I love this channel ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

28 күн бұрын

We're so happy to hear that :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I spend most of my tweenties in a relationship like this, his father was abusive, he couldn't fall in love with anyone, he was clueless about my needs and blah blah. All I can say is: Run girl, run! Look at everyone here trying to analyze and diagnose this guy, whether he's avoidant, aspergers etc. Typical of women and also why women gets stuck in this kind of relationship. Does it matter what's wrong with the guy? No. It's not your job to figure him out or try to fix what's broken and what not. Your job is to show yourself the love, you're not getting from him and get out --> PS. The guy who couldn't fall in love with anyone, has know been in love and married for almost 20 years to a woman he met right after me and has a kid, even though he didn't want neither. Don't be fooled by these kind of statements.

@thepragmatist

29 күн бұрын

Excellent comment.

@mengie87

29 күн бұрын

Thank you for the needed perspective! Totally agree. The energy spent trying to understand why a man is not giving you what you need emotionally, needs to be spent getting out of said relationship and allowing the man who WILL give you everything and more, to enter your life.

@radhakrsnaprema

28 күн бұрын

Best comment! I have experienced that and totally agree. Run to the hills. Love yourself first and never allow anyone to neglect your feelings.

@y.peffle2802

28 күн бұрын

the book "he's just not that into you " changed my life in my 20s. Yes, just run

@user-ok5ez1ls1k

28 күн бұрын

For more perspective, I’m the girl that guy married. He didn’t change! It’s not you, it’s HIM. Don’t feel jealous of the one he married!

I'm convinced that finding a "two-way" relationship where we are each equally and mutually attracted to each other is the rarest thing in the world

@GypsyInThirteen

28 күн бұрын

same. and the truth is so many people don't actually find that, and that is totally ok. life is for loving and growth, if we are lucky and sane enough we can prob find a good partner for the long run, however, I've released the attachment to finding or "needing" this. best of luck to all, and keep on keeping on.

@gimj1_8

28 күн бұрын

Feels light years away for me and further and further each day.

@sweaters_and_harmony9525

16 күн бұрын

Boy, I’ll say!! That’s my story for sure. Those I fancied, did not like me and those who fancied me, I did not think of much. Life is weird, eh?

@SteeleMagnolia

16 күн бұрын

I finally found it, at the crazy age of 60. We met many years ago, although I didn't remember the brief occasion, but he did, and then crossed paths again a few years ago. We've been engaged for two years now, and I know without a doubt that he is my soulmate, if something so outlandish can exist outside of fairtails. What I've learned from Amanda about CPTSD, and a small handful of professionals like her, is how to build and maintain boundaries. I've done a tremendous amount of work on this, and have no qualms on standing my ground with others, including my fiance. Having gone no-contact with my family of origin, years ago, due to toxic dysfunction of the entire clan, I've learned that I have the freedom to pick my own family, and never feel like I have to settle, even with his acquaintances and family.

@barb7124

7 күн бұрын

I thought I had it. I finally met a man I was attracted too

When people show you how much you mean to them, believe them. Run!

@christinelamb1167

27 күн бұрын

Yes! What more proof do you need? Don't doubt yourself, what you are feeling is real, and they are showing you in no uncertain terms who they are. What you said: Run!

Offering someone some of what you’re cooking / making for yourself, is literally just basic manners! Especially if you are in their house!!!

@tracy3812

28 күн бұрын

I agree 100%. Plus, it’s harder to cook for one than two. No one is making extra work or “rolling out a red carpet.” What BS.

@catherinezuklic5070

28 күн бұрын

Right ... he came over to HER house, he grabbed some food out of HER refrigerator, and warmed it for himself. Then when she was finally done working, she ordered (and paid for) delivery food for both of them, but he said, "No thanks, I already ate some of your food." Yikes

@phabulous1614

28 күн бұрын

Exactly. Just basic manners; also, for him to become defensive is another red flag 🚩 girl, 🏃🏽‍♀️ run!

@AmbassadorsOfSorrow

28 күн бұрын

@@phabulous1614 it's literally manners 101!! Amazed he didn't get a hard time from the Fairy about that one - it'd be a hard 'do not proceed' from me.

@reneebarnes2632

28 күн бұрын

This guy is rude and selfish

Offering food is basic manners. You would do that even for a friend or acquaintance or colleague! It has got nothing to do with being romantic or not. Also "I love you but I am not in love with you" is just another way of saying I want to enjoy all the benefits of a relationship but take none of the responsibility.

@christinelamb1167

27 күн бұрын

Perfect comment! 👍

The guy sounds extremely selfish & self-centered. She'd be better off by herself. She deserves better.

@sueg2658

28 күн бұрын

Yup, I agree. I think he wants a mommy.

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

An apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Children learn from modelling. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker

@reneebarnes2632

28 күн бұрын

Agreed,

@SheilaPatterson

24 күн бұрын

It’s such a gross red flag when they equate basic decency/consideration as “rolling out the red carpet” like WOW.

I'm aromantic (and asexual). Disinterested to the point that I'm almost 37 and I've never been on a date, and no one's convinced me I'm missing out. This guy might be aro, too, but the thing that sticks out to me is that he doesn't even seem to be a good friend to this woman. If he were otherwise attentive, kind, etc then there's maybe a friendship to be salvaged here, but he sounds like a tool.

@apollofateh324

28 күн бұрын

Fr, as another aro person, even just treating people as a friend should be basic if you're in a relationship with them. It doesn't even sound like he liked her, let alone loved her, because even his friends seemed to get more attention then she did. Pinning that on being aromantic just sounds like a cop out, he didn't make an effort at all. Imo he just had that "honeymoon" experience when they were traveling, and assumed a relationship with her would feel the same, not realizing the circumstances are completely different 🤷‍♀️

@reneebarnes2632

28 күн бұрын

Well said!,

@reneebarnes2632

28 күн бұрын

Perfect , totally agree

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

All he cares about is himself. Long distance men= high risk

@corylcreates

21 күн бұрын

@@apollofateh324 Totally agree.

Splitting on valentine's day should have been the unspoken break up. No need for words even, he walked out of it. That's it.

I dated someone like this once, and I had enough to learn to don't do that never again. All of a sudden they decide that they're not in love, break up and leaves you feeling like 💩 wondering what you did wrong.

@Fairly-odd-kel

28 күн бұрын

Oh gosh it's the worst isn't, you think you're finally in a healthy relationship and then they pull the rug, my latest one did that and it's been two years but can't get over him, probably because of the resentment

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

Long distance men= high risk.

I learned this the hard way. You cant be romantic with someone who doesn't know how to BE romantic or receive those gesters... Some people would rather be in a relationship where there is no romance and also no risk of being hurt...

@thepragmatist

29 күн бұрын

Agree. This is more common than most people understand.

@ConnieWobbles

28 күн бұрын

Grim!

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

It is.

@tiffanyjohnson8679

28 күн бұрын

❤

I have dated someone exactly like this, even the problems and arguments you mention, I've had. RUN FROM DISMISSIVE AVOIDANTS!!! Literally run before you waste your life on someone who won't do the work to fix themselves because they think their behavior is normal. Therapy or no therapy.... you are not relationship training wheels for the emotionally unavailable. Be accountable to yourself and your inner child and RUN. They are using you trying to fill a hole that only they can fill.

@ebbyc1817

17 күн бұрын

I don't understand why anxious insecure attached never date other anxious insecure attached. I never hear about those pairs. Like, why wouldn't you choose someone that desires to be with you as intensely as you desire to be with them.

He's not aromantic. I'm aromantic and I know this. What he is is avoidant and very selfish. I've been involved with someone like this before. Although by month 2 I said enough is enough and bid him farewell. People like this are also often very hot and cold. They have ambivalent feelings toward you but they won't express it. However you'll feel it. One day they're being super close with you, like a second skin. And then some days it's complete pushing away. Prioritizing friends over you. Ignoring you for 12 hours then lying that for that entire day they didn't check their phone even once. Randomly complaining about their exes (even though when you look into it those were also not real attachments and he pushed them away before anything real could develop). Then suddenly switching again and being very loving and deep for stretches of time. Run, girl. It doesn't matter why he's the way he is. Just move on. You can even see how selfish he is by the fact that he's been playing along all the while, then suddenly when the intimacy is about to get deeper (meeting parents), he then decides to share that he isn't even in love with you. After two years of dating. And many years of friendship. And also being super charming and seductive in the beginning to win you over. Just leave that mess alone. Go find the right person for you. He can fix up without you. Not your burden.

@corylcreates

21 күн бұрын

Thank you for saying this. I'm on the aro spectrum and seeing the comments here and getting the feeling that it's judging aromantic people as being bad people felt really icky to me.

A guy I THOUGHT I was into let it slip that he enjoyed soaking up my sunshine. The devil is in the details, but I may have overreacted by fading with the sunset and never looking back…

@user-ok5ez1ls1k

28 күн бұрын

Follow your gut

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker

@misspeach3755

28 күн бұрын

No, you did the right thing! These people suck out every bit of light until there's only darkness left.

I dated a dismissive avoidant with Asperger's...he's sexual, but Aromantic...can't bring himself to be touched, but longs for it. Can't love, but longs for it. Tells me I'm the one then runs like hell and we play hot and cold and ghosting for 4 years of him asking me to be patient with him...then tells me marriage will happen when it happens and I ask if I'm still the one and he says he hasn't met her yet, but he loves me. Like HUH? SO, I've gone no contact. Yes, we are fire when we're together but I can't beg for love and affection and I shouldn't have to. He's insanely independent and will never let me tag along because people drain him.

@kiaral822

29 күн бұрын

Curious how you knew he had Asperger’s?? I dated a DA but didn’t know he had Asperger’s

@tomtbi

29 күн бұрын

Sounds like me.... It is a living hell!!.. sad😢...

@MD-gk2un

29 күн бұрын

I'm a special education teacher and my daughter has Asperger's. He rocks when he talks...I mean like think pious Jew facing the Wailing Wall kind of rocking. Outside of that it's just nuances I picked up. Even his mom doesn't know. I asked him to get therapy and he was diagnosed.

@asvegas777

29 күн бұрын

I’m very familiar with this type of person from both my dad, as well as friends, at least one partner. Yes there may be reasons for the way they are. But I can barely tolerate one man like this in my life, and that’s only cos he’s my father. It’s just not good enough for me this sort of person. I myself am not neurotypical, independent and can be difficult, but I can and do emotionally reciprocate and cooperate with others and that happening clean and non-unilaterally is very important to me. It may be that they are incapable, and we just aren’t a good match. I am sorry you experienced such ups and downs wish you the best.

@kiaral822

29 күн бұрын

@@MD-gk2un okay. I don’t think that was the case with mine. He would be on his phone during social interactions (not making eye contact). If I brought up anything emotional, he kinda just wouldn’t really respond back with empathy. I think probably just a very smart DA but I have questioned tbh.

Kayla I speak from experience... leave now, honey. I didn't but wish I had

Just wanted to point out that she did NOT ask him to go to therapy ... she said she was thinking about ending their relationship and needed some space. THEN all of a sudden he wanted to talk to her, even tho she'd asked him not to, and then he said he thought he should get therapy. After ignoring her for months and months. I think she probably feels bad about having wasted so much time on this guy.

It's heartbreaking to see that it takes us so long to recognize these very red flags. I have a hunch that, when she reflects on it, she'll see she knew a lot of this before he admitted.

I wanted to experience romantic love so bad. My ex was romantic in the beginning, but now I know it was love bombing. After we married, it stopped. He never truly loved me the way I needed to be loved. I have never been loved that way. I have never actually been in love and I feel cheated. I’m 60, and it’s too late. My trust in men is totally broken.

@ellachallas

26 күн бұрын

If you’re still breathing, it’s not too late!

@indyd9322

25 күн бұрын

It ain't over till it's over. You never know what God has in store for you. ❤

it sounds like its a relationship that is taking more from your life than it is adding to it, at the end of the day that's what matters and why there's no point staying in it. I consider myself aromantic but i do engage in relationships because through communication and compromise, like in any connection, both sides can give each others lives a positive addition; there has to be a mutual will to contribute to begin with.

I cannot even properly describe my gratitude towards you, dear Anna. This is the very question that was in my mind right now as I was playing sad music to soothe myself and feel the disappoint I feel of basically feeling used and rejected by someone I had real feelings for. For 3 months, I believed that he was someone who believed in the idea of love and what it meant. As someone with CPTSD who has suffered from both physical and emotional abuse + neglect, it is difficult for me to fully see or understand if the situation I'm in or the person I'm with is harmful for me. My intuition would always tell me something was off about him, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt for 3 months. He put on this picture of someone who also wanted to be in love, he came from a traumatised background so I wanted to help him on his journey and grow together with him - which is what created a lot of codependency eventually. At the end, he ended up confessing he was not ready for a relationship, never really had any feelings for the people he was involved in a relationship with in the past, and used humour which invalidated the very real feelings I had for him. This video has arrived at the perfect time.

Is he Avoidant or a Narc or just CLUELESS? Because caring about the well-being of an S/O does not require love, just consideration and I don't see how love is possible if he can't even be considerate.

@Carmen-wp1ut

29 күн бұрын

i agree. Humanity 101.

@blakcanis

29 күн бұрын

He sounds narcissistic

@sueg2658

28 күн бұрын

Excellent point.

@caglabatur

28 күн бұрын

Not everyone is a narcissist or avoident. People are more complex than the social media wants to present.

@MD-gk2un

28 күн бұрын

Narc/Avoidant is as Narc/Avoidant does.

Don’t stay if that person doesn’t make you feel good. From personal experience it’s so many decades of feeling pain from not being cherished not feeling fulfilled. Run away while you still have time to build a life you want instead of being with someone who constantly makes you feel unseen.

@reneebarnes2632

28 күн бұрын

Love this!

@Apersonintheworldtoday

26 күн бұрын

Me too. I echo your comment. I feel your pain & You're not alone

@reneebarnes2632

26 күн бұрын

Beautifully said, be careful who we let into our sacred space💝💝❤️‍🩹💘

He's just not that into you! move on

He is avoidant! Leave him, he can’t be a good partner for you.

He’s not clueless he doesn’t like her. When someone cares for you it’s the little things that matter and that person wants to take the load off from you and make your day better. He’s wasting her time. The writing is on the wall. He is using her until he finds someone else to use.

He doesn't sound like a "nice guy" at all. He's a user who is passing the time with this lady - and he's waiting for something better to come along.

You're just wasting your time with these types trying to figure them out. Narcissist are notorious making you wonder where you stand in a relationship. Dont even waste yor tome with these types whether they're narcissists or not, He's already shown her what he thinks about her by his actions. Walk away.

@christinelamb1167

27 күн бұрын

Exactly! The label doesn't really matter. He's obviously a very inconsiderate, selfish, just plain uncaring person. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone like that? Walk away and don't look back, he's not worth it. He doesn't even possess common courtesy!

@blakcanis

26 күн бұрын

@@christinelamb1167 💯🎯

It sounds like she’s a placeholder for him. Never let a man tell you more than once that he’s not in love with you. Put yourself first and let him go

I was listening to this story and went "That sounds like he's aromantic" too. I am aromantic as well. Could be! I just wanted to say that dismissing a partners feelings or not including them is not a thing that's *because* someone is aromantic tho. Like yeah maybe he doesn't know and is frustrated but if he actually wants to date (some aros do) that is something one can talk about. We are absolutely capable of being loving partners. Not all of us want partners tho.

I am so sorry. What does he think "in love" is? I know a happy couple who loved each other but were not in love (at least at first) but fell in love over time. However it does sounds that he does not intend to get there at all? It sounds like he definitely not the one for you. A-Romantic sounds accurate. I align with that but when I love someone I would still try to do the things that make the other person happy and *feel* loved. Love is not about the "feeling in love" but about *how I show up for the one I love*

He's probably a dismissive avoidant.

This fella reminds me loads of my ex husband. Deeply inconsiderate, avoidant, secretive, selfish, immature, unpleasant. She needs to let this go before she wastes a decade or more waiting for this guy to finally look up from his phone and care about her. He's using her like a bus stop, waiting for the next one.

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

Indeed. NEXT!

Run from this guy and this pseudo relationship!!! It sounds to me that he didn't ask her to move to his town and he doesn't actually want her in his daily life, hanging out with him and his friends etc. He was perfectly happy with a long distance "relationship" that required zero effort. I truly hope this letter writer moves back to the town she was previously in or to another town and block this guy from her life! I don't care what his diagnosis is, this is NOT fulfilling for her and she needs to get out before she wastes any more of her life with him. She deserves so much more!! Good Luck!!

This sounds a lot like what I dealt with with a boyfriend in my 20s and not only did I finally dump him after years of his abusive behavior but I moved to another state in order to be rid of him. I finally moved to get a new start because he kept sucking me in with his narcissism, fake promises and his inability to show love. 20 years later the dude still hits me every now and again saying how much he regrets losing me. Getting rid of him was the best thing I could’ve ever done. The best thing she can do is block him, get rid of him and never look back.

He might be autistic. I am an Aspergers woman and have a lot of aspergers/autistic friends, we can have a hard time identifying our own emotions, reading other people's emotion's, and DEFINITELY don't know "how best to react" unless explicitly requested.

I'm asexual and aromantic, and concerned by some of the comments here stating that it's 'selfish' to be so. This guy's issue is not recognising his aromanticism and persisting in trying to get into relationships he's not wired for (also being unfriendly - no excuse to be rude and unfriendly!). It's not the aromanticism itself. For me, I don't do dates or relationships of any kind, and it's much better all round for everyone.

I was once a guy similiar to him. But I thought I could not love at all. Turns out, my gf at the time, told me years later, that she never before felt so much loved. I was able to love, but not able to communicate it with words. It isn't that I can't love. It is, that I love so much, that it numbs me sometimes. Why? I was never taught how to say I love you. Now I know and it is wonderful.

@christinelamb1167

27 күн бұрын

But in the case of the guy in question, it wasn't that he couldn't "say" I love you. It's that he isn't able to treat his girlfriend with even common, ordinary courtesy, much less love. It's not about the words, it's about the behavior.

My goodness, I think this guy in the letter really wants a mommy. I think she deserves much much better.

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

Agree.

He's so taking advantage of her.

Thank you for this material. Very much needed these days. Thank you for sharing.

Great topic

I married a man who hid his Aspergers diagnosis from me.. I found him unusual but nice and we ended up married although I wasn’t in love with him.. it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life and it was a lonely sexless romance less room mate situation.. if you meet a person like this run away and fast

@carolinemarty1

29 күн бұрын

I was in a sexless marriage too. I suspect he was on the spectrum but I will never know for sure.

@Whirlbee

28 күн бұрын

Not all autistic people are asexual or aromantic, that's not part of the diagnostic criteria and is a completely separate thing.

The woman needs friends because he does not want to be the center of her universe. Also it seems he doesn't need her. My opinion. Have a nice day.🙂

You shouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum. Would a man stick around if the roles were reversed? Hell no. Don't make someone tell you they don't love you twice.

It isn't about romance. There is no emotions or empathy. She mentioned her abuse and he had zero response? That's not okay, unless he's autistic or neurodivergent....but not a hug, not a "I'm sorry this happened to you." Something!

Ok, why was SHE ordering the food? Ugh, hate how we get sucked into these situations.

Many men are not that emotionally involved with romantic relationships. Best not to get too involved with a man other than fun. Cats and animals are more loyal and are able to offer unconditional pure love. I dont believe men are able to do this.

This is why I avoid relationships.... I do not believe any woman could handle my Traumatic Brain Injury-( TBI ) "quirks"-( repeating myself,poor short term memory,short fuse,word finding issues,etc)...

@justmejenny7986

29 күн бұрын

Those quirks are part of what makes you unique. My ex; (he passed away), used to apologize for his quirks and awkwardness. Those were the things that I happened to find endearing. Don't give up on love. We only get this one life.

@MD-gk2un

29 күн бұрын

Everyone deserves love and nothing you are struggling with is abuse...abuse is the only reason to not be in a relationship with someone. Your person is out there. Be patient and don't give up on yourself. You are worthy of love. Be kind. That's the most important thing anyone can be...Kind. xo

I'm currently reading a great book "men who can't love" by Steven Carter , it's about people who ate commitmentphobics...very interesting and plenty of examples to recognise this type and run because they can't change. Totally recommend 👌 🙂

Why can't he take her with him when he goes to see the friends sometimes? He doesn't have to every time but why is he never including her?

@spacegirl226

28 күн бұрын

I wondered that too. My ex husband in a decade of being together never once let me meet his friends or talk to them. They knew I existed because of the smear campaign he ran against me, but in a decade to not be allowed to speak to them even once is odd. The guy reminds me a lot of my ex, and our situationship was disasterous. Kayla ought to cut her losses before she loses a lot more than time with someone who is immature and obviously disinterested in her.

My immediate thought was he sounds like he could be on the Autism Spectrum. I could be way off, but maybe he just doesn't understand certain expectations. Like maybe he really didnt realize making his own food and not making hers was so wrong because she didnt explicitly say she wanted him to make her food. 🤔 Some people are not good at mindreading and some people pretty much demand you read their mind or else it means you dont care about them. They may be able to salvage the relationship by learning how to communicate with each other better.

Wow. I feel like I could have wrote this letter. I was in a relationship exactly like this. It didn’t work out.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

27 күн бұрын

It sounds like you're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Sounds like he is selfish to me and immature. Like the father of my kids who left me to go watch a football game at his brother's house while I had a miscarriage

@maryptacek3453

28 күн бұрын

😢

@user-tq4fm4he8i

28 күн бұрын

Agreed. Selfish, avoidant and immature.

@danitiwa

28 күн бұрын

Oh my god I’m sorry that he did that to you That’s fucking awful

This is the truth!!! All three guys that I kinda was in a relationship with never entered a stable long term committed relationship up to this day.

6:27 Yes I didn't bring my phone out yesterday on a social outting. I felt crazy, I had to remind myself i was okay without a phone until 25 when smart phones happened. And i legit was looking in my pockets and remembering I didn't have the phone.

If it were in reverse best believe he would be hurt too. People like that are selfish and cruel.

My best friend is aro/ace and in the 20 years I’ve known her, she has not attempted to pursue relationships outside of friendships. She wouldn’t disrespect a person by being in a romantic relationship with them knowing she can’t develop those feelings the other person would want from her. That being said, this guy doesn’t sound aromantic; he sounds incredibly inconsiderate and selfish. He sounds like he has unresolved issues from his childhood that he is avoiding (“don’t want to dwell on it”). I think you’re being way too charitable to and forgiving of him, Anna.

@corylcreates

21 күн бұрын

Couldn't agree more. This guy doesn't sound aro to me. He just sounds inconsiderate and making excuses for how poorly he treats this woman. He seems to treat his friends just fine, so why is he treating her so badly? That's not an aromantic trait at all.

Thank you, Anna! This scenario sounds very familiar. What do you suggest a person do with this type of partner? Is it hopeless or would couples & individual therapy work? I understand it's complicated if NPD or neurological issues are involved (vs trauma that can be healed), but is true change hopeless? It's so hard to let go when you've invested a decade or more & already middle aged. I need actionable tips.

@piretparmakson3353

28 күн бұрын

True change is possible, but only if the partner in question truly wants to change and is willing to do the work (therapy, self-help groups, ...). Otherwise, it's really wiser to count your losses.

I'm sorry but what are the qualities of him? Like, what does she likes about him? He's nothing I would like to have in my life. I know out of experience that love is blind but this is gross 😢

I love and appreciate Anna but I do have to say I've noticed a pattern of sometimes not calling a thing a thing, and giving too much leeway/making excuses for the other person. Sure, he hasn't written you, she has, and the advice is great and honestly, life changing. But your partner only grabbing something for them to eat while coming to your house where you're hungry is beyond rude. So is you going to visit them and them leaving you in their house to be with their friends. It's not an awareness or cultural thing, it is simply rude. As life often goes i'm sure there were signs that he was always this person that she maybe didn't see. But lets also call a thing a thing. Once again, love your work Anna.

@christinelamb1167

27 күн бұрын

Exactly, rude is rude!

❤❤

I hope you can read my letter. I’m curious about yours thoughts. I sent it in mArch 18

I'm not in my 20s, or 30s, BUT for pity's sake! If he's buried in the phone when I came to see him, I'm gone. This gal did all this to herself.

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

If the phone is a priority. RUN!

It seems like a possibility that the boyfriend might have been on the autism spectrum. That said, in my experience, often people with autism spectrum disorders might inadvertently do hurtful things, but when you give them feedback about it, often they are quite sorry to have hurt someone they care about and take steps to rectify the situation. The biggest red flag with this guy is that when he received feedback, he doubled down (e.g., accused partner of expecting him to “roll out the red carpet” when she was upset that he didn’t offer her any dinner). It seems that he only contemplated making changes (going to therapy) when she was ready to leave. I think sometimes your partner may not always intuitively understand or anticipate your needs, but if they’re willing to learn and work with you, there is a path forward. That is not the sense I’m getting here. Sounds like this guy was first oblivious to then unmoved by his partner’s concerns, and only was willing to do anything about it when the relationship was at risk of being lost altogether. I don’t think that’s a recipe for sincere and lasting change, even if they did go to therapy. I think it is time to say goodbye and move forward. Good luck, Kayla!

Just leave when they do this.

It sounds to me like she is "good enough" for him, and fills the voids from when he's not around his friends, and that's it. He's extremely emotionally immature, and shouldn't be trusted with her love. His disingenuin desire for counseling is only a stall tactic, obviously, with the sole intention of keeping her around, with no love involved. I hope she's moved on from him by now, because he's shown his true colors, many times over.

Sometimes I get trapped in a thought kind of loop and keep on adding to tht one thought like why didn't he choose me? Wht kind of girl would he choose wht type what kind wht behaviour he ll be attracted to wht am I lacking..? This is an example I just felt today m soo irritated how can I help it😔 I feel exausted... Kindly respond me mam.. M from India.. 🙏

It seems to me that he was desperately trying to tell her that he was not in love with her. No one should force anyone to love them. That is not love either. I compare this story to someone trying to put a shoe on that is 4 sizes smaller. No offense.

~That 'split' Valentine's weekend thing sounds like there might be another woman in his life....?

@TarotGirlTah444

28 күн бұрын

Or man lol

@sherriflemming3218

28 күн бұрын

It's possible.

Probably so! Don’t step on the fairness of society’s dollar.

I don't like the sound of him. Crippled emotionally.

He sounds like a narcissist. Run for your life.

It just seems like Julia and a lot of women have no concept of agency. It's both sad and dangerous.

@youtube_username_

28 күн бұрын

Upvoting this comment as a woman who has given up my agency in the past. A good therapist can be very supportive, encouraging, and generally helpful.

They pretty much made a mockery out of life no reason to care about romantic love it’s garbage unless Life shows you otherwise and false hope is the epitome of foolishness

@harlenaalton3389

14 күн бұрын

I have met zero people with true love over the years not even one it’s all garbage and makes me think men are cowards stupid and not worth a thought right now very sad of me I know but seeing is believing

@harlenaalton3389

14 күн бұрын

I tried to be positive for years what a waste of time for such uncivilized garbage that they made life into

Yikes, I'm on the aromantic spectrum and I feel like we've been really misrepresented in this video. Even if someone isn't "wired" for romantic love, they can still be a kind and caring person. There are some of us who don't feel romantic love but desire a romantic relationship. There are some of us who aren't sure how different kinds of "love" feel (romantic, sexual, platonic). This guy doesn't sound aromantic to me. It sounds like he cares about his friends but not his girlfriend. He seems to care a lot about his friends, so I would assume he knows how to be a kind man to anyone, period. The fact that the kindness doesn't extend to his hopefully-now-an-ex doesn't mean he's aromantic; it just means he's a jerk. Aromantic people in committed relationships don't end up being thoughtless jerks because they're aromantic. They behave that way because they're just unkind and mean, just like someone who feels romantic love can end up treating a partner. It's not about their romantic attraction. It's about how good of a person they are.

I think there's something wrong with people who cannot feel romantic love. That sounds horrible. And who would want to be with someone like that romantically? I don't know about that being normal it sounds like an avoidant trait.

@corylcreates

21 күн бұрын

Maybe consider that whether or not people feel romantic attraction is in the same vein as who people are attracted to (AKA being gay or bisexual): we don't have a choice in how we feel. You might feel some compassion then. Romantic love is not the highest form or best form of love out there; friendships are just as valuable and there's nothing wrong or broken with aromantic people. I'm aromantic and I care so much about the people in my life, but I just can't wrap my head and heart around what "romantic attraction" is. I want to be in a relationship, but the feelings just don't come up, even when I want them to. Also? People who feel romantic attraction can be avoidant and abusive; feeling romantic love doesn't make someone better or healthier than an aromantic person.

Asbergers at best :/

maybe he has autism

The guy sounds like he's on the spectrum.

Misandry. "Ever-tightening groupthink that enforces an ever-escalating narrative of victimhood ensures that projection becomes the normal mode of misandrist thought. The word 'misogynist' has expanded to such an extreme that it is the Pavlovian response to anything a 'feminist' feels bad about, but cannot articulate in an adult-like manner. This reveals the projected gender bigotry of the 'feminist' in question, which in her case is misandry." … Imran Khan

Hello CCF, I had a love injury very young, father moved away and every year I'd board a plane to visit my dad, and leave my mum and vice versa; I balled my eyes out on the plane the entire way to see each parent (I love them dearly). Even into highschool and young adulthood I had girlfriends but never felt love for them, as if that area of my brain was locked away and the key thrown into the gutter. I had girlfriends leave me and I just didn't care at all. At 26 I participated in psychedelic therapy and within 6 months I fell deeply in love with someone for the first time but our relationship crashed, burned, then exploded (c'est la vie) because I didn't have any relationship skills whatsoever or no how to handle love outside the family. The pain afterwards was commensurate to the pain of leaving my parents on the plane every year, in fact I remember thinking, "I haven't felt this way since I left my dad every Summer". I eventually got over it and learned so much from that experience, but feel like I've gained access to the part of my mind to allows me to love. Psychedelics increase neural connection between hemispheres which might explain why those feelings became accessible again. Now I'm not encouraging psychedelic therapy whatsoever, as each person can have wildy different reactions to it; I experienced love while people I know experience utter terror - so it's not a perfect science. But I thought it was noteworthy, the feeling that it opened locked doors to important areas of my mind and soul. I'm optimistic that this modality is receiving attention in modern medicine. Thank-you for the work you do! And please, don't take psychedelics lightly; like I said while I experienced love, I've had friends fall into caverns of terror and were damaged afterwards vs healed. So your mileage may vary.

Oh come on. The guy is just plain inconsiderate and selfish. It doesn't require any romantic feelings to offer your hungry houseguest food, or not leave them to fend for themselves when they've come for the weekend. It's basic decency. I'm sorry but all this armchair diagnosing still means it's all about him again. What does it matter why he's treating her this way? What matters is that he does and he's not likely to change and she won't get what she wants from him so it's time to move on and not stick with someone inconsiderate and/or avoidant in the future but leave as soon as this dynamic appear. No need to be kissing this frog again and again in hopes he'll turn into someone else.

He’s a narcissist.

This is true, but it's not the only truth. Some men get so burned by pain, drama, scams, gold diggers, predatory divorce lawyers-the whole nine yards-that they just check out. We would rather be alone than preyed on emotionally and financially. Be aware that the Men Going Their Own Way is a decision many men are making. If the game is rigged, continuing to play is stupid.

@stacyjaye6350

28 күн бұрын

I'm a red pill lesbian 😂 I asked coach Adams what he thought of this, and he said well stacy, anyone that deals with women on a regular basis needs this knowledge. I actually started with the professor, Tom leykis! At first I hated him, then I loved to hate him and then I realized he was right! And then I dove into cga, darius m, Sydney mgtow... You guys literally saved my life. I'm not like butch or anything, but I got used and abused and I had to find a way out. Many, many thanks to all of you.

@charlottetaylor4471

28 күн бұрын

So be single then. Don't start a relationship and then make no effort. No-one is stopping men from being/remaining single.

@JamesSavik

27 күн бұрын

@@charlottetaylor4471 If you take anything away from this, please remember that we, men, get hurt as well. It isn't easy to learn how to trust again.

@iloveyoulawliet179

25 күн бұрын

Ew, go away then.