Welcome to BorderlinerNotes, a mental health channel focused - at present - mainly on personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
The channel started as a way to make use of extra interview footage from the documentary film we made named BORDERLINE (more info / watch it at borderlinethefilm.com). It has grown into a continued effort to offer information to people that might help them get a proper diagnosis and good treatment, as well as a place where clinicians and those working in the mental health field can learn to be better treaters. The goal is to democratize access to quality information, create positive change in the mental health field, and to do it artfully and with feeling.
We put out videos most weeks -- interviews with experts and people with diagnoses, and now we're working on real-life psychiatric interviews.
We love your comments and suggestions. Thanks for stopping by and being part of the community!
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Psychology as a Caregiving Industry is a failure worldwide. Treatment is an excuse to keep learning about the diseased minds, but treatment does not work for anyone. narcs and psychopaths only go to a treatment to learn new ways to manipulate. -they are savages and not victims of an illness.
Everybody can display these traits at times, some more than others, and if you don't believe me then it's your fault you big fat liar! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I suffer with BPD and let me just say……it’s horrible. I’m constantly in fear of being abandoned, not included, not wanted etc. when I read peoples comments on what’s it’s like living with people like me, it breaks me a more each time. I’m so so very sorry to all my family, I don’t mean to hurt anyone honestly I don’t. I don’t have a partner or children because I know it’s not fair for anyone to have to put up with me. Please remember we’re hurting too
as a person with BPD in remission, I strangely enough fully relate to the narcissistic structure described ''Never felt loved and appreciated for who they are, simply being. Anything in terms of love or approval was for performance not just being there. If you don’t feel loved for who you are you’ll always have the pressure to earn it. Never fully satisfied anyway because you’ve got this lingering sense if I weren’t performing I’d just be nothing and not appreciated.'' how did I turn out BPD :') No wonder I got extremely perfectionist. Got a good great? Amazing. Lose more weight? Amazing. when they told me I should lose weight (and was being bullied for overweight) I got anorexia, always got praise / love / attention when I got good grades but yeah that is it or my brain blocked out the other stuff. Can barely remember any good moments from my youth. I now no longer chase any of their validation, but I do my own.
I suffer from every single one of those, and I can say with certainty that the constant observer is a very welcome friend.
This reminds me of a little essay I did on reddit a while back, here you go: women should lead did you see those memes on internet how thru covid the countries where women are in higher position of power did better then where some dictators are? Angela Merkel (Germany), Jacinda Ardern (New Zeland), Erna Solberg (Norway), Sanna Marin (Finnland), Katrín Jakobsdóttir (Iceland), Mette Frederiksen (Denmark) vs. Donald Trump (USA), Vladimir Putin (Russia), Kim Jong Un (North Korea), Jair Bolsonaro (Brazil) Yeah, that. But maybe its not that women should lead, the whole system functions better when the leader does decisions in the best interest of the population. For that empathy is needed. Imagining what the best interest for someone else is AND ability and willingness to make it happen. By default women are socialised to do this, to be better at it. But what I want to say is: maybe its not women that should lead, but that empathetic people make better leaders. It just so happens that women are better at this one particular aspect. A very important aspect mind you. But we are talking about people in power (presidents, prime ministers.. ) other character aspects are also needed, like initiative and a will to be the one responsible. But the fact that they got this far up means they should have this ones. My question is: How to make sure that people in power do have the interest of the wide population (that they are responsible for) in mind and at heart?? How to do that? How to make sure they are the right people for the job? How to make sure they are not just using the position for the power and satisfying their own ego and/or to make/steal the most money.. (because money is power in the world we live in here) Psychology tests and evaluations for positions of power would help with this. But those can be cheated. An Psychopat/Narcissist can be a great deal of charismatic and pretend to have someones best interest in mind and do a few good deeds here and there. Make others thankful to him/her. Especially when others are looking. But we are trying to rule out the psychos, sociopaths and narcs. Psychology tests and evaluations where the subjects would not know they are being evaluated would work. But who would they report to then..? Also statements from family members, friends, colleagues etc. about the person? Also from those they consider .. an enemy, rivals, competition. How was it? - you know the character of a person by how s/he treats someone that can do nothing for them. Or how does s/he treat their arch nemesis. With respect? or w/o. I know this is an abstract question. Who knows thru how many loops this would need to go to change how society picks its leaders. Lets say I am trying to write a book of Utopian setting. How would it function ideally? Lets imagine it would be possible, we have a blank sheet of a completely new world/economic/political system to create (loosely based on this real one) How would it look like? How would the leaders ideally be picked so that they would be good leaders making good decisions for their people. Aand all the men complaining in the coments hehe, typical.
She is so sweet 🤗, I hope she is doing well.
BPD explained brilliantly. A hellish illness to live with.
My ex has BPD and I left him but my kids are still spending time with him and suffering so much. Can you suggest a book for them to read to understand him better?
Real diseases are discovered. Psychiatric diseases are invented. They are voted into existence.
That last part about the family dynamic is very true. The thing is I do not honestly think narcs are capable of real love just the superficial parts like how they utilize their empathy. Honestly how do you expect to receive authintic love if you are trying to control others thru fear?
You just exposed your political bias by using President Trump as an example. Why don’t you use Biden as an example with all of the obvious lies he tells? Plus Trump was going along w what the press reported.
With men/borderline, I really think that even if there is a need to medically stabilize, they need immediate strategies to cope with emotional flooding, with being overwhelmed. It's part of DBT, and sure people need to think. but stuff like Dr. Linehan shows with sitting with palms up to cope with a flood of anger is a strat people can start practicing. And get more along those lines, to deal with both flooding, and with feeling nothing, ways to deal with both. Otherwise, why quit drinking, why stop raging, why stop shutting down, when the flooding is inevitable. Maybe medication can support the person, but we can start on these strats instead of gate-keeping them behind therapy session #20.
My ex had it- it was the worst two years of my life- I fucking living nightmare. I didn’t know what it was- I knew there was something going on. When I discovered this, read up on it- the patterns, the girl that was telling me all the good things on Monday then what a nightmare I was on Thursday- the need for a two week breakdown- over nothing. The nicer I was the more she’d push back. The second I’d ditch her, she’d be crying and begging to get back to me. Was obsessed with relationships- yet put more work into being a nightmare than someone that could simply accept love- I’ve been to war multiple times but my recovery from the frustration and head fuck was far more serious- the friend that told me about it had also lost her mind over being with someone with it. She told me you’ll recognise it in others now- I’ve known two other girls and they’re literally exactly the same. Super nice, to super nasty- love themselves, hate themselves. Act like they don’t care about anything- then super insecure. Complimentary, then insulting- a need for conflict and crazy impulsive behaviours that they justify with such a reach - but yet so convicted. Basically all around fucking nightmares
Interesting that you say it's worse than going to war. I am still suffering PTSD from a train wreck marriage 36 years ago! In my case the marriage only lasted 3 months. Maybe that was a good thing. I am pretty sure my ex had BPD. I have my issues too - maybe CPTSD (maybe autistic too - I'm about to have an assessment) and I own those issues - but nobody could have had a successful relationship with her. In the end she said as much, that all her relationships ended the same way and that nobody could help her. I know she had a fear of abandonment because she asked several times if I was going to run away, and she responded so well to assurances from me that I wasn't. At the height of her stress, she developed paranoid delusions falsely accusing me of dishonesty and keeping secrets. She had zero respect for me, even making sarcastic comments about me in front of her friends. According to her everything was my fault, she felt nothing for me and she married the wrong guy. Charming! To this day I miss the thoughtful loving and capable person she could be when emotionally calm, and I feel sad thinking about the suffering she's probably had in her life, and I still feel the pain of those hurtful accusations from someone I loved deeply.
At what point does the Narc tell the lie long enough to eventually believe it themselves and it becomes a dillusion
You're absolutely putting it all into words Thank you for helping me understand my friend better
Depression can make people act like narcissists (it can bring those traits out, especially when they are very narc-like), and their perception is altered. My suppose got very paranoid and accused me of a lot of things that aren't true. He's no longer that way, but when talking about those times he still believes those delusions to be a true account of what happened. I can't convince him otherwise.
i'm not sure if you feel like you've got a job you love etc now, but if anything, you sure did an amazing job in these videos. you're helping so many people regina. that is potential reached, for sure.
Taking the pain that cannot be described and turning it into something physical......that hit it perfectly, the moment my abandonment issues from my father took hold. It was highschool, my 2nd and least productive year at school. My girlfriend of two weeks broke up with me. It hit hard cause it was only my 2nd ever girlfriend and I tried like fucking hell too win her heart .....it was when I felt leperous, I didn't know how to describe what I am today then, all I knew was the pain inside had reached a point and I could not take it out on anyone else but myself because I knew, somewhere something had to be wrong with me to be this rejected already in my life. 40 years later and the behavior still shows itself on occasion. I don't hide it anymore, just wrap it up and go on.
Words mean something completely different to them. Yes, they know that they are lying. They use lies like a carpenter uses tools. They have goals to accomplish (like destroying the lives of good people) and use the best tool for the job - lies.
This is a democrat disease
I loved the video editing, so symbolic of the concepts being dealt with!
there's a big difference between being a telemarketer and doing corporate sales for a large company where a person can earn $150,000 a year. It sounds like the therapist didn't understand that, which would rightfully make the client angry. Narcissists do lie to themselves, but he missed the boat on this one.
Putin: Sociopath Trump: Malignant Narcissist Lesson over.
yes.
My cousin’s wife has BPD. She chased my cousin with a knife, and then lied to the cops and said that he beat her. Most of my family avoids being around her. My cousin shows up at family events _without_ his BPD wife.
Climate Crisis is propaganda...and NOW we know his ignorance and his level of shilling for the global parasitelites.
Daniel Scheff's initial comment about the nature of loss to those in a narcissistic relationship is absolutely true. His observation does, however, tell us where to begin on the road to recovery and what to work with, where not to spend your energy. It is less difficult to make progress when you are in touch with reality.
Social apathy could be simply the result of hidden neurodevelopmental disabilities. Kind of like expecting someone with physically disabilities to climb a flight of stairs unable to see their physical disabilities. People with hidden disabilities the world can be extremely overwhelming at times. They like their solitude.
Dysfunctional families normally don't plan for anything because they are too busy fighting the fires of chaos due to their own lack of understanding.
"to a narcissist, truth is aggression."
A job search coach will direct someone to give a more colorful description of what they've done in the past when they're actively seeking work.
So humbling.
By fugue states do you mean Disassociative Identity Disorder? BPD is an identity as well as relating problem. On what you say regarding your condition is something my BPD has made clear to me. In order to handle my BPD I taught myself to be more situationally aware of the interactions I have. Listening to whats said, interpreting what was said and thinking about how my response will be received. It has cost me spontaneity but it does curb the worse affects of my BPD on others. Before saying something, think about how it will be received. You live in the world of mental illness but they may not understand it and it may hurt them.
Another experience that can trigger is the child who’s been ill, confined to bed long term between roughly ages 2 to 4 yrs, missed milestones of the vital senses coordinating, socialising & meanwhile parent can’t sit by the bedside 24/7… later the transitioning from child to adult brain connectors impaired, a reliance on childlike behaviour in stressful circumstances, I saw the outcome, no lack of love, physiological symptoms leading to mental, there’s no data for this group of individuals
"There is an emptiness like that of a hungry child who has not been fed enough.". This is exactly the problem. BPD is born out of neglect. Babies dont just have physical needs. They have mental and emotional needs. Caregivers who starve the mental and emotional needs cause serious problems in their development. A good indicator is finding love or solace in food. It may have been the only time you felt sated so your mind keeps going to what worked in the past. Parents who claim to be good parents because they took care of physical needs dont understand they never took care of the mental and emotional needs of the child. They never learned how to do it or were taught abusive and neglectful child rearing ststegies especially common in the religious. Of course abuse and trauma are common co-morbidities.
Here’s another correction, a borderline I’ve known lifelong with now narcissistic traits couldn’t have been more loved & the nicest kid out there, sadly yrs external bullying & abuse now both conditions a mid life crisis… & inevitable drug abuse until nothing mattered… seems depends what happens along the way
I suspect Narcissists do a mix of both. They create a lie they know is not true to serve their purpose, knowingly, and then delude themselves to believe it's true to make their lie believable and to be able to live with themselves. It seems like it just starts with a straight lie and evolves to a delusion as they need to maintain and repeat the lie.
BDP is a defense against narcissism, too. Not all people are the same and never will be, some will be superior, which doesnt make them more worthy. Narcissist dont want superiority but entitlement.
Oh wow, so much similarities with my boyfriend, who is in prison right now, and mines past relationship. Like when you keyed the car. I smashed his phone with a hammer 📱 🔨 broke off his side mirror on his explorer, and pop, pop, popped 3 out of 4 tires due to my borderline rage and fear of abandonment... Expensive and highly regrettable ... And! we brawled in my parents yard, they had a front row seat on the porch, how embarrassing... Mortifying actually. I can relate to the shame and chaos and toxicity of the relationship you are describing for sure. 2 Borderline people in a relationship... It's hell. BPD is hell.
When I was in dental hygiene school, the demands of the relationship I was in was too much on top of all the homework and studying I had to do in order to pass my classes and it cost me that relationship. Then I ended up dropping out, but that's besides the point. But I definitely can relate to how going to school can put a huge strain on your relationships. It's hard.
Narcissism is genetic disorder
This guys videos are the most accurate you will find. He is empathetic to us and has been studying Bpd for many years. He has also won an award for his work on bpd
These interviews are so validating, comforting & helpful to me.
Is dr choi kain a psychoanalyst? I'm seeing one so just curious
Nvm i just read her info so I'm guessing not
The wisdom of the masses is at play now. Just look at the crashing birth rates around the world. We know there is a big problem and are doing something about it.
It’s so difficult to have a loved one who has undiagnosed BPD. For me it’s my mother and now in my late 30s I am struggling with accepting that she will not change or at least acknowledge she has issue. She has caused me great pain and I’m healing on my own with a therapist but I wish she could see the pain she caused.
I feel the same 😢
This should be a mandatory watch for everyone, and the new title makes it much more approachable for someone who might have some difficulty of judging a book by its cover. What a great series.
I wish my assessor had used this explanation so as to not fool me into believing this misdiagnosis.