You don't have to talk or react to them to suck your energy. Just being around them is exhausting!

@JohnDoe-pt7xx

3 жыл бұрын

Yep there are ways to drain people of their energy without even talking

@toryw13

3 жыл бұрын

I actually would get brain fog around mine. I felt exhausted around him so much I got tired of driving over 1 hour just to be abused every weekend.

@nikkishaye9385

3 жыл бұрын

My dad is the biggest energy vampire I have ever come across, and considering the places I’ve been in my life, that’s scary!

@mikeray1544

3 жыл бұрын

Yea...like "psychic vampires".....

@danarsenault6545

3 жыл бұрын

The best response is: “Who does the person your pretending to be, think they are?”

I kept abusive texts from my ex and any time I started to miss him I'd re-read them and was instantly 'cured'.

@milliannek

3 жыл бұрын

I keep screenshots so that I can remember that he definitely IS a liar

@rachelvoss5519

3 жыл бұрын

Great idea, thank you!

@kellyhummingbird

3 жыл бұрын

yess making a list of bad behaviors and literal quotes in the notes section in my phone really helped as i was morning the loss of the dream they faked

@ekdaufin1485

3 жыл бұрын

Good on!

@lilgorgo

3 жыл бұрын

I did the same. I felt like my memory had been wiped. So about a month ago I used keywords to search back thru our text convos and took screenshots of all the times he lashed out at me for giving insufficient supply. I turned the screenshots into a free online photo album and sent him a link to it when he asked why I was acting different. He said he didn't read it of course. But every time I need to remember, it's there for me to go back and reference. Shortly after showing him this he went quiet and still is.

This reminds me of a roommate I had. I'd basically avoid any engagement. We once got into a conversation that led to him asking me to let him know the things he does that I don't like. I replied, "unfortunately, you've put me in a tough place. If I tell you the things that bother me, that will give you the power to bother me. You want to know what I don't like? When you're kind and considerate, when you clean up after yourself, when you're quiet and respectful." He had such a dumb look on his face after that.

@candimorgant.8063

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂 that is AWESOME!

@king-qo8fi

Жыл бұрын

ha ha ha ! HIGH 5 !

@starlingswallow

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

@wowso4

Жыл бұрын

Brilliant! 😂😂😂

@marleyofficialmedia

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

The best thing to do with a narcissist is don’t seek approval from them. This hands you back control over your life.

@eurokay4755

3 жыл бұрын

My mother is a very, very manipulative, controlling covert narcissist. When she became upset with about something that is remotely related to our local council, which I work for, she decided to address them at their regular public meeting. She never said a word to me about either the issue (which I could have explained how to resolve) or her plan to make a public statement to the council until the night before the meeting where she was on the agenda. I knew she was on the agenda weeks before the meeting because colleagues mentioned it to me. The night before, she finally told me what she going to do and why. Then, she said, "I hope you know I'm not doing this to embarrass you and I hope it doesn't reflect on you at work." No eye contact at all until I told her that I'd been working with my colleagues for 15 years, they are very accustomed to all kinds of people including relatives and friends addressing the council, and that whatever she said or does is not a reflection of me just like what I do and say is not a reflection of her. Right up until I said she and I were not reflections of each other, I saw (for the first time) that weird, sly smile of satisfaction of her face. After I said I wasn't a reflection of her, she turned her head away and had nothing at all to say. Here's the truth: if she hadn't intended to cause me some sort of negative feeling, she would have been open and honest with me about her issue and how to resolve it. Instead, she got angry and indignant, mistakenly believing the council caused some damage to her garden. She fired off several ugly, demanding emails to her representative and decided to "speak her mind" publicly, regardless of whether or how it might affect me (it didn't at all, but she didn't care whether it would). She wanted a long, emotional discussion with me on the eve of her "big show", assuming the prospect of it would cause me anxiety. Being able to say, "No worries, Mom! Oh, look at the time. I need to get home. Hope it goes well tomorrow night!" and then leave on a very pleasant note was so liberating and self-affirming I can't really describe it. It sounds like such a small, easy thing to do, but for me, it was monumental. Later, I watched the video of the meeting with her comments. She predictably rambled long past the allotted 3 minutes, talking about herself, how long she's lived in town, raised 3 children, deceased husband's career, etc., followed by her signature passive-aggressive delivery of her complaint: angry, but with a sardonic smile on her face the whole time. She got no response from the council beyond, "Thank you" and an explanation about how a utility easement works, i.e., there was nothing they could do to help her because the cable company has an easement in the alleyway to fix their cables. The whole thing perfectly illustrated her dysfunction, her intentional covert manipulation of me, and how effective it is when you can swallow every impulse to accept their invitation to "discuss" something and instead, opt out firmly but kindly.

@joolspools777

3 жыл бұрын

@@eurokay4755 Wow..you did SO well..that's really good. I aim to get where you are sooner rather than later, I hope.

@shellyscholz1256

2 жыл бұрын

The problem is when the narc is dead and your grown children are still duped.

@starseed8809

2 жыл бұрын

@@eurokay4755 I get you my sister does those things all the time but I am getting better at saying no and I don't care if she keeps on calling me with any excuse.

@veebliss1266

Жыл бұрын

Or validation

No contact has been my peace, my safety, my power, and my freedom.

@claireellis8242

3 жыл бұрын

Best way to be. Merry Christmas. ❤️😊🇬🇧

@AmyEliasMS

3 жыл бұрын

It’s the ONLY way.

@claireellis8242

3 жыл бұрын

@@AmyEliasMS Merry Christmas sweetheart.

@jujubee7351

3 жыл бұрын

Same here, its hard but Corona Virus has given me the biggest excuse to stay away

@claireellis8242

3 жыл бұрын

@@jujubee7351 watch Peter KAY, love.

Staying with them is a lonely existence. No communication or connectedness.

@Itsonlyvibes

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@raia9

3 жыл бұрын

@P This It might be important to Diane, you just dismissed her. For many people its less lonely being alone and then being with someone in a toxic relationship.

@rachelvoss5519

3 жыл бұрын

I'm extremely lonely in my relationship with a narc! I am just beginning to realize what I'm up against. I am empowering myself by watching videos like this and reading comments like yours Diane.

@rebekatalebi8046

3 жыл бұрын

So true!!!

@Harl3y1025

3 жыл бұрын

For real. 😔 i tried to tell him that. Our last fight he laughed in my face while I was crying. 💔.

"observe, don't absorb" is one of my new mantras 🙏

@cherylturner7188

6 ай бұрын

I💚 this... Thanks for sharing! This is my mantra now... when I start getting that Feeling of absorbing any given situation that I might find myself in...to Stop mentally and Observe it rather than Take that 💩 in. ✌️☀️

@jenniferblue1387

5 ай бұрын

Good one

“Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” Gems. I finally cut off my toxic family & found peace.

@MajorIllustration

7 ай бұрын

Your whole family is toxic?

@deanarjones9114

6 ай бұрын

Matt 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

@julialee143

6 ай бұрын

My dad is a covert narc and I didn’t realize this for a long time… 9 months no contact. He loved this quote..he would say it himself. About the pig…

@URALesbianSlapshot

5 ай бұрын

I cut off my three siblings and it gets lonely on the holidays in year 6 of this, but the reward of it is worth the price to me as a dude. Keep hanging in there, beautiful Rachel... Like myself, you deserve BETTER too. (I'd rather be alone at times talking to wall than EVER talking to people like THOSE again!). I finally arrived from the other end of the tunnel, myself, and I never want to go back to that DARKNESS again

@URALesbianSlapshot

5 ай бұрын

PS--thanks for phrasing Dr Ross here on his awesome recollection of that George Bernard Shaw saying... I'm done "wrestling with pigs" by accident giving them ENTERTAINMENT... As they said in the movie "War Games" in it's conclusion, "THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY THE GAME!"

Don't try to play a game with a narcissist...you can never win, because the game only really exists in their mind.

@alexsinclaire8894

3 жыл бұрын

Growing up with a narcissist mother was tough. Whenever we played a game, she would upend the table and splatter the game everywhere when she didn’t win, or she felt like we were making her lose. She’d then run to her room and slam the door as hard as she could.

@ladybaabaa3294

3 жыл бұрын

@@alexsinclaire8894 Ugh, how hideous. I actually didn't mean my comment literally though. I meant don't engage with the general mind games of a narcissist as you'll never win as there are no rules, there is no winner and the "game" doesn't exist outside the narcissist's own mind.

@saqueradry3629

3 жыл бұрын

@Brad Mc can you train me ? I’m an empath ! I use to get hurt so badly but now I don’t care but I’m still holding on to this nothingness

@Marixpress2

3 жыл бұрын

@Brad Mc MVP!!! Give this guy a medal lol :D I would also like to cosign what you said about examining your own behaviors, patterns, unresolved trauma in addition to learning about their behaviors. The unhealthy empath can fall into being a "fixer" or "saver" whereas a healthy empath would probably keep maximum distance from that person. It's as much about us as it is about them. There is nothing wrong per se with a wounded empath who keeps falling for broken people, it's just misdirected love (wanting to be loved). I don't know what to do about this nothingness the user above mentioned. I'm kind of in that place too about 2 years post exit. I don't trust anyone, not even warm-hearted people who see things through rose colored glasses.

@TruthIsNot4Sale

3 жыл бұрын

@Brad Mc What’s an Apath? 🤔And how do I switch to it?😁

One thing that will always drive a narcissist crazy: SILENCE

@spacecoyote2109

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! I learned that as a little girl. It was the only weapon I had against my mother but it worked so well!

@katjakoston7279

4 жыл бұрын

Number Space. Well then,l’am on the right track,using the no contact rule. Your comment just encouraged me again. Thanks

@Mortequal

4 жыл бұрын

I use this at work. He almost climb the walls in rage. He yelled at me last week: WHY ChOoSE A JOb LIkE ThiS WHEN YOU ARE NOT SOciAL??!!?!

@NumberSpace

4 жыл бұрын

@@Mortequal Ignore him. He only cares for himself and Karma will catch up with him.

@jengable4888

4 жыл бұрын

Number Space ...Indeed ! In addition, they have to do things to purposely irritate you, in order to get you to speak to them or engage with them ! An example - blasting the TV when you are trying to read, so you will have to speak with them to "lower the volume"...and other things to irritate !

Three years ago, I made a small cake for my birthday. Because I was getting the silent treatment then, I put a candle on it, lit it and I went to my husband in the other room and I said "Happy birthday to me" and I blew out the candle. He looked at me, and without saying anything, turned to the TV again. Of course I cried - silently. On my next birthday, he denied that he didn't wish me a happy birthday. I left him 5 months ago, for the second time, but now for good - after 42 years of marriage. I'm almost 65 and I still cry from time to time.

Don't allow anyone to control you through your emotions.

@witchprojekt666

3 жыл бұрын

Control us *more through emotions. That’s literally the social media algorithm and dating apps effects on our system, race to the root of the nervous system. The USA, macroscopically , is kind of a paragon of abusive narcissism.

@caroldesarnoNeNe45

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely..... You are in control over your emotions... I always tell people..... "I'm The Boss of Me" Works like a Charm every time... They run for the Hills....... Funny thing is they tell everyone to stay away from me...... Because I am Strong...... It's Great so anyone thinking about Fucking with me has already been warned........ I Love it...... All Manipulators Stay Far.... Far..... Away from me...... They can't stand Exposure..... LOL.....LOL.....LOL....

@KucheKlizma

4 ай бұрын

@@witchprojekt666 The algorithm? And not by people using catch-all terms like narccissist or algorithm which gets us riled up and angry towards something? But then what's the point of even calling it out, that's an easy way to paint a scapegoat on your forehead?

@claesyoungberg1695

2 ай бұрын

​@@KucheKlizmaI get what you're saying. It really annoys me when people just reflexively blame "They", "the system", "Biden", "Obama", "Trump", "the algorithm",... or suddenly anyone they dislike is a "narcissist". That said, there's some truth as far as social media and KZread shorts/Tik Tok. It's habit forming because it manipulates us on a targeted emotional level.

If you ignore them they will send their flying monkeys to ask you to talk to them. Narcs need to talk to their victim as much as they need to breathe.

@laurachurch5026

3 жыл бұрын

Poor sound quality

@lauramakin834

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, my ex uses my daughters, but they don't always fall for it. They are becoming wiser as they get older.

@SkyePhoenix

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, they need us more than we need them, in reality.

@annettewilford9726

3 жыл бұрын

@@mistiroberts1576 x

@okkay6030

3 жыл бұрын

Had this experience all emotional laden blackmail type stuff ...no & then again no

They will isolate you so you only have them too tall to., and you can not share deep stuff because they use it against you like a cop.

@AZDC99

5 жыл бұрын

Dez Therrien YES, indeed! The lengths that one former best friend/flying monkey/NPD went through to isolate me from a girlfriend I date and my parents in the form of shaming me for daring to interact with them, even though I was getting something out of it-- at the end with too many hints dropped it became obvious that he was interacting with these people and using my info against me like a cop. I've no proof of this for my gut says this has to be true considering how those people dealt with me while I was confiding to him. Too much good cop bad cop timing there too. Good riddance to bad rubbish. That person is now someone I no longer deal with or call.

@vickiepauley876

5 жыл бұрын

Wow sounds like my mom.

@lynnwalker3503

5 жыл бұрын

Wow, I think my mom's friend who was kind of my helper/care-taker did that years ago. She was also my mom's executor for when mom died but the situation wasn't working out. When I tried to take her (my mom's friend/possible narcissist) to court for something, she told my dad and my dad called me to try to get me to drop my lawyer. When that didnt' work, she went to my aunt and uncle so they would influence me to drop my lawyer. That didn't work either, but it got to where she was one of the very few people I had to talk to in town. It was hard, but I eventually was able to pull away from her influence. I did have one friend left to talk to, thank God

@deztherrien8700

5 жыл бұрын

@@lynnwalker3503 Hope you are good and well now.

@lynnwalker3503

5 жыл бұрын

I'm doing better now than I was back then, thanks. Sometimes it's still hard for me because I remember how nice she was to me and mom when my mom was really sick. But when I think of those things, I just try to count my blessing @@deztherrien8700

I love that: OBSERVE don't ABSORB....So they become just like a feature film in front of you.

After years and years of receiving verbal abuse from my sister and of searching deep inside to find out what made me a target of it, I have FINALLY realized that it all starts when I’m courteous enough to engage in conversation with her. So now I have cut all direct conversation but because she’s my sister, I’ve told her I needed time on my own but kept e-mail open between us. Interestingly, she suddenly has nothing to talk about with me ….! and I know why…. It’s because she won’t be able to trick me with written words and pretend I said this or that when I didn’t, like she usually will do in conversation. Everything is written down and recorded in an email! It has been a very good system. My life is more peaceful now 😅

@SherryONeill

7 ай бұрын

GREAT IDEA!!!

@kslucki

6 ай бұрын

I cut out sister years ago. She tried getting me into contact again by trying to apologize, at the same time accusing me of things. I initially composed a reply, and then realized, I'm actually not interested in ANY type of contact with her, and left her without it. My peace is priceless.

@timwall6187

6 ай бұрын

I have/had a toxic sister as well and she suggested more than once that I should think about committing suicide. She couldn't understand why I wanted nothing more to do with her. Sometimes I think these people are possessed since all they do is harm.

@christine485gmail

5 ай бұрын

This is why my husband is mad I won’t take phone calls anymore . Just text , that we “both know what was said”

@betsybarnicle8016

5 ай бұрын

This is what I've done, but I've tried to avoid even texting. My sister can get in a deep passive-aggressive jab in a very short rare text. The text on its face can look innocent, but if you know the history and past attacks, you can recognize the subtle hook.

It’s tempting to react because when they say something completely illogical, you (who believes anyone can understand logic) want to explain to them where they are being illogical, 1+1=2. After years of arguing, I realized that logic means nothing to them, it’s still hard for me to process

@yemisiaderuku2902

3 жыл бұрын

They say illogical things deliberately They are schemers

@virtualasylum7013

3 жыл бұрын

My ex seemed like he couldn't understand the simplest of concepts

@decoy2636

3 жыл бұрын

@@virtualasylum7013 My ex does the same after she left, I ponied up some support money to put her azz up in in a rental. Now I am right on time each month with the alimony. You can't put worthless pieces of paper to better use than paying a narc for your peace. Now I must stay in honor at all costs.

@virtualasylum7013

3 жыл бұрын

@@decoy2636 you are right about that....also nowadays women want to be pampered even when you are not together....alimony should be abolished...total bs...and I am a woman and feel bad for men in this greedy time we find ourselves

@decoy2636

3 жыл бұрын

@@virtualasylum7013 Please don't feel sorry for me. If she had of tried just a little the rest of this life would have been spent with her. I'm blessed to be able to buy my freedom from her. No matter what she left, and wasn't gonna come back. Her keys didn't fit anyway.

"I don't know" and "I forgot". The only 2 phrases you need to talk to a narcissist.

@patriciastoj126

4 жыл бұрын

Whatever works as well. Dont buy in.

@1986nitya

4 жыл бұрын

hahahaha...good one! Point noted :) Thanks.

@christinecampbell6208

4 жыл бұрын

I was just kidding................errrrrrrr

@trishayamada807

4 жыл бұрын

Jin W. Mine is oh that’s too bad. Because they are always having one crisis or another.

@udhiw.4663

4 жыл бұрын

1) flatter them (ironically, if you can keep from laughing). //. 2) Wear a watch or set an alarm on your phone, "sorry gotta run..."

"Don't you want to talk to me? Why couldn't we talk?" And there you are again, in a 4h nonsense session, resolving nothing.

@msteach3082

3 жыл бұрын

So very true… a complete waste of time and energy.

@decoy2636

2 жыл бұрын

When you're honestly being harmed by someone you would give your life if necessary to protect them from harm will leave you for dead. You simply can't have any expectation of meeting in the middle because there is no existing common ground and after decades leaves you an ugly resentful person you don't like to see in the mirror when you shave. Knowing now I was half the blame for not kicking her to the curb decades ago when my gut feeling was to do just that helps me forgive her for leaving me and being so cruel about it. I just couldn't leave her all those years ago in the same manner. We're knowing now. I didn't protest her leaving like I have done in the past. I don't know how many times she would be packing her stuff and I would start throwing my shit in garbage bags too. She would stop to watch me as I dumped drawers full in the sacks. The first time I did that she wanted to know what I was doing and I asked her where we were moving to because I was going too. After all that if I had of known all the daily I love you with all my heart sayings were a lie I sure would have left. Hope keeps people trapped when the want change in the one they love. If I had of had a spouse that wanted me to do good there's no way to tell what the limit would have been. Its like youve been anchored fishing and forget to pull anchor when you crank up and leave for a better spot. The boat struggles but can't get on top to plane out. We stop and weigh anchor then. Why we stay in a struggle like that for decades is mind boggling. You have a relationshit with a narc, point blank. Peace comes with forgiveness and that's the ticket to ditch resentment. Peace

@graciousSenor

2 жыл бұрын

My mom said, "you aren't shutting your heart to me, are you?" Implying I was some, broken, heartless person. She was shifting the blame to me. Or she would sit me down and accuse me, say all kinds of messed up things about me as a person. We were Christians and she would use the Bible to threaten me. I'm only know coming to the reality of the abuse at 31 years old.

@jesseleeward2359

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah "we need to talk" "There is nothing to talk about" They say "yes there is. The way you wear your shirt untucked upsets me" Or "You are looking at the water from the wrong angle and it's an insult to me" Weird creepy conversations about random problems

@morpheusgrace1071

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah! Fucking hours! Circular frustrating conversations, about the same stupid issue she came up with all over again. Her: "But I don't want to hurt you, are you sure we should meet again?" Me: ok. So let's cancel, as you wish. Her: "what? So you're saying you don't want me anymore?" YADA YADA YADA. I was always very proud of our "ability" to talk for HOURS. I was convinced it's a sign of our unbreakable bond. After the discard, I almost got lost in the Brain fog she left me with. I realized we were talking about absolutely NOTHING. Nothing substantial, except her of course. Her feelings, my feelings towards her, her her her her. Fucking nightmare.

This might sound strange but when I began to completely imitate and model my whole personality around Spock and Vulcan behavior, I noticed that I became living kryponite to all narcissists lol

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing! 🙂

@malibu-malik

Жыл бұрын

What is Spock and Vulcan ?

@SenSakura-dj6bq

Жыл бұрын

They defy all logic. I don't think they care!

@XGD5layer

11 ай бұрын

​@@malibu-malik characters in Star Trek

@sandrashane677

10 ай бұрын

So like an Aspie?

My Narc's favorite tactic was to get me trapped in a vehicle with him and bash away. I will never get into a car with him again.

@ali.g0087

3 жыл бұрын

That's was my "best friend did". acted like we were gonna hang out and I would help her do a tik tok dance. Decided to got to target together and then just let loose

@CynthiaAva

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. He does not drive but will get in a car w me & my daughter and immediately start shit. Took me a while to realize he would do it because he had me trapped.

@Chatham8555

3 жыл бұрын

When it's family, they will Invite you over, get you at the dinner table, then in the middle of the meal, unleash. I totally agree... no car, no house visit if it's family. Nope, never again. I subjected myself to abuse like this until our parents died. After the last parent died. I vowed to never, ever put myself in their "setting" again. It's been almost 10 years. I Love them. However these boundaries I set, I never regretted a day of doing so. Love them from a distance if their family. You will be so much happier. 😃❤☀️

@billybob71731

3 жыл бұрын

There was a time my narc had me trapped in the car, degrading me, just exploding. He wouldn’t let me out of the vehicle. I literally downed an entire bottle of xans i was driven so mad. I knew it was the only way I could get out of the car. Totally unlike me, I literally just went mad. I’m ashamed now that I look back.

@dianavenetis9793

3 жыл бұрын

My husband does the same thing in a car.

I have always called this technique of my NARC the "Bait and Switch." Sucks me into a conversation by being nice and as soon as I engage with his "bait" ...he switches to being evil! They're experts at this!

@notmybeeswaxnotmybeeswax5572

5 жыл бұрын

pamelagay12 ya same here, the " who me" is always the classic one, gets ya Everytime!

@munii3216

5 жыл бұрын

thank god ive now noticed this, im going to avoid her at all costs, she tries to buy me things and be my friend and im too nice so i engage and then everything goes downhill from there...no contact here i come😩😥😱💪

@bguy86

5 жыл бұрын

pamelagay12 my ex does this too !

@andreatodd3095

5 жыл бұрын

Oh yes bait with sweetness....then destroy with insults. Why can't my other family members recognise what's going on....now I'm the bad person for protecting myself....gas lighting..... Its all there in the mix. So I refuse all contact.

@wamyola

5 жыл бұрын

Must be a Pam thing. That's my mom's technique.

My ex narcissist used to send me texts beginning, "How are you doing Ger?" If I replied, and I always did really quickly initially, I'd enquire as to how they were doing and thus would begin the veiled requests for money or help or sympathy or praise. I never expected what happened. I really loved this person, helping them out in every way possible. I cringe at the texts I sent. They've kept them. They even recorded a phone call I made to cut this whole thing off. No more allowing them to get to me.. I've blocked the narc everywhere. Now they cannot hurt me. My narcissist destroyed my name and reputation, telling everyone that I am a liar. Total destruction. However they still try to get to me because that's how they exact vengeance. Please people, be strong. Don't fall in love with a narcissist. Even if you are lonely, as I was at 55 years of age, do NOT subjugate yourself to be in someone's life if they abuse you. Bless anyone who got to read this far. 🙏✨😊

A few years ago. I watched one of your videos on covert narcissism. I'll never forget that last sentence, which was. " I you uncover a covert narcissist. RUN! but run quietly". I did run, very quietly. Mr Rosenberg. YOU saved me from many tears of loneliness and misery. Thank you!! From Angela. From England. I would love to meet you one day.🤗💗

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing this and your support. 💙

@joannafennell7134

9 ай бұрын

Thank you! Very interesting.

Mine tried to suck me in a few months ago (after i "no contacted" him nearly 15 years ago) when texting to inform me of bad news about a mutual, life long friend. All of a suddend, he flips the switch and finds a way to go into full attack mode, assassinating my character and making accusations at me about how he THINKS I reacted/thought about these mutual friend's divorce over a decade ago. My first inclination, like always before, was to start drafting a text back, "correcting him"...for "the record" and defending myself. But one of the most empowering moments of my life was simply erasing that draft and discontinuing any reaction, engagement or conversation all together. Not even one more text to anounce that i was refusing to engage. Just mic drop. No fucks to give. No anger. No need to correct his "misunderstanding", misinterpretation or defend myself. I didnt give a fuck what he thought or was planning to tell others... just no fucks. So great.

@carvercapitalequitypartner122

5 жыл бұрын

Erin - yup. Give 'em 1X and you get 10X back and you have let them back in and the BS begins again. Starve them out. Give them NOTHING to go on. Let it die on the vine. Good job Erin. You have some wisdom now.

@sheliarouch375

5 жыл бұрын

You are now free!!! Congrats:)

@KJ99otis

5 жыл бұрын

Erin Edney - Love it!! Yep, I’m in the same space. My current favorite meme is a Shakespearean man gesturing to a field and saying “Behold, the field in which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it and thou shall see that it is barren.” 🤣💯🥳👑🥂

@barefooterin2817

5 жыл бұрын

@@KJ99otis Oh yeah! One of my all time faves.....lol.

@laurieparis2203

4 жыл бұрын

@@KJ99otis OMG, sooo stealing that! 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

Anybody else run across narcissists who label OTHERS as narcissists ? Projection , I guess ....but it IS a phenomena !

@joeking951

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, yes, YES!!! The biggest narc I know goes around labelling everyone else a narcissist. It's like adding insult to injury and it drives me mad. Combined with the abuse, it's making me seriously consider going NC.

@innerpeaceproject

4 жыл бұрын

Oh yes I’ve known several

@Memphian1000

4 жыл бұрын

If you don't consider that you may be the narcissist...

@AsG_4_

4 жыл бұрын

Joe King yeah just go

@hugmc

4 жыл бұрын

Jackie Ann they are even dangerous because they think they are not narcissistic. 😱😱😱

It's Never too late to be the person you Should have been!! I started counseling at 16, I'm now 63 and still wondering who I should have been.

'its never too late to be the person that you could have been' thank you x

@robinantonio8870

Жыл бұрын

60 yrs old and financially trapped. Can't get a job even though qualified experienced great references etc. So sometimes it is too late

@semolinasemolina8327

Жыл бұрын

@Robin Antonio yes I know what you mean, but there is always something wonderful about to happen. X

@vaska1999

6 ай бұрын

​​@@robinantonio8870That's really tough. As much regular self-care and emotional disconnect from the narcissist in your life as is possible can help restore inner peace to you.

Ive found by going No Contact, there is no conflict and no explaining. It's a Done Deal. Thank you.

@DreamsOfFinland

5 жыл бұрын

no gaslighting!

@threethrushes

5 жыл бұрын

It is a simple and effective strategy. I have had to go NC on only two people in my life out of the many people I have met and associated with.

@cpht2000

5 жыл бұрын

It truly does help but you still have to be aware of them hoovering.

@tanishap6760

5 жыл бұрын

Carol Loraine yes, yes! It simplifies everything.

@carolloraine223

5 жыл бұрын

cpht2000 Yes..after 4 mos no contact, I won't go back and have to start all over again. I admit I used to before watching great vids like this and finding the TRUTH! Thanks for sharing!

One way to find out the Narc in your life: when they get enraged to find out you are watching videos about narcissistic people.

@sagrammyfour

3 жыл бұрын

LOVE it...So, WHY are they still in your life, why have you allowed them to see what you are doing? The only acceptable excuse for still having a narc in your life is you are planning your exit. Otherwise, it really IS YOUR OWN FAULT by allowing them control over you.

@decoy2636

3 жыл бұрын

@@sagrammyfour It's already all about me I'm the evil abuser and she plays the victim so well. It's my fault for choosing her that's the truth. She can't bear to watch a video on narcissism.

@sagrammyfour

3 жыл бұрын

@@decoy2636 Why do you give a rat's behind? She's GONE. Go and live your life, and don't carry this over to your new life.

@decoy2636

3 жыл бұрын

@@sagrammyfour I'm grateful to be free. I no longer have to listen to her chin music, I think that I've lost my gaf and am indifferent to her childish attempts. If you really don't mind what a narc does really don't matter. With the knowledge gained it seems like you have a sort of shield. She no longer pulls my buttons. Me and the dog are making it fine on our own.

@abrahamroger8373

3 жыл бұрын

Life is a strange trip. I followed your searl effect videos for years man. Hope all is well.

"They know every inch of the ring" Damn. That hit different. I didn't even think about the fact that he has 30 years of experience in doing this. There's nothing that I could say that would trip him up because he's been doing this his whole life.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Well said! In case you haven't watched it yet, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html. Thanks for the support!

Oh man, the amazing euphoric feeling I had recently when I was able to avoid all my narc ex's attempts to reel me back in, induced conversation, eye contact, attention seeking attempts. I was on such a high that night realising I was finally strong and finally free. There is nothing like that feeling of standing in your power and knowing your worth!

My ex used my compassionate nature against me last time to draw me back in, I had to research, research, research to understand they study us ,like a lion studies its prey . You have to be wise as a serpent but gentle like a dove just like The Bible says 🙏

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing Rach. In case you haven't watched it yet, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/c5uHrtydmK-rc5c.html

@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023

3 жыл бұрын

The narc is a hyena not a lion.

@cassandraseven3478

Жыл бұрын

Jesus Christ said it.

@SherryONeill

7 ай бұрын

Amen!

@CedarRoofsOnly

2 ай бұрын

Oh here we go, a bible verse. LMAO

It's TRUE. They are very controlling. When I started pushing back and saying no, that's when he started fighting with me. As long as I did what he wanted, unconsciously, he was fine.

@elidae2018

2 жыл бұрын

I'm going through that now

@pallasathena1369

2 жыл бұрын

@@elidae2018 you might find that you are suddenly discarded. Literally you will be like a stranger to them. It is traumatising.

INDUCED CONVERSATION!!!! This is the term I've been looking for! Thank u

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

So glad it was helpful!! In case you haven't watched it yet, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html

@annastone5624

4 ай бұрын

Thank you!

I think KZread is the real reason I'm single 17 years🙈all these kind of videos frighten me enough to stay alone.

He relentlessly accused me of things I never did! But whenever I confronted him for the horrible things he was caught doing he would go into a rage! I thought I married an angel but in time I realized I was dancing with the devil!

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for sharing Barbara! In case you haven't watched it yet, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html

@libbyp5013

3 жыл бұрын

My ex narc would accuse me of lying all the time!! He was always so paranoid and always thought I was going to cheat on him. :( he knew how upset it made me that he’d call me a liar too.

@candacecasey5634

3 жыл бұрын

He is constantly accusing me of being unfaithful. I have never been with another man. I was a virgin when we met! I don't get where he gets his ideas from. I don't even leave the house most of the time.

@libbyp5013

3 жыл бұрын

@@candacecasey5634 SAME SAME!! He used to always call me “sus” and “you’re acting weird” AND ID LITERALLY JUST BE SITTING ON MY BED.

@sunrise7244

3 жыл бұрын

@@candacecasey5634 keep watching these and Dr. Ramani’s videos and you will not only understand, you will also break free from all those unhealthy feelings he is making you feel. No need to live in confusion island anymore 👍🏻😉

The best defense is avoidance! Never, never, never engage them, or allow them to engage you. They will throw all sorts of bait out there, just don't fall for it!

@nananunu4009

5 жыл бұрын

Juliabel GA Peach I have a narcissistic friend. She comes into my house without being announced and when she gets here and I am taking a nap ( a have a 12 months old baby who wakes up during the night) she start judging me for being sleeping. She says: oh, every time I come you are sleeping. What the hell you are doing? You suppose to sleep in the night and the baby too! I never saw anything like this! And bla bla bla what should I do?

@barbarajohnson1380

4 жыл бұрын

Hard when you're married to it.

@nicholasroberts6441

4 жыл бұрын

Dont give them oxygen whenever they try to make contact.When smiles don't work you can be sure aggression will follow then reverse psychology.Ignore it all or you're damned.

@barbarajohnson1380

4 жыл бұрын

It gets worse if you're married to that person....

@florencemaria1410

4 жыл бұрын

Cannot avoid them, either take legal action if u have money or go invisible if they are too powerful to handle... that's the kind i dealt with... too influential and powerful to get things done... pretended to be sober and dumb though.... it can freak anyone out to know that u can experience at home what 2 political rival experience in their field of work... but of different sorts...

Narcissism is rampant. I’m so glad this is getting more attention, I’ve been with a narcissist for 39 years, first 20 didn’t really see it, took the next 19 to realize what was going on, I need out! It’s a psychological nightmare. 😡 My daughter is in therapy. My turn.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing Christine.

@naturalianoss

6 ай бұрын

looks like you were enjoying a little..don't get me wrong but 39 years it is a lifetime

@kathymyers7279

6 ай бұрын

@@naturalianossyeah it IS. And WE do not “enjoy” one bit of it. Iv been financially abused for years with no where to go. I’ve TRIED. Sickness has not helped. Do you have ANY idea what it is to be in this prison? The depression and self hate about throwing away your life sucks you into hopelessness. That was a horrible thing to say.

@smallhouseinthemeadow6131

6 ай бұрын

I reported the troll for bullying. I understand how you feel.@@kathymyers7279

@joannoliver7077

5 ай бұрын

Hope you can find a good therapist but I'm under the impression most of them don't get it either. After 2 1/2 years of realizing this narc business I'm finding ways to cope but not letting the idea go to leave. It's taking time to make that happen but might be all the sanity I'll actually find when it's all over.

A self love deficiency disorder. That really sums it up. Thank u.

@colleenshea2293

8 ай бұрын

good one ! I also like "focused on their "significance"

400 narcissistic people dislike this video.

@anaviana2641

5 жыл бұрын

Sorry for you...busted

@DAVEMYZTIKAL

5 жыл бұрын

I was thinking exactly the same thing. Narcissists just hate the truth. But the TRUTH will set you free.

@user-zm9yc2kb8x

5 жыл бұрын

control yourself n let ppl dislike what they like..NARC

@N8_R

4 жыл бұрын

Nothin a narc hates more than gettin called out for being what they are. It's like cutting the ropes of their ring

@lordfuck6840

4 жыл бұрын

I'm selling a pegion anyone...?

Once you find a person to be a narcissist, then think of them just as machine to cause you destruction! Never trust them, no matter what they say. If you still care about them, then just go their funeral! Peace!

@performancewithoutlimits3093

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, my narcissist died thank God. Not that I wanted anyone dead I just wanted the abuse to stop. we had a child together and although we no longer lived together I had to still protect myself against her malignant malevolence.

@nesadcruz7840

4 жыл бұрын

Be careful about going to the funeral if their Golden child and Flying Monkeys are there. They would have been poisoned by the Narc and prepped to make you feel guilty. Am not saying don’t go, just be aware of what to expect.

@thephoenix1601

4 жыл бұрын

Haha😂😂 that RIP joke thou! But on a serious note, I couldn't see his funeral to be any near, before he kills and destroys at least a dozen people with his narcissism!

@tatumtulloch4901

4 жыл бұрын

Nesa Dcruz That is very true

@annalisa14

4 жыл бұрын

Don X - 😂😂😂

It feels good to become aware of the hidden forces behind their words and take our power back from them even before it starts... Their words are never to be taken at face value, there's always an agenda

The more I learn about NPD the more I see that this describes most of the people in my life. Gulp.

Avoid them like the plague. Don't get sucked into their mind games and misery. Silence is an excellent tool when they start tearing you down. Don't personalize it. It's them not you.

@lilpoohbear653

4 ай бұрын

that what i do...I dont play the game anymore

This is so true! I also believe the best way to handle a narcissist is to stay numb around them. So, they can't affect you.

@sperez3275

11 ай бұрын

Still numb tho. 6 moths after

@othmane-mezian

11 ай бұрын

What do you mean by numb.. I am from Morocco

@glowinthedarkministry

9 ай бұрын

@@othmane-mezian It means to stay calm and relaxed; not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm around them.

@othmane-mezian

9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much @@glowinthedarkministry

@glowinthedarkministry

9 ай бұрын

@@othmane-mezian My pleasure.

It may sound harsh but, I treat them like they do not exist and turn off all emotions when they are near. Sometimes, just saying "hello" will get them started. They might act up for awhile with the hope of getting you to react but, they usually look for someone else out of the frustration of being rejected. Ross, you are absolutely correct! 💛

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

Narcissistic kryptonite I N D I F E R E N C E.

@FLdancer00

3 жыл бұрын

Yep. I thought revealing either of the extremes: I love you so much or you hurt me so much, would open up their empathy. But it just stokes their ego. Giving them zero emotion is the best path.

@CIRCLE655

3 жыл бұрын

Yup! Cant get no reaction out of me!

@LizaLavolta

3 жыл бұрын

It's the Grey Rock Technique- and it works

@miryreina925

3 жыл бұрын

But sometime it is so hard to do.

@FLdancer00

3 жыл бұрын

@@miryreina925 It very much can be. Do your research on narcissists. It's a disorder THAT CANT BE CURED. It can be managed, but only if the person admits they have a problem, which RARELY happens. This person most likely will not change. The cycle continues, only if you let it. No matter what the text, email, phone call says, they are the same person trying to push your buttons. If you respond, they win, they got their ego stroked. Don't get mad, don't get sad, disregard them. Focus on something, anything else besides that person. One day at a time. You can do it ❤️

I wish they had Ytube 40 years ago. It took me decades to figure out what you said in a 16-minute video.

Yep, this narc friend would often cut me in the middle of a conversation to redirect me to an induced conversation

My mother was a narcissist. I married a narcissist. I finally was able to break away from him, my mother died some years ago, but that didn't ended it. The ex-husband I finally severed ties completely but I had to give up some of my kids because they were on his side. I felt so free when I finally severed ties with him completely.. Miss my 'lost" kids tho.

@yeswing10

3 жыл бұрын

That's exactly what happened to me, too. My grown adult kids are just like him and his flying monkeys. I had to leave them all.

@charlottehicks9162

Жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you mean because I lost my kids to a malignant narcissist, also. It hurt me because he had power and money.

@charlottehicks9162

Жыл бұрын

@@yeswing10 I do understand because the same thing happened to me.

@soniag4516

11 ай бұрын

You are not alone, God is with you. I'm a survivor.

@lisamanalisai9507

5 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, this is also my situation. He made three times the money that I did (because teaching is not a "real" job) and took the kids on vacations, trips, bought them stuff that I couldn't. Twisted their minds ("your mother abandoned us"). No, I left an abusive alcoholic.

I didn't realise the damage he has been doing to me until now that I'm seeing all the patterns. My heart is so broken , I'm so angry that a person could be this evil.

@lollic307

4 жыл бұрын

Pray

@anneoftheland1658

4 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry, I'm going thru it too but im getting out... they r evil , they get worse much worse with age.

@marshamcdonald1475

4 жыл бұрын

Fire Bird: I know! I put all my Faith, love and trust in this Very sick charming person. He is so deranged that he has Lost everything. Now he is Prowling for very sick lonely Women taking their life Savings from them.

@canadianlady777

4 жыл бұрын

I went looking for the meaning of the word ‘gaslighting’ and a light went on...ALL the patterns fell into sight and I couldn’t believe I wasn’t alone, thinking I was going insane all by myself....How can there be soooooo many of these folks who are passive aggressive COVERT narcissist ruining our innocent lives...I fell in love of someone I thought I knew...

@annieonymous6658

4 жыл бұрын

Not evil. Mentally ill.

I finally reached the stage where I told him, I don't care anymore. Nothing you can say will hurt me. And I drove to the lawyers.

@goodyeoman4534

4 жыл бұрын

Then took half his money?

@AmandaMG6

4 жыл бұрын

Good Yeoman she probably makes more anyway

@maryannebrown2385

3 жыл бұрын

Amanda M. That is usually the case. It definitely was with me.

@beachbunny7256

3 жыл бұрын

Amanda M. MaryAnne Brown Sure do!!☺️👍

@beachbunny7256

3 жыл бұрын

@@goodyeoman4534 not very sensitive! You're on the wrong channel!

Wow how true! I couldn't figure out why everytime I was upset he'd talk circles around me and somehow the issue wasn't resolved but I was too confused to keep talking. I went into therapy, for a different issue, and leaned why I was so sad. Thank you for a great video!

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Welcome Mary! In case you haven't watched it yet, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html

@Secretgeek2012

4 ай бұрын

Long time since you posted this but just come across this video. Just wanted to say that this was exactly my experience too, with my soon-to-be ex-wife. It wasn't until I was able to step back and understand my own unhappiness and depression this set I was able to identify its source.

@GN315-pe6ul

2 ай бұрын

This.

When someone tries to induce unwanted conversations with me I immediately get angry because I’ve experienced it so many times. It’s a trigger so I have to be aware of that because getting angry doesn’t help.

I can’t tell you how many times I have told my horrible malignant narcissist sister that “this isn’t a discussion, I’m telling you what is happening. Your input is not required or wanted “.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing! In case you haven't watched it yet, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html

@KINDaf

5 ай бұрын

​@@MissingScaffoldingYou sound like the person they are trying to disengage with. Probably hit a nerve with your narc tendencies. Might wanna do something about that. Cheers!

@Poodle_Gun

5 ай бұрын

@JaspyBear that's um... that's the _idea_

@JesgateOnDown

5 ай бұрын

@JaspyBear Jaspy proving narcissists are not anywhere near as smart as they think they are

@laurieparis2203

5 ай бұрын

Honestly this sounds like something a narc would say.

No contact is so hard bc you've become programmed to care about their perception of your silence. Even when they destroy us, we still care about their feelings & try to avoid hurting them bc we cannot control that we possess empathy even when we shouldn't. Silence & abandonment hurts us so we merely assume that it would hurt the narcissist on the same level. It doesn't. But yet bc we still love and care for them, we still try to save them by being their therapist, best friend, ride or die & punching bag. It's 1 big mind fuck! No longer caring about the narcissist's perception of you, your actions, your silence and your boundaries is true FREEDOM!

@kristin8323

3 жыл бұрын

This is the exact problem I'm having...ive come to rely on his validation n it's destroying me...i don't understand how I can know so much about narcissism n STILL be in this mess...im trying so hard to get away but when I try it makes him that much more cruel n he says the most horrific shit that no person in the world should say to another human being...n then I stay stuck bc I want him to stop n then I feel worse about myself for allowing him to get away with it...im at a loss n he wins again👿💔💔😪

@Jool005

3 жыл бұрын

krῖstῖͷ lεῖgh - me too - I hated being trapped in my own perpetuating behaviour. After years, I came across self hypnosis and it got me out of my codependency. Perhaps try it - search online for instructions.

@PZJJProductions

3 жыл бұрын

You make a really interesting point regarding how we want them to see our silence. We care so much about them, we want to tell them it’s okay, we don’t want to see them sad even if they are the ones causing us torment, pain and sadness. I’ve found myself praying for this person AFTER they block me ( discard ), and hoping they will be okay. It’s ridiculous and we ser ourselves on fire to keep them warm.

@kristin8323

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jool005 I definitely will check that out...thank u!!!!

@kristin8323

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jool005 I'm so glad u mentioned the codependency aspect of it bc I forgot all about that part...that's absolutely what I need to work on!!

This video is so good. No cheesy motivational sayings, no flowery words, not overly-academic either. Just plain and simple explanations ... I am so thankful

“IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE THE PERSON YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN” From Asturias(Spain). Thank you!

They always play the “Victim “Card Oh my gosh for a second there I was questioning myself if I was the Narcissist ?!! Very Toxic people !! NO CONTACT and lots of Self Love & Most important a relationship with GOD That experience was brutal, painful, and spiritually enlightening...

@dorisbarnett3868

3 жыл бұрын

The fact you question yourself assures you are not the one with a problem.

@meganwoods5869

3 жыл бұрын

Same. I can relate to this to a T!

@ioodyssey3740

3 жыл бұрын

@@dorisbarnett3868 how much I hope that is true....

@decoy2636

3 жыл бұрын

I've been surrounded by these people all my 58 years. Idk how many times I've questioned myself as I have traits of all 3 of the dark triad along with buckets of empathy. Understand why another can question themselves too made me relate that here. I just can't let the thought I might be a narc rule my thoughts although your comment was a trigger today. You're not a narc in mhop because they go silent and can not talk about it. They certainly wouldn't dare to comment publicly about the possibility of being a narc. I wish anyone reading this the strength to get through the Thanksgiving holiday gatherings this next week. All the strength one can muster is needed when surrounded by toxic people. They're gonna be saying I love you instead of the truth which i that they love to hurt you.

@NotFalling4it

3 жыл бұрын

That’s exactly what the narc did to me - made me question myself and wonder if *I* was the narc. I wonder if that’s what they subtly do.....?

Ref 1:52 - "Never wrestle with the pig. You get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it!" --George Bernard Shaw Haha, how smart and true is the quote! I love it! And I'll have to keep reminding myself of it!!!

@kirstysewell367

4 жыл бұрын

I like that

@harrietsand9715

4 жыл бұрын

Pigs always get a bad rap, actually they are gentle and lovable creatures.Their rolling in the mud is the equivalent of a facial mud pack for their whole body.

@quasimobius

4 жыл бұрын

@@kirstysewell367 Yeah, but that makes me cry now. I feel so helpless and it feels like he's sucking all the life out of me. It feels like dying.

@bonniebernstein9783

4 жыл бұрын

I do love this quote❣️

This is so timely! I’m at my wits end! After 40 yrs of marriage I find out that I’ve been married to a narc. 🤦‍♀️ I’m so angry I didn’t realize what I was dealing with was always going to be an impossible situation. I would have left so much sooner and maybe have a chance at happiness. 🤦‍♀️ 😢

@helgardhossain9038

Жыл бұрын

Dear Judy, please don't judge yourself ... It's VERY hard leaving a nc ... And we have them in our life for our betterment & unfolding our abilities !

Distinguishing the difference of a true mother & the person your mother truly is.... Such a hard realization.... Ty Ross🌹

My ex would act and talk extremely rude to me and when I would eventually stand up for myself (sometimes not soo politely) she'd say "Your just trying to start a Fight!" Its as if she had selective memory loss about how she'd been treating me.

@kbs1212

Жыл бұрын

This is my daily life. He displays protest behaviour when he’s resentful about something instead of telling me. Mostly because it will make him feel like a bad guy, which is his greatest fear. So he dances on the edge of rude and nice, waiting for me to notice and take the bait. If I bite, the floodgates suddenly open and he says I’m too confrontational and emotionally exhaust him. He says I have too many needs. I’m too demanding.

@E.C.Animation

7 ай бұрын

They play by "rules for thee but not for me." They can't stand to be treated the way they treat others. So they know what they do isn't right. I highly recommend zero interaction with them.

@rebeccamartin2399

6 ай бұрын

​@@kbs1212OMG🙄Hope you find peace.

@sydneysweat37

5 ай бұрын

Reading this just gave me an epiphany. Idk about the toxic people in you all’s life. But the guy that comes to mind for me: not that smart, no money, not very handsome. He has to figure out some way to get people to pay attention to him. This is his only desperate option. Manipulation. Pitiful.

@amuddymoose

5 ай бұрын

This is exactly what I have done to me on a regular basis and it’s infuriating.

"I needed to hate you to love me." I understand what that means now! Once the SLDD stops caring and loves oneself, the game is OVER

@raftaarsingh2132

3 жыл бұрын

Love you too :)

1. It is so true about the narc using kids as a way to get someone to talk to him. 😳 2. No, narc. You are not going to sweet talk me again. 3. Thank you for spreading awareness of that personality!

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Great! Thanks for sharing.

16+ years ago (after 4 children), I finally made the break. I had to have NO verbal contact for a year! Only contact was a notebook to coordinate our children's schedule. It was this process that helped me see how manipulative he was.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing Kathryn. In case you haven't watched it yet and if you are interested, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html

My anxiety level goes through the roof with these people...

@blessed6574

3 жыл бұрын

Omg mines too. Smh it is scary ass fuck.

@christrudell7966

3 жыл бұрын

@@blessed6574 just keep your head up! Take care 🇨🇦

@deerene

2 жыл бұрын

Because to the narcassist, their needs only matter and no one else. Their only agenda is to get narcassistic fuel and maintain control over their victims. They are highly delusional, vindictive, and manipulative.

@christrudell7966

2 жыл бұрын

@@deerene Great points.

“It’s never too late to be the person you should have been”. B. Shaw. Wow man. That was amazing. Thank You.

@annastinehammersdottir1290

5 жыл бұрын

"It's never too late to be who you might have been" ~ George Eliot (pen-name of 19th cen. English writer, Mary Ann Evans).

@issisheredia3234

5 жыл бұрын

This is the mantra of a diagnosed narcissist I met. He wants to be important, successful, better than anyone else... and his need for this never stop. If we could be in peace with who we are, we could be free.

@chefEmersonWilliams

4 жыл бұрын

AMEN, Sharone.

@bonniebernstein9783

4 жыл бұрын

How can I compete w/family member of another religion... I’m married to this persons father! My life at 82 very challenged by this person I’ll title as a Pious Narcissistic Jewish (should be) step-son. I’m a wife, caregiver, grandmother, greatgrandmother, best frien for 38 yrs to my Jewish husband... honored the Jewish tradition/religion, as a Christian. This person lost his mother at an early age. I’m distancing as much as possible... I really enjoyed your words of wisdom in this video.thank you.

@taralilarose1

3 жыл бұрын

I think George Eliot (a woman) said that.

You're so insightful. I do have self love deficit disorder! It seems so much less judgmental and shameful than "co-dependent." Your insight is exact.

@RossRosenberg

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching.

When I get that hoover attempt, my first thought is that nursery rhyme.. "Come into my parlour said the spider to the fly...".. that keeps me from any mistake of thinking he would be miraculously cured...

I needed this Trust me, once you go no contact, peace returns QUICKLY to your mind and life.

@elizabethmeyers5890

3 жыл бұрын

How do I deal with this no contact an yet I hear them non stop?I hear him non stop ..bullsh help?

@patman_for_sure

3 жыл бұрын

@@elizabethmeyers5890 The key is to overcome each argument and insult that they bring to you. Face them all and remember that the person behind the voice is an insecure adult-child that refused to grow up whilst you are a perfectly normal and healthy person that they have corrupted. Challenge their idea of you with your knowledge of yourself. They can't know you more than you know yourself, so remember the idea of who you were, a normal and healthy person that was not what they have now made you to believe. Enter into calm and focused debate with the negative internal voice using this mindset and you will surely start to heal. Think of it like getting rid of an illness. You gotta take medicine over a period of time to heal. Some illnesses require more medicine and time than others, but the fact of the matter is that you will still heal. Take your time and overcome each insult or accusation that they bring to your mind. As you do this more and more, you will start to see yourself in a fantastic light and the voice in your head in a pitiful light (Yes, the voice and the person behind it would be so pathetic then that you will actually pity them. Don't console them though). You are strong and amazing and they are not. That's why they are trying or have tried to reduce your shine that whatever little they have could be noticed than your own light. It is the way of a coward, bully, and an overall emotionally underdeveloped child that refused to grow up. Take it little by little and you will be fine. PS: "This is from my experience, not hearsay. This has worked for me and I pray that it works for you too. "

@Hotlinedetail

3 жыл бұрын

@@patman_for_sure reading this helped a lot thanks

@patman_for_sure

3 жыл бұрын

@@Hotlinedetail I'm glad to hear that. I wish you well on the path to your healing.

@Hotlinedetail

3 жыл бұрын

@@patman_for_sure still in the thick of it..

Well explained for the average person to grasp the concept; ( a fish gets hooked when it opens up its mouth). Thank you for your insight.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

So glad it was helpful Frank! In case you haven't watched it, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html

@vtymes1982

3 жыл бұрын

Great expression

@beltonebrad

Жыл бұрын

I've learned to wear a metaphorical ball gag

I am at the point where I can approach narcissists with the intention of studying them. I have recorded many conversations I would like to make into presentations & explain to others how the manipulations work. Being able to take the control in the conversations like this is massively powerful.

@SherryONeill

7 ай бұрын

Yes It Is!! And They Have No Idea we Just Steered Them Off Their Agenda To Get To us!! I Call It Learning To Dance With Demons, And OutStepping Them I Have Actually Found myself EnJoying Throwing KryptoNite InTo The NPD Demons They Do No Know What To Do !!

@joanndeck4315

6 ай бұрын

That’s a GREAT idea….

@RiverRatSurfers

4 ай бұрын

I was told I'm toxic for filming to try and prove something.

@joanndeck4315

4 ай бұрын

@@RiverRatSurfers if their intentions are good then they should not have any concerns about being filmed….classic case of blameshifting attempt on you with that comment….

@narcissistwhisperer

4 ай бұрын

@@RiverRatSurfers The toxic will ALWAYS accuse others of being toxic. Projection, lad. It is simply part of how they work.

My mother (high level narcissist who is sadistic/sociopathic) is an expert at this. She uses charm to lure, provoke, manipulate, get pity, control, etc. She's is very intelligent and calculating. Dad is also (highly intelligent narc) but very quiet compared to her and not as inherently vicious. He's mean but doesn't enjoy seeing others in pain, he just looks away. Mom sought me out when I was young, to start problems that didn't exist. She made up a problem, blamed it on me, then worked herself into a outrage, then went running to dad to "tell on" me. I was a peaceful child, fearful yet sweet and innocent. She targeted me relentlessly behind closed doors, hating and constantly finding fault. I learned to hide, stay out of the house, etc. At 12, the family therapist told me the truth about my parents. I was indeed taught not to react, to stay calm when mom came at me, looking for a fight. It was scary but I learned this. I remember my knees shaking as mom raged at me, not letting her provoke a reaction. It took years for me to fully get good at this but my boundaries got stronger and my lack of reaction and unwillingness to fight back became my power. Mom looked dumb trying to argue alone, and stalked off, angry. But it worked. I hate drama and mom is all about it, so as an adult, I stay away because when she initiates contact (rarely), by phone, she wants to lure me back to being controlled or manipulated. Nope. I end the conversation quickly if she tries anything. They know this now, that I will stay gone if they try to do anything, so they show up once in awhile, being friendly but the tension is in the air. They know I have security cameras in my house and will not tolerate abuse/rage. It's come to that, but I cannot trust them after a lifetime of dealing with her highly calculating, self serving and entitled ways. Dad is similar but not as aggressive. I value my safety and keep my distance to save myself. CPTSD, anxiety, depression are hard rough, but I got high blood pressure from family stress and that was the last straw. So, staying away, high boundaries works for me. It's not what I wanted in life, I wanted a loving family, but a cordial visit from them is all I can take, once in awhile. Visiting their home is dangerous to me, they become aggressive, but in my home, I'm safe. And will kick them out if they're abusive. Boundaries.

Thank you Holy Spirit For giving me discernment on this precise topic. I had to see thru new eyes before i realized the dynamic i was immersed in.

@mysterygirl30011

3 жыл бұрын

Amen. Praise God 🙏

@juangraham7339

3 жыл бұрын

Amen

@michelles1517

3 жыл бұрын

AlittleFurther AlmostThere. YES! I believe the Holy Spirit has been with me the entire time . A huge growth cycle.

NO CONTACT is EASILY the best outcome. If you are temporarily stuck with them i.e. spouse, partner, sibling, parents.. work out your plan to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

I've been on my healing path for 2 years. I grew up with a covert narc mother. However, this new information regarding induced conversation is a game changer. I am seeing how I am in a situation right now where this is taking place (not the narc mom). I shall proceed with caution. Thank you for this!

Definitely the biggest strategy from my dad. It stopped working on me long ago, but he still tries it with my sister and my wife. He used to send me into such an anxious tailspin when he'd say "I need to talk with you about something." And when I'd ask what it was, he'd say "we can talk about it tomorrow." Never once was it anything important or meaningful, just kept me in limbo and instability at all times.

@grit1679

5 ай бұрын

My Dad once pulled the same stunt on me, and when I finally called him, he said "...what's up?", like he was doing _me_ the favor.

Narcissists hate being laughed at... anytime they try to get you to react, smile or laugh and say nothing more. Just walk away with the knowledge you have the upper hand. It drives them nuts.

Codependents, you have power... the power of self love... in or out of a relationship 🙏🏽 For ANYONE that needed to hear that.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! 💙

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

🙏🏽💯🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

@TheWTFMatt

11 ай бұрын

Thank you

@MkBl-ll5zp

6 ай бұрын

Thank you! Love you!

@cropcirclemaker

2 ай бұрын

Thank you! 50 years this August married to my Covert Narcissist wife. Yes, way too many years . I was planning to leave 30 years ago, and 1 week before leaving I was sitting at a red light and a guy hit from behind, he was doing 55mph, this was 6 months after a Laminectomy Disectomy @L5-S1. I have been living in hell ever since. I'm 71 and would love to be free of this life. Thanks again for all prayers and support. I love people and life but she has run away all my friends.

OMG, you literally described every single tactic my almost ex-wife used to get me back when we separated 2 years ago. Like a fool I fell for it and we got back together. It's been the most miserable 2 years of my entire life since. I now know after having watched your videos and some others what is/was going on. I can finally now move forward and do with confidence what I wasn't able to do a little over 2 years ago. Thank you so much for this video!

Just left my npd wife of 29 yrs, everything you said happens. Thank you!

When you have kids it’s a whole other level of evilness

@HankiMaus

3 жыл бұрын

Honestly, that’s the reason why I never had kids with “my” narc... I knew deep down, that this would be torture for the kids... now I might end up with no offspring at all (because I finally stopped all contact at age 33, which was 3 years ago and I am _still_ in the middle of the healing process), which definitely hurts, but at least I know that I saved “our” non-existent kids from a life filled with pain, misery and self-doubts.

@yemisiaderuku2902

3 жыл бұрын

God heals completely, trust Him

@nickdelia9122

3 жыл бұрын

This is where I'm at... feeling stuck and wanting to grit it out for my kids.. this is my wife to a T. Always wanting to drag me into some convo... I oblige feeling like its my duty but I really don't want it.

@ktpuss

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed, so then they have their new captive audience and a couple of extra weapons to use on you...they are quite happy to ruin them too just as long as it hurts you. Pure evil. What upsets me is suspecting it was their own narcissism and selfishness that made them want to have children in the first place and the partner/spouse was unaware 😕 😢

@maryamhamid6003

3 жыл бұрын

Yup

The best is when you reflect on "the good times with the narc," but can't think of one or a many good times with them. Really makes cutting ties a lot easier.

@ashg4045

5 жыл бұрын

@George Fulmer You will be in my prayers. I hope all goes well for you, no contact pays off in the long run.

@Allthingscheri

5 жыл бұрын

Funny & True. 😆

@chasingtheunknown3763

4 жыл бұрын

o my god, this is true lol

@karle0822

4 жыл бұрын

100%

@Herekittykitty01

4 жыл бұрын

They’re are literally none. Never happy, always stressed, pity party, self loathing or extreme grandiosity-Every interaction with them=not normal!!

Wow. My narc parent called me twice today to try and 'talk' (they normally never call me). I had spent the day before thinking I was finally going to break free. Somehow, it's like they KNEW! And now this video popped up on my timeline. Thanks, Ross. I clearly needed to hear this.

I have 8 more years after 27. I have narrowed it down to email only. He is at the moment insisting on a call. I literally have the shakes because he is in my head. I will take this withdrawal though over the recovery from one call with him regarding the children. This is insidious and very real and I cannot tell you enough how your videos and others are keeping me and my children sane, and safe. God bless you.

Did he say, "Self-love deficient" is the way he says co-dependent? That's the best description I've ever heard.

@DreamsOfFinland

5 жыл бұрын

for me it was self defense less. Living with this kind of perversion from very young taught me to not value myself, that I had no right to defend myself. I was singled out for sexual abuse, assaulted and looking back I see that when I sensed danger I shut down and even left my body. I never fought back. Now I am old and they are dead to me. I hope the young people don't get fooled for long with help available online and in groups. Once, recently. I pretended to be really going along with a man telling me I was imagining things and trying to get me to fight, pretended to be scared and upset then burst out laughing. He just lost his mask. I don't think it was smart, it just happened.

@dj5180

5 жыл бұрын

FinnishMasseuse thank you for never giving up.

My technique is "Don't Even Observe".

@jwxo9313

3 жыл бұрын

I’m going to use you techniques Ty!

@JohnDoe-pt7xx

3 жыл бұрын

Yes

@godzillamanstreb524

3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@daphne4983

3 жыл бұрын

Right, just run

@february1796

3 жыл бұрын

Good one. I find it hard to do it because it's weird having to ignore someone. I'm used to looking at everyone in a group of people except for when I get shy maybe but other than that yep.

As my adopted mother used to say to me: You don't react normally when I speak to you. My infrequent visits became even less so.

@chrisgould101

2 жыл бұрын

Normal becomes an illusion to them so when they say normal it doesn't mean what it should. Why can't you just be normal? And her obsession with trying to appear 'normal ' became false statements and bizarre behaviour. They've aren't normal at all but feel the need to appear normal. Expose them.

@DavidFraser007

2 жыл бұрын

@@chrisgould101 I think they actually mean , Why can't you be compliant? I know that my Mother never had a normal light hearted conversation with me, it was just statements and wanting me to react with congratulations, sympathy or just agreement. I just didn't react at all, for years.

@chrisgould101

2 жыл бұрын

@@DavidFraser007 yes that's it, and to expand on that, why can't you be compliant to me? I.e why can't I control you. I went through hell and was thrown into state care as a child because that's why. I wasn't compliant to the b.s and never was so therefore, I lost all value as a child that could act as an extension of self to her. She lied and had me thrown into state care facilities where I endured so much abuse and pain I don't even know how I survived. I'm only just coming to fully accept myself today. What you just described could literally be a definition of my horrific adoptive mother. But I don't use the title mother for her now because she's never deserved it. Is exactly what happened to me also

@DavidFraser007

2 жыл бұрын

@@chrisgould101 I was adopted too twice, not sure what happened the first time, but I ended up back with my Mother. But I was 18 months old the 2nd time, I knew things weren't right, so I left to join the army at 18. They were both physically and mentally abusive up to about when I was 12 to 13, then I just kept growing. There was a major incident when I was 12, I should have been taken to the hospital. From then I saw through the fog and became a different person, but I told nobody. I saved money and went to self defence classes, secretly. They both eventually died, I'm 62 now, so I belong to the baby grab era. I always wondered how it was for my adopted mother to inflict that first cruelty on someone else's child. I'm against the whole principle of adoption, there's absolutely no need for it. I had 4 surname changes, I changed back to my original surname a very long time ago.

@chrisgould101

2 жыл бұрын

@@DavidFraser007 woah you sound strong man. I started martial arts again recently but, my application for army was denied because I put yes had I ever thought of suicidal thoughts, and that was because of all the crap that happened. Watch this guy we're watching video on why narcissists want children, it sounds like it applies to us both a lot. I'm happy you're still here and hope that you've found some peace today. I'm 35 and it took this long to truly find out what happened. I was adopted to a pharmaceutical family who used me as a lab art via admitting me into children psych clinics. Pumped full of psychotropics since very young, basically used as some kind of child experiment. Then all those false diagnosis and testing led me to be thrown into state care til 17. I hope that you found some good people after all that and good friends for your life. You sound strong like the type of person I'd love to speak with. So my path to healing has only stared recently , properly addressing it. Hopefully all I've learnt can help others one day soon too. That's a pretty Crazy story with all the changes etc. It's hard to find our true identity after all of it. You must be a really strong guy, sorry you went through it. I'm just picking myself back up now, been extremely withdrawn after the narc mother's attempt to completely sever me. I think some children were put here to be tested so they could overcome for the upcoming global circumstances occurring now. I'm becoming strong too and healing that's what I want to become the best I can be. Where are you from? Salute to you sir !

This is so true. I'm so proud because recently I did this and blanked my narc and also shifted focus off their rage onto another person who was the person we were discussing. I noticed the effect of not making eye contact at all the narc was much quieter than usual, unable to get a dialogue going. Such a relief.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

Don’t let them control the narrative or the conversation. Say very early “no” 😆...I can laugh at this now. I’m out of the dark appreciating every day in the sun 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

So glad!

@mightyeggo1379

3 жыл бұрын

Nice going 😎

@decoy2636

3 жыл бұрын

Learning how to say no, gave all the power to me.

@mariamalhotra8228

3 жыл бұрын

Did you suffer residual depression after no contact?

@decoy2636

3 жыл бұрын

@@mariamalhotra8228 Not to steal the post but relief came after forgiveness. Most of all after forgiving myself for my half of the dance.

My narc husband always says he’s just trying to talk to me, he’s just trying to explain, he just wants to tell me something. He got served a ppo today. No contact allllll the way baby.

@nikkishaye9385

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you! ✝️

@daghettogandhi7242

3 жыл бұрын

This made me crack up 😭😭

@judylutterman7659

3 жыл бұрын

honesty willis, what’s a ppo?

@hilfeengland9321

3 жыл бұрын

@@judylutterman7659 personal protection order

Definitely, narcs goad you into a conversation where no matter what you say, they are already loaded to counter punch you into the ground. My boss was doing this, and I changed my method of engaging with him. When he would ask, "How is it going " I would say "great", then turn back and refocus on what I was doing. Wow....he acted like I physically punched him in the gut. He took a step back, and was speachless and had no comeback at all.

Wow the way you said it is a prick of a drug, that is EXACTLY how it feels for me. I can be doing well and being happy on my own until they break no contact since we live together, and I feel depression, guilt, and all kinds of bad feelings, like a cloud of sadness and panic. This was very helpful. My sister recently put my favourite stuffed animal in her trunk to drop off at the garbage. and it was in the back of her trunk visibly all night. I was panicking how to get my favourite one out and tell her not to throw it out without disclosing to her which my favourite was (because i didn't want to volunteer info on which animals i like and have her know anything else about me) Then I gave in and wrote her a note asking her to not drop it off at the garbage. I saved the stuffed animal toy and it is in my bedroom now, but this was all AFTER I told her I would not talk to her for hours again.She was upset that I made a sworn promise not to do that, so she desperately wanted to get my attention and provoke me to speak to her. I must say it WAS worth it because i love that stuffed animal with all my heart and happy to rescue him.

Sadly, narcissists are everywhere... I can stay away from my family, but can’t go from job to job until I can collect social security. It seems like bosses appreciate narcissists and let them rule over normal employees.

@aliciab6193

5 жыл бұрын

Which is why I am so thankful my boss knows what they are. Sadly you can't fire someone for what he sees as a personality disorder until they commit something like religious discrimination or sexual harrassement. Still, my boss gets pretty creative at putting our office narc in her place. They are so tenacious tho! Like bitch just quit. We don't want you here.

@thatgirlbrinna7927

4 жыл бұрын

Honestly you will never avoid them, but once you really love yourself and respect yourself and not care what other people think of you. They won’t even bother you they avoid you like the plague. And you will start finding them funny almost child like because that is what they are!

@nr1785

4 жыл бұрын

Denise it’s true. Most supervisors and team leaders are narcs. It’s like management like them because they bully the other staff and ‘keep them in line’. It’s a way for management to bully and rule over the staff via their narc supervisors. Companies that operate in this stupid way always have a high turnover of staff. You’ll see them always advertising for new employees because they need a constant flow to replace the people that quit.

@betsybarnicle8016

4 жыл бұрын

@@thatgirlbrinna7927 Unfortunately they do things like 1) coworker- try to get you arrested for fraud, 2) family - lie to all the relatives that you stole something valuable from your dead father's estate. These require damage control and consequences. Messy situations.

@thatgirlbrinna7927

4 жыл бұрын

Betsy Barnicle I’m so sorry you are going thru this 💕 just try and keep focusing on healing yourself love! That is the only way they won’t bother you

They are evil, spawn from the fallen angels My mum is one, and I’ve had one in my life for 40 years. 5 years of life without one, now. I’m starting the healing process only now 🙏🙌❤️🥰

@catmagic2226

4 жыл бұрын

Fallen angel=weak dna

@quasimobius

4 жыл бұрын

Very evil, they are trying to separate us from our free will. I had one try to hypnotize me more than once. Not a pleasant feeling knowing someone wants to take away your ability to choose your own future.

@mamat9175

4 жыл бұрын

quasimobius not good, glad you got away 🙏

@lollic307

4 жыл бұрын

Me too 39. Its ok

@kimvannote5024

4 жыл бұрын

Good for you - keep going forward

I miss my son (especially the closeness we once had and the feeling that I matter (maybe because I was a young parent without consistent support and his love helped me immensely even if it was only actually need.) I remember sitting in the hospital when he almost died… holding onto hope for his life. But what he wants with his life is to cut off. His birthday is hard. Christmas is difficult. I keep making stories about what must have gone wrong: blaming myself for every outburst (I was not perfect; it was not a perfect situation; there were fights with his father and no clear way out.) we made it through those hardest times and now it would be thrilling to relax and look back together. To appreciate each other and our resilience. His wife, a school psychologist, brought up early childhood trauma. It’s tricky. I would like to see my granddaughters , to understand why it is not ok to bring gifts when I am thinking of them. I do miss that feeling of closeness: I am because you are… or the feeling of coming home, the shelter of another. Maybe my need was greater because I was shunned for pregnancy. And it is far more important that he have a happy and healthy life than to ever again experience the closeness we once knew. His wife is quite aggressive toward me. It could seem like scapegoating. I get hurt again. And again. Exaggerated stories come back to me. Thank you for making this video. I think I understand better what they mean about boundary. It’s such an exercise in resilience and keeping balance even when life is unfair and even women blame each other or punch down when they can.

YES. the induced conversation with a Narcissist is just terrifying for me and puts me on edge and my Narc sister can see it.

@RossRosenberg

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing Harley. In case you haven't watched it yet, there is a part 2 for this video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZJNm2tquf6jZitI.html.

Yes! Dont share how your feeling, dont explain yourself or try and defend yourself.....its so very hard when your confused and trying to figure out who this person turned out to be! Once the pattern becomes evident by you! I thought I was missing a huge part! Why did my husband start to have tantrums and physically turn into a sulky, tantrum, rage! Everytime I said the word "no". Everytime I once again was baited to listen for sometimes 5, 6 ,7 ..days of his emotions and needs not being met..ugh! I learned to just be quiet. It's so hard and painful to just listen when I was tricked into trusting him. Tricked into sharing my deepest feelings and past. Omg what a mistake!!I finally found this chanel....I had to trust my body to tell me it was reacting to his horrible behavior. It's so hard but your right....he is so hard and exhausting. I'm learning. Thank you thank you. I've blocked his phone...only communicate through emails ...in my weak state of expressing my reason for distance. I'm planning an exit now. He continues to try and play on my heart by repeating he loves me and if I dont come home how can he show me he's changed. It's now a gross feeling hearing him say the words I love you. Yep, everytime I start to feel I miss the kind face he put on to get me to marry him I watch a video like this. Its hurtful but I'm getting stronger by these videos.

@yuriosmother3429

7 ай бұрын

Are you ok now?