Men can like you and not respect you at the same time, that’s what you really need to understand, and someone respecting you is way more important than if someone likes you.

@powerliftingpremedcrafter473

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!!! Preach it!

@soniachambers6460

Жыл бұрын

😮well this is profound, it's what we intuitively know put into words Thx

@ckamau6383

Жыл бұрын

Also Desire vs Value

@shortblokej

Жыл бұрын

Yes, absolutely. Not just men, though! People can like you and not respect you simultaneously

@nnn4341

Жыл бұрын

this hits me so hard... especially at work, I feel like I'm always struggling for respect, even though managers/co-workers don't overtly dislike me

This reminded me of a quote I read somewhere: "If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth". Being truthful has really sped up my healing and given a lot of peace to it. As always, thank you so much!

@schenelle79

Жыл бұрын

Oh wow, I've never heard that before. And just earlier in my mind, I had destroyed a difficult friendship with the truth.

@frankydottir8762

Жыл бұрын

I love it! Thanks for sharing ❤

@Livingourbestlife929

4 ай бұрын

I finally just told my truth to my BF and things shifted for me. I don’t want to apologize like I normally would. I’m staying strong for once in my belief that his behavior was unacceptable. He is retaliating with cruel words. I am staying quiet….

Applying this to friendships is necessary, too.

@phoenixrising33

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely 😊

@jacklindsay3215

Жыл бұрын

So true...sometimes they seem like they are truly for u but aren't. It's not that they are inherently good or bad..but not who u think they are

@tallonhunter3663

Жыл бұрын

So much this.

@DancingDeity

Жыл бұрын

Where is the part where she gives practical tips on discernment? I’m not gathering much from this video other than a load of trauma dumping. Sick of mental health influencers using this tactic.

I don't bother anymore. My people picker is busted. After several years of near isolation, I've resumed therapy before attempting even to make a friend. Joining this channel is part of my renewed effort at self-care.

@sunnyadams5842

Жыл бұрын

Glad you're here!!

@jadegreen1554

Жыл бұрын

Sounds amazing. It gets better. I believe the picker could be healed. Best of luck to you 🙏

@suziew1267

Жыл бұрын

I hear you. I have one friend, who has been constant in my life, I keep people at arms length and toletate neighbours who don't respect boundaries. A life time of people pleasing is a survival tactic, I dont understand people who are mean. Nobody is totally healthy. Isolation becomes the only option. I can't take anymore. Many people hurt.

@Poodle_Gun

Жыл бұрын

I feel that

Confusion is part of the dating game, unfortunately. I don’t even know if it’s worth it. I’d rather not participate, if it’s confusing.

I love how you said that the truth really kills the romance when things aren't right. What a beautiful statement. I've also learned that the truth strengthens a romance when things are right. The truth fixes everything, and it strengthens everything good. It really does set us free.

Being so direct feels so counterintuitive to people who’ve learned to tiptoe around eggshells

At the age of 29 being best friends with someone for 20 years nearly… I just began to realize that our entire relationship was me over valuing them, always trying to force a relationship, and being terrified of losing them. Meanwhile, they’ve constantly chose others over me, even people who were toxic, they constantly invalidated me, they don’t respect me or see me for me, and they even refuse to believe that I’ve changed over the years into a better person. Either way, I no longer see them as a best friend now… currently I just see them as an acquaintance. I viewed them as family our whole lives without realizing they probably just viewed me as an annoying friend. Currently haven’t talked to them about this… I just stopped trying to communicate and hang with them and so far it’s been dead silence… I wonder why… cus I’m the only one that ever put in effort into the relationship. It’s sad and shocking

"Your trauma brain believes that if you see your own flaws, it will destroy you." 👍👍👍

@sunnyadams5842

Жыл бұрын

I have to say, this sounds more like The Narcissist than my experience as a traumatized person. I'm DYING to see myself and my flaws clearly so I can correct them. Healing isn't just a matter of getting out the icky people. It is, of course, improving ourselves.

@surfrby8876

8 ай бұрын

,Well what you're talking about I would put more in the narcissistic spectrum of trauma , you don't want to vulnerable or for people to see that you are , but to me 4:48 a trauma brain you are constantly looking at your flaws to validate your unworthiness,to sabotage and beat yourself up

I’ve spent too long crushing on guys and not saying anything to them. Just hoping they will notice me for once because I felt I always had to “make the move” in order for anything to happen. In all honesty, in order to get what you want or get clear in any relationship be it romantic, professional, or friendship, you do have to make the move. 🤯

Honestly, I haven’t met many people that haven’t raised a million red flags, men especially. It’s hard to know what’s normal to tolerate. I’m quiet and take awhile to open up. I’m not sure if I’m teaching people to treat me disrespectfully or if they were already that way to begin with.

@tambui9150

Жыл бұрын

Them. They're already like that before meeting you. Healthy people can't maintain "many selves". There is only one true self. Keep your chin up girl. You are not alone. I'm a quiet girl too and struggle in this dating life

I think this is actually also a really common experience for autistic people (and _especially_ those of us who were diagnosed late), often in what seems like the absence of overt or obvious maltreatment.

@TheKrispyfort

Жыл бұрын

Yep. We're lied to often and told that's what everyone else does

@casperinsight3524

Жыл бұрын

Are you referring to when you see it one way but really its another ? When it seems ambiguous, Ive witnessed those asking questions or speaking up can often backfire leading to ppl feeling foolish for asking so I can see why they would rather not. Sometimes it's better to rip the band aid of ambiguity off by quickly clarifying then pulling it off and slowly drawing out the discomfort. Makes sense

@racebiketuner

Жыл бұрын

Yup.

@brianarbenz7206

Жыл бұрын

I identify with that MoMo posted. I was diagnosed as HFA after an examination by a psychologist at age 61. And my childhood difficulties aren't easily categorized, but they were many and painful. By clearly realizing the abuse I faced from multiple directions unconnected to my family, and by getting this diagnosis (which also included type 2 bipolar, self-negativity, OCD and schizoaffective) I understand that there always were limits to what I could naturally have accomplished socially and that the fact that my social and romantic achievements have been extremely scant has never been my fault. It was a game changer to get this package of diagnoses all at once. The scope of it has been both a stunner and a relief. It's made me pull back and reassess. I need to define the boundary between where I should keep striving to go, and where it would be counterproductive and hazardous for me to keep venturing. I don't want to lean too far in either direction. I don't want to block myself from opportunities, and at the same time I don't want keep trying things of which I am truly not capable. It will take a while, but I'm patient.

@w8what575

Жыл бұрын

I’m not diagnosed with anything in the spectrum but have all the symptoms especially with this topic lol…it sucks cuz no one understands or believes me when I try explaining the concept u have shared

Going through this in a long-distance relationship right now, and the gut-wrenching pain it brings is indescribable, but I needed to hear this.

@blondscientist

Жыл бұрын

I spent 7 years like that. It is not worth it. When it's meant to be it is not painful. Challenging yes, but not painful. I hope you find strength to let it go if they are not as commited as you are.

@waheyna

Жыл бұрын

hello love, I feel you, I've been through it myself and sometimes we need to feel the immense pain that reveals how deeply we are abandoning OURSELVES. you are going to wake up one day and feel ''no more''. there is more for you and you deserve it. I love you sister

Discernment is often a learned trade off response, a survival strategy. When ppl go along to get along to not rock the boat it can lead to putting up with mistreatment later in life.The fog of denial can blur the boundaries of healthy and unhealthy behaviours and tolerance. Self respect starts with clarity and self advocacy. It starts from within, its always an inside job but the rewards are worth the effort.

@jen-dy6tm

Жыл бұрын

"The fog of denial" is super accurate

@PaigeSquared

Жыл бұрын

This was the primary goal in family of origin life, the highest Good of my family, was to not rock the boat.

@15:40 "If *truth* ruins everything, something was already Seriously Not RIGHT."

I've just noticed Anna is gaining 1000 subscribers a day, how amazing & well deserved is that?!

15:42 If truth ruins everything, something was clearly not right That's your life force you giving away. They feed off you.

It started when you tried asking for clarity as a child and you learned that it just doesn’t work… they don’t answer, they ignore, they give confusing answers, they yell at you for asking TOO MUCH but still to no avail.

Yes the fog!! God i always thought i was alone in this fog. Like why do all the other adults know how to say no, or speak up for themselves but all i experience is fog. I hate this fog. It clouds my brain all the time. I didn't even know it was there until i started to see this channel and learned to recognise it. Please tell me it gets better with time. I religiously do the daily practice and it has immensely helped. But the fog hasn't lifted yet. Thank you Anna❤

You’re terrific,Crappy Childhood Fairy! Figuring it out-hooray- at 73! ❤❤

I can't really remember any suffering throughout my childhood, I remember myself having a good and fun childhood, but somehow all these points still apply to me.

This kind of doubts and confusions happened to everyone, even with people with no trauma in their lives. Relationships can disappoint. That's life. I am healing myself. What I've noticed, on my experience with dating and friendships, there are many people with pain and don't know it.

Helper mode: story of my life 🤡 I'm working hard for clarity and discernment in my life 🙏

I just found you a few days ago. WOW I'm so glad!!!!

I’ve been going through recognizing this a lot more recently and I think one of the most important things I realized is that I’m not stupid, have never been stupid, and probably have more awareness than most in my life, but that I for whatever reason never had anyone in my life validate me, That when I was upset about something it was because I was in fact correct in thinking I was being wronged but never had the guts to stand up for myself or much worse, I let it build until I exploded, effectively ruining any reputable sense of consistency or predictability and earning the title of “overly sensitive” when “overly tolerant” is probably much more correct. I spent the last two years isolating myself after going to rehab, really beating myself up, not getting to see friends. I managed to start being happier and finding bliss in my own routine and it felt like rediscovering my childhood all over again. Until one day, my friend was going through problems and I invited(and payed for his flight) to come visit so we could get some much needed “homie time” and, what I discovered after not being around this person, I found that I couldn’t be myself around him and I grew very confused dealing with him the first couple days as I had been excited to present my new self I had worked so very freaking hard on. I was having stomach cramps, anxiety attacks out of nowhere, I became incredibly manic as our time together went on and then I saw a smug look on his face after he had finished teasing me while I was struggling with my stomach pain and then I suddenly realized, it was him. It was him who was causing me all this pain, forcing me to fit his way or risk feeling like a loser. What a POS. So I ditched him and drove back 4 hours back home, realizing the power I just gained control of. No longer will I let people I love walk all over me because now I know if I am feeling like something is off, I know it’s not me because I know damn well how much I care and how hard I’ve worked. Thank you for your video, it really helps validate all my thoughts and know that I’m doing right by me.

OMG! Was in a relationship (marriage) for years and years and never getting the intimacy I CRAVED! Went against how I felt…could not feel ANYTHING. Left. Next, I’m getting into relationships that are not what I wanted…three times. I’m out of these too and having anxiety and fear EVERY TIME I TRY TO GO ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

I haven't been able to describe this. Phew !

I remember quote from other video - we are very good at imagining love where there's no love.. Very sad but so true.

Oh maaaan this video came just at the right time. I was cringing the whole time realizing I've made all those mistakes. Good advice...

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

It sounds like you're in the right place! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you for explaining things in such a caring and compassionate way. I truly thought I was alone in this journey ❤

I think it says all the more that (as a tween, and teen), that the only person I was afraidd if social services separating me from was my dog. There were some good times, but generally, I felt repressed, bullied, tightly controlled, that my siblings were conditioned as the "haves" as long as I served as the relative "have not", and I couldn't interact with extended family without my parents complete control over it. My father' alcoholism, emotional abuse, surveillance, and throwing things got worse with each year, and my siblings only starting to relieve the brunt of my parents' restrictions when I was at college. My father's extreme rosacea made him seem even more like an earthly embodiment of Satan, and more sane parental relationship just seems alien to me. Back in school, the emotional abuse I received from classmates, my parents, and even teachers was ratcheting up ever since the 4th grade. As long as my parents were paying the tuition or therapy bills, I never opened up about the trauma I endured fearing that it would cause nothing more than my parents devising "solutions" in response to my "telling stories".

@sunnyadams5842

Жыл бұрын

Ooooo! You say a mouthful. I'd love to sit with tea and listen while you unpacked more if that. You had it TOUGH!! I really hope you are proud of yourself to have come this far, to be here!! Keep it moving. You r on the right track, IMHO! My parents were disparagers and punishers too. 'Solutions'. Now THERE'S👁️a word that still gives me hives...!

@schenelle79

Жыл бұрын

You said that so well. Very clever not to "tell" any stories. Blessings to you.

Fake date, turns into mlm pitch? I'm walking out on the spot. That would be so disrespectful.

Thank you for blurring the background...I just noticed it helped me listen and hear better... forced to pay attention...😁

Being in a fog of denial doesn't make the confusion stop ,nor the emotional pain that weighs so heavily on the heart. It won't leave untill you analyze it & search & research the truth ,pray for guidance, write out your feelings & questions & focus on what is revealed to you. My answers have came to me in dreams & getting the hidden meanings of my dreams. It may be a process & even painful to work through but it will help you overcome the paralyzing grip it can have that leaves you frozen in time & constantly battling doubts, confusion ,& tormenting feelings of insecurity. Freedom from this tormenting trap of trauma is worth working through to achieve the wellbeing of the soul which is the seat of the emotions ❣🕊

There are times when [hopefully] a person 'sees' that no questions are necessary

I really just want to hug this woman. Helping me come back to remembering how I felt when I was a boy . I just want to hug and protect all the young kids.. ❤️

Ya I’m here for friendships too

You are very eloquent for someone that's not actually a therapist. It's crazy

Wow. Why do I always feel like you are talking directly to me, and describing what I do so accurately. The thing I had not yet been able to realise fully, or analyse properly. 😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

That shows that you are not alone in this. Jack@TeamFairy

I am currently going through this experience. I held back from speaking my truth in most moments that I knew it my gut something was off or had a “that was weird” moment, I kept reverting back to what I wished the relationship could be. An ex I had broken things off with 4 years ago returned back to my life over a year ago and I’ve been in a state of confusion throughout because actions and words don’t add up. I abandoned myself on several different occasions by just going with whatever he had to offer, if he stood me up I would let it go, when he disregarded the death of both my grandparents I pretended it didn’t matter and did plenty more little things. I pretended it was all good just to emotionally explode later on. The moment I emotionally exploded he then used that as a means to block me… but then unblocks me weeks or months later to send me a message asking me what I am doing as if nothing has happened. As you can probably see this has been a disaster of a relationship. After over a year of hearing excuses and lies, abandoning myself, and then losing control and emotionally exploding (saying terrible hurtful low blows)… I am not proud of myself! I am angry at myself for ignoring the red flags and letting someone take advantage of me a bunch and then turn around and blame be 100%. He doesn’t take any accountability for any of the lies or times he stood me up or gaslit me and I have apologized a million times for every single thing I could have done wrong. It’s just insane some of the situations I let happen. Things I’m too embarrassed to even tell anyone. And having to remind myself every day that it wasn’t all my fault or all his even though he’s playing the 100% victim. Even if he tells his friends I am a “psycho” when I have seen a therapist for 3 years, gone to DBT and other therapeutic practices and have never been clinically diagnosed as psychotic so it hurts being called that word because I already started therapy thinking something was wrong with me. It’s a bummer. I do have a trauma background and it’s interesting cause when I first met thing guy there were many things I didn’t like about him that I ignored because he liked me and then eventually I got attached when we started spending nights together. Then I held onto those memories and wanted them back so I welcomed his return when I shouldn’t have. Very problematic situation. I met him when I was 18, we were together when I was 20-21, he reached out and stood me up once at 22 which hurt me badly and I blocked him until I was 24 and then he reached out again and we had a whole year long ordeal, now I am 25. In recovery process but I’m feeling closer to over it than usual. The death of my grandma took over importance and my mind which was honestly for the best.

@blondscientist

Жыл бұрын

Very very similar story at my end too. Thank you for sharing. We now know we are not crazy. I am not blaming myself, I know I will let it go when I am ready which as you said is closer than ever before.

@sunnyadams5842

Жыл бұрын

Save yourself, darling!! I'm gonna be real direct and Crystal Clear for both of you. I am a trained therapist, but I speak from my own experience more in this instance. Congratulations you two - You have encountered the True Blue Narcissist. The up and down, hot and cold, gone and there, Somehow EVER PRESENT, even when he's away for months or years. Ya just defy your own good sense and sorta slip back into this thing, right? The confusion and disowning ourselves you describe so beautifully is the Absolutely Textbook Classic Case of a Narcissistic Trauma Bonded relationship. Word For Word. Event for event. It's INCREDIBLE how these characters play from the same playbook. It's not always so well and clearly defined. That's a lucky part among the horror. At least you know what you are dealing with. If you can possibly just make the leap and accept that that's what you are dealing with you will thank yourself down the road. The ONLY ANSWER TO THIS SITUATION IS to go NO CONTACT FOREVER. ( HG Tudor gives some sage advice on how to really implement an effective No Contact regime. Take notes😅) Harsh as it might strike you now- HEAR NME ON THIS: THERE iS Absolutely NOOOOO GOoD that will come of these relationships. ANY day longer spent trying to figure this one out is a wasted day you will look back on and regret having wasted. I just wasted 17 of my last best years on Exactly what you describe. I was available because of Childhood narc abuse and neglect that was so subtle I didn't even know it wasn't 'All Just Me' until I finally figured out what was going on with this guy I was stupid in love with. That kicked open the door, 2 years ago now, to understanding my parent's evil ways... Do what you like, but I'd advise to forgive yourself. Then just Cut It off and devote yourself to watching Dr Ramani and Lisa A Romano videos 24/7 to become indoctrinated with the truth of what these guys are. Learn now so you can enjoy the rest of your youth and life ( lucky buggers to get this opportunity to get healthy so early. I'm 57) and not become another middle-aged tragedy of repeat customers of this ilk who will do nothing but ruin you! Anna is AWESOME but her specialty is more in the Dysregulation and CPTSD realm, whereas what you need right now is HARD CORE Narcissism 101!! Sorry to preach. I am just 💯positive about this one. And adment others don't make the same mistake I did. Best of Luck to both of you. You'll be Fine.

@w8what575

Жыл бұрын

100% agree with every word u typed! I do hope they listen and learn all they can with this personality type! There’s been an uptick in numbers within the population it seems…what it does to the mind is almost always irreversible…I left my narcissistic ex 14 years ago and to this day it’s still a working progress to function somewhat normally let alone the dating thing.,,that’s a mess…I encounter so many narcissistic people I can easily spot I have yet to meet someone who meets my standards simply so I can avoid ever dealing with a narcissist again lol…

@haley8591

Жыл бұрын

@@w8what575 the hardest part for me right now is trying to stop my mind from figuring out WHY this one guy has been so mean to me and doesn’t care either. Instead of focusing on WHY this one mean person is continuously so disrespectful I should focus on the good people I talk to who are nice to me where the standard is high enough that if they were mean is would be weird and worth confronting. I let the guy mistreat me so many times he fully knows he can. Fuck this mean person who is always mean. Fuck WHY they are like that. Just thank god I am free. Easier said than done but I just gotta keep telling myself that.

Don't count red flags. Trust your intuition and be observant.

Need this!! Thank you. This channel is unlike any other in relativity to my life now and my past circumstances.

Cool Girl called it ' The Blur'. Real Girl nowwwww? Crystal Clarity is all I want now. The shock and disappointment... Oh my Gosh!! It does pervade! Thanks, Fairy 💜

1) What about when you ask questions for clarity and you probably get lies and you can’t discern whether that is the truth or not… 2) what about when you do the blurting out and it ends up being arguing/abusing/accusing/assuming/insulting? And then this is used as an excuse to abuse you with lack of communication/lies (bc you are perceived to be difficult/accusatory?) So This blurting out to protect oneself also could lead to more entanglement from someone willing to lie to you, bc it isn’t enough to push them away.

I’ve been told I’m easy-going and so nice when really Im trying to catch up to speed and looking like a deer 🦌 in headlights. Some see through it and I feel stupid and discarded.

This is EXACTLY what I need. Clarity! I just joined a large social group where I have interacted a few times with a fellow. He has given me his phone number and we have been texting each other. Our conversations are about personal things; we seem to have lots in common. We joke around with each other; there's lots of energy, but it's ambiguous. Bottom line is that after three or so such interactions over two weeks (he attends activities that I attend), he's not asking me out. Having said this, I think he may be interested (given the vibes he's putting out) but I'm not sure. Is he afraid that I will say no. We only see each other in the context of this group. I'm wondering if I should invite him to an activity outside the group and see his reaction? If he's not interested, it will be super awkward in the group which I rely on for social interactions. Right now, I'm thinking of simply staying active in the group, and not putting too much stock in his interest (maybe he IS just being friendly). I could always ask him to join me for some kind of activity (just he and I), but I don't like to chase. And I figure that if he's interested, he'll ask me out...Thoughts?

@sunnyadams5842

Жыл бұрын

THOUGHTS: As counter to the advice being given here, I'd say ( not what I'd have done, mind you) stay centered and strong in yourself and remain active in the group, but Just kinda diffuse the focus on him. Friendly's good. Too available is not. He'll come to you if it's right. Seems to me it's early days with a new group that you like so far. You might not want to possibly sacrifice the goodness of the whole group of potential friends, for the way off-chance that this one MIGHT be the One. Chances are they won't turn out to be worth the loss of a whole gaggle of people because this became uncomfortable for some unforeseen reason. Just my thoughts. Wondering - what are you coming from? Do you have a Trauma Background you're working on? That makes a dif in which direction you want to consider moving in.

@mariep.2004

Жыл бұрын

Based on what's written here, it sounds like it might be wise at this point to continue getting to know him in the context of this group first. Three in-person interactions over the span of only two weeks isn't enough to go on, and people are different over text. I'd say you need more information, so to speak, first before pushing this acquaintanceship into a more personal or exclusive (for lack of a better term) direction. You just joined this group, and I'm just assuming it's something organized around a hobby or topic you enjoy and find interesting. Why push for a romance with someone who's still pretty much a stranger when you've barely arrived in the first place and when doing so could potentially open the door to stress, anxiety, and awkwardness that might cost you other great platonic connections in this new group, as well as the third space to focus on something you enjoy? Not trying to be rude or negative, just my two cents. 🦋 Best of luck!

@sunnyadams5842

Жыл бұрын

​@@mariep.2004 👍

@mariep.2004

Жыл бұрын

@@sunnyadams5842 😁

@jackdeniston59

Жыл бұрын

Touch his arm next time you talk

PTSI - post-trauma stress injury Injury is an accurate description. PTSI does involve disordered thinking, which wouldn't be happening if the psychosocial and/or physical injuries hadn't happened in the first place. End informative lecturing

I really resonated with this video after I recently realized that I took those fogs of denial with me to work! And I sat there wondering why my co-workers got their bonuses and I was glossed over! I may have lost that extra money but the lessons I learned from that situation are worth more than that. Plus I got out of a toxic workplace and now I've been able to focus on myself and my cat.

It's nice to hear ... after soo many years of being me.. that I am "normal" after all.. There is no hiding possible.. I was.. am.. traumazited. Thought I wasn't all that much.. the stuff I discover since a year I tell you. Thank you for this video!

This is not only a result of childhood trauma (although it often is, in very subtle ways - you do not have to have witnessed or experienced overt violence). It is also a result of so-called "romantic" culture: the concept that if a person loves you genuinely they will guess your feelings, through some sort of mind-reading or thought transmission. I say this as a man, which is probably a bit unusual (and even more pernicious, given the natural male-female dynamic). Expecting people to guess your feelings and intentions, or trying to guess feelings or intentions of others, is a recipe for lifelong misery and wasting your whole life, as is very appropriately pointed out here.

This is spot on. I had realized this key word “discernment” is what causes so many problems in our lives (the lack of it). A wise person has it, a foolish (or traumatized) person does not. Thank you for articulating this so well!

2 years with my most recent relationship 🤦‍♀️. Shame and hope feel synonymous to me 💔

This vid was excellent, it spoke to me. Hiding in the safe fog of blurred lines esp when I *know* a person is deceiving me, lying (even small ones to test me), lack of clarity. And the waiting, and waiting..eg., when promised something repeatedly, fulfilled my end of the bargain and still, I wait and it never materializes. I can also sense danger and act like it's normal and ok, useful survival tactic that works. Lack of discernment and clarity. Cr*p-fitting, I'm good at this and then wonder why I'm not happy. I was accepted into a good school, huge wait list, turned out it was not a good fit, was v unhappy and made myself stay, partially due to parental pressure. Did the same w/jobs, places I've lived. Think in my case, happiness or lack thereof was inconsequential to my parents, it was not valued or considered, was a lucky by-product if it happened. It may sound pathetic but I didn't consciously realize I had a choice, so used to fitting in, being a good sport, worried I'd be left all alone if i said no -eventually I was but I came out ok.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

5 ай бұрын

Glad you are here. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Nika@TeamFairy

Anna, I have been doing your daily practice for 3 days now, I haven't felt better in months. I get clarity and calm. I am expecting the breakup from my boyfriend in LDR who gets defensive when I ask him for clarification when I hear things that don't hold water for me. I get accused of trust-issues when I ask for truth. Great, he can break up with me. Funny thing, I have had gut feelings about him while my best friends, brother, therapist are his biggest fans while they have NEVER met him. Ps. This shirt colour is looking so good on you.

Yay I was just searching for this and you brought it, thank you

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Glad you have found us. Jack@TeamFairy

I would also like to add that those of us who suffer with discernment can make it halfway by saying what we want and try to be clear but could still be met with an ambiguous answer. If the answer is not clear, then it's also important to remember to be brave and walk away from the situation.

Thanks SO MUCH for this! I wish this video existed years ago when I was off and on with an emotionally ambiguous guy.... And me... An emotionally ambiguous lady ha. Haven't heard from him in a while and still miss him, but I know it wasn't right. I hate the what-ifs though.

Oh. My. God. !! This is so ME - I’ve been alone , rather than in this confused state . Anna - you are my hero

I'm in my journey to healing myself 🙏 Thank you ❤

@phoenixrising33

Жыл бұрын

I'm in my 2nd year of healing. Best wishes ❤️

@sunnyadams5842

Жыл бұрын

​@@phoenixrising33 me too. It's rough but I wouldn't have it any other way!!

I assume everyone is only being friendly and am friendly in respectful return. I am constantly accused of flirting with blokes by "pretending to be interested" in computers, woodworking, mechanics, heavy equipment, etc

This is one of my favorite videos from you. Thank you. 😊

... Hmm. I wonder, if there is something like not even sensing the question. I am so... It's so natural for me to trust this childlike inocent way,that i really don't see the red flags or the questions that hover there. I feel dumb not having questions. I just go with the flow and end up in trouble noticing having misinterpreted ... everything. It feels like being out of touch with reality of others. In my own perception. It feels so clear and then?

This is my life , I come from a house of pain and shame and z i've been walking around in a fog , ( living in a fantasy in my head ) my whole life , I have a hard time connecting with people ,especially romantic , I push people away when they get to close , do t want to be vulnerable , thank you for this video 🙏

Such great content!! Thank you 👏🏻

Anna dear thanks thanks thanks for articulating all this pain and helping us see our way out of the pain .

I've been watching these videos during this week and I have already found them extremely useful! Thanks to these videos I came to realize how difficult it can be for me to judge whether someone is good to hang around or not. I'm often finding myself trying to please others and playing down my own needs and wants. One lighter example of this has to do with one person. I've been having a struggle to let go of hanging out with this one guy for months. All this time I've had some icky feelings but I've brushed those away many times. We have been going to study together at the library (most days) with this guy, who I really didn't know well before agreeing to study with him. He seemed nice and I didn't really have other study friends so I coudn't really say no. Very soon I realized that his appearance isn't the tidiest and he has this very pungent unwashed smell around him. He smells so bad that it distracts my concentration and I'm sure everyone sitting close to us in a busy library can smell it too. The problem here was that I have social anxiety and I'm very worried all the time about my own appearance and such, and I still agreed studying with him altough it triggered my anxiety more and I felt more embarrassed when being there with him. I tried to just ignore the smell and just pretend it wasn't there. It wasn't just the smell and it's affect on me that caused me trouble it was also the fact that I also slowed down my studying pace to match better his, which was much slower. I started the study day later than what I knew was best for me and studied less hours because studying was more stressful than before etc. I only realized later, when there was a month I wasn't studying with him (because I was busy elsewhere), that he had bad a influence on my studying. During that month I started to feel proud of myself again and felt productive. I knew in my heart that It was a bad thing for me to hang around with him, but I still couldn't totally draw a boundary. I felt this need to please because I realized that he struggled to study alone and he really needed someone to motivate him to go to library to study. For me it's actually easier and more efficient to study alone, but I felt obligation to be helpful to him. He seems like a nice guy and he hasn't been mean or anything and I think that's why it was so difficult to draw a boundary. But luckily after watching these videos I realized that I'm diminishing myself when not listening to myself and doing what feels the right thing for me. I don't have romantic feelings for him and I don't really even see myself being friends with him outside studying and studying with him doesn't really do any good for me, so there isn't really a reason to continue doing it. I started to feel negative feelings like resentment, annoyance and shame that I don't need to bring more to my life because I've dealt with those enough in my childhood.

Thank you so much ! I really needed this video

I love your videos. This one meant a lot to me. Thank you

Thank you so much, this information is public service 🙏 greetings from Brazil 🙏

The timing is immaculate

This one hit so sweetly today

I love you. Thank you for having the courage and caring to follow your life's purpose.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

I think you should write a letter :) bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Cara@TeamFairy

I have a situation. I left a woman a year ago who is a covert narcissist. It was an extremely toxic situation and I suffered serious narcissistic abuse and I am so happy to be out of it. Fast forward to this past year. I met a girl at work who is a lot younger than me. I work for a huge well known company where she works in receiving but I work in packing. I worked with her only once but we worked for 10 hours together. Anyway that was the only time we've ever really talked like that. I didn't think anything one way or another but I noticed that every time we'd pass each other she would smile at me super seriously. This went on for months but because of where I work they really do keep the departments separated. In other words they will rarely put me back there and it won't really ever be with her. I've listened to a lot of your videos on limerence and that is definitely going on here but there is something going on with her. To be honest even though I wasn't sure what to feel when I worked with her it really feels good when she notices me. Anyway I was able to talk to her a week or so ago in the parking lot and was trying to figure out where she is with me. She gets really nervous around me and everyone that works with me really likes me at work. I have a lot of girls in my department who are comfortable with me and we have what I would consider healthy friendships. Anyway getting back to the conversation with this other girl I told her I'd like to be friends with her and she kept saying "absolutely!" like she was excited that I said that. But I really have no idea where she is at. I know that when you are in limerence you are looking for clues and all but this girl really does light up when she sees me. Any advice?

@AsherahYamma

Жыл бұрын

Hi Danny, I have some advice based on what I've learned in CCF. Ask yourself if you're interested in her. If the answer is yes, maybe ask her out. Lightly, honestly. If you're not interested, don't engage in thoughts about her. Just stay friendly if you see her, like you are with everyone. If she's having issues, she might talk to you eventually. Be honest and clear, no matter how she acts and speaks. Feel free to disregard this and all advice. Good luck 🙏🏻

Anna, have you thought of writing a book? I have been watching your videos more than a year, and you have so much to say every time that it can easily become a great book to read. You have helped me so much. Thank you 😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Anna cannot confirm or deny that right now. Jack@TeamFairy

Growing up with a parent who was a compulsive liar who had been raised by a physically punitive father, it took me a long, long time to learn to trust my intuition and simply ask other people questions. Two basic healthy ways of functioning: trusting oneself and asking questions of others. Be able to accept the information from my own intuition and actual evidence if I discern others aren't telling the truth. Trust but verify. And be good to oneself.

Thank you so much for this video

Notes for self Clarity feels peaceful, true. A lot of stress falls away. Write down the junctions when I made life decisions and how that played out, positive or negative. If you face it you can heal it. Good judgement, being able to trust that I will be able to make the right decision. Fog of denial is comfortable. Two things help- 1 I started, tell the truth always. 2. ask for clarification ask questions, never assume!

Great wise words!🙏

Thank God. I needed this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

What a beautiful person.

Thank you for sharing this is so helpful

🎯 needed to hear this. T.y.

I do get confused, but I tend to communicate interest on my end. I also get mad at the person if they're playing mind games. Even if I like them. I don't have time for that. I actually am NOT a doormat. My way of dealing with the household was the opposite: I fought back and was honest about when people were being a**holes. It didn't make a difference, because I was in the role of black sheep.

I will keep commenting on just how great your videos are!!! ❤ Sorry for the lack of variety in comments 😆

I think the reason I used to like cloudy days and rain more than sunny days was because I was in a fog.

this is a perfect message for me today

This is so on point & unfortunately I have destroyed the opportunity for real love in relationships. Isolation is all I have left 🥺

@madhuridas4745

Жыл бұрын

Sorry to point this out to you, but - do you realise you are sounding like a Victim here? I know the language

@pennyrobertson6118

Жыл бұрын

@@madhuridas4745 yes, I absolutely was a victim so thanks for pointing that out to me 🤔

I never got inappropriately involved with this certain married guy. And, as we live in this valley without making contact, I can just keep growing my life as I want. It would be contrived to show up at his office saying "You're not seeing me around anymore because I like you WAY too much, and thanks for letting me be." I'm figuring, IF we bump into each other one more time anywhere, I can cut the conversation short. If he asks what's up, I can just say, "Gotta go." He doesn't need to know more. It'd do me no good.

I mediated and asked myself why do I always feel so dysregulated after spending time with a person I don't like and I "felt" my body reply that it's because on a viceral level I know this person is not good for me. My body doesn't trust this person after many years of feeling like something is off about her, but my mind can't listen to my body and follow its guidance because by disconnecting myself from this person I would also disconnect me from a couple of good people whose company is good for me. Everytime I spend time with this person I feel like I'm breaking my own boundaries. This is why I end up feeling dysregulated. I wish it was easier to stop seeing this person but it would lead to my own isolation.

thank you so much , this is the perfect video for now.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 ай бұрын

I'm so glad it was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Such a good video ❤

This closely connects to my experience, that it's frightening. After two failed marriages, I no longer trust myself to enter into relations of just about any kind.

During violent episodes, which ocurred all through my childhood, I was a small but big complainer. Always yelling, crying and shouting. As I turned into adulthood, I had the pattern of being quite agressive and telling co-workers they were stupid. My pattern is the opposite. I'm the scape goat. After many years of internal work I trying to reach a middle point. When I'm disappointed with someone in a relationship I just dissapear. No explanation. You can't explain to a idiot why he's an idiot.

Wow! Can you say more about how the flirty energy is our life force?

Attention=/=Devotion

This is some powerful shoot.

I can’t tolerate commitment of any kind. If I say yes I’ll go!! Then I immediately regret it because I know I won’t want to when time comes

She is good👍🏾

As a guy having a crush is a waste of calories in my opinion.... im already an ectomorph, thinking about her is making me loose weight

Thank you

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy