Find more videos about the 4️⃣ here: kzread.info/head/PLzfQqRU3ejjdjcMzCwvVDdl2ZU-B6PjeY ♥️

As a four, when it comes to compliments I think it helps a lot when people are specific. Like, if they say something generic like “you’re amazing”, I have trouble believing that they really mean it and assume they’re just being nice. But if they tell me a specific thing about me that they think is amazing that completely warms my heart and I will probably remember it forever. Also, write your fours really long, thoughtful birthday cards! To us that’s even better than a gift.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Kate Marigold thank you for sharing your perspective!! The difference between a generic “You’re amazing” and something really specific is KEY!! Also, love the idea of a long, thoughtful letter. Thanks Kate!! ♥️

@Jonwatchin

4 жыл бұрын

I wholeheartedly agree with this! Well said, Kate.

@KCornwall

4 жыл бұрын

So true. Being specific shows you're paying attention and you care.

@Theogsarahmarie

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed 100%!

@forestfairy8025

4 жыл бұрын

I’m also a four and I agree with this!!! I need a compliment to be specific. It not my anxiety will tell me that the compliment wasn’t real and was only there to make me feel good, which will actually make me feel lacking. The card thing too- yes! I make homemade cards for my husband for every occasion, and have for the last four years. Every year I tell him all I want is a card that he wrote something in. I have yet to get that, though he did write some lovely vows for our wedding. For me- anything hand made and personal is a great gift. My best friend is a 9 and she always makes me handmade art. I have it all proudly displayed. It’s beautiful but it also makes me think of her when I look at it, and I like everything in my life to have both beauty and meaning.

As a four just imagining a partner doing all of these for me makes me cry in appreciation💗

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Batool Loonat 😭😭😭 I love this.

@Quailll

4 жыл бұрын

lol im crying too!

@josephdefrange1493

4 жыл бұрын

Same 😂

@henriquegoulartmaggi1950

3 жыл бұрын

No one willl do though! Do not invest energy on that expectation

@gracefaace

3 жыл бұрын

Same

As a 4w5 the best gift I could be given is shared a person's curiosity and enthusiasm coupled with space & time for me to feel what I need to process to balance my emotions.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Let The Darkin love this advice! Thanks for sharing your unique perspective ♥️

@margarethkatsuno9908

4 жыл бұрын

Yassss

@a.zaleac001

3 жыл бұрын

Let The Darkin Yesss!! I so agree, I'm the same way! I'm a type 4w5 too

Let us rant, serriously. We have sooooo much pent up rage and emotions that we dont feel comfortable sharring with many people. So when you give us the chance to spill it out we will be extremely greatful, and trust you that much more :)

When you said "Study the Enneagram" I hit the dab. I'm a four, and I've constantly wished my loved ones would do that so I wouldn't have to compensate around them.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Isaac Thomas you hit the dab 😂 thanks for watching, Isaac! It’s nice to hear a four’s opinion!

@isaacthomas9071

4 жыл бұрын

@@AbbeyHowe anytime. I seriously love this channel

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Isaac Thomas 😭 thanks Isaac!

@nathmendes24

4 жыл бұрын

Oh that's so relatable 😳

@rewfrog

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah it's like things that bring me joy and depth like the Enneagram also could make me feel more alone, if I'm in too deep and my loved ones aren't. Also, I notice myself defensively going to a superiority complex with it sometimes. To cover up the deeper flawed feeling?

Love me, love me say that you love me. Need me need me, say that you need me. Play me Chopin, take a walk in the fog with me. Appreciate a rainy day. Stare at a starry sky.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Frederick Hunt spot on

@ayushibhanja

4 жыл бұрын

Frederick Hunt fun fact, Chopin was also a Four!!

@reneesolana6697

4 жыл бұрын

This comment is speaking my entire love language ♥️👫

@oliviadawn9002

3 жыл бұрын

YES

@lindaweedmark6025

2 жыл бұрын

Ahh, God, YES to the Chopin!

I'm a 4 myself. My husband is 5 and we share similar traits but things I appreciate him doing the most is him telling me that I am the one he loves the most and he cannot replace me with anybody else! aaaand him getting me the exact presents I sent him the links of😂

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Mary K yes!! Thanks for sharing, especially the relationship between a 4 and a 5!

@MaliMaslacak526

3 ай бұрын

Hahaha are you me? Is your husband my husband? This is great 😂❤

As a 4, this was so spot on. In terms of compliments, I'll say that the more unique/tailored the comment is to the individual, the easier it is for a 4 to accept it. If we can't discount it by convincing ourselves that it's generic, or that the person has said it to other people before, it feels more real and able to be believed.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

DeeDee Joehl thanks for your insight, DeeDee!

@quinintheclouds

4 жыл бұрын

Totally agreed!!

@MasterfullyCrafted

3 жыл бұрын

100%

@forthhallingas

3 жыл бұрын

agreed

The fact that i get emotional watching this video says a lot about what type i am 😂

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

hehehe

@agnesfonmarten

3 жыл бұрын

Me too 😂

As a 4 I LOVE when people tell me that I’m different or that I beat to my own drum but I hate when people use that to alienate me

Fun date for a four: bring a white sheet of paper and colorful markers to a bar and draw! Draw the people you see, draw each other. Do a shared drawing where you each take turns with one line and then make something together!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

love it Ali! 🖍

@robinmackie240

Ай бұрын

I did shared drawing with my kids while waiting for food in restaurants. Kids is now a landscape architect (E5)

Love this!!! I'm a 4w5, and aside from what is said in the video: -Just sitting with me through my feelings and not trying to cheer me up or change my negative emotions means so much. I never want to feel like I have to hide my real feelings around my partner! -Appreciating my weirder interests but not romanticizing me as a "manic pixie dream girl," and being genuinely interested in what I like without reducing it to "quirks." -Taking the time to curate safe spaces and aesthetically pleasing dates that make me feel seen and relaxed. We don't have to do anything huge or crazy, in fact, I often prefer we don't. Just little, cute things can be so important, like a picnic, or a movie night, or even just taking a walk. It's not what we do, it's how we do it. perceived -Tell me you like the way I express myself! Whether it's in art, or my style, or the way my house is decorated, noticing that can make me feel really seen. -If we argue, ask me for my feelings and make me feel safe enough to tell you how I honestly feel. 4s fear rejection and feel like it's inevitable that those they love will leave, so assure me you won't and that you value my feelings and opinions.

As a music fan 4, a playlist melts me.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Jill Mappin OOH THIS IS A GOOD ONE

@jillmappin3316

4 жыл бұрын

Abbey Howe love your videos, thank you!

@shanaash2458

3 жыл бұрын

Omgosh, I couldn't even imagine if my husband made me a playlist ❤

@MasterfullyCrafted

3 жыл бұрын

wow, this is gold. Yup. All songs you'd dedicate to me lol

@Bengalmomz

3 жыл бұрын

Yess!!!!

Your partner is so lucky to have you! (4 envy over)

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Awww this is sweet. I'm definitely not perfect though! Sure he can attest 🤣

This was pretty right on. As a 4 I just need constant sincere validation but with specifics so it doesn't feel generic and fake. I also thrive on deep conversation and quaility time. I want to feel like the most important person in my husbands life but in a unique way. lol I'm just your classic 4.

As a 4, we like immersive experiences, activities that take us away from the repetitive normalcy of daily life. Exploring new neighborhoods and places, visiting spaces where extra attention has been for decor, ambiance, that kind of thing. Written letters, love notes, go a long way. Similar to compliments, be specific, share a favorite memory you have of the two of you (you and your companion type 4) what details stand out to you most? A 4 wants to know that their uniqueness impacts those around them in a positive way, not just noticed or seen. Uniqueness is about self identity for a type 4. As another comment mentions, not to be alienated because of it. You also hit a big one with being okay with melancholy. We 4s have a big emotional life, it's helpful for those that want to be around us to be comfortable with feelings and letting them flow. Best wishes on your flourishing relationship, Abby.

#5 hits hard! Asking about our dream life and what steps could get us there is so meaningful. We spend a lot of thought on fantasy worlds -- good or bad, consciously or unconsciously -- so having that be valued in reality not only helps US to feel real, but also bridges the cognitive gap between "this is a fantasy" and "this could be a reality." Sometimes we can forget to make the connection between longing for something and striving for it

I'm a 4 coming back to this to remember how to be loved

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Seth Louis Love hearing this!

Sad or emotional scenes in movies sometimes make me tear up. I just want someone to be okay with that 😆 and for them not to tell me it's just a movie. Edit: Yes, I do have a hard time receiving compliments. They make me feel so weird because I'm not used to them. A therapist actually recommended I do some meditation 😂

@Rosie19999_

4 жыл бұрын

E.M. L. Yesss! I relate so much. I always cry even if it’s a cartoon and my 3 roomate just stares at me and I hate it. Like just let me cry 😂

@Jess-fo6jh

4 жыл бұрын

@@Rosie19999_ Its a hard life as a four! I cry at anything even happy moments with a side of melancholy.

@Wokewitch666

2 жыл бұрын

I do Meditation for months and it helped so much. I'm not that moody anymore. Try it

Interrupting, competing, talking down to, shaming, or gossiping destroy relationships with a 4 immediately. You may not know it or suspect it, but it is so. It's like making tunnels under a foundation so that it will all collapse in time.

@Arthurian_Rabbit

3 жыл бұрын

Don't forget ignoring, ghosting and stonewalling tactics. 4s will have the sad ragey at that nonsense.

@joshturner6661

3 жыл бұрын

Kia Ora, i am married to an incredible 4. I am a seven who is working toward health which to my surprise is making me a lot more introverted. My wife has always challenged me to be my most real self, however I let my rage show to be true to myself recently and she felt I was trying to squash her. I would love to hear your perspective on how I can navigate my own feelings of anger with her and not cause hurt or tunnels under ground. Ngā mihi Nui

This is purely from my personal life experience as a four. I love personalized and thoughtful gifts. Just like compliments, I don’t know how to receive gifts well if I don’t feel like the person really cared enough to get to know me and what I like . In those cases, I would rather not have a gift because my reaction will be authentic, and sometimes that makes for an awkward situation. Affirmations of our good traits are also amazing because sometimes we forget the good and only focus on what needs to be fixed which is a long list. As a 4w5, I have a constant war in my head and heart between facts and feelings, so encouragement and listening while we talk things out is an amazing way to love me.

@user-bn5bx6vd8l

3 жыл бұрын

Thisssss

As a 4, if someone is going to compliment me I would like them to do it over something that is authentic to me. I am an excellent home cook but I never like it when my mom compliments me about it because she only does it when it benefits her which is too often and I always feel unappreciated. But one thing I love to do is play the ukulele and it doesn't benefit anyone besides me and I like willingly sharing it so if someone complimented me on that, especially a piece I'm really proud of and spent a lot of time on that feels a bit more real.

just listening to this video and reading all the comments from other 4s makes me wanna tear up at how relatable it is lmao

Wow you hit the nail in the head with , "4's get overwhelmed with the details in reaching their dreams" As a possible 4 with a 3 wing... I can get lost in a detailed conversation... Let alone figuring out the details of a life long dream, like writing and illustrating a book... Then, finding my way through the web of trying to publish it... So, yeah, don't go too detailed w/ 4's in conversation... You'll loose them. And yeah, ask the 4 in your life if they would like to talk through with you the next step of fulfilling their life dream. See what happens...

Wow. I didn't expect this to be so incisive. If my husband did these things for me, I would be absolutely floored.

The hedgehogs 🦔🤣 The coffee ☕️ LOL BEAUTY. no one really judges me for this, but I am in awe of beautiful people. Also I hate gifts 100% percent of the time. It causes me great anxiety when people buy me things. I’ll take a compliment any day. All day too. This is my favorite enneagram video

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Margareth Katsuno I LOVE HEDGEHOGS! 🦔 Thanks for your insightful comment and for watching the video, Margareth!

You described the man of my dreams.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Fernanda de Alencar fours can be really good partners!

this is perhaps a bit too accurate lol. i love this video because every time you talk about john it's so apparent how much you love him and it's really sweet :)

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

hehe

As a four, a great advice for a four partner would be try to understand that we tend to ask standarts beyond reasonable for our cuples. So don't panic if your four tends to overthink your failures, you should tell him that he's being utopic. He would apreciate it!

Damn. Us 4s are complicated. I really appreciated how you said we have a hard time sometimes with the whole compliment thing...every single one is bang on. I have a 5wing. So excited for that one ! You do phenomenal videos Abbey..I really appreciate you

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Chantel!

@KKTanaa

4 жыл бұрын

Chantel Wensley me too

@JasonHeilmanMusicalRemedies

4 жыл бұрын

As an eight you admitting that you’re complicated means a lot to me

Reach in. Don’t wait for a 4 to reach out. They don’t have the emotional resilience to do it. Be consistent too - check in with them weekly at least.

Love us exactly as we are. Love the parts of us that seem inconvenient to you if you can do it safely and within your own healthy boundaries. We have spent so much time trying to edit ourselves to fit into this or that relationship. Most people can only handle the parts of us that they find endearing for the moment. Be the one who loves and accepts all the parts just as they are. Many of us who struggle with depression and other psychological challenges are not mentally ill-we are just exhausted from having to cope with splitting ourselves apart to fit in. We must use energy resources to compensate for the emotional dissonance we encounter every day in public life. Make an effort to adapt to our processing speed. We are bombarded with information about every environment that we are in a way that we cannot often not put into words. We need “lead time” and patience to work through all of this sensory and energetic “noise.” It will inconvenience you just as it is inconvenient for us. But we go through and not around.

Hey, sometimes, Type Fours get bothered by people who seem to understand them. It may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. We, as Type Fours, develop our sense of self as a lifelong journey. The mystery is half of the allure. So, we tend to discover who we are through what we don’t like. We sometimes enjoy finding traces of similarities in others interests. ( bonus points if we’re good at it). Instead of trying to figure out what they like (since they often don’t know themselves), be your best self and casually share something you enjoy. When they take an interest in it and possibly even enjoy it, that can lead to significant personal growth, which is one of the most meaningful gifts you could give.

Because we as 4s have a deep fear of abandonment, it comes with a lot of insecurities about our relationships with others. I’ve noticed when I’m dating someone and we haven’t gotten to the place where we are really connecting emotionally it’s hard for me to hang onto that relationship because I analyze every little thing he does and wonder whether or not he’s changed his mind about me. It’s sort of a self preservation tactic to avoid getting hurt as much as possible. So if you like a 4 and are trying to start a relationship with them, you gotta reassure them like everyday that you still like them (with words & actions preferably). AND if you do change your mind about the 4 that you were once showing interest in DO NOT LEAD THEM ON. Remember they feel things deeper than others so the more you lead them on, the more invested they get and the more it will crush them when you finally end things & it can send them to a dark place. That’s my experience at least.

Creating a playlist is a romantic idea

My best friend is a 1 and her practical ‘watching the world’-ness and also giving me kind of balanced feedback is so valuable for me and make me feel very loved. The fact that she’s so responsible and dependable is such a gift in my life!

@sofiyaserj2553

8 ай бұрын

Wow same here

You're already doing a great job at loving your 4. I can tell you are really trying to make them feel loved and valued. The "telling them you're proud of them" - YES! However, if you say it all the time without explaining why, it can seem disingenuous and 4's hate that. If it doesn't feel genuine, then it just frustrates us because it's empty compliments. You're right about us always feeling like we are faulty or are lacking in something. I love when my loved ones point out to me the beauty they see in me, my uniqueness. It makes me feel seen. Sometimes I can dig for that too. So point it out constantly. Speaking for my self, I'm sensitive when it comes to people challenging my shortcomings, since I am already my biggest critic and self-reflection can easily turn into self loathing if I'm not careful. So while I don't advise enabling or coddling, I have told ex partners to just be truthful with me but to say it with utter GENTLENESS. 4's can tend to run from well-meaning people who challenge us because we can translate that to not feeling loved for exactly who we are or feeling attacked. Friends who have loved me exactly where I'm at, been tactful, loving, and gentle with me - their words stick way more. Hope this helps!

Lol it is so cute and funny how you turned into the Duke of Nottingham while talking about being real and raw about feelings. You are such a 3! 😄

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

M Kashyap 😂😂 I’m glad you enjoyed that part. It made me laugh. Thanks for watching!!

@TheKgal89

4 жыл бұрын

@@AbbeyHowe P.S. Totally relatable. It would be awesome if you could do a series on over laps/ mistypes. Like, as a 7, I still relate to a lot of the 3 videos. Is that just because they are both Positive and Assertive doers?

@isaacthomas9071

4 жыл бұрын

Threes are kind of an enigma to me. They're outgoing and not that concerned about their feelings, so I'm not able to relate to them and imagine being one.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

M Kashyap ooh that’s a really good idea for a series!!

These are all so entirely accurate. I have found that I need a steady stream of reassurance and words of affirmation. I have expressed it, so have been receiving it. This has helped when I do get too into myself and my brain starts to be mean, then I can hear those words of affirmation and have something from someone else to fight the meanness. It really helps a great deal more than anything else has. I also do love to explore, and love to see the beauty in new things. I had a girlfriend who used to take me to unique and different places and I loved it. I love when my husband explores different things and shows me different things. But I find I have a hard time going to explore much by myself and I didn't grow up where I live, so I don't know all the interesting places really, and have a hard time connecting with people so I do rely on others to show me interesting places. However, it is so special when people do.

As a 4 these are all so spot on, especially the bits around gifts and compliments. Knowing that you're a partner to a 4 makes this carry even more weight for me since it's clearly not just book or head knowledge for you, but something you encounter every day. Thanks!

I love this! I kind of love the idea of one day dating another 4, and getting to indulge in feelings together and be each other’s fans and supporters in all of our projects!

@saralukasavitz1647

2 жыл бұрын

I tried explaining this to a male friend. That my ideal person appreciates that I want to be ALL about them, their biggest fan, be obsessed with them.. and in return they do the same for me. Individual honest loyalty is so important to us 4's. We are not generic.

Thank you Abbey for energetically sharing something that I wish I could let people in my life know. I don't have many people in my life that know the Enneagram... so I totally agree that knowing the Enneagram is crucial to letting the Four that you care about them... because Fours want to be understood. If I had to pick out of all 10... I would pick "Learn the Enneagram". Maybe my people wouldn't think I'm nuts... they would just see the Four in me.

brb crying. Thank you so much for your videos! as a four (and words of affirmation person) even if we take the compliments awkwardly or they sit weird with us it still means so so much to us. Over time and with consistency I think it can make a big impact.

I'm a 4 but I think I'd like to also date a 4. I feel like the level of understanding and emotional intensity would be great

I am a 4 and the compliments thing is so true! Before I had ever heard of the enneagram I would tell people that I don’t take compliments well and would often find myself trying to reassure them after they would compliment me and I didn’t react how they expected. Another user already mentioned that being specific with compliments instead of generic does help with that. This is so true! I did a lot of performing as a child and I know after performances (mostly acting) people would say “good job” or “you were great” and I always gave the polite “thank you”. But the day a stranger came up to me after a performance and said “let me know when you are on Broadway. I want to see that” was one I will never forget! Never did make it to Broadway, but I still value that compliment. And it’s been almost 20 years.

@lisastephen8540

4 жыл бұрын

I wasn't good at taking compliments. someone told me to just say Thank you... that helped greatly actually as it cut out the awkward moment of trying to figure out how to show gratitude if the gift seemed 'for anyone'.

My husband is a 4 and these are great. Giving specific compliments and showing excitement about their passions - I think it all just helps to show that they're not as alone as they think. Because 4s do want to be loved and accepted like the other Feeling types in the Enneagram; they just want to be loved for their unique traits.

4’s need constant validation, but they may be too proud to admit it. Be willing to keep giving them that encouragement. As a four, I am often oblivious to what I really need. I can believe that I want a life filled with emotional intensity, but what I really need is consistency. I can believe that what I really need is to eventually prove my worth, but in reality I need to accept myself. Fours can be so expressive and difficult to understand, but we often have a fascination with non-fours (you beautiful normies) and a distaste for other fours. This means that I love it when my 6 partner sets boundaries and tells me her needs. I love it when she feels big emotions because I can resonate and relate. Fours seem like we’re going to be too flighty. Like we won’t be there when you really need us, but it’s the opposite. We excel at being there when it’s most important, and we are so present then.

My hisband (1) finds songs, videos, quotes, etc that remind him of me or an aspect of our relationship or a memory. It speaks to my soul! Also, when ti talk about a huge idea, when he meets my excitement before telling me why it isn't realistic really helps curb disappointment. Lastly, when he creates with me, like writing a song, painting, thinking up a game, that feels like playing! ❤

I think I struggle with this Type the most. This video is giving me insight and knowledge about how I can work with this particular Type. Especially in social networks.

I love that you are a 3 and dating a 4. My husband is a 3 and I am a 4. Would love to see more videos exploring the dynamics of a 3/4 relationship. BTW your videos are really good and I can tell you become very familiar with each number that you are discussing. Very relatable and much appreciated!

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Katie Newton thank you so much Katie. This was really sweet to read. Also, really cool hearing about another 3 and 4 couple! It’s definitely an awesome dynamic. I’m hoping to make some videos with both of us in the future. 😍

@Rsmsrm424

7 ай бұрын

My husband is also a 3 and I am a 4! Can be a hard dynamic but also great!

I've given my husband a "script" on how to compliment me, "I'm so glad you are this certain way..." "I'm glad I married you because you do this..." Anything that he notices about me and says makes me feel so warm inside. Like an affirmation that I'm ok being me, when most of the time I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Jillian that is genius!! Great communication!

@jillianmayfield5412

3 жыл бұрын

@@AbbeyHowe it's taken 12 years to figure a couple things out!

Listen to understand. Give space for reflection after a 4 speaks. Speak to ask a question to better understand.

I am also a 3w2 dating a 4w3. The compliment thing is so real with him. I’ve found that the times I’ve impacted him the most with a “compliment” are when I’m not even trying to compliment. I just happen to say something offhandedly. Would love some relationship dynamic videos! Keep up the great work!

As a four- I love loyalty. That means the most to me. I hate attention in a group setting, but love individual attention. Even non verbal attention is perfect. I like deep thought and meaning behind peoples' actions. ROMANCE- I have yet to find it, but the idea keeps me going. I am usually the "tough" one, and I like for a partner to let me be the "little" spoon, and feel taken care of for once. I'm also an INFJ and a Cancer. So basically I'm the deepest of the deep. When people get our attention & love, they are lucky.,

As a 4 (I really think that's my relatable #) I'm very sensitive, so when I do something, i put my all into it.. I say things that I really mean or nothing at all, unless its slight exaggeration as I'm sensitive to other peoples feelings knowing I have them too. Except mine I have gotten used to juggling, processing and dissolving, I'm immune to constant wondering and intention guessing but not wanting others to struggle in the same way too, so I never ignore any of my friends questions and am super there for it, if I can help it, hoping for the same treatment too. I pay very close attention to details like a meal if I have to cook it, a candle That I light, anything around me speaks volumes to my mind and mood, influencing my thoughts and feelings in that moment (sometimes permanently) ☆ 🙈 aka through nostalgia or sense of deep gratitude or regret, depending on what I'm doing (one action or thought leading to another) anyone else relate to this? Being me is like a blessing and a curse sometimes I think. 😅🕯

@AWilks-wn3if

2 жыл бұрын

I completely relate!! It seriously makes me so happy to realize that other people experience these things too and that I'm not just crazy haha!

So true about the compliments. As the spouse I can give the compliment or suggestion and it's a fail, but if another person gives it, it's a validation.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

huh interesting!! thanks for sharing!

@RonzBnl

4 жыл бұрын

Abbey Howe she’s probably not practicing the enneagram

The space for melancholy....thanks! As a 4 that helps me understand me. Also the compliments thing...I see below others are saying specifics help...agree! As a 4 I'm good at giving feedback that is thoughtful and I crave for others to do the same for me.

Fellow 4 here. This is all wonderful advice, and I think most 4's would really appreciate these gestures . . . but for how long? The 4's worldview is predicated on the belief that people aren't discerning enough to really see others, that people will never entirely understand one another, and this allows them to nestle safely in a self-absorbed cave. If they suddenly feel like their philosophical foundation has been compromised, and that others do, in fact, understand them, it throws their worldview into upheaval.Being connected with others conflicts with their core desire to remain detached. Being unique to 4's is a lot more attractive when others don't "get it." And ultimately, being alone is preferable to being understood.

@AbbeyHowe

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your insight, Delfo. ♥️

Hahahaaa the coffee scene is amazing

Thank you Abbey, this is so funny & true! You hit the nail ;) You are glowing & sparkling in this video! The 10 Ways are a gift!

I'm a 4, I really appreciate getting gifts individual to me and hearing compliments and getting support with my dreams and ideas. I also appreciate people helping me break down the practical steps to achieve my dreams. Great video!

I'm a four married to a three. The best way my husband shows me that he loves me is reading my favorite books, watching a movie that really moved me or even if I just send him a youtube video he actually watches it and discusses it with me .

I loved this! I think you got it right!! I am very much an enneagram 4 with 5 and 3 wings. I think you hit right on point when a couple times you mentioned or alluded too..."do (this) for your 4, but also be aware that it might hit them (this) way..." That's the crux of it! I think it could possibly be challenging sometimes for other types (especially thinking types) to know even how to approach relationship with us. I find that I am extremely intuitive to the point of being an empath...(my Meyers Briggs is INFJ) and because I am also extremely visionary and idealistic I often find myself hoping the people closest to me will be sensitive and intuitive enough to pick up on my needs without me having to vocally explain everything, which is VERY much a learned skill for me. I'm very articulate and a great communicator, but what has been hard most of my life until recently (when I learned to lean more into my 5 and think about things) is that my emotions are so changeable, passionate and strong....communicating with someone else about what I'm thinking when I'm emotional is HARD. Kind of like trying to hit a bulls-eye while sitting on top of a moving vehicle with debris flying through the air. It took a long time for me to learn how to focus my mind enough to be able to effectively express who I am and make effective contributions to my community. That's probably why art and music are so crucially important to me. I love beauty deeply but I also love intuitive forms of expression which can flow out of my heart without having to be filtered a whole lot through my brain. Thats a truly restful release for me. I think I would feel most loved if someone put as much work into understanding me as I put into understanding others. I give my all to my relationships. Im lucky enough to have a spouse and close friends who love me for who I am....that being said...I probably seem like an enigma to them fairly often--but--good news is, when I'm most healthy I look a lot like a softer enneagram 1, so at that point my patterns are fairly predictable because I've had to become extremely focused on staying grounded and centered and reliable. This is what I try to do for the people who love me, so they don't have to go on the roller coaster with me--though if from time to time they are willing to be there with me in that space, they will earn my trust (rarely given out ;) and my highest regard. I also agree with what you mentioned about yoga, practical helps and getting more into body. As a mock 1 in health I can force myself and train myself to do practical things reliable and well, but honestly, I HATE it and would rather be doing almost anything else. I do structures and schedule only for the sake of health. If anyone offers to help me practically and honestly wants to freely do it as a gift to me....I will be forever grateful. It's like they lifted a giant load off my shoulders. As far as getting into my body.....I have to. As an emotional person to begin with and an empath (and we haven't even talked about my 5 wing yet--hahaha!) I absolutely have to have powerful release for my emotions, passions and anxieties. I run regularly and ride sport horses....I need a lot of activity and I'm happiest when I'm very active and specifically applying mindfulness to everything I'm doing. Meditation also changed my life. I would totally recommend this video!! Great Job!--We 4's are hard to impress! I loved the artsy duke impression too....maybe you did that (intuitively) for our dramatic sensibilities....sooo thanks!!!!!

Amazing, thank you!

Im a 4 and asked my bf to watch and read about loving a type 4... he started complainanting me and it made me so happy them i cried cause i thought he was only saying it bc of the video🤣 he said "jez i guess enneagrams are fake"

I love your cheerful attitude! I am a four. When you mentioned thinking about our dream life I envisioned me doing yoga everyday..... And then you mentioned yoga 😂 Spot on. You made me think about the five love languages. You touched on basically all of them and personalized them for the four. Smart! Noticing a fours uniqueness and individuality and bringing love that highlights the unique things you love and notice. And the unique things they love and notice. Love the part about affirming what you're proud of! Yes! Be specific! That means so much. Great job!

Great interpretation of 4. Heartfelt and witty. You are wise and talented!

I like your point with doing yoga- I definitely feel more balanced when I'm doing yoga, Tai chi, Dance, etc.

This is so helpful, can't wait for 8&9!

Thank you for sharing this! So helpful!

You are so good at this! You have a calling for understanding, articulating, and validating people - type 4, mental health clinician

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Awww, thank you Alexandra, that means so much to me!

Ok the other night my brother and I (both 4s) were in a secondhand book shop that's open late, and I had the BEST total Type 4 date idea ever! If you have wireless earphones, you could share a pair between the two of you and wander independently through the bookshop sharing significant music with each other and occasionally checking in to show each other books you've found.

Just found out I’m a type 4. And the Yoga hits home. I literally started doing yoga a month ago and it’s changed my life.

I read the Path Between Us. Great book! Great ideas in this video. Thank you for sharing!

I'm a 4 and the gift one hit me so good 😁 I love getting gifts and hate it because I get all excited and ten it's a bath and lotion kit or a mug with hot chocolate that was prepackaged for anyone. It's hard to explain. I still appreciate the gift but it feels like there wasn't a lot of thought put into it. However, when someone gets me something that really fits me and who I am. It's like I know they see me; they get who I am. It doesn't actually have to be expensive or big. My former roommate who is a 5 was really good at this. One Christmas she got me a stainless still water bottle in my favorite color because she knew I would buy cheap water bottles that kept breaking or I would lose or lend out to people who didn't give them back. I was so happy and I have not lost or lent it out and it's still in great condition. 👍

@tashonntrennwhite

3 жыл бұрын

I'm a 4 and yeah, I'm totally the same way. I hate gifts that are just generic and don't fit me.

On point 100%. The compliments thing is very accurate. I got an award at work the other day and still don’t feel like I deserved it >.

These are all thing I would love as an enneagram 4. Thanks for the validation!

The melancholy statement is so true. Everyone thinks because I cry a lot it's a bad thing, like no, I jusy wanna feel this. However, me crying at the same time as having a coherent conversation with someone can freak them out a little. My bad

i recently did an enneagram and i found out i’m a 4 and it just all made sense to me. especially the “inner world” bit. i’m constantly in my own world and people tell me i have a big imagination so i guess that’s the good part. but the downside is that i struggle to feel like i’m living right now, presently and process everything that is going on right now so i tend not to take it in. its a coping mechanism

I'm a simple 2, lurking here bc I may have a thing for the 4 in my life

As a 4, this makes me feel seen just imagining someone doing this for me! Thank you, Abbey!

As a wing 4, I approve this message. Especially the planning something new and different to do.

Omg the coffee thing got me lol. My life, every day😂

Yessss, thanks. 💗

Love this video! Just took the test and discovered I was a four today!

I finally know what I am I have type 5 struggles but idk I feel more like a type 4 on a very DEEP CORE level lol

the compliment one is too real. asking for compliments feels so lame & forced but I need them!

Abbey, I've been watching your videos for a while - so helpful and fun. THANK YOU. I (who am a 4) recently started dating someone with whom I feel more understood than possibly ever...when I watched this I realized it's because she's doing most of those things without even knowing anything about the enneagram 🤣

4w5. No yoga for me. But I think a cooking class would be fun. No weird places or underground concerts or stuff like that, pls. Take me out for a walk in the middle of the night, so we can listen to the resting world. Play me Chopin’s nocturnes. Also, when people say things like ‘proud of ya’ I tend to cringe. And when people ask me about my feelings. I’ve no clue how to fit what I feel into one or two words.

i love your makeup especially your lipstick. and thank you for the video!!! 4:43 🤣🤣🤣🤣

As a 4w3 please keep the compliments to us brief! I learned to say thank you and act like I'm all right but underneath I am uncomfortable and if anyone raves in an extended way I just get so embarrassed. Also being supportive of goals means so much to a 4. Thank you for your awesome videos, I am finding them really informative and you are very charming and fun to watch! 💗

Great advice!!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Steven!

Painting would be a great date

This is so accurate! I'm chuckling as I experience this all the time with my partner who is a Four. Seems that I was meant to love a Four. I'm a 2W1.YES! My Four is the best! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Soooo accurate. 😭💜

*Number 8* BOOM! Aside from touch, gifts are my primary love language. I crave to get a sentimental present on my birthday/Christmas from people I love and when they don’t get me a present or get one that’s very non personal/practical, even though they probably don’t mean it, it kind of speaks to me that they don’t know me or care about me. My boyfriend surprises me with small thoughtful gifts all the time and I feel so loved and understood 🥰 he’s such a sweet 6

Type 4 Here! This video was amazing. I felt understood and seen. Enneagrams are still new to me and this video helped. Liked, subscribed and commented. Thank you

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

You're so insightful. These videos are fantastic. Thank you.

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the encouragement! 🙏🏼

As a four, I appreciate this so much💟