Ross Rosenberg is Self-Love Recovery Institute's expert psychotherapist, best-selling author, educator, and expert witness on narcissistic abuse. He is globally renowned for his work in trauma, codependency, gaslighting, pathological narcissism, and narcissistic abuse.
Ross singlehandedly renamed and updated "codependency" to "Self-Love Deficit Disorder/SLDD™" while creating The Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program. In addition, he created the revolutionary "Healing the Inner Trauma Child (HITCH) Trauma Integration/Resolution Method."
His global impact is illustrated by his “Human Magnet Syndrome” books, which have sold over 155,000 copies and are published in 12 languages. His KZread Channel has accumulated over 23 million video views and 257,000 subscribers. Ross has been featured on national TV and is a regular radio and podcast guest.
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I am getting this book. I am free and happy, but I still think I will learn a great deal from this book. Thank you so much for your work!
If you give in to the Covert Narc they will think you belong to them. You will be their target forever. They can’t get you out of their mind because you gave them what they want and they don’t want to ever let you go. That’s why they get angry if you leave or don’t do what they want. They try really hard to get you to like them. They want you to love them unconditionally but they love with conditions and consequences.
Remarkable insight. My story, which didn't end well after seven years, shared in case it helps others. One word at the end needs a reader's head to be empty of misconceptions about certain females - empty it now! Intelligent, affable, empathetic guy (teacher) meets intelligent seemingly relaxed easy-going female (nurse) online, shared interest in countryside hiking, both aged fifty-seven. Invited to visit the following weekend. She orchestrates a very odd seemingly planned sexual event, this the first big clue, later pointing to a tool for covert narcissistic control. Then a string of clues over years. Highly intelligent, juvenile delinquent, truancy. Chose nursing, a 'caring' profession. Stony faced, all the time. Never ever said the words 'please', 'thank you' or 'sorry'. Never smiled, showed, or spoke about any emotion. No friends at work or home (apart from me). No relationship with three estranged siblings, one took his own life. Periodically blaming me unduely for something. Stormed home from work twice, after accusing her patients of assaulting her (playing the victim). Nothing was ever her fault. No responsibility for herself. Increasingly condescending toward me. Extraordinary fear of death. Incredibly mean, penny counting grandchildren's gifts, always money only. I always paid for trips and so on - gave her another hold over me in paying me back. One day, she did let slip she had been beaten by her (intellectual) mother with a stick. I felt sorry for her, stuck it out then chose to end the 'relationship' after seven years, as I felt I was just an object in her 'play'. Then, all hell erupts. Which I filmed on my phone, to protect myself. Baiting me to make an argument, lies and lies to me and others, manipulating others around me claiming I assaulted her (playing the victim), gaslighting me, stonewalling me, phoning my own family to lie (called 'triangulation'), impossible to mediate with, glassy 'reptilian' eyes, vicious threats by text messaging... After research, I realised I had been manipulated for seven years by this female - covertly. All the clues fell into place. Even the books she read were fitting such as 'How to influence human behaviour'. I was her affable 'narcissistic supply'. Whilst I wished I had been a clinical psychologist, I'm still proudly myself, now recovered from the shock. Back to that one word. The most extreme, untreatable narcissistic personality disorder. It is 'psychopath'. A covert, female psychopath. (Male narcissists are usually overt, except perhaps the psychopaths who fake it). She was complete with a favourite 'golden child' daughter and 'scapegoat child' son who was always blamed, becoming a delinquent and now the most overt narcissist I ever met. Possible causes...abusive childhood plus genetic wiring in the brain. Don't feel sorry for them, they know exactly what they are doing! Her mother I met - an intelligent charming extreme narcissist, possibly pychopath, beat her kids with a heavy log stick that I have seen. So. If you recognise this, whether man or woman in such a relationship, then as this video explains, don't confront it! Go covert yourself. Work out a secret and watertight exit plan. Then just go. Say nothing to the covert narcissistic psychopath. Do NOT engage or fall to their fake charm to get you back. They do NOT change! They just HATE losing and being exposed (confronted). Then when you are safe, tell authorities and your own closest. Share nothing with the covert narcissistic psychopath. If you have children, it is likely to be tough, as they will lie in court - secretly gather and document your evidence ( failing to pick up kids and so on). Push it through! Good luck.
I was married to one for 22yrs. She has turned 3 of our 4 children against me and against my family. We share custody, she refuses to tell me anything about where they go to school, activities their in etc. It took some work but I get all that info now. She has been found in contempt of court and fined, next time is jail. A couple weeks ago she didnt show up at all with the kids when it was my weekend. I waited for an hr at the meeting point, texted her and no answer. Later that evening she said she forgot. My youngest son who is 20 hasn’t spoken to me for 2yrs. I hired GAL which helped me with the horrible accusations she levied against me. At the end of it the kids are still loyal to her. I never have bad mouthed their mom to them or in front of them and I wont. Now i just document everything and we will see. It seems nothing you do will change them, the mask coming off, all bad dont do it, I did and it was a big mistake. I just hope the kids see some day who has the issues and who doesnt. It is very hard and sad.
Too late.
My narc stepdad turned our bio mom against us. It was us kids against them. "We'll be together for life, you kids are out when you're 18". Every time she tried to stick up for us or help us get a start in life he shut it down. Its been 11 years since i left and he's still a lying cheating SOB, us kids have been warned by his mistresses and try to warn our mom and she blows up at us cuz she's in full denial
My mother has aspd, my MIL is a covert narcissist. This video is so on point
😱 I don't have friends and I can't/don't want to connect with anybody including my wife. It feels abusive to me, very scary. Please tell me there is something else than ASPD...
I don't fear to be left. To stay alone. What I fear is damaging our child and the idea what could have been...
DOESN'T LIVE IN REALITY
They are everywhere. There is no easy fix because there are HUMAN HEARTS. PEOPLE ARE BEING EXPLOITED. It isn't the fault of the gaslit. It's a grand seduction.
Self promotion
BS, they sure as hell know, they can see their bank account balances!
For your next subject, can you talk about Trump's sexual addiction? I can only imagine that donald thinks that monogamy is a type of wood. Q: Why does this man desire so many female sexual affairs regardless of his marriages? Also, why does he talk about wanting to have sex with his daught, Ivanka?
Everyone knows a narcissist, everyone is a victim of a narcissist, it's odd though..no one seems to BE one...right?
To all those in need, get more help reparenting by checking out my podcast Reparenting Daily ❤️
Brilliant! Fantastic explanation for the delineation between them both! Great refresher. Thank you so much! Love this channel for your professionalism. ❤from 🇳🇿NZ.
It’s too late. I already blew this! He’s got my grown son thinking I’m crazy 🤪
You’re absolutely right I’ve been through it once you’ve been through it they cannot fool you anymore
ME TOO thank you God and Jesus for making me finally see that mask has to come off at one time or another and when you pinpointed all that furious aren’t they I’ve dealt with a narcissist for three years I actually just dealt with him recently a couple of days ago and it was just the same old shit they cannot change they do not have to love you have no sympathy for nobody empathy for nobody but when it comes to them and it’s their turn oh they’re dying am I right no more narcissist people for me it takes a long time to really discover what they’re doing unfortunately very sad their Sick
Yes it Does 2620 You’re just in shock when you discover what kind of person they really are
BPD or complex traumatized emotional instable PD is highly empathic. You can check all the wards. BPD clients all help each other and empathize constantly. However, pathological narcissists have a total lack of empathy. Which is why this combo unknownst to each other are hjighly toxic to each other!!!
Curious as to why the increase in these "personality disorders". Because if the emotional pain they create they are just unable or unwilling to see they seem unaware or unfamiliar with, where purpose does it serve? Did their parents mess them up so bad that they too will live in soliitary isolation too? Could this be a form of psychological warfare if trust and charm is the hook?
Grateful can’t wait for the Feds to arrest my mom
YES!!! THIS! I lean into it as a test experiment- you have to know your enemy… please know a narcissist is an enemy. Always. Gray rock and bait them but you must must just be able to laugh
Rosberg, i love the way you speak
A bible is worth more than all the psycho babble. God knows your nature better than any man
Anyone seeing this on 6-9-24 a presentation of an exposed covert narcissist on display. 8 pm youtube on WhattheHales. You will see this narcissist try to respond to a friend he betrayed, who then turned and exposed him for who he is.
Please spread this!!
Self love is the way..if the narc could only love themself....
I think life is so harsh and brutal and beeing controled and gaslight makes her feel so desperate, that my daughter started to try to manipulate and even gaslighting herself. I tried to protect her, make life easier, but I often failed. What can I do now? I fear her becoming a heartless narc..
I do not feel this way. I have no interest in any kind of interaction or connection with this person. It took me time to understand who he was. I do not talk to him and never will again. I dislike him and have no respect for him.
Their discard is not the end of the relationship. You blocking and walking away forever is the final discard. 1. Its a game to them. 2. They dont think you will heal. 3. The old person you were in a relationship with no longer exists. 4. Be prepared because you will 1000 percent get hoovered. 5. This is pretty much impossible, but dont look at their social media/ after a discard they treat their social media as if you are watching, so they will post things to agitate you. 6. They likely want you dead when things are "over." I was in a long-term relationship with somebody diagnosed with personality disorder.
Excellent, I needed to hear this!
Thank you for your service and dedication to this community.
Parental Alienation is the death of a child. The most shattering apocalyptic event in a parents life. 60, 70, 80, year old usually single mothers, frail, and becoming frail. Especially when the adult child Alienation drops/discards you at your mother's funeral, she died at 90. I cared for her, loved her for 50 years. And then you whole support system Shuns you at the same time - as the hearse starts to leave. And you are caught off guard and don't know what's going on at all. I have spent years in a fugue state, paralyzed, trying to understand understand.
A person needs to see themselves the way Jesus sees them. He loves you enough to willingly be tortured and die for you. Even if you were the only person to ever believe, He would still have gone to the cross for you. That realization fills you with humble self-love.
UNMASK THEM
Unvelible ..Better scape...
I learned only last year...Thanks God..
They will try to kill you if you expose them. Ex crushed my larynx while strangling me. We got into it over him cheating on me with a lady next door to our apartment. He used bdsm as a cover for all the physical damage I had received from him. He forged my signature on a bdsm contract. Shortly after I had to run. He abused 6 other women. They tried to do a lie detector test on him. He passed with flying colors. Hell no I wasn't quiet about what he did. I tried to get help for years and dismissed as a nut case. It never ceases to amaze me the length he goes to trying to win me back to this very day. The lack of help in the community as well as people misunderstanding what a covert narcissist is, does or can do to someone who exposes them. He went as far as to beg me back after what he did to me. I told him no I couldn't or wouldn't ever be able to be with him again. Shortly after that I get calls and texts that my youngest was molested by her father. He knew I'd come running to save my girls. The whole time this mess was going on I was labeled the abusive parent till cps, dcfs, and dhs finally were involved. Colorado let stuff slide till I cross reported from Nevada after having to run to save me so I could save my girls. Everyone thought I ran because I was trying to hide what I did wrong. No I ran to get help to help my girls and I No wonder my mom drank herself to death in a similar situation with my dad. No one believed her. I didn't want to repeat that cycle. I am so very thankful KZread started suggesting your content 💜💕🦋🔥👑🔥🦋💕💜
Having come across this video yet another lightbulb moment,a huge one.Thank you for this
If a narcissist ask Themselves for God to intervene and change them , it will happen
I really thought my mother was the most godliest most giving human beings on the face of the planet until I didn’t agree with her sharing very private personal things in a book she wanted to write and wow. What happened after that was something else?
This is my mom and I only just realized in the last year. I am 48 years old. This has been absolutely devastating
Thanks Doc
They are extremely weak & pathetic individuals as well as mentally sick... . Mine hurt me, but I didn't have all this guilt afterwards. I grieved & moved on.... Once again my life is peaceful.. I showed mine up in public he didn't know where to put is face... Lol... He tried to slander my name all over town. Slagging me off.... But my friends just laughed at him.. Again he didn't know where to put his face... He's got an restraining order on him. He can't come near me... I just tear him down every time until it hurts him... I don't care. I know I have hurt him... But I don't care....
Question...since there is no help other than being self aware. Why would they seek help ? Their brain is forever damaged. Do you ask dementia patients to be mindful of their dementia? WTF. Make it make sense.
The older they get,the worst they get.force is the only way to at least get them to take accountabilty
There is a legend in Switzerland about a bridge that always collapsed. A pact was made with the devil and the devil kept his part. The bridge held. But he demanded the first soul to cross the bridge. So they sent a goat across the bridge. It is a level of madness, but has anyone ever tried to find another victim for the narcissist, who they could possibly even build up in the initial phase and then you be discarded by the narcissist themselves without hurting their ego and still escape to freedom*. *Which of course can't be anything other than TV and chips. ;-))
This intro is a bit toxic despite the good intentions and good work of Mr. (Dr.?) Rosenberg. You are good enough wihtout going through these 8 criterias...! And it's unconscious blame shifting, because it implies that you're only in a toxic relationship because there's something wrong with you. But I would disagree. Half of America has fallen for D.T.'s charm. For example, a child together who is at risk of parental estrangement, the cost of a divorce, the effort of finding a new place to live, and having the courage to leave a possibly long-term marriage that others see as good, where you end up being seen as a nutcase - that can be extremely difficult. You don't have to feel any deficit towards someone who isn't in such a relationship!