"An adult who throws tantrums is not an adult. And you don't want to have a relationship with an emotional child" 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

An adult who throws tantrums is not an adult. This really stucc with me very important point made.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Calvin, happy that resonated - yes, it’s helpful to view people according to their behaviour, rather than their age, that helps stop pretending people are acting decently and start addressing what we’re seeing, abuse and all. And also helps identify who is concerned with lies (whatever the justification: avoid hurting feelings, being polite) and who is concerned with the Truth. Thank you for commenting and best wishes!

You know that deep down inside the narcissistic behavior is just bottling up until it explodes, and something very dramatic happens that many are hurt and talk about the aftermath months later.

This stuff is so difficult. A lot of us where conditioned to have to react to crazy people as children. It’s a double kick in the ass because we were conditioned to react in unhealthy ways in order to survive plus we were never taught how to protect ourselves, how to set boundaries, how to empower ourselves in healthy, respectful ways. There is a lot of uncomfortable reprogramming that needs to happen. Doing the right things, the healthy things, often feels agonizingly bad or wrong with these types of people. Thank you for your videos! Enjoying your content immensely. ❤️

@SusanaXpeace2u

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, it is so difficult! ''Changing the way I think'' has been a constant and all-encompassing goal of mine for the last 18 months. I've given it everything I can think of and I'm still not all the way there. I have let myself down at times, but I have to forgive myself for that because it is so difficult.

@NA-xo3zb

2 жыл бұрын

It took me a couple of years after going thru a major trauma just to see reality in the proper perspective. Let alone how to deal with any of it. It has been a major awakening to see how my “fairly normal” childhood was actually extremely emotionally and psychologically abusive. And how the result of that abuse shows up as guilt, shame, perfectionism, sense of over responsibility, anxiety, lack of boundaries and needs. Numbing and suppressing of feelings and an underlying feeling of never being good enough even as an over achiever! Once I was able to really accept and process these traumas, I could see how things should have been or how I would have wanted them to be based on my own values and principles. And that was when empowerment and agency started to develop. The hard part for me is that rather than ignoring and not feeding crazy people “the juice or kibbles” they are wanting, I want to shout at the top of my lungs how bad and wrong their behavior is and that it’s not my responsibility to fix them or please them. I have to be compassionate with myself as it is absolutely normal to feel this way after repressing for most of my life even though it is a useless reaction with toxic people. It just makes them feel entitled to feeling like the victim when the true victim stands up for themselves. Unraveling mind fuckery is not an easy task!! So good on you to be working on yourself, to feel self compassion and to learn to love yourself like your life depends on it!! ❤️😘

@SusanaXpeace2u

2 жыл бұрын

@@NA-xo3zb thank you. Im trying. /i had a v similar childhood but ended up an under achiever. I will always want them to understand that they hurt me too. Just for a moment. Agree with you re self compassion!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi NA, thanks for the comment! Yes, it is really, really difficult - and many were taught to play « let’s pretend » and lie about what we saw, what we felt… And that does make us vulnerable. The great news (!) is that narcissists push us to the edge and force us to choose: more hell, or finding courage. Which of the two is the least scary? :-D Thanks so much for the kind words, I really appreciate them!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

It can take a long time Susan, this work is not shallow and depends on many factors. As long as we keep going, it keeps improving. Did you watch the video I did with Josh about forgiveness? We speak of forgiving the narcissists, but I think we also touch upon forgiving ourselves - so we can move on. Some counterintuitive ideas, but helpful ones.

Whenever a 'narcissist' has had a 'tantrum' towards me, I noticed that they were very quick to check what effect they may have had. I think this is a Hallmark aspect and different from 'upset'. This was always too quick for me!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, very astute observation Max - they check in to see if it works, looking from behind the mask. Weird until we can make sense of it. It’s just a game they play, and sometimes we play along, until we understand it isn’t sincere.

Living a life of reactivity instead of intention is a miserable way to live. Being properly self focused/internal boundaries make a world of difference. I remember the discomfort they create and think "you can destroy yourself by yourself booboo I'm sitting this out" and keep plugging along on my path. Always prioritizing myself.

Thank God for KZread, and the internet in general. Now I have access to resources and realize I'm not crazy but had to deal with crazy people lol.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, we’re finally getting more aware of this. The first ones I encountered, decades ago, no one knew, we just thought it was a « moody person »…

@yupitsasiah

Ай бұрын

I was just thinking the same thing and to find it was already typed!

''It doesn't feel right'' is a very good response.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Susan, yes, it works rather often. People can push against « it doesn’t feel right », but that shows us who they really are.

Temper tantrums are what two to five year old's do. This shows their emotional development was halted at that early age. So weird, sad, and somewhat amusing to witness an adult having temper tantrums.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly Lou, and you’re right, however, one weird thing is that they can sometimes just snap out of them when they get what they want: to see us breaking out boundaries to appease them. And yes, provided we’re not emotionally effected by the onslaught of abuse and decibels (I recommend ear plugs if it isn’t dangerous), it can be amusing. But sometimes, it’s so loud it’s hard to keep our sense of humour :-/

@ASMRyouVEGANyet

Жыл бұрын

It's not amusing. It's outright terrifying.

@actualnotfactual

Ай бұрын

Some of these toddlers are 6’4” weight lifters.

@CHIMACREATES

27 күн бұрын

@@lougray8752 it’s called Trauma ….. It’s really not funny ….. that someone stopped their emotionally development at a young age…. It’s sad. It’s not their fault . But you can change it at any moment as an adult … if you want. But these videos . Ppl like you , who don’t tolerate and find it amusing actually bring change … I guess everyone serves a purpose

This is one of the most no-nonsense, practical explanations I've seen about how conflict with a narcissist works. I also appreciate the distinction between giving advice and explaining systems. One of the most frustrating things I encounter is well-meaning people who explain that I can (or should) resolve complex situations by "simply" doing x,y, or z that they recommend. I would add that the mere act of taking responsibility for my behavior and my part in the situation was liberating. Reactively thinking in circles about other people's illogical, childish behavior made me feel completely powerless. You're right. The list of relationship objectives is DRAMATICALLY skewed in the narcissist's favor, if their target prioritizes an intact relationship over self-preservation. That's *exactly* what the narcissist wants -- their target "trapped" in an unresolvable cycle. I see that now. Thank you so much!!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Jennifer, thank you so much for the kind words, it’s much appreciated! Especially the distinction between advice and systems - not everyone is ready for taking ownership, which is understandable - but regrettable. Yes, people mean well but can’t begin to imagine the complexity we’re in - or assume everyone wants to solve things. Letting people work things out is a sign of respect, and very counter-intuitive (at least was to me when it was discussed in my training). And yes, the narcissist is willing to see how far they can push others to keep the relationship. One person won’t let go, and the other will walk away in a heart beat. Totally skewed and asymmetric, otherwise they won’t « play ». And as you put, yes, finding the courage to take some responsibility, more, as much as we can, can be so liberating - and this can render us nearly immune to these idiots (and other idiots). And the opposite does make us feel powerful… Very best wishes!

@amberbassoN12

2 жыл бұрын

Well said.

@amberbassoN12

2 жыл бұрын

As an infj i am very accountable. Even that can be used against a person by a narcissist. But ending it there without further argument/reaction/emotion although thought of......i guess i needed to hear from an outside source because theres an outside voice thats not my own which doesnt argue back the way mine argues with me that there are points to be made and unfair hypocritical injustices that need retribution.... Retribution goes unheard and points become dull and i end up with one less chunk of what makes up my existence and time just bit off chewed then spit out....wasted. Again much appreciation for the morale.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

@@amberbassoN12 Hi Amber, I’m only seeing your comments now, sorry about that! Yes, being accountable is used by narcissists to harm people. All they have to do is pretend that we should be accountable towards them. Telling people they should be accountable means giving power to some external force. It is highly disempowering. Ideally, we are accountable to ourselves and we keep raising the bar, we choose what works for us and what doesn’t. We don’t give our power away because otherwise ill intentioned people WILL eventually abuse it :-/ And when we believe that retribution will happen, when we expect it, we are also deluding ourselves and will usually end up disappointed. Making people believe that a system is fair gives power to someone else. It’s helpful to keep our eyes open and notice who speaks that way: how are they gaining something from us believing what they say?

As my narcissistic wife throws her tantrum she accuses me of being "disrespectful'.

Thank you Frederick for this video! You are so correct...It takes a common sense approach to deal in a healthy way, with the damaged coping mechanisms of an unhealthy and emotionally stunted person. Once one recognizes the tactics being used against them, they can stand back and use methods that bring natural consequences for bad behavior. It’s amazing how just withdrawing your attention, presence, and interaction can be enough to make some disordered people realize their behavior is not getting them what they’re after🤨

@susanmcmahon4733

2 жыл бұрын

Walk away from it.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi JussSayin, you’re welcome! Yes, indeed, merely changing how we react changes the system, and can be enough for them to change or disappear. On the long term, it’s barely sustainable as they want the drama, but in the short term, understanding how to tinker with a system can pull us out of tough situations…

Many of these issues revolve around fear. Hence the narcissistic personality is enabled to control you. Eliminate your fear enact your confidence relax and have an imperative of acknowledging your situation and plan your exit.

@fribersson

Жыл бұрын

100%. When we figure out how to not be afraid, they can barely do anything to us. Mind you, it is wise to anticipate how they could photos, and plan accordingly. I did another video on that topic.

This Content Is Str8t GOLDEN!!!!!!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Vigo, happy you like it - and thanks for commenting! 👍🏼

"Forcing the person to sacrifice something is perverted." Several encounters I have had with 'narcissists' involved Deprivation and Theft of some sort. I ended up 'making up' valuables for them to munch on while putting anything truly valuable out of their reach. If I liked something, it was din-din for them. If I disliked something, they poured it on. Thank you for using the word 'perverted'! Sigh.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Max, yes, I’ve done the same also - and seen people do the same: « could I have the kids this weekend? No? Please… » - and then proceed to go away as planned, letting the moron believe they won. It works wonders. Re « perverted »: you’re welcome, it seems appropriate, sadly…

Interesting! Being an Adult doesn't just happen when a person turns 20 years old then develops from then on. There are other ingredients that constitute being Adult! Thank you for mentioning that.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Max! Yes, indeed, I always assumed that « older people knew better ». Now I see that « most people are messed up, everyone is doing their best and struggling, and few people are capable of actually taking ownership of their life ». Yes, being an adult is an attitude. And I use the term like Eric Berne does, as opposed to other ego states (I summarise that in the FBI video, the transactional analysis segment - that might resonate). Thanks for the comment, much appreciated!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Humility, exactly, it’s a behaviour. In case you’re not familiar with Eric Berne’s work, I suggest you look it up - and I summarise it in the FBI video (transactional analysis segment). It was eye opening for me and is now a cornerstone of my healing method. Thanks as always for your comment!

Working on my emotional weaknesses was the key to cracking the code with my very troubled Borderline daughter who had been escalating her tantrums. Going gray rock and totally sublimating my personality has been a refuge. Their evil radar is truly perverse and can beat down even the most positive person which helped me see myself more clearly. In another video you mentioned seeking validation as a vulnerable subtext and I recognized that as an unacknowledged part of my personality that kept me connected in an unhealthy way. So grateful for your guidance and coaching. Pragmatic solutions to emotional problems is unbelievably liberating. Thanks again❤️

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Martie! Really pleased you’re finding this helpful. Yes, seeking validation is a symptom that something is wrong and toxic people and ideas make us doubt ourselves, challenge ourselves, and make us more dependent on others. A self fulfilling prophecy, sadly! Great you found a key to move forward and improve something, that requires courage. Fingers crossed for you! All the best!

@martiemcbride9420

2 жыл бұрын

@@fribersson I’m interested in your energy work. I’m trying to clear my emotional pathways, but I’ve had an extremely challenging physical disease whilst battling the futility that is Borderline Personality. I feel like I’m close to releasing all the Gunk in My Pond, but perhaps because I’m disabled and bedridden for about 70% of any given day, I’m not sure how to access that sort of work. My therapist and I connect over Skype, so perhaps there is an opportunity for me to find someone to help me. Your videos have been a tremendous source of support. Thank you ❤️

@martiemcbride9420

2 жыл бұрын

@@fribersson Sadly, I’m not that confident about my daughter’s being able to keep it together. She seems lifeless and like the walking dead. I know this is a manipulative effort to rattle my cage, but her paternal uncle committed suicide and she has that aura of helplessness about her. Strangely, I’m not reacting but I’m wretched inside. That is, of course, part of her game plan, to make me feel wretched. That is a perversion. As well. There is an evil cruelty. I’ve prepared myself that her latest behavior is her choice and that, if she wants to crash out her life at 37, then, that is something I must accept. I no longer believe I have the force to save her from herself. Fortunately, I have two daughters who get the picture. It sounds defeatist to say, but the twists and turns of toxic people zap a lot of joy out of living, anyway.

@arashigumdrop

Жыл бұрын

"Their evil radar is truly perverse..." Yes, Ditto!

@ASMRyouVEGANyet

Жыл бұрын

I wonder why your daughter is borderline.... Have y'all gone to therapy? Is she actually borderline or does she have C-PTSD?

This is brilliant sir!! 🙏

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Anonymously, happy you found it helpful! Best wishes!

Your information is SO true and vital for people to heal probably in toxic relationship, friendships or family'ships 👍. It's all about understanding how to respond, and also learning what triggers us. Wish more channels would help people understand this jewel you gave. Great info!👏

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi CL_P, thanks so much for your kind words, happy you're finding this helpful. I'm pretty sure some other channels will be recycling these ideas. It's important they spread, good ideas are a disinfectant against bad ideas ;-)

Easy to press and manipulate due to, stored emotions, easy target. ( unreal way to look at it, hit the nail on head, that is the answer, dealing with stored past emotions, getting rid, becoming free, then, when they prod, your empty so, no responce, if full, full of past emotions of sorrow, anger etc, easy target. Awsome stuff. Well said, just learnt something there, focus inwards, heal, and let others words of negativity, have no effect. Reason they can be effecting is, stored negative emotions, work on those. Cheers 👍

@fribersson

3 ай бұрын

Thanks for the kind words, happy you found that was helpful :)

@markfox2043

3 ай бұрын

@@fribersson life changing statement by you that is, good work 👊

Be safe & have fun.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Jonas, best wishes!

I want to be really honest....to merely blame the action on narcissistic behaviors, one must remember that people on the spectrum tend to mimick these tendencies...and you are amazing!!!! My favorite help on KZread!!!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Amanda, thanks for pointing that out, yes, I've heard the same - this is a reason I prefer to focus on behaviours rather than labels. If a behaviour doesn't work for us but it changes, that's great - and when we deal with the person, taking their situation into account makes sense. Someone on the spectrum is quite different to a toxic person, and getting the right strategy is what matters the most. You are so kind, thank you for your kind words :-)

This is so refreshing, thank you! I’ve learned a LOT about narcissism and watched many videos on the subject- this one has a really distinct ‘flavour’ which sets it apart. Straight to the point, clear, enlightening and with a non judgemental wisdom. I think it takes time - and healing - to get to a place where you can really absorb the learning and understanding of these difficult, destructive personalities. It always hurts, but once you truly see through the dynamics at play, it gives you a healthy perspective- and this is the place where you can begin to gift yourself a degree of solace, validation and self belief. It can be very lonely when you find yourself identifying the other person’s toxic personality, people around you invariably look for other reasons or explanations to make sense of the narcissist’s behaviour. It takes time, knowledge and the ability to deal with the sadness which comes from accepting that not everyone is navigating life with the same moral compass . And it also takes courage not to villainise, make ‘other’ and apportion blame but instead endeavour to emotionally detach within toxic relationships so that your energy can be directed towards self acceptance and growth and the cultivation of healthy relationships, whilst retaining your integrity. Maybe I’ll get there.. one day… 🙏 💜

Toddlers throw tantrums and demand things they feel entitled to. Narc "Dad" has been emotionally manipulative a lot lately.

Thank you very much for another fantastic video Frederik! PS: the upgrade to the audio with your new mic is amazing! Being a musician, I noticed the improvement right away ;) Super clear and crisp sound now, congratulations!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much Jean Antoine (Condercet! Great name! ;-) ) for your kind words, really pleased you found it helpful! And yes, huge upgrade - as good as the 57 is, it was tricky to get the right volume, not too much proximity effect, not too much breathing or background noise. It also helped that I switched to recording on Zoom to recording using dedicated software and then doing the whiteboards separately. It takes far more time, but the result is better - so should be a better experience for my viewers (yes, reinvesting the ad revenue into improving production :-D ). All the best!

This is the good stuff! Thanks for breaking this down with such clarity. Very useful reframing here. Dearly needed, dearly appreciated. I've broken away from my narcissistic mother, and yesterday after months of silence she lobbed a big tantrum via text at my wife. Gotta tell you, that would have set me off six months ago. But last night I slept like a sedated baby. In fact, I slept over nine hours. Just knowing that I've broken free and separated myself from those narcissistic dynamics was apparently enough to put my "inner child" at ease. (I use the scare quotes there because I don't actually find imagining a child inside me particularly useful or resonant.) Talk about progress. Then this morning I put "how to respond to a narcissistic tantrum" into the KZread search bar. Found your channel. I've watched a lot of videos on narcissism, many helpful, but none like this. Bare bones, pragmatic, and crystal clear. Well done.

@fribersson

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind words! Yes, it is a wonderful feeling when we realise that "the things that used to trigger us no longer affect us". And happy you're finding my approach helpful. Hopefully you're doing so well you'll be bored of this topic soon :)

Great video. I have watched this play out in all its slow motion glory over 30+ years and myriad partners. I was trapped in relationships where even the mere threat of "hurting" or "disappointing" others caused me to alter my own behavior. Then I started to see how many people simply CAN'T WAIT to throw a tantrum... They catch you smiling at someone else, you can see their eyes flash, "oh boy!", they think, "now I can feed my monster." Nowadays I allow these tantrums to come and go, know they have nothing to do with me, and move on to my next teacher. That lever doesn't seem to work anymore. 🙏 I like this phrase: "You can't change the people who are around you, but you can change the people who are around you."

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Scott! Yes, the pressure of meeting expectations can be terrible - and many are blindsided to it happening to them - I certainly was. Hopefully, once we identify it, we can respect people’s unspoken expectations - and the fact that they belong to them. Ekman really helped me understand “lying by omission”. If I expect you to send me £100 and I know that you don’t know that I expect this, but I don’t tell you I expect it, then if I try to guilt trip you, it’s just… manipulation. Defence against the dark arts is real ;)

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Oh and yes, being offended is a choice. And the offense goblins prowl in search of a reason to draw attention to themselves. Hardly hinged behaviour or symptoms of healthy or happy minds.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Oh and yes, being offended is a choice. And the offense goblins prowl in search of a reason to draw attention to themselves. Hardly hinged behaviour or symptoms of healthy or happy minds.

THANKS SO MUCH. helping so much through my narcissistic abuse

Great message -

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Nicholette!

Sure, grey rock may work with a mild anger tantrum, but with a full on crying yelling screaming meltdown, (and I’m not kidding here, for no reason.) you have to leave. In public situation, people will call the police assuming you did something. Trying to explain to law enforcement your GF’s psychotic meltdown, is not something you want to get involved with. The key, is to leave the scene, at least overnight at a bare minimum. The next day, a phone call, or leave completely. This is a dangerous situation and for an adult to do this to you is crazy making. You will never forget it, and the relationship is, quite basically, ruined. Psychosis, even temporary, is not to be messed with. Trust, is gone completely, and you are an abused victim of violence.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

You’re absolutely right. These ideas must be adapted to various situations. If someone is capable of a meltdown, well… unless they get psychological help, we know they can do it again. And that can be the walking on eggshells strategy I describe in a video. It actually is a manipulation strategy.

So far this has been your most helpful video toward my situation. Much appreciated

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hey Amber, thank you for letting me know - and great you've found it helpful! If you'd like to share what specifically was helpful (comment, email), I can consider for future videos. And if not, no worries 😁 Thanks for your comment!

Excellent video😊..many thanks

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hey Crabby, thank you very much for the kind comment 😁 Have a great day!

Thank you. Very helpful 👍

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Sue for your kind comment. Best wishes!

Thank You! This is so helpfull for me👍

@fribersson

Жыл бұрын

So happy to read that, thank you Sofi :)

Thank you so much!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome Be, thanks for the comment!

Thank you for sharing your knowledge, I will try your advices. To me very difficult to manage other people’s tantrum especially those who close to me. Now I understand the importance of emotional detachment. Still learning it, but I’ll master it some day. First time when algorithm give me the right content. 😁

Muchas gracias, apreciado Frederik.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome Juliana, muchas gracias for the comment and kind words (apologies for no Spanish) :-D

Thank You!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

You’re welcome :)

Thank You 🌀❤️🌀

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

You’re most welcome AD BC, thank you for commenting :-)

So good!!! 👋👋👋

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Kari! I’ve been inspired recently! So many ideas to share… :-)

@karishort1891

2 жыл бұрын

@@fribersson I am so happy to hear this! The information you share helps so many ❤ Thank you!!

this video has been an eye opener.i have seen this method/reasoning been applied on me by a partner who i much later discovered is a dismissive avoidant.the most benign attempts to raise relational issues is met by my partner with this approach.Ive tried different approaches ,even to the extent of sitting down on the floor when opening communications,but with the same results. i never understood why i was accused of attempting to argue/manipulate an outcome(imposing my views). i finally understood that my approach (which i lay out before hand)of (1)attempting to explain/clarify my experience and then (2) also illicit my partner's experience/views thereof with (3) the goal to attempt to seek mutual understanding and middle ground ,always failed.we would always get stuck at stage 1.when my partner approached me (on the rare occasions) it would be "i don't need you to respond " and proceed to explain my behavior and the change that is expected.i never understood the double standard initially.i have come to understand that if a person is not comfortable engaging in this manner ,then it would be viewed as an invasion/attack and then treated as their boundaries been crossed.mind you this dynamic occurred only after my partner attended personal counseling sessions.before this there was no real communication from my partner,other than the normal everyday on the surface things.my approaches to my partner was always met with complete silence..i have actually sought counseling (on my partner's advise)to address my narcissistic tendencies.another interesting eye opener ...

@basiltitus6363

Жыл бұрын

what i have learnt is that one persons middle ground can be the other's extreme.so one just does what works to deal with another in order to keep one in one's own perspective.the point being that one who hides from interaction would be overwhelmed by someone who does so easily .

Thanks!

@fribersson

Жыл бұрын

That is SO generous of you Arashi, thank you!!

He will apologize after every single tantrum. On one hand , thanks? But I am now exhausted. The shut down is his favorite to weaponize unfortunately. He is a genius with his words.

@fribersson

Жыл бұрын

How does he apologise? "Sorry" isn't an apology. Explaining why it was a problem for him and why he won't do it again in the future increases credibility...

@dasoren1787

Жыл бұрын

@@fribersson but.. narc doeant have credibility.. 🙈

Like all this sensible stuff

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your kind comment Pamela, much appreciated!

Knowing how to avoid their childish fits and at the same not loosing OURSELF RESPECT. . I have found that changing the subject in a casual manner before they break does work very well .For ME anyway. But not always.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. It feels like 3D chess: manage them, manage ourselves, keep our eyes open… We aim to improve, do better than the last time, provided we’re doing better, things are improving. Not perfect, and so what? Thank you for commenting, much appreciated!

@drleo6409

2 жыл бұрын

@@fribersson I appreciate your input for victoms and not as much on identifying the Problem person. Both are needed but some just focus manly on the narcissist

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

@@drleo6409 Exactly, both are needed if you want to people to heal. I don’t know why some people only focus on the party that will not change? But they seldom look like they have actually healed and moved on. I hope it isn’t because it keeps people coming back to more content with limited utility… Some people want to believe that nothing in their life is within their control, that primes them for more pain and suffering in the future. The “Are Narcissists Amazing or Losers” explores some of the confusion around that. 100% focus on Narcissists = I don’t need to change = more of the same in the future.

Narc has tantrum i call it out Her response: im human blah blah blah

Definitely will cause a narc injury when you don’t respond or hit them with one word! Narc: threat txtS Me: “ok” or 👍(*carry along with my day lol) Nobody has time for that, when the narc did this it totally turnt me off lol

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, excellent points Ceola, yes the grey stone "ok / sure" works wonders. I did it unknowingly when I ran out of energy with a narcissist. I just gave up. And she left!

I need to deal with my emotion then.

@jasonroman77723

6 ай бұрын

I'm dealing with a malignant covert narc and I'm ten years 3 children & one house in deep. Im terrified of possibly loosing everything. What do I do? 😭

I was in a 20 year marriage to a narcissistic bi-polar and survived just by ceasing all communication unless the conversation was civil and respectful, then she tried to supplant that strategy by gaslighting myself and my loved ones, that was at the point I had to divorce, it was a battle the entire relationship once we got married. Sadly, my sister is sub 95 pounds and is a cancer patient and her husband is the worst narcissist I ever seen, trying to get her to forgo treatments so he can buy himself video games etc. and it is hard to see her suffering at the hands of a narc the way I did.

I'm not dealing with a narcissist but just someone with an immature emotional skill set. He is unaware of it and claims its manipulative of me to point out better and more mature ways to get his needs met. Not responding and working on my own emotions to the point I can now walk away without saying anything to accuse or defend myself. Has given me te ability to just wait it out and still feel fine. Not saying I get irritated when he throws a tantrum over litteraly nothing and wish he could do better. But I do t let it affect me anymore. He is the one with the emotions and feels like shit. I do not need to join him. After a few hours he generally tries to test the waters with a compliment or a joke to see if I'm angry, but I'm not (at best disappointed). I don't know if I want to stay in a relationship with him because of this, mainly because he refuses to acknowledge that he had a traumatic past that is still affecting him today. No therapy, no learning about self-love, self-awareness, no recognising there are more than 1 perspectives in any given situation and above all no way he could be the one who hurts another! Its pretty sad actually. I wish I could nudge him into a better healthier direction but he calls that manipulative. Meanwhile I have a fantastic therapist who is helping me becom the best version of myself and the gap between me and my partner is getting bigger and bigger. Thus more and more tantrums.

wait... I'm having the one having the tantrums. I want to stop having them......I came here for help.. lol

@fribersson

27 күн бұрын

I might suggest that searching online is not a substitute for working with a therapist :) But very cool you’re wanting to work on yourself, fingers crossed for you!

@karengonzalez6536

26 күн бұрын

@@fribersson lolol. He's like, "youre gunna need more help than searching for tips online" smh

@fribersson

24 күн бұрын

Perfect, love it!

@karengonzalez6536

22 күн бұрын

@@fribersson i wasn’t complimenting you. ..I think ANYONE could benefit from tips online. Never mind

do you use the emotion code Frederik?

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Francisco, I was not aware of it, it seems similar to some of the work I do do, using energy healing to unblock the points where emotions are physically stored. I’ll look it up, thank you very much for sharing!

So show them a tantrum makes me put up a wall so they won't want to go there.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi S Everly, yes, pretty much. Tantrum = shut down. Either they try again (stay strong), or they get bored and leave. Them growing up is highly unlikely and should possibly be discarded in terms of probability of outcome (damn close to 0% and one would have to argue hard why the percentage is any higher. « Because I want » isn’t a convincing reason 😁). Thanks for your comment, much appreciated!

@severly4160

2 жыл бұрын

@@fribersson I've gone less/no contact on most narcissists in my life they can be emotionally draining and take me weeks to recover. But I do live with one but I have given up trying to change him I just try to set a good example so maybe he can learn a thing or two from me even if his ego won't let him admit it 😀

“… And forcing the person to sacrifice something is perverted.” I feel like this is true, but I don’t understand why. Emotionally, I reject the idea of sacrificing anything for people who want to control or antagonize me. At the same time, it seems sacrifice is necessary for relationships to be healthy and for people to cooperate. I’m pretty confused. Could you clarify this, please?

@eponymoususer8923

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much for putting that into clear language. It helps a lot.

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Eponymous, yes, humility is wisdom expressed what I had in mind: we can choose to sacrifice something because we want to. But when someone doesn’t want to, sadists get pleasure of our seeing the suffering. Imagine, extreme example, a child with a toy. And someone tells them they must break their toy. You can imagine the pain the child goes through. Getting pleasure out of forcing suffering is perverted. But if the child chooses to break the toy to get a part of the toy that will help repair a medical machine to save someone’s life, that is heroic. The agency and choice are what matter. Toxic people like breaking down other people and getting them to disrespect their boundaries. Imagine also the people who don’t want to smoke a cigarette but get pressured into doing so. Sometimes, one person in the group is egging others on to get the person to go against their values - and lose their self respect. Doesn’t make them narcissists, but getting pleasure out of this is perverted (think also of the Black Mirror science fiction episode where at the end a woman goes against her values for money - and another character smirks, more for getting her to make that choice than for anything else). Thanks Humility for chipping in!

@fribersson

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Humility, I tried tagging you in the answer below, don’t think it worked so: yup, that exactly it, thank you!

@eponymoususer8923

2 жыл бұрын

@@fribersson well explained. It seems the defining factor of a good life is a good attitude, after all- like if one can convince oneself to see their circumstances as a privilege, one can more easily navigate them. I think this is appropriate to negotiation. If you’re grateful for any outcome, no outcome has power. Your opponent has no leverage, and all outcomes are good. Now- how to get there!?

Sorry but you can act neutral as much as you want but these people will STILL act however they want. Which is usually manipulative and abusive.

@fribersson

Жыл бұрын

Indeed, they still will, AND we won't be wasting too much of our energy, they'll be more likely to get bored and leave us alone. No point trying to change people who don't want to change. The only way to do that is to manipulate, and that's... toxic :-/