Somebody taught me this years ago. They said, "let them do what they WANT to do, so you can see what they'd RATHER do." Game changer.

@peachesandpoets

3 ай бұрын

Omg

@coldenhaulfield5998

2 ай бұрын

Love this. Thanks.😊

@teabrks9301

2 ай бұрын

Yes great way to see who people are and decide if you wanna deal with them or not.

@dangerluvr

2 ай бұрын

Oooo I like this one!

@TradBarbie

2 ай бұрын

Life goes well when you don't G A F what others do. Men have to chase me to get me. Friends have chased me, but I am 43 and have a lot of friends left from childhood. This odd video just popped up in my feed.

The older you are, the easier the “let them” theory is to manage. It’s called wisdom and picking your battles wisely.

“When people show you who they are, believe them.” - Maya Angelou

@user-dt3wm8rn4j

5 ай бұрын

Right

@todayipaint4667

5 ай бұрын

..believe them the first time.'', I believe it is the exact quote.

@WideAwakeHuman

5 ай бұрын

Maya Angelou has apparently said every famous quote ever lol

@txtopaz7997

5 ай бұрын

The first time…

@power-puff7

4 ай бұрын

correction: “when people show you who they are the FIRST time…”

I realized there’s another side to this “let them” mindset. My fiancé is quite different from anyone I’ve ever been with. He is very attentive, thoughtful and always doing things to show his love. Having been a single mom for many years, I will often say, “I can do that!” or “I’ll take care of that.” when he starts doing something I would normally take care of or mentions something he’s going to do for me. I need to remember this “let them” response when he’s trying to show his love and care in these ways. “Let them” show their love and simply be grateful and appreciative! ❤️

@DeeDeebing

2 ай бұрын

I love this

@CDWigh

2 ай бұрын

Awesome example!! And congratulations!!! ❤

@martinboyd447

2 ай бұрын

I used to think I was "showing my love". The anti-narcissist movement told me I was only doing it to mask the monster I supposedly am.

@TradBarbie

2 ай бұрын

Amen!! You'll chase that man away.

@rubychurch3466

Ай бұрын

Keep him lol

I lost so called friends after my brother was killed last summer. They just stopped inviting me to anything and cut communication with me. For a while I was really upset but then I realized that a decent person who actually cares about me would not have acted this way. It also reminds me they have done this behavior on and off for years before this and I kept fighting to be included and getting hurt when they excluded me. I'm done trying to prove that I'm worth loving (trauma response.) Either like me for me or don't.

@luedkepack9965

11 ай бұрын

Horrible.

@Gemma-yd2xm

11 ай бұрын

You deserve to be loved 💛

@mariastahnsdorf3818

11 ай бұрын

so sorry for you going through this... but, just know... others experience the same... so, chances are... its not you, and you will elevate and find better for you 💛💙

@armel369

11 ай бұрын

This could be a life lesson for you to value yourself more, have boundaries with people, and be grateful that these nasty people have left your life. Then, you make room for new good people in your life. You deserve it ❤

@mwashi401

11 ай бұрын

Absolutely 😊 and please don’t forget that you are LOVED AND APPRECIATED!! ❤

Let Them = God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Got it ❤

@sharonknapp5015

11 ай бұрын

BINGO!!! Haha that’s great!

@arinh24

11 ай бұрын

That's the whole thing!

@mooster47

11 ай бұрын

Honest, I didn't read your post until after I posted mine. Great minds think alike!

@ldbobay

11 ай бұрын

Let them be. Mel Robbins

@reneerenee5073

11 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

I found this episode at just the right time in my life. 24 hours after watching this, on my 52nd birthday, I got “Let them.” tattooed on my wrist so I can look at it and remember. Thank you.

@carmenjolie4232

3 ай бұрын

I am 51 and was thinking about this just a few minutes ago! And this will be my one and only tattoo I will ever have… 😊

@peachesandpoets

3 ай бұрын

Nice!

@jenniferburton7044

2 ай бұрын

Beautiful. ❤

@Elisa-pu5py

2 ай бұрын

Great idea❤❤❤❤

@NattyByNature-

2 ай бұрын

Now I want one, let’s start a movement

No expectations no disappointments. Has been my moto for decades. The best peace of mind I've ever had. Walk in a higher frequency. Mrs. G

All she said was "Let them" I'm not 10 minutes in and I'm in tears. ❤ I'm fighting for my husband and He's just not changing as he promised. I get it and I can walk away now.

@rumdo5617

11 ай бұрын

Good luck and many blessings

@shayelyse

11 ай бұрын

❤

@cherylrau11

11 ай бұрын

How long have you been married?

@janetpattison8474

11 ай бұрын

I think Dr Grande mentions that there’s “can’t” and “won’t”. I’m attracted to both of those in people. Best wishes on the next step in your journey. ❤🌸❤🌷❤🦋❤🌸❤🦋❤🌷❤🌸❤

@MeenaMoore

11 ай бұрын

@@cherylrau11 almost 9 years

Letting people be has been one of the best things to happen to my mental health. It's absolutely wonderful to feel free

@lianouata

11 ай бұрын

Real talk 💯🙏

@heatherkrebs3149

11 ай бұрын

0

@pearlrichardson4179

11 ай бұрын

Agree & its so freeing.

@lianouata

11 ай бұрын

So true this is one of those I wish I knew earlier 🙏💖

@harleysmith1857

11 ай бұрын

Ty I neededto hear this today. I am in the process of learning that and letting go.

My husband has been threatening to leave me for 10 years but never left. He has always been emotionally unavailable so my son and I were never allowed to share our feelings because crying/being sad would trigger him so bad he would get angry and then threaten to leave. He had a habit of quitting so kept threatening to leave in every argument but did nothing to make it work. I put up with his behaviour because I kept focusing on the potential of what might be. I kept coming back with compassion for the childhood he had and excused his behaviour. His parents beat him when showing emotions. I tried to get him to see his behaviour and get help but he blamed me for his anger and thought I was the problem so won't get help. Just watching this I realised it's time to let go. I can't make him heal. I can't wait around for him to wake up. The fact that he keeps saying it but doesn't leave makes me feel he's afraid of abandonment too. So I held on. Unless I take the first step he's not going to.....it's time to let them go. I'm sorry for holding on for so long. It's time to be free and receive what I deserve.

@laurenleon2061

17 күн бұрын

Amen ! Sister! Bravo! Now...this IS what I need to do...file....same basic story.tpxic eternity vs. Freedom.😊

This is the best way to rid oneself of emotional dependency and codependency!💪🏻

Your "Let them" turned into a "Let ME"....as in "Let ME" have less stress , less worry and more freedom! Thank you! I needed that without the guilt. 💙

@africanmermaid234

11 ай бұрын

❤ Oooh I LOVE this! Let me not suffer! ❤

@LisaSoulLevelHealing

11 ай бұрын

​@@africanmermaid234 both ❤

@alimac7203

11 ай бұрын

Spot on! 👍🏼 Good on you, the world needs more humans like you! I've been doing this for about a year after having an emotional breakdown and I'm getting so good at it now that I feel like a different person. Living life with a crippling disease plus chronic pain has become more fulfilling, makes my life easier and makes me feel like a much more authentic person. ❤

@kmoy

11 ай бұрын

Love this!! Why am I driving myself crazy, getting stressed out?? We don’t need a permission slip to have less worry but this is sort of it. It’s the small things

@silviaa5667

9 ай бұрын

😊😊😊

This is so freeing. I am not responsible for other people. I am also not a victim. I just pivot and move on. It’s fantastic!

@rachelarmel7547

11 ай бұрын

Perfectly said! I 👍

@solomonbeyene5

4 ай бұрын

Spot on😊

@Cyndib93

2 ай бұрын

🙌🙌🙌

@strawberry1286

2 ай бұрын

💜💜💜

Holy crap..."in love with their potential." This describes every man I've ever dated, and now my husband. At a crossroads right now, and I never realized why I've always ended up disappointed.

@GiePena

2 ай бұрын

Were they avoidant

@dawnturitto8442

2 ай бұрын

@@GiePena all of them...lol. I'd never heard that term used as a relationship style until recently.

@quackquack185

2 ай бұрын

Same! I wish I realized this theory 4 years ago.

@helenacuch9010

Ай бұрын

Me too. Big sigh

@ravent3016

Ай бұрын

Think of it this way: if it were reversed, would you want to be with a man who only loved the potential you he saw in his head, rather than the real you?

I came across this pod cast and WOW!!! What a game changer for me . Been dealing with adult step children who do not want to include me as my spouse’s partner . I have let it hurt me snd drive my anxiety through the roof . Now I will “ let them “ have get together without me, “ let them” be judgemental, “ let him” - my spouse decide where he wants to be and spend his time , and I will allow myself to let it all go and get on with doing things with my family and things that bring me joy and happiness . Just listening to the podcast brought a sense of peace over me. Thank you!!!!

@barbrizzio3808

6 ай бұрын

I really can relate to your situation with the adult stepchildren! I'm praying for you!!!! (Just Let Them) :)

@donnafreeman1249

5 ай бұрын

I too go through this too for 20 years it will never end I’m 66 , for now on I’m going to LET THEM I already feel relieved , I’m done trying. LETS DO THIS 👍

@donnaribotto2651

20 күн бұрын

Came back to hear this again. It was true the first time and just as true and helpful this time. Thank you

Yes, this is so helpful. Going through a divorce rn, I just realized everyone moves on with their lives. People check in on you here and there but at the end of the day, you have to do the work and healing. People won't always be there, but you are there with yourself all the time. So love yourself and take care of yourself.

@sibyllejasinski3643

11 ай бұрын

So true. And when you take care of yourself it’s amazing how much support there is available. Sending you love, from one divorce-survivor to another 🤗

@gloriasaliba3395

11 ай бұрын

We come into this world in our own and leave this world in our own

@berlizgonzalez6736

11 ай бұрын

@@sibyllejasinski3643 thank you! I hope you find yourself thriving and full of joy!

@maryannsteffler3044

11 ай бұрын

​@@berlizgonzalez6736❤

@along9971

11 ай бұрын

I've been there, it's tough, truly hard, you will make it through just stay the course, don't be too hard on yourself

"in a relationship with their potential" I felt that one😊

@Userinterfaceexperience

4 ай бұрын

It's amazing how many times this one reincarnates itself as a pattern 😅

@XOXOPriscilla

4 ай бұрын

@@Userinterfaceexperience I think people can get forgetful and , then hopeful when they meet someone. I know my statement may seem confusing but Disney and Hallmark movies do so well because we often live in hope till reality drop kicks 🦵 us 😅

@suegarner4428

4 ай бұрын

Profound!

@kirti921

2 ай бұрын

story of my life!!! i feel you.

I used to have the saying "the moment you stop worrying what other people think of you, is the moment you set yourself free"! This "let them' podcast however, is the most freeing of them all and has helped me through a difficult decision I've just had to make. Thank you!!!!!! 😊 x

Someone shared this and thought I'd share here. Same message❤️ This Tattoo has gone viral along with its poem, have you read it yet? “Let Them” “Just Let them. If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM. If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM. If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM. If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM. If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM. If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM. If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM. If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM. If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM. Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own. So let them. Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you. Let them prove how worthy they are of your time. Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life. Let them earn your forgiveness. Let them call you to talk about ordinary things. Let them take you out on a Thursday. Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to. Let them have a safe place in you. Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden. Let them love you. “ Author: Cassie Phillips

@natashamudford4011

4 ай бұрын

Yeah, but if they do all talk and no listen... well, that gets old pretty quickly.

@DoraMinoe

2 ай бұрын

That is beautiful. Thank you!

@alinaChiril

24 күн бұрын

❤❤

I’m a 70 year old grandma and I’ve lived by (what’s now obviously called) the ‘let them’ theory nearly all my life. I think it probably came from my parents who had a fairly relaxed attitude to life.Far less stressful than any other way 😂😂🇬🇧 The French know it as Ce La Vie 😂😂👍🇬🇧🌷

@pinkifloyd7867

11 ай бұрын

C'est la vie ❤ in italian qe cera, sera ?😅

@debbiemohekey1509

11 ай бұрын

Let it be

@melaniegarnett2169

11 ай бұрын

Exactly what will be ...will be❤

@RebeccaLynnMusic

10 ай бұрын

🇫🇷 not 🇬🇧

@DawnieKiana

4 ай бұрын

@@RebeccaLynnMusicLet them. lol

Every time you rescue somebody, you rob them of the opportunity to grow! Wow, wise words! 👏👏👏

@RK-su4hs

11 ай бұрын

Sometimes people are unable to solve despite best efforts to help themselves To refuse is indifference at best cruelly at worst

@susannahats6358

11 ай бұрын

C B h

@reverendwilliams6652

11 ай бұрын

Dear, I disagree. Please do not fail to be the Good Samaritan on somebody's road.

@RK-su4hs

11 ай бұрын

@@reverendwilliams6652 Agree. Indifference leads to a cold heart Wisdom is knowing when to apply what in life

@dulamaya

11 ай бұрын

Wrong. Sometimes you can safe a life. Sometimes people need a shoulder to lean on to recharche their courage to confront their problems. Serve others with best intentions yet do not expect gratitude or even control over people.

HOW COME I haven’t crossed paths with Mel Robbin’s videos before! They are life changing.

“Let the current of what’s happening take you in a different direction” a place of surrender= peace. Love this Mel!

Too much energy is taken up in trying to change others and manipulate reality to our liking. It may be worth letting gooooo!

When you let them, then you decide what you will do with what is, not the potential. ❤

@askarleneshow

Жыл бұрын

Yes, that being in a relationship with their potential got me.

@shalealbao

Жыл бұрын

Same. Now I can face reality if I really love the relationship as is, or the potential. And then decide what’s best after. What a powerful thought!

@ceebee5802

Жыл бұрын

Wow. What a great insight. It does put you back in your business because then you can review your choices. Thanks for sharing so I could get there with that realization!

@CherylHol

11 ай бұрын

You’re right! So many times I have heard, “but they have so much potential.”

@fiona7591

11 ай бұрын

Someone on here had a great point I can't find the comment now. They said " How do you Let them" at the expense of your peace of mind??? They will always do what they want to do, but if its at the expense of your dignity and respect do you just let them???? PLEASE MEL OR SOMEONE ELSE RESPOND

This helped me more than I can say…. My son, his wife and three small children under the age of 6 are moving 16 hours away from me and home. I tried everything to convince them to stay, but now I can see that I need to let them…. For my peace and sanity. Thank you so much for helping me to see. ❤

Omg Mel.this is the most empowering message ive heard in my 69 yrs on this planet. GOD BLESS YOU ❤❤❤❤

This really hit home with me. My middle son (22) doesn't agree with me separating from his father and has decided to no longer have a relationship with me. I have "let him" have those feelings. I have not pushed the situation. I have not begged him to be in my life. I am letting him work through his feelings and if/when he decides to talk to me, I will be here for him

@cleitatreestrong8397

10 ай бұрын

I admire your willingness to let him. Honestly, I am so impressed by your strength. This will for sure pay off ❤❤❤❤

@lilarose9348

10 ай бұрын

In this situation do you reach out for example, once a week so he knows you care? I’m asking because I would feel like I need to do x,y,z to make sure he knows I’m still initiating contact even if it was a text just to say hello and he never responds. My son is 22 as well. Not saying you should I’m just figuring out how the let them theory works. ❤

@daviimandel8265

9 ай бұрын

@@lilarose9348 I have reached out multiple times with no response. My adult daughters advised me strongly to let it be. They said he knows you want to be in contact. If you never let him be, you'll not give him the chance to start looking inward and repairing his side of things so he can have the chance to reach out. I'm taking that advice, hard as it sometimes is.

@mistymccoy4411

8 ай бұрын

I just let my son reach out when he wants. Except for the milestones, I want him to know I remember:)@@lilarose9348

@bridgidchetty292

7 ай бұрын

I am in a similar situation. Divorced and my 2 boys stay with their dad. I have begged them to come live with me or sometimes spend weekends with me but no they don't want to. I go to them every second day to see them so that they know I am still here for them. So one day I asked why don't they come or even call me. They say they don't need to cos I come to them. So letting them be and not seeing them I think would be a better option do that they come to you when they ready otherwise you are just taken for granted

My 31 year old son and his wife (and two dogs 😳🙄) have lived in a small VW camper van for two years. This is through choice and they love it. I recently realised that my anxiety around this is because I never know where they are. Since I recognised this and explained it to my son he’s given me a rough idea where they are on different days of the week. I feel better now. It’s about letting go and accepting that they are grown adults and can care for themselves. As for other people I learnt years ago that what people choose to do isn’t my business. This was one of my favourite of your videos. Thank you ❤

@jenniferolson5345

Жыл бұрын

I loved what you had to say here. I think a lot of our issues do stem from our own worries and anxieties. I see this in myself, too. This podcast really spoke to me. I am listening to it again now and reading comments. Thank you for sharing.

@curiousnetty534

Жыл бұрын

@@jenniferolson5345 thanks for your reply. I still worry when he goes ‘radio silent’ and he’s a rock climber so you can imagine what I imagine. 😟

@arbonneladyTN

Жыл бұрын

@@curiousnetty534 I have all six of my kids who rock climb I understand the ‘mom fear’ all too well ! As long as you can (and I can) text them that I’m kind of worried , it helps me to feel better…allows them to know they have been out of range a bit too long, and provides a record of contact in case something goes wrong. Ps… if the married ones are out, I text BOTH phones. If the kids are all out together ( often ) I will text the family text group.

@jenniferolson5345

Жыл бұрын

Oh, wow, you have very adventurous kids! My husband and I always say to our adult children to give us "signs of life" when they are traveling. Years ago, one of my daughter's friends parents said that to her while visiting my daughter. My husband and I loved that little statement so much that we still use it today. I have listened to this podcast every day this week. I gave myself that challenge, so It would really sink into my brain!

@countrygal2449

11 ай бұрын

You could send a request for find my friends? Then you could see where they are anytime if they are okay with it :) I’m following my son’s honeymoon trip to Europe right now.

Thank you. I'm 60 years old and never thought of this. But it makes perfect sense. I'm going to do this all the time now because I'm absolutely exhausted. Life is too short. ❤️

Stoicism says, it’s not the thing, but your reaction to the thing.

The ‘let them’ theory is the same as the ‘okay’ theory. I have been using the word ‘okay’ and now I’m completely peaceful and detached from everyone and everything. It’s the most powerful place to be in.

@megp5112

5 ай бұрын

I don't think being detached from people seems good. But this theory definitely is!

@tatummcgowan5574

4 ай бұрын

I actually tattooed, “it’s fine”, on my wrist, years ago. Means the same to me, as “let them” or “okay”…

@jenniferburton7044

2 ай бұрын

@@megp5112Some of us suffer from emotional dependency/codependency. Detachment allows us to learn healthier boundaries. Not saying YES all the time. Etc. It doesn’t mean detaching from your loved ones emotionally.

Mel, the one thing I appreciate the most about you is how all your teachings comes from your own “mess-ups” which is so valuable and courageous. This is how I have been able to relate to you as a human being and have been able to open my heart to listen. Thank you for showing up to the world 😉.

@arbonneladyTN

Жыл бұрын

Yes👆 I fully agree!

@conniemilman7842

Жыл бұрын

This is so NOW for me I have been suffer😅ing from my adult children dissing me All;the time After hearing this I can FINALLY let go and LET THEM. Thank you!

@colleenhager4507

11 ай бұрын

Amen!!

@MsYingyang2

11 ай бұрын

I too appreciate your own stories and how honestly you felt. This resonates with me. My thoughts are not just mine. Reading the comments tells me so many people are experiencing the same thing. Thank you.

@blanketeyblank5309

11 ай бұрын

I love that she is so OPEN to sharing for everyone willingly. TY

Now I want to go to the avocado pit

@kristinetling2093

Ай бұрын

😂😂😂

Honestly, it's so magical and peaceful......"just, let them." Thank you Mel

just keep making content like this to heal us mentally ,emotionally and physically

@keesh929

10 ай бұрын

I live 5000 miles away from Mel, but swear, she must have known me since I was born. How could that be, dang it??? Here is a ❤️ Mel.

Every year my daughter and her fiancé and daughter goes to his family’s place for Christmas. As a child of divorce who hated when my parents argued over me for the holidays, this has never bothered me. I can’t tell you how many friends and relatives have commented to me that my daughter needs to spend Christmas at my house. I’ve always used the let them approach when it comes to how my daughter chooses to celebrate her holidays. My feelings are not hurt, and we always get together and have a wonderful time no matter what time of year it is. It’s so surprising to me why other people care so much, it is not their daughter, and it is not affecting their holiday. It feels very freeing to just not be bothered by it.

@arbonneladyTN

Жыл бұрын

I understand your thoughts on this. I’m blessed to have my s-n-love & d-n-love’s in the same town as us. I never wanted the fight of who’s Christmas/Thanksgiving do I get them. I made it that we are flexible and will work around the other families. It has worked great… and I have peace…. ps… all the kids want to sleep here too😉

@shaec3405

11 ай бұрын

And I bet You Prob. Get A lot more TIME over all.... ❤

@robinwiergacz9974

11 ай бұрын

Smart woman!

@Summerrose400

11 ай бұрын

I too don’t mind my daughter and her fiancé going to his parents for Christmas. They live above me in a flat we made by doing an attic conversion. They have their own front door and the only thing we share is the garden. It’s actually quite a relief, no pressure on me to cook and prepare mountains of food I can’t afford. I have treats that I enjoy, films I enjoy and an early night knowing I will see them on the other 364 days of the year 🎉

@LilBafta

10 ай бұрын

@@Summerrose400 I, as a mother who loves her son soooo much sees your situation as 'living the dream'. To have him so close yet still have your space 🤗 I would still feel a bit wishful they'd spend one christmas with me ocassionally, but you're being really rational. ❤

My 23 year old daughter decided to disown and leave the family. We were devastated because this all happened out of nowhere. I decided not to care because she's grown and she's making a conscious decision, and now I'm the bad guy because I don't care. I'm a firm believer in free will for adults. I'm at peace 😌

@3barnesfarm

8 ай бұрын

You are not alone... same with my daughter. Sometimes, I light a candle for her, and I send her love and light. Ultimately, we can't control others- but we can send them positive vibes ❤

@LindaFoyle

6 ай бұрын

Same thing like this happened to me, my daughter, years ago, after she graduated high school, she didn’t want anything to do with me, yes it hurt, for a few years, but I came to the realization, that’s what she wanted, and I moved on…She is 48 now, and it’s still the same way. No, it doesn’t bother me…my life is good❤🙏🏻

@donnaparsons500

6 ай бұрын

We were so close until they were about 28. Now at 33 and 35 poof gone, they were not abused they were adored. Daily. By both parents. I’m Single and 69. Christmas gone thanksgiving gone birthdays gone. I “let them”3 years ago. I’m still grieving.

I love Mel so much. The way she got so worked up about her kids wanting to go to avocado pit had me CRACKING up 🤣 she’s adorable

@mellie5570

Ай бұрын

Same here. Every time she said “Avacado Pit” I laughed out loud….😂

@tiffszo

Ай бұрын

@@mellie5570 🤣

I lost a friend of over 20 years because she would not Let Me be me. I declined to go to her Xmas Eve party, my husband and I opting to go out for dinner instead. Little did I know that this one action would cause her to accuse me of hating her family, of questioning why we were friends, of raging at me. I sat on this for a while, let her make the decision to call me and we planned a meet up over coffee. She refused to admit that her behavior was manipulative and controlling. I’ve walked away from this relationship, it’s been 3 months since that coffee and silence from her. My 40’s are seeing a lot of this, I have no time for other peoples chaos or drama. We are all free to be ourselves. “I’m the only person in control of my powerful emotions about things!”

@carolbiagioni4744

Жыл бұрын

Exact same thing happened to me only in a different way. Relationship of over 35 years. Best friend. Mel's video has relieved me of the obligation to think about it anymore.

@namensrichtlinien1298

Жыл бұрын

😔 So, just ignore what is important to her, do not share your reasons, to be alone is so much nicer, away with friendship, who cares.

@Stolat79

Жыл бұрын

@@namensrichtlinien1298 that is not what I said at all. Amazing the assumptions you made there, with so little information on this schism. I mean I was brief, but you took her side quite readily without knowing either of us or our relationship. What about what is important to me? To my husband and me? Sounds like you need to do some introspective work yourself mate. Cheers.

@Stolat79

Жыл бұрын

@@namensrichtlinien1298 and your post is Uber manipulative! Lay that guilt and shame on someone else!

@Stolat79

Жыл бұрын

@@Manjaxi again with the assumptions. I had attended once before her Xmas eve party. Only once ever. That party involved my friends alcoholic sister rubbing her breasts and gyrating on my husband in a provocative way. Of watching my drunken friend and her sister screaming at each other over lost keys. A party of drunks. I declined to attend again due to my husband feeling uncomfortable being around my friends sister. This same friend had been taking the piss out of me for months prior over small differences of opinion between us. My husband and I have a tradition of going out for Chinese on Christmas Eve. “Fancy Dinner” is your assumption, again oddly manipulative even as you give unasked for advice. More like Chinese buffet and a bubble tea. Yes ego does play a part in both parties. My friend and I are both head strong people, part of what bonded the friendship all those years ago. However, I got my drinking under control, learned to let others be themselves (you didn’t ask how many times this friend had bailed on my own invitations, minimum of ten and I did not throw fits just said “ok next time then”), to control my emotions and opinions and to let people go if need be. I validated my friends feelings of hurt and explained that my husband and I have our own traditions to forge, that we are all in with each other for the long haul. However, my feelings were discarded and she clearly felt entitled to belittle me for hurting her feelings. I’m on a path to better myself, to be the best version of me. You become like the company you keep. Remember that. My friend needs to start Adulting better, we’re all free. Cheers.

I'm grateful for this wisdom. I had an 8 yr. "What I thought was a friendship" end recently. Instead of chasing for an answer, I released the person with gratitude and let go.

@moniqueengleman873

11 ай бұрын

This happens so often as we age. Let them go. Madea had this going first.

@paramorefanaddict

3 ай бұрын

I'm dealing with this right now.A 15 years of friendship that started in high school now,has essentially gone down the drain in a month's time.Not sure where the energy came from but I'm not going to waste my time to figure it out.If they found a better deal than what I gave them,good for them.Ive been blessed in so many other areas of my life,that it's really not worth the stress.🥾

This has helped me figure out how to deal with my brother, sister in law and their kids. They have systematically excluded me from their lives and my sister in law went on a campaign of maligning me. For 40 years I have tried to please them but now I actually feel free. I have peace that they will never include me and I also realize that they only include me when they need me for something. I am their ‘tea maker’, they only think of me when they need something from me. I am free to tell them that I will now morally support them from afar but I’m no longer going to be pulled into any drama of their own making. Thank you Mel.

Oh my lord! Spot on. I married two husbands because they had "potential". Never realizing I had my own potential and I made things happen with MY potential and energy and commitment. Thank you for giving me food for thought. ❤

@lilarose9348

10 ай бұрын

👏

@lantherpagdi

10 ай бұрын

you married somebody with "potential" without looking at yourself in the mirror?

@susanh326

10 ай бұрын

@@lantherpagdi You get a gold star for getting the general idea! Girls where I came from were socialized that the sun rises and sets with men. I suppose that's good for the man🤩.

Years ago I had cancer my so called best friend never once came to see me or even call me on the phone to see how I was doing, when I was all done my cancer and treatment her husband and her new friends came over to tell us we were not on their ball team anymore because we all played ball together ! It broke my heart and she has been telling people that I ended our friendship . I was mad but cancer sometimes kicks your Ass but it really opens you up to kind people who did not even know me that show me love and support that I never got from my friend.Friends are put in your life to teach you something! And sometimes you have to walk away! Because some friends just aren’t good for you!

@dianemartinez8126

2 ай бұрын

You are correct, this is a lesson.

@JoanVBruce

2 ай бұрын

W​@@dianemartinez8126

@TradBarbie

2 ай бұрын

Dude... that's pure ev×l!! She was using you.

@bizygirl1

Ай бұрын

I had a “friend” like that too. I’m so thankful my illness improved my “vision” to see who was who in my life.

I had to do a “let them” with my self absorbed & distant 79 year old mother and sisters! I’ve stopped trying to be more than I am. I have renewed happiness and joy from letting go. I’ve surrendered and released them from my life and I’ve stop trying to get them to love me. I’ve stopped incessantly trying to me the good daughter that no one sees 😊

So many people need this message! I wish all the over functioning parents in my area would watch. Kids (and adults) need consequences to learn and grow.

I love this . This came at a perfect time . I have a fiancé and we have a long distance relationship. He talks and talks about this female friend . I have totally stopped whining about this and he questioned me about it . He loved the controversy . This is what I discovered when I let him . I am free from jealousy . I tell him that I can’t be worried about what he does because he will do what he feels he needs to do . When this happens I just don’t participate and honestly reevaluate this relationship .

@RK-su4hs

11 ай бұрын

like tug of war. One team let’s go of the rope & the other team falls down No resistance

@gloriasaliba3395

11 ай бұрын

You deserve better than him

@miketaylor7305

10 ай бұрын

Hi Marien…yes he needs to go

@motha_earth1386

9 ай бұрын

Going through the same. I have understood that Im enough and I choose not to be triangulated with another woman/women

@Eirene628

7 ай бұрын

Ummm...triangulation. I'd think twice.

I needed this today! I broke my foot on Mother's Day. I have 4 close friends (or so I thought) and have only heard from one of them...once. Thank you for the reminder not to waste my energy on them.

@mwashi401

11 ай бұрын

Exactly! Been dealing with the “silence” from the mother of my nephew. Been reaching out and left voicemails but to no avail. She has yet to respond. At first I was annoyed but I saw Mel’s instagram post and immediately said to myself “ok. She doesn’t want to call me back, let her! I’ll be okay.”

The only thing that you can control is your own choice. You simply cannot control the choices that others make. You can only suggest choices. The moment you “let them” make choices, stand back, observe, and “let them” learn from their choices. thanks Mel ❤

This “Let them” theory and the “It’ll pass” line in Fleabag 2 are now my dual action guide of emotion management. It works more effectively when these actions being called out in such specific and articulating phrases. Thanks to Mel and Phoebe. Both of you are caring and intelligent thinkers and writers of our time.

Thank you Mel for the way you show up everyday! I love how real you are. I'm 61 and have been parked on the side of the road for the last 30 years as a result of my thinking and choices. I'm 10 years sober now and I'm pulling back onto the highway. Enough of the pity parties, talking about the glory days that really weren't that glorious, and this crappy comfort zone, because it really is never over till it's over, and I'm really just getting started. Your podcast is food for my soul and I have also taken the take control challenge. I will keep you posted. Have a great day on purpose and thanks again for being a lifeline and I love you right back!! 👍🙂😎👋❤️💯

@auntiemame7076

9 ай бұрын

Sending you best wishes for a wonderful next phase as you travel the highway. Take the scenic route! You are not alone. There are many of us and we need to encourage and model for each other.

I love this… I call it “you in or out?” If I ask a friend to go to dinner, brunch or movie, I just want to know if they’re in or out. Do NOT want to know their itinerary for the whole week, or why they can’t do whatever. I just tell them”OK next time”.

@notnow7973

Ай бұрын

Haha! So true! My sister always tells me the more important things she has to do.

I love this! It brings peace to my life. Trying to always be in control it’s exhausting. Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤

I’m almost 43, and have actually been doing this for most of my adult life. It saves a lot of time and energy, and is definitely worth it for your mental health.

I had a terrible week of expectations and misery of my own making, and then I started worrying about people being mad at me, and then I realized I can let them. And a bigger epiphany is that I can also let myself experience my own emotions and not try to control them. I can extend that same grace to myself. Thanks!

One of my favorite mantras/inner talk is “nothing matters that much”. Even after years and years of doing and “ then 😢 receiving a diagnosis of cancer. You realize your finite self. At this moment you can say without thwart NOTHING MATTERS THST MUCH.

@afrancis7475

8 ай бұрын

O my God, how are you now?

@gigicoogler

8 ай бұрын

@@afrancis7475 I’m great!! Nothing is more important then how I feel. It’s catching the mind chatter before my body hears it. Lol. My mind says go do do do more faster. My body says; yeah go ahead I’ll catch up later. Body wins. Haha

This is so helpful right now! I am the controlling person always in everyone’s business, especially with my family (where everyone is the same and we drive each other nuts!). Today I found out a close friend who bought a new vacation house invited various friends and relatives to stay the entire time she is going to be there through the fall and didn’t invite me. I started getting worked up because my feelings were hurt. Now, I’m just thinking, if she wants to invite all these other people but not me, LET HER. I have other places to go and she can do whatever she wants. Let her. Let her. Let her.

@notnow7973

Ай бұрын

So sorry you are hurt. Life can be hurtful.

I am so grateful to find your channel! As a cancer patient, I am working through letting go of so many emotions…this seems to be my new mantra. Thank you for the effort you put into creating inspirational content that truly makes a difference in our lives!

I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of …. Being taken advantage of!! I did let it go and now it’s been 6 years since my family has spoken to me. The day I decided to let it go … they were gone !! Even though I’m strong and can move on … it still really hurts!! Just be prepared in what you choose to “let go” of. 🤔

@JDAfrica

11 ай бұрын

I had a very similar situation - what helped me is that I had to realize I loved the ‘idea of who they were in my mind’ and not who/what they were to me. I wrote it all down, to externalise - and I focus on the people that love and support me. Every time I’m down, I buy a small Gift and remind myself to be grateful to the people who are here.

@vickyeahoh

11 ай бұрын

Same here still hurts but the other way round just look worst if you think about it like being in the matrix. You have been brave, you are brave!

@deniseatkinson7510

11 ай бұрын

This is wonderful. Also the ‘heart’ of the Al-Anon program. Meetings everyday, everywhere, across the world.

@notnow7973

Ай бұрын

So very sorry. Of course it hurts.

@susanbilawchuk1192

Ай бұрын

@@JDAfrica I forgot to thank you 9 months ago for your comment… so thank you 🙏 very thoughtful and comforting.

pure gold. Another plus of " let them" is your health. Literally your health. Almost all diseases, especially the autoimmune ones and the coronary artery diseases are DIRECTLY linked to this inner resistance of events and people!! The following emotional rollercoaster and stress leads to immune deficiency and the epigenetic kicks us into diseases. 🙃thanks!! Drug addicts, alcoholics and emotional abusers are notorious of dragging down anyone who doesn't let them. The " helper" dies before the addict quite often. GOLD!

I lost many friendships and relationships in my years of living, and I was once a people pleaser who tried to see the good in everyone. So when people walked out of my life, I often asked myself and peers what was I doing wrong and why’d they leave. The more you overthink why this person did this or that, you’ll drive yourself insane. I stopped controlling situations, people, and outcomes. I simply let them.

I absolutely love this. I used to get really hurt when people didn’t do what I expected of them and I decided one day to not have any more expectations, no matter who the person was. It has been liberating to say the least. It has given me the ability to notice and appreciate the things that people do for me, no matter how small.

Thank you Mel. My sister has decided to cut us all out of her life and I’ve spent 10 years trying to bring her back in the family and got myself hurt in the process. With the let them theory I’ve learnt to let go, she’ll come back to us when she’s ready, and I get to stop being upset about it and do my own thing in the meanwhile. Like you said this isn’t about me it’s about her and the space she needs

@HeatherLandex

Жыл бұрын

I've cut of a sister, my mother keeps intervening - she's risking getting cut off too. She has to let me be because she doesn't have the same experience of my sister. I cannot force her to see it either. I have to "let her" feel worried or overly responsible or I risk my mother dragging me back into the drama.

@mwashi401

11 ай бұрын

Absolutely. At the end, it is not about you (this was your sisters choice) and remember that as you breathe and let go of what and whom you can’t control..😊

@bettybarnes8506

11 ай бұрын

Your response hit home w me only I’m the one excluding dysfunctional family members from MY life.

@RisingPhoenix11.11

11 ай бұрын

Try trying to think of at least one reason why she should not come back, turn it around and maybe it,s for her of your best interest to go each your own path

@brendarewan7441

11 ай бұрын

I admire you for how you handled this situation. 🌺👍🏾

Thank you Mel! I have a narcissistic X who turned my children against me. I’m devastated to say the least and cry daily in disbelief that they were so easily brainwashed. Narcissistic Parental Abandonment - just found out it isn’t just me. I can’t go on like this anymore so I’ll try your “Let them” and “F*** It” (made me laugh for the first time since idk) approach. I need to find some sort of happiness and Love in this world. 💔

@jlopez-showalter3846

11 ай бұрын

Leave this one in Gods Hands Sharon knapp. As Mel says, and I am paraphrasing, the more you chase, the more they will run. Chances are they will eventually come to their senses 🤞🏼. Foe me when it comesvto your children they deserve alot of leeway in most instances and you can not hold a grudge. Praying for many blessings for you. Ephesians 6:1-4 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

@ellecrescent9834

11 ай бұрын

My dad turned my mum against me after they divorced. I was really brainwashed for a few years, but when I couldn’t take it living with him anymore I came back to her and realised what had happened. So don’t worry, let them, they will come back and they will know. Just keep your door and heart open. I’m sorry that you’re going through this but it will be okay.

@tiffanyjohnson96

11 ай бұрын

I'm so terribly sorry you're going through this. I am a firm believer in "actions speak louder than words" kids pick up on everything, and one day it'll all click. Don't lose hope. Just keep shining and put on your best you! Everything will fall into place. I'm praying for you dear heart ♥️

@debbiesmith8544

11 ай бұрын

I’m another mother , divorced and ex of narcissistic for 47 years. He has and is brainwashed them to the point they don’t invite me to graduations, weddings or anything and I’m the one dealing with the pain he has caused. People are evil.

@tishataray

11 ай бұрын

​@@debbiesmith8544 narcs are very evil. Blessing hun

My thing is "let that shit die of neglect." Love the Let Them theory!!

Perfect!!! Love this!!!! No drama. No chaos.

Hey Mel, I listened to this already three times. As a Mindful coach, and someone who feels responsible for everyone else’s emotional state, I may need to listen to this, another hundred times. Every word resonates with me. And though I may have to erase decades of programming, I will absolutely do it to save myself and those around me. Thank you.

@kellymontes9841

11 ай бұрын

See what I mean now I’m trying to save them, again. Nope! I’ll simply let them.😅

@joaquinben4458

11 ай бұрын

Yesss!!!! Great video!!!

@annettemelendez8875

7 ай бұрын

Your not alone !!!! This is LIFE CHANGING FOR ME!!!! TY Mel

@anneiconex1473

5 ай бұрын

​@@kellymontes9841 YES I'M GOING TO LISTEN 3 TIMES TÓO

Thank you so much for this Mel 😊❤ my adult kids hurt me everyday now I know I can’t control how they treat me . And I don’t have to spend the holidays with them when I am not important to them . I will just let them !

@notnow7973

Ай бұрын

So very sorry you are hurt.

This is really called STOICISM - never being attached to people or outcomes, and never trying to control people and circumstances that are beyond your own control. Happy Christmas.

I’ve been using this method, after you introduced it. It really helps reduce drama and controlling others. Most importantly, I don’t get myself worked up over things like I use to. If someone wants to cut into my lane while I’m driving, I let them and welcome them with kindness. Much easier than me thinking I’ve been wronged. Game changer. Peace 🙌🏻

@notnow7973

Ай бұрын

Me too! I love letting people in.

A cousin discovered online that I had three adult siblings. We were all in our forties by that time. I tried very hard, too hard to try to build relationships with them. I finally LET GO, and let them decide if they want to pursue a relationship with me. I don’t believe that they will, and while that hurts, my peace is too important at this point.

“people are going to do what they want to do no matter what anyone says or does”

@freespirit-111

11 ай бұрын

I concur.

I am reminded of the saying: let them experience natural and logical consequence. I had to say this to myself raising my children.

Wish I would have adopted this 20 years ago when my kids were babies. I’ve controlled so much for them and think that’s been bad for them and me. How freeing this is for everyone…

I have no friends now because i stopped being the only one reaching out. I also let my husband do whatever he wants with his free time and it's ruined our marriage. We barely speak because he's always on his computer. I guess you can let others do what they want but that doesn't mean you will be happy. 😂

@notnow7973

Ай бұрын

Very good point!

@Pepperfam

4 күн бұрын

I think it still means honest open communication about your feelings. It’s also hard you have to say hey honey we really need to prioritize our marriage and spend time together. If you play video games that much I feel abandoned neglected. Let’s plan more dates and please cut down on video games it’s probably an addiction. If they don’t care when you approach them with kindness and respect that’s either an addiction or they don’t care about you. Then it’s okay I deserve someone better.

I started using the let them theory with my oldest son, he is 14 yo and he started highschool last year...I made the decision to let him manage the class selection, the itinerary, I empowered him to start resolving the school roadblocks, to fix any missing assignments or a failed exam. Even though he knows I am here and Daddy always can help...but he was in charge of doing it. AND Let me tell you...He has grown a lot...let himself do the rescue on his own and give him the power to take control to fail and succeed. PLease believe me...I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control-when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I’m still terrible at this. But I am working on it and changing habits.

@anusha2465

18 күн бұрын

I cannot do that. He will fail miserably 😢 He has zero motivation to learn

I really needed to hear this, thank you.

28 seconds in... (👍🏾) After owning my home for 5 years now, I've been inviting my grandmother over, and she refuses to come. When she does come over, you can she the discomfort in her face/eyes. This took a toll on me, and I was so bothered by this. Because, all I ever wanted was to have somewhere I can call home to allow my family to have somewhere to call their home too. For many years, it puzzled me, "why does my grandmother have such resentment towards my home?" And I finally get it. I'm now 28, and now that I do, I LET HER BE. May we all find peace, and may we all grow and elevate from all the wonderful information being shared in this day and age. Thanks, Mel💐

100%true…. When you are aligned with yourself, true colors seriously show up …. let them !!!!

When they show us who they are, we need to believe them from the FIRST TIME. It could save our lives.

I loved this podcast. I was struggling with my husband of 12 years and when nothing worked, I was forced to "let him be". He is an epitome of control as he has a narcissistic personality. When I emtionally cut him out of my life, I also cut off most of the bullshit and toxicity I was surrounded with. Now he is ruminating not me.

I have a new piece to put in my tool box from you( Let them). I cried for yrs about all kinds of situations. Now at 58 on Tue 4/30/24 7am, 54321...let them. Thank you so much Mel.❤❤❤gonna enjoy they day ☀️.

I have been doing this unconsciously for the last 6 to 9 months - the freedom is indescribable. Thank you for giving this a name!

Radical acceptance definitely doesn’t mean we will like the feelings we have while we “let it be”….and sitting in it’s that discomfort will give us gems of wisdom into ourselves & others. 🙏💓🤩

I am a controlling wife and mother but have been trying to let things be because my husband already has this kind of attitude and over the years, it use to bug me so much but have realized that I would have stressed out for nothing! Where as he, got to enjoy the moment. He doesn't have white hair yet but i do and he's older than me. Listening to this has really opened my mind up. Thank you Mel for this video!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

This is amazing, Mel. My son is an alcoholic, got fired - total “victim”. I’m trying every single minute to just let him. Thank you.

@SusanaXpeace2u

11 ай бұрын

They need to see how bad things are when nobody is rearranging the deck chairs.

@Catfluff521

5 ай бұрын

My son as well. I’m trying to do what I reasonably can, but accept that I can’t control what he does.

@Catfluff521

5 ай бұрын

@@SusanaXpeace2uso true. I’ve done too much and it was enabling.

When I saw the Instagram post....whew!! I got chills. I had to "let" the people in my life do what they do without me injecting my opinions (whether I said it out loud or stood silently in judgment). It has been the most liberating thing I have ever done for me as well as for them!

I was taught this theory by a counselor but he said just take a deep breath and think to yourself f’ck them and then go on your way. I employed this most often with my mother and father. Works great.

@prachigl5563

3 ай бұрын

With parents it is most needed.

I was causing myself and my spouse so much grief getting so emotional, irritated, frustrated about situations at work. I eventually said to myself "why do i care about this meaningless chaos? just get paid and go home". Now i watch my boss spaz out, poorly call the shots, point and blame others. I let him talk and wait for him to stop talking. I dont involve myself or prove my idea is better blah blah. Feels like im watching a movie instead of immersing myself in chaos that doesnt serve me. Now i can laugh at it instead of feeling angry or inadequate

@notnow7973

Ай бұрын

It’s hard!

It is hard to watch someone you love go down a dangerous path. We can offer assistance in some way, but it is up to them. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I can't change them. All I can do is be an example for good. It hurt like he'll, but they are responsible for their choices. I know I went kinda deep on this topic. I am seeing the loss of my husband to addiction and other vices. Thanks for sharing!! I know I need to let go before it destroys me and our children.

I was always in relationship with the potential… never worked felt exhausting yes! Don’t try to change them. Detachment is hard. No expectations is the way the hard way. Let them is the life changer. Thank you, love you, Mel 😊

@jennifersola5771

11 ай бұрын

❤😊

@sunbeam9222

11 ай бұрын

I spend some time trying to control someone's behaviour a way or another in a relationship. Now I changed that and experience the opposite happening. I love them the way they are and don't try to change a thing. Just got dumped I'm not sure why, but I let them 😅

@a.account8011

11 ай бұрын

@@sunbeam9222 life is much easier when we accept that not everyone is meant to be our forever person

@sunbeam9222

11 ай бұрын

@@a.account8011 absolutely. No more resentment, blame, guilt, obsessively trying to understand. Just acceptance love and peace, no matter what. It's so liberating.

@silviaguerini5017

11 ай бұрын

I realize I try to change him. If I just let him. (be himself, do whatever he wants) then I'd be the unhappy one. Perhaps this really means that I am in love with his potential, not the real him. How to break this cycle? I can't change myself and my needs either. Perhaps the only right thing to do is walk away.

And so today begins the rest of my life ❤

I felt I deserved an award and that I wasn’t invited to an important work event. After ruminating on it for a few days about what to do or who to complain to, I just let it go. I applied the “let them” theory. It felt liberating.

Wow, Mel when you told the story of your parents not visiting you and you said, "Let them, they have their reasons," I had to rewind to hear that tiny phrase again. My almost 40 year old son, who I was always close to, has suddenly stopped speaking to me, taking my calls or texts and even refused to attend a family event because I was there. This has been one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. I want to believe he has a good reason for it (at least in his mind) otherwise all this agony is for no reason at all. I will "let him" and hope and pray he comes back some day and that the damage done to my relationship with him and with the estrangement from my grandkids isn't permanent.

@madamdardis

11 ай бұрын

I feel for you, that situation resonates with me. It’s important to share this stuff because it’s more common than we realise. My parents are dead, I’m single without children and I have two brothers that never call or visit . I got tired of being the one doing all of the travelling and visiting which did keep one of those relationships alive, but after some very deep conflict regarding a sex offender uncle I stopped running after them. Niw nothing. It’s devastating isn’t it? I cried for 3 days on and off last Christmas whilst alone. Christmas is the only time my elder brother calls and the other one texts a short “ happy Christmas, I hope you had a nice day” message on Christmas night. . I was honest and said “ I’ve been devastated, being left out by family at Christmas does that to you” he ignored me. I STILL go to their kids birthdays when there’s a meal out/drinks that I’m invited to but I don’t know why, we’ll I do, it’s to hold on to any semblance of family that I barely still have. It’s sad, really sad. My mum and dad must be turning in their graves.

@SaturdaysWarriors

11 ай бұрын

((Hugs)) I feel this deeply with you. ❤❤❤

@jessicabullard5806

11 ай бұрын

Going through the same thing. I pray for him and his family but I've release that and that has helped my mental and emotional health.

@dianemower7422

11 ай бұрын

My eldest son has walked away from our relationship too, so I understand how you feel. But when I released the feeling like Mel says, I felt so much better ❤

@dianecelento4974

11 ай бұрын

Do you really not have any idea why he is doing this? Hard to believe he would alienate you for nothing. Unless somebody told a lie about you and he is just taking their word for it.

Mel - You are amazing, you make the world such a better place and I love your authenticity! Listen to you every day :)

I love the grad story because the day of my high school graduation, it was pouring rain, and I was wearing a ball gown. I ended up with a couple of friends at a McDonald's! It ended up snowing that night, which is not the norm at this time of year, even here in Alberta, Canada! But, I remember being at the after party in a touque with snow falling and the dj lights and music, and it was actually kind of neat. I also know now that unprocessed trauma tends to make you feel the need to have as much control as possible. I'm on my path to work through my own trauma and want to add that you really can't control others but you DO have control over yourself and how you choose to care for yourself when a situation isn't bringing you peace or feeling like a safe space. Recently, a friend and I went to celebrate another friend's birthday but her and her bf had been fighting and by the time we arrived the liquor had been pouring freely. We hadn't ate, more booze was purchased and instead of just going along with it, I chose me. We left, grabbed a bite to eat and went back to my place and went to sleep. I am so proud I'm finally choosing myself and my wellbeing. So, let them! But also let yourself walk away from situations that are not honoring your peace, respecting your wellness, or feel unsafe in any capacity.

I needed to hear this exact thing. I needed to let go and stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Thank you Mel Robbins.

Thank you. Thank you. I have tried the phrase "let IT GO" forever, it never really worked. But "let THEM" works... It's kind of shocking. Bold. It personifies the statement. Now I say to myself "Oh! Let them" and I add "I am just the observer." And I usually walk away calmly and at peace. Wow. You helped me in like 30 seconds and my life has literally improved in just days. Thank you SO much you are my new fave. 😉👌💪

This hit home really hard. I am such a fixer! I didn't realize this was a distraction for my own problems. I will try to focus on myself now.