I call the phenomena that i think 'straight passing' is trying to identify as "reading straight" in my relationship (bi femme/bi man)-- so like when i describe that dynamic if im telling a story or trying to communicate something I'll explain "... bc we are often read as straight..." "yeah but thats bc they read us as straight... etc." especially bc people who are queer dont (always) read us as straight but straight people do.

@ExFundieDiaries

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, this is so helpful! That phrase captures the complexities so well and allows multiple things to be true at once. Thank you for sharing!

@beitermf

2 жыл бұрын

oh, I love this phrasing! so helpful. thank you!

@cosmog6470

2 жыл бұрын

I also use "read as straight" for my relationship; my partner and I look like the most cishet couple you could imagine, despite neither of us being either of those things! it feels like the most accurate way to describe the safety, pressures, and expectations we both experience because of that.

@pokemonfanthings4444

2 жыл бұрын

I feel this as an asexual and aromantic person. I am not in a relationship, and according to my parents, it’s only a matter of time until I marry a man. Even though I told them I’m aromantic and asexual and explained the definition.

@charischannah

2 жыл бұрын

My spouse and I definitely read as straight, but I'm bisexual, and he's genderqueer and intersex. And then my straight friends get reminded that I'm bi when I say things like "straight people are wild" regarding things like gender reveal parties.

I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and sometimes if there’s a loud storm I’ll get triggered and a part of me will worry it’s Armageddon. That sort of stuff doesn’t leave you even if you don’t believe anymore.

@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911

2 жыл бұрын

I pray you open your heart to Jesus. When He knocks, please answer. It may be your only chance

@hannah9432

2 жыл бұрын

@@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911 Thank you for your kind intention. Personally I prefer to live without a set religion or belief. For myself it has freed me from fear and opened my eyes to many ways of thinking which I find very freeing and comforting.

@ladyrain299

2 жыл бұрын

@@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911 don't you feel this is an inappropriate thing to post here?

@grandstarstudiosFORMER-YT

2 жыл бұрын

@@ladyrain299 IT IS

@ericalane7220

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Hannah, I am 36 years old and have been out of fundamentalism for several years. I still wake up in the middle of night sometimes and check that my loved ones haven’t been taken away in the rapture. So traumatic!

I have never laughed so hard 🤣 I'm sure lil nas x would love to hear how he helped your religious trauma, I think he mentioned he suffered some as well. Thank you for your video!

I wasn’t raised in a fundamentalist environment, but my family’s religious beliefs affected me in a way that makes your content very relatable. I love watching your videos and always look forward to your uploads. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us

@rachelthompson7487

2 жыл бұрын

Same espept I'm still a Christian

Your story about your mom "forgetting" that you are bi reminded me of a friend who had almost the exact same experience. She is a bi woman married to a man with two kids and she mentioned to her dad that she was joining an LGBT club at her college. Her dad asked her what that had to do with her and she said "Well, because I am bi," and he acted completely confused like it was the first he had heard of this. She had come out to him over a decade before. And while it doesn't come up every time they speak, she is pretty sure he heard her. I thought (and I think she thought as well) it was just a story about her dad being weird, but I guess this is a thing.

@targaghjj

2 жыл бұрын

It probably is "a thing", haha being asexual I wouldn't really know though. But its not just a sexuality thing, my mom (and my dad big time, oh boy) would consistently forget important things about my life like, including but not limited to, significant mental illness diagnoses. Probably related to the fact that they couldn't be bothered to educate themselves about them, or it would have stuck in their minds.

@RowanWarren78

2 жыл бұрын

LoL, I came out as bi to my mom (a conservative, but compassionate Christian) at 18. I'm 44, have talked about girls I dated often, and she still "forgets". Yeah, she's not that forgetful.😏

@quasi8180

2 жыл бұрын

This is whg im too scared ttell my family

@Topdoggie7

2 жыл бұрын

My dad knows I'm trans, he just totally chooses to forget it every conversation.

@aurosoky

Жыл бұрын

I spent weeks preparing myself to come out of the closet as bi to my mom only for her to "not have idea I'm bi" every time it comes to topic

My impression of your parents’ response to your spiritual experience at the Seventh Day Adventist Church was less that they were embarrassed and more that they were probably threatened. Here was their kid having an intense-and sounds like a positive-experience that they didn’t give her. If their kid is getting something meaningful out of this church, that might weaken her reliance on her parents’ validation. To add insult to injury, you were focusing on your own emotions and not acting as audience with your parents’ feelings in the spotlight. To negate the threat, they quickly shifted into undermining.

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

Nice pic

@hopecowschickens

2 жыл бұрын

It is so damn jarring when, as a kid, you do something that you believe is a good thing only to have mom and/ or dad tease you for it later! Do wrong, get shamed. Do right, get shamed! Elly's parents, in my opinion, should have been happy or maybe even proud of their daughter for participating! As the oldest child and as a girl, her folks might have felt threatened by her experiencing independence. Some parents want their daughter to remain their little girl forever, all while parentifying the child at the same time. No wonder growing up is so fucking confusing!

@salvie777

2 жыл бұрын

Couldn’t have said it better, evangelical Christian parents usually hold a belief of having some sort of control or even type of ownership over their kids or their kids’ autonomy through faith, religion, god, the commandments, etc (even if subconsciously)

@DavidKing-qd3sp

Жыл бұрын

SDA's are not charismatic nor do they speak in tongues so she is confused about which church it was

@evaschroeder4614

Жыл бұрын

@@hopecowschickens this happened to me actually.

Elly, sometimes I feel like the only one. I'm Agnostic. It's the most honest position I can claim. Intellectually, I know Hell doesn't exist. However, I still fear it in some way. This is what early indoctrination does. I can't help it. I know that I "know better", but there are certain things that have been drilled into my brain from my years in the church. I feel so lucky that I married a wonderful man who completely understands me, and is self-aware enough to know that these strict patriarchal roles hurt men as well as women. During our 20+ years of marriage, I've done everything I can to foster his self-esteem, and he has done the same for me. I don't think we could thrive as well as we have if we weren't in an intentionally egalitarian relationship. Your videos are so vitally important. Christian Dominionism is on the horizon, and there are people in our government who openly support the idea of an American theocracy. Please don't stop getting your message out, in whatever way you can.

@grandstarstudiosFORMER-YT

2 жыл бұрын

HOPEFULLY THIS GOD OF THE FUNDIMENTAL UNIVERSE DID NOT MAKE HELL BECAUSE WERE A SPECIES THAT HE MADE AND IT MAKES NO SENSE TO MAKE A NIGHTMARE JUST FOR SOME "ISSUES" WE HAVE

@Topdoggie7

2 жыл бұрын

I want you to know, according to the Bible itself, hell is only made for Satan himself. No other being can go to hell besides Satan. The only one that can be in hell is one person, and he is already there.

@RowanWarren78

2 жыл бұрын

@@Topdoggie7 sounds lonely. I hope he has something to read.

@Topdoggie7

2 жыл бұрын

@@RowanWarren78 I hope you found comfort in the Hell in the Bible being locked off to humans.

I was educated in the Opus Dei, a fundamentalist catholic cult, and I’ve been wanting to share my experiences for years, but I’ve never dared. Finding your channel has been one of the most empowering and inspiring things I’ve encountered, and I thank you with every fiber of my being for it 🥺💖✨

@rosannarivero2863

Жыл бұрын

I think you have the makings of a podcast/ KZread channel.

I remember hearing a sermon about our personal responsibility to control our own dreams. The pastor said we have the ability and the responsibility to NOT have sex dreams. If we have them (or one, I suppose) we must repent and ask God to protect us from lust.

I am always so impressed by the rate and depth at which you have transformed your worldview, and your ability to then eloquently, compassionately, articulately and openly express your thoughts and experiences online. You have done so much hard work in such a small window of time. Your growth and commitment to that growth is so inspiring to me as an example. It motivates me to continue exploring my privilege and any blindspots I may not have addressed.

Pretty sure reading Song of Solomon for the first time when I was about eleven or twelve at camp while the group was supposed to be reading the first chapter of Isaiah, which was right after Song of Solomon, was part of my sexual awakening. I just remember being deeply struck by the description of the woman's body and how beautiful she was (and it still took me until well into my twenties to admit that I'm bi).

This channel is so considerate and compassionate and articulate and well thought out, it's honestly amazing and inspiring!

Thank you, for someone studying social psychology, your experience and they way you are candid about the process underlines how vulnerable we are to ideologies and how difficult changing social framework is.

I just recently found your page and have been binge watching your videos, and I feel like I'm learning so much. I'm Jewish, and I have 3 good friends who are/were evangelical Christians. One friend in particular is still an evangelical Christian, who is pretty big in the evangelical Christian/Liberty University world. I've spoken with her a lot about evangelicalism, especially it's antisemitism (my family was the first Jewish family she ever met, and she was in her 20s). I've learned so much from her and how open she's been. She is still Christian but has been deconstructing the harm her faith has caused (antisemitism, homophobia, colonization and murder etc, which was something she was never taught formally). I can say that it makes me incredibly uncomfortable as a human, as a Jew, when I see evangelical Christians appropriate Jewish scripture and culture because they think it brings them closer to Jesus (examples include wearing traditional Jewish prayer shawls and kippot, celebrating Passover because Jesus did, and pushing Messianic Christianity all while telling me that I need to convert or I'll die in the Apocalypse. They'll ask to attend Jewish events with me, celebrate Jewish holidays with my family, and then evangelize or tell me that "if only you were Christian."). Anyway, long story short I have found your videos really helpful and a true learning experience, and I appreciate you being open about your faith deconstruction. If you do have any questions about Judaism, I'd be happy to help lead you in the direction of trusted resources.

@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911

2 жыл бұрын

Open your bible and find the real Truth for yourself!! Jesus loves you

@pacemarshall9358

2 жыл бұрын

@@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911 Jesus died a Jew.

It is so difficult getting rid of the fear of hell even after you no longer believe, now I am actually angry and upset that as a child I was mentally abused by having the fear of hell instilled in me, and I am annoyed about children still having the anxiety of all this placed upon them

I just found your channel a few days ago. I’m binge watching and love how you present yourself. Thank you for your courage to put your journey on line. I was raised Catholic from birth till 18. At 18 I was saved in a Pentecostal church and was on fire for Jesus. My first significant relationship with a man was when I was 16 and he was 29. I am white and he is black. We were soul mates. At age 19 my Dad passed away from Kidney failure. I believed he was watching me and wouldn’t approve of my relationship so I broke it off and began dating a white man from church. At age 20 I married the white man in hopes of making my family proud. We are Italian. I tried to do what was expected to keep the family happy. We were both Pentecostal and my family was still catholic which made our wedding interesting. I shouldn’t have married him. Within 3 years my family disowned me and I divorced him. At age 23 I started talking again with the black man I truly loved. We got back together and have now been married for 23 years. We have a daughter together. Our daughter is a lesbian. She has many gay, bi, and trans friends. Through her coming out it made me question all my Christian beliefs. I stopped going to the Pentecostal church at 23 and have since attended a non denomination church. My daughter refuses to go to church. Over the years I have been really examining my beliefs vs how I was raised. I was raised in a narcissistic home and have trauma that I’m recovering from. Your videos are so refreshing and helpful as I work through finding my true self. At this time I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. But I no longer believe in hell and that Jesus is the only way to God. I believe there is so much more to this existence and where we will end up when we are done with these physical bodies. I have codependent issues with my Mom. I don’t feel like I will be free until she passes. I admire how you are able to set boundaries and live your life. I’m a work in progress. Keep sharing your stories as they are really helpful.

@juans9515

Жыл бұрын

Without hell where will justice happen?

Seriously you have helped me so much through your story. Keep them coming!!! 🥰🌸🌺

Hey Elly! I always look forward to your videos. You have such a valuable voice on these topics.

@ExFundieDiaries

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! :)

My 14 year old daughter is bi. When she was about 9, she asked me what it meant if a girl had a crush on a girl. I said, that means she is gay. Then my daughter asked me what about a girl who had crushes on boys and girls. I told her, then they’re bisexual. She then said, “oh ok! Then I’m bisexual!” I’m so glad it was that easy for her. I can’t imagine her going through some of the hell ppl my age went through, lgbt or not. Edit: Nova is beautiful.

@trunkage

2 жыл бұрын

I was joking about boyfriends and girlfriends with my 8 year old daughter She stated that at school, you aren't allowed to tell other people if they like boys or girls. You choose that whether you liked girls or boys. It wasn't from their teachers, it was what they decided to make up in the playground I haven't played that game with her since

@sannh

2 жыл бұрын

At 9 she would be experiencing biromanticism, not bisexuality. In some people, their romantic orientation does not match the sexual orientation (split attraction model), so sexual orientation cannot be treated as an umbrella for romantic orientation.

@daniiiakasha4711

2 жыл бұрын

@@sannh I have no idea what you’re talking about, but she’s 14 now and definitely bisexual

@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911

2 жыл бұрын

Repent to Jesus while you still have a chance!! Read your bible.

@DarkFleurofIra

2 жыл бұрын

@@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911 Nope

the joy I felt seeing a new hour long video from you 🥺🥰 recently found your channel binged all your vids and almost wish I hadn’t found it yet because I wish I could continue watching them at the same rate. love hearing your thoughts and about your experiences 💛💛

This "Biblical Manhood" idea and the Bel Hooks quote really explain a lot! We have got to talk about this more. I think it contributes to gun violence in the US.

All of your experiences make you the wonderful person you are today. The fact you can talk about your experiences and integrate them into the woman you are today speaks volumes. We are listening, please keep talking ❤

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your perspective 💗

Going to comment before i watch it- so excited that you uploaded!!!

I'm so glad I found your channel! I've been binging all of your videos! Thank you so much for your honesty and openness!

Your commentary is always both well thought out and emotionally aware. I always learn something when I watch your videos. Thanks for being so open and honest.

when i first started watching your videos, i just assumed you were one of the bigger creators! i love your videos so much and i have been showing all of my friends 🥰 my fiancé grew up in an abusive christian home and so did many of my friends, and i didn’t have that experience, so i try to educate myself as best as i possibly can so i can better support them. you really inspire me in your growth and honesty. thank you for what you do!

I yelled, "YEAH!" when you mentioned the By The Book podcast. That's one of my top podcasts for comfort and laughs, and I deeply appreciate how they test drive self-help books. I especially loved the historical season and every time Dr. Trish Travis would weigh in.

you are so well spoken! i enjoy your videos so much, keep up the good work 💖

I love how you link so many interesting and useful things in the description!

oh Elly, I just love your mind, and appreciate SO much what you are doing on this channel! I so admire your courage and celebrate your journey that you share so generously with us! though listening to these videos can be heavy and 'take me down' for a while, I also feel buoyed up from all this deconstructing and naming (and thus dis-empowering) what was so oppressive.... former 'MK' here, saying 'thank you'!

Your mention of how cis men are harmed by all of this spoke to me and I appreciate that so much

Elly, thanks so much for your openness and insight. I just binged all your videos in less than a week! I also grew up chistian fundamentalist and homeschooled, and can relate to so much of your experience. I've been doing some very slow deconstruction on specific topics over the last decade, but have recently decided that I need to take a deep look at all of my beliefs. It's quite daunting, and really scary, but your story is is giving me courage to push through.

Thank you for sharing. I am new to your channel but astonished at how much I relate to your experiences. It makes me feel a kind of joy and relief to know I am not the only one.

Your comments about how strictly controlled was your reading, struck me that the fundamentalist efforts currently to ban books seems like an attempt to home school the country.

The part of your videos that most drew me in to your content is the going through your journals and giving commentary on them.

I have been really enjoying your videos as I work through my own deconstruction, but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate that you include a visual description in your descriptions. As a person who is visually impaired with a totally blind sister and friends who are everywhere on the visual spectrum I just wanted to say thank you for making your videos so inclusive. 💕

Are your thoughts always THIS organized? I love how well spoken you are!

Reminds me of a time when someone asked me why I never read Harry Potter. I could have snuck the book home or found it online (something I discovered later on) but it was also the element of control. I didn’t want to get into trouble or be a disappointment. Books are power. I’m so happy that upcoming generations will have access to it as technology becomes available to a wider audience. I read the Harry Potter series at the start of the pandemic and it was beautiful how it remained a reminder of how far I had come.

Thank you for the recommendation for the Sleepy Bookshelf Podcast. I'm always looking for good sleepy stories, and this one looks great. I tried the first podcast of Pride and Prejudice last night. I admit, part of me wanted to stay up and continue listening, but I did fall asleep. The French Whisperer is my favorite You Tuber for sleepy stories; he also does a lot of science and history along with myths and legends of different cultures.

Thank you so much for making videos! You are such an example for me, I am smiling every time I see your videos. You are so strong and brave talking back your life and it's helping my depression and self doubt so so so much. My mother was abusive without religious excuse. Many of your stories remind my childhood so much. And you are so kind and vulnerable explaining how you felt and how you feel now.. it's validating beyond words. Thank you!

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

Are you Indian?

Thank you for making these videos. I had a similar childhood experience, and I'm still working every day to try to be a normal person and to learn who I really am and to change the way I was trained to think. I'm an extreme people pleaser (probably because of unconditional obedience literally being beat into me), to the point that it affects my daily life and my ability to participate in society. I find your videos to be very helpful in trying to untangle the cluster fuck in my mind.

You're so cool! I relate to a lot of what you say. I grew up non religious, and have a a lot of respect for the journey you've had to get to this point. Keep up the great work!

@ExFundieDiaries

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Your videos are helping me deconstruct, and your voice is soothing so I sometimes watch your videos to fall asleep too! Hehe!

@ExFundieDiaries

2 жыл бұрын

Lol, thank you! Glad I can help :)

And I forgot to say, your topics are always well researched.

I can really relate to your experience of your parents making fun of you. Mine used to do that to me all of the time. To this day, I am terrified of being made fun of so I often keep myself from saying or doing things I want to for fear of being made fun of.

You answered my question!! You are so thoughtful and smart… it’s a joy to watch you. I hope your channel spreads far and wide! I loved what you said about the library… I really relate to that… i still love libraries too! 😊 can’t wait for your next vid Ps: Nova is such a good boi

@ExFundieDiaries

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!! That's so kind :)

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

You a fundi - bi also

So much of your story resonates so deeply. I used to speed read books in the library that I wasn’t allowed to read while standing in the aisle lol. I became a VERY fast reader bc of it so SILVER LININGS i guess

Your story about feeling more free when you renounced the concept of "Hell" was very relatable for me. I did it at about age 12 or 13. I was going to a Baptist church in my neighborhood (my friend's church) and heard a scary sermon about Jews burning in Hell since they didn't believe Jesus was the messiah. (The Methodist church we went to sporadically did not talk like that.) Since I had a number of new friends that year who were Jewish, I was very upset. They and their families were such great people! I asked myself, "If Jesus was such a good guy, why would he care who worships him? Is his ego really that fragile? Doesn't he just want you to be a good and caring person for its own sake?" I then went to a Catholic church for another friend's father and heard a horribly scary and inappropriate sermon about how her dad was burning in everlasting hellfire because he took his own life. I went to synagogue with a Jewish friend and asked if people there believed in Hell. The Rabbi basically said, "Heaven and Hell are metaphors. You have free will, and your choices in life can result in experiencing Heaven or Hell right here on Earth. Choose wisely if you want your life to be as fulfilling and meaningful as possible." That was the conversation that made me a Jew. 40 years later, I have no regrets. I have to think that if Jesus of Nazareth was really still alive, he'd come down and put a stop to anyone using his name to teach such horrible things to innocent little children. According to reports, he was a very good Jew. ;-)

This is exactly the kind of channel I was looking for at this time last year. I ended up resonating a lot with Jo Beckwith, from Footless Jo. While she didn't have the exact same fundamental background, her videos on purity culture and the awkwardness of your deconstruction on your relationships were some of the first I saw that vocalize thoughts I didn't even realize I had. Thanks for sharing. I am 100% certain others are looking for this, too. - A bisexual, deconstructed, former homeschooled kid who is married to the deconstructed son of an AFR employee. (Algorithms are really good these days, aren't they? 😅)

52:09 WE STAN NOVA! GIVE US MORE NOVA! 🤣🐕 Wonderful video - you make US feel less alone as well! Overcoming trauma is hard - but worthwhile - work!

I’m glad you talked about the concept of biblical manhood. As a closeted trans woman who got rapped up in these things at one time I remember feeling very ashamed of my emotions. I feel like I did a bit of harm to myself trying to suppress so much to fit in.

Love this video and your channel, I can relate to it in SO many ways- very close relationship with my much younger sibling and both of us turning out gay, the religious trauma and shame from being the oldest daughter attending a fundamentalist church. I also spent my childhood constantly journaling and looking back I can really see how my brain was jumping through hoops trying to be a “good Christian” while being queer and having a high sex drive as a 10-14 year old. Not to mention all the emotional and physical abuse I went through that my younger siblings didn’t, partly because of how I “convinced” my parents not to be so harsh. Watching your videos about that really brought back those memories, very bittersweet in how I was able to help my siblings but remembering how much I had to endure as a kid. Hearing you talk about the self-help resources at the end of this video, for some reason that was what made me break down crying, maybe cause I didn’t realize those were self-care? I fully stand by all of your suggestions, can confirm they are extremely healing. As is this channel!! I’ve been watching your videos every day for the past month or so and I wish you the absolute best going forward. We can do it!!

Your book reading and library experiences were painfully relatable

Elly, I really appreciate you sharing your story with us. My mom was fundie-strict but my dad wasn't a believer so my upbringing wasn't nearly as strict as yours and I went to public school. Me and one other girl had strict parents so we became allies to each other because we were picked-on constantly by the 'normal' kids. I understand the loneliness you experienced even though I was around other kids, none of them were friends. I imagine if you had gone to public school there's a good chance you still would've been lonely. And an outcast. I'm so glad to see you're healing and trusting us to share your experiences. I'm bi too, raised that not being straight was bad and wrong. So glad I found your channel cuz I relate to many of your stories of your upbringing. You're not alone! And I'm not either; such a relief! Thanks for sharing! 💚

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

Farm girl?

@hopecowschickens

2 жыл бұрын

@@quiricomazarin476 I lived on a sort-of commune as a young adult. As an introvert, I loved the animals, especially the chickens. 🐓🐔

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

@@hopecowschickens Thx for responding. I'm a bit of an introvert myself. Grew up in a big metropolitan/cosmopolitan city. As a very young child used to visit relatives & their country home; with a farm across the road which was so pleasant ( except for the horse tossing me ). I went to a parochial school system. Did not know what a "fundie" was till I came across your messages through the other girl(s).

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

@@hopecowschickens Yes the life of a cock with his chicken harem..... Original alarm clock ⏰ the cock 🐓 . Usually girls have horses on the top of their list...do you know how to ride horses?

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

@@hopecowschickens Sorry if I asked a few things.....just curious.. Hope you are still in contact with your family.

I like how you shared about your parents making fun of you for doing a spiritual thing. I have experienced this when I was being authentic in my spiritual life that other “spiritual or religious” people would discourage me or seem jealous or afraid when I expressed my spirituality.

I recently came out to my husband as bi, as well as a few close friends. I am afraid to tell most family members, as the majority are judgemental. Especially my dad and my step mom, they are very judgemental towards anything they see as not Christian. I feel I will never be able to tell them. You're videos have helped me feel ok with who I am, I look forward to you're videos.

Thank you for answering my question about church camp! I attended church camp all throughout my childhood, including my teen years when my parents were counselors. At my particular church camp, they separated the teenagers from the rest of the group and made them take a very long and grueling mountain hike to a secluded spot where we would camp rough for an entire week (and by "rough," I mean we had to dig latrines) before returning to camp for the final night. It's so interesting you said that about your parents teasing you about coming forward during an altar call: My parents were similar. In fact, the ONLY time it seemed cool with them to respond to an altar call AT THEIR OWN CHURCH was during Camp Week. But, they were very stoic people, and outward bursts of emotion ESPECIALLY by the girl-children were pretty frowned-upon. Also, I remember the video about your bisexuality which you've since deleted. You mentioned Anne Shirley and Diana Berry's friendship. Dude. I DEVOURED those books over and over again as a kid, and...well, you were not wrong about their "bosom friendship." I am also bi, and that friendship was GOALS for me. Wonder why!

@justachonkyspider

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah and there used to be a Canadian show I think it was called "Emily of New Moon" .....oh my god it gave my soooo much Anne of Green Gables vibes.....it's a good thing my mother is an exercise addict and would be out for a run while the show was on in the morning....lol I called it "my soap opera" 😅 because the drama and tea on that show 🍵..... I thought it was for kids but one of the characters had some premarital fun.....(it was heavily implied not actually shown) and a lot of times the girls behaved like they did in AoGG soooo that made it nice 😄 I'd be so secretive about not letting anyone catch me watching that show.....my dad would have made so much fun of me 😅 .....and banned me from watching it cuz they did something like a seance in one episode to talk to the ghost in the attic....

I really relate to your experience coming out to your mom. I’ve had the painful coming out talk with my conservative Christian parents time and time again, and they still react with surprise when they don’t entirely shut down and cut off the conversation. It’s so frustrating and hurtful to have to go through the anxiety and trepidation of having that conversation multiple times and not knowing when I’ll have to bring it up again.

Love the Channel. Keep it up. I always come here for Sanity.

How wonderfull you have now so a supportive network of friends and family Ellie. And you broke the chain of lonelyness from your childhood.

Watching your videos is so uniquely healing as a survivor of religious abuse. You talk about things that I didn't know anyone else went through and seeing how close you are with your sibling(Annie, they are what I wish my siblings were like, unfortunately my narcissist mother turned them into vile vile women), how open you are about the sexual shame. Thank you for your videos and your openness.

This is so random and unrelated to the content of this (wonderful, as always) video, but my roommate overheard me watching this and asked if I was listening to myself, and now I cannot unhear it! You sound exactly like I sound when giving a presentation, down the the cadence and everything. So funny and I'm also a bisexual gender queer person hahahah

@shoesofbilliejoe

2 жыл бұрын

and I'm an agnostic atheist who's very literal 😂

Thank you for your videos, they give perspective to a lifestyle I have no experence of. I live in North Europe and come from a very liberal, non-religious family. I have had trauma in my life that has been partly caused by "over-liberal" (I don't know how else to call it) values of society which, in my opinion, made my parents make choices/ raise me in a way that was not always good for me or safe. So my experience was somehow maybe opposite to yours, but the end result, trauma, deppression & anxiety is the same. Because of my experiences have come to think that there is also something good in conservative or traditional christian values, since our society in general has become so unethical and borderless. But your videos are an important reminder that conservative values (and almost anything) taken to extremes is really, really not a good idea. Thank you for your thoughts and I wish you all the best & healing!

@augustevarkalaite321

2 жыл бұрын

Can you expand on what were the points of your overly liberal upbringing that has caused damage?

When you talked about no longer believing in hell but still catching yourself being scared of it sometimes... I felt that.

@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911

2 жыл бұрын

be scared of the one who can put you there. Hell was originally made for Satan and demons. Read the bible for yourself and when Jesus Christ knocks, please open the door and let Him in!

I am so glad I found your channel. You've put into words so many of my childhood experiences with the churches I attended, and why I felt so repulsed by the whole thing. When I tell people about it they just look at me like I'm nuts, like that world view is so alien to them, but it is very common where I'm from. I was never 'inside' the church, I was always outside of it for many reasons. But you've really helped me see where things still hurt and why. So thank you! Thoughts on the Christian-centered trauma... yeah. Many of my atheist friends can't understand that no, not all religions are like that, and the things they are railing against in "organized religions" are specifically Christian oriented. The curriculum I opted for for the kid (we are secular homeschoolers) was highly recommended in the secular homeschooling groups as academically rigorous (it is), but it has A LOT of religion in it, but only offers warnings for Christian oriented religious content. I was upset about that at first, but then I realized that the developer is probably dealing with a lot of Brick Bible trauma, and also may not see other religions as "real" and therefore not a triggering content. I talked it over with the kid and since he's cool with discussing religions we just do it as part of sociology & culture. I really liked the gnostic/agnostic diagram. Doggo! If you are not familiar with The Green Bean podcast, check out her video formatting. It's an arts & crafting channel, but she uses video clips of walks with her dog to break up the segments; it's very cute and gives people a break from some heavier topics that she discusses.

@auroraasleep

2 жыл бұрын

I have chronic nightmares too. It has gotten bad enough in the last few years that I sleep with a light on and the t-v on so that I can ground myself in reality just by opening my eyes. My go-tos there are fishing shows (silly, right? I don't even like fishing), and cooking shows.

I love that you talked about ACES. Former Fundie here, enjoying your channel!

Hi! I love hearing your story, and the ways you have grown over the years. It’s honestly really inspirational. I am an agnostic, reform, Jew. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out as I would love to chat about Judaism agnosticism, and everything surrounding religious beliefs in general.

What if your book was you making corrections to your old journal. A sort of “if I knew then, what I know now” sort of deal. I would love that! Your humility and honesty is what makes everyone feel acceptance. If you could ‘speak’ that through a living voice to your younger you I think it would be very appealing. Also I think your research/connections to other sources is extremely helpful and could also be a part of your work ❤️♥️❤️

You are a wonderful storyteller. I am ex-catholic, but I really relate to many of your feelings and stories. Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you!

Have you heard of I Pray You Throw this Journal Away? It's a podcast where the host shares some of his journal entries. Thank you for the work you're doing. This channel has been such an great education and support.

Your life needs to be a Netflix miniseries!! You said once that you used to wish that you had a better “testimony” about becoming a Christian instead of just being raised a Christian. Well I can relate to much of your fundie upbringing but wow, at every turn your story one-ups mine. You’ve got an amazing “testimony.” 😅 It’s incredible how well documented your life is. Listening to you talks rehashes stuff I went through, so umm… thanks? Haha. Sometimes I can get triggered by the Christian jargon, but mostly I am just relieved that I am now able to think for myself and live my life. Seriously, with the growing amount of people that are deconstructing their religion these days, your movie would be a hit! KEEP POSTING!✌🏼

Hi, ive just found your channel. Thankyou for all your work. I would love to know your thoughts on the recent Hillsong doc? Take care.

i would totally read your book ♥️

Yes. Please add your very cute dog in more of your videos! I have a Golden Retriever and a Black Lab/Great Pyrenees mix rescue. Dogs are the best!

I watched the Montero music video on loop for aaaaages when it first came out. Its definitely very cathartic and healing to watch for me, another bisexual person with religious trauma.

@quiricomazarin476

2 жыл бұрын

Nice smile

Fantastic. Hearing about how books were restricted for you is so shocking to me. I grew up Catholic and my parents were from northern rural Canada, but everyone in my family were engineers, and teachers, and nurse's. My parents room was floor to ceiling books. I have dyslexia and couldn't really read till 3rd grade, but by 5th grade I was reading 300 page romance novels by Karralyne Sparks! And it was a racy romance about vampires who were Catholic. Honestly she's still my favorite author to this day and I own all her books. But definitely an 18+ novel, but that book helped me realize what normal intimate love was supposed to be and I realized that I was experiencing abuse from my brother's friend. I never told my parents to this day 20 years latter, but that book changed my life even though it's a cheesy fictional novel that really has little intellectual value compared to other books. It helped me love reading and take the challenge, and changed my life. I'm so sorry you had such an unfair childhood and experience with books being withheld. Though I probably wouldn't encourage my kids to read age inappropriate content, I would talk to my kids more about important things like what autonomy is and sex and concent to prevent anything like 'games' happening to them.

I think this might be a more unusual order of events, but I got over my transphobia before my homophobia. All it really took was meeting a trans guy who wasn't in the best living situation at home. I just related way to much with him. At the time, I was literally an evangelical guy who preferred a more feminine presentation.

i am also bi. i was (and still) also raised in a fundamentalist environment (not christian)..but it was not as limited or cult-ish (as you name it) as your story. you really had to go through a lot and you deserve credit in your journey. i am now 17 and i started reconstructing what i think since 13, "rebelling" as you described before, all gradually but with steady steps. not leaving the religion itself, but leaving the harmful messages about others about yourself, and the lack of thinking for yourself, etc etc. your channel has been very relatable to me in probably most of what it says. i found your bisexuality related videos very relatable. starting from the dreams you had, to how you thought you're not bi because of bi erasure and thought it's just friendship or admiration. (I thankfully never had internalized homophobia or shut down my thoughts and im grateful for all that lead me to that) i wanted to say that i just found from your channel the correct description for why i didn't know I'm bi way earlier. i came out to myself at 15 (closer to 16). but I've been showing obvious bi signs and attraction to both girls and guys since forever. even having romantic crushes on girls as a little kid like you also said. i always described it as "i didn't know I'm bi earlier because I'm in a society that is too heteronormative/ties everything with heterosexuality" but i think the better way to say it is bi erasure. the idea that your attraction to girls is just a friend thing or admiration thing and convincing yourself it is when it isn't. so I'm grateful for this little detail in describing :) and for "straight passing" argument, this title always made me uncomfortable. being bi in a opposite-gender-presenting relationship is NOWHERE close to straight privilege even during that relationship alone. the erasure, as you said, is not a privilege. assuming that the people are straight and totally erasing that part of their identity is not a small or trivial thing. and that's not the only thing that can be mentioned. i totally prefer how you described it right now in this video and would agree with it, more than the description you gave to it in that deleted video and lastly I'd like to say i like your channel and thank you for sharing your stories

Shout out to Savvy! So glad you mentioned her.

As someone who works in a library, I hope that it can be an oasis to people in difficult situations...it hurts to hear how controlling your mother was and I'm glad you're no longer in that situation.

Hey Elly, So I grew up in a conservative Pentecostal household and eventually left the church when I came out to my parents as a gay man. I eventually did come back to religion, which ended up being a super progressive, inclusive, LGBTQ+ Jewish community. It’s been a wild ride, and I still have issues with my very conservative Pentecostal family. So if you ever want to talk about Judaism from someone who has a somewhat similar experience growing up, I’d be more than happy to discuss. Very sincerely, Sean

You're like the best big sister creator ever

Can you do a longer deep dive on your Awana experience in your next Q&A? I am specifically curious about a few things because Awana was a pivotal socializing experience for me as well growing up homeschooled. Do you remember the Awana theme song? If you do and your Awana sang it revisit how creepy and uh unfortunate the lyrics sound. The fact that we sang “Hail AWANA, on the March for youth!!”. Ok also did your Awana have a store where you could spend your memory verse money lol? And did you ever attend the AWANA Olympics in your state? Or any of the quiz bowl style competitions? I already know you never got to go to an AWANA camp as a teenager. Because your parents wouldn’t allow overnight camps. Which is a shame because it was a very very PG and Christian camp experience, but I have some fond memories of camp crushes. Many of my friends had parents that sound similar to yours. So I can relate to your life in many ways. My mom was strict about the evils of the world in a lot of ways, but she relentlessly socialized us to an extent that I think caused me a lot of social anxiety to this day being the weird homeschool girl at all these activities and sports teams. And I wasn’t really allowed to say no to anything I didn’t enjoy doing. Which sucked when things got cliquey in the middle school era. Especially because I was embarrassed often by not understanding the pop culture references. Anyway. I loved AWANA because it was a mix of homeschooled and public schooled kids so I always knew everyone. The group was fun and I got to introduce some of my homeschooled buds around. I love hearing that it was kind of a core group and life experience for you as well.

I loved your description of agnostic vs atheist. I consider myself an agnostic theist. I didn't choose to become agnostic, but I have chosen to be theist, just because I want it to be true. I make no claims to have evidence on that one and I may change my mind as I distance myself from my religious background.

I'm a mostly closeted (my husband and two close friends know) bisexual woman and I had the opposite reaction to the bisexual representation on Jane the Virgin. I saw pointing out Jane's biphobia and then Adam telling her that's not how it works as pretty affirming. I also totally appreciated Petra's storyline as a late bloomer bisexual as affirming as well since I didn't come to realize I was bi until much later in life. Interesting we had different take aways. Love your channel! Thanks for everything you talk about here.

Hello, may I ask if you could elaborate in a video about how being bisexual influence your life as a woman married with a man? I am clueless and interested to learn. Thank you for sharing your upbringing and life with us.

If you ever decide to write a book, I would totally pre-order. Thanks for taking the time to answer all these questions. You’re fantastic!

@ExFundieDiaries

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!!

I was raised in a very lax, Italian American Catholic family. By that I mean regular church attendance was not part of my life once I was old enough to decide for myself, and my parents made efforts to expose me to other religious thoughts and beliefs. My grandmother who passes away last Thanksgiving no longer identified as Catholic. The majority of my close family is Democrat and progressive. And yet, as a Bisexual cis woman married to a cis-het man, my bisexuality is often erased and ignored. I've had family members claim I'm not bisexual because I haven't had a sexual relationship with a woman. I've been Unicorn Hunted by former acquaintances and strangers alike. It's all very frustrating, but I do feel that, since my relationship is read as straight (new terminology I found here in the comments) I avoid a lot of bigotry I might otherwise face. It's a double-edged sword, for certain, being bi. Honestly, the only good bi representation I can think of in media off the top of my head is Daryl Whitefeather from Crazy Ex Girlfriend.

I was nine, almost ten, when I got baptized and I spent so much of my teen life considering re-dedicating my life to God, but I was too anxious to do it. Nowadays I'm glad I didn't and I wish I'd been able to form more of my own opinions on God

Oh, fun! I've always referred to myself as agnostic. But it's cool to have a more specific term - agnostic theist. Bc I'm like "If god exists - good for her. If there's no god - whatever?"

You have anxiety because you have been traumatized. I remember crying at night and worrying about it too. Im very spiritual and believe that you are too. You can always be moral and good without religion. One of my favorite quotes is " we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." I have trauma from going to a Catholic school and I was raised as an Episcopalian. I was not allowed to be baptized as a catholic because my mother had divorced her first husband and remarried my father. I am now an atheist. I do however believe in an afterlife. By the way you really touched my heart ❤. You remind me of my best friend from childhood. She unfortunately married an evangelical minister and now only tries to "save my soul". Thank you for sharing your insight about this subject. At least my mother always encouraged me to learn about other religions and believes in science.

Lol omg, I was raised seventh day Adventist, and how funny that I can relate to so much of your experiences and yet still know that you are 100% correct that 12 year old me would definitely have thought it was her job to make you the "right kind of christian".. I actually managed to alienate one of my church camp friends this way .. it's pretty sad honestly. Edit: wow... So I got super excited when you mentioned SDA and paused to comment... And I would like to specify that there is a lot of variation in the SDA faith and church services will generally be flavored by the both the pastor's style and the congregations cultural leaning. I got to pick which church I wanted to attend when I hit about 6th grade and went to a more charismatic church than my parents but I've never heard of speaking in tongues being part of our faith.. that's wild to me..

@LavenderBeeHoneyTea

2 жыл бұрын

Yo! I was also raised Seventh Day Adventist and when she mentioned speaking in tongues I did a double take. Maybe it depends on the location but most Adventist I know heavily frown upon it. Also, glad to see another former SDA kid in the comments lol

@InThisEssayIWill...

2 жыл бұрын

@@LavenderBeeHoneyTea *insert spiderman meme here* 😮👉👉👈👈😮 I asked my husband about it and he confirmed that he had heard of it in churches down here. I live in the south now but I was raised on the east coast and could not imagine seeing a spectacle like that during service.

Dude the stuff you talk about at 35:00 … hits home. I have only one friend that I feel comfortable being out to because they too are very knowledgable about gender and told me about bi erasure and comphet, it's been so eye opening for me. I don't have a child yet and I don't know if I ever will, I love my husband and I'm grateful for all the male partners I've been with, but becoming comfortable with my bisexuality *after* I got married sometimes makes me yearn for the memories I never got to make. (Polyamory is not an option for us.) Most people I know, including the important parts of my family, would probably not have an issue with it, but I'm sure they'd just 'forget' or act like me being bi is not a thing. It also doesn't help that I live in Japan, where LGBTQ issues are still not very progressed.

I have the same feeling about the library! My parents were older and therefore too tired to enforce a lot of their wishes about what I read, especially because I had nothing else to do and read constantly. There were certain books that they knew about already and were officially on the No list, like Harry Potter, but apart from that, my mother would just ask me about each of the books I had checked out and trusted my summary of what they were about. I was always careful to avoid her trigger words (magic, demons, dark forces, romance, etc) and it's really remarkable what I was able to get away with reading. But we also only had dial-up until 2010, so the library was a chance to use high speed internet and actually go on facebook, use instant messenger, and play neopets. Looking back I can see how starved for social interaction I was. Having a trip to the library canceled was absolutely devastating for me.

Agnostic/bisexual here. Yes!!! I was just talking to my mom (I've mentioned that she's a Christian, but she's affirming and open-minded) about the expression "hate the sin, love the sinner". I said to her, that is seems so condescending and false. She thought about it, and agreed. I have to give her credit. Ive been able to watch her evolve throughout my life, from a very conservative Christian who was full of self-righteous judgment, to a woman who questions everything and is accepting of people she previously viewed to be subversive. Also, what you said about being bisexual and the perceptions of others is spot on and so personal for me as a bi cis married woman. So many people think that because I'm married to a man, I'm not bisexual anymore. I have to tell you, being the B in LGBTQ+, is tantamount to being the redheaded step-child. I will say that I most likely have an easier time than your average gay male. I don't have to answer some of the awkward questions that many gay people are asked because most people assume I'm straight. You are so right when you refer to "fitting into societal norms". I will say that I've seen some bi representation in recent popular media. I am trying to be hopeful.

@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911

2 жыл бұрын

Read the bible for yourself! Jesus Christ is Lord, and every knee will bow and every tongue will confess this one day. I hope you repent before its too late

@RowanWarren78

2 жыл бұрын

@@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911 you assume I'm an atheist in need of saving. There's that self-righteousness again. Furthermore, I have read the Bible, in it's entirety. I've worked with several Christian organizations that perform the charitable work I do with other outreach facilities in the City I live in. What good works do you do besides being a judgmental hypocrite?

I was waiting for her to talk about SOS

Restriction of knowledge was a huge part of my upbringing too. We were supposed to be apart from the world. Once my mom told me I shouldn't be reading so many books, but just reading the Bible.

@6:10 "mommy what does it mean when it says 'their emissions were like that of donkeys'"