The excitement of "Oh, cause I cheated" was the excitement of knowing the right answer. I think before that he didn't understand what she was asking, so when he finally figured it out, he was like, "Oh! Cause I cheated!" DING! DING! DING! Like there was gonna be some sort of cash prize for matching answers.

@realSimoneCherie

2 жыл бұрын

"Neither one of us thought it was time to give up (cheating)"

@user-zh4vo1kw1z

2 жыл бұрын

Knowledge of self is something to celebrate

@eIliehehe

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-zh4vo1kw1z ur saying being self aware is something to celebrate? that's like the bare minimum that people should achieve??

@FioreCiliegia

2 жыл бұрын

That guy just sounds like hes 31 crayons short of a crayola box…

@kimbyb3764

2 жыл бұрын

@@FioreCiliegia totally unrelated, but I will be using this phrase from now on.

Yesterday, my ex told me he needed to talk to me about "something serious" and sounded extremely worried. I feared he had signs of cancer, kidney disease, liver disease, something awful (heavy, functioning alcoholic). When I told my best friend about it, she called me and told me he got someone who I considered a sister, pregnant. I. Couldn't. Stop. Laughing. It was like something FINALLY snapped after 6+ years of gaslighting, abusive comments, SA, etc. I'm free. I have NO obligation to talk to either of them, and I don't want to. I'm not mad, except for the fact he kept trying to blame ME for HIM getting her pregnant. Good try dude, but I'm done. I feel bad about his situation buuuuut.... umm... it takes two to tango. Goodluck to both of them lmao

@twinstarssystem2857

2 жыл бұрын

i'm glad you made it out

@absolutelynot6546

2 жыл бұрын

@@twinstarssystem2857 Thank you!

@user-sg5tr6jt3y

2 жыл бұрын

Omg that sounds like a NIGHTMARE 😭 I really send all the love your way! The positive is: you don’t have to keep up with the bullshit anymore!! ☀️

@thatsagoodone8283

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you. I left relationships and just felt relieved, when the other moved on and anticipated hurt feelings. "It's okay, I will deal with it. Somehow." hahahaha Funny things about being adults is, that it's easier to design your life so you don't have to see the other. ever. again. :D

@antoinealez12

2 жыл бұрын

but he's right. It's your fault that he got her pregnant. Why coudln't you be a better girlfriend.

I do love the few who were just really mature about it like "I developed feelings for someone else and I didn't want to go behind your back about it" KING "we had different needs" VALID AS HELL AND I APPLAUD YOU FOR DEALING WITH THAT

@TenTenJ

2 жыл бұрын

Which one didn’t take responsibility? They all sounded like they were owning up. Makes me wonder though, if the editing did that to prove a point.

@some_random_account7989

2 жыл бұрын

@@TenTenJ there was one guy who cheated but only said it once the girl said "was that really it??" like she knew he was lying about the thing he said before

@Light-hc5iq

2 жыл бұрын

ngl but there's nothing KING behaviour. that's the bare minimum 😀

@twinstarssystem2857

2 жыл бұрын

@@Light-hc5iq that is true but the bar is in hell 😭

@Light-hc5iq

2 жыл бұрын

@@twinstarssystem2857 yeah and I hate that mostly men get away with doing the bare minimum

10:45 That's the most joyful "Hello!" I have heard in a while. Haha. Find yourself someone who greets you on the phone like Brad does to his Ex

@MendedLight

2 жыл бұрын

So true.

@MothsInATrenchcoat11

2 жыл бұрын

brad seems like a sweetheart, i dont think ive heard anyone that happy about being on the phone in a while

I'm a 26 y/o woman who's never been in a relationship and at this point I'm convinced that I'm never going to get to ruin a relationship.

@ladyr2155

2 жыл бұрын

OMG! Me too. I'm afraid that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. 😥🤣

@Caballo96L

2 жыл бұрын

@@ladyr2155 Well, I have hope for you. I'm sure you have a lot of good things going for you. :)

@Yoyo-gf1jc

2 жыл бұрын

Im 35, had my share of relationships and at this point im just trying to prepare myself to be on my own for the rest of my life.

@Caballo96L

2 жыл бұрын

@@Yoyo-gf1jc Maybe it is not a bad idea to become comfortable with "just" yourself. If you focus on your interests and skills, maybe one day you will find somebody who fits.

@Yoyo-gf1jc

2 жыл бұрын

@@Caballo96L its been my dream to have a partner and family on my own. Having to accept that its not going to happen is tough but I’m working on it. Thank you for your kind advice :)

I ended a 3 year relationship last year. It was my first "proper" relationship i ever had with someone Im just really comfortable with. We broke up because we couldnt move together. As a result our lives changed drastically without each other. Thats why we decided to make more room for another to grow. We still are really good friends and nothing much has changed aside from the actually in a relationship. Technically we went from best friends to lovers to best friends. We actually made the deal to marry if we are still single in 30 years xD But rn its better to grow and learn how to adult some more. (We are both in our early 20s)

@sacrealen

2 жыл бұрын

How are you guys doing when you two are meeting/dating other people?

@kelseycoca

2 жыл бұрын

sometimes that space is needed to grow individually and maybe it'll work out later if you happen to be in the same space down the road. I'm glad you didn't ruin a friendship and were able to preserve that

@mazemess4825

2 жыл бұрын

@@sacrealen It was a bit difficult at the start, but eventually we were just like "Eh, no one can take your spot so there is no need to be jealous". So the issue was more about abandonment fears than meeting others.

@looc_96

2 жыл бұрын

@@mazemess4825 How do your new partners feel about being considered second best?

@mazemess4825

2 жыл бұрын

@@looc_96 There is no "second best". Ranking relationships hurts my brain.

I think this is an interesting experiment but I think it can sometimes do more harm than good, especially when the ex says something which makes you doubt yourself or make you feel worse. Sometimes it is better to focus your energy on the people in your life who are worth it and accept you for who you are

@sin3358

Жыл бұрын

I tried this once but only to see why I kept being attracted to guys who were toxic, I wanted to see what they found about me attractive that made me so suspectible to such situations. It was a fail, they didn't know themselves what they liked about me. I've concluded that we were horny, while I wanted a connection and pushed them into it, till our breakdown 😂

Three years ago I ended my relationship with my first long term boyfriend. It was the hardest decision to make, but it was ultimately best for both of us. There was a lack of communication, and even a lack of willingness to work on it. He was extremely avoidant and I was extremely anxious, so as you can expect, there were a lot of issues between us. We were both very young (20-22) and I have worked on myself so much since then that I would say my attachment style has shifted away from being anxious and more towards secure. He was never a bad boyfriend, which made it so much harder to make the decision. Now I'm in a much healthier relationship and I learned what I need from a partner from that experience. I'll always be grateful for that.

@ztelford1435

2 жыл бұрын

This is such a wonderful comment and such a mature viewpoint of what you learned from a past relationship. Relationships teach us about what we need from a long term partner, and I'm so happy you then focused and worked on yourself and are in a better and hopefully happier place right now.

@kittykat1846

2 жыл бұрын

@@ztelford1435 thank you so much!! I am doing so much better now ☺️ all the best to you!

@ztelford1435

2 жыл бұрын

@@kittykat1846 I'm so glad to hear that. I hope life is treating you well. 💕

@Wolfie8989

Ай бұрын

Do you still have feelings for him? Just asking cause I am in a similar situation.

@kittykat1846

Ай бұрын

@@Wolfie8989 not at all! I am very happily married now. Once I realized I needed very different things from what my ex could do, I could never go back. My husband is everything I could have wanted and more. Hold on, you deserve the best.

My last ex (from 30 years ago!) contacted me out of the blue recently. At first it was a nice chat through memory lane, but then he started texting and asking me questions. I honestly couldn’t remember some things, and then in the middle of the night (it felt like those movie scenes where the background rushes up to the protagonist!) it all rushed back - the gaslighting, the lack of empathy, and finally the realization that he sexually assaulted me. I must have blocked it. Then I blocked his number. Creepy once, still creepy.

@megan-wl1ym

11 ай бұрын

glad you didn't let him back into your life, i'm so sorry you had to experience that and relive it. hope you're doing well now, i realize you commented a year ago but i hope you're good

My ex was very abusive, I didn't realise that while in the relationship, I taugh he was perfect and healthy. When he was saying all kind of mean toxic stuff and I taught he was just being honest. At some point he raped me and after that I was telling him not to worry that I understand and hugging him. After relationship ended he turned all my friend against me. At first i felt like a poor, hopeless victim when I realised what he did. But now I see that a healthy person would walk away after someone telling them on the first date that they are boring and you're planing to cheat on them because you're young. I'm in theraphy learning about myself and why i stayed in this kind of toxic relationship for 3 years. It still hurts even tho i have an amazing boyfriend now. Everyday I think about it.

@ofeliaabundez3618

2 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry, it’s hard to get over toxic relationships. I’m glad you found someone better and working on yourself ❤️

@IThink2Much

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you! It may still hurt, but when we survive those kinds of toxic relationships and learn that we are worth so much more than that, they can be an example of what we will no longer accept in our lives. It will hurt less with time. Just keep being the best you that you can be, have compassion for yourself and what you've been through, and remember that you are an amazing person who deserves all the good things in life. I hope the rest of your life is awesome!

@cleocarrot2344

2 жыл бұрын

wow reading this felt like déjà vu. my current partner is not perfect, she is flawed, as we all are- but i was so abused, so used to being hurt by my previous partner, i didn’t know that in relationships kindness CAN be present in every situation (yes, even/especially when you fight & you both make flaws); that what our exes did was not okay. far from okay. i hope you’re getting better, i am glad you’re getting better. you are strong and blessed. though healing is not linear, you will be eventually. lots of love, dear.

@xyzzyx1100

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for all the nice comments 🥰 I didn't expect so much kindness it's really helpfull ans nice

@lincroyableprocrastinateur5414

2 жыл бұрын

That's fuuuuuuucked up!! Please know you deserved none of that! Sending hugs

I’ve only had two relationships. My first one didn’t work out because 1) we were both young and still learning about life and 2) he was dealing with some pretty serious mental health stuff. He actually broke up with me in a really mature way that showed he genuinely cared about me and my wellbeing, and to this day I still love him and wish him happiness! Part of why I knew my current partner was someone I could trust and that I wanted to start a relationship with was because when I told them that story, they weren’t jealous at all. They were glad that someone had been there to care about me and give me that good experience, and they also hoped he was doing better. I learned so much from my first relationship, and I wouldn’t be the same person without it!

My ex and I, were able to stay friend and after discussing it, our issue was that we had different love and expectation languages. Little if anything we did seemed to make the other happy, and we both had the expectation that it would change or get better with time, but we both finally had to admit that it wasn't. Sometimes the issues are not "wrong or incorrect" behaviors but they are things that in the short term you can handle, but in the long term when you are with each other daily reaches a breaking point.

@sin3358

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, at the beginning especially, it's hard to know if you'll last because it's the honeymoon phase as they call it, and you can stand their behavior and be lovey dovey with them cause you're getting a lot of dopamine. But then after some time, when you get used to it and you start having a preference towards what type of love you like to receive, that's when things get hazy. Imo, your relationship could have still worked although it could have taken time to make it work, but breaking up and staying in touch is also a good move if you both benefit from it

@sarahlandis289

Жыл бұрын

There is a book on the 5 love languages that I think is incredibly helpful in showing your significant other(s) love in the way that they feel/receive it!

I ended a six year relationship because I was terrified of commitment after her proposed. He wanted so much from me but we were too immature. At the end of the day I felt like I was acting like his mother more than his partner and didn't want that for the rest of my life

@amorning2878

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you! Too many women realize they’ve become a replacement mother after they’ve had the baby’s baby; he starts to throw a fit that “mommy” doesn’t have time to baby him like she used to; I have seen many of my friends leave their childish husbands not long after having kids because the husband not only doesn’t help her out, but makes her feel horrible for not being able to carry all the weight of the relationship. It’s really excellent that you saw the signs before it was too late.

@corneliahanimann2173

2 жыл бұрын

Honestly, I don't see the purpose of getting married nowadays anyways...At least where I live you even pay more taxes as a married couple than you do when you're single, so this whole idea that you need to get married at some point is so weird to me because it assumes that this is a point we all have to get to. I really don't ever want to get married, except when there's a reason for it like someone needs to get a passport to the country I live in or something. My approach is not right for people that like the idea of marriage, but I think it's a good point to evaluate what you want. Is there a good reason to get married? At the end of the day there still has to be a benefit to it in the end.

@tapioca_medieval

Жыл бұрын

God, It's like you're telling my life! Exactly like my ex fiancé, I felt like mommy doing everything for him, being with him everytime he had a broken nail like a new born kitten, and If I had stuff to do, he would try and make me feel guilty. I was only 18, and felt sold to him like a peasant Young girl in medieval times.

@alexandracruz2938

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry you had to go through that too. It really is overwhelming and I'm glad we both got out of that relationship. Also thank you so much for your words of wisdom guys! So happy to support eachoth3r through community

@sin3358

Жыл бұрын

@@amorning2878 one of the main reasons I don't wanna marry of have kids. Not my lifestyle, and I also don't believe there are many men capable of being good husband's AND fathers

My last relationship didn't work out because I became toxic, overbearing, and suffocating. I messed up a lot and projected that onto him. Single until I can get to the root of the problem and work on myself.

@sarahlandis289

Жыл бұрын

Good for you, deciding to work on yourself!

My last relationship didn't work out because I have avoidant-fearful attachment style, and he was highly avoidant. So when I tried to pamper him and make him happier it just pissed him off that I'm making a lot of noise around him. He also hated my dog. I'm doing a pause for therapy right now.

Most of my relationships ended because of differences in maturity. I often was put into the mother role instead of partner because that is what they were looking for and my nurturing personality. My last relationship he refused to grow up and be an adult who took care of their health, did chores, and got a job. He also would lie to make it seem like he was making improvements. I stayed much longer than I should have because I "loved him." After 3 years of a lot of pain and fighting I finally let go. Now I'm married to a lovely man who is my equal partner. One of the things I think that helped make this relationship work is we built it on communication. It was so important to us that very early on that we sat down and told each other our dating history so we would know each other's triggers. This means we both are comfortable to say "hay, what you are doing right now is triggering/upsetting me" and that the other will stop what they are doing and ask what they need to do in order to avoid doing it again. I don't think we have ever had a fight. Instead we have had discussions, where each party says what they are seeing and feeling and we work together on a solution.

I really fell for the long-distance guy. I had some great people come into my life, but all of them lived very far away and I am NOT good with keeping contact. Some of my close friends also confronted me about the issue. I am feeling very bad about it ,cause I am 100% sure if I had gotten together with that one guy we would be still together 🥺🥺

back in my late teens I went out with this girl which I fell for really hard. It was the most intense I felt about a woman and I was actually doing really fine after the breakup. We got back in touch after like half a year and we kinda connected again but I was just not prepared to deal with the intensity and the jealousy that came along with it among other things. We weren't actually back together but it felt like it was going in that direction, but I was too open about it to her parents (her mother drove me to the train station and we just kinda talked about me being back in her life) and everything just ended when I got home. Took me several years to get past that whole ordeal because I just couldn't let go, but when I got over it, we had a little text chat where I apologized and talked about where it went wrong and I actually got closure from that, and I am really grateful that she responded and had that talk with me, because I wasn't giving her enough space the first two years after the second break up (I'd wish her happy birthday every year despite us not being on good terms and once I drove to her place and asked if we could just talk. She said no and I left, but in hindsight I realized it was really invasive of me to do that. Never did that again afterwards). It was definitely an eye-opening experience that taught me a lot about boundaries and expectations, even if it came with a lot of struggles.

@llIlIlllII

Жыл бұрын

That's sad. Wishing her happy birthday and trying to talk are only invasive if the other person doesn't want you. It's sad, because doing those things would have been appreciated by someone else. Hope you're able to find someone more receptive to your attempts to keep the line of communication open.

My past exes were all selfish jerks, You couldn't pay me to call them. HAHA! My husband is the best man on the planet. Jonathon, I love your comment from your Hitch video about how you weren't ready to date until you realized you would be ok without them. That is the best advice ever! You have to love yourself before you can truly learn to love another person.

@codydavis3100

2 жыл бұрын

You can love someone else without loving yourself. It will probably be harder to accept love and feeling worthy of another's love though.

Doing this with my soon to be ex wife was actually one of the better growing experiences for me. Originally she asked for divorce because she tealized she was a lesbian, then after the initial pain process and we were back to being friends, we talked and she admitted that even if she hadnt come out she may have left because of other things (i was admittedly not quite ready to love another person, i was struggling with myself and put all my validation through her, and was a bit emotionally manipulative, admittedly) and it was good for me to talk about what I could do better (and what I even did well) Also, a maybe more niche topic if you havent done it already is how to handle a partner "coming out of the closet". I know for me it was a bit of a whirlwind of emotions: anger, guilt over being angry, "am i justified?", "did she lie to me?", "is it my fault?", "everyone is celebrating her bravery, but nobody is addressing my pain", etc. We are definitely good now and ive learned a lot more empathy through it, but may be interesting.

@sarahlandis289

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for adressing that, I think many people forget to consider how the partner feels when a spouse either finally admits they're not who others thought they were or if they themselves discover they're not who they thought they were.

This was interesting. I feel bad for the people who heard “would to want to get back together” and thought that they had a chance. I’m friends with a few exes and I could see having this conversation… But as he said, I would never want to lead them on.

@sin3358

Жыл бұрын

Yeah. If you're going to ask that question, make sure you include YOUR intention first, so you don't lead them on. Or better, don't say it at all

I swear! You are the BEST PERSON in the internet right now! Please, LET US PROTECT YOU

Wow..People say I'm weird still being friends with my exes..Sure it was awkward for a year or two..But after that it was water under the bridge..Some of them wanted to discuss about it..And we did and accept it..Some wanted to discuss about it years later and still i listened..But they were all good..We accepted our differences and personal flaws.

My last relationship (the one before I married my current husband) didn't work out because of culture differences. He was from the US and I am from the Netherlands. His morals, way of living and the way he communicated was very different from what I was used to. Especially the communication was a problem. And the long distant relationship of course. Oh, and he was also very paranoid, secretly checking my emails, changing my password randomly when he found "suspicious things (that happened way back before I met him ofc)" He changing my words completely to make them mean the oposite thing and then picked fights about them. O, and he also "borrowed" my money cuz there was always some bad thing happening in his life (losing jobs, something in his house broke, his bike broke and he needed money for busses, etc). Ofc he never paid it back.

@unapatton1978

2 жыл бұрын

That is not cultural differences. That is bluntly put really shitty, toxic and abusive.

@Nathan_Bookwurm

2 жыл бұрын

@@unapatton1978 I think it's both. Here we are very direct and we say what we think. I noticed in US it's the opposite. Talking around a question to stay polite instead of saying what you really think. Or the way you are raised. In the Netherlands the education system, way of living and for example the political system/believes is very different from the US one. Not saying these differences are a problem in a relationship, but in our case it wasn't helping the situation. :) I do agree with you (with wisdom from 15 years later) that he was also abusive and selfish 😅

@beanallene

2 жыл бұрын

@@Nathan_Bookwurm As an American, I'd like to disown that guy and say that we're not all like that. Down south we're pretty blunt and tend to shoot people like that.

@blackmber

2 жыл бұрын

I dated someone with a different first language than me, from a different part of the country, and people sometimes asked about the "language barrier" when we were having problems. Frankly, if language was the only issue, we could have a found a way to deal with it. I would have loved to learn his language, and had taken classes before we met, but practicing with him was awkward and uncomfortable. We conflicted in so many ways that even if we had the same language, it wouldn't have worked. The most important reason we didn't communicate well was that I didn't want to hear what he needed to say.

I don’t need to call any of my exes to know why we broke up because they all land in at least one of three categories: I broke up with them I found out why they broke up with me afterwards I don’t care what their reason is because the way they did it was reason enough for me not to care anymore.

I'm also married and don't have my past boyfriends' phone numbers, so I could never do this. But I do sometimes wonder why they think it didn't work out, and I also hope they're doing okay. Most of all I hope they have been able to process it and move on.

I have a hard time liking the person I become when I'm in a relationship... And because I think my relationship with myself is most important, I avoid relationships for the most part. This was really interesting, tho!

My gosh, I would never do this even for a million dollars. I mean, it's been more than 20 years since I have had an Ex and I wouldn't know how to contact him again. But I'm happy not to ever see him again. My husband is a much better person than he was. It's funny actually, my ex tried to contact me to get back together about a year and a half after we broke up. I was happily dating my now husband. We both had a pretty good laugh about it because he didn't treat me well from the get go which my hubby knew when we started dating (long story). We didn't actually date very long but we had been friends for a little bit first. I can see for some of these folks it was a good conversation and for others it didn't look like they wanted to know.

Even when married or in a relationship, doing "after action reviews" are a good idea

When we are done, we are done, and that means your phone number exits my phone. Wouldn't be able to participate in this roller coaster of an emotional exercise. I've never been able to just hold on to numbers, so I personally find it interesting that so many have at least one ex in the phone book.

My last relationship didn’t work out because I wanted a partner who was willing to take an active role in a mature relationship. While he initially said he wanted that too, the truth came out eventually. In the end, I supported him while he had an extended childhood. After a while, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to move on. I later discovered that he was also cheating on me. The most important takeaway from that relationship came after when I went into therapy because I kept asking myself, “Why did he treat me like trash when I worked so hard to be good to him?!” My therapist said that it wasn’t as helpful to ask the “why” questions, but I should be asking myself, “What can I learn from this experience?” That question changed everything for me. I had some immediate answers, and other realizations years later. When I have a bad experience now in any aspect of my life (work, school, many different kinds of relationships, etc.), I look back on it and ask myself, “What can I learn from this?”

Awww the last relationship was SO cute! 🥰

Awesome content as always! You've helped me through a lot, thank you.

I think there is a valid reason why you thrive as a Therapist, Jonathan. First, you are not judgmental. Most of people I know, including me, will jump into personal assumption and it takes time for me to step back and dust it off because it is not my life nor my stage. I am still working on that but you do it with ease. Second is how you can find the appropriate humour out of it. I think it is a huge advantage in dissecting conflict in our life to keep it lighter, thus able to process it through much positive lenses. I think I will benefit a lot from that skill, like for real. Kudos to you and your team! Such a joy to the world.

Recently ended a 6 year long friendship. I am currently going through some really rough trauma work and I felt unable to communicate my needs to him and effective establish boundaries. I just couldnt keep putting myself through that and punish myself for going through stuff.

My last relationship (which was my first one) ended because we were leaving high school, would be going to go to college, then he was going to go on a religious mission, and never having been in a relationship before I wanted to hold on to him, try to go to the same super strict religious college and wait for him to return. But he insisted on breaking it off. That isn't what I really wanted for myself and I'm so glad it ended. I would not have been happy in that situation. He was also not a very emotionally open person and when he would get moody he would just stop talking to me, leaving me to wonder if I did something. Fast forward some years to now, I am married to a man who is so open and holds the space for me to be authentically myself. We communicate well and support each other as individuals and I'm so grateful for that! He's my best friend and I love spending time together. Also that ex is now married himself and got to follow his religious goals, and the couple seems very happy!

Why did my last relationship end? I left my emotionally abusive husband when he threatened to kill me. We were fighting and I realized my daughter would grow up thinking the gaslighting was normal. So I said I was done and he threatened to kill me. Was the relationship healthy on me end too? No. I didn’t handle the abuse well and made a bad situation more toxic. I freely admit that.

This is all so true! Being able to have a conversation later on once the emotions aren't so high really does help identify what went wrong and where to grow and learn from it!

My only ex was a 2.5 year relationship we mutually ended. We both felt we needed to be apart basically because we were both in two different places and he wasn’t ready for what I wanted next in life. It started as a break with possible reunion but ended up being a breakup. A year later I met my now husband and realized that while my relationship with my ex was good, there were better things ahead. Compatibility makes a huge difference, as well as maturity.

I was just thinking... a good video topic might be a general guide to how a therapy session might go? Or how to prepare for one? Or some of the types of methods therapists use with their patients? You could do a first session, and then talk about how future sessions might look based on hypotheticals. Every time I see a therapist, I never make it past session 3, I feel like I have the same first session over and over and over again. I talk about what I'm concerned with and the parts of my life that concern me, and they say something like, "wow, that must've been very difficult to go through" or "Wow, you're so strong." And if we even get to a second or third session, I'm taking an IQ test (apparently I'm too smart to be depressed), or sent to do group therapy (CBT is interesting, and nice to have a name to what I've been calling "compassion and not thinking about yourself and your own perspective all the time"- but I feel like I helped other people more than I got help) and then I don't get to see the therapist at all for months, and when I can finally get an appointment, I feel like I'm trying to start a conversation with them, but they don't respond and it feels awkward and I feel like I'm doing something wrong, or not giving them the right question. I feel like there's a wall between me and the therapist. I get a lot of sentiments and expressions about how hard it must be. I know how hard it is. I'm living it. I don't need confirmation, I need guidance. I've been to five different therapists over ten years and it's always the same. So at this point I must be doing something wrong. Anyway, it would be interesting, in a YT channel that talks about therapy, to take people through what they can usually expect from their therapist, how to judge how frequent the visits should be if they don't give you any kind of schedule or talk about any kind of future date to meet again. Obviously things change depending on the specific people involved, and personal schedules, but it'd be nice to know how to prepare and be better self-assured when diving into it.

@shanwild1096

2 жыл бұрын

What you say is so true. I had one incredible therapist who saved my life. I saw her for only about 18 months until I left school to go to uni (because she was a counsellor through the school our time ended when I left) along with a few other therapists that came in as "specialists". I had quite a lot going on so while Heidi (good therapist) and I worked through childhood trauma I spoke to another person solely about my self harming. This second person was horrible. She made me feel even more messed up through her clinical methods and lack of empathy. Every other therapist after that have been clock-watching while I was with them. They just parroted whatever I told them back to me and it felt utterly useless. All I wanted was to have my good therapist again, because when you find one that gets you, you can really learn and figure it out. I hope you find them, stay strong 💪

@yokoboo

2 жыл бұрын

@@shanwild1096 Thanks! ouo I'm sorry to hear something similar happened to you.

I absolutely love your reaction to the people who dress more alt, you seem so excited about the way they look and it’s great!

Love this reaction video! Also, sometimes people just aren't compatible for a variety of reasons, and that's ok too

Disney is happiness, Jono, what were you thinking?! My stuff from my last relationship is that I should have listened to all the red flags and said "get lost" instead of being bullied into starting a relationship with him.

I would really love to see you react to the video game It Takes Two. The entire game is a couple's therapy session!

Last relationship I was in was a long term relationship. 3 1/2 years living together for 2 of them. I had rose tinned glasses on for too long. He drained my energy like a vampire. Blaming it on my work. He also drained my wallet which I somehow ignored for far too long. I threw him out and it felt like I could breathe again. And things drastically improved for me.

My ex was manipulative and controlling - complete with narcissistic tendencies and a consistent pattern of lying. He was good at tricking me into thinking I was in love with him and making me think he respected me. He also used religion to be with me while not taking it seriously himself. Breaking up was a mess as his overly clingy behavior began to surface and I realized what he was really like. And the best part? The truth came out about him banging others girls before and while dating me. That was more than enough to make me cut ties with him for good. Recently, he texted me apologizing, but he's already married to someone else. Needless to say, I blocked his new number without responding.

Oh man, I feel like this can be so risky. I believe it can be dangerous to reopen a door that had already been closed. It's like being in a hallway, and you had closed a door because there was flooding in the other side. And when it was still open, it was sweeping through the halls and into other rooms, whether it belonged there or not. Whilst even if the door was opened again, it can be closed again, one would still have to deal with the mess and the process of drying out afterwards. I don't know if this analogy makes much sense, but that's how I've come to see it, haha! Of course, not in ever situation. Closure can indeed be a very healthy thing to gain, if both parties are willing to to be understanding and genuine. Thank you for the video, Jonathan! I always look forward to them.

My ex and I would have made great friends. We had a great time together, had a lot of the same friends and interests, liked the same music and got a long really well at first. We started off doing really well. We both wanted to be in a relationship, which was great, and we had good chemistry. Where we started to grow apart was that we wanted different things for our lives. He wanted to keep bartending, going out, and drinking and playing in his band, and I went to graduate school for social work. I wanted to move, get married, and have children. It didn't happen over night but looking back I definitely saw where we shouldn't have been in a serious relationship. The more I realized I was dating someone that reminded me of a my dad; fun and passionate about things but inconsistent and a party guy, I wanted to change him; I am healing as a fixer and people pleaser. The more I was moving towards my goals he moved further from wanting marriage and kids. We honestly just wanted different things and different lives from the beginning but our emotions and chemistry had us thinking that we were a great match. Also, the way we fought, was a huge indicator that we weren't a healthy match. nothing physically abusive but inconsistent, not on the same team, and just talking at each other, the gottman's would definitely say they saw all of the 4 Horseman in our arguments.

I tried to talk to my ex back in February to ask for him to send up a pair of shoes I had left there that I needed for work. My side I thought "we're just good friends now, it's chill" but oh boy wow I should have watched this channel first. Jono- I like your chill vibe about not judging poly people who are just existing but with a different lifestyle, it's really positive, and I love these videos overall.

I started a whole podcast talking about the things I did wrong in a relationship but I ended up sending one of the eps to my ex and he said it was really neat to hear my side of things so it's ex approved

I already know why it didn’t work out between me and my ex. He is gay. Don’t need a phone call for clarification! 😂 We were childhood friends and are still very good friends now, despite what happened. Much love and peace to those going through a break up right now. It’s hard, but you come out stronger in the end if you’re honest about everything.❤

My ex and I recently discussed it after a number of years of mutual separation. It was very cathartic :)

I don't know why but, watching these videos make feel relieved for messing up in my past relationships.

I need you as my therapist dude 😂😫 i just KNOW i could laugh and cry with you!!! You seem like such a great person, i would loooovee to find out why i have certain characteristics and why i act a certain way ☹️🤪

I thought this was going to be really sad. It actually cheered me up.

Well, in answer to your question, my ex and I are no longer together because I broke it off. He was emotionally abusive, and I somehow subconsciously saw that and got out of the relationship. He was also stepping out on me - a LOT. I knew of 3, and then found out about 5 MORE. Basically, I wasn't enough woman for him *looks at her waistline* and I'm MORE than enough woman for anyone! LOLHowever, it did come at a price, and the price was the friendship of some really lovely people, who only saw me (I must have seemed pretty flighty back then) just up and leaving. I started dating another person really soon after (I admit to being checked out of the relationship long before it ended), and there were many who dubbed him a "rebound guy." Well, after 22 years of marriage and 4 kids, I think this one is a little more than a rebound...

@meltingpointcreations1457

2 жыл бұрын

My ex husband was a cheater too. I know of a few, and don’t even bother trying to figure out how many side pieces there were during our relationship. I don’t care, the information will do me no good. He has issues to work through, and I’m better off without him. Still have to deal with him, but at least he’s out of my home.

I broke up with my first boyfriend (i was 18) because i realized that I didn't actually want to be in a relationship. I felt really bad at the time because he was a lovely guy who had done nothing wrong... But it turned out to be the exactly right thing to do. It's been 20 years now, he married a friend of mine and they have two great kids. I haven't been in a relationship since and that feels just right for me. That said - i honestly wouldn't want to have that conversation after all this time.

I love the Superman logo on your laptop, haha ^^

"I wonder if anyone walked out." I would have lol. I'm not into opening up that can of worms. Especially if I'm supposed to ask if they would consider getting back together

my last relationship didnt work out because im a very independent person, but during lockdown was the first time i needed support and my ex fiance who i was with for 5 years didnt offer any, he would get mad i didnt bring in enough money anymore, that i didnt cook dinner while i was depressed, that i didnt sleep with him enough (he was trying to fix my asexuality on top of it all) i'm not broken and i dont need to compromise my comfort for love, and if you cant support me i'll leave and take care of myself

With my exes, I have very few negative feelings towards them. I think that with most of them it came down to basic incompatibility. I don't think I dated any of them for more than a year. They either needed things I couldn't provide or vice versa or we were not as good with communicating as we should have been (2 had asbergers). Very interesting exercise.

This was very painful. I got broken up with and he wouldn’t give a reason, and I tried months later to figure out and just made it worse. 😭

@corneliahanimann2173

2 жыл бұрын

please don't tell yourself that you somehow need closure...sometimes there isn't a reason or there is a reason that will hurt more than thinking there was no reason. I'm sorry that this happened

I think my biggest high school relationship was ultimately brought down by my perceived lack of familial intimacy in my household. I have no siblings. Mom worked a night shift, so she slept most of the day. Dad travelled a lot. So I never felt like I could get incredibly close to them. As a child, this meant I spent a lot of time with my grandparents on both sides of the family and I often credit my grandfathers as being the ones who REALLY raised me. This translated to my relationship where I was incredibly needy and very protective of my ex, and especially when she told me she was gonna hang out with any of her male friends. If you add that on top of the immaturity of a teenager and my lack of emotional awareness, it was power keg ready to explode.

My last relationship: After we were dating for a few months, she broke up with me mostly out of the blue, giving a very generic "it's not you it's me, I need time and space, etc." I was very unhappy and confused about it because I thought she was great and I was falling in love. I had told her a few days prior that she was the best thing to happen to me in a long time, and for a while I thought that line had scared her off. I found out a few weeks later that she was now dating her male roommate. They had been friends for a long time but nothing had ever happened between them. What I think happened was the guy saw things were getting more serious between us, decided he needed to shoot his shot, and she chose him over me. She never owned up to that and we never spoke again, so I'll probably never know. I'm not sure what happened to her. This was 10+ years ago. All I know is she and the roommate didn't work out and she moved out of state (no idea if those two facts are related). The kind of funny flip side is this friend of mine realized she had feelings for me while my ex and I were dating, and a bit after my ex broke up with me, the two of us got together. We've been married for almost 9 years.

My last relationship lasted for almost 5 years, and we ended that because we grown apart during her year at school, and as we talked about it, we came to the conclusion that we both made some mistakes, and that we worked better as friends, than lovers. There was a little bit of drama in the couple of months following as we separated and she moved out, but we kept in touch, and after a bit of time, we're good friends, and we hang out when we have the time. She was there for soe of the most important times of my life, such as when my mom died, and a bunch of other stuff, and I would be absolutely broken if I had lost her completely. Glad I never have to deal with HER mother again though.. *gags on rage*

Question for you, why do some of us, get back together, break up, and repeat with an ex?

@mackenziediaz8780

2 жыл бұрын

I second this! A very good question!

@Book_Dragon2562

2 жыл бұрын

I think there’s a few different reasons why a person can do this. I think sometimes people can grow and learn from their mistakes and come back better. That being said, i think there are also a lot of unhealthy relationships that get perpetuated by trauma bonds, romanticization of codependent behaviors, and the messages our media is saturated in. (The will they/won’t they trope that always ends the series together, the inevitable choice between the healthy safe relationship which is framed as boring versus the love to hate you, hate to love you romance that is presented as more “real” because its filled with passion and takes you from extreme highs to extreme lows etc)

@shamstam

2 жыл бұрын

would definitely have to agree to the codependent part. When you're so used to a person that living without them seems surreal, it's very easy to want to try again and hope for something different. that things get better.

@biancacherry7059

2 жыл бұрын

Our brains also love to forget the lows and only play the good moments on a highlight reel

@moniquetsang6398

2 жыл бұрын

I've done the codependent, trauma bonds and hoping it would be different this time around that we would've been more mature and had a better friendship. Nothing changed, she just used me for her shop this time instead of paying her school tuition. But she's narcissistic and had borderline tendencies, those people don't change. It just finally reached a point where, Enough was Enough and I deserve better then proceeded to cut her out of my life for good. I've moved on and healed from the abuse. I have stronger boundaries, values, and protect myself first.

Can you review the character Barney Stinson from the show "How I met your mother"? He would be an interesting character study.

This is so very poignant; my ex messages me every time he goes through a breakup. He did so this week and then this video pops up.

@stubbler1969

2 жыл бұрын

This is so good! Thanks for sharing this.

@gigissketches2603

2 жыл бұрын

You're so gracious. My ex, who's now married, texted me an apology which resulted in him being blocked. He acknowledged that I wanted nothing to do with him, so why not prove him right and avoid contact?

Loved it. Ummmm . . . I don't need to call anyone. I had far too many expectations and it was definitely me! Well, usually! LOL

My last relationship didn't work out as I tried for around a year to break up with him, but every time I tried to break up he gaslit me into thinking all the issues were my fault and I just wasn't trying hard enough. There wasn't any trust in the relationship on my side, and I told him this, but he never tried to fix that. Finally when we got to the end of the first year of uni he broke up with me 'because it is summer'. He just wanted me to help him get through the first year of uni and then left me high and dry with all these mental health issues. Supposedly he didn't want me to leave him as I had no friends before, and that day I was going to meet up with someone, who he assumed I would make friends with. It was really fucked up and weird. I was just in complete shock when he told me that on skype. If I saw him again I would tell him what a piece of shit he was to me.

My brother and his ex just got together recently to really discuss their relationship and put some closure where it needed to be. We are still friends with his ex, but I think both of them really benefitted from that closure.

This question is funny in my situation as my ex and I are still besties. We dated during our college years but called it quits when we realized we were more compatible as friends. It may seem clichéd but we don't work as well as a couple though we tried our best. In the end, he was the one who set up the date between me and my fiance and had been very supportive of our relationship.

My last didn't work out because I was trying to have a healthy, mature relationship, but he was an addict with abusive and cheating tendencies with no desire to change who used me for a place to live, among other things. He pulled me down until we crashed and burned and a restraining order had to be filed to remove him from my life. So, yeah. A super fun time period. BUT, I grew soo much from that experience and am now with the best, super-communicative, honest, attentive, equal partner. If the relationship didn't crash and burn, I do like to talk to my exes later to see what I might've done that contributed to the downfall of the relationship. It's a very hard conversation to have when you realize the hurtful things you did because of a non-treated mental illness.

My last relationship was a mess. And I can confidently say it didn't workout because of him. He had depression, and I tried to be there for him but he was a horrible person. He continuously undermined me and insulted me. He refused to address his own issues and lashed out at me. I spent the whole relationship feeling guilty and thinking it wasn't working because of me, because I was constantly being told how I was messing up. He said I didn't have enough time for him, and also how I wanted to do too much stuff. How I was too clingy, and how he needed more love from me. He told me how no other person would ever want to be with me, and got mad when it hurt me because he was just being honest. But I know if called him and asked him this he would just hurt me again by saying it was my fault

@sarahlandis289

Жыл бұрын

Sounds pretty contradictory from that guy

I was part of a small fling ig. We had been friends for about 3 years, and we kissed and spent some time together before he moved away. He initiates the texts. I leave him alone to grow and be by himself. But when he texts, we go back to being friends. Every time this happens, his feelings for me come back. I feel so bad bc I miss him as a friend, and I've made that very clear. He hasn't been in another romantic relationship since we had our fling, so I know he misses the feeling, and not me specifically. I'm currently in a very happy, healthy relationship w someone else, but I can't help but feel like him and my bf could be good friends. I still wish him the best and I really do miss him.

My first serious realitionship with comebacks everytime we see each other again on birthdaypartys once to two times in a year (nothing like sex more spending time together, hugging and rly deep conversations), this goes on for over three years now. The problem is that we can`t rly resist each other mainly I guess because we have both the feeling that we aren`t fell understood by a lot people because we are both very emotional intelligence and can understand each other like no person we ever meet bevore. The sad thing is that we can`t be friends (we tried but it didn`t worked out because we both had feelings for another) but in a realitionship it`s just is not possible for him to give me the love and secure I need, my picture of the realionship is way more romantic than his.

The last guy sounded so so happy and excited at the idea of going on a date with her

Things didn't work out with my last ex because we were in different places in life/had different maturity levels. In addition, I was recovering from an abusive relationship, and it can be hard dating someone who is dealing with emotional baggage like I was...dating me was not easy and I don't think he was in the right frame of mind to support me the way I needed/wanted. It was for the best though. My next relationship after him, I met my husband and I am so thankful for the wonderful man I eventually married. Today though, I find myself feeling the insecurities from the abuse creeping back in and feeling like I was the only reason we broke up, because of how much of a mess I was/am...

I love just watching you laugh when you find out what the producers requested for you! lol

Although I may not be fond of the idea of doing this in front of strangers, I see the value in this exercise. Closure is important. I have a few exs I wish I could ask this. And I have some I'm still friends with so I could definitely ask this. And I think I will.

Okay I mean this in a non-sexual, non-creepy way considering I don't know you, but you are such a mixture of hilarity and compassion and I love you! Thank you for existing on youtube. Yours and Alicia's content is brilliant, as is the cinema therapy stuff.

This is great 😂 just went through a breakup recently and this is something I previously wanted to ask her. Still, again, I know we were fighting and had some real lows and I don't know if I'm just romanticizing all the fun we had and forgetting the bad. Still, I also did care for her but I also realize that I wasn't very supportive of her. The biggest thing between us and something I think I could try to learn to be better at but again, I don't know if I wanna go back cause I know it also might but me about 10 steps in this healing process.

ugh... it's kinda hard to remember. Events that are a bit traumatic usually get blocked out, so I remember it happening, but not a whole lot of specifics. But my last relationship was with someone who was in the same group of friends as my boyfriend before him. Previous boyfriend, purposefully or not, broke a lot of the very personal boundaries I set up prior to going out. When I was in that relationship, I didn't really understand what was happening to me because I had just moved away from a toxic roommate, and I was just trying to hold onto whoever I could. So after that ended, I went out with the last boyfriend I had, which at this point was 10 years ago. He was funny, stable, a great guy with a good job and I really enjoyed talking to him (it was long distance because that was how I felt safest in any relationship tbh), but I was still dealing with my last relationship, trying to figure out what went wrong and a lot of stuff on top of that. I have cptsd from a series of events starting in my childhood (which I actually didn't realize till I watched that video about cptsd and then talked to my therapist about it, and she said that yeah, there's a lot of trauma in my life that has never really been unpacked and dealt with). Anyway, there was nothing wrong with the relationship itself, aside from our social proximity to my last boyfriend and new boyfriend's best friend who flaunted how close the two of them are to me, get into arguments with me and deny they ever happened (they had DID, but this is over text and they were fully capable of reading back on exactly what happened) but instead of talking to me about it, they insisted I was wrong and it never happened and just continued to gaslight me and talk about how they were so wonderful because they held our social group together and no one was grateful for it or did anything to lessen the burden on them, and how if they weren't already married that they would marry my boyfriend. I just felt like I was in another manipulative, abusive friendship, so as much as I really liked that guy, I ended things. I didn't want to burden him with my problems or create problems between him and his best friend. And at the time, I knew there was something going on, and not quite right in my head about how I thought about relationships and what I wanted one for, but I couldn't really understand it then. And it wasn't fair to drag him into something that he didn't know about beforehand, and that I didn't even know how to explain. So not only did I end things with him, but I made plans to slowly extricate myself from the whole social group, because boyfriend or not, it just wasn't a place I wanted to be anymore. A whole decade later and I'm still dealing with the fallout from that whole mess.

Love the plant in the background

I ended my 2 years marriage with an abusive person. He always blamed it on me when something went wrong and especially when I got pregnant he said it was my fault. He called me names, he said I am ugly and stupid. I left him for good 10 years ago and never looked back.

My previous relationship ended because it was a toxic one. He was manipulative, isolating, and wanted a codependent relationship, and I was not okay with that. I was diving deeper into depression the longer we were in the relationship, and I could no longer be physically intimate with him, and he told me that we were going to start scheduling it, regardless of consent. ETA: after I started dating someone else (my now husband) he and his best friend started dragging my name through the mud, saying I cheated on him (did not) and so many other things, and it caused me and my husband to leave that huge group of friends. It wasn’t pleasant.

That dude who unblocked that guy and then said he loves him always and blocked him again is a psychopath 100%. The fact everyone lets him get away with it and laughs is unnerving. Life on easy mode.

@lyndsaybrown8471

2 жыл бұрын

I don't know about psychopath, but yeah, something really off there. Like, beyond just laughing about an awkward situation.

@tonicmale2145

2 жыл бұрын

@@lyndsaybrown8471 I’m not a psychologist, really, so I couldn’t say. But I will say, he’s 100% a psycho and that is my professional opinion.

@Nightswarmer

2 жыл бұрын

I feel like there's more to the story, but I can totally see a situation where you really love someone (not romantically), but don't want to have anything to do with them..

@nothingnowhere2358

2 жыл бұрын

@@Nightswarmer Pretty much one of my now ex-best friends. I love her still, but I saw how controlling she was. She wanted a relationship, I didn't. Then we began to naturally have distance between us geographically and emotionally. I don't want anything to do with her, but the feelings of love will still be there, although they have been dampened due to the bs that happened later along the friendship

@Nightswarmer

2 жыл бұрын

@@nothingnowhere2358 I have a few friends that I've lost contact with for a while (often it's because I'll have a bad fit of depression) and when I get back, their lives are somehow perfect.. So I might have confirmation bias, but it happened more than once and I'm starting to suspect I might be the problem.. Which doesn't exactly help on my fits of depression.. ^-^" (Like I do have depression always, it's just that sometimes it gets extra bad and I somehow think that makes the lives of everyone around me better.. Like a reverse Christmas Carol..)

I would love if you talked about the movie We Need to Talk About Kevin!!

My last relationship didn't work out for numerous reasons including but not limited to cheating and my partner not knowing who they were and what they wanted in life and out of romantic relationships. Ultimately they discovered they were trans and weren't really into women like they thought all along. I am grateful that they figured out who they are and are in a much happier relationship now.

I recently got broken up with because I wasn't sure if I wanted kids (age 28) in the future. Knowing that that was the expectation of the relationship and how undecided I am, it was particularly hard to get invested in the relationship again. I grew distant, but I know I want to be with her. In therapy now for support during these hard times and trying to be hopeful for what the future holds! (Still hoping that we work out in the end but... yeah)

The genuine panic attack I would feel if I didn’t know what I signed up for and they wanted me to call an ex. Nope. There’s only one I’m on good terms with, and it would be extremely inappropriate to ask if he thought we still had a chance because I’m closer friends with his gf than I am with him. 😂

My relationships mostly ended because I was fixated on fixing every "issue'" that would mess up my relationship and I was very argumentative because I was recovering from anorexia which wreaked havoc on my family relationships. I was 17. I didn't know how to advocate for myself intelligently, de-escalate situations, or speak my mind effectively. My only two relationships before my current one came 3 or so months after a traumatic event. My relationship now is going on 6 years, though.

Wow. They would have to pay me A LOT of money to call any of my exes.

video imported in my head.

My last two relationships: The second-to-recent I've been with someone for 4 years but realized we were wanting different things in life. We're still platonic friends, the breakup hurt as expected when it happened but I'll always care about him and we catch up every now and then. The most recent ended up really difficult and hurt the most despite dating for just under a year. Initially I went into it thinking I found a long-term life partner as I felt like they understood me for who I was, weird and artsy like I was, but the relationship became really unhealthy. Things brought up childhood wounds on my end and it's what lead me to get diagnosed for c-ptsd. I wanted to work at it but my self esteem tanked and I didn't feel emotionally safe around him. Felt like I was losing my own autonomy for myself and I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't call up this person since I'm the one that ended it, it still pains me to this day because I grew really attached to this guy.

There are a couple of exes that if they ever called me to ask why we broke up I would lay into them. I only realised how emotionally abusive they were once I left, and I wish I had told them how shit they were.

"I wasn't supportive" and "I wasn't supportive enough" are two different things. He sounded pretty defeated and like his self worth was significantly impacted as opposed to lackadaisical imo.

I‘m actually friends with all my exes and see two of them fairly regularly. And my last relationship which I ended of course it hurt but we talked it out and he told me, that he also accepts we are better as friends but since a solid friendship was the basis for our relationship and that remains aside from the romantic entanglement it was easy to go to just friends

"If THEY couldn't make it, what hope is left for us?" got me 😂 at 4:26

I tried to ask why it didn’t work or where we stand and he blew up on me 😕 he apologized but what he said still bothers me.