This 4Chan Dungeon Master Is Terrible

Unleash Your Inner Alchemist!!
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thanks to u/throwaway395248 on r/CritCrab for sharing!
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Intro 0:00
Sponsor 0:16
Story: 1:17
Outro: 19:57

Пікірлер: 420

  • @Falruk
    @Falruk11 күн бұрын

    I just find it so hilarious when he wrote "the cleric and the sorcerer were more than happy to give statements as witnesses". "Yes, by the light of Lathander, I saw the assault!" "Indeed, my draconic lineage gives me keen eyes, and he did indeed assault our friend!"

  • @ArcCaravan

    @ArcCaravan

    11 күн бұрын

    That's common for tabletop horror stories to name people by in-game classes even when they do things outside the game.

  • @Falruk

    @Falruk

    11 күн бұрын

    Sure. It's just funny to imagine them being in character while acting witnesses.

  • @shadiafifi54

    @shadiafifi54

    11 күн бұрын

    "What? No, officer, I clearly didn't succeed on my wisdom save against Zone of Truth, so I'm clearly being honest here! Please ignore that I'm a Yuan-Ti..."

  • @BlackMoonHowls

    @BlackMoonHowls

    8 күн бұрын

    @@shadiafifi54 That's meta gaming NO matter how you look at that. Besides did you steal that from Adventure Zone, ZoT doesn't WORK LIKE THAT! It's actually very cringe how shit this spell is, never fking works when you need it too, just do the good old trusted "Fallout Legion" Approach, kay. Easy. It's just RP and it's not a job or work or a chore. It's Prefrontal Lobe problem solving pragmatic/practical thinking. Cringe. Get the muguffin thing done, it's not dick around time it's git 'er fking done time. Don't leave it to chance that the die fuck you, fuck the game right back by RP'ing or cringe your way to failure every time because Dice are and can be stupid and making decisions based offf of passing or failing is even more tarded so think outside so you don't get screwed by YOUR own decisions because " Well, I thought" no you didn't think enough. You can RP your way out of anything you're just not thinking hard enough or at all. Use less die and use more brain meats. That way die gods can't fuck you if you don't set yourself up for it, like some Gdamned bowling pins. I hate Zone of Truth and you will too once you learn it's stupidity and uselessness.

  • @wolfgamer8770

    @wolfgamer8770

    7 күн бұрын

    ​@@FalrukI'm just imagining phoenix wright pressing a D&D sorcerer now.

  • @invisibleven2643
    @invisibleven264312 күн бұрын

    “Welcome back, Critcrab.” We say in unison

  • @SandWithDip

    @SandWithDip

    12 күн бұрын

    "Welcome back, Critcrab."

  • @6Shots_ofEspresso

    @6Shots_ofEspresso

    12 күн бұрын

    “welcome cack, britcrab!”

  • @droppedcalls.

    @droppedcalls.

    11 күн бұрын

    Welcome back, Critcrab!

  • @changingpeopleslivesmoon2993

    @changingpeopleslivesmoon2993

    11 күн бұрын

    “ Welcome back, Critcrab.”

  • @Just_JoeKing-vf2sh

    @Just_JoeKing-vf2sh

    11 күн бұрын

    Crelcome crack witbab

  • @BlaineSimple
    @BlaineSimple12 күн бұрын

    The dungeon masters are roleplaying their power fantasies in real life now 😔

  • @peersamuel288

    @peersamuel288

    12 күн бұрын

    HEY, I KNOW YOU! Sup

  • @TeddieSage1987

    @TeddieSage1987

    11 күн бұрын

    Arcadum comes to my mind... Bleh.

  • @genericname2747

    @genericname2747

    11 күн бұрын

    Wow, the most simplest of Blaines is here

  • @littlegiantj8761

    @littlegiantj8761

    11 күн бұрын

    "Well, that's three failed saves...grab his arms, I got the sacrificial dagger right here."

  • @tobirobe1780

    @tobirobe1780

    11 күн бұрын

    😂

  • @BerzerkerTank
    @BerzerkerTank11 күн бұрын

    "Surely, this Dungeon Master can't be that bad, right?" >4chan "Adopt-a-NEET" Thread mentioned ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION IT'S NOT WORTH IT BROS

  • @SpoopySquid

    @SpoopySquid

    11 күн бұрын

    I miss the time 20 minutes ago when I didn't know that was a thing

  • @cosmicspacething3474

    @cosmicspacething3474

    11 күн бұрын

    @@SpoopySquid Same

  • @TexMeta

    @TexMeta

    5 күн бұрын

    I tried to keep an open mind about it, but the more I think about it the more I realize it's just probably overflowing with unstable people on both sides. And it's on 4chan.

  • @johnsayles8032
    @johnsayles803211 күн бұрын

    "The cleric and the sorcerer stayed to give testimony" is a statement that gives some Monty Python vibes

  • @shadiafifi54

    @shadiafifi54

    11 күн бұрын

    Imagine getting a witness testimony out of Tim and Sir Robin. Tim would randomly set the constable's notes on fire and Sir Robin would have to be constantly either calmed down or sedated for his anxiety.

  • @emberfist8347

    @emberfist8347

    9 күн бұрын

    @@shadiafifi54But this is Brave Sir Robin.

  • @BlackMoonHowls

    @BlackMoonHowls

    8 күн бұрын

    @@shadiafifi54 Have you even seen The Holy Grail, The Life of Brian, The 70's series of their Flying Circus?! Get the VHS, get the player and watch that shit.

  • @curioussavagery802
    @curioussavagery80212 күн бұрын

    being touch starved IS a thing, but this dude is just a creep

  • @RedZeroX

    @RedZeroX

    11 күн бұрын

    This.

  • @SomeBlokeOrWhatever

    @SomeBlokeOrWhatever

    11 күн бұрын

    Touch-starved person here -- Seeing this weirdo co-opt it for his creepiness made me seethe real hard.

  • @curioussavagery802

    @curioussavagery802

    11 күн бұрын

    @@SomeBlokeOrWhatever heavily agree.

  • @cosmicspacething3474

    @cosmicspacething3474

    11 күн бұрын

    Same thing with being suicidal

  • @darandala

    @darandala

    11 күн бұрын

    It's not, that's just a creeps argument to try and get innapropriate!

  • @thatguyintherain3168
    @thatguyintherain316811 күн бұрын

    Welp, someone finally took "Dungeon Master" too literally

  • @CalciumEnjoyer

    @CalciumEnjoyer

    11 күн бұрын

    Some of us DMs take pride in our job. If anything I think the 4chan DM didn’t try hard enough (no stretching table, no branding iron, etc)

  • @BlackMoonHowls

    @BlackMoonHowls

    8 күн бұрын

    @@CalciumEnjoyer If anything they were Try Harding, the damn pleb.

  • @pupperoni5171
    @pupperoni517112 күн бұрын

    just want to point out that this situation doesn't technically fall under consent. If you're in a situation where you have to live in someone's basement and they ask for.....stuff in return. That's a manipulative power dynamic and not truly giving an enthusiastic "yes"

  • @ArcCaravan

    @ArcCaravan

    11 күн бұрын

    I'm guessing the consent here is about the legal definition.

  • @CoOlKyUbI96

    @CoOlKyUbI96

    11 күн бұрын

    I think the OP was using the word “consent” loosely. I don’t think they meant the precise legal definition

  • @epicsavagebros7400

    @epicsavagebros7400

    11 күн бұрын

    Legally this sadly falls under consent as she verbally agreed and assuming she agreed through the rest of the events it does legally count especially since this was agreed upon prior to anything. It would however be different had he forced her or used a weapon of some kind. Outside of a legal space however the whole situation is sick.

  • @pupperoni5171

    @pupperoni5171

    11 күн бұрын

    Well depending on where you live, you can be charged with coercion.

  • @ythegameritaisthebest

    @ythegameritaisthebest

    11 күн бұрын

    Hal seems like the kind of guy to say that it's technically consent If you have to explain why it's technically morally acceptable, it's not

  • @tsmith9642
    @tsmith964211 күн бұрын

    Getting to hear critcrab call this guy a "total fucking loser" was absolutely the high point of my day

  • @Rocket0Surgeon
    @Rocket0Surgeon11 күн бұрын

    "Calling the DM Hal, after the character from the movie Megamind" awakened every fight or flight response that i didn't even know i had

  • @ramirezthesilvite
    @ramirezthesilvite12 күн бұрын

    Self-deprecation is one thing. But it's really easy to take it too far and make it concerning. Also, using threats of suicide can be a manipulation tactic, and I'm pretty sure is technically a form of abuse.

  • @pendingchanges...

    @pendingchanges...

    11 күн бұрын

    You can only use them around people who feel the same way or at least similar. Normal, healthy people just get concerned.

  • @Elhvir

    @Elhvir

    11 күн бұрын

    Depends on the degree, but yeah, more than few therapists and psychology-oriented medical people I've talked with have pointed out to me that at one point my own actions were close to being mentally and socially abusive when I effectively kept telling people that I'm about to go off myself or show a rope I'd bought to hang myself after the meet-up or stuff like that (I was in a bad place and tried to take it out on other people out of annoyance that they weren't actively trying to help me, yes, I was that idiot)

  • @CocoWantsACracker

    @CocoWantsACracker

    3 күн бұрын

    Self-deprecation is actually problematic for people with low self-esteem, as research suggests our minds cannot distinguish between lies and truths about ourselves that leave our own mouths and reaches our ears. In other words, if you keep joking about your ineptitude, your mind will accept it as fact and generate negative thoughts, resulting in negative feelings. It helped me personally a lot to stop joking about myself. As for threatening with suicide, I have lived with someone with mental health issues who would talk about it regularly and was prone to doing things that left a mark with me, to put it that way. I have zero tolerance for that nonsense nowadays. If someone is seriously going to end their own life, they will be quiet about it and suddenly do it, seemingly out of the blue, to make sure nobody will try to stop them. People who talk about it do not lead to concern with me, only contempt. I don't care how bad you feel your situation is, if you try to get people concerned and talk you out of it, I will tell you to get help and be done with you. Also, as you're trying to make others feel responsible for you and guilty if something should happen to you, I would try to warn others and get them out of the bad situation. I will not let you drag others down with you.

  • @Raine55
    @Raine5511 күн бұрын

    "What a terrible day to have eyes" So accurate.

  • @DarkRabbit-ck2ur

    @DarkRabbit-ck2ur

    10 күн бұрын

    Ears too. I wasn't even reading along. I was listening to this while washing the dishes. SMH

  • @stevenschnepp576
    @stevenschnepp57611 күн бұрын

    I don't think anyone expected anything else from one 4channer adopting another.

  • @pyrosianheir
    @pyrosianheir11 күн бұрын

    Honestly, I'm glad they welcomed Penny in fully and became her actual friends instead of leaving her to Hal.

  • @likky1
    @likky112 күн бұрын

    This “Hal” guy clearly did this adopt a NEET thing to get laid and got addicted to having sex with her and potentially got possessive of “penny” who as we learned had a relationship, one that ISNT with hal and instead of respecting that relationship he keeps trying and if op didn’t intervene i would have hated to see what would have happened to “Penny”

  • @AParticularlyConcernedCitizen

    @AParticularlyConcernedCitizen

    12 күн бұрын

    She's just as responsible for staying with him and paying rent instead of getting out. You can't just have a sexual relationship with somebody over an extended period of time and expect it to blow over with zero repercussions. It's not "addiction," the guy caught feelings, she didn't and the tension of that scenario goes through the roof if you're living together. Same reason you can't live with your spouse during a divorce, it's a volatile concoction of strong emotions that is just waiting for the right moment to explode.

  • @evilbarrels2506

    @evilbarrels2506

    12 күн бұрын

    @@AParticularlyConcernedCitizen Feelings or no, if someone stops being interested in you sexually, and you continue to pursue them after they say no, that's not okay. Hal's relationship with Penny closely mirrored the kind you see in some forms of human trafficking, where someone is tricked into moving into someone's home by promises of having a better life when they move there, only to be abused, sexually assaulted, or otherwise taken advantage of when they arrive. He never should have been pursuing someone in such a vulnerable state to begin with. Degrading her and punishing her for making attempts to improve her situation is incredibly possessive behaviour, and not a way you should ever treat someone you want to be intimate with, without consent.

  • @likky1

    @likky1

    12 күн бұрын

    @@AParticularlyConcernedCitizen we don’t know enough to say for sure that it wasn’t addiction and we can say that he possesive of her, we don’t know if he got the feels but definitely it feels like a addicted to her body situation as op said he wouldn’t stop trying to touch her As for her, we don’t know her situation, as we know this was all before the events we know about

  • @genericname2747

    @genericname2747

    11 күн бұрын

    ​@@AParticularlyConcernedCitizenNo, it's 100% the dudes fault that he's a creep

  • @AParticularlyConcernedCitizen

    @AParticularlyConcernedCitizen

    11 күн бұрын

    @@likky1 I'm addicted to you right now.

  • @kateb1127
    @kateb112712 күн бұрын

    IT'S 1AM BUT I DON'T NEED SLEEP I NEED DND

  • @TheGoodLuc

    @TheGoodLuc

    12 күн бұрын

    2am!

  • @xherdos400

    @xherdos400

    12 күн бұрын

    1am watching is indeed the best. Sleep can wait.

  • @marko9695
    @marko969512 күн бұрын

    This channel ironically got me into RPG games like Baldur's Gate 3, and soon I will play a TTRPG. Hopefully my sessions go better than the ones on this channel 😂

  • @GusMortis

    @GusMortis

    11 күн бұрын

    Play with your friends, don't play with randos online

  • @henryhere

    @henryhere

    11 күн бұрын

    Dw they rarely don't, after all, they wouldn't be horror stories if they weren't rare occurrences

  • @marko9695

    @marko9695

    11 күн бұрын

    @GusMortis that's the issue kind of, I don't have any friends who are into tabletop. There isn't really a local ttrpg community either where I live, so I'm stuck with randoms lol

  • @phillee427

    @phillee427

    11 күн бұрын

    You're a sessions will go great and if they don't. I suggest you exercise one of two things balls and or brains. Let me tell you what I mean. So many of these stories could be easily overcome. If the o p of the stories would just leave the moment something they don't like happens, you don't have to give anybody three strikes. You aren't an empire umpire. My very first TTRPG experience was something I really didn't like. I did not like the guy running nor how he ran. So I left. I didn't worry about upsetting the apple cart. I didn't worry about hurting his feelings. I didn't like it so I left. In so many of these stories you hear. If people would just roll out yeah, they wouldn't be an rpg horror story to hear, but that person wouldn't have to suffer through somebody else's bs

  • @WolfODonnelfan

    @WolfODonnelfan

    11 күн бұрын

    ​@@GusMortis That's dependable. Hell, the best groups I've been in has been with randos online. My longest running group is on campaign 3 as of now, where the consequences of campaign 1 & 2 has been mentioned in campaign 3 and the player characters of the previous campaigns are NPCs of this campaign. We've been the same group of players since the beginning (we started out as 6 and people dropped over time, but we're still 3 remaining players) and we've been playing for over 5 years now. And playing with friends can still be a shitshow, because I once hosted a campaign (CoS) for some friends to introduce them to DnD where I was the DM because only I had experience with the game. One of the rules established in the beginning was that I as the DM had final say in a ruling and we could discuss it AFTER the game, not during the game. Everyone agreed. Then around session 7, my best-friend, now former friend, tried arguing a plan would work because that's how it works in real-life (he tried to use his knowledge of chemistry to one-up me) and I vetoed it. It ended up with a huge argument and him assaulting me, literally trying to beat me up for telling him no. The entire game ended after a measly 7 sessions. So, no. A game with friends only is not always better.

  • @cinch1619
    @cinch161910 күн бұрын

    I'm not even two minutes into the video and I'm having an existential crisis. "All the way back in 4th edition." My friend, by that logic, I was playing in the dark ages of 3.5. My first multi-session TTRPG was EverQuest.

  • @RagnarokAvatar
    @RagnarokAvatar12 күн бұрын

    I'd say OP did come out on top, because once his ex-DM gets out of jail, he's going to have that assault charge on his record, and do you know how hard it is to find a job with that on you?

  • @TBird136

    @TBird136

    11 күн бұрын

    Exactly. And his initial plan flopped in the worst way possible too. OP made some sacrifices, but they were way worth it

  • @arosbastion7052

    @arosbastion7052

    11 күн бұрын

    not really that hard

  • @liamdalemon1525

    @liamdalemon1525

    11 күн бұрын

    You know, I think that's a major flaw with the justice system. Sure I think people deserve to know if someone is potentially dangerous, but considering no one wants to hire a former criminal, it makes it extremely hard for them to legally earn a living, which makes crime seem like their only option. THE JUSTICE SYSTEM, IS MAKING IT HARDER TO OBEY THE LAW! Not particularly relevant to the video, just thought I'd give my two cents on criminal records.

  • @cosmicspacething3474

    @cosmicspacething3474

    11 күн бұрын

    @@liamdalemon1525 Yeah I feel like more things should be considered, but even then this guy would still be having trouble

  • @Skud0rz

    @Skud0rz

    11 күн бұрын

    DMs gonna have to go back on 4 chan and become the neat

  • @Lorekeeper_GGuy
    @Lorekeeper_GGuy11 күн бұрын

    Btw when can we leave your basement, CritCrab?

  • @SapphireDragon357

    @SapphireDragon357

    11 күн бұрын

    You know what that question earns you? Some wall-chain time! Go on, make sure it's locked nice and tight.

  • @LibraDoSuquin
    @LibraDoSuquin11 күн бұрын

    16:24 Everytime the wave completely covers the sand, me be happy That goes for all videos

  • @CocoWantsACracker

    @CocoWantsACracker

    3 күн бұрын

    I laughed a little to learn about one more thing that I never expected to be satisfying for others, and it genuinely makes me feel a bit happier to know that there are people out there who appreciate some a little thing in life. It's so pure and so lovely that you share this with the world! 🙂

  • @zyxaqc
    @zyxaqc11 күн бұрын

    Not to downplay anyone else's experiences, but as someone whose entire sense of humor is based on self-deprecation, it doesn't always have to be a cry for help. Some of us just can't be funny without making ourselves the butt of the jokes.

  • @dattos140
    @dattos14011 күн бұрын

    Its the mickey mouse, court house!~ Sorry the ending just made me thing about that lol.

  • @Raptor-yt1ms
    @Raptor-yt1ms11 күн бұрын

    The second I saw the thumb nail of the celestial dragon I was immediately hooked

  • @CrowePerch
    @CrowePerch12 күн бұрын

    Time for crab 🦀

  • @Shannon4710
    @Shannon471011 күн бұрын

    I think this video could win a prize for the worst sponsor segway. Essentially being: ”this awful thing happened but first we must thank todays sponsor for making it all possible!” 😆

  • @NurterDFish
    @NurterDFish12 күн бұрын

    My Uncle Moe Lester also keeps people in his basement

  • @wyvern0m3g42
    @wyvern0m3g429 күн бұрын

    Using Saint Charloss as a stand-in for Hal in the thumbnail is just too perfect. I swear, if this guy had any real authority over anyone, he could be a real life equivalent of Charloss. Having a superiority complex, essentially owning someone like a slave, immediately getting mad when he doesn't get what he wants or when he feels disrespected, resorting to violence when he's enraged, etc.

  • @karlispovisils5297
    @karlispovisils529712 күн бұрын

    OP’s mind fricking Hal so he wouldn’t frick was amazing. Props to OP.

  • @cygnia
    @cygnia12 күн бұрын

    BRB, gotta preemptively cuddle my CritCrab plushie. Have a feeling I'm gonna need it for this...

  • @cameronb851
    @cameronb85111 күн бұрын

    I've heard this story before, but it's so satisfying, I couldn't resist indulging in another table read. This is the real life version of Edward Norton's 'boss' beat down scene from Fightclub, in which he loses a fight to his boss intentionally, and without his boss even actively fighting. Taking a hard hit, to 'win'. Thumbs up CritCrab!

  • @pineberry212
    @pineberry21211 күн бұрын

    8:35 what a terrible day to have ears.

  • @erikasakura7721
    @erikasakura772111 күн бұрын

    This is one of the best ways to peacefully deal with creeps like that, be the most obnoxious third wheel in the world. A friend of mine did that at an event a while ago and it has protected another friend from getting assaulted

  • @mineflameblade8788
    @mineflameblade878812 күн бұрын

    I hope to god this isn't real. Because if it is... Holy fuck.

  • @Knishook
    @Knishook10 күн бұрын

    ‘All the way back in 4th edition’ was a critical hit on my emotional stability.

  • @xRussianbishop
    @xRussianbishop11 күн бұрын

    DM: so you find yourself locked in a basement Player: oh i am going to love this plot DM: what Plot

  • @curioussavagery802
    @curioussavagery80212 күн бұрын

    got here quick on complete accident! within 3 minutes, I literally got the ping on discord after clicking play on the video!! Was also literally just thinking I wish you updated a little more, I love your videos so much. Your voice feels like a hug and its so relaxing listening to you

  • @acehasgreed
    @acehasgreed12 күн бұрын

    Hooray! Our glorious king returns

  • @curtisbrown6604
    @curtisbrown660411 күн бұрын

    "All the way back in fourth edition." Damn thanks for making me feel old.

  • @zixserro1
    @zixserro110 күн бұрын

    *sees Saint Charlos in the thumbnail* Oh boy, this guy's gonna be terrible, huh? And then he was.

  • @jasonfike4548
    @jasonfike454812 күн бұрын

    Just got off work early; what a great surprise to listen to on the drive back home.

  • @Forysan
    @Forysan11 күн бұрын

    First of all, welcome back CritCrab! Love your stories!

  • @comettamer
    @comettamer11 күн бұрын

    I always look forward to the latest Critcrab video. It's like a little gift every so often.

  • @metagames.errata7777
    @metagames.errata777711 күн бұрын

    "Penny, borrowed from a similar, less self-aware--" ... Wait. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog?

  • @MCPicoli
    @MCPicoli11 күн бұрын

    Depression and suicidal tendencies are extremely serious issues. Do not overlook or dismiss them prematurely. I wish I had heeded this advice before losing my sister. But of course, if it is faked, rage is justified.

  • @victoriagarcia3078
    @victoriagarcia307811 күн бұрын

    I’m crocheting a plush of Critcrab, I’m currently making his claws and will start making his body very soon

  • @marko9695
    @marko969512 күн бұрын

    Insanely early, love you CritCrab!

  • @anubion42
    @anubion4211 күн бұрын

    Oh this was already messed up but I’m so glad it’s not as bad as I expected from the title

  • @joshuapohle6909
    @joshuapohle690910 күн бұрын

    Our mighty crustacean overlord has returned!!!!!!! Please free us from the content mines

  • @AzzRushman
    @AzzRushman10 күн бұрын

    Loving the quick wit decisions of bed arrangements and hugging the antagonist with a great response prepared. However, it's always super risky to try and piss off those who are clearly mentally unstable or just plain weird. As for self-deprecating jokes, I guess they are alright as long as you don't cross the line. Today I have an important tech interview and am quite nervous. I told my sister that I would visit her right after, and that she shouldn't be surprised to find me either super happy or quite depressed lmao.

  • @HamsterPants522
    @HamsterPants52212 күн бұрын

    Thanks for making this video and also I hope you have a very nice day despite the depressing subject.

  • @Nephalem2002
    @Nephalem20029 күн бұрын

    I saw Charlos in the thumbnail and I KNEW I had to look into this

  • @ryanrizzo4869
    @ryanrizzo48697 күн бұрын

    First, it's so good to see you, My Lord Crab. Second, "What a terrible day to have eyes" absolutely slayed me! Lmao

  • @thestranger954
    @thestranger95411 күн бұрын

    Howdy, Critcrab! Loved the video!

  • @bubbasanprime
    @bubbasanprime6 күн бұрын

    By far my favorite episode. I will be stealing the phrase "creep bingo" and using it every chance I get.

  • @allenstockburger8664
    @allenstockburger86649 күн бұрын

    Very powerful story. I hope I will be strong enough to take a punch when I need to and still carry myself with equanimity

  • @citrusorange794
    @citrusorange79411 күн бұрын

    Knowing there is a Celestial Dragon AKA Saint Charles (I think thats his name) is a spoiler on what happened to him in the end of this story.

  • @ArcCaravan

    @ArcCaravan

    11 күн бұрын

    Saint Charlos. And the ending isn't the same for this "Hal".

  • @cosmicspacething3474

    @cosmicspacething3474

    11 күн бұрын

    That guy was a celestial dragon?

  • @ArcCaravan

    @ArcCaravan

    11 күн бұрын

    @@cosmicspacething3474 The male character in the thumbnail.

  • @JACorvin
    @JACorvin12 күн бұрын

    Been too long, Mr Crab. Good to have you back.

  • @jezixhylus3370
    @jezixhylus337011 күн бұрын

    Always great to see the crab king’s return! 🦀

  • @Angel-Dust-The-Prostitute
    @Angel-Dust-The-Prostitute3 күн бұрын

    0:56 Deadulus Hammer - Pools randomly 3 random upgrades for your main weapon. This can be anything from making it fully automatic with an higher ammo capacity for ranged, to an straight damage buff which raises minimum D damage to Max D damage, to silly things like cluster bombs which drop damage by %15 but allow you to hit and arc it over cover, if it hits the same target? Hits 6 times...

  • @lwolfstar7618
    @lwolfstar76188 күн бұрын

    Hey our crabby overlord has returned! Nice to see you back!

  • @someone-you-do-not-know8522
    @someone-you-do-not-know852211 күн бұрын

    “*She* was really interested in the game” - oh. Oh no. We know where it’s headed now.

  • @RandomTrinidadian
    @RandomTrinidadian12 күн бұрын

    Hey, the Crab that Crits is back!

  • @Blindy_Sama
    @Blindy_Sama11 күн бұрын

    I very much dislike the DM rolling the death saves thing

  • @euchiron
    @euchiron11 күн бұрын

    The DM's last emotional achievement was learning to aim at a toilet bowl

  • @oscarpine7145
    @oscarpine71457 күн бұрын

    Therapist just casually goes "Oh it bothers you because you have a savior complex. It hits too close to home" like that isn't a bombshell breakthrough

  • @DarkExcalibur42
    @DarkExcalibur4210 күн бұрын

    "What a terrible day to have eyes" Ooof.

  • @connorupton4200
    @connorupton42007 күн бұрын

    Reddit OP is so non confrontational that he lets this guy ruin years of his life and is subsequently assaulted by him. And we’re supposed to cheer. Ok!

  • @vespidolive741
    @vespidolive74110 күн бұрын

    The King has returned!

  • @user-ek1qp1ue9l
    @user-ek1qp1ue9l4 күн бұрын

    End then, everyone clapped 🎉

  • @drewhalcro6082
    @drewhalcro608210 күн бұрын

    I'm touch starved and it's one of my main love languages, but don't you ever fucking touch me!

  • @magesu4544
    @magesu454411 күн бұрын

    "What a bad day to have eyes" genuinely made me chuckle xD

  • @Marsh-mo9ml
    @Marsh-mo9ml11 күн бұрын

    That ending made me so genuinely happy, like it wasn't perfect but it was good and things were getting better ejuffjdbfhdh so good

  • @bb-ce7qf
    @bb-ce7qf9 күн бұрын

    I would love to see them explaining a girl living in some guys basement she met on 4 chan ...in a house that his parents also live at ..but she not with him but she used to be FWB.. but now she has a gf and he a mad incel

  • @dorianrpg
    @dorianrpg5 күн бұрын

    Hopefully things are going well Crab King. We've missed you.

  • @curtisbrown6604
    @curtisbrown660411 күн бұрын

    Adopt a Neet? That's both the most terrible and most ingenious system I've ever heard.

  • @user-cl7xe9fn8s
    @user-cl7xe9fn8s12 күн бұрын

    RAAHHHH NEW CRIT CRAB

  • @dominikstrongitharm9946
    @dominikstrongitharm994612 күн бұрын

    Never going to give you up

  • @cptjaeplays9167
    @cptjaeplays916711 күн бұрын

    Your back!!! You have been missed!!

  • @tannerpoulis3156
    @tannerpoulis315612 күн бұрын

    literally just finished marineford so the celestial dragon thumbnail is a funny coincidence lol

  • @AlexiusScholius
    @AlexiusScholius6 күн бұрын

    Wholesome story. I like it. ^^

  • @LeonShuriken
    @LeonShuriken11 күн бұрын

    Maybe this is why I can’t find a group I would literally not stick around for any of that nonsense

  • @Alegaisia101
    @Alegaisia10111 күн бұрын

    Let me tell you, the disneyland section of this saga - OP is that girl's hero

  • @linksstruepower7443
    @linksstruepower744310 күн бұрын

    Oof. I've heard this story before. Makes my skin crawl everytime.

  • @CallMeKes
    @CallMeKes10 күн бұрын

    This is a pretty old story but I'm used to hearing stories that I've heard before.

  • @megakodex4949
    @megakodex494911 күн бұрын

    Gotta say, completely turning the dms points against him and ending with him being dragged away by Mickey Mouse is a pretty good ending to the story.

  • @WhyseWytch
    @WhyseWytch11 күн бұрын

    There's a fine line between Glory and Horror stories. This ascended from horror to glory. Praise be.

  • @RawwkinGrimmie64
    @RawwkinGrimmie649 күн бұрын

    "someone gets punched in the face" good. (The person that gets punched in the face is OP, a genuinely good person, and the assaulter gets escorted away by security) OH, THIS IS PERFECT!

  • @Ravenclaw74
    @Ravenclaw7411 күн бұрын

    "I first started playing D&D all the back in Fourth Edition"...that's cute...BECMI baby!

  • @yi-hira
    @yi-hira12 күн бұрын

    Holy 1 minute ago posted video, Batman. I'm early to a CritCrab vid.

  • @limitbreak2966

    @limitbreak2966

    12 күн бұрын

    28 minutes for me, funny thing is i didn’t find it through a notification, another video of his was in the videos you can click on below another video, so I clicked on his channel to see if there was any videos that looked goated and found this one only 28 minutes after upload

  • @waveeyes
    @waveeyes11 күн бұрын

    This isn't a horror story, just a fun one. A few months ago I playing a 1-shot set in the Warrior Cats world (for game mechanics this meant we were all the custom race "cat"). During this game I had my first combat experience when we ran into a dog. It started by me rolling horribly when trying to escape meaning the other players had to return to save me from a certain death. Right before the battle started I used one of my class abilities to "create" a custom weapon (the custom weapon dealt d4+dex damage and made the target prone), I then gave it to another player since he had better Dex. Anyways onto combat. Turn 1 I try to go in for a bite attack since I had a class ability that made my bite also poison anyone I hit (yes. one of my abilities was poor dental hygiene) but I missed. The friend who I had given my weapon to then did a pretty neat combo which in the end resulted in the dog being both Prone and at Disadvantage for the next round. I go in for another attack, miss again and the dog gets an opportunity attack on me, with disadvantage the dog rolls 16 on hit, then deals 13 damage (at the time I believed my max health was 17). I say I am down to 4 health and make a joking comment about how I will probably die if this luck keeps up and the DM trying to be helpful reminds me that I should add my Constitution bonus to my max health. So I look at my ref sheet and after struggling to find the stat (I am still really new to the game) I see it and simply say "Alright, I am at 3 health. My constitution is -1) causing everyone, including me to burst into laughter. I then start to play it safe and the others manages to win the fight, after which we find a safe place for me to rest and get patched up. This is when I realize I had made yet another mistake, I wasn't actually at 3 health. The hit dice I had rolled when making the character did not add up to 17 as I had previously counted, they added up to 16. So I was actually down to 2 health (which also made everyone laugh). In the end I survived, but this certainly was a memorable and hilarious first experience with DnD combat.

  • @annormal1414
    @annormal141410 күн бұрын

    I felt like i've heard that before but when she started dating another girl i realized that this one is rather old story, i've saw 2+ years ago, possibly op's basing it on a different person's story. Well, Crab covered so many of those that having a couple of fake ones sneak into the pull is rather natural

  • @Spikex99
    @Spikex9911 күн бұрын

    “What a terrible day to have eyes” My Crab you have me wondering if it’s worth it to keep my ears. Sadly I wouldn’t be able to listen to more crab vids if I got rid of them so I think it is. For now at least.

  • @wolfgamer8770
    @wolfgamer877011 күн бұрын

    You know that this DM must be scum when the thumbnain has a picture of Saint Charlos from One Piece.

  • @garf293
    @garf29310 күн бұрын

    I really think both Hal and Penny are terrible people.

  • @alandotson6388
    @alandotson638810 күн бұрын

    Op is totally in the right and all that, but the copeiom after he got beat up by a loser lol you took an L there buddy

  • @canthandle5088
    @canthandle508811 күн бұрын

    Welcome 🎉 back 🎉 crablord🎉

  • @haydenmitchell7846
    @haydenmitchell784611 күн бұрын

    Is this a re-upload, or has another channel covered this story before? Cuz I swear I've heard this exact story before, but I am blanking hard

  • @justme0910
    @justme091011 күн бұрын

    A little thing I'd like to point out: This is actually a rare case of an abuser being bold enough to try their tactics on an entire friend group. Most of the time, abusers are keenly aware that their behavior would get them shunned if they did it out in the open, so they divide the people they know into victims and allies. Typically, they are nothing but charming, generous and kind to the allies in order to get them on their side and help gaslight and isolate the victim(s). If the victim(s) speak up, they're met with "[Abuser] is such a great person, they'd never do something like this! You must be a lying attention-seeker trying to cause drama. Stop trying to harsh everyone's buzz." That's why it's extremely important to pay attention to red flags and take them seriously, even if everything seems fine. Someone can be a great friend to you, but take advantage of someone else when no one's looking.

  • @TigerW0lf
    @TigerW0lf12 күн бұрын

    Oh gods, i remember this story. I hope that guy ended up in jail and then some.

  • @Jaeger_Bishop

    @Jaeger_Bishop

    12 күн бұрын

    I hope he ended up UNDER the jail.

  • @limitbreak2966

    @limitbreak2966

    12 күн бұрын

    Jail for what? I’m only at 9:12 so far, but it seems completely legal at this point

  • @TowerArcanaCrow

    @TowerArcanaCrow

    11 күн бұрын

    ​@@limitbreak2966consent doesn't count when you have someone in your basement and they're dependent on your sheltering them, and your price is fucking. Also assault, as if that needs said. Hope he got prison shanked or turned into someone else's "4chan kitten" in jail.

  • @ArcCaravan

    @ArcCaravan

    11 күн бұрын

    ​@@limitbreak2966It reaches a point where laws are broken.

  • @barriehannon6857

    @barriehannon6857

    11 күн бұрын

    i doubt he would the legal system is too soft nowerdays