Emotional education should be taught at school. Key Word: respect.

@joefox9765

3 жыл бұрын

I totally agree. The race has lost respect for one another and for nature

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

I tried this, people went nuts 🥜

@joefox9765

2 жыл бұрын

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 lay off the crack

@duewhit310

2 жыл бұрын

They want soldiers they want voters they want consumers they want obeyers they want you to believe that accumulating $100k in student debt is the next step towards $ucce$$.

@binathere2574

2 жыл бұрын

That way at least if they are not being taught emotional intelligence at home they will get some at school. We can always live in hope.

Domestic abuse is ill stuff. Lawyers need to learn narcisstic personality abusers.

@carolbell8008

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, and Judges also.

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

& Drs & therapists

!!!! I was raised by a malignant narcissist. I fell into the same pit as he did and became progressively more cold and sadistic as a person. One day I was in a mindset that allowed me to see that part of myself, accept it, and EXACTLY like he said I decided there were better ways to get what I needed from people. I am the opposite of my father now. And there is a point of no return. I was extremely fortunate to come into the knowledge of the beauty in the world when I did.

@alainvosselman9960

2 жыл бұрын

I've dealt with several people who suffer either a diagnosed cluster b disorder or showed a whole lot of toxic/ abusive behavior or verbal behavior. If my intuition is right i think with npd this is a hard thing to accept it. I don't feel that with people who suffer anti social disorder or psychopaths. In fact one diagnosed psychopath felt really comfortable talking about it. But it remains an individual thing i guess. When i was recovering form abuse i talked to some people on the net who claimed to be narcissists in therapy. It does seem to help them a little as i get from reading their replies. Keep it up, it's nice to read your comment!

@davidgafo

Жыл бұрын

I get you brother, I was a lil bit like that but love is always stronger

@tatianahawaii13

Жыл бұрын

It’s hard work. Impressive

@1995366

Жыл бұрын

I'm on the same path as you. But wouldn't accepting those feelings make you just like him? I can't accept these feelings precisely because I don't want to be like him. If I accept these feelings, I feel like I might accidentally hurt someone, and I don't want to.

@SawyBoy

Жыл бұрын

@@1995366 you can only change what you know is wrong if you want to change. I accepted that I was like that in order to forgive myself otherwise I might have fallen back into denial. For the record I was a teenager and I haven’t been like that in 7 years now. I had to forgive that I already did and was hurting people in order to stop and never go back. My father refuses to accept that he is how he is while simultaneously doing everything on purpose. Besides you’ll always accidentally hurt people. Whatever way you need to use to help yourself is right as long as you’re actively trying to not hurt people.

“Acceptance is different from approval. To accept the emotion is not to accept the action that follows the emotion. “ This just blew my mind. This man is genius.

@ThievesInTheTreasureRoom

2 жыл бұрын

That blew your mind? Are you 12 years old?

@JDdr86

2 жыл бұрын

@@ThievesInTheTreasureRoom Are you oligophrenic?

@ivadedeva7005

Жыл бұрын

That’s what went wrong in my therapy.

@lrrrruleroftheplanetomicro6881

Ай бұрын

Sure, he's good. But like any scientist, he stands on the shoulders of giants.

@gab31282

26 күн бұрын

@@ThievesInTheTreasureRoom Why must you belittle? It isn't better to be patient and kind with people who learn new information.

This man gives me hope in humanity. Generally speaking, psychology and subject matter expert‘s have created a habit of writing off narcissism as unhelpable, and they influence the general public to do the same. I can completely understand why. But this gentleman gives me hope that people with narcissism, as well as people who may just suffer from narcissistic tendencies but aren’t full-blown narcissists, Can be managed and people can develop strategies to either overcomes their narcissism or manage themselves with self-awareness.

@BorderlinerNotes

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this comment. We agree. Stigma around narcissism is real, and isn't helping anything. More on the way from Yeomans.

@themanwhoknewtoomuch6667

Жыл бұрын

​@@BorderlinerNotes I am not saying manipulate them... but I think my father shed his full blown narcissism from something called "Hajj" - a pilgrimage to Mecca. On the other hand, my mother became religious but uses it for her gains. Now none of my parents are extremists when it comes to religion, but my point is this: Psychiatry - Western which is all by now- tend to dismiss the supernatural or metaphysical element. They are so academic and materialist they project THEIR doom and gloom unto the rest of the world mucking things up. Point being, if you believe in God or Higher Power... he can change a person's personality at will with the snap of a finger. He is the shot caller calling all the shots. Not you, me or the victim "empaths" who would cut the narcs in pieces if they could get by... (I once read about a caregiver who 'joked' to her husband she wants to throw her abusive mother out of the train.) Now who is the real narc here? So yeah. It's about high time psychiatry embrace the possiblity of higher power instead of acting they know all and be all. Prayer might help too. Materialism has its limits. IF I write things like this people will say I am enabler or suffer from Stockholm syndrome. Or maybe.. maybe.. I have higher hope in humanity?

Thank you. When people respond by calling me “demonic, subhuman, a monster” etc and treat me like I’m not a human being because of my diagnosis it only makes the symptoms worse. Your approach is much more effective.

@cavallopazzo340

10 ай бұрын

I totally understand you. Not sure if you are diagnosed as a malignant narcissist (or NPD comorbid with Antisocial PD), but what is very challenging I find is that any attempts to empathize or show compassion are met with aggression and seen as a weakness that has to be exploited. So I'm not sure how to approach this as no matter what you do you only receive back more abuse. I'm seeing if I can find a way to somehow help my older sister.

@LandonStrauss-hc1sc

5 ай бұрын

So what kind of approach works?

@bjlial7557

4 ай бұрын

Not because of your diagnosis, but because of your behavior.

@lunarlunar9405

3 ай бұрын

@@bjlial7557 people do that over just diagnosis sometimes though, most people do not know how narcissism actually works and can be vile to people who struggle with it. both of us cant fully assume what actually happened in her situtation because we dont know it, we dont have all the details on their behavior and actions towards her and her behavior and actions towards them.

@denizivcic2255

Ай бұрын

​@@lunarlunar9405that's because anyone who has been enmeshed with a narc knows to stay the hell away

Love this guy. Such a thoughtful and expressive communicator. And his humanity and warmth always shine through.

Also with npd...remember that self preservation is number 1. So...if u can show them that what their doing is going to harm them more than anyone else...it may create a potential for an opening.

@jnl3564

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this excellent comment to contribute to this conversation. Using their inherent selfishness instead of trying to appeal to empathy that they don't have in that moment... It's very helpful. Is there any particular consequence of sadistic behavior that resonates as being negative to the person engaging the behavior? I suppose the reward is the satisfaction of feeling invincible and powerful rather than vulnerable, but how do you frame that as a negative for the person who feels compelled to do it? ***I'm working with my children on sadistic/bullying type behaviors

@steviep9780

Жыл бұрын

In my experience with a family member -- who has not been diagnosed but who in my opinion could easily meet the DSM criteria for narcissistic personality disorder and shows very sadistic tendencies thus some more knowledgeable than myself have concluded malignant narcissism might be closer to the truth in this person's case -- when I and other family have attempted this approach there is simple denial of the reality, and no one and especially a therapist can work with that, right? But this I think is the distinction between NPD and Malignant NPD: the person will deny the consequences of their behaviour to such an extent that it impedes their ability to learn from their own actions; that and the sadistic component. This person tells harmful lies about others with a creepy smile; I could see the CALCULATION behind the smile -- the lie was intended to INFLAME the victim's emotions, not just get the person off the hook for bad behaviour (in this case the person had committed physical violence against a victim but was telling a relative stranger that the VICTIM had committed the act against this person -- all of this in front of the actual victim) and create an enabler (this was successful). Just to repeat though, my experience has been with the construct that is probably MALIGNANT narcissism. I think what Dr Yeomans is saying is that the therapist must deal with the malignant narcissist's EMOTIONS rather than the factual information for this reason. He GETS it!

@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye

7 ай бұрын

Why can't we take criticism?

One person's fantasies of omnipotence can create quite the harsh reality for the rest of us. Most mellow folks are ill prepared to successfully harsh the emotional appeal of schadenfreude.

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for that word at the end Cause that 1 word States it perfectly Plus, I always forget how to spell it & it’s not on my phones memory or dictionary

Seriously trying to understand sadism because I had sociopathic father and BPD narc mother who derived GREAT pleasure from my pain as a small child. They were cruel and sadistic causing enormous pain and suffering...feeding off my pain and suffering!!! And they got away with it all. It makes it so hard for me to forgive them. I can't understand their human need. I nearly had a breakdown when I had my own child. I love her more than anything and could never imagine hurting her. I see myself in her. How could they do all that to me and my sisters? We were precious little children and they got off on hurting us in torturous ways. I'm 48 now, still healing and every day I ask God...why? Why am I here? Why did I go though that? Why did he create such evil humans? Why do other humans allow children to suffer at the hands of sadists? And thank God I myself did not develop these traits. I actually care about people, I'm very empathetic and sensitive. My family saw this as great weakness and would pick on me nonstop. But because of a lifetime of trauma and abuse I've turned very introvert and reclusive and I don't trust humans anymore. I live a lonely life. I'm not weak and I'm no coward. I could stand up to the most evil sociopath and not back down, but they love a good fight. I'm not afraid to expose them. Problem is...no one really understands psychopathy and they are usually fooled into believing the sociopath or narc is so wonderful. Our nation elected one as president and he led us down a dark path and created so much chaos and brokenness. People admire and adore the most foul human behavior and it's making me retreat further.

@aaroolkoh9464

3 жыл бұрын

maybe try this video.. it comes from a trauma point of view kzread.info/dash/bejne/p2F90chyYqu7ftI.html

@kellyyork3898

3 жыл бұрын

You are actually very strong, and probably quite intelligent too ( I’m a retired teacher ) in order to be so in touch with your own emotions and to have so much insight into what happened to you. Thank God you did not identify with your abuser. I think it’s frightening too to think any psychologist does identify with their psychopathic, sadistic patients, but perhaps this psychologist is trying to say that hatred and sadism, envy and cruel Manipulation ( these inner desires ), are a part of all humans and that it is the degree ( mild vs severe ), and how one chooses to ACT on those emotions, that should be carefully discussed and considered in therapy....and perhaps too he’s saying that he ( the psychologist ) really cannot help any patient who is extremely psychopathic unless he can somehow get in touch with ( empathize with ) these dark emotions in himself. I guess. In any case, not something you or I, or most people, would ever want to do. ( Most psychologists just refer these types of patients to a younger, ”right out of school”, psychologist, poor things ) instead of treating them themselves precisely because these types of patients are so awful and cause everyone ( including the poor receptionist at the doctor’s office ) so much pain. For you, I would suggest finding a good church (but be careful and ever watchful over your child and who he or she is with...there are psychopaths in church too ) and begin to slowly open up again by grieving your lost childhood slowly over time and finding those things that give you and your child the most joy. IMO...Never have contact again with anyone in your family who is psychopathic or who sympathizes with them, and if they won’t leave you alone, move across the country if you have to and or hire a “bulldog” of a lawyer with an excellent reputation in town to go after them for you ( usually that’s all bullies understand is a good whipping either in a court of law by an excellently skilled lawyer, or by your two friends, who work out three times a week, and who have access to baseball bats )....but never talk with, meet with or discuss anything ( by phone or text, letters or in person ) with your abusers...let your lawyers do that. Good luck to you. I hope you heal and find joy in the beauty and good God has given us.

@mangalpal8921

4 ай бұрын

I can understand it. I had a very similar childhood. Sending you lot of love❤❤

@WisdomSounds-xo4ws

12 күн бұрын

❤ LOVE 💕 & PRAISE JESUS❤

This man definitely read is fair share of Freud, Jung, Nietzsche and Hume. Awesome.

@LiamPorterFilms

3 жыл бұрын

Reminds me of a pre-crazy Jordan Peterson.

@jc7636

2 жыл бұрын

Yes he was talking about Jung's shadow. We are all capable of being bad, if you can look at it and own it that's better than denial. Anyway narcs don't really want to look, so nothing changes.

@maryweston3587

2 жыл бұрын

He needs to incorporate the Bible. I believe narcissism is evil and the cure is deliverance.

He seems very non-judgemental. Exactly how a therapist should be.

I can only speak to my own experience, but with my narc spouse, any show of empathy towards him IS interpreted as agreement with his behaviors. He doesn't want to redirect any of his behaviors because he thinks his abuse of others is deserved and just. He definitely has sadistic traits, and he clearly enjoys inflicting pain and causing drama.

@mltiago

2 жыл бұрын

He means it as an therapist in his therapeutic aproach, not in an common relationship.

@luciamixon4156

2 жыл бұрын

He dies not self reflect or have awareness. This therapists is saying he tries to empathize to move patient to awareness. Very difficult.

@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249

2 жыл бұрын

Hope you're already talking from a fair distance...! You'll NEVER be the right "therapist" to your own spouse... Not in a million years!

@starryeyedgirl6429

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly.

@starrysparkles404

Жыл бұрын

It's ppl like this who are past the point of no return, because they see evil as justified. Especially if you haven't done anything to them except react to this toxic malignant behavior. They are eternal victims in their own eyes. That's why they are inherently untrustworthy and evil. They see nothing wrong with hurting others. It's sad BC they don't see how their own behavior causes others to react in unhealthy ways. So they're eternally stuck in an abusive cycle. And I see sadistic predatory behavior, and I get away fast . I hope you find peace and happiness without the misery of being around him.

From what Ive seen,a narcissist is always doing an act. Can be different from one minute to the next,if something changes they change to their other persona quick. "drama"....is a huge part of it . As a way to get yet more attention.. To be the center of all that there is.

@JC-xx5dm

3 жыл бұрын

BPD and drama and attention also run hand in hand. For example attention seeking for the sake of admiration is narcissistic. Attention seeking to prevent abandonment is more in line with BPD.

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

I watched my Ex change his voice & words for each person Amazing to watch actually, but I did study psychology I always knew who he was talking to by words & voice he used

@luciamixon4156

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds so crazy one doesn't want to believe what they're dealing with.

@luciamixon4156

2 жыл бұрын

Very well said.

Sadistic behavior is something I deal with, with my partner. I remember a time, very well, when he shot a little nerf gun at me, and as he was looking at me, he had a very sadistic grin on his face, then shot me in the eye. Luckily I wasn't really injured, but this is just one situation I'll never forget because of the look on his face. GLEE!! Yes, he said he was sorry, but I know he wasn't.

@billyblim1213

2 ай бұрын

I was five and he was six We rode on horses made of sticks He wore black and I wore white He would always win the fight … Bang bang, he shot me down Bang bang, I hit the ground Bang bang, that awful sound Bang bang, my baby shot me down … Seasons came and changed the time When I grew up, I called him mine He would always laugh and say "Remember when we used to play?" … Bang bang, I shot you down Bang bang, you hit the ground Bang bang, that awful sound Bang bang, I used to shoot you down … Music played and people sang Just for me, the church bells rang … Now he's gone, I don't know why Until this day, sometimes I cry He didn't even say goodbye He didn't take the time to lie … Bang bang, he shot me down Bang bang, I hit the ground Bang bang, that awful sound Bang bang, my baby shot me down

This guy is really good. Not just educated but truly in touch. Sending love to all of us trying to get better or understanding why he have been hurt by someone who knows nothing better. Life is tough and I hope we can all figure out how to be better and more loving humans.

The story of the lady cutting off her fingers resonates so deeply. I feel so sorry for her

Frank's understanding of empathy, and his understanding/correction of the misunderstanding of empathy give me hope for the world.

Emphathise with the persons ability not to empathise with others - they may see that as a way to go. The person needs to come to terms with their sadistic pleasure and find another way to channel anger. Accept the emotion not the action that are destructive. Look at that action is that the way you want to go. Do not condemn the emotion help them find better ways to manage it / outlets for it.

@karenlewkowitz5858

3 жыл бұрын

But - dont they enjoy it- the emotion - and have limited emotional awareness to get beyond their current situation? I have yet to see the motivation to grow

@aktchungrabanio6467

3 жыл бұрын

@@karenlewkowitz5858 I also have serious doubts about what this therapist says when he has "seen some cases" of change. Highly doubtful, and with pathological narcissists, the damage is usually irreversible.

Carrie was angry at injustice and abuse perpetrated on her. The malignant narcissist's anger and aggression are about feeling envious, inadequate, and entitled. It's not the same sort of anger at all. Their anger is warped and toxic.

@aktchungrabanio6467

3 жыл бұрын

I agree it was a terrible example to use on his part.

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists believe they are being treated “ unfairly “ by everyone and everything It’s just not true

@69birdboy

2 жыл бұрын

All narcs have been injured

@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249

2 жыл бұрын

@@69birdboy I definitely agree, there's no other way but going back to the real injustice, and mishandling, they ALL, truly, have suffered... Always... And so early on, too!

@noklarok

2 жыл бұрын

i think it's safe to assume the malignant narcissist's anger, envy, aggression and entitlement are indeed rooted in abuse and injustice that they suffered in their formative years.

That make a lot sense to me for I saw a doc about a therapy which people would channel their trauma through muscular exercises the shaking of the exhausted muscles released the bitterness and resentment of their traumatic injury. This tells me that physical exercises with muscle training can be a trauma healing tool or studying dance or music with the discipline of a conservatoire.

How would you _ever_ get a malignant narcissist into therapy in the first place?

@mistyrhodes3783

3 жыл бұрын

True. They NEVER have a problem with their mental health. It’s always everyone else that does.

@aktchungrabanio6467

3 жыл бұрын

@@runswithscissors4514 Basically when it's forced on them.

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

My thought exactly They are confident that they are always right and always being abused or treated unfairly WLB They aren’t & it’s just not true

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

@@mistyrhodes3783 -yes and they drive everybody around them insane or they try to make them think so -by constantly gaslighting them, lying to them , being hot & cold towards them , the silent treatment & on & on... Also they’ll make others close to them very physically sick, trying to understand what’s going on & by trying to keep up with & understand the chaos

Never even heard of this but am in a puddle of tears because my husband of thirty three years has been avoiding life and acting out towards me, but all in a deguise of victimhood. Thank You for 😢 sharing this

I don’t think they see their enjoyment in a destructive act.. they see themselves responding in kind. So even if acknowledged their destructive acts or thoughts or desire to cause pain to others it won’t be but a fleeting thought as their 100% belief that what they are doing is responding, defending.. taking revenge for what was done to them. They know they want revenge and they know it makes them feel better or enjoy revenge... however you want to state it BUT the concrete pathological feeling they maintain is they are the underdog, the other person wronged them. I will never forget when i said “So when you look back at every person you screwed over they all let you down you had the right to do whatever because you earned that because you didn’t let them down so you don’t ever feel bad because you earned whatever you did” malignant N “I may not of earned it but they ALWAYS deserved it” So you never felt bad.. nope I dont thats not how I am I just don’t

The line between acceptance of the reality of an action and legitimization of that action. The empathy spoken of here is not the kind we laypeople usually think of; it's not about responding to the action by saying, oh, yes, I feel that way too. It's more like a neutral empathy: I see that you cut off your finger and I see that you satisfied some motivation to do that. No judgement, no horror, no fear, no refusal, just seeing what the action is and expressing an understanding that it would not have been carried out unless there was a motivation to do so. What, then, is that motivation? And. what would she not have (apart from all her fingers...) if she hadn't done what she did? What's the pay-off?

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

Always a pay off

@sugarfree1894

2 жыл бұрын

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 That would be assault and I would go to the police.

@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249

2 жыл бұрын

The motivation is to demonstrate to you, that you being hurt BY what she does to herself, MORE than it hurts her, goes to prove that your sensitivity is YOUR weakness, and, - or so she hopes - her "strength"... Helping these people come to terms with sensitivity as a form of strength, NOT of "weakness", entails drawing a sharp line between hope and harm, and going back relentlessly, with them, to where, and why and how, they lost hope... They won't be on the mend before long but, all the same, "the only way out is... IN"...! IMHO...

@sugarfree1894

2 жыл бұрын

@@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249 I agree; the only way out is in. Very well put.

@bomgodd

2 жыл бұрын

@@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249 wow...this is pretty good.

My histrionic malignant narcissist "mother" is impossible to find a video about it. All I get from people who understand is, boy I hope your wrong. Sadly I'm not. It's been 28 years no contact and it's the only way of having a real life. Everyone and everything must be nothing compared to the loyalty. I never played along , so I was always public enemy number one with her since age 11. I think it's what saved me from being sucked into her bizarre reality and abusing people.

Do you really think the narcissist thought that others were trying to help her? I think it was more like “you’re all trying to dominate me”

@NoneYa-pg6dk

Жыл бұрын

True. I had a this habit and am still working on it. What helped me toned it down was not taking every opinion or advice personally. Let people say what they want to say and take info that helps and look into it before implementing into my life.

@immers2410

2 ай бұрын

@@NoneYa-pg6dkyeah, good advice

Anyone else experienced this traits from people that suffering from NPD? They start a conversation. Ask some open questions. Dismiss every answer in a way that seems they do not even listen. Or They make a phone call and ask a question and for every answer you give they say or interrupt you: ”I know that” or ”get to the point”.

It seems that despite the best therapeutic efforts, full-blown narcissists do not really change much in their personality, especially when they are back from the therapeutic environment to their habitual surroundings and triggers. May be on a good day they are less sadistic. But never would they under any circumstance sacrifice their own immediate advantage and let another person have it, it seems. I wonder how much actual benefit there is, preventive, curative, long-term, for the person themselves, for society at large. What I definitely can see is the immense training effect it has on the therapists. The empathy, the self-control, the patience, the analysis and communication skills. I feel that's the greatest learning curve in the process.

I could listen to him talk to hours!

This language of containment and acceptance, Yeomans is showing the influence of Wilfred Bion's ideas on him and his colleagues.

Empathizing with someones sadist tendencies has a deep appeal, not because of any interest in suffering, or desire to validate. Rather because of the intimacy of a complex person exposing their most private vulnerabilities.

@SophiaMuse

2 жыл бұрын

Yes true

@jnl3564

Жыл бұрын

Very good point. The sadism in and of itself is a window into the deep pain they are carrying inside.

All I can say is I could NEVER do his job! I find it so difficult to empathize with narcissists having been raised by one. It's my understanding that these people are rarely "cured".

@eddierayvanlynch6133

3 жыл бұрын

I'm with you. I recently posted a (lengthy) comment along the same lines, and have been trolled for stating my experience. The irony, while not positive, is at least not something unfamiliar. And, yes, the need for self-examination leading to change isn't a common narc quality. Stay strong.

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve never heard or seen a person cured of narcissism & I am really not sure this would work, because they literally do have brain damage By that I mean , somehow their brains were damaged So, they don’t have any empathy because there’s no Grey Matter there & they have too much gray matter in their pleasure center Can that be changed 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ Doubtful 🤨

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 -no they think they’re perfect 🙄 I think it’s because they rarely get injured by anything they do to anyone else and they never have to pay a price for it ...others always do though !! so they just continue to do it Believing they’re always right It’s like a compulsion, like the lying 🤥 they’ll lie about the smallest things they’ll lie about everything and anything

@eddierayvanlynch6133

2 жыл бұрын

@@catherinedonnelly1025 "rarely get injured" Yes, that ⬆️ And, is that weird to you, too? Always playing pre-emptive victim, but never needing private time to recover? Just in and out of anger? I remember at age six, thinking in my 6 y.o. way, "What the schnikes happened to bring out the crazy again, and why doesn't this happen when company's here?" Five years no contact, and just now beginning to relax. 😬 Stay Strong 💪

@fr9509

2 жыл бұрын

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 I thought that way till about age 17 then shit started clicking. 26 now no contact for 5 years as well.

this man is so warm. I love him

Definitely acceptance ( belonging is a word they’d read better) is key to Narcs and that’s the right way to go. Those are people DISAPPOINTED BEYOND BELIEF IN HUMANITY. Don’t believe in genuine goodness, ability, safety as reliable coming from others. They can’t respect anything that has their characteristics anyway and that includes ‘untrue’ approaches (they might recognize). They are more impressed by what they can’t be. Authentic, true, honest… while proving to have the mental strength to deal with them in a neutral and non judgmental way and knowing how not to be considered weak by them. Minefield!!

Thank You Frank!!! I and my family are suffering from narcissists . Is it from gens? It’s tragic for my family and our country with tramp

@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249

2 жыл бұрын

Love your misspelling of president's name... But TRUMP isn't bad either... All the same, genes are in no way the clue... What is, is the historical inheritance of Victorian vicious discipline, gone rank in the colonial, wasp, period, where the "American dream" just HAD TO come true, whatever the cost... In spite of 1930 depression, segregation, warped religious repression... U name it...

This man is brilliant. Why does no one else speak about it like this?

One alternative of dealing with narcissism is having them take a long walk off a short pier... preferably over a volcano. Win/Win for everyone. Also, Carrie wasn't a narcissist. She was a survivor of abuse from an OCPD mother, and toxic peers. What Carrie exhibited was called reactive abuse.

@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye

7 ай бұрын

Narcissist is my label and I am a nice person. I realized that after spending months online.

Try to enjoy it when they are uncomfortable with your attempts. It means you are getting thru to the damaged inner child ego, and builds the empathy he's talking about.

Must be a really rewarding moment, getting through to a person who suffers npd.

Eerie to identify my mothers self destruction in being right at all costs, eventually costing her her life. Her logic was sound, her thinking malignant. Control was everything so being hospitalised and away from me distressed her. She claimed she didn’t need to eat as she was in bed doing nothing. All efforts to break that logic were thwarted. Even a science based one of the minimum daily calories to sustain one’s basic bodily functions. It’s excruciating to be helpless and ultimately impossible to challenge the destruction. But like an alcoholic finally awakening to the destruction in their last day, she too awoke looking down at her emaciated body mournfully reproaching her actions, “What have I done to myself?” Too late. Her vital organs had gone beyond turning back. I’d identified narcissism in her and suffered a breakdown after my fathers demise when months later the lack of him acting as a buffer finally broke me as she played her martyr complex. That collapse shook her. But she still defended my brother stealing from me weeks after I’d suffered my collapse, blaming me for his actions after I’d asked him to help me. The narcissism thrives within him. He uses his daughter as a flying monkey. Used. No contact after the inheritance favoured me and he became aggressive with jealousy. It’s hard to listen to the characteristics of narcissism as it’s evident I adopted some of those traits, no doubt as a survival strategy. To anyone suffering at the hands of an abuser, whatever the preconceived loss, leave, because that loss is something your abuser defined to ensnare you. I didn’t. I feared the world she depicted outside of the safety and security she claimed the home gave me. She defined all. Controlled all. Even temporary escapes were just excursions with a return to home inevitable. Self sufficiency was ridiculed. Insufficiency played up at any opportunity. Escape that. Good luck to anyone battling on.

@nemplayer1776

Жыл бұрын

Hey, I hope you are doing well. I too suffer from a certain level of adopted narcissism (although my problems seem insignificant next to yours) and I really just hope you are okay, and I hope you do well in life.

Is it possible to interview someone that recognized their narcissism and Now, has a different positive outlook please? These video's are so important!!!!! Thank-you 🙏🔥💪

@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249

2 жыл бұрын

No, it isn't... Once a narc is no longer one, they've "grown out" of it, with no return... There IS a definite difference between being cured (ie, from neurosis), and healing ... Unless you're expecting some payback, and then, YOUR demands are the issue ...!

@kentburge6701

2 жыл бұрын

@@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249 thank-you for this response, very thoughtful of you. I have never heard of anyone coming to the realization of any internal deficit in character. I am married to a woman that shows and demonstrates extreme NPD. I love her dearly but cannot live with the violence so we have been estranged for 19 months. It has been excruciatingly difficult and heart crushing, but I know I cannot change anyone except me. Again, thank-you for taking your time and responding to me. 🙏🏼🔥💪🏼 🌱

Great video

Before, I was not clearly aware of the difference between the "malignant" and the "grandiose" facets. Now I do. I date a narcissist for 4 years now. I've only come to fully understand what he has this year. Before, I thought he had multiple personalities, due to the strong change and difference among the facets. NOW I am aware of the difference between the M and the G facets, and EVEN LOVING, sometimes it's difficult to deal with it. It's similar to dealing with ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Sarcastic and ironic at everything you say; he is under a big crisis now, and let's say the malignant one is at his peak. I really, deeply, hope there is a cure for NPD; I love him so much and I never abandoned him through the years... it has been very difficult, it's consuming because when you think the person healed, it's just the vulnerable facet. The other two are tremendous to deal with - I often feel offended, even knowing of it. Now I know he is sick and always has been. And the emptiness they deal with - I think it's something only they can relate or narrate. I would like so much to be able to help him in a more effective way.. I wonder what would be the real cure for this disorder, since they utterly deny anything that goes in the direction of an inner confrontation with themselves. I could say I am a pro from experience now - and this Dr. is the best reference I've seen on this so far. I hope so much there is a cure and he can finally ascertain life's real tones and be ever close to a possible true happiness which we all long for.

@sarahelizabethtaylor1159

9 ай бұрын

I am a narcissist. Your story breaks my heart. You deserve to be loved and cared for properly. You are clearly a loyal and kind person and you don't want to leave your partner. However, as a narcissist, I want to reassure you: this man cannot love you properly. Direct him to obtain therapy. That is the kindest thing you can do for him. Do not waste your life trying to fix him because he needs professional help and you are not a therapist. Let him go and allow yourself to be loved properly by someone who is capable of love.

@BrunaBastis

6 ай бұрын

@@sarahelizabethtaylor1159 even you saying you are a narcissist, I see a great amount of awareness in you. For what I know by first-degree experience with one, either mine is the worst (one of the) case of NPD in history, or there are several degrees in which this disorder expresses. For what I now, NPD individuals are hardly self-aware, because this is the basis of the disorder and the generating principle in fact (NPD tries to cover self-awareness for several reasons on the basis of the pathology). Regarding directing him to therapy, I don't know how to say that, this man has behaved in unexplainable, non-human ways, meaning he is controversial at all the sides of his actions. In summary, at a moment you really believe he has changed, he really "is" another person, and then again, all of a sudden, there is the "grandiose" - loathful personality that I hate in a way that only I know how. It's unpredictable, unexplainable. Even with me reading you saying you are a narcissist, I cannot conceptualize that, since you are aware of it, and you even say "your history breaks my heart". Which makes me think mine (man) is one of the worst expressions of NPD ever (seems childish, but it is how I see it). I need to mention this man has had the most absurd, life-changing experiences one can have, which made me believe (specially because he seemed very different, for a good while) he really had changed/healed, but then, he comes again, worse than ever. Just to note, he had 2 heart attacks, was dead for 22 min and came back to life, without sequelae despite a persistent neuropathy in the right leg. He has a (benign) brain tumor which has remained stable and even shrinked (at times) in the brain. He has fallen many times (physically), suffered, etc.. many horrible things to be honest. And, can you believe - when you think he changed: he still hasn't. Because he has showed this, entering into his worse expression - the "grandiose" - in its full, suddenly, after all this, after having apparently turned to someone much better. What I mean, it's almost a case of exorcism. No point in indicating therapy for him, because he is already in a clinic for 2 years - and persists with the same denial patterns, in fact it seems he has created a whole imaginary world for himself, in which he is a victim of everything and has done nothing. We had tremendous fights lately, in which I over and over mentioned things he done to me (which are out of scope and nonsense and I will never understand why, despite having this, he behaves in such a nonsense, ambiguous way), and he heard everything and was able to reply "I've done nothing to you" (as if he had done nothing, when, only in the last times, he did A LOT, even being in a long-stay clinic for 2 years now). It's insane. I mean, I am not dumb, and I had already gone through a lot, but this case really defies science, above of all and the worse, defies everything that is most sacred and valuable, love himself, as I have seen him loving me but, then, there he goes - wrongs it, does horrendous things, behaves in nonsense ways. It's horrendous to be in something like this. I have been 4 years with him now, and either he changes or... I don't know. What I mean, pretty bad things started to happen to him lately, and although I don't like to say it, it's that thing of life forcing one to change. But I really don't get, don't know and will never understand, how after everything he went through - he does not change for real. I am, really, astonished. But I will go until the definition of it, since I have been through the worse, and I didn't pass all this for nothing. It's almost a matter of honor to me, like when someone has done you so wrong, that you need to see he redeeming himself with you. Still I will never get... it's like he was very happy when he was "authentic" or more real, but then he turns into that thing, the other facet, and it is an entirely different being, the worse of the worse. That's why I thought it was multiple personalities, yet not - all the signs are there, catalogued and seen. I have never been through a worse experience, and I have been through many things! And regarding being loved, well, you know, I've never searched for love, but then I "found" it (more than once), but then it turns out that later on (when you already like them) you find what they really have (like in this case), and it's already late. Anyway, the experience has made me unwilling of any love experience, which means, either this works or ends with it, because I am really "nauseous" of everything love-involving and even considering meeting other men. Blargh. It has been a too much intense experience, and I am still an spectator of it. They really destroy you - and themselves, and I can say that for sure as I accompany him and his situation is pitiful. But he has put himself into it. With no clear reason at all. The worst of all is seeing all the ironies, the contradictions, the nonsense actions and never being able, despite having all the words and awareness, of telling the person "why can't you see what I see?". It's, really, sick, and this disorder has been uncharacterized, diminished and not properly taken care of. It's much worse than it seems, it's life-consuming on both sides. And yes, I have spent a lot of time, so, now I will wait for what comes.. I hope it's not bad, since situation with him is very bad (and you can believe he was actually improving of health, and when he got better, he started to ruin it all? His own health?). I NEVER saw something like this, sad, enraging and absurd. Sorry for the long text. I could write a book (don't want though, of course). All I wanted is this man to be healed, I've dedicated myself to it for loving him, and it has utterly consumed me.

@theotormon

2 ай бұрын

I really think you should leave this guy. Tell him you will always wish the best for him but have to protect yourself and just go. I truly understand the feeling of wanting to see someone redeem themselves. But you've tried. It's not going to work. If you are sticking around after that, then you should consider whether you are trying to martyr yourself and whether that is your own ego. Not trying to be harsh, just trying to get through. This guy sounds awful. Yes, he is a human soul that deserves another chance, but so are you. @@BrunaBastis

This is amazing. Smartest thing I've heard in a long time❤

Wow ! Could literally listen to this guy all day! First bit of sense I’ve heard in a while !

Do you have to find pleasure in hurting others to be a narcissist? I feel like I'm narcissistic but I hate hurting other people and would always choose to seek help at the first sign of hurting someone. But now that I think about it, I had a few times in my life where I did hurt someone for my benefit - every single time it being related to other people liking me for making fun of someone else even if it hurts them. I regret every single time I did that and won't repeat it. The problem is, how can I ever know if I am hurting someone until I cause a lot of damage if I truly am in a certain sort of "narcissistic psychosis." I hope I don't do anything bad to anyone. But the only reason I feel I have narcissism is the fact that I seemed extremely self-centered to a certain person and they told me that, and the need for attention and approval of others that I know I have. I absolutely need it. And I understand why. The reason it's there is because I haven't had attention or approval from the people it mattered from throughout my life. That, together with my big ego I can definitely be very self-centered and only realize it after I already acted that way. I'll definitely see a therapist and see what I can do. Seeing myself in a bad light is also something I avoid all the time and the constant need to be right also make me less sociable.

Interesting. Thank you.

This was a very interesting topic that isn't commonly discussed. It seems to me that you're describing what is essentially a detached scientific or analytical philosophy approach, which are oriented around explaining what is rather than being reactive against what one doesn't want to be.

Thanks for the free credits...

Such a bright mind!

Fantastic 👏

I wish that pastors had 101 on narcissism. These people have no idea what the word even meant and now they are counseling my ex and let’s just say his devaluation and smear campaign has only lead them to see that it was me who was manipulating and controlling- even after they knew of the extreme abuse and infidelity throughout the entire marriage. People are so blind when it comes to these demons of lies. I chose to walk away from all of them and go no contact as I have been faithful to them for 3 1/2 years- being in charge of their business accounting and everything. My ex never even stepped into a church before he met me and now his charming lies, raging drug & alcoholism, and abuse takes precedent over the righteous. I’m claiming Psalm 55 over my life and Daniel 2:22. All things in darkness will be revealed

Would love to hear Dr Yeomans’ views on masochism and depression.

Hi, I think I might be a covert narcissist. I fit most of the criteria and description, I also have bpd and autism so it’s a bit complicated but I know the differences and I’ve never admitted it out loud or written it out. Im really struggling to find help, to find a way of getting better and DOING better. I’ve been abused most of my life and I want to be better for my partner who is so wonderful. I have never been physically abusive but I think I have gaslit, verbally abusive and emotionally abusive. They for some reason have stuck with me. For context it’s not a constant thing I try my best to make them happy we laugh so much and I absolutely adore them with my whole heart. I really want to do better. There doesn’t seem to be any help.. I’m terrified to tell my therapist as I’m scared they’ll not believe the things I’ve told them. But also I’ve lied to them. I genuinely want to be a better person but I don’t want to come clean about the lies I’ve told and I don’t want anyone fo find out as I have so much shame. My mum and biological father were extremely abusive. All of what I’ve written is true. I’ve not lied, I am sure it comes across as “im such a victim” I’m not trying to do that but I can imagine that it’s probably linked but if you could respond with any channels you know of that psychologists help narcs, I’ve been abused so many times by narcissists and I don’t want to hear how shit I am for being a narcissist. I want to do better but as my self esteem is so low and I have been so suicidal. I find it hard to relate to a lot of the content about narcissists as I very much do have empathy and very much do recognise the things I have done wrong it’s just very difficult to talk about. I don’t want to hurt people in my life and I’ve done a few rounds of DBT which I found genuinely did help. The idea that there is no help for narcs and every person in a relationship with a narcissist should leave really hurts. I don’t want to be left…

Yes the sadism thing does say something about you, it shows that you have a very high level of awareness about who you are. It’s easy to identify with the goodies, but it is self-serving and dangerous to disavow our dark side.

Sounds like he's talking about bpd not malignant narcissism.

great

Again a regular person, I think that is brilliant psychological distinction: the "emotion" vs. the act. But also high risk and high improbability because what is the motivation for the person to change? The pleasure serves to reinforce the need for absolute control, total victory (here an extreme sadistically twisted survival mechanism) over the other person. The case study here has her victory.... she's utterly deluded, completely divorced from the physical detriment; and in doing so proves the utter flutily of any action you might be doing. I guess the conundrum could be stated that you are trying to treat something where nothing is there to treat. it's a void. Yet you have opened a door, a window on how this potentially could be done, or what in certain situations has been done to a certain extent.

We all need to question our intentions and motivations if we want to control our own narcissistic tendencies, very few are probably total malignant narcissists, likely it is a an intrinsic human trait, it can be dangerous but it is quite possible we need a drive to avoid pain and to seek comfort if we are to be motivated to survive. Like other problematic behaviours, don’t wish to cause harm we need to use our intelligence to temper unhelpful tendencies.

So they connect through the causing of pain? They feel they "meet" in the pain? Hows that possible when narcissists cant connect?

Tips to start healing myself without going into therapy, I live 8 hours from the nearest city. I'm ready to listen and am reflecting every morning. What other steps or thought pattern tools will help me? 🙏

Is this an extract from the film? Because I'd go watch it if it is

In my treatment of narcissists ive found that violence is extremely effective in getting the narc to SPEAK WHAT THEIR ACTIONS ARE\WERE, and consider the EFFECT of their actions on others. Using discrete, harsh violence on these people ive found their hurtful behavior to subside and even disappear for a period of time. Can someone point to an academic paper to back me up?

@bomgodd

3 жыл бұрын

@Nikki E. I do NOT think this is funny. The violence MUST occur at the time of the transgression, preferably while the narc is laughing, or purposefully not looking at you when you speak to them. I advise using an object, specifically one the narc is attached to.

@kellyyork3898

3 жыл бұрын

Do you mean: Is there and academic research paper on whether or not beating the crap out of a malignant narcissist gets them to stop their behavior, even if temporarily? Nope, don’t think so. But yeah, it might. Watch your back afterwards though. ; )

@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249

2 жыл бұрын

You mean, to back you up, in the way you back up narcs, even if unwittingly? I should hope not... You're just offering them a little extra justification, in feeling victimized again, the same way they used to be bullied as kids ; by immature, infantile, parents... Hurray.

@bomgodd

2 жыл бұрын

@@marie-suzankalogeropoulos9249 I forgot to add that you must explain to the narcissist that this is a REACTION to their chaos. Be specific about the behavior you're punishing, and make it clear it's not about their race, gender, body type, etc.

@bomgodd

2 жыл бұрын

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 someone who studies self punishment or self discipline..I don't know. Maybe a public apology, specifically saying what their actions were, and what they did lie about. Then, force them to tell the truth. Show them that telling the truth doesn't make them bleed. They will be okay if they speak truth.

Hello i have a testemony because im ready for years was raised by a malignant narcissist mother who slowly destroy my independence my own personality my peace when i sleep ..every morning she will get up and argue with me for no reason till i couldn't go out for days because her arguing left me with out energy and intrigger for me to over eat ...that was kind of a way to wash it of or to suppress my hurt after many years 43 now i feel she took so much from me till i nolonger know where isy personality my world was turn upside down..is horrible because i was a good daughter to her but she had her differences with me and i couldn't see why so now shes much older 71 she doesn't have that energy like she did when she was a lot younger but the scars are there and im suffering from ptsd and panic to get out sometimes i dont want to see anybody is sucks really but nothing to be done any more i was a great battery for her cause she shore drain the life force out of me ...we dont ask to be norn to this kind of fam thats why is sucks ...to be a battery for someone narcissist behavior ...

Channeled indeed...🤔

I think higly of Frank Yeomans, but a selfmutilating malignant narcissist sound like a contradictio in terminus to me. I hardly dare to suggest, but isn't this just a case of BPD? They can be very malignant too, to others as well as to themselves.

Wow but I think it's not an easy thing to do.

Well, she has been taking many treatments in the past 2 years. She just never changes.

@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye

7 ай бұрын

Treatment or therapy`?

The key is to run away. Far away.

I think maybe the root cause of all cluster B disorders is an inability or unwillingness to engage in any kind of serious self-reflection. I liken it to sort of a dark room where they just are too afraid to look. Being able to look inside the room of self awareness, and sit there comfortably even for just a little while, is critical to mental health. But you won't get a cluster B person to go into that room of their own accord; they'll do anything to avoid it. That's why extroverts tend to me more at risk of developing cluster B disorders than introverts.

@Desmondbrown73

2 жыл бұрын

I would be considered cluster B, and I am incredibly self-aware. That’s why I am here.

@oxfordcommaisthegreatest

2 жыл бұрын

this is completely untrue. the true root in cluster b disorders is difficulties with the narrative self and trouble with emotions.

@billbirkett7166

2 жыл бұрын

@@oxfordcommaisthegreatest I think you are confusing cause and effect here. That's the correct effect, but the cause is not spending enough time with self that would enable the person to individuate and firm a coherent sense of self in the first place.

@oxfordcommaisthegreatest

2 жыл бұрын

@@billbirkett7166 That's not the same thing as not being able to engage in self reflection, though. I have two cluster b pd's and I am extremely adept at self reflection, despite having difficulties with my sense of self.

@jnl3564

Жыл бұрын

I suppose you could view it that way, but more likely they were just never taught to be introspective because it was never mirrored to them as a child. You can't have awareness of something when you don't recognize it exists. That's why he's talking about mirroring and empathy because that's what they missed as a toddler.

There is an excellent book that walks the reader through the process of acknowledging and accepting (without saying its acceptable to continue doing) our shadow/destructive motivations, as a way of releasing them. Its called Existential Kink.

Would this be a useful way to help children work through sadistic behaviors like teasing and bulling? So mirror back the joy that they are getting from the behavior and try to empathize with it? What are other ways to direct the aggression that is coming out as bullying? I try to have them direct the aggression toward me as their parent, but is there a better way?

@lisbethbird8268

Жыл бұрын

The golden rule. Somehow they have to learn what pain is, and enough empathy to refrain from causing it for others; nevermind the sadistic rush they may get.

The film can not load.....any suggestions?

sadistic pleasure yeah man welcome to our world.

Hmm. Cool.

🙏🏼

I found obituary of a man named Yeomans did he pass away???

Sam Varkin might be a great therapist for such people.

Saint Mother Theresa of Calcutta would say: "Condemn the sin, not the sinner."

Could someone plase ask Frank Yeomans what he meant by the statement "an uninvited interpretation is an aggression", as he mentioned in a previous BorderlinerNotes clip?

@jiminy_cricket777

3 жыл бұрын

He means that interpretations can sometimes feel like an invasion of the patient's mind, especially if the patient has trouble asserting their own identity boundaries (narcissistic, borderline, and schizoid patients often have difficulty with this). This goes to issues that self-psychologists (Heinz Kohut and his followers), relational psychoanalysts and the intersubjectivists (e.g. Stolorow, Atwood, and Brandchaft) raised in debates in the 80s and 90s about analyst authoritarianism. It also has been addressed by the London Kleinians, who suggested the solution of analyst-centered interpretation as a possible remedy to this problem. Irma Brenman Pick's 1985 paper Working Through In The Countertransference was a landmark piece in this work. Her work, as well as that of John Steiner, Betty Joseph, and their colleagues have been quite influential on Frank Yeomans and his colleagues in their theorizing and development of Transference Focussed Psychotherapy.

@kellyyork3898

3 жыл бұрын

A psychologist once told me that you really shouldn’t tell a person certain things about themselves Or their relatives if they are highly defended and are not ready to hear it...it can do more harm than good and could even send some patients packing. It is an act of kindness to allow the patient time to get strong enough to be ready to hear it. Just what I’ve been told.

So Ramona Singer in other words

The Shadow, etc

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I wish we were taught about this danger, or the danger of interacting with a narcissist But how do we get the word out ??? To everyone ...so there aren’t so many damaged lives & minds from interacting with one ☝️ or two ✌️

My ex narc enjoyed torturing me about how a ruined his day and he did it every day for 3 years straight. Almost lost my mind

Run... Quietly

I’m really hoping since we’ve had one in the White House ( The Orange Menace) maybe more will understand the utter chaos & other horrible issues they always cause for anyone & everyone !!!

The Banshees of Inisherin (film)

The best way to engage a malignant narcissist is with a 30.06. Works like a charm.

@kellyyork3898

3 жыл бұрын

Totally yawn and ignore them. They will go find someone else who will play when you won’t. Works EVERY time.

@CloroxBleach-hv4ns

3 жыл бұрын

@@kellyyork3898 no it doesn't.

@catherinedonnelly1025

2 жыл бұрын

Become a Grey rock 🪨 ( become just a grey Rock on the beach that is an interesting enough for them to pick up) But it’s hard cause they’ll just keep on with all their insanity & chaos

Except the lemmings thing never happened. They were actually pushed for the film, which makes using the lemmings reference ironic.

The logo of this channel is very similar to the critical theory religion that fosters narcissism, as far as I know. I am still curious and watching though.

@Star-uk1kh

Ай бұрын

Could you explain more please ?

✅

Self mutilation as an expression of sadism towards everybody trying to help her? The pleasure from inflicting despair towards these people? Is thats the correct interpetation?

@leonardofabini6335

11 ай бұрын

I've made the same interpretation. By harming herself she also harms the people who try to help her, putting them in a condition of inferiority and weakness in her eyes. She hurting herself and despising the need for help from others makes her feel stronger/superior to those who would like to help her, thus increasing her self-esteem.

Better ways to manage it... Art, music

大赞，多谢！接纳不等于同意，觉察理解体恤各种情绪情感带来其后原本各种糟糕行为的改变

No contact.

Many who have been abused end up like their abusers but don't want to admit it. I was one such person. I don't know if I have NPD but I definitely see things about myself that are similar, regardless of if I actually have it, I want those traits to be gone. I understand some abuse victims like to call themselves "sensitive" and "empaths" but you, like me, are exhibiting *some* signs of covert narcissism. This self pity I've felt for decades is a form of selfishness. Yes, we were victims, but that mode of self-preservation isn't serving us well anymore, it's stopping us from growing up from that scared child we once were. Those traits saved us back then from destruction, but they now poison our relationships with others. I strongly believe most NPD people were abused but instead of self reflection (and no support) they simply sank deeper and deeper into that mindset. The fact Yeomans has figured out a way to treat it proves it can be undone, but like any personality disorder or mental illness, the individual needs to see themselves for what they are and accept it...and want to change.

bandits in old times cut their fingers too, to show courage

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