I limited myself to only black men for awhile, and was rarely pursued. Then a guy came along who relentlessly pursued me who happened to be white. I lived in a different city and he didn’t let that stop him from wanting to be with me. I decided to give him a chance and now we’ve been married for 6 years, together for 8. I’m not saying interracial is the answer, you can be in a shitty relationship with someone of any race, but to shut someone down just because of the tone of their skin is wild. Anyways, people are free to date who they want, that’s just my opinion. Another great video. Keep them coming 😊.

@k3upikachu

4 жыл бұрын

I looked you up on insta and you're insanely beautiful. Actually, your whole family is 😍 I'm glad you found happiness!!

@LexaKarlynVlogs

4 жыл бұрын

gardenho69 ❤️ thank you

@CourtneeRae

4 жыл бұрын

@LexaKarlynVlogs this is exactly what happened to me. We've been together for 16 years and married for 10.

@reverseeffect

4 жыл бұрын

Surprisingly, the same thing happened to me. I used to work third shift at a retailer and this guy used to come in and see/talk to me every day at 4 in the morning for months. Shortly after our first date, he told me his very good friend, who use to come in all the time too, used to tell him about me and how he thought the other guy and I would make a really good couple. 6 months later we were engaged, married, and now we are nearing our 1 year marriage anniversary. For me it didn’t matter the race or ethnicity but it just so happened that the guy that respectfully and chivalrously pursued me was white and I love him dearly.

@destineylacoursiere7741

4 жыл бұрын

Congrats! My best friend is black and her partner is white and he is the best most complimentary (as in he balances her) possible human being she could be with. They are so good for each other. There is so much more to people than their skin color.

Dating as a black woman is like swimming with an anchor tied to your ankle. This shit is beyond the struggle and I've decided to sit myself out. I may or may not regret that in the future.

@SitaSita-TeamBigMirr

4 жыл бұрын

Danielle : You won’t regret a thing... You’ve added years, health and an increased chance of happiness to your life. Congratulations.🎉

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

I feel you, my girl. Personal fulfillment and building community (like this here, with you all) is what I'm on now. I'm done with the f&%kery.

@annmariebusu9924

4 жыл бұрын

Danielle that me now waiting for the widows 🤪.

@humbleheart2650

4 жыл бұрын

Star Elohim yes I read somewhere that marriage benefits men way more than the woman....due to many women being the pack mule of the household many times. Imma need a protector and provider man next time no exceptions.

@DaWeirdFreak

4 жыл бұрын

I think Americans have misunderstood the function of dating. You CANNOT date strangers and expect it to blossom into a relationship that is a TRAP designed by men with the intent to exploit women

My grandmother recently asked me if I have a boyfriend. I replied, "It ain't that easy to find a good one. Why, can you find me one"? She replied, "Shi...I'm trying to find me one".

@hirukiyat

4 жыл бұрын

C.O.S. Is My Name chile... grandmas and mamas outchea looking for a boo too!

@c.o.s.ismyname7701

4 жыл бұрын

@@hirukiyat Right?!

@barelysanesociety5107

4 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂 My auntie just got a boyfriend and I’m excited for her, mean while I’m over here too exhausted and too busy to worry about it for now.

@denyshadials5702

4 жыл бұрын

😂 she better tell it!

@PortraitofAsha

4 жыл бұрын

Ok granny tryna get chose!

Dating as a black woman has subjected me to what feels like psychological and emotional warfare... and I’m close to waving my white flag.

@bimbowithadegree420

4 жыл бұрын

Yes!

@anissa2361

4 жыл бұрын

A word! And I've never even dated whatsoever.

@RaquelliBee

4 жыл бұрын

I live in utah. I gave the fuck up. Every encounter I was their first black girl. I cant

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

I work really hard to be an optimistic person...but you're not wrong, my girl.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

@@RaquelliBee Ugh, *this* part.

I'm a 35 year old, child free Black woman. I've been trying to date for the last year and seldom make it beyond first meetings. I teeter between wanting a steady boo, and wanting to be the dope auntie with disposable income, a passport, lovers and a big bed that I only share with my dog.

@elaineabreu282

4 жыл бұрын

Same.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Same same.

@genevieve571

4 жыл бұрын

Same

@UKLeonie

4 жыл бұрын

Same luvvy

@ravenna9969

4 жыл бұрын

Gggguuuuurrrrrlllll ditto

Girl! This right here. My husband is white and prior to even considering dating him I had to make sure that 1) he wasn’t fetishizing me and 2) I didn’t have to explain racism to him at every pass. Needless to say, we are good to go!

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

This is why, though it has challenges, I've *always* kept my options open to dating outside of my race. So happy that you're happy, my girl!

@DH-uw3us

4 жыл бұрын

That's it. Those two things. I really didn't even think about non Black men fetishizing me until she talked about it in a live and it made me think. I was told about non Black guy who exclusively dated Black girls. At first it intrigued me, then I was like: is it a preference or a fetish? Definitely something to look out for.

@eetnahc

4 жыл бұрын

nappyheadedjojoba Thank you! I didn’t think it was possible because interracial dating horror stories are all over the place but it is possible. He’s even the type to casually re-educate his questionable Caucasian family members when they come out the mouth CRAZY! 🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿

@eetnahc

4 жыл бұрын

Diana Hughes absolutely! My husband’s previous wife was black so he has a preference but I vetted THE HELL out of him to make sure he wasn’t trying to hard or said questionable things in conversation. Turns out he’s a keeper! But keep on the lookout!

@kirabouwerviraltyd

4 жыл бұрын

Same here. On date number ONE, I was like "I hope you're not here for the 'island girl' experience " he wasn't. 5 years later, things are good. 👍🏾

"I am beautiful BECAUSE I'm Black, not in spite of it" . . . well said!!! ✊🏿 👸🏿 👏🏿 #ThisQuoteNeeds2BOnAShirt

@takishasage-freebeautyzone

4 жыл бұрын

YES!!! And yes again! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I hate that sentiment SO much! I get so irritated with having to "defend my blackness" my mother and father are black. Therefore I'm black...period. If you think I'm pretty, just let it be that. Not "I'm pretty for a black woman" or "I'm pretty for a chubby woman". If you have to caveat your compliment...I don't want it.

@officialnotesonlifepodcast

4 жыл бұрын

However, she refuses to give us merch! Crazy girl.

@starrchild1972

4 жыл бұрын

Girl YESSSSSSSSS

@eetnahc

4 жыл бұрын

I felt this one in my chest!

@genemechanic6773

4 жыл бұрын

I'd purchase this on a shirt! And the because written in gold foil😍

"we don't see the future, we are the future" truer words have never been said.

@eulasbishopolis3029

3 жыл бұрын

Black women generally look for black men while black men just look for women.

RE: Your experience with the guy feeling the need to announce to you that he had recently slept with a black woman. In my experience if you have to TELL someone how cool, or different, or down, or "not like *insert other group of people*" they are, then they probably aren't any of those things. Actions > Words. I honestly don't know how anyone dates, let alone with all these ice bergs to navigate. I would be the Titanic for sure.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Agree completely. It's like people who constantly say things like "I'm a good person," or "I'm not racist." Pretty much guaranteed that the opposite is true.

I am beautiful because I am black, not inspite of it.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Yes you are!

@cinnamonpie8077

4 жыл бұрын

Chrystal,you look so pretty in your pic.Your smile is beautiful.

@kirabouwerviraltyd

4 жыл бұрын

This made me so happy when she said it.

@crystalpowell8619

4 жыл бұрын

Cindy Lebowitz thank you!!

@gracetomaszczyk2145

4 жыл бұрын

I agree!

That Hanna Barbera cartoon sound effect had me rolling 🤣

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

😆

@AA1891

4 жыл бұрын

That was funny

@muckraker80

4 жыл бұрын

Same

Girl, when said dating black men is like having gaydar, but to see if he’s a colorist... I died!!! 😂😂😂 It’s so true. Every time I meet a black man that’s cute with some sense I’m like “Shit he probably don’t even date black women.”

@LGnLA

4 жыл бұрын

Don't mention the 'dating apps' I have ALWAYS seen them specify 'I date others' ha, & I put 'only bm' but am ALWAYS 'winked at' by others... lol... oh well... they can't say, I didn't try... my motto, like who likes you.❤😉

@coconutwater4531

4 жыл бұрын

LGnLA yeah, I hope you deleted “only bm” from your profile. That’s setting yourself up to fail.

@mandamandamanda6722

4 жыл бұрын

Coconut Water I just don’t fucking get black women like her. It makes your head hurt thinking about why they do dumb ass shit like that. I just don’t fucking get it.

@ascorpioskiss3416

4 жыл бұрын

@@mandamandamanda6722 agreed..I dont know why we are keeping ourselves hostage in the love/dating section of our lives just for black men who are clearly not doing the same. Theres no point limiting your dating options.

@lavellans

4 жыл бұрын

Saying that you are open might allow you to attract more black men too. When they know that they have competition, they are willing to work harder if they really want a bw.

I swear we are kindred spirits. I’m 38 and 100% sure that I don’t want kids. Dating for me has really sucked, and I’m at the point where I’ve simply concluded that “it is what it is.”

@prettyllady

4 жыл бұрын

N Williams I feel you, I’m 31 & I’ve given up dating as well and decided to go my own way 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m tired of older men trying to be young, I’m tired of fuk boys & men who claim their single but aren’t 🤦🏻‍♀️ the dating pool is a mess and I chose NOT to swim in it!! 🏊‍♀️ Whats good about being alone is that I find myself more focused, I’m accomplishing my goals one by one, my body on point cuz I been hitting the gym and I have lots of friends so I’m happy chilling!! 😁 there’s no drama here lol best choice ever!!

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

I'm with you! I've always been a loner (for the most part), and I'm at a point where I'm not going to *look* for a partner. If it happens, great. If not, I am complete as I am.

@TijaunaK

4 жыл бұрын

See I can't just go it along. I need a dude around to check my boobies monthly. Past 32, lolz!

@Wanjiro81

4 жыл бұрын

sara p Yes!!! Same here!!!!

@Wanjiro81

4 жыл бұрын

nappyheadedjojoba Exactly!

I went on a date with one white guy and was already bad enough that he whitesplained the food at a restaurant that I frickin chose. But then he started to tell me about how he’d dated black women before so he could “handle” me. *insert long ass eyeroll* He then went on to tell me that his ex wanted to have a “slave/master” sexual role play fantasy. Mind you... this was literally our first date.

@ConsidertheCrows

4 жыл бұрын

I died at the eyeroll. 😂

@TijaunaK

4 жыл бұрын

I definitely would have had fun with conversation. By the 4rth or 5th date, he would have been reading Black Feminist thought...

@janaesjoy6119

4 жыл бұрын

Run and run fast sis 😂

@TXejas19

4 жыл бұрын

@@ConsidertheCrows same

@TheSpufiniti

4 жыл бұрын

Thats wild

“Well Bish, I already got a job” is totally my mantra regarding the work that goes into relationships.🤣

@karolinaks4192

4 жыл бұрын

oh yes.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

We are BUSY. 😅

@karolinaks4192

4 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba Amen. I actually have two jobs....I'm so busy:):). Speaking of extra work..have you thought of doing a podcast? Love your channel and your content. It has expanded my thinking. PS You are also gorgeous!

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

@@karolinaks4192 I get requests for a podcast constantly. 😅 I don't have plans to do one (they're just not my thing), but thank you!

@goddessnoir290

4 жыл бұрын

Chile, we need this to be on a shirt

I am not a black woman. I really appreciate videos like these because I feel like it helps me understand the different experiences of people. As a non-black immigrant woman, I suffered a lot from viewing the world from only my point of view in my youth. Stuff like this helps me expand my world view. I know that is not the responsibility of others, but I appreciate the opportunity to grow none the less.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

This is my hope, when I make these videos. Thank you!

@prettybrittany_

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you

@deannacampbell9838

4 жыл бұрын

I feel the same. I love these videos, they help widen perspectives and understanding.

DWBW (dating while black woman for anyone who had questions) was the worst! I was rarely the "type" of black girl that black men wanted. I was either not "hood" enough or I wasn't a white girl. Also I refused to "date down" just to say I got a black man. I was just telling a friend about how my favorite pickup line from non black guys was "I've never been with a black girl". Usually I answered that with and you won't be with one tonight. For a while there I was about to give up on dating all together. I did end up marrying a non black guy... he never tried to black flex with me or try to show how down he is lol.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

"Usually I answered that with and you won't be with one tonight" made me laugh out loud. You understand how it is, out here! I'm glad to hear you found a good man, in the end.

@lboogi

4 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba it was a struggle! 😂😂😂 and before most of these new fangled dating apps came on the scene. I think if I was dating now I'd just go back to my original plan... opt out and get another cat

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

@@lboogi Yep, I'm at peace with continuing on my path to being a crazy dog lady. 🐶🥰🐶

@kwameopoku3576

4 жыл бұрын

Just say u dnt like bm and go all these excuses unnecessary

@lboogi

4 жыл бұрын

@@kwameopoku3576 lol

I'm 26 and I'm adamant about not wanting kids. I'm always met with responses "you're young, you'll change your mind" "Never say never" but I said what I said and I said it with my whole chest 🗣. I literally don't give af about pregnancy/children 🤷🏾‍♀️. I'm also told not to tell men that I don't want kids because that could ruin my chances...ok let the ruins happen. I'm at the age where people want to settle down and start a family. Men really be out here trying to convince me that they'll be the one to change my mind 😒. Dating is exhausting!

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

EXHAUSTING.

@LGnLA

4 жыл бұрын

It's so dayumm ironic & exhausting, especially how many men RUN as soon as the woman says, "we're pregnant..." then que the: backpeddles, I wasn't ready, you sure it's mines, who else you been with, etc. yada yada yada, starts... I can't, I have seen this far too many times, with so many friends (both married OR single), I chose: NO, NOPE, NAH... it is DISGUSTING & too exhausting!!!!💯💯💯💯

@Aquariuswonder86

4 жыл бұрын

Girl, am 34 and don’t want kids unless I have a man that’s a provider, protector etc. I refuse to be another statistic.

@candylove49

4 жыл бұрын

I would start telling them “I can have children”.

@kevinlee9929

4 жыл бұрын

Every women I've ever heard said this ended up having a child down the road lol

About nonBlack PoC: these interactions (romantic & otherwise) are SO tiring. Had an associate who knew about the Jeff Star situation & straight said to me 'i know he's complicated but i'm so excited to buy his new xyz'. : -/ This mentality of "well they weren't talking about me"

@orangejmoothies

4 жыл бұрын

Ok but not all nonblackpoc are like that at all. Stick us all into a generic box if you wanna but honestly there are tons of us who support each other regardless of the color shade tone whathaveyou of our skin. Im tired of ppl like u thinking that you are the only victims and no one couldnpossibly understand you.

@dorkydandridge386

4 жыл бұрын

@@orangejmoothies"I'm tired of ppl like u thinking that you are the only victims and no one could possibly understand you." No. one. said. that.

@saraadam3941

4 жыл бұрын

@@orangejmoothies where the hell did that come from? bloody hell

@hilatukurian9717

4 жыл бұрын

@@orangejmoothies Never said ALL because it's never that black & white. Also, me highlighting a specific/personal occurrence does not mean you do not matter OR invalidate your experiences with racism/colorism OR that there are not allies (who wholeheartedly understand colorism politics) out there .. As our internet friends like to say, 2+ things can be true.

I was watching this while getting ready for a date. I cancelled I'm going to deep condition my hair and drink a smoothie instead!

@karolinaks4192

4 жыл бұрын

I love this comment so much. Deep conditioning is always worth it.

@anissa2361

4 жыл бұрын

I need to deep condition too. After this nap though.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

All three of y'all are a mess. 😅

@bags_books_and_bowwows

4 жыл бұрын

I mean, really, what are the odds that a date is going to turn out to be anywhere near as satisfying as a good deep conditioning?

@allywisdom

4 жыл бұрын

Sian Nelson I get way too much satisfaction from deep conditioning...it’s a problem😂

My dating life has always been traumatic. I get the “unicorn” thing from all races. I had to stop talking about my interests because they find out you have unstereotypical hobbies-it’s a wrap. That’s your whole personality. I dont know how many times I’ve heard *I’ve never met a black girl who (insert hobby)* And they treat me like a homeboy instead of a woman but want gf treatment because *I thought you were different* And oh lord -the childfree part... I’m 31 and never wanted kids. I don’t wanna be a stepmom. “Somethings wrong with me because I’ve never been married or given birth” I SOMEHOW found a decent black guy-but he’s a fence rider when it comes to the kids thing and I feel like that will be the end all.

@denyshadials5702

4 жыл бұрын

Ashley Tyler I’d *rather not* be a stepmom. But if the kid is in 3rd grade or younger, I’m willing to try because they’re more receptive of building a real/loving relationship. But if your kid already has attitude and puberty? You can forget that. I’m not spending the next half of their life being disrespected for no reason.

@lavellans

4 жыл бұрын

I'm 20 and this shook me cause my hobbies are like drinking boba, going to museums, skating. 😂 Lord they're gonna have a FIELD day with the ignorant comments when I date. I don't want kids either, but the comments on that rarely phase me since it's no one's decision. They can stay mad in the corner or have their own kids.

@d0m2288

4 жыл бұрын

You are regarded as a unicorn because you probably are one. Stereotypes are not formed from nothing, in a vacuum. Do you sincerely believe that most, or even half of black women share these interests that you've alluded to?

@greymanBB

3 жыл бұрын

Some body doesn’t want to STEP UP and be a mom, I see.

@ashdacraft

3 жыл бұрын

greymanBB You made a very good observation. Being a mother is a very hard job that I want no parts of it and guess what: I don’t have to 🥰

I just started the video... but black women hella get criticized for dating outside their race. Way more than other women!

@TheAudraReins

4 жыл бұрын

Often times by black men dating white or otherwise non black women... it's okay for them but WE'RE supposed to wait for our black kings???

@CJ-hn8kq

4 жыл бұрын

And why is it only Black women...the white men never get criticized

@dcryptospace1284

4 жыл бұрын

Audra at Home Crazy right?

@dumfriesspearhead7398

4 жыл бұрын

But black women are the most race loyal women.........maybe that's why.

@hardnthapaint

4 жыл бұрын

This is not true. I have tons of asain friends that get attacked and banned from their families because they dated outside their race. Other cultures too. I live in California with different ethnicity friend groups. They all can relate.

As a black woman, I know firsthand that dating and relationships can be difficult, but with everything I see my non black friends or coworkers go through lets me know that they're not in much of a better position than I am. A lot of men have issues with commitment period! (regardless of their race). People shouldn't be fooled by what they see on social media either. I've seen all sorts of couples that I know frontin on facebook and instagram like they're so happy together. Meanwhile, the dude is a cheater and abuser behind the scenes. Sometimes, I think I want to be in a serious relationship, but really I have to thank God I've dodged some bullets. It's rough out here..lol

@coconutwater4531

4 жыл бұрын

smblew01 It’s true. Being in a relationship is promoted to women as the solution to the “problem” of being single but in reality the relationship is often where a lot of other problems begin. Women put up with a lot of bs to stay in relationships and often times they’ll only share the positive side. My mom, who has been married for 30 years, told me she wishes she dated around more to find a better fit rather than marrying the first man who asked.

I needed this. I can relate. Sometimes I feel shunned for not limiting myself to only black men. I swear my dad, who is black, hates black women! He’s always dragged them my whole life, and married an Asian mail order bride who he worships and holds like a prize. She couldn’t be more basic, she literally does nothing and she’s not cute. He talked about my black mom like she’s a dog my entire life and talks crap about every famous black figure in the media. This has messed me up pretty bad. I’ve never seen successful black love in my family so I just have never desired it. Every black crush I had ended up with girls of other races. I think it’s an important conversation. Thank you 🖤

@UranusRising

4 жыл бұрын

This hurts my heart. I'm sorry. Often people don't realize how pervasive their self-hate and damage are.

Being a BW is seeing a good looking non BM and thinking "well, he probably doesnt like BW"

@Alyssaj1236

4 жыл бұрын

I've said that to myself so many times. It's like a rule now and not an exception 🤦🏾🤦🏾

@shortandswheet

4 жыл бұрын

For the most part, the attractive black men ARE interested in BW. It's the dusties who can't pull a BW that run to nbw and get fetishized.

@yahushuaschosen4129

4 жыл бұрын

Wow! I ask myself that same question when seeing a handsome black man as well! Thought it was just me.

@yahushuaschosen4129

4 жыл бұрын

@@Alyssaj1236 EXACTLY!

@Alyssaj1236

4 жыл бұрын

@@yahushuaschosen4129 same here

Oh snap! She definitely took our feedback and DID IT! 😂😭 "pacific" challenges. We appreciate you Ti!!

@NYCCHOCOLATE7777

4 жыл бұрын

YASSSSS "Pacific " 😂😂😂😂😂Took ME Out ❤ lt

My boyfriend is white. Happens to be the Best relationship I’ve ever had. I had to stop limiting myself to black guys back in college. Got sick of hearing how they usually didn’t date dark skin girls.

@TijaunaK

4 жыл бұрын

*Best relationship I’ve ever had.* SAME

@noircouture6166

4 жыл бұрын

Same as well.

@youngflex229

4 жыл бұрын

Lol

@sunchildraindustd1790

4 жыл бұрын

❤ That's great. Never limit yourself. The world is huge.

@sunmoonstars1611

4 жыл бұрын

I really need to know is this the answer for mot dark skinned people? I noticed a lot of dark skinned men and women both are married to white people. Why is the alternative someone white and not jut another black person?

As a mixed-race woman, I'm also over dating. The last guy I was dating (and we had insane physical chemistry - like we could not get enough of each other), completely turned me off when he said one day that his sister was excited to meet me, and that she said to him "halfies are always beautiful" - I was so disgusted by the way he said it to me with a big smile on his face as if I somehow lived up to the expectation and that I wouldn't disappoint ; as if I was unable to detect that way in which that simple sentence conveyed everything I needed to know about him and his family. He was Australian and his sister was this blonde surfer type and the whole thing left a very bad taste in my mouth. Haven't dated since.

@octavia703

4 жыл бұрын

wow im sorry thats terrible!!

@anniebanana3698

4 жыл бұрын

@@octavia703 Thank you. Yeah, it really was terrible. It's made it hard for me to put the effort in with men again after that experience, so I am taking some time for myself and speaking intention to the kind of man that I am looking for. Hopefully when I am ready to pursue a relationship again, I will meet someone who aligns with the values, intelligence, compassion, and hopefully someone that I find attractive as well. On the attractive front, I haven't put any specific expectations, just want a good man that I am also physically drawn too.

Some ppl have said that in 50 years "everybody's going to be mixed/beige in America", and I thought that was just a wild assumption, but now I think they're really on to something...

@anissa2361

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah I feel like that's where we're headed. More Black women are starting to date out now and I don't blame them. Black men date out twice as much as Black women. There has always been a double standard when it comes to interracial dating in the Black community. I just can't help but wonder where Blackness is headed in the U.S. if interracial dating begins to happen on a large scale within the Black community.

@moonrocked

4 жыл бұрын

A'Mya Springer extinct. Biracial kids can’t pass Down black culture the way a black person can naturally because they don’t have a natural connection to blackness. Having a strong black heritage makes it waaaaay easier to have a strong bond and connection to blackness then someone with only one black parent. So yes black Americans are going extinct. Funny thing is black Americans are turning into white people seeing as biracial people tend to date white people a lot.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

I've been hearing this "eventually, everybody will be beige" concept, since I was a teen. Assuming earth hasn't gotten rid of us in 50 years, I guess we'll see.

@moonrocked

4 жыл бұрын

Naptural Advice exactly. Ah well us black Americans had a nice run

@sandrat1751

4 жыл бұрын

Being mixed doesn't guarantee 'beige' skin though. Take a look at South America which has been mixing long before the U.S. Plenty of melanin still there.

I knew a white guy who dated a black girl for a while and it was nice, they seemed sweet together and he didn't appear to treat her any differently than any other girlfriend. his friends or even random people, however, were way too interested in their intimate business. he'd get dumb questions like "you date a black girl? so you have sex with her? whats that...like?" and just all these nasty wildly inappropriate questions about their sex life, about her freaking private parts, as if it was this like crazy different unique experience, like he was sleeping with a circus attraction or something. just listening to him tell me this shit felt so invasive and rude and unbelievable. it really surprised and offended him and it was very sadly eye opening. anyway, it is always interesting and valuable to hear your take.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Not. Surprised. At. All. 😑 People are equal parts moronic and sick.

Dating in Los Angeles seems to be particularly challenging. The "pretender" culture here is on a whole different level! Also, if you're a Black woman that is more adventurous, artistic and intelligent... one who is interested in more than just the clout chasing stuff, or the "Hennessy and blunts" culture... the field of prospects shrinks dramatically I'm afraid lol.

@brittanyr1456

4 жыл бұрын

That’s crazy because I’m in VA and I didn’t even know there was a Blunts n Hennessy culture but that’s my younger sister’s “thing” and she gets hella play and in the opposite and get NONE. I hate to say but she’s also lighter than me with green eyes so that gets fetishized also like you wouldn’t believe.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

😑 This. People are typically only interested in what *you* can do for *them* and their "brand."

@plumpy_space_princess

4 жыл бұрын

Wait, what pretender culture? 😮

@humbleheart2650

4 жыл бұрын

This may be off topic but when I was stationed in CA I was shocked to discover BW are not as valued as non BW. I’ve never had a problem attracting men but in the clubs I found they would ask the white women, then Spanish to dance while the sistas were sitting on the sidelines as sloppy seconds looking crazy unless no more white or brown women to dance unless the latest hit sing came on.

@Love-dc5tq

4 жыл бұрын

Captlady94 Jones Yes!!! I moved from CA to TX and I’m still shocked at all the bm/BW couples I see. I’m also finally dating and actually having options

Dating as a black woman really is complicated, but dating as a black woman in LA is abysmal. My self esteem just couldn’t take it. I admire the fact that you’re still going out and putting yourself out there, I’ve completely given up 😩

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Girl, I am most certainly *not* putting myself out there, at this point. I still go out, but I have zero apps, and no plans to revisit them. Tuh. RASH. 😑

@ashley_p825

4 жыл бұрын

@james b We are talking about the racial aspects of dating. This conversation is about how anti-blackness still affects people when it comes to dating. This is NOT about things like balding or what type of car someone drives.

I’ve straight up just given up dating men, never been so grateful for being bi, honestly. And I’m a privileged white woman so I can’t begin to comprehend the challenges women of colour face. It’s really interesting to hear your take, Ti. Thank you for being so open in your videos.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Sheesh -- hearing everyone else's negative experiences with guys these days is both comforting *and* disheartening. Glad you're having a better time with the ladies!

@karminyates3261

4 жыл бұрын

Right. I only date women now.

@Lunalla

4 жыл бұрын

Dom D I mean we don’t all have the same struggles so u don’t have to quote it like that lmfao

@brie1026

4 жыл бұрын

What IS IT with men (#NotAllMen, sigh) this day and age?? Why are the good ones unicorns???

@LGnLA

4 жыл бұрын

@@brie1026 It's called "MTGOW" look it up...

I was nodding my head in agreement of EVERYTHING you said!!!

@officialnotesonlifepodcast

4 жыл бұрын

Haha me too!

It always baffles me when I tell people that I'm single at 37 and then they ask me if I tried this app, or this website or this event and it's like...do you not know that I tried and its not working. Then they assume that I'm just lazy and not putting myself out there. They can't simply accept the FACT that IT IS harder for us.

@humbleheart2650

4 жыл бұрын

Im in my 50s and I agree it is harder for your age group. I see my nieces and friends challenges and it is a real thing. It’s not easy for my age group either. Men think they are the prize and entitled and some desperate women give these unworthy Dusties the world for nothing in return and when she kicks his raggedy behind out he expects the same in the next women.

@jhoniikemp

4 жыл бұрын

C J THIS IS SUPER FACTS

@flyleelee5351

4 жыл бұрын

@@humbleheart2650 exactly

@LGnLA

4 жыл бұрын

💯👏👏💯👏👏💯👏👏💯

@candylove49

4 жыл бұрын

Shay's World Wow, you really wasted your youth and time, sitting around. You were old enough to be in the game BEFORE this Tinder, Bumble generation of useless men has arisen, but didn’t take advantage.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I think you’re beautiful and funny and smart. Im not black but I definitely had THE HARDEST time dating till I met my husband. Like years of complete torturous bullshit. No one wants to just date anymore because that involves things that require commitment but they skip that part and then everything goes to shit, fast. You’re gonna eventually find yourself a keeper. I have a feeling 🥰 and on your timeline no one else’s!!

I'm not black..obviously...but this helps me understand the female experience from a different race. While listening, some of it resonated being a fat white girl who is fetishized. Not comparing, but there are some common elements. Thanks for widening my perspective.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

I think that's a topic worthy of it's own exploration and discussion, too. You should make a #KimTalk! 💜

@anbonner17

4 жыл бұрын

Badd Apple All women have to worry about if men just want to have sex with them, lol, truth be told!!

@anbonner17

4 жыл бұрын

D Goshay Yes, I agree 👍🏾.

@chuckc662

4 жыл бұрын

anbonner17 that’s what men want though.... 🤷🏿‍♂️

@DeadPiixxel

4 жыл бұрын

@@anbonner17 That's all we want

Here so early the title is still a jumble of tags🤣 excellent topic, as usual. I was casually seeing a fellow Nigerian guy who told me he would probably settle down with a black girl when he got out of his "snow bunny phase". I promptly told him to lose my number😒 On another note, I am LIVE-ING for the negative space eyeshadow. Super different and interesting and makes your eyes pop!

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Wtf, YT?! Thanks for mentioning. The title was in there when I published, and somehow went away! It was even there when I did my "quality control" check >an hour ago. 😑 I can't stand this stupid platform.

@IjeomaThePlantMama

4 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba oh snap😯 im glad I said something, I thought you would just change it once you "posted" it.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

No! It was there, and then it WASN'T. I don't even know when it poofed (and wouldn't have known without you letting me know). YT has changed a bunch of stuff in the "creator studio," and it's clearly an entire MESS. 😒

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

And "snow bunny phase"? Da fuq? Boy, bye. And, thanks! I'm really feeling more experimental makeups, these days! 😊

@daisyflower1545

4 жыл бұрын

Damn that's so sad. I'm Nigerian btw and its sad that some Nigerian men here do that.

Everything you said was on point! Loved this. I've dated interracially many times (many white men) and ugh, the "hey, I'm not one of THOSE white men. I'm cool!" thing is so. So. Annoying. It's actually more insulting when someone says that to me rather than if they had just acted like themselves. Like, why do you suddenly have to change personalities just because you're out with a black woman? Why do you feel like you have to prove something to me just because I'm black? Not to mention, the whole "you're pretty for a black girl" thing is such a racist thing to say and what always gets me is that people really be out here thinking it's a COMPLIMENT. Wild.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Alladis. And then, with black men, I have friends who get "you're pretty for a dark skinnned girl." Idiots, all around.

@bigkev9539

4 жыл бұрын

As a Brotha myself, I've NEVER said that nor have I heard other "Black" men say "pretty FOR a dark-skinned woman". I've heard: "Bad ass dark chick" "Sexy chocalate chick" "Sexy ass dark-skinned chick" But almost never have I heard "pretty for a dark-skinned chick".

@peachi93

4 жыл бұрын

@213rfghu nm just because you yourself have never heard it said nor have said it, does not mean it isn't a true experience black women have dealt with.

@peachi93

4 жыл бұрын

@213rfghu nm also, not to mention, the "not all men," or in this case "not all black men" rhetoric is dismissive and gaslighting women's experience in dating.

@peachi93

4 жыл бұрын

@213rfghu nm never said I was looking for a white man. I just said that I've dated many white men because I live in a predominantly white area. So let's get that ignorant comment out if the way. 2nd, if a white person wouldn't straight up go to another white person and talk about how "cool" they are, why should they do it to someone of any other race? It's not a culture thing, it's ignorance.

Sweet black Zeus i love you and your channel so much!! I am FAR outside of your demographic (45 years old) but the struggle is real and *sorry to say* only gets worse as you get older, earn more money and attain more education. I settled several years ago for a white man because of lack of available options, for other men, and my own low self-worth. When I finally ended the relationship and I recovered from the sunken place i can fully whole heartedly say !NEVER AGAIN! Not just “never again” to dating any white men. But “never again” will i date beneath me just to be with someone. I’ll stay single forever if it means i can keep my dignity. Again, i love love love you content!!

@octavia703

4 жыл бұрын

You are beautiful!!

@minx9945

4 жыл бұрын

45?! you look amazing!

@ana84br

4 жыл бұрын

Well said. Same here. Dignity isn't negotiable. I am 35 and I agree with all you said.

@chanmarr8118

3 жыл бұрын

Yup. Came this realization at 25 when I kept getting crap. I refused to settle because I saw many black women do it, including my mother, and being unhappy in the end. Of course, when I stopped looking that’s when I found my Italian bf of 4 years. There will never be anyone else because it’s hard out there.

I agree . I'm 40 plus , dark skin & live in the south . I never wanted children but dated /was engaged to a man who had 4 kids. It was a nightmare with only his daughter , his sons were cool . The men who are older , have taken on this new age dating so I share your perspective. The east coast in general from my pov the dark skinned men want light skinned women and all the light skinned men want white, exotic , Persian and whatever isn't a pure breed , no surgery having authentic dark skinned black women . I'm not entertaining 50/50 , I'm not willing to help a man provide nor protect & I'm not willing to be his doormat bc he's been hurt and misappropriate his misguided need to seek vindication on a complete stranger that has NO worries accept what is that gelatin like substance in my vegan trader joes Mac n Cheese . O and I'm not going to be their therapist either bc most of them need to cure that grown boy syndrome . Great video !

@spazz-ok9nr

4 жыл бұрын

Question.... How long have u been of the mindset that u should not have to "help" a man provide and protect u ?

Real talk this is an issue in the UK too. I have a whole experienced a bunch of white men who have no idea what to say to me and bunch of black men explicitly say they who don’t want me (Becky lovers). What’s more infuriating is when I don’t want these same type of black men as they’re NOT my type anyway, they get mad and assume I like white men. Urgh 🖐🏾

@Girlintheewild

4 жыл бұрын

D W that’s crazy it almost makes you feel like these black men in particular think you should be alone

@Girlintheewild

4 жыл бұрын

Sta Sea it’s just how I feel. Some don’t want to date you at all but they get angry when you explore out. I think they feel black women should be themselves

@TijaunaK

4 жыл бұрын

*a bunch of white men who have no idea what to say to me and bunch of black men explicitly say they who don’t want me (Becky lovers).* In my mind, the choice of the two should be simple.

@Girlintheewild

4 жыл бұрын

Sta Sea exactly! It’s so sad. I think they think black women are worth only $40.

@diegoharry2657

4 жыл бұрын

I'm in the UK too and given the influence of black America on us, it's popular orthodoxy to think Black men are all the same. Entirely illogical given blackness is not performative, and stereotypes are commonplace more out of comfort zone racial politics than anything else. I wish you well, but dating is potluck especially in the UK which has more acute issue than black America. There's no community here so do what makes you happy.

What is so interesting is the way in which non-black women use the inherit features of black women to enhance their own features to attract men. Tan the skin, enlarge the lips, enlarge the hips, butt lifts. I am a 70's baby and back then Farrah Faucet or Jane Fonda was the look many white men wanted in white women, a big butt and hips and your were considered fat by every man other than black men. How times have changed.

@kobe88us

4 жыл бұрын

Lola Smith Sad but true

@ayubsharif7419

4 жыл бұрын

Delonte Hollister only because Eurocentrism is the norm in society. A black women will put on a wig as to not look “ratchet” for a job interview or night out. What is driving white women to get lip injections thou?

@mahoganysoul7195

4 жыл бұрын

Omg FACTS this is something I'm seeing and I don't like it ! Non black people tribal braiding their hair SMH , white people doing edges WTF

@mahoganysoul7195

4 жыл бұрын

@@ayubsharif7419 yeah and what is making them use edge control lol wth

@sarahbartholomew3442

3 жыл бұрын

yep! i feel like things have really sped up in this regard the last 3-4 years. obv it's more complicated and complex than shouting KARDASHIANS/kris jenner's manipulative agendas, but this is very true. im white and naturally curvy slim thick (like coco), definitely have had periods where i was more thick than slim, but definitely not overweight as most of my weight goes to my boobs/hips/butt/thighs, i was considered fat/unattractive in my white high school in 2009-2010. tons of gen Z white girls really want to be "thicc" now and try soooo hard to cherrypick black mannerisms/styles that make them feel like "baddies".

I just had this black dude on an app ask if my hair was real. Like, really? I asked him if he was aspiring to be a barber/hairstylist and/or had the hookup for free hair products. 🤣🤣🤣

@LGnLA

4 жыл бұрын

😁😁😁😁great answer!

@TiondaRae

4 жыл бұрын

😭😭😭

@DeadPiixxel

4 жыл бұрын

But is it real?

@riddickj16

4 жыл бұрын

Why triggered by a honest question?

@eastwaters4082

4 жыл бұрын

*It's an honest question.* You want him to pull on your hair and realize you a milk dud? 😂😂

Just finished binging "Love is blind" then got an alarm on TI talks. International fans feel the same, on the UK scene you assume black men don't like black women, and then get extra sketchy when they do.

@diegoharry2657

4 жыл бұрын

I'm in the UK too and neither the assumptions, nor sketchiness surprises me. Our dating expectations are influenced by media, yet for some reason we struggle to reconcile western culture with how it adversely impacts our relationship experiences. Caribbean UK presence has reached negative growth rate, and the black one is heading there too. We should be honest with ourselves, adjust our expectations and get used to this inevitability.

@kwameopoku3576

4 жыл бұрын

Why do u get extra sketchy im baffled

Dating has never been kind to me. BM didn't want me so I ventured out only to get the non bm that wanted to try a bw while they hold their prejudice above my head and being aggressive. It's to the point where I'm about to throw my hands up in the air at dating. As far as I'm concerned, I'm doing great. I have a job, a car, place of my own, and I'm able to have my own fun. That's plenty for me. I don't have to depend on a man for a house, transportation, or money for groceries and other things. I can do it on my own. I do want to get married and have kids, but it's not looking like that's gonna happen and I came to terms with it.

@kevinlee9929

4 жыл бұрын

Quit the negative Deebie downer talk. All that is going to happen for you.

@Breevis29

4 жыл бұрын

@@kevinlee9929 I don't want it anymore.

@kevinlee9929

4 жыл бұрын

@@Breevis29 You changed your mind in 2 days? Lol

@Breevis29

4 жыл бұрын

@@kevinlee9929 I said I came to terms with it. I'm fine with what I have in my life. From being homeless with nothing but the clothes on my back to having everything I need and want.

@kevinlee9929

4 жыл бұрын

@@Breevis29 I'm glad you overcame being homeless and now have all that. I commend you for it. And on that list to come will be a husband and kids. When you least expect it.

I'm currently at a PWI university and dating as a black woman is difficult. I definitely use the "becky" radar on campus 😂

I just like hearing your perspective and I appreciate that for the most part the comment section is insightful even when opinions differ.

@Uhohlisa

4 жыл бұрын

Yup. She has great fans.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. Our community has some truly insightful minds in it. I'm grateful for our #napfam.

I met a guy on an app I clearly state I don't want kids in my profile. He decided to talk to me and then proceeded to berate me and accuse me of having something wrong with me because I didn't want kids. He also talked about us getting married and how he wants his woman to give him all the attention when he gets home from work. Needless to say that was the only conversation we ever had it was insulting and bizarre.

'That's just trying to win at losing'- remarkably true! Thanks for this!

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

I'm saying! 💜

Omg this video is soo true. I’ve stopped dating and have been celibate for the last 6+ months. I’m just tired of participating and having to be involved with other people. I swear I was born too late cuz I’m such and old soul and have yet to meet someone who understands and respects having morals and values.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, I'm definitely an old soul, too. Makes it even harder in an age of such widespread immaturity/arrested development.

@TheeStankyJ

4 жыл бұрын

A word ‼️

@mahoganysoul7195

4 жыл бұрын

Wow ! Same here 8 months celibate and I stopped dating .. I'm 25 years old and I still haven't found people that have morals and don't look at sex as casual it's frustrating so I just focus on myself I can't bother

Getting asked if you’re mixed because ::insert something ignorant:: is half the reason why I won’t take those ancestry DNA tests. I, and my experiences, am Black... Nothing can or will change that and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’d rather “be knowing” than not. I do not date men AT ALL, and never will, but in my younger years I did and I can relate to every single thing you said. I cringe just thinking about how terrible this world has been and is.

My heart goes to all my sisters that go through these struggles. You all deserve so mega much more than what you get and have to put up with the dating world.

I’m 23 and I’m a recent grad, more than often when I express interest in a blk man they say “ I thought you were into wht men” or “you seem like you date white men.” It’s like they were automatically pushing me onto white men 😒

@Alyssaj1236

4 жыл бұрын

I have to comment on that because that has been said to me sooo many times. It's like bm aren't used to seeing a feminine bw so when they do, it's automatically, "Oh you must only date white men." What does that say about you as a black man 🤦🏾🤦🏾

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

I've gotten that comment, too. "I see you with a white guy," etc. 😑

@octavia703

4 жыл бұрын

such a shame...

@nkreseknowledge2241

4 жыл бұрын

Yea, because they don't want you

@kycannn

4 жыл бұрын

nkreseknowledge which is completely fine 🥂but they say should just say that

I would love to find a lover and have a family. Been single for 3 years and would like to put myself out there, but I'm enjoying my sanity. As soon as I get close to dating, I can smell the BS and immediately back away. My nose hair singe at the smell of ignorance, colorism, stupidity, and whatever else combined to make that foul odor.

@honeydenison83

4 жыл бұрын

@Delonte Hollister I don't do low quality. Def not doing a low quality black man. Black men aren't exclusive to black women anyway so why should I even lower my standards for a "brother"? I'll never be that desperate. I know my worth.

@honeydenison83

4 жыл бұрын

@Delonte Hollister "You can't determine your own worth! That's an issue right there." Who determines MY worth? Please tell me.

@honeydenison83

4 жыл бұрын

@Delonte Hollister Fit, no children, pay my own bills, zero debt, have my own place, make great money, intelligent, college graduate, never used drugs, (not even weed), in the final stage of publishing a sci-fi novel, can throw down in the kitchen (not for the sake of a man or being domestic but because I genuinely love cooking), ambitious, down for adventure personality, sports lover, can kick ass in video games, no daddy issues, great morals, and values. Because of this, I don't want a man with multiple children by multiple women, a criminal record, debt, poor income, uneducated, needs to be held by the hand, threatened by my success and goals, etc. The problem with society is people are obsessed with hookup culture. That isn't me. Just like a male can go out here and find any female to hookup with, I can find any male, but I'm a woman looking for a man who is ready and willing to build a monogamous relationship. That's what's hard to find. Anyone can be physically gorgeous, but if you don't have the mentality to create and maintain a healthy and strong relationship without stressing each other out and losing your sanity, it won't work.

@honeydenison83

4 жыл бұрын

@Delonte Hollister LOL. If a man doesn't want a monogamous relationship, DON'T GET INTO ONE. DON'T get a girlfriend and DON'T get a wife. STAY SINGLE and have as many hookups as you want. Be HONEST about it. Problem solved. Don't look for a woman with domestic qualities when you don't want to be domestic yourself. There are plenty of women who are looking for men who can only offer sex. So enjoy your hookups, wear protection, don't create single moms, and don't catch or spread STDs. Live your life.

“BECKYDAR”💀

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

😏

@Alexis.Nicole.

4 жыл бұрын

The I date white girls starter pack

I really needed this. I struggle a lot with my singleness as I have watched so many of my non Black friends are married and now with children. I have found dating especially hard for me. Plus I live in LA. I don’t exclusively date black men but I’m finding regardless of who you date, it is important to work on the healing from rejection and traumas that being a black woman comes with. I also had narcissistic parents so that’s a whole another set of issues that pops up in dating. Trying to not get involved with narcissistic men. And there are A LOT of then. A disproportionate amount of narcissistic black men. (They are in other races too but let’s be real BLK men really struggle with emotional availability.

@kevinlee9929

4 жыл бұрын

🤔

@darthslothious2382

4 жыл бұрын

Karen Ogbugbulu well 40 years of being call ain’t shit and criminals on Opera, being labeled as criminals and ain’t shit, by police, and by our own women (The Color Purple) kinda hard to be emotionally vulnerable. I know u can’t think past ya weave about anyone else, but just try 😂

@spazz-ok9nr

4 жыл бұрын

@Sta Sea based on ....your other comments exactly why did u feel the need to make this comment? We already new that 😁

Does a Black MAN ever say “I don’t want a white woman to fetishize me” LOL 😂 probably not. Are we overthinking that one?

@Eveningbreeze721

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed. Hell black men fetishize us lol I think these people are the exception and not the norm.

@CornellG

4 жыл бұрын

Centennial men and women are different. Men in general don’t usually get fetishized.

@nkreseknowledge2241

4 жыл бұрын

Definitely overthinking it... black women are so over critical when it comes to everyone except black men.. they are even over critical with black women!! 🤦🏾‍♀️

@coconutwater4531

4 жыл бұрын

True, they get fetishized all the time but they like it.

@TijaunaK

4 жыл бұрын

*Definitely overthinking it... black women are so over critical when it comes to everyone except black men.. they are even over critical with black women!!* Bam

I toooo often find myself wondering if a guy is into blk women. It’s sad. I’m not against someone dating outside their race but it does bother me when someone will only date one race and shit on others. Specifically blk women. I’ve seen it a lot. It makes me sad. That’s all.

@mahoganysoul7195

4 жыл бұрын

It's sad when u have to think if your own even likes you . This is horrific and disgraceful.. I wish black men were loyal to the race like Indians

@bruceleeroy8302

3 жыл бұрын

As a man, I think you should focus on being your best person instead of defining yourself as a black woman. I understand that's a huge part of your identity but not everyone is going to be for you. If you are attracted to me and assume I don't like you simply because you're black, I am going to be a little turned off. It's like apply for a job and saying _you guys are never going to hire a person like me._ That's a defeatist attitude. If you present yourself as a lovely, positive woman who is also, black, then you will have my undivided attention.

Where the white women at 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 oh god I’m crying. I feel like this is true tho

@JClover2

4 жыл бұрын

Here. This whole video made me sad about humanity in general. I'm in my 30's, no kids, only ever had 1 boyfriend and not looking to date any time soon because of the s*** out there.

Omg tha “ are u mixed “ thing yuck. I get that with every blk man tho. I cut them off right there. It’s cringe

@valerie5575

4 жыл бұрын

People ask me too and I tell them, I am. My dad is black and my mom is black as hell.

@mlleali9093

4 жыл бұрын

Selina Kyle love that 🤣

@ascorpioskiss3416

4 жыл бұрын

Its annoying, cause you know their hoping you are mixed. Its basically like saying black women can only be beautiful if their blackness is deluded.

@ashley_p825

4 жыл бұрын

@Monyette Paris It doesn't matter if it's a white man or black man saying it. For anyone to suggest that a black woman needs to be mixed in order to be beautiful is racist period.

@user-hy4xz1qt9h

4 жыл бұрын

@Monyette Paris lol

I have children. It's a job. They require not only your love but, your time, ALLLLLL your disposable income, etc. I don't think its selfish to say you don't want children. It is being self-aware. I would much rather women be honest about not wanting children than have them and be miserable. That's not good for anyone...including the children society pressured you into having. Rant over.

I see you girl using that negative space like an ARTISTE! I love it!

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks babe! 😅💜

There is legit nothing else to say here. You summed this up beautifully!

The part about not wanting kids is so spot on! I don't know why this is so difficult for people to understand.

I told my daughters years ago that the pool of men was drying up for them but my God my God! little did I know the pool was already a dry bone pit so now I am single and it did not take long to see that I will be a HAPPY SINGLE BLACK WOMAN who is living her best life not bothered by the BS.

@TravelingDiva-vp1gt

4 жыл бұрын

hotpeachjuicy I gave up along time ago and actually happy I did. I'm now traveling the world, I started a side business and I'm building my therapy career. I would have never been motivated to do these things without a man.

Love how you are dropping cold, hard, facts while you are gently doing your fun, makeup look. You are gorgeous. Keep shining 👑🌹

Hey! Thank you so much for being so opened and sharing your experience. I am a white woman, so this is not something I experience. Your openness about your feelings and your experiences really help to educate me about the reality some other women face. I appreciate your videos a lot, so thank you so much for sharing your experience. I grew up in a very very white community, so it’s really insightful to hear the everyday experiences and discrimination faced by women of color. I’m a huge advocate for human rights and as a nurse, I work with patients from all different races. I have learned so much from my job and every story helps increase my empathy and understanding in my journey to become a support and medical advocate for all my patients. I’ll share an general example of how sharing experiences helps- I was taking care of a black woman who had come in because a surgery she had months prior ended up with a complication. She was elderly and very cold and distrusting towards all of the health care workers. Some of my coworkers felt frustrated that she was so cautions and asked for explanations and proof about medications we were giving her. They also told me the patient was “drug seeking” and was labeled by some as an “addict” for telling people pain medications like Motrin and Tylenol weren’t work (we didn’t know about the infections abscess from her surgical site at that point which can cause people excruciating pain). No one was straight up saying “she’s black so I think she’s a drug addict or she’s a woman I think she’s being over dramatic”- but the attitudes of some of my coworkers really made me feel there was a racist component attributing to their judgements of her. I was able to put aside the time and talk with her, asking her how long she had had the pain, what she thought was going on, and what had happened to her from the surgery to going home to coming back to us months later. She told me she thought her surgical wound was infected and had contacted her surgeon for weeks letting him know about her pain and that she felt something was wrong. He wrote her off as drug seeking until she finally had so much pain she decided to come to the hospital because she just couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at her surgical site and asking her if she had fevers or noticed pus at all, she confirmed my suspicions of the surgical site infection. I was so angry and demanded doctors ordered blood work and a CT of the abdomen to check for an abscess. I got so much push back, so I had to go up the chain of command. I got yelled at by docs telling me I was being manipulated by my patient but finally I got my poor love some morphine ordered and was able to prove that she had a surgical site infection. Once it was proven that she had the abscess-which was really bad at this point because the surgeon kept blowing her off, delaying treatment and making things worse- I was able to get her everything she needed to help make her comfortable and start her down the road of actual recovery. Once we got her comfortable and I communicated to her what the test results showed- she started to cry and told me I had been the only one that had actually took the time to listen to her story without blowing her off. She opened up to me and told me the reason she was so scared of what kind of medicine we were giving her was because of the 1930s-1970s Tuskegee study of untreated Syphilis in black men done by the American public health branch. It all clicked and made sense to me. She was so scared of being experimented on. Even before she had told me that, I had brought every single vial of medication into the room, showed it to her and mixed and prepared it at the bedside so she could see what I was doing (usually we prepare medication in our med room). I hadn’t gotten upset about it (unlike others who didn’t want to spend the extra couple minutes) because in my mind I just figured it helped decrease the anxiety of my patient and it just took me a couple extra minutes to educate her about the medication and show her the medication . Mistakes happen in medicine that harm people, so I normally try to educate my patients anyways and encourage them to ask questions or tell me if a medication I’m about to give them doesn’t sound right. I know I’m not perfect and it would kill me to accidentally hurt someone because a doctor ordered something under the wrong patient or something. When she was discharged, she gave me a huge hug and her family picking her up thanked me and gave me hugs- she was like “this was that little white girl I told you about over the phone! She’s the one who got me my pain medicine!” Their kind words and hugs meant the world to me, and my patient felt good because I had sent her off with additional patient education so she could be empowered in the future to know what to do if a doctor wasn’t listening and telling her or maybe a friend of hers or a family member that everything was fine, she would know the clinical signs (like pus or fever) to come in to the hospital anyways. Sorry for the long story, but I just wanted to pass something along about how much sharing your experiences can help in the over all fight in human rights and equality. I’ve been able to educate other staff now when they tell me they have an older black patient who is distrusting of them, about the abuse and experimentation on black people in the medical field that really isn’t that far back in history-that way they could better care for their patients and help ease anxiety and fear some patients might have. Thank you again!

You took the words out of my mouth sis. I’m about two bad interactions with men away from tossing the effort altogether. There’s plenty of other areas in my life that are waaay more deserving of my attention, and dating gets way too much of my attention that I feel that it deserves anyway.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

This. When I've "put myself out there," it legit became a part time job with ZERO benefits. I'm too busy for this bull$hit.

Girl I started dating white men and found myself running into the same issues... I found that the common denominator is me. Taking a break and recalibrating to work out why I keep choosing men that can’t give me what I need.

@TijaunaK

4 жыл бұрын

Most women aren't grown enough to admit this. You do know that, right?

Yes! Growing up in a small town, ALL but one black guy made fun of me, my hair, my extra slim figure... and the only one interested was creepy... which at a young age, put me off black men... they weren't interested in me, so I gave up on them. Now as an adult, if I hear this one more time, "you ever been with a white boy" I'm going to SCREAM. I finally got put off of dating white men after yet another complimented me on my "non ghetto name". I'm tired. 😴😴😪 also...I'll be in the patreon fam by the end of the day. Edit: I AM patreon fam

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Audra! You're an OG, so I'm so glad to have you in the Patreon fam. We have fun over there, esp on the lives. And yes, while I don't close the door to dating outside of my race (and never have, due to the stuff I was talmbout in the video), I'm tired of men of *all* races, after the past 2 or so years of f&%kery. 😑

@TheAudraReins

4 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba 😄 yup...as I've said before, it's just me and my dog... unless magic happens, that's how it's going to stay.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

@@TheAudraReins Oh! BY THE WAY, I have a bone to pick with you! I had no idea you made videos (did you mention at some point -- maybe I forgot 😬)! Lacey mentioned your video about PR on her community tab, and I was like "wait...das my frend..." 😂 Subbed on my civilian account, and now I remember I need to do it on this one too. Keep up the great content! 💜🙌🏾

@TheAudraReins

4 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba 🤣😅 I try to keep a low profile so I can just watch content...It never occurred to me to have a civilian account😂 thank you so much! You just made my night!

@prissybell16

4 жыл бұрын

Audra at Home just go out in bigger cities. All the black men in my family are married to black women. The black men in my family aren’t bums either.

I exactly, I think that dating general for black women is hard because they have to go through, Sexism, Colorism, Racism, and so many other isms, I want black women to be in healthy relationships. Even Terms, of interracial dating I personally don't think that dating out your race is the solution either. I think it is important for black women to always know their worth and apply that to any man of any nationality because dudes of all races can be horrible and it's sad that black women not only have to worry about being mistreated, but they also have to worry about themselves being fetishized by other races of men. Social Media has doomed the world in terms of dating especially with this online dating trend ladies please be careful because I have seen too many black women coming up missing when meeting someone they have talked to online. You don't know who your communicating with on theses online sites. Now I have always said that black men and women are not raised to be compatible, black women are forced to be responsible, ambitious, successful, but once they reach that pinnacle of success they are then labeled as being worthless because they are not married, or want kids and these are social norms that society projects that women have to be in order to be somehow whole. Men on the other hand, are taught how to be dependent because they momma'a do everything for them and some parents still believe in that traditional marriage crap where the man is the king of the house and wife is somehow supposed to be his maid or slave. The next topic is colorist men and women people are taught to be colorist because they come from mom's, sisters, and aunts, who are anti black and don't like their black skin all of these conditioning's are passed down to the kids. For example, I have so many friends who have told me about their experience of being a dark skin woman and how they felt like their parents treated them badly compared to their lighter skin brothers and sisters. Like I always say black women internalize hate in order to pass it down to the next generation and men grow up and perpetuate the hate for the world to see.

@ascorpioskiss3416

4 жыл бұрын

It feels like a generational curse

@eastwaters4082

4 жыл бұрын

Nah, their biggest obstacle is themselves. If black men were afraid of those tropes, they wouldn't be successful in dating outside their race.

Love the look with the negative space, and the finished result with the turban and jewellery is lovely! In regards to the topic you were talking about, I don't have any experience in that regard and can't comment on it, but it's very interesting to get your point of view on it regardless.

Damn I felt like you were just getting started!

@officialnotesonlifepodcast

4 жыл бұрын

Me too!

@brittanyr1456

4 жыл бұрын

Right.. just as she got to the goods, I checked and there was only 3:30 left on the video 🤦🏾‍♀️

LOL "....So you TOTALLY understand my experience...MARRY ME" hahahaha hilarious and painfully true situations and YES i agree you are BEAUTIFUL. love your videos

Interesting video. As a black Male, in that 20-35 age group, who hasn't been killed or gone to jail, I find myself in the same boat when looking for eligible black women. I'd say it's almost as hard. And white women are fine, but I'd much rather be with a black woman if I can.

I don't know why, but I'm constantly blown away by the things that are said nowadays. Particularly with respect to dating/mingling. My best girlfriend regularly gets this same creepy, no home training crap from some of the guys that try to date her. I can't wrap my head around it. I swear it wasn't like that when I was younger and dating. I primarily dated black guys. But even as a teenager when I dated someone who wasn't black, I wish I would've heard someone casually say n@$$& while we were sharing curly fries at the food court! 🤯 Now granted, I know I'm a bit older, but dang! I'm not that old. My girlfriend is biracial, so I chalked some of the ignorant racial stuff she encounters to that. But clearly it's not just her. These fools have lost their minds. I told my husband, we're never getting divorced because I do like being in a relationship, and I refuse to join the modern dating scene...sooo...we gon work this out! Lol, all jokes aside. I love him to pieces and couldn't imagine growing older with anyone else. FO LIFE!

I once had the mindset that I needed to be with only black guys because of the comparisons my extended family made between black men and men outside of our community. Meanwhile as a military brat, the black guys they talk about choose to date outside of their race because they don’t want to be with a black girl. I’m 21 years old and have expanded my options in dating because I refuse to continue doing the most just for my own group to like me.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Yep -- I've always preferred to date within my race (due to the shared experience of what it's like to be black in America, honestly), but I've never limited myself to *only* dating black men. I'd estimate a good 50% of them don't even want black women anyway, at least in L.A.

The more things change the more they stay the same. I'm a good 20yr older than Ti and everything Ti said rang true to my dating days. I couldn't pay a black man to date me until they saw me with a white man.

It's especially difficult if you are a black woman who is an atheist or agnostic.

@thirdeyeopen2606

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah if you don't follow christ as a black woman you can forget getting married.

@ShaysWorld12

4 жыл бұрын

Yeeeeeeees, I'm a black woman (darker hue), in the south, and an atheist. I've just accepted my single life and I actually prefer it in this day and time, it's downright scary in these dating streets.

A lot of times we as bw discuss the fetishization of our bodies by white men, but never talk about how BM fetishize black women.In the past I've had black males fetishize my butt, hips, thighs etc also in my situation and lot of light skinned bm have fetishized my dark skin. One of my closest gf is a biracial woman with green eyes and VERY kinky 4c hair and she's had bm say to her "she was a waste of light skin" because her hair did not "compliment " her skin tone. I think light skinned bm who grew up in urban environments a lot of times seek out dark-skinned women to "validate their blackness" especially if they've been "othered" their whole lives and told they weren't black enough. Seems like dark skinned bm run away from their blackness and some light skinned men want to preserve theirs.

@bigkev9539

4 жыл бұрын

Think about the bullshit you just said. Brothas fetishize your "butt, hips, and thighs, etc." (as a dark-skinned woman"), but they call your friend "a waste of light skin" for having the same features? ?????????? This is why I'm so dismissive of the vast majority of colorism crybabies. They LIE all the time about the sexual preferences of "Black" men.

@ThaPhilosopherKing

4 жыл бұрын

PrincessLeah187 xx Can’t those features just be beautiful to a man. In terms of your friend and her hair that’s a brainwashed comment.

@Abyssal86

4 жыл бұрын

Where is the line between thinking your attractive and fetishising you?

@sladegreenfeldsheher3931

4 жыл бұрын

It's interesting how people talk about fetishes. It's like playing a game of charades. Acceptable fetish: I like women who are . Racist, gross fetish: I like black women.

@chanmarr8118

3 жыл бұрын

@@bigkev9539 They called her a waste because of her kinky hair and light skin features which they consider a clash because they’re ignorant. And there is fetishizing of “butt, hips, thighs...” because it’s expected that all black women look that way. I’ve lost count the amount of times people assumed I hate food, don’t really eat, or have no boobs/hips/behind because I’m skinny 🙄 because they expect me to be thicc. Black people hav many problems to face externally as well as internally, within our own community.

I've lost track how many times I've asked myself internally about a cute black boy "Does he even like black girls?" growing up, and best believe it was confirmed with a hard no many times, and rudely at times. Yet I was gaslighted so often that I was just over thinking things and being closed minded practically insinuating I should be complacent with the backhanded "you're cute for a black girl" comment. Ugh

@theebonymaw

4 жыл бұрын

may i ask, do you feel that's a fair disposition to carry? i'm a black man in nyc and there is a notorious lack of black presence in my chosen industry - which means that a lot of my professional & social circle is non-black. i've got a good job, no kids, my own place and still am having a rough time in the dating world. i would hate to think i'm losing opportunities to meet someone because they see me sitting across the bar with a bunch of wypipo and think that's all i'm into lol

Complicated trash indeed! I'm a divorced 41 year old black woman with 3 grown kids living in Australia and the men here are a different type of trash. I haven't dated in over 10 years and been single longer. I'm basically not even gonna bother. That's another interesting topic. Dating as a black woman living overseas. A black woman cannot escape the anti blackness or festishizing anywhere in this world.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

That really is an interesting topic. I can't speak to it from personal experience really (just from my experiences dating men from other countries who are living here in the U.S.), but I may have a look to see if other bw on KZread have talked about this.

@crystal4641

4 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba It's even more interesting because they treat black women as if they're all the same. The first question is always "So what part of Africa are you from?" And they use it as a pick up line. So I use to just say ( after the 2006th time of being asked) " Oh this little tiny village called NEW YORK." And they would be shocked because there's very few Black American women here and TONS of Africans so they just assume and then proceed to think that we're the same. And when there are the rare Black American men here guess who they flock to? One guess. It ain't me 😐 It's honestly very hard.

@stepahead5944

4 жыл бұрын

YES! This would be a wonderful topic. BW in Asia. The fetishization is real, between other expats/ foreigners and locals alike. Actually dating was a nightmare. Hypersexualization og BW in the US is more than enough, but one will find its a global phenomenon.

I stopped only checking for black men, too many dissapointments. Life's too short, yada yada yada

@eastwaters4082

4 жыл бұрын

Why were you checking for people you didn't know? Stop trying to relate based on a monolith, people are different.

@serenity6831

4 жыл бұрын

@@eastwaters4082 what are you even arguing? There are many reasons why black women would only want to date within their race which I'm not going to get into now.

@springfresh4344

4 жыл бұрын

serenity6831 true

I long for the day that skin tone doesn’t matter and this title would just be “dating is hard”. My 10 year old daughter asked me last year about a BLM sign she saw at a local church. I tried to explain but she interrupted me to say “So someone would want my (black) friend Kesha or (Indian) Om dead because their skin is darker than mine?” I nodded and she replied “I know we’re not supposed to say people are stupid, but that’s stupid”. As for longing for the day that dating is easy-Never. Gonna. Happen.

Oh my gosh please talk even more about dating. I love it. Relate so hard. I haven't even watched this one fully yet. But I relate.

@AlisonMacKinnon6

4 жыл бұрын

I do relate less now, having watched it, however, I fully empathize with your situation. I really hope you find an amazing partner, but in the meantime, please more dating talks :)

Thank you for your point of view and using "fetishizing" to explain that concept --- had a white woman I worked with say, "I only date black guys" and I didn't know why at the time that it hit me so wrong.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, that is 100% a fetish. And, fetishization often happens *within* one's own race (such as fetishizing very deep or very light complexions).

@Abyssal86

4 жыл бұрын

@@nappyheadedjojoba So, can a man find a woman attractive without fetishising her? And if so, how?

Lol I haven’t even began and I already know you’ve been dealing with the BS. I’m not dating, dating. I’m more here for sugaring.... I’m over genuine connections at the moment with my counterparts. lol I got needs cuh.

@nappyheadedjojoba

4 жыл бұрын

😆

@madamepaka

4 жыл бұрын

not SUGARING😂😂😂

@LRoshae

4 жыл бұрын

madame paka lol yessss. Sweet tooth and all. 😩🤣

@shaunjai4770

4 жыл бұрын

💰💰💰💰💰😆

Single and loving it. I have no kids and do not want any. Currently serving and I love my alone time too. I travel by myself alot too, I do not wait on my friends to see the world. I am living my best life staying blessed, medidating and becoming the best version of myself. Love your makeup too!

@AlayziaWade

4 жыл бұрын

kieona allen love this!! ❤️❤️❤️

I love this eyelook! And also I need more of your Ti talks 😩🙏🏽

This was a great talk! Thanks for sharing your views so much of what you said I agree with and have also experienced. Loved the look!

I can do bad all by myself

I think the dating scene is corrupted and is filled with a minority of ppl whose intentions are sexual and use the scene to meet partners. And the majority are people who don't want to be alone or feel pressured to be in a relationship rather than getting to know someone

I’m not even single and I love these Ti talks. Thank you for bringing up how some in the culture are treating Zaya.

I would like to encourage you all to keep the faith. My brothers are all with Black women. My son prefers Black women and loves the spectrum of shades we come in as a whole but seems to lean towards dark-skinned girls. What children hear/watch as they grow up affects their outlook on life, so we, the parents, should be the gatekeepers guarding our children from negative stereotypes about our own people. We consistently speak to them about Black excellence and laud the natural beauty of both Black men and women so that when they look at their reflection they too can see their own beauty and know their worth.

“Invisible woman got the whole world watching”, gurl that is beyond spot on👏🏽 People watch and examine every damn thing we do and say. We are walking case studies for people all ethnicities and genders to pick apart and copy at their will.

I am in no way trying to invalidate your experience or any of the other valid pain points you mentioned, but when I hear black women talk about the scarcity of black men that actually desire and aspire to date black women I'm always like this must be a regional thing (So Cali for example). I'm from Chicago and black pairings are quite the norm if not dare I say the standard here. In fact I have a sister in law tell me she moved back from Cali because she wanted to get married and the dating scene was just not conducive. I said all that to say if the culture of the area you live (and I know they are the majority in the US) isn't black girl friendly consider moving. I hear great things about TX, MD/DC, Charlotte, and Raleigh/Durham specifically for blacks. I myself am looking at Dallas. I just think relocating to find a mate is just as good a reason as any other economic opportunity. 💜

@Giggles50

4 жыл бұрын

cocono5 Good point. California is not the place. Definitely has to do with the racial makeup I bet.

@vlee7217

4 жыл бұрын

I'm looking at Houston

@LGnLA

4 жыл бұрын

I went to brunch with my gorgeous, educated friends in CA & one was leaving the state stating she, "Wants a husband and children..." she moved & was married within two years, and the babies came too within a few years!! Happy for her!! I have another beautiful friend about to divorce... 🍷🍿🍷🍿🍷🍿🍷it's too much going on in these 'dating/married' streets nothing like the 50+ Years, 20+ years my grandparents, parents shared; I am cool!!💯💯💯💯

@candylove49

4 жыл бұрын

V Lee Yes! Houston is a great choice too!

@mandamandamanda6722

4 жыл бұрын

When black women complain about California it always seems to be about black men. Why can’t these black women just date other races in California then? There are more non black men then black men anyway. Why can’t they just stop complaining about what black men do and date others and live their lives. And before anyone says that men of of other races are anti black, yes some are but many aren’t and there are more of them in shear numbers. So playing by the numbers game it would show you that you would have more of a chance including them into your dating pool. It’s simple logic.

Have you ever thought that maybe it's you? Ijs as a 35 year old black man who lives alone and pays all his own bills, I've never had a problem with black women, EVER. Maybe it's a certain type of black man you want, and thats not the type who wants you...ijs self evaluation is the key to the kingdom.

But the skin though 😍

SO glad to hear others speak out on not wanting kids. I’ve been married since we were teenagers and the “when are you having children” question became first intrusive in our 20s then desperate in our 30s as if we were doing something wrong in our marriage by not procreating. Turns out, we like our freedom, our sleep, and our independence too much. Also I’m just too selfish to be a mom. I like my alone time A LOT and the freedom I have with my man. I love your honesty and “no apologies for being me”. Keep it coming, love your videos. ❣️