How to Speak So That People Listen: #1 Rule for Getting the Support You Need
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Today you’re learning the best relationship advice no one ever tells you.
Because the BEST relationships start with better conversations.
Nobody teaches you that.
If you’ve ever been in a situation where family and friends don’t agree with you, or they don’t like the direction you’re taking your life, it’s frustrating.
Not knowing how to deal with that can damage relationships with people you love.
Today’s episode will teach you how to speak so that people listen, so you can keep the people in your life that you really care about.
Today @LisaBilyeu joins Mel on the podcast. Lisa is the co-founder of the billion-dollar brand Quest Nutrition and president of Impact Theory Studios. Her wildly successful career started with a childhood dream to make movies. But in a traditional Greek family that didn’t support her ambitions and wanted her to be a housewife, that dream caused a lot of friction.
Lisa had to build a framework for having difficult conversations and get the people she loved to understand her dreams and support her career. This framework made it easier to go after her dreams, while staying close to the people she loved.
Learn how YOU can use this framework so that people in your life want to listen when you speak.
Follow Lisa on Instagram: / lisabilyeu
For more resources, including the link to Lisa’s book, Radical Confidence, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/ep...
Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast: / themelrobbinspodcast
I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.
In this episode:
00:00 Intro
03:00: Have you ever had a dream that nobody supported?
06:20: If you were told this as a young girl, it’s impacting you now.
08:40: This is where your belief system starts, and it’s important to know this.
10:40: Use a “frame of reference” when people say things that are hurtful.
14:50: How to improve the relationships in your life.
20:15: What to do with those negative voices in your mind.
22:50: The first date that completely shattered Lisa’s frame of reference.
28:10: 2 powerful ways to use frame of reference in your life.
29:30: 3 questions to ask yourself to determine YOUR frame of reference.
30:15: What we are too quick to do that damages relationships.
34:30: The moment you introduce a special partner to your family.
37:10: A story you’ve never heard from Mel when she was engaged to Chris.
43:05: What Lisa Bilyeu’s father said when Tom asked for her father’s blessing.
46:25: How to think about the big and small decisions in your life.
47:15: How to handle people in your life that you disagree with.
49:30: The 6 words to ask yourself when you’re worried things won’t work.
50:05: How to flip your mindset when you’re doing something scary.
54:40: How Chris and Mel decided to have a third child.
55:30: Do THIS before you have a difficult conversation.
56:35: Listen to this if you’ve chosen to not have children.
59:10: Use this technique before you make any change in your life.
1:05:00: How do you correct a mistake you made as a parent?
1:09:35: Is there something wrong with being an introvert?
1:10:50: If you want a raise at work, you need to do this.
1:12:48: Feeling stuck when it comes to your dreams? Here’s advice.
1:20:20: When something feels really big, approach it this way.
1:22:00: How to get what you want with someone who doesn’t agree.
1:25:45: If you’re not feeling confident, you need to hear this.
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Пікірлер: 174
Fascinating video, Let's stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her.
@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb
2 ай бұрын
Your pain resonates with me. Letting go of someone dear to your heart is an immense challenge. I found myself in a comparable situation when my 12-year-long relationship ended, and I struggled to accept it. Despite my efforts to reconcile, I eventually turned to a spiritual counsellor for guidance, which eventually led to a reunion. I'm now filled with joy
@MikeA.Humphries-bx6ic
2 ай бұрын
I'm keen on meeting the counsellor you're talking about. What steps should I take?
@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb
2 ай бұрын
Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being
@MikeA.Humphries-bx6ic
2 ай бұрын
Thank you for this information. I have just looked her up on Google. impressive.
@kylebrand4386
2 ай бұрын
I have a very similar story Mike. Going through a divorce and have no real clear idea why she has left me. All I have been doing is concentrating on being the best version of ME! Things happen for a reason. Things happen for us usually, not too us .
I have heard Lisa on a number of other podcasts. I think this is the first time I really heard her. I think there is an incredible energy between Mel and Lisa that just flowed. As a therapist, the point of reference tool is something I have used for years. It is essentially what counseling is. I loved hearing it presented in this way for every person to practice and use. Brilliant.
@jessicahue5676
2 ай бұрын
You should definitely check out every single video she has on her channel Women of Impact. Every episode is amazing
@elenabchrist4226
15 күн бұрын
❤❤❤❤❤❤
OMG, I am so glad you’ve got the best sponsors that allow you to bring these absolutely world class experts on the most important topics for so many of us! Please thank your sponsors for us. Lisa was soooooo well versed on this topic and able to clearly walk us through all of that! I’m 73 and wish I would have known this 40 years ago! But I will use it now !!
Mel + Lisa = Brilliance
Omg! I don't even care what y'all talk about on this episode ..because literally these are my two favorite women to listen to and watch. Mel and Lisa....you have changed my life. I'm still a wreck and work in progress...but I am finally making progress. Y'all have inspired me so much and it's so amazing to see and hear other people that believe the world could be better and are actually trying and even better succeeding at doing so. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart thank you thank you thank you!
I was a stay at home mom of 8 for 30 years! Loved that stage of my life! Now widowed and living the next stages and loving life! Thx Mel and Lisa for great inspiration
I absolutely love the way Mel builds up her guests so damn much in her intros! How could you not be excited to listen to them given the way their talked about! And the enthusiasm Lisa comes with right out the box is pure delight. I was once greeted with that same excitement by a friend at Starbucks, and I felt so excited and valued all at the same time. May we all be the ones who introduce our friends so thoughtfully and greet them so exuberantly!
@foxxyred4051
2 ай бұрын
Imagine if we all talked to ourselves the Mel does, so we can speak of others that way ❤❤❤
Thank you Mel, for everything, but today especially for noticing me and giving me credit. I'm really trying. Thank you. ❤
As a mother to a daughter, it is never too late to come back to our daughter telling them how wonderful they are and show how we have changed and how we are and show it with actions as well this can have an amazingly positive impact on our daughter. . Love you girls!
this is very eye opening to me coming from a family that has drilled what im “supposed” to be into my mind and me always trying to fight back with who i want to be. so thank you
Mel, I know you've been doing 75 Hard, and I have to say YOU LOOK GREAT!!! Idk if it is the highlighter, but your skin is glowing, you look strong and healthy! Thank you for being the living example of preaching what you pracrice! Thank you for every single episode ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
Frame of Reference was incredibly powerful!! Loved the story and storytelling! Mel your facial expressions are so real!! Loved this - Thank you Lisa and Mel 💐💐
Love Lisa! Read her book and when she talked about not having kids, I felt like I FINALLY found someone who could relate. It was like a breath of fresh air and made me feel so much better about my own decisions. Even after I read the book I thought about it again and I felt the same way. Thank you for talking about this!
Your whole circle of friends are my dream friendship circles! Lisa, Mel, Tom, Trent, Brendan, Lewis, Ed, literally all of you are My motivation to continue and I use all of your notes and tools! I'll be sure everyone knows your names when I make it big! Your impact is everything! 📣📣📣📣
I've listened to so many podcasts that you've published individually, this was particularly inspiring hearing you together. The frame of reference hit very hard, that's already changing how I view things presently and in my past 1:17:47
Glad both my parents supported my decisions. Doing my best to support our kids' decisions!
Love this! Frame of reference & that confidence is the byproduct of taking action! Great start of my day.
Ohhhh, I love you two! Having the opportunity to see/hear both of you in conversation is a gift, thank you 🙏 ( oh, I also love Tom) ... these conversations are so yummy and nutritious for the soul 💖💖💖
Frame of reference is a nuance for me... And I will consider a person's frame of reference that seems to shift my paradigm this day. No wonder Mel has 2 1/2 + million subscribers. Including me. I'm learning more here than I did in college.
Lisa Bileu! Two of my fave people together. So inspiring! Thank you!
What a good Dad, fighting was really discussing, and he was advanced from the tradition enough to speak to his daughter as an equal. Even if it was yelling haha. There is a type who are so icy cold and will not even look the daughter in their eyes. But of course, look at this powerful charismatic little bundle of joy he was facing. I love hearing about other people's interactions with their parents.
As a British born Cypriot, I can relate to this deeply. Thanks for sharing your story and strategies. Sending blessings.
@hassan_codes
2 ай бұрын
Interesting. Are the cultural beliefs and norms she mentioned, such as encouraging women to marry at a certain age still prevalent in Greek families today?
Thank you, Mel. Listening to you has become a daily habit for me and it has changed my life in so many ways. Thank you x
Thank you, ladies. This was amazing. The two of you are what i want to be when i grow up, even at 44 ys old. So, thank you both for giving us the tools to make those hard changes to move forward with purpose. 💕
I listed to this and boy did it resonate. Growing up especially in a Greek family. Almost followed Tom her husband and now will buy her book! Loved this pod cast AND ALL of your podcasts! I never miss them.
I just loved this conversation! Two of my favorites in one convo. I could listen to you both talk all day! Thank you!
Thank you Mel and Lisa, this was powerful!!
BOOM!! Lisa and Mel don't miss a beat!! This was an excellent podcast!! ❤
Oh I just LOVE seeing her as a guest!!!!
I am so beyond blessed! It's MY STORY and learning about those around me and where they're coming from/frame of reference!
I needed to hear this so bad. Thank you to you both!
This interview was SO uplifting and SO EMPOWERing……Thank you, Mel and Lisa!! Love the concepts and clear communication skills you modeled and shared. 💞👏🏻😻👏🏻💞
This was so enjoyable, thank you!
Two of my most favorite inspirational women in one episode ❤❤ I have both of your books (1 of Mels). You have both been such an integral part in my personal growth journey. Thank you both
Ahhhh my two faves!! Crossover episode😩😭❤️
I saw Lisa & I just had to click on! I LOOOOOOve this episode!
Omg 😮 I’m in a crossroads and contemplating resigning my high paying job to create a better life somewhere else. Everything you are stating is resonating with my guts so much! ❤ wish me luck!
Yeah, I love Lisa B. I am so empowered by her !
Thanks Ladies! I am thoroughly enjoying the content, that I can apply to my life immediately. ❤️ Lisa's story is amazing & so well-presented!
I absolutely love Lisa. It was a joy listening to you two. Your chemistry is spot on🧡🧡
Amazing ❤ One of the best interviews of the year for Mel and Lisa. I follow you both and I’m going to listen to this again. Great chemistry 🎉
This interview has been one of the best part of my day!! This is what I needed!
I found this podcast so helpful to avoid negativity hate and to work upon yourself instead of drawing energy and just to do work it's really sensible to handle situations this way
OMG. Thank you so much!!! This is the most amazing episode ever !!!! ❤
I so loved this episode and it taught me a lot about my own frame of mind. Also the idea of getting granular because while I'm good at helping others do that, it's so hard for me to do. Thank you Mel and Lisa for sharing this amazing conversation!!!
Love these women! So inspirational!
Two of my favorite ladies! What a wonderful conversation! Learned some gems here.
What a great episode!! Thank you!
Thank you both! Really good information ❤❤
I found this to be great. Thank you ladies. 100% on point. Kansas girl here w friends that still have farms. Harvest is rough so im so happy i grew up in the city lol. ❤ to our hardworking farmers out there. (O.m.g. Sliding Doors is one of my all time favorite movies) I even cut my long black hair and now it's short and blonde. I needed a complete change to start new. I can't believe she referenced that movie. ❤
This is so powerful. The frame of reference crystallizes the reflection and introspection and work I have been doing on myself. Thank you both so much.
Thank you both for sharing such personal information. Very uplifting and inspiring.
Omg! This has totally blown me away right now! Just what I needed to learn from! Big love to you from down Under.. Originally from NY. You're the best and have been changing my life so much!! Blessings and big love always..All ways! janie zee🎉
One step to happiness: do not tell anyone what you have planned
Such a great guest, incredible interview. I also use Quest Nutrition products every day. The protein cookies and candies really help my sweet tooth while meeting my protein goals.
LOVED THIS!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 💕
Amazing talk. Loved listening to Thus!
Wow! "Frame of Reference" will change how I receive and respond going forward! What a great tool. Thank you, Mel Robbins, for providing incredible coaching with amazing guests. Thank you to your sponsors as well!
Thanks, Mel and Lisa that was awesome, and so informative 😘😘
This is the most amazing conversation. Thank you so very much.
Thank you very much Mel You help me a lot Keep doing what you are doing❤😘
What a beautiful story!! I love it !Thank you Mel! I love all your videos!❤
💡 I've always known and try to understand different references with people and life as much as possible I try and put myself in others shoes to see how they take something or understand or don’t understand and man it’s powerful. Thank you both for this amazing podcoast and point of view love this 🥰
Thank you so much. Inspired and sharing with my husband
Lisa and Mel THANK YOUUUU!!!
WOW!!! = wisdom of women 🫶 I so love the topic about FOR = frame of reference 🫶 it made me realized on how to LIVE LIFE with more compassion & less comparison by using the "FRAME OF REFERENCE" I love you both @Mel ❤ @Lisa ❤ continue to share your LIGHT to the world ❤ God bless you more 🙏 #womenpower #womenofimpact
So well said! And I heard and understood! I’m going out and being bold!
This was a very good podcast with Lisa Bilyeu. I love that she brings up a frame of reference. Because I now see the WHY in my life story.
My two favourite people 🥰 I love that.
This was an amazingly and effective podcast! Thanks
Two of my most favorite inspirational women in one episode ❤❤ I have both of your books (1 of Mels). You have both been such an integral part in my personal growth journey. Thank you both (I posted this comment on both my accounts lol)
I love this ❤ Thank you both 🤗
I absolutely love this episode. I love you both 💖💖💖
In traveling this weekend and can’t wait to listen to Lisa’s book on Audible!!!
This is life changing! Omg the “When”!!!!!
I’m inspired… thank you such an eye opener. This certainly a game changer for me.
Great show. Thanks for sharing 😁
Loved this duo! ❤
Bravo! Such a great podcast!
❤❤❤ you guys are so great together!!!
Thank you for this information I will try very hard to apply this to my life so enlightening 😅
It’s so hard Mel my mental health is destroying everything I can’t seem to get anywhere
@puffypuff9946
2 ай бұрын
Im right there with you. Now raising a four and fourteen year old alone. Sometimes being alone gives you space to be free and recover. Praying/hoping for a healthy recovery. You got this !!!!!!
@guidedbysunshine333
2 ай бұрын
Sending you love. You’ll get through this. Have you ever thought of or tried meditation? It’s saved my life on many occasions❤
@vickibazter3446
2 ай бұрын
@@guidedbysunshine333Amen. Train with someone who can sit. Then make it an early morning routine.
@guidedbysunshine333
2 ай бұрын
@@vickibazter3446 yes for sure! Insight timer is a great free app that’s been an amazing tool for me 🥰
@Tam-Solo70
2 ай бұрын
Sending you love and prayers.
Two of my favorite people, together!
Bring to the table what you can offer but expect nothing from others.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us Lisa, your story was almost as same as my story with my love , Iranian fathers behaves like your dad , my dad was one of them who did as same as your dad … a lot of questions 😂 and very protective
I LOVE THIS TWO❤❤
Thanks, can really relate. As an immigrant from South Africa in NZ, everything is about choices we've made😊 it was hard, it still is, but we are choosing a better future
What a great interview!!!!!
Love it❤❤❤❤❤❤
This meeting of Tom meeting her dad sounds like so much like mine
Great conversation, I do watch Lisa's podcast , but I thought she had been married before Tom ?
After therapy I can see my family and friends as extremely toxic!!! A conversation feels like an investigation. They have a goal. They need to make me question everything, doubt myself and obey to them. If they speak, I’m the audience. Could have been anyone. I HATE THEM INTENSELY!!!!
amazing podcast!!!!!!!
Wow, loved this podcast
Wow! This is my story. I am happily blown away! 😂
Wow! What a powerful episode! Though I believe I didn't do a good job in my last marriage understanding my wife and her frame of references I will use that tool moving forward to all my present and future relationships. Great stuff!
Love this video
Awesome, show! I got a lot helpful gems 💎 I love Lisas energy. I also love that jacket she is wearing!!!😍 Where can i get one? 💰 💸 🤔 Its my fave 2 colors.💜💗Thanks Mel for having Lisa on to share her brilliant mind. Many Blessings to you BOTH. 💖💖💖
Mistakes weigh ounces, Regret weighs tons. 😢
Hello Mel, I’ve been really enjoying listening to your podcasts.. especially the one on Build your confidence ! I would like to know your advice.. When I’m in a social setting I just smile and don’t say anything because I just don’t know what to say at the right time or place in what setting. I feel this might be connecting with nervousness. As I feel that I don’t have conversations to have with people and the topics that I can speak about with them. What are your view points on this, what are things that I can work on so people would want to listen to me and I don’t embarrass myself with discussing inappropriate conversations when they are not the place to be spoken about.