Your #1 source of guidance about healing from narcissistic relationships.
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.
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In my case, this dude has been saying for years (I’m talking 20 years) how he’s a monster, how he uses people, how he will never be like his father, how undeserving of my love he is, how bad he is for me, how beautiful and smart I am and how complete my life is, how much I’ve played with his feelings, how I treat him like a toy, how I broke his heart 20 years ago and he hasn’t been able to find someone like me, how me breaking his heart made him into the cold and heartless monster he is now… I feel like he kept saying those things just to lure me back in 😂
You hit the nail on the head, as always, Dr. Ramani! I’d be interested on a video about the opposite of the “religious” narcissist, the narcissist who pretends to be religious to get you and then slowly tries to tear you and your faith down. Who turns everything in your faith on its head to use against you. You starts degrading you for your faith-especially with indirect comments (example, and a poor one at that but hey: narc says how much they hate people who wear red shirts while you’re wearing a red shirt. So then you feel bad, and if you bring it up they gaslight and say they weren’t talking about you…)
On the subject of gaslighting, I remember a strange experience: Game night at a friend's house. I was the last person to use the toilet. The following weekend, the group of friends met up in a bar and I couldn't be there. I later found out that the couple hosting the games night had told the others in the bar that I had forgotten to flush my "big business" when I went to the toilet that evening. I was completely surprised... about everything. I then went through constellations of how I could have left a big mess without realizing it because I was sober and remembered having a pee. And if it had happened that way, why didn't they just flush it away, but spread it around our circle of friends when I wasn't around? If it had been true it would have been shameful for me. On the other hand, I wondered, why would supposed friends make up such bs? Looking back, I understand that it was gaslighting because the rest of the course of events in the circle of friends gradually became destructive until it broke completely. Be aware of false accusations even if they come from trusted people.
This is so interesting because as a people-pleaser others have called me from anything to relaxed, silent, confident, awkward, shy, arrogant and yes also cool. Sometimes I would get these from the same person. I always thought those things were complete opposites, but this video puts it in a different perspective.
Thanks
I like the link to existential issues. I am interested in empathy and how that relates to narcissism and the dark empath.
Happy birthday momma ❤
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Dr. Ramani, you are literally saving lives
My Ex would mock..with a giggle..how my face would appear after his word salads and such. Oh i would look so confused..etc. These types just love the power...of trying to bring people down to there level. My looks of confusion..etc ended. I refused to be his entertainment..l just started to ignore him..like many in these comments are suggesting. ..when he was attempting to bait me. . A few years later..when I was finally walking out the door... I barely looked at him. Acted like he was invisible. Esp because..he was trying to speak in a .. gentle and ..straight foward.way....which would occur..each time I had one foot out the door.
I think we've all kicked off to some extent when we've been caught doing something we shouldn't or we feel awkward or embarrassed about something, but as normally regulated people we can control the level and intensity at which it happens. A Narcissist can't. My Narc Ex could go from 0 to all out insidious vindictiveness within a matter of seconds. I understand now in hindsight that his inability to control or empathy to regulate his Reactive rage was governed as in most cases by his childhood and accumulative experiences. 🍒
What does grey rocking mean? I’m not American so it’s lost in translation.
A negatve introject? He has compared himself to a shark multiple times over the years. The snap of teeth is automatic, just live with it. Sharks are beautiful and efficient and ancient. They don't lie and pretend to be a puppy. I almost cannot hate him for survival, but I am missing a limb. I wish he would turn into Flipper, not happening. He is Jaws. They don't stay up here with us, they navigate the dark with a lateral line. They have to keep moving to live.
There was only ONE therapist in my entire area who even mentioned NPD abuse. Sigh…we have a long way to go…
I experienced triangulation with my narc’s own mother. It was so creepy.
Its not the fragility that's so problematic. It's their vengeful attitude where they think they have the right to ruin someone else's life - the person who has done no wrong except to get away from their toxic manipulation.
Can I ask a personal question to anyone in the comment section here as I know Dr. Ramani has more important things to do with the time that I was seeing a trauma specialist that spent a lot of her time talking to me about her sister that’s suicidal and the fact that she goes into another state payment for sex, and she’s use to self harm I guess I really didn’t want to know about that I felt like I should be empathic and listen to her. This is not altogether normal is it? I decided she wasn’t right for my situation.
After peppering me with how averse he was to conflict during the love bombing phase, I realized that creating chaos and blaming others for it was his sole mission in life. Red flag number one: someone who tells you early on about how cool they are.
My husband is so cold, calculated, and cruel. I feel so lonely from the constant neglect and cruelty he deals out.
My partner is the biggest narcissist ever we live together how do I handle it day to day ,?
Do they believe their lies? If they do why do they Hoover? How does a mother make her son a narcissist? Why do they enable them as adults?
Okay I have identified my friend is a covert narcissist……can I cope with their behaviour to remain friends? I want t try everything before giving up on her. I can’t afford the therapy you suggest to unravel my feelings of guilt. You are right it is the guilt ( of yet another friend leaving her) and the fear (she may take her own life )that keeps me tethered. She is a professional victim and I’ve had 25yrs but especially the last five of her complaining, moaning and her spitefulness very very difficult to cope with. She is on her 14th therapist so will have support but I can’t stop worrying about her.
My exfiance used ADHD as an excuse many times for not listening to what I was saying. Went I had an emotional breakdown while talking to her and she remained emotionless and unbothered. I knew they didn't care about me at all at that point.
Ads every five minutes. 😑 I'm sorry, KZread is at fault, but I can't take it anymore.
Hello can I ask does cyber bullying , count ? The thought cyber bullying was against the law? I am told it is not by the police! I have heard of Chloe’s law but my trauma specialist has never heard of it
🙏🏻💪🏻!! Thank you so much for your work and energy ❤️
SOS! ✝️✡️♥️🇺🇸
I need a lot! My physical health is in jeopardy! ✝️✡️♥️🇺🇸
Hi. I have subscribed and paid to belong to the Dr Ramani network but I'm not very technical. Can someone please explain to me how it works? How do I tune into the sessions? How do I get in touch? I live in Australia. Can someone please help me to understand? 🙏 Thank you
Omg I see a lot of my son n i’s relationship I was the only parent and overprotective no boundaries because I felt bad his father wasn’t present at all in his life which hurt him ALOT
My in-laws keep going no-contact, because they think our boundaries are disrespectful. I am so scared of the reaction when they come back this time and realize we aren't letting them back. It's like waiting for a crash you know is coming.
You are such a nice lady. God bless you and your family. ✝️✡️♥️🇺🇸
I survive boredom and induced isolation. I am around a lot of strangers and not self isolated. I enjoy interacting with an empty chair in humorous example. ✝️✡️♥️🇺🇸 And I like to fish to stay busy.
1992 movie A Few Good Men (Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise). That finale courtroom scene where Nicholson yells "You want the truth!? You can't handle the truth!" is what always comes to mind when addressing the fact that society exalts narcs into the highest positions. Nicholson sneers "You need me on that wall. You want me on that wall." (to provide national protection from international aggressors) In many ways, I'm sad to say I feel like that terrifying pitbull-fight that inherently resides inside narc DNA is irreplaceable in these top positions. Could you imagine a person with excellent "soft skills" (kindness, compassion, altruism, mercy) in military top brass for example? That kind of perceived weakness would just invite disaster from other pitbull narcs.
I live in boarding school from the age of 13 utill 17, this one guy he always bully me since i was 13 untill 15 it get physical, the in 16/17 the bullying start to become sexual he grab my balls and my behind, the bully became less severe, less verbal less physical more on using me for sex, now I am older that's fuck up
My worldview has transformed after learning how the research finds narcissistic personality disorder is a risk factor linked to acts of violence. This is a vital public health and safety issue. Thank you for uplifting us through continuous awareness, Dr Ramani. 🤍
Ahahhaaa. "No human being should ever exist solely in the service of another. All of us have a basic human right to our true selves." Tell that to some of our Asian parents.
Narcissistic people's act the way they do because a narcissists attitude is based on ideas that are false
This is a wonderful video and I am healed further more by knowing at least 2 points from this video: 1. The narcissist has defined the spouse as his extension, that can explain why the narcissist has only one direction in all his concerns in the relationship. (we have called it selfishness or self center). 2. Since the narcissist has defined the spouse as his extension, he treats the spouse without boundaries. That's also why, he destroyed his spouse's boundaries, for spouse is just his extension why keeping the boundries. Dr. Ramani has used the parent vs baby, as a very good example to explain the inside of a narcissist. However, it is still an arrogan issue for anyone who thinks others as a part or an accessory. Also all the emotional abuse from the narcissist can tell us how immature this kind of persons are. The Bible says, my people perished for the lack of knowledge. Indeed, the good knowledge can save you from been perished. Thanks again to Dr. Ramani, as I am getting healed day by day now, even devorced 20 years ago and left no contact since then.
We most certainly celebrate narcissism on the highest level. Look at what half the US population wants to elect to run the country. They follow this dude like a cult.
You just said "normal people" That's the first time i've ever felt critical of you. There is no such thing as normal. Please do not use that language. 🙏❤
Thank you Dr Ramani
This is the definition of success ......being in that state where your happy and proud of the person you've become and appreciating the lessons learnt along the way
That goes with the selective amnesia, they'll take the word in the sentence that is perceived as negative and react to that word...thanks doc.
How does this work, can you do this from any country?
Thank you so much for this!
Your session on rumination really hit home. I felt like this is why I feel angry at him. You’ve been after two months for a while. It really escalated still high.
Thanks!
I was the scapegoat. My mother was the narcissist. I cut her off completely. She did not have my phone number. She did not have my address. She had nothing. She got obsessed with finding me. She went into Sherlock Holmes mode and creeped out on trying to find me. 2 years later she shows up on my door univited in another town with my younger schitzophrenic brother (who later died of cancer). We let her in briefly due to my brother. That night we called the cops on her and they dragged her out. Years later my older brother (the golden child) and her were trying to screw me out of my inherritance. I got a brief look at what happened. My older brother the golden child was used to everyone doing everything for him, so he did nothing with his life. They both lived in the same house as it crumbled around them. And she had no choice but to make the golden child the new punching bag and to watch the golden child jab back at her. All they did was pick at each other till her end. At that point she had burned every bridge she ever had, wasted all her money, wasted all her youth, wasted homes and relationships and family until there was nothing left to waste. And in the end she had to face the fact that her precious golden child hated her and that she deep down hated him when forced to focus on the reality. So everytime she jabbed the golden child it was both a relief and a sting to her heart, but she had no choice. There was nobody left to burn. So the end of her days were spent in the hell she created and there were no more delusions to hide it from herself. She reaped what she sowed.