My mother had major depression during my tween/teen years. She would be in bed all day and didn't care for the house. The whole family constantly bullied her about being lazy and not being a good mom/wife. This is why mental health education is SO important for all ages and generations.

@SH-lz9du

Жыл бұрын

So true! I've often wondered what it would have been like for me and my family had mental illness been treated like an actual illness, as opposed to a set of character defects.

@Mariamee123

Жыл бұрын

My mom also struggled like this. Same story, it wasn't until I got older and started struggling with depression myself that my eyes were opened to her situation. Even now, I've called her to tell her she did a wonderful job as a mom and she said "I feel like I wasn't good enough."

@55linka

Жыл бұрын

My mom also did not care about the house and it has affected me negatively. I think kids deserve clean and organized house. Warm meal. I think this is not a good mom...sorry but healvy depressed person affects kids in a very negative way.....talking from experience sadly..

@55linka

Жыл бұрын

@@Mariamee123 don't you see the link between depressed mother and your own depression ? I am a child of mentally unfit mother and (sorry) but she should have chosen not to have kids. I am sorry to burst the bubble but you mom has to be blamed partially. Read studies of the effect on kids if mother is depressed.

@LindyandDevin

Жыл бұрын

@@55linka your so correct I’m a mom and have dealt with situational depression, ( very different then chronic depression) Good Mental health is key in raising healthy kids. Not everyone is going to be a good parent nor do we have a right to have kids. It’s a bless and a choice to decide your capability to raise a child for 18 yr if you’ve been diagnosed with depression or suffer from mental illness the answers is no don’t have kids. Postpartum depression or situational depression are very different than being chronically depressed it’s a depression that is based off of a hormonal change or a situation that anyone will be depressed and they can be treated chronic depression is chronic it never goes away and mental health issues affect kids we live in such a greedy society we think we have a right to whatever we want and we’re just breeding unhealthy kids that grow into dysfunctional adults. People with chronic depression postpartum or any other mental health issue who are unable to take care of them self or their homes deserve to have help and as a taxpayer I don’t mind some of my tax dollars going to help these people. I do however resent paying for people to sit at home and just have baby after baby. Let’s stop treating procreation like we need it there’s far too many people on this planet with nothing to do and no education let’s take care of the people we have before we start making more.

"But for millions of people the autopilot is broken..." I'm sitting here next to my 7-month-old baby crying as I hear these words, because I have never in my life had an autopilot for any of these household tasks. And now as a mom of two who almost certainly has ADHD, decision fatigue cripples me every. single. day. I'm already saying thank you for this video, and I haven't even gotten to the end yet. It is such a relief to know that I am not alone.

@edwardmitchell6581

Жыл бұрын

My wife and I thought we were both just Libras and laughed when we both took 2 hours to do the shopping. It feels much more serious with kids. I wish Alexa was smart enough to help. That forgetting the laundry and having to redo it really hit the mark.

@sarahjohnstone9041

Жыл бұрын

@@edwardmitchell6581 I mean, I don't have ADHD and I forget the laundry all.the.time - the beeper could do with being louder! Also take far too long to do a shop in person (too much yummy stuff on the shelves!) there's a reason why we normally do an online shop..but then I did always get told in school I could focus better, so maybe there's some tendencies in that direction 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think they'll get steadily better at helping our environments help ourselves hopefully!

@Smittenhamster

Жыл бұрын

I hope you're doing a bit better today than 2 months ago.❤️

@edwardmitchell6581

Жыл бұрын

@@sarahjohnstone9041 As long people respond to ads and flashy branding, I think distractions will be the norm. If we are comfortable and undistracted, companies won't be able to get extra money from us. Sometimes I dream that AI will only show us what we need rather than showing us what we want. Although that might be worse.

@Watergirl56

Жыл бұрын

You’re not alone!!! Ordering groceries on line is also helpful for me. The store is too distracting and online allows me time to process what I’m doing and make changes before I spend or get distracted again. I can do the laundry but rarely get it hung up so try not to buy high maintenance clothes. And I ordered a bunch more undies so I can go longer lol. I am thinking about a rumba vacuum because I don’t get that done “enough” either. Don’t sweat it you are in the same boat as a lot of us peeps. Xoxox This Tedx is one of my favorites now. Thank you to the author! I’m going to share it with the people who don’t “get it”. ❤

I love love love that the one woman mentioned working with her dental hygienist to come up with a solution for brushing her teeth. The fact that her dentist didn't judge but offered a solution warms my heart. My heart breaks for those who don't experience such compassion.

@kashestansberry8826

Жыл бұрын

What's even more interesting is my sister is a dental assistant, and her son/my nephew has issues with brushing his teeth so their dentist told him that he can brush his teeth with like mouthwash because what's important is the friction you create and fluoride from the mouthwash. It was very shocking to learn because the dentist himself said he hasn't used toothpaste in years because he doesn't like the unhealthy additives so he "makes his own natural paste" ... I really felt like I've been scammed out of my life to keep buying toothpaste lmao

@simplydifferent.

Жыл бұрын

A good dentist will never judge.

@emily1520

Жыл бұрын

I wish I had this in my life! When my brother went to the dentist after a months long bout of bad depression, they infantilized him and gave him a ‘how to brush your teeth’ demo like he was a child, never considering that the problem is entirely different

@kaylahevans8334

Жыл бұрын

Right, I haven't gotten to that point in the video yet but my dental hygienist is so rude and judgemental towards me. I brush every single day but I have severe allergies to regular toothpaste because of sls and mouthwash because of the alcohol. I use an sls free toothpaste and used to use a bamboo toothbrush for environmental reasons. I've explained my allergies to her multiple times and she's still harsh with me every time I go in as if I don't brush my teeth. I'm now overdue for my cleaning because I just don't feel like being judged for having an allergy.

@kathyjohnson1911

Жыл бұрын

I know I’m going so off topic here, but I had a dental hygienist change my (health) life. You know how flossing sucks (and hurts) and then you go to the dentist and your gums bleed? She told me if I floss for three days in a row, it would no longer hurt and my gums wouldn’t bleed. This was years ago, and she was absolutely correct. No other dental hygienist or dentist had ever told me that!

Dealing with a deep, very painful depression. I gave myself one rule: make your bed (In order to do that, you have to get out of it). Then another rule: wear your clothes (get dressed, in clean clothes - that have to be cleaned). Then: every day, do one thing. Just one. At the end of the month, you've done 30 things. As time went on, it expanded, but the principle is the same. I slowly but surely became a functional person again. I love this lady, her insight is so compassionate and effective.

@rotem..

Жыл бұрын

I'm going to try this, thank you 💖

@caitlinbennett2898

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this.

@slosh177

Жыл бұрын

This is a really good way to think of it. There are days that if I do just one thing, I still say its okay, you did something today.

@yvjohns

Жыл бұрын

Yes, I found the "one thing a day" rule to be an extremely helpful approach too! That way the root problem of the 'unattainable (and wrongly moralized) standards' that KC Davis addresses so lucidly is most effectively circumvented - you set the bar to the very lowest level so that suddenly you cannot miss anymore and you WILL feel good about the one thing you did, and often you will even find motivation to do one more, or even several more things, but even if you don't the death spiral of "I have failed another whole day" is cut short...

@karenk2409

Жыл бұрын

@@yvjohns Exactly. You crawl back from the abyss one step at a time, until you accumulate so many successes that that is your new pattern. I never look at the mountain, that would be demoralizing. I look at what I have to do this day, this week. At the end of the month, you have accomplished so much. The end of the year will astonish you!

Replace that inner voice that says 'I'm failing' with 'I'm having a hard time'. And people who are having a hard time deserve compassion. I've never teared up from watching a TedTalk. Thank you.

@lisastenzel5713

Жыл бұрын

I did tear up at a lot of them. But I didn't think this one would. Until the last two minutes... "Cos in the meantime you deserve to eat"...all this little "cos" sentences... What is going wrong when you are taught to do the laundry on time...but not to have compassion for yourself? Why don't we love ourselfs? I know the answers if I am honest, no need to response. Sadly I know.

@lisastenzel5713

Жыл бұрын

Saw that? There was a woman standing up in the end, applauding and crying too. It is not just us🥲🤧🙃

@jenpink4298

Жыл бұрын

*Crying my eyeballs out*

@MBMCincy63

Жыл бұрын

I got wet eyes, and that doesn't happen often. I also decided 6 minutes in that I was sharing her talk with my kids, and my sisters. And if I can, my therapist! 🤯👏👏❤️

@Firsona

Жыл бұрын

That one really hit me hard. I was out of work for 3 months after separating from my husband, and all I could think was, "Life has taught me I can only count on myself, and I'm failing me."

“It’s not about morality; it’s about functionality.” Putting into words what I’ve been trying to say to defend a loved one with depression, for several years. Thank you so much.

@Kate09090

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry you’re even in that position. And I’m sorry they (who have depression) are too. I wish you both the best. ❤️

@bjdefilippo447

Жыл бұрын

I'm glad your loved one has you. I'm trying to keep afloat alone, and I get the negative messaging from many places, I hope you know how important you are.

@Marychelle

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for taking care of your loved ones.

@justjames333

9 ай бұрын

They are blessed to have you. Just having one person who understands or attempts t ok understand is more valuable than all the money on the world. Empathy is soo rare these days, even amoungst family

Today, I finally looked up “how to clean a room when depressed” and a discussion on Reddit led me to this video. I’m finally taking care of months-overdue clothing declutter as I watch this video, and I’m tearing up because I feel so validated. Thank you, Ms. Davis, from the bottom of my heart.

@cherylfischman

8 ай бұрын

Me too.

@kaitlyncrump8896

7 ай бұрын

I'm in the same boat. I hope you're doing better. You deserve to feel happiness. ❤

So happy to hear someone take depression by its horns and wrestle it down. Not having the energy or motivation to brush your teeth or shower or do laundry are the kind of things that are very real symptoms of this horrible and cruel mental condition. It's strange but depression is very immobilizing, almost paralyzing. We have to be brave and look at this monster right in the face. I'm so grateful that KC Davis knows how to talk about something embarrassing like this with such compassion and understanding.

@chelleb5

Жыл бұрын

I cried so hard because I finally didn't feel alone!! I am going through this now and feel so helpless and just want to hide away forever

@Yellow-Rose

Жыл бұрын

@@chelleb5 depression likes to make people feel worthless, but you are priceless my dear. Like Ms. Davis said, you deserve to be clean.

@chelleb5

Жыл бұрын

@@Yellow-Rose thank you for your kind words😘

@yoganana76

Жыл бұрын

We should start a group from this thread! Many of us are in this boat at times!

@sarahthesarah2850

Жыл бұрын

I am right here with this. There are mental health symptoms no one talks about. It's difficult for folks to understand who don't have a reference. People are heavy on me. I'm working towards having more compassion and understanding with myself. There are so many out here just trying to make it day by day.

I laughed and started to cry a bit when she said "to just not kill yourself today". And her mentioning of decision fatigue really hit me. For my last birthday all I asked for was a day when I didn't have to make a decision. I love looking at care tasks as neutral. I just wish the people around me thought the same.

@lenaruibina

Жыл бұрын

Yes! We make decision-free birthdays with my friends - and that's so relieving.

@scottseverance1

Жыл бұрын

Decision fatigue while traveling. Feeling guilty to want to take a vacation day to do nothing adventurous. This is a great thought provoking video. Thanks. ❤

@demigough7934

Жыл бұрын

I feel this ❤️ I try so hard to make my home functional for me but due to my physical health I heavy reliance on other people for help and they constantly like to remind me that I am indeed failing and my kids deserve better and might get taken away etc... Makes an already difficult situation 10x worse 😔

@chelleb5

Жыл бұрын

I immediately cried when she said that because I feel it everyday. It is comforting to know I'm not alone because I've been ashamed to ask for help with my house because my family is very judgemental.

@KissesFromCanada

Жыл бұрын

@@demigough7934 you are doing the best you can today. That is all you or anyone can do. The best you can, in this moment. Peace and love to you.

I’m a new therapist, and your videos and philosophies are shaping the way I do therapy with clients. Care tasks are the new baseline of assessment.

@sgstevenson23

Жыл бұрын

@@cruksi7001 huh?

@PARoth2011

Жыл бұрын

You are going to be awesome! Good luck ❤️

@Coolwhipinmyhair

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for being open to this reality! I’m the woman doing/not doing cleaning

@nameissturdy1390

Жыл бұрын

This is so true, and hard to bring up on your own. Seeing my doctor tomorrow and it’s the only reason I took a shower since last week when I had to go in. Don’t leave the house otherwise so it’s not worth the energy.

@shawnaford5540

Жыл бұрын

@@nameissturdy1390 Hope your appointment went well. I used to shower the day or so before an appointment, and not be able to do anything for days after. Yet I was never asked how hard or was to get to the appointment.

I never realised that depression could lead to not cleaning one’s teeth, or taking a shower, but that’s where I am right now. This is a very heartening video.

@winterlighthome

8 ай бұрын

I call depression "the monster that sits on my lap". It holds me down and keeps me from moving, doing the things I know I need to do.

@saintejeannedarc9460

6 ай бұрын

It sure can and I've been there for a year and a half. I was doing alright, finding that push. Then it got worse again, then a close friend died and it got worse again. I see people that can't change sheets for 5 months at a time, and I hope it doesn't ever get that bad.

@pugonato

5 ай бұрын

That is so true. Was there too. This moment you realize that you have no power and it is even not that important wether you are clean or have healthy teeth….

@saintejeannedarc9460

5 ай бұрын

@@pugonato I find it's still important and I'll obsess over it. It just gets so hard to find that push to do all the self care. I manage better than some, but finding push, just finding ways to push, it's the daily struggle for most days and only occasionally lifts a bit.

@pugonato

5 ай бұрын

@@saintejeannedarc9460 I literally stand up from couch to make coffee, that’s the push, and after to steps I got back to couch because coffee is also not that important….. I don’t know, depression is in every single cell of my body and life. I could talk about it all day long. But nobody cares

Nobody cared for me as a child. Now I am a mother of four and have no idea who I am. Daily tasks are incredibly hard for me. I just wanted to thank you for being so open to talking about this.

@lynnepaulocsak122

Жыл бұрын

Please give yourself a huge break. You grew up without proper care and you're doing a great job. The need a mentally healthy mom, a mom who loves them unconditionally, not a mom who keeps a perfect house. Keep up the amazing work.

@nena1bomb

Жыл бұрын

@@lynnepaulocsak122 thank you so much for your kind words

@tracinelson5246

Жыл бұрын

Oh sweet woman give yourself so much GRACE and keep striving. I'm so sorry to hear you weren't cared for as a child. You didn't deserve that. I had a rocky childhood and I'm a mom of 4 kids too. It's no easy task, but harder when you come from a dysfunctional home. I've worked on learning and growing so I can overcome, but still have so many downs. Hang in there and keep listening to uplifting supporting videos. You are not alone. Sending you healing love and strength. Take care of you. 💖🙏

@StarsDeity

Жыл бұрын

If you don't know who you are, then look inside yourself, instead of looking for external validation.

@TheDutchessOfCornville

Жыл бұрын

I’m in tears right now because I feel this in my soul. We were failed/neglect/abused as children and then expected to be perfect mothers with instagram-ready homes and talented, well-behaved children, fit, attractive bodies, and perfect mental health and coping skills. It’s so hard and I’m so SO tired….down to my bones…deep into my soul. I’m so tired.

I love her philosophy so much, impossible tasks become possible when you stop saying “I should” and start saying “how can I make it easier for myself?”

@nataliesawyer1029

Жыл бұрын

As they say, “Stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself (& others).” 😉 I constantly have to tell myself this. Sometimes the pun helps remind me though. 😋

@cryptic2071

Жыл бұрын

How it possible to know the answer if you can't think of another way?

@JustMyOwnSelfToo

Жыл бұрын

@@cryptic2071 sometimes, you don't have to be the one to think of another way. It doesn't have to be all on you. It is enough for you to express curiosity. You can ask your internet search engine like "easy way to do laundry" or "how to plan meals and grocery shopping" or "fun ways to do chores" or just complain to it like "FLOOR CLEANING IS HARD" - it will show you some solutions other people suggest. Not all will work for you. Some might. Hang in there. You can make things easier for yourself - and if you can't - you will still be okay. Total strangers have your back to give you a jump start in figuring things out.

I didn’t know other people felt like this. I didn’t know so many other people can’t even look at their laundry piles without starting to panic. I can’t believe a talk about cleaning brought tears to my eyes. Thank you ❤

@moonbread2334

Жыл бұрын

The other day my laundry pile officially reached my height (5'5") and realizing that was a big point of shame in that moment. I cried at multiple points in this talk-I felt so seen and relieved.

@elizanderson2112

Жыл бұрын

I started folding laundry for the first time in months because of this Ted talk

@mgd6087

Жыл бұрын

I measure it by how many laundry bags. I miss New York City where I could just drop it off and come back. All I had to do was give them money and I would get my clothes back clean, sorted and folded.

I was doing the washing up listening to another TED talk audio only, when this auto-played. I ended up just standing still and listening, and then the emotions hit, her voice cracked and suddenly I’m crying. I don’t suffer from depression but something here resonated. Thank you for a great talk.

@mimiann1720

Жыл бұрын

That’s beautiful!

@barbaramonsour4880

Жыл бұрын

Wonderful awareness 💚

@sendtothisone

Жыл бұрын

Me neither, but have ADHD and relate a lot too.

@jennifermarie8707

7 ай бұрын

Her advice is helpful when overwhelmed and raising kids with issues

LOVE! My Grandmother, who raised 10 beautifully loving and highly successful humans, would say "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing just barely." Morally neutral. Love, love, love.

Thank you!!! I almost didn't watch this. But a few minutes in, I burst into tears. I have had Fibromyalgia for 25+ years and have struggled emotionally in ways I didn't understand. I am now 80 years old. You have given me the guidance & permission I have needed my whole life! My daughter and granddaughter have Fibro, too. I see they have the same struggles, esp. my daughter. The faulty moral issue is a heavy burden that saps our already limited strength. I am so grateful that you presented this video. Many who comment critically clearly have no idea of how some of us struggle or why.

@jxrays77

Жыл бұрын

I have fibromyalgia too. Like you I'm feeling deep down inside of me like I'm failing every one arround me specially my self. They don't understand what is to be struggling inside, you just look for every one fine but a little tired, what a misconception! I'm exhausted, like she said "a doing, being fatigue" that never ends, just changes form from time to time...

@deborahcurtis1385

Жыл бұрын

me too!

@katesmith4767

Жыл бұрын

Hi friend

@giantsoapbubble

Жыл бұрын

I started crying too. What a powerful message!

@staceyogier6154

Жыл бұрын

You are so loved xo

As a person who studied occupational therapy, care tasks are extremely important and yet my entire profession is put down all the time for focusing on those things. Being able to do the little things without it being a gigantic burden is massive and very important.

@crystald3655

Жыл бұрын

@Celeste Kniefel For me, that would depend on the issues and abilities of the person. If they have good mobility but tire easily or have pain when standing too long, I would suggest breaking up the dishes, for example and washing a few at a time. Say five, take a break sit/ lay down for an hour or so then repeat. For laundry kind of the same thing, don't wash more than they can easily lift at one time. Set a reminder for the end of the washing/drying cycle, so they don't forget and fold in spurts rather than all at once while sitting.

@viceliag3916

Жыл бұрын

@@crystald3655 @celestekneifel5615 When I'm pregnant I have a hard time standing up for long periods of time, but I found I could pull a bar stool in front of the stove or sink and still perform the task as well as if I were at full health and standing. That may work or may not, depending on the type of fatigue being experienced. Laundry in spurts I absolutely stand by; something that may help is when you take your laundry out of the dryer, lay your easy-wrinkle pieces off to the side and then put them on top as flat as you can get them after you've piled everything else out. That's always the part of laundry I feel worst about, when I finally got something clean and now it's too wrinkled to wear, so if that's a struggle for you too then see if it helps you!

@karenkatz2024

Жыл бұрын

This!!! I am an OT and kept thinking that she was describing what occupational therapists do exactly, only care tasks are calls activities of daily living.

@IntrovertedBear

Жыл бұрын

But this isn't about the fine motor part of the tasks. It's the emotional burden of existing. That's more for psychologists I think.

@mm_A

Жыл бұрын

I had that misconception too that OT was just for physical needs until my daughter was referred to an OT for her adhd. I had no idea how well trained they were to handle non neurotypical brains! They help her break things down into smaller steps and strategize how to work through the things she struggles with. That’s ranged from how to handle managing her room and laundry to breaking down large projects and seeing them through from beginning to end

I didn't think I'd tear up watching a ted talk about laundry , but here I am

@SartorialDragon

Жыл бұрын

Me too.

@ImFamiliarWithLedges

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, me too…

@bonnacon1610

8 ай бұрын

Here we all are!

@user-lq9es6wm9s

8 ай бұрын

Aahhh same!

@alyssahernandez5716

6 ай бұрын

Same

I was never told, once in my life, that not doing chores, or not keeping things the way it “should” be, is ok. I never realized how exhausting it was to keep up with things the way they “should” be. Thank you. I don’t know if my life will be changed at this moment, but I am sure to care and love myself more than I have yesterday.

@sarahjohnstone9041

Жыл бұрын

But how should it be? There is no one standard, it can always be cleaner (some people at the right of arc have germ paranoia and use bacteria sensors around the house..!) and with kids it can always be tidier..it's got to be what works for you each day 🤷🏻‍♀️

@ms.b.kimberly

Жыл бұрын

I think your life probably did change. Mine did. Wow! Wow! I am not lazy, or behind. I am just doing my best. I cried when I watched this vide. I cried when I shared it. And, I am crying again a few hours later, because I have stacks and stacks of laundry, and now I think it is okay.

@cathietaggart4307

Жыл бұрын

I agree, not sure if all has changed but now understand that it's okay if I just can't today. I will move forward at the moments when I can.

@andersdottir1111

Жыл бұрын

If I wrote down everything I did in an ordinary day, from taking my tea cup to the sink to putting rubbish in the outside bin it would number at least 50 activities. Adulting is exhausting but luckily I just do it automatically- I feel sorry for those whose autopilot is stuck.

@sarahjohnstone9041

Жыл бұрын

@@ms.b.kimberly Does it really all need washing? Most people wash clothes too often - they're even starting to put it on the labels!

With tears in my eyes, I needed to say, thank you. So much self hatred here, over an overflowing laundry pile. My mom, my dog, and my dad were killed. It's hard to do anything. I don't feel alone anymore. Morally neutral tasks... thank you. 🌻

@grcmllr

Жыл бұрын

Sending a big hug to you ❤️

@PARoth2011

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your loss, your pain and the huge burden you carry. Sending a hug from Florida 🫂

@drtatt8081

Жыл бұрын

@@grcmllr 🫂 thank you. I needed that.

@drtatt8081

Жыл бұрын

@@PARoth2011 Hug from illinois as well. 🫂 thank you for your kindness and support.

@firecracker3911

Жыл бұрын

Sending love ❤️ you are not alone ♥️♥️

Thank you so so much. I'm 14 and in this year was diagnosed with autism and adhd after suffering a severe burnout and depression. After months of not being able to go to school or see anyone, I managed to go to 1 history lesson last week. My room is still a tip, I still rely on dry shampoo to look presentable most days, and I still spend days just laying in bed, but being able to go into school for that one lessson made me feel so good. I spent over half of this video crying because it is just so unbelievably what I needed to hear.

@AlisonBryen

Жыл бұрын

Well done you! I struggled with attending school as a teenager too, in my case because of bullying and anxiety, so can I can relate 🙂. Just remember to take life one minute at a time and be compassionate with yourself 😊

@coleener

Жыл бұрын

You got this!! Keep going! ❤

@lmlh7967

Жыл бұрын

Just be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot. Take good care of yourself

@clarawroe7182

Жыл бұрын

damn, it sounds like you’re in the exact situation i was in a couple years ago. stay strong, i wish you all the love in the world

@PamelaJean2013

Жыл бұрын

You go girl!

I have the most organized mother the world has known. I never grew up with anything out of place. But I have depressed and ADHD. And I picture in my mind what her house looks like and why I don’t keep my space so nice. I apologized one day for having a messy house. She shrugged and said “this is how you function, and it’s ok.” And I realized that I was the one guilting myself not other people. But I still think, how disheveled am I willing to let my mom see my house? And now I have no clean towels left so I’m going to do laundry.

@tinaaugeri6896

Жыл бұрын

And my mom, with the neatest, cleanest house ever, just didn’t get “why do I want to live this way?”

@aidenfermanagh6207

Жыл бұрын

@@tinaaugeri6896 My mother is the same way. Lucky for her she has no clue what depression is. She has two daughters who know it all too well.

@communicationbreakdown256

Жыл бұрын

See, I'd just re-use a towel.

@sarahjohnstone9041

Жыл бұрын

@@communicationbreakdown256 I really hope she didn't mean she'd only used it once!! Cos that would be ridiculous and pretty bad for the planet. I legitimately wash towels maybe once a month?! And that seems perfectly ok to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

@DesertSingerAZ

Жыл бұрын

my mother cried when she came to my house (she also was born organized and naturally tidy). I wish she could have seen and verbalized that she loves that my priorities are different than hers, and that I have put other areas in my life first. I love that your mother is okay with you as you are. You're okay. ♥

This video changed my life. As someone with depression and ADHD, I’ve struggled with daily tasks for as long as I can remember. When I heard her say “care tasks are morally neutral” I started sobbing. I’ve never thought about it this way, & I hadn’t realized how much shame was affecting me in these areas. I’ve watched this video 5 times now and it’s just so incredible to hear this from someone who gets it. I look forwards to creating creative solutions to help me with my care tasks.

@kelseytwombly1860

Жыл бұрын

Same! I am sitting on my chair and sobbing to no one because that hit deeper than I anticipated. Why that does concept feel like a revelation? 5:24

@tdbhmusic

Жыл бұрын

I have recurring depression and test in range for Aspergers, as well as having an eye injury. I saw something in myself in my younger years that suggested I might have trouble raising my own kids, so chose not to. I still struggle sometimes

@mackenziewesten8506

Жыл бұрын

I HIGHLY suggest looking at her Tiktok videos. Her cleaning and self-care videos have truly altered the way I clean/think about cleaning and take care of myself. I have anxiety and depression, as well as memory problems from chronic pain. She has made me realize that so many of my problems such as my trouble with consistent teeth-brushing are so much more common than I knew. I know it seems like a silly app, but those videos truly helped me so much

@rebeccarellaford2026

Жыл бұрын

I followed her on TikTok when I first found this video!! I love her page 🙌

@wendyhannan2454

7 ай бұрын

@@mackenziewesten8506They do help, and sometimes we need all the help we can get. Chronic pain can leave you stuck, I know. I fell behind with the house work, however I always make sure my beds are clean, that takes some effort with back pain and my bathrooms are clean. If the house is untidy, and I can’t get to it, so be it. Good luck to you take care, I hope you can get the pain under control. 😊

Everyone who reads this, we don't know each other and probably never will but I wish you all the best in life and all the luck in the world.

@carolferguson

Жыл бұрын

You too

@nameissturdy1390

Жыл бұрын

And to you ❤️🙏

@michellepetcher6533

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, same to you!

@eloiseharrison8574

Жыл бұрын

same to you 💖

@eifso1340

Жыл бұрын

Thxx you too🥰

Summary: 1. Care tasks are morally neutral. They are not a measure of your worth or lack thereof 2. If you are struggling with care tasks, you are not alone. Millions of people are currently struggling with care tasks. ‘Autopilot’ is broken for those people and the steps involved are overwhelming. 3. Making improvements with care tasks can help improve mental health, in fact it can be an excellent place to start. 3. Give yourself permission to do things in the way that is most functional for you and your household - there’s no need to hold yourself to some external standard of how things should be done. Functionality is key. If care tasks are too overwhelming, just do what you can do. Simplify things, focus on immediate needs and allow it to be ok to be less than perfect. Put caring for yourself first - you are worthy of having a functional environment.

@hal8683

Жыл бұрын

Oh ya, it is hard not to eat til unhealthy.... eat and don't worry about what the norms are or what others think. Don't brush your teeth and just sit in a room??? There are answers to these mental illnesses and laziness, is not it? Accomplishment is a big part of mental health and it is different for us all!

@sionan7937

Жыл бұрын

@@hal8683 literally no where did she say it was ok to not brush your teeth and sit in a room forever. What she SAID was find a way to make these tasks something that you are able to complete, even if it is done in a way that most people would find "weird." If you struggle to get out of bed to brush your teeth, find a way to do it so it actually gets done. Maybe that means keeping a toothbrush and water at the bedside and brushing from bed. But once that first task is complete, it becomes easier to do the next task. And then the next. She's not saying throw your hands up and wallow, just that finding a way to get out of a dark place means giving yourself some grace to do the things you need to do in a way that you are able to complete them. She's saying, have compassion for people who are having a hard time, including yourself.

@hal8683

Жыл бұрын

@@sionan7937 oh yes she said friends have trouble with it and have specail arrangements (off the wall) to make them brush their teeth! Look at the house pictures and how does that happen? Get help it is not sanitary or safe for children or others. You are rationalizing your problem !! If these things don't make sense to you get help! She said your norm of slobby behavior is ok for you if you don't mind it ! Live by your rules and screw the norms! Why are you rationalizing?? Very much says do your thing and find ways to be a slob is the bottom line. U ??

@hal8683

Жыл бұрын

learn her morraly neutral... ???? Get GOOD help!

@sionan7937

Жыл бұрын

@@hal8683 I say all of this genuinely and trying to come to you from a place of understanding and genuinely hoping you can see my point. Honest question: if someone told you that they have chronic pain and so doing the laundry is hard for them so sometimes it piles up, would you then call them a bad person? I would think not because I don't think you're actually a mean person, I think you're just a person who got comfortable being mean on the Internet. If someone is struggling physically, we would give them grace and understanding. The same should be true for mental struggles. Not doing your laundry doesn't make you a bad person, but you DO need clean laundry to function. So what she's saying is, instead of beating yourself up (and making yourself feel worse), acknowledge that it's just a task that you need to do and find a way to do it, without beating yourself up about it. And if you truly can't see that, and truly have no compassion for people who are just trying to function, then ok. Nothing I say will convince you. I just wish people thought about how they would want to be treated if they were the ones struggling. When did we as a society get so hateful to one another? Depressing. Have a good day though, either way, whether you agreed with me or not.

I had a fallout with my family early this year. I received a 4 page letter describing in detail how I've disappointed my mother. This is what I wish I had heard 5 months ago. Thank you.

@geavannajohn-marie664

Жыл бұрын

You are so worthy of so many good things.

@TheDutchessOfCornville

Жыл бұрын

Forget her. I’m your mom now, sweetheart, and I am so SO proud of you for surviving. Surviving can be really f**king difficult, but you did it. A mother doesn’t pick out every one of the things you’ve done WRONG and shame you, they meet you with kindness, love, and empathy. They offer help, not judgement. You are doing great just by still being here. ❤ I love you.

@DesertSingerAZ

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry (and heartbroken) for that. The snarky part of me wants you to write a letter back describing in detail how she's disappointed you. You don't have to send it, it's not going to help the situation, but it may be a sort of therapy of sorts for you. People are so broken, we just need to find our tribe of people who love us as we are.

@dimplesings1

Жыл бұрын

@@TheDutchessOfCornville I need you as my Mom!

@andersdottir1111

Жыл бұрын

Send the letter back - you don’t deserve that. Tell her if she hasn’t got anything nice to say, say nothing at all.

So encouraging thank you as my home is a mess, recovering after cancer, struggling to work and telling myself I am useless and lazy. I will chage my attitude now and do what I can to make it easier on myself

@annefitz7346

Жыл бұрын

Hope you’re cancer free

@roser.

Жыл бұрын

You are not lazy at all. You are a strong survivor. A warrior. Congratulations and I wish you all the happiness and health possible! :)

@shallowdeep28

Жыл бұрын

I'm in the same boat. You are alive! You are still living. Not lazy at all.

@hollypawlean7122

Жыл бұрын

you are enough, you deserve to rest, and the fact that daily tasks are not so easy as they used to be is natural, you have a right to feel like not doing all these stuff-they are not your priority. give yourself as many time as you need. it's not making any chance if you do it now or later. the only thing that matters is the fact that your here, alive, being strong and willing to fight it. tho I don't know you and I'm milion miles away-I'm proud of you, I wish you the best and I hope everything goes back to normal again. sending you lots of love from Poland ❤

@Teenywing

Жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh! You are NOT lazy and please never, ever, ever use the word worthless again about yourself or anyone else. A long time ago I promised myself to do my best every day. Some days our best is just breathing. Sometimes it’s doing groceries AND putting them away! Please, just take your time and do one thing- make your bedroom clean and nice so you always have somewhere to go to rest. You just had cancer and you’re alive! I’d say you are insanely not lazy or worthless. You are healing your body and healing from the trauma of it all. Be kind to yourself because you are amazing. ♥️

“You deserve to be clean. You deserve to eat.” I think you just saved me ma’am. Thank you

As one of the now 1,000s of people who's lives have literally been saved by KC and by accepting what she's saying here, this is such an important message. Watch this, share it, because if it doesn't resonate for you, it will for someone you know, and it will absolutely change their lives

@moniqueengleman873

Жыл бұрын

I just discovered her. She is really clever. And I sure felt Morally Bankrupt because I slept all day. Good enough is perfect.

2020 was supposed to be our year... Until my fiance became suddenly sick, was ignored for months and told he was "crazy" (and given psych meds to stop this "craziness") and then was diagnosed with stage IV cancer only to pass mere months later. I needed this video then. Thank you so much for coming out and saying what so many need to hear, but often isn't said because everyone is so busy living their dramatized 'perfect' social media lives. I know this message will help so many that are in my shoes, your message still hits hard today and I'm almost 2y out from losing the love of my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you 💙 I am only now getting ready to return to work but the amount of times I've heard "why can't you just go back to work?" Or my favourite, because everyone knows me and lives my life "you NEED to go back to work, look what this is doing to you, you have no routine, you have no purpose, etc." I can't wait to look your tiktok account up for even more inspiration!

@sweetfreeze5528

5 ай бұрын

So sorry for your loss 😞 I lost my mother right before COVID. It takes an incredible amount of bravery and courage to take just one step. And then the next. It's so helpful to find resources like this that help even those one steps not be as difficult ❤

@traceysylkaitis9433

5 ай бұрын

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. And, terribly sorry and appalled by the struggle your fiancé went through to get diagnosed. Also, so very sorry for the unsympathetic responses to your unique and valid grieving journey. Blessings and light to you!

@crysmllr100

4 ай бұрын

So very sorry for all you are going through

I am sobbing and hugging my toddler right now, the youngest of three. I didn't think I needed to watch this. I very nearly skipped it. I'm so glad I didn't. Thank you. From the bottom of my very tired heart, thank you.

@shenny.d

Жыл бұрын

❤❤❤

@wendyhannan2454

7 ай бұрын

Good luck to you, keep watching 💕

I am neurodivergent with chronic pain, a full time job, and I live alone. So while I only have to take care of me, I also have to take care of everything by myself. Your stance on care tasks as morally neutral and focusing on functional instead of perfect has done SO MUCH for me. I can DO things now! I can keep my space functional! I can give myself space when I can't do the bare minimum. I can feed myself when I have no energy. And I can bounce back from rock bottom faster because I no longer add shame to the pile when I'm already dealing with too much. Thank you so much KC.

@moonhunter9993

Жыл бұрын

I agree.

@lisagd22

Жыл бұрын

I'm in a similar situation in my life. I had the realization the other day that part of why it's so hard to run my little household is because it all falls on me to do. Yes, I made all the mess, but having someone to share the mental and physical burden would make things so much easier. They would also be the, I don't know, incentive? inspiration? to keep up with housework. It's all just so overwhelming.

@amandipa8368

Жыл бұрын

♥️♥️♥️

@moonbread2334

Жыл бұрын

I'm in a similar situation. It's been dawning on me, in addition to everything KC is saying, that humans are also not meant to care for themselves completely on their own-all throughout human history, until very recently, care tasks have been performed interdependently and have served as a crucial space for cultivating feelings of safety and connection with others. Take that interdependence away, sprinkle on some mental illness and stigma, and of course these tasks will feel impossible!

@moonhunter9993

Жыл бұрын

@@moonbread2334 so true. In many areas of the world this individualistic idea is unheard of.

At the point you said “living out of a pile of laundry on the floor doesn’t make you a failure”, I realised I needed a scarf to wear today and was picking up the one at my feet. Thank you for making me laugh while giving me the tools for greater self compassion.

Started watching KC on TikTok a year ago, and she literally changed my life. I can still be a good mom, even with a debilitating pain condition and ADHD.

"Anything worth doing, is worth doing even just a little bit if you can't do it all the way right now. " Going for a walk too much, but you made it to sit in a chair outside for some fresh air and sunshine. Eating healthy too much, but you drank an extra cup of two of water. Brushing your teeth seems like a lot, but can you swig some mouthwash for 20 seconds? That's something. Building momentum, sense of accomplishment, being realistic, do what you can. This was shared with me in a chronic illness group, hope it helps!

By 7 minutes in I was sobbing uncontrollably. I just lost my husband a month ago....and just existing each day is a struggle for me. We were married just under 3 years, and he collapsed unexpectedly of a heart attack......he had just turned 40. My life has been spinning since he died.....and this video hit me SO hard! I NEEDED this so much! While others have given me grace in my grief.....I have been struggling with feeling like a failure since I can't seem to do even the simplest things like crawl out of bed. I grew up in an abusive home with a mother who placed all her value in appearance....so judging myself and feeling like I'm lacking and a failure if my home isn't perfect comes naturally to me. "A woman's home is a reflection of her mind and heart--if it's messy, it indicates there are internal heart issues she needs to work on and seek the Lord to root out and fix" was something I heard regularly. Now pair that BS with the trauma of losing my husband and my subsequent struggle to even wake up each morning--let alone take a shower, eat food, do laundry, brush my teeth, clean the house....and I feel worse than dirt. This woman's message is so liberating. I feel SO understood in my current struggles. I'm "ok" if I don't wash dishes......I'm "ok" if I have to order in food again because I dont even have the energy to go to the grocery store for frozen dinners--let alone cook for myself.....

@MichouPitchou

Жыл бұрын

Sending you much love and compassion to go through your grief. Take care x

@christianesilva1128

Жыл бұрын

My heart goes out to you, so sorry for your loss!x

@denise0223

Жыл бұрын

Dear (((((Anne))))) I’m so sorry to hear about the heartbreaking loss of your husband. Please accept my sincere condolences. Not sure how I ended up on this video, but it was Heaven sent. I’ve never heard of KC Davis before, but am grateful to have heard this talk. My precious husband died on October 7th and I too am struggling. I came from a dysfunctional home. I hear everything your saying. I understand and you are NOT alone. Please know that you are in my thoughts and my prayers. ❤ Denise

@eulalia3446

Жыл бұрын

So sorry to hear this. Sending you hugs and blessings.

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

omg my mom is like yours. LOOKS were everything. toxic. oh ya, and mom says i need god. she is so out of touch with herself, it’s sickening. i hope you are getting help. you seem to be treating yourself like your mom did/does. you are in a vulnerable state because f your husbands death. i’m so, so sorry. so my thinking is your trauma is surfacing itself. mom used to YELL at me to get out of bed because of my depression. it’s like, how much worse could i feel? i hear you and sending hugs.

I couldn’t recommend her book enough. As someone who has ‘moderate’ depression, I can struggle with dishes and laundry, and beat myself up over being unable to complete tasks when I can seem to function decently well outside the home. I feel like I SHOULD be able to do them, and I must just be lazy when I can’t. This book is so kind, and it made such a big difference for me. Even now for things like laundry - I could always do laundry, but could never seem to muster the energy to fold it and put it away. After reading this book, I went out and bought another cheap laundry basket from the dollar store for clean clothes. Now, if I have the energy to fold my laundry, great. If I don’t, it stays contained and has a ‘place’ - in the corner of my room in my clean laundry basket.

@vahmesquita

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for such an awesome idea! Tomorrow I'm buying a clean laundry basket

Showering is so hard sometimes it’s hard to do basic things when you are depressed. No one understands around me especially my family

Thank you. The title caught me, because I am struggling with cleaning, laundry being one of the biggest things I need to take care of. It's comforting knowing I'm not alone in this at the same time it's heart breaking knowing there are people going through the same things I am.

@CPlusParent

Жыл бұрын

We are an army at this point. Somehow, knowing we’re not alone makes a huge difference. Welcome to our club 🤗.

@Grace-fv9zq

Жыл бұрын

Another helps thing is to throw out half your clothes, and put on one small load at the same time each day. As a regular routine. Before you do X or Y that day... stick the washing in. Routines help us to not procrastinate or forget.

@ericap5433

Жыл бұрын

Same

@andersdottir1111

Жыл бұрын

If you don’t have a dryer and the weather is fine just throw it on the lawn - it will dry.

@Marialla.

Жыл бұрын

For anything it may be worth... I simplified my laundry a lot, and it took years of pain and burden off my shoulders! It's not about being minimalist. It's about choosing clothes that require the least fussiness. I wear knit tops now instead of buttoned shirts, because I don't want to iron. Same for jeans or leggings instead of slacks. Unless I get a stain somewhere, I wear shirts at least three days in a row and pants all week, and I look and smell fine. I just realized one day that nobody cares about what I wear. I couldn't think of anything anyone else had ever worn in front of me at work or church or school or anything. I didn't care about their clothes, unless something was visibly wrong with them. So nobody cared about my clothes either. I could wear anything that wasn't "bad". It didn't have to be a new, fussy outfit every day. I wash a load of shirts about twice a month now. Jeans maybe once a month. Towels weekly. Sheets, etc. as often as I change them. That's all the loads of laundry I ever have to do. I never iron anything. I never fold clothes, but just hang everything up. I do fold towels and sheets (always straight out of the dryer, never take them to a second location!). But each of us uses only two towels per week, so it's really very little folding. My system may not work for everyone, but if laundry overwhelms you these may be some ways to reduce the burden of it until other areas of your life lighten up enough that you can focus on it again. BTW, same goes for switching to paper plates instead of washing so many dishes!

I follow her on TikTok and she has revolutionized the way I see my home. I have the opposite problem, where OCD causes me to have a home that is punishingly clean. Realizing care tasks are morally neutral has freed me to allow functional mess into my home and has lessened the burden on my brain. She is changing lives.

I burst into tears after a few minutes watching this. For years I struggled as a Stay at home mom being judged for how I kept my home. Fighting depression in a loveless marriage with 3 kids. Then became a single mom of 3 kids and fought off cancer while trying to keep my home. Would go weeks without a shower even. Was a good 6 plus years of this struggle. I'm now healthy and happy and keep up with my chores easily but for years I was drowning. Thank you for bringing light to this!!! 😪💜

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

how did you heal? i’m so happy for you.

This is an amazing video. I especially liked the functionality of the Dental Hygiene routine. I am a Dental Hygienist and it breaks my heart how embarrassed patient are to disclose their habits. I always gently made one goal for patients to try and assured them that there was zero judgment only love from us.

@lavenderandgold8588

9 ай бұрын

this is exactly the reason why i've been putting off going to the dentist for years now. i'm so embarrassed by how many cavities i've gotten because even just taking a few minutes of my time to brush and floss due to depression seems like such a chore and a struggle

@saintejeannedarc9460

6 ай бұрын

@@lavenderandgold8588 I did that for over 5 years. The damage to my teeth and gums was serious and I lost several molars. Lots of pain w/ infections and broken teeth too. I got myself a water flosser, because realistically I knew I wasn't ever going to be a flosser. That helped so much w/ gums to firm them up. I finally had a better report and had improved some deep gum pockets. I go regularly now and try not to slip. I always brush at least once a day, but would fall asleep w/out brushing at night, which does a lot of damage. I rarely do that now. It's not because I'm not depressed, but I know how much worse everything is if I don't really make this a priority.

Hands down my most favourite Ted Talk ever! So incredible and so liberating hearing her speak...Equally the comments section made me cry with relief and happiness. Only recently have I realised the struggles that I have had with organisation my whole life may be down to undiagnosed ADHD. The relief at knowing I'm not lazy, but just have a different brain has been totally liberating. I grew up with the most organised parents that you could imagine and they have always put me down because I struggled with basic tasks. But with the help of therapy, when they put me down recently I said... "mum you have sublime organisation skills which is incredible and I admire that. I, on the other hand, may struggle doing basic things like food shopping and following a recipe however I was able to go to Africa by myself, learn a language fluently and have travelled the globe. Getting on a plane to another country solo is easier for me than doing a supermarket shop. Gez it felt good to stick up for myself after years and years of being mocked and put down. I am now celebrating my neuro diversity. I may struggle with simple house hold chores but I can travel abroad independently and make human connections with strangers. I sure think the latter is much more life affirming. Thank you to this wonderful lady for highlighting the plight of ADHD. This video made me feel a lot better and thanks also for everyone's comments. So nice to read your stories. With love from the UK xx

@samwiseabda

Жыл бұрын

❤ love this ❤

@traceye.6428

Жыл бұрын

This is me!

@Mushroom321-

Жыл бұрын

GOOD FOR YOU!!, yes, i agree with your validation of self !! 😃👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@user-gq3ip8kr5r

Жыл бұрын

I understand 💯

@ninj4WONTON

Жыл бұрын

this resonates so hard. thank you

I’ve been crying all day because I just can’t get my house together and have been thinking I’m failing all day long. Now I’m crying for a different reason. Thank you for this. ❤

As a retired therapist with a chronic illness, I think this is brilliant. Thank you

I was raised in a hoarding home and I always struggled with hygiene growing up. I had anxiety and depression and I was in and out of therapy for saying I didn't want to be here anymore. Then, right after I graduated college, I learned that I probably have ADHD. This talk sheds new light on why I've struggled with and continue to struggle with certain tasks. These days, it comes in the form of constantly missing personal deadlines for my hobbies, but I have learned to adjust. It takes me a lot longer than some to finish my big projects, and I am okay with that. As long as I eventually get back to it, I know that one day I will finish it. I'm in no rush, not trying to impress anyone, just trying to live and be okay. I'm proud of the little accomplishments and I'm taking it one step at a time.

@lilycardis

Жыл бұрын

As someone else who grew up in a hoarder home, anxiety and depression, struggles to keep on top of care tasks, and has been diagnosed with ADHD, solidarity. I hope you’re doing ok ❤

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

hoarding is a form of mental illness, so i’m sure you e struggled with a lot more than hygiene like emotional issues. perhaps the adhd is feeling distracted from trauma? i’m proud of you too.

Love this. I'm a therapist and have talked about the paper plates idea, sitting in the shower and dry shampoo instead of full showers with clients. I personally keep floss picks in my car so I can floss while I commute for over a year now. I went from flossing twice a year to flossing 6+ times per week when I did that one change. These little adaptations make such a difference. I might try the disposable toothbrushes next.

@gabiitana6049

7 ай бұрын

the floss pick hack is amazing!

@saintejeannedarc9460

6 ай бұрын

It can be hard to push myself to brush my teeth at night, because of depression, fatigue, hotflashes, etc, but I can't imagine resorting to disposable toothbrushes. I'd never heard of such a thing. I use an electric, which makes brushing so much easier. It's pretty easy to put toothpaste on a toothbrush. I'm not trying to judge anyone who this may work for. Getting your teeth brushed is super important, and however you can find it easier to do it is great. I just can't see that making it easier. It's the pushing myself to do it before I start falling asleep. Because once I do, then i wake w/ hotflashes and it's really hard to want to do it when I'm flushing, plus it wakes me up, so harder to fall back asleep.

@katiechamberlin4194

5 ай бұрын

@@saintejeannedarc9460 I heard of someone keeping a toothbrush and toothpaste by their bed and having a spit cup so they can still brush their teeth if they're tired. Could work with an electric toothbrush too if you plug it in by your bed and bring it into the bathroom in the morning

I've been a therapist for 10 years. THANK YOU. Will start using this philosophy for all my folks immediately.

I'm an occupational therapist and this is what I do! Occupational therapy focuses on these types of functional tasks- we have training in psychology, neurology and physiology so that way we can help people no matter their mental and physical health be more independent and functional. Most mental health providers do not know about OT so they don't refer!

@taryn8972

Жыл бұрын

I'm studying OT now and wondering why no one ever referred me to an OT for my mental health struggles! 🤯 sometimes practical solutions are more helpful than talk therapy

@tracyweissartist

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your post. I had no idea and this is exactly the type of help I need after two brain injuries and having ADHD and being on the spectrum to begin with. 🙌

@gframe4215

Жыл бұрын

I used to be an OT. It saddens me greatly that it's not an OT out writing books and doing ted talks on this. It also frustrates the life out of me that patients/client surveys almost always rate the treatment they've had from an OT as the most helpful in their daily life, yet going by the comments section of this video, very few know about it. It shocks me the amount of therapists commenting on here who have no knowledge of Occupational Therapy services or how/who to refer. I believe OT's must become better at marketing their services and getting their well of knowledge more widely known and utilised.

@abbieellis8268

Жыл бұрын

I was looking for a fellow OT! We need to get our message out. We are perfectly placed and yet people don't know about us.

The babywipes part got me ... because I just used them for the same reason,apply powder after,you'll feel better. Then I sat on my bed with my toothbrush,brushed my teeth while watching this Ted talk,got up to rinse my mouth,the little floss sticks are already ready to go.😬 a spray bottle with water some leave in conditioner and a brush at the bedside will help to keep hair in order.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m 23, living on my own, and I work from home full time. It feels like I’m failing when I don’t clean especially since I’m at home and have it easier than others who need to be out of their home 8-10 hours and then come home and feel exhausted from a commute. I have always wanted to be super organized and clean and perfect, and it’s hard to allow yourself to be a human sometimes. Thank you.

@lilawrubel6831

Жыл бұрын

Be good to yourself (I'm telling myself the same).

@makermeliss

Жыл бұрын

As someone who has worked from home and has had a commute, sometimes working while being my house leaves more of a mess than when I had a commute

@andersdottir1111

Жыл бұрын

Start with throwing all the rubbish in the bin then take that to the outside bin, put the bin out for collection. That’s enough for today. Tomorrow just wash the dishes or put in the dishwasher. Next day wash one load and dry one load. Following day do a grocery shop. One chore a day helps - you’ll be surprised.

I am in tears from this. I’m 50. I’ve had mental health problems all my life with no help. And I’m so overwhelmed some days that if I get dress and put on shoes I feel like I’ve accomplished something. Even on a bad day. Or even my extreme days. This makes me feel so much better you have no idea. I just needed you to know thank you..

I've followed you on tiktok for... a very long time. And yet, the way you summarised and explained everything here, I was in tears just as much as when I first found you. You've changed my life so much for the better, including being a huge part of me seeking my ADHD diagnosis. I owe you so much, thank you.

@lisabarbieri5188

Жыл бұрын

What's her tick toke

@melisanaissalazar1279

Жыл бұрын

@@lisabarbieri5188 it’s domesticblisters

I am living at home with my mum, with frequent depression episodes. I haven't cleaned my room in a year - I've beat myself up for this, but this video has made me realise that it's not as hard as it seems. Thank you

@KxNOxUTA

Жыл бұрын

It IS actually hard, so please be kind with yourself. It is hard and you are allowed to take all the steps that ease the burden in you! You're allowed to let go of everything, that makes it harder to cover what is truly your base, and not "what people expect to be necessary and appropriate for you at all times". I learned, that it helps to reflect on where expectations come from and if they're even mine, or if the voices of other people are talking me down with learned expectations that I never actually actively made a decision over or built my own opinion on!

@lisaf938

Жыл бұрын

Me too 🫂 🤗

Did I just stumble onto someone who wrote my life story? If so, I'm so grateful.

I don’t even need all the tips. It’s the compassion that’s so healing that I am starting to feeling more able to grapple with my tasks again. Thank you so much for this beautiful piece of humanity.

@theoriginaledi

Жыл бұрын

My feeling exactly. I'm finding my way in the physical stuff, but the compassion and understanding is incredibly powerful.

@theoriginaledi

Жыл бұрын

My feeling exactly. I'm finding my way in the physical stuff, but the compassion and understanding is incredibly powerful.

@theoriginaledi

Жыл бұрын

My feeling exactly. I'm finding my way in the physical stuff, but the compassion and understanding is incredibly powerful.

I've watched this three times already. I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear that care tasks are morally neutral and that I deserve a *functional* living space. I often have days where I struggle with pain or depression so I can't get out of bed. I have a basket of sewing things right by my bed so I can still do something I love while feeling so badly about everything else. Thank you for this!

@StacynZachEmmons

Жыл бұрын

That is beautiful, thank you for sharing! ❤️🧵 You've inspired me today

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

hoping you don’t feel badly about the other things. baby steps.

I wanted to say thank you. I'm feeling very hopeless today and this made me feel understood, and less alone.

@brainmachine235

Жыл бұрын

You are not alone. We’re here for you.

@truthseeker6584

Жыл бұрын

How are you today? Is there anything that you can do/have that would bring just a bit more joy into your life - regardless you situation.? For me my pets bring me joy and laughter. I am chronically ill (Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia,Asthma) , poor, and care for a longterm sick family member. The future frightens me and at the moment I don't see any eay for me. Life is draining me on a daily basis. BUT my pets make me laugh. And they even provide some sense of success . I managed to tame 2 traumatized pet rats and my rescue dog has after 4 years lost its fear of humans. And I love to escape reality in the evenings or when I have to spend very much time in bed reading fantasy books. There are so many free or cheap ebooks available - and I love shopping free ebooks. I wish you all the best and that you may find something that warms your heart and distracts you of your sorrows. Distraction and selfcare is sooo important to survive! What also helps me is my faith in a loving NOT almighty God (who is not guilty of making my life miserable) as the original Christians believed. In my worst moments the thought comforts me that -as Paul says in the New Testament - heaven is our home and we are only pilgrims here on earth. I wish you all the best.May God bless you and help you find things that lift your heart! May Go

I struggle with all these tasks whether I’m depressed or not. It never even occurred to me to think of a chore as a morally neutral task until this moment. Thank you.

I’m a mother of 3 with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and narcolepsy. The presentation of my home, myself, and my family is how I measure my worth. We’re always a mess anyway, so I don’t often feel very good. Thank you for this.

@carriewells4377

Жыл бұрын

We have so much in common. Narcolepsy alone is an absolute beast. Adding in the depression, anxiety, and PTSD… sending you love and support

@narcoloopsie999

Жыл бұрын

@@carriewells4377 Thank you, Carrie! I’m very lucky to have an awesome support system. Some days they’re the only things keeping me upright and moving. Love and support to you as well ❤️

@55linka

Жыл бұрын

Why 3 kids then?

@joeysherard4471

Жыл бұрын

I grew up with my mom in a similar position as yours. My mom has had narcolepsy, depression, and anxiety long before I was born. It made it so that my brother and I were often the ones waking her up in the morning to take us to the bus stop, and our household was a story of just keeping the walkways clear. She was always so ashamed of 'the house she kept' that she was terrified of me having friends over lest they decide they don't want to be friends with someone with piles of boxes and junk up to our eyeballs. Having friends over meant multiple days of cleaning and my mom being anxious that I would lose that friend (she had a friend a long time ago that she invited over that ghosted her after coming to our house) then my mom disappearing in her room to rest when the day finally came. And she was always so tired, she felt sick and angry and ashamed of herself for being such a dysfunctional mother. And the thing I wish most for her right now is that she receive counseling and social support from people beyond my dad's confidant, and maybe it starts with this video... But she was also always a warrior who never stopped fighting to make sure my brother and I were safe and happy, and I am incredibly grateful that God gave me a mom who cares so much about me as I am sure you care about your kids. I am telling you all of this because I have been where your kids are now, and I want you to know that even if you look around and see your failures, we see your successes and how much you have gone through and fought for in our lives. We see your pain and successes and we want to see you thrive as much as you want to see us thrive. Please be patient with and kind to yourself on this journey :)

@narcoloopsie999

Жыл бұрын

@@joeysherard4471 This was lovely, thank you for sharing ❤️ I’m very lucky to have the support system I have, so I struggle far less than some others in my position. Some days are still very difficult though. Being there for my kids is far more important than my house being spotless though, so I take solace in that 😊

Her book gave me so much peace. Living with Depression ADHD and PTSD is a lot. My energy goes into my toddler so there isn’t much left. Her book really helped me figure out what works well for me

@brynleytalbot778

Жыл бұрын

The social media world presents us with airbrushed images and videos that depict unrealistic unattainable goals their promoters push to appear superior to their viewers. When you catch yourself punishing yourself for not meeting others ideals ask whether they could accomplish them in your shoes. The answer is: No.

@Cutiejuliya

Жыл бұрын

whats the name of her book?

@intentionallyleftblank3016

Жыл бұрын

@@Cutiejuliya Her book is called *How to Keep House While Drowning : A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing* 💕

her content entirely changed my perspective on my depression and cleanliness- I’ve been told my whole life I’m lazy and messy- when it’s the opposite. I am so grateful for her and what she’s doing

I don't have the words to express how life changing this is for me.

Im having a hard time right now, and this made me feel a little bit better. Sending love and healing to everyone who needs it.

@panthermoon6984

Жыл бұрын

You too ❤

I have ocd and frequent depression, this was very encouraging. I always tell my self “go do the next right thing” Wash one dish, put the soap on and scrub it. Rinse it. Good job! Self compassion is so helpful, I wouldn’t treat other people as hard as I treat myself sometimes. I made my bed. I studied for my class for a few minutes. One step at a time.

@acediaethos4469

Жыл бұрын

hello! i am so so proud of you!

Thank you so much for your statement (and I paraphrase), "...it takes all your strenght NOT to kill yourself today!" Only people who have had true depression can understand that statement. Bless you!

@johanneshartman4618

2 ай бұрын

Jesus christ can set you free from depression❤

@noctoi

2 ай бұрын

@@johanneshartman4618 People like you literally CAUSED my depression. Take your proselytising somewhere else you shill

KC was one of the first creators I discovered on TikTok and she radically changed the way I view my world and myself. "What do I need to get through tomorrow?" is the best tool I have on days when everything is too much, and since I've started employing it, I have more good days than I've had in years.

My mom died when I wasn’t even 19. No family around. I struggled a lot.. even for simple things. So thank you for highlighting all of this ❤

That is exactly what occupational therapy is there for- finding out with you how you can adapt your daily tasks to make them manageable and do the things that are meaningful for you

@lesleygarcia7608

Жыл бұрын

As an OT I'm really glad this talk resonates with so many. I really wish more people knew that OT is the therapy discipline that WILL ask you how you're doing your laundry! ...and all the other care tasks (that are deemed too ordinary and everyday for medicine and science). 🙄🥰

@jellyfish939

Жыл бұрын

Yes!! Exactly!! I’m also an OT

@drizjr328

Жыл бұрын

I wish the speaker had mentioned occupational therapy.

@lesleygarcia7608

Жыл бұрын

@@LisaMarieAdams nobody said that. OT helps people (individuals and groups) improve their performance of activities to a level of their own satisfaction. The barrier(s) to this could be from any plane (eg, the person: eg physical mobility as you mentioned, cognitive processes, or the environment (physical and social), or the activity itself).

@LisaMarieAdams

Жыл бұрын

@@lesleygarcia7608 How exactly?

I struggled with self-care and daily tasks and all the multiple, overwhelming tiny steps involved in each one, not realizing I had a severe brain disease, called bipolar 2 depression. I have a small list taped to the inside of the bathroom cabinet to remind me to take my daily meds, put on deodorant, brush my teeth and clean the cat box. It's a good day when I take a shower. I had a laundry pick up service and grocery delivery on my worst depression days, until I could do the work myself. Now I'm functioning much better. I like things to be easy, because for so long I was in emergency survival mode. Now my self-care is extraordinary and easy.

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

so happy for you. yes, i’m trying to have my life be as easy as possible.

Every point hit me so hard, I am wadded up in the corner sobbing.

As someone with a chronic illness, a "silent" disability, Thank you!

This is the best TED talk I’ve seen in a long, long time. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Having depression, anxiety, and a debilitating, painful, auto-immune disease is so hard to handle sometimes. Thank you for offering some hope to those of us who are in pain and struggling in many ways. ❤️

After being widowed 3yrs ago, I am again facing single motherhood from someone who was supposed to be my chapter 2. Who was supposed to be my rainbow after the storm. I've haven't felt this depressed since my struggling teenage years. And on top of that I have two toddlers under me who can't wait for mommy to feel better. You shouldn't have to wait for mommy to feel better. It's been a huge struggle. I'm fighting everyday with myself to just do one thing at a time. Just one thing.

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m a full time worker and full time mother of three young boys ages 7,5 and 1. I always feel like not never doing enough or a lazy mom because my house isn’t always tidy and the laundry is out of control!Listening to you i realized that I’m being too hard on myself. My children are healthy and happy and that’s what’s important. Thank you again ❤

@carlymsandoval

Жыл бұрын

Love this message. Thanks for sharing :)

@alterego3633

Жыл бұрын

Three children is a lot to take care of! The fact you are working, clearing, cooking, etc. and are still able to make sure your kids are happy means a lot! You're a good mom, never forget that

@brynleytalbot778

Жыл бұрын

We have unrealistic comparison analysis standards designed by those in the advertising world to push their utopian ideals. It’s fine to have the Sunday supplement house but is it a home? And let’s face it, Martha Stewart has a host of help so she can tell everyone else they’re failing her standards. Hypocrites always hide reality.

@Dbb27

Жыл бұрын

Dirt will always be there, children won’t. ❤

@patriciamichaels4393

Жыл бұрын

@@Dbb27 That is always what my mother said!

Thank you!!! I listened to this video while caulking and weatherproofing the windows in the house I'm renting. The cold has moved in a few weeks earlier that usual. I'm doing this on a day I should be in the shop catching up on clients' projects. I intended to do this yesterday, another day stolen from paid work, but was on day 4 without my main ADHD meds. I'm renting this house because at 52 I commited to working for myself. This was five years after getting diagnosed and working toward living my life in a way that is more friendly to my condition. I'm renting this house because earlier this year I realized just how broken my 19 year marriage was when my soon to be ex-wife said she doesn't trust me. When pressed, she said she doesn't trust my follow through. She said this in the house I negotiated the purchase of, to a person who is the only college graduate in two generations of my family. This video makes me realize that this is what she meant. My inablility to keep my personal spaces organized at all, my vacations from hygiene because there were too many other things to do or too many depressive thoughts in my head meant that I'm not to be trusted to work effectively enough to provide a safe environment. Thank you for helping me put that in a box and put that box in the closet of useless shame. I'm going to get back to making my home more comfortable and less expensive to live in through the winter.

This message is so important. Cleaning is so challenging when I'm depressed. It's like I become paralyzed in my own sorrow. I'm grateful I still have the ability to recognize this, and somehow lift myself up to draw the energy to clean up after I let my place go for too long.

@downeygirl2

Жыл бұрын

When I was a young, broke, single mom, I struggled a lot to keep depression at bay and to keep my house functioning. I too would get paralyzed in my own sorrow, as you put so well. One simple thing that helped me was to repeat to myself "Just put one foot in front to the other." And then take that one step.

@christina_cl

11 ай бұрын

You have to determine what is "good enough" for you. We don't need everything to be perfect. One example: I make sure that I rince out dishes as soon as I am done with them so that it's less work (food hasn't dried out yet). It's not a full cleaning, I'm still piling them in the sink, but at least there is not much food left on them so they won't get mold or attract bugs. That is good enough for me.

I am watching this video in my bed at 12 am, feeling lazy and guilty. I am danish, 56 years old, I have 3 children and 3 grandchildren. I have rheumatoid arthritis, I only work 12 hours a week in a job as familycounsler (where I often teach families to focus on the things they are good at) and have a nice and helpful family. I have cludder, dirt, laundry and havent bought any Christmas presents yet. And my dog is shedding all over my home. But I excel in telling my self that I am not good enough. And thinking of all the things I should be doing instead of appreciating all the things in my life, that I am blessed to have. For now I really need to drag my self info the shower within the next hour, that is my plan. And vacuum the floors, the plan from yesterday, that I didnt do. Sometimes I can not take my wet laundry from the washingmachine into the dryer. Then I just start the washing machine again and again. Why can I not pull my self together? Because I have pain and cronic fatigue. And insomnia due to pain. Because I have rheumatoid arthritis. And then the circle starts all over again😥I dont feel sorry for my self, just sad sometimes. This is not what I had planned. And that is the point, none of us gets to choose every aspect of our life. We can, sometimes have a saying in how we embrase life❤

@yolakin8210

Жыл бұрын

Huge hug💫

@liselottenormannsrensen7867

Жыл бұрын

@@yolakin8210 Thank you❤️

@suzanbak1

Жыл бұрын

Bless you. May you never give up on ways to ease your pain. As u know- mental exhaustion becomes physical fatigue

As a young widow (my husband died unexpectedly 2 years ago) I can speak to the exhaustion. Cooking dinner is still a challenge; even more so after all the home cooking I did during the pandemic. Other things have been a challenge to do as well. I started to embrace the idea, that I just project zigzag (start a project, get stuck or there is a natural break, and then come back to the project sometimes weeks later). As soon as I embraced this, I started to get more done! I am a trauma therapist/Neurofeedback practitioner and will be sharing this! Thank you!!!

OMG!!! This has been my life for the past 3 years! Laundry, showering, cleaning, even brushing my teeth sometimes. And I spend so much time ruminating and trying to figure out how to get it done without anyone knowing what a horrible person I am, because I can’t manage do get even the simplest of tasks, that I’m too exhausted to try.

@ktpuss

Жыл бұрын

I feel for you Karen, I’m the same and it’s a pity we feel judged by anyone and then ourselves, I find it can feel like a heavy weight most days and even my partner once said “you never DO anything” (it was actually on last Xmas day). I felt crushed and ashamed as I feel I try so hard to keep up, except on really bad days. I wish you well, feels better knowing we’re not alone I guess x

@AlisonBryen

Жыл бұрын

It's almost a relief to hear that other people feel the same way as I do 🙂

Occupational therapy is literally all about helping people participate in daily tasks! ❤ We are the perfect health profession to support individuals become functional 💪🏼

@luanndasilva3290

Жыл бұрын

I am an OT, and was thinking, absolutely the same thing. It is so OT! - from the mental health aspect, as well. Wonderful talk providing a ‘me too’ moment for so many.

@Jennifer-gr7hn

Жыл бұрын

......if only it was only about the physical tasks of functioning. It's more complicated like that.

@CPlusParent

Жыл бұрын

So true. And pediatric OT that specializes in helping ND kids is essential. So many people don’t get that physiological health directly impacts emotional health. My kids were so fortunate to have amazing OT help. My youngest still goes - we’d be lost without it.

@missdots324

Жыл бұрын

It is ideal. But money can be a barrier. Access can be a barrier.

I’m watching this as I’m re-drying a load of laundry for the second time. And I’m crying and laughing at the same time. Thank you so much. ❤

KC: the most sentient ball of stardust ever! 🌟

She is one of the first Tiktokers I followed last year, and her advice and compassion have helped me shift my negative mindset into a more accepting and loving perspective. She is a phenomenal example of how vulnerability and authenticity can truly change the world. Kudos to an excellent TedTalk! I hope it goes viral, because everyone needs to hear this message!

Yes! People don't fail, plans fail ~ maybe you just need a new plan than the one society's given you. As a therapist, this is so validating to the work I do with my clients (especially those with ADHD and depression, and also to me). Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a small bubble; so, I'm so happy other clinicians and people approach life similarly with creative functionality.

I'm literally crying right now, as a kid who grew up in a house of tweakers I had to prematurely grow up, parenting my parents till i refused to enable them. And have always beat myself up when I feel down and can't even bathe or do laundry...I still make things work, but thank you.... I'm crying right now having a hard time believing this mental state is actually understood.. I don't feel weak now..maybe just, altered.

@heidiWava

Жыл бұрын

💜

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

it’s so understood. sending hugz

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

you have to give yourself the love that you never received from them, hence your inner child. i used to hate that saying but it’s true. i try to hold myself as a baby how i would want to be held and loved

I am a widow of almost 2 years (next month 11/23/22), and I have struggled to function for a long time. I am slowly moving forward and seeing a spark of hope (with hospice and empath health counseling) to have my life back again. All the while, I still having a very busy teenager in my home. There are my grown children, who have their own lives, and other people around who just dont get it, and think that you should be healed after the first year death anniversary. This video has showed me that my functional living of just to get thru the day, every day, is for real morally neutral, and I am not a bad person because I haven't snapped back into life as a normal happy person yet (although the facade is there for gatherings, etc., but I'm really super sad and unhappy still). This video at least made me feel better on coping with the care of the house and care of myself. Thank you. 💞

@brynleytalbot778

Жыл бұрын

It’s amazing how the facade emerges due to social pressures to be happy because everyone else is seemingly having a successful life. It’s like answering “Fine” to “How are you?” because we know it’s just a polite inquiry rather than a true question.

@jennhoff03

Жыл бұрын

Wow. I'm really really sorry for what you're going through. Grief is the worst. And takes, you know, *slightly* more than a year. ;'D I say the deeper the love, the deeper the grief. You'll probably be grieving in some form the rest of your life. Like, it'll get easier to function, and feel joy and hope, etc. But it's not like there's a day on the calendar where, once you hit it, you'll stop missing your husband.

Sobbing. I’ve followed KC on TikTok for more than a year and her voice in my head has helped me let up on myself enough to be able to do *just one more thing* than I’ve been able to do before, over & over again. More therapists should listen to and learn from her. Thank you KC.

what KC says really resonates with me. being morally neutral. deserving to be sanitary. struggling with mental health doesn't take away your worth. loved this TED talk and she's one of my favorite people on KZread.

Thank you for this- no one really talks about this aspect of depression ❤

This is one of the best mental health strategies I’ve heard. Reframing our inner conversation and critique about how we have to do everything perfectly is so important! Focusing on what we need to function when times are hard is a great way to look at it, instead of the constant negative voice of how we are messing up everything. Self compassion can get us so far. Thank you for delivering such an important, impactful, and touching talk. I’m really grateful for you KC! ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌺🌺🌺

@snickerson3558

Жыл бұрын

Beautifully said - thank you!

Omg this woman is the reason I started therapy and found a therapist I actually like. I'm super grateful for her and I'm glad she got to do a TED talk!!

@kirstieb8025

Жыл бұрын

i 🥺 my doctor won’t wanna work with me anymore

The ziplock idea is absolutely genius and so caring!

First time I've actually seen people stand up to clap. Thank you for sharing this new way of thinking. I feel refreshed now and with more hopes

I always did my laundry the way my mom taught us growing up. Then it occurred to me, “Why am I folding tshirts? I HATE folding tshirts!” And now they go onto hangers. 😂 Undies, socks, and bras don’t need folding. So they don’t get folded. Thrown into separate drawers, yes, but not folded. Thank you for helping me affirm my way of doing things to keep our house tidy without worrying that it’s not the way my mom would’ve done it! ❤

Caregiver and single mom here. Depression and anxiety on top of bereavement and chronic pain. I have so much self hatred built up around housework and never seem to keep up. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for this new perspective. Knowing me, I’ll need to remind myself of it for a while for it to sink in but even now, it provides relief. Care tasks are morally neutral. Thank you for the breath of air. Now to send it to my girlfriend, who also has a lot of baggage built up around care tasks. ❤

You can hear in the applause at the end how this resonates with so many people, so many of us are struggling with day to day management

I sobbed through this entire video. Thank you.