55 bucks an hour!?! I'm not a housekeeper but your house will be spotless if you paid me that.

@gensai93

3 жыл бұрын

For real. The minimum wage in my state is like $8, $5 if you work for tips.

@AnaRodriguez-wn8qq

3 жыл бұрын

I was a housekeeper for a while and was only paid $16/hr via the handy app and when I could get gigs on my own $100 per day usually for 5 hrs. I spent a lot of money on buying new cleaning supplies frequently, on gas, on parking (and parking tickets), tolls etc so I barely made money. I never made a living wage once I counted up how much I spent to do the job and how many houses I was able to clean per week. Even at $55/hr which seems fair, your physical ability to clean enough homes per day/week is a big limiting factor. Also you’re self employed so you have to pay self employment taxes and healthcare. It’s a great job if you’re physically able to do it, if you can find enough clients that will pay fairly, and who are not too far from where you live, but many people don’t want to pay well and some people are super demeaning

@ajburgess6843

3 жыл бұрын

@@AnaRodriguez-wn8qq thanks for providing the context

@katerrinah5442

3 жыл бұрын

Man anyone who gets paid that has it good. That's over double what I charge (currency conversion considered) and that's some serious money. If you're willingly paying someone that much you're not exploiting them

@shannonpierce5901

3 жыл бұрын

Cleaning vacation rentals is is great way to earn extra cash if you live reasonably close. I used to make about $5000 gross in the summer into early fall working one day a week. Cleaning chemicals were supplied by the company, you bring your brooms, rags, mops and such. I like it much better than private homes. There are no personal effects to clean around. The smaller homes rented by more middle class folks were almost always spotless when we arrived. Very easy to turn over and make good money. But the larger more expensive ones rented by wealthier people were always DISGUSTING!!!

yooooooo i will literally save a quarter cup of cooked rice because the idea of wasting it feels like an actual criminal act. Anyway yes i grow science experiments and have cried before doing the dishes and dream of hiring someone to clean my kitchen every week. **wraps half eaten chicken sandwich in foil and tosses it in the fridge "for later"**

@Evelynfromtheinternets

3 жыл бұрын

**but also blows cash on uber eats/doordash/etc**

@lemoncat9213

3 жыл бұрын

Ever since I moved into an apartment with a dishwasher, I've refused to handwash dishes for the entire rest of my life 😂

@muckraker80

3 жыл бұрын

Same! I hate buying things and don't have a lot of stuff, but I will literally save food even if there's just one bite left.

@joycedelvillar8356

3 жыл бұрын

I feel your pain completely...t sadly, the struggle truly is real 🤷

@JourneyWithAjah

3 жыл бұрын

Literally same.

I’m white but I’m facing similar comments about having a cleaner. I mentioned to my (mainly) men colleagues that I had to hire a cleaner because finally I can afford it and nowadays I’m working 12-15 hours a day and I don’t have the willingness to spend the weekend with ironing and cleaning. One of them went “but....how come? You don’t even have children!”. The truth is that I mainly work with men and apart from one, all of them have their wife to stay home to take care of the house and the kids. I don’t judge this because it’s a job in itself but I can’t stand comments about how I should spend my hard earned money. Also, I’m being labelled as “harsh” to my colleagues because I don’t let them use me for booking meetings, doing admin and go for a tea run for them. I find this so upsetting. I know that the world has come a long way but I think we still have way to go when it comes to gender equality. Hoarding - I have this issue as well, although I’ve improved in the past couple of year. I think it’s because I’m from an ex communist country so I remember the times when there were nothing in the shops and we had no money anyways.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

So true -- I do think the issue of cleaning being "women's work" is at the core of what started this whole Twitter drag, and frankly, the issue of hoarding is separate (in my opinion). If she wants to pay someone to clean her home and can afford to do so, then that is her business. The end. Whether she has kids or not, has "the time" or not -- it's neither here nor there.

@anissa2007

3 жыл бұрын

I have experienced the same from colleagues (male and female) because im child free, therefore i should have no issue cleaning or cooking every day. Some male colleagues have also tried to make me make their coffees and stuff like that when im not even a secretary/receptionist (not saying secretaries should make coffee because that is also not part of their jobs)....In the beginning I would do it for them thinking it was a friendly request but then i realised that they were asking me this because they just didnt want to bother. I asked another older coworker whether she did it for them and she told me that they wouldnt even dare ask....99%of my office is baby boomers/gen x, so i am the "young one"

@chanmarr8118

3 жыл бұрын

I got a similar comment from my ex. I was working minimum wage at the time and living at home and made about $1,200/month. He has two kids and was a tattoo artist, I had none. He said I didn’t need my money because I lived w my mom and didn’t have kids. I looked at him like “So basically I’m not allowed to spend my little, hard earned money on me and enjoy it? I’m suppose to give it to you???” Obviously, I left him, but it so frustrating that people think they have an opinion on how you should spend your money or what you should be doing as a woman. If I could afford a housekeeper you best believe I will hire one.

@beccam9854

3 жыл бұрын

I legit have told my partner when we finish school and we return to being a two income household I'm gonna hire a housekeeper. I simply cannot keep it up

@Flourish_today

3 жыл бұрын

What would they say if they went to a country like Uganda where stay home mums have house helps?

The irony is that the YT algorithm is encouraging us to buy more knickknacks while watching this confessional video on hoarding 😫

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

😭

@millsykooksy4863

3 жыл бұрын

Lol

just watched Kim’s video last night so I was excited to hear you discuss these topics as well! I grew up in a very cluttered, disorganized home so as an adult I’ve slowly had to retrain myself to be neater - though I still don’t love deep cleaning. Luckily my boyfriend is way more neat and handles more than his half of our household chores - bless him tbh. he gives me the perfect balance of understanding & empathizing with my struggles but also motivating me to get my stuff done. It’s a constant battle with myself though!

@evilcaptainred

3 жыл бұрын

Just. Same.

@katherinedelacruz9876

3 жыл бұрын

I am the exact same. I literally suck at organizing and getting rid of things, Incidentally I watched your closet decluttering video today for motivation and got my whole closet organized so thank u for making that hahaha we in this together

@MJ_Solo

3 жыл бұрын

Would love to hear your take on this topic Tiffany!

@trevorryan3876

3 жыл бұрын

I can relate to this so much. It’s so sad to see someone fill their space with so many things when their life is otherwise empty.

This argument can apply to relationship as well. Hoarding worthless relationships, worthless lovers, harmful emotions - just because who KNOWS when real emotional comfort/relief will come. Get who you can today - even if the connection is quite meaningless.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

So true.

@snicole3610

3 жыл бұрын

Girl!

@MutantMint

3 жыл бұрын

yes! I kinda feel this is an unspoken facet of people who extol the virtues of polyamory.

@teishabee1993

3 жыл бұрын

Damn Pandemic Problems are making this realer than real.

@MsHelloerz

3 жыл бұрын

omg yes never thought of it that way

YES! Because we definitely needed to have this conversation!

@CrazyKoopaKids

3 жыл бұрын

Hey EJ!!!!!

@vr000701

3 жыл бұрын

Ej I knew there was a reason I liked you. 😊

@charmebenson4852

3 жыл бұрын

Cuzin! What’s going on!

Listen... if I had the money, you're DAMN RIGHT I'd hire someone to help me keep my home in order. I have ADHD and it makes the mundane tasks that neurotypical people do with ease almost a nightmare. Doing my dishes can take THREE days bc of all the tasks associated with doing the dishes. Clutter is also a part of my life due to object permanance... plus buying stuff because really, who knows when I'll have the opportunity to purchase said things ever again. Appreciate both of you Queens for discussing this. 💚💚

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

I *just* finished watching Kim's video, and she was diagnosed with adult ADHD last year. It's strange, because I'll get anxiety if I leave dishes in my sink for too long, but other things like piles of mail and clothes just sit...and sit. Phew. I was telling someone over in the Patreon comments that when you live a reality of deprivation -- deprived not only of luxuries in life, but of basic things like having a safe place to live, or health care, etc. -- we attempt to subvert those feelings of deprivation by making sure we *aren't* deprived of meaningless, material things that do not serve us, other than to distract us. "Who knows if I'll even be alive next week. May as well treat myself to more shoes!"

@1015SaturdayNight

3 жыл бұрын

I've started to realize I have object permanence issues. The shit I have tucked away might as well not exist. Oh no!!

@Roguefem76

3 жыл бұрын

OMG yes, the ADHD struggle. And object permanence means you're liable to buy the same thing again because you bought it, put it away, and forgot you had it. Or because you finally have use for it but can't find it in the clutter!

@IjeomaThePlantMama

3 жыл бұрын

@@Roguefem76 I had no idea there was a phrase for that. I just thought I was forgetful

@lst_sunrise

3 жыл бұрын

@Aurda at home Facts ! I have the same struggles. You described my life to a T with ADHD. People don't realize how hard it is for us. I've had people tell me I am lazy as well. I was really depressed for a while. This site is the guide my mom gave me. It has so much information about adhd. Hope this helps ladies. www.additudemag.com/category/manage-adhd-life/adult-diagnosed/ Peace blessings & 🖤💚💛🙏🏾

YOLT...the scarcity mindset... the best way to describe the symptoms of severe generational PTSD right now in the community...we absolutely are trying to compensate for our lack of freedom in the many aspects of our lives.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Yesss -- this is _absolutely_ generational.

@Karisma187

3 жыл бұрын

What does YOLT mean?

@torilotus2264

3 жыл бұрын

@@Karisma187 You Only Live Today...😁

@HabitualLover

3 жыл бұрын

Heartbreaking, imo

That is always something that gets me. That voice in the back of my head, "what if I throw it out and I need it later". And them I'm stuck in a state of aniexty and suddenly its too much. So there are items from 2010 that I definitely have not used in nearly 10 years but I think that I still could have a use for it makes me keep them.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

The worst is when _I actually do_ wind up using something that I haven't used in 10 years, because then I feel "justified" in keeping so much.

@msmaka

3 жыл бұрын

For me it's paper. When I get the mail I usually look through it immediately to see if there is something I can recycle. If there isn't anything to recycle, I put it on the dinning table to go through later. Unfortunately, it tends to pile up and gives me anxiety to actually go through. What if I throw something out that I might need? And don't get me started on makeup, or trying to dispose of half used products. Ugh!!

I don't even know who Kim is, but I do know that this conversation needs to be had. It crosses racial lines, social class lines, and economic lines.

@islandofideals6571

3 жыл бұрын

Kim from the channel ForHarriet! Check it out- she's great

*My parents were born in 1929& 1930 they were hoarders due to the Great Depression, so I totally understood why they did this.* *I have been desperately poor and I still feel like I am broke, so I spend as little money as possible.* *I enjoy crafting and gardening, so I can design my own life.* *I am a prep hoarder that thrift shops for things, just because you never know what might happen.*

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

This makes complete sense, to me. Even when you recognize the cycle, it's hard to break it.

@antipatsy

3 жыл бұрын

My parents were also born in that time frame, and same.

@kellygould9706

3 жыл бұрын

My dad was born in 1930 and he hoarded the house quite a bit. I've thrown out over EIGHT TONS OF TRASH and there are now tons to go through. Sure, I'll use 10 zip ties. But 1000 of them? It's so hard to get rid of. I feel so shameful for wasting it. But if I don't, I'm constantly wasting square footage that could be used for something else. I battle with which is worse. Thank you for discussing this.

@ashablack2291

3 жыл бұрын

My grandparents were born in that Era, so it was normal for me to have an area were everything is.

I was never much of a hoarder until I was forced to get rid of a LOT of my childhood items because my father got my family evicted. Multiple times. So now it's hard for me to get rid of things because I'm scared of losing everything again, and I shop too much. I'm sure if I had the resources to be diagnosed formally, I'd likely fit the criteria.

The "i spent money on it" (so I must live with it forever (even if it wasn't much money.... can't waste resources); and "but what if I need it later?" are so intensely relatable! However, it totally doesn't help that there have been so many times when I finally broke down and got rid of something, only to genuinely need it like the day after! Lol (why is this a thing?!) I am really working on limiting what I purchase to things that I need and/ or things/ wants that can "spark joy" on a continued basis (like it makes your life easier/ enriched, or makes you happy every time you see it etc, as opposed to something where the cuteness/ joy are more temporary- if that makes sense). Also, when i do spend money, I'm really trying to support independent businesses and artists when I can. ❤ all easier to say than do, but I'm trying.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Agree with you on all fronts. I'm definitely doing better than I was a couple of years ago, but I go through periods where...phew! I'm really working on examining what makes me go through periods of intense desire to consume. And when I _do_ consume (because it will happen), I try to support small and Black-owned businesses. 🙌🏾

@NoLOVEinFEAR333

3 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba I think it is "a wisdom" (as my friend Jana would say), to afford yourself grace for the fact that spending will happen again. Also, there is much wisdom (and requisite courage) in examining what is underneath/ driving the desire to consume; and in examining what might be the driving force behind any number of maladaptive coping mechanisms that one could have. also, the people/ (men) hating on the housekeeper situation, are being fracking ridiculous; and probably, as you said, just jealous AF. Like who wouldn't want a housekeeper, if they could afford one?! and who wouldn't want a job that pays so well?!

I grew up “poor” compared to most of the people around me. We weren’t food insecure but I always had an underlying feeling that I shouldn’t use up “item” because I probably wouldn’t get another. It still is ingrained in me today, so I keep way too much stuff and cannot part with nearly anything. And my poor house is full of clutter. Ughh

@katerrinah5442

3 жыл бұрын

On the topic of not parting with anything, I'm currently trying to organise my container cupboard because I have 50 million takeaway containers I don't need but they're potentially useful so I can't get rid of them 😬

I saw Kim's video and it was good as I am a fellow hoarder myself (Hoarder Unite -ha). So why would anyone shame anyone for how they cope? Why is having a cleaner bad? I keep saying I need one but too overwhelmed to pull the trigger,. Need to clean before the cleaner can come in. Too overwhelmed to clean so it is a vicious cycle. Why is every little thing an outrage on twitter? Why can't they just let people live and cope the best way they can? I am proud of Kim for admitting her struggle with this condition.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Kim's video hit home for me in so many ways, it was unreal. It's embarrassing, it's hard to fully explain why one "can't just get tidy up/get rid of this stuff,"" and I think getting a housekeeping is going to be a help for me, once I fully clear out my shame corners and get my place (mostly) decluttered. Whatever I need to do to prevent recluttering is worth it, including paying someone to help me keep my place clean, when I can afford to do so. The people on Twitter are lunatics. Reason number 713,849 I'm not on there.

@snicole3610

3 жыл бұрын

I am currently paying my mother to clean. She knows me and doesn't judge me. I know she doesn't run around behind my back about the way I'm living. I don't have to clean before the housekeeper comes, thankfully. Outsiders are not understanding of things that are not their business.

@Sososunnyyyyyy

3 жыл бұрын

Facts. Also, everyone wants capitalism until black and brown ppl have access. A black woman is solvent enough to hire help for regular everyday tasks (that noone likes doing btw.) And a black man is earning a generous living wage as a result..I am not seeing the problem here 😂

@empresspoobah

3 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba Twitter is a cesspool, which is why I am not on there either. Fun Idea for the patreons. Maybe we can have a minor support group if anyone else has this issue and want to admit to it or it will be just you and me Ti :-). Maybe once a month we can talk about the steps we have taken to move forward, share tips and simply encourage each other to do better. I normally hate the thought of a SG for myself personally, but I am willing to do this one. It doesn't need to be forever ever, just until we get to place we don't need that kind of support anymore and that is what we should strive for. LMK what you think.

@empresspoobah

3 жыл бұрын

​@@Sososunnyyyyyy I wonder how many of those people criticizing make $55/hr or could/would be able to pay that amount? Why are we not celebrating Kim and her achievements and taking charge to help herself? As far as I see it haver a cleaner is not a luxury. With busy lives most times it is a necessity. Would they say the same thing about a Dentist? Yes let's all ty to deep clean our own teeth. Bottom line, it is not a menial job. Some people enjoy cleaning. I happen not to be one of those. They tell you to make a make a career out of what you love, so I am hard pressed to see the issue here. Most likely you are right. Another way to keep us down and I bet on Twitter it is people with the same hue as Kim trying to shame her the most.

When my income increased post college my hording definitely stopped. I honestly started to throw things away because I didn't feel the need.

“The boys were triggered” is the current theme of our country 😂💚

SO accurate, seriously, thanks for the insight. Plus those who have been _really_ broke - as in _oh look, my brand of toothpaste is three tubes for a dollar and I _*_still_*_ can't afford that_ - are prone to buy things just because we _can_ , as a way to comfort ourselves that our situation no longer sucks quite so much.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

💯

I never really thought of my hoarding like this before. Man I feel like I am forever chasing minimalist goals. Hiring a housekeeper to deal with hoarding tendencies actually seems like a healthy way to deal with it. A lot of times you need a second pair of eyes to stop everything from becoming overwhelming.

I received a big order today of various make up items, body care, skin care etc and whilst watching your video, I noticed how empty I felt. There used to be a time I would’ve been excited and tearing open the package but today, no, nothing. Buying myself treats in an attempt to make myself happy or feel beautiful does nothing anymore because it’s become just...things. I have had extra money after giving up an expensive smoking habit (cigarettes) and now I am surrounded with these things that I couldn’t afford before and which bring me no joy. What exactly am I searching for from these purchases? I don’t know but your video has provided me with a level of awareness I didn’t have before. Thank you Ti, thought-provoking and beautiful as always ♥️

I am hoarder. My parents are too and honestly it makes sense. They both grew up extremely poor in El Salvador and once they could afford stuff outside of the bare necessities they started collecting a lot of stuff. Part of their collection is toys because they never owned any as kids. I think for us its also comforting to have a lot stuff or at least being able to purchase things we could not purchase at one time.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

🎯 This makes perfect sense to me. Working class and poor folks face deprivation on a daily basis, so holding on the cheap, meaningless things (though, we assign meaning to them) is, in my opinion, a direct response. It's a way that we make ourselves feel _less_ deprived.

Me, a hoarder and daughter of a retail therapist, "When I lose this weight, I'll be able to fit it again" Ma'am, your arm fat alone has determined that this is a lie. Let me redo my 2021 budget so I too can have a housekeeper. We not keeping this cycle going.

@cocochanel3812

3 жыл бұрын

I feel triggered . I say this all the time . ❤️❤️❤️😝

@A__Mina

3 жыл бұрын

Yes 🙌

@TheBohodiva

3 жыл бұрын

Oh girl are we the same person?!

@hope-cat4894

3 жыл бұрын

I'm also familiar with the fantasy wardrobe. Skinny Me has good taste.

@sophritoh

3 жыл бұрын

Bruhhh the accuracy 😩 the amount of clothes (mainly pants and shorts) I have that I don’t fit anymore but that I keep because “it’s only been 2 years since they fit” and “I’m gonna get in shape soon!” And when I think of declirrweknf the clothes (which actually spark the OPPOSITE of joy bc of reminding me of how my body isn’t what I want it to be lol) my brain says: “what if I rly do get in shape this month and then I’ll have to buy all these clothes again??” And “they’re so cute tho they’ll look so good on my legs or stomach etc” I don’t think I have the balls to get rid of those items, tbh... even tho I recognize al the above, I still believe those thoughts! I really believe I need to get back down to that size and keep those clothes for then... I was thinking the other day about how much better id feel if every time I open my drawers to get dressed, I can pick any item up and it’ll fit.. hopefully I gain the courage to do it lol

Really interesting point, and well articulated as always. I would add that I think the perception is that if your things are spread out and organized you are "collecting" where as if things are disorganized/cluttered you are "hoarding". I have seen teens/young adults in well off families be seen as 'collectors' when they are at home but then they move into small appartments and their families see the clutter/dust and are suddenly concerned. The amount of stuff is the same but it is only acceptable when you have the wealth to display your things "correctly".

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

I couldn't agree more. In fact, I think this how my family member avoid confronting what is really happening. Tidy hoarding is still hoarding.

Your so right. The wealthy usually have a sense of safety and stability with regards to resources, so they may be able to more easily be "minimal" because they know it will always be there. The nuvo riche (sp) tend to have extensive "collections" of shoes, clothes, cars etc. And us middle class folks definitely cling to stuff just like you said. I am totally guilty of keeping something for too long because I spent "good money" on it. Interesting topic.

@margaritap.9459

3 жыл бұрын

Plus, majority of these so called minimalists are in perpetual loop of buying and getting rid of stuff. Always perfecting, always looking for that special item... They try to portray themselves as free from material things, but a lot of times they seem to define themselves by their possessions (or lack thereof) more than us mere mortals!

@lynnes1864

3 жыл бұрын

The wealthy can also hide their clutter with basements, attics, 3-car garages, organizing thingies, backyard sheds, and storage units.

@ND-nx1nt

3 жыл бұрын

Wow all 3 comments 😭

@sunrae7680

3 жыл бұрын

No. The rich hide it better. Hoarding hits all people. The anxiety of loss of any type is REAL. Health, death, finances, general anxiety disorder, loneliness....

And let’s talk about how living in clutter causes confusion and more anxiety

Ti, you are spot on with this. I grew up living hand to mouth, and now I have the same issue of "clutter" and holding on to and getting more stuff. Also, as a therapist explained to me, coming from an abusive childhood where I had no real safe space of my own, my urges to pad my surroundings with things that are mine and make me feel comfy is a way of compensating and nesting, making up for a lack of safe space of my own as a kid. Thank you for this video, I feel less alone.

@catladylifts6931

2 жыл бұрын

oh wow i relate to this comment a lot. there was a period of time in my childhood that affected my sense of safety and i realize i find comfort in my messes and items and panic when anyone touches them or goes through them, even though i do routine declutters. i'm obsessed with hoarding shows bc i relate to them hard. i kind of touched on the topic with my therapist but i think i need to bring this up as a trigger for my spending habits and my inability to maintain order. edit: this might sound weird but i was wondering if you or anyone can relate: sometimes i get my room clean only to purposefully wreck it and idk why. i think it has to do with the safety thing. i'm like 'now is the perfect time to go through this box or pile of books' and then my room is a mess for the next 6 months until i clean it again and the cycle continues.

@brendaleelydon

2 жыл бұрын

OMG, for REAL. In fact, my (now ex-)husband would call it my 'fortress', as I would literally pile my 'things' around my chair in the living room (at the time, mainly crafting materials such as yarn for 5 simultaneous knit or crochet projects) & have to climb over it to go eat, etc. There was (& is) definitely a comforting aspect to be surrounded by things that belonged to me, that no one was gonna touch but me, and that I (mostly) enjoyed using. N/M all the OTHER piles of things (i even had my own room of stuff for crafting). I justified it by saying it wasnt so bad, because the VAST majority of items were found or sometimes thrifted, & would feel vindicated if I had some obscure item on hand for a project he or I decided to start at 2am. I've also noticed that people with chronic illnesses tend towards hoarding.

Ok I’ve been thinking about this, and I went and watched her video, and honestly,,, it’s also ableism. I’m disabled (I have mobility issues and chronic pain/fatigue) and a lot of my disabled friends also experience difficulties with basic tasks. I’ve had a “carer” in the past to help me with my meds, with meal prep and with house cleaning, and the reactions I and other disabled people get from this from abled people is downright vitriolic. I see some similarities in how people were towards kim and so I think a big part of this issue isn’t just the intersection of anti blackness and misogyny, but of misogynoir and ableism as well

@katerrinah5442

3 жыл бұрын

This 100%. It's like we're expected to struggle through life. If we don't work the expectation is we have plenty of time to keep everything spotless. I'm disabled and work as a cleaner (8 hours a week Max) and it's the perfect job for me. I have total control over my hours and pay. But I'm being exploited for having a job that empowers me???? Righteo.

I friggin save boxes because “that’s a good box”. 😂

@dbd254

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂 Same or bag.

I went through a period of time when I dealt with job loss. When I was financially stable again, I got into the habit of buying stuff that I wanted (not needed) because I had the money. I didn't know if hard times would happen again so I wanted everything NOW. It's a really hard habit to break. I was always 'waiting for the other shoe drop". Strife & struggle was right around the corner (real or imaginary) so I had to enjoy 'the moment' because the moment was fleeting.

@Jocey_10

3 жыл бұрын

Oop was not expecting to be called out like this. I’ve managed to overcome the hoarding in my family but long bouts of unemployment have screwed my relationship to money. Definitely finding myself buying more things just because I’m afraid I won’t be able to next time.

Your class analysis here really reminds me of Dr Joy DeGruy when she talks about Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, the part about "sense of foreshortened future". Thank you Ti for sharing ❤️

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

One of my lovely internet cousins gifted me that book (she knew I'd wanted to read it), so it's in my "to read" pile for 2021. Thanks for this. Now, I'm even more interested to read it.

@drasco61084

3 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba her lectures on here are great if you haven't seen them yet.

@tionak

3 жыл бұрын

@@drasco61084 I was just about to say that. Her lectures are fantastic.

@dmr868

3 жыл бұрын

The video I've been looking for since i saw the video clip on Twitter 2yrs ago. Thank you.

@drasco61084

3 жыл бұрын

@@dmr868 glad you found it gotta spread the Knowledge

This is so true and so real. This (& other things like eating disorders, being a workaholic, etc) is often a symptom of unattended to emotional/mental turmoil.

Makes me think about Target doing a black history display....for consumption

@JC-yy8iv

3 жыл бұрын

Mm hmm and right now their Pride display is up as we speak. I don’t think anyone enjoys being pandered to by corporations trying to take your money on useless BS that has nothing to do with us or even the occasion really

I once asked my mother why she had all this stuff that we never used or needed and it's scary how accurate you were. She explained that she never knew when she needs something bc of an incident that happened between my dad and a police officer trying to claim he stole something when he didn't (luckily she had the receipt to prove he didn't)

I can tell when I'm in a depressive episode by the level of hoarding. Hence, I have a housekeeper

I watched Kim’s video and I know people just like her. I’m glad she found a way, and has the means, to deal with her hoarding that isn’t causing her additional stress and anxiety.

Being a foster child since I was a toddler, to being adopted and having things taken away from me, being in a several group homes where theft was common, I became a hoarder when I was a young adult out of fear of loosing my things and not being able to afford replacements. I learned to let go of the things I do not need two years ago. Not only did I get rid of the physical clutter, I got rid of the mental clutter as well. My next step is to get out of the work and home mindset. Screwed up multiple friendships and relationships due to this. I've been poor all of my life practically, which makes me focus too much on work to the point where nothing else matters along with the fear of not having the funds for efficient survival.

Lol muting my calc teacher in the zoom call so I can watch this right when I got the notif

@IjeomaThePlantMama

3 жыл бұрын

Don't do that! Pay attention in class and watch this later!🙏🏿

@Mariah-ek5iu

3 жыл бұрын

Pay attention so you can get good grades! ❤️

@nancyismyname

3 жыл бұрын

🤣

I have a lot of those everyday hoarders in my life and saw myself going that way in high school/ university. So now I’ve basically gone in the opposite direction and look back with regret at all the trash I created that will never go away, and the horrible companies I supported.

I feel this so much. We just moved and I had to let go of so much. We saw this with my MIL too, who was a like tv show hoarder, and I'd kind of made the poverty/hoarding connection, but a good deal of my organized hoarding was birthday cards, christmas cards, etc. Things that were a tangible proof that I was loved, from a life where I did not feel loved, however I'm definitely guilty of keeping something because I spent good money on it.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Yesss -- I also hold onto old cards and things (getting better about it), so I understand completely. Being a human really is tough stuff.

@katerrinah5442

3 жыл бұрын

I hoard everything my mum gives me because she has her own issues with showing affection because of her upbringing. I've had people judge me for it, like fuck off I just want to feel loved

@ifetayodavidson-cade5613

3 жыл бұрын

Sharing this to help with your self-compassion: Sentimental clutter is the hardest category to work through because there are so many strong emotions involved.

i wish i had to deal with 55 dollar an hour "slavery"........jesus

Really really glad you made this video girl💜 After that Patreon discussion, along with watching Kim's video MULTIPLE times (she truly went TF off and I felt every word), combined with returning from my parents house and being...just...OVERWHELMED at the absolute state my house is in, I've decided to take the plunge and search for a self-employed cleaner to come by semi-regularly. I'm breaking the cycle, and there is nothing wrong with recognizing when you need help. Periodt. Love, [REDACTED] 😂

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, girl! I actually have been inspired to do the same. Though I am focused on eliminating unnecessary expenses, I think having help to keep my home clear and tidy is _absolutely_ necessary for my sense of happiness and well being. I'm definitely going to hire someone, and pay them fairly for the service. Frankly, I think it falls under self care, because clutter is killing me. And, I redacted y'alls names because I didn't want to put your business in the street like dat. 😅 I'm wrapping up from work for the night, and about to watch Kim's video. Thanks for telling me about it!

I needed this today. I’m moving and I’ve knows for years that I hold on to way to much stuff. I think mine comes from feeling like I’m not in control. I also buy things for a future that might not happen. I have lots of “special occasion” items and I never feel like I get a chance to wear them. It’s organized clutter but I’m afraid that someday it’ll get out of control. Thanks for making me feel a bit more normal and thanks for always making thought provoking content.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Twinning. Sooo many items that I bought and kept for occasions that never came. The way humans try to assert control over our lives when we feel like we don't have any takes so many forms.

yesss! Both of my grandmothers were hoarders, one of which could have qualified for one of the tv shows, one of which kept it all tidy. The tidy one was economically comfortable but grew up in the Depression and the other one had no freedom or income of her own until all of her kids were grown up. They were very poor and she had no money of her own, was not able to drive, and lived out in the country. Until my mom grew up and got a car and taught her how to drive, she had absolutely no autonomy over her own life. She then got a job as a legal secretary and for the first time had her own money, which she spent the moment she got it for the rest of her life. my mom judged her so harshly and i was like HOW can you not see that this is a direct outcome of her life?? It would have been so hard for her to be any other way.

yupyupyup and if you pair this with anxiety/depression/adhd or all of the above like me, there are SO MANY reasons we buy things to feel better. And then if you have any sort of crafting that you do suddenly your whole house is overflowing with those supplies too

About the emotional aspect: You might not be able to take a walk or call a friend 24/7 to soothe yourself, but online stores are always open.

🙏 Thank you for talking about this! I know a lot of people don’t understand the complexity of this topic and when you actually talk to someone who is a hoarder because they’ve lived in poverty it’s hard to come off not sounding haughty to them while also helping them cut back on the habit.

I'm a genetic hoarder too. I find something I love or brings me peace, then I need all of it! Right now it's plants and home decor.

Yes! I try so hard to not overbuy things like clothes or makeup during quarantine because one, I don't need it to just hoard it and two, I have enough. I have a grandparent who is a Hoarder and control is a huge part of it. Just having something to have control while losing control over everything else in life is a key factor in the lives of many who have resource insecurity. My grandma for example ,hoard things because she thinks in time it'll have increased monetary value. No mater how much said things have rusted, or become unused.

My mom was emotionally (sometime physically) abusive. She used to take away gifts that my Dad bought for me because “I didn’t deserve nice things like this” In my mid 50’s and I still buy things in two’s - security in case one is taken away from me.

there's a story thread in the graphic novel 'maus' where the author reflects on his father's hoarding being a remnant of saving anything and everything in order to trade for favors in the camps in order to ensure the safety of his wife. these things are passed on generationally as a trauma response and learned behavior. i can't bring myself to watch even one second of "hoarders" but will binge watch american pickers where hoarders are presented with dignity and respect as collectors and enthusiasts because it hits too close to home. my mother is more of the 'scary' type of hoarder and i am a collector and frame it more as being a maximalist in tiny living spaces and not a lot of money to invest in aesthetically appropriate organization furniture to make me appear "normal." thanks for this video.

I have also heard of doctors. We have so much in common.

The boys were triggered. I screamed. Men stay bickering about things they cant afford nor experience. Okay okay, where is the bonnet from? I want to look cute and vibrant in my home too. I see it in the description box.

Ok this was SO INTERESTING and you gave me so much to think about. As someone who has been on a makeup no-buy since the beginning of 2019 because of my unhealthy relationship with 'collecting' makeup, you've put into words something I hadn't been able to quite articulate before.

I hold on to clothes until they're so old and worn out that I can't even give them away. At that point, I sometimes cut out the damaged sections and save the salvaged fabric so I can use it for sewing. But it's hard to make the time for sewing,, so I end up with boxes of scrap material that may never be used, but can never be thrown away, because wasting perfectly good fabric is a sin and a shame.

I grew up in clutter and I am the only one in my family who still lives this way (my granny died). I don't understand how it happened this way.

@TCt83067695

3 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that fam

@preciousaryee2901

3 жыл бұрын

I too am a hoarder and am a fan of the show Hoarders. I have also done some research on the condition and it appears there is a genetic trait that makes this hereditary. My maternal grandma and mama were both hoarders.

@preciousaryee2901

3 жыл бұрын

Got sidetracked but wanted to say me and my sister inherited the trait but my brother didn't. Lucky him! However, his wife and mother-in-law are hoarders.

I'm a hoarder. A disorganised hoarder! >.< I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember. I remember as a teenager being told when I had to move out to pack all my things and throw out anything I didn't need. I just sat there in a pile of my own clutter for hours not knowing what to do. I struggle to let go of things that others may see as insignificant or odd. I have a tendency of buying cute clothes too as a form of escapism and control. They all just sit in my closet and I tell myself I don't wear them because we're in a pandemic. I say to myself "ahh I'll wear this when all of this is over!" I struggle with organisation and I end up keeping things like receipts, birthday cards, makeup boxes, and a pile of clothes at the foot of my bed. I did a mini clear out of random clutter yesterday and feel proud of myself as I really struggle with this. Apologies for the rambling. Thank you Ti for putting my thoughts into words!

OMG! This is an entire word. The threat of scarcity and the predatory lending.... chileeeee dis y I love you and your channel. I need to take my ass over to Patreon! Cause I'm so slacking as a fanatic!!!! What color is your hair?! Lol love it!

Was just gonna say this is like Kim video and you linked it! 😃 Edit: thank you for sharing Ti! Being Nigerian, we also have a lot of clutter that becomes a bit difficult to part with.. I had no idea how common this was. I buy because tbh, I may not be here tm so f*** it. This was such a good video!

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Totally agree, and thanks girl!

My mother grew up in Apartheid South Africa. Now she hoards cleaning products and furniture. the woman is constantly on facebook marketplace. Growing up poor definitely affected her.

I just threw out 10 bags of trash over the last two weeks. All just pictures, old papers from high-school (10 years ago... lol), clothes I havent worn in 10 years I can't let go of, my parents things who have passed. I didn't realize I was hoarding until I realized I had these boxes (and boxes and boxes...) of things I hadn't opened for three years. It is fear of not having what I am going to need later for dumb things for me like bread ties, clothes and keeping plastic containers that I might reuse for food or plants whatever. I dunno I didn't think throwing away a bunch of old clothes and stuff would hurt so bad, like throwing away something my parents bought me no matter how small or dumb it is. It did feel really good to get rid of the stuff though, I just didn't want to have to move it all again. Anyway thank you for the video it was really interesting and youre so beautiful I love your hair like that! 💕 Take care.

@nappyheadedjojoba

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you! I know that that couldn't have been easy to do. It's such a catch-22, because I _hate_ living like this, but get so overwhelmed that I can't really part with things so that I can stop the cycle and have a clear home space. I look at images of "minimalist" living spaces and dream that, one day, I'll be able to find a middle ground. But, I have to do the work, and get past the fear and anxiety.

@caseyellen0

3 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba I tried to apply that thing where people say does it "spark joy" and I think that helped! Also compromising and letting yourself keep the things that do make you feel something inside (I will take any good feelings right now thank you lol). I realized a lot of the things did have negative feelings for me to know that it lived in my space, like things from toxic people that are not around anymore but I just wanted a piece of the "good times" nah just gotta let go of the past 🙏💕 It is so hard though, take your time with it I kinda went crazy and did it mostly in a few hours just spaced out, taking breaks when things might have been a little emotionally heavy. Good luck 💕🙏💖

@caseyellen0

3 жыл бұрын

I will say it was pretty emotional to see all of the things I was holding onto go in the trash (none of it was worth saving or donating) but it does feel good to have storage boxes empty now to fill with things that maybe I won't not open it for three years next time 😅💕

Most of my hoarding is me buying backups of backups while I can afford them. But I do have other stuff too, some of it meant for display that aren't on display because we're no longer in a space where I have the space to do so. We just recently went through a clear and deep clean, and we tossed A LOT but still not enough. But I agree the hoarding is highly related to anxiety as well as the need to fit in and not seem poor.

Love that you addressed this subject and Kim's video! Talk about "me too"! I quietly thought it was just me! My mother is a severe hoarder and procrastinator. I've struggled a lifetime to "get it together" with little success. After viewing Kim's video I thought "I'd LOVE to hire a house cleaner, but I wouldn't be able to tell them where to start!!!" 😔

This is so true, my mom grew up very poor so they learned to be very resourceful with what you already have. Now that my mom does well, she still will not throw anything away as she might need that if a b and c happen in 20 years and she needs that random box. Even though, she is very well able to just go out and buy that “thing” she may need down the line.

my grandmother raised me.....and was a hoarder. subsequently i too was a hoarder. up until i spent about 5 yrs living out of "rooms" (i spent those yrs renting rooms from friends). during that point, i learned to let go of things and just keep what i needed that would fit in that room. now that i have a house of my own, i dont live with the bare minimum anymore, but i also havent went back to hoarding. having said that, about once or twice a year, i take stock of what i have, and if i REALLY dont need it, i get rid of it.

“Organized hoarders thanks to the Alex drawers we all have” Why do I feel personally attacked 😂

@claudial4141

3 жыл бұрын

Lol it’s not just you!

@catewashington626

3 жыл бұрын

@@claudial4141 hahahaha thank you that makes me feel better

"...it's like A Tribe Called Quest!" I LOVE THIS DAMN CHANNEL!!!!! Great video, fam! We miss and love you, Phife Dawg!

Hoarding disorder has its own diagnostic criteria in the DSMV. It’s neurological/hereditary, the offshoot of another disorder like General Anxiety Disorder, OCD or in Kim’s instance ADHD. I’m a therapist but I also live as a mild hoarder. I’m unable to keep up with any seemingly mundane chores as it takes an extreme amount of mental acuity that it literally takes me hours to simply wash dishes. So my points are it’s neurological, biological, possibly hereditary, social conditioning etc. So I said all that to say honey you right! But here’s another point about generation hoard. For instance, boomer generation and the amount and type of hoard vs millennial hoard. Ahhh there I go erasing my generation again( gen x) . But to my point there’s layers to this thing. You can make a whole series about this.

My name is Julie and I am a clutterer! I am shocked at how I can accumulate things. When i see clean, tidy, organized rooms - like KZreadrs' rooms, I feel a bit envious - I wonder when I will get there, but I will get there.

Shoot I wish I had a house keeper shoot I suck at organizing... smh 🤦🏽‍♀️.... I get looked at weird when I’m at Home Depot... like a woman can’t do handy things too

I remember someone writing (paraphrased) "Rich people don't have clutter. They have the space to put everything away. They have the security to buy something new if it breaks." And growing up poor, I just really don't get decorations. The single woman who moved into our flat, where we lived with 3 people, put little stones on our shelves. We had Things on there. Maybe photos and figurines but also dishes and shower gels. Useful things. Not stones. I lived there for a week until my new room was inhabitable. It was horrifying. Now living on my own, I often hear people say "ugh I don't need this anymore." and either they'll suggest or I'll ask if I can have it, in case I might have any use for it at some point ever.

Hoarding is also common response to trauma. Hoarding is common all over the world in many different cultures. I've been a minimalist for as long as I can remember even as a child. I'm reading a book called highly sensitive person and those of us who identify as highly sensitive people really struggle with clutter or disarray see too many objects within our environment as things our minds must process. I have family members who are hoarders and friends and I have extreme anxiety in cluttered environments. I've lived in several countries in Europe and the I would say that I have experienced both wealthy and poverty stricken communities in Europe and the United States where there's equal numbers of people who struggle in this area. Lots of people who grew up during the great depression and children of those people who grew up during that era are generally in the hoarding community. Sometimes when people have great loss they tend to be more sentimental and have trouble with decluttering because they are trying to hold on to the past. Great video and observations. I think that the more people connect with a sense of spiritually and purpose of not needing things to satisfy their desires, it could be meditation or connecting with nature and animals we could experience fuller lives also getting involved in public service like volunteering or some form of philanthropy big or small gives a great sense of purpose. Hoarding is like many addictions in some ways our need to fill an empty void.

Whoo boy, hit the nail on the head! I just recently moved and i took everything with me and as I'm putting things away it just shocking how much stuff I have that is just not used. This self soothing through buying shit is too real.

There is a documentary on minimalism right now available on Netflix. It’s called ‘Less is now’. It goes into this topic exactly, how consumerism has replaced a deeper connection with ourselves and our communities.

People really don't like us being successful. Remember the thing about Ericka J? People were accusing her of lying about the money she was making and that she really didn't have a Tesla until she showed it in a video? The ForHarriet video and reading through the comments made me feel pretty emotional, it was something I could really relate to it so much, it's easy for stuff to pile up when you're overwhelmed.

I have a cleaning service. It’s literally saved my marriage. And yes, they are well compensated, including during the pandemic when we didn’t allow them in our house for a few months. The dragging of Kim was ridiculous. I have a full time job, go to school part-time and I’m super grateful to have the help!!

You hit it right on the nail. I had just finish watching a video on why does society feel like black women shouldn’t pay for convenience? What exactly is the issue when we know that it will allow extra time to invest in ourselves to be more productive or just relax. If you could afford it, why not. On another note, my mom and I used to clash because we were aware of our hoarding habits and couldn’t take the clutter anymore but couldn’t let go of a lot stuff as well. The psychology tricks we used were draining and no matter how we did our best to organize the home. It was never ending with the cleaning, shopping, and piled up things we accumulated. Even food was a issue because the fridge was packed to the brim but so much would go to waste due to her cooking for 6 people when it was only us for some time. Growing up poor did a lot to our psyche and how we deal with the material world.

Appreciate your analysis on this. Commenting for the algorithm.

I love that you addressed this. This has so much to do with an unfair social structure, and racial inequalities that are rooted in many communities. It’s very generational. Me and my hubby just had a conversation on “when do you know when your at a new level?”, what are the indicators outside of income. People fake so much, I don’t believe we as a people know when we have moved into a place where we have more buying power and can relax into our station in life. I had some aha moments that made me fully aware of my station and the privileges it carries. That anxiety can be a tool when you need to grind to get over a rough spot, but not being able to stop it after is problematic.

I know Im late but I just watched For Harriet's live and YT suggested this video for me and I so happy to hear people talking candidly about this. My mother developed a hoarding tendency when my parent's marriage started to fall apart. I grew up in a pristine house and then suddenly it was clutter and mess. I am a hoarder, also, and find that when I start to feel insecure or sad, I start to gather things around me, in my house. Around my desk, I will pile things that make me happy. Its subconscious and when I realize how cluttered everything is, I have to stop and check in with myself to see why Im really upset. I wish I could hire a cleaning person and I am proud of Kim for taking those steps for herself. THank you for talking about this.

Kim has always made a point to talk about paying people who work for her fairly. She is really not the one to come at!

Well I think you have a valid point. I grew up VERY VERY poor in Canada. My mother "keeping" of things wasn't out of use. Not really sure Why. But My mother in law is a professional organizationer. The difference is rich people hire her to basically come in and clean up there lives every 6 months. The rich just have people to help them out 😭😅

It's such an interesting topic. My grandma survived the ww2 in Europe, and she's a very big hoarder. Not in a sense that she buys stuff but in a sense that she can't get rid of stuff. She keeps everything that could remotely be of any use, including the non-reusable packages from grocery stores, scraps of paper that can be written on, threads from my diys that are long enough to tie the plants to the sticks, broken items, etc. I get so anxious around her when i need to discard all those things and "go behind her back". I'm not a hoarder, I'm quite the opposite. I get stressed out when there is too much stuff in the house that i don't use and it takes up space. I get it that my grandmother's youth was in the times when you had to save up even pieces of paper because you couldn't buy anything. I understand it, and it's still irritating for me.

my grandma isn't a hoarder but she absolutely have compulsive behaviors related to childhood poverty and instability. she and my grandpa managed to be the rare exceptions to the general rule that people don't climb in class. she is comfortably upper-middle class and has been for many decades, but her anxieties instilled by her childhood alternating between foster care and her alcoholic and impoverished parents still have a deep effect on her behavior and thinking. that shit doesn't go away, even if you are safe for so long after.

Touched on the Sunk Cost Fallacy among many thoughtful ideas. I appreciate you speaking the truth. I too have some hoarding tendencies and believe it is trying to fill a hole, decrease anxiety and also just being primed to consume, consume, consume. I just watched Kim's video and she as well had some very thoughtful and heartfelt things to say. I know there are some awesome folks on Twitter but there are just too many ghouls, control freaks and busy bodies.

This was well articulated. I recognise two fundamental things with my experience. I was a minimalist child and even requested that people don't buy gifts as I hated having things I didn't need. After then experiencing extreme poverty combined with the fact I hate shopping, I buy in bulk for 3-6 months....and then I forget I'm so ahead and buy more. The idea of running out makes me feel anxious as does wasting resources but, there are times when you've just got to let it go.

Soooooo this. Yes. This is where I confess that I have this problem. My grandma died not too long ago and I went off on the deep end buying STUFF to "console" my pain. The end result was that I now have a bunch of STUFF I know I didn't need and I'm tying to reverse the tendency to hoard that apparently run DEEP in my family because ALL my aunts amd uncles do the exact same thing. 😔

My mom is a hoarder. She is nowhere near the level of what you see on the tv show, but she had piles of stuff she always has to go through. She keeps talking about moving someday, but it will take her years to go through and clean it all up. I have lots of books, cds, dvds, clothes and other things myself, but I go through stuff every summer and donate stuff to lending libraries or value village if I feel like I will never use it.

You just do not know how much this conversation resonates with me! I can absolutely relate to indulging in frivolous purchasing and even accepting gifts from ppl that I know I don't have the space to take on. I think so many of us are suffering with this in all different facets of life. I mean look at how much just in the KZread natural hair community we throw around the idea of being a "product junkie." I really believed that there was just something in my psychological makeup that paralyzes me when I even attempt to declutter, get rid of, or eliminate the unnecessary crap that is consuming my space, because I saw so many other women in my family that I labeled as a "pack rat." Kim also spoke on that feeling of anxiety and reproducing the actions of her Dad and for me it was like "ah ha!"

Treatments for Hoarding: SEEK MEDICAL CARE! See a doctor immediately if your Health or safety is in danger Make an appointment to see a doctor if you Have materials in your home that pose a fire risk Often trip or fall over materials in your home Feel anxious about your possessions

This is such an under-discussed topic. I am definitely a food hoarder, and this pandemic made it very clear to me. Now, I'm not buying $500 worth of groceries in one trip, but cupboards and refrigerator/freezer are full AF. I consciously did NOT buy a deep freezer because I knew that would allow me to buy even more things to have "just in case" and freeze leftovers. Organization keeps me from buying the same things, but I still have too many things and I would "replenish" things not all that close to being "out". I have purposely stopped clipping coupons so I can stop buying crap I don't even like all that much "because there's a deal/sale". For me, coupons trigger impulse purchasing. No deal makes me second guess if I even need/want it. I know I get it from my working-class parents who got it from theirs. My grandparents lived through the Great Depression. I'm getting more organized with my clothes too because I know I have too many of them, and have bought the same thing twice because I forgot the first time I bought it (jeans, I am the worst with them).

First time commenting, but this resonated a lot. After my grandpa passed away my dad and his siblings went through trying to help my grandma clean and they had so much just knickknacks and random paper. They had basically a grocery store worth of peanut butter and frozen foods they're forgotten about, cereal, beans, half an old cake. They both grew up in very poor, alcoholic, abusive situations where they moved around every several months and they just couldn't bear to get rid of anything. It was, like you said, organized and clean, but they couldn't ever remember or find what they had. My dad has some strong tendencies around this too--he tends to massively overbuy groceries, especially at Costco, because it's like his default feelings of scarcity kick in. It's one of many things that drives home for me over the years how much of an impact growing up in uncertain circumstances has on people generationally, as I sometimes do this too and I grew up generally middle class. Anyway, great video!

I think this absolutely applies to our relationship with food too. I can't go to a beach house a sit by the ocean when I'm anxious. I can't buy myself a new expensive thing because "self care" and " I deserve " but that icecream in the freezer that was 3 dollars brings a little bit of pleasure.

Respectfully, I think there is a difference between hoarding and living in clutter. I had the misfortune of living with a hoarder a couple of years ago. It was an absolute nightmare. This woman had 10 cans of COOKING SPRAY and moved my dishes out of the way in the cabinet to make room for them, just to give you an idea. I couldn't breathe over the mountains of stuff spewing out everywhere. I have an unhealthy shoe collection. I am not a hoarder. I've experienced it and it's really not even close to the same.

@GreenGorgeousness

3 жыл бұрын

Very good point. They are different animals.

I'm so thankful to these women and to all the other people who are starting and contributing to this conversation. I can remember being a kid and saving such small, random things...for example, I would seriously do things like save a stick of a gum another kid would give me because 1) I don't really know if I deserve this? I should wait until I am deserving and 2) what if I want it more later on? I can wait and 3) someone gave me a thing, I need to keep this thing...because I might not be worthy of getting another thing later on I wasn't poor, we were always middle class, we never went without and we had plenty of the extra things. I cannot imagine how much more nervous I would have been, how much worse the hoarding would have been, had we actually been poor. My heart really goes out to the people who grew up with the fear and REALITY of scarcity, I can only understand that pain to a certain degree and only in my own way of course. MAN, this conversation is so important.......... I am so deeply thankful.

Not only did I grow up poor, I was the youngest of 3 kids, and I STILL have this one shirt that's over a decade old that used to be my sister's. And no I'm never gonna get rid of it lol. My mom did a really good job of making sure we didn't feel guilty or embarrassed when we brought friends over. We cleaned what we could, but clutter was our life, and if our friends couldn't accept it, they weren't genuine.

I think if you have wealth you have a responsibility to spread it around, so hire whomever you like as long as you pay them fairly and treat them respectfully. If i could afford it I'd have someone clean my car because that's where I hide my clutter because if it's not in the house I don't have to acknowledge it

Both my parents are hoarders. My mom because of growing up dirt poor. My dad because he was literally killed and revived in a car accident when he was 22, still a baby. I’ve been working to break that cycle even though I lacked stability growing up. It’s tough but they’re coming around. Luckily it’s been very helpful for them to see the impact of donating or selling their unused items.

You truly described me and at the same time made me feel a little bit better about myself and my situation thank you

Congratulations on your decluttering journey! I am on one as well, and am diving deep to deal with years & generations of stuff. I mean, receipts from deceased relatives. I started seriously decluttering last year and keep track, so at this point it’s over 3000 items. There’s still so much more to do. This video is excellent and touches on so many parts of the issue. It’s easy to get caught up and shop for your fantasy self.