It's much harder to make friends as an adult, especially for men. For better or worse, most men in middle age devote half their waking life to work, and the other half to their wife and children. It's not that they don't value friendship; it's that society incentivizes and rewards men for prioritizing other things over these relationships. In today's episode, I discuss a nearly sure-fire way to make a few new friends as an adult in just a couple of months. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzread.info/dash/bejne/iaaMpNyKYquqdbQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzread.info/dron/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #friendship #men

@quincy189

10 ай бұрын

and half of men don't have wife and or children...

@dhd-rsw5844

8 ай бұрын

Went through a 1 week certification process; can definitely see how this advice rings true.

@sagefi1

5 ай бұрын

I would argue it's easier for men to make friends. Men are typically less needy and can be easier for them to have common interests, like golf, or a sports team, etc. And they typically don't get upset with each other for not reaching out frequently or making time for them. However, women tend to get jealous of each other easily. Many of them get very upset if friends don't stay in touch frequently. It requires a significant amount of time in person for women to bond. Most women also like stereotypical things, like fashion, shopping, going to salons, etc. It's very uncommon for a woman who is not interested in stereotypical women's interests to find a like minded potential friend who also has the time to dedicate to building a close friendship with someone outside of their family.

@ThomasD66

5 ай бұрын

That is the real trick to this recommended method - the self selection aspect. If you are not willing to commit the time/effort/expense required to complete that of course of study/training then you are not truly all that interested in making new friends. You may like the idea of new friends but aren't willing to do what it takes to earn them. Nothing wrong with that, just know where you truly stand. Peace through acceptance is sometimes the best option.

@plastictouch6796

2 ай бұрын

Summary of this video: being a man sucks

I joined my first band at age 48. 10 years later i have made several friends. Music provided a whole social life to this loner.

@magacop5180

9 ай бұрын

Damn U old

@hydraulics

9 ай бұрын

@@magacop5180 your mom doesn't think so

@silentm999

4 ай бұрын

I miss playing music with people. Its a totally different type of connection than anything else. I sit in front of coffee shops and play a little sometimes. A kid stopped on the street and played mandolin with me and it was magical. Hadn't felt that in 6 years. Reorganized my life around writing 3 years ago, and I love it in a way that I never had for playing an instrument. Have started several workshops and made many friends and my life is as it should be.

@snorrevonflake

3 ай бұрын

I wanted to make music since i was a teenager. Always played alone in my place because i was not able to do the networking. Late 50s now, still play music alone at home.

@afrikanrepat

3 ай бұрын

Love this! Always wanted to learn to play bass and even maybe play with a band. It’s been ages since high school.

Men Bond side-by-side rather than face-to-face that's some seriously good knowledge

I’ve always struggled to make friends even as a child. Now that I’m an adult and working full time I find it extremely difficult to make lasting, meaningful male relationships that aren’t superficial.

@Samanthax1221

9 ай бұрын

hi, what are your interests?

@SamK2525

5 ай бұрын

Hmmm, I think I see one problem.

@ozelot250

5 ай бұрын

@@Samanthax1221I have many interest. I enjoy nature and hiking, reading, exercise, animals,, flying, boating, Jiu Jitsu,

@ShibaMcDripNu

4 ай бұрын

Find friends who care about you rather than friends who have more in common/from work.

@foljs5858

4 ай бұрын

Are you familiar with ASD?

After turning 30 and getting out of a 3 year relationship, all i cared about doing was working on myself, reconnecting with old friends and making new ones. Im diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and instead of labeling it a mental illness, i consider it a superpower to see things most people wont. Makes for fun conversations while i ask the person im talking to about themselves.

@commentarytalk1446

10 ай бұрын

It's a good attitude. But let's draw the balance: If one has a superpower (autism) one also must have kryptonite (relationships)? With that said, I'm in line with your thinking: On friendship, men are dogs and women are cats and they're very different (in the majority) mostly as such.

@ExtremelyHandsomeOpulentKing

10 ай бұрын

You have hacked the matrix. May that idea be set in to a firm law within your subconscious and superconscious mind and guide you to eternal bliss and Gratitude for being gifted the privilege of being unique. Be blessed on your Journey Ascending Spirit ♾️

@tempermode

10 ай бұрын

Wish I could stop noticing things 😅

@docsavage8640

10 ай бұрын

What a cope. "I'm mentally ill and proud!"

@KingMinionDemon

10 ай бұрын

@@docsavage8640 I am proud to be autistic. It's better than being a part of the trans movement and castrating yourself. Enjoy your copium and I'll enjoy mine.

After I retired from work I found myself bored and alone some days. Anyway, I did an online search for volunteers in my area. Best thing I ever did. I ended up teaching basic IT to elderly folk, vastly increased my social circle (of all ages) and eventually got a paying part time job! Volunteering gets you out there, go for it! 😎

@flameshoter6

3 ай бұрын

No volunteer opportunities in my area.

@edboss36

2 ай бұрын

@@flameshoter6 womp womp

Thanks! This video is really damn smart!! I have been in involved in the performing arts (theatre, choir, etc.) since I was 14. Every single good friend that I have made, every single girl I have ever dated, my wife of 22+ years were all met through the mutual participation in a creative project. I found that when people are together to achieve a common goal (in my case, the local theatre production, the Christmas or Easter cantata at church. etc.), there is less pretense, people don't put on a facade, and you get a better view of who people really are. Likewise, I feel I don't have to put up a facade, because I'm too busy working on the project. I have found that, in general, men are keenly wired to produce/create the "final product," the "pelt to hang on a the wall." Thank you for this particular video segment.

@psychacks

10 ай бұрын

Well said. And thanks for your support!

@yasserbostan7156

10 ай бұрын

Fantastic reply. Thank you.

@MarquosXoloVanda

10 ай бұрын

​@@BoolaBearin order to believe you, take screenshots and upload to KZread

@musamaroweso8973

10 ай бұрын

@BoolaBear if you not getting value from his messages then click the exit button and find other channels which will benefit you..there are hundreds of thousands of channels on KZread on various issues

@lacerdafelipe

10 ай бұрын

Great comment.

As I get older, fewer people look like potential friends to me. I don't think I'm being a snob, I just don't encounter people with whom I share similar interests and values. I'll try this advice. It makes sense.

@steelearmstrong9616

9 ай бұрын

Makes sense. I understand

@Samanthax1221

9 ай бұрын

hi, what are your interests?

@jamesmcinnis208

9 ай бұрын

@Matthew2010ad I misspoke (miswrote?). It's more about meeting people with a similar level of intellectual curiosity as me. I have a new friend who's vastly different from me as far as background, education, and hobbies, but we get along great because I like to hear him talk about his interests, and he appears to be engaged and responsive when I talk. I go mute or quickly and conspicuously change the subject when politics or religion come up. I don't mean to dodge your question, but it really is more about curiosity than existing interests or activities. It's also fun (usually) to do things that I wouldn't ordinarily come up with on my own.

@Samanthax1221

9 ай бұрын

@@jamesmcinnis208 It's completely understandable, and thank you for sharing that clarification. It sounds like you value the intellectual curiosity and the connection you have with your new friend, even though you come from different backgrounds and have diverse interests. Sometimes, the most enriching friendships can be those where you get to learn and explore new perspectives. It would be interesting to know what your friend talks about, I enjoy listening myself more than talking, I have curiosity but am not a great speaker. I have no interest in politics or religion. It's quite common for people to avoid discussions on sensitive topics, as they can sometimes lead to disagreements or tension. Focusing on the aspects of your friendship that bring you joy and curiosity is a wonderful approach to building meaningful connections. Embracing new experiences and interests together can be a fantastic way to further strengthen your bond. Keep enjoying those engaging conversations and exploring new horizons with your friend!

@steelearmstrong9616

9 ай бұрын

@@jamesmcinnis208 You did not miswrote anything. I agree with what you wrote. Your explanation was perfectly clear and you most certainly do not owe anyone on here an explanation particularly to insecure sociopath, psychopath and narcissistic people who seek control so they sleep better at night. Niceness is seen as a weekness to these people. You are on the right path with your choices in people. Good luck

This is a message that many veterans need to hear as they transition back into civilian life. Some active duty members too just for when they PCS to a new location. I've lost friends who needed help with PTSD, they PCS'd, lost all their local friends as a result, then ultimately died by suicide. What a critical message for men in particular.

@jibberism9910

10 ай бұрын

True that, it's not just a matter of convenience. People need people, now more than ever.

@ianjharris

10 ай бұрын

What is PCS?

@someguyusa

10 ай бұрын

@@ianjharris Permanent change of station. It’s when a member moves to a new base.

@ianjharris

10 ай бұрын

@@someguyusa thanks

I've learned that I don't need "friends". I need to socialize when the need comes up. I have everything I need to live a very comfortable, quiet life.

@markiatto_4292

10 ай бұрын

i have always believed there’s things you didn’t know you needed until you get them, a random person might show you something that truly transforms your life or who you are!

@countryboyred

10 ай бұрын

I agree. “Friends” are something you have as children. As you get older, mostly you just have acquaintances or people you talk to on occasion. Sure I have a handful of people I would consider friends, but true friendship takes as much work as a romantic relationship.

@MVProfits

10 ай бұрын

BS. Hey, I feel the same as you, and well, act the same, but at least I realize it's not a great strategy. Cause when that need to truly socialize or bonding comes, unless you are fine with purely superficial and temporary moments, bonds need to have been built previously, time invested. The modern world simply steers us toward "cocooning": we have our own pastimes, hobbies, music, videos, smartphones, etc. We don't need to share, we are all inside our own bubbles. That control is great, for sure, but yes it has downsides too.

@jorgeanibal8834

10 ай бұрын

Good luck with that. It’s a good thing to make yourself not “need” something you don’t have access to. That need may arrive in due time

@chrisstone2506

10 ай бұрын

No person who can actually have friends has good reason to shoot them away, or would rather not have them. It sounds more like a case of sour grapes. Lol

Men bond through DOING things with one another. Women bond through TALKING/VENTING with one another.

@MCharlerySmith

10 ай бұрын

Men are great debators, orators, philosophers and problem solvers; words bring life. Men bond through talking and doing just like women but often over different activities and subjects.

@33Jenesis

10 ай бұрын

We have a morning coffee meeting everyday for guys in my retirement park. A few guys do show up every morning to chit chat. Women though have no such activity. I don’t know why.

@thesetruths1404

9 ай бұрын

Very commonly, yes. And also, various random amounts of men doing stuff together ever get beyond self-centered and/or those activity discussions, and get to the real hardwares of life and liberty.

Once in your 40’s it’s harder to trust anyone

@alexeysamokhin9629

10 ай бұрын

Especially if you were hit by a divorce and lost most of the friends anyway. It’s extremely difficult to trust anyone.

@H.K.5

9 ай бұрын

I’m 23 and I find it hard to trust people. The “friends” I had back in my teenage days treated me like crap.

@steelearmstrong9616

9 ай бұрын

@@H.K.5 Sorry to here man. Teenagers are cruel and same can be said for may adult’s. Life is a tough gig for all. Remember that things happen to us for us. Hang in there brother

@hatingheals

8 ай бұрын

The older I get the more I realize most people are snakes.

@user-ek9vo2ub9b

8 ай бұрын

Never trust anyone, anywhere, at any time.

you have no idea how this video is in perfect timing for me, just what i need right now.

@FaintAura

10 ай бұрын

Same

I agree with this. One of the hardest times in my life was the court battle when going through a divorce. I found a men's divorce help group that would meet once a month for a couple hours. It was extremely beneficial, mentally and practically as they helped me navigate the legal system. I also formed very tight friendships because we were all under the same pressure and ultimately all battling the same bias against men in the courtroom.

@steelearmstrong9616

9 ай бұрын

What men have to go through is so bloody wrong. Hope things are a bit better now and it all works out for you. Good luck

Living in the US makes friendship complicated for some reasons. I came here from Europe and my ‘work buddies’ (I worked remotely) didn’t even had enough time/energy to meet which is insane for my European mind. I think it’s more about priorities in life than the real difficulty to find friends. I’ve noticed that in the US people’s connection to their ‘friends’ is barely 40% as close as in Europe. Maybe because American individualistic society is very self-centred. I’m sure there are people who still value friendship but it’s definitely NOT something that’s really appreciated in this country.

@rumpeldumpel675

10 ай бұрын

Very interesting, thanks for that perspective!

@davidcaldwell5420

10 ай бұрын

Everything you wrote is true. One of the major factors of loneliness in the US, as compared to the UK is the "hustle culture", America is obsessed with working for the sake of working. Don't get me wrong, there's no problem achieving your goals, but if that's all your life is centered around it becomes hollow. With as many problems as 3rd world countries have, the one they often don't have is the loneliness epidemic like in 1st world nations.

@ashleyoasis7948

10 ай бұрын

Weird I notice the yanks are way more extroverted than Brits during my travels.

@user-iw9zy3tl9k

10 ай бұрын

I have found that what an American might consider a friend would be an acquaintance for most Europeans. Honestly, it is a bit confusing, as there seem to be two tiers of friends: acquaintance-level friends and friend-level friends.

@eladbari

10 ай бұрын

Where in Europe are you from btw ?

Im 29 with autism and making friends has been impossible for me, like i only had one and sadly we lost contact

@TitoVespasianus

10 ай бұрын

What are your interests?

@Arven8

10 ай бұрын

Yeah, it's definitely tougher with autism. There are autism communities online. Maybe that would be some help.

@kevinlow69420

10 ай бұрын

​@@TitoVespasianusmasturbation

@H.K.5

9 ай бұрын

I have Asperger’s and I always find it hard to interact with people I don’t or barely know. I’m 23 and haven’t had a friend since I was 18.

@_kcy033

9 ай бұрын

@@TitoVespasianus music, paranormal stuff, videogames.. sorry for the extra late reply, didn't sen it til now

Im 24 and i made my 1st best friends ever(i have 2). It really is just spending time for yourself and to see who you really are. Once you love yourself and be your own best friend, then you'll naturally attract awesome people on your life. Also go and socialize with others, you'll never know when your next close friend will be

@tallywave25

8 ай бұрын

I’m gonna try this bro thx

@Adrian-yv1te

6 ай бұрын

Where did you meet them?

@user-qm3jb1pn3b

26 күн бұрын

sorry not true. this is what the world is trying to tell young people... better yourself, good... dont think it will attract magically friends...

If you watched this and you thought “I don’t want to take a course!” Breathe easy. The overall sentiment here is to go through a shared experience to achieve a goal over condensed period with someone. A motorcycle adventure trip with a group would qualify. That’s more up my alley than getting a cert, so that’s what I’m going to pursue!

That example really hit home for me. I train jiu jitsu regularly, mostly for the camaraderie, and lately I've been noticing how few names I know in any given class because the school is so large and so many folks come and go. I always ask people's names at the beginning of a roll, but most people I see only once in a while. I'm friendly with lots of folks, but don't have any real friends there except for a few people I knew from before I joined. Years ago I used to train at a smaller school where I did have friends, but that school closed. I know, I know, find a new school. Working on it :)

@hohboy

10 ай бұрын

this is exactly what I came here to say. I did wrestling in high school and my best friends who i've been friends with for 14 years, we still make each other a priority. I made the choice to train jiu jitsu last year knowing i would expand my social circle in the same way.

@JustinColletti

10 ай бұрын

I cane here to say jiu jitsu as well. I get all my social needs fulfilled through that, and working on creative projects with clients. (Aside from family.) It’s good to have a social outlet that isn’t tied to one’s business though. Dr. Taraban, you changed your angle! Looks good.

It sounds like these would meet the criteria - what else? * military boot camps * culinary arts school * medical residency * intensive yoga training * martial arts * firefighting/police academy * intensive language immersion * startup accelerators * extreme sports training * peace corps/volunteering programs * EMT/paramedical training * merchant marine training * film/theatre production * wilderness first responder * MBA ?

I’m 41, done alotta stuff. Been riding motorcycles since I was 22, so 19yrs now. Guys. Learn to ride. It is suuuper easy to make new friends, outta the blue, when you ride. I ride sportbikes, some of the older fellas ride other categories of bike, and it doesn’t matter, LEARN TO RIDE. Start on a 4-wheeler if you need to. Easy and ready to learn. You will ALWAAAYS have a network of good people to connect with, if you ride motorcycles. Jump in. Do it. Life is short. Get gooooooing.

@BrentCoker

5 ай бұрын

True - facebook motorcycle groups are very social also - group rides etc.

After 70 years on this earth, I have found out that so called friends aren't worth a hoot. And knowing others I see the same with them and their "friends". I love being a recluse nowadays 😊.

I think the transactional nature of female friendships, e.g. listening to a friend moan and complain about her husband and in exchange you get that friend to come to your baby shower, is what makes them more consistent than male friendships. A bit like an employee needing to turn up to work to get that money.

@MVProfits

10 ай бұрын

Yes, but while women indeed have these "support groups" and can lean on each other quite easily, true friendship is rare for them. Way more superficial and fleeting for most of them. But as adults they do have better networks of support. There have less shame too. No need to "man up", hide weakness or keep everything bottled inside. And all kinds of government programs for them too... founded mostly by men through taxaition. Haaaaaa, that oppressive patriarchy...

@treacherousjslither6920

10 ай бұрын

🤔

@rejectwokeness1314

10 ай бұрын

Male relationships are even more transactional, like, does meeting this friend lead to a new job/business opportunity? Otherwise men don't give a damn about the male friends, they'll just spend their time and energy in women be it wife, gf, or online streaming girls.

@marriagecausesdivorce7540

10 ай бұрын

@@rejectwokeness1314 your example makes no sense. Probably 0.1% of male friendships results in a job (I would expect a similar thing for women too). Most men and women get their jobs by applying online. I think your comment about men prioritizing the wife, gf and hot tub streamers is a good one. Men's genetics seem to be based about around trying to access mating opportunities. Whereas maybe female genetics are based around establishing long term relationships through sharing emotions.

@rejectwokeness1314

10 ай бұрын

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 that's exactly my point. Since most male relationships yield no direct utility, most men don't care about it

I just realized something when you said men prefer to bond side-by-side and women face-to-face. I'm a straight man (if it matters) but prefer face-to-face meaningful conversations. And I have zero interest in sports, hunting, etc. I've traditionally had a lot more female friends in life then men. I've also been confused as to why the only male friend I still have, from grade school, always wants me to help him with projects when I come visit -- probably that's his side-by-side way of bonding.

@commentarytalk1446

10 ай бұрын

And your dress sense is fabulous? ;-)

@Arven8

10 ай бұрын

I'm a bit that way myself. Prefer meaningful talk, and I don't have much interest in cars, sports, or hunting/fishing. I'm more interested in books, philosophizing, pondering the mysteries of the universe, arguing about religion, etc. I don't gravitate to "female" interests, either, though. I don't have any interest in gabbing away for hours about day to day life, relationships, who's doing what, etc. I can only take about 15 minutes of that.

@ShowMeWhatINeedToKnow

10 ай бұрын

@@Arven8 lol. Same. I can't stand talking about drivel or other people's business.

@ShowMeWhatINeedToKnow

2 ай бұрын

@@telespectre9764 - That's an interesting idea.

A female friend of mine (49) is fed up with her so-called female friends. The only reason they call her is to compare their social status (money, men, etc.)

@Raw.milk1

10 ай бұрын

At 49? That’s sad. She should be focused on her family if she has one.

@immortaljanus

10 ай бұрын

@@Raw.milk1 Well, these are her work colleagues and friends from college so she has them in her regular social circle. But the point is she can't stand them anymore. That's one of the reasons why I'm friends with her, we wouldn't function otherwise.

Friends are overrated. Most are situational and transactional. True friends who bring actual value to your life on a consistent basis are very rare. Dr. Orion has a valid point here though on how to make friends.

Your elegance in explaining these matters shows just how deep of an understanding you have of the world. For someone who highly values truth, I can only show gratitude. I believe the spirit of the thing speaks through you to me. Thank you

Go broke, get divorced, go to jail, then you find out who your real friends are. Not many will be left. I made the mistake of letting some of my male friendships decline when getting married. Admitedly I also moved away from my home town. A mistake. Men keep you male friendships. After my divorce I missed those friendships of course - I am lucky I still have two close friends but they live far away and we see each other a few times a years. For a while it was lonely after my divorce but I am used to it now and become very self contained.

@lilbroomstick7914

10 ай бұрын

I met some cool people moving away from my hometown. I still keep In touch with hometown friends. I guess it depends on if you want new faces in your life or just wanna keep building with same old faces

@Samanthax1221

9 ай бұрын

hi, what are your interests?

@user-ek9vo2ub9b

8 ай бұрын

Go to Federal Prison, and see who remains. Not much.

@extremepop324

8 ай бұрын

I'm divorced from 10 yrs, had a downward spiral, wrecked my car, went broke and about to go to jail next month instead of probation, and can't land a good paying job. It's been 2 yrs since divorce.. there's been some fun single nights meeting women and new friends but none are solid or have disappeared all together. I haven't gotten over the loneliness or been able to get a new car or my own place since the divorce.. What helped you when you went broke, divorce and jail? Sometimes I'm so depressed it's hard to take positive action

If a male friend gets married and you are still single, the new wife will go out of her way to block the friendship at every opportunity. She doesn't want any old hunting partners reminding him of his fun single days.

@alexeysamokhin9629

10 ай бұрын

I learned it a hard way. My ex wife since day one was spreading bad rumours about me to my friends, so a lot of my friendships died out… I figured it out accidentally when after the divorce I came across some of her messages that were not intended for me to see.

@jamies6534

10 ай бұрын

Yes, that can definitely be true in many cases. They'll also assume, if you're of an age and not married you must be a player which makes it harder to maintain that friendship for sure.

@user-uy2vj5xe8l

5 ай бұрын

It' looks unnatural there's a. Crowd.....

I took a 12 week web development bootcamp and met some of the best guys ever. This really does work.

@sahilray8458

5 ай бұрын

Hey Adriano, Can you give some insight on what bootcamp you joined? I am trying to learn software and hence looking for some good bootcamp recommendations! Thank you in advance.

@edboss36

2 ай бұрын

Coding bootcamp friends are amazing

Definitely needed to hear this specific message at this moment in my life. Another factor that might play into this "loneliness epidemic," specifically among men (both young & old) is industrialization and isolating spaces. I've noticed people in 1st world countries talk about loneliness and friendlessness much more than those who live in 3rd world countries. In the western world, it seems we've forgotten community beyond the immediate family structure. In tribal communities, people are forced to survive with one another and this bonding forces them to become freinds / family in a sense. In the West this rarely happens anymore. Unless some sort of technological collapse happens, then we're most likely going to see the "isolation epidemic" increase. But, thats just my two cents.

@MiriadCalibrumAstar

10 ай бұрын

quite true. I still trying to make friends but i face the same problems as you.

@Mcfreddo

10 ай бұрын

The corporate psychopaths are running the show. They need to be dethroned.

@SilverFan21k

9 ай бұрын

Very logical take. I agree of: i don’t see how it would not increase even more. Aka the west turns into Japan.

@Samanthax1221

9 ай бұрын

@@MiriadCalibrumAstar hi, what are your interests?

@MiriadCalibrumAstar

9 ай бұрын

@@Samanthax1221 first of all, can you tell me your definition of friendship?

As a forty year old who’s had to move around a lot I need more “activity buddies,” not “friends.” My only problem is that it seems most ppl my age just sit around drinking and complaining as their only activity… No thanks! 👎

I just moved to a new state and the new friends I made was through work, volunteering at church and joining mma school and taking shooting classes at the range.

I enjoy a video of yours every now and again that isn't about romantic relationships. Keep up the good work!

As an 0311, I can confirm the bonding nature of hardship 100%. Great video!

Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.

@gitahikariuki3144

10 ай бұрын

Smart !

@nomadvehr827

10 ай бұрын

You are absolutely right. Just plotted the two graphs and they perfectly overlap.

@b4ph0m3tdk9

10 ай бұрын

I see what you did there

@monikel

10 ай бұрын

😅😅😅

@EriPages

10 ай бұрын

Hate to be that guy, but do you have a peer-reviewed study to support this assertion? If not....

Wow 🙏🏼 really appreciate this, this is true. My best friends currently are the brothers I went thru celebrate recovery together for at least 6-7 years, leading step studies and small groups, thru some hard times working out recovery. 🙏🏼 They'll be my brothers for life, Even though we have different backgrounds, we look different and don't always like the same things, when we get together there's just a bond that is very powerful. This also helps put my mind at ease regarding new friendships that I'm trying to make since I left my old church, not putting these unrealistic expectations on people that I meet in a casual setting, I can't expect strong friendships to form because we're not going through the same hardship.

this advice is so true. I realized everything you talked about on my own. it works really well. what we really need most especially to form close knit bonds, is a common goal we are working towards together in a team environment, similar to group projects in high school and getting your high school diploma. the reason it's harder to make friends as adults is that we have commitments, routines and obligations to tend to so we never really get the time to involve ourselves in these sort of activities and environments. but from the time you can you'll see that friends will come along once you're doing these things. I wish everyone good luck in executing Dr. Taraban's advice

im almost 40 and i have more friends and social networks I can handle. It's one of the few societal problems that hasn't been a big issue for me, and here's the kicker I'm not a wild extrovert. What I did was devote more time to my passion, and got heavily involved with the communities surrounding it. I started putting on events dedicated to my passion , and even started helping people problem solve in the same arena. I straight up created a community based on mutual interests. People recognize me, and think of me as someone adding some value to a boring life. There was no short cut but it was so natural and intuitive to do. You really need to create the world you want to live in and it will happen

Thanks!

Powerful advice... I'm literally doing exactly this right now and thought of it as you introduced the topic. We're all Black Men of the same age range transitioning into a difficult field. We are all in constant, intense sessions studying for difficult certifications that increase in difficulty... These men are definitely real friends to me...

thank you so much... heartly greatful to you for putting this free on youtube. I regularly watch your content. You are a gem to my mind

I love that the advice is objective and precise. No general 'do activities and talk to others'.

During my years as an apprentice a la carte chef, I met my life long friends, it was as you said " in the trenches together" to this day I can call upon them for anything, even my head chef.. great advice mate. I'm in my 50's about to move interstate alone.. so looking forward to it.

@f.s-9798

3 ай бұрын

👏👏👏❤️

I appreciate this. I went through all of this with a workplace injury that changed my life exactly as you spoke about.

It feels so hard to meet friends when your an adult

This is so simple, yet so true. Thanks for the Friendship video among those relationships ones.

thank you for this and all your other videos. these are much needed in life

A better question is: do you need friends as an adult? The older I get the more I enjoy being alone and spending time with myself. Most people bore me to tears, anyway.

@positivelynegative9149

10 ай бұрын

Sounds like you have friends. Someone that cannot get friends, needs friends.

@Sphereal

10 ай бұрын

@@positivelynegative9149 You're right. I have only two friends (men), which coincidentally I both met when I was 24.

@Arven8

10 ай бұрын

I think it's good to have at least one close friend, someone you can rely on. Being too isolated isn't good for you. It's not how we are evolved/designed to be. I'm a very introverted, independent-minded person, but I still recognize the value of friendship. You don't have to have friends if you don't want them, but it seems kind of lonely to me, though.

Good talk coach. This was the talk we didn't know we needed.

I've made friends at my local church, if it is a solid biblical one that has all age demographics then most of the people there are down to earth people who are also happy to be social. If you're not a religious person I would recommend finding a local club or organization to join, the shared interest will give you a reason to bond with people there.

@eladbari

10 ай бұрын

Seems like you gotta get into Jesus to find a traditional community belonging. What if you're getting involved with such community and they notice you don't know anything about the bible?

@DoubleGG5666

10 ай бұрын

@@eladbari There's nothing wrong with that, everyone is different in their spiritual maturity. As long as you enter with a humble mind and are willing to learn then you are generally welcomed with open arms.

@eladbari

10 ай бұрын

@@DoubleGG5666 I'm jewish :) But, I appreciate seeing communities like the one you talked about. Been into a worship session once, they played cool live music and later on people socialized. Not something you tend to see today.

Dr. Taraban, I hope you do more on men to men relationships. I loved this video. It was so spot on!

one of the many benefits of being in a 12 step program....I never lack friends and/or support system

@Arven8

10 ай бұрын

True. I need to develop an addiction, so I can make friends. :p

This is very insightful and encouraging. I have to say, though, one of my very good friends I have at this moment I met having dinner, and we were both there by ourselves, and we kind of just started talking to each other. Now for me I am that kind of person who can just strike up a conversation so that’s not very difficult I would say for me in my shoes. For others, it might be a challenge. Great video.

True! Insightful, had not realized this so clearly ever before…

Very helpful, insightful and well organized! Super Thank you.

Amazing views, deep thoughts, and clear vision. kudos to the Dr.

Nice! I've been saying this kind of thing for years! Thanks, it clears some stuff up.

Great advice with sound reasoning.

The fact that people get divorced over a job loss blows my mind

@Arven8

10 ай бұрын

Not uncommon at all. Women pull the plug 80% of the time, and you know that's one of their prime considerations -- financial provision and financial security. If that goes out the window, they head for the door.

@alexeysamokhin9629

10 ай бұрын

That’s exactly the reason you should be as closed lipped as possible about your work to any woman.

I'm about to turn 26 next year and I've never been able to properly meet other people. I have social anxiety, but my main reason is that the people who i thought were my friends either betrayed me or left me to hang and dry. Over the years, i developed a lot of trust issues and started burying myself in work to cope. So now i have no friends, no girlfriend, or a social life to speak of, let alone a hobby. I know it's healthy to talk to people, but after i believe 15 years, work is the only thing that keeps me going. Trying to make friends or even talking period is super difficult. Who knows, maybe next year will be different? But then again i say this every year and end up lying to myself.

@northyland1157

2 ай бұрын

You may have aspergers, Might take the online test to see if its more then just social anxiety..

I've really struggled with this. It was always so easy through college and I think that I just never grew up. So, I don't relate to people. Glad to listen to your insight on the topic.

woah this is one of the best pieces of advice i've had on this topic. Thanks!

My two cents: the result largely depends on what course one signed up for and “students” dynamics. I’m currently doing my PhD but noticed that none of the older PhD candidates in my department get along with one other due to many reasons, one of which is the unspoken paranoia that someone in the group will perform better than the other. Having said that, I noticed that some of us formed stronger bonds with our research supervisors due to not having to “compete” with each other in such intensive program. I think a lot of positive relationships depend on the candidates themselves because intensive learning or competitive environments can bring out the worse in people.

Right on! Thanks for thinking of us men!

Important subject indeed. For a lot of guys, it’s no fun to be a shut in even though you might be able to tolerate it for a while. Guys need to go out there and connect with other men, whether it’s church, meetup groups, happy hour events or whatever.

best piece of advice on this I've ever hear - well done.

I was a first responder and I developed some close friendships by being stuck in a box with people for 12+ hours at a time while dealing with some serious ish. My closest friend I worked with full-time for about 3 years. The amount of time we spent together was equal to the amount of time an average couple spemds together over a 10 year relationship. We trust each other completely. I've worked with several other people for 3 to 18 month periods and I got close with them pretty quickly as well. I'd agree with what the good doctor purports in this video.

Great video, sir. I now have some ideas, and yeah, it's definitely harder to make friends when you're older.

Very well articulated argument and structured video.

This is fantastic advice. Thank you.

That's really good advice. thank you for this video!

This was an excellent video. Succinct. You also laid out the answer quickly. I just liked AND subscribed.

Shoulder to shoulder in the trenches, that part reminded me of my football buddies from HS. Doesn't matter where we see each other we have that bond for life.

@rockrecordreport7136

4 ай бұрын

Really? Like how many?

This is the content we need

It's a challenge. I usually make friends through shared hobbies and sports.

One of the fundamental aspects of friendship is that it must begin with a relationship of equals. Not necessarily identicals, there can be a degree of variation - age, income, education. But the disparities cannot be profound and in some way the two people must be viewing each other from the same level. By choosing a course of study or training you are increasing the odds of encountering people a. of similar interests/backgrounds and b. of an equal footing within that discipline. In short you are priming the circumstances for a friendship to form.

Totally comports with my what I've seen. I've been saying for years now that guys bond best by coming together to achieve a shared longitudinal goal that requires legitimate overcoming to achieve.

Hello. I’m a newer fan of yours. Going through about 1 video a week for the last month or so. Great channel, thanks for creating this for us.

Thankz Orion!

This is, really, the aim of life. Having good, loyal friends.

Recently made a new friend in the sauna at the gym just by chatting and sending an invite to come out climbing, also another friend from a group class invited him out. Was looking to make friends I was just ‘being’ a friend without any expectations. I don’t need fiends but it feels good to ‘be a friend’. Mid 30s male, UK. Was into meditation and Buddhism and travel throughout my 20s and ended up with quite a lot of friends through that. It’s good to have friends but it’s also good to focus on career and finances too. It’s also good to have male friends there is just a vibe there I find hard to get with women or female friends.

Thanks for this information. As a 47 yr old man with young children, I'm in this camp. I recently joined HAM radio and a local emergency group which meets weekly.

I’m 29 now and have lost connections with a lot of my old friends, just falling outs and drifting apart. I have different priorities now. But I’d like to be more social and meet people similar to me.

This video is exactly what I need

So true, I've bonded with some friends lately after realizing those dudes were willing to save my ass and so was I. That happened in the last couple of years in work related scenarios, I'm quite surprised and quite happy about finding people of such caliber. Tbh... It's kind of hard not to compare the purity of those relationships with other relationships that somehow have a high priority in my life.

Great advise ! Thank you.

Thank you for the information. I surrendered on having friends quite a while ago! I live in LA and have done everything from A to Z and back to A again. Including organized parties, went to meetings, clubs, and offered many many invites. People of all genders seem unable or unwilling to reciprocate. It is what it is! I accept the universe wants me to have a quiet peaceful existence, so I accept it.

@zahraamin164

Ай бұрын

Yeah honestly one thing I realize now is in order to have a lot of friends, you have to be the person who is extending invites and organizing everything. Most people, like you said, are unable or unwilling to invite or plan any hang out. If they do, it's super rare. Being someone who is well connected requires you to be the connector.

Love your content man.

Great advice, as always. Over the years I've made remarkable efforts to make post-military friends. What I've found is that, despite my greatest efforts to be a good friend, in every case it turned out to be 100% one-sided. After months or years of me reaching out, if I stop and wait for my "friend" to reach out to me, the "friendship" goes away. I've actually tried reaching out again to many of them after a while, and it's awkward and uncomfortable. The only explanation I can come up with is that I'm a Sigma male, and my "friends" never feel completely embraced because I don't behave in a way that makes them feel like I need their validation.

@thelasttellurian

10 ай бұрын

Or maybe you bring back memories they would prefer to forget - not about you specifically but on the entire context. i.e seeing you may cause PTSD flashbacks. Ask them.

@advhawk6455

10 ай бұрын

@@thelasttellurian That's an interesting thought, but it assumes my new friends are in any way associated with the military. They are not. In fact, the only long-lasting two-way friendship I've made since I retired is with another combat vet who, like me, has been a very successful entrepreneur since retiring from the military. Otherwise, unless they specifically ask, new friends don't know I served. I appreciate the input, though.

@Samanthax1221

9 ай бұрын

@@advhawk6455 hi, what are your interests?

@Vmac1394

9 күн бұрын

I went through this and I don't even think it's one sided. They just view you as the leader and expect you to do the leading. I was painfully socially awkward when I was younger and somehow I'm the one organizing events these days. I know for a fact that if I don't organize something, most of the people I usually invite will sit at home alone.

Practical and reasonable advice!

This is a solid channel.

Deep, fulfilling relationship, where you are allowed to share vulnerability, laugh together and share life, are one of the most important things life. If not the most important thing.

You always have great insights

Amazing advice Thank you!!!!!

Thank you. This was a new idea and it matches my experience in the past.

That was good! Great insight!

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT....

Thanks for the great idea to solve this issue, would not have thought of enrolling in some kind of class, certification, program etc. I started going to meetups etc. but those are just one-time occurrences between strangers, kind of hard to establish lasting friendships/relationships from that. Considered starting some kind of team sport, which is a better idea I think, but lacks the time-limited aspect/achievement part. It's a great idea and I'll try to implement it, now have to consider what kind of certification, program etc. I might be interested in/what's offered nearby.

For me it was no family nearby. I moved from IN to MI to get a better job to support my wife and my first child. A man has to provide right? Little did I know I was moving my ex wife closer to an old bf she had feelings for. So she cheats I leave her and my closest family is 14 hours away. Her closest is 4 hours. Single fathers are often forgotten about but it is what it is and we must forge ahead. I have a few friends but definitely put all my time into my family when it was intact. I just wish I had family to help watch the kids or just to talk to. I just try to keep my head up.