Full podcast episode: kzread.info/dash/bejne/m46GxKZwoZTUXbg.html Lex Fridman podcast channel: kzread.info Guest bio: John Danaher is one of the greatest coaches and minds in martial arts history.

John Danaher is the life coach we didn’t know we needed

@goosemcgee6247

Жыл бұрын

so true

@jasonazyu9677

Жыл бұрын

For a sec...I read Jeffrey Dahmer

@xJoeKing

Жыл бұрын

He needs his own podcast.

So true….. Confidence is the result of repetitively showing yourself you are capable of what you are intending in that moment, and the intention being attainable and incrementally increasing. This is also why cold showers, cold plunges, and hard workouts increase your “confidence” in other areas. You have trained your brain that you do the hard stuff easily, upon intention, or without hesitation. This is also why, many times, when people set a goal too large or too sudden, their motivation runs out without the habit formed. Measured incremental success or achievement works. Love your show!

@willthomas7666

Жыл бұрын

Yup

@ebsss100

Жыл бұрын

Amen

@dangallagher6176

Жыл бұрын

Playing devil's advocate, I'd disagree somewhat with the cold showers statement. From my personal experience I find my confidence in a new domain is proportional to how RELEVANT my skills are. An example being that cold showers will make you more confident running a race on a cold rainy night, but they won't help you at all with talking to that hot girl at a house party

@ronswanson1410

Жыл бұрын

Incorrect. It's being able to have the preparation to show for the skills and the ability to not be overstimulated and have performance anxiety in the moment. Danaher solves for one of these problems, but gives anecdotal advice at best. That's why medicine and psychology is hard and not easy... It's not about solutions helping you, it's about a diagnostic approach to helping EVERYONE with different solutions depending on the nuance of the situation.

@rumckinley

Жыл бұрын

@@ronswanson1410 I’m not clear what’s incorrect?

Danaher's commitment to the rashie is simultaneously highly amusing and highly inspiring

@s0methingrarer

3 ай бұрын

Real life Guy Sensei

To those wishing to argue he’s wrong. The nuance is of how solid that confidence is when challenged, not to just have confidence. It’s like holding air in a balloon vs a gas tank.

@hellfire5738

Жыл бұрын

Nice one man. You definitely understood the video. I personally didn't look at it that way because what he was saying, like the words that came out of his mouth made sense to me. That simply confidence comes from physical results. But yeah you understood it more because you noticed the nuances. You have an interesting way of putting it. I learned something new, thanks. Good day.

I was a law enforcement officer for 28 years. I admit my confidence was much lower when I started contacting and interacting with suspects than it was later. Because, later, I had done it so many times, that I knew what they were going to do, and then what I was going to do in response to that, before it happened, just from what they saying and doing. I went from being really nervous during these encounters, to being so calm during them, that it started to worry me.

@loverofhumanity

Жыл бұрын

Aye man mad respect for the job you did. It's not an easy job. Being an officer takes a lot of balls that not many have.

@PedroThePortuguesePilot

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your service my guy!

@jakeyxjakey1

Жыл бұрын

thank you for your service

The amount to work these fighters do behind the scenes that people don't get to see gives these sports a different level of depth and appreciation.

I don't know about Sport Psychologists, but my reading of Clinical Psychologists is that they'd totally agree with Mr. Danaher here. Unease/nerves/fear starts in the nervous system and progresses to the limbic system rather than the other way around. It's the physical sensation of performing in a less familiar position; the first step is to accumulate experiences in those positions with positive outcomes.

@charlesliggett4467

Жыл бұрын

Nice phrase, "it's the physical sensation of performing in a less familiar position"

This is literally the premise of cognitive behavioural therapy. Belief systems are reinforced through the accumulation of real life evidence. So confidence is built up through stacking up real life reasons to feel confident, like the acquisition and mastery of new skills as this man describes. Psychologists aren’t wrong about this, motivational speakers are.

@stormspinner9000

Жыл бұрын

Yup positive feedback loops

@uncircumcisedcircus

8 ай бұрын

psychologists think men can become women and women can become men, there are much bigger issues with brain "doctors."

Absolutely correct. The physical repetition of a skill gives you the ability to execute which raises your confidence.

Just for Info of people here, sport confidence being a result of actuall applied sporting success, is actually acknowledged by modern sport psychologists as the main determinant of confidence these days. (I was taught this personally at university when studying Sport psychology) so I'm guessing danaher had mostly interacted with poor sport psychologists or people with outdated knowledge.

@Xraid32

Жыл бұрын

thank you

@will224488guy

Жыл бұрын

Well he's 55 and the preface for that was "all my life" so I wouldnt be surprised if those experiences are coming from 30+ years ago.

@maxcastaneiras6688

Жыл бұрын

yes!!

@josemanuelcaballero4912

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for saying that

@ahmet4146

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for saying that. What John said made perfect sense to me but it was also felt so true that it's impossible for an entire division of science to miss it and "play motivational nonsense videos"

One good thing about competition, is that typically you are signing up to be judged. Too often in life are we judged by people who aren’t judges, while also not performing.

The first and ONLY person I've heard this explained in a way I completely resonate with.

Thanks for the show. Now I can't say I felt this way each and every moment when I would be competing in say anything, when I was younger. You know men can be very competitive. But then I always tried to see the other person's needs, empathy. I'm a sport. Everyone is competitive by degree. But when you get older, you start to want to pass the torch. You know that we are, in this all together. You want to help and teach whatever process.

Confidence is built upon an experience of success. Confidence breeds success and success breeds confidence.

I wonder how confident Mr. Danaher would be without a rash guard.

The way I say it is “confidence comes from competence.” Or also “when a stress enters your life, you don’t rise to the occasion. You lower down to your training.”

So good to hear a qualified person say this. I've always felt this way

I had to share this with my kids, such a a set of true principles for life here.

Alan Watts said something similar. He said skills were the key to happiness. You can have all the money in the world, but you won’t enjoy your nice new expensive sail boat… unless you can sail it.

Great insights. But one thing I'll say about opponents in competition being tougher than opponents in training, they can be. Thing is, people want to be recognized by people. The element of a public competition, therefore public recognition, can create another level of drive, determination. It's actually amazing the influence that others observing us has on us.

@rondennis5120

Жыл бұрын

True. When you have finally found that part of yourself which is ultimately you. What this go around, what this one life of many, has been training you for. At least one thinks they are there, and it could for sure if all, partly, but then I have learned this too, it, life is a continuum and you might think you are finally there. Don't with despair. Everyone is a genius. And sometimes we might not be because your are still partly here. You know what I mean. But then back to we think we are finally there. We have found our favorite brand of apple, and favorite part of the year and day to enjoy the apple. I agree with you. There is nothing like perhaps the competition of others because we could have never been. Had it not been for others of before. The competition is great. Thank you for your comment. It is wonderful once we all start to learn the process. The you in all of us.

I doubt any real sports psychologist of the past 20-30 years would argue against preparation and execution of high level of physical performance and improvement being the main source of increased confidence in athletes. The mental part of it is largely about learning and using methods to improve focus (like recognizing and immediately disproving irrational ANTs - "automatic negative thoughts", which in time will reduce the prevalence and negative effect of ANTs). Higher level of focus increases the chance of high level execution and thus high level performance (and increased confidence).

Confidence comes from competence.

Confidence is a measure of how little you doubt yourself. You can have high confidence in some areas and low confidence in others. By proving yourself you are capable, surmounting challenges in each area is what boosts your overall confidence

I completely agree with Danaher and have thought this for a while. Even Tysons mentor Cus D’amato used to say “success breeds confidence and confidence breeds success”

To have confidence, you must have belief in yourself. That belief will come from you and no one else. The spark that will keep you going and practicing will be your belief in yourself. And when you realize you are getting better and better, that's when confidence comes in. Confidence is a mental state that requires both effort from you and the external results that you put out. It is like self-esteem, because you can't exactly admire yourself if there is nothing to admire. That's what the video made me think about. I learned something new. Thanks Lex Clips, and keep the good content come!

I agree with this and I think it applies to many other areas of life.

So intelligent thoughts. Great coach

I remember during the pandemic of 2020 I was without a job but had money from the government to stay home. I thought I'd do some research on getting a job in architectural 3d modeling. I started feeling deeply depressed because I had no confidence in my ability to get a job in the field.... But something happened within me, I wanted actual confidence. So for the rest of that year, I got up every morning, did 30 minutes of yoga, then took some online classes on 3d modeling. At first I wanted to give up, but the added exercise of yoga kind of eliminated my give up mentality and I also gave up drinking. Now it is 2024 and I have 3d modeled almost every single day, and the abilities I have gained have forever solidified confidence in myself and what I am capable of. It is true that if you put the work in to what ever drives your passion, you will be able to live a successful and wonderful life.

"Work ethic eliminates fear" Michael Jordan

This is so true on so many levels. But I will say there's certainly many people horrific at things but still very confident 🤣

I believe what he is describing is called self efficacy, which is a very well established theory in psychology

Self efficacy is an underrated psych theory by Albert Bandura and is what Danaher is doing.

I have always believed in this and that guy came to prove this as an experienced fighter

Great advice 😯

Be prepared. Practice makes perfect. Simple statements that apply to almost everything.

But you still can't say there's no place for sports psychology. It's huge. Maybe they just need to figure out the psychology better. But to disregard it completely is not good

Preach it. Finally someone speaking fact out loud.

This was like a firework going off in my head. Doing sports when I was a kid but never being that good, I had so many experiences trying to hype myself up and magically go "you can do this" and then eating shit...but at a certain point I realized while practicing an instrument for a live performance that what i needed was just knowing the movements by habit and being able to do it tired, drunk, in front of a crowd, eyes closed, just do it on command. Applying that to BJJ I'm now way more confident in actual things I can do and sensibly unconfident in things I don't know lol

Spiritual connection, spiritual confidence can give you the greatest strength. It’s not always about the physical.

"Large Buckets of nuggets of wisdom" is GM level phrasing

Regressed voluntary exposure to an anxiety provoking situation does increase confidence broadly. So, a person with social anxiety will do better in a boxing ring if he gets rid of his social anxiety through exposure therapy.

Yeah he's totally right, and I would say he's pointing out the difference between "cocky" and confidence. Confidence, by definition, is fundamentally tied to a sense of security. If you're training, practicing, and learning - then you are reinforcing your sense of security. You begin to learn about yourself, and your limits. It's true humility which creates real confidence. The psychologists he's mentioning are merely creating narcissism by instilling fake confidence in athletes.

I'm confident when I know I'm prepared. I know I haven't cheated or cut corners.

I think he's at least somewhat correct. I'm a baseball player so I don't know if this translates exactly but in my opinion when you are performing you need two things the skills as he would call them or mechanics or whatever but you also have to trust yourself or your abilities. I was what is called a contact hitter when I was younger and fixed some mechanical issues with my swing but I still had to trust my hand eye coordination so I could focus on driving the ball and not just making contact. So this is just a long-winded way of saying that you obviously need to put the work in and have the skills but I don't think confidence is just having skills it's also a mindset you choose that requires you to put the work in

Sounds like success creates confidence.

Does this apply to art as well? I’m a budding guitar player, but I struggle with a great deal of insecurity, and because of that, I’m too anxious to even begin pursuing some form of a music career. So self-belief comes after results? Or am I doomed because I lack the audacity to move forward with being in more studio sessions, or trying to even find a band to perform live shows with?

@alvareo92

Жыл бұрын

Sure it does! first build up more self-confidence in your skills, and start with small steps outside your room or the privacy of your own evaluation. Even if you, say, took a drug that boosted your confidence for a day and you could go out and find a band to practice with, your first day of practice wouldn't go so well because you still aren't sure if your playing is any good.

Great respect for JD, but he misunderstands the role of sports psychology. No legit psychologist promotes mental tactics OVER training, it's an additional component. Many athletes struggle to perform under pressure or have other limitations that have little to do with their physical skills. Psychology is there to provide an additional set of tools, not replace anything.

Ian Robertson wrote a book called The Winner Effect that goes into this quite successfully.

Competence equals confidence

@lvrbad5588

Жыл бұрын

yeah no

Confidence through competence

At the same time, false confidence and overconfidence are arguably much worse than a lack of confidence

@Captain_Insano_nomercy

Жыл бұрын

So true, but unfortunately society values false confidence more

@JuicyG_

Жыл бұрын

In competition? I disagree, if you lack confidence you let your opponent lead even if they are worse than you are, in those cases you'd rather someone slightly overconfident than scared

@GrizzlyAdams101

Жыл бұрын

@@JuicyG_ you make much more mistakes being over confident.

@kylebell466

Жыл бұрын

i disagree theyre all as bad

I think people are getting confused between self confidence and self worth. They are not the same and no matter how confident u are at being physical isn’t going to change ur sense of self worth as is this is not a rational thing. Great point about confidence though.

Not always. Some have pure confidence they can do something they have never done.

He is not describing sport psychologists. People hire life coaches, motivational speakers and self help gurus instead of hiring psychologists, and psychologists still are blamed...

@littledarkone1995

Жыл бұрын

100% agree. Any psychologist worth their salt would be in line with what’s being laid out here in the general scheme of things. Obviously things can get more hairy if we get into certain individual nuances that are unique and different in each individual in regards to why one might not feel an innate sense of confidence even if they are proficient and good at a particularly thing that might relate to one’s upbringing and/or traumas but I think most solid psychologists wouldn’t argue John’s points.

@estogaza5827

Жыл бұрын

He literally says he's describing sport psychologists. Psychologists are the ones to tell people "oh nothing matters, you're perfect the way you are!" Psychologists tell you the exact opposite of reality.

@estogaza5827

Жыл бұрын

@@ronswanson1410 How am I proving their point when I directly contradict what they say? Then I go on to directly attack the field of psychology, again, attacking their claim.

@SanxBile

Жыл бұрын

@@estogaza5827 You're describing life coaches but blaming psychologists. That's his point.

@estogaza5827

Жыл бұрын

@@ronswanson1410 “he is not describing sport psychologist.” Me-“yes he is.”

What about the dunning Kruger effect?

Yes. This principle applies on a basic level to how one feels about him/herself. You are what you do, not what you feel or think.

righteous path

Psychologists definitely did not “get this wrong”-whoever wrote this video title did. This is a well researched and documented construct by psychologists. Clinically at least, they all would agree with this idea of confidence being built through experiences (eg exposure). Lex should get Dr Nate Zinsser on the podcast.

@Vladimyrful

Жыл бұрын

Did you watch the video? You've kind of proven the point. It's not mere exposure, it's repeated SUCCESS in an area that builds confidence - and I haven't heard a single psychologist say that (feel free to shoot a link my way if you know of any). If you get exposure to a stimuli but you "lose" you won't get more confident - that's guarantee.

@marquise489

Жыл бұрын

@@Vladimyrful i think you’re misunderstanding the point I’m making. The TITLE is what is misleading. I’m agreeing with with Danaher’s description, simplistic as it is. The title would suggest that Danaher is providing information that’s in contradiction of psychological science as a whole-which is not the same as his anecdotal experiences with whoever he worked with…Additionally, we do know that appraisal of failures has a huge impact on confidence (a central tenet of CBT; eg framing/reframing).

@marquise489

Жыл бұрын

@@Vladimyrful but yeah I can provide decades of research on how graded exposure works for someone to say, build the confidence to leave their home after suffering from agoraphobia; or moving past social anxiety.

1-Create a fake position on behalf of educated professionals 2-Destroy that position with logical arguments 3-Look much more smarter thatn you actually are to the audience 4-Profit ...

This is so true! It’s obvious in fact.

I get that its just a clickbait title, but psychologists aren't wrong on this - confidence building through progressive exposure to a given stimuli is at the core of cognitive behavioural therapy

@jakw97

Жыл бұрын

Well, many psychologists claim that self-confidence in some way is just extroversion. I don't belive that People are scared if competition, because it exposes that some people are better than others on some things. No matter if you include practice, I have met prople in college and in elite sports that are extreme in their level of talent compared to me and more normal people. Born or made, the old but very relevant question. The problem with the west at large is that we have stopped thinking about it honestly in all sorts of things, because its a dangerus thing to find answers to.

@Vladimyrful

Жыл бұрын

There's an important disticntion - it's not progressive exposure, it's progressive SUCCESS. You can expose yourself all you want, but if you keep getting a negative outcome you'll never get confident (and you shouldn't).

@Vladimyrful

Жыл бұрын

@@jakw97 Very well said.

@ImMakEiTNasty

Жыл бұрын

@@Vladimyrful so when does confident ever die? You can always become better or does the standard just raise

@Vladimyrful

Жыл бұрын

@@ImMakEiTNasty Of course, there's something called "area of proximal development", you raise the challenge level - but still make it so that you'll experience success more times than not. If you experience faillure like 30 times in a row, of course you'll lose confidence - any rational person would.

Completely agree

Every aspect of confidence has physical underpinnings. What about hellweek in seals and how they say its 90% mental there

Yes precisely. An example of this is - All the confidence in the world won’t save you from drowning if you don’t have swimming skills. Someone will be filled with confidence in one situation and quickly become overwhelmed in another.

So true.

So good

Muhamad Ali said: it's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.

LEX Fridman COLD PLUNG Captured on film YES PLEASE! LETS GO WOOOH!!!

It's just not that simple. Neuroscience is a lot more complicated. There are so many reasons that an extraordinarily tallented person might have anxiety and hence lack confidence, some reasons start in the gut, some are genetic, some are neurotransmitter related, some are inflammation related, some are deep psychological conditions, all of which has nothing to do with ability or proven skill.

I think John is a bit full of it to be honest. Things like mantras, etc have been a big help in accumulating those wins. Yeah now I have the confidence he’s speaking about, but it was focusing on the mental game that developed it

John Danaher forgets that confidence is needed to gain skill. The ability to fail, smile, and repeat is confidence. I need skills to succeed. Skill is the science. Confidence is the art.

@ioanbardan5150

Жыл бұрын

"Confidence is needed to gain skill" is not true in the least. I've seen countless examples, myself included, of people who lacked confidence who gained skills by sheer fear of being a fuck-up and a loser. The fear of not succeeding is much, much greater for many people than the confidence that they can do something. That's not a prerequisite to become better. Edit: English is not my native language, but I hope that I was able to get my point across; sorry for that

@word.723

Жыл бұрын

@@ioanbardan5150 call it what you want...the observed behavior of not quitting is confidence regardless of the motivation

@ioanbardan5150

Жыл бұрын

@@word.723 No, it's not, you're conflating confidence with tenacity and persistence.

@word.723

Жыл бұрын

@@ioanbardan5150 tenacity and persistence are also needed qualities and words used to further conflate my original idea

@ioanbardan5150

Жыл бұрын

@@word.723 I understood what you meant to say, I'm just telling you that you can be determined and be willing to put yourself through hell and stick with something WITHOUT being confident. Some of us just bang our heads on walls till something sticks, with no real belief we can do shit, until something happens that proves us the contrary. It's just better than the alternative, which is not doing anything.

rickson gracie turns things on it’s head. Mental games are connected to physical game and it’s has its own startegy and principles

He does realize that this idea of confidence comes from Positive Psychology ... So Psychologists got it right.

I became realistic once I started knowing I could defend. I see it as a kind of a tough guy philosophy.

So true, I'm not confident in many things, there's a very small set of skills I'm confident in (in life, in general I mean). When I start new things and I'm not confident, people always tell me the BS John is talking about. It never works, but they want to push it so hard, and it ends up just making me angry lol. The simple answer is: If I KNOW I can do something, I'm confident. End of story. You can't know you can do something if you don't physically excel in it.

Perfect

he’s describing what real psychologists think about confidence lol. That thing about motivational speeches comes from mediocre psychologists or motivational coaches. Love John tho, he’s right: the more you can prove your skills, either physical, intellectual, social, etc; the more you become confident

Very much like Conservatory music training. Old school that is 🙂

CONFIDENCE COMES FROM COMPETENCE.

I can't figure out if he'd be a good qb coach or a terrible one. Football quarterbacks notoriously early on have brittle confidence

Same goes for intellectual aspects.

confidence comes from repetition

which means becoming confident in something will be a long road of sucking and having a lack of confidence until u become good at it?

Another thing that complements this video: There is no such thing as Mental Health as an isolated concept.

I went from a Demis Hassabis clip to this guy and realised how much humility died . There is always someone smarter than you.

This seems like common sense. It's also why older men are more confident than younger men. The more life experience you have the more confident you are.

Confidence is demonstrated ability.

But my affiliate marketing coach said confidence is a result of looking in the mirror and saying "YES YOU CAN!!!" 100 times every morning. This is incorrect.

The power of pragmatism is immense when coupled with true intelligence earned through effort.

So what he’s saying is when it come to developing confidence athletes err in putting the cart before the horse.

This is common sense. Or uncommon depending on who you ask. Repetition makes improvement and when you really improve on something, you become confident

Gordon has a mindset instructional?

Wow just wow

I don’t have a lot of money, but what I do have is a special set of skills that make people like me a nightmare for people like you

Oops title is misleading

This is almost right.

Everyone has a plan til they get punched in the mouth, doesn’t matter how confident you are if you can’t back it up at the very top level

“Oh look at me u wear a rash guard everywhere I go, I wear a rash guard to a wedding”

Sounds wise.