My ex husband literally used the term bait and switch to describe our relationship. Well, he pinned me against the wall, and attempted to choke me and tried to punch me in the face with a closed fist. Narcissists project. He said I was the bait and switch, but he was. I stopped wanting to have sex or want to sleep with him. We are divorced. Thank God.

@theoriginal7727

5 ай бұрын

Yeah, they always tell on themselves! Abusing and accusing the other person of the precise thing which they are doing. Starting arguments, screaming at the other person, telling them to stop screaming! The most bizarre thing you’ve ever imagined. Or never imagined. Because impossible conceived what kind of hell it is to be with one of them, until you’ve actually been through it yourself.

@heylookits

5 ай бұрын

Funny how they are mean as fuck and treat you like shit all day then scream at you for not wanting to have sex.

@Cornjoelio5

5 ай бұрын

Literally my wife. Currently, I keep forgiving her for the sake of the kids having a mother. The physical abuse and the songs she sings while I sit down and try to get peace......Its all projection

@mrsk812

5 ай бұрын

My ex (narc husband) would insult my body when we had sex. Then he was angry when I was never in the mood. Who would be?

@fortheloveofdeltaco

5 ай бұрын

It's not because they want to have sex. It's because they know that you don't want it, and they want to make you do what you don't want to do. It's rape that they want. They are rapists. It's not about the sex. It's about dominance.

Until you see the change of what they were vs how they are now, the severe anxiety, the lack of love, the dismissal, no change and no accountability..that’s when you realise this is the future IF you decide to stay.

@nomorenarcz

4 ай бұрын

Well said

@virtualmorality

4 ай бұрын

Damn you been spying on my life? Thought about that just the other day. "THIS IS THEM NOW"

“Con-artist” is the only word I had for them (decades ago) before I started finding out this is a common thing and it has a lot more vocabulary to describe it. Thank you for turning your pain into our gain by fleshing it out. I still think they should have the word tattooed onto their forehead so they can be easily spotted from a safe distance.

@veebliss1266

5 ай бұрын

Exactly con , frauds , etc and they still come back even after you know 😂 shameless people

@boxelder9167

5 ай бұрын

@@veebliss1266 - Ironically enough they are full of shame and insecurity but they don’t want to feel it so they do the opposite behavior of what will bring them out of it. They want a surrogate who will feel the negative emotions for them. Hence they use people like a drug to numb their own pain and doing so fuels their ego.

@victoriavitoroulis3273

5 ай бұрын

They definitely have a big scarlet letter N so ppl have a chance to run 🏃‍♀️

@irenahabe2855

5 ай бұрын

😂🎯

@lena-Ramone

4 ай бұрын

Now just build yourselves up and forget the psychopath

They play with your emotions ,they set you up being nice then the nasty comes out to play and they start laughing at you and the abuse kicks in

@jeankeats3200

4 ай бұрын

Exactly.

@sinceresong9907

4 ай бұрын

nailed it

@doranvee5944

3 ай бұрын

She found out I was having neurological issues stemming from traumatic brain damage. She comes over. Brings groceries, etc. Acting like she "cares." In my vulnerability, she decides to start telling me about she and her lover. I think to myself, just how cruel can one go to rub salt in a wound and destroy me further?

@Ranunculus924

19 күн бұрын

​@@doranvee5944sadistic

It's not until the devalue stage you see how self centered they are.

@soulsciencewithgia5915

5 ай бұрын

Yep

@destinationunderground6006

5 ай бұрын

Truth!!

@westcoast747

5 ай бұрын

Cold as ice.

@ursularose3270

5 ай бұрын

I get the full display till post divorce and tbh the selfishness and pure evil has been 100% spectacular. The shock still hasn't worn off. I do believe they are under demonic possession.

@cynicalafflictional1725

4 ай бұрын

😅yeah

I would tell my ex he completely misrepresented himself in our relationship. He led me to believe he was something that he absolutely was not. Told me he wanted an equal partner but in the end he didn’t know how to even be a partner on any level let alone an equal partner. He displayed literally all the toxic traits/behaviors of a covert narcissist.

@tricialafrancerougas

4 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry! This happened with my ex-husband!!! He mirrored me before marriage and after marriage, he totally changed and was a different person- different beliefs, consistent lying, being unfaithful, etc.. then when I confronted his lying, he would tell me it was too late because we’re married and I’m stuck. He said it 3 times in a row! It was a nightmare… so glad I’m out and healing ❤️‍🩹 I had no idea what a narcissist was until my ex. I’ve learned a lot!! Hope you’re healing 🫶🏼

@giovannibarge2186

4 ай бұрын

20:24 Amen! 😢😢

@hfizz1254

4 ай бұрын

Same here. On the wedding altar, I realized I was making a grave mistake. I should have called it off right then and then, but I am too nice that way. I didn't want to be the jerk. Not two full weeks after our wedding, he started with the psychological and financial torture. After 6 years of marriage to this lazy pos, nearly bankrupt and my health collapsing, I filed for divorce. Doing much better now: I repaired my financial situation, recovered my health with the support of a great functional medicine doc, and found true love 💖💖💖

@suzesinger6762

2 ай бұрын

​@@hfizz1254😮😢😊❤🎉

Don't project your goodness onto them. When they speak about how evil they are believe them. It comes from their heart.

@karenlynch8348

4 ай бұрын

You have unrealistic advice

@mysticalmisfit33

4 ай бұрын

You’re right about them speaking the truth. My ex called her self a bitch all the time when we first started dating. But I think we should be ourselves and give goodness to everyone. Deep down they’re a hurt child.

@allsouls5997

4 ай бұрын

@@mysticalmisfit33 Yes. We also have to be aware that many will use your kindness against you. You also have to be strong and aware protect yourself.

@gabrielleaumont3971

Ай бұрын

What heart? They have a PUMP.

@mysticalmisfit33

Ай бұрын

@@allsouls5997 that be true

Ross and Dr. Ramani have helped me heal from narc abuse so much! The narc in my life even dragged me into court and I'm not even trippin because I feel so empowered and equipped to handle it

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285

5 ай бұрын

U r brave!!

@AshleyD333

5 ай бұрын

As you should!!

More to it... this person promises you what you want/need, but when they got you, they stop giving it to you, then they dangle it and only give you a little at a time with the promise of everything some day... only those who do the real work of figuring out what they themselves really want and why can get out stronger than ever! It takes work! A lot of work! The narc has deep issues, they either brave the storm to go deep or they blame you and go for another supply. The narc has nothing when the victim gets whole, all their own! Thank you JESUS!

@boxelder9167

5 ай бұрын

Beautifully said. Future faking and promises that will never be delivered in full. They are always renegotiating the terms after you do your part and they are supposed to deliver on their part and they are constantly moving the goalposts to accuse you of not doing your part.

@veebliss1266

5 ай бұрын

If you truly love and respect yourself you will leave at first red flag 🚩 first interaction they switch up if they don’t address and fix it they must be left behind . People have to have strong boundaries and standards

@l.5832

5 ай бұрын

@@veebliss1266 Aaaah... I guess as a toddler I should have left my mother. As I grew in to an adult, I knew no other way as she was careful to isolate us in a very strict religion where you were to socialize with 'outsiders'. I knew I should have been treated better. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't get her to see that. Please don't victim blame. Everyone's story is different and many would leave if they could. We know we deserve love.....

@theresariley1426

5 ай бұрын

You nailed it.

@janellegonzalez9863

5 ай бұрын

​@@l.5832May I ask what religion? Sorry for your negative experiences. My mother had these traits and lost herself in the Jehovahs Witnesses, she died at 73 shunning her family with the exception of my dad. So very sad.

My fave quote “You only see in others, which you see in yourself… a blessing & a curse!”… it’s a very deep meaning, when you fully explore it ❤

@surlif

5 ай бұрын

Who are you quoting? Thanks.

@TheSagemeister

5 ай бұрын

@@surlif it’s an old Irish saying..

@kerryharper5675

5 ай бұрын

Sometimes see previous versions of ourselves too. Healed and remembered but not triggered as such but observing an old self ...

@HappyJoy-0777

5 ай бұрын

I have bought myself a few cars before, Jesus has been extremely kind too me and I’ve been blessed with multiple free cars. Not all of them were the best looking but some were. I’m almost certain the next car I get here soon will be free and it will be a nice car as well IN JESUS NAME!!!!!! 😊

@bobbarker1798

5 ай бұрын

I'm not sure that's entirely true. Personally, I wouldn't do anything to deliberately cause another harm, yet I've known ppl who do and some who enjoy, very much, enjoy causing others harm. I don't have to be an abuser to recognize an abuser.

“Which they don’t remember and don’t wanna talk about…” 🎯🎯🎯 Spot on and we BEEN knew it. 🤷🏿‍♂️

Always act with kindness but do not expect gratitude. 😅

Thank goodness more people are being educated about this sht! I was stuck for the last 7 years. I was manipulated and abused psychologically, economically, and financially. I wasn’t prepared. I had no idea until he started hacking everything, including cameras everywhere I didn’t know. Things got really bad. I left and lost everything I owned, everybody I knew, even my pets, even my daughter. Devastating. I was married 23 years. The best thing I have ever done was to leave! No matter what I lost. I had left many times in the past, but would go back. Don’t ever go back! It will just be worse in the future.

@kynathomas4809

5 ай бұрын

How old is your daughter?

@delphihendrix808

5 ай бұрын

@@kynathomas4809 my daughter is 19. He turned her against me and if she talks to me now, he would make her suffer. He has way more money than I do.

@mojadah10

4 ай бұрын

Your daughter????

Empaths are losers in Narcstc relationships and they should save themselves and find some supporting people and heal

@RainFall2112

4 ай бұрын

They are just a different variety of narcissist.

@staciacrick3373

2 ай бұрын

@@RainFall2112When considering oneself an “empath” it’s a different version of feeling superior because they are “ special “ Yes, narcissistic, which is different than other forms of emotional empathy that involves healthy boundaries

I feel like I’m in a pool of terrible people… I constantly think to myself it wasn’t always like this? When and how did this start? I remember a time or place where people and life was decent. What happened?..

@chilloften

4 ай бұрын

It’s when you were a naive child. Once you see it, you cannot un see it.

@Mari-zr1vl

17 күн бұрын

@@chilloftenare we really really sure about that? Children are naive not stupid.

@Beckydirectly

10 күн бұрын

I feel the same.

@valeriezaitzieff1462

3 күн бұрын

Maybe its time to move out of your comfort zone & find new activities, hobbies & friends that will bring more positivity into your life? Just a friendly suggestion. 🥰🙏

@LimitlessThinker

3 күн бұрын

I feel the same.

I remember the moment I read in your book the term co-dependent anorexia. My heart sank. All the years I avoided being in a relationship I thought I was healing more than I was. I had barely just escaped at total set up when I had enough sense to do a deep dive into how and why I got duped by this individual. Your book was one of the first I read in the journey. Putting my psyche under a microscope was terrifying yet necessary. Curing my SLD has been my mission since. I had also never heard it termed SLD and sadly you are correct, I embraced that and now I could do something about it.

@annettegardiner7270

5 ай бұрын

What is SLD please?

@WoodenFeather-xm3vl

5 ай бұрын

@@annettegardiner7270 what R. Rosenburg coined Self Love Deficit person generally from the depravity they were raised in. Emotional neglect etc

Yes. When my Nex told me about having had an affair and a chikd with this (still)married woman three months into the relationship, he said: If I had told you, you wouldn't have wanted to be with me." He knew that one of my biggest early childhood traumas (apart from having tonfull blown Narc parents ) is that my father cheated and had affairs. So my Nex knew I would have probably never chosen to be with him. Instead, I got stuck for more than two years with a "covert"Narcissist who added more depression, more suicidal thoughts and much more anxiety to my CPTSD

@sandrathomas2893

5 ай бұрын

Your mom most likely wasn't a narc but showed up as someone wrecked by a narc. A narc doesn't choose a narc. There's no supply there. They hollow out their partners over time. My Mom wrecked my dad and my siblings bought the lies that he was the problem. Narcissism is trauma based mind control!!

@jennifergalberth1240

5 ай бұрын

ME mine me. Don't label yourself. Claim good news for you.

@MC-rw2bk

4 ай бұрын

People who were abused in their childhood tend to attract abusers in their adulthood. I hope you have healed from that situation and wish you the best.

@suzesinger6762

2 ай бұрын

😢❤🎉

I've never been called a half-person, but it makes sense. That's why we become whole after healing.

@bereal6590

5 ай бұрын

Yes, once we value ourselves. Growing up in toxic families teaches one to devalue oneself. That benefits the toxic parents, who then can turn round and blame adult children for having lives that are a mess and not being what the parents wanted. In reality it's what they wanted all along because it keeps them higher in the pecking order and offspring subservient and pliable to fulfil what the parents want

@bumblebee_ms

5 ай бұрын

@@bereal6590 Very well said, they are lessons I had to learn later in life. Thank you for your wise words, much appreciated.

@bereal6590

5 ай бұрын

@@bumblebee_ms I'm not so wise but thank you for the compliment, all the best to you bumblebee

@bumblebee_ms

5 ай бұрын

@@bereal6590Wise and humble, great traits. All the best to you too.

It’s all about switching the ego states.. from adult to child with us.. & from child to parent for them… driving reactions and assigning blame!!

@veebliss1266

5 ай бұрын

❤

Many so called insurance guys try to bait and switch their klients -telling them lies only while trying to make the deal. It´s a criminal manipulation and goes all about the money.

This is one of the best explanations of this personality disorder that I’ve come across to date! Thank you!

Omg, I found your channel in times when I just met a new guy and ALL my red flags are up. Going to binge watch your videos now!! Much love /Maria

Thank you so much Ross. You perfectly describe what just happened to me in my relationship. Was with a woman who has BPD, her mother has BPD and after the limerance period, it played out exactly like this.

@marvinpercival4717

4 ай бұрын

Lol i doubt that.

@Alex_Khan

4 ай бұрын

why @@marvinpercival4717

Where were you 30 years ago when every therapist I went to had no idea how to treat me? Was raised by narcissist mother and kept choosing narcissists, controllers and psychopaths. Thank you for this therapeutic video.

My mom has done this my whole life. Just the other day, she told me that the reason she told me that I didn’t have to pay her back for a down payment she helped me with years ago. Throughout the years, I kept asking her how I can pay her back (payment method) and she repeatedly told me that I was good & to not to worry about it. I kept asking ‘are you sure?’ She would say yes every time. Well, when her & I got into it with an issue that had nothing to do with money, she threw it back in my face that she helped me every single time. Then to get back on speaking terms, she told me I didn’t have to pay it back (again) so that I could stop being upset with her…but then recently revealed she was serious about me paying her back deep down but only said that so that I could stop being mad due to her saying some fcked I stuff. Crazy!! When you’re on good terms with her, you’re good. When you butt heads, she will throw it back in your face to make you feel bad for control. This is why I have extreme trust issues with others. She is so deceptive and manipulative.

@margaretwebb389

5 ай бұрын

I hear you loud and clear! It’s extremely frustrating to endure conditional gifts/help that comes with a price

@jeniferdunn4670

5 ай бұрын

Just her pay her back and then all is good.

@annberlin5811

5 ай бұрын

Just pay it back

@11chancer

4 ай бұрын

Just pay it back.

I had to leave a 28 year marriage to what I believe is a Antisocial Narc or BPD. I was losing myself, feeling very low self-worth, etc. I didn't exist in my own life and by the grace of God my eyes were opened to what was happening. Is it fair to say that a bait and switch is basically future-faking? I was told we were gonna do so many things, etc. etc. and none of it happened. All the while I am over-functioning, giving, doing, only to be left with breadcrumbs and exhausted. I feel foolish but know that I needed this lesson in life to toughen up a bit, regain my sense of self, be assertive, confident and that it's ok to take back my own life. Unfortunately, now I am dealing with the blackmail, threats, punishment and smear campaigns.

@Theflyingpotato

5 ай бұрын

one less year for me but you just described my situation. I'm getting a dim glow of light at the end of the tunnel. When out of the tunnel the air is going to be so sweet I can already taste it.

@MuzzyWuzzy

4 ай бұрын

Same boat, seven months in and he's dragging out divorce process.

@karenzupanic718

4 ай бұрын

You will win, ladies.

This resonates ~ Love your videos!🙏 I am a targeted mom severely alienated from my 23 year old son for nearly 6 years. 💔Hidden in this heartbreak is a gift. Moving through this takes so much courage ! The manipulation, malevolence and the calculated efforts to control the narrative is mind blowing. Distorting reality for the outcome wanted most….to hurt me. The indoctrination and coercion is off the charts. BRAINWASHED ! Im heartbroken for my son. It took me a lifetime to see that my authenticity/frequency illuminated shadows of those around me who were smothered in their own fear - uncovering parts of themselves that have been repressed - sparking a lot of projection…. Ugh ~ thankful for your sharing truth about this. Thankfully I don’t absorb the shame/projection any longer & found the courage to believe I was worthy to receive peace. But I’ve got to reach my son somehow.🙏 To those out there who may be targeted in some way …let’s save every stone thrown our way …& build our castles (highest self) 👑🏰

@scottoz7891

5 ай бұрын

Manipulation AND Conditioning without even realizing it sometimes 😮😢..

@Castlesintheskye

5 ай бұрын

@@scottoz7891 Yes! we can have all the ‘knowledge enlightenment’ & think we are healed but if it doesn’t come with an equal amount of self awareness, unlearning negative core beliefs and deprogramming/de-conditioning it will only lead to more suffering. I am convinced we are facing this in order to aid in the expansion of our consciousness. Discovering parts of ourselves underneath all those layers of restraints, old patterns and conditioning. Powerful changes can occur when we learn to listen to our own inner voice. Hell, for years, I didn’t even know I had an inner voice…. 😳 But we are on a golden path of healing. Our setbacks may have amused them, but our COMEBACK is here & will confuse them ! 🏰👑

@milliesecond102

5 ай бұрын

You just described how I feel! I have only one child, and I stayed in my marriage to protect him from being taken away bt my X and his parents, whom I didn't realize are all covert narcissists. Unfortunately, my son (20 years old) was slowly being poisoned against me and is alienating me from his life. I pray for him daily and have regrets looking back with what I now know about who I married and that I should not have had a child with. It's hard to find peace while my only child is spiritually lost because I did not protect him from my in-laws and X. But I'm not going to stop praying for a miracle.❤🙏❤

@Castlesintheskye

5 ай бұрын

@@milliesecond102 I am so sorry to hear this. They don’t make hallmark cards for targeted parents do they? Weaponizing our beautiful sweet children to inflict severe emotional suffering on us is pure evil. And so painful to know our kids are hurting and being conditioned in shared persecutory delusions about us. And knowing they are internalizing the shame - ugh! I created my blog- Castles in the Skye - (I really only write for my own healing but hoping I can transmute these lessons into service to others) The latest blog post is all about healing our inner child - “The Keys to your Castle”. 🐉👑🏰

@Castlesintheskye

5 ай бұрын

@@milliesecond102I’m so sorry 🙏

Best description of Narcissist vs codependent relationship.

Well..The bait and switch tactics happen everywhere nowadays especially in the US government systems..Period...

I really appreciate your teachings. So grateful I don’t need a car - especially not one that already cost much more than it was worth.

Simply the best description I’ve ever heard!

Thanks for this video Ross. “Sociopath or pathological narcissist” is something I struggled to figure out in my own situation. I do have the book but your videos are an invaluable and enlightening resource as well.

Bait & switch is the perfect analogy!

I have to say, in my first hand, personal life experience with multiple pathological narcissists, I can see a genetic component at play. There is something biological happening with this. Spiritual too, I would say. Otherwise, they could recover over time. They can't. It's biological as well. I've witnessed this truth.

@hippiecowgirl4231

5 ай бұрын

I've come to the same conclusion. I think it's a missing element that makes us a human being . They may be humans but lack humanity. Maybe it's chemical . It's definitely spiritual. That have no soul

This is so funny, I told my friend this the other day. I realised that in a relationship we always say our other half. Like we are halves only making one. But if we are complete, we will have 2 people rather than 1. My observations are good then :) Great video and thanks for sharing. I've also invented a new term called single mother syndrome where you can get with a woman with 1 child but if they have 2 or more you will struggle to make the family your own and you will become more of a plus one than being able to be the head of the relationship. That is my experience with being in a relationship with 2 narcissists. The latest one is studying to be a counsellor and has used her skills to psychologically try to destroy me. It nearly worked, I got out just in time. Well, I wrote to her board of directors and explained everything to them, we have to do something. Going face to face with a narcissist and calling them out is the right thing to do. We have to have some remedy for their psychotic manipulation. It should be a crime to mess with people's heads.

@ztebazile

5 ай бұрын

coercive control is actually on the docket to become criminalized in Canada, Bill C-202. mentioning it in front of a judge helped me win a custody case 👐

@mike-ology22

5 ай бұрын

@elizabeth.1989. that is amazing, thanks for sharing. We need that in England too and now I know what it's called in Canada I can research it. I love the Canadians

@mountain10

5 ай бұрын

Yes! Laws need to be changed!!!!!

Took me a waste of a life time to learn alll this .. was surrounded by many family member as a child with all these ailments and ended up with a long time friend who took me for a ride too … sigh Did learn in real time what sincerity and honesty ‘s value IS though and am proud to be one inspite of all of the above .

Our body keeps the score

Very precisely spoken, said and explained here Ross.. thank you very much!

The term bait and switch describes our relationship perfectly.

Thank you, Ross Rosenberg. Congratulations on finishing your new book. It sounds fascinating and well worth reading when it becomes available.

How does one escape this black hole? For nearly a decade now I’ve been assuming I must be the problem since nearly everyone in my family has been gaslighting me all this time, long before I had even heard that word. And as you mentioned in this or another video, they’ve successfully buried me as mentally ill while simultaneously using me as the scapegoat to pin all their abhorrent behavior on. The few family members who seem like good people don’t want to get involved, and I can’t say I can blame them when they see what has happened to me as a result. It feels like now that I’m finally seeing enough of the big picture, I’m too exhausted to possibly climb out of this hole and can’t even begin to explain how insanely convoluted it is to any therapist. No human in the world has enough time.

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

Come and join my treatment program. Here is the link: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-recovery-treatment

I kind of did a bait and switch on a used car salesman! I took a red sports car on a test drive as well as a couple of others but clearly favoured the red one. Told him Id be back the next day. When I returned he had all this paperwork done up for this red sports car, his 'best price', trade-in value, etc. I said I had decided on the green Mazda instead! You should have seen his face! All his paperwork, useless, so I got a good deal on the Mazda just to get rid of me. (PS. I'm not a narcissist...just an indecisive car buyer!)

Thanks for the topic. I had a "cloudburst cry" of relief. Felt good to be described so well to myself. Now that I know that my boundless enthusiasm and focus are a target, I'm prepared for this type in biz and life. These videos are good check-ins. Thanks. Subscribed. p.s. I think this might be my first YT comment.

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

You are very welcome. Thank you for subscribing!

Sometimes you are a healthy person who is forced into a relationship with a NPD/BPD person because they are a family member. There is nothing worse than not being able to get away from them because they are family. Even when you go no-contact and put-up strong boundaries, the NPD/BPD massively screws up their lives and everyone around them comes to you to fix it or help them because you are the only family member who has any resources. They make you feel obligated because who else is going to help this miserable individual? My family member could easily become homeless because they are so miserable, no one else will take them in and they can't or won't get a job for all the same reasons. It is hard to be the one who has to say they are on their own path because people guilt you and say, "how can you turn your back on family?" I wasn't tricked into this, I was born into it, and it seems almost impossible to escape.

@l.5832

5 ай бұрын

Many who marry in to narcissism was initially born in to it. You don't know what 'normal' is and you do know that there is something wrong but until recently, narcissism was not talked about. Also narcissism expresses itself in different was (vulnerable, grandiose, etc). So you are sort of primed for one of these relationships and I just wish people would STOP blaming the victim and accusing them of 'not loving themselves' etc. They've never been shown love. Your not going to know a language the was never spoken in the home...

That was very good. Think I’m going to listen to it again to have a deeper understanding.

I’ll have to come back and listen to the rest. Really helpful so far and will write notes on it.

So much to unpack about both my wife and I. But you are one of the few on You Tube that I think can help us.

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

Come and join my treatment program. Here is the link: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-recovery-treatment

Congratulations on completing your new book 🎉💕✨and thank you so much for your valuable insights 😊.

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

I really appreciate you and your work Ross

I think years ago there was a term for a female covert narcissist before narcissism was even understood . And I’m lucky to have figured her out before she claimed another victim, as I’m sure her toxicity played a hand in her first husband’s heart attack and death at 37 years old. The phrase I’m referring to is Black Widow.

Spot on. I love this explanation. Can be applied to so many relationships in my past.

Well said! I am new to your broadcasts and really loved your analogies to bring clarity!

Recently, one of my flatmate who I notice is resentful and very self-centred, stole one of my clothes and also one of my perfumes. She expected me to confront her so she could spread to other people that I accused her wrongly and play the victim. But I said nothing. However she understood that I know what she did and now she feels afraid that I retaliate.😆🤣😝😝

@stepheniedomingo9089

5 ай бұрын

Same thing happened to me recently. My elderly neighbor in my apartment building who I accused of giving me the covid (who I became friends with for years but now cut the ties) stole my laundry card and a container of liquid soap I left at the laundry room as retaliation towards me. Now I realized everytime we get close someone gets hurt and I felt like I was always being betrayed so I ended the friendship bec it's no longer a safe place for me😢

Best analogy I have ever heard!

Wow. This info has clearly opened my eyes to the confusion about the inconsistent behaviors in my last relationship. Thank you!

I disagree…pathological narcissists and self-love deficit people both come from traumatic childhoods. I know empaths who had worse childhoods than narcs, and still chose not to abuse, manipulate, and lie. I have a fundamental problem with the claim that people become narcissists solely based on their childhood. If this were true, ALL people with traumatic childhoods would be narcissists when they’re not. ROSS: I love your work, Ross. I’ve purchased some of your online courses and have noticed a shift in my mindset toward becoming more whole. You provide invaluable clarity amongst the chaos. I look forward to reading your books. You offer a pragmatic approach that resonates with me-helping to feel in the gaps of my childhood that negatively impacted me. I’d like to better understand your take on why you think childhood trauma creates narcissists when I know empaths who aren’t. Perhaps it’s environment and gene related. I’m sure you address this further in your material but welcome clarification in your video. Thanks again for all you do to bring awareness and foster healing.

@Mamajonaful

5 ай бұрын

Exactly! Its a choice. Plus some narcs were just pampered as children.

@veebliss1266

5 ай бұрын

Very true ! 🎉 genetic , childhood and choice to grow up but narcissism soothes them and benefits them

@bereal6590

5 ай бұрын

It is a mix of genetics, personality and upbringing imo

@Trisof88

5 ай бұрын

​@@user-yg4uc5fg4l Definitely is a spiritual disease that goes beyond psychological assessment

@nicolewaters2581

5 ай бұрын

@@bereal6590 and environment, but ultimately it’s a choice how one handles abuse.

Ross, this is such a wonderful commentary! You said that it was rare for this concept to be applied to the narcissistic experience. However, it just so happens that I did draw the connection and I actually told my ex-narcissistic boyfriend that he had committed "bait and switch tactics," lol!

Wow!!! This is spot on… SLD.. self love deficiency

This was the most informative information about narcissistic I’ll come across so for. Ty for sharing ❤️❤️❤️

Good talk. Thank you Ross

after I was finally free and years later I realized he wasn't what he told me he was,,,,,He was selling me a " product" that he wasn't. What a fraud.

They are a sorry bunch. Pathetic really. I experience extremely trauma of different types, yet I'm not one of them. I see right through them.

Interesting and helpful talk. Thanks, Doctor!

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

Glad you liked it!

BEYOND GRANDIOSE STOCKOLM SYNDROME

Thank you Ross Rosenberg for teaching us.

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

You are very welcome.

This helped so much! Thank you

@RossRosenberg

5 ай бұрын

You're so welcome!

Wow. Thank you.

Looking forward to your new book. Love your podcasts with Teri Cole. Thank you for all your work 🇨🇦⚖️🕊️

@RossRosenberg

5 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

We are open source talking about SLD. Dr. Ross Sir:) Letting people know they can become SLA!

I loved your video. I have been wondering why I have fallen into two long term relationships with narcissists, one the sociopath, the other pathological. I understand that there is something about me that has caused these relationships to last a whole lot longer than their expiration dates. I beat myself up wondering why I didn’t recognize it and respect myself enough to leave when my body and mind were telling me to RUN, RIGHT NOW, AND NEVER LOOK BACK. I’m sad that I wasted my precious life with these “shell people” they aren’t really people at all, they just look like people.

Wow, this explains a lot.

My bait and switch experiences with a variety of narcissists consist of ‘selling’ a wondrous fantasy story or showing enthusiastic interest in doing something, and then going cold or canceling last minute. You are left confused, disillusioned and yearning (for the SLDs) for the bait. This is a tool of intermittent reinforcement, keeping you coiled around the abuser.

Bull crap. The narcissist absolutely knows what they are doing

Thanks for this excellent video

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

Glad you liked it!

Good video.!!

Heavy, but good to hear.

Yeah, well to make a long story short.....sorry guy.........I was married for five years got divorced. Found him cheating. Okay.....got in another bad relationship....dumped him AND he was a millionaire. Fast forward got married again and want to get out. Moral of story.....I found living alone was best. Empty space can NOT hurt you.

You are so Precious

Soulmate to cellmate

Christmas was not fun for me. I think I'd rather have had a root canal.Traveling back to my mother's home that she use to treasure...well let's just say that they don't want to connect to me. I left had enough as I could take.I spent hours getting things for this party......I'm exhausted.I did my very best to be kind .Next year I'm staying home

I wish you'd do more videos regarding BPD

Thank you

I have a sister is a narcissist my God she's the worse imma empath so i can't deal with her at all

@anne-marie6098

5 ай бұрын

Same

Excellent!

@RossRosenberg

5 ай бұрын

Thank you! Cheers!

I'm not gonna lie… my head is spinning a little. I can't figure out how my relationship has worked/not worked for 32 years…. I have left a few times, filed for divorce for the final time (3). I have never viewed myself as SLD but I am working thru my childhood trauma finally at 60. The estrangement from my toxic family system forced me to take a good hard look at my marriage and all of the abuse there as well. I think I will need to listen to this book.

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

While waiting for the new one, you can listen to my last one. Please get it here: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/human-magnet-syndrome-books

Do you have a video about the sometimes violent narcissist, the one who may build up (invisibly) into a rage during which things get broken, thrown, and we get verbally and then maybe physically accosted and harmed? or is this beyond narcissism into another illness? AND ...if the narcissist is also a drug addict/alcoholic supposedly in a 12 step program in which in somehow ends up taking not his iwn but MY personal inventory of character defects and presents them to me to work on. ?

Thank you❤

❤thank you so much Dr Rosenberg for all of your help❤

What about a person who checks off a lot of the boxes to be a pathological narcissist but never could say the words I love you.

Finally I understand what BPD is, such a great explanation. Sociopaths also are very much willing to destroy in order to get what they want. How do you differentiate between ASPD and BPD? Can someone have both?

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

This can help you have a better understanding: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/the-fifty-shades-of-pathological-narcissism-3-video-set

I thought bait and switch would be more like telling you that the car is in your price range but then start adding fees.

This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Ross, an eye opener, I'm a full person and educated too, There's no way I'll be pulled in to an abusive relationship again, My self respect and dignity comes first, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the universe 😘😇🌹🦄☘🦁🕊👽🐉🌌🌈💚❤😃🌷🐶😍🌲⚽👁

Thank you Ross. Would be interesting to know if an SLD could become a BPD after decades of abuse?

LOL yrs ago I sold cars. My sales manager would see a customer coming to the (car lot )looking at a nice car, but they looked poor. He would say, show them the nice car then once they see the high price you can put them in anything cheaper and get that sell today. It worked about 75% of the time too 😃 FYI, no I'm not a narcissist, but did work with some before 🙂

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

Can one person suffer all three disorders you talk about and switch between them?

Does this thing about limerence apply to *emotional relationships* between the sld and the pathological narcissist?

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

This can help you have a better understanding: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/the-fifty-shades-of-pathological-narcissism-3-video-set

Would you say someone with high psychasthenia is more inclined towards BPD or ASPD?

@deebrown1688

5 ай бұрын

I have PTSD and imma empath

Does this also apply to a parent/child relationship?

Thank you for pointing this out and explaining this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon

@RossRosenberg

3 ай бұрын

Happy to help!

Me borderline with the narcissist was a recipe for disaster. I was in love already and told my ex multiple times who I had a crush on and did not respect that and coerced me into being in love with them. completely ruined my life, if sex was not involved I would never have been with them. I would never have sex without being in love and married for that matter ever again. I knew I didn't really love them but still wanted the entertain the relationship. always knew I needed to leave them but stayed. eventually, they got in a relationship while we were still "together" so naturally I stopped talking and when they broke up, called me, cried about the relationship and then got back with me. that was my biggest downfall and thankfully, I had plans to move out of the state and did for a year because I had to get away. was still in the relationship while gone for 9 months and eventually I did block them. However, now I am back home I tried to everything to get back with them, just naturally as I cut off the communication and tried to turn it back at my convenience. Thankfully, my partner has grown and did NOT take me back and I am so grateful to God. finally I am free