"You're the only person I can talk to about this". Said the vulnerable narcissist to everyone they talk to.

@sachimu

2 жыл бұрын

OMG!!!!! I am 😶.

@lively3119

2 жыл бұрын

haha SO TRUE!!!

@ashnishah5703

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!! Same experience I had

@saneh5158

2 жыл бұрын

😂😤and I actually believed him!!

@remydrh

2 жыл бұрын

As well as the related, "I've never told anyone this..."

This is why I am afraid to ever date again. They seem like normal people at first. If I hear a victim story it's a big red flag now. Healed people talk about how they are fixing it and how they have healed and how they took responsibility. This is such important knowledge.

@MrBungle900

Жыл бұрын

I am in the same boat as you, mate. It’s so scary out there. I will always ask a potential date about their experience with therapy. Their reaction is quite telling. If they’re on a healing journey themselves, then I see that as a real potential.

@maleehaelsadr2995

Жыл бұрын

Was just thinking how do you actually tell the difference between true social anxiety and vulnerable narcissism 😅 accountability. Phew

@michelepasserella8875

Жыл бұрын

That’s a great point! I’ve never thought about it that way. Hearing how someone is healing is so much more conducive to an actual conversation than listening to someone speak of how victimized they’ve been.

@hccarson7938

Жыл бұрын

You nailed it. It's very important to observe what they do to fix it and keep on track. Most of them just do the same things over and over.

@mandaa4

Жыл бұрын

It’s not always this simple, my narc totally BS’d me with the healing story. They know exactly what to say. Always.

Every once in a while, I question my experience and wonder "was he really a narcissist"? Then I watch a video about covert narcissism and I hear exactly what I experienced and go "yep, I feel validated again. I feel less crazy now." Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

@arinasingh

Жыл бұрын

I felt this to my core

@LOVEISTRUTH300

Жыл бұрын

I get this. She has talked about the words that come out of his mouth almost daily. She nailed it. I've listened to her explain my experiences in great detail. I started to identify what didn't feel right weeks before Dr. Ramani came into my life and then she helped make sense of everything.

@CG-wl3cq

Жыл бұрын

@Angel 1111 I knew something wasn't right for weeks before breaking up with the narc in my life. I didn't fully figure it out or find this channel until the last week we were together, and even then I was in denial. It is so unsettling how there are so many narcissists out there, but they all talk the same.

@virtualsavageness

11 ай бұрын

Same here 💯

@sunshineblumster498

10 ай бұрын

i feel this to my bones

THE COMPLAINING!!! It is the vampiric sucker of life and all joy.

My experience with vulnerable narcissists is that contempt rolls off them in waves. They can't hide their bitterness and their hate. Listening to their negativity is exhausting.

@DoHisProphetsNoHarm

2 жыл бұрын

🎯

@k.elaynepallist3997

2 жыл бұрын

I witnessed one attempt to light a candle in front of me and perform some kind of prayer to whatever new age deity she worshiped. It was such a joke of a performance! Her need for moral superiority, no matter how over the top, is pretty sad.

@shalu822

2 жыл бұрын

@Mary Carroll That's what baffles me! How do they think that! I just want to scream "You are not smart lady, you are an idiot! I can see what you are doing!"

@Nat-ib6yh

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. After my curiosity finally got the better of me, I asked why our wall calendar had been marked almost daily for months with "C", "W" OR "CW". He was noting the days it was windy, cloudy or both. The constant negativity and self depreciating remarks had a huge affect on my own neural pathways and I went from a positive person to the opposite. I'm trying so hard to get back an attitude of gratitude but feel I'm failing miserably. 30 years of exposure to a litany of negative comments about virtually everything in the world around us is indeed truly exhausting.

@rosabscura

2 жыл бұрын

Yess. Even when they are quiet, you wanna tell them to shutup. Lol

First red flag: You will witness/experience the passive aggressive behavior. They make it harder to leave because they will weaponize your empathy against you. Their "Vulnerability" is actually repressed anger. That was another red flag: anger issues.

@tiptapkey

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, I've learned an early red flag is that weaponization of empathy. They find ways to make you feel guilty really early on. Even if they're "just joking" when you question it, that's a red flag.

@lilrodz

2 жыл бұрын

First dates: staring alot at me and not speaking/conversing much. Buying expensive gifts, trips and restaurant outings. Testing to see what my limits were: example, saying I’m at the restaurant close by watching soccer. Then when you ask why wouldn’t you invite me, says: you know you’re always invited! The staring was to observe me in order to mimic me and create the perfect character especially made for me. 👺

@IrinaVanRonkel

2 жыл бұрын

Agree. I saw my narcissist was so rude and disrespectful with waitress and it was eye opening and awakening. How this saint and perfect person, who is mocking me for being not spiritual enough, can be so angry and arrogant with a waitress?

@emoke150

2 жыл бұрын

This!!!

@MC-cg9xn

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! Major anger issues!

I married a vulnerable narcissist. I thought he was a smart safe person who just wasn’t assertive enough to achieve their goals. After 15 years, I didn’t understand what was happening to me, but I knew that living with him was killing me. I was a shell of a person. 5 years later and I’m finally starting to recover.

@Dares9

Жыл бұрын

What you said describes exactly how I felt watching my friend start dating my other (albeit fairly newer) friend. After 2 years she was at the lowest I've ever seen her. To this day she doesn't really get what was happening to her, just like you described. Luckily what snapped her out was him crossing a boundary (a physical one; although not with her, but himself, he tried hitting himself in front of her while driving a car) and she simply got scared enough to wake up from his numbing poison and run. I'm so thankful it was enough, because she was slipping continuously, and she KNEW that, but the numbing just kept going. I was so afraid I'd lose her but was unable to help her. It felt like she was dying.

@GSDXephyr

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry. After 15 years divorced, I struck up a new friendship with mine, thinking we had both grown, matured, learned. It started GREAT, felt real, true, etc. Then he asked to get back together, then abruptly discarded me at xmas. Now I"m the scapegoat being gaslighted again. WTF. Why didn't I learn about vulnerable narcissism years ago??!! This is all making so much sense. The defeated vulnerability, the fragile ego, the constant complaining, the all-too-intense connection in the beginning.

@Tigerlilly0902

Жыл бұрын

So glad you had the strength to leave

@yildadiquez7744

Жыл бұрын

Are you still married?

@Kharizmah

11 ай бұрын

Same, but I was married 12 years. But his narcissistic rages were getting worst, scary. Every time he picked up drinking again it got unbearable. I had to put a restraining order on him, but he kept swinging back by the house. I had to flee my home, sneak back to clean it up and rent it out. We’re separated. After I refused to be a resource, he disappeared on to the next resource. I don’t know if I could get a divorce… I feel like it’ll hurt me way more financially, emotionally, spiritually… because I know he’ll use my faith against me to justify himself and to insult my decision to leave him.

I grew up in a family of vulnerable narcissists, and I did a lot of therapy to get past it. These videos are so helpful because they show me where I've still got traces of narcissism to work through. It's hard to look back through my life and realize that even though I thought I was fine, I was still carrying on the family tradition with a victim mentality and being really self-absorbed. But I'm determined to get every last speck of these traits out of me. Being healthy enough to face the truth makes a big difference.

This is SO validating! They act humble, and like they are so altruistic. But the truth only becomes clear later...after so much manipulation. And it doesn't stop. Even at the end. They still see themselves as the "good" one...and no matter how badly you were treated...its still turned into.."I did so much for you!". Covert narcissists are just so emotionally damaging. Thank you, Dr. Ramini!

@duck7237

2 жыл бұрын

Oh. This. You said it so well!

@user-vg3vz2ty4g

2 жыл бұрын

Are you describing the same person I know?

@hollymesser1761

2 жыл бұрын

I call this the fake boy scout act.

@OGJones69

2 жыл бұрын

Very well explained.

@free2beme773

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, it's amazing how they think they have done so much for us, right? My sibling goes back to my birth and talks about how they're not complaining, but they fed me and changed me and had to work when they were a teenager. Gag. It's disgusting getting cards talking about my birth from a sibling when I'm several decades old!

There is a difference between 1) helping someone who truly needs help in the moment and 2) taking on a “project” to transform someone else’s life or attitudes for them. We cannot change others; they have to want to change and put forth the effort to change themselves, to find better ways of coping and living. “Fixers” need to stop trying to fix others, and instead focus on fixing their own boundaries and seriously slow down in bonding with anyone who they feel drawn to fix.

@saa1094

2 жыл бұрын

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 that sounds more like a narcissist preying upon a weak, vulnerable person, as opposed to someone who truly wants to encourage, support, and help others lovingly and without “keeping score”. You are speaking more of verbal criticism/abuse as “help”, opposed to a non-narcissist falling into a trap with a vulnerable narcissist.

@jeanette5524

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Sharron I find that really helpful as it makes the distinction really clear.

@PBVader

2 жыл бұрын

@Mary Carroll careful, your gynocentrism is showing. Instead of complaining on here, what have you done about it? Refer to OP on forcing change. Realize you cannot fix a broken system singlehandedly, that includes the medical system. Either get on board, or get out of the way, your stress is contributing to the health problems.

@M_SC

2 жыл бұрын

@@PBVader ugh boring troll

@PBVader

2 жыл бұрын

@Mary Carroll you posted that purely for female validation. You either support your husband, or you don't. This is not a fefail board. How many men just shake their head and keep reading, while the hens cackle. The gig is up.

The idea of "not leaving or giving up on someone when they are down" really hits home. I thought I could save him. I thought I could love him enough to change his life and shine a light on him. I ended up losing my friends, family and self worth in the process.

@mlynnhass539

Жыл бұрын

I thought exactly the same thing. I’m trying to walk away and accept.

@chanel82593

Жыл бұрын

100% it’s crazy how so many people feel the same way. And have had so many of the same experiences!

@valentinasmith9227

11 ай бұрын

Hey I am walking away too, my case is the same and very painful

@haha-pr6bw

11 ай бұрын

Same, but with my family

@Isimplywenttoschool

8 ай бұрын

The narcs played the whole time. It’s an awful feeling to realize what you lost for someone that doesn’t matter now because you never mattered to them.

"No matter how much empathy, or no matter how many caring ears you offer them, they will forever seem stuck in a victimized place, and can't seem to move forward from that mindset." This is... someone I'm close to in my family right now. I thought she just needed to get things off her chest, but now I'm realizing, after 2 years of listening to her complain, that it will never come off her chest. In fact, I'm beginning to think she likes it this way.

@Dares9

Жыл бұрын

EXACTLY, well said!

@postnutclarity7382

Жыл бұрын

We go one wrong to another. We always gotta have a bad guy so we can see the world as unjust.

@Letyourlightshine333

4 ай бұрын

They love staying the victim, it their way of staying in spotlight,it’s their literal identity.

"And then you look up and realize you're doing all the ...work in the relationship." Yup, that sums it up! Anything you ask them about gets scoffed at, treated with contempt.

@sandyw1891

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly - I realized that I was doing all the problem solving, empathizing - while the friend did a lot of nothing except complain without any intention of solving any of her issues. They also offer up very little to you while they expect you to bend over backwards for them - the relationship, whether it's with an ex partner or a friend - it's always unbalanced - always.

@derykhenderson5187

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. After a while I started to think my father viewed me as a sort of Television. He'd rage if he couldn't change the channel and if I said anything off script. Thing was I was never given the script. Therefore I had nothing to say.

@susansherlock6934

2 жыл бұрын

Oh boy this was my reality...his bad parents!

The uniqueness of this situation is that for many years I didn’t see “love bombing” phase from the covert narcissist. I thought that I’m the one who is “love-bombing”. I felt that I need to help them emotionally, financially, psychologically - I gave them all my resources. Love bombing from covert narcissist- is their story in very beginning , when they represent themselves as almost saint human, who didn’t succeed in life because of their humbleness. This was the most seductive and exquisite love bombing.

@queequeg5675

2 жыл бұрын

This was exactly my experience! I spent 15 years wondering what was going on. I hope you’ve found happiness. I’m on my way to finding it. Good luck!

@sarahgrohmusic

2 жыл бұрын

This is how movie romances start

@bee12355

2 жыл бұрын

That was my experience. I didn’t know he was a narcissist until I got discarded without a reason. It was just crazy

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

You are right, it feels we are lovebombing them instead because we put so much effert in making them feel better, heal them, reçue them...to the point of exhaustation and heartbreak💔. This is a great comment, thank you❤

@SeedsAndStuff

2 жыл бұрын

You’ should love these type of people that’s the sick thing about a narcissist they steal the lives of real people that go through or have actually experienced that sadness while attempting to remain a good person. Don’t be mad for loving be mad at the narcissist for switching up on u

I'm separated from my Vulnerable Narc wife. When we met, she told me all the time about how hard she'd had it because her Mom died when she was 23. How her 2 prior husbands were both abusive and she just wanted a nice guy she could count on. How guys never wanted to just hang out and talk about things she wanted to talk about. How she was an amazing medical staff member, how she'd saved her brother with an organ donation. And I fell hook line and sinker. In 3 months, I had "rescued" her and her 4 kids, moved them into my place, and thought everything was blissful. Soon afterwards, she wanted us to get a bigger house so her kids could know what it felt like to have their own rooms. We got a new house. Then, within 3 months of moving in, the physical intimacy stopped and suddenly everything about me was repulsive. I was too needy because I asked her to actually sleep in the same bed as me each night. How my surgeries to have a tumor removed were "minor procedures" and then when her daughter had to get a catheter, it was "major surgery" and "she couldn't be sure she'd pull through okay." Now, 4 years later, I got a therapist who finally told me, I'm a victim of narcissistic abuse and is helping me. It feels good to be no contact and have so less drama in my life.

@TRIBECHIEFTAIN

Жыл бұрын

Been there worn the T-shirt… I hope you have finally healed from the poison.. Take care 👍🏾🥋

@Tigerlilly0902

Жыл бұрын

I'm glad you left, you were being used

@valentinasmith9227

11 ай бұрын

same here I am almost free

@MrManuelParks

11 ай бұрын

@@valentinasmith9227 my divorce finalized this past week. Tears of joy never felt so good.

@FlyingMonkies325

11 ай бұрын

Oh man... don't invest in homes and mortgages anymore the whole system is a scam, how many people actually pay their mortgage off? why should they pay more? you already just paid thousands for it. If you do there's no actually keeping it on a pension, never buy a house for someone it's better to just rent a place so then you can move whenever you need to, buying a house is just another way abusive people entrap you. I've been through it with my parents and there's no stopping the next "recession" making you lose your home cos it's too expensive, it doesn't provide any real stability in the long term, all that debt and you can't keep your house, the housing market is a sham.

They will lovebomb you to begin with. Nice gifts. Nice dates. Charming. Funny. Affectionate. Compliments. They will tell you that they have strong feelings early on. All of this is fake!! Done to lure you in. They cant love anything or anyone (appart from themselves). I felt there was something off at the start. My gut was screaming at me to leave but i didnt listen. You will see the red flags. But choose to ignore them. When everything goes there way everything is good. But if they’ve had a stressful day at work or something happens to p*** them off they will be moody and misserable. They will play hot and cold. One day they are lovely other days they are cold and distant so you never know where you stand with them. Leaving you feeling confused, hurt and not good enough. Dont ever pull them up on their bad behaviour. If you do they will end the “relationship”. They manipulate and gaslight you into taking their bad behaviour and disrespect. How dare you stand up for yourself! You should bow down to them and be a door mat because they are the best thing since sliced bread and you should be greatful that they chose you! They will blame everything that goes wrong in the relationship on you. They are never to blame. They will never appologize. They will manipulate you into thinking its your fault and you will end up appologizing for your reaction to their bad behaviour. Everything will always be on their terms! You will do whatever they want to do when they want to do it. If its not something they enjoy doing they will not do it. And on the off chance that they will they will be misserable the whole time. They will see you when it suits them. They will never plan things in advance or make future plans. They will never fully commit. If your going through a hard time in life they will never be there to support you. They will avoid everything that involves emotional connection. Dont ever cry in front of them because they will think that your crazy for having feelings. They cant even give to a hug if you were to cry in front of them, they will just look at you blankly. They have no empathy what so ever. They are very selfish and only care about their own needs. Your needs mean nothing to them. They are dead on the inside. No feelings. No emotions. Just an empty soul. They are addicts. They drink too much. They gamble too much. They are stuck in their ways. They will never change. They will lie. They will cheat (mine had been a serial cheater in past relationships and i though that he wouldnt be the same with me. I have no proof that he cheated but from his past its very likely). They will use you. All of this will have a negative effect on your mental health. You will loose so much of yourself with a narcissist. They will drain the life out of you. Save yourself. Love yourself. Leave these toxic human beings. Moreover, I could've gotten hurt from the impact of been cheated on. I'm glad that i got to know ASAP, through METASPYCLUBLLC@GMAIL. COM and I appreciate the content you put out for us .

@fart5923

Ай бұрын

they dont love themselves either. they have no sense of self. its all a facade there is nothing to love. they live quite miserable lives themselves while making everyone else miserable. they can never form real connection

@surfreadjumpsleep

Ай бұрын

why do these people act this way?

@ericag4908

Ай бұрын

Grateful*

@fart5923

Ай бұрын

@@surfreadjumpsleep based on my research, its because of emotional neglect or abuse as a kid, they form a false self to protect their self esteem. That false self is very fragile, insecure, and in turn makes people act in very weird ways. I would highly recommend researching top experts in the field and reading literature on it to both identify and protect yourself.

@Mon1969

29 күн бұрын

@@fart5923 very true. My love bomber , which I’ve now found out, was already talking to another woman, whilst still with me. Child abuse from another male, 2 ex wives, and looking back only 4 weeks ago. His eyes are dead inside him and so is his soul. He likes the chase but once caught you are then thrown away like a used toy. I’d been speaking to him several times per day, and would say it’s ok relax, if your too tired at the moment ring later. Oh I’m so lucky to have you 🤢🤢🤢🤢lying A/Ho..

Early in the relationship I shared that my first husband had devastated me by telling me he was no longer physically attracted to me. After a 25 year marriage to my second husband who is a fragile narcissist, I finally left him. During the divorce, he started crying and said to me, “I’ve never been physically attracted to you.“ They remember for decades and store it up to hurt you. He was crying when he said it. Always playing the victim when covertly he was being most toxic to me.

@_dadas

2 жыл бұрын

💔😡

@roxanne83

2 жыл бұрын

Had my narc telling me that in the end of the relationship. I laughed it off as he is really overweight. But I would never say that to somebody. They are so cruel.

@michellebaker793

2 жыл бұрын

Ugh. I am so sorry he said that to you, but so glad you saw it for what it was. You’ve also reminded me why I’m so terrified to tell people the bad things I’ve gone through or are going through. I’m sitting here, low-key concerned that I sound like I’m “confessing” my hurts in order to leverage them when in reality, I’m just afraid of them being weaponized against me.

@loljoyful1

2 жыл бұрын

@@michellebaker793 May I suggest you read the book CPTSD by Pete Walker. It gave me so much insight into why I chose a Narcissist in the first place. It sounds crazy but it really is based in childhood trauma. Emotional trauma. Thank you for sharing and I feel a connection to you because I’m not judging you, I’m looking for common connection. You are a beautiful person and you did not deserve any of it and if you would’ve known what was going on you would’ve left. Please give yourself a hug for me.

@loljoyful1

2 жыл бұрын

@@tinnitusisnotmusic6807 this was a really insightful understanding of how he manipulates through crying. After reading your response I gave it a lot of thought and you are absolutely correct! He actually would make himself cry when he was saying things to hurt me the most. Thank you so much for sharing this with me! Give yourself a hug for me!

A rule of thumb I came up with during recovery from a deep but poisonous friendship with one of these people: Grandiose narcissists love-bomb, vulnerable narcissists need-bomb. Maybe oversimplified but it's kept me out of trouble since. Thanks for this vid. Much needed imo

@l.baughman1445

Жыл бұрын

"Need-Bomb" That's IT! That's IT!

@Zamalandre

Жыл бұрын

« Need-bombing », God that’s it! Thanks for putting it into simple words!

@starrynight2218

Жыл бұрын

Omg you’re right! Need bombing - that’s what he did to me, got so much stuff from me and money over his hard luck life 🙄

@baileydavenport744

Жыл бұрын

"need-bombing" -- thats the perfect description! Thanks for the tip!

@steffidoc

Жыл бұрын

Need bomb, perfect word.

This is why it is so important to have strong boundaries. To have a stiff back and not comply with every demand. To be able to say "This far, but not further"

Dr Ramani is speaking about my story. I met a person many years ago, who in very beginning was so different- humble and shy, who understood me and respected all my efforts in life, but later made me believe that all my success, everything I accomplished, all my dreams and beliefs are garbage. My education is nothing. My experience is nothing. I felt the worst guilt for myself and everything I do. This person was disgusted by my financial success and in the same time accepted my financial help. I started seeking psychological help because I believed that I’m arrogant, materialistic, horrible person. And it was the best decision- I found out that the problem is not me. And now, after many years of recovery from self-hate, guilt and shame I’m listening Dr Ramani and I’m crying inside of my heart because this wound is still hurting. Thank you doctor Ramani. You are speaking my truth and my story. Thank you.

@maevey3

2 жыл бұрын

I can empathise. This particular video resonates with my person story, too, more than any of the others, right down to minute details. Glad to know you have improved. Best wishes.

@bee12355

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly my story. I didn’t know he was a narcissist until after I got discarded and started looking at videos on KZread. He would put down my accomplishment like it was nothing. Mine you I am a physician and I met him in medical school. He didn’t complete medical school and I think he was angry with me for that. I think he was just jealous. It’s not my fault he didn’t finish. These people need help

@maevey3

2 жыл бұрын

@@bee12355 You finished, he didn't but he belittled your accomplishment? You can bet your bottom dollar he was jealous! Mean spirited or what.....

@LOKI77able

2 жыл бұрын

I bet that for all the contempt and lack of empathy he showed for you, your achievements and efforts, he would nevertheless accept any offer of financial help from you without a moment's hesitation.

@asmallmorgue

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing!

My vulnerable narcissist ex told me “you’re incapable of love because you were never loved as a child” weaponising my childhood experiences against me to explain why I, in their view, was “incapable of loving them”, basically because I wouldn’t take their s*** anymore

@only1kiku

Жыл бұрын

Sounds soooo familiar

@tulinbeyduz920

Жыл бұрын

i thought i was reading my comment . My ex said the same exact words to me . said i wasn’t capable of love because of my chidhood . Told me there weren’t many like him around . it’s been 3 months . im feeling great now

@randigeer5749

Жыл бұрын

Mine said that too!

@mdgonnuscio

Жыл бұрын

I got "you don't forgive people because your father never forgave you so you don't know what an apology looks like"

@stephaniejenkins9859

Жыл бұрын

Oh. My. God. Mine said these exact words and did this exact thing. Penny just dropped.

' Being someone who feels like always helping and ' fixing ' people's problems to help them - can encourage a vunerable narcissist ' - WOW . Absolutely true

My ex was a VN. All his exes were crazy, his parents loved his brother more, rich people were to blame, his boss wanted to get him fired, the teachers hated him, everyone bullied him… etc etc and so on. So basically the whole world was against him or so he loved to declare.

My ex was highly competitive in very subtle ways with me. He pretended to be my ally and on my team, all the while sabotaging my successes. In my opinion, there is no room for competition in intimate relationships. You are either on the same team and working for common goals or you’re not in an intimate relationship at all.

@bakigwaze90

2 жыл бұрын

My experience too 😔

@alicewonderland8027

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly!

@crystal1555

2 жыл бұрын

My ex was subtly competitive too. We also worked together and he hated it if I upstaged him.

@sararichardson737

2 жыл бұрын

Hear hear

@vasilminkov4046

Жыл бұрын

Well said!

I’m divorcing a vulnerable narcissist. They are always the victim and nothing is ever their fault. During arguments she would use everything you’ve shared as a weapon, but the minute you mention theirs they play the victim to make you feel bad and say this is why they never open up to people. Whatever she fails to get done becomes my fault because I didn’t help her get them done. Also when they want their way or want to get out of something then they will become emotional and cry as a way to manipulate to get what they wanted. They hold you to a standard as a partner that they can never give you in return. Lastly, they take control over the argument to express their emotions and you never get a turn to express yours. You’re left being upset while they’re already behaving like everything is okay again.

@mrb4761

2 жыл бұрын

Both my parents to a T . Listening to 6oy say this makes me wonder if I have relatives I don't know about 💛

@muraroligia

2 жыл бұрын

Ugh you read about one, it’s like reading about all of them. Ex husband entirely described here.

@NewNameNaomi

Жыл бұрын

That last point! Oh my god… I would bring up a frustration or upset and he would talk for hours, cut me off if I tried to interject, tell me to stop talking so he could *finally* get his point out and the argument was only ever done when HE decided WE weren’t upset anymore. He would then go on to say how proud he was of us that we could handle our upset so well. That only fostered my willingness to let him dictate what was happening and how I should see our relationship and him. I had 4.5 years with my narc, I left him almost 7 weeks ago. Hardest 7 weeks of my life but every day I watch Dr. Ramani I feel a little more committed because I see him so clearly now ♥️

@lorrainea6177

Жыл бұрын

@@NewNameNaomi God blesses you, Lyndsey! Keep fighting the devil energy/doubt that he programmed in your brain (as did mine!). WE GOT THIS & GOD'S GOT OUR BACKS! ❤️🙏❤️

@DrMoorehen

Жыл бұрын

My ageing, covert parent, to a tee.....thanks for sharing

The love bombing I received looked like this: -poor Eeyore, he’s so sad and mopey -a lot of future faking. We’d talk about vacations we wanted to take, the house we wanted to build… when xyz happened (which it never did) -his roommate sucked, his parents sucked, there was always that supervisor that didn’t recognize his expertise, and they sucked too -everyone he’d been with had cheated on him, he decided to trust me anyway and take a leap of faith

@leslieguy4928

Жыл бұрын

Whoa is sounds super familiar.

@igorpisarev1898

Жыл бұрын

I’m igor

@throughcolouredglasses9300

Жыл бұрын

... oh my god. You might as well describe my ex. I'm honestly shook rn

@CG-wl3cq

Жыл бұрын

Wow, do we have the same ex? Mine is EVERYTHING you listed. He also faked illness for attention/sympathy, so anyone who called him out for his lack of responsibility was a jerk for expecting so much from someone suffering from his illness. If he couldn't fake the illness, instead he couldn't be accountable because he was afraid of becoming ill.

@lindseydantzler9388

Жыл бұрын

@@CG-wl3cq omg yes. All of that too. would also take advantage of minor illnesses/aches and pains and way over exaggerate to gain sympathy. I remember actually being angry that he had caught another cold/kept getting sick

I briefly dated a vulnerable narcissist. Luckily, I saw the red flags early on. What initially seemed like deep, intimate sharing quickly transformed into me having to listen to endless sad stories from his past. I caught on to this, along with his passive aggressive behavior. When I confronted him about it, he became defensive and started blaming me. He even said that his trust in me was betrayed! I believe your work helped me see these toxic patterns quickly, so I removed this person from my life. Many thanks! Gratitude and appreciation!

@debscornercanada

11 ай бұрын

The same stories ;; usually made up and from their unverifiable "youth".... aggressively "shared".. over and over and over... at nauseum .... and your fully expected to "hold court"... like your hearing it for the first time..every time;; and if you have say for example ;; ... brain surgery coming up, they will MAYBE acknowledge it MAYBE, , if so ..... with something flippant that doesn't properly acknowledge the seriousness of the victims health issue like" Man that's tuff eh?.. I can imagine... because this one time, I had this really bad headache once ..ect ect... and at LENGTH , in minute detail . As the victim sits there truly confused and wondering "did they just not HEAR me! ? Then you realize that EVERY single topic comes back to THEM. .....and you begin to walk away or even bother voicing your own serious health problems ... then YOU are blamed for not putting up with the verbal barbs and "jokes".and guilted or raged at for not listening intently in awe. it wears thin after awhile even for a victim .

@yausssecre8425

10 ай бұрын

How does vulnerable narcs behave in the beginnig with texting, did he write the first message or initiate contact, did he text alot, did he respond to text fast or slow and one more thing do they use alot of emojis when texting

@PoyTroy

8 ай бұрын

I love how you caught this, my spirit picked up on this, but my heart didn't, and got myself entangled with this person. But then I caught on.

"Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to live." He left our 35 year marriage and moved in with a woman he recently met online. Based on his last words to me he left because i was hostile and an angry women.I now recall my subtle lovebombing almost 50 years ago. His last girlfriend was an angry woman (gee, is there a pattern here?) He came across as friendly, naive and vulnerable. I felt like I was offering my friendship to someone who seemed lonely.

@angieoconnell6392

Жыл бұрын

HOBOsexual.

@Mugruncher

Жыл бұрын

I had a narcissist “friend” move into my house and refuse to get a job or pay rent. When I tried to talk to them about how I couldn’t afford to be supporting her, she would cry and talk about how hard life has been to her and how if it weren’t for me she’d be dead. She manipulated me for years with that routine but I finally lost it when she came home with new hair and nails that she had bought on a credit card (AFTER I PAID OFF HER LAST SECRET CARD and she swore she would never ever do that again since I was feeding her and she had no need to be spending money when she had no job) I dumped her shit in plastic bags and moved. She does not know where I live and never will. And I will never rent a room out again. (Makes me think - there’s a housing crisis right now and narcissists kind of destroy the market by traumatising renters into never renting rooms again)

@nunyabusiness7365

Жыл бұрын

So true!!

@mrs.georgeglass3997

Жыл бұрын

a hobo-sexual!

@joywebster2678

Жыл бұрын

Yes listen to the date who tells you all his prior relationships were " crazy", "needy" or any other vague word, the hint is every past partner has the same label. That is the same label you will get when the Narcissist is done with you!

If you have been trying to help someone for awhile and they're still not helped, it's because they don't want help; they want attention.

NO narcissist can handle really being truly vulnerable... when you start to feel CLOSE to them, they will slam you with a cutting, devaluing remark, then smile broadly and say, "I was JUST JOking!"

Every time I see one of Dr Ramani's videos, I'm sad I didn't find her 10 years ago. She could have saved me the biggest pain and heartbreak of my life. My ex was exactly like this and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. His lack of a materialistic lifestyle was actually a cover for his inability to even balance a checkbook, much less have any kind of financial responsibility. It quickly turned into a way to control everything I did, from how long I left the lights on, how many days a week I would do laundry or vacuum...even down to what kind of cheese or bread I bought. It was a horrible time in my life when it ended, but I'm also grateful for the lessons.

It's devastating to realize that you have been sucked in by a manipulative selfish man child. Not Easy to get away from after commitments are made. Turns out, they live litigation. Just waking up to realizing this urge to rescue is a serious problem. Seeing it in lots of places.

@EllenDScott

2 жыл бұрын

Man child... How perfect

@alexisscarbrough4083

2 жыл бұрын

I also want to add an approving nod to the "man-child" description; my abuser was nothing less.

@bq1424

2 жыл бұрын

These marriages all need to be annulled in which one partner becomes a different partner once the wedding has taken place.

@goldeegreene5023

2 жыл бұрын

You are not alone in being compassionate. Some will take advantage. But keep an eye out, with the help of Dr. Ramani. Your situation will eventually change for the better. Happy '22!

@sarahodom7091

2 ай бұрын

"Manipulative selfish man child". I couldn't have said it better. I'm going to remember that.

Not me but a dear friend who is SUCH a giver and helper and doer. She’s been taken in by at least TWO of these people (one her husband’s sister). It doesn’t help she was raised by a malignant narcissist herself. She’s in therapy and learning boundaries. It’s hard, but she has cut them out of her life. I’m so proud of her.

@thereisnoninadria

2 жыл бұрын

I feel for her. That’s what I’m working on too. It’s such a blow to the sense of whatever self I knew to realize how often I’ve been sucked in by predatory people and left feeling empty and broken. I’m glad she has a friend who gets it. 🙂

@kavitharajagopalan827

2 жыл бұрын

Who is a malignant narcissist

@marthaehlenbeck9070

2 жыл бұрын

Any time you hear “How bad the world has treated me”. It’s a red flag! Run….I have learned the hard way. This is many people’s identity in which they gain attention….

@onefabknitternz

2 жыл бұрын

I made the change , when I made the connection that saying narcissists was dating my mother . It was ‘home ‘ ‘familiar ‘ .. once I realised it , I’ve never seen one again. Saying ‘no’ weeds then out in minutes

I felt that something was wrong with him since the very beginning. Had no idea about narcissism back then, but the red flags were all over, so I kept my distance...however he managed to mess with my head even during the short time I actually spent with him. It can be really intoxicating when someone presents himself as everything you ever wanted but in this passive way, as if asking you to be his hero. I craved emotional connection and he mirrored me with such an intensity that a couple of days spent together were enough for me to assume that this person could be my soulmate if only he were healed. The problem was....he never wanted to heal...I felt like he was indulging himself in the past traumas.

@bigmuna1898

2 ай бұрын

absolutely spot on

My vulnerable narc would like to tell “no one would ever love me again like he did”.

I started a business with a vulnerable narcissist. I wanted to 'unlock her potential' and I felt deep sympathy for her tragic back story. It did feel intimate at the beginning....then the bullshit started. I ended up drained, depressed, and stuck. It's been about a year since I've gone DEEP, severely limited contact (silver lining to COVID), and began to build a healthier life for myself. Vulnerable narcs are incredibly manipulative. Also, the guilt is real. In my early recovery, taking care of myself first instead of them (she was truly confused when she realized that meeting her needs was not my 1st priority), sometimes I still feel like I'm kicking a puppy, but the feeling passes.

@yaseminureorion

2 жыл бұрын

Guilt and pity... So true :/

@maevey3

2 жыл бұрын

And you have been made to, or programmed to feel like that, because looking after you first, is never equivalent to kicking a puppy. Self care is not selfishness, it's your responsibility. It's so hard to reprogram this stuff. It feels counter intuitive, turbo charged.

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate, we feel bad for them. So true

@amac2573

2 жыл бұрын

I am glad you are away from her and that lockdown has given you the opportunity to focus on your own needs and life. I made the mistake a few months ago of not setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. I wanted to help one friend out on a project they got involved with. However I realised that they would complain quietly in the corner to me about problems and concerns they had, but when it came to meetings they said nothing. This is not a Narcissistic person, but someone with low self-esteem who is struggling with their self confidence. I have tried to help, but when I heard the words 'I can't do this without you!' and 'I just need you to be there, you don't need to do anything.' Alarm bells went off in my mind. I may want to help someone until they learn a skill or complete a task that needs multiple hands/ minds to complete, but then I want to step away and get on with my own stuff and life. I have made the mistake of trying to rescue people before who were adults and capable of learning to look after themselves. Like you it drain me so much that I had no enthusiasm and energy for my own life. You have probably helped a lot of other people who really appreciated your help and support, also it was good and kind of you to try to help her. However you have not been born to be someone's slave. Your existence is not about being there to support and enhance their existence and life. Good Luck to you kind Soul!

@beverlytaylor1745

2 жыл бұрын

@@maevey3 Hello! Your reply is very helpful to me - you have a way with words. Thank you very much 😊

"I've never opened up to anyone about this before!" *except I've told every other person I've dated*

@callforhealing9842

Жыл бұрын

10/10

@phoenix_sol_riseup2556

Жыл бұрын

🎯

@Maile-zk9sf

Жыл бұрын

So true. So true. 👍

A vulnerable narcissist (i.e. perpetual victim) often has an entire staff of rescuers. These rescuers may not necessarily know about each other. They think they are the only person helping the narc. Meanwhile, the narc rotates the rescuers who work in shifts. One takes care of the kids, another one gives the narc a ride, a third one fixes the house. The list of chores and needs is endless! While the rescuers labor, the narc may get her nails done, go to a wedding party, and never, ever reveal she actually has a good chunk of money hidden away.

@not2longnow

Жыл бұрын

🎯

@m.asammy3049

Ай бұрын

Omg!! You're a seer!!😮..😂😂😂

@m.asammy3049

Ай бұрын

Invite them all to a surprise party for the N about 2 hrs prior so they can all talk to each other🎉🎉😂😂. NOW ITS A PARTY!

This is very accurate to my situation. I am a rescuer and a helper type. She has had a rough childhood in which she ties her current state of anxiety and use of anxiety medication to. I felt deeply connected and compassion for her was at the highest level. During the devaluation phase I made every excuse in support of her and tried to explain away certain behaviors as related to her past. Even though I noticed several instances of gaslighting I only was aware of grandiose narcissism so I ruled her out as a narcissist. Boy was I wrong because in the Discard phase I’m now legally fighting for my life. Things I shared have been weaponized. Small events have been blown way out of proportion and some completely fabricated. The smear campaign is unreal. I’m devastated, I’m confused but I never could have imagined that as much attention love and catering as I’ve shown her, she could turn as vicious as she has just because I caught HER cheating. I was even willing to except it and work it out and signed up for a relationship coach. Now I’m aware of Vulnerable narcissism. I’m still in pain but at least aware. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your videos and others are helping me understand who I was with for the last 3 years. Now I have to heal.

@TheBiggestMoronYouKnow

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry. I understand how that feels. Do you feel betrayed when it happened? Or abandoned at all?

“Pseudo intimacy” is the absolute best phrase to describe what I experienced. It sadly took years to realize that it was never coming.

@kimgordon3695

2 жыл бұрын

Heartbreaking

@Soul.in.Spanish

2 жыл бұрын

They fake empathy at first and then they discard and treat ya like crap.

@readygi

2 жыл бұрын

I've experienced this pseudo-intimacy with my exhusband. Took me years to figure out wtf happened and how I got so bamboozled. Recently I met another covert narcissist and had a chance to observe his scheming and how he created this "intimacy" and if I didnt know any better, I'd fall for it. They are literally the best actors and masters at deceit.

@misssaiwasn6935

Жыл бұрын

Same. I am sure, in my case, it took so long to realize, because I simply didn't know what intimacy was. No concept. Never had the experience. Our mother flat out rejected us, me and my siblings. Shaming us insistantly for existing (and, God forbid, having needs). How could I know what I don't know?

@misssaiwasn6935

Жыл бұрын

@@readygi their deceit is absolutely crushing.

This perfectly depicts why it took me a decade to acknowledge and ACCEPT what I was truly dealing with.. The "intense humility" is how they get everyone else to believe they are so great and their significant other is the real problem. Takes quite a while observing to really see the face behind all the mask - because it is VERY deceiving

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

as the same thing as you don't saw how abusive this family behind the curtains..... people will always judge, no matter how kind you are, and it saddens me as unhealed Empath seeing people hate each other and suspicious to people intentions.... i know im one of those rare kind, having dark alters as result of several trauma, but no matter how hard i'll explain, people still gonna judge right? still, it saddens me to know how harsh people this day to the mentally people out there.... Empaths and deep sadness, it might be my identity, until God takes all of me, and facing death right before my eyes

@Zamalandre

2 жыл бұрын

It took me 5 years to leave and almost 1 year to fully understand what I was dealing with. And a part of me still won’t actually believe this is what he truly is. I think I just need more time. Courage to everyone! Be brave.

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 man, there's many guys out there having mental issues, i saw how bad some musicians dealing with addictions and depression, although they might sound self centered and hating on their song, they just human and they also suffers, cmon man, why would we always judge mentally ill people, they already suffer enough, be kind to them...

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 oh wait, that's your girl right? sorry if i come out, out if context, hahahh

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 yes. you read me in everywords you say, as some guy who like to criticize others for the sake of being morally superior, i hate that honestly..... people do make mistakes, and you can deal of people mistakes and just judge they for their past mistake, you will and eventually make people leave.... is that how people live this day? judge people behind accounts, and try to be morally superior to people? I don't think good people do that way honestly, social media just make everything sucks dude.... yeah, i know those social construct and hierarchy, but again, be kind to people living with bad situations man, kindness make people living in harmony... that's why i kinda hate some of western culture and modernity, about free will and free critics, some of it are dark and into hate speech and death threats, man, people this day are too harsh to something.... like they never believed in kindness and God Grace...

I find it tough to admit that I'm bad at things and that's why I failed.

Some people, when you help them; get sicker.

Dr. Ramani is spot on. My vulnerable Narcissistic ex bf was the shy type with a recovering addict backstory. He would often say, he believes he is autistic because he felt the world couldn't understand him and vice versa. He struggled to get a job, and couldn't hold a job because he felt it was beneath him. He opened up to me pretty fast and I felt really admired and loved by him at first. Early in the relationship he couldn't afford his apartment and I let him live with me. It totally drained me, he wouldn't try to get a job and just used me. On top of it all, he would dismiss feedback and validate my emotions, gaslight me and never reassured me that he wasn't speaking to other women romantically. He totally used all my insecurities and my past traumas against me. Two years later I had to evict him because he threaten to grab a knife from my kitchen and kill me. Currently, trying to get a restraining order and then I realized all his backstories were white lies. Our relationship was all based on lies and he manipulated me into believing he was a good, caring, and sensitive person. Coincidentally, he has a "Giving Tree" tattoo, he's the little boy and the whole world is the tree. Vulnerable narcissist are absolutely the worst, any sympathy for them will come back and literally try to kill you.

@cairosilver2932

2 жыл бұрын

Just looked up 'The giving tree' - that's a pretty messed up story. Sorry you went through so much.

@katt9208

2 жыл бұрын

I’m tempted to ask you his name. You sound like the poor woman my ex latched onto after I kicked him out! I’m glad you’re out!

I knew a covert narcissist and their favorite word was "stupid." This was stupid, that was stupid, I'm so stupid, etc. It was only a matter of time before I realized that "stupid"- when applied to themselves- was false humility. When applying the word "stupid" to others, it was a way to elevate themselves above the rest.

@jasmine3416

2 жыл бұрын

Yep! My husbands fav word! Stupid and idiot! He got this “thrill, high” when he would call me those names

@brightbite

2 жыл бұрын

@@jasmine3416 Hope you are on the road to healing, you deserve waaaaay better than that!

@marciathomas1625

2 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY ! You nailed it.

@jasmine3416

2 жыл бұрын

@@brightbite thank you. We all do!

@jeanette5524

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, my MN does this. Thanks for sharing.

"Suck you dry like a vampire" have me chills because that's what it feels like. Exhausting.

I had a platonic male friend who love bombed me subtly for our entire friendship. He treated me like gold, and was always there to offer a helping hand. He was also exactly as you describe, a martyr, quietly angry at the world. At the 20 year point we “fell in love”. Within 3 months the mask had fallen off and I realized we were careening toward physical violence. My mother had just died and I withdrew from this person, and focused on my family. Once we were alone again, he was a monster. I was shut down and avoidant, and when I rejected his physical advances, he raped me. At the 5 month point I had made a safe plan to extract myself, which I did successfully. I went No Contact 9.5 years ago and up until just recently he stalked me online in an intense and terrifying manner, including many death threats, a smear campaign, etc etc etc. coming up on the 10 year anniversary of our breakup and I am so grateful to be alive, and finally beginning to open up to the idea of love. He gathered intel on me for 2 decades and when I was in a very vulnerable state he swooped in and played his predator card. I still can’t believe it, but mostly am so proud of myself for staying alive. Thank you for all you do to help people ♥️

This is a textbook covert Narc Attack. Stay safe out there. Empathy draws them in and your service for others puts you on the Narcs Menu.

Love-bombing : yes, the heart-rending backstory : abusive, unsupportive parents, deprived of material goods and money, studying hard to get to university in order to escape childhood home and on and on and on until eventually YOU become part of their awful drama that they will go on to complain about to someone else!

@Sarablueunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

How is that lovebombing? There's nothing loving going on here. If if can be used as a form to pull your heart strings to feel sorry for them, possible but there's no way they are seducing you or loving you. People share their hard life stories on tv, KZread, that's even a way to get donations but they are not love bombing. Dr. Ramani is completely off in this one. Many of the so called empaths have the same abuse and deprivation backstory. We see people here on comments sharing their sobbing stories of being in narcissistic abusive relationships and this is not the only channel they must be doing it. I had this exactly same backstory and many times i have to talk about it when i don't want because many people assume everyone had same opportunities, had loving parents, paid school and allowance to thrive. As the saying goes "it's easy to hit a home run when you start from the third base". Those are the same people who donate to the starving children in Yemen but won't give a can of baby formula for their single mother neighbor "because they had opportunities and did bad choices". Actually donating to Yemen makes you feel good about yourself and you can even brag about it to others but not you won't even look to the homeless person you see begging everyday. In this example I see the "rescuer" as the narcissist person because they were the ones approaching the person who was indulging in their own misery and decided that person would give them unconditional attention. Rescuer syndrome is pretty much npd grandiose, "I'm the only one who can save this person and they will have eternal gratitude for me and love me".

I am speechless. This is the story of my last relationship. And it is exactly because it feels like true intimacy that this kind of love bombing is not suspect at all. He did care at the beginning, he listened, he made an effort for me and anticipated my needs. It did not feel too good to be true - it felt exactly how a normal relationship should. Until the mask fell off, and my head started spinning. And of course, you are a "rescuer" if you were raised in a narcissistic family system with vulnerable narcissists who made you responsible for their feelings and other aspects of their lives. Thus, this is the only way your system can understand connecting to anybody - by you attending to their needs, and abandoning yours.

@adrianopper9472

2 жыл бұрын

This! All of this!

It's almost creepy how accurate this describes my ex!

Narcissist label gets thrown around a lot these days. There are people who actually do need help and fail to launch because of undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety/depressive disorders, codependency, learned helplessness and OCD/religious trauma. These people do not help themselves because they do not know how. They have low self worth and self sabatoge. The sob story is often trauma dumping which is an unhealthy coping mechanism. You must be able to decipher covert narcissism from someone with other types of problems. Also, most people do not take on people as projects, because that type of person is probably people pleasing or looking for validation. The best way to avoid getting sucked in is to offer help in small doses, encourage and then pull back. Reward when they level up and stick to your boundaries. A narcissist will suck you dry but someone who needs help and support will benefit from it.

My ex was literally the snake from the following story: Girl and the Snake A young girl walking along a mountain path to her grandmother's house heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake, but before she could react, the snake spoke to her. "I am about to die," he said. "It's too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you." "No," the girl replied. "I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. And if I pick you up, you will bite me and your bite is poisonous." "No, no," the snake said. "If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you differently." The young girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and she had to admit he was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen. Suddenly, she said, "I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness." She then reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and continued toward her grandmother's house. Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her! "How could you do this to me?" she cried. "You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!" "You knew what I was when you picked me up," he hissed as he slithered away. I saw all the bad things but he he seemed so eager to be better than from where he came. Now he has slithered off to bite another

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

Excellent example

@bee12355

2 жыл бұрын

True

@jackiem1463

2 жыл бұрын

Great story

@lalalovengun

2 жыл бұрын

Wow!! Such a compelling story!!!

The love bombing with a vulnerable narc is more like emotional gifts. Sharing a lot, making you care for them and sympathize with them, and the biggest….understanding. Or rather giving you the feeling of understanding. They understand how your sibling abused you emotionally, they understand that you have a past, they understand. But then one day they don’t, and they use all the things you confessed against you to avoid accountability for their actions. They use the “understanding” they gave you in the beginning of the relationship to trap you into understanding their behavior AKA excusing their behavior. Example; “it’s not my fault Im abusive, I grew up mentally I’ll in a family who didn’t understand” or “it’s not my fault I hit you, I am still learning how to be a person , you know I have a history of drug abuse”

@seabreeze4559

Жыл бұрын

rationalisations

@usernamelady8030

Жыл бұрын

They are not responsible for the wounds and abuse but yes for her way to cope with it, healing and her own reaction to it

@takyrica

Жыл бұрын

The “using everything you shared against you” is deeply hurtful in more ways than I can put into words.

@gemmahayward9027

Жыл бұрын

Realising they never really listened to anything they supported you in too! These weird half bits of information from everything you've told them

@_Zyh

Жыл бұрын

Oh god…. This is literally what is happening to me. 😨

Set her up with free housing because she was in a really desperate situation (caretakers house on historic property). Then her rental property opened up and I ended up renting it from her. So she got set up with free housing from me, and I ended up paying her for renting her place (a pretty good monthly rent for the area , so it seemed fair). About a year into living in her rental property, there was a plumbing situation.Water leaking from second floor through ceiling on first floor. She didn’t have the money to fix and stalled on getting a plumber out for a week. I was concerned about the water damage, she told me I was exaggerating. Then her collections bills started getting sent to my address. She was not paying taxes or something. It was not good and according to her I was the one being unreasonable. She thought she had set me up with a such a great deal on her place, and me complaining about the plumbing and water damage was so ungrateful of me. Made herself the victim. I had to cut my losses and move ASAP. Not a good idea to rent from an acquaintance who complains about nothing going right all of the time.

I discovered my mother-in-law was a vulnerable narcissist when my first-born daughter passed away shortly after birth. She had already shown herself to be mean and unstable when she threatened to shoot herself when I was wedding planning and she didn’t get her way. But when she showed up unexpectedly to our daughters funeral (from out-of-state) and became angry we didn’t pay enough attention to her, that was when I realized she truly didn’t love anyone but herself. All of the other problems became clear when I studied narcissistic personality disorder, and saw clearly that she would compare herself to me and others and always “compliment” me by putting herself down, or put me down by comparing me to others. It took the devastating death of my child for me to understand that she couldn’t be reasoned with.

I met the covert narcissist 38 yrs ago. He came off as incredibly shy. He was so in tuned to me and the conversations we had. After about 6 months there were red flags that I was no longer a priority. I was being devalued. When I began pulling away he came back “hot and heavy”. This cycle went on and on long after I married him. It took me 3 yrs to understand his personality type and to successfully divorce him.

A long time ago I had a best friend who I codependently did too much for. One time I said no and they told me I had "abandoned [them] in their hour of need." But it was always their hour of need. It didn't go both ways. Great video, thank you!

@lanavikadorothea1913

Жыл бұрын

Hmmmmmm🤔

@tulinbeyduz920

Жыл бұрын

what happened to the friendship in the end then

The covert narcissist’s love bomb looked exactly like what you outlined, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for this video. I have been questioning whether he was a narcissist. These relationships leave you feeling sucked dry, confused, and sad. At least, that’s how I am feeling. He discarded me a year and a half ago, but then hoovered me every couple of months. It was confusing and kept me stuck. The last hoover was three months ago. You think that once you know that they’re a narc, it will be easy to let go and heal. It’s not. I know that I can never take them back. I feel sad and I miss him or the fake person he presented to me. I’m working on moving on through self care, yoga, meditation, and doing things I used to enjoy, like, painting.

The intimate revealing of past hurts, hardships, etc. hooked me into believing the Narc was an authentic person. I felt special and trusted. Wow! Did the red flags start appearing along the way. That early sharing of intimate fairy tales had me taking the bait. These narcs have the talent to sell fake investments with a warm handshake and a trusting look in their eyes. I'm wiser now, but not without scars.

My sister, a highly successful professional, to out utter dismay, met up with this guy who is EXACTLY what you described him to be. She went on this rescue mission for him, allwed him to stay in her house, let him use her car (which he smashed the first time he drove it- and instead of being apologetic blames the other guy) writes and edits his emails, his resumes ( while he looks over her shoulder and criticizes her editing!) She has taken on this mission of championing him and his quest thinking that she is lifting up the father of her child. He has finally found a stedy full time job and even BEFORE they had moved in was dropping hints about how the job was beneath him and laying the foundation for her to expect to move again. I find myself in a continuous state of mourning as i watch her being mistreated and twisting herself into a pretzel to accommodate the wasteful useless creature. What is even more gut wrenching is that if we dare say anything she attacks us with viciousness while he slouches back with a smirk on his face. I know this has turned into a novella instead of a comment but once those gates open up it's hard to put the cap back on.

@cairosilver2932

2 жыл бұрын

Like losing a sibling to addiction

@jazziew2148

2 жыл бұрын

@@cairosilver2932 YES!! Thank you!!

@cynthiafortier2540

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like your sister has to learn the hard way, hopefully before complete damage occurs.

@dragonclaws9367

2 жыл бұрын

Wasteful useless creature smirking. This describes exactly the man who stepped on my back to lift himself up and now that his mess is fixed for the moment, I am garbage and not worth even common civility. It's amazing how they mow through other people's resources like a locust in a crop.

@sophiebliss

2 жыл бұрын

@@dragonclaws9367 Aye.

Vurnerably narcissistic people: 1. Guilt-light. Gaslighting you into feeling guilty for something that never happened. 2. 'Never' have money, whenever it suits them. Going to the pub with them, means you're paying. 3. Triangulate, by letting you know how much nicer someone else is, or by complaining to their friends about how you wouldn't cook for them, so now they're starving. 4. Might punish you, by suddenly doing worse whenever you're trying to lay down some kind of boundary with them. Are you trying to look for work? Now they're suddenly in a lot of anguish of some sort. 5. Might shun conventional medicine like the plauge, because if they could get on some kind of anti-depressant medication, their suffering wouldn't be unique. 6. They tend to give a lot of bad advice, or to play into your own insecurities, by 'sharing' their own experience. 'I wouldn't try losing weight if I were you, I've tried for fifteen years, and if I can't, then it's definitely too hard for you.' 7. You can definitely be too intelligent, too good looking, or too good at something for your own best. According to them. Delivered a pretty damn good speech? It caused them to get so anxious they ended up vomiting. 8. They might have the worst hygiene ever, but make you feel incredibly guilty for not wanting to have sex with them because of it. 9. They can break stuff, as a way of letting people know that they're very unhappy that they can't have everything their way. 10. Are two-faced. They can be trying to gain your trust, only to fish for blackmail material to use against you. 11. They love to gossip. Especially about how terrible people are being to them. They might even go to the lengths of filing slanderous police reports. 12. They can 'brag' about how fucked up they are. Getting the drunkest/highest is a competition. You're sad, well now let's 'cheer you up' (project their substance use disorder onto you). 13. Accuse other people of faking their disability/chronic illness/mental health problems. 14. If one of their friends doesn't seem to be doing well, they can talk trash about them to other people, and accuse them of just doing it for attention. 15. They're complaining about how broke they are, but it's always due to their own bad decisions. They're poor, becasue they spent all of their money on a shopping spree/going to the pub. 16. They get incredibly envious of everyone who's doing better than them. They might even try to convince other people that this person isn't as talented as people think they are. 17. They are the only ones with good taste. Do you like the wrong band/video game/TV-series? You're a bad person/they now need to re-educate you. 18. They feel victimised by misunderstandings. It's always your fault, whenever they misinterpret something, or just assume something to be the case. 19. They are incredibly easy to offend, and quite offensive, at the same time. They play it tough, but they definitely can't take it. Whatever they say and do is just a joke, but you might as well make them cry for 'bullying' them. 20. They blame others for their own problems. You're the reason why I'm feeling like shit now.

I experienced that, he was a shy, timid, vulnerable, hypersensitive person, his childhood was terrible, he was bullied, her exes are crazy and bad, and so on. And then he turned into a cold, calculated, and vengeful person just because I didn't chase him and beg him to be with me. He told me: You just called me once and sent one message, and I didn't respond, but why didn't you try again many times, why didn't you come to my house to look for me to prove your love. :D

Every single word in this video applies to the situation I had. I gave him a place to live, lent him money, took him to every single medical examination he needed, any school or office he needed to go, prepared food, and after 8 months, I found myself jobless, sleeping 4 hours a day but still so busy doing his tasks, and he is still unsatisfied and expects me to do more.

I think I was in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Almost straight after the first date, I heard his stories explaining how difficult a childhood he'd had, how he was bullied at school and at home. A few months into the relationship, I realised he didn't want help healing from those things. It was like it gave him a sense of feeling special in how uniquely he'd suffered - exactly like Dr Ramani said in this video.

@denisesatt7044

2 жыл бұрын

I believe you! Described this type of behaviour to a flying monkey of my narc and , well, you know how that went over!

After escaping a nearly 8yr malignant Narc, I took a year off to heal. The very next relationship I walked into was a vulnerable/Covert Narc. It's been more difficult to recover from this relationship, which was 2yrs long. I'm upset I didn't see any of the normal love bombing signs, even though they weren't flashy and the same. I felt I'd done so much work and research to protect myself from this happening again, only for it to happen again. Trauma on top of more trauma has really set me back.

@MrNikhilgherwar

2 жыл бұрын

Tc

@_dadas

2 жыл бұрын

@Back_to_the_nineties 02 thank you for taking care of you

@keariewashburn4680

2 жыл бұрын

I can totally relate to this.

@Lambert7785

2 жыл бұрын

- take heart - you are doing the best that you can, and that's enough - that's all you need to do - ask God to help you, and if you find yourself starting to get involved with someone, ask them what their goals are in life, what are their values, and what are their interests. then go home and write down your own answers to those questions - if they don't match up, don't get close to that person :)

@alicewonderland8027

2 жыл бұрын

Don't give up Christine. The vulnerable type is way harder to detect. They seem to be humble, understanding, helpful and altruistic in the beginning. Their fragility make you believe they are different and that they won't ever hurt you. Plus they seem to be open and honest, but only in the first place. The dissapointment is bigger because the reality is far far away from what you've expected. What do we expect from a grandios narcissist? Well, we kind of know or at least feel that he is a liar, a show, a mascerade. We also kind of know he will cheat on us, right? But in the case of the vulnerable counterpart? Well, in my case I really thought he finally is the one I will spend my life with. He made me believe so by saying "wouldn't it be nice, if we could stop searching (for the right one)!?" Wow, those words blew my mind. But then reality hits you hard and you are already trapped in this cognitive dissonance. You find out, it's all fake. The humble, friendly guy you met in the beginning turns out to be a manipulator, an opportunist, a cold-hearted being who's only interest lies in himself. So obviously it's harder to recover from such an encounter, it's simply the bigger fraud!

You have nailed it 100%. I was married to a vulnerable narcissist. You are completely right about a different type of love booming. The day I was planning on breaking up with him, he hit me with the line, I am so thankful for you because if it weren’t for you I would have killed myself. Out of my deep sense of responsibility I stayed to my detriment. Believe me I am much more aware of this tactic. Don’t let these fools hook you with these type of lines. Give them the number to the suicide hot-line and walk away. BAD NEWS!!!

My last ex was the vulnerable narcissistic. I couldn't believe it when he said he didnt grow up wealthy like me (excuse me?!) and his parents had to scrape by. I knew his mother had been in a nursing home only wealthy people could afford, I saw the big house he grew up in, knew about his trust fund, and he was an only child and both parents had good jobs. I couldn't believe he said that, to me of all people! Amazing. Just amazing. I guess it was a line he was used to using on people not from around here, or he just met.

My parents. Absolutely resistant to therapy, change, the hard work of raising their emotional IQ. I was the rescuer child, the emotional regulator, the emotional caregiver, the verbal piss pot for the whole family. I'm ashamed of how long it took me to realize that allowing myself to be emotionally drained by people like that robbed my children of a fully functioning mother. The amazing thing about covert narcissists is that they manage to delude people into thinking that goodness lies in pandering to their pathology rather than giving to those who truly need it.

@EssieSpring

2 жыл бұрын

Your story echos my own. Cheers to healing and no contact!

@Hannah-ph9yu

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you - I’m (hopefully) on the verge of moving out again and I’m getting all the guilt trips from both parents that I’ll be leaving them (to resume my own adult life). I’m ashamed too of how I’ve let them affect my mental and physical health as the rescuer/marriage counsellor/comforter/servant

@yaffaNC-17

2 жыл бұрын

@@EssieSpring me too

@legalservices8856

2 жыл бұрын

Well said Therese D !

I’ve known many of these types of narcissists in my life, especially in my family. These narcissists thrive on pity. They love pity because it allows them to get what they want from the people around them. They’re perfectly okay with looking desperate and pathetic, as long as you are giving in to them

@allthingsnewlife

2 жыл бұрын

I overheard my ex husband laughing about getting funds saying "yeah... Cry it in lad" They know exactly what they are doing!

@Don-pk2uy

2 жыл бұрын

1000000% true

They use their victim status to convince others that your bad for leaving them when all they do is try to make you happy

This is definitely one of your best videos to date, Ramani. Spot on. My ex narc did love-bombing and need-bombing and it was so pathetic. I was very trauma-bonded but behind it all I could see how insecure and desperate he was. My cognitive dissonance was SEVERE! When I had enough I took a shower, contacted a friend to find a place so I could move out the next day. The stars and planets aligned and I told him good riddance and was out 2 days later, went no contact to avoid any threats of “self annihilation” and 6 months later I am THRIVING again! Someone else in the comments said that leaving their narc was one of their proudest accomplishments. That’s exactly how I felt walking out that door, leaving the sociopath “theatrically sobbing” on his bed. :’)

I had never heard of a covert "vulnerable" narcissist until I had been divorced from my ex-husband for 2 years. I was married to him for 40 years and just thought he was immature and stupid! I only knew about the overt type of narcissist, and he definitely wasn't that. He was always too humble. He was always such a penny pincher. He was afraid of money and would say things like, "Why do we have to buy birthday presents for the kids?", or, "Why do we have to buy Christmas presents for the kids?". He would always take my gifts back to get the money. I hardly ever got anything from him, and if I did, it would be so random and thoughtless. He worked 7 days a week at his business, and we barely ever made ends meet. He would let the bills pile up and wouldn't pay them until the utilities were going to be shut off, or something just as drastic. We had 5 children together, but I had to be father and mother to them. He just wanted to be their "friend". My kids, as they got older and where tired of him always telling them "No!" for anything and everything, would say that he was so tight, you couldn't run a credit card through his butt cheeks! I eventually became the breadwinner while he played tennis every day with a group of old retired guys, ones he knew he would look good playing against because he was much younger than them. He played a lot of mind games over the years. I thought this to be due to immaturity. I divorced him because I was tired of his games and him punishing me if I didn't respond the way he had planned, and he ALWAYS had a plan. He would say " If you would have sex with me every day, I would be happy!" I realized that he didn't care about my happiness, only his own. He would say things to belittle me. Early in our marriage, after giving birth to two children back-to-back 1 year apart, he told me I was fat! I only weighed 130lbs at the time, and I'm 5'-7" tall!! I'd put a total of10lbs on after my pregnancies and he was disgusted by me. I was only 23 at the time. I can now clearly see his type of "love bombing" because we would talk long into the night, laugh, feel wonderful, and then I'd realize that he was just mining me. He had very little personality of his own, but he seemed to blossom because as he took from me, and I began to lose myself esteem and my sense of myself, he seemed to become more friendly with people and enjoyed their attention. It was like we'd traded personalities. I lost my power and he seemed to gain power. It was very strange. In my mid 40's I seemed to have made the decision that I could say and do whatever I pleased, and I began to put it into action. He hated that version of me! By the time I hit 60, I was done! I'd put all of my energy into our marriage and family, and he had put in enough effort to pretend that it was meaningful. Being the only person in your marriage sucked but coming to that realization was so freeing! So, I divorced him and haven't looked back. I just feel sorry for his next victim. When the kids mention that he has a new victim, I always think to myself, "BUYER BEWARE!" It's now 5 years later and I'm doing great, and my children are doing great. They hardly want anything to do with him by their own choices. His visits are always "mercy" visits because it's always about something or someone else and not them. Their ages are 25 to 43, so the divorce happened when they were all adults. Thank you for listening. FREEDOM FEELS GOOD!!!

@debscornercanada

11 ай бұрын

They dont want people draining THEIR supply the irony huh?

@FindYourFree

11 ай бұрын

good for you finding yourself again!

@grammyspa-jammies1737

7 ай бұрын

I swear! You married my husband's identical twin right down to the everyday sex! Which he didn't get because I'm just not made that way.

@saladfingers.

7 ай бұрын

Sounds horrific. Good for you!

I was a single mom when I met him. I was doing really well and I thought he was such a good guy. He triangulated my relationship with my daughter and made it all about him. I neglected her and it is horrible to admit now. I divorced him and have been focusing on healing my relationship with my adult daughter. She learned from me what dysfunctional marriages look like and she has always attracted narcissist into her life. We’re both divorced and focusing on her children and loving them now and I’m grateful.

oh Dear God! You had a camera and a recorder when I started dating that woman! Jesus Christ! That's exactly how I felt and what happened!

They ensure that you actually fall in love with them, not just love them. That then entraps you and it will take at very least 5 years to truly get over them

After a 20 year friendship with a vulnerable narcissist and the 2 years of recovering from the abuse, one thing i see so clearly is how they manipulated the narrative of any conflict to look like the victim. This happened right off the bat as 11 year old's. I didn't want to be her friend but then "those girls stopped being my friends so i have no one to come to my bday party" so i went, it was how she got me to hang out with her the first time. This repeated over and over in a million different ways and it wasn't until i had serious crisis of my own that i saw these problems as fake. I had a family death, traumatic head injury and amputation in a week but somehow the biggest crisis was a guy she wanted to date that wasn't treating her right? Life sure is strange.

@evaberriman9929

2 жыл бұрын

At 11 she was already a narc? How horrible and sad that this personality disorder can set in so early in children… I am recovering from my toxic relationship - and I am seeing his imprint on my young kids, hoping to mitigate some of these damaging effects so that they don‘t grow up with narcissism/codependency.

I knew something was off as soon as I moved out with him. He was sullen, distant, sad. He felt used, abused, taken for granted. "Nice guys finish last" he said. 16 years later we were still not achieving the dream I thought we had dreamed together. I had achieved everything I had set out for. I had a career, a child , a home, stability , a social life. He was recluse, closed off, unapproachable, angry and arrogant. He hadn't achieved anything. He had lost all his friends, he was without a job, we didnt see his family, we barely spoke. And somehow, it wasn't his fault, and he couldn't be happy. He wasn't appreciated. A retail job, or anything that paid less than his worth was beneath him. His friends had crossed him somehow. His family, he avoided. My family he fought with and belittled behind their back and did so as if he was doing me some kind of favour. As if he was sticking up for me. Every argument about unfinished projects, failure to do small tasks, about money, trips or events turned into a poor me session that I was expected to heal him from. When I stopped participating in consoling him and asked him to seek professional help I was called cold. He would push my buttons, twist my words until I had emotional outbursts and became defensive. He went there all the time. So I felt like I was the bad guy and he could act beaten and excuse himself from responsibilities, because he was too sad, too upset. It wasn't until I felt ashamed of my own behaviour that I finally told him to leave and meant it.

@intrepidsouls

10 ай бұрын

They way you described him… why did you even become attracted to him then

@PoyTroy

8 ай бұрын

Man , this sounds like my ex who was a female. She was estranged from her family.

@Saraflowerk

8 ай бұрын

Never ever trust a "nice guy". Those ones will suck you dry.

OMG. I hired one of these. She manipulated my boss into believing that I was doing horrible things to her (which was why she really couldn't do her work). I lost a good job to one of these people over...a totally false narrative. She love bombed the boss and co-workers so much that they didn't believe me when I told them she had verbally assaulted me repeatedly in private. It took me a long time to recover from the stress.

How did I not see this? And years later, I finally understand this - I had inklings, thought things were weird, but kind of dismissed them as me being paranoid/silly.

I dated a guy who texted me incessantly every day and night. His ex wife abused him for 6 years, all his ex are psychos or cheaters. His family is so poor, his cat died, his mom died, his brothers are abusers, his boss picked on him, he is on depression med, has anxiety disorder, has to drink a lot to feel better. My heart sunk when I heard his stories. I helped him out in any way I could. After 6 months, he moved far away with his “female best friend” and won’t allow me to visit him. This video answered all my questions and solved the puzzles! Thank you Dr. Ramani! ❤️

@mandymore5741

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a perpetual victim.

@woopiemiddleman8232

2 жыл бұрын

@@mandymore5741 absolutely!

My ex-husband. I adored him for his vulnerability and undercurrent strength and uniqueness . Took many painful years to see that his vulnerability was mainly resentment and his seemingly inner treasure was shallow and treacherous and altogether a construction of lies.

I'm so glad people are being educated about this. It took me soooo long to catch on, and I'm by no means a stupid person. I was quite literally addicted to the relationship, mostly because of the intensity of the "psedu-intimacy" that I thought was real. It all started at one of the most vulnerable moments in my life, so the trauma-bonding was also severe. What I still can't wrap my head around is this: Are all of these behaviors fully conscious acts of malicious intent strategically woven together for a devious and self-serving purpose? Or are these individuals so supremely self-absorbed and genuinely entitled (in a way that I just can't comprehend) that they lack the ability to see damage they do?

@jasonwimberly5636

Жыл бұрын

Both.

@igorpisarev1898

Жыл бұрын

I’m a vulnerable narcissist and I’m just unsure of myself and don’t know what I want. I been in a string of relationships since I was 14, 5 different relationships now 27. I’ve always felt like I had great potential but failed to achieve much after many many failures. Life HAS never been fair to me. I’m good at a few things and kind of just gave up. I’m starting all over again after my last failed relationship which I ruined. I have so much humility and I wear my heart on my sleeves, I came from a bad background but try not to talk about it too often. At the time with my previous relationship I honestly just felt on auto pilot. I’m mostly just depressed, never had time to figure myself out so here goes nothing.

@Alaynaisawesome

Жыл бұрын

@@igorpisarev1898 why do I feel like we need to be friends lol

@christinemcnab8446

Жыл бұрын

@@igorpisarev1898 you sound exactly like my ex

@DawnshieId

Жыл бұрын

@@igorpisarev1898 I believe you. I know that everyone deserves to be loved the way they are. And this might sound hard to believe, but your heart is good. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here. If not, that's okay too. 💛

"I'm so sorry I don't know why I always mess things up, you are the only thing that matters, I'm so lost without you, no one else cares like you do, I can't talk to anyone else like I can talk to you..." No matter how awful they were when they discarded and got source elsewhere or how many times. So sad, so sorry, so intense, so dejected. So needy and pathetic. But never a PLAN or a PROPOSAL for how it would change. Why didn't I learn about this years ago???!!!!

My son is a rescuer and this is how he got sucked into the relationship he's in now. The other love bomb technique she used was her constant need for contact. She would face time with him every waking moment that they couldn't be together. She is the pure definition of a vulnerable narcissist.

@bee12355

2 жыл бұрын

He needs to get out now before it’s too late. Run 🏃‍♀️

@Zamalandre

2 жыл бұрын

@@bee12355 To do that, he needs to understand what he is dealing with. Otherwise, he is still really vulnerable to her « charms ».

@lalalovengun

2 жыл бұрын

They can be quite seductive!! That’s how a former friend of mine lost her father to divorce! He, a minister and rescuer, got seduced and eventually had an affair by a vulnerable narcissist who was going through “trauma”. It’s the most vicious kind because he would defend his behavior and make his wife feel guilty in the name of “rescuing” this poor soul…

@anneolszewski9809

2 жыл бұрын

I started going to Therapy this year because of their relationship. I have been rescuing my son his entire life and recognize that I am a big part why he fell into her trap. The worst part is that she has isolated him from all of his friends, mostly because they don't want to be around her. She actually told him to cut off contact with me because I'm the toxic one. I'm trying to moved toward indifference now but it's very hard.

@Jane-gt6ef

2 жыл бұрын

My husband goes all blamey if I did not respond to his messages or forget my cell at home 🙄 I am supposed to take all his calls, read all his messages and respond to them ASAP. He is a skillful manipulator. "I am making you tea! Which one do you want?" - while I am shopping, going for a walk or exercise outside. Seems like love, right? Or rather his way of controlling me. It took me years to recognize the difference.

With a grandiose narcissist, they keep you wanting and coming back for more….you can’t get enough. With the vulnerable narcissist, you feel drained and exhausted, and can’t wait to leave them to recharge your soul. You literally feel like you’ve had the life sucked out of you, but keep coming back to help them because of your empathy.

"life has been UNIQUELY unfair to him" is a mindset that no amount of logic or evidence to the contrary can dislodge. I have compassion for how awful that must feel, but eventually EVERYONE becomes someone to blame, therefore healthy relationships just aren't possible.

The circular arguments are what gets me. Recycles the same nonsense month after month year after year.

After learning with you I realized that I'm the fixer, the wanting to make people feel better, rescue them, celebrate them so I fall for the vulnerable narcissists easily. After learning with you, I can catch myself in this pattern and not fall for it. I'm still working on it though. Being aware of our vulnerabilities is crucial to avoid getting into a narcissistic relationship. They behave exactly as you describe it, everything. Also, everytime I hear the "stupid" word is a red flag💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani, this is very much helpful💖💖💖

Best decision you can make as an empath: NEVER ever again save, rescue, give free or discounted resources like a place to live, a car, phone, etc. It’s is NOT your job to BABYSIT emotionally or financially another capable adult. If an adult can’t take care of their basic needs, walk away. Let them struggle. Let them figure it out. Don’t rob them of the opportunity to grow the F up and get their own life together. Get your own life together and let others do the same for theirs. Save your own self. That’s enough of a project.

@tanyatanya891

2 жыл бұрын

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼lesson learned

@labelle7231

2 жыл бұрын

This is the best advise!

@Limepure3

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, applicable for both parties, probably both he empathy and the covert narcissists

@heartspacerelaxations6924

2 жыл бұрын

Any exceptions… like a partner suffering a breakdown ?

@tanyatanya891

2 жыл бұрын

@@heartspacerelaxations6924 I would not. I learned the hard way. A yr after a discard an ex friend reached out to me saying she was suicidal. She needed a place to stay. It was intolerable and told her she had to leave after 2 months. I think she played up being suicidal to get free room and board. She wanted to stay for 6 months. Ya no. It was really stupid for me to take in a supposedly suicidal ex friend.

The narcissist in my life cried every time i called him out on his shit. The first few times it worked until i saw this is a pattern for him. After that i was no longer falling for it. Then i noticed that he was hiding, being sneaky, omitting information on purpose, starting fights so he wouldn't have to answer me. I finally told him his got to go

Lots of sharing, lots of victim stories, lots of emotional love song videos via text. Then once we were actually in the relationship, lots of blaming me for consequences of his actions, silent treatments, rage, and all along more sappy love song videos to melt my heart again and draw me back in when he felt me pulling away. Different in public than behind closed doors. Lots of contempt for me and others. Lots of expressions of being entitled to my savings account and my home (even home equity). Lack of empathy over loss of my mother. How did I not see it? Why did it take four years (two years several years ago and tried again for two years very recently) to figure it out? I finally found the courage to get out when he weaponized my most vulnerable moments against me and told me I deserved the physical violence I had previously suffered. I realized in that moment if he could justify my past violence and actually say I deserved it, he himself was capable of physically harming me or my daughter. He is now gone. Six months.

This is exactly it!! From day one. I could only see the potential in him. I thought he might grow out of it at some point and finally see the world wasn’t so bad. It went from one tragedy to the next for 12 years so I never felt like it was the right time to speak up for myself. Until he finally cheated and left. I feel like this is so close to bpd it’s hard to tell the difference. You literally feel guilty for wanting to leave this fragile child like person. At the end you learn they are not as vulnerable as you think. And they will certainly have 0 empathy for you.

@LittleWing992

2 жыл бұрын

The last two sentences hit me hard, so true...

@megoriold4166

2 жыл бұрын

I am so glad you mentioned the bpd confusion. I am currently trying to heal from a hurtful break-up. Spending time trying to learn from what harm I caused/improve imperfections and also trying to identify the red-flags, mistreatment I also conveniently ignored in the name of “love”. I feel like there was some covert mental abuse and narcissism in my last relationship but then I start to wonder if I am just playing the victim. It’s gotten messy because I also do identify with the symptoms of bpd. It can be so difficult to distinguish the two. When it comes to mental health it seems virtually impossible to decipher what came first the chicken or the egg. I do think as a result it can be a little of both. Practicing intuition and listening versus being overwhelmed by those feelings helps make the line a tad bit clearer. Thanks for your comment.

@alicewonderland8027

2 жыл бұрын

@@megoriold4166 Mine gave me a book about bpd, indicating I could have it. Now two years and one therapy after I can tell you, that he was the one oscillating between covert narcissm and bpd. Both disorders have quite a few similiarities. He kind of transferred it to me by the time while I was actually trapped in a ptsd. But I was not never diagnosed with bpd! So the relationship to such a person make you feel like having bpd. Maybe you also act the way, but it's induced to you. This was at least my own experience. What you truly get from those kind of relationships is a ptsd.

@julaustin55

2 жыл бұрын

Yes all of the tragedies!! It took me a year and a half to realize those tragedies were being milked to keep me quiet about and excuse their bad behavior. That is, if the tragedies all happened. I'm still not sure. It took another year of me calling them out on inconsistencies and getting all the rage, victim playing, blame shifting and gaslighting for the blinders to come off, and another year after that for me to end the relationship. I was trying to be thoughtful and allow them to have as much potential of landing on their feet as possible. They repaid me by trying to destroy my reputation. They didn't succeed. But I do worry that I will be more skeptical of people who need my empathy as a result of this experience.

@Vixinaful

2 жыл бұрын

Its called the narcissistic pityplay, I was in the same mess for 4 years before I went fully no contact. Expect them to come back and try to hoover years later aswell. Narcissism and BPD is *very* similar so you made a good observation there, we get good at these things from self educating online.

It took me 5 years to realize what I was going through. The creature drained me... Now my mission is to rescue myself not others!🙏🏿💛

23 years with this exact description. Still sinking in. 😔

Exactly! I had a friend who is a text book vulnerable narcissist. This perfectly describes the entire process of our relationship. Toward the end I became the target of the irrational anger he felt toward other people, situations etc. I feel very sorry for him but had to save myself. I saw the signs very early on and tried to keep my distance but they have ways of sucking you in. Emotional vampires for sure.

I've fallen way too many times to love bombing narcs. It's late in life but it will never happen again thanks to you, Dr. Ramani. I really don't know what I'd do without you. I can't thank you enough. I wish I could travel back in time 27 years ago and play THIS video to myself. You just described the beginning of my odyssey to a T.

@jan7812

2 жыл бұрын

You and me BOTH!!!!

I have learned that, no matter how nice it is to feel needed, feeling sorry for someone is NO reason to date them. And DEFINITELY no reason to marry them!!

oh god it took me soo long to get over this but thank you... 15 years of not getting to understand this but victimhood changed into entitlement and sympathy changed to resentment and oh god the mother of this person is the biggest victim i know ....

Holy cow, you have just described with incredible detail and precision exactly what happened to me with someone. This person almost destroyed my entire family.