“CPTSD is when people are shocked that others can see us…it’s like when you’re shocked your coworkers like you and want to get to know you.”…this one hit hard

@philwertz9936

Жыл бұрын

Ditto!!

@sackettfamily4685

Жыл бұрын

That's why I believe I have it, even though Im apparently together enough now, that I won't get an official diagnosis. Which would be a nice affirmation, but not necessary

@RaptorFromWeegee

Жыл бұрын

But what if i really do suck to them?

@NegativeMass85

Жыл бұрын

Same!!! I still struggle to believe my own sons love me. When they stood up to my mom for slagging me off to them behind my back, I was genuinely shocked. Someone was actually standing up for me! This had never happened before!

@FlyHoneyBre

Жыл бұрын

straight up!

NPD: "I MATTER GODDAMN IT, not like YOU!" CPTSD: "I MATTER GODDAMN IT, just like YOU!"

@silverowl2517

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, that hit home

@jcortese3300

2 жыл бұрын

@@silverowl2517 Yeah. The problem is that if the person angrily says only the part before the comma out loud, it can make telling the two apart a challenge. It's the part after the comma where all the difference lies.

@catwitdabigdog1642

2 жыл бұрын

Kinda made me laugh cuz its true.

@catwitdabigdog1642

2 жыл бұрын

@@jcortese3300 I guess we have to give people a little chance.

@bookbeing

Жыл бұрын

Interesting! Just saw this dialogue play out last week between two family members.! Now i know which is which💡

I’m watching this because my now ex-wife had CPTSD and it caused a lot of pain for us in our marriage. I often felt gaslit, or like I was walking around on egg shells while with her. But when I watch videos on these issues, she never struck me as having narcissistic traits. It was more like she was so afraid of losing her own perspective or reality that she had to force her reality on to mine to validate her own. I’ll always love her.

@CrazyCoon100

8 ай бұрын

So sorry u couldn’t work it out

@lindawise5546

8 ай бұрын

Oh, my. How compassionate you are. Bless you.

@ironclad452

8 ай бұрын

I get it, brother. Very similar experience here.

@BabySharque

8 ай бұрын

Thank you for this comment. My ex fiance has CPTSD and one of the most difficult aspects of healing from our relationship, the abrupt and traumatic way in which he abandoned me, etc was me trying to wrap my head around what kind of person I had been involved with and whether he was a narcissist when it really didn't make sense for him to be one. This video and this comment described our conflicts perfectly.

@theoryofpersonality1420

7 ай бұрын

@BabySharque as someone with cptsd and has the ability and habit of just walking away from people I'd like to explain. We walk away from toxic people. There are two types of people. Those who make you defend yourself constantly and those who are compassionate. Those who bring out the stress and those who bring out the best. If they walked away maybe you should look at you. Same thing with the o.p. a little self reflection and a little less narcissistic projection may do you good. You'll probably both attack me for saying so but it's true. Try taking responsibility for your actions and your part in the relationship. Stop trying to put it off on only them like you're saints or something. Everyone knows that's not true anyway. Everyone is flawed. Including you.

cPTSD has messed up some of my relationships because I saw the smallest things as threats and ended up becoming manipulative towards them in an effort to protect myself from a perceived danger. I just want to be better. I just want to be good.

@sitprettybaby8188

Жыл бұрын

Me too

@photographylover87

Жыл бұрын

Me too. I’m so ashamed of how I acted.

@vanissaberg5824

Жыл бұрын

Same, and I feel terrible about the ways I acted when I get triggered and go back into my self preservation mode. It's overactivated which makes it hard to distinguish between misinterpreted intent and actual red flags of abuse. 😥

@bigcheese2128

Жыл бұрын

Yea this the one

@ktpuss

Жыл бұрын

@ chillin villain, I get this and it’s summed up my behaviour which seems to have progressively worsened. I put it down to ‘co-dependency’ as I’ve read about people with that can seem like they are controlling/manipulating - which they kind of are but only to prevent further damage to themselves. If people notice this about me I’d feel awful as guess it would make me appear like the very people I fear, narcissists 😢

I don't know which has been more disturbing in the process of educating myself on trauma: discovering the narcissism in others, or the narcissism in me.

@Byt_hair

Жыл бұрын

This is the comment! Whew!

@Rynriley

Жыл бұрын

Excellent and difficult assessment! I believe you are standing at the precipice of true wholistic healing. Next level. Understanding the seeds of what we hate lie in a spectrum of blossom and dormancy within us all leads to a deeper ability to forgive others and in turn a deeper ability to be free from blockages of healing

@user-em6ym9rj4u

Жыл бұрын

Have you discovered shadow work yet? Phew, the educating journey never ends lol

@rachelk4805

Жыл бұрын

What matters is less what happened before, it is more what do you do next...

@debrabarber3483

Жыл бұрын

If you are capable of self insight, you are halfway there when it comes to recognising and dealing with the issue.

Also, when I hear you talk about no longer caring so much about your father's history, no longer losing sleep at night, not feeling nearly as involved in seeing narcissism everywhere, I hear myself whispering 'One day' and feeling the possibilities of further healing. YES! One day.

@dnk4559

2 жыл бұрын

Me too!

@kirstinstrand6292

2 жыл бұрын

Encountering NPD as a child ruins lives; encountering NPD as an adult can be reliving one's childhood, again, without realizing it.

@sarahritt.creates

2 жыл бұрын

@@kirstinstrand6292 On a good day, I can feel like I'm salvaging my life from the ruins as I connect to my inner child and my inner teen. It's a different kind of healing work to be done though, you know? 24/7 vs 9-5.

@Anonymous-ti9pb

2 жыл бұрын

@@dnk4559 this is about her. Not everything revolves around you. It's her comment. Go be #metoo somewhere else.

@suzannemaroney4579

2 жыл бұрын

Sarah Ritt, I agree, especially now that I can give my father and mothers behavior a “label.”❤️🙏

CPTSD drove me to make poor choices out of an overwhelming need to keep a "clean moral slate". That's not the motivation of a narcissist

@jj4791

4 ай бұрын

😢 Same.

@jamesbeaupry9207

3 ай бұрын

Yep...

@ValPhoenix7

3 ай бұрын

Same

I have trauma-based rage and have been accused of having NPD. Recently, my new therapist assured me it is not NPD but CPTSD. This video is more confirmation.

3:53 “When we get triggered we loose our ability to see the humanity in others and we become self-focused, we become self-consumed” - I found this incredibly insightful!

I have definitely been caught in the obsessive NPD research trap. I was constantly searching for validation of my own experiences and trauma rather than just being able to say this is what happened to me and how I experienced it. I'm trying to focus more on myself now, but it does make me afraid of becoming like her.

@---tc8km

2 жыл бұрын

Same! I literally have 4 tabs open regarding NPD when I saw this video! 😅

@FaalKoriim

2 жыл бұрын

I was actually wondering about this recently. I've been doing so much research into narcissists that I have caught myself analyzing everyone around me for the personality traits associated with it. I have found myself in a vicious loop of overanalyzing EVERYONE around me. But I'm still so angry. I'm not healing at all. I'm suffocating myself. I ABSOLUTELY needed to be called out here.

@longstoryshort8657

2 жыл бұрын

being afraid of becoming like the narcissist in your life is haunting

@kirstinstrand6292

2 жыл бұрын

I was clueless about NPD. To me, the logical thing to do was to find out as much as I could, so that I understand who/what I was dealing with. Then, I needed to understand the Covert Narcissist, which is what the NPD was/is. Then, I needed to discover why I was so susceptible to his love bombing. It comes from never being loved, validated and accepted as children. FAMILY dysfunction becomes obvious, eventually. There was severe dysfunction in my upper/middle class home and neighborhood growing up. And in the homes of friends, too. We were often talking about how much we hated our mothers or fathers. Sadly, there is much dysfunction everywhere. I eventually o.d. on NPD research! You will, too! Good Luck - it's a battle, until it's not.

@kirstinstrand6292

2 жыл бұрын

If you have empathy and compassion you are not a Narcissist. Pay attention to how you treat others. Do you cut in front of people, do you not listen to friends, do you talk about yourself, wanting to be the center of attention? Do you understand the difference between Overt and Covert Narcissism? We all are somewhat narcissistic; we need to pay attention to our behaviors. I've learned a lot from reading about NPD...and why I got trapped.

Isn’t it quite simple? Someone with cPTSD will exhibit remorse, may apologise and may even work on their behaviour. A narcissist will never apologise, and will instead put all of their energy into defending and reinforcing the false self.

@usedscar

4 ай бұрын

Yes. Narcissists will not change. Try asking one about it!

@hamilnauzer

2 ай бұрын

What about adult children with cptsd whose parents had npd traits? Npd traits can also be genetic, could it be a mix of both?

@tigress1girl

2 ай бұрын

Not true, a narcissist actually can apologize and even show guilt.

@_xiper

Ай бұрын

They can apologize but that doesn't imply they mean it. Esp. if it's useful as is the case for hoovering.

@Demonetization_Symbol

10 күн бұрын

​@@usedscarI am one and I'm trying to change.

I spent 1-3 years being obsessed with the idea that I was a narcissistic sociopath in my mid 20's, which lead to self-harm. With extensive therapy, I discovered it was CPTSD, ADHD, ASD, MDD and anxiety disorder NOS. I'm so so grateful for channels like yours that show nuance and the field of psychology and psychiatry, which promote and facilitate healing.

@keabetswemolelekeng8357

4 ай бұрын

Hey. Just saw your comment. I'm not coming as a medical professional or expert in psychiatry and psychology. Just wanted to put out there that there's thought around overdiagnosing people with CPTSD, around how they get diagnoses when they're actually just overexpressing their imbalance. CPTSD, in the same way that it can mimic NPD, can also mimic other disorders, and so sometimes people with CPTSD can have lifelong diagnoses with temporary presentations that are really just showing that they need help, including affecting mood, higher brain function, etc. Not saying it's you. Just throwing that out there

@lezbyanke777

2 ай бұрын

you mean CPTSD is *underdiagnosed, or did I misread your comment?

@AgeOfGoldenSilence

2 ай бұрын

I read it as overdiagnosing people with CPTSD with additional stuff because that’s how the CPTSD might show up like

I remember bringing up to my therapist that I thought I was a narcissist, because I recognized that I was very self-consumed. She assured me that I was very far from a narcissist, which I knew in my heart that I wasn't, but I couldn't understand how someone that egocentric wasn't a narcissist. Now that I've recognized my trauma and extensively worked with my inner child, I've realized I'm a deeply loving and sensitive person. What I thought was egocentricity was me trying to understand the disconnect between who I actually was and how I was acting. "Why do I turn things down when I actually would like to do them? Why do I act in ways I don't want and say things I don't mean? Why do I get distant when I feel big emotions? Why am I afraid around people who love me? Why do I fear expressing love? Where is the malfunction?" This video was very illuminating on the function of self-consumed behavior in CPTSD. Thank you for contextualizing it. I still have a lot of healing to do, but it's worth it 100 times over to be more able to show vulnerability and connect with people in a genuine and loving way, instead of through the egocentric, fear-clouded lens of trauma.

@kateroy6890

2 жыл бұрын

This really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing.

@silverlagomorpha3177

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes, if your parent was oppositional, wanting something means you can’t get it. The best way of getting what you want is to not want it. If you don’t want it, you’re probably not going to get it. If you’re perceived as manipulative, you’re screwed.

@leshandragrootboom

2 жыл бұрын

You guys I’m crying because I found all this randomly. It’s 4:00AM. I’m touched. My heart is bleeding but she feels a little at ease because these comment sections are validating everything I’ve ever felt & known.

@swanb5226

Жыл бұрын

This hits home,thank u for sharing

@whoisaelis

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for putting into words what i experience. I struggle so hard with detecting my feelings and thoughts. This helps me a lot so thank you!

This is one of the first times I’ve seen this concept articulated: that of feeling so unseen as a child and then going forth as an adult and hurting people because you’re so used to people not caring about you, you simply cannot fathom having that kind of impact on someone. It’s a harsh reality of CPTSD. So happy to see this video addressing the focus on others and the hyperfocus on NPD/narcissism! I think we all fall into that trap at least in the early days of recovery, but there comes a point where we have to bring our attention to what is directly under our control, which is ourselves and our own healing.

@gingerlee1917

Жыл бұрын

wow thank you for articulating this.

@desireehall9296

Жыл бұрын

Yep that was the first time for me too and is eye opening to say the least

@sjonuff

Жыл бұрын

True this. Thanks.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and cPTSD for years but have always had a horrible fear I'm a secret narcissist, and have left therapists who have refused to entertain the idea that I could be a narcissist. I've been obsessive about the idea of having NPD and felt like anyone saying otherwise was just proof I can't help but manipulate everyone. I often "don't see the person in front of me" as I try to convince them I am terrible and manipulative and need to apologize. This video helped me more than I can ever express.

@Earthbound369

Жыл бұрын

Do you judge others as harshly as you judge yourself?

@MassMultiplayer

Жыл бұрын

you probably grandiose like me, cause if you where malignent you would prefer it being hiden and more manipualtive, and evne lie to yourself about not being one. im grandiose nonmalignent. so i ride the illness in the ego pathetic self centred trip, and dont go malignent and force impregnate cow for their secretion and solidifie them into blob of fat and salt for unhealthy result and early death. being wreid and broken is fine, dont break other, or force impregnate sentient being to kill thier babies for broteinz

@foshoo477

Жыл бұрын

@@Earthbound369I can answer this for her or him. Not even close

@thesankobunch1147

Жыл бұрын

♥️

@liamnewsom8583

Жыл бұрын

Big time relatable, the whole needing others to validate it thing. I think it's this mechanism which is the most actually narcissistic about us. It perpetuates itself. It's been beating the ever living shit out of me recently. I feel for both of us.

"Not wanting to live at the expense of others" seriously resonated with me because i remember being a kid and feeling like i didn't deserve to live if i didn't help people and even now, i fail to consider myself in interpersonal situations. I'll have all bases covered for everyone but myself and i don't realize it until someone says "what about you?"

@Alex-fc8xn

5 ай бұрын

Relatable. I still feel like I'm harming people who are close to me if I'm not actively helping them in some way. I get the urge to distance myself, feeling like it would be in their best interests if I faded out of their life when it doesn't seem like they need me to help them with their problems anymore

@jj4791

4 ай бұрын

Objectivism: By Dr. Leonard Peikhoff. (Philosophy book regarding self esteem and Altruism).

@Alex-fc8xn

2 ай бұрын

@@laurafabrizio6401 ❤️❤️❤️ I hope you can learn to care more for yourself one day. I've learned over time that it hurts those who love me when I don't care for my own needs in favor of theirs

Yes! The whole intergenerational abuse thing is terribly overlooked and frequently dismissed

@theresacane8784

2 жыл бұрын

It’s prevented SO MANY people from getting the help they need.

@jessicabyland2879

2 жыл бұрын

@@theresacane8784 very strongly agreed, Theresa Cane

@ursamagickmt672

2 жыл бұрын

You could not be more correct.

@jessicabyland2879

2 жыл бұрын

@@ursamagickmt672 brothers and sisters in survivorship. Love your kitten ♡ I just inheiriteted a kitty

@Samos900

Жыл бұрын

Could someone elaborate?

I'm CPTSD honestly, but sometimes I may come across as narcissistic. What it feels like from my perspective is like I'm rarely given the love and appreciation I deseve, I've grown up feeling invisible or like I need to try harder than most people to get half as far socially or in terms of success, and sometimes I'm so sick of doing so much and trying so hard, that yes... I sorta fume and get bratty. I can feel like "I want you to notice me and appreciate me, dammit!" and then I usually get told "not everything's about you". RIGHT! Barely anything has been. I'm expected to make everything about everyone else and then get told I'm selfish when I want to be appreciated, honored, noticed, loved, etc. I struggle with self-esteem. Sometimes I may feel really proud of some aspect of myself and I want to highlight that, because I frickin' want to feel special sometimes. I deserve to feel special sometimes. But often when I've felt proud and dared to highlight things about myself I wish to celebrate, again... I'm called "narcissistic" or "self-centered". And often times, I've been in contact with ACTUAL narcs, who actually lack real empathy, but they're conniving and they can feign empathy in a performative way. They lack the authenticity I possess, but they also know how to play off my insecurities. So they'll tell ME that I'm insensitive, rude, unhelpful, ungrateful, whatever... they'll project onto me the very thing THEY are, and I'll take the brunt of that hurt and carry that with me, wounded... further convincing me I must not be worthy of love and respect, until I garner the strength to try to assert myself or ask to be recognized, and then the cycle repeats. And it's ridiculous, because I know my story, and I know my generally well-intentioned nature, but I think people will want to see whatever backs up THEIR narrative, no matter how genuine I know I am, and no matter how brow-beaten I may be overall. God forbid I feel a bit cocky and confident once in a while... I think that threatens others who refuse to look at their own shadows, to see me in an empowered state for a change. They wanna guilt me for it so I'll stay self-hating, so that they can feel BETTER than me. It just seems so twisted.

@narayaniji8699

Жыл бұрын

Same!

@ThatGirl17777

Жыл бұрын

I know EXACTLY how you feel

@ShintogaDeathAngel

Жыл бұрын

It really is twisted and I can sort of relate, especially when I was younger and felt invisible to pretty much everyone.

@brittanystipe

Жыл бұрын

I relate to this so much.

@Eclectifying

Жыл бұрын

You really hit the nail on the head!

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU

4 ай бұрын

Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

@Jennifer-bw7ku

4 ай бұрын

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU

4 ай бұрын

Yes he is. dr.sporesss

@twinfred3160

4 ай бұрын

Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.

@patriaciasmith3499

4 ай бұрын

Can Dr.sporesss send to me in UK?

The Best book on CPTSD is by Pete Walker: "Complex PTSD: from Surviving to Thriving." I read this through a time period where I was having full blown emotional flashbacks and it was a lifesaver!

@cheriemoskowitz1300

8 ай бұрын

Thank you. I’ll look for it

@jeremyleis

6 ай бұрын

Me too', thankyou thankyou for sharing this Emotional flashbacks can be one of the worst ~ but I'm leaning about Somatic healing and it does work These other alternative therapies like shaking and emdr do work! 😄

@Briunity

6 ай бұрын

YES! That book is absolutely amazing and helped me so so much too!

@AnaGfit23

6 ай бұрын

I had these in college and they were so intrusive I couldn’t think about anything else except my childhood constantly even though I was 20 and a double major in a quaint liberal arts college.

One of my parents had an incredibly traumatic childhood, and it's almost like they have a traumatic brain injury. Like they can be a very sweet and loving person the way a kid might be, but they also have a really hard time understanding very basic things like that a child may not be capable of reaching certain milestones--even though they're very smart in some ways (good at math, etc). I've come to think of them almost the way you might think of a parent with personality-altering dementia, except they've had this for their whole life. It's not quite NPD, but it's not just CPTSD either. It really is like they are in a pre-teen or so stage of development, leading from their heart when they are doing well, volatile or moody or dropping off the grid when they are really hurting. I know they'd be hurt if they saw this comment, but honestly realizing that has been what allowed me to know what boundaries I needed to have in order to have any relationship at all, and I do feel for them. I think I do have CPTSD, but I'm also kinda grateful that I think my brain... I guess, developed more into adulthood? Like I can be aware of my trauma and my life and things around me in a way that, I think, some people really can't. Still very sticky though, and sometimes "healing" feels elusive. But my kids and husband are a great motivator :) they deserve as whole a mom as I can be.

@annasluka6708

2 жыл бұрын

Amen! I can relate. Our kids deserve the best we can be!!

@storydates

2 жыл бұрын

@@annasluka6708 absolutely! :)

@gus8378

2 жыл бұрын

You might want to read "The Body Keeps the Score". They probably do have some kind of brain injury.

@storydates

2 жыл бұрын

​@@gus8378 Thank you! I'm actually reading it right now and it's all been incredible

@carbine090909

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I'm the mom my daughter can't be around. 😜

My CPTSD is absolutely debilitating. And having a father 100% the same to yours, I can say that I am constantly in an inner battle convincing myself that no, I am not a narcissists or just like my parents. It creates a very scary cycle of self doubt and comparing yourself to your abuser. Anyone else struggle with this?!?!

@desibeverage9702

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I do. I haven’t felt safe and it’s triggered the cycle of shame too. You’re not narcissistic.

@mathwithmrs.pierce9955

2 жыл бұрын

Going through the same line of questioning myself right now coupled with my own judgement of my character.

@mendingmandy869

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. I also question my reality of how I view relationships and my emotions daily.

@TofuTeo

2 жыл бұрын

You're not alone!

@evagunther7784

2 жыл бұрын

100000000% I have a part that is SO ashamed of that and hates me and is so afraid to become like my father was

The feeling trapped in a relationship and the moral issues of getting out…damn that hit me hard. I don’t even know how to do relationships anymore, so I isolate.

@damien678

4 ай бұрын

I've come an incredibly long way with my CPTSD, but the self-isolating is still so strong in me 😅 wishing you well

@carmelafernando7823

2 ай бұрын

Same

I definitely feel called out, and slightly annoyed/ashamed, by your statement about needing to focus on my own healing, rather than being so consumed by trying to understand narcissism… however, I know it’s true and exactly what I needed to hear. My entire feed is suggested videos about narcissism. It’s time for those to be replaced with videos about growth!

I sometimes worry I'm like a narcissist... But actually I was raised by one and as a result am starved for validation attention and affection. Not for narc reasons but because I didn't receive the normal levels that children should receive

@barostakuk1058

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I understand what you mean, from a personal experience, best of luck with everything!!

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

If we constantly worry about having narcissism maybe we don't have it? I have no proof on that but it wouldn't make sense for a narc to question these things their level of denial is too high

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yeah I guess my answer should've been what you're probably experiencing is called mirroring and also we can get caught up on how our "tribe" practically abandoned us so we are hardened

@---tc8km

2 жыл бұрын

@@leahflower9924 omg this!!!!! This is so true!!! Thank you!!!!!

@LilThreat88

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you, @ New Beginnings ! Someday I'll find a compulsive complementer and then all will be well~ Hehe, mostly kidding

This is very insightful. I broke off a friendship with someone who I suspected at the time was NPD but in hindsight and with the benefit of therapy and listening to your channel, I think they might have been suffering the same CPTSD as me. Thank you for the perspective

@kirstinstrand6292

2 жыл бұрын

I wonder if all, true Narcissists incorporate some form of Love Bombing...or love Rush to begin the relationship. I seriously doubt that someone with CPTSD would come on in that intense style. And there is a big difference between a Narcissist and NPD. NPD has pathology and is more dangerous because it permeates their personality. In other words, AVOID at all costs.

@supremepancakes4388

2 жыл бұрын

This is very important to point out because I had this realization too. I’d also love to add I have some ADHD tendencies and those could actually make someone look self absorbed (in conversation) and in dating, cross culturally or even within the same broad North American culture, there are norms in queer dating or cisheteronormative dating that would look quite confusing to the people in the “out group.” I would like to add there are immature people as well. Sometimes our first instinct is a shortcut and they are not always perfectly informed.

@corneliusprentjie-maker6715

2 жыл бұрын

Did you now suggest this channel :p

@no707

2 жыл бұрын

"Understanding abusive behavior should not be mistaken with sympathizing with the abuser" I mean this is what empaths do they just see the good in All people . Alot of these abusive personalities become that way as a defense mechanism or because that's what they learned .until they decide to see their actions or reflect on them or seek help, there is so much you can do before you give up and put yourself first . , l broke it off with my bff few months ago. She has a narc mother and she scapegoates and abuses her 8 year old sister too , my friend became her mother and did the same things to her sister and to me . A person with Cptsd can be abusive too. Everything she did was very abusive & she had alot of trauma from struggling with Endometriosis , she used to blame her pain on me and force me to stay with her because my behavior "triggered" her Endometriosis . I met her when l was 14 she was 19 so you see the age difference made people question our frendship alot . She knew all about my abuse from my family infact it happend at the time when we first met . I used to send her pics of me having a black eye or bruiese . She used all of that against me .gaslighted me and told l was just being a baby and l have thin skin .always throws it in my face that my family never wanted me . She told me to cut myself . Would rage at me and call me the most horrible names . You know what the funny thing was? That when l started learning about my own trauma and setting boundries , instead of cutting her off l started empathizing with her even more . I would go back to her everytime . Turns out we were trauma bonded . I ended everything four years later . The hardest thing about healing is learning your worth . But we will get there💪💙

@no707

2 жыл бұрын

@Teresa Kane agree with you . Sometimes they are just draining to be around and things kinda end on their own.

I have been called a Narcissist many times in my life. Recently I was diagnosed with cPTSD. This video helped me to understand myself so much more, because I never thought or felt I was a narcissist. It even hurt my feelings to be called a narcissist. I have seen many of your videos and I have to say our stories sound very similar Patrick. It gives me so much hope that I too can heal from my childhood trauma. I have caused a lot of heart ache in my life by the way I have acted out of trauma. When I am triggered my rational mind shuts down and I act in ways I eventually regret. So I thank you for putting out these videos.

@itsmemrsbusybee

Жыл бұрын

You give me hope for a loved one ❤

@n.d.4981

Жыл бұрын

yo, i relate to this so much. hope ur doing well 🙏🏼👏🏻

@paulmryglod4802

Жыл бұрын

My ex (10 years together) had/has severe cptsd and she will do very narcissistic things. You can very well have traits of both with the origin being early trauma. No matter the cause, the actions and thoughts are bad for yourself and others around you. As an example, I ended up in jail on false charges because she had an idea in her head that I was just like her abuser and made up a story to make it so. I was punished for the actions of others.

@cheriemoskowitz1300

8 ай бұрын

I’ve never been called a narcissist but upon studying about it I saw some traits in myself. I now realize I have cptsd and his videos are helping me so much as well. Good luck on your journey to healing. God bless .

CPSTD here. I know I have a tendency to be selfish/narcissistic when triggered, and always felt guilty and shameful about it, and kept worrying about if I was an actual narcissist despite my people insisting otherwise... this video call me out and explained a lot, and help me realize some profound things about why. thank you.

I was similar in my 20s, quite controlling, volatile, a bit grandiose. I was early in healing and quite messy. I sometimes find myself reflecting on those messy times with shame and ruminating on what I got wrong. But the reality is I got a lot right too and enough right to keep me on a path of recovery. I think there are people these days would look at behaviour like me in my 20s and call it NPD but it wasn't. I had a lot of empathy, shame and desire to grow. Also being autistic (and not knowing it back then) a lot of the ways I communicate get misinterpreted based on non-autistic norms.

@notNajimi

2 жыл бұрын

Oh gof the last part I feel so hard. It’s so frustrating to be held to neurotypical standards of emotional expression and control. Obviously we still need to keep a handle on ourselves but I wish others would know give us autistic people a little slack on this kind of thing

@elyaequestus1409

2 жыл бұрын

This sounds very similar to my own teenhood/early adulthood. My relationships were high in intensity, high in emotion and I had a savior complex going on. I switched 'best friend' every year and I would be HIGHLY involved in drama in my online community. Not causing it, mind you. But did I keep tabs on literally everything? Yeees. Was that healthy? NoooOOoo My actual healing was kickstarted when I moved out of the house at 20, away from family and that I didnt see them for 4 months. My roomies were actually very skilled and respectful people that helped me to move through this healing proces and gave me tools to work with. I like the word 'un-parented' in that regard. 4 years ago, I was entering old patterns again. My old job actually encouraged it by making me a project leader, a lot of responsibilty with a project that *had* to succeed in a time in the company where employees were suffering. It completely consumed me. No supervision. Not being heard by the right people, nobody stepping in and some major abondonment trauma activated. I was expected to be an adult and swim, when I asked the right people for help they said 'I am sorry this is happening to you' and my job started to destroy me in ways I didnt understand. After my contract ended, I went to therapy in order to accept my autism and now after 1.5 years and a bunch of trauma therapy, I can safely say: I am feeling ok now. There is stuff to figure out, but these shame attacks have stopped.

@goddesslucere

2 жыл бұрын

thank you so much for this comment. I just found out about my autism. and i’m so absolutely horrified of having NPD but i’m very empathetic. happy healing to you

@good4gaby

Жыл бұрын

❤

@tiggercampbell6198

Жыл бұрын

are you sure your autistic,,? because those that are hurt want a label..need a label..the way you write does not say autistic..

This was great. I see/feel the big difference as CPTSDs are hot inside and narcs are cold inside. I don't know if that's a helpful model, but it works for me. And I 100% agree that we get obsessed with the narc and eventually it keeps too much of the attention on them and not on helping us heal and move on.

@josiechaney9010

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t get that impression at all. It’s tough I guess because we’re all doing our best to translate the personal subjective to objective identifiable.

As someone with CPTSD, I overlooked my husband's red flags and gave him excuses when we were first married and living together (I admit I didn't know he "wore a mask" until it he "took it off" the day we moved in together). After 3 years of marriage, I've noticed these patterns in him: lack of empathy towards me and our kids, grandiose sense of self, constant put down of others to make himself look/feel better, negativity and angry outbursts, fantasies about starting a business and making more money yet still working the job he hates, etc.. I admit I'm ashamed of being married to such a person, but I too have fantasies and I forgive easily. I just remind myself that I am not in charge of my husband and his lack, and I'm doing all I can to be a consistent, supportive, nurturing, safe space for my children.

@damien678

4 ай бұрын

Just remember to forgive yourself as easily as you forgive others!

This really helped me see my ex gf in a different light. I knew she had significant unresolved childhood trauma, but I was beginning to see her as pretty narcissistic-the comparison you made between the two helped me exchange some anger for empathy. Thank you.

@lindawise5546

8 ай бұрын

Anytime we can find empathy for someone who harmed us is a move forward. We'll put. XXOO

For some years I have wondered if I might be on the autism spectrum. I have talked to my therapists, and even my father, about it and it's clear I am not. Still, I have struggled with the issues of social cues and interactions through my life. Watching this, I'm realizing that my issue may be my CPTSD that developed in my earliest years. Thank you for this.

@simplyzay23

Жыл бұрын

You can be both It can influence the totality of the experience tbh Cuz being autistic and how other treat you as a result can also be traumatizing

@happydillpickle

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, me too. I did lots of online tests and they came back saying I could be autistic but actually I was diagnosed with PTSD. Not to say that autistic people can't suffer PTSD,* obviously, but I've read a few studies that have conclused that PTSD is sometimes misdiagnosed as autism. edit: *or CPTSD

@DaniLong

Жыл бұрын

I have come to this thought: being a neurodivergent person precedes CPTSD and is actually the underlying reason we react so strongly to trauma. I think the wiring sets us up to be targets (because predators use how we are against us) and then causes us to double down in the trauma reaction.

@DaniLong

Жыл бұрын

@@happydillpickle My personal experience leads me to believe the autism/neurodivergence is an integral part of how complex and difficult our trauma reactions are. I think it also makes us targets for predators.

@happydillpickle

Жыл бұрын

@@DaniLong That's an interesting point you make. Since early childhood I was always different. Found the way society is structured very difficult, found it impossible to make conversation with anyone except very close family and friends. I would have been diagnosed with selective mutism had I been young more recently, and probably autism, but it's difficult to know whether that behaviour was brought on by living in a quite traumatic family environment, or whether it was just how I was, so it's very hard to tell the difference. But absolutely, predators pick on the quiet, gentle, awkward ones.

I think the distinction between "a narcissistic person" & "NPD" is a very important one. The 80's is when lots of our parents were "doing their best" and the American 80's culture was extraordinarily selfish and narcissistic, so it's ingrained in them as normal.

@domtekos7761

2 жыл бұрын

Makes me wonder how the future generation now will be as parents... I don't think it's going to go well :(

@psychicmillennial3581

2 жыл бұрын

@@domtekos7761 I’d say the opposite! They’re only furthering the growth and healing from generational trauma but much more consciously. These kids are incredibly emotionally intelligent.

@domtekos7761

2 жыл бұрын

@@psychicmillennial3581 some are, yes. But there's also a huge number that are extremely self absorbed and not very self aware and nilhistic. It seems to go to both extremes IMHO.

@katrinalemcke2806

2 жыл бұрын

@@domtekos7761 hey, I don't know how much you've thought about this topic but I'm not sure how you could come to that conclusion if you have. Every generation has had something to say about young people and their apparent lack of awareness. "kids today" are generally better equipped, more vocal, and more passionate about their world than any previous generation. There are more people in therapy than ever before in history. Mental health terminology is mainstream and discussed/explored in popular media. The kids are alright. They will have their own unique battles just as every generation that came before them. :)

@domtekos7761

2 жыл бұрын

@@katrinalemcke2806 I didn't say all. It goes to both extremes I find. Yeah there's a lot that fit your description, but there's also a lot messed up that are the other way due to trauma in childhood or the state of the world and how the use of tech etc shapes them. I've thought about it a lot as it's part of my actual job/studies. I'm not just pulling the opinion out of my ass, there's plenty of evidence of growing rates of narcissism and lack of empathy/social intelligence due in the younger generations. Like I said, I didn't say all.

It took me the better part of 25 years to recognize CPTSD in myself. I was definitely aware of a lot of my issues but couldn't figure out how to even express. I've even been called a narcissist before (by, shocker, a legit narcissist). The one big trait that always proved to me and those who knew me well that I'm not a narcissist is empathy. Not only showcasing intellectual empathy, but deep emotional empathy. This one difference has been a life raft amidst a sea of turmoil for me over the years. It guides my conscience.

Feels a little nice to know I’m not the only one in the vast ocean of cptsd trying to navigate through all the traumas and problems my brain has been so accustomed to

I have CPTSD and sometimes worry that I have NPD. Strangely enough, I think it has made me not see the narcissistic traits in others close to me because I was so worried about not causing harm.

Wow. This makes so much sense! I knew I had CPTSD, but, after watching so many videos about narcissists (my mother, a lot like your father), I really began to worry because I had many (or at least several) of those traits. Now I realize that it makes sense to have an overlap of those traits with CPTSD. Thank you for this great video.

@csviolin0516

2 жыл бұрын

Amen!

@nic7438

2 жыл бұрын

Same! The more you learn about them and just the more you know overall…you will also notice the things that hit close to your own life. I was so scared my NPD parent had rubbed off some of their yuck onto me, which this video shows I was right in thinking there’s overlap but just in different ways. I’m grateful to learn this. That chart helped tremendously!

@Rain9Quinn

2 жыл бұрын

Agree 😌

@kgs2280

2 жыл бұрын

@@nic7438 ❤️

@kerriuhl1592

2 жыл бұрын

Me too!

This has been probably THE most helpful video I’ve watched on these conditions. I agree that NPD is an epidemic at this point, EVERYONE has a “narc” ex, parent, roommate, etc. according to them. But that never sat right with me because if that were the case, we’d have like 40% world population of narcs, which just simply isn’t true. People can be so insensitive and eager to throw these terms around and not even stop to consider trauma responses or any other combination of conditions. I hope the world can be more compassionate and take time to stop and consider these things before judging people. The NPD witch hunt is the modern day hysteria. Awareness of it is good of course, but not without negative consequences as well. At the end of the day we are all human…

Wow! I have never met anyone who was so well educated in the subject. You make Dr Phil look like a slacker. Everything that you said made sense 100% Thank you for sharing your hard work! I’m CPTSD and you know exactly what you’re talking about. Every time you talk it blows my mind !

@loreleialexander8607

3 ай бұрын

Dr. Phil is a hack, friend

My take away here was CPTSD has a more feral quality about it than NPD. I definitely felt called out by the neurotic shame. I’m constantly apologizing and people always ask me why. I’m at the point where it’s so automatic, I don’t even feel the apologetic feelings, I just regurgitate the apology. 😂

@m.maclellan7147

2 жыл бұрын

Appeasement is a tool that kids use when their parents are insane & they feel threatened. (Ask me how I know, lol !) You can figure this out & heal. You're already here & working on it. Bravo to you. I am proud of you.

@josiechaney9010

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve started saying “it’s a figure of speech. … stop parsing and policing what I say, or you’ll find out what I look like when I’m assertive.” I really only usually say the first part. 😄

@devilinav7494

Жыл бұрын

Ah, hypervigilance. Always feeling like people are going to be angry with you, or you've inadvertently done something wrong.

CPTSD doesn't always come from childhood trauma. But childhood trauma almost invariably results in CPTSD. Great point. Thank you.

This video is a game changer for me, I have struggled so hard with myself thinking I have NPD but at the same time knowing that I HAVE empathy for others, I can get moved to tears when I witness good deeds and so forth but I have struggled with being so self centered and constantly watching myself and others being judgemental and in turn judging myself for being judgmental and so on and so forth. This is eye opening. Thank you!

@NEPTUNERETURNZ2MUZAK

9 ай бұрын

Yes. Another profound video from Patrick.

CPTSD here. This was hard to watch, learning about myself. But I am glad to have a path forward to being a better person. I wish I had known about and addressed generational trauma before I had children. ❤

@societywolf

Жыл бұрын

It’s never too late ❤ awareness and an open heart are more than just the first steps, they are the path. Sending you and all of yours love ❤️

@HeyJuuu

Жыл бұрын

I think I fall on CPTSD too. But could you explain what it means to be a better person?

@patrickparker9863

3 ай бұрын

'm 57. I only am just recently learning about this, past 2 years. and now it's too late. The amount of damage, train wreck level damage this has done to my whole life is indescribable🤧. where was this guy 50 years ago?

Setting Boundaries is essential for maintaining one's identity when there are toxic people/family members sucking life out of you. Respect yourselves and do NOT feel guilty for maintaining your personal spaces. (What I've learned.)

Thank you for this video. For awhile, I've been suffering and warring with myself wondering if I was a narcissist. But not everything applied. This helped me to understand and having this knowledge is a relief. There have been times where I have used narcissistic tools to survive. I have lied, denied, and manipulated to escape consequences in the past. But for me, I felt like I had to do that growing up. My mom was definitely wounded but she was emotionally and physically abusive. She was also a Jehovah's Witness and forced me to live in that religiously unforgiving environment. I knew I was gay early on but also knew I could never live as a gay individual without my parents disowning me. My dad was very physically abusive and demeaning. For example, I struggle with math and I recall one day having to take home a test that I got a B on. Personally, I was thrilled I got that grade because I knew how I was struggling to understand. When I presented it to him, he went through each answer I got wrong and insulted my intelligence. I remember it got to the point where I had to leave the room crying after having a complete breakdown. And he was quick to put his hands on me or rattle my eardrum with top of lung yelling. Sometimes when my mom and I had disagreements, she'd go to him knowing he was going to beat me. And when he did, sometimes she would watch and smile at me as he hit me repeatedly. Due to having to walk on eggshells, I learned to manipulate to get out of telling the truth or accepting accountability. And unfortunately, sometimes that survival tool bleeds into my adult life. It didn't help that my parents weren't united in their beliefs. As a Jehovah's Witness, you are pressured to convert as many as possible. This lead to them having many loud arguments. One time my mother even involved us and said "You hear that, kids? Your dad is going to die at Armageddon." When I finally came out at 19, they did exactly what I knew they would. They disowned me and told me never to come back. They haven't been in my life for 15 years now. And because of being raised as a Jehovah's Witness, I was given no real world training or tools to navigate life. Because they treated life as if this was the Matrix, a fake world that was going to be destroyed and the real world created by the righteous. I'm talking didn't have a license, no car, had a job but they wouldn't allow me to have one until way late. My ambitions were seen as things that were burdens to the family. The last thing my mom told me before I had to find a home with relatives out of state was "All you did was bring hell to this family." I feel like because of all of this, I began associating telling the truth or revealing mistakes/flaws/sins with being rained down upon and abandoned. So sometimes in my adult years, I've caught myself doing the same when I felt backed into a corner. Sorry for the rant, but I really appreciated this video. I've watched several of yours now and I feel like you are the first to feature mental health content that I can personally relate to. I admire that you were able to make your trauma your power, and that you have used it to help others manage the kind of pain you had to endure as well. It's inspirational.

@anotherhealingjourneybegins

2 жыл бұрын

@A.S I wish you peace and healing my friend. Having the religious cult damage in addition to the parental abuse and family trauma just takes it to a whole other level. So many layers to it. At least positive days are so much more enjoyable when they return.

@Mary-fk3lp

2 жыл бұрын

Wow - thank you for sharing. There is so much strength in vulnerability. I really relate to experiencing the “matrix” religious talk which over time made me feel disassociated from the world and other people. Do you experience this? Has anything helped?

@anotherhealingjourneybegins

2 жыл бұрын

@@Mary-fk3lp I definitely experience that feeling still. I spent so much time being groomed and trained to be an outsider to society that everyone treated me like 'that weird kid' and I was bullied both home and in school because of it. Jehovah's Witnesses find pleasure in being mistreated by 'this' world. They feel as if they have killed two birds with one stone. One being they are kept apart from the majority of society, keeping non JW interactions to a minimum, not engaging in their lives. The 2nd being they feel as if they are bringing glory to Jehovah (they literally try to throw the name around in place of the word 'god' as much as humanly possible. To the point where it even SOUNDS cult-like). At this point in my life, I'm highly introverted but can throw on the friendly funny costume when needed. I don't really have consistent friendships. I don't normally hang out with people. In fact, I enjoy being in my own space and unbothered. For most of my 20's, I struggled hard with trying to have the types of friendships you see on How I Met Your Mother and such. And after so many failures and realizing how broken and sick I was, I stopped trying to fit in. I feel like someone who does not belong and looking back, I realize this was the goal of the brainwashing. To keep me isolated and lonely, reliant of the congregation for 'love' and 'acceptance'. Which is funny because the moment I came out and stopped going to meetings (normal folk would say going to church but again, JW is all about making their own distinguished terminology to remove themselves from being lumped in with Catholicism and the like), I was completely cut off from the entire congregation. I spent my 1st 19 years of life there and not one of these people was there for me once I lost the JW title. So they train you to not fit in with regular society and then take away the only sense of normalcy you have by giving you the silent treatment, ignoring you unless you return to the flock and go through a rigorous degrading process to prove you're 'worthy' to return to the fold. While most of society teaches their children unconditional love, my upbringing was basically a constant reminder that love was a 'privilege' that could be revoked at any time, contingent only on you falling in line and never questioning the organization. A cult through and through. They are literally the 'wolf in sheep's clothing' they constantly preach about and warn of. I will say that with time, it hurts less. And I really hope you find peace in your ordeal. At least we are still standing.

@catwitdabigdog1642

2 жыл бұрын

Thank heavens you came out when you did and pulled the rip cord on that circus, my brother.

@anotherhealingjourneybegins

2 жыл бұрын

@@catwitdabigdog1642 thank you! Even though it caused so much pain that I still struggle with, them throwing me tl the curb and acting like I never happened was THE best thing that's ever happened to me. I recently saw a picture of my parents and siblings (both my younger brother and sister were forbidden to talk to me, so we also haven't had a relationship). But the four of them looked AWFUL. Like extremely overweight and just miserable. I was able to escape the nightmare they clearly still live in. And now I feel it has strengthened me and given me an advantage. Most people spend their lives secretly having a 'worst fear'. But I already faced my worst fear coming true and survived. Definitely comforts me sometimes to think of it that way.

It’s good this video doesn’t demonize NPD like a lot of others as you recognize it was developed out of survival. I don’t have NPD but I also experience fluctuations in empathy and seeing others with low empathy be demonized gets very tiring and saddening.

@sarinabina5487

Жыл бұрын

!!!

Every time accusations of narcissism would fly in an argument, I couldn't help but question if so-called "narcissistic behaviour" is even a thing. It just feels like something anyone could be accused of. So this video is just what I needed.

@DiamondsRexpensive

Жыл бұрын

Right now it is a buzzword along with psychopath.

@PHAS71

Жыл бұрын

@@DiamondsRexpensive When a person shows any sort of weakness, when he takes an argument personaly, even if it's provoked, you can say that they are protecting their ego. After that, it is hard to say whether or not they are overreacting. You could argue that their ego is inflated (hence claims that they are a narcissist), but how can you measure whether someone's ego is inflated or not? That's the problem.

@sarinabina5487

Жыл бұрын

THISTHISTHIS!!! Its become SUCH a buzzword and now suddenly anyone who they don't like who has a high ego or have trouble admitting they're in the wrong is a "narcissist":/ (i hope this doesn't come off as me trying to demonize NPD)

@willyjoe3000

10 ай бұрын

Narcissism is a personality trait that exists on a spectrum. Everyone has some amount it of. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is when someone scores so high in the trait that it has a very powerful destructive effect. I agree. The word gets thrown around way too much. I know I probably score slightly higher than average in narcissism, but I know it's not anywhere near high enough to be a disorder. Just a normal range. If people understood that it's a common trait that most people have to one degree or another, we wouldn't misuse it so much imo.

@daisyviluck7932

4 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, the word “narcissist” has become so weaponized that it now just means “somebody I don’t like”. And it’s used as a thought-stopping phrase, because whoever gets to fling that word in a conversation is now the winner, right? … Right?

WOW!!! Thank you for setting off lightbulbs in my head around ALL of these similarities and differences. As someone with CPTSD, you've helped me to redefine codependency and recognize it in myself (before). NOW I'm seeing the term 'self-involved' differently, too--not as an insult--NOT as a weaponized term that's used to further wound (I've totally gotten that) but simply as someone who's wounds disconnect them from the reality of life around them--people around them--by being activated. ..also WOW to the concept that NPD folks are disconnected from the effects of their own childhood trauma, even as they're acted out on other people. This all feels SO clarifying. Thanks!

@kirstinstrand6292

2 жыл бұрын

Fabulous Summation 🤗

@sarahritt.creates

2 жыл бұрын

@@kirstinstrand6292 Thank you :)

15:00 With my dad, he probably would not take the last parachute because he says he really values children, but if he then survived the plane crash, he would then talk about how amazing of a person he is because he didn't take the last parachute and that you really owe him due to how good of a favor he did. My dad sometimes does nice acts but he then coopts them into a grandiose, narcistic narrative.

@debbielallier9591

2 жыл бұрын

I recall reading somewhere a name for this type of benevolent narcissist. My father treated pets and guests better than his own partner & children. He pretended to have great compassion & understanding of non intimate people....had not a shred of empathy for his partners or children. He wore many masks & regular people do not believe the hypocrisy he projected.

@m.maclellan7147

2 жыл бұрын

@@debbielallier9591 yep. My mom same. My friends used to say, "your mom's so nice!" LOL! But that was back in the days when AAA was still a dirty little secret !

@catwitdabigdog1642

2 жыл бұрын

That sounds like a quintessential covert narcissist, not a grandiose one.

@catwitdabigdog1642

2 жыл бұрын

@@debbielallier9591 This is true of most narcissists.

“If we spend years researching hammers, everything is going to start to look like nails” That was an amazing analogy,sir.. Thank you for everything you do. Cheers!

I was really resistant to therapy when I was younger, but it wasn't because of fixed ego, but because anything I said or did or felt was pathologised by the therapist, and I already had a problem trusting people and talking about personal stuff, which I hadn't even learnt was a possibility by that age (I come from one of those "doesn't do feelings" kind of families). The experience was incredibly damaging and traumatising in itself. I was already someone who overly scrutinized myself and felt shame all the time, and the therapist seemed to think that a valid price to pay for the "help" I was getting was seeing my entire personality as pathological. She tried to "use" my shame as a tool for recovery, but it only shut me down further. Then she blamed me for shutting down and pathologised that reaction too. She expected unconditional trust from me and made it very clear I had to hate myself and destroy my entire self worth in order to build something new and then was angry when it didn't work.

I love the idea of having an unofficial PHd in Narcissistic personality disorder. That made me laugh and convinced me to leave that rabbit hole alone.

So as someone who suffers from NPD (diagnosed), this video may be accurate to the lived experience of someone with cptsd, but you miss important aspects of people suffering from pathological narcissism. Yes, the grandiosity seen in npd is present. But we also suffer from overwhelming feelings of shame that we are constantly trying to hide WITH our grandiosity. We fluctuate between constant shame and grandiosity depending on if we are getting our needs met. I get needing to establish this difference, but I think that can be done in a way that is more earnest to NPD.

@jrojala

Жыл бұрын

Oh hi, I too have been clinically diagnosed with NPD. I used a “grandiosity cover” for my ocean of shame. So, hear me out… Have you considered exploring the possibility of misdiagnosis? It took me several years to learn that I was misdiagnosed by my doctor and had been suffering from CPTSD all along. My personal growth since getting an accurate diagnosis is off the charts- that shame ocean is much smaller, more like a favorite Minnesota lake, Misi-zaaga'igan.

@Thenamelessnarcissist

Жыл бұрын

@@jrojalawell, I’m diagnosed with both LOL but in NPD communities everyone else diagnosed also confirms this. Imo you can’t have a PD without CPTSD cause they’re largely trauma based disorders

@IsitReallyrealreally

Жыл бұрын

@@Thenamelessnarcissist sounds accurate. I was hoping to jump off the npd(covert) ship here but i kinda think this entire video is a bit optimistic🤷🏻

@kingghidorah8106

Жыл бұрын

the shame comes in for how your goof ups affect you, not in how they affect others.

@sarinabina5487

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience and trying to educate! I hope you have a good day💖

All of my childhood fantasies were of things like having a functional car, enough food in the house, parents who cared about me even a little bit. It's honestly comforting to know that I'm not alone in that

Thank you, Patrick. I can see that a man I'm dating is CPTSD and not NPD. I don't know if that makes a difference for our relationship, but it does mean I'm not dealing with a genuinely malevolent person. I'm dealing with someone who might actually be able to grow emotionally, even if it would be with great difficulty.

Wow, excellent topic, thank you! As someone who self-identifies with CPTSD, years ago someone accused me of being a narcissist. I could not understand her claim, other than she was pissed off at me, and trying to hurt me, but after watching your presentation, I can understand that CPTSD could be confused with NPD. For some time now, it has been known that people often confuse CPTSD with BPD as well. No wonder people find us confusing at times.

@josiechaney9010

2 жыл бұрын

I do think BPD can be similar to CPTSD … or confused with one another. But I’m an amateur.

Quite possibly the best video I've ever seen on this topic (and I've seen hundreds)! Patrick, to answer your question, I probably would have characterized your younger self as BPD, not NPD. Please do a video on how C-PTSD and BPD are commonly confused in the mental health community, leading to delayed diagnoses for survivors. In many cases, the BPD dx is weaponized and used to label patients as "difficult" or "impossible to treat," laying blame on the patients instead of recognizing their unhealthy behaviors as a trauma response. Thank you!

@pelletier4432

2 жыл бұрын

Great suggestion their does seem to be overlap.

@joincoffee9383

2 жыл бұрын

The differences between the two are entitlement, exploitiveness, and manipulation.

@user-d.h

2 жыл бұрын

​@@joincoffee9383 I disagree, as someone with a BPD diagnosis. All of my pre-treatment behavior was survival based. I guess I could have CPTSD instead, but if my experience is that of a borderline personality, I did not feel entitled and did not manipulate shamelessly - I was desperately trying to meet my needs and kinda spilling out onto everything and everyone, very shamefully. Explosive, yes. I would be interested in a video about the two diagnoses.

@cloudwalker8266

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-d.h You hit upon the whole point of my post. Many people are getting diagnosed with BPD when, in fact, they have C-PTSD instead. However, as DSM-V does not recognize C-PTSD as a valid diagnosis, many mental health professionals end up labeling patients as BPD (or worse, such as bipolar).

@joincoffee9383

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-d.h exploitivenes, not explosive ness. Sorry a typo. Yes, borderlines do have shame after they did bad things to others, but they will do it again, and again anyways.

The rewards of being a little bit selfish for the sake of self preservation greatly outweigh the punishments of being selfless out of fear.

I thought I was a narcissist after watching a youtube video. Thanks for finally clearing this up.

cptsd controls my life- starting a new job in the restaurant industry has triggered me beyond belief. thank you for this insight and support.

My dad was very verbally and emotionally abusive, as well as neglectful. But I don't think my dad is NPD. Like your father he won't ever seek help, but both my therapist and I suspect he's on the spectrum and likely has other mental health issues like major depressive disorder. At first I thought I needed to diagnose him to heal myself. But the truth is that when you're a child whose parent neglects their physical and emotional needs, it doesn't matter why. All you know as a child is that you feel unsafe and unwanted. Maybe that's because your dad struggles with social interactions and can't identify others needs or adequately respond to them. Maybe it's because your dad is so self-centered he doesn't care what your needs are as long as his are met. Maybe you're dad is triggered by old trauma and so consumed his brain doesn't have room for you. Those issues belong to him. At the end of the day you were a child who went without expressions of love and care from your father. You felt unstable and unsafe. You had all the anger, resentment, and shame he couldn't handle dumped on you. Let him deal with the why. That is his problem. You can't fix that for him. Don't bother trying to convince yourself it wasn't your fault because he has xyz disorder. That misses the point. It wasn't your fault because you were a CHILD. There was nothing any child could've possibly done to deserve it. Nothing. Not one thing. So let him own his actions and his reasons for it. The day he told me that the reason he used to tell me he was going to kill my pets when I didn't do what be told me to was "because I was frustrated," I knew I'd never really understand why. And for once I was okay with that. I don't need to understand why he said it to understand that it was wrong and that I need to work on recovering from a childhood where that threat was a regular occurrence. There's no reason he could give that would make it make sense or make it okay. It was just plain terrible and no diagnosis will ever change that.

@kimlec3592

2 жыл бұрын

@ LRCLaw : you're working it out. by writing. this is true, diagnosing is just medical labelling. if you can write, you're far better off than if you're talking. talking or writing too much about things yoi cannot change is hard work. better to write the thoughts & feelings you feel you must hide to get them out before speaking, so you keep your interactions free of distress. sometimes writing hopes likes & dreams are helpful to give respite from hard things. is ok to feel the feelings, think the thinks.

@MrLuigiFercotti

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds similar to my parents. Dad was self-absorbed, emotionally bottled up and sometimes mean. OTOH, my mom was a narcissist, she had the fixed ego like it was entombed in concrete.

@anxietylab9126

2 жыл бұрын

"But the truth is that when you're a child whose parent neglects their physical and emotional needs, it doesn't matter why. All you know as a child is that you feel unsafe and unwanted. " - exactly. Thank you.

@Sooner-im9qf

2 жыл бұрын

I had a similar Dad. Thank you for sharing. We deserve to heal, recover, dump the baggage, and have as good a life as we can make it! Recovery is good work and we are worth it. Blessings.

@lv9265

Жыл бұрын

You spelled out something that I've always felt, but maybe haven't been able to articulate that well. Thank you for this absolutely amazing comment.

My biggest clue that I was healed was my ability to forgive my family of origin and the traumatic events of my past. I also recognized how being in pain made me myopic in my perspective. Now I understand and have compassion for my family and have learned skills to protect myself from being traumatized again -- and without having to go "no contact". I've learned how to establish boundaries that are organic and non-creepy. Rather than assume I understand why someone says or does something, I ask questions to help me establish a frame of reference. Oftentimes something that initially felt like a personal affront was simply that person being in pain, being overwhelmed, etc., and lacking the ability to regulate their emotions at the time -- so it had little or nothing to do with me.

@MassMultiplayer

Жыл бұрын

a good tips for me is positive nihilism., we all die one day, why make it worse? facing my ego "haha how pathetic you think youi are to be so good you notice your ego" said my ego. it become light and funny. less so serious, and ironly make it easier to face the serious stuff. so many people are broken to the core. its kinda the new normal. fix ourself while other destroy us ehr ill die alone wiht a cat, problem solved

@iris-ji7ni

Жыл бұрын

I'm really happy that you were able to forgive and that you're protecting yourself well..if I may ask did you go through phases of thinking you've completely forgiven them but then you're all in the messy feelings again? I'm just wondering the forgiveness was on and off before it truly came to you..cuz I'm doubting myself that I didn't fully forgiven cuz I didn't fully let go for the lack of better wording..sorry if it was much and you don't have to answer this

@oceanecastelnau9821

7 ай бұрын

​@@iris-ji7niIn my experience forgiveness is a process. I have to uncover different depths of wounding by discovering the judgments that keep them in place, while at the same time allowing my compassion for my abusers to expand with my increasing self understanding. It heals every layer and there are a lot of layers. Real freedom takes time.

@damien678

4 ай бұрын

My therapist recently pointed this out to me when I said I felt like I've been stagnating all this time and going nowhere. The ability I now have to be calm and think rationally at all when it came to my family. Before I'd get so triggered I could be in a rage for hours just when thinking about them.

I've been called a narcissist too, and I have often thought it might be true.

Great video. As I was told, there's a big difference between being a narcissist and being raised by one. Plus the term tossed out nowadays like confetti at a parade. When someone uses it too freely, my thought is "when everyone else is wrong, you're probably not right."

The timing of the suggestion to stop researching NPD is perfect. About a month ago I saw a video by Angel DeSantis that suggest stop looking at videos rebutting the JWs as it keeps us stuck in the righteous anger phase. This feels the same. Helping me move on. 😊 Now to remember and unfortunately unsub some channels...

@batintheattic7293

Жыл бұрын

It feels very timely for me, too. Serendipity. I, still, think I should consult a professional about it though! If I AM an NPD - I want to know. Would you not want to be certain? I'm put in mind of the second to last scene from the film, Time Bandits. The smoldering mass in the new microwave. "Don't touch it! It's evil!" I wasn't going to touch it. I know it's dangerous. I just want to look at it!

I've ruminated on this overlap before, felt like such a paradox. Wondered if I was the only person who'd picked up on this, but man am I grateful to know I definitely am not. Thank you Patrick

I wake up each morning going over the bullcrap my mother has pu me through. I hope to one day wake up and not think about it 😕

Lately I’ve been researching these two disorders (I am CPTSD in recovery) because I noticed both of these are classic examples of what sound incredibly difficult but *still* workable cognitive distortions that could be managed by CBT, and the bells keep ringing ding-ding-ding when I saw your video connecting and comparing these two. I like how you use terms like “self-consumed” in a totally compassionate way and mention that healing often looks like focusing on what’s in front of us and stop the NPD research traps. I’ve done it maybe 5 years ago, and now after some recent traumatic experiences, I started to look again. The phrase when we have a hammer, everything looks like a nail REALLY spoke to me-after I felt a bit overwhelmed by my own research, I started to back off a bit and felt much better (it is tiring!). When CPTSD was not a widely recognized term in the US, it was REALLY hard for me to speak up and assert my self among people who might have judged me wrong and gotten good tips on how to manage my symptoms such as calming my nervous system responses, etc. the Crappy Childhood Fairy is great for that. I am not religious, but seriously, god bless these advances in psych research and childhood trauma recovery advocacy in recent years. This will help so so so many people who want to be helped.

@duncanbug

2 жыл бұрын

What therapy stuff should I be looking for? And for support you mean a good friend group.

@duncanbug

Жыл бұрын

I’d love to have some advice on what you did!

Thank you, this was hugely valuable to me. At 50, I've just come to the understanding that I have experienced, and am functioning as, a child of emotional neglect. I am still considering whether my mother was / father is a narcissist. However, they both had challenging childhoods themselves, especially my mother. Hmmmm. At the end of the day, I have been struggling with shame over my own personality and behaviour, with the question, am I the narcissist? Something has shifted in me, and I'm more inclined to think perhaps I have cptsd. I have been making great efforts to change myself. I am single, no children, few friends. I hope that changes too. I cannot afford therapy, so am very grateful for this channel.

@MrLuigiFercotti

2 жыл бұрын

If you're asking the question, probably not.

@sarahmeyers1773

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve found that group therapy is more cost attainable, if that’s something you’d be open to.

@elizabethlavicka271

2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists never question if they are narcissistic. You are not a Narcissist.

@silverlagomorpha3177

2 жыл бұрын

It’s tough. I knew my mother was emotionally abusive before I knew it was a thing. She was actually proud of it because she believed you didn’t have to spank your children, there were “worse things you could do,” but she would also threaten: “I’ll smack you if you don’t straighten up.” (Scary if you don’t know what straightening up meant.) Sometimes she followed up on the threat. She knew that the possibility of follow through is what made the threat effective. Sometimes she just did it without the threat. You never knew, but it was most likely me. She would address “you girls” while looking at me and pointing at me, or it was only me. She gave the silent treatment so often that I grew up thinking it was normal for people to not talk to each other for days, not even realizing she was mad. If someone who gives you mostly negative attention decides to give you no attention instead, it’s like winning a prize. She didn’t permit back-talk but I wasn’t sure what that was until I figure out it was simply reply. Two way conversations were bad, it’s a trap, don’t do it. My sister was her mini-me. I was her mini-not-me. Navigating this with autism was living in a flood of my own glucocorticoids. Now, I’m older than you and in the most successful part of my life, but my body is an absolute wreck.

@MrLuigiFercotti

2 жыл бұрын

@@silverlagomorpha3177 That sounds awful. Something makes me think there was not much of a balance of love and support either.

Thank you, Patrick! I`ve been self-diagnosed as a Covert Narcissist last year and that made me really sad, but my therapist at the time saying that narcissistic behaviours dont necessarily mean NPD coupled with further research led me to be sure Im in fact afflicted with CPTSD due to a highly emotionally neglectful childhood. My parents are really good people , they just had to work too much when I was a kid and even then, they arent the most cudly and reassuring out there .This led me to believe they didnt have to time to me because i was deeply flawed, which made me ashamed of myself, thinking I was ugly, fat, bad for finding other boys attractive (Im bi), or not good enough for them and I ended up projecting my parents supposed purposeful emotional neglect into other kids, creating a superiority persona to hide my flaws from others and my parents, to make me able to be loved and paid attention to. It "worked" for my teachers, uncles and adults in general, they complimented me, even my parents, but nothing on an emotional level, and kids started to truly hate me for being an arrogant know-it-all who disregarded their feelings and humiliated them to show to people I wanted attention from that I was better than those. This grandiose act of superiority I put up using my good grades and general scientifical knowledge from late childhood to pretty recently was the symptom I believed to be the main one of my NPD self diagnosis, but this video helped me seeing for sure that was actually a big CPTSD shield to hide the parts of me that I still feel ashamed of in front my triggers: my parents (specially my dad), girls I want to date (or simply all females my age) and working places. Shame of not being good enough for people I want to keep around or need approval of is a big part of my life, I certainly dont have the shameless self of an NPD, my "grandiose" mask was just that, a mask to hide my supposed flaws that were born of the narrative I built about the traumatic events of emotional neglect I suffered , not a fantasy I truly ever believed, even unconsciously.

Thank you so much for this video, I just wish I didn't watch it at work as I broke down in tears. I had an abusive upbringing (won't disclose it on here), I've been called out as a NPD and last year I thought enough is enough and reached out to my GP for help. She confirmed I was far from NPD but she did say I have an Emotional Unstable Trait/Personality. After watching your video about CPTSD and reading all the comments below, it blew my mind on how many people are out there who thought the same thing. I'm now on a waiting list to help me deal with my Childhood Trauma. Again, thank you so much for this video, it was very insightful and useful, please continue to make these videos.

This video will be so helpful for many. Too many people are thinking unhealthy patterns = narcissist when often it’s not the case. Thank you for all the work you do. Started my own channel to share my scapegoated experience and it’s been so helpful.

I think I would be very interested and really benefit from a video discussing why some people with cptsd are drawn to therapy and others are therapy resistant. I find naturally I've made a way to a place where I understand and empathise with those that have hurt me but am hurt and confused by their own inability to seek help in the same ways I have. Thanks for the video and sharing your own experiences!

@carbine090909

2 жыл бұрын

Hmm. Well, when you're in the thick of it, it seems like you're being rational, it's just the circumstances that are messed up. Like, anyone would be upset with my toxic bf! Or, it's not my fault that person deserved my road rage, they didn't pull over for that ambulance!! They don't see themselves as the common denominator, and if they do, it's all because the universe or God hates them, so, again, not their fault. Like he said, it's fundamentally a self-absorption problem. They want people to stop hurting them, but they can't see that their thrashing about is hurting the people closest to them. Since they honestly don't want to hurt people, that's the leverage you can use to get them to consider therapy - help them to help others. Love = protection.

@chelseascott5872

2 жыл бұрын

I probably have cptsd, my younger sister wanted me to go to counseling with her because I'm difficult. I said nope, hard pass..she then called me a manipulative narcissist, haven't talked to her in a year. And people wonder why I don't do therapy. It's not likely I would do individual therapy. Any form of family therapy is out of the question. I did family counseling as a youth and my parents lied saying I was a trouble maker when in fact, I was the one being abused. I ended up in a psychiatric treatment center for months when in reality, my mom is the one who needed the help.

@KD-ou2np

2 жыл бұрын

Well easy, raise someone to believe feelings are stupid, emotions are weak, and that they will be laughed at or harshly judged by their peers if they share these feelings. That will keep someone from going to therapy for a long time.

@KD-ou2np

2 жыл бұрын

@@chelseascott5872 you have to go to therapy because you want to change your habits/behavior, understand yourself better, and you acknowledge that you need help doing that. That is the only reason you should do therapy. Its hard to admit we need therapy when all the reasons we are "difficult" aren't really our fault. But at some point, you become an adult and you have to take responsibility for who you are and how you treat people. Because other ppl unless they know you well, they don't see your childhood, or other background issues, all they see is how you treat others and they will judge you based on that. Its on you to figure out how to not repeat these behaviors, if you feel any desire to be a good kind person at all.

@chelseascott5872

2 жыл бұрын

@@KD-ou2np I'm not actually difficult. Much of what my family has been upset about has to do with me making different choices with respect to covid. I've had two covid vaccines, not interested in boosters since I was unlucky to get myocarditis after getting mine. I don't try to influence other people's medical choices but anyone who tries to influence what I do is unfortunately not welcome to be a part of my life. I'm on better terms again with my parents and my older sister, had a good visit at Easter. My younger sister isn't interested in having anything to do with me and is scared I will give her covid. I wish her the best as well as my niece and nephew but she doesn't want me in their physical space. Can't do much about that. I don't think I'm a bad person in any way, but I understand sometimes people have faulty perceptions.

I laughed when you mentioned feeling like everybody had a meeting about us at work because I had this one really awful workplace where that actually happened 🤣🤣 fortunately far in the past.

I've been compared to my father by my mother who has no knowledge nor desire to understand this topic. He is a narcissist and I have suffered multiple abuse from him and have trauma. SO thank you for this comparison. I can relate to cptsd and understand the difference.

@josiechaney9010

2 жыл бұрын

It’s an easy dig for lazy people. :/

As someone with CPTSD and lifelong experience with NPD. I can say I've never heard something so accurate. Thank you for clarification of things and for making me understand myself better. Brilliant

So I was married to someone with cptsd, almost certain of it. I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose obviously, but it fits extremely well. She had a ptsd diagnosis and adhd, but it always seemed that those two things didn't quite explain all of the behaviour. I remember asking my therapist if there was such a thing as attachment trauma or an attachment disorder. I really appreciate this video because I spent a lot of time wondering if she was a narcissist too but always kinda knew that didn't fit. She had too much empathy with other people. But the overlap is quite striking. My life was consumed at every waking moment with walking on eggshells, minding my tone constantly, endlessly apologizing for the same thing over and over. She constantly felt unsafe with me, and I swear to God that I spent every last ounce of strength trying to treat her well, serve her, love her, listen, ask questions, notice her, take an interest in everything she did, literally doing everything and anything I could think of to make her feel good and safe around me, but no matter how hard I tried, I was always just a scary person to her, emotionally unsafe. I was endlessly told all about how inadequate I was relationally. I wasn't allowed to have any real emotions, opinions, really a voice in anything because everything about me gave her panic attacks, like several a day every day for years. Even when they subsided near the end, she was in a constant state of disapproval of literally everything I did. It's actually exhausting typing all this out. Anyway, I have trauma from this that I'm trying to sort out. It's really difficult when you spend so much of yourself listening to another person's opinion of you, only to realize that they're sick and don't see you for who you really are. I always thought I didn't believe everything she said and thought about me, but my body is telling a different story now.

@melissasmuse

7 ай бұрын

I’m sorry ✨

@mday3821

6 ай бұрын

She sounds more like a Covert than C-PTSD. Coverts have what is called "Cognitive Empathy." I say this because you stated you never felt good enough...you could never please her...everything you did & said was wrong. I say this because my mother was a Covert and I have C-PTSD. I have done many years & hundreds of hours studying this. It's just a thought. Coverts are stuck in "Victimology" at all cost to others and C-PTSD may get stuck in "Victimology," but they can see the humanity in others and get out of being the victim. Just something to think about. You know your situation better than I do.

Just wow. Probably the most important video I’ve watched this year. Finally I can take a break from over analyzing myself daily in fear I’m a covert Narc and wondering why my therapist of 3 years has never diagnosed me with NPD.

This was an amazing example of self awareness, self inventory and what is possible for all of us feeling stuck in our sh*t.

Excellent video. I do see the word "narcissist" thrown around a lot in online recovery spaces. I had the same perspective as you initially, wherein I felt people were overly and inappropriately diagnosing others with NPD. Then it was pointed out to me that "narcissist" isn't the same as "someone with NPD". I think there was someone who popularized the term and had a particular description of "narcissist" which was distinct from NPD, but a useful way of characterizing people (at least for those who have to interact with them, not necessarily from the perspective of trying to help the person in question). I still think the term is overused and thrown about too casually for anyone who is self-involved, especially since those of us with CPTSD are also very self-involved, and it's not like we want to be labeled as narcissists.

@Rain9Quinn

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with a caveat. I think there are a whole lot more narcissistic people than ever before, some with and some without a trauma backstory… but its not good to label let alone diagnose others-NPDs are rarely diagnosed even by professionals, so how can we who are not PhDs in personality disorders/psych… but lots of people clearly highon the NP spectrum all over the place! I dont ever recall seeing so much entitlement everywhere you turn!

@catwitdabigdog1642

2 жыл бұрын

I believe this to be incorrect. When you say that someone is " a narcissist" , it does indeed imply they have NPD. If you mean they have trait narcissism, you say just that.

@josiechaney9010

2 жыл бұрын

It’s weird when people throw around the term “narcissist” though … but they don’t mean it as a diagnosis. What does that even mean then? It would be better if they just said “asshole” instead of a word with a fauxfficial connotation.

@catwitdabigdog1642

2 жыл бұрын

@@josiechaney9010 Yeah, that's exactly what they mean. But see, they learned a 50cent word and prefer it, even though they are technically incorrect.

@itisdevonly

2 жыл бұрын

@@josiechaney9010 agreed

“Constantly researching might not help us get our intuition back, it just might make us more hyper vigilant.” Wow. That one hit me. This video was so clarifying. Thank you.

Def CPTSD here, lifelong. Yes, wanting safety, hypervigilant, wanting to have a purpose, would be ashamed if a partner forgot to bring the wine as a gift for a party host. Extreme sense of justice/fairness, not feeling like anything I could do or not do would affect others. Emotional neglect childhood and then able to find "approval/love" from audiences in an entertainment career which fixed me more than anything else. So self-focused because of career is definitely a thing too. Therapy, sure if you could trust anyone. None are as competent as you seem to be!

This is fantastic! CPTSD adult child of a truly NPD mom. This really helps so much of my history make sense, and it helps me see how far I've come in recovery. This channel is a huge blessing. Thank you

@MassMultiplayer

Жыл бұрын

tempted to make karen haircut narcisistic joke xD hey ! im not better.. even bad haircut dont fit me lol "i want to see the manager cause im entitled god!" hehe good luck with everything

@sarahalderman3126

Жыл бұрын

They’re essentially the same thing actually.

I tend to agree with the perspective shared in the video. I live with CPTSD and have struggled with all of these things. I did need to get my Google PHD in personality disorders and do still give myself permission to do that again whenever necessary. For me it's been about disrupting the childhood cognitive dissonance that perpetually creeps back into my head with a narrative that it wasn't that bad. It was that bad, I underwent being the proxy in a parent's munchausen's situation. I read anything I can on MBP to continuously prove to myself that what happened is not all in my head. I found living on the street as a teenager safer than my home and at 45 years old, I'm still doing a vast amount of recovery work on the abandonment and neglect by my parents and various institutions that were manipulated into harming me created. I'm def getting statebound periodically in my life and have learned how to work through these events. Even while thriving, these will pop up. I can laugh at myself for being well described at various points in the video and it is a relief for me to now be able to admit I'm susceptible to narcissistic injury - that really makes sense. I found that helpful. I'm experiencing at times some true detachment from my FOO and that's great, but the material in this vid is bang on for me. It's ok. We do have these wounds. It does have an impact. When we can laugh at ourselves we can show ourselves that we are seen. Thanks for this, I really enjoyed it.

@josiechaney9010

2 жыл бұрын

I enjoy your well-written insights. Thank you. ☘️

I have a co-worker that has a few overlapping behavioral oddities... 1.5 years later, turns out she falls more on the cptsd side and is quite responsive and receptive to very gentle intervention.

I think anyone who knocks others down, tests boundaries even after being notified of the boundary, and is hypocritical about their boundaries are a toxic person. Regardless of label.

My father shows serious signs of covert narcissism. He's currently trying to sabotage my moms new marriage and make my sisters college graduation about him. He's from Haiti and he has never actually told us how he grew up. He has told us so many different stories/lies none of us even bothers asking anymore and it makes it really hard to have sympathy for him now. Your videos have seriously validated my and my family's feelings 💜 you get so used to the abuse at some point you start to gaslight yourself even when you're nowhere near them or even spoken to them. I'm at a point where I think cutting him off would be the best thing but the trauma and conditioning makes me feel like a horrible person, especially when this particular situation doesn't really have anything to do with me personally. I really appreciate everything you do your channel has seriously changed my life 💜💜💜

@aycarumble

Жыл бұрын

cutting him off does not have to be forever, as a defenceless child you had no choice. for me it involved the whole family and they came back a bit more open if it does not work for you, remember you only have one life to live, don't give it up for them. Balance is the key, if you feel bad, its a sign to take care of YOU

@Ikaros23

Жыл бұрын

If he has 4-5 traits on the DSM5 he is a narcissist= Your father is just a mask the narcissist uses to exploit you and your family. If there even is a family and not just a " narcissistic cult". That as you say even your sisters graduation is about him.

@SouthCountyGal

Жыл бұрын

Oh my; I recognize this. My father's reinvention stories were held in check for many years because his extended family was always around. Once he untethered himself from them, he started reinventing his past and recalibrating his moral compass. When my parents' marriage broke up, he had free reign. You wouldn't believe some of the stories he has come up with since then. I have cut my father off a few times in my life, for self-preservation. I only announced it the first time, back when I still didn't realize what he was. I thought the prospective of losing me might correct his behavior. It didn't, but when I had my first child Dad attempted to make amends so he could meet the baby. By then I had a better idea of his limitations, so I allowed it. Truth is, we've always gotten along like a house on fire and I miss him after a while. Since then, if I need a break from him, I just get busy. I don't call him, and don't always answer the phone when he calls. I just text that life is crazy right now, but I'll call him when I can. Then I don't call until I'm ready to deal with the mind-bending. It works well because he lives six hours away and only thinks to call me every few months. The strategy may not work for you, if you live with or near him. Whatever method you choose, I (as a complete stranger unqualified to give advice) suggest that you separate yourself from your dad in whatever way is most peaceable for you. If you are recognizing toxic behavior and that it is affecting you, you seem ready to find your way out of the gas-lit maze.

I had an emotional phone call with a friend yesterday. She was very, very upset because I hurt her, and I was dumbfounded to learn this. I thought I would never be able to hurt this person because of how insignificant and dispensable I was to her. Turns out I was wrong on two counts: I could hurt this person, and I wasn’t necessarily dispensable to her. I think this video is helping me see this from a childhood trauma angle. I have no idea what to do about the relationship, though… but learning from this is a step in the right direction, hopefully.

@corneliahanimann2173

2 жыл бұрын

I've recently had to end a friendship because I realised the person was crossing boundries that I have voiced several times, and even after that, when I told her I'm suffering from a compassion fatigue and can't bring myself to feel sorry for her stories, she started to force a more dramatic story onto me in order to get me to care. I had to end this friendship for both of us. Mostly for myself because I was really someone who did all the emotional work for her dramatic stories while she could still feel validatef and do shitty stuff to other people. Maybe you're in a similar situation.

@KD-ou2np

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe try apologizing and then after that make a conscious effort to change your behavior? Thats a pretty good start.

After 3 years of really digging into NPD and the impact of it (as well as seeing it lurking around every corner) I have recently found myself not needing to go there, not needing more understanding. I was glad to hear what you had to say as confirmation in my own thought that I am ready to move forward.

@EvelynLawson

Жыл бұрын

Look up ☝️☝️that handle, he’s got the best tips and helps. I’ve microdosed shrooms for about 6 months now and it has really helped my CPTSD, anxiety and depression and I’ll recommend it for anyone.🙏🏻

This is why I don't like labels like NPD and PTSD.. I think that it's important to recognize patterns, but not label.

Something I've been asking myself a lot lately as I'm on a waiting list for a therapy now. Medication has helped me feel so much better, but I need to speak with a therapist. Thanks for your videos, sharing your knowledge for free online has been a blessing to me.

I believed my late husband had NPD although he never received a formal diagnosis. I later learned about BPD and the overlap of NPD, BPD, and CPTSD are very close in nature. CPTSD is not inherited genetically but caused by multiple traumas normally in early childhood where as NPD and BPD have a genetic predisposition( as well as environment). I have CPTSD and my late spouse BPD which made for a VERY volatile/intense relationship. People with BPD have deep abandonment wounds and can idolize you until they perceive you've slighted them and then they hate you. I was an enabler with a disorganized pattern of attachment (fearful avoidant)it was a molotov cocktail just waiting to ignite.

I have been diagnosed with PSTD since 2001 and I can tell you we are anything but a narcissist!! The problem with people is they want to classify everyone a Narcissist. So please people stop self diagnosing people!

Being 62, acknowledging myself as a Cptsd instead of a Narc... Better late than never, I hope 🙏

all(most?) people with NPD have childhood trauma, but not all people with childhood trauma are narcissistic.

Obsessively try to learn about bipolar and narcissistic behavior to avoid it at all cost. Constantly in fear someone in my life will trick me. Hyper vigilant is the perfect term. Thank you for talking about this. People in my life don't want to talk about it or don't understand.

This has helped me so much. My relationship ended about a 6 weeks ago. And at first I didn’t understand why. I combed back through old messages, and was horrified by myself. I couldn’t recognize me at all. It didn’t even feel like me doing it. But it was. I was self centered and mean and harsh. It’s of small comfort to my former partner. But they are at least glad that I am learning and trying to recover-so that I don’t do it to someone else.

So I'm 99% sure my sister has NPD, and I've considered that my dad might have had it as well, but after hearing about this, I definitely think it was CPTSD in his case. He had a difficult childhood with an emotionally abusive mom and he lost his only father figure at a young age. He always seemed to be sad, anxious, irritable, explosive, and needing to fill a hole inside himself. It took me a long time to recognize him as a person with issues that he couldn't seem to fix and to forgive him for being such a critical, overbearing parent. My sister, otoh, is a whole other ball of wax. She can suck it. 😄

@NotALotOfColonial_SpaghettiToG

11 ай бұрын

"whole other ball of wax" is a term I have to steal now

This is such a valuable video. I really worry about the focus on NPD parents in online communities of abuse survivors. I feel it's a way to square the why and cope with the idea that our parents at some level *chose* to abuse us. We can live with it if we do not frame this as a choice but as an inevitable consequence of their pathological personality. I still have only a vague idea on why my mother did the things she did and was unable to consider being at fault when people confronted her. She also suffered severe abuse and trauma as a child and I can have compassion for her history and still protect myself from her. The important thing is that I know that I did not deserve any of abuse and that I am allowed to establish boundaries from all toxic behaviour.