ATTENTION: Please be aware of fake accounts using my name and providing a WhatsApp number. That is NOT me. I do NOT have a WhatsApp number. Please do not engage with those accounts.

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this. I have got it a few times and have reported it.

@victorcalderonzamora8648

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you I just fell for it🙌

@amanitamuscaria7500

2 жыл бұрын

Ha! I'll beware.

@amanitamuscaria7500

2 жыл бұрын

@@aprilmay1700 I follow a channel about Vedanta by Swami Sarvapriyananda, and someone (now blocked) keeps taking his wonderful videos, filling them with ads (his are ad free) and faking the profile to look like the Vedanta Society, I guess it earns them money.

@andrear6701

2 жыл бұрын

Must be a narcissist… not letting us live in peace.

Based on the experience of my children, I would strongly advise not having children with a narcissist of any level if you can avoid it. At best, my kids were grieved and disappointed in the maturity level of their dad. Also, I think the narcissist can grow more toxic as time goes on. And you don't want to unintentionally raise a narcissist yourself. A narcissist as a co-parent will always work against the healthy emotional development of your child.

@imyourfriend8582

2 жыл бұрын

Not that it's hopeless if you're in that situation by any means. My kids are 21 and 16 yo. They have been hurt, but they are doing well. I'm very proud of them.

@alanmclain7072

2 жыл бұрын

This is one of the very sad parts of narcissist parents. They will use them and love bomb them and when they don't need to use them for a time, then they are cruel and uncaring. So confusing and harmful for the child and that parent does not care whatsoever how their actions and behaviors are crushing their own children. They simply use them

@limitedtime5471

2 жыл бұрын

This low level narc description is one of my sisters to a tee. I was so relieved when she couldn't have children. She is definitely becoming more toxic and hateful over time

@petekdemircioglu

2 жыл бұрын

Theyre very Lucky to have you. At least you showed them what healthy is. Many dont have healthy parents. One Just less narc than the other. No place to go.

@LethoHali

2 жыл бұрын

😢 in the same boat.

Low-grade narcissism = slow burn / high-grade narcissism = fast burn. Your soul will turn into ashes faster than naturally.

@kabbirgkmutube

2 жыл бұрын

totally agree...they are such a drain

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Can you believe it, malignant mom never said I'd have to confirm her mummified corpse was indeed hers and I found out giving the job to a half-cousin who lives much closer anyway, perhaps it's her only way of stalling what's at stake 🔥!

@GobboBex

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Linda put in a great way.

@f8fulyurs

2 жыл бұрын

So true! Haha

@fitwigebrehiwet3129

2 жыл бұрын

Low n fast $ 10s Al for grab, speed up

It doesn't matter how low the grade is, it still drains your soul. The energy you put into it, goes into a hole that helps neither you or the narcissist. Life is too short for that.

@EdwardVarner

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. I pray the best in life for them, but there is no overcoming that void.

@violiendamast

3 ай бұрын

Oh yes, they are draining 😮‍💨

As I age (56), my tolerance level for even the low-grade narcissists continues to diminish. The few LGNs still in my life are kept at arm's length. It was cute and annoying 20 years ago, but as these folks cross into middle age and still act like they are in high school, it becomes increasingly bothersome. Distance, for me, remains the key.

@ssmith5127

2 жыл бұрын

I'm right behind you in age and still in my dysfunctional relationship due to health issues that make it hard to be self supportive. I find myself extremely isolated due to the embarrassment of the constant Jerry Springer dysfunctional lifestyle. I don't feel I'm a good fit for friendship with healthy people because my life includes all the constant crazy that comes with living with a narcissist. Who wants to be the person at lunch with a healthy friend always sharing the latest insanity of the week? And who wants to be the person when asked, how's everything, has to smile and evade any real response? I know I desperately need to have connections with healthy people again. I just truly can't figure out how to make it work while still living in the narcissistic crazy making circle. It's a very isolated existence at a time in life where you begin to wonder if you will ever again have happy, healthy human relationships.

@joeanonymous1834

2 жыл бұрын

Bingo.

@EllieM_Travels

2 жыл бұрын

@@ssmith5127 Healthy people have problems too. Don’t let them tell you otherwise! What you need are some decent, honest people who are willing to listen and share stories, and to encourage and understand you. I found a job with an entire office filled with such friends, to the point where we can share anything and we call each other “family.” No one is perfect. Humility is an amazing gift we give each other.

@zusjevanlicht

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!

@ashleychisom7539

2 жыл бұрын

So embarrassing at the age 42 smh

I had female “friends” like this but I noticed once I started talking about my future and what I want to do in order to be successful, they become harden and begin to put down my pursuit of dreams and happiness. They suddenly weren’t very supportive of me, and they never actually had intentions of putting their own dreams into fruition.

@Facebodyfx

2 жыл бұрын

Don't give up! Your future goals that you talked about to them was a reminder to them of their shortcomings and unhappiness.

@paul2019monte

2 жыл бұрын

Be wise and careful. They will show back up when you are of use to them. I wish I had not been so kind and forgiving time after time. In hindsight they were a "one way" person.

@serene1486

2 жыл бұрын

my ex boyfriend told me taking extra credits in college doesn't mean anything. and told me I can't get cumlaude,, they're the same actually

@falconbritt5461

2 жыл бұрын

I have sister friends who are very encouraging and supportive, so please don't give up on women as friends. We do exist.

@paul2019monte

2 жыл бұрын

@@serene1486 Glad he is your "ex". I have had guys like that. I'm usually pretty accepting about events in my life but if I could change one thing it would be to avoid people like this. They never help you get to be the person you can be. And they can do so much damage to your self-esteem. I know that I don't treat people in this manner. I don't know why I made allowances for others to treat me this way.

Ah, sounds like one of those "high maintenance" friends who can be great fun, and quite creative, but not someone you can, or would want to, call on when there's a tough job that needs doing.

@thaliah.759

2 жыл бұрын

Lol they wouldn't show up anyway 🤣

@d.shermandesantos3570

2 жыл бұрын

@@thaliah.759 True that!

@sophialewis5474

2 жыл бұрын

Sadly I sound like the friend. I can see how my own friends view me this way.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Like we don't have our own problems, mine we're so on board for having me part of their families (all far from perfect) and how did being a friend to one of them become being adopted by all of them? I'm good thanks!

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

@@thaliah.759 They'd get in the way!

Can you please make more videos about low grade narcissism? I feel many people fall into this category while 99% of the content out there is about the mid range or full blown narcissists which is rare and so people can't fully relate when consuming that content. Thank you

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. I cried through this whole video. I FINALLY feel heard. Thank you, forever.

@gourmetslay

2 жыл бұрын

❤️

@raccuia1

2 жыл бұрын

Gee it's great to read when someone is being helped by these videos and starts to emotionally feel better.

@JennieBinKC

2 жыл бұрын

Saaaaaaaaame!

@CookieButter13

2 жыл бұрын

This. This was life with my ex. WOW.

@queenellis2004

2 жыл бұрын

i laughed because that all i can do 😂 at this point

This describes the narcissist in my life, but only in public. Only those closest to him have the pleasure of experiencing his malignant side.

@RippleDrop.

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. _That_ is your malignant narcissist.

@justines1919

Жыл бұрын

Yes the save the demonic behavior for their loved ones

Coping in a relationship with a low grade narcissist: “ If at first you don’t succeed, lower your expectations.”😂

@sherij9847

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly 😵‍💫😂🤣😂

@patsyjohnson3963

2 жыл бұрын

Brilliant !!!!!

@jennyl7422

2 жыл бұрын

Well that explains why my bar was almost on the floor, because of how little I started to expect from my (most likely) narc ex..

@elizabethpetersen5457

2 жыл бұрын

The expectations are so low I could trip over them. 😆

@jenbodhi1133

2 жыл бұрын

Yup lol

My dad is a malignant narcissist, so he often overshadowed my mom's low-grade narcissism. She was the safe, "fun" parent, so I didn't realize how ineffectual she was as a parent until my 20s. Once I aged out of my teenage mindset, I was able to see that she never did so. She was a glorified older sister that never cared about my needs unless it made her look good. I still struggle with feelings of guilt for not loving her, but your videos always help. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

@Hopscotch_24

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry. I hope you are truly happy.

@kittimcconnell2633

Жыл бұрын

My parents may have been the other way around. Dad was the “fun” parent but often gone off attention-seeking and not reliable. Mom was SAHM and miserable, resentful and abusive, and a Religion and TV addict.

I’d love more videos about low-grade narcissism. There are so many videos about the rest of the spectrum, but this is the only one I’ve managed to find about low-grade and it describes my ex so, so well.

there was no social media when I was a child, but my narcissistic parent still found ways to "display" me as an accessory. she would dress me up as if I was her living doll and gave me a pageboy haircut that I hated but she loved. And she lived for the compliments she got on how cute I was. As soon as I was old enough to speak up for myself, you can bet I made sure she knew how much I hated that and did everything I could to get her to see what my own preferences really were.

I have a 62-year-old neighbor with whom I’ve become friends. She was fun at first. But then I started picking up on little digs and criticisms that she’d slide my way. She left me feeling not so great after our visits. Sometimes she’d pay me huge accomplishments, which I found odd, because she really doesn’t know me well-nor does she want to. It all seems low-grade to me. I knew that she was somewhere on the narcissistic spectrum. Dr. Ramani just helped me better understand the degree of my neighbor’s toxicity.

@dorisw2507

2 жыл бұрын

I can totally relate to this, I've had something very similar happen.

@25johis

2 жыл бұрын

I have Those neigbours 😬

@roxydee1452

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a scene right out of the BBC sitcom "Keeping Up Appearances". Your neighbour sounds just like the main character, Hyacinth Bucket... The lengths her neighbours go to avoid Hyacinth is the source of much of the comedy! Think Hyacinth is definitely a Narcissist :)

@sunflower6434

2 жыл бұрын

@@roxydee1452 - I remember that show. I have a neighbour just like her, but my age, though they have a slightly higher income, than we make…which should make no difference to a friendship. We would do certain things together- but i could always feel she was competing with me; or coming across all airy n better than me and bossy. I’m not a competitive person by nature - but every time I ‘buckled under’ to her, it felt like I was feeding her EGO….and not letting my talents, good deeds go unnoticed….and felt used than appreciated. I’ve noticed a lot of shows now-a-days use a lot of narcissism in their main characters…like Clauz from “The Originals”

@amanitamuscaria7500

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. I recently had an elderly acquaintance who ticked every box. I now avoid. Not worth the increasing hassle.

"Low-grade narcissistic baby people..." I love this Dr Ramani 😂

@micheleshively8557

2 жыл бұрын

I love the way she speaks

@Beccanator007

2 жыл бұрын

I’m just mortified that every person I am ever attracted to has some low-grade narcissism! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@steggopotamus

2 жыл бұрын

@@Beccanator007 this is a mirror neuron thing where we and up believing people's lies about themselves. So, people who have impostor syndrome, we think less of them even though they tend to be smarter. And people with narcissistic tendencies get jobs more, because they look so confident. If you step back look for possible lies, and give yourself a few months to test your hypothesis about the people, you'll have a lot better luck seeing people for who they are.

What was described here is what we used to call "immaturity" or "childish."

@joywebster2678

2 жыл бұрын

Self centered

@joywebster2678

2 жыл бұрын

I struggle with every bad behaviour being labeled a flavour of narcissism. Histrionic personality disorders is a separate disorder to borderline, and narcissistic but they are in the same cluster of disorders. Some behaviors in relationships are attachment disorders, trauma related vs narcissism. But if you are a hammer everything is a nail.

@tdbhmusic

2 жыл бұрын

Every single comment in this comments section thrives on being the victim. When your 'objective' argument is strongly biased on one side making someone a complete villian and yourself the victor the argument is so very obviously no longer objective

@joywebster2678

2 жыл бұрын

@@tdbhmusic huh?

@evei11

2 жыл бұрын

@@joywebster2678 I know right, "Heather" has been on other comments trying to criticise the Doc. She's triggered as most likely her bad behaviour is coming to light and she might not like being labelled a Narc.

Thanks for this. Almost no one ever addresses this grey area.

@rturney6376

2 жыл бұрын

Well Said!

@Iquey

2 жыл бұрын

Yup. I wouldn't say one of my parents is a full blown narcissist all the time, but there's an issue with variable empathy / not being able to understand where I'm coming from or dismissing my pov, that has always made me have very shaky trust with that relationship.

Thank you (again). I've been trying to explain why I don't like a certain person, this describes them perfectly. An immature princess who is greedy and selfish unless she gets her way (usually achieved by pouting).

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

I have a niece like this who does that, pout, it's not very cute at an advancing age and we're told by her narc mom that's she's so sensitive, and?? But if course our opinion doesn't matter so no breath is lost on my part, I don't think it should excuse her immaturity!

@scottblack7182

2 жыл бұрын

Yup. Been with mine for 5 years now and holy s**t ramani nails it again 😂. Didnt wanna believe i had already fallen into patterns of narcissistic relationships but my mother was (still is, great spirit protect those in her path ) a raging narc. I'll never forget the first year we were together when i looked him in the eyes and saw my mother staring back at me . i shrugged it off as "just a weird coincidence" . Ive since learned there are only incidental things in the world of humans. Never mistake your instincts for "coincidence".

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

@@scottblack7182 when the narc shows you who they are believe them the first time!

@drumdad54sdl47

2 жыл бұрын

This basically describes my last romantic interest..very well. Heaven forbid she should ever hear the word "no."

@sagebay2803

2 жыл бұрын

@mountain blue I hear you loud and clear. Lol. ALL the men in my generation/family have been treated like they are gods. Scandanavian men and treated like mini gods. Ugh.

With one of my low-grade narcissists, it wasn't so much the parent-child relationship, it was more every time I would get into a conversation with the person it was more a therapy/client conversation. It was always me reassuring him, and him spilling out of "My life is so unfair."

@catlady6938

2 жыл бұрын

My ex wasn’t low grade, but he did have some of the traits of one, I would put him higher up the spectrum. But he certainly used me as his councillor, it was very draining and he was never interested in anything I had to say, he just wanted to offload onto me and for me to just sit and listen.

@kryssysmith1486

2 жыл бұрын

@@catlady6938 Thank God I thought I was the only one! Yeah, the low-grade narcissist (Oh, trust me I've had my fair share) but the one I was talking about, he never seemed interested in anything else except to have the therapeutic client relationship. It was even to the point where he was putting words in my mouth (literally) I wasn't saying anything and he was making all these presumptions about me (that weren't even true that I hadn't said). That's what really had gotten on my nerves in the end. In the end, I just told him that he was an emotional vampire ( I even gave the definition of it), he turned around and told me "To go play with your imaginary friend Anne."😐😐😐😐 that had to be the most hilarious and pathetic come back I'd ever heard. I'm presuming he just didn't get it he did have a disability (however with his disability it didn't excuse much because he was high functioning on top of it).

@catlady6938

2 жыл бұрын

@@kryssysmith1486 they truly are sick individuals, no you are not the only one, offloading is one of their traits. I told my ex towards the end I thought he was a narcissist, he said I was wrong, of course he would say that, but he was true text book narcissist. In the end he showed himself up in front of me and a group of friends, I told him he was a fool for what he did. Now if I happen to run into him in town he can’t even look at me, he knows I know what he is, and I have lost any respect for him, he has a huge narc injury and will, hopefully leave me alone.

@sarahe4734

2 жыл бұрын

You just described my entire relationship with my mother.

@kryssysmith1486

2 жыл бұрын

@@sarahe4734 Hugs

Low-grade, mid or high, they're still narc, and it is what it is. it will still be an unsatisfying, frustrating, invalidating etc... relationship. So nah, I won't settle for such. Thanks dr.ramani, you described someone I knew, a year ago.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Right on, lucky you to have optioned out!

@physicianskitchen

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. There are billions of non-narc people out there, no need to be a martyr.

You explain this so well. Thank you! My mother was way up the scale into the malignant section, but I have had low-grade narc friends over the years. The low-grade narcs could be fun and their antics could be dismissed in my youth, as you said, but I find I have little patience for low-grade narcs now as a middle-aged adult.

@withyoctopus

2 жыл бұрын

Same! My friends from school becomes so annoying now that we're 30+. She hasn't matured. She's become worse in her entitlement. I'm not part of that anymore.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

@@withyoctopus I'm 59 and was very glad our pool opened up with some covid restrictions .. My bud from h.s. asked if I flirted with the lifeguards (sure like he'd find me attractive or tas if I was out to ruin his life) but I just brushed it aside to her low intelligence!

@marcogaming2099

2 жыл бұрын

It's funny how people watch these videos and immediately think of someone else other than themselves. Isn't that some form of narcissism?😅

@yime6631

2 жыл бұрын

@@marcogaming2099 I think it's projection that fits better with what you're saying. Toxic and non toxic people alike will project. We easily point out faults in another that are present and many times worse in ourselves. Like, "Hey, let me get that splinter out of your eye, while I ignore the 2X4 over both of my eyes!" Is that kinda what you meant? The people on this channel are pretty intuitive. Most of them check themselves as well. It either quacks like a duck or it doesn't, the shoe either fits or it doesn't......

@Loudumer

2 жыл бұрын

@@marcogaming2099 Thinking others are narcissistic could be projection or a result of entitlement, but not always; sometimes you’re legit dealing with a narc lol. We have no way of knowing who in this comment section is or isn’t an unaware narc though, and they’re never able to see they’re the ones at fault, so it’s kind of a moot point.

I fervently believe everyone in the world has some narcissistic traits. Self-awareness and humility is key in keeping those traits in check

You absolutely will see the abusive side of the relationship if your needs ever truly come before theirs. Married to one of these "adolescent" for 10 years until I had a grown up situation to deal with. At that point it was like a switch flipped. Black and white thinking, word salad, rage, abuse... went through it all. Before all of that it was like I was the only adult in the relationship. 3 years gone now and I am so glad I am out of that situation. She shot herself in the foot as I was taking care of all the bills and the adult stuff.

@maryannfoegen1709

Жыл бұрын

Me, too but it was having children that finally tipped the scales. God forbid a crying baby needs you more than the Narc. He always had to be the center of the universe.

Anything where someone is lacking consideration for you or someone else is narcissism.

@shrisharma7355

2 жыл бұрын

Very true.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Nice wheels!

@chinenyeudengwu3456

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely

@JoyZoneYT

2 жыл бұрын

I disagree, and I have a low tolerance for generalizing statements that gaslight folks into thinking that their confirmation biases have to be fed, somehow. Someone may lack consideration for you, but that doesn't mean that they are narcissistic. It is, however, narcissistic to think that you are OWED consideration.

@Syndicate888

2 жыл бұрын

@@JoyZoneYT, I agree that this is just a little bit too broad of a statement to be accurate or helpful. Feeling like someone hasn't been considered doesn't always mean that they haven't been; just that there are different priorities in different situations.

Manipulative and exploitative behaviors can be present in a person who is not dangerous physically. They are still destructive emotionally.

This concept of the low grade narcissist describes my life. As the parentified child of a couple of low grade narcissists, I find in my adult life I have always attracted low grade narcissists who needed me to be the Mommy. Yes, they were exciting, and yes, they were attractive. I ended up exhausted. I keep people at arms length now. I must admit I accept these people because of their initial charm, combined with the fact that I really like being in charge. I think the key for me is to insist on accountability early when I allow someone to approach me for some kind of relationship. Thanks for this description.

Women like Dr R deserve all the hollywood stars, emmies, grammies, baftas etc! God bless you madam!

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Queen 👑 Ramani, she's down to earth and deserves better than those yearly cast-offs!

I’ve seen vacillation between both, in one person. Going between low grade tantrumy to very pointed, targeting cruelty and on a long spans of it. Feels like you’re looking at a 3-headed monster. The only thing they’ve been stable about, is not changing their behavior or getting help.

@starbritegirl

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, I've just posted a question about this. I've been lulled into a false sense of security in assuming someone to be superficial but essentially harmless. Turned out, no.

@jwilson8007

2 жыл бұрын

Finally! This describes my ex completely!!!!!

@privateprivate8366

2 жыл бұрын

@@starbritegirl you may just be beginning to peep their card.

Wow, you really described my experience - feeling like a parent and burning out...calling him out and being called too demanding

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Mine throws it back at me too, doesn't this simply make them their own enablers!

@clauclau792

2 жыл бұрын

@@joseenoel8093 Totally! He left me about a year ago now, saying we weren't compatible because I am "anxious and angry by nature". After a while he said he blamed me a lot but he blamed himself too... but never said what for or took responsibility for anything. It became clear that what he wants is for somebody to be a mom to him and not complain about it!

@claratreeborn8647

2 жыл бұрын

@@clauclau792 When I talk to my low-grade N spouse about separating, I hope that he agrees with me that we are not compatible and that we can separate cleanly like that! I don't know what is going to happen. I expect he'll love bomb and I'll feel bad or feel the self-doubt.. ! Life is hard. I am trying to mentally prepare. And it's been super hard to get my family to understand what I've been going through.

@asideofaioli4630

2 жыл бұрын

@@clauclau792 what was your experience with him? I think my dad is like this, so I've been trying to figure it out. He's just so easily irritated or offended, but the rules don't apply to him in reverse. And I know he wants certain things to be done for him, like for my mother to cater to him more. He also refuses to do basic things that are part of being a considerate person that lives with others (like putting things back when he pulls them out, washing his hands before he goes in the fridge after using the bathroom, leaving groceries on the table expecting others to put away even though he wouldn't dare do it for anyone else, not blasting the volume on the TV to the point that everyone has to yell, only watching what he wants & going to places he wants to go to, etc), but he doesn't want you to complain about how he affects you. Just wants you to deal with it bc it's not a problem to him. But God forbid you do the slightest thing, and he's offended...like if you ask him to please clear out his bowls instead of putting it in the sink filled with gross onion dip for someone else to have to clean out. Or offended if you don't want to eat the meal he cooked, but only bc he took a dirty dish from the sink and stirred the food with it. Again, it's like your only option with him is to quietly deal with however he wants to do things, but he'll voice if he doesn't like something you do. My mom gets the most of it, she's often a doormat for him. My siblings and I started speaking up a little more, and he knows he can't bulldoze the way he does with her. So it's not nearly as bad for us, but we still just grew up learning to tip toe around him, so usually we don't address anything in order to avoid his moodiness. I'm not entirely convinced it's all malicious though, he can def be petty or spiteful, but I think usually he truly doesn't get how difficult he is. He's the type that will get 10 ppl who all remember an event the same, but he remembers it differently and it's everyone else that must be wrong vs the more logical conclusion that maybe he just has it wrong.

@kristingloomis2533

2 жыл бұрын

Lol yeah why are we having to be their parents? 😒🙄🙄

Ooooooohh, boy, you just described a guy I know! A little older than me, he _is_ a lot of fun, and can even be kind of sweet. But the more I got to know him, it definitely became clear if this was going to become serious and long term, I was going to be the only adult in the relationship. And when the chips were down, I don't think I could really count on him to have my back. But you're right: he definitely would be the "Fun Dad".

Thank you! This makes so much sense and definitely sounds like my dad. He definitely was the “fun parent” when I was a child, but my mom was the one who got us to school, church, activities on time, etc. He also has always liked to brag to others about my sister’s and my accomplishments which has at times made me feel uncomfortable. And now that I’m older, I still enjoy hanging out with him (and that is probably because I haven’t lived near my parents in 8 years so I enjoy the short visits), but there are lots of tendencies he has that annoy my mom, sister, other relatives, and me. Like his compulsion to always have an excuse when he thinks we are criticizing him, even if it’s a trivial matter. And the fact that he thinks my mom’s desire to have help keeping the house clean and tidy is her just focusing on “the little things” and means she is somehow failing to look at “the big picture.” I do notice that because we are a pretty intellectual family I can have great conversations with him about world events, philosophy, complex concepts, etc., but it often feels uncomfortable to talk with him about deeper matters like our interpersonal relationships as a family. Thank you for explaining this!

@marthamryglod291

2 жыл бұрын

Very similar to my family as well. My is loved by most everyone but behind the scenes, my mom was holding it together for the family with scheduling, appointments, doctors, taxes. My dad was focused on "the big picture" and thought of the family as a "team" and he's the head of it.

@jeanetteshawredden5643

2 жыл бұрын

Yes this is my son. Only capable of shallow superficial relationship that works at a distance, in small bites like a holiday.

"This is your 45 year old friend that still cares deeply about the number of likes they got on their sunset picture" I had a good hearty laugh out loud at this. Love it!

@TheNicoliyah

Жыл бұрын

Me too😂😂😂

@f-zerogx4752

Жыл бұрын

that is EXACTLY my narcissistic mother oh my gosh. We literally drive 2 hours to the beach just for her to take a sunset picture from the car, not get down, and go back home. To and from the beach is hell also because she is always throwing tantrums and being problematic. But she is a high-grade narc

Dr Ramani, the descriptions of low grade narcissism also fit adhd/add/pda. I have 2 very loved people in my life who fit that description. One passed some years back, the other has started adhd medication and suddenly (after struggling his whole life with executive functioning, focus and low energy), he is shouldering much more responsibility and is so much more present. What used to look like shallowness, laziness and immaturity was actually an incredible, isolating and soul killing struggle. As in your video regarding the differences between adhd and narcissism, although there were the traits described in this video, there was never contempt but a pervasive frustration and a constant feeling of being overwhelmed by life's demands and somehow not being able to cope without knowing why. The struggle was soul killing and he masked it with a devil may care facade, but I stress that there was never any contempt.

@steggopotamus

2 жыл бұрын

This is what I was wondering. There's still maybe some light narcissistic traits when they feel bad, but once they have meds they have the emotional regulation to work on it. For me when I fail, I always just try to be better and keep failing. And try to help come up with ways to simplify the process. But remembering to do some small tasks felt so impossible that I would just not even try. I'm trying out meds now. And hoping this is easier.

@myamyaw772

Жыл бұрын

@@truecrimejungle A person with inattentive type of ADHD. Which actually seems like a lot of what she mentioned.

@giovannamoro8564

Жыл бұрын

@@myamyaw772 exactly . You're are right . In order to understand it you need to know add very well. Maybe she doesn't .

@giovannamoro8564

Жыл бұрын

Without realizing it she described add and in part asd.

@giovannamoro8564

Жыл бұрын

@@truecrimejungle hello , there are many medical researches online that explain why add might be mistaken with narcissism ( asd also in part). I insist , the low grade narcisism doctor rahamani was talking about , is missing the basis of narcissism you were describing but it perfectly fits add . A chilidish ,careless, selfish , dependent behaviour is not narcisism.

Pretty much sums up my ex… will go on ski trips and other trips away with the ‘friends’ won’t step up and spend time with the kids. Life, even at 45 is still trying to seek fun instead of responsibilities.

This also sounds a little like a relationship with an addict/alcoholic

@eps4560

2 жыл бұрын

A pacifier, a bottle, a boob, a drink, a smoke, a line, a ........ it's all the came thing. Soothers for their undeveloped baby self.

@anng.4542

2 жыл бұрын

Or an ACOA who has no sense of wanting to change.

Yes, this describes one of my exes very well. I was 25 years old and happy to have found such a nice person because I had been in a abusive relationship before (and had abusive parents). This girl wasn't mean, didn't lie about stuff and was fun to be around. But even though she was 30 years old I felt like I was dating a young teenager. Every time I told her no about anything because I had to study or sleep or just didn't feel up to going to every single party she was invited to, I had to endure a lot of whining or the silent treatment. She was obsessed with her social media accounts and took a lot of pictures of herself. I also felt weird about how she talked about me with others, like she was showing me off. She never just said my name it was always "MY girlfriend." (Like in L Word "I’m Dawn Denbo and this is my lover Cindy") Everything was about what she wanted all the time. And she was such a mooch, repeatedly overstayed her welcome not just at my place. When I broke up with her after almost two years she did say something really fucked up about traumas in my past, but that was the first time I experienced she had a "dark side" and maybe wasn't just annoying and immature.

@devilsoffspring5519

2 жыл бұрын

I just can't imagine wanting to introduce someone to people as my "lover." Yeah, the word is used in sappy poetry and crap, but... to REFER to an actual person in your life as THAT?! What the fuck is wrong with people?

@linnbaader87

2 жыл бұрын

@@devilsoffspring5519 Yeah. Or when people say "my baby" about their partner - that sets my teeth on edge.

@devilsoffspring5519

2 жыл бұрын

@@linnbaader87 Some guys (usually younger ones) will refer to their girlfriends as "my bitch" or "my pussy"--even when she's around! The ditzy broads stand there and smile smugly and sometimes giggle, instead of slapping him and leaving.

@jaimearredondo787

Жыл бұрын

I had the exact same experience recently. I just broke up with her on the 17th of October, and these 3 days have finally recharged my batteries. She was incredibly attractive, 28, but I felt I was dating an 18-year-old who only cared about her needs, but she loved bombed me at first and the push and pull psychologically does work. It’s a mechanism that makes it addictive. I know it sounds f*cked up. She’s also very needy and clingy, I believe she wasn’t a low grade narcissist but a “covert narcissist” because she was reserved and shy even. She only had 3 friends and she would always think that they were thinking ill of her. She now has a son, and she’s always arriving late to daycare with him, etc.

@jaimearredondo787

Жыл бұрын

Thankfully, I managed to see the signs and it wasn’t an a year relationship instead closer to 7 months. But I was completely mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually exhausted. Honestly, I was running on fumes and pure will. I was the perfect target because I’m highly empathetic and I never quit (I’m a fighter pilot) and we go through SERE (Survive, Escape, Resistance and Evasion) training it’s essentially making people torture proof and teaching them how to survive and if possible escape as well as toughen up the mind to psychological warfare and manipulation tactics. We spoke about this a lot, and not to mention I’m a medical student so that helped me recognize it fast but not as fast as I would’ve liked (date 3 or so) haha. Better late than never. Have a great day everyone!

Hey, this totally describes my Dad. Emotionally immature for sure, angsty when expected to take on parenting after coming home from work. I still have memories of helping him grade his class papers (he was a teacher), no memory of him help me with my homework. Perfectly sums it up. I never really saw him as a Dad figure in many ways. I didn’t have many expectations of him, so your explanation here makes that perception on my part make sense.

@qcriverrat

6 ай бұрын

Yeah, same here, my dad. Amazing how they can go a lifetime being physically present but not emotionally or intellectually present. And it never gets better; in fact, he's probably getting worse as he ages.

One of my exes was a low grade narcissist and despite his immaturity ruining the relationship, he wasn't a cruel person and was honestly the most fun of my exes.

This explains so much! Thank you Dr. Ramani! Ex was low grade as well as his sister. Living with his family was like a three ring circus. I was caught in the middle of everything while trying raise our child. I couldn't take it anymore and got out because i was turning into a person i didnt like or recognize. I wasn't in a good mental state anymore. As soon as we divorced he turned into a full blown narcissist and a monster. Glad to be done with there child like shenanigans and B.S.

My neighbor who has sent 18 letters to Andy Cohen pleading with him to do a “Real Housewives of New England “, staring her of course.

@jaxong.2701

2 жыл бұрын

I think they should 😆

@k.g.m.254

2 жыл бұрын

🤣😂🤣

@peachesmcgee4795

2 жыл бұрын

That's hilarious!most of the "housewives" are narcs anyway!

@SheilaKaneDecoy

2 жыл бұрын

@@peachesmcgee4795 You are so right!

There is a passive aggressive aspect that the Narcissistic family members in my life have. No smiling, the friendly facial expressions are held in reserve for random neighbors and strangers, there is a flat expression on the face and what looks like tooth grinding. This is my mother, she has always hated both me and my brother, she only had children as she thought it was a way for her to get $$$. She is a curse. As kids everything was a future-fake scenario. My brother killed himself and on some level I think my mother really wanted both of us to be dead. For her, having children was an unwanted burden. I wish she had given us for adoption.

@ThisIsMe155

2 жыл бұрын

So, so sorry to hear this account, Emma. Keep Connected! Keep Believing in Self! Keep Strong!

@Random-JustAnother

2 жыл бұрын

Emma Louie You Are worthy!! To be Alive, to be Loved, to be Respected, to be Cherished, to be Listened to, to have Needs!!! May you grow to learn your value and worth and may you surround yourself with people who give you those things freely! I hope you find that special someone!! Never Settle!! ❤️❤️

@Bunny11344

2 жыл бұрын

☹️ I felt the same for my mom but now that my parents are older I have forgiven them and they’re trying to be better people and that’s what matters. I hope it gets better for you💗 your past isn’t your story

@babycakes8434

2 жыл бұрын

So sorry about your brother. I have a father narc. And my mother loves to give me "compliments" that I am just like my father, whatever good I do in my life, is just like my father. It makes me angry because I don't want to be a narc like him, but often I wonder if I might be a narc like him. He never liked me as a child, because I was the crying sensitive one, he would make me cry in no time, and then got pissed that I am crying. He could rage for an hour and more when something or someone pissed him off. It would start small and become a huge rage, I was calling it "snow ball effect" I was scared of him untill my late 30s. Only through work with children and recognizing my own defficiencies and mistakes, I was able to understand the situation I was in, and stop being scared of him. He can't hurt me anymore, because I don't care anymore, I am not scared anymore. I would happily cut ties, but because of the social media, and telefones, I am unable. In this situation I wish the means of communication were not there. It was easier to cut ties years ago. You just left, and didn't write a letter - super easy. Hang in there. It is the best to move far away, it becomes more bereable, because it is at the physical distance, and you can distance yourself emotionally and mentally too. Best of luck. Ps my father often would say, "I shouldn't have had children", I agree. It also impacted me, and I worried that I might not like my kids, just like he didn't like me, so it is better not to have them, than risking it.

@jeanetteshawredden5643

2 жыл бұрын

@@babycakes8434 I think you sound more like the family scapegoat than a narcissist. And other family members will say YOU are the Narc when you're not - a form of gaslighting to make you doubt your own sanity! Don't believe them.

Yes! This is my husband! He's the fun parent, self absorbed and unable to set boundaries. Much more lovable than my mother-in-law and my mom (both malevolent narcissists) Now I know why I was attracted to him. He's fun and I get to be the strict parent, even my kids get to be his parents now and then. He loves sports and being in the spotlight, never compliments anyone, over reacts when something doesn't go his way. Thank you for putting it so clearly. I don't feel so crazy anymore and I feel like I can work with him or at least now I know where I stand.

What difference does it make if the narcissist is low-grade or premium grade? A narcissist is a narcissist is a narcissist and by any other name is still a narcissist! They are horrible creatures on this earth and inflict tremendous damage on our earth brethren....👹

@schrire39

2 жыл бұрын

It makes quite a massive difference if you actually pay attention to what Dr Ramani is saying instead of making sweeping statements.

@peterknyk1942

2 жыл бұрын

@@schrire39 I would suggest to you to do your own sweeping first before you make massive statements about others comments!

@peterknyk1942

2 жыл бұрын

@@aprilmay1700 bites from "baby" snakes are often as venomous as the bite from the adult....Who's to say that a baby narcissist isn't as venomous as an adult narcissist? Both are lethal.....As the saying goes, "there's a serpent in every garden".... 🐍 BEWARE!!!! your comment is soooo spot on!

@michellefarris3961

2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Romani explains it because spouses and co-workers need info if they can't completely disengage. It helps to know their limits, and also to avoid as much interaction as possible.

Thank you so much for talking about this. I hate seeing so many children on social media when they aren't at the age to choose to be a viral meme. Honestly, you're videos are making me realise I'm not the weird one for not feeling comfortable with these types of people lol.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

They're so loud, they're human bulldozers! It's a compliment to us that they make us feel uncomfortable!

@ms.kalico4489

2 жыл бұрын

I agree!!!! I truly don't understand why a 3 year old needs their own social media accounts.

Insteresting that the Internet is being flooded with content on narcissism while the DSM is narcissism itself has been removed from the DSM.

My “low grade” went full throttle up the scale when I caught him cheating with a married woman, and spending our family’s money to do it.

@jeanetteshawredden5643

2 жыл бұрын

Charlotte: yes same here. Low grade until the BIG BETRAYAL then when you call them out & confronted them, they go full throttle Narcissist.

So many of these describe my ex husband. But... I feel like he's in the middle between low and mid grade. I'll be excited to see what markers mid grade has in the next video. Thank you for doing this series, it's such an eye opener. You've pegged my ex rather closely and now I don't feel as bad about thinking these things about him. I was a parent to him as well as to our two young sons.

@Hotlips313

2 жыл бұрын

This describes my ex narc boyfriend too. Like yourself he has the signs of a middle grade narc too as I was put through a barrage of constant pathological lies and gaslighting. Plus he lied about things he had no need to lie about to me about and to other people meaning his friends in the process. People that I didn't know but have later found out from them he had lied to them too. My ex was incapable of truths and didn't find them of any importance. And when things were questioned re his lies and when I became upset with him about our situation meaning the distance he would then turn the silent treatment on me for days, weeks, and months. Which was so frustrating to me as our situation was hard enough as we were in a long distance relationship in only being able to see each other with his allowed holiday time from work which equates to only 28 days a year. But out of that 28 days traveling had to be deducted which meant even less time in being together and with each other. So vocal communication and video calls was the only thing we had throughout the time of not seeing one another. So when the silent treatment came in you can imagine my frustration.

@kristinisenberg4753

2 жыл бұрын

@@Hotlips313 omg I think we must have dated the same guy...

This was an eye-opener for me! My mother’s first husband, my father, was a covert, vulnerable narcissist, and her second husband was this baby-man type. She would say about him, “Deep down, he’s shallow.” He just wasn’t good at adulting. She divorced him when he came out to her as being gay, after 17 years of marriage, when he was @ 67 years old. My mother was shattered.

@micheleshively8557

2 жыл бұрын

Oh no. So hard on her 😚 hate that

@susangrande8142

2 жыл бұрын

@@micheleshively8557 thanks; yes, she was devastated.

Just wondering how many raised by a narcissist display some/many of these symptoms simply because that was role-modeled... and they hate it and self-diagnose as a narcissist and become hypervigilant to catch their narcissist tendencies and torment themselves because they know exactly how despicable they must be. 🤔

@jupiteronkauai

2 жыл бұрын

I find all nac that I encounter, have bad childhoods… from negilet n.

@WorldOfARandomVegan

2 жыл бұрын

@@jupiteronkauai Not my ex, he was spoiled rotten. And my Sis who is low grade had a great childhood. But she was always envious of others and insecure which has gotten worse over the years.

@EllieM_Travels

2 жыл бұрын

Shelley, That’s me. I’m not as bad as what this video describes, but I did catch myself being annoying, cute, flirty, and shallow in my past relationships. It doesn’t look good on a 56 year old, so I’ve had to drop all that, and yes it is a bit uncomfortable. I really don’t know anything other than being that way, but I’m practicing being a little less perky and a little more calm, subdued and serious. I’m staying single until I can feel comfortable having a conversation without being overbearing.

@spacegirl226

2 жыл бұрын

I do this. I am constantly questioninng myself when I've had an interaction that left me feeling off. I don't want to be a narcissist though I know I have the tendencies and saw it modeled in all my formative relationships. I'm terrified of becoming the thing that hurt me so much, and I don't want to hurt others either.

@mandarinD

2 жыл бұрын

Hah, you just described me

I’m in a narcissistic relationship and after 7 years together I want out …we have two small children together and I don’t even know where to start. Your videos give me hope that I can move on….thank you so much… these videos help me to not feel so alone

@shreyashichatterjee4707

2 жыл бұрын

I am in this for 8yrs as well..and now we are about to get married..but i am so so so ready to get out..i am healing myself..educating and self realizing that this is my own deep wounds which has kept me in loop with his abuse for so long..also there was hope that i will conquer his rage with my love and affection..but dr ramani has opened my eyes that this is beyond repair and i want out..no matter wat cost i hav to pay..i wud rather live alone than being in dis abuse

@BirchWitch

2 жыл бұрын

Start by putting away some money every week, cash back at the grocery store & stuff. You’re going to need some money for a down payment on a place to stay, gas, whatever. I hope you have friends or family members that you can rely upon to help you move, or you may have to just walk away with nothing. They will try to bleed you dry once you leave.

@keishathomas5061

2 жыл бұрын

@@BirchWitch thank you so much for the advice❤️. I started putting money back in a hidden account a few months ago. Sad part about it is we just moved into an amazing home. I’ve already made up my mind that at the end of the day materialistic things do not matter over my sanity.

@keishathomas5061

2 жыл бұрын

@@CJ-fs9gt omg I’m so sorry you went thru all of that and thank you so much for all of your advice. I’m so nervous but finally I feel ready. I feel like I would have left sooner had this pandemic not arrive but I can’t take this any longer. The constant manipulation is just too much to handle

@kristingloomis2533

2 жыл бұрын

I have been in this for 6 years...we have 3 kids. I get it....

Almost scary how accurate this was! My narc ex was 41 and always took sunset photos LOL. But truly... His own 7 year old son acts more mature than him at times... We all used to joke about it... Used to joke that he can act 41 one moment, and then 4 the next moment... Lots of fun when things were good, but never emotionally reliable, and became petty when upset. He also always tried to wear outfits for clout (always matching with a pair of Jordans, which he'd clean religiously) and would tell me his desires to make 6 figures and buy a nice house, open his own store, etc... Seriously almost to a T. I feel bad for his son and pray he doesn't turn out like his dad.

This is interesting and informative. I find that some low grade NPDs can fluctuate into medium grade and in some instances high grade NPDs. So there can be a fluidity to them. One factor that causes this fluctuation is your proximity to the NPD person. Close proximity for extended periods of time causes "flare ups" so to speak..... because you now are their supply. When you leave then they need to get supply elsewhere and they revert to a med or low grade narc again. Love this channel. So good

"Immature baby adults" "annoying" 🤣🤣 This is soooo accurate.

Thank you for putting this into perspective. I am only recently coming to understand my issues (at the age of 60) because of my self-centered, but certainly Not abusive, parents. You described my father perfectly. Not a bad guy, but shallow, superficial, needy for attention and acceptance. Fortunately, (for him), he married a woman who is equally shallow, superficial and needy for acceptance. At 82, and 63, they party every night. They assume I am not trying hard enough because I don't live their lifestyle, and if only I tried a little harder, I, too, could be like them. Wow. I have also learned from you that I am pretty genuinely authentic. But I am trying to figure out why I am so disproportionately angry with selfish people. I am learning so much from your teachings. Thank you!

I spent my twenties managing my aunt that wouldn't work at just the age of 42....i was baby sitting a healthy adult and next thing she did was bring my cousin's child to live with us while she does no work.... I got legit exhausted and asked everyone out to cater to themselves while I focus on my own life... The best decision I made for my future since having a conversation and reasoning with her was Impossible.

*_THANK YOU_* for shedding light on this underreported type of narcissism. I actually DO pick up the towel (and pull the shower curtain closed) every single day, and I really did think he was doing it (and everything else) purposefully to put me in my place as his slave. Very freeing information, thank you again and again, Dr. Ramani!

Low grade narcissist is the annoying person we put up with sometimes… High grade makes your life hell & you have to cut them out your life…

This can definitely include ourselves depending upon where we are in our healing from being with Narcissist's, too.

When I slow down especially with the 'baby people', I gain some objectivity and find some sense of peace. Thank you Dr. Ramani for sharing this perspective. It is helping me to approach unlovable episodes in life as learning experiences instead of running the lie code.

Yes. This describes the narcissist on the edge of my life. When I came along with all the things they want (own house, own car, own business, exotic pets) they tried to attach themselves to me and bathe in my success. Making demands, acting as if I'm their best buddy, presuming trust where there is none. An overgrown adolescent. Making everything about them. And not being very good at manipulation. Plenty of people like to be around them, they have plenty of friends, I've spoken to many who find them annoying, but they aren't a full high-grade narcissist. Thanks, I feel validated 🙂

I had a son in law like this. Typical Disney Dad. However, after my daughter divorced him, he stepped it up and became very toxic.

@BaiMengLing

2 жыл бұрын

this is why many people like me, are afraid of leaving a low / mid range narc

Years ago I had a boyfriend that used me for everything. He would "borrow" money from me and said he would "pay me back". He had so many excuses all the time of not wanting to really pay me back. I felt so sad 😞 that he would do this to me... I thought he really loved me 🥺

@anicyb

2 жыл бұрын

They always have a way to make you believe they love you and that they'll pay you back. Both narcs I dated seemed like the most genuine and sensitive people I've ever met, and then they manipulated me. It's so confusing. Probably the thing is that they are genuine most of the time, they just genuinely don't have any empathy for anyone. Btw the narcs I dated did say that they had no empathy and that they hurt people, I just didn't pay attention to it, because it sounded like an exaggeration. It was not.

@racebannon96

2 жыл бұрын

He loved what you could do for him. All of us have been there.

OMG you have just described my friend. I have been wondering if he’s a narcissist of if I’m being over-critical for a long time but this describes him in every way. Thanks for letting me know I’m not crazy.

This video describes my friend so well, it’s almost like you actually know her. She’s 34 years old and acts like a teenager. She completely lives off of her parents, living in a 3 bedroom house by herself. Her parents literally pay for everything, including the pool maintenance. She gets paid to goof off with a mutual friend of ours for 6 hours a week, and that’s been her “job” for almost 5 years now. I thought it was funny when she made a Facebook post about how she should get a gold star for “adulting” after making 3 phone calls to doctor’s offices in one day. These people are so immature, they need an enabler in order to survive. It’s sad.

@jeanetteshawredden5643

2 жыл бұрын

Yes they need an enabler to survive.

Sooo....basically, same effects, same consequences (on different scales) so everything boils down to the question : is it malevolence or is it incompetence ? I'm at a point where I no longer care if people hurt me on purpose or just because they're too self-centered to see what they're doing to others. I don't care if you let your towel on the floor because you want to get at me or because you don't even care that someone else will have to pick it up. I see narcissist like roadhog : I don't care if they're speeding because they feel so above everyone else and rules don't apply to them, or because they're immature or just because they're incompetent drivers. They're dangerous. They need to be taken off the road. Period.

@mediokritet

2 жыл бұрын

I absolutely agree... you shouldn't be spending your precious time reconstructing the intent behind the pervasive abusive behaviour. Distance 👋

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

@@mediokritet omg 😲 we're spending so much time trying to figure it out, outmaneuver their unwarranted meanness while trying to be on board for getting along then SNAP a person can only take so much, if your phone's not ringing that me not calling!

@tomandmichellehansen4112

2 жыл бұрын

I mean, that's fair, and the law doesn't make a distinction either. However, people who are simply immature can grow up, whereas the research shows that narcissists don't typically do well in therapy and don't tend to change or improve very much. For someone who needs to decide what boundaries to set with those around them, it's quite valuable to discern a personality disorder (which won't change) from immaturity (which can.)

Thank you for saving me after spending years of me trying to understand why my marriage ended suddenly and viciously after being blindly loyal and obedient to my ex-wife.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

We just quietly celebrated our 26th, low key works for me, he kinda complained, as usual, full out floored had him complaining too 🤷, so I quietly pointed out I'd given him 26 yrs (7 prior) of my life, what more could I do for him so he should just get real! Do torture yourself with whatever shananigans she's up to!

@z-docc518

2 жыл бұрын

Just be sure to leave her in the past, 8 months ago I ended a relationship with someone who couldn't stop. Being loyal foe 18 years after divorce and wasted 4 years of my life....Sadly I. Now feel like it's too hard to find a partner. The ex narcs esp female find a way to draw their exes back. Good luck.

This sounds a lot like my husband, that's the reason why I only have 1 child with him... not gonna pick up after 3 kids, 2 is enough (of course I'm including him), I tell my friends that I have 2 kids, a 4 year old and a 35 year old... Since my daughter was born almost 4 years ago, I've been the one taking care of her when she first wakes up in the morning and putting her to bed, doesn't matter if I worked out or at home or if he's working or not. I've told him so many times that he acts like a bratty 13 yr old kid so yeah, thanks again, Dr. Ramani, your videos are so informative and have become such a tool to have for my daily life.

This is so helpful. I had difficulty spotting my ex as a narcissist because he didn’t fit the more well known parameters or extremes of behaviour of NPD. I stayed for far longer than I should have because it was so insidious and not so obvious - but it was just as damaging to my health and well being as the more overt or malignant forms of narcissism.

love this woman

Thanks! This is the only time I've ever donated on KZread but I believe what it may go toward will be oh-so worth it.

@DoctorRamani

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you! It means a lot!

My ex-spouse to a T. Talked about themselves all the time, always found a way to bring the story back to themselves. Couldn’t even be with my mom for cancer treatment without a fight. Spent all their money on fun things, expected mine to cover everything else. Everything was a “that’s your job you’re my wife.” Prioritized fun at all costs. I have now picked up too many traits from them but I’m learning to grow. I’ve been out since last July, fully moved out since last month. I won’t be going back. I read burnout takes 3-5 years to recover from. I’m gonna be so good here very soon, thank you for always helping all of us feel understood.

I'm glad this was talked about and that the histrionic personality was mentioned. I understand that most don't see the use for this label, BUT in my personal experience they ABSOLUTELY CAN be dangerous in how they build their chessboard. By building thier chessboard, I mean sucking and enchanting people into their vision/delusion/side. They want you to see them as so amazing and yet always the victim and never at fault, but as soon as you realize that's not the case they have no use for you and will try to put a stop to you ruining the vision they have worked hard to pull others into. Being in the chessboard has resulted in near arrests, the collapse of friend groups, ruined holidays, and being pushed out of the chess set and turned on by those still in the set built that one has to be talked down from suicide. The use of histrionic is important and the building of the histrionic narcissist's side of the chessboard needs to be discussed. Most of the time this isn't the case and it's mostly just the stuff mentioned in the video, but the aforementioned does happen when they are at their worst.

@tdbhmusic

2 жыл бұрын

interesting that you write some people have it all figured out and are working others like a game, while most people seem to act completely unconsciously. Society: be super attractive, Also Society: no no not like that

In recent phone call my aunt mentioned how responsible her son (late 30s) has become, because he picked her up at the airport in time and even had some flowers for her😬 the bar was literally on the ground. he lives abroad and she doesn't know local language properly, of course she needs to be picked up from the airport as she can't use local taxi apps. I cringed hard at her being so proud of her adult son's minimal decency.

Neighbor in the condo upstairs is chaos-lite. Ruined my ceiling by flooding her bathtub; Curses at her 3 yr.old; lied about opening a security door. Next, a police detective showed up, asking if she lives upstairs.

This is INCREDIBLY helpful. Because I have often encountered discourse online about how not all narcissists are abusive, which I do agree with. But the argument is the term narcissistic abuse is ableist or stigmatizing to non-abusers who might have NPD. Saying that the terms psychological or emotional abuse should suffice. (They do not, and there’s a hint of gaslighting when people insist that). And I really don’t agree with that. Overall the resources for people dealing with abusive and malignant narcissism is probably more important than completely coddling the feelings non-abusive people with low grade narcissism who find the term “narcissistic abuse” hurtful. Especially when thats coming from someone who clinically has hard time determining what is actually fair and imperative for others and needs to be compromised on. I feel many of the young people making these posts are struggling with low grade narcissism and generally are not mean or malicious, and indeed are not abusive but do struggle to understand others perspectives and needs. And take generalizations like narcissistic abuse very personally because of the insecurity issues. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this discourse and where I want to stand my ground vs look at the other persons point of view. I personally like clarifying malignant narcissists when talking about narcissistic abuse, because I like the clarity there and the acknowledgement of the spectrum of the issue. But I don’t plan to stop using narcissistic abuse in general as a label. It really is a unique form of abuse unlike anything else. This was so helpful to me

I had 4 children in 5 years with my midrange narc husband. This low grade sounds like him in the calm seasons. And I’m seeing in my oldest (7 year old) her tendency to step up and try to take care of things to help with her siblings and while sometimes I know it’s because she really is so caring, I try to stop her whenever I can so she doesn’t feel like she has to take care of her parents…. 💔💔💔 I’m separated from my husband now and being a single mom is hard, of course, but actually much easier than it was when my husband was living with us.

I'm curious if these Low-grade narcissists show more empathy than the hard-core narcissists 🤔 My notes: Low-grade narcs aka Baby-adults (Some of the characteristics mentioned here) - Immature -needy - histrionic -flirty -fantasy world -bratty -annoying

@halftime.7502

2 жыл бұрын

- Immature -needy - histrionic -flirty -fantasy world -bratty -annoying - my dad.

@sabrinamohammed9778

2 жыл бұрын

*Peter pan mode* is always in FULL effect, and you could never have a grown up conversation with them... Some of the things I've notice whilst striving to avoid the landmines as I strive to finesse my way out... Their... Condensing manner, Materialistic view/gaging others by it ,Idolization/ Demeaning...belittling an making cutting remarks, denying other reality... Could I ask something? Does anyone else get scared by jus seeing the person's number plate? I always feel like I'm being followed an watched by either them or flying monkeys I'm I being paranoid ?

@JoyZoneYT

2 жыл бұрын

Could also be Borderline Personality disorder, anxiety, bipolarity...

@charlottecomfort2446

2 жыл бұрын

No, they don’t have any more empathy, in their eyes *they* are still the child. Mine would pitch tantrums in front of our son without any regard as to how it would affect him. Screaming and crying on his birthday. Smashing up furniture. No. No empathy.

@fiction589

2 жыл бұрын

Yes they do have more empathy than high level narcs. Think of them as teenagers who never really grew up. Like teens, they are self centered, egocentric, egoistic, ... not really mean or so, just.. emotionally immature. My mum is like that and a friend of mine also, she is a histrionic personality, too. Kind of draining the more time you spend with them, but allright if you learn how to set boundaries.

Ah Low Grade narcissism..... so sneaky. Love bombing to suck me in, controlling disguised as caring, manipulating through excessive compliments to get me to manage their mundane tasks. I became a parent to two .... the husband and my child. It wasn't obvious at the start of the relationship but as the years ticked by in the marriage, it became so evident. As his wife, I was only an extension of him, useful only for keeping HIS projects going. He was the fun parent, I was the "bad cop". Then came the big discard and the destruction of our family. But, I'm out now and saw how I was de-selfed all those years. I'm so thankful I was discarded. It was then that I could start to live as I saw fit. Years later, I have recovered and am thriving and much more psychologically healthy. There is hope for a better life for those living with narcissist.

This is so important. So many people doubt they are in a relationship with a low grade narcissist, because it doesn't seem so severe and they can do much better for you than the malignant.

Oh God. I never made any children. But your vivid descriptions of parenting, I feel inadequate in my psychological abilities. I have so much work to do, compared to the average person who has raised children. This 'heavy lifting' being a good parent, is the largest task of being an A+ human, in my opinion. I am in awe of anybody who has successfully raised a child. I was always too selfish. I just try to give my cat the most love I can since that's the closest I ever came. I love cats so much.

This really breaks down the spectrum well! I have a friend who is mildly narcissistic and I do get frustrated with him. But learning from you and Dr. C really gives me patience and good tried-and-true strategies on how to interact with him. I really really want to thank you and tell you that you do great work! Please keep up the good work and I hope to meet you some day Dr. Ramani! 🖤🖤

@rachelcronin916

2 жыл бұрын

Gee he wouldn't happen to be a UPS driver would he? I've had issue with one myself!

@g12STL

2 жыл бұрын

@@rachelcronin916 no not a UPS driver. Actually a close friend who tends to get beside themselves often.

@gethelp6271

Жыл бұрын

@@rachelcronin916 Are you diagnosing UPS drivers with NPD because you had an "issue" with them?

Plus, there are two kinds of “parents” in these “unbalanced” relationships: 1) the parent spouse who has to tell the other one to (i.g.,…) pay the bills; take care of medical issues; get the house cleaned; etc. Then, 2) there’s the parent-spouse who plays the role of the moral parent: “Don’t watch raunchy movies;” “Don’t flirt with other people’s spouses;” “Quit ‘looking around’ when you’re married.” “Quit trying to control me.”

The worst ones are those who are hidden and smart. I met one in our project. Very toxic and always promises to do something and help but she never does and then says, “well, you just didnt understand it properly. I meant something else.” It’s so frustrating!

My ex partner was a low grade narcissist. I’m so glad you made this video because I was starting to gaslight and blame myself through out our relationship. In the beginning it was different and fun but as time went on I felt myself playing parent and doing all the adult responsibilities. His childlike behavior was starting to get annoying. If I saw this video earlier, I would have disassociated myself sooner from the relationship. Thank you so much for your videos !!!!

@maoshengfoo4559

2 жыл бұрын

Just would like to let you know that I saw some similarities in a couple I know, my friend who played the parent and carrying out the adult responsibilities got dumped by the low-grade child-like narcissist. This led to my friend feeling that he is the problem but there are others who can see that the low-grade narcissist is the problematic person

This is the first video I’ve seen on Narcissism that actually described my relationship with my partner. I can not thank you enough. You are amazing. Please keep doing what you do. You have helped me and so many others understand what we are up against if we choose to stay in these difficult relationships.🙏🏻

Hey so this personality was definitely my dad. I remember taking piggyback rides on his back, I remember him chasing us with shaving cream on its face, and I remember him chasing us with smelly socks. My mom was always telling him to grow up. The sad thing is that when my mom passed away I was 15 and my dad became a different type of person and all the fun left.

The dislike must be a guilty low grade narcissist

I've also found friends with depression and anxiety don't follow through well on promises. They don't tend to want to admit they aren't functioning well but may frequently beg off at the last minute from earlier promises made to come through about something. For no apparent serious reason. It's frustrating, as they may seem selfish due to their frequent unreliability and pretend casualness in blowing off things they promised to come help with. If you feel into their emotional state, however, you may realize they aren't intending to be uncaring; in those cases I pick up that they are suffering more anxiety and/or depression they aren't admitting to, that they just aren't coping well and don't think they can handle being around people or pressure of any kind that day. It's still problematic to deal with, it's annoying, but I think we need to assess this possibility when people often don't come through for us. And, sadly, never count on them as someone who will follow through just because they said they would. For whatever reason.

@rozannamurayama9629

2 жыл бұрын

I have anxiety and depression when under extreme stress. I understand this and am not in a relationship and don't promise things I can't follow through on. I am working on these things always.

@falconbritt5461

2 жыл бұрын

@@rozannamurayama9629 It's not easy. Not at all. Depression runs in my family, genuine clinical depression, and it's so much harder to deal with than most people understand. The smallest things can feel overwhelming at such times. Please take good care of yourself. You matter.

@rozannamurayama9629

2 жыл бұрын

@@falconbritt5461 thank you.

@cyberninjasworld

2 жыл бұрын

Depression and anxiety can be disabling and are serious reasons. People suicide every day due to having those conditions. No, you cannot expect them (us) to act like we do not have depression.

@falconbritt5461

2 жыл бұрын

@@cyberninjasworld Exactly! To me the danger of all this talk about narcissism and narcissistic behaviors is how people can lump in all kinds of people into that category unfairly. There must be tens or even hundreds of thousands of videos on narcissism at this point, and there are incessant posts about the empath-narcissist dynamic all over social media and Quora... it's everywhere. People who have anxiety or depression can't follow through well because their neurotransmitters are out of whack at that time - seriously so, they're having trouble just managing to stay alive in many cases - but that *doesn't* make them narcissists. Even if someone shows one behavior (like unreliability) it doesn't make them a narcissist, no matter how annoyed it might make other people. We shouldn't be labeling everyone a narcissist. And especially we shouldn't throw unfair labels on people when we don't really even know what they might be suffering from or dealing with. This is happening too often these days.

Thank you for doing this series! I am pretty sure my bf is a covert narc, but he hasn't been as manipulative or anything for months, it's like he's dormant or something. Makes me wonder if he really is a narc, but now that I know narcissism can be on a scale, it makes much more sense

@m.maclellan7147

2 жыл бұрын

You've learned things here, so you may have not been doing "your part" in the 'dance' !

@tdbhmusic

2 жыл бұрын

there's likely a power imbalance, that's why you're wanting so much to label him as narcissist, to even the score

@CJ-fs9gt

2 жыл бұрын

Or he's hiding sh!t better. My ex-ASPD was newly engaged to someone every 6weeks. Everyone on his FB was aware of this .. the child & I were the 'dirty secret' except at his work .. then? We were props for status. BTW we were living together for 8 years .. not a word to us from any family member that the ASPD's Facebook completely outlined his 2 life status. Absolutely bizarre.

@babycakes8434

2 жыл бұрын

Don't ever get married to him, he will switch then. I think for some of them, the knowledge that they got you, and have you now is making them to not care anymore about hiding their true face. They can show what they are capable of, because they own you now. Try to be disagreeable, and also ask him to do things for you that he might not want to do and he might show you his true face. Good luck.

@edennis8578

Жыл бұрын

Baby Cakes is right. Whatever faults someone displays before marriage, when they're trying to impress you, will get 100 times worse after marriage when they've got you cornered.

I took my nieces to the pumpkin patch last weekend and repeatedly witnessed something I found extremely odd & uncomfortable. I watched numerous parents forcing their, sometimes screaming, child to pose in “cute” pictures. It wasn’t just parents wanting a snap to remember the day & the kid being a bit fussy. These parents were forcing their extremely distraught children to pose for copious frames while the rest of us stood by confused & concerned. The scariest examples were a woman holding her daughter up to one of those cut-out panels you place your face through with the silly figures painted on the other side and a woman forcing her child’s head down near a large goat for a picture. In both cases the kids were red faced & absolutely screaming. The mothers were commanding their husband to take frame after frame while trying to coerce the kids into making a “happy face.” I kept hearing, “Did you get it? Did you get it? Take another!” The rest of us were waiting for our turn, some clearly frustrated with their behavior. Eventually I gave up & didn’t get pics with my nieces because they wouldn’t relent & let others have a turn. “Anything for the Gram” feels so much more sinister when there’s a distraught child involved

@susanq6398

Жыл бұрын

That’s scary

"An adult baby" this is my mum. She lost it once outside my grandparents (her parents house) and when I say lost it, I mean in full pyjamas stood by her car running around, stomping her feet and screaming lost it. She was screaming and throwing her arms around and when I saw her stomp her feet like a toddler that's exactly what I thought, this woman is a child. An angry, bitter, resentful child in a full grown woman's body

GREAT VIDEO!!! This makes so much sense to me, I'm beginning to see narcissism much more fully. I can't say I look forward to the next 2 videos but I know I'm going to find them important and really think they'll give me much more of a full spectrum picture of it all. Thank you

Thank you, Dr. Ramani! I'm afraid this type of narcissism is prevalent in our society. Who knows where each of us falls on this spectrum. Thanks so much for describing it and quantifying it.

So good to have time with Doc R every day. I have just cut off a low grad narcissist because her nasty side got out of control as a result of her entitled demands and histrionic weeping, which is her conwoman way of getting everyone to jump around her and do her bidding. It was a short sharp goodbye. I am happy that I picked up on her professional victim act.

I was in a relationship with a 33 year old boy who is exactly as you describe. I love the energy and fun he brings into my life but he can barely commit for a few months a time. Then he pulls away and says “I am not cut out for relationships.” He breaks up with me over nothing and then keeps coming back with gifts after a while. It’s so confusing. He validates me and is kind to me but he is stuck in his 16 year old mentality and maturity level. He’s very avoidant attachment. It has been such a struggle letting him go or even getting away from him.

This one, I so needed to hear this! Thank you so much dear, mama Ramani! ♥️😭 Both of my parents are highly narcissistic (my father was a full on sociopath, my mom a little less evil) and so was my firsf BF. As much as your videos of the higher grade narcs help me understand their thinking/behavioral patterns, I needed *so bad* to hear *THIS* video, because of the arrangement (would not even call it a relationship) that I am currently in. He is slightly autistic (and so am I), but he is all so bit retarded and as the baby of his family, and his parents been old (different generation) they were a bit clueless how to raise him. He has this kindness to him that is just so pure and honest, and yet he hurts me so fucking bad on daily bases by *completely* ignoring even my most basic, emotional needs - because he only cares about others, when he feels like it. I am slowly starting to accept the situation, because my life only keeps getting better (partially thanks to him, as we help each other out in daily stuff) and getting most of my emotional needs meet elsewhere. But before that, it used to made me feel fucking worthless that he is the best I could do partner wise. In other words: he is *excatly* like an overgrown adolescent, who has this all this potential, but somehow refuces fo grow up, because he doesn’t feel like it. I dealt with my trauma and keep doing so, also study social skills and empathy even in theory to know, how to be a better me - first towards myself and then others, because we can only have empathy for others, if we have it for ourselves. Thank you mama Ramani. You help our inner children heal. ♥️

I've been wondering if the narcissists in my life were some sort of "benign" narcissists, but this is perfect. This video was posted well before I discovered your channel, Dr Ramani. Thank you, Dr R! You will always be "enough" in my book. A Godsend.

It’s great you put this out there. Helps people make sense it the spectrum. And the insecure people with the problem of being low grade narc to understand they are not monsters. Thank you. I would say, if 25% of marriage has an infidelity, it’s not a sign they are serious malevolent person, but human, and often there is a needy anxious preoccupied attachment (more prone to cheat) with an avoidant dismissive attachment type.

This video was so helpful to me. Low grade narcissism isn't something that's often discussed. It really clarified a lot of things for me with respect to one specific situation.