☕️ Go the extra mile & support this channel: www.buymeacoffee.com/abbeyhowe ✨ Say hello on Instagram! instagram.com/enneagramwithabbey/ 🎉 Subscribe for more videos every week: kzread.info 🎉

I'm gonna say something about being romantic. As a type 4 who has more minimalistic approach to life I don't like big gestures like buying expensive things and a lot of flowers and so. But I really love and appreciate the small gestures, like remembering little detail that I like. It's more about walking in the rain at night than spending lots of money to express someone.

@bookwormboy3104

3 жыл бұрын

Amen! I always love it when my best friends tell me, "This song I love reminds me of you."

@hwalazia

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed. I like intimate romantic stuff but not the cheesy stuff you see in romcom movies

@Karafaith.4

3 жыл бұрын

Agree!

@calebshaw4313

3 жыл бұрын

As a fellow Type 4, I absolutely affirm this comment! It really is about the small things. I used to feel weird when “Gifts” was my top Love language, since people tend to assume that that means I want what money can buy. But, as a type 4, it’s the complete opposite. Writing a personalized post-it note addressed to me is valued. Leaving a handwritten note on my windshield to read when I get off work is valued. Using a canvas and painting me a personalized masterpiece is a greater “gift” than anything money can buy. That shows me (as a Type 4) that you care. I have held on to hand-written letters I got over 5 years ago because of that level of intentionality and meaning that they have.

@nwull439

3 жыл бұрын

same here!

Yes. I am a four and i wanna be held, loved, like a child. Please

@bluepanda3740

3 жыл бұрын

I second this

@sickradrat1664

2 жыл бұрын

I third this

@markushoffman8735

2 жыл бұрын

I FOURth this... get it?

@user-lq8gi8po4o

2 жыл бұрын

i fifth this

@svetajadhav3385

2 жыл бұрын

I sixth this😀😀❤️

Words of affirmation. We always need to verbally hear everything. Words over anything. You nailed it. I’m a type 4 and everything you said was 10000% true!

@zerjiozerjio

2 жыл бұрын

Second that! Words. And never inauthentic. Dig in your soul for something authentic and unexpected about our connection or how you see us that we couldn’t see ourselves.

Authenticity. Yes. What turns me on the most with a partner is if she tells me the weirdest, honest things. The things most people keep away from the rest like dirty clothes. Show me that you're in touch with your true emotions and aware to your self on all the deepest levels. I'm not talking specifically about hard core intense stuff, but also silly things. Be silly, show me that you can also laugh at yourself. Just give room to anything there is.

I'm a type 4 and tbh I've never dated, but I don't ever want whoever I'm dating to hold back from telling me if they don't think things are working out between us. If you want to break up with me, just do it, don't drag it out. Yes it will hurt me, but in the long run it will be healthier for me that way. Don't pretend things are perfect for my sake.

@daniellegarcia8299

3 жыл бұрын

YES! Girl I’ve always said the same to my friends, even when he’s met some other girl he thinks he might end up cheating on me with, TELL ME! Just don’t hurt me with the lie and deceit, that would destroy me, telling me things aren’t working out and you like someone else would at least let me process things in my own way and heal.

As a self-identified Type 4, it really is about the small things. I used to feel weird when “Gifts” was my top Love language, since people tend to assume that that means I want what money can buy. But, as a type 4, it’s the complete opposite. Writing a personalized post-it note addressed to me is valued. Leaving a handwritten note on my windshield to read when I get off work is valued. Using a canvas and painting me a personalized masterpiece is a greater “gift” than anything money can buy. That shows me (as a Type 4) that you care. I have held on to hand-written letters I got over 5 years ago because of that level of intentionality and meaning that they have.

@mfernanda_trindade

Жыл бұрын

I have old letters too !!!!

About #9: Be SPECIFIC about compliments! I know this video is about dating, but I want to share some of these tips with my family!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! I think they apply to family too!

@girlparrotflint

3 жыл бұрын

Yes this is so important! As a four I can not stand when people say stuff like “you’re beautiful” and don’t elaborate. Compliments that could be for anyone just aren’t special to a four.

@stephaniegreen4834

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! I want to know why you think X. Not because I’m trying to be difficult or I want to inflate my ego, but mostly because when I’m told that I’m a good mom or wife, all I see are my failures. What is it that I do that you like? What is it I do that makes you grateful for me? Because yes, I want to hear how irreplaceable I am to to I, but also, I want you to feel loved as well. Let me know how I love you best, so I can continue to pour into you.

Emotions? Yes, tell me your emotions. Express them, tell what's on your mind. If we are just in the early stage of relationship and you don't feel about telling the whole story, just tell me how you feel and that it's too private for now, I'll understand.

Hello! Four here! True to my fourness, I've always denied my romantic side because romance has always "annoyed" me, since "everyone" is into romance. After much introspection, I realized that I too am a romantic, that romance to me is a nice glass of whiskey and a long, deep conversation about abstract ideas. Once my husband keyed in on this, the romance in our relationship is off the charts!

@kwititnow

3 жыл бұрын

I get this on so many levels, my personality run more into the other 4 name: 'the individualist.' If I'm romantic, it's 'art-house movie' romantic! You know the sorta french film: 'Let me tell you about the lovers who broke my heart.' I don't gush for typically romantic gestures, but just engage with me on a personal level, tell me thoughts and feelings, fears, hopes and I'll connect back. Totally relate.

Great advice! I'm starting to understand why my partner (ENFP 4w3) cherishes the 'trinkets' we occasionally bring home after a memorable day out. 4's have an amazing and detailed memory for meaningful experiences, I'll be sure to continue finding unique ways of surprising them

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! I love this. Can’t wait for you to keep finding special ways to surprise your partner 😊

@ninaportoc

2 жыл бұрын

if you're comfortable what is your mbti and enneagram?

I’m a 4w5 and this was spot on. I’m grateful that my gf is super patient with me when I go through my mood swings. We 4s crave authenticity and affection. We see beauty in the smallest thing and it helps us to appreciate what most people would consider normal or irrelevant.

I loved this! Spot on about coming home with flowers and coffee. The romantic spontaneous feel of that kind of stuff makes me melt!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!! ♥️

These are really good! I think I'd just marry whoever did all this for me 😂. I'd have to figure out his type too and make sure I was being romantic to him as well. I'll add a tip. I'm a four who's dated a four before. Sometimes when I tried to compliment him, he wouldn't believe it no matter how specific and sincere I was being. At those times, it was best to actually just give him a hug or plan a night out. He said that sometimes that was all that would get through to him.

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

I love that advice! Hugs and fun nights out can do wonders. ♥️

@karissahammond4587

3 жыл бұрын

@@AbbeyHowe Thank you! 😄

I’m a 4, and my last gf used to say I was too sensitive. This has made me understand why a lot of my past relationships didn’t work.

#2 had this 4w5 all in the feels!! So accurate. Also: “You only have one life, so you might as well fill it with romance.” 🙌🏻 Also, hugs!!! Lots of 4s love physical touch and want lots of it :) I agree with the comment that talks about hugs getting through to withdrawn 4s- on some days, an extra long hug from a trusted loved one has meant the world and made me feel really loved and cared for.

Wowowowowow, thank you. I’m an ENFP type four and this video was therapeutic to watch. After having the Meyers Briggs tell me that I am “irresistibly charming” getting into the enneagram was... rough. I went from being the somewhat flighty bell of the ball to the leper in the corner. I think someone at the enneagram institute dated a four and had a rough go of it. Having you out here singing our praises and telling us we’re special is truly kind. Thank you.

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

You ARE special B&D!

Words of affirmation. Constantly. Also something memorable, spot on. I like when something is planned out just for me. Specific words of affirmation btw.

You're one of the first KZreadrs I've watched who really gives a balanced and accurate description of the 4, a type that often gets a bad rap online. I've avoided reading material about 4s in online communities because people tend to focus on the unhealthy aspects of the number (as you mention in another video, "moodiness"). You see past that stereotype and more accurately nail the insecurities and anxieties stemming from the shame of the 4. This is definitely a more nuanced perspective than simply painting all 4s with the broad brush of moodiness, melancholy, and depression. Thanks for intentionally highlighting our strengths as well! People don't mention enough that 4s are indeed empathetic and kind when healthy, and sometimes people can't outwardly see their "moodiness" or feelings of low self-worth (4w3s especially can seem confident, poised, energetic). I feel very seen and understood in your videos - thank you!

@AbbeyHowe

Жыл бұрын

I’m married to the best guy in the world and he’s a 4 so I see all the beauty 4s bring to the table ♥️

Thank you Abbey! I agree wholeheartedly as a 4!! I've been married to an 8 for 30 years. Knowing my type has helped me to appreciate the differences and communicate my needs a little better. You seem to "get me" so well:) and all the other types too. I love your creative ways of portraying people in action. Keep up the good work!

As a type 4, one of the things I find myself repeating in my relationships. Is "show me" show me you love me, show me that you mean that. Let's feel 🤗. 🙈

As a four I've struggled with finding someone who is also romantic, also just are so flavourless.

This is so accurate! The record store idea sounds like a perfect date. It makes me want to go out and find all of the LP's I loved when I was younger. Also, a gift that has sentimental value or meaning totally speaks to me. I would be somewhat dissapointed if my husband paid a lot of money for a dozen rozes, but if he brought me a daisy because it is my favorite flower, that would mean so much to me. Thanks for all of the work you put into these videos!

Noticing things about me that others don’t notice - or that even I don’t notice. That’s love right there! It’s the most humbling, beautiful gesture to pay attention to someone at such a deep level. I feel like I do this for everyone around me, but it’s extremely rare when someone does that for me.

Finally someone likes us! Lol. 🎉

Loved this video and your endorsement of dating a four! We are really fun! I would love it if someone took me to a record store.

My nesting partner and future husband and I are both 4s. This is sooooooooo entirely accurate for both of us. Especially words of affirmation. I am so good at them and loooooove giving them!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Perfect!

I'm an infp 4 dating an enfp 7 and besides my mind wandering to what's lacking which is only really momentarily, he's an amazing partner because he gets me but places my traits under a positive light. He gives lots of positive affirmations including affirming how I want to be seen, he's affectionate and romantic. I like that he's joyous and loves trying new things. He brings out the best in me and I've been with an 8 before and it brought out the worst🙄

As a four, I agree with everything 😊

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Yay!! Glad it resonates.

Hey! I’m a 4w3 and another huge thing is matching my energy when I’m talking abt something I’m passionate about! I’m not saying you should be as passionate as me about it but I like it when people are engaged in what I like and want to know more about it.

Ironically the last thing you said is exactly what a 4 needs to hear. We just wanna be loved and appreciated and to know that our emotions are not too much for the people in our lives.

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

so true!

You said “he’s the best John.” That can definitely be interpreted in many ways.

As a four, this is extremely accurate.

Could you do a video on the 4’s that struggle with commitment? I’m a 4w5 and a lot of this is true but I’ve never ever seen myself as committed to my partner.. I’d always last under 6 months before I got bored because in my eyes I miss the excitement of getting to know someone new, that first physical experience with them, that whole whirlwind 4’s love. I have a partner now who I adore but my 4 creeps in occasionally being tempted by other males. I think this is common for a 4 but no video I’ve found yet has explained why 4’s may do that and how to stop that bad habit happening! Thanks, I love your videos 😊

@ItsEvelynIris

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, I'm a 4w5 as well and this is something I struggle with even though I've never really vocalized it. I think what helps me is knowing that there is still more to the person I'm getting to know. Being committed is scary for a 4 like me, but it also gives me a sense of stability I've been longing for. Right now I'm casually getting to know another 4w5 and to be honest he's truly hard to figure out, but I'm determined to get to know him. Not just for my sake but his. A lot of fours struggle with being self-absorbed, but a constant partner really, really helps take our eyes off of ourselves. Realize that all relationships are two-sided. Think about your partner's feelings as well! :)

@strawberrypancake9689

2 жыл бұрын

I think if your not ready definitely state that at the beginning of every relationship or don't try until you feel ready and make it very clear you might not ever feel ready and that could be what ends the relationship. I think it's important to be honest about that in the beginning to avoid crushing someone's heart in the end . Treat it like trial and error if your not ready to commit yet and make sure your partner or partners are ok with the fact that it might not work out but there's a possibility that it could before you reach that point

4w3 here! your channel is gold. not only the content is great and made me understand myself and others but you also have such an energetic + positive energy that makes it even better. keep it up !!!

My type 7 self hearing tip 5 👁👄👁 SiTtInG iN SiLeNcE aIn’T fUn MaN! But I can compensate cause let’s be honest. Type 4’s genuinely have some of the most beautiful souls! That are worth occasionally trading that uncomfy feeling for 😌

Oh my word my mom is a four and from the very first thing you said i was like “yep yeah that’s really all she wants” 😂😂😂

Thanks Abby! This helps with my 4w5 spouse lol. Yeah pretty much everything you said matches. I always love having deep deep conversations when we were dating. I’m a 8w9 so I have to be careful with what comes out of my mouth sometimes.

Whatever enneagram # we are, it is essential that we value who we are = easier to find friends and partners we can be ourselves with, and they can be themselves with us. Otherwise, it can simply be 2 people living in the same space but not connected.

I would say that one thing is, try not to press the answer or how I feel out of me, I love talking about my feelings and I feel so much, but when someone is pressuring me to talk about it I shut down kinda, so just sit with me and make me feel understood and be patient, cause if I trust you and you’ve made me feel seen and made me feel like I’m not a burden with my emotions I love talking about how I feel and how I don’t. I think this is good for parent of enneagram 4 too… You kinda said this in the video but anyways

As a four I'm feeling so appreciated and valued, listening to your insights 🥺😇💛

I'm a 4 and I can agree to all the above statements , not good at accepting compliments or responding to them , And hate small talk and when people lie to conceal their feelings for fear of judgement I pick up on it in social settings like a blood hound and it's just an awful sent also memories of experiences I've shared with people get tied to a song they showed me or a unique experience we had together

I can’t count how many times I’ve told my fiancé this week that silence is OK

So cute! I love the ending “give them 5 stars on Yelp” lol. I’m a type 4 and was curious what you said about being a type 3 and it being hard to talk about emotions and am just curious what is it that makes it hard for others to share emotion?

Honestly this applies to soo much even beyond dating a four. Greeeeeat Video! The Four in me feels so known 🤍

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Yay!! This makes me so happy

This is so great! I’m a four and I shared it with my girlfriend. She already does most of these things though 🥺

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

She sounds pretty awesome. ♥️

Wish my husband would listen to this :/ I’ve tried to send him stuff about 4’s to get him to understand what I like, but it very rarely happens... he’s an 8.

@Bengalmomz

3 жыл бұрын

same here!!!xD

@KKTanaa

3 жыл бұрын

Mines listened and still doesn’t do it

Any advice for helping my 4 not be envious of your husband getting his own KZread shoutout? XD Great content! Loved this video.

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Ha! 😂 I'll tell him you said that.

As a type 4, all of this is spot on!

As a type 4 myself, spot on!!!! Yesssssssss, thanks for this video

As a type four, this is so true.

YES!!! I am out today and I’m totally gonna come home with a surprise for him!!!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!! Do it!! ♥️

@helloabbeygrace

3 жыл бұрын

how did it go?

Great information! Thank you for sharing.

Oh I loved your words Abbey ❤️

4 here. Thanks! 😭

this describes exactly what i want in a relationship-----

as a 4 i fully agree

Thank you for this video, it helped me feel seen and a little less alone today. 😊

You better ask me about my emotions because They are Valid!

I'm a 4 and the best kinds of things to do with your 4 partner are meaningful, memorable and romantic! Anything from dancing in the rain (which I might fall in love with anyone who did this!) to expressing your feelings by listening to music in the car together are just little things that a 4 will remember forever and will matter much more than dinner and a movie would. For me, an idea for a perfect date would just be lying next to that special someone watching the stars in the summertime

Why is it I can’t find anyone friend or lover who can understand this. No one is even willing to try to get this and I try so hard to be understood

I want to cry, I'm a type 4 and this is exactly what I need 🥺

Just keep telling me that everything's gonna be okay That you love me. Okay?

Ugh crying 😭

Thanks for this video!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

this is so accurate oh my goodness

Absolutely SPOT ON! So me 🤣

spot on ;)

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Tessa!!

So me! Lol I keep trying to tell my SO this stuff lol

you are amazing. thank you for what you do !!

This is spot on. 💕💕 Love your videos.

Abbey, I think you are a type 3 type 4....lol....I love you!!!! I am a 4 wing 3, for sure....

Soooo spot on!

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

glad to hear it SS!!

Very good. From a 4

@beefree2473

2 жыл бұрын

Be authentic

I'm trying to hit on my 4 friend but she doesn't like to talk about her emotions. Any suggestions?

Oh wow.. That's me.. Shame I didn't find this before "smothering" the fearful avoidant girlfriend by wanting to see her more than once a month.

Abbey, what is your instinctual subtype and that of your husband?

@AbbeyHowe

3 жыл бұрын

I’m an SP and I’m not sure what his is! He hasn’t seemed interested in learning that yet!

@dsarah60

3 жыл бұрын

@@AbbeyHowe if he identifies himself as a 4 before learning subtypes he's probably a 4 so. The other 2 subtypes usually dont readily perceive themselves as 4s. Are you sp/so or sp/sx? People of our blindspot instinct annoy us the most so it's unlikely that ge has your blindspot 1st

@oswin5775

3 жыл бұрын

@@dsarah60 I'm a 4 with a very strong sx subtype. And now that I think about it, it did take me a while to embrace my 4ness.

I remember when she went to India she aske what kinda gift I want….. I don’t want her to spend any money on me so I ask her pick me a piece of rock when’s she back she back she got me. A magnet beautiful pic on…. I lover her so much

I'm a 4... How do I stop being invisible? :(

Did she ever complete this series? I don't see one for a 2

@AbbeyHowe

2 жыл бұрын

Still working on it!! ♥️

I... the likes are 444 and the dislikes are 4... i wanna like the video but how could i mess this up....

Tfs! To everyone reading this, Jesus loves you!

Wtf is a type 4

So annoying to watch