'This dude reminds me of Doctor Frankenstein, creator of Frankenstein's normal guy.' Quite possibly the weirdest, and funniest, thing ever said.

Easily one of the most horrific things I've ever heard. The audio version of a car crash you can't look away from

The one word I can’t get out of my head is “corners.” Corners?! Corners!! What the hell do you mean corners?!! Why do these implants have corners?!!! Why aren’t they round/cylindrical?!!😳

@emmy8526

Жыл бұрын

Modelled on the common square hot dog bun

Rip to the fbi anget who had his penis shot by the cuban shrink ray

I'm so happy they released this segment, the KZread masses deserve to be as horrofied as the Patreon elite.

@hdudidi

Жыл бұрын

patreon money drying up

@BigHomieGayAss1917

Жыл бұрын

@@hdudidi?

@yam83

Жыл бұрын

Misery loves company

@TheJoshuamooney

11 ай бұрын

Oh no doubt.

@user-ff1xu8ru6t

4 ай бұрын

I am finally free of erectile dysfunction after living with it for a while and your penis enhancement medication worked the same way you describe in our interview. Listening to people share testimonials about the effectiveness of their herbal medicines and their experience after using them gave me a strong feeling that it would work for me. I'm glad there are people like Dr. igho who just want to help other people struggling with the same problems.

When life gives you lemons, don't surgically insert them into your shaft.

I'd vote for Felix with a universal dick rights platform! He's really looking out for the "little guy"!

@BigBlack81

Жыл бұрын

He knows how to win the populist vote. I'd give him my support.

Sometimes I remember "Make 'em say uuuggh, my penis gone" and start cackling to myself in public, making people look at me like I'm Arthur Fleck.

Chris wade there was absolutely no reason to upload this. I will be emailing your wife.

I'm with Matt groaning in horror every three seconds and had to stop. lol

@capyossarian

Жыл бұрын

It's pronounced Matt *Graining*

@adamazzalino5247

Жыл бұрын

@@capyossarian Get out of my office!

fellas, don't you hate going to the dick mechanic? you just know they're intentionally fucking up your tubes and levers down there so you have to come back in 6 months, and it's all because you didn't spring for the Truecoat™️ sealant the first time around

@akumakorgar

Жыл бұрын

It's harder for me I have a German dick so I can only go to mechanics who are licensed/qualified to work on European exports and those guys always charge more

@thesargs

Жыл бұрын

@@akumakorgar you think that's bad try having a dick from a country that no longer exists.

@akumakorgar

Жыл бұрын

@@thesargs Skoda made pretty good dicks in their day

@MrBabyBitch666

Жыл бұрын

They install that Truecoat at the factory, there's really nothing we can do

The phrase "an evil root" gave me Rod Dreher whiplash.

"I'd worry less about the surgery, and more that you'd angered a witch." 😂😂😂

They needed to get Stav for this episode

Frankenstein's Normal Guy

This segment probably contributed significantly to Matt Christman's stroke.

Going from Eric Adams shenanigans to *this* in the span of one episode hit me like a truck

@janreal84

Жыл бұрын

A truck full of improvised shoddy penis implants

2:54 echoes of Rod Dreher’s dreaded “primitive root wiener”?? Brother Rod is gone but never truly forgotten.

@janreal84

Жыл бұрын

makes me wonder about his rod

Ive never been this grateful for my nearly 5 incher

@aa-rq8bt

Жыл бұрын

4.75 incher here brother stay strong

@samhall7385

Жыл бұрын

Nearly 5 inches sounds better. Makes me feel better

The number of times I gasped out loud…good god

If you haven't listened to this yet, STOP. Don't do it. Heed my advice and turn away. It's too late for me, but you can be spared, stranger.

@drarp

Жыл бұрын

I was planning to write this exact same comment, almost verbatim, which is kind of scary. Anyways, good job

@clntmagee

Жыл бұрын

ARE YOU SURE? I'M 2.5 MINUTES IN.

@QGfk1

Жыл бұрын

I think women could learn something listening to it. fuck if I know what

@ms_accel

5 ай бұрын

@@QGfk1 for us it's just endlessly entertaining hearing men react to this sort of thing. It's an insecurity we don't have, and just plain funny to watch it go down in men. That being said, my condolences to the victims. They didn't deserve that. But I just can't say I understand the thing with men where their whole sense of worth and identity seems to be centered directly in their genitals.

@MJW238

3 ай бұрын

@@ms_accelI imagine it’s like how women can be sensitive about their weight or appearance in general.

Needed Stavros on this episode

I listened to this episode on a fine bicycle ride last weekend, on one of the few smokeless days we enjoyed. i said aloud thing like "ohhhh noooo" and "ahhhhhh!" and other things of that nature

leg lengthening and this are BBLs for men. but hey, rush hour is a good consolation

This is how RFK got his voice

@garrgravarr

Жыл бұрын

many such cases

This is some GTA infomercial bullshit right here

The way Felix loses it when Will does that Master P parody

It takes a true horror of man to make one feel sympathy for a defense contractor

That billionaire went out worse than Stan Chera. Add this one to the recent wacky ways billionaires will Darwin themselves with instead of being able to enjoy their very comfortable lives.

Can’t recommend making breakfast while listening to this

Wait did I hear that bit towards the beginning right, that it primarily increases the *flaccid* length of your dick? What...what does that even accomplish?

@rockinblock5

Жыл бұрын

Growers also want to be showers..

@ince55ant

Жыл бұрын

better dick pics to send employees

Seems like perfectly reasonable thing to listen to it 7 in the morning

@therideneverends1697

Жыл бұрын

5:50 for me, sure, ill start the morning this way, why not

@mv-xr7lt

Жыл бұрын

Same here listening during my 6 am shift

@ince55ant

Жыл бұрын

9a.m. full volume on speakers windows wide open the people need to hear this

As soon as they started describing the "silver haired urologist" inventing "penuma" my brain conjured the titanic submarine billionaire

@just_a_turtle_chad

Жыл бұрын

These submarine jokes aren't funny anymore get new material 🥱

this episode sponsored by manscaped

Really over cis people calling me mutilated for having top surgery and then doing stuff like this

@greatgaddafisghost6388

Жыл бұрын

you are also mutilated :)

@harrydsgn

Жыл бұрын

what the fuck is with these replies, you are absolutely not mutilated for having a body that you are more comfortable with.

@GaigeGrosskreutzGunClub

Жыл бұрын

@@greatgaddafisghost6388 your brain is mutilated

@zvz5823

Жыл бұрын

​@@greatgaddafisghost6388based ghaddafi

@finished6267

Жыл бұрын

Yeah cis people are doing this like CRAZY! You can't actually be cis if you don't mutilate your cock, we won't accept you, we will just mock you mercilessly, and tell catty jokes about you. Hahaha

This is what broke up Crowders marriage, right?

@raven_g6667

Жыл бұрын

Yea. Hilary got tired of the corners.

this made me double over in pain

@jackalope07

Жыл бұрын

I don't know how they read that out loud without gagging, I once clicked on the wikipedia page for "Meatotomy" because I thought it was a funny sounding word and I haven't been the same since

Body dysmorphia is just odd because you could have nothing but good experiences with partners & still dislike yourself, don’t think I’d ever consider surgery for any of it though

@namebrandrobots1248

Жыл бұрын

I couldn't be happier with my results! I'm going forhe world record!

I have a true kok horror story. I am a ex con. Many moons ago I spent a considerable time in the New York State Prison System. I was at Attica State Prison when my classification dropped from Maximum Security to Medium Security. They shipped me next door to a medium security prison called Wyoming Correctional Facility. So I went from living in a cell to living in sixty man dormitories. Anyway every day they would randomly call a different group of guys down to the administration building for urinalysis drug testing. Guys would panic if they were dirty. I seen all kinds of different ways people would try to beat that fkin test. Anyway one day they called a friend of mine and he was dirty. He got the bright idea to take powdered bleach cleaning stuff and he was shoving it up the hole of his dik thinking that the bleach would burn out whatever was in there. Not only did it not work but his dik got infected. It blew up the size of two grapefruits. He almost lost it. Thank God the antibiotics worked and the swelling went down.

@raven_g6667

11 ай бұрын

I refuse to like this comment lest my reaction to reading this be seen as anything other than horror.

@jamesmcelroy5830

11 ай бұрын

@@raven_g6667 That’s a true story. What I forgot to say is it was the next day that he told all of us what he did and he was afraid to go to the clinic for help. We had to scream on him and tell him what the eff is wrong with you. He’s fretting about worrying about getting in trouble and his you know what is the size of a cantaloupe all infected. It was a miracle that he recovered and didn’t lose it. He went to solitary confinement for a dirty urinalysis anyway with a extra charge of tampering. I’ve seen the craziest sht in there.

This is horrifying, but 19:00 might be Will's finest moment ever. I strongly suspect he subjected the guys to this reading just for that joke. (and he was right to)

This is the most horrifying accounts I have heard in my life. So sorry for all those folks :(

I became the high pitched singing cowboy meme

Love the sounds of horror the guys are making 😂

This hurt my entire body

the razorblades comment made my body physically wretch and it only got worse from there

“I gave up comparing genitals back in the schoolyard.“-Max Schumacher

Maybe this one should've remained safely behind a paywall

22:20 6.5 inches isn't in the middle of the bell curve, though. It's around 2 standard deviations above average.

@QGfk1

Жыл бұрын

it's like the 6'1 of dick size, technically above average but seen as the desirable end of the 1st SD. stav's dick is technically bang average and he's made a career of talking about having a little penis. but I'm with you, I was waiting for some mention of the fact that most of these guys had normal or maybe barely below average dicks but hearing that the dude was in a long term relationship and had a nice hog was brutal

@TheJoshuamooney

Жыл бұрын

You bring your Bell Curves, I’ll bring mine.

@zacharyenglish2904

Жыл бұрын

I mean, to be fair, I’ve never met a guy with an actually small dick that had any sort of neurosis about it. I’ve met plenty who are within an inch of 6 (on either side) who are fucking obsessed with it

@AdrianMendoza23

Жыл бұрын

6 1/2 is above average. 6 and over is above average.

@FirstnameLastname-bn4gv

Жыл бұрын

@@zacharyenglish2904 Because lots of those small dick guys don't even mention it out of shame.

Felix must’ve saw one of many Peter North films and felt ashamed.

@beebgegegeg-xr3cm

Жыл бұрын

Felix is penultimate

how much would it cost to get a 3rd ball? not out of insecurity but bc it would be a cool party trick and probs get me free drinks at the bar

@jessejames8900

Жыл бұрын

How about 4balls and 2 schlongs?

@hypocritespuninanna9601

11 ай бұрын

​@@jessejames8900There's actually a dude with two dicks..

@jonathannathan7299

10 ай бұрын

You’re not supposed to show your balls at a bar

@CorndogNinja

Ай бұрын

3-T Scrote

Also, 16:16 is why I will hear no conversation about 'Felix is soooo unfunny'. 🔫🎆🤣

Episode 747 (the "Jumbo" episode). The irony is delicious

Gorillas are hung like fruit bats 🦇

@andrewrivera1054

11 ай бұрын

Gorillas are real men

At the end of the day it’s about loving yourself and respecting your body the way it is. Anathema to capitalism which says there is always something you can do.

@octosalias5785

Жыл бұрын

Yeah just love yourself, and get used to it, youll be loving yourself a lot.

@UntoTheBreach24

Жыл бұрын

​@@octosalias5785would that be a _bad_ thing?

@zvz5823

Жыл бұрын

​@@octosalias5785😂

@octosalias5785

Жыл бұрын

@@UntoTheBreach24 I think the only people who would think its a good thing to waste your life either alone or in shallow flings are people who have had so many hook ups that they become bored and now live in a quiet cottage drinking tea with their cats. If you enjoy that, great. Some of us suffer in loneliness for decades at a time and I doubt you know what thats like.

@UntoTheBreach24

Жыл бұрын

@@octosalias5785 lol unfortunately I do know what it's like. But bro I thought we were talking about loving yourself. It wouldn't be a bad thing to love yourself in spite of the loneliness and negativity from others. But it is hard to do that for yourself. I'm certainly not good at it. For what it's worth I'm sorry you have a 4.5-inch penis and that you get shit for it. You are being kind of a baby in KZread comments so of course people are going to antagonize you, but it's not cool to be demeaned over dick size. There really are lots of people out there who don't care and I hope you meet more of them, but I'm not gonna tell you what to feel.

They needed to bring Stavros in for this episode lol

Oh holy shit, I don’t usually get that grossed out by medical stuff but the descriptions in this made me light headed.

Is there such a thing as anorexia, but for penis size?

@ince55ant

Жыл бұрын

body dysmorphia is the phrase youre thinking of

@avatardecadewho

Жыл бұрын

We used to just call it penis envy, but yea, body dysmorphia.

As an expert in the field, I would not recommend this surgery

This reminds me of a true horror story where a doctor in a American prison was doing medical experiments on the prisoners like replacing their tests with ones from bulls and the prisoners members were all rotting and falling off.

@miskatonic_alumni

10 ай бұрын

I need a source. I want to read about this depravity on my own time.

@fkrkf

3 ай бұрын

Hell, a century ago there was this fake doctor who was sewing goat testicles into men's scrotums (PRE ANTIBIOTICS) and charging $700 for the procedure (around $50,000 in today's money) as a cure for impotence and it was _wildly_ popular

@gz5405

3 ай бұрын

@@fkrkf Dr John Brinkley: The GOAT

I don't think I have ever heard Felix laugh this hard

6:28 as a guy with big balls, there are women that actually like them.

@raven_g6667

11 ай бұрын

Yea. I'm bi and I don't mind some pendulous clackers.

@hypocritespuninanna9601

11 ай бұрын

Yeah, what broad likes cashew size balls😂😂😂😂😂

@CephalicMiasma4

9 ай бұрын

Think I just found a new name for my band.

@thomasprislacjr.4063

6 ай бұрын

​@@CephalicMiasma4 'Pendulous Cashews' called it!!

Comparison is the thief of joy

Alright, I just got my Big Bite from 711 and ready for lunch, let's see what this episode has to say. Hope it's good. I got two Big Bites today, gonna be double fisting them.

@finished6267

Жыл бұрын

God. Reminds me of when I was jobless and that's all I could afford for meals. Big bite with drink a s chips. Fuck.

'cursed by god with being Irish' hold up pal, Cumtown taught me Liam Neeson and Colin Farrel are hung

@BNardolilli

11 ай бұрын

the Black Irish

Goddamn dude I wasn't ready for the body horror. I'm on a bus, yo, not cool

good slop, thanks

This segment triggered me hard. I had to stop listening to it at work and sit down for while to not pass out. I guess I have a surgery phobia or something.

@AoE2Replays

Жыл бұрын

no man, it was TOUGH to hear

this is hypothetically legal in florida, but bottom surgery for trans people is illegal tho. amazing

@stefanoalves8862

Жыл бұрын

The DNC can turn Florida blue if they follow Felix's micropenis platform.

@emmy8526

Жыл бұрын

All trans surgeries are surgeries that were first developed for cis people

God never before have I been so grateful for my 5.2 inches

@finished6267

Жыл бұрын

Tell us your cock is 5.2 inches without telling us your cock is 5.2 inches

@Creamcups

Жыл бұрын

@@finished6267 I think he did tell us

@hypocritespuninanna9601

11 ай бұрын

​@@finished6267😂😂😂😂😂😂

Never have I ever got a penis enlargement surgery

@keanuxu5435

Жыл бұрын

Same

Shaytân-e-Bozorg said Khomeini four decades ago about America. No one has ever proved him wrong.

@Silvashoots

Жыл бұрын

Black Folk have been saying whites are satanic for 9000 years now. Stop pretending like the Persians invented that.

@PocketGatoSleeps

Жыл бұрын

@@Silvashootsdo both of you wear helmets in public that match your drool guards? Be honest

@ryansilva1274

Жыл бұрын

@@PocketGatoSleeps wipe the milk outta your eyes -- that's called hair. I know most Cro-Magnons lose it before they're 20 but come on.

@PocketGatoSleeps

Жыл бұрын

@@ryansilva1274 was this an attempt at a joke? I’m guessing youre the third stooge coming to defend your other autistic friends?

“It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean.”

my tummy hurt

@jingbot1071

Жыл бұрын

Tastes like burning

Not the rockinest of dude moments

For what it's worth, the only successful penis surgery I'm aware of was on Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Dude lost his penis to cancer, got it replaced with one of his middle fingers. Which I guess is a replacement, not an enhancement.

@finished6267

Жыл бұрын

He takes "Fuck you" to another level. He takes "giving someone the finger" to a whole new level. This guy manicures his cock for fucks sakes. It's like a horror movie: "hey bitch, small my finger"! "Screams"!!!

@Devout214

Жыл бұрын

Recently actually there’s been new penis grafting/ bionic penis? Surgery advancements. Look up about guys with penis’ on their arms.

@BNardolilli

11 ай бұрын

certainly wasn't Gouverneur Morris

Hogmentation

I'm ready for a Teeth-esque body horror live action reenactment of this episode.

this segment made me wish I never had a penis/testicles

i read this article when it was posted and good god, it made me physically ill! listening to it on chapo, though... well, it was a little easier, lol.

What no woman has ever said: « my, that’s a fine looking scrotum »

@Remorsefullyhumble

Жыл бұрын

My woman likes to feel and hold mine ..idk maybe women do but not verbally say it

@alecproulx2969

Жыл бұрын

It’s a gay thing. Not joking

@Remorsefullyhumble

Жыл бұрын

@@alecproulx2969 it mainly is but I heard they use fluids to oversized them .

@hospitable_ghost

Жыл бұрын

I mean I'm a woman and I definitley, uh, have preferences...I'd still run for the hills if you me you got a scrote implant.

@alecproulx2969

Жыл бұрын

@@Remorsefullyhumble saline solution i’m pretty sure

I read the article and it got even more horrifying. The reason "Mick" lost sensation in his glans was because Elist used mesh to attach the implant to areas which have many nerve endings.

As a plastic surgeon specializing in penis reduction i just

@avatardecadewho

Жыл бұрын

I need more info. This isn't a joke or anything. I am genuinely curious. Please elaborate.

#godsplan

@KarmaPaym3ntPlan

Жыл бұрын

🙏

@dakillaownya

Жыл бұрын

🙏

@Terra_Incognita115

Жыл бұрын

🙏

@mitchhosking5599

Жыл бұрын

🙏

@xyzzy4005

Жыл бұрын

🙏

Instant Chapo classic!

God why did I watch it right before lunch 😩

Don't If Terrance Howard can make it so can you

I was planning on rubbing out after I left work today. “I’ll listen to some chapo on the way home tonight! Just started listening to them I like it so far” I thought, naively, “taking in politics from a humorous voice can sometimes cheer me up”. I can’t even get a chub goin after listening to this. Just kickin it with my tiny flaccid penis in my hand, feelin really mixed feelings about my night now :l

@supermarx

Жыл бұрын

Just be grateful you didn't discover you have a botched genital augmentation surgery kink.

@Calcagno1988

Жыл бұрын

Buddy this was the same episode that brought up that Elliot Abrams is being hired by the Biden administration so that definitely should’ve dampened the mood ahead of time.

@atommcnz

Жыл бұрын

Don’t tell me what I can and can’t get off to, buddy

@atommcnz

Жыл бұрын

Don’t tell me what I can and can’t get off to, buddy

@atommcnz

Жыл бұрын

Don’t tell me what I can and can’t get off to, buddy

I'm saving this episode for Halloween

Penuma numa numa yay

@gthreek

Жыл бұрын

"maiya-HA-ha!" - me, listening to the spicy parts of this

holy FUCK it was VERY hard to listen to this 😢😢😢 (no pun intended)

Felix's childhood neurosis about his dick size definitely portended some of what he is currently

God matt's reactions where identical to mine

Will doing a silent "H" in Haribro is very on brand.

@fkrkf

3 ай бұрын

I think about this comment all the time.....

I wonder if men realize that this too classifies as gender affirming care

@alexjohnson9798

Жыл бұрын

There's a really obvious and mean response to this but I'm not a chud so I won't say it

@zvz5823

Жыл бұрын

​@@alexjohnson9798that they're affirming the gendered charataristics of what they *are* , and not what they wish they were?

@Jonmad17

Жыл бұрын

This isn't covered by insurances, so the discourse on gender affirming care doesn't really apply here

@moorejim13

Жыл бұрын

@@Jonmad17 regardless if it is covered my insurance, it’s a procedure that lessens a man’s feelings of inadequacy, by altering himself physically to match his perception of his gender presentation

@glueball9511

Жыл бұрын

@@moorejim13 i would kill to be cooler in any way honestly. having a whole side of my body be part robotic would greatly lessen my feelings of inadequacy as a man BUT lo even if that were true, I still wouldnt have a tail... i am afraid there arent enough doctors to live up to my high expectations, but simultaneously i refuse to accept myself as just being a normal cis man with a small lineage of family

This was a great way to make sure I don't listen to the whole episode

I’m a trans woman, and I thought my neuroses about my dick was bad…

im a mick and my hog is stacked, god must have missed me

Hey guys! Are you MAN enough for a PENILE IMPLANT??

Eh.. there's a couple ppl I might wish this on.

Getting ripped and getting a promotion are both more effective and more achievable goals for attracting a lady. So what if the surgery works? You still gotta get them to want to see it, and interact with it in order for them to be impressed by it.

@thomasprislacjr.4063

6 ай бұрын

You want to know what's far more effective than getting ripped and getting a promotion? Being your authentic self and showing vulnerability is what most people want out of a significant other in their life. Of course, achieving this is far more difficult than working out and taking care of your career. It's probably why it's prized more highly......if that's your thing. Source: father of 3 while being married 19 years this coming June.