First lesson: find yourself a partner who is willing to learn and develop themselves alongside you.

@lukehartley8125

4 жыл бұрын

Yep you got it😇

@manictiger

4 жыл бұрын

Lesson 1: There's no problem too big for suicide to fix.

@selaine826

4 жыл бұрын

Great advice thanks

@joec1212

4 жыл бұрын

Attractive women wait at the finish line and pick the winners. They arent interested in a build a boo.

@wineoe

4 жыл бұрын

Olive Papyrus wanting to learn is thirst and hunger for all life’s gifts. Wanting to change is is generosity of gifting one’s life to the other. To be a safe holder of someone ‘s life is a huge deal.

I wish they'd teach this in schools. We are sent off into the world with no financial education, relationship training, or real-world skills. If you come from a family lacking of, or dysfunctional in, any of these areas, good luck; you are likely to repeat what you've been exposed to.

@Anmol34

7 жыл бұрын

Jane S Verbatim.

@dtasat

7 жыл бұрын

Anmol Solapur

@Anmol34

7 жыл бұрын

***** Yes? :)

@TheBearCarr

7 жыл бұрын

Anton Gruba the person slut shaming girls who also has uploaded only videos of super sexualized women. hypocrite.

@kindrickford

7 жыл бұрын

Sarah Carr lmao, that guy isn't too bright, maybe he should shut up and listen... then he'll learn

It is not only finding the right partner, it is also being the right partner. My wife and I have a system. When either one asks “could you”…that means the the task can wait or not be done at all. But when one says I “need you” to…the other partner drops everything, does the task with no questions asked. Although seldom used, this system has worked beautifully. Most importantly, you don’t keep count

@garrulus3399

9 ай бұрын

That's cool, thanks for sharing!

@michaelacappabianca6461

4 ай бұрын

That’s great I love that you have a partner you can work with in that way to clear that common communication issue with sense of urgency of an ask.

@m4ndo224

2 ай бұрын

Dude the not keeping count thing is so so true. Keeping count leads to resentment weather your doing more or less. Trust that your partner will do their part without constantly comparing to what your doing is so important.

@monaeeekattii6923

Ай бұрын

Thats great advice we need to know how we communicate with each other👍

I must be super into this guy, for me to start doing research on how to love him better

@queenofscrolls7585

4 жыл бұрын

Make sure he's doing the same for you love!

@markviles852

4 жыл бұрын

You should love yourself. Also.

@ndeb3371

4 жыл бұрын

Is it working out?

@ntombizodwavundla168

4 жыл бұрын

@The Overthinker... love your comment. I'm in boat just like yours right now

@theoverthinker9641

4 жыл бұрын

@@ndeb3371 We didn't exactly end up together...but what I learned helped me mend my relationships with family so all's well that ends well ♥ good luck to you!

Imagine being called down to an assembly in high school and having this talk presented. Half of assemblies were so pointless.. imagine what something like this could have done for ALL high school couples. I would personally be so interested in this even in grade 9.

@DarkPa1adin

5 жыл бұрын

because there is no paid programme for assemblies... so teachers don't take heart to prepare

@danielwait8555

5 жыл бұрын

I may be wrong, but judging from the way terms you use, it sounds like you were in a South African school.

@danielwait8555

5 жыл бұрын

@Jose Sanchez shot for that, I meant @InnaAllStar in particular

@JLimma

5 жыл бұрын

InnaAllStar I think so

@Relmyna

5 жыл бұрын

I would have hated it as a teen who had been in therapy. Remember 14 yr olds know everything. Right? I doubt anyone would really take it seriously lest they show vulnerability in front of the savage jackals of high school peers.

"No amount of premarital education can make up for a bad partner choice" savage and true I love it!!!!!

@stevenhernandeznon-profitf968

4 жыл бұрын

Sarah Beauvais I am a marriage educator and I totally ageee

@joec1212

4 жыл бұрын

If you were properly educated you probably wouldn't have made a bad choice.

@magic131

3 жыл бұрын

Steven Hernandez Non-profit fundamentals Marriage educator?! So u charge people for stuff u can find on the internet...

@AlishaKapani

3 жыл бұрын

lol this is true!

@hujilato1006

3 жыл бұрын

It's sad situation when am away for my job that my wife was having love affair with my best friend, I noticed she was getting closer with my friend, and she chat in private now and receives call in private. He also changed his password. I was wondering what was going on until I was introduced to Optimum_tech001 on IG by a close friend. He access my wife's facebook and Whatsapp. She had been having affairs with my best friend for about 6 months now. With proof of her unfaithfulness I've been over that toxic relationship.

Last night I made my girl cry for the first time. It literally destroyed me hard core. From today onwards I've dedicated to invest in my relationship.

@hopedean6424

4 жыл бұрын

That's great that you're striving to be a good partner

@arneytjaro310

4 жыл бұрын

@@hopedean6424 thanks

@jonassal6937

4 жыл бұрын

What did you do? I told my ex she was annoying sometimes. She cried.

@keonagirl435

4 жыл бұрын

We ALL CRY ! It's a human thing and she'll cry again, I'm sure!

@joshhansen858

4 жыл бұрын

@@jonassal6937 dude don't ever told a girl stuff like that lmao

1.Genuinely knowing what you need and want in a partner and a relationship 2. Selecting the right person 3. Having and developing the relationship competence skills from the beginning 3.1. Insight (Awareness, learning) A better idea of who you are, you need, you want. Knowing your partner better. Anticipate the negative/positive consequences of your behavior better. 3.2. Mutuality Knowing both people have needs and both needs matter. Be able to communicate your needs clearly. Be willing to meet your partner's needs. Factor both your and your partner's needs in decision making. 3.3. Emotion regulation Keep your emotion calm. Think through your decisions more clearly. Maintain your self - respect and commitment to your needs even when bad things happen in the relationship.

@robertrainford6754

9 ай бұрын

I did all these. Sadly my ex gave up halfway through, and called it quits 10 months in.

@Amek909

3 ай бұрын

Real mvp 👏🏼

I'm educating myself for my future girlfriend 😀

@QueenMean2131

6 жыл бұрын

CutiePi Thank you! She will be a lucky women! I'm doing the same for my future husband!

@TheBellaZendayaVEVO

5 жыл бұрын

You’re a wonderful man! ❤️❤️

@elainelam6883

5 жыл бұрын

CutiePi have you found your desired girlfriend?

@libertasca1636

5 жыл бұрын

Same here 😊🤜🏼🤛🏼

@shannonfahey24

5 жыл бұрын

So am I! The wise learn from other people's mistakes.

Selecting the right partner is very challenging because people don't come with a manual or a QR code, which you can scan with your mobile device, to get insight into their personality. A lot of people hide their true selves, only showing their best version in the beginning, until a few weeks or few months later you begin to see them for who they are. This is why relationships are exhausting.

@wend13

7 жыл бұрын

Yeah :(

@katharina...

7 жыл бұрын

That's true. Another thing is that we tend to feel instinctively attracted to what we are familiar with, what we emotionally know from our past, so those of us who grew up in a chaotic, insecure or even unloving environment have it that much harder to choose a stable, honest, loving person for a relationship - we simply filter these type of people out because they feel too distant and unknowable to us.

@2126Eliza

7 жыл бұрын

Exactly. It's hard to find an authentic person. They're usually a conglomeration of expectations and (unfortunately) religious brainwashing. One of my priorities is to find someone raised without a religious background like me, because whether they turn atheist or not, there's just too much baggage that comes with indoctrination.

@legalservices8856

6 жыл бұрын

I couldn't agree with you more Frank M! I gave up 5 years ago after dealing with someone just like you describe; a chameleon who became exactly who he thought I wanted just to get what he wanted... it is exhausting and I have become happily single after getting over that mind f**king ordeal.

@Brouwagnes

6 жыл бұрын

Frank M question

I wish I had learned this before destroying my relationship. Now I can see how unhealthy I was being to my former partner. Thank you for helping me in this quest to be a better person myself.

@benstr8156

4 жыл бұрын

Well, now you know. Move forward from this point.

@themaggattack

Жыл бұрын

I know how you feel. Learning how to act right once it's too late to fix your relationship is a very hard pill to swallow. But at least we can learn how to do better for the next person we might go into a relationship with.

@Oliviaheckel

Жыл бұрын

I feel exactly the same way, and Im depressed because know that I figure out what was going wrong my partner is sick of me and he ask me for the divorce.

@beyondewhatsseen2790

10 ай бұрын

​@@Oliviaheckelwell it might not be too late to start over with him again

@himyim6029

6 ай бұрын

it's because the major society doesn't give emphasis on these kind of culture.

Intimacy,, security, respect, good communication, a sense of being valued. On the bad side: fighting too much, not being able to go to your partner for support, contempt, hostility, violence. The problem: Do you know what to do on a day to day basis to create that healthy relationship? 1. Know what you need and want from a partner and a relationship 2. Choose the right partner 3. Having a good set of skills Skills: 1. Insight. 2. Mutuality 3. Emotion Regulation

@cindirose3390

4 жыл бұрын

Very nice summary, thanks for creating and sharing

@odar9729

Жыл бұрын

Right and yet I have no tool from this video.

@MariahNicoleDaSinger

Жыл бұрын

I have no idea on how to do so to be honest

@icysnow57cold64

9 ай бұрын

I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death. I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse. Also, you are more likely to be much more closer to someone who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse. People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse. Most people consider their platonic best friend to be their soulmate rather than their romantic partner or spouse.

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

Yes you are right

her voice is so calming

@crazyabout1327

7 жыл бұрын

I'm studying psychology and had a nonverbal communication course the previous semester. And I saw pretty much nonverbal signals which were made on purpose - the calm voice, the hand gestures, the pose, even the way she's looking at the audience. Don't know why I said that really :D Just wanted to share :D

@a.wilkins1708

7 жыл бұрын

Dessy K. I avoided looking at hrs because what you talked about distracted me from what she was saying.

@s.h.8399

7 жыл бұрын

Do you know Paris Geller from Gilmore Girls? It really reminded me of her, and she's like the strongest women character I've seen in any tv-show. If you don't watch the show, watch some youtube-clips, I guess you'd agree. :)

@9897mm

7 жыл бұрын

saskia h. I got the same feeling haha

@jeeroylenkins6625

7 жыл бұрын

she is a therapist, of course

Points: Insight, mutuality and emotion regulation. Insight - Awareness, understanding and learning. Knowing what's right for you. Mutuality - Knowing both people have needs and both needs matter, and working to meet those needs. Emotion Regulation - Regulating your feelings in response to things that happen in the relationship. Tolerate uncomfortable feelings and not lash out. Good talk. A lot of people need to see this. Wish I saw this 20 years ago. Now I feel totally emotionally incompetent and feel like it's just too much of a hassle to try to connect with people.

@normallytangent

7 жыл бұрын

Thanks a ton!

@trangmai3197

7 жыл бұрын

Thanks :D

@Claudia-xb4lt

7 жыл бұрын

0

@Garland67

7 жыл бұрын

cxa011500 You're on the right track. At least you saw the video at all! Just apply what you learned from now on. xo

@schoolkutielake5336

6 жыл бұрын

Nice video content! Forgive me for chiming in, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you tried - Lammywalness his happiness Guide (erm, check it on google should be there)? It is a smashing exclusive product for understanding what men really want minus the normal expense. Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my buddy after a lifetime of fighting got astronomical success with it.

Leaving a relationship you’re not happy in is much easier than emotionally damaging someone. But selfish people don’t get that

@MarkPaul-lo1wj

9 ай бұрын

You just stated fact and we have to be sure if our partners aren't cheating and deceiving us

@jerryvictory5129

9 ай бұрын

Yes but the problem is how do we catch a cheating partner

@MarkPaul-lo1wj

9 ай бұрын

I know a guy, He helped me aces my wife cell pone remotely and gave me aces to every info in it.

@sheryllomonaco5438

9 ай бұрын

Interesting, how do I get in touch with him?

@dewandamaine7023

9 ай бұрын

omega hack man

I'm really bad at regulating emotions. I feel discarded/abandoned the minute someone that I care about seems distant. As a result, I also back away because I've had experiences in the past where I get hurt from trying to bridge the gap when someone is distant.

@MsElinorh

6 жыл бұрын

Menouthis Me too. It sounds like you have an anxious attachment style, which makes you instinctively very sensitive to your partner pulling away. Read "Attached" by Amin Levine and Rachel Heller and it will help. It's important for you to find a partner who is securely attached so they don't push your buttons and can support you when your "attachment hunger" comes up.

@christinacataldi877

5 жыл бұрын

Menouthis I’m the same way!!! Thanks to our lousy upbringings. I was so emotionally isolated and neglected my whole childhood and I know without a doubt now my parents negligence and financial priorities set me up for this fate. I’m damaged and it’s not that there is hope for healing but it’s that much more difficult to navigate with another human being. We’re also so afraid of getting hurt again we can’t even get our relationships off the ground because out trust muscle is so damaged. Better to get healed some where like Celebrate Recovery. It might take years but you’ll get there eventually.

@watisdit7124

5 жыл бұрын

I’ll teach you a effective strategy Download a metronome on your phone Adjust the metronome to 26 bpm Focus on your breathing breath deeply While you breath Expand your belly It calms you mentally and emotionally Do this often enough after while you can do this with out the metronome

@watisdit7124

5 жыл бұрын

VKRGFAN What’s borderline

@deprofundis3293

4 жыл бұрын

Same...

the deliverance of that speach was near perfect.

@greeeneyes91

8 жыл бұрын

+Daniel Dawson so true, really enjoyable. I guess it wasn't the first time she delivered this speech

@dragony3931

8 жыл бұрын

agreed

@shawnellemartineaux6212

7 жыл бұрын

Daniel Dawson *delivery :p I couldn't agree more. it was well delivered.

@MissLaadyG

6 жыл бұрын

Shawnelle Martineaux ahahaha 🤣😆 !! délivrance in French is when you feel liberated actually

@alistairmackinnon4216

6 жыл бұрын

For kindergartners...

Love is not looking into each other eyes but also looking the same direction

@amandagracegrace3329

3 жыл бұрын

Hello there

@sarak.6189

3 жыл бұрын

Well said.

@MistyshaAnguo

2 жыл бұрын

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Great quote

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

Hello how are you doing

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

​@@MistyshaAnguohello how are you doing

Healthy relationships:❣ Selecting the right person! 3 skills: 1. Insight: learning and understanding yourself and your partner. What is really right 4 you. 2. Mutuality: willing to meet your partner needs/ decisions. 3. Emotions regulations ( keep everything in perspective) tolerate uncomfortable situations) self respect.

@odar9729

Жыл бұрын

Yay you will pass the test. But life will be the same.

@abayomiogundeji8368

6 ай бұрын

Hello

yes, I think teaching the young to have healthy relationships is SO important!

@sophiashcherbakova2867

6 жыл бұрын

Lovely video content! Forgive me for butting in, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you ever tried - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a great exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the normal expense. Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my cousin at last got amazing results with it.

@LinG749

6 жыл бұрын

Janelle Fraser 唉唉

@ValleyoftheRogue

6 жыл бұрын

I don't think it is important at all. This video is just a bunch of moralistic nonsense.

@user-lx4uk5un7s

6 жыл бұрын

Not just young people, folks of all ages could use a lesson in partner selection, and how to be in a relationship. I know a lot of "older" folks who can not achieve what they want relationship wise or to build and maintain a healthy relationship...:)

@susycastillo13

6 жыл бұрын

Janelle Fraser remember we are not above it. We too need the love and nurturing care that comes from learning by teaching. :)!

Everyone agrees that emotional intelligence and awareness are essential. The real question is how to acquire those skills? How does a person learn insight, mutuality and emotional regulation?

@YoungCub

7 жыл бұрын

+Coach Craig Kenneth no.

@JaniJani4088

6 жыл бұрын

Maturity

@JoseSanchez-bp7xz

5 жыл бұрын

anor33 Common sense. Of course, some people have none.

@jamescarter2499

5 жыл бұрын

Hello nice to meet you

@johnnyray9107

5 жыл бұрын

I think the first step is just becoming aware that these are things to be worked on. For each of these three things, a majority of learning them comes through recognizing when they are applicable, thinking about them, and communicating with a partner. For insight, consider what you need in a relationship. (E.g. do you want more of an open relationship or do you want something private? Do you want someone who has a set career path/life-plan or someone who has no particular plans? Does this person need similar political beliefs as I do?) This is something one would spend a lot of time thinking about. For mutuality, one can practice with a partner by communicating their needs. Consider "does my partner really know how I feel about _____?" Communicating seems easy at first because you're always talking to your partner, but consider when don't you tell you partner things and why. I've seen it happen often that people dont communicate their needs directly. Emotion regulation is another one that requires a lot of thought. How do you feel about things and how do you respond to them? If you find yourself unhappy, consider "why?" Is it because of your partner that you feel that way? Personally, there were many times when I would become extremely moody and need constant reassurrance my partner still liked me. I didnt distrust her, I just couldnt convince myself. Lo and behold after going out for almost 4 years I discovered I become extremely moody when I'm hungry. (Its insight that helped me see that.) When I feel that she doesnt like me or that I need to worry she'll up and leave, I need to practice emotion regulation. Before I prod her for reassurrance, I take a breather and get a snack. I feel so much better ever single time. Mutuality allowed me to communicate this to her and organize that we constantly have snacks around in case one of us feels moody.

I love how she took 13 and 14 year old girls results seriously. Most people wouldn't pay attention because they think they don't last. But what you learn from when you're young really affects future relationships.

@PeterBakker

9 ай бұрын

It's the same with your pension. People often start too late 😢

Step 1: Find someone who is willing to get in a relationship with you. I am stuck on step 1

@norkagonzalez3408

4 жыл бұрын

There are a few factors in saving your marriage. One resource I discovered that successfully combines these is the Pavs partner pundit (check it out on google) it's the most useful blueprint that I've heard of. Check out all the incredible information .

@contemplativeleaf

Ай бұрын

First, observe the relationship that you have with yourself. Reflect on what it might take to become the best version of yourself. Pay attention to your mistakes and learn from them. I believe it's an endless process. The right person will find you and you will be ready for them. ⭐

I have a healthier relationship with my dog than most people 🤷🏽‍♀️💁🏽💁🏽

@ifh4030

6 жыл бұрын

Emerson __ Well, most people don't know your dog so that isn't surprising.

@sgtjorgecastaneda3276

5 жыл бұрын

Emerson __ Amene Amén amen 09.09.18. Percent

@deefloyd1

5 жыл бұрын

Me too

@ucheogbormeh8195

5 жыл бұрын

I gat you

@FashionBarbieTV

4 жыл бұрын

well, yes because dogs are animals, they are not as complex and don’t communicate the same way as humans.

My mom died when I was 13 my Dad was an abusive alcoholic who never even said I love you. I grew up not knowing love and looking for it in all the wrong places. This talk struck a nerve in me I don’t feel sorry for myself but I wished there was a high school course that taught this instead of other silly and unecessary things taught. Thanks for enlightenment 😊

@henrikliam9564

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Lana, that was a great comment you made. I feel your pain...how are you doing?

@angelinadenisenko7396

3 жыл бұрын

I believe the person I am dating resonates with this. He has a troubled, unloved past. I am trying to give him the love he deserves but he can't seem to receive it or reciprocate. Do you have some insight into this? He is really an amazing person, so many great qualities and I see a genuine soul. However it is so tricky for me to know how to act.

@Lanamarri36712

3 жыл бұрын

Henrik Liam Hi Henrik I’m doing fine this pandemic has put a damper on dating and I find myself missing my last boyfriend who ghosted me because of poor communication. Anyway, just keep on learning. How are you?

@Lanamarri36712

3 жыл бұрын

Angelina Denisenko he needs to have his past forgiven by himself or God. We all have troubles even in the best families and relationships. It all stems from how the ego perceives the attack... it either opens them up to talk or makes them run away thinking it’s not a worthy relationship. Don’t walk on eggs because you want someone so bad. I was there I loved a guy like that but he didn’t treat me with respect and looking back I see it wasn’t me it was him.

@angelinadenisenko7396

3 жыл бұрын

@@Lanamarri36712 wow thank you for your well thought out answer! Take care!!

"with insight, you'll be able to understand your partner more" she sounds like she's unveiling new software.

@bennyton2560

3 жыл бұрын

lmao

@OS-qb1ve

3 жыл бұрын

thought the same :D

@praxis6172

2 жыл бұрын

In a way isn't that what it is. Software update.

@marchbaiboroma800

23 күн бұрын

Hey

@shambhavivashistha2065

13 күн бұрын

🤣🤣🤣

From what I've seen, you have to practice healthy relationships with others, (family, friends, coworkers, etc) Bc if you don't you're just gonna carry your bad relationship habits into your romance, no matter how much you "love" the person. For example, If you are impatient with your siblings Or if you regularly tell White lies to your parents/ boss you're gonna do it to your S/O as well. Because those are the relationship habits that you've formed.

@danielleanita4988

3 жыл бұрын

You're definitely right! I think people forget to practice certain skills to maintaining a healthy relationship with many people in your life, not just one person. Great point!

@Zelanias

Жыл бұрын

im a bit impatient. I want to meet often if im interested /curious and learn more about the person as much as i can, its like almost like my mind gets "consumed" and its never reciprocrated. I dont know what to do about this. I never get this feeling with friends or family...

@sixvowels6268

Жыл бұрын

@@Zelaniashey, perhaps you can check out this concept called the “anxious attachment style”. There are books on attachment styles that can help explain your behaviour, and how to work around it. It can also help explain to your partner why you are the way you are :)

@Zelanias

Жыл бұрын

@@sixvowels6268 thank you!! I will check it out :D

@rodneyjj2336

10 ай бұрын

It's 5:25 am in my part of the World and I am in my quest to be a better partner, thank you for this video it adds to my knowledge of change and burning the past things(white lies, defensiveness, taking accountability) I've come a long way I am proud of myself, but yet keep learning and not drifting back into old ways. Thank you, guys.

This is all very good in theory but if you haven't been brought up in a secure environment, to develop this level of awareness and self-confidence then it's no simple matter to learn emotional regulation in particular. This research just seems to reiterate that those lucky enough to have a good start in life and consequent secure attachment are going to do well in relationships, those who haven't are going to struggle. Where is the intervention?

@mallorywaters7295

7 жыл бұрын

www.skillsforhealthyrelationships.com/

@Rhea390

7 жыл бұрын

The fact is that these skills are going to help you in your relationships, whether you've been brought up in a good environment or not. Yes it's hard for some that were unfortunate to have a bad start in life but developing these skills will only help them in the future. It's going to be extremely difficult for them compared to the lucky ones but it's not impossible. Just because someone's had a bad beginning doesn't mean they should have a bad journey.

@laurab9867

7 жыл бұрын

True, but if you are unhappy and really love someone, you search for answers. Nowadays, we have tools that our parents and grandparents didn't have (therapy, books, tapes, videos, other counseling). You don't have to be lucky, just have a little intelligence.

@aprameyaananda8046

7 жыл бұрын

Lucia Dixon I agree that comming to a healthy environment the start and flow of life will be easy. But closing yourself to the. Solutions available to grown ups from less favourable or harsh Environments doesn't help becuse the Solutions exist and one life can be blissful. I am one of this people actually. Was it easy, at times no, very difficult but it was worthy!

@luciadixon8630

7 жыл бұрын

I am not saying I'm closed to potential solutions and growth, I'm just saying this talk makes it sound so easy and doesn't seem to factor in these personal differences or how hard it can be for some. Of course it's just a quick snapshot of their ideas. I've actually bought the book and think it has a lot of really useful and interesting suggestions. I recommend it. And I'm glad that you were able to find that kind of transformation despite the challenges. That is what I wish for all. I'm glad my comment has at least generated these affirming responses!

I'm an early childhood educator and almost all of these things sounds like our social emotional goals. (Balancing our own needs with others, emoutional regulation, solving social problems, ect.) We are getting children that more and more often have experienced trauma and struggle with these skills. I think the solution is embedding them into our curriculum for early childhood and elementary school as well as beyond.

@PeterBakker

9 ай бұрын

Some more education in life skills would let us thrive a lot more when live is throwing things at us 😊

I truly believe these instincts should be devolped when your are single. The way you communicate with co-workers, family, friend etc. So that when you step into a relationship it doesn't feel overwhelming becuase your trying to change for someone so quickly.

I started treating my marriage like my garden and my marriage started to blossom. 💪 🌸

@IsabellaNorman-fn4mu

9 ай бұрын

So lovely

@SofiaJames-to5nr

5 ай бұрын

Hi I'm Sofia, how are you doing

@herrerad3

4 ай бұрын

@@SofiaJames-to5nr Hi friend 👋

Sometimes you just need to hear a TedTalk like this to help you sort through your thoughts in a more positive, analytical way.

Healthy relationship is good communication, people seems to lack that these days.

@its_a_poncho

7 жыл бұрын

Valery Molone yes

@christinacataldi877

5 жыл бұрын

Coach Valery Molone transparency and vulnerability are what’s not happening. Thereby tainting the communication process.

@Alphacentauri819

5 жыл бұрын

Fear and selfishness are two big communication sabotages... to have good communication you have to be able to feel safe, so you can be vulnerable and connect authentically

@hopedean6424

4 жыл бұрын

I think people, in my experience, are actually quite good at communicating about their feelings now, especially regarding mental health

@sarahhumphreys3980

4 жыл бұрын

I think people are good at communicating with each other what they are not good at is how they communicate.some people get upset at their partner for doing or not doing something. They attack the person so to speak rather than attacking the problem of what was done or not done.

who else going through it rn

I am so not romantically competent. That's what I've learnt from watching this talk.

@blueishpiano4

6 жыл бұрын

This talk also teaches this is something you can learn and train

@yvonnegaskin7089

6 жыл бұрын

Kelle Salle fix it

@toufikboulahlibe647

5 жыл бұрын

PouRNou

@joshhansen858

4 жыл бұрын

@Willibald Brösel it's not hard to improve your self if you want to..

This video really helped me understand how complex a relationship is. I feel like i actually learned how to be a better girlfriend and how to support the relationship. I am a extremely insecure person and ive had problems with jealousy, so this video really helped me. Thank you for posting this video, i am really glad i found this.

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

Hello how are you doing

Re-watching it again and again over the course of the last 5 years. Every word she spoke is true and valuable.

Skills you need ( JUST FOR MY OWN NOTES ) 3:21 4:28 1. Insight - Awareness, understanding, and learning. Knowing what's right for you. 6:20 2. Mutuality - Knowing both people have needs and both needs matter, and working to meet those needs. 7:55 3. Emotion Regulation - Regulating your feelings in response to things that happen in the relationship. Tolerate uncomfortable feelings and not lash out. 9:53 11:37 14:40

Great points; many times people not only choose "bad" partners, they also enter into relationships as unhealthy individuals seeking to be healed. Unfortunately, for good reason, its not our partners job to heal us. We must be self sufficient and healthy individuals before we can create healthy relationships.

@2202Winterful

2 жыл бұрын

For me it’s loneliness

@Kimberly-up1cb

Жыл бұрын

Not so. See Esther Perel.

You have to master three things in order to have healthy romantic relationship: insight (common sense), mutuality (think not only about yourself, but also about your partner and his/her needs) and emotion regulation (emotional intelligence).

@kemonagolding55

5 жыл бұрын

Vilmantas Ramanauskas 💪🏽👌🏽👌🏽

@mankishorpan6646

4 жыл бұрын

@@kemonagolding55 eoyriuygj. Bsvm

@rhyzahgoco687

2 жыл бұрын

This is ok .tnx

@MattMussett

2 жыл бұрын

🙌

This should be a full-time school subject.

respect, feeling valued Romantic comeptence: 4:40 insight - abiblity to anticipate you and partner 6:30 mutuality - support of needs, wishes 8:30 emotional regulation - tolerate uncomfy feelings 10:00 eg: bday gift

both people in the relationship need to develop the skills though otherwise it wont work but great ideas.

@doctorandrew6353

5 жыл бұрын

Lost lover Call/Whatsapp =27638982712 Do you have a troubled relationship? You want your lover back to you? Problems of a Cheating partner? You want to fall into love with someone? You tried your best but nothing is helping? Can’t find your soul mate? Your marriage is falling apart? Attracted to someone who doesn’t care about you? Fighting a lot with your spouse? Having problems with someone who want your man or woman? Trust issues Your partner wont committee to you?

@aaronlim2PlaysMC

5 жыл бұрын

^this. she also states this in the beginning and near the end for a reason. relationships aren't carried by a single person. its not a relationship at that point

@Smacy

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah this was very “woman bear the burden” heavy.

@plutonium120

4 жыл бұрын

that's implied by the definition of 'mutuality,' but i guess you don't actually know what words mean.

@user-ej3iw8lw3w

4 жыл бұрын

men can get away with a lot. and girls love them for it

Insight is basically Self-Awareness, insight is good communication skills and emotional regulation relates back to self awareness. These skills are possible through a daily practice of inner reflexion, introspection, self observation, meditation, prayer. In sum, it is about Spiritual Growth and relationships are a call to grow.

Both partners need to put in effort to make it work. Sadly, most relationships are at least somewhat one sided.

@peterogg736

3 жыл бұрын

Sadly true

I like her voice and how calming she speaks. The way she perceives and describes how to regulate yourself is so great

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

Hello how are you doing

@AnthonyPatrick01

3 ай бұрын

Hello 🌹 👋 Miss how are you doing today hope you're doing great

I honestly don’t know what to do in my relationship, he treats me right and everything but I feel like I just can’t trust him because of my past of boys cheating and abusive relationships etc, I really do want to work out with him and trust him, but I cannot bring myself to do so, I really hope I gain trust before it’s too late, I love him so much🤦🏼‍♀️

@belenfranco2553

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. It’s fr hard

@essence178

2 жыл бұрын

See a Therapist by yourself...this are your issues that u need to work through Good luck

@gboard17

2 жыл бұрын

I'm trying to be a romance song writer. I hope you find a song you like.

Sometime if you want to improve your relationships, the simplest strategy is to fully engage in each conversation, without doing any of the distracting activities. Awesome video 😍

Absolutely, well said - relationship problems impact every area of our life, and when our relationships are solid and healthy brings so many benefits. Sending love to all those souls bravely healing xx

👍It’s called Romantic Competence 👍 Insight 👍 Mutuality 👍 Emotion regulation Somehow I figured this out. I love how she articulated it. I didn’t know this is what I was doing, but I’ve been doing it and it does work well. 💞

Im 27 and im just getting educated about having a healthy relationship. Wish i knew sooner, but is not too late ether.

Once a relationship is scarred, having meaning conversations without argument seems just impossible. We tried a different approach, tried "Lovify" a couple questions game. In this game you have to guess what your partner likes or expects. Helped us understand each other better. Stay strong couples :)

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

Yes you are right hello how are you doing

@Gavin-fw4pc

5 ай бұрын

Its really nice to meet you and check out your profile, infact i really like all what your profile says about you and its seems that we have lots in common.😊

@AnthonyPatrick01

3 ай бұрын

Hello 🌹 👋 Miss how are you doing today hope you're doing great

@marchbaiboroma800

23 күн бұрын

Hey

On the brink of losing my partner, the love of my life. And I'm trying to learn these key elements of healthy romantic relationships to finally be the partner she deserves and the one I've always envisioned myself being. I'm praying that it's not too late and that I'm given one last chance to do and be better.

@farandzemabramyan3729

2 жыл бұрын

Meeee too

@MXMafia13

2 жыл бұрын

Same here unfortunately she might not give me another chance

@belinderjabuya8355

2 жыл бұрын

May God help you

@shakiraafifi257

2 жыл бұрын

You can do this

@lordgilgamesh7689

6 ай бұрын

How are things now?

Accountability is extremely important in relationships.

honestly, this is the best thing i’ve ever heard. I watched this 3 days ago, I’ve been losing hope in my relationship with my boyfriend because we constantly fought and never got along, and for the past 3 days we’ve been happier then ever. He even said he thinks he have something we didn’t have before not like there wasn’t anything special in the beginning but we both have a lot of hope that it’ll workout! I didn’t realize how important it is to control my emotions and being more aware of things. It helped me way more then I expected.

@analiaflorentin6989

7 ай бұрын

Are u still with him ?

Firstly ,we need to know ourselves, our personality and our need. thanks for the researchers

@gushernandez25

4 жыл бұрын

That's a big important key role in having a healthy relationship.

Skills for a better/healthy relationship Insight -Learning, awareness -Why you do the things you do -Understand who your partner is -Being able to anticipate how certain situations would go -learn from mistakes to do things differently next time -what’s right for you in a relationship(boundaries?) Mutuality -know that both ppl have needs, and both needs matter -convey own needs clearly that increases the chance of them being met -welling to meet partners needs -let’s you factor both ppls needs into decisions that you make about your relationship Emotion Regulation -regulating your feelings in response to things that happen in your relationship -be able to keep calm and keep things that happen in your relationship in perspective -be able to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and not act out repulsively -maintain a sense of self respect and commit to your needs even when bad things happen in your relationship

@mehreen_syed__

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much 💕

@eisoftruth4428

2 жыл бұрын

GREAT book to help men understand women and have much better relationships: "SMILE AND NOD: A Man's Guide To Having A Successful Relationship With A Woman" Look it up on Amazon, you'll be glad you did!

@sunvaj6754

Жыл бұрын

Good job!

@arrj7002

7 ай бұрын

What means let's you factor? I'm not an English speaker and this caught my curiosity for what it means

@Stanford017-yg4fw

7 ай бұрын

❤

Insight : Knowing who you are and who your partner is. Mutuality : Finding a comprimise, taking you and your partner's needs and communicating that with each other. Emotion Regulation : Regulating your own stress, anger and emotions so it doesn't negatively impact your relationship.

Love is an energy, love is a mystery, love is meant to be true. Love is a part of me, love is the heart of me, love is the best thing we do."

@dnapi

Жыл бұрын

Who said that originally?

I'm 24 ( young) and have been practicing these skills. They are very helpful and my relationship has been great ( definitely not perfect) thus far. It's a continuos practice, that has stared to become second nature. Im am truly amazed. Thank you.

@SofiaJames-to5nr

5 ай бұрын

Hi am Sofia, how are you doing

Going thru some of the things that she said, its not too late to change and if you both truly love one another then you can overcome anything. There is no manual on this and there is no perfect relationship. Expect errors and mistakes and own up to them but at the same time try not to beat down on yourself.

@gboard17

2 жыл бұрын

I'm trying to be a romance song writer. I need to revamp a lot of old lyrics.

lots arises in me as I watch this video. mainly this: I'm falling, again, for another unavailable person... because the illusion and fantasy and escape of this person, is all I've got... so I let myself fall. let myself get attached. because I'm old now, and the deepest shame and agony of my life, is that I've never-ever been in an intimate-romantic relationship... and the reality of this anguishes me, consumes me. fills me with: grief, shame, rage, longing, loneliness, despair, wanting, needing, desperation... so I cling, achingly, to anyone that shows me: any attention...

Thank you after many years and failed relationships my personal/business, I never once thought we as humans could crack the code with your partner to feel and maintain equality through all fronts, also knowing child hood trauma and the failure it created in me because all i wanted to do was forget to say anything to get out of it, could have saved allot of heartache, I will pursue Ms Davilla I look forward to the next discussion...

Today teaching HEALTHY relationships is vital!

Man she is so calming!! I love her voice.

Getting one more chance to know yourself by moving forward from a toxic relationship takes something. Something like fire from the gut. Beautifully spoken about emotion articulation, self identity and growing together aspect.

@Stanford017-yg4fw

7 ай бұрын

❤

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

Yes you are right how are you

@Gavin-fw4pc

5 ай бұрын

Its really nice to meet you and check out your profile, infact i really like all what your profile says about you and its seems that we have lots in common.😊😊

I've met a guy like a 2 months ago, we've been on lockdown toguether and I truly love him. I hope that we'll make things workout. I think that this speech will totally help.

I'm in my first relationship as a young adult. It's long distance (but he's here for three months), 7 months and going strong. Constantly looking for ways to strengthen our relationship, even though it seems rock solid now. I want us to get married. We're both very relationship competent, always looking for ways to strengthen it. I guess I need this video but an 'advanced version', because my partner and I are already doing and displaying all of these things.

@eeshajamil8503

6 жыл бұрын

rachelle2227 hope you two are still going strong and if you find something more advanced please do share!

@Michelle-rj1kc

5 жыл бұрын

Are you still together? If so tell me your secrets🙃 how to deal with the long distance

@queenofscrolls7585

4 жыл бұрын

If you guys already do these things thst is so great!

@jitpackjoyride

4 жыл бұрын

I get what you mean, I would appreciate an advanced version coz I just learnt all this the hard way already over the past 2 years. If there's not any further dialogue on this topic, I feel like all of us would just have to learn it for ourselves the hard way and that would be a waste of human effectiveness

@joshhansen858

4 жыл бұрын

@@Michelle-rj1kc it's hard but nice when you meet after a while. and the love is getting stronger. or you prefer meet your partner everyday but having often fight and mindgaming lol

I really liked the approach that this video took. I sent it to my partner, whom I think would really appreciate it! I love videos like this and I'm glad that you posted it 😄

Will be watching for a while ❤️ some tools I have naturally adapted while tools I need to have in my toolbox of life ! I appreciate this so much 🤯🥰

She hypnotized me.....

Every single idea she conveyed is counterintuitive to current cultural ideas of love. If you follow the ideas conveyed in every single pop song about love you will ultimately achieve the opposite of what she is getting at

This is so needed for all mankind . There are so much people (dating coaches) talking about how to pick up girls, how to stun them , how have them go to bed with you but no talks about , how to truly love them , care for them , and really experience the bliss a man and a woman can experience with each other if they really were living the life God designed them to live .

First sign of a troubled relationship; trying to convince social media how super happy the two of you actually are.

Wow, this has helped me so much and has opened my mind to a realm of new perspectives within a relationship

Joanne Davila's a great speaker on this topic!

This is the most important video conversation for our new or old generation to learn how to deal with their partners without putting the egos between their partner or love ones.

short summary: 1. respect each other 2. speak your mind 3. support each other

I agree with the message, but really think, that she got casuality backwards. I mean, she told about romantically competent people being more rational and mentally healthy. In my opinion, its the other way around - mentally healthy people are more romantically competent. I think her theory could use neuroscientific approach.

@MM-Iconoclast

7 жыл бұрын

Similar - I got 'people who do things well, do things well'. Or 'people who are emotionally healthy are emotionally healthy' - or mix and match. A bit of a tautology. But the basic point - that there are fundamental and simple skills to be taught - is a good one. And useful.

@hmmmmm1988

5 жыл бұрын

I was thinking the same.

@user-ip7fd2us7c

3 жыл бұрын

I believe it goes both ways

The very first comments she made about an unhealthy relationship were exactly what my marriage was like, which Is why I left. All makes sense now.

ahh romantic relationships !! i only use herbal enhancers for being romantic in bed . they help me so much there and my boyfrind says i'm awesome in bed . i like hearing that .

@chloemarlon39

Жыл бұрын

i agree, the best parts are the ends. actually i wento accoriding to the reviews on the internet and wanted to buy some just for fun bc my stamina is actaully awfuů. so i went with spanish fly pro and i'm really surprised. my stamina blew my man's mind even more than i thought

making your needs know is what i am getting from this! Brilliant!

The key of relationship is patience and communication. This is all about.

after many years of unhealthy relationships, I met the love of my life and am in a very healthy and rewarding relationship. It is good to know how it looks like, but it is more important to meet the right one and keep it strong.

@user-ej3iw8lw3w

4 жыл бұрын

what nationality is "he"?

@MaryPAULINElove

Жыл бұрын

How do you know he is the right one at the beginning?

The advice in this speech is priceless. If only I'd known these things before my last relationship. I hope to get it right next time.

Summary: Having “Insight” to know yourself and your partner, Having “Mutuality” to meet both persons’ needs and give support, Having “Emotion Regulation Skill” to calmly deal with emotions you face in diverse situations.

@ericmorgan2222

Жыл бұрын

Best comment ever, I will love to know you if you don’t mind

@AntonySamon

9 ай бұрын

Hello dear friend, how are you and nice to meet you here, i want to say you really pretty.

@HentiHorn

6 ай бұрын

Hello how are you doing

I really enjoyed this video! I always struggle with not being so trusting towards my partner and my emotional regulation sucks! But this made perfect sense and I will be applying these tips from here on out.

This is such a wonderful talk. As a mother this is what I try to teach my kids. Very well done👏👏👏

Following these skills! Manifesting and claiming it! I receive it! ❤️🙏🏼✨

Thank you so much. Yes, I agree. We need more information on how to have healthy relationships.

Very helpful and yes in school life skills should be taught and healthy relationships ❤️

@gboard17

2 жыл бұрын

I'm trying to write romance songs now. I think its needed. Eventually I'll get it right in song.

What I can take from this is as a partner, we gotta be understanding, have a good faith in our partner, be calm and reasonable.

The connection between social relationships and happiness highlighted in this video reinforces the importance of fostering meaningful connections for our overall well-being

Thank you for talking with us; and many thanks for no ads

The irony is that this video is being watched by people who already know how to love but are suffering in their relationships.

@AnnikaSmith-qm4kt

6 ай бұрын

Relationships is something you build and with understanding to grows… I would love to get to know you

This is ultra helpful. I learned this the hard way! My SO and I went through rough patches because I'm always expecting him to know what I want even though I say otherwise. I forgot he's only a human like me! Take note, kids. Your partner and your relationship will surely be easier to handle if you are somehow emotionally competent.

@gboard17

2 жыл бұрын

I'm trying to write some romance songs. Hope you enjoy my journery.

I love this, thank you for posting 🙏🏻❤️

Love this video and love the way she talks! Thank you!

This is a golden advice.

The best advice I can think of that I wish i'd thought of when young is to take an accredited basic psychology course. It will help you to understand yourself and what YOU need first, and also help you pick out those who are putting on an act - which most men and women do at first, and some can keep it up until after marriage a couple of years along the line. Still, there will be tells and a basic psychology course will help you spot important things you might otherwise not notice or may dismiss.