"I'm not really here". Powerful words. I love that you risk everything to be vulnerable. Your words over the last few years have helped me tremendously. I'm a work in progress, just like you. Best wishes to you in everything you do.

@catsmeow3478

2 жыл бұрын

Omarra67 He’s helped me so much over the last few years too because of all of his wonderful qualities, including authenticity and vulnerability. I think it’s very healing for women who have been abused to learn from exemplary men. Maybe for men too. 🙏💜

@More_readings

2 жыл бұрын

catsmeow it seems like it can start with idealization of his personality (wow, he’s a hero) and end with a calm appreciation (he is just a person like everyone else). Anyway, I’ve learnt a lot from Richard. To be sincere and vulnerable. Not to idealize and seeking mother. Be more focused on myself. Life goes on. 🔥

@e.ravencraft

2 жыл бұрын

I love you and I don't even know you. 🤗 Aside from being able to feel your sincerity 💫 and kindness, hence, your heart, from your little spot on the map to mine. Through a phone screen, no less. I can hear that you love strong, and I love that. Thank you, @Omarra! I'm grateful for you today.

@e.ravencraft

2 жыл бұрын

@@More_readings 🥰🥰🥰

@omarra6781

2 жыл бұрын

@@More_readings It's always nice to find out others are humans just like we are, I think. I agree with your assessment.

"Bred for slavery". Profoundly accurate. As my father and all my pastors have described me as having "a servant's heart". I have been manipulated out of my own person. I don't have any grasp of who I really could be.

@Christina-nb6ds

Жыл бұрын

same its kinda sad tho

@2Ryled

Жыл бұрын

Work on you. Learn to say no. Protect your boundaries.

@kaylaschroeder1

Жыл бұрын

What you said is profound. "Manipulated out of my own person..." Wow. I've never heard it said like that, and it's accurate.

@gracealderson3676

Жыл бұрын

'I have been manipulated out of my own person' wonderfully put. Understand it completely.

@patmaloney5735

Жыл бұрын

Same. Seems like ur religious. Remember the sheep and the serpent

Feelz…. My mother took 4 children from my emotionally unavailable father and dragged us through one abusive alcoholic relationship after another. I grew up learning to abuse myself until I had two children with the most abusive men I dated 10 years apart and stopped dating when my youngest daughters father went to prison for drugs. I’ve been isolating, healing and raising my daughter from a new perspective of self preservation and rebuilding my life. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 You have helped me to stop taking peoples mindset personal and learning to stand on my own. I’m no longer trying to fix anyone but myself. 🙏🏼

@salala7640

Жыл бұрын

❤❤❤

@kerstitekko2257

2 ай бұрын

Yes, it is very nice.

Good job, Richard! I grew up in an abusive family. How abusive? The state finally put me in foster care. As an adult I spent 25 years in an abusive marriage. Now? I got out. I married a NICE woman (who had previously also been in an abusive marriage.) We have been wonderfully happy for the last two decades! My secret? Stay away from people who return your good behavior with their bad behavior. Kindness and loyalty are NOT ethical or moral absolutes. They are a sort of peace treaty, and if the other party breaks the treaty, walk away from them. My current wife returns good for good. I am glad to be good to her and she is glad to return my goodness with her goodness. It really is that simple, but only if you are willing to leave the people who want to treat you like garbage.

I am one of the many Richard has helped. Listening to his videos, courses and challenges helped me in a way loads of sermons, lectures, bible studies, etc., just never quite did. I needed to see someone struggling like me and still finding a way to contribute and prove we don’t have to be perfect to do so. I believed this, but seeing it really mattered to me. In particular, experiencing Richard’s generosity and seeing his commitment to help others. He is kind! We have plenty of strengths despite our struggle. It is a waste of life to suffer needlessly, but we live and learn, right? Thank you, Richard Grannon.

@e.ravencraft

2 жыл бұрын

Beautiful 💫 You're a good, good human, Richard. Thank you for sharing your experiences and lessons learned. You've made an incredible difference in my life since you began your you-tube journey. I'm GRATEFUL.

Richard is brilliant. My folks were nuts. Open marriage, hard core sex addiction. Greedy. Entitled. And impossible to please.

@jaysilverstone7221

2 жыл бұрын

@Mom_B_Salty thanks for your comment. Yes it was confusing, plus my dad has a very high IQ making us all feel like idiots, and there was no money for the first 15 years. And neither of them ever asked about us, they had their own life. I've never been able to hold a job or sustain a relationship and am coming up to 60. They even tried to get me on hard for meds for life. The lockdown was a massive relief for me and I have hopes for the future. Richards work has been invaluable. Be well.

@sarahslater3534

2 жыл бұрын

Jay that’s one spectacular insane way to grow up; do you know what growing up with all that you stated -made you very Strong

@jaysilverstone7221

2 жыл бұрын

@@sarahslater3534 thank you so much. And that's not the whole story.....

@sarahslater3534

2 жыл бұрын

@@jaysilverstone7221 jay - your reply is very carefully considered a real active kindness thank you even though these days are crazy. That’s just a lack of a better word LOL. There are good same people out there they just hide under rocks lol but I rock ‘n’ roll and lacking good humor. Sorry I think if you ever need to talk to someone I’ll just be heard I’m here; I’ve learned the value of my time and maybe you’ll have two that I don’t have it two ways down bullshit lies and thinking people think they’re ; grandiose I’ve already seen most of it I think you have to it doesn’t bring you anything .. NADA - I had pretty good intuitive and I have a lot of love so balancing that out is tough but I’ll tell you something I don’t need anymore would I call time waisters and that is that they’re purposely trying to get attention or something crazy that’s not got nothing to do with the topic- so I step out a little bit of my comfort zone just because I want to. I’m just extending that thought to you. Boy a lot of words to say one thing huh- But my childhood was a lot more closer to yours than you would know just the different ways. Thanks Jay

@omarra6781

2 жыл бұрын

@@ephoenixzen7057 Same here. I sometimes vacillate between thinking my childhood was horrible and thinking "it wasn't so bad". Seeing/hearing other people's stories will put it back into some perspective.

Thank you Richard. I walk the same, or similar, path. All the red flags and knowledge cannot help us because the wholeness of self is not there in learned armour. Integration is the only way. One has to value one's self so deeply that nothing that violates our sovereignty is allowed. Here's to healthy relationships. Thanks for your contribution to a more sane, healed collective.

@johannagrace7768

2 жыл бұрын

Well said!

I'm 76 and watch lots of your videos. I read a book a long time ago entitled "People of the Lie"by Scott Peck. It changed my life..and so does your work. Thank you.

@cynthiastogden7000

Жыл бұрын

I am 77 and still trying to understand ' life', myself etc. I have an even greater thirst for knowledge now. Just discovered this special young man.

@newjerseydevil6115

10 ай бұрын

Good book!

Thank you, Richard, for your authenticity and transparency, it is literaly life-saving. Your work is appreciated tremendously.

@johannagrace7768

2 жыл бұрын

Well said!

@carolbeukes4810

Жыл бұрын

Richard could we talk about growing change in sexuality.. I so want to understand why men and women are becoming by.. you know playing for both teams. My first experience after a long narcissistic marriage.. it really hurt. I don't know or understand this behavior.

“I’m not really here.” alone, spoke volumes. It takes tremendous courage to openly share such difficult and personal experiences that will, no doubt, help inspire others to (hopefully) to do the same for themselves. Although healing and overcoming childhood trauma will always be a daily process for many of us, one can see you’ve have clearly done the work. Thank you for sharing your story & much love to you 💜🌹

I’ve learned so much over the recent years from Richard Grannon. Much respect ✊ 💛

Thank you for this video, Richard! I come from a family with two narcissistic parents. I married a covert narcissist. Didn't have a clue about narcissism. I left from this miserable marriage three years now. Learning about narcissism put all the pieces of my past in place. Everything makes sense now. I feel myself , I am strong and alert to protect my son from his narcissistic father. Lots of discussion on feelings, on how he must respect his needs and not falling in the traps his father always sets . Your videos helped me so much these three years.

@CristinaRocha-ob2nw

8 ай бұрын

And all the effort and self-respect you have put in to get ahead will ensure that your son will have those glasses to see beyond... Those that you didn't have the chance to have, but that you have had the courage to build for him... You are an example of resilience... I'm sorry you suffered narcissistic abuse from your parents, I'm sorry that pattern bonded you to a narcissist.... But I'm glad that all of that makes you the best mother in the world to your son, and that your influence on him, makes him a good person. Celebrate yourself for your bravery and courage.

Ah this is a heartbreaking story, truly - partly because despite his experience he has this beautiful desire, talent and ability to help others, its so hard to feel the heartbreak of ones own story under the layers of denial, shame and indoctrination.

Visually, you seem better than you had over the past year or so. Halsey has a great line: "it's funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies." Every day, I move in directions that align with my values, and it's been mostly subconscious, since you released that first challenge. Agency. Autonomy. Connection. Peace. Stability. Thank you, fellow traumatized human.

@uyouhaveyou

2 жыл бұрын

Love this quote you picked out here; And also very much those five values you cite.

@mamandapanda185

2 жыл бұрын

@@uyouhaveyou I'm not sure if you're familiar with Halsey but that song Graveyard starts out with the lines: It's crazy when The thing you love the most Is the detriment Let that sink in You can think again When the hand you want to hold Is a weapon and You're nothin' but skin

@martefact

2 жыл бұрын

wow "it's funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies." never heard that before,. excellent few words.

@JJ-dk1lr

2 жыл бұрын

I totally resonate with the "butterflies"!

@dschardt66

2 жыл бұрын

He does look like hes doing better. We're greatful for it.

Additionally, I 100℅ relate to " I'm not fine". When a person has the ability to communicate a situation calmly and eloquently, it's like no one can hear you or understand that things are much worse on the inside than what is being shown outwardly. I've literally had to argue with my therapist about the state I was in before because I guess I didn't "look unwell"? Like what?!? Do I have to strip my clothes off and run around screaming for you to understand that there is a storm raging within me? Im not taken seriously because of my uncanny ability to keep composure at all costs in public settings? Luckily I'm in a more stable place now but Jesus, if someone says they are not fine, that they are far from ok, we should believe them instead of questioning them.

@ritevibe

2 жыл бұрын

i can relate to this, thank you!

@marks5926

2 жыл бұрын

As a therapist just to say that is not an attuned therapist and perhaps you should be finding a new one.

@iwonderwander

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, so true! I've dealt with the same. I'm sorry. Grief it is after so long of that.

@Amy-ol7jk

Жыл бұрын

I hear you! I get this too.

@AyeWitness

Жыл бұрын

Get another therapist I’d not take that guff.

“Free from abuse”. Is it possible? Our stories are so similar. I am working on myself and trying to get to the bottom of my codependency. I want to be “here”. You deserve it too sweet Richard. Your vulnerability is touching. This last narcissistic relationship brought me to my knees. I’m Free and not letting anyone touch me anymore. My soul. Individuating is exactly what I’m doing and I’ve grown more in the last seven months than my entire life. Take care Richard

So relatable, Richard. Your core awareness and teaching about individuating is potent, thank you. Well done job on this video.

@HANZELVANDERLAAY

2 жыл бұрын

I was bred for slavery! What an enlightenment..I found with what you said here..I can relate...well done...🤸🤸..t

The struggle is real. Both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

This feels like a safe space here, we're all in good company with the same common ground. Thank you Richard, 100% relate to your childhood and subsequent relationships

I’ve never heard anyone explain this phenomenon so eloquently. “Im not really here but I’m becoming more here”. Me too Richard. Thanks for sharing so openly and clearly. I don’t feel so alone 💜

It wasn't until my mid-thirties that I really questioned the dysfunction in the family unit of origin. Thankfully I had the means and wherewithal to emigrate, and the resulting peace, lack of drama and sanity is something I'm profoundly grateful for. Nothing worth doing is easy.

God bless you. You have changed my life. At 79, I have gone through the hard times to 2022 where everyone is so sensitive. My mother was strict German disciplinarian who believed her way was the only way. My Italian father believed in barefoot and pregnant for his wife but worked hard to provide for his family. Through your hand method, and El Paso Physical Therapy I am facing my pain issues and living with a Narcissic husband who was brought without love. Sadhguru saying, "Getting angry is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die " and your hand mnemonic I am getting each day, God bless you

@bernesemuir8022

2 жыл бұрын

Wow Thank you u for sharing 🤗

None of us are really here. We are all adapted to wearing a mask to convince others we are worthy of what we lacked growing up. We feel alone, different, cursed. But ultimately we all seek the same thing. Affirmation and love. Thank you for your bravery Richard!

I think the hardest part of doing the work and trying to individuate is that when you are single. You may think you’ve changed, you think you have healed old wounds and can see the err of your ways, but its only when we are in a relationship and our buttons are pushed, that we realize the changes we’ve made are infinitesimal. The maladaptive part of ourselves is still alive and well and we put on that codependent coat with ease.

@Bar_Bar27

2 жыл бұрын

This is true! So sad and infuriating to realize you haven't really get that far...!!!

@janegreen191

2 жыл бұрын

What does it mean to individuate. You become self-referred?

@LW-wg4ny

2 жыл бұрын

@@janegreen191 Richard would be a better one to answer this but what it means to me is separating myself from the person I am codependent with. Realizing who I am and what my needs are, something I don’t do when I’ve been in a relationship. I become so enmeshed with the man in my life that I completely lose myself as an individual.

@janegreen191

2 жыл бұрын

@@LW-wg4ny Yes, that is what I'm doing. Recognising what my needs are and sticking to them. It feels harsh when I do it because it's new to me. I recently made a friend with an elderly man. He said my company gives him joy. However, when it was my birthday, all he offered was a takeout pizza, even though he has plenty of money. I thought to myself that if he valued my company so much, it wasn't reflected in his offer. I decided to no longer give him my time and felt it was better to spend my birthday on my own. My next step is to be up front with him. Also, he has three sons who live far away from him and his inheritance is going to all 3 of them. So I thought, let his sons take care of him or he could hire someone to keep him company. Does this sound hard to you. I left home when I was 16 due to domestic violence and have no family whatsoever. Why should I waste my life on this old man, who demeans me by offering pizza on a special day like my birthday. It probably wasn't persona because he is very frugal but even so . . .

I love the music, by the way. I agree that a healthy relationship is where you feel safe. Where we codependents get fooled sometimes is when something feels safe because it feels familiar. When you grow up in traumatic, chaotic and/or abusive homes we create coping mechanisms that make us feel safe to be in those situations. Then we think we’ve found the one when it feels safe. But eventually you realize it’s the same pattern. You must “love yourself” first. Which means you have to put your own needs first to truly have a safe relationship. The payoff is that you will always be loved.

It takes a lot of courage to show the world all (or at least a lot) of your many facettes: the wise, the silly, the humble, the bold ... thank you for letting us witness your growth, while being a teacher and a student at same time. a great mind, a great soul, a great being. you are very, very much appreciated 🙏

Richard, you saved me from the flashbacks after a cult. Then a mystic retrieved my soul from there. I have been tackling my childhood trauma and codependence, and now I spot narcissists and emotional avoidance straight away. I cannot thank you enough. Your honesty here is beautiful and heart warming. Thank you for going into the dark, learning how to come back, and showing us how to do the same. I hope ever more of the real 'Richard' makes it here, what a blessing to the world.

I knew by the time I was five years old my family was dysfunctional. That's also the first time I ran away from home. Literally packed some things and left. Five years old.

@firesidechat7191

Жыл бұрын

Me too

Lots of respect for this man.

Been following you and your work for 5 years. You’ve pulled me through some extremely dark times during that period. You’ve come so far, Richard, and so have I. We’re still works in progress.

Powerful words Richard. Can definitely relate to been an avatar of a human being. Nothing feels real. Wish you well

I feel you so deeply, I also endured about 2/3 of my life dealing with those personalities types as they come in different flavors. Compiled complex trauma is intense. You are right about the avatar experience. I get it, I feel you. Sending positive loving vibes your way. 💓 thanks for being a lighthouse for us.

I really felt this one. Sometimes I fantasize about an island especially for those of us who just need to be allowed in a safe and accepting environment to discover ourselves without the pressure of the world. Sigh...if you know you know

I was in my late 30s when I realized I was raised by people who are a complete wreck. As they were more or less functional and did not have pervert vices, it was very difficult to realize that. But on my 30s I still had no job and was living like a teenager, not taking responsibility for myself, only for their selves. Now, at the age of 45 - thank God and my mentor -and I really mean that - I’m out of the fog, have a real job and am more here than ever. Watching your videos really helped me too, thank you.

@evanjaywil9908

Жыл бұрын

thank you for sharing this. Im in a similar boat and I feel less alone

@Bronte866

9 ай бұрын

30s is often the age when realization begins to expand. My parental abusers said I was far too old to be remembering what I claimed to remember. Every year you will have more & more insight and realization of childhood abuse up until you die. There is no healing - but there is management.

"I'm not really here." Wow. Did that resonate with me, and being raised to be a slave. I'm am in that so deep. I was just thinking today how I am just here for others, even when I try to break out, that's all I am. I also had an abusive childhood and am extremely co-dependent. It's super hard to break out of. I relate to people by helping them, giving to them but there is nothing in return. I don't know another way to relate and be with people than giving/helping. Like they would never want to spend time with me unless they were getting something out of it like money or help or whatever. Thanks for sharing your story. I can SO relate.

Richard, you are very good and positive influencer, please stay around

Thank you for posting this Richard. You are appreciated, loved and respected. You have helped so many people begin to heal. xoxo

How well I know what you describe, Richard. You're speaking my language.

I really enjoyed the style of delivery of this video. 🤩 Wow! It’s full of interesting content; it’s perfectly short enough; it has a dialogue and it’s genuine. I really loved the underexposed shots against the amusement park where you cannot see your eyes underlining the fact that you’re explaining the fact that you’re only partially present in life. Well done man! You should do more creative videos like this!

@marianl3447

2 жыл бұрын

AGREE

@KimberlySkye

2 жыл бұрын

I agree!

From someone who was kept in a coal shed as a new born by a narc mother you have helped me. Your story sounds like mine. My penny dropped in 2018. I was 50. Every relationship I’d had was with a narc. I too am trained to be a slave. My codependency terrifies me. The last one 8 years altogether hoovered me back after 4 years and like a good girl back I went for another round. I lost 5 stone from all the trauma in the end. And during the second round my covert narc mother died. Didn’t bother to tell anyone her cancer was terminal. Left it so I had to go tell my dad and son. She dug that knife in me right up to the end of her life. So I am grateful for your help. I’m 2 months into psychology and won’t get into another relationship until I am better. That is the key. X

Totally get what you said about being partly present. I too was brought up as a servant. Aaaahhh to be me, and being me is the question I ask. In therapy trying to figure that out and validate myself by myself. I too did it again after I thought I was fine, this time with a narcissist. Thus finding RICHARD GRANNON, who helped me figure out what was happening. Your personal journey has helped me as well and how easily we can fall back in the crack of hell.

It's the codependent in me that adores this man! It's so parallel our journeys and couldn't be more pleased to have found your channel. Two and a half years ago one of your videos literally saved my life. I had been married to a covert narcissist for 24 years and began to realize my entire life and family had bred me for that relationship. I've been working so hard on myself these last few years recovering from the knowledge and pain of it all. Thank you a million times over sir. This knowledge was like finding gold in a pile of shit🙏

@Bronte866

9 ай бұрын

I hope you’ve walked out of there.

Wow, that is what has hit me most - I don’t feel I have a self. I’m not really here. I react to other people, that’s all. If I’m seen, I duck and run. Thank you Richard 😊

You have helped so many people in ways to can’t imagine. You might not feel like you’re here, but me and many others will attest that we feel you very much are. I am sorry there is no happy ending for you (yet), but you’ve made a meaningful life despite/because of terrible suffering. Good luck Richie - we’re all here for you.

Thanks, Richard, for your brave work! You’re bringing light, hope and clarity! 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

Me too, trying to be loved by men that can't love to resolve the love I never received in childhood. Strange how trauma works, reliving abandonment on repeat. I'm sick of being codependent so I stay alone rather than be a slave to another tyrant who dominates,controls and hurts over and over not once but a few unhealthy relationships.

@KatWoodland

2 жыл бұрын

@Sandra Cairney you’ve nailed it! Currently I am autonomous after three relationships that were all mirroring my hellish childhood. Men who couldn’t love themselves, let alone me! My own life has been on hold in these relationships to cater to the man. My own life was brushed aside while growing up, so my mother could have hers! (Narcissistic mom. Pussy whipped dad.) It’s like waking up to the fact that my entire life has been on hold. So every day is another challenge to discover who I really am to finally live the life I am meant to. It’s not meant to waste on one man. If it’s in the stars, one man will find me and add to my life, unlike all the others who took, took, took, (because I kept giving.) It’s all about me and my Creator now. It’s about finding the golden joy of my existence! Glad to be alive and able to take advantage of this earth school. My next endeavor is to return to dancing daily and dressing up as the divine female I am. My life is so blessed in that I am healing after all the hell I went through. It’s amazing for me to look back at the past and then gaze into the mirror to see the triumphant look in my eyes. This society may be hell, but I have heaven in my heart. Be well Sandra! Now is our time!

Thank you for your candor Richard. I can’t believe I’m just realizing at 54 years old that what you are so eloquently explaining has been my life. Thank you for providing a lifeline.

Thanks for sharing Richard. You are doing a lot of good in the world which is the best thing anyone can do. I think what I started to see change in myself, in recent years, was developing compassion for myself. I started looking at myself, almost from a third person perspective and saying “that hurt Louise”. It’s an ongoing process but that compassion is a big deal. Thanks for all your videos - I don’t tend to comment but I’m watching like many others!

as someone who has been through abuse for 20+ years since i was a toddler this really spoke to me. I am on a journey of feeling safe in my body and learning to be at peace with my emotions and not be codependent. Im learning to become interdependent

Perfectly nailed the explanation of , the right persons can access the control buttons I had & didn't know it . Many didn't believe I was abused because they saw a strong , outspoken girl who would never acquiesce to control / abuse . That dichotomy caused to fail to help , where they otherwise would have .

Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found. Pema Chodron

Amor Fati, Richard. YES YES! I can't wait for you to arrive at the perfect sweet spot between violence and vulnerability. LOVE the way you set yourself to be the example for all of us. For the half of a man - if even that - you consider yourself to be at this point you sure produce valuable content Richard! Excited to see what will come from you when healed.

Individuating is so freakin' hard, but you're 100% correct about it being foundational for everything else. I saw a house I thought was really cute the other day that I knew my husband would hate. Then I felt sort of awestruck that I could love something my husband didn't. I wasn't feeling guilt for having a personal opinion, nor was I feeling fear of the repercussions of such willful deviance -- I was just naturally allowing myself to have a perspective without outside approval. And it was MIND-BLOWING! It's taken me years and years of intense, obsessive healing to get to that place. I'm making progress! But it shows up in things like "OMG I HAD AN OPINION!!" When you have no historical reference for what health and wholeness feel like, this stuff can be life-changing.

@winxclubstellamusa

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so proud of you! Internet stranger healing from my same wounds ♥️♥️♥️ Feeling free is both terrifying and new, but it feels right, I’m acclimating to it as we speak 😁 Best of luck to you on the rest of your healing journey! 🤞🤞🤞

@wendybesse90

2 жыл бұрын

"Willful defiance" - you mean having your own thoughts. 😔

@DancingDeity

Жыл бұрын

Did you grow up in a cult?

Thank you richard, respect for your work an helping others heal from narcissists .😊🙏❤

Bang! Another nail struck on the head! I am bewildered by how to become a person at 56 because I too was trained not to be by the time I was three. Your light on the path is amazing and heartbreaking because I am seeing that I never had a chance. The best I can do is keep seeking my best self and be happy with just better. Tnx for shining your light on my trying avatars because there is no formed sense of self. I can work with all of these ideas that you share about yourself. I am cute, sweet, compassionate, funny and wicked smart, but I haven’t a clue about how any of that is meaninglessness to me. I have only felt valuable in the service of another, and I can navigate all kinds of crazy awful because it is better than what I have been through before. I may be rudderless, but I am in the damn boat and getting away from MY disfunction

My father was a tyrant and mum was co-dependant , they stayed together till the bitter end their mission was full destruction .

@kerstitekko2257

2 ай бұрын

😢😢😢

Thank you for the glimpse, Richard. You've helped me change my life so much in the last couple of years. You're very important to a lot of us and you really matter. ❤️

Thank you Richard for sharing your personal story from a male's perspective. I can totally relate to your experiences as a child and growing up being attracted always to the wrong type. I've learned from a very young age to cope through every form of abuse, to the point that I was call smiler and Cheshire cat amongst many other names. I'm still complemented for being such a happy positive loving person. But inside I'm struggling with myself. All I can say is there's much pain behind a smile, and we as individuals should try and look beyond the surface if we are to understand and support others. All the best to you x

What I like the most is seeing how you turned yourself into a beautiful, intelligent, charismatic man who inspires people saving themselves. You are standing here making a difference. And I love it.

So much of this resonates with me. You’ve helped my own journey so much, thank you.

Having a narcissist as a single parent, I totally get this, 'individualate', never herd this explanation, but this practice has kept me safe from narcissistic relationships for over 10 years now. I don't think it's possible to completely heal, I've accepted that years ago, but as you said, I am more present or here now than I ever have been. I can recognize the narcissist and I am whole enough and self loving enough to not desire their snares, as some sort of deeply missed comforting hell. I follow you and watch your vids. Keep up the great work.😇😇

Getting a cuppa. Your a lovely guy Richard been watching all your videos for the past few years. I know who you are. ❤️

True...emotional abuse is the worst. And what was not there is as important. Love...acknowledgment... Richard, I am so glad you decided to help others in this life. It helped me a lot. Big hugs xxx

Great interview! Very relatable and such a great short summary of hardcore codependence caused by childhood abuse and the effort to heal via chaotic relationships in adulthood.

Richard, you have always been sincere and open from the beginning. Since I started to follow your content, years ago, you said your truth, you shared your reality. You were never fake. Professional psychologist and psychoanalyst are fake as hell, most of them will not share ANY personal information whatsoever, and most of the times, their own life is a total chaos. Two of the most insane people I have dealt in my life, were psychoanalysts. So, careful out there everyone!. So, you are NOT a fake, you never were, you always talk openly since years ago, about your own struggles. My second point: the information that you shared and the research you have done, ITS VALUABLE. It’s helpful. “Main psychology” will attack you because they don’t even have a clear understanding of narcissistic abuse and it’s particularities. So fk them!. Third point: stop the self blaming!! Even if you individuate like a mofo, you are not god, you can not see what’s in the heart and mind of a person. That’s impossible. Yes! You will probably will have great boundaries, yes you will probably identify the narcissists sooner, BUT you will never be infalible because man, this critters fool entire countries! And entire police departments! So, stop the self blame! They are good actors and actresses! Believe me, if they ( narcisistas and psychopaths) were not, they will probably be in a concentration camp somewhere. They survive by acting. My last narco/psychopath girlfriend, was making me coffee and breakfast in bed and 9am with a smile, and sucking her boss D at 3pm!! That’s on them! That’s on her! Not on you! For me it has been a great tool to work on my acceptance. Yes! Some people are a piece of shite! Yes! Yes! They are a reality! She is like that, period. Move on.... there is no special radar to screen the hearts and minds of people! At least, not yet! All we can see are actions and words. Always go for the actions! And do not trust 100%. My mindset is: I trust but I will verify to see if you are trustworthy. If that’s socially acceptable or not, I don’t give a fak! It’s my life and I cannot be surrounded by traitors. Period.

We all have our own journeys, coming from a narcissist mother and dad on autistic spectrum, then walking into narcissist marriage, i was groomed for 35 years. I got out and it took 10 years to get my head around it all. Now I have been in a good place for 12 years. I hope everyone else in these situations can also fine some closure and peace. X

@carlamurphy7541

3 ай бұрын

It is always heartwarming to hear about people who have found peace

I'm not lying if I say this gentle, kind man, helped save my life

I love what Richard said, "I've been bread for slavery" as it really hit home for me. At 63 years and having to deal with my 85 year old narcissistic father, I still feel like his 14 year old son of a human doing, trying to earn his love. I now know I never will. After multiple burnouts, I've come to realize it's time to turn those efforts inward to find love for myself. You've at least found your calling Richard and I thank you for that.

Wow. Thank you. I feel like I've glimpsed you.

Vulnerability is the most underrated trait! Richard uses it like a super power. We can all learn something....there is no need for shame or blame...we just need acceptance & courage to recognize our own destructive behaviour & make a choice to continually change the pattern for our own highest good. 😘♥️😜

‘I haven’t got space for you in my life because it’s full of me’…….I’ve been struggling to express where I am in this process but when I heard that sentence I had to pause the video and sit quietly for a moment to let that sink in. Thank you Richard for everything you do

Richard thank you. You hit the nail on the head 100%. Its how I feel I am not actually here. Just a husk. I had 2 abusive parents too. Mental illness and psychological abuse. I have been with 4 narcs in a row. I am empty of protection, worthiness and selfhood so of course someone can move into my head and possess me. I want to know how to individuate so I can become healthier and not have someone take over my identity and use me for their own ends.

Get the likes up! Destroy all narcs!

@mamandapanda185

2 жыл бұрын

They're our reflections.

@21s

2 жыл бұрын

@@epictetus9221 no, nuke em

Richard you are a gem absolutely fantastic strong intelligent human xxx in this synthetic world of illusion ONE with clear view , values and internal discipline xx Thank you for sharing

You're a beautiful man Mr Grannon. One of your 30 day challenges changed my life. I'd still be chasing and people pleasing if it wasn't for you and I will always thank you for that. I wish that same peace and happiness for you. You deserve it. Those that hurt you are no longer your fate❤️

learning to love and respect myself changed my life completely. i will never lower myself or my standards ever again. thank you richard for playing such a great and positive part of my change of view. you helped me. and so many others. i have such gratitude and respect for who you are and what you do. thank you.

Thanks for being so honest and REAL, I feel like so many of us have been there but few know how to deal. My childhood wasn't awful but it was dysfunctional enough - lots of parental fighting and never knowing when it was okay to hug my mother (or not) due to her emotional inconsistency. My dad was always gone to not have to deal with her. It took three failed relationships to realize I was co-dependent and seeking help/love from men who were also not well emotionally. Fast fwd, I haven't been in a romantic relationship for 7 years - not because I wouldn't like one - but because the level of peace I now have is too important to compromise with anyone not on the same path. Your videos help stay focused on these issues and you are appreciated, good man!

Beautifully honest, this is where I’m suppose to be 🤘🏻 sending nothing but love 🥰

Another wounded healer and I am one. I worked 28 years as a counsellor. I would have said (and clients did say) that I was empathetic. Understanding the various kinds of pain they brought to me. But when my husband died last summer, my grief swept me off the rock that I had stood on for all my life. Suddenly I felt grief - for him and I. I had been trained not to express grief or pain, not to even acknowledge it. That's when I realized what my childhood had taken from me. Finally. At 72 soon to be 73. I am retired now but I can still live out my life being a more awake person. As my counsellor said, when I said that I had never grieved before, had never cried, but just endured..." This might be the greatest gift of all that he gave to you. Now your heart is opened."

Thank you for choosing to heal. I resonate with much of your words around choosing to “BE” while still healing.

I met my ex husband when I was 30. I had been in some unhealthy relationships before that and I thought I was smarter for the lessons I learned and that I was making the right choice. I wanted to be married and have children sooo much, that I realize now, I ignored the red flags because I wasn’t about to give up on my dream. My biological clock was ticking loudly and thats all I was focused on. He was love bombing me pretty hard at the start though, and I totally bought into believing who he said he was and who I WANTED him to be instead of who he actually was.

@catsmeow3478

2 жыл бұрын

@L W I did the same thing at about the same age with a love bombing narcissist, obviously not knowing what he was doing but feeling special, which I was desperate to feel. I too subconsciously overlooked all the red flags so I could remain in denial and move forward. But, it was so bad pretty quickly that my gut wouldn’t let me have kids with him because I didn’t feel safe and feared I’d become my mother and ruin my life and my kids’. So, I’m glad that we didn’t have kids and that I eventually found the courage to leave. Still single and working on those subconscious patterns twenty years later like Richard and so many. 🙏💜

@LW-wg4ny

2 жыл бұрын

@@catsmeow3478 wow, I’m glad you came to your senses before having children because that is just a whole other ballgame. We did have a daughter and at the time he still hadn’t revealed his true self and he seemed to be a good Dad. Unfortunately now we still have to engage with each other because of our daughter and I feel like I will never truly be free of him.

stop the nonsense Richard, you look amazing in this video, and in general, thousands of healthy women would love you as as you are, empty and all that nonsense... you are one of the most brilliant human beings to ever walk down here, that's you, not a shell... ever thought about what your experiences moulded you to be, on the good side...you are rare... go on and have a freakin joll you've achieved a lot out of all of this, some of which specifically happened because of your experiences, that's alchemy , would love to have a chat with you one day on the alchemical process of the wounded psyche ;) love to you brother, thank you for all you do

@gloriabartolome3123

2 жыл бұрын

Good looks has nothing to do with the feeling of not being here. It's not nonsense. No matter how you look, how intelligent or charming you are, this feeling of emptiness, of not being our own person is deeply rooted in us. Not to mention we attract all sorts of predators. It's a real struggle to individuate.

I relate to your story. I'm in my sixties and have only just realized that it all started with my mother and that she was a Narcissist. As a result I have fallen prey to Narcissists many times. Now I am single and happy to be. I still believe in love in spite of all of the bad relationships. Namaste x

Thank you Richard Grannon (( hugs)) you are here🙏 and you are speaking your truth- 👏 Bravo

I love how you recreate yourself time and again as your message gets stronger and easier for people to digest. :)

I owe Richard so much! I started listening to him 5 years ago ….. I loved the early days when he still swore a lot😜

"I'm not really here" Wow! Very profound.

What to say, when you know what it is, yet it unfolds in grace .... Let it come ❤️

Oh my days! You are brutally honestly and I can relate too with some of the trials you have experienced. I appreciate your time to share your feels of existing.

“I’m not really here and I’m not really fine” is one of the most powerful and helpful things I’ve heard you say, out of many. Sometimes I feel like the biggest failure, the only one unable to reach the goal of healed autonomous personhood. Sometimes that leads to feeling hopelessly broken. You made me realise that it is really hard but every step is still worth taking. On another note, I found the music a bit harsh and intrusive and could not hear the conversation with the interviewer. But thanks for this video!

Wouldn’t have gotten out of my personal hell without this man. Thank you Richard.

Your vulnerability is touching. Thank you for putting it out like that. It gives you even more strength and authority in what you teach. I resonate a lot. For following you for a bit now, I had always felt something was off, now I see it was this avatar, a little dissociation. All now came together making you very human Richard. Thank you for being an inspiration and of so big help to your fellow humans.

Really nice Mr Grannon, love the honesty. We're glad you're here!

Some of this is regrettably relatable. You're alright dude, I wish I had your balls to step up to the light of scrutiny.

Thanks for sharing the part of you that's here, Richard. You are loved. ❤️🙏🏼

Richard....you have helped so many folks inc myself. I didn't know your history until this video. You are a true survivor and a gift to others. . Love from Canada 🇨🇦

It takes a great deal of courage to admit our personal mental & emotional shortcomings, especially in such a public way. I also think it's completely necessary for continuing growth & development, & will definitely empower you in your evolving individuation Richard. Thank you for sharing. I greatly look forward to seeing your next team-up with the much esteemed Professor Vaknin.

Serious: I deeply appreciate this act of transparency and vulnerability from you. I’ve been worried about you and praying for you for the past year abs a half! You always looked like you had just finished crying, and were going to cry some more after filming. I had just accepted that Pierre was going to be the only person who knew the truth about what was going on, and I lamented the impossibility of being a fly on that wall. I also love the editing style and music. And I agree 10000% that individuation and identifying one’s boundaries, and then making it a practice to naturally and authentically honor and maintain the boundaries is the only way to repel cluster bs/ people like our parents/the people who are the most familiar, toxic, and corrosive to us. Half-joking: I bet you’ll feel completely present and alive if you get inside me you unbelievably intelligent, gorgeous, and sexy man… Back to serious: You are so fucking perfect, Richard. At least from my humble perspective. It pains me to know that you are still seeking out and holding onto women who mistreat you and don’t value you as the jewel that you are. Even after you have taught us how to protect ourselves. It’s beyond crazy to me that anyone would ever treat you bad at at all!! You appear to be doing so much better right now. And I’m so relieved to see that, especially because you were the first person to heal me, teach me, and comfort me with the knowledge that prevented my second suicide attempt. So seeing my healer in need of healing is both humbling and horrifying. I will continue to pray for you, and send you lots of vibes and intentions of love, light, and relief. Eternally and invariably grateful, An anonymous student of yours. 🙏♥️✨

It takes courage to be so honest with yourself and with us. That's why I follow you. Thank you!

Refreshing. A self help expert who says, "By the way, I"m not fixed. I, too, am broken. Just less broken". I got your full course set (thank you for re-posting it). I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and my parents got out when I was about 13. I've kinda been fucked up with the physical, social, spiritual, psychological abuse... I didn't think it was narcissistic abuse... but that series has helped quite a bit. Kudos.