to save yourself.

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

Once you escape their chaotic world full of dramas they claim they don’t want or welcome, then clarity returns if they’ve not isolated you by destroying your other friendships and associations to defend their, to them, completely acceptable behaviours and conduct. They may simmer down when they realise you’re of immediate benefit or future value, returning without a mention of their abandonment. Their wide social circles seem to confirm that they’re well liked but over time you see the abandonment of apparently close friends for some perceived offence or not obeying their controlling nature. Their phone dialogues often horrify you as you’re there as they play games with others. They only take away from such dialogues what they need to confirm their own views and change facts to suit themselves. They pursue self gratification with selfishness over securing their needs at your expense and time then defining your time, such as latching onto going somewhere you’ve said you’re going to then controlling the activity to exactly what they want, with no flexibility. They cling to any perceived social weakness to extract the greatest personal supply. If you can manage their turbulent persona and create boundaries they’re good alliances. When they push control agendas with threats of abandonment for infringing unreasonable boundaries you’re wise to simply listen passively, and not react which is what they crave for the immediate attention and future attention seeking from others to validate their conduct. They can share your every dispute and life with others but you’re forbidden from that as they lose their power of controlling their world. As you increasingly heal after their abandonments become a regular thing, and longer in duration to inflict their importance over your life, you’ll find your life getting calmer. As the calm periods get longer, and their malevolent judgements on you don’t come to pass, you regain your life. They want you to enter their world of insecurity and fear as that isolating influence increases their power over you. Stripped of reasonable company, if their world view becomes yours, they malign others outside of their control attempting to destroy those connections, they hope you eventually isolate yourself becoming totally focused on them. At deaths door their blindness to how they act will suddenly clear and they see their destructiveness, by that point against themselves. I think narcissism is an addictive disorder. This end reflects that of the alcoholic who has a final clear realisation that they’ve destroyed themselves. Maybe at deaths door your friend will try to make amends, and actually mean it, with nothing to gain from that act.

@aneily

2 жыл бұрын

My experience is that even these adamantine consequences don't work. It just isolates the narcissist. But good for you for sticking to your guns. I've heard somewhere that giving up the denial of reality is- for them- similar to the feeling of dying, and so the survival parts of the brain are engaged in the narcissistic behaviors.

@mikah8998

Жыл бұрын

I am a narc myself, wont deny it. I always get into arguments with friends and i always apologize but im still sure it hurts both of us. From my end, I have a lot of empathy for my friends, love all my classmates and only want the best for them and i dont care if they joke about me or hate me (sometimes they do lol), i just laugh it off and try making a joke or something. I cannot relate to any of the negative attributes, apart from arguing with friends. I do however love the idea that im destined for something 'good', i thought it was a common idea everyone had, striving to be perfect. I admit that i am wrong and apologize when i judge that I am doing something wrong, at the same time i joke about something and say im the best / cool even if i failed miserably, like a piece of code in front of my friends, etc. - they laugh it off, as do i. Personally i am fulfilled and have a rlly nice life, i do admit that i have breakdowns sometimes where i totally shift off into an insane person but thats only when im constantly exposed to negativity or am very sensitive to something and it breaks me, but even that is very rare and im pretty sure pretty common. Even then, i am self aware and just want to cut out the situation... at least half of me wants to and the other half wants attention.., it really hurts my heart when it happens though.. When i read what u said, it rlly hurt me because i feel terrible for the other guy, he looked like he was keeping a lot of things in and when he got the heart disease, everything started leaking out almost like a water bottle with a hole on the bottom of it. Take it easy with us narcs, especially when we apologize, at least i am very sincere when i do.

@mikah8998

Жыл бұрын

@@brynleytalbot778 I kinda relate to what you said, but at the same time i dont. I feel really lonely without my friends and I always want them around me, i have a really wide social circle, but i also use that to try getting the people along because the more people, the merrier, it somewhat worked out and it made me really happy. Narcisists can use their powers for good too... at least i think.. I still talk to a really old friend of mine online and i really love him as a friend, i always want to talk to him because he is such a good person. I dont "deteriorate" anyone, although i almost wanted to for someone i really despised "for ruining my innocence", but in the end i just decided to never talk to him and to ignore and move on. Another example of this is wanting my friends to get more friends. Maybe im a special case or something idk, but i know that i dont wanna let go of my "i am the best" mentality, it helps a lot in life and i feel happier in general. I do sometimes feel like im under a mask or a "persona", i think someone mentioned that before, but in all honesty, when i goof around and act rlly happy and everyone else is happy, i feel super duper happy

@brynleytalbot778

Жыл бұрын

@@mikah8998 You’re a youthful narcissist where such attributes obviously benefit you, in your view. Your popularity will, I’m afraid, wane as your dependency drains your social circle and they move on. Codependents work for you, for now, perhaps forming flying monkeys you unconsciously employ to expand your social circle of admirers. As you mature and vacate what sound like a student environment you may find your associates abandoning you. It’s fine to be the class clown in school not so fine in a workplace. The tactic of estrangement from friends who formerly suited your objectives may become a dominant feature leading to you becoming a liability to future friends who are mentally strong and healthy. The narcissist I associated with in a long close friendship did, in my retrospective analysis, attach to me because I was vulnerable and their ‘help’ was avaricious even though it appeared altruistic. It’s the inner demon that controls that person and in the end validating their atrocious judgements of others they wished me to despise too and their exploitative behaviours became intolerable so I diplomatically forced an end they instigated giving them the illusion of being in control, the dominant one, and retaining their power over others. You may find yourself increasingly losing friends after they discover your tactic of cutting them off entirely without trying to retain a nodding acquaintance so they decide you’re not worth the effort over the long term. Narcissists don’t back down whereas balanced people will have private disdain but publicly acknowledge their nemesis. Narcissists with sociopathic dimensions can exploit their charm and lack of morals or ethics to form self seeking advancement in corporate hierarchies where associations with those of status suit their inner sense of superiority. Their sociopathic trait benefits them as they’ll walk al over anyone and accumulate weak sycophants to support their rise abandoning anyone who ceases to benefit their destiny to appear perfectly suited to being a leader. I’m afraid that they are followers not leaders. Followers need a cohort of adoring sycophantic acolytes. Leaders unite but are happier in solace focusing on strategy. Look at any workplace to see how narcissists advance and how they do it. As with all psychological disorders there is a wide variety of affects. Every Instagram Influencer is of a narcissistic disposition needing adulation and a growing following of sycophants dependent upon them to lead. There are extremes of narcissism and slight narcissism. We all have narcissism in some form as we have extroversion even if we’re generally shy and retiring. Given your focus on coding and no doubt the nerd cohort perhaps you’ve incorrectly defined yourself as a narcissist when you may have some degree of Aspergers. It’s very easy to pigeon hole yourself into some psychological classification that doesn’t really fit. Perfectionism is a facet of Aspergers which relates to the self rather than being imposed on everyone you seek to associate with. That’s a distinct difference between narcissists and those with Aspergers. You may be misjudging yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

People go to therapy because they feel bad, not because they make others feel bad.

This is extremely generous. How can someone refute the voicemail - it was literally there? It that sort of lying where i lose some or all of my compassion for them. It feels sadistic.

@alekseycalvin534

3 жыл бұрын

From what I understand, to accept the reality in that moment may feel to that person like a total freefall towards everything they can't handle about themselves. So, going there may feel much much bigger to them than that particular situation, or any particular interaction with any particular person. And in many cases, being sadistic is exactly the opposite of what they believe they are doing, even if that's what is actually happening. Especially if there is indeed genuine denial at work (which, I think, is a sort of situation the doctor is trying to illustrate in this video). Rather, the person in denial may be profoundly threatened by whoever is showcasing back to them an irreconcilable facet of themselves. It may feel at that moment that to accept this would make being in the world absolutely impossible. As they are dealing with this existential fear, they might not even fully register the person confronting them with it as an individual in the same way as themselves. But maybe more like an avatar of their own psychodrama. Thankfully, that's a sort of thing many therapists are aware of and have complex ways of trying to work with. Of course, the same should not be expected from most family members, friends, partners, and so on...

@therabbithat

3 жыл бұрын

because if the voicemail was really there, that would mean they had a flaw. One tiny flaw, or one big flaw, or one medium sized flaw, doesn't matter. For the person with NPD, any flaw at all means they are the worst person in the entire world. The worst person ever. Think of the most shit you ever felt about yourself, think of how guilty and ashamed you felt the worst time you ever fucked up, and times that by 1000 (unless you have one of the agonising PDs yourself in which case you probably don't need to times it by a 1000!). To protect themselves from that pain they have learned to lie to themselves and everyone around them. It's sort of like.. "if I am not perfect.. I will immediately die". Oh and "anyone who says I'm not perfect is my enemy!" (emotionally speaking, "i feel like they are trying to kill me!")

@katkatkatkat463

3 жыл бұрын

@@pbj7890 i realise that you must have been going through some really bitter issues when you wrote that, but you should maybe reflect a little on what you are saying. The amount of malicious intent you are attributing to all “cluster Bs” borders on paranoid ideation; it reeks of projection and suggests you may possess some of the very traits that you are currently railing against. I hope this is a transient attitude for you and that you can cultivate compassion with time, and stop demonising a whole patient population based on your personal experience.

@koohletit1453

3 жыл бұрын

@@therabbithat I really apriciete you... You have absolutely no idea, man...

@the.empresssssssss

3 жыл бұрын

@@pbj7890 all humans are actual parasites, hope you don't feel much better than anyone else :)

It's on a spectrum. I just wanted to say Confront that liar! Lol. I wanted to do it so many times and I did sometimes. I just couldn't let that obvious gaslighting go by unchallenged. But maybe that's why NPDs quit therapy. They get confronted and they feel that empty void encroaching and approaching and go ballistic. Ikr, we have to try to help them but oh boy. Smh

This explains and validates so much. 🙏🏾💚

This EXACT thing happened about 3-4 months ago, with my mother. She called on. Saturday, probably 13 times. I am no contact and the history her incessant calling bouts, conveys to me or at least how I interpret it is, “When I call you, you drop everything!” It’s never an emergency. So, the next morning, she calls once, while I was asleep as, I’d turned in late. When I awoke a couple of hours later, I saw the one call from her, a call from the police in her town and a call from the police in my town. I called both police stations. A police officer had also been at my door. Their feeling is that it’s dementia as, they’d asked her a few questions she didn’t know the answer to. While it’s quite possible that she may not have the answer as, I don’t think she watches TV anymore, my impression from her general behavior for the past 3 years is that she “fauxgets” as a manipulation. That, if she feels it will encourage the police to make me go to her house, she’ll forget her own name - if she has to. Anyway, I told the police that I’d call her but, although they told me I should visit her, I told them no and that, although she’s not been diagnosed and I am not qualified to diagnose her, I believe she has NPD, maybe with some dementia possibly. When I called her though, and I reached her less than 2 hours after I spoke with police, she said she hadn’t called me, nor the police. Even said, “The lengths people will go to.” As a total layman, I cannot tell whether it’s dementia, NPD or a mix. Can’t tell if she’s just gaslighting me or not. I can only go by the general narcissistic traits I’ve seen, heavily during the past 3 years and intermittently, over the past decade, that I can recognize. The typical narcissistic issues of manipulation, lack of empathy, triangulation of me and my sister, self-destruction (of her property and neglect of herself), objectifying, attempted sabotage of my livelihood, gaslighting, etc. and, of course, I believe that it is driven by things like envy, control and age. But, it was certainly unfortunate to get the impression that she “may” have not know what she did - until 2 weeks later, when she did it again. The police told her not to call me so - she calls me that night to see how I’m doing, which she never does. For me, it just sounds like, “I know what I did and you know what I did. But, as long as I play dumb about everything and act as if I know not what I do, I can just perpetuate it, even where the police are concerned.”

@zanideleon5979

3 жыл бұрын

are you in search of a spell caster? i found a legit source recently and he asked me a few questions and immediately i get my love back! i was fucking shocked,but was nervous at first cos i’ve never tried such tho. +1 (413) 685-0377 text him directly on both cell phone or Whatsapp

I love that Dr. Yeomans is of the mind that narcissists can be helped. It's such a breath of fresh air, and gives me hope that someone I really love, might actually get better. I wonder if Dialectical Behavior Therapy is effective for narcissism. Given its effectiveness for Borderline Personality Disorder, I'm inclined to think that it would be. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts and experiences about this.

@kezzokav5905

2 жыл бұрын

According to the current scientific literature, it is not. People with NPD tend not to seek help, nor want it as they don't see that they have a problem. If they attend therapy, it is court ordered or in their best interest (e.g. spouse threatens to leave them if they don't go to therapy). People with BPD however, often seek help and desperately want to change which is why ongoing, intensive DBT helps them tremendously.

@mozorellastick2583

Жыл бұрын

@@kezzokav5905 there are some self aware narcissist who go to therapy because they finally wake up to the harm they’ve been causing. This is a small fraction and it’s unrealistic to think your special narcissist will be one of them, but dbt is effective for them

@felicidad2388

Жыл бұрын

I wish this was true also, but It probably works when the narcissist level is not to high per-say! Mine is a full blown covert narcissist and he does talk about his insecurities, about being sad all his life, his anxiety and depression he knows he has all these things but never wants to look for help! I told him many times to seek for help but he wouldn’t and he did what they do, love bombing, devaluation and discard! As soon as you question their behavior you’re gone! Is really hard for us to know how to handle a person with such sensitive personalities! I loved him to death, I cry everyday of how sad it makes me that there is no hope for him, I brake my head thinking why is he like that? I pray to God for a miracle! It hurts bc I know he is a very dark place but yet he pushes away everything good in his life! Doesn’t know how to appreciate anything good you do for him! I so wish there was something just a little light for him even if he is not with me! But I wish he could have a happy normal life!

@Thang4321

Жыл бұрын

Has he got better so far? I genuinely want to know if he really get better

Fuck I’ve been up for 26 hours Researching narcissism my partner with 15 years finally left me she said that she has finally told me enough about my narcissistic Ways.. Dam I’ve A narcissist for 30 years and I’m really just now setting it understanding it! I’m a compulsive antisocial covert narcissist but I’m gonna get some help

@catholicdad

3 жыл бұрын

or, perhaps the partner was the problem

@incognitoincognitov8349

3 жыл бұрын

Are you sure that you are not confusing NPD with schizoid personality disorder?

@bystandersarah

3 жыл бұрын

If you have the ability to self reflect like this about it, you probably aren’t the narcissist. It’s very possible your partner is. It’s common for them to flip it on their victim. Try talking to a therapist for an evaluation. And if you are on the narcissism spectrum, good on you for seeking help! That’s what makes people truly smart. The ability to ask for help and guidance.

@bystandersarah

3 жыл бұрын

@Meg Griffin I’ve heard it’s a spectrum so maybe you are high functioning? I’m no expert. I’m in the throes of betrayal trauma so I’m a mess and probably not the best source of info right now. My sources are listening to lots of Dr. Ramani and other licensed psychologists on KZread. Like I said, 😅not an expert but I do know that people with that disorder can often make their partner feel like they are the one with the problem as my ex did. My problem was that I was being abused and had no idea. There was always something really off happening and I definitely didn’t think it was right that I was the only one to ever apologize for anything. Anyway, good luck with your journey!

@bystandersarah

3 жыл бұрын

@Meg Griffin thanks that gives me hope my ex can maybe see more clearly one day for his own sake and that of people in his future.

I'm a narcissist and since I've acknowledged this fact, I have become less narcissistic I think.

@isaglum9148

2 жыл бұрын

Good because you can destroy others life's.

@user-kc3oc9zw9b

2 жыл бұрын

@@isaglum9148 not good at all

@Cale_Davison

2 жыл бұрын

good that you are aware and not in denial.

@wildestnothing927

2 жыл бұрын

It's good. It might hurt like hell to acknowledge it, but self awareness is the first step to opening the door for change and you hurting less, hurting your loved ones less.

@joooo9806

2 жыл бұрын

I have that tendency as well. I keep saying and doing stuff that I regret instantly afterwards. It's funny but my ego makes me wanna do better because I wanna leave a better impression, kinda ironic.

2:17 wow 🤯 his explanation is good and is example is perfect. From here to the end of the video was good.

This speaks about narcissist people and taught me how to handle these people. Love yourself! compare yourself to who you were in the past and not with anybody else. Prevent being a narcissist.

This is very helpful, thank you.

It's always weird to me how people pick and choose what mental illnesses they want to provide empathy for. Narcissism is a mental disorder!!! Just as we are empathic to depressed people less us also be pathic to narcissists.

@mishi144

Жыл бұрын

It's hard to be empathetic towards someone who is and always will be incapable of empathy.

@ARedMagicMarker

Жыл бұрын

Nah. Not when narcs see empathy as weakness and as something to exploit and drain dry. There's a difference.

@tiffanyh629

Жыл бұрын

@@ARedMagicMarker many narcs got to their point bc they were deprived of the empathy they should've had growing up. They grew up desperately trying to protect themselves from their abusers and that mentality and coping mechanisms, like for everyone, stick with them to adulthood. This ofc, doesn't mean you dismiss their behavior bc "uwu they're just a sick wittle baby, it's ooooooook". This just means you acknowledge where they're coming from but still hold your ground. Narcissists need treatment via empathy and while you might not have the ability nor want to be around that, that doesn't mean they aren't as deserving of treatmenr

@ARedMagicMarker

Жыл бұрын

@@tiffanyh629 Yeeaah, nope. I don't care if you are a not a narc or a narc that needs treatment, you come at me with that mess, I will treat you accordingly. They are still choosing to act this way. A narc is undeserving of empathy, because they see it as weakness and will use it against you, per their programming. They aren't even deserving of hatred, they are just deserving of indifference. And because I know that about them, I just leave them be, and I refuse to be shamed for that. So you're telling me I should waste my time on a creature who is programmed to take people's kindness and empathy and twist it for evil and their own supply? Yeah, nope, nada. Not gonna happen. Been there and done that, even before I knew what this disorder was, I could still sense there was something wrong with them. All deserve to be left to their own devices aka NO CONTACT. I refuse to be supply for the narc. I got one of these things for a parent. Diagnosed. I know the amount of danger, slander, heaps upon heaps of lies, and destruction they cause all for the sake of their ego and I will not be an accessory to it. If you want to be an apologist (flying monkey 2.0) to the narc-kind, then you go and be an empathy accessory to a narc and watch where it gets you. There are professionals trained to deal with people like this, but guess what? The narc isn't interested in getting better, they are only interested in using the therapist to further learn to manipulate others. Narcs are a menace and need to be kept at 100x arm's length for the mental health and safety of others. And it's not like they are possessed by anything, they chose to be this way. That's why I have no pity for them. They aren't the only ones with bad childhoods, and not everyone with bad childhoods turned out to be such a huge, steaming pile of maggot-infested dog-doo and proud of it to boot. My mommy wasn't a very nice lady. NPD and with bipolar, refusing treatment. But hey, I wouldn't dream of doing even half the crap narcs do to innocent people just because they can. But having a narc parent has a silver lining: You can spot other covert narcs quickly, and stop and expose their games quickly with learned stealth. But I know why there is this pushback from the narc and narc apologist community. Everyone recognizing their tell-tale traits and avoiding them = no yummy, juicy supply and they'll starve. Narcs tend not to want to bait and supply other narcs, so they prey on others, especially in the dating world. No one dating them = no yummy children supply/tools. So as far as "empathy" goes, I can indeed understand their panic in that regard. If they act out in rage and commit a crime as of some sort, people will know and document them, catch them, and find out, and still find out about their disorder as it's blatant to see in court settings, or under MRI scan....then they'll end up in prison and still starve. And that's just not my problem. A literal emotional vampire is just not worth my time or care, especially when I'm seen as the food (supply) for their own laughable ego, need to destroy, and mediocre existence. Pretty sure almost every horrendously bad thing that happened in history, if you were to dig deeper, you'd find some narc or Cluster B personality writhing at the bottom like a cockroach under a moved log.. Good riddance to this lot. I got nothing for them.

@hi-mj5oi

Жыл бұрын

@@ARedMagicMarker you are bitter because u lack compassion.

A text I read described people that suffer from NPD as chronic deniers of both gratitude and dependency. They are always fine, they always say they do not need anything, and they do not acknowledge other peoples generosity. If they spend the holidays with people it is communicated by the person that is suffering from NPD that he or she spend the holidays with the family because the family wishes it to be that way and that the person defer to their wishes because he or she is a very good and perfect person.

@ShadowsMasquerade

7 ай бұрын

This is a very accurate representation of the people I know in real life that I consider to be narcissists to their very core.

Excellent video 👍🏼👍🏼

Denial of reality....perfect description of confronting a narcissist on their behaviour. Insanity

@jewishgenes

7 ай бұрын

Denial of shared reality. As far as they are concerned things are going great. 😂

Dealing with a cruel narcissist father as a child that abandoned the family I believe left Me very low on self esteem as a child and that low self esteem has followed me all my life in some way. I ended up spending 8 years with a man that was a narcissist as well, these people prey on the vulnerable and people low on self esteem and self worth. I didn't understand NPD when I was growing up or when I started my past relationship. As time went on, I realized how similar this person I was with was cruel dad as a child. It was a true epiphany lightbulb moment.

This is great!

at the heart of helping a Narc heal it seems is basically supporting them in accepting reality! This can be hard... when you are the one in the abusive relationship with them... they have to find someone they don't feel inclined to manipulate to empathize with them ...methinx...

So professional. Respect

Trying to get some folks in some situations to see their own denial of reality is like trying to ask them to, and I mention this in an academic spirit, get them to deny reality itself. To many of them-- those that are not knowingly reacting via gas lighting, it is reality. The best response? Is it to ask them to see how what they have done might impact someone/hurt others if they are wrong? Can you insult without expecting a response? I think it would be helpful if some therapist would stop gaming the situation. Tell your clients what is happening. There seems to be this wizard of oz thing going on... where the therapist wants to give something to the patient that the patient already has. Just ask them to learn about their diagnosis. Learn about the science. Ask themselves if they can see what is happening to them. Perhaps they can then see that they are not responsible for it on one level, and that is okay to be average-- to be neither good or bad but to be both.

For what I'm seeing, a narcissist star they journey to cure when they are able to say "I'm sorry"

@FLdancer00

3 жыл бұрын

Haha, no. It's very easy to SAY "I'm sorry", but do they ever mean it?

@everything5066

2 жыл бұрын

I think I (a self diagnosed narcissist) can say sorry and feel great pain if I hurt someone and I know I can feel empathy and compassion. I'm even a people pleaser . Not all of us are abusive. The problem with all of us is the seeking of validation. I don't recall ever having a fight with someone since I was a kid without me trying my best to make things better for both of us but the need for everyone to see me , acknowledge me and just be aware of my existence is overpowering .

Thank u. Try to do this as a social worker . But can be very scary though cause it can elicit intense anger

@annekerotterdam7499

4 жыл бұрын

No, it's dangerous to 'try'....Narcisstic rage! As a social worker you should refer clients with a mental disorder to a specialist.

@mimi-xw5se

4 жыл бұрын

@@annekerotterdam7499 social workers are dumb

@annekerotterdam7499

4 жыл бұрын

@@mimi-xw5se I don't believe I'm dumb.

@britegrl03

3 жыл бұрын

@@mimi-xw5se sounds ignorant, uneducated and narcissistic

@britegrl03

3 жыл бұрын

@@annekerotterdam7499 social workers in my state are licensed to be therapists. If a client can't handle the truth and isnt willing to work on their issue (s) they have the right to disengage from treatment at any time. We have a certain level of responsibility in our own treatment. If a person wants to remain miserable it's not a therapist's job to force treatment.

living with someone who has NPD is really tough. U always feel confused.they are toxic for another level.they always make u feel dump.for them u wanted to stop dreaming, stop thinking about u.u forget that u r also a living thing exist in this world.always get insulted and annoyed is ur everyday routine.

Both my parents were narcissists and im only coming around to fixing myself now at 41... treating this is a long walk so any suggestions would be much appreciated

@ImpulsoCreativo9322

Жыл бұрын

How is it going?

@boxingfit

Жыл бұрын

@Impulso Creativo Hi.... it is going OK.. its not easy knowing I have traits but I don't use them... my anger has not carried over but the hurt has.. I fully know the triggers of narcissists. I deeply know I have traits and I try not across on them which I don't 99% of the time... but I fully realise what I am (( but was never acting on them narcissist tendencies )) and I know full well where I came from with my parents and acknowledged that my parents were very damaged....iv a great family who understand my journey, my wife and teenage daughters understand it all thank god

@ImpulsoCreativo9322

Жыл бұрын

@@boxingfit so u dont have full npd? Still with therapists. And many blessings to u and your family. Please pray for my family as we sre trying round two of therapy with my npd husband, keeping divorce as an option if he doesn't become willing to work on his stuff. Pray we may find good therapists!

@boxingfit

Жыл бұрын

@Impulso Creativo I'm really sorry you are going through a hard time... I'm very aware of the damage it does to people... with me I always knew if I was wrong..and I always felt guilty if I upset someone...so my parents being narcissists was more of awful treatment onto me but I wasn't one... I had some traits but therapy helped me work through them by acknowledgement of them.... jez I'm so sorry, my wife if the same... I gave her a choice to fix herself or I'd leave... I wont except abuse or anything like it.... the ball is in her court.... your heart must be torn I'd say

Freud differentiated, I believe, between disavowal and denial. In denial, awareness of the reality is not retained. One common misconception is that denial is just lying.

The opening beep is LOUD!! I lower the volume - trying to time it without missing the intro

So what do you say in such situation to a person who denies reality?

THE NARCISSIST'S PRAYER: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did... You deserved it!

@zanideleon5979

3 жыл бұрын

are you in search of a spell caster? i found a legit source recently and he asked me a few questions and immediately i get my love back! i was fucking shocked,but was nervous at first cos i’ve never tried such tho. +1 (413) 685-0377 text him directly on both cell phone or Whatsapp

@FLdancer00

3 жыл бұрын

#Facts

@cm-yu6gu

2 жыл бұрын

Woowww

Be kind be honest be grateful obey souls respect souls respect rules then souls connect with love. Except everything happened in life some reason then happiness builds up in heart. Help others very important.

I think that is a huge difference between bpd and npd. The bpd see the bad in themselves and struggle to see good and the npd humans are determined to only see the good in themselves.

The "fake news" thing really came into play in an unusual manner: literally! I'd turn on the LOCAL news just to check the weather, leave the room for a second, come back snd find the t.v. off. When I asked why, I'd get an answer like: "well, you weren't watching it ". This held true for just about anything that came out of the "idiot box". She'd ask to watch a movie but never make it past 10 minutes. I think it was due to a short attention span - which is another 'red flag'. - 🦂

Omg Lmao she said “that wasn’t me” 😆😂🤣 hahah

Where are you located? Can you do therapy via zoom? Im located in Mexico que and my son who is the the person with the disorder is located in north Carolina. I really think you can help my son and I. May I contact you by telephone?

more divorces = less enablers = less narcissists.

This is the guy you want as a therapist, not the sympathetic ones. They are in for your money.

I have not be able to get the answer as to whether NPD can be completely healed or if therapy is just simply helping the client to cope more effectively? If they can be completely healed what is the time table on such a process?

@Kitty4u

3 жыл бұрын

Idk about specifically npd (although I have npd), but in general personality tends to say stagnant. Personality develops on adolescence and young adulthood, this is when personality disorders develop. A personality disorder is simply extreme or intense personality traits that ussually developed because they where necessary in childhood but now pose problems as an adult. The intensity and distress can definitely be helped and treated but someone with npd is probably going to remain even a little bit narcissistic because it's so ingrained in us.

@Thang4321

Жыл бұрын

5 to 10 years. And it depends on whether they can handle therapy or not. Therapy is hard work and could be triggering

Where can I find a NOT "garden variety" therapist for NPD???

@annekerotterdam7499

3 жыл бұрын

Imo.....(experience/facts) there's no 'therapy' for NPD, it's not treatable, inherent to the disorder.

@crispaynoodIes

4 ай бұрын

​@@annekerotterdam7499What? The whole point of these videos is to show that there is treatment

Kernberg always said confront the spiltting.

Who is this Dr talking to in this video? Is she interviewing him or is she a client?

@wonderfulj5093

2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Frank Yeomans

I’m frightened for this man…that one day he will become a victim of one of these types of patients.

Why are you wearing a sportsbra?

Omgs, my current partner split on me and then said that he didn’t remember. It happened many we are trying to get him a BPD diagnosis. But I’m a bit afraid of it being NPD instead. I’m autistic and have PTSD, and I don’t know if I can stay with him if it ends up being NPD instead of BPD(where there’s a lot more hope).

@ohokay4663

3 жыл бұрын

Also autistic and have PTSD here so thats neat! If you want my opinion, the taxonomy of mental illness is only useful for medical reasons and not for practical use in personal experience. The differences between BPD and NPD are few- mental disorders have a lot of overlap like that. Whatever the diagnosis ends up being shouldn't influence your decision to stay or leave as much as his plan to treat the disorder and his capability of adhering to that plan to genuinely improve.

@ImpulsoCreativo9322

Жыл бұрын

Are you still with him?

@iwishmynamewasclementine

Жыл бұрын

@@ImpulsoCreativo9322 no, I left

@iwishmynamewasclementine

Жыл бұрын

@@ohokay4663 the thing is people with BPD generally (all BPDs I know) dont deny they have problems and don’t deny help/treatment. He denied both, and that happens with NPD (I was raised by one). I left tho

@ohokay4663

Жыл бұрын

@@iwishmynamewasclementine well whatever he has, if he was acting that way then I'm glad you left. Stay safe :p

It sounds...yes!...really scary...

It’s called gaslighting.. She left you a nasty message as retaliation for what she perceived as shade or insulting✔️(the fact you didn’t reschedule at her beck and call.) She avoided the topic altogether to make you take the responsibility of bringing it up. ✔️She did that so she can watch your micro gestures carefully to see if you seem uneasy this session, are you consumed by what she did?, are you in the same mood you’re always in or has she affected your mood?, is she “getting to you”?.. This is what she is looking intently to see.👀✔️(post abuse intel… plus, a way for her to switch her focus and demeanor while she sits in your sessions. A power play basically). This is her basically daring you to bring it up. Imagine, the whole time she was gauging to see WHEN you would bring it up. This offers her secret alleviation from the shame of having her flawed mental processes pointed out and enables her to shift her inner focus to the entertainment of watching what she perceives as you *society’s smart guy/hero* being effected by her “power”. ✔️There’s now a smirk where there used to be despair…She’s now a private detective of your micro gestures and gauging your hesitation, timing, perceiving weakness if you hadn’t brought it up etc… Do you see how this shifts the power dynamics. She feels she is WINNING. ✔️ She’s no longer the patient, she is now the tester of you. She is no longer there to receive guidance for healing, she is now there to toy around with your reactions and actions in response to her actions. ✔️ You brought it up. (Holding her accountable for abuse). She was prepared bc she ruminated and did some second order thinking about how she would respond to your possible responses. Obviously out of her bag of tricks, she chose to Gaslight. ✔️ She then sat there and watched your reaction intently. This is entertaining for her. Imagine the day before seeing you, she made silent bets with herself or any other narc friend who views therapy as “bullshit”. How will he respond once I covertly abuse him and straight up lie to his face/ deny his reality? (Leave the nasty message then play stupid.) You see to the narc and narc friends, therapy is just something they may have been forced into or is simply an activity of show boating for supply or possible future supply. To them it’s just a place to prove they are smarter than the person everyone else thinks is smart. (The therapist)Thus, self validating their negative outlook theory of a “shitty unfair world” in which her “intelligence” is underrated for reasons of mass society problems (fundamental pov for her narc desire to put selfish gain above even the good of the entire world. Also correlated to a “sit back and watch the world burn” mentality.) Big juicy question for narc inner dialogue or gossip: Will the therapist be able to cut the chord of manipulation or will you be like a dog following a red herring. (Dog whistling, reaction abuse) She is making bets that you will be a “weak soul”. I’m sure she was looking for signs of confusion when she GASLIT you. If you showed any confusion, she now believes she can control your emotions. Meaning, take you from the happy guy you used to seem like to a confused guy who’s constantly abused and denied their reality…it shows up in your general countenance as, less bubbly and more serious/confused looking. This gives her an evil smirk 😏. Indeed, like water chipping away at a stone, it’s subtle and happens over time. The changing of your countenance, that is. ✔️ This is dupers delight! She’s now labeling you inferior and thus jerks you around with statements (such as: that’s my voice but that’s not me.) that keep you in the dark about how to diagnose, analyze or perceive her. ✔️ 👀What will you diagnose the narc with now doc?…- she has set a catch 22 for you, post abuse. Here’s the dilemma she sets you: she wants to see you either consider her statement true or false bc either way she wins. 🤠 1.If you think it’s true that she hears herself do something you both know she did and believes her when she says that’s not her, then you’re a sucker bc you’re easily fooled from her pov. (I know abt multiple personality disorder but if she’s not truly disordered in that way then she escapes by seeing you as stupid for misdiagnosing her on a lie etc) 2. If you think it’s false, well then, she will challenge you to prove she is lying bc she knows you can’t prove it, so she will lie with a straight face and will keep you spinning your wheels on this. An energy draining tactic. 3.Finally, If you give up… 🏳, she wins!! bc from her point of view you lack discernment 🤣😂😅 see it’s all a catch 22. They are all about win/lose. ✔️ In the process they can not heal themselves bc they are too busy ruminating in second order thinking to escape truth and “turning the tables” on any and everyone opposing their agenda, psychologist included.✔️ She will keep this behavior pattern going in various ways that seem inconsequential. However, little by little she wants you to start to see this is her long term way of “outsmarting” you( in her mind )and proving to herself how stupid you are. ✔️ Little by little you will begin to see that more than likely a narc can not be “saved”/helped even by a psychologist. They first have to want help for themselves because they have to disarm themselves of deceptive practices and be transparent. Instead the core of narcissism is pride in ability to “outsmart/deceive ” others to prove self grandiosity/feed ego. It will take divine intervention/new arising internal desire&will power for a narc to disarm themselves of obsessive power focus and reside fully in the higher self focused present moment

@rgravi

Жыл бұрын

Deep.

😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 please please please for the love of all that is holy have more therapists like this man. My child and I need him for her father. My heart aches so hard 😖😭😭😭 I thought I could help him 😩he thinks he’s unlovable deep down but embodies that false self. Totally consumed by lies 😭😭😭and I would’ve stuck by him to the end 😭😭😭

Well im a huge narccisist so here I am, I may be one but im not stupid enough to deny it.

Did u just get out the gym ?

@ok_roman

2 ай бұрын

I know, it’s terrible, in all the videos she’s wearing that completely out of context sweatshirt while interviewee has a suit. She’s got all the super expensive equipment but don’t know how to present an interview. She could reshoot parts where she asks questions though. It’s fairly easy to do. But she didn’t, that tells you she’s oblivious.

therehave been cases where mothers lift a car if a child is under it. from a outside wiew the mother lifted the car, but when asked the mother they probaply would not recocnice being a kind of a person lifting a car in the air. in a traumatic event there can rise from a person aspects the person is totally unaware. the feeling can be that some stranger did the things done. this can alsoy be the feeling when something is done that is perceived negative .

if we think of narcissism as treatable, we must also think of it as possible to induce. Therefore, therapy that only affirms the patient's narrative is in essence pro-narcissism

Joe Pera?

Who was the girl interviewing him?

@SamStone1964

Жыл бұрын

I looked it up for you and I think it is Rebbie Ratner.

Welcome to psychiatry 101. ❤️

Good therapist. At end he discusses fake news as denying reality. What if it is really fake news? Is the therapist denying reality?

@annekerotterdam7499

3 жыл бұрын

yep

Money is nothing serving souls is everything

Just my perspective, Ns are experts at being cunning. They will deny any fault even it it hurts a child. And also, thanks for the warning DSM. Describing it as Lacks Empathy is a Dis service to humanity. Ns darn near killed me on several occasions.

My husband WANTS help. Where does he turn? What’s out there? Zoom? Help please. All I’m finding is too much information for victims and therapists. Please, any suggestions would be soooooo appreciated.

@meringue3288

2 жыл бұрын

Personally I like this technique called "somatic experiencing". If he is a narcissist he can be treated by processing the trauma that caused him to become a narcissist.

Is there a way that I could schedule a session with this gentleman?

@ft.jackjimmy7282

2 жыл бұрын

Me too

Sure the person you were talking about that left the phone message didn't have DID?

2:18 BAM!

I always wonder if I'm the narcissist or my wife was tbh all I know is she stole my family from me

For me Dealing with a Narc and having a relationship with her was like having a relation with an alcooholic who hasn't stoped drinking, was abstinent and I never knew if she was ok. I was stressed and started to distance myself and even lied about If I was home or at work.. Especially now during corona. I worked from home since march but told her I was at shool since I am a teacher. Just to avoid her coming over. Funny thing but they sometimes make us look like a Narc full of lies. 🙄🤔🙈🙉Not she didnt want symbiosis but still wanted more time with me even though i was at her home the whole weekends from friday to sunday evening. Then we even saw each other the following week. She came ovef for like 2 days. It was never enough. If u love someone u want to be with that Person a lot but still have your own private time. To reflect and to do your own stuff. Friends family and so on. I think it was all about control for her. And sex... She was a sex addict.

@umanuu

4 жыл бұрын

yes control is a big thing - and yet its not necessarily an evil type of control - it's a control driven by fear.

Question: Is every narcissist abusive?

@yakult9618

Жыл бұрын

No. narcissists arent inherently abusive, in the same way people with autism or adhd arent inherently abusive

@wave8867

Жыл бұрын

Not necessarily abusive, but selfish actions and behaviours can result in others getting hurt. A entitled narcissist will probably hurt others on an emotional level, due to feeling entitled to everything and not understanding others around them. A narcissist who accidentally hurts someone, but then never acknowledges it at all. This lack of empathy will hurt and confuse others. Attention seeking behaviours might send the narcissist into being controlling for a person's time. Might even try to deliberately make others jealous. Overall, these actions are not verbally or physically abusive.. but there is a narcissistic/emotionally abusive way to them.

I'm trying to find ways to heal frim this I keep seeing videos on healing from abuse from a narcissists but not if you were the narcissist and only abused yourself.

@Elif-pq7cc

3 жыл бұрын

How did you notice you had npd?

@nooneinparticular8383

3 жыл бұрын

@@Elif-pq7cc Finally realized it when people from my previous place gets sooo drained out. And there would always be drama whenever i came from. And thats when i notice im the one with the problem.

@Elif-pq7cc

3 жыл бұрын

no one in particular thank you. I have one more question. Have you ever suspected that somethings weren’t right with you before you finally noticed you had npd?

@nooneinparticular8383

3 жыл бұрын

@@Elif-pq7cc always been like this since i was a kid. Just thought that everyone is just like me. But i always has this feeling that there's something wrong with me.

@ACTIONSALAD

3 жыл бұрын

I knew their was a problem bit I kept thinking it was other people and not me

My understanding is that sympathy and empathy are the same and compassion is different.

I think it's considered enabling at worst

Can a therapist provide therapy when the therapist is only born of the flesh (ego)? In my experience the ego is like a Pit-bull; one must train the ego (Pit-bull) to be genital and protective, not viscous and dangerous to be borne of the Spirit (consciousness). The function of the ego is to protect, but most people have an over protective ego. Out of control like a poorly trained Pit-bull. Most people refuse to be Responsible. "The Devil made me do it." - Flip Wilson (Way of thinking.) Therapists are not trained to be born of the Spirit (Born Again / Wisdom), they ate trained to follow Policy and make money, just like Big Pharma taught them.

I wish I could get treatment but I'm too stubborn and embarrassed tbh

Whether it's Fake News or not does not depend on who is using the term, it depends on who is defining it and his comparison to his patients behavior is lame at best. Something is either a lie or it is not as he just proved by keeping a recording of the message. The only point of contention would then be, whether or not what the patient said was unacceptably vulgar or not.

Narcissist can always outsmart these doctors.

our creator can heal everyone, praise Yahuah

@Lysa122

3 жыл бұрын

halleluYah

@judyjones6304

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe in afterlife! Not on Earth..

@dudedecor9953

3 жыл бұрын

Nah he watches

The question is: Why are "emotions" now driving the so called "solutions"??? Until the GasBags on both sides of this argument attempt to answer this question, truthfully, we ALL will be subject to this continual re-hash of stories that describe abject lunacy.

Osho and Abraham Hicks say that Selfish is a virtue, provided one does no cruelty to others. Similarly self-centered is a virtue. Does society prefer you be off-center? Inconsiderate of the rights of others is not a virtue. Society treats selfish and inconsiderate the same. They are not the same. Ironically the narcissist does not love himself. As JP Sears so elequently pointed out, the narc has a very deep sense of insignificance. That is the problem. The narc is addicted to external validation but the secret to rid ones self of feelings of insignificance is self validation and self love. I think that voice in us that validates us comes from our parents praising us when we were small. If our parents didn't praise us that voice does not develop well. Even during adult stage that voice can be nurtured through positive affirmations .

He makes me a bit inpatient....

@isabels2973

4 жыл бұрын

I thought the same thing ^^

@xDidonax

4 жыл бұрын

@@annekerotterdam7499 yeah... He seems quite arrogant ("mister know it all"). Very annoying! I'd never go into therapy with him!

@Knightgil

4 жыл бұрын

He's only a narcissist if you never met one in real life. I know how looking at a narcissist feels like. It doesn't feels like him.

@Gamez4eveR

4 жыл бұрын

Anneke Rotterdam smell yourself then lmfao

@annekerotterdam7499

4 жыл бұрын

Imfao: than....

Bro’s more ripped than me 😂😂😂

patriarchy is not the thing where only women r victims, it is the thing where family hierarchy, child abuse, gender based work separation, etc are accepted & so narcissism.

He speaks soooo slowly he puts me to sleep. 😳

inner famiky systems therapy

So, while therapists spend years coddling their NPD clients/patients, they are out in society making other people miserable. Not a good arrangement, couldn't be the best treatment.

Why make your posts about politics when talking about fake news. So lame. Good video otherwise about narcissistic behavior.

Here for the triggered trump supporters in the comments lol 💀 🍿

@free_software_channel

9 ай бұрын

Belittling others makes me feel powerful and keeps the insecurity at bay for a few hours. I wasn't a fan of trump either hopefully we get some better candidates next time

It cannot be treated. They created a false self from a very young age... Take the narc away, youre left with a toddler

@vaibhavhanchate6287

4 жыл бұрын

It can be treated

@xrc7445

4 жыл бұрын

Yes. And a nasty toddler at that

@amaraamara2712

4 жыл бұрын

@@vaibhavhanchate6287false, it can be managed with therapy (which im doubtful) but no cure has been found to date. Big difference

@justme8841

4 жыл бұрын

our creator can heal everyone, its very sad if would be true that they cant be healed. there is a cause and a cause can be treated, if someone is willing, they can do it and even if it means to work on themselves everyday. i "only" have narcissistic traits and i work hard on myself everyday for others and for myself to be a better person. i can understand if have been hurt by someone who is narcissistic and therefore you cannot believe we can heal, but i hope i could make you see that there are people outthere to get themselves out of this. Yahuah baruk, Shalom.

@amaraamara2712

4 жыл бұрын

@@justme8841 maybe in the afterlife. But not whilst the soul is mobile within the narc who breathes

For a psychiatrist, Donald trump is the NPD case study gift that keeps on giving 😝

If you cannot accept your reality, I fail to see how you can get better. You are denying the very basics of recovery if you cannot accept you make mistakes. It is literally a type of insanity that I believe isn't curable and so any form of sympathy or empathy or anything you try to attach to that, for that person, is simply and truly wasted. That's an unpleasant truth for the person on the opposite side to the Narcissist but a very necessary one so you don't get damaged by them unnecessarily.