My heart breaks for the poor young woman who lost a baby only to have her ex-partner not care in the least. I hope she finds the one for her that's going to love her the way she deserves.

@rosebonnie7444

2 жыл бұрын

I wish we could give her a hug.

@jessicacharlton7347

2 жыл бұрын

I know. It's bad enough that she had a miscarriage but then she tells her ex and he basically says, "That sucks. I'm going to bed now." How could anyone think it's okay to react like that? Especially the ex who got her pregnant in the first place. I feel so bad for her.

@koalaeucalyptus

2 жыл бұрын

That really was such a terrifyingly sad story to hear. She was absolutely right to tell him, he should have cared about it, about her... instead, he didn't even let her communicate, dismissed her pain and flat out told her he couldn't care less by just saying "Imma go to bed". I hope she had friends or family members who could offer her the support she needed at the time, maybe even a therapist.

@muurrarium9460

2 жыл бұрын

She is a nutcase: not knowing you are pregnant, en *then* a miscariage? She probably just had a delayed and extra heavy period. Some women are just a dumb as a stump. Boy got lucky, he got away.

@jesseputnam

2 жыл бұрын

@@muurrarium9460 found the incel

"Not me, I got a vasectomy. I shoot blanks" Jono I love that you normalized a male birth contraceptive method

@Kas_Styles

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! 💯💯💯 thanks you!

@lumpyspacecadet

Жыл бұрын

Why don't more men do this?

@SanderTeunissen

Жыл бұрын

I'm gonna need to remember that one

@Joeysaladslover

Жыл бұрын

@@lumpyspacecadet because it’s a surgery with more risks and pain than a pill or a condom? Maybe think?

@deathstroke2305

Жыл бұрын

It's a surgery that takes 30 min with little to no risk what so ever. Now a days it's not even permanent. There's way more risks with taking the pill in terms of cancer and hormone mega bombs, men just don't want to go through some minor discomfort for one week. Same reason they discontinued the male birth control pill, same symptoms as the female one but men just didn't wanna deal with them. That's just the truth

Laughed so hard when you said "coward". An ex broke up with me by text, so I went to his place and confronted him. And called him a coward. Painful but glorious to be able to say it to his face.

@MegaGreencarebear

2 жыл бұрын

Nice job!

@teesh871

2 жыл бұрын

I love it! Good for you.

@anaiselramos56

2 жыл бұрын

I mean yeah, he was a coward but you also showing up to his place to chew him out is a red flag? lol

@eclectic_nerd

2 жыл бұрын

@@anaiselramos56 he had some of my IT crowd DVDs as well. I wanted them back

@sandeepnath9504

2 жыл бұрын

And not an inch has changed after you doing that congratulations you wasted lots of your time being emotional for so long that you wasted all your time from receiving the text till you called him back and said coward.

"You shouldn't be having sex if you're not willing to step up and be responsible for what that could lead to." Bravo!!!!!!

Breakup texts are awful, but while I was dating, I would've preferred a breakup text over ghosting any day. Ghosting is the ultimate cowards way out.

I'm glad that you added the part about it being ok to do if you're in an abusive relationship. It's how I had to leave my ex, because I knew if I left while he was there then it would have been dangerous. Or he would have manipulated me and pulled me back in again. I never felt bad for the way I left him, I had to do what was right for me. But thank you for validating this. It took a weight off my shoulders that I didn't know was there.

@elizabethcaron2970

2 жыл бұрын

Your really strong for that!! I'm proud of you!!!

@staceyryan834

2 жыл бұрын

@@elizabethcaron2970 That's very sweet of you, thank you. And yes, I'm doing much better now, and am in a stable and healthy relationship now :)

@elizabethcaron2970

2 жыл бұрын

@@staceyryan834 that's great!!

@labaccident2010

2 жыл бұрын

My ex was scary when he was angry- Kinda like yours. I’m glad you’re safe now.

@staceyryan834

2 жыл бұрын

@@labaccident2010 I hope you're doing better now too. Sending love from an internet rando lol.

That poor girl... To go through a miscarriage is so hard and to not even have the person who was the father care is heart breaking. What an AHole. I broke up with my BF over txt because he forced me to do things I said no too and that he knew were against my values. In other words he SA me and I couldn't bear to see him again after that.

@theopkingdom3433

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserved to be respected and valued. Hope things are better now. ❤

@cococoffee2305

2 жыл бұрын

Omg I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing ok!!

@Alicia.Marie.13

2 жыл бұрын

@@cococoffee2305 I am now married and we adopted our son Sam last year. It's been rough and I have alot of healing to do but I am OK 😊 My husband and I have also had to come a long way to heal. It's been a journey for sure.

@cococoffee2305

2 жыл бұрын

@@Alicia.Marie.13 Congratulations on both the marriage and adoption! I wish the both of you the best of luck!

@RedRoseSeptember22

2 жыл бұрын

I don't blame you! I hope you are doing much better now. ♥

My first fiance broke up with me over AIM ("it's not you, it's me") after all of his friends (some of whom were my friends before they even met him) spent a week gleefully sending me pictures of him with his brand new girlfriend. He'd apparently told everyone I had dumped him a month beforehand and they thought they were avenging his feelings. That was 15 years ago, and even though I've been over him for a long time, I still have nightmares about that breakup, and I've never fully recovered my ability to trust people.

@danielavallejo7306

2 жыл бұрын

totally relatable, some people really dont have any notion of how their actions can have a profund impact in others lives. I also experienced a lot of pain during my last breakup, but, here we are still alive, and moving on. Sending you possitive vibes

@koalaeucalyptus

2 жыл бұрын

Oooooh I'm so mad on your behalf. I'd put his ass on blast, tell everyone how he made a fool of his friends as well, maybe losing some friends would warrant some reflection on his part.

@atinyevil1383

2 жыл бұрын

Wtf kind of asshat does that to someone? I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

@strawberrysangria1474

2 жыл бұрын

Yikes, your feelings were neglected and he got his friends to bully you with his lies. I'm so sorry that happened and I hope you eventually can heal from this. At least he knows he's a scumbag; he flipped your roles around and his friends hated you for it. In truth, they hate people exactly like him.

@entitymari3329

2 жыл бұрын

I would've showed everyone the screenshots to make them feel stupid

My first ever boyfriend in high school tried to do the whole "get me to break up with him first by being a 'bad boyfriend' for a week" routine, and just as I was gearing up to bite the bullet and do it myself, he sent me a message over Facebook saying "Breaking up with you, don't ask why, will explain later". In the moment I wasn't that upset, just glad it was over, but looking back on it I'm just flabbergasted at the audacity of that message. He hadn't changed or matured at when I saw him again 6 years later, so I consider it a bullet dodged.

@itscalledlogic7

2 жыл бұрын

How much later did he explain?

The "I don't want you to get sick of me" one really makes me sad. My partner was like that, and sometimes his insecurities still affect him to the point of thinking I'll get tired of him and leave. My partner was pretty badly treated in abusive relationships, and it makes me sad that this continues to be a source of anxiety for the person I love.

@wolfboy20

Жыл бұрын

That really sucks and is totally relatable because that shit can affect you for very long periods of time and even after confronting it and healing from it. Words of affirmation definitely help tho

@spiicyliime22

Жыл бұрын

My ex was like that. It's heartbreaking, but can also be manipulative or self sabotage from my experience.

@Iuxinterior

Жыл бұрын

the difference is that the girl in that story DID warn him that she gets bored fast which feels manipulative and it sounds like he got out of the relationship early on before it became and issue

I know you won't see this but I just want to say thank you especially about the Integrity line," you learn to love yourself when you live in integrity", cuz I'm learning a lot about myself and how to be a better person by just watching you. Your children are very lucky to have you.

@MendedLight

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate that. Thank you so much!

Jonathan: I need to keep my voice low because of the screaming I did last night Also Jonathan: Yelling at people who broke up via text 😅

"So the easiest way is just through a text" No, Jono, the easiest is to actually just disappear and cut contact. Which was very cowardly of me, but in my defense, we were kids.

@allym9493

2 жыл бұрын

so freaking relatable. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve left people with no word. but i was also SUPER young (still am) and didn’t think much of it. but i know better now.

@RedRoseSeptember22

2 жыл бұрын

I had to cut my ex out of my life via text. It's not cowardice. Sometimes it's just easier and plus I didn't want to be around his negative, abusive energy. Back when we would have our fights he slammed his hands onto the wall in order to avoid hitting me out of anger of frustration, there also so many other moments that were scary. I am glad he's gone.

@kojikakoifish2862

2 жыл бұрын

@@RedRoseSeptember22 I don't think Jono's calling your type of breakup cowardice. I think he's saying an otherwise normal relationship you're just not feeling deserves an honest breakup, and it does. Someone slamming things (or you or themselves) into the wall and frightening you isn't normal.

My first ex did the whole "well it's your decision" thing in order to get me to break up with him. Then later I was forced to break up with another very toxic ex over the phone since I wasn't gonna be the asshole that texted her "I'm done". She ended up telling me she hated me for doing it over the phone. Funny thing was she had been avoiding me for 2 months by then and I couldn't meet up with her in person to break up with her properly.

@strawberrysangria1474

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like you did the right thing. You had to tell her one way or another if meeting up wouldn't happen.

@samanthac.349

2 жыл бұрын

Here’s another good example of when it’s okay to break up via text, but it must be prefaced with something like, “I’ve been trying to do this face-to-face, but you’ve been avoiding me.”

@Barlmoro

2 жыл бұрын

@@samanthac.349 a friend of me needet to do it over text to the same reason, every time he wannts to speak with her cose of it, she disapeart. over a month. than he wrote her a long text and send her it. she than assaultet him at work with a knife. i think if i remember right, last year was hear last jeahr in jail for it.

I appreciate your counsel about sex and emotional attachment. I do wish we could normalize that advice in general (without the gendered twist most people put on it). Sex is an intimate act, and that intimacy can foster attachment in a relationship that's not ready for it. That's true no matter how you identify. For some reason, people pretend that women are the only ones that get attached to a sexual partner.

@natkatmac

Жыл бұрын

Lord knows every guy I've had a one night stand with wouldn't leave me the fuck alone after.

A LOT of us had zero emotional training at home. That doesn't mean we are assholes; we stumble along, learning as we go. Glad that younger folk have teachers here like Jono. I am 53 and am really glad for therapy I've had in the past, and glad for this channel's refreshers in good humaning.

@MrInconvenient

Жыл бұрын

If you mistreat or disrespect people then you are an asshole. It doesn't matter what background you came from or whatever lack of training you have, you are responsible for your own actions. The best thing you can do is own up to it and try to be better.

@stygian6642

Жыл бұрын

@@MrInconvenient yes. I think what Kitti means is that they're not irredeemably bad people, which they're not. But they are assholes at least temporarily

@noctilucera7585

Жыл бұрын

@@MrInconvenient calling people assholes is disrespecting though Even if they make mistakes and treat people wrongly. I don't say forgive them but calling them asshole is also bad manners and disrespect, maybe you could take soome of your own advice :)

@MrInconvenient

Жыл бұрын

@@noctilucera7585 When did I call someone an asshole. I said if you mistreat people then you are one. Just like if you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you get treated like a duck.

@G__U__T__S

8 ай бұрын

Yes, it does mean that. You sre responsible for your own behaviors. Period.

My friend recently had to break up with her live-in boyfriend because HE REFUSED TO ACKNOWLEDGE the in person breakup attempts... He had slowly made himself comfortable in her apartment and wound up living there... She had to essentially leave his stuff packed up to pick up and break up via text and low-key ban him from the building

@mioafox

2 жыл бұрын

I knew a couple similar to that. He tried to break up with her multiple times, she reacted with tears and suicide threats. He, understandably, comforted her and she took that as "Everything is okay again". He then resorted to weird, indirect comments like "I want kids, but not with you" or "I will never marry you" which she simply ignored. He remained a hostage to her denial and his own inability to just leave. They live together to this day, I doubt that it is happily... Our friendship fell apart because the toxicity of their relationship spilled over onto all their close, shared friendships...

@mffmoniz2948

Жыл бұрын

An ex kinda moved in with me before I noticed that's what he was doing. Made it harder to get ride of him.

@pfb74

Жыл бұрын

​@@mffmoniz2948hobosexual

@sarahlandis289

Жыл бұрын

Sounds harder to get rid of a poor match if they live with you.

I never realized how much I appreciate my ex for having the guts to actually call me and break up with me until now. I'm sure he would've told me in person if he were able (long story), he was a good guy and it's a shame that I had to lose him as a friend too because we were really good friends before we dated.

I feel awful for that woman who had a miscarriage. I am glad for her that that person is not in her life anymore because he sounds horrific, but what a traumatic way to have things end. I hope she finds a healthy relationship. ❤️

I had a partner come over to my house despite me insisting that I was not in a good mindset to talk. He showed up anyways, so I popped two ativan and sat there while he read out a 59 page powerpoint outlining how horrible I was to him. I was so broken from the relationship that I couldn't respond. He emailed me the powerpoint later that night. He also sent several horrible text exchanges over the next few months, but finally apologized for his behavior maybe six months later. Sometimes the toxic person doesn't realize they should just send a text instead of trying to talk about it in person. He had horrible grammar and couldn't spell for the life of him, so at least I got a good drinking game out of the powerpoint

@tinad8561

2 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry, but who builds a relationship PowerPoint??? You dodged a bullet there.

@kittimcconnell2633

2 жыл бұрын

...a powerpoint? holy macaroly!! How many shots do I have to do just for reading this?

@kojikakoifish2862

2 жыл бұрын

I know Jono said do it in person but anyone who breaks up with me via a 59-slide PowerPoint is wasting my time and I'll be telling them that via text. 59 pages of how I treated you horribly? Either call the police and press charges or GTFO. You clearly weren't so horrible that they were afraid to show up at your house with that BS. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

@kwalker123

2 жыл бұрын

A 59-powerpoint is NOT a face-to-face nor owning up to reasons why the partner wanted to break up. That is all just a blame game. Very glad to hear that you (hopefully) don't have to deal with that toxic person any more in your life. I hope your detoxification healing is going well.

@LifeisaBeautifulting

Жыл бұрын

@@kojikakoifish2862 You said it better than I could lol, this is not normal behavior at all. The guy I was in an abusive relationship with left me for another girl and I was actually more relieved than anything, didn't think twice about telling him how shitty he was lol

I've been wondering why people that cheat constantly in monogamous relationships can't accept that maybe they would be better in polyamorous relationships. Its common sense. But then I realized something else... these people don't want to be in a poly relationship because it implies mutual freedom, it implies that your partner can also be in other relationships, and I believe that, cheaters enjoy the cheating, they enjoy the secrecy, the lying, the adrenaline. That's why they do it, so even if being in a poly relationship would be healthy and probably the best for everyone involved... they don't want that. They wan't the high risk experience. They don't really care about their partner's feelings.

@ThisIsKiki1

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, that's really possible. I was just thinking that someone who cheats and lies in a monogamous relationship might likely also cheat and lie (in other ways) in poly relationships, especially since all the healthy poly relationships I've seen have had very well choreographed communication and clearly defined boundaries and limits

@RainyDayWolf

2 жыл бұрын

If you are starting a poly relationship you lay down the bases and at that moment you're giving the other person the power of choice, an informed decision... Cheaters don't want to give that, they want the power over the others involved thru manipulation and gaslight. Poly requires sincerity, vulnerability and a lot of affective responsibility.

@MomoMensch

Жыл бұрын

i have asked myself the same question and i know what you mean. however i think it wise to acknowledge that there are different kinds of cheating and cheaters. the intention is not always to have the thrill or the power and a lot of cheaters do regret their actions. and i think there are poly people who cheated in their monogamous relationship but are capable of sticking to a set of rules. i'm poly but in my first long term relationship i did several things that my partner considered cheating but I never wanted to hurt him. i did not keep secrets and i did not think i was doing something wrong. i just did not intuitively understand his idea of monogamy and we did not communicate well about it. i was able to learn how to communicate needs and boundaries and check in with my partners. that relationship did not last for several reasons but one reason was that he could not trust me although i never broke rules that we actually talked about. (not saying i was searching for loopholes but that our communication was just lacking...) so yeah, i think there is nuance in intent and reasoning and for some poly is a solution :)

The only time in my life I broke up with someone via text was because I saw him with another girl and I told him, if he had a girlfriend I didn't want anything to do with him because even if what we had was casual I wasn't going to be the other woman... well... he didn't have a girlfriend, he was married, his wife saw my text and filed for divorce... funny thing is that I'd been to his place a few times and his place was bare, messy and basic, like, his place screamed Uni student, not "married couple" So I'm guessing my texts were just the excuse she needed to finally leave him (according to friends she travelled a lot for work and that's why their place was so barren of her presence, but... she stopped travelling immediately after they splitted) He asked me a few months after if I thought ill of him and I honestly answered "I don't think about you at all, I'm sorry your marriage is over, but you lied to me and I'm not that type of girl"

"I shoot blanks" had me dead

I am so grateful that you said that abusive relationships are an exception and that it's perfectly fine to break up with a text to avoid more abusive behaviours. This is something not many people talk about. Abusive relationships are a completely different subject from many points of view, including break ups, because the "abuse" part is far more relevant than the "relationship" part when it comes to safety.

I’ve made a point to do every break up in person, but I have done one over text. I don’t regret it because it was a safety issue-he was deeply abusive and I had escaped through an required internship for school. I still believe you shouldn’t break up via text unless you fear for your safety.

@bellewells2099

2 жыл бұрын

You are brave

@sarahlandis289

Жыл бұрын

I agree. I had to break up with someone over the phone but I did call them. We weren't able to meet in person and I hadn't seen them more than once the entire summer.

The thing you said about abusive texts brought back a memory- in the 80’s i dated an abusive man for five years. He was horrible, controlling, and sexually abusive. While he did some prison time I realized how good life was without him. So when he got back i broke up with him on the phone. He had always said he wouldnt let me live without him. He wanted me to come over. Now i realize how stupjd that was…there was no telling what he could have done to me alone, at his house. I got lucky. If an abusive partner you break up with wants you to come over..DONT. Please dont. Mine ended up stalking me and threatening me, so I had to move across the country to hide from him.

15:01 I CANTTT it’s such a difficult moment, but that joke there brought up the mood for a bit, i was tearing up. good for you Jono😭

@MendedLight

Жыл бұрын

Lol. I forgot that I said that. Yikes!

That last one was truly heartbreaking.

When my boyfriend and I broke up, I sent him a very long message outlining my needs for the relationship. I started it with "I understand this may be awkward over text..." but he was someone who would joke and not listen when I expressed serious needs/concerns. I could tell the message was hard for him to understand. However, even with all of his being new to a relationship and not being fantastic at it, he decided we needed to meet in person. We met somewhere I felt safe, near my home so I could walk if needed (I didn't have a car or a liscence at the time) and he sat down. He stuttered, he was super nervous, and I remember knowing that whole day that we would break up and feeling nothing but peace. He pulled out his phone, apologizing, but saying he had some stuff to say and he wanted to say it right, so he wrote a script. He was practically shaking; he said he didn't know where to start, and I told him the beginning. Eventually, I realized how nervous he was (and knowing him he wasn't gonna be able to say it the way he wanted), so I offered to read it. He was shocked and hesitant then, eventually, handed it to me. I read the message and there were a few things that felt like attacks, but he ended it by saying we should break up because he didn't think our paths were headed in the same direction. I set his phone down, told him I agree and he broke into sobs. I didn't cry, instead I asked if I could hug him and gave him our last hug. After that, I made some comment about how beautiful the trees were and he said "no you" he always did that. Afterwards he choked up and said "sorry I guess I can't do that anymore." I told him it was okay and that there was going to be a lot to get used to. Then we just had an awesome, casual, friend chat! For the first time in a long time we rejoiced in each others' successes! Turns out he was so worried because his dad told him all his horror break up stories so he was scared I was going to freak out. He kept thanking me for being amazing and told me that I was an awesome person! It was a great break up and that didn't change the fact that I occasionally think back and am sad about what we had. However, it worked out exactly how it needed to and I know God was looking out for me! I know he struggled a lot after our break up and ended up getting a bunch more girlfriends right after me, but he is off on a mission now, and I couldn't be more proud of him! His mom still checks in on me and sends me cheap recipes to make while in college. I love his family and am grateful for the opportunity I had to learn and grow with him.

@Moon-fq9bp

9 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing this. It makes me hopeful that the day we’ll have the breakup conversation it would be easy and not a mess.

I actually did have to break up with someone over text. because i repeatedly tried to do so in person and he kept avoiding me. i remember feeling horrible about doing that but i didn't feel i had other choice. i politely explained that what we wanted out of life wasn't on the same page, and I hope he finds someone who can be on that same wavelength and he deserves that kind of relationship which wasn't something i could offer. about a year later he actually reached out to me and thanked me for breaking up with him like that. from what it sounds like the girl after me kept yoyoing him between together and break up and put him through a lot of emotional pain because of it. i was taken aback because id had a lot of guilt with how i ended things with him. now hes with someone and has been for ten years. and im happy for him that hes happy with her.

Thanks for bringing up breaking up over text if the partner is abusive. I watched mental wellness and he talks about his wife leaving him over text and being completely out of the house with his kids when he got home.

I broke up with my boyfriend over text. Long distance relationship, it didn't feel right to be an relationship anymore because we rarely talked or anything. When I told him with my paragraph messages, he responded with how he could feel that the relationship was breaking before I even sent it and wasn't confident enough to break up with me. We're still friends, and I'm glad we're still friends.

My first boyfriend broke up with me via email. We were both too young, we both did immature things, and were absolutely not ready for a relationship. However, there's a happy outcome to this. I was angry for a long time, ignored him, wouldn't speak to him. Then slowly, about over a year or so, I got over it and grew up. We started talking again. We started hanging out together within groups of mutual friends. We had deep conversations, silly conversations, and overall just a lot of fun with each other. We both discussed and owned up to our mistakes and found we could be very, very good friends. I haven't spoken to him in a while, we stopped being able to hang out due to distance, and I really miss him.

My story is actually the opposite of this video. I met my husband in high school, he came to my 16th birthday, and the following week he wrote me a letter. The p.s. was "Will you be my...oh, my gosh! Look at the time!". Well, I wrote back "If you are asking what I think you're asking then yes, if not, nevermind." We are now 42 and still together. I have a hard time understanding why anyone would breakup that way though.

Had a friend who messaged me wanting to talk, and i told them I wasn’t ready to yet i wanted to be calm enough to and right after that they said and i quote “I don’t care to maintain the friendship anymore, you don’t support me, you make me feel like i have to be perfect and your the reason why I spiraled into a depression.” It broke my heart when he said that not just of how he felt but from how i was hurt from his words, there was no opportunity to fix anything.

Most of my breakups have happened over text. Once, it was over google chat and I said I was going to make myself lunch and I came back an hour or so later and he’d left me this dissertation-level breakup message that only actually said “it’s not you, it’s me. Not telling me why or if something wasn’t working. It was 2 days after Christmas and I was very angry. Edit: “Douche Rocket” has been added to my vocabulary, thank you, Jono.

@bunhelsingslegacy3549

2 жыл бұрын

I got broken up with over the phone in the 90s two weeks before Valentine's Day, "I don't know who I am when I'm not with you, I need to find myself". Then there was a long drawn out WTF that I finally got out of him after he left me hanging for months leading me on that maybe he'd "find himself" and come back. Thankfully the other two relationships I'd had that have ended, when we broke up, it was in person and there was sort of a post-mortem discussion on what worked, what didn't, and why, and I think that might be why once we got over our various hurts, we're all still friends enough that I still see both of them somewhat regularly both with and without their current partners (one had a gf who rented a room in my house for a year) and both of them were at my wedding (to someone they both knew) 13 years ago. Also, yes to "Douche Rocket", it may replace "douche nozzle" as my new favourite way of indicating someone's failings at humaning.

5:50 Jonathan's reaction right after he said that made me laugh so hard 😂😂 Never change 💛 And great video as always. There are never-ending insights that I get from watching these videos about what's *HEALTHY* in relationships and as someone who definitely didn't have the healthiest upbringing (probably like many of us here), I deeply appreciate the content that you guys produce. Much love ❤️

I broke up with my HS bf through text. I tried breaking up with him in person, but he said he didn't want to, and to give him another chance. We stayed together another month, but I honestly had already tapped out, and he lived a bit far away and I couldn't really go there on my own. So my options were to either wait for several more months until my parents could take me there, or break up through text in that moment. He did call later, and we did talk, but he was an arsehole, so I stopped talking to him eventually

When I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year I wrote a letter, trying to explain why and be clear with it (but I don't remember what I wrote so I don't really know how clear actually was), because I knew once I tried to speak I would be unable to. And when he came to my house I gave him the letter and sat next to him until he was done reading it. It was hard, and sometimes It still makes me sad, but I think it was the best I could do and it was necessary

I have seen strangers on a bus show compassion and caring for someone who's clearly going thru something. My heart breaks for the young woman who miscarried and was abandoned by her so-called friend. Even if someone I actively disliked was going thru this, I'd go and sit with them and let them cry and make sure they had other support before I left! One day, she'll feel lucky they didn't stay together 😢

Yes! I was typing a comment that you break up with someone via text if it’s the only way to keep yourself safe. Glad you included that if they’re abusive it’s okay.

I love how a lot of what's spoken about here can also be applied to friendships too

I tried breaking up with the last guy I dated in person. I had a pointed list so I wouldn't get derailed and I let him talk me out of it even though "Not respecting my boundaries and wishes" was a point on the list. The 2nd last time we got together we were watching Supernatural in my family room and he made a unsolicited sexual advance that made me VERY uncomfortable and made me very aware that IF I screamed my neighbors would just think it was part of the show. I was no longer comfortable around him. When he got caught Covid I requested he NOT come over until he had a negative test due to my ferrets being able to get it and not being able to treat it (in ferrets) therefore it could be fatal to my pets. It blew into a whole argument and I told him then don't EVER come over if you can't respect my home, my family, my responsibilities or my boundaries. Period. we. are. done. it went cold for a few days until I was on my way home and got a text : "I just left your place thought we could talk things over." "No, I was at work but thank you for putting even MORE urgency in me getting a home security system installed." I then had to explain why he was unwelcome and that any future contact would be reported to the police. I was made very aware how listening to my inner voice probably saved my from physical assault and rape and that his "unwanted advances did count as sexual assault", and to not play it down. Several male friends offered to stay at my place just to make sure my place was ok until the home security system was installed. I really felt that had I spoke to him in the way that got the point across to him IN PERSON it would have lead to a physical altercation. Over the phone would have had him at my door, and stalking me. As it was I had to submit the texts to the police in case anything happened- they wanted proof I did NOT want him at my residence. Sometimes breaking up via text is about the other person just NOT respecting your boundaries. Then you realized afterwards (thanks to friends) it was MUCH more than that.

Dude, I hate myself for breaking up with a text. It was a long distance relationship during covid but I could have at least called him. It was a long paragraph that I wrote respectfully, before I figured out I was aro, and I sent it at like midnight after he said something sweet. Definitely a douche move. One of my biggest regrets

@ErrorNotFound-nl1sh

2 жыл бұрын

Props though for learning from it! If there's no way to make up for it, the best we can do is learn from it, right?

The times I broke up with someone through text, it was because I was more afraid of their reaction than uncomfortable. Someone who threatened to harm themselves if I didn’t do something during the relationship, or someone who had violent tendencies when they were upset, I don’t want to see in person when I end it.

I admit I've broken up with a couple guys over text. One guy was all about sending me inappropriate pix. Not my thing and he wouldn't respect that. He was blowing up my phone with his self-portraits so I ignored my phone for a couple minutes. He didn't like that I wasn't drooling over it and asked why. 🙄 I reminded him how I felt and he replied that I needed to lighten up. I replied with "If you say so" and blocked him. Another one had decided after 3 dates that I was a gold digger (I'm not, still not sure how he got that from the tiny bit I'd mentioned about my finances at the time) and had broken up with me. A week later, he apologized over text and I replied that I appreciated the apology. (Note, I did NOT say I forgave or that we were good. From his later behaviors, I believe he didn't realize this.) We hung out a couple times, then he went in for knee surgery (both, I think). When I didn't check up on him after his surgery, he got mad, "I coulda died and you didn't care!" I don't remember how I responded. 🤷‍♀️ Then there was the crazy ex. I realized he was abusive and began planning my escape. A couple weeks later, I found evidence he was cheating on me and I moved the next day... 600 miles away. I was pretty clear about why, too. Six weeks later, when his behavior hadn't changed a bit... I was at work and he was mad that I hadn't done what I said I'd do (honest mistake, I forgot). I sent him a text, "Your ex was right- you are a liar, cheater, and abuser. Don't contact me again or I will get a protective order." He blew up my phone and I got a protective order. Long story short, I took screenshots and made police reports, he violated the protective order in epic ways.. and spent a year in prison. So this one was kinda by text, but not entirely.

I was actually broken up with over text just a week ago. Just wanted to say thank you, I really feel better after hearing your thoughts on this. I think I will buy that book as well. 😊

I wrote down my reasons for breaking up on a paper and FaceTimed with him (it was a long distance relationship). I also said to him that I have a list because I want to be really clear and not forget anything (by getting all emotional). Bringing your notes might feel embarrassing but it's good for you and for them if it's hard to pinpoint exactly why you want to end the relationship. It

Forever adding the term “douche-rocket” to my vocabulary. 😂 Also I would’ve asked what the name of the screensaver “app” is (as if I wanted to download it) and see how defensive he gets.. but that’s just me being passive-aggressive calling out some BS. 😅

I’ve been really lucky and I’m still with my first boyfriend (now husband) 16 years on. I’m truly grateful - I can’t imagine how hurtful and scarring it would be to break up over text.

Please only ever break up with me over text. I dont want to have to perform through an in person break up lol

For people I planned to and had serious relationships with, I waited a few months for sex, which was a great decision. Not only does it allow you to focus on an emotional connection first, but it makes the sex an act of becoming closer rather than just pure passion or chemistry. It also allows you to feel comfortable to openly communicating what you want out of it as you already have that level of connection :)

"If you have values and you live up to those values, you will like yourself." Yes! There's an important difference between self-esteem and self-respect. 😊

My sisters first boyfriend was even worse than a break up text after the they both graduated Highschool he just randomly no warning just completely ghosted her and stopped talking to her. But thank god he did cause she soon after found her now Husband who felt like a part of our family instantly. Once when he brought his Neice and Nephew (his sister had kids as a teen and was a druggy and his parents kicked her out so he treated his niece and nephew as much you get siblings) point is his younger siblings and our younger siblings went to an icecream place and I got to go along, and while we were there the family of the first jerk boyfriend showed up.

@atinyevil1383

2 жыл бұрын

Oof! I was seeing someone who did this. I was really pissed. I’m glad your sister found someone better.

Ended my last relationship with a text. She had told me she thought she was aromantic and put us on break until she could figure herself out. Couple days later told her that I couldn’t wait for the answer to a question we both probably already knew the answer to. Wish I didn’t do it by text, but odds are I would’ve broken down crying. Apparently two weeks later an acquaintance of mine I introduced her to and who had apparently been buying her stuff well we were on break was enough for her to change her mind. She kept up the charade when me and her spoke later in the month

LOVE your talk about integrity and values! So so true! We should learn our kids at home and school already what values are and what integrity is. Today even adults often don't have any idea what their values are. I learnt it just 2 years ago after a sad divorce...

"OHHhhhHH we don't have TIME for all the counsel I would give him......" IM DYINGGGG THAT'S TOO GOOD

@lukeconnellan9008

2 жыл бұрын

"Not mine, I got a vasectomy. I shoot blanks." Okay comedic gold but whatever

Never could have predicted how much I needed this when I added it to my watch later playlist earlier this week. my first ever boyfriend just broke up with me over texts, and I was honestly making excuses for that choice while still being upset about the breakup... think i knew it would inevitably end at some point, but. yeah, this came to me at the right time. thanks for this

Im so glad i found your page. Thank you for all your videos!

Oh yeah! I had someone whom I were in relationship with for about 8 months. And she one day is writing to me: "I am breaking out with you, goodbye." Just like that out of the blue. And I am like- What?! I call her she doesn't answer, and then I was texting back: "Why? And can't you at least say it to my face? Have I done anything wrong to you so that I don't get a proper goodbye?" And she texted back: "No. You have nothing wrong to me, you are great guy but I don't wish to explain why or to do it face to face. Like I said- Goodbye." And I never seen or heard from her again. That is okay if she wanted to break up, nobody is forced to be in a relationship if they don't want to, free will. But at least show me some respect and say it to my face. And it could short too you know.

OMG... Im with the others who write that my heart breaks for these people... Jono, thank you for your thoughts. I am living out my disbelief and frustrations throught you. Agree with every point. GOD!!! People need to mature up.

Man you calling out people who break up via text hit me hard. My last three relationships ended that way and at this point it's just normal for me. Tbf they were long distance but still this was nice to hear.

I got a break up call and at the time that kinda sufficed but them i found out he had been cheating on me and definitely could have ended things earlier with me face to face. It still really hurts. Thanks Jono for validating the feeling of not being given the chance to say your piece

Thank you for saying you don't have to break up in person if you are in an abusive relationship. Sometimes you just need to get away without a word and let your attorney break up with them!

I love this video! Please keep them going. You're the best and your videos with your wife in them are also amazing ☺️

I broke up once with a girlfriend over text - in college, the girl I'd been dating online after meeting at a convention ended up attending my college. Problem was, when we met in person again, it was just... nothing on her end, the interest wasn't really there anymore, I could tell she was looking at other people... and I understood, she just started college, I was the first out lesbian she even knew, she was in a new environment where she could be gay away from her homophobic family. When I realized she just wasn't that into me, I messaged her I wanted to meet up at school to talk about something. She told me she could guess what it was about and to just rip the band-aid off, so I did. We didn't see each other for a week, and then we started hanging out as friends, and remained friends for a good long while before the friendship petered out a few years later. I got broken up with over text recently. Covid relationship, we'd started meeting in person a few months before, just had our one year anniversary, in the middle of a normal text conversation... out of no where she suddenly says "I'm breaking up with you" with this big long speech about how she's felt this way since our anniversary and some crap about how she's not going to "make me" stay friends with her and before I can even respond after my moment of complete and utter shock, she's blocked me.

@sarahlandis289

Жыл бұрын

I thankfully have not been broken up with over text, but I remember seeing some dude nearby casually dump his girlfriend over text for the reason "I'm in college now and I want to see other people." I wasn't even eavesdropping, he was laughing to his friends about breaking up with her over text as he was doing it. I memorized his face and made a mental note to myself to NEVER EVER date that guy if he ever asked me, because WOW I have never witnessed something so callous.

Oh my goodness! I've never heard anyone else use asshat before but me. Instant subscription! Love how you just say it how it is and call people out on their horrible behaviour.

Something clicked into place from my last breakup (which was over text) thanks to this video. Thank you! :)

"Ohh, we don't have time to go through all the counsel I would give him" 😆😆😆 I must have replayed that like three times. But seriously my heart does break for those in teens and twenties trying to navigate through a world of hook-ups and text break-ups. Feels like some people are more committed to their FYP on TikTok than someone they're hooking up with.

Polyamrous person here. Thank you so much for the addition at 11:12 . It's a tiny little thing, but it always means a lot when someone with an authority as a mental health expert acknowledges that there are people who happen to love more than one person romantically and it can be healthy if they own it and find compatible partners.

Thanks Jonathan, love your stuff, thanks

The inclusion of Jess doing finger guns is PERFECT right after what you said! Such a great episode of New Girl and perfect reference for what you were talking about!

both of my last breakups happened over text i was so heartbroken and sad but luckily i found someone who rlly cares and would never do that to me and he's absolutely right those ppl r cowards

I know was it is to be left via a message. One just wrote directly, another ghosted me, than gradually met me and left a tiny little bit of hope and finally send the ending message. I screamed with pain... Now I'm grateful for both of them since I couldn't initiate break up, I'm too attaching and would have accepted what didn't really suit me... Now I'm happily married to one that definitely suites my need and I'm trying my best to suit his.

Like a bucket with a hole in it...excellent analogy!

I just got broken up with today (we're still on very good terms, as we had a very thorough and open conversation about things and shifting back to being just friends), and not gonna lie, as the night wore on I did start to feel sadder just processing what happened today. But this video made me feel so much more comforted -- I love your therapy videos!!

My heart has never been broken,it is still admiring that one person back when I was little, not romanticly ofc

Love your kindness, empathy, and perspective. And you also had me laughing with some of the things you said. My ex boyfriend and I were suppose to get married when we were both in our early 20s. Definitely we’re both too young and would not have been compatible long term in hindsight, but we had a whole future planned out. He was in the military and said he’d come home to ask for my hand. My family is old fashion. He had me tell everyone and we were planning the day, first dance, venue, everything. And then he was told he couldn’t go on leave at the time he was suppose to and instead of just telling me so we could move it, he cut communication entirely… He just stopped calling and texting me. He ignored all my text and calls trying to get an explanation… One minute we were planning our wedding and told our friends and family and the next he didn’t speak to me for three months… nothing… I have no words for that level of pain and it’s one of the most painful and cruel things someone I love has ever done to me… We spoke eventually and he apologised but also gaslighted me many times and wouldn’t ultimately take responsibility or have any empathy because one minute he was sorry and the next saying “it’s not like we were that serious about it.” Because I’m an idiot, I tried to be with him again but I could never get over what he did and it just was never the same. The relationship wasn’t healthy on both our ends either and eventually it all ended. I’m now with someone who is absolutely amazing and loving, thoughtful, compassionate and empathetic. I wish I could have avoided all that pain though because it’s a moment that changed me forever in ways I still struggle with.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me while she was wearing a COVID mask but she hadn't been exposed to COVID. I couldn't see her face, she wouldn't touch me, I asked her to take it off and like look me in the eye and she didn't. She didn't even tell me we were breaking up she just grabbed her things and left our apartment. I was really confused, I wasn't sure if she was just angry with me and was going to sleep at a friend's house, or if she was dumping me and moving back in with her parents, I had no idea what she was doing. She just went on taking our stuff including our cat who we both owned, several gifts she had given me, and most of the expensive things we had both owned. She also brought her really mean and rude mother and I was kind of too upset and confused to tell her to not take all of the expensive things, I didn't know what was going on. I kept asking her what's going on, what are you doing and she just didn't answer.

@muurrarium9460

2 жыл бұрын

That is not a break-up, that is a robbery...

My daughteris 18 and just graduated high school. She had been in a 7 month relationship and was broken up with right before graduation. They actually did it in person and while for her it was a surprise, I thought it was so mature as far as breakups go. Watching this video I feel like they could teach many of these people a thing or two.

I would just like to say thank you for speaking, even just for a moment, about polyam relationships. Polyamory tends to get a pretty bad rap because of misinformation.

@arandompasserby7940

6 ай бұрын

Polyamory gets a bad rap because it's not condusive to a loving relationship. Unless maybe you just like being the third wheel. Still, I'm sure your SO will appreciate getting to screw someone who isn't you. 👍

I had so many guys break up via text. It did make me feel better because I knew it meant they were losers

I’m always the one being rejected and I hope by me being nice and understanding people will stop texting the break up notices and actually say them in person

Dude this was helpful. Thank you!

Lots of great advice

OMG! LOVED the polyamory mention! Thank yoooouuuu as a person in a longterm committed open relationship I feel so seen! 😍

the editing is so good!

Amen, Brother Decker! I do have a good story to share for a bit of contrast. I once dated a guy for a while who was great. We clicked and were able to have several hour long conversations, but there was just something I could tell that was missing. We both tried to keep it afloat, but I think we both knew it just wasn't long for this world. We lived two hours away from each other, which was a bit of a nuisance as well. One Friday he showed up, as we'd agreed, but when I opened the door, his smile was a bit strained and he didn't have his weekend bag. We talked for a bit, and then he said, "We need to talk." I wasn't happy, but I also wasn't surprised. Once I got myself back together, I asked if he'd eaten, which he hadn't, and we went out for dinner and drinks. It was amicable enough. I cried myself to sleep that night, but by the next day, I was able to reflect on the fact that he'd driven *two hours* one way, with no idea of how I was going to react. And to be honest, I would have been satisfied with a phone call since it was that far of a drive. (Over text still would not have been acceptable.) But he did that. It was brave, and it was a sign of such respect for me. I called him and thanked him for doing that. He was a good person. We remained close friends until he passed a some years back. But he set the bar. That's what it is to be a man. To be an adult. And to have huevos that are twenty pounds each. ;)

The only breakups that I've ever had (and I've had quite a few) that didn't lead to either one-sided or mutual loathing were done in person. Like, let's talk about it, tell me what isn't working, tell me how you feel, etc etc., and if you have that conversation in person in real time, I feel like (most of the time), the injured party ends up feeling still very hurt, everyone cries, but accepting. Like "I'm still very hurt, but I understand. When you break up with someone and actually talk about it, you start the healing process right away.

My ex “broke up” with me by promising to be with me for moral support the day of my grandfather’s funeral and then not showing up at all or taking any of my calls or responding to any texts for 3 weeks. When I finally reached him a month later he acted like I had no right to be upset and told me “it was too far to drive down to the funeral” and then proceeded to tell me had instead driven home. His “home” was in Illinois and he was living in Georgia when I asked him to come to Florida for the funeral. FL was too far to drive but IL wasn’t?! Absolute asshole. And I’m so glad he did that because it turned out I was in a toxic relationship and couldn’t see it. Him turning tail was the best thing that ever happened to me. Good riddance, abuser.

I've never been broken up with over text before but... I had a friend whos ex broke up with her over text, but he was super sweet about it and actively told her he wanted to meet face to face to do it if he couldve (he was going to school in a different state.) And he thought the long distance was why things were so uncomfortable, (I beg to differ) and he could tell she was losing interest. He was a super sweet dude and he'd wanted to stay friends. It was clear he'd been trying to be as respectful as possible given the inability to do it in person. But my friend LOST IT with him. She called him horrible names, claimed she'd been cheating on him anyway (don't doubt it) and was sick of dealing with his crap and always coming second to his "disorders" (anxiety+depression) along with some other things I won't share. And she did it over video chat AFTER agreeing to stay friends. He was crushed. Id literally never seen her like that and I lost all respect for her. Pretty much dropped contact within a month. I still talk with him from time to time and I've learned since then that she was like that quite a bit with him. Constantly calling out his "disorders" as a guilt trip, saying if he really cared about her he'd get off the meds and just learn to control it, because it was embarrassing and uncomfortable for her, and all sorts of other horrible things. Really mentally/emotionally abusive. It's the only time I've ever found someone breaking up over text not only fair, but honestly deserved. Took a long time for him to stop blaming the breakup on himself. The long distance wasn't what made her so cold. She was just cruel and he was only finally noticing.

Thank you for this. The idea "you don't owe anyone anything" fn sucks and is cowardly.

Good advice all around. Don't be a coward, do it in person!

LOVE YOUR CHANNEL

My worst relationship was with a guy who was a religious fanatic who did not want his own e-mail account or any modern life investments at all. We worked together so I stupidly let him use my e-mail to send occasional messages that had to be sent using that method (this was 20 years ago). He actually broke up with me with my own e-mail account, insulting me about my healthy sexuality and desire to have a job outside of the home and use my university degree. I obviously immediately changed the password, but still. What a crash course on boundaores.

I agree that face to face is the best. Another exception I'd say would be if you can't meet face to face. As a missionary, someone I was writing found another girl and decided it would be best to stop writing with no explanation than say anything so he could tell me in person nine months later. It gave me added stress and anxiety I didn't need for those nine months, no knowing anything, because he wanted a face to face to tell me

I appreciate you Jonno!

Also, thank you for the book recommendation. Have been wanting something along those lines to go through, w my teens. Will order asap.

@leahrichman

2 жыл бұрын

I have read it, diffidently a great book

Unpopular opinion time! Every breakup I had initiated I HAD to go no contact, ghosted and break up via text AFTER removing myself from a situation. Once when I had a boyfriend who kept pushing and crying and acting ridiculously and pestering and falling apart when I broke up with him. The relationship lasted way longer than it should have because of all the drama and begging. I had to leave the state. The other was leaving an abusive relationship. I feared for my safety and could not state my intentions to end the relationship until I once again left the state. In the fist case I expressed to my family to go no contact and the other party would whine and cry and my family would pressure me to “at least talk to him.” Uh, no.” Also as a woman, the threat of violence is always a thing. Anymore, no. If I’m ending a bad relationship for real reasons I am going to protect myself. I’ll be miles away. I like almost everything you put out there except this is such an emotionally charged situation and only tells ONE side of the story. Protect yourselves. In my experience whenever someone wants to meet up later and discuss the relationship or asks you to talk face to face, once you meet them in public they cause a scene and the begging starts. I do not have to endure a public scene or a boyfriend shouting in my face “are you leaving me for someone else?” In front of a whole coffee shop or public park to spare his feelings most especially if he’s treated me poorly in the past… and if done in private I put myself in danger. There was that one time the gun came out during the “this isn’t working out” talk. That guy was not a violent guy until that point. My heart goes out to the people who have had this done to them, truly. Even so, I will never break up with someone face to face again and for good reasons. I don’t want to be that disagreeable commenter either. I would just ignore it if it weren’t for the very real personal dangers associated with this particular situation.

Poor girl... she was in such pain from the loss, but he couldn't be bothered.... my heart. 😔