You can't win against these people because they live in a different reality of their own making. Best to just not engage or very minimal engagement.

@jillianmaloney3798

8 ай бұрын

Yeah it really is! I think across any degree of entitlement, nastiness and even when they bait you with a lil pleasantness. And even when they smear your reputation….Maybe address the actual facts with others but still don’t engage with them directly if u can.

@paulbolton2322

4 ай бұрын

Minimal contact firewall should always be in place, fall back position no contact ☝️.

@dabearcub

3 ай бұрын

Spoken like one lol

Toxicity is kept private for sure.

@SaritWorld

7 ай бұрын

Which is proof they know what they are doing very well.

"Just to entertain themselves"- yes. Basically, what that is is causing pain and then finding pleasure in it. That says a lot about how unhealthy that person is.

I liked the comment about they know what they are doing otherwise they would not do in private places or want to keep that behavior a secret from the general public.

@lorraineoneill3056

5 ай бұрын

Exactly that I'm in process of separation recently a neighbour and long time friend said they had never noticed any of his behaviour I replied well that's because they were dine in secret he did nor want everyone else to see .He wanted everyone else to yhink he was the perfect husband . It worked up to now and there was nothing false when he pushed me on the stairs or emotionally verbally psychology abused me in secret along with the many silent treatments .

They're very entitled to take the lead on anything they please while having no clue what they're talking about and get very pissed off when you point that out

Whatever you can do, they can do better. Whatever mistake they have made, it's your fault. Whenever they deliberately harangue until you are upset, you are too sensitive. After the rare empty apology (read, rationalized excuse), you are expected to apologize for upsetting them (because they love you) in the first place. When you finally reduce contact, you are an ungrateful whatever. After all, everybody else supposedly thinks they are wonderful.

@ausarauset8157

8 ай бұрын

That sounds just like my father-lite. He’s never apologized to me for anything that i recall - and he has had much that i couldn’t not apologize if positions reversed. Runs around - subtlety - talking about almost everyone and certainly everyone he has close…those he “loves”. A true life loser and it’s scary coming to grips with seeing his influence in yourself but…. I’m not him and “death” is preferable to non evolution because i know it would only be closing this chapter. Great comment, Very astute! I’d never associated his covert narcissism as narcissism but has come to conclusion what they call narcissism is just ignorance (unawareness. Particularly Self unaware/ignorance if Self). If they knew What/Who they really are…. They’d BE honest, they’d treat everyone with respect, they’d have self respect- or try like hell/keep it priority. Peace to you.

@alter-ego-uno

8 ай бұрын

@@ausarauset8157 Put another way, they remain as they were as children --- un-resilient, superficial, transactionally-attached, lacking a moral compass, rigid.

@brianreed8271

7 ай бұрын

Yeah, apparently you have gotten to know my ex-wife quite well

@Dontnegotiatewithterrorist

7 ай бұрын

The key word in your post was “supposedly” Spot on👍🏼

@alter-ego-uno

7 ай бұрын

@@Dontnegotiatewithterrorist Yeah, they flatter themselves a lot, don't they?

Just amazing video. I watched probably 3 times. I am medical doctor. I learned about narcissism. My mother is a grandiose narcissist and my father is cover narcissist( of course they are divorced), to deal with them…. Just impossible. They will exsanguinate you, suck any life out of you…. Could you please make a video how to deal with old parents with narcissistic disorder. Thank you

@wendysimpson6395

8 ай бұрын

Good luck, focus on your recovery as a way forward.

Pure gold !!! Pure truth !!! I love your dry sense of humor !!! This abuse is so horrific and you have a way of stating the truth w/ a much needed hint of humor . God bless you ❤

The last statement you made is a perfect conclusion to this lecture...the monsters act hurtful for their own entertainment.

@liliaaaaaaaa

3 ай бұрын

It's called sadism.

Its not always clear if someone is delusional or manipulating, but if noticeable hazy thinking, clouded judgment, and confusion due to misdirection, evasion, and misrepresentation, that can be enough not to trust them.

At base I think the narcissist is a coward. Narcissists hate being confronted because they are a thin skinned variety of individual having at their core a belief of being small and ineffectual. Narcissists make up for their self perceived weaknesses by being poisonous. Narcissists are dangerous, your mental health can suffer in ways that might not be immediately apparent. If in a situation whereby you can farewell for good this insidious, soulless person, do it. Otherwise seek a professional to help strategise your way out of the nightmare.

Narcissists love playing mind games with you til the point you don't even know who you are or you snap at them for screwing with your mind .

Mind games= Putting silverware in the tray backwards, rearranging things, unzipping zipper on my phone case, leaving spoons turned upside down on the counter. All repeated things done to drive me insane. I am always so tempted to retaliate and do things back but I choose not to.

My ex would undermine me with people he knew.... it was so weird... I'd meet someone he did some work with and really hit it off... and then the next time I saw them they treated me like a total stranger and acted stand offish... it was so upsetting and made you feel unlikable...never had anyone ever do this to me before and it was just plain evil...it took awhile to figure it out but when I did I felt like I was living with a very sick person.. was so glad when I got away from him.

@jignajoshipura9947

8 ай бұрын

U just described my hubby. N me, took very long to realise what was happening. To b precise came to know that behind my back he was always spreading filth about me from the hints that others dropped. Fortunately for me no one believed him. No one except few of his kinds people. The few filthy ones who would gang up with him in slandering me.

@Mrch33ky

7 ай бұрын

I dated someone like that but didn't figure it out until years afterwards. Fortunately they want back to their country and never came back.

@emmarae4322

5 ай бұрын

They know what they do and if you did the same to them they’d lose their sh*t.

Oh My God. You just described every aspect from my Ex. She did all of these things. I was so blind. Ten years wasted from my life.

I'm very familiar with all these mind games, because I fell for them for decades.

Well I think it's safe to say I've experienced quite if not all of that situation you were explaining about . 🥺

"Don't lie-I know"😂🤣. Oh, I love it!🤣😂😅

"Are these my feet?" Lol Thank you!

True, all the points true! My former boss would call people to intercept then warn them about any contact from her victim. And one of her female co-workers in a separate dept. would bait then gather enablers and in essence say "see how arrogant & unstable" her victim was. She also used the term "I'm confused" a lot when she clearly knew what was being done. The entire company uses gaslighting&baiting to "prove" how bad one of their targets was emotionally/spiritually.

@FroggyFrog9000

8 ай бұрын

its time to resist narcissists and their flying monkeys in the work environment and WIN!!!

@jignajoshipura9947

8 ай бұрын

Very true. Wonder when n how they pay for what they do. Cause what goes around, comes around. N somehow they always manage to find others who support them in their designs

@Mrch33ky

7 ай бұрын

I worked for that company too.

@psalm148.1

7 ай бұрын

​@@Mrch33kywould love to hear your experience there and who your boss was.

If they went to as much effort to treat you well, as they go to keep you from telling others about how poorly they treat you…relationships with them would be something you would not eventually be absolutely desperate to escape from. And if you do tell anyone, they see it as a vicious personal attack for which they MUST get revenge against you for. Never mind, their own unacceptable behaviour, which drove you to seek help in the first place. That stuff…they conveniently pass off as ‘nothing worth mentioning’. It’s truly like dealing with an ill-witted, cranky ogre. Nothing about their behaviour is logical or tolerable.

they certainly don't like being challenged and definitely different in public than in private.. unless they are so sure they are right and you are doing them an injustice and gaslight you in front of others trying to make you look bad.

Great video and information as usual. Thank you!

Sweden here. Thank you. A perfect list

No effective assistance from the system for thirty years. Just misdirected and waste of my time and sedated to assist the abuser and blame and shamed and abuse by system. Nasty trap and no effective resolution of the violence perpetrated by the abuser who blames and punishes victim or laughs at your attempt to stop the violence.

My sister S said she wanted me to organise her Hen do about 20 years ago. She told me she specifically loved the L plate & white wedding veils theme. I remember telling her I didn’t like it myself but it was her night and I would do my very best. I especially flew back from my home in England to N.Ireland, she gave me a lift & we both excitedly bought all the hen stuff which she said she loved. We then went to a dress fitting, (as I was bridesmaid) then later decided to tell me she thought her friends wouldn’t like any of the things I bought. (sm gift bags with mini champers style blowing bubbles, 1x choc eclair sweet + the L plate, veil etc). So, I took it all back, I was pretty annoyed tbh as she had told me she wanted them and I’d gone out of my way, looking back she must have wanted to get me annoyed. We met another sister M at the fitting who she wasn’t speaking to so I decided to go with her to help with her kids. We both then texted and called S to find out where the Hen do was. She avoided our calls & texts. My 3x nieces were also supposed to go but she wouldn’t tell them either where to meet her. The next day at my parents, before I flew back she got her to be hubby to come and question me why I didn’t make an effort and go to the Hen do. With her crying to him saying she was so upset I didn’t turn up & that I basically caused a load of upset &drama. She totally set me up 100% as I was so angry, but no one saw what she had done. I explained that I had to actually pay twice for 2 x flights as I had made a mistake with the booking. Why would I pay double to fly back having no intention of going!? I was fuming!. My mum, dad & bro were then really annoyed with me (because of my reactive anger). I stupidly played into the drama! I believe the truth is she didn’t want me or nieces at the hen do, (let alone our other sisters) and I was set up to make her look like the victim & I was the bad person. I was so upset no one saw my side whatsoever, although years later my other sis A did said S told her that I had picked a fight with her because she didn’t want all the tacky wedding stuff I bought for her! These actions still disturbed me to today & although they all know the truth, no one will stand up to her because of the fact they are also to some degree similar although not so cunning or manipulative. I then felt emotionally manipulated into being bridesmaid by them all saying (I would be the bigger person) & she didn’t speak to me the full day. Also, her friends at the wedding shot me daggers in disgust at whatever she told them. I was not very confident in myself at the time and I just was so heartbroken with all of it and deeply disturbed, I just wanted to fall in a hole. Years later, while looking after my dad in hospital after a brain operation she rang me literally screaming about a similar set up job…thankfully this time I did not engage or get angry…after one too many twisted disturbing set up jobs, I calmly sent her a text that she was a master manipulator I finally blocked her from my phone & my life. All of this still plays over in my head for some reason as it's just so strange.

they also do it when no one is around a lot, after years of emotional abuse, I just speak to my own son like a neighbor ( heard that from someone) good advice. Otherwise I set my self up giving him too much amunition to twist or use.. ugh

What a perfect list, Darren! 👏👏👏👏👏

Your videos help me more than I can explain in short form 🙏

@Aochic

Ай бұрын

Its nice to know what one is dealing with, huh? I used to think "what am I missing?", but now I just laugh at just how classic the behavior is. Ignore it amd hope it goes away.

Thank you, thank you. I have been thinking I was going crazy. That I was a bad person, needed to change my ways and thinking to be loved. Told that no man would put up with my behaviour. I would have to change if I left and was to look for another partner.

You described my countru again! Thank you so much for the validation. I am israeli crying for Gaza...the most beautiful people ever being portrayed on the media as if they are evil...all lies.... all lies... Thank you. I am feeling stronger from binge watching your videos. I am staying in Ireland so i feel safe but worried for Gaza They have no bomb shelters. I am scared.

More on mind games but done by a coworker=again moving things around. Dumping rubber bands on top of other items, moving trash can, taking and using my personal chair in front of me, taking credit for something someone else accomplished, butting into and taking over conversations I was having with others. This came to my thoughts that when she walked in the office she completely filled every inch of space . You felt smothered and drained.

This is my mother. So damaging.

@eriomnyc6073

8 ай бұрын

Same

I agree with the other commenter, a video about dealing with elderly narcissistic parents would be most welcome.

Hi Darren please I am in the same predicament as you were year's ago. This video caught my attention about smoking. I am using this smoking as a calming mechanism while still with my narc husband, I can't leave, because of circumstances, financial , job, location, and no dependable friends or family. Please do a video to help me give up on the external mechanism. Smoking is all I have 😢

Thank you for your videos. *TOPIC REQUEST* I would love to see something on "family man" psychopaths hiding in plain sight and what feelings (if any) they have for their children. I know they exist from news stories, but the cognitive dissonance of my father the placid, respected doctor and some things I experienced is hard to reconcile even now. Examples: - his unexplained appearance in my mother's new house that he never otherwise stepped foot in at the exact moment of an electrical fire he put out with baking soda just as I was about to dangerously throw water on it (I was unexpectedly home, otherwise no one would have known he was there); - the mysterious aggressive destruction of just *my* childhood knick knacks and drawings in the attic after I said something critical of him in family therapy; - his strange lack of concern and failure to call the police after I battled with all my strength to keep an intruder from entering the exterior door to my bedroom, which was inexplicably unlocked. (I had recently started writing reputation-threatening things about him in my journal). He also made a bizarrely dismissive comment that it was probably the back neighbors, as if that settled it. But wouldn't that be *more* reason to call the police?! I left home soon after the bedroom invasion attempt and lived like I was in witness protection for years but never consciously realized until recently that the intruder might have been him. When he died my first thought was "Now I don't have to be afraid anymore," and that alone has been healing. But I'd still like to understand.

@paramedivmso4

7 ай бұрын

Wow. I will pray you find the wisdom you seek to reconcile. It is clear the man whom you refer to as father, was dealing with karma from his actions of a past incident. It is the case of someone taking their inferiority complex out on someone or something smaller than them. People in higher positions of authority tend to get into this mind set of always telling others what to do and be in charge. At times they need the roles to be reversed. They need to be put in their place. This is why many heads of big business end up in a place that caters to these men like a dominatrix. If this form of treatment is not fulfilled or should I say, if the desire is never understood, it can be taken out in other ways. Which is usually on a pet or a child or spouse in the form of physical abuse. It has many forms and faces. It manifests through ego. If the lifestyle begins early enough it can lead to addiction. Also manifesting in many forms. The best advice I ever got was to stop trying to understand why. But learn to understand yourself better, first and foremost. After all, how can one understand another when they do not completely understand themselves.

Is passive aggressive behavior part of narcissism or a separate diagnosis,? I was married to someone who was awful to me, treated strangers better than his family and would disagree with anything i was intersested in. It took me years to realize that it wasn't me as he said i was controlling. One day, it dawned on me that i got all the anger he was too afraid to have toward his narcissistic mother. I became his target. I was gone by then but what a relief to get the reason it happened.

@steadypace1262

6 ай бұрын

Covert type narcissist's are passive-aggressive and they have a Jekyll and Hyde character nice one minute and mean the next, they are ignorant and insensitive to their partner's plight.They have a lot of other annoying traits like self-absorption, telling lies all the time, the list goes on and they can really frustrate you no end.🙄

@Aochic

Ай бұрын

There are different types of narcissist. Look up covert and malignant

That's my brother there.

You sure cram a LOT of intelligent info into your lessons, fantastic.

There are a great many KZread channels dealing with narcissism. Many of these channels are just angry people lashing out. This channel seems to seek to understand and to pass understanding on to others. But absolutely be your authentic self and let them know it’s not going to work. It’ll cure them or get them out of your life.

@MissyQ12345

Ай бұрын

@dontnegotiate, I came across one of the videos you describe -- a woman launching into a rant about how you could hurt the narc the most? Really? Took me under 2 minutes to give that one a thumbs down and run away.

@Dontnegotiatewithterrorist

Ай бұрын

@@MissyQ12345 Relationships are bloody hardwork. Some of these advice channels exalt and glorify not putting in the work and walking away. I would be a very poor (financially speaking) counselor. Very early on in the patient counselor relationship I would convey what needs to be done on their part. Should I find out that they are unwilling to follow my advice I would threaten to terminate the relationship. As in don’t call me to set up a session unless you have done XY&Z. This lets them know that I’m serious about them restoring, in a healthy fashion past damaged relationships and that I don’t need to work with people that aren’t serious about making progress. AKA go away you’re F’n my win record. Tony Robbins once said that he charges $20,000 an hour upfront to get his one on one counseling. He makes it clear that there will not be a second session so they better pay attention and move on what advised them to do. I always thought that brilliant and brutally honest.

The very best video. I feel incredibly validated. I threw up from the information learned here. Everything discussed here is my experience exactly - they're incredibly disgusting! THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!!

Oh wow. Every point, and the points that Darren brings up afterwards, nails my husband who is a covert (vulnerable) narcissist. It feels like the life is being sucked out of me.

You have to find the producer of mind games like a detective.

GREAT points at around 7:00 !!!

Great video! Spot on and clear, I wish I could have heard this video 35 years ago.

All the points were spot on. But the last point I especially related to the most.

It's actually extremely pathetic for people to play mind games but to the narcissist image, control, and the need to be always 100% right is virtually everything. Don't even try and reason with a narcissist as in their eyes and mind they will be always right and you will be always wrong. Besides, any attention whatsoever on your part is just more attention for the narcissist.

My narc dad, if he saw someone act like him, he would think that person a saint!

I'm so over Dad(narc) trying to impress me, it's not working. He doesn't want to hear it, tough luck for him. I'll tell him anyway!

My dad blames me when he is at fault. A pattern of this with him. I am not buying it!

My dad thinks the world ought to revolve around him, his convenience. His way or the highway. I got off that exit years ago.

So true! Spot on as always. You’ve helped me so much. 😅 thank you 🙏🏼

I think all this fits in with my current experience.. one part of which is trouble with a mate's narcissistic neighbour..we think she smashed our garden ornaments outside flats block where she lives too as I saw her hanging around by grass verge at time but had no idea this had occurred till later.. but she knocked 2 other separate flats making enquiries apparently about the vandalism as if she was shocked.. this may sound reasonable maybe but she knows they belonged to me and friend and never told or asked us..which u would think would be first thing to inform the owner lol!!! I threw debris out and few other remaining ornaments and was pretty sure I'd not missed anything now today I happened to look down and two of the missing ones are dumped in low grass I wonder whether she dropped them back afterwards to mess with me and my friend's heads? Tho I likely sound paranoid lol.. but I'm pretty sure I would have noticed them before..plus she was nearby in garden earlier hmmmm.. neither of us can accuse as no direct evidence but this kind of stuff has gone on all year.. years actually but this year has been like torture, moving stuff, swapping things round etc in end I threw whole lot out as if it remains is just a way for her to upset us.. after Xmas I'm very sure she even pulled a Xmas pick out of one indoor plant in communal hall as few days before it went I came in and she was messing with the pick admiring it so she was coveting it.. then right before it went I saw her in a shop and didn't really talk to her I moved away down aisle so I think she wanted to strike back to settle a score.. but she never admitted anything or even mentioned it ever..but noone else there takes interest in things I'm surprised she doesn't use a protractor to line up the plants as she shifted some by a few degrees just enough so if u looked u might see it was changed and looked odd lol.. drive me insane.. why though!? Has to be power.. so what should I do, pick up garden ornaments that she likely has dropped back or leave them where they are upended in low grass!? If I move them or restore she will know she got to me.. I'm sure I sound paranoid.. I probably am.. is like a game to her and any move is dangerous 😓😱

@ginafarley6190

8 ай бұрын

Play dumb and don’t ever let on you suspect her. Can you put a cheap camera in a birdhouse nearby? Then show video to locals, saying that the behavior is confusing? Let them draw conclusions

@sarahwagland1559

8 ай бұрын

You have to get evidence. Don't get draw into their game, you'll never win. You need concrete evidence and the intervention of authorities although, beware, they can and will try to manipulate them too.

@neilmurphy966

8 ай бұрын

@@ginafarley6190 she has a gaze like microscopes I can't see anything working there.. I might move ornaments that have been dumped back and throw them away if I can.. tbh I'm likely not to even speak to her anymore just keep walking that itself is a risk as wants adulation but I really can't stand any interaction any longer..😱

@neilmurphy966

8 ай бұрын

@@sarahwagland1559 yeah yr right they've manipulated in the past I thought to let them get away with it but just don't talk or any interaction any longer it's a waste of time and energy trying with them they seem to have gone worse as they've gotten bit older.. it's just too much to deal with all the stupid games and pressure over tiniest things 😓

My former partner from who I divorced 30 years ago, started after the divorce an ugly smear campaign in this town. He also did that online by sharing all mistakes that I had made in the past with everyone!!! All private things too he put online, exxagerated!!! His asked his followers to harm and stalk me!!! This goes on still today!!!!

They're out to impress others with a false self. I see b.s. a mile away! My narc dad tries to impress me, it doesn't work.

Thank you.

No: 5 ...um don't understand..what do you mean...not me , never me, never wrong always flipping the script ...I'm done ...Thank you

Our covert narc neighbour and her flying monkey husband have refused to cooperate with a problem with the deeds leaving us unable to sell our house for approaching two years. We have tried everything to get them to reach resolution. It's been an unbelievable experience. We have no alternative now but to threaten them with court. We hope we'll be able to reach a settlement before then but you just don't know with these insane people. He is her Achilles heel. We pray that he can release her grip from his testicles just long enough to do the right thing.

Yes! Darren, You Nailed it 👍 Thanks, Doc

Thankyou so much. I have been Identify with this type of manipulation from my girlfriend of 4 years. I had two longwinded text messages from her unread. Your video gabe me the strenght to delete without reading. My two parents are sick with cancer and this woman continues to abuse me by text about trivial matters at first and then she becomes more vicious. I'm leaving the relationship now. God bless you my friend

Great video, Darren! What about using rules, regulations and policies, etc. to control and manipulate?

If I promise and fail, my narc dad lectured me, yet provided flimsy excuses for not keeping to the promise. Total opposite behavior. He is so lame(Dad).

Top video,absolutely correct in everything he says.

Could you share tips how to detect narcissistic traits when we do job interview?

Thanks, Darren!

Very helpful Thank you

Great video! Thanks for sharing

Thanks!

@DarrenFMagee

7 ай бұрын

You’re welcome and thank you so much for your kind support

I really need help! I don't know what to do about her! She has completely stooen my life!

The problem is that the story they tell only exists in their crazy, mixed up head.

Isn't it amazing how unoriginal these people are? So fake and predictable once you catch on. Though I'm starting to wonder to what extent the "stupid" is an act. It might be more genuine than one thinks. Not an excuse though, they know what they're doing.

Is there help for a narcissist? Can a narcissist be outsmarted? Interesting topic!

The flying monkeys/enablers make excuses for the narcissists.

Proposed fake unworkable solutions and ridiculous. If questioned blow apart with surprise and hurt. My brother claims to be a busy guy. Who has the time for this campaign?

How do I convince my daughters that my mom has been abusing me all my life? Now she has convinced them to block me out of their lives. I don't know how to stop her from the way she treats me.

And then legal aide is lame But they control your finances.

DFM 👍

I think there is deep unrecognized depression behind these tactics in some cases. We are not talking about malignant narcissists who enjoy torturing minds. Are SSRI helpful?

@sarahwagland1559

8 ай бұрын

I'm sure my covert narc neighbour is depressed. She looks awful. She walks like a victim and her complection is greeny, grey and her eye sockets dark. She is undoubtedly sadistic, therefore, I suspect also a malignant narc but it results in masochism. She is destroying herself and her husband in her attempt to control us. We can't sell our house without their cooperation. It's been almost two years now. We have tried everything but now have no alternative but to threaten them with court action. We can't predict where it will end. It's almost as though it's going to have to be the total destruction of someone. It's been hard for us but I believe we are stronger. It's a war we never wanted. That's why we wanted to move but we can't!

@amandaroberts5111

8 ай бұрын

@@sarahwagland1559 l expect you have thought of financial incentive? l would pay money just to get out of that situation.

@cynthiawhite1122

4 ай бұрын

No, SSRI's would only compound the problem....so many wicked side effects including suicide.

What percentage of people tend to be narcissists? Is abuse the root cause or a child who was pampered? Thank you.