I have heard that Orwell airport has a hundred percent approval rating. I don’t think a single person who gave it a bad review exists.

@SageGilbert191

10 ай бұрын

Well, they don’t exist _anymore_

@PowerGlove79

10 ай бұрын

Now Boarding Flight 1984. Todays in flight movie will be watching you.

@justanothermortal1373

10 ай бұрын

How could they? Big Brother is always watching them.

@Melody_Raventress

10 ай бұрын

​@@SageGilbert191came for this, satisfied, now I need a cigarette, ahhh...

@stiltywilton

9 ай бұрын

@@SageGilbert191Actually, Orwell Airport exists and has always existed.

"If there is a problem, fill out complaint form, and place it in an envelope addressed to the name of the hospital in which you were born!" I like this insult

@johnswanson2600

5 жыл бұрын

I died

@SmashLiXs

5 жыл бұрын

the hospital i was born in is in a different state of the one i live so this would be interesting

@kioku618

4 жыл бұрын

@@SmashLiXs I don't really get how that makes it any more or less weird.

@SmashLiXs

4 жыл бұрын

@@kioku618 my envelope would be going to a different state

@kioku618

4 жыл бұрын

@@SmashLiXs yes... I still don't understand how that makes it any more or less weird.

The background details are remarkable: - the clock whose hands just spin backwards - the giant screens with a screaming baby - the three terminals: arrivals, departures, and truth (madness) - the giant digital board which says "life and obliteration are indistinguishable... souls may be subject to search." - The Escher design of the airport map for Terminal 1 - The four statuses of the flights: Cancelled, Crashed, Delayed, Missing, - The name of the official ending simply with "R." - You must call the helpline "Using your dead mother's telephone" - The body scan results: Fear, Despair, Yearning - The Interview Form: "Who are you?", with four options: Animal, Microcobe, Animal Product, Plaint/Soil, and all of them refer to Side B. - Another interview form question: "Have you lied to us?" and "You are disgusting"

@jaroslavlosos5498

4 жыл бұрын

And some details are only in Czech, for example: - the clerk's surname is "Zlámaljelito" which translates to "He broke a blood sausage" (not a real name). - the signs leading to "Zoufalství" (Despair) and "Smích" (Laughter) point to the same direction, implying you'll find both there.

@Zoober95

2 жыл бұрын

Don't forget the giant digital board also showing "HELP ME" in madness mantra.

@aviation_nut

2 жыл бұрын

The official's title is "Airport Manager of Conscious Perceptions"

@BogusmanTheSwagman

2 жыл бұрын

The digital board that says "no" in several languages.

@Vysair

2 жыл бұрын

Now this shit sounds like some sort of backroom nightmare or that IKEA scp

“Travelers complain lost luggage is sent to the person they hate the most.” Good stuff 😂

@aloha2104

Жыл бұрын

Trish Ace - Very good!..

@thesisypheanjournal1271

Жыл бұрын

"Airport officials insist that customers receive the service they are given."

@SimonClarkstone

Жыл бұрын

So I'll be quickly reunited with my lost luggage? Nice!

@mrlaz9011

Жыл бұрын

when self hatred finnaly has its perks.

@stephaniecarrow4898

11 ай бұрын

"Passengers May Only Carry On Empty Bags."

The way this guy says "Gate B14 is in the F Terminal" is so convincingly frustrated.

@sirmount2636

4 жыл бұрын

“And everyone keeps calling me ‘S’!”

@stuffedsomething1699

4 жыл бұрын

I've been to several airports just this year with gates in the wrong terminals... this is now an actual thing!!!

@rogerwilco2

3 жыл бұрын

He must have been to Charles de Gaule airport. Yes, this did actually happen to me. I had a connecting flight departing at gate E95. There is no gate E95, it's a "fictional gate" for planes parked out somewhere on the tarmac, you have to enquire for at gate E91 to get you on a bus. We were the last of our flight to get off the bus before they closed the doors. The ground crew waiting for us, asked where the "the other 35 passengers were". *I hate CdG airport.*

@stuffedsomething1699

3 жыл бұрын

@Morale Law, you need a proper grasp on the English language.

@stuffedsomething1699

3 жыл бұрын

@Morale Law Your reference only included 3 of the words that the original sentence you claim to be referencing contains. On another note, was that seriously a tu quoque arguement?

So true. Last time I was at Kafka International, I was directed to a gate that was still in construction. I had spent so long getting there, only to realise it was unfinished.

@danish211

9 жыл бұрын

your problem was not talking a left turn at the upturned dolphin shaped sign if you followed that path you would have found the portal leading to the point in time when the construction may have been completed and then you may have been able to board your flight.

@95predator

6 жыл бұрын

literally new Berlin airport

@rafaeterna1081

5 жыл бұрын

@@danish211 yeah, he didn't properly follow the proper protocol

@SP-qi8ur

4 жыл бұрын

Explain joke

@doomerbloomer6160

4 жыл бұрын

@@SP-qi8ur gay

My dad was a professor who studied linguistics, medieval studies, and was intensely interested in just about anything. One of the best memories I have is showing him this video (he loved Kafka). He cried a little bit from laughing so hard😂. The Onion is uniquely hilarious.

@LarryRiedel

2 жыл бұрын

was uniquely hilarious

@snaiper195

2 жыл бұрын

Was uniqly healarius

@Cody_Cigar

2 жыл бұрын

That story lifted my mood, thanks for sharing :)

@Ronkyort0dox

2 жыл бұрын

Now it's racist

@Loopicboy

2 жыл бұрын

your dad sounds old 💀💀💀

Xeno airport in Greece was the most frustrating. I kept halving the distance to the gate, but never got there.

@Dennis-nc3vw

Жыл бұрын

Underrated comment.

@Unknown-jt1jo

8 ай бұрын

The Heraclitus Airport is even worse. Every time you take a step, you find yourself in a different airport.

@modernmajorgeneral4669

Ай бұрын

Theseus airport has ongoing renovation that make navigation a nightmare. Sometimes, I can’t even tell if it’s the same airport.

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into an advertising executive. Oh, hell, he thought - I'd rather be a gigantic insect.

@HooDatDonDar

5 жыл бұрын

He got a twofer - no problem.

@robertmartin8907

4 жыл бұрын

I got that reference.

@jauxro

4 жыл бұрын

_[Reddit Post PTSD]_

@NJ-wb1cz

4 жыл бұрын

When he realized he was a giant insect his whole life it was already too late.

@bhatkat

4 жыл бұрын

It's now safe to be an advertising exec, the unibomber is out of business.

I like how in the background there's a scroller that says "Souls may be subjected to random searches". Its little details like that that make the videos so good.

@AdamSharkey523

9 жыл бұрын

I never noticed that the phone number they have for the customer support sign uses a country code that is unassigned until today, hahaha

@medexamtoolsdotcom

4 жыл бұрын

Life and obliteration are indistinguishable.

@sirmount2636

4 жыл бұрын

“Have you renounced your god?”

@spaceman9599

4 жыл бұрын

HELPME HELPME HELPME HELPME was my favourite

@writwits5826

4 жыл бұрын

I was looking at the crying baby

At Agatha Christie international you are invited to take a flight with an old acquaintance, but to find them and the departure terminal you have to suss out the clues from how a bunch of other passengers describe how their day has been, and in the process you have to learn about the sordid details of their backstory that seem at first unrelated but in the last moment turn out to have the information you need.

@Max-kh1cf

2 жыл бұрын

You'll be flying with an aging movie-star, An heir to some kind of fortune and a detective who is just trying to take a vocation

@bryanjennings5262

Жыл бұрын

And one of you will die before the flight ends, then someone claiming to be an internationally famous detective will force all the rest to engage in a game of clue to find out who did it, where, and with what,

@HooDatDonDar

6 ай бұрын

At the end, you will deduce that actualy, *you* are the one that did it.

I recently had the displeasure of having to go through Lovecraft Airport. It was a rather small airport in rural Maryland, only about 4-5 planes in total were there at any one time. I was only there because it was the cheapest connecting flight to my destination. Everyone there was polite, if a bit quiet, keeping to themselves. I felt a sense of unease the entire time I was there, as though I didn't quite belong. As I passed through security, there was a door which looked entirely out of place in the airport. In contrast to the almost clinical white of the airport walls, the door resembled that you would find on a barn, old and half-rotted, as though it had been exposed to decades of rainstorms. In 3 languages, it read "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY". Or at least I assume so. The second row of text read "kein zutritt für unbefugte", which I recognized as German. The third however, I could not make out what language it was. I could not even read it well enough to recall the text for you now. As I walked by, I was assaulted by a putrid scent, like that of rotted meat and diseased flesh. I very nearly vomited where I stood. After that... I cannot recall. The rest of the trip seemed a blur. All I can really remember is 2 black men sitting in the aisle across from me on the flight. They just... stared at me, never taking their eyes off of me the entire hour-long flight. 1 star, would not recommend.

@gdhuertas07

2 жыл бұрын

10/10

@d9zirable

2 жыл бұрын

You're lucky you didn't ask for the cat's name

@sebastiancoll2246

2 жыл бұрын

This is perfect

@lukenichols8219

Жыл бұрын

See, I went to the old airport before they remodelled it. That one was actually pretty convenient, if you get past the fact that it was 4000 stories high and clearly built for much larger beings than myself

@dmgroberts5471

Жыл бұрын

I myself quite enjoy the airport; I regularly take the connecting sub to Y'ha-nthlei to visit family, and I find it a refreshing change from all the pointing and staring I'm forced to endure when business takes me inland. They keep the air pleasantly damp as well, which is nice, as I'm finding the surface drier with each passing year. 5 Stars. - A.F. Ishman.

I am from Czech Republic and I can confirm this is true.

@miluberec

7 жыл бұрын

Ano, souhlasím s tebou, že toto je běžné chování na místním letišti :D

@thethelast3246

7 жыл бұрын

Kaleidoskot kde je letiště Kafka ?

@lindateatime

6 жыл бұрын

Nikde :D Je to vtip :D

@RichieLarpa

5 жыл бұрын

A to jsem si myslel, že jsem tu sám. The Onion nikdy nezklamalo!

@Wojjjie

4 жыл бұрын

@@RichieLarpa NIE znam czeskiego ale wszystko jakoś rozumiem Słowiańskie języki są jednak podobne Generalnie żadko widuję Czechów na YouTubie

Everything in this video is true. After my lawyer managed to pull some strings for me, I was directed towards my gate to catch my flight. When I arrived there, I was the only passanger and before me was this gatekeeper. I asked him to let me pass cause I was in a hurry to board the plane on time, but he warned me that even if he did let me pass, there awaited me a series of progressively more powerful gatekeepers beyond the gate. I waited for 40 years until he had closed the gate. I asked him how come there were never any passangers besides me and he said:"That is because this is your gate. It was meant for you, but now it is being closed forever".

@kiandocherty3589

4 жыл бұрын

Nice writing skills! The fact that you are implying you died is interesting!

@MrKmanthie

4 жыл бұрын

LOL...I love that story. BTW, if you've seen Scorsese's AFTER HOURS, about that guy (played by Griffin Dunne) who has this crazy night where crazy shit keeps happening to him and in the end he ends up right back at his work, just as they're opening the front gates in front of the office bldg.: he's, at one point, supposed to meet this chick at this place called the "Club Berlin" and when he gets there he goes through that same shtick with the bouncer, almost word for word in some of that scene, to K's story. But, in the end, instead of the 40 year wait, he sees these punk rockers get let in right in front of him and when he asks the bouncer why they can get in but not he, the bouncer replies "because it's mohawk night". "I can let you in if you get a mohawk" so, thinking he can just blow that off, he says "sure, OK" then the bouncer drags him over to this barber chair, in the middle of this wild punk-scene club, where this guy with electric shears is giving people mohawks & when he sees this he panics & runs for it, eventually getting out of sight of the guy chasing him!! I actually have seen After Hours a whole bunch of times & saw it before I read the short Kafka story, so imagine my surprise when I read it & I see that scene from After Hours "If you're so inclined you could try to bust your way in here" (I'm paraphrasing a little but it's the same words from Kafka's story!) I was, like, so that where Marty got the idea for that scene (or actually, no, not Scorsese, but whomever the screenwriter was & I can't recall the name of the writer. But it sure was clever. I wonder how many people who have seen After Hours caught that reference to that Kafka short story!

@gggggggggggggggggg161

4 жыл бұрын

@@kiandocherty3589 Not his skills though, it's also by Kafka

@kiandocherty3589

4 жыл бұрын

@@gggggggggggggggggg161 Wait which one? One of his short stories? I`ve read a fair bit of Kafka and I`m wondering where it`s from now.

@JCDmu

4 жыл бұрын

@@kiandocherty3589 It's a part of Trial. The chaplain tells this story to K in the cathedral.

We had to read a lot of Kafka in German Highschool because my teacher was (for reasons beyond me) so obsessed with the man’s work that he had us read stuff by him, beyond what is required by the curriculum and the amount of little nods to this utter collection of despair confusion and misery, wich in hindsight was the best preparation for what adult life is like school ever gave me.

@UnbelievableEricthegiraffe

Жыл бұрын

Do you know the person who owns the hat stand in Stuttgart. . Please answer in 193 hours.

@Melody_Raventress

7 ай бұрын

Quality education, go Germany!

@prydain4131

15 күн бұрын

​@@Melody_Raventress YWNBAW

I fly out of JJR Tolkien International and encountered a problem where the safety videos were overly descriptive and it took me a half a year to get through security. I’m happy that they are one of the few airports to have Sindarin signs.

@connordarvall8482

Жыл бұрын

Went to the old Tolkien as well. I now understand the socioeconomic state of every country we flew over, but somehow having coffee with my friend was the most memorable part of the journey.

@ashfox7498

11 ай бұрын

One of the few airlines to still have a smoking section though

@Unknown-jt1jo

8 ай бұрын

I had a layover at Tom Bombadil Airport. It contributed nothing to the journey, and took six extra hours.

@localCrows

4 ай бұрын

​@@Unknown-jt1joI was actually looking forward to visit Tom Bombadil Airport but sadly we didn't stop there, because the journey would have been even longer. 😢

@oz_jones

Ай бұрын

*J.R.R.

Don't get me started on Camus International Airport. The entire airport is disordered, cold, and indifferent to your needs. But you can find the gate for your flight only if you embrace the absurdity in trying to find order in a disordered system.

@whateverlolawants

4 жыл бұрын

Just don't tell security that you didn't cry at your mother's funeral.

@donchindle2958

4 жыл бұрын

One must imagine they guy with the delayed flight is happy

@artiezonk

3 жыл бұрын

So, Ikea?

@PurpleDingoPress

3 жыл бұрын

I figured out the trick - don't try to board your flight by going to the terminal they say it's in. Just board whichever flight you feel like and it'll take you to your destination.

@FirstnameLastname-kn5sw

3 жыл бұрын

Departure or coffee?

I accidentally filled out "microbe" when asked what I am, and I actually had a very successful departure.

@Demiglitch

4 жыл бұрын

AssholusSupremis lifehack

@LuizAlexPhoenix

4 жыл бұрын

Have you arrived at your destined destination as you had expected?

@Dennis-nc3vw

4 жыл бұрын

They must have thought you were the Coronavirus.

@NarutoDivorceArcReal

3 жыл бұрын

gcc v xmas v am a nbc f studio of military u uki iroy irish salary to o settlers_ ap

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

Expect a state investigator at your home, 1:00pm tomorrow. If you are not there on time, all your shoes will be confiscated.

Reminds me of the time I flew out of Vienna Schrodinger International with my pet cat in his carrier. They asked me if the box contained live cargo.

@JB52520

3 жыл бұрын

I hope they didn't X-ray it.

@medexamtoolsdotcom

Жыл бұрын

And you told them that not only did you not know, but that the answer was literally indeterminate?

@elgordobondiola

Жыл бұрын

The uranium that may or may not decay hidden in a box in my luggage:

@MrDino1953

Жыл бұрын

Bravo, well played sir.

@oz_jones

Ай бұрын

*Schrödinger

I’m at Godot Airport right now. My flight hasn’t shown up but the staff keeps assuring me it will.

This whole thing is a lie. I caught a flight out of FKI from Prague to London back in October 2011 and the pilot assures me that we will be landing soon.

@matthewbrodnitz1047

7 жыл бұрын

Are you still on the plane to this day?

@fulcrum2951

5 жыл бұрын

Dear lord

@coeruleumnet5184

4 жыл бұрын

@@matthewbrodnitz1047 His plane is without a rudder. It journeys on the winds which blow in the undermost regions of death.

@mattmcdonough3282

4 жыл бұрын

This joke just get betters as it ages

@alvin4100

4 жыл бұрын

This is old Lol

Sketch: Entirely based on The Trial Comments: Packed with Metamorphosis jokes.

@filipschweiner1989

4 жыл бұрын

I would say it is based both on The Trial and The Castle, but otherwise you're right.

@govegan6682

4 жыл бұрын

It felt mora like The Castle to me

@wurttmapper2200

4 жыл бұрын

Sadly many people only read Metamorphosis because it is shorter. The Trial is way more kafkaesque

@wurttmapper2200

4 жыл бұрын

@Love Law Non-americans don't count as people

@slappy8941

4 жыл бұрын

@Love Law Silly person; Americans don't read.

I can sympathise. Ran into some trouble at Roald Dahl International recently, the airline were only accepting golden tickets which made it prohibitively expensive. To make matters worse I was rejected at immigration due to a suspected case of “The Shrinks”.

@paulferretti805

Жыл бұрын

Are you having the shrinks now?

@richardbourton4523

Жыл бұрын

I’ve been there and actually had a ticket, as did my granny, but she demonstrated what the airline considered undue hubris and poor moral fibre and got sucked into one of the engines. The flight was alright though, and the cabin smelt like peaches.

@medexamtoolsdotcom

Жыл бұрын

Just tell them you're a friend of the grand high witch and they'll treat you right.

@SerbAtheist

6 ай бұрын

At least the confectionery had an extremely good selection, provided you made out of it alive.

I remember going to Dante International Airport. I was forced to walk through several miles of people being brutally tortured before I finally got to my flight

@flat-earther

6 ай бұрын

hi guyman9, have you become a flat earther yet?

Kierkegaard International Airport has invisible aircraft. Passengers are required to walk to the end of the boarding bridge, close their eyes, and imagine very hard that the plane is there, as they step off the end.

@MrNoPro

4 жыл бұрын

You are required to choose a departing plane without knowing where it will take you, and the entire time you will be bombarded with ads warning you not to regret your choice because there is no way back

@r.m.ocinneide6935

3 жыл бұрын

I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT KIERKEGAARD AIRPORT!

@mrdre3628

Жыл бұрын

*Kierkegaard International is not liable for any injuries resulting from a failure of Will and Imagination.

@jozsefhor

24 күн бұрын

Fly from Kierkegaard International Airport, you will regret it. Don't fly from KIA, you will regret it. Whether you fly from KIA or not fly from KIA, you will regret it

"Departures arriving early and arrivals landing late may be canceled or delayed without the prior notice." Wtf????

@johnrankin7135

5 жыл бұрын

I like the line, it just irks me that arrivals can definitely land late

@halowarrior1000

4 жыл бұрын

The ones that do arrive, they never leave. You never see them go, but they're always full. But the ones that do leave, they never arrive.

@starvalkyrie

4 жыл бұрын

@@halowarrior1000 Wake Up.... Mr Freeman

@GrimgoreIronhide

4 жыл бұрын

Stop complaining and just properly follow proper protocol.

@N3ptuneflyer

4 жыл бұрын

@@johnrankin7135 Yes but an arrival landing late will never be canceled.

I once flew out of Hunter S. Thompson International Airport. I stumbled out of the duty-free shop with two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers...and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls...The only thing that really worried me was my boarding ticket.

@dmgroberts5471

Жыл бұрын

It's too bad about all the bats and lizards...but I hear the shooting range is top notch, and the in-flight magazine is awesome!

@brotlowskyrgseg1018

8 ай бұрын

I was once on flight to that airport, but we never even made it to the gate. Right after landing there, the pilot just made an announcement saying "we can't stop here, this is bat country", turned around on the tarmac and took off again.

@devintariel3769

7 ай бұрын

No artillery lugers!

Five years after flying at Rowling Airport, I was notified that I'm gay

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

Were you also replaced by someone who looks vaguely like you?

@Techno.Belgium

3 жыл бұрын

Gem comment

@fruitygarlic3601

3 жыл бұрын

I was removed from the plane halfway through the flight for accidentally wandering into the men's class, for my "safety."

@matthew8153

3 жыл бұрын

So from now on you’ll be using gleefully skipping airport?

@gwen6622

3 жыл бұрын

i tried to go to that airport once but they dont let trans people in

This is the most perfect tribute to Kafka I've ever seen. Every school teacher should be using this as a teaching aid, as it captures the essence of his novels perfectly, but puts it in a context that everyone is familiar with. Absolutely superb! And piss funny to boot!

@jaredjohannson3039

Жыл бұрын

My teacher assigned this to watch lol

@Daisyboobs

Жыл бұрын

@@jaredjohannson3039 Tell your teacher that a commenter on this video said they're awesome.

“They said that the airline I’m flying with doesn’t exist” -Thomas cook passenger c. 2019

@egregius9314

4 жыл бұрын

I LOL'ed :D

@jake1173

4 жыл бұрын

Could not have said it betyer myself. Got delayed 9 hours by those bastards. And then thay had the gall to hurry up boarding the flight because they had a time window.

@lukeshaul820

4 жыл бұрын

LOL

@lukeshaul820

4 жыл бұрын

That was perfectly delivered.

@user-zw4wh1tm9x

3 жыл бұрын

yep my ears work too

Nietzsche Airways approach to flight safety : what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Also, if you look out the window, the window looks out into you.

“...Gate B14 is in the F terminal...” I’m an airline pilot and cannot tell you how hilarious I thought this was!

“Have you lied to us”? “Have you lied to us”? “Have you lied to us”?

@PresidentialWinner

4 жыл бұрын

"Will you lie to us?"

@onetwothreefourfive12345

4 жыл бұрын

Liar

@sirmount2636

4 жыл бұрын

“Have you renounced your god?”

@myttydohun4851

4 жыл бұрын

1. Who are you? (1) animal (2) animal product (3) microbe (4) plant/soil

@drewgehringer7813

4 жыл бұрын

"We believe you have lied to us. Does it matter whether you've truly lied to us?"

an actual airport like this would be a pretty amazing modern art installation

@cmyk8964

Жыл бұрын

OmegaMart is an art installation in a similar vein, though with a supermarket theme.

I came here once, trying to turn myself in after I had shot a stranger on the beach, but the employees refused to call the authorities and told me that that no prison could match the hell that I've created for myself.

I had this recurring nightmare, where I was on the run from something I can’t remember anymore. One night, I tried to take a flight out of Franz Kafka International to escape. All of my dreams take place here now. It’s been this way for four years.

@d9zirable

2 жыл бұрын

Your dream self lives there now, and so will you too

@medexamtoolsdotcom

Жыл бұрын

Last night I dreamed I was trying to steal back a mutated folded up horse in a briefcase from someone that stole it. I wonder if it was checked baggage at the Kafka airport.

As a Czech living in Stuttgart who just recently read a couple of Kafka's books, this video seem way too tailored for me... It's almost scary

@slappy8941

4 жыл бұрын

You simply _must_ find that hat store.

@thomase640

3 жыл бұрын

Are you lying to us?

@iplaygames8090

3 жыл бұрын

@@slappy8941 what if he owns the hat store.

@rogercarl3969

3 жыл бұрын

Someone must have been telling lies about Domihrok

@palasta

3 жыл бұрын

I'm watching you and i never read Kafka.

You should try Vonnegut International. I got a quick flight to Tralfamadore, married a girl fifteen years from now, was born, and died within just a few minutes.

@sabamacx

4 жыл бұрын

So it goes.

@jvccr7533

4 жыл бұрын

still need to finish it, now where is my copy

@carolfromhr9900

4 жыл бұрын

What else can I say to that but "poo-tee-weet"?

@adamfiala5144

4 жыл бұрын

Hi ho.

@timopper5488

3 жыл бұрын

Same.

"Properly follow proper protocols." Get's me everytime. Even after over ten years....

The Camus airport in Algiers is also quite interesting. The corridors are long, loop around and get you where you first started just as you think you found your gate. Some say that if you accept the fact that you cannot get out, but also keep looking for your gate, you can actually find it.

I tried going to H.P. Lovecraft International Airport, but I couldn't find my terminal because the whole building was made with non-euclidean architecture. Even when I did find my plane the overwhelming sense of cosmic dread drove me insane.

@isaacthedragon2271

4 жыл бұрын

Happens to the best of us.

@douweakkerman1292

2 жыл бұрын

I aske an assistant where my gates was an he just said I couldn't even comprehend where it was.

@nigeltan676

Жыл бұрын

And the staff were a civilization of gibbering fish people.

Orwell international is doubleplusgood, anyone who says otherwise is an oldthinker. Ignorance is strength.

@diegocosta8647

4 жыл бұрын

jane sullivan The security is extremely long over there

@rickh3714

4 жыл бұрын

But they do serve Victory Gin aboard the planes that are allowed to leave from it.

@MrSuperwim

4 жыл бұрын

That just sounds like every American airport

@milascave2

4 жыл бұрын

The entire nation of "airstrip one" is Goerge Orwell International Airport. You are subjected to random security checks everywhere. Only inner-party members can actually fly. The flights to Eurasia and East Asia may or may not happen, depending on who we are currently at war with. You know that your feeling that there are fewer flights must be wrong because the only newspaper and only TV station say that the number of flights has just increased by ten percent.

@Deschutron

4 жыл бұрын

@@milascave2 I don't see why you wouldn't be able to fly to Eurasia.. we've always been at war with Eastasia.

So I'm at Prague's airport at the moment, and now understand where they got the inspiration for this clip. There's a sign for the toilets where no toilets exist, and the sign for the KFC leads you down a very long corridor to a dead end. It will be a small miracle if I actually make it to my gate

@writwits5826

4 жыл бұрын

It's also likely based off of Franz Kafka's The Trial

@bflmpsvz870

2 жыл бұрын

You are lucky because you are still alive.

@scottmatheson3346

2 жыл бұрын

@@bflmpsvz870 is that good luck or bad luck?

@bflmpsvz870

2 жыл бұрын

@@scottmatheson3346 You're right. Luck always goes both ways in Kafkian land.

I'm surprised MC Esher International Airport is not on the list. I've been climbing these stairs forever!

@matthew8153

2 жыл бұрын

Just take the waterfall, it’s much more fun. After the fall you just ride the river up and fall again.

"Everyone keeps calling me S" My sides

@Mindraker1

3 жыл бұрын

In the USA, it's SSSS

@user-zw4wh1tm9x

3 жыл бұрын

yep my ears work too

As a living person who has visited Prague, I confirm that you are reading this.

@slappy8941

4 жыл бұрын

But do I actually exist?

@kaninma7237

3 жыл бұрын

@@slappy8941 No, I do not, in fact or fiction or in any other wise, or unwise, exist, or even ex- 'ist,' as the onotological implications of such an assertion may neither be confirmed nor denied beyond the fleeting moment in which they were realized and, later remembered, and re-remembered, etcetera, ad infinitum, but, when such remembrances exist, we, assuming such can be demonstrated sufficiently for the I, hitherto granted tentative existence for argument's sake, they still lack sufficient epistemological qualities to dismiss with any sense of finality, or even a good working sense, the problem of hard solipsism. Or maybe not.

@Cryptonymicus

3 жыл бұрын

As a dead person who does not believe in Prague I can confirm that you posted that.

@Davesoft

3 жыл бұрын

@@slappy8941 Only if you believe that your existence is impossible.

@veschyoleg

2 жыл бұрын

Underrated!

Back again, I never get tired of this.

@thegougy

8 ай бұрын

mee too, what a gem - I just sent it to a friend who flies to visit me (after 20 years) to motivate him a bit

@flat-earther

6 ай бұрын

hi ritawing, have you become a flat earther yet?

To be honest this videos is relating to Kafka sooo good. Have studied his literature in german class myself

Nietzsche International persistently tells its customers that you are not allowed to board the airplane because the flight has no purpose, but will allow you to board if you believe that it _does_ have a purpose. EDIT: _What have I begun?!_

@MPHJackson7

4 жыл бұрын

Plato International in Athens keeps advertising the ideal airport. When you ask them about it, they tell you that it exists, but not on earth.

@michaellyndon6982

4 жыл бұрын

Marx International Airport allows economy passengers to slaughter the flyers in first class and redistribute their luggage/guts and organs equally.

@lifeshackradio3048

4 жыл бұрын

sun tzu airport has a terminal which directs you to other airports.when you inquire, they reply, deception through reception

@52flyingbicycles

4 жыл бұрын

Rand airlines deliberately overbooks flights to generate money even when people don’t show up. If everyone does, the airlines drags a random passenger off the plane so someone more important can board. Wait...

@drmaulana2600

4 жыл бұрын

Geroge Orwell Intl. Has loads of CCTV surveilance

Ayn Rand airport has the most delays because the pre-flight safety speech takes 5 hours

@ziliestarrive

4 жыл бұрын

And then they reveal that it's actually a train station.

@electricdreams8237

4 жыл бұрын

... and flight seating disputes are resolved by public naked duel to the death.

@SimonClarkstone

4 жыл бұрын

Surely there would be no safety speech and it's the passengers' own choice to learn how to be safe?

@vaiyt

4 жыл бұрын

@@SimonClarkstone the safety speech is just the flight attendants berating you for thinking that paying for a ticket means you're owed transport, and then they kick you off the plane afterwards

@spaceman9599

4 жыл бұрын

Isn't it basically 'do what you want, noone has the right to impose flight safety rules on you'

I never had a problem at Kafka. I just properly followed the proper protocols.

This is ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!!! One of the most recognizable features of Kafka's prose is the misery and helplessness of the individual man trapped in an enormous and heartless system which stubbornly sticks to rules and conventions, and completely lacks any human empathy. It is an incredible coincidence that the Kafka airport should live up to the name of the man whose works led us to coin the. word Kafkaesque to describe bureaucracy ridden enormous and inefficient public institutions.

At least you took off from Joyce International. My flight attendant is still describing the oxygen mask with Biblical references and a metaphor that used childbearing.

@Kowasi

3 жыл бұрын

The journey is only a couple of hours, but it actually takes years because of endless, pointless diversions.

@paulferretti805

Жыл бұрын

Life is a journey... people get lemons many make lemonade some may build a battery...

At the Tolkien airport, there's no flights. You have to walk everywhere even though you have access to something that flies.

@arandomzoomer4837

4 жыл бұрын

And then the security constantly bother you by giving meaningless information on the history of the airport. Like dude I just want to move on with my travel.

@fulviopontarollo2952

3 жыл бұрын

Plus there’s only one straight flight available for their top destination for which you have to belong to one specific race in order to fly into, although occasional exception through bribery via precious rings or golden hair locks have been noticed in later years

@shinget

3 жыл бұрын

but it does have the best pedestrian access thanks to the designer's "More Door" philosophy

@richardbourton4523

3 жыл бұрын

Give them credit where it’s due, the Gate is easy to find.

@roguishpaladin

3 жыл бұрын

No, no, there's flights - but only if you're on the second leg of a round trip.

It's funny to look back on this video years later and realize how much it reminds me of Omega Mart, Mystery Flesh Pit National Park, and other modern horror ARG media. I feel like this video was kind of ahead it's time in a way, I can easily see this concept launching a few fanworks if it came out today

The algorithm has blessed me, by showing me this old classic ❤

This may be the best thing on KZread.

@medexamtoolsdotcom

4 жыл бұрын

Maybe so. But this is a close 2nd: kzread.info/dash/bejne/a4loqsNyeLTcfdI.html

@BabylonCentral

4 жыл бұрын

medexamtoolsdotcom Yeah, that's some classic bullshit right there.

@ibperson7765

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah that was a masterpiece. Ive read every word etc. Even the acting. The only moments that were short of pure brilliance were the two silly lines at the end.

@Polyglot_English

4 жыл бұрын

I rewatch it weekly

I asked the manager where gate A5 was and he led me to a McDonalds parking lot across the street and then proceeded to fire me on the count of treason

@plumjet0930

5 ай бұрын

Ok, Dale Gribble

Mexico City's Benito Juárez International Airport is honestly not too far off from this. It took me an hour to find a friend because we didn't realize there were two terminals called "Terminal 8" on opposite sides of the airport.

@petergray2712

3 жыл бұрын

Well 8 is just an infinity symbol that isn't passed out drunk.

@zonesquestiloveunderworld

8 ай бұрын

Sounds like Doha. That airport is a labyrinthine nightmare!

1:17 the announcer is a scene from the opening of an old horror movie House on Haunted Hill (1959).

I flew in on Charles Dickens Airways. It was the best of flights, but also the worst of flights. The in-flight meal was just a bit of undigested beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, and a fragment of an underdone potato. I kept asking the steward, "Please, sir, I want some more," but he told me my expectations were far too great...

@matthewbrodnitz1047

7 жыл бұрын

Did the flight attendants beat you instead and attempt to recruit you into the mortician business?

All the little jokes in the background, not counting the news ticker: Signs: "Waiting, Departure (burning plane), Truth (Madness)" Clock that just constantly spins randomly. Signs: "STOP. POWER. DIE. FORGET." Train ticker: "LIFE AND OBLITERATION ARE INDISTINGUISHABLE. SOULS MAY BE SUBJECT TO RANDOM SEARCH." Train ticker: The word "NO" repeated in different languages. A TV that just plays a loud video of a baby crying constantly. Map: A building shaped like a Penrose triangle, which cannot exist in a largely Euclidian universe like ours. Map: "Terminal 1, Terminal A, Terminal [" Map: Circular, infinity-sign, and river-delta runway segments. Map: Two buildings shaped like Escher's forks, which also cannot exist in this universe. News subtitle: "AIRPORT SCHEDULES 250 FLIGHTS PER DAY ON CIRCULAR RUNWAY" Ticker: "HELP ME HELPMEHELPME... HELP ME..." News subtitle: "Customers may only carry on empty bags." The whole personal quiz. Travelator: "TOO FAR" News subtitle: "AIRPORT OFFICIALS INSIST TRAVELERS ARE GIVEN THE TREATMENT THEY RECEIVE"

@yusuf_kizilkaya

4 жыл бұрын

Every flight on the schedule is either delayed, crashed or missing Some flights are scheduled to impossible times of day Also that last terminal is called Ë not [

@jaroslavlosos5498

4 жыл бұрын

Some background jokes are only in Czech, for example: The clerk's surname is "Zlámaljelito" which loosely translates to "He broke a sausage". Signs leading to "Zoufalství" (Despair) and "Smích" (Laughter) point in the same direction.

@pretzelbomb6105

3 жыл бұрын

Neolexious Neolexian Some airports are actually thinking of adopting circular runways. As it turns out, building and lengthening miles-long straight runways gets much harder when the airport is in the middle of a city.

@lawrencedoliveiro9104

3 жыл бұрын

All the news subtitle/scrollers. E.g 1:17 “90s Pop Band ... Back In Studio To Record Filler Material For Upcoming Greatest Hits Album”.

@gyurhanaziz7676

2 жыл бұрын

Travelers complain lost luggage is sent to the person they hate the most Also look at 1:29

The delivery of “Gate B2 is next to B11 and B14 is in the F terminal” kills me every time

Ah, what a gem of content. Perfect translation of Kafka to now-a-day-a-ese

"And your captain this evening will be an 800-pound, sentient weeping dung beetle."

@MCVessels

4 жыл бұрын

Passengers have been requested not to pelt the pilot with apples.

Jeeez...just follow the proper protocols.

@OB.x

4 жыл бұрын

NO YOU FOOL. YOU HAVE TO PROPERLY FOLLOW THE PROPER PROTOCOLS. NOT JUST FOLLOW.

@siukong

4 жыл бұрын

This was my problem. I was following the proper protocols, but improperly.

@fulcrum2951

4 жыл бұрын

@@siukong should've properly followed proper protocols then

@JCDmu

2 жыл бұрын

Best thread

Interestingly, Pyongyang's George Orwell Airport received the best rating. All but two passengers gave it the best possible marks in all categories. The only two who didn't were clearly not of sane mind as they committed suicide within hours of leaving the negative reviews. One by shooting themselves twice in the back of the head and the other with polonium poisoning.

@plumjet0930

5 ай бұрын

So that’s where my polonium went! I’ve been looking for it for ages!

I love how the category "Plant/Soil" is an option for the question "Who are you?"

The scroll above the train has the word 'no' in every language.

@whateverlolawants

4 жыл бұрын

OMG I missed that 😆

@Cryptonymicus

3 жыл бұрын

It's not a scroll. It's a crawl scrolling. Well, that's what the giant cockroach told me.

1. Who are you. 2. If not who are you? 3. Is it not true that you are whoever we say you are?

@kffire12

4 жыл бұрын

That one is painful to wrap my head around.

@TheMasterTelevision

4 жыл бұрын

It's more or less asking "do you believe you are immune to society's conditioning?"

@zacmumblethunder7466

4 жыл бұрын

@@TheMasterTelevision I've been conditioned to believe I'm immune to society's conditioning and now I'm don't know if I am genuinely immune or just think I am

@johnrankin7135

4 жыл бұрын

@@zacmumblethunder7466 your paperwork has been rerouted and your flight was filled out incorrectly.

@jacobp.2024

3 жыл бұрын

Just say you are microbe. They aren't capable of higher thought so you get some leeway for mistakes.

I had a good experience with H.P Lovecraft International, I just wish they'd massively tone down the racism.

Dante Alighieri Airport is hell, I tell you.

Say what you will about Kafka International, but Borges Airport is even worse. The luggage claim is a sprawling, infinitely large labyrinth and the only security is a Minotaur. My ticket was actually a leather bound book with infinitely many pages and when we finally took off, the plane diverged into millions of branching alternate timelines.

@MCVessels

4 жыл бұрын

Danielewski Airport took a lot from the design of Borges Airport, but put it in a bigger building. There are scores of food courts right next to each other, some of which only contain a single chair, half of the passageways have been removed but you're still expected to walk through them, and just when you feel like you're getting somewhere, some strung-out tattooist stops you to deliver a rambling and unnecessarily graphic anecdote about his sex life and how tough things are for him right now. I don't know how he keeps finding me.

i took a nap in Kafka to find out i awoke in a different Airport, with a tag stating "Non Carry-on Item"

“Getting screened for cancer is the number one cause of finding out you have cancer” Oh my god

@bhatkat

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, and then the dumb asses go to hospitals where people are always dying...

Still better than the MC Esher International Airport. I've been climbing the stairs for three days now!

This is literally a Genius work of Satire

@fulcrum2951

3 жыл бұрын

This isn't satire

@danielchan1668

2 жыл бұрын

Most of Kafka's work have been interpreted multiple times, the most popular explanations of which often postulate that his works are satire. This comment may be a reference to that fact

As a person living in Prague, I laughed really hard at this! :D

@RichieLarpa

5 жыл бұрын

Slyšel jsem, že tam je hodně referencí z Kavkových knih, což z videa dělá ještě větší skvost. Mohu se zeptat, co tam je za reference? Bohužel nejsem čtenář knih...

@whateverlolawants

4 жыл бұрын

I had a orderly experience at Prague's Václav Havel Airport last year. I feel cheated, really.

This is brilliant, with such attention to detail! And striking parallels to the real world despite its outlandish elements... Authentically kafkaesque! Sophisticated and pungent, like a rare variety of onion.

@flat-earther

6 ай бұрын

hi firthm2, well we were all lied to when we were taught that the earth is a ball flying in a vacuum

"Airport officials insist travelers are given the treatment they receive."

The Stephen King International Airport in Maine is weird. It starts out normal, gets stranger the further you get into it, and has an unsatisfactory climax.

@Chunkboi

6 жыл бұрын

magicatthemovieS isn't that the one where they put a religious zealot on every flight and the runway gets eaten between takeoffs?

@matman000000

6 жыл бұрын

Chunkboi Yeah, that's the one. Apparently it's very popular among alcoholic writers and kids with supernatural abilities.

@YourMom-du8zy

6 жыл бұрын

I know that feeling.

@milascave2

5 жыл бұрын

matt: Alcoholic writers? So, you mean all writers, right?

@fulcrum2951

5 жыл бұрын

Out of context

I cannot muster a properly in character response to this. But I must say, this is one of the most genius Onion skits I've seen! :)

There's so much to unpack! This is one of those I'll watch a dozen times to catch all the details

I forget how great these videos were

The guy at the desk is named "Zlamaljelito" which translated means "Broke-a-sausage". And no that's not a real name

When I red his name, Machacek Zlamaljelito, I lost it! Great video! I am proud of our depressing airport! =d

@fds7476

9 жыл бұрын

Why, what does his name mean?

@UVtec

9 жыл бұрын

***** Zlamajelito = Broke sausage (or something in that sense). It is like in the Monty Python's Life of Brian "Biggus Dickus" play of words and sound.

@fds7476

9 жыл бұрын

***** Ah. :D

I saw this bit YEARS ago. I still use the phrase “properly follow proper protocol,” sometimes unironically.

Reminds me of that time I was at Borges airport down in Buenos Aires, it was impossible to find my terminal, I felt like the airport just never ended.

In all fairness, some of Prague's Kafka International Airport's problems, stem from much the staff there, metamorphosing into giant cockroaches.

@muggedinmadrid

9 жыл бұрын

lol great line..... he he very literary

@poggerinreal

5 жыл бұрын

dammit i hate when that happens

@fulcrum2951

5 жыл бұрын

Should've brought a flamethrower

@medexamtoolsdotcom

4 жыл бұрын

And also they are cranky because they typically go weeks and weeks and weeks without food.

@paulferretti805

Жыл бұрын

"In the event one comes into contact with LSD, PTSD Follows..." -PT

That's nothing - in Genoa the Airport is called Cristoforo Colombo Airport. If you board a plane going to Japan, they will drop you off in Haiti and insist that this is Asia and you should torture the locals until they give you gold.

@yudithcaron8053

4 жыл бұрын

Nowadays, we call that "panhandling".

@metametodo

4 жыл бұрын

Simply amazing. Thank you so much.

@dwaynepeters4520

4 жыл бұрын

Instructions unclear. Got thrown into a Haitian prison instead of getting gold.

@spaceman9599

4 жыл бұрын

Well played sir, well played

@thnktank1

4 жыл бұрын

@@spaceman9599 Its Dr. Spaceman!❤

You can tell the person who wrote this actually reads and is a fan of Kafka unlike most people who try to parody/reference him

This one is my favorite, always come back to this video

Damn, I only discovered "The Onion" very recently and I find that stuff created by them circa 10 years ago is absolutely brilliant. That must have been a peak form moment of whoever was writing the scenarios of these sketches.

@BabylonCentral

4 жыл бұрын

Artur Czerwiński Yes. Well stated.

@petperthecommenter3364

4 жыл бұрын

yup, some of their videos are a hundred times funnier and more intelligent then literally anything else.

@hattrickster33

4 жыл бұрын

It's like the modern equivalent of Monty Python. That's how good they were.

@Arroweast

4 жыл бұрын

Well the Onion still exists, it's been around since the 90s. Pretty sure they just stopped making these because it's hard to justify this sort of production expense when you only get 600,000 views in 10 years. This is one of the higher viewed ones too.

@petperthecommenter3364

4 жыл бұрын

@@Arroweast nah its worse then that they were bought out by a mega media corporation like 7 years ago or something, thats probably what killed the funny videos. MBAS only like lame corporate humour, like on American TV

Nothing could be worse than Hemingway airport. I appreciate the complementary drinks and massive airport bar, but you easily get lost, emasculated, and before you know it, the plane's crashed and your wife divorces you!

@ZSy264

9 жыл бұрын

Too good, too good. You forget all the air stewardesses are bitches and will invariably break your heart partially because you're unable to satisfy them due to a war injury.

@namebrandmason

6 жыл бұрын

It’s worse if you’re female. The staff will treat you like you’re completely vapid or a philandering shrew.

@isakkallsmyr9854

6 жыл бұрын

The Orwell airport is actually worse, almost dystopian

@milascave2

5 жыл бұрын

mason: unless you are a middles aged butch lesbian writer. Then they will fall in love with you at the start of the flight but hate you by the end of it.

@lewisirwin5363

5 жыл бұрын

Arthur C. Clarke International Airport was on the whole really quite nice and modern; but their computer system was *murder* to work with.

I asked the agent at Vonnegut International Airport when my flight was boarding and he said "the plane has come unstuck in time. And so it goes. Poo tee weet." Then he showed me some whimsical drawings with captions like "this is the plane" and "this is the plane taking off"

On the plus side, the reporters that exposed security loopholes by blowing up a plane at that other airport wouldn't be able to get anywhere near the plane had thy tried it at Franz Kafka International.

I’d recommend going to the Marquis de Sade airport. It’s a great time.

@praketingrichraft6181

2 жыл бұрын

You can't beat it.

0:34 the clock in the background spinning like crazy in all directions 😂

@glenniebrother

4 жыл бұрын

I think you mean 0:34

@tmanepic

4 жыл бұрын

@@glenniebrother you're right, edited.

@fulcrum2951

4 жыл бұрын

I bought a clock from said airport and its been spinning neverendlessly even when i removed the battery

I had a similar experience. My ticket directed me to gate "AL", which turned out to just be some guy named Al. He told me he was trying to find gate "ED".

FINALLY an accurate video about the denver international airport

@ronsparks7887

2 жыл бұрын

God, yes!