This is one of your best videos in my opinion. It explains so much about why I’ve lived the way I have. I feel my best when I’m my “weird” self but I’ve finally learned how to get along with normal people and life is so much easier. I still draw my strength from who I know I really am though.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's great! -Cara@TeamFairy

@alexazriel

2 жыл бұрын

@Veronica What do you mean?

@facelesspodcaster5594

2 жыл бұрын

@@alexazriel this is me,. I have low self esteem too. I still do unfortunately. I went to a good school and still have low self esteem. It follows me everywhere i go. I hated school though because it was anxiety inducing.

@annakatepollard2318

2 жыл бұрын

Can I ask how you managed to get along with 'normal people'? Was that a side effect of the course?! I am new to this channel and .. well I just can't wait! 😅

@sws3013

2 жыл бұрын

Hi! It’s really just been from years of observation of how normies (ha) interact, like how much about themselves they share, what they make small talk about (pets, tv shows, the weather), complimenting a unique clothing item someone is wearing. It’s taken me a long time to learn not to overshare, start telling sad stories from my life, humble bragging to try to impress. I actually hold a lot of me back and only share it when I know someone is going to be a safe friend. I never ever seem flirty, just friendly, and never bust out my weird interests until I know I can trust them and they’re not going to make fun of me (years of school bullying to thank for that). So basically I’m slow and cautious and have cultivated the ability to tell when someone is safe or not which has come from years of trial and error. I’m glad you’re excited about your journey and wish you all the blessings on it!

It’s maddening how things that weren’t my fault are now my responsibility to heal.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

I understand but honestly, once healing takes root, it ceases to be so maddening. -Cara@TeamFairy

@mojocobos97

Жыл бұрын

I feel you, it’s enraging and unfair but I believe in you and I believe in myself. We’ll get through this

@jrain4219

Жыл бұрын

I'm starting to just do WHAT I love... music, skateboarding, calligraphy and I am training my mind and body to relax with activities I enjoy... Weird how enjoyment is a feeling I have to TRAIN my anxious mind to accept. If I want to feel confident, then I find getting out of my own mind and training myself to do activities I enjoy absolutely as much as I am able to (inspite of the critical inner voice)... These activities help me alot whenndone in conjunction with the inner child and trauma informed therapies.

@jeanniegugliemino1632

10 ай бұрын

Yes, and it gives you the control and power over what happens from now on.

@andrewz58

8 ай бұрын

nailed it brother, stay strong as we'll all get through this together

Procrastination and all bad habits are self-punishments, due to the belief we don’t deserve better!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for joining the conversation :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

KZread has a great video by a monk (spit straight and clear). It's called: How do You make your Bed. Best to you in your journey!

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

Perhaps with many they are, but not always. Procrastination can be a lack of time-awareness, or a lack of understanding about the amount of time a task will require, a lack of perspective, or a failure to calculate all micro-tasks into the equation. Procrastination can be not wanting to engage in something adverse, whether that's conflict or other unpleasantness, or something they don't know how to do, or due to fear or uncertainty. Lots of people hesitate in making decisions or taking action because they are unsure. Your absolutist-statement conveys that all such people want to punish themselves, that they feel they don't deserve better, and that's just not true of everyone. Time management and organization can be lacking in a person, but that doesn't mean a person has within them a need to self-punish or shame. One should beware of absolutist statements. You may not know what is within them, but your statement assumes you know. That's incorrect. You're speaking from your position. That's presumptive.

@eilzmo

2 жыл бұрын

@@cacatr4495 have you considered the possibility that it might be true? And that the people who don’t think they subconsciously want to punish themselves cause they just haven’t realised it yet?

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

@@eilzmo I did not merely post my comment by reaction, but assessed the issue. Not everyone feels that they aren't worthy, not everyone feels shame over what their parents did, not everyone has a desire/need to self-punish. I know this. Everyone assumes that just because one's parents were abusive, that the child has internalized some sense of shame or guilt, but that is not true of all children; I know this. Such ones may be uncommon, but some children have a very firm hold on the truth, and they know they are not responsible in any way for their parents' choices and behavior. They carry no shame for their parents; their parents carry their own shame. It is common that shame-based thought processes chalk everything in life up to that one component, shame, when there are other causes in Life. It is easy for folks to take on a very narrow view of causation.

I get imposter syndrome whenever I start to feel too confident around people. The one thing I learned about growing up with my toxic family was, being a confident person was scornful act of defiance.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

I relate. Just has to be shaken off.

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

May I suggest: Rules for a Knight, by Ethan Hawke. When he addresses the precept of Pride he notes: "Never pretend you are not a knight or attempt to diminish yourself because you deem it will make others more comfortable. We show others the most respect by offering the best of ourselves." You are a knight. Go out and shine! Blessings to you on your journey.

@FreyaGem

2 жыл бұрын

Confidence labeled as a "scornful act of defiance"...dang, well said. I always feel that way when I'm confident, like someone's bound to slap me off what they see as my "high horse" at any moment.

@amberv4223

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I was literally taught to worry and be anxious.

@rainingpatchouli4476

2 жыл бұрын

This is so true ! I showed up happy around my ex , I was labeled manic

I started meditating again about three weeks ago and writing out my fears and resentments. And just this week I noticed I was literally walking with a spring in my step. The moment I noticed I got that positive feedback jolt of yah baby, this is the energy I want to project out in the universe and I can't wait to see what kind of bouncy, upbeat energy swings back toward me. So far so good.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That is so great to hear!!! -Cara@TeamFairy

@dannym6552

2 жыл бұрын

💕💕💕💕💕💕

@msharic85

2 жыл бұрын

This!

@laleezy77

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!

"I drove people away, i was acting weird" I really FEEL that!!! ❤ So simple, so true!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the relatedness! -Cara@TeamFairy

@rudyleotardo8278

2 жыл бұрын

Same here

I advocate for those who are bullied by society.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's a great role to have :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@heathermahony110

2 жыл бұрын

One of the BIGGEST things that Upsets, & makes my Blood Boil, are BULLIES!!! 😈😠 Thank You for your Kindness & Service to those who get Damaged from Bullies! God Bless You, & yours! 😇😍🙏💜💓💜💋💙

@amberv4223

2 жыл бұрын

🌻♥️

@mmommo-hx4dx

2 жыл бұрын

yay me too

1) bad habits 2) faulty descisions 3) Distorted perceptions These are the things you need to work on to heal.

@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for taking such great notes

@Catseye189

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@anthonyhettinger9702

Жыл бұрын

What about when you have people with bad intent all around blocking you from civil rights and liberties?

@marie-francoiset9402

3 ай бұрын

@anthonyhettinger9702 Decide if you’ll stay and fight OR move / get new job / new friends

Thank you 😊 I have been alone a few years now, and I am happy. Never again will I allow anyone to treat or speak to me like I am worthless. That goes for Family and men.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That is great! -Cara@TeamFairy

My husband and I, both CPTSD diagnosed, have an actual underdog as a pet. She's a beautiful Miniature Australian Shepherd named Mimi WooWoo. When we got her she was sick, starving, untrained and scarred from beatings. She instantly loved us as we began feeding her the right food, teaching her to sit-stay before receiving her food, and treating her skin lesions. Then we taught her lots of other tricks and giving her responsibilities around our garden and home. Her personality has blossomed and she, now age 7, bounces around with the enthusiasm of a puppy. She had bad manners around visitors for about a year but now eagerly welcomes guests and loves performing tricks for people and has so many friends she should run for office. Consistency and endlessly training her to do important tasks, like digging for garden plantings, herding our ducks and opening and closing doors for her disabled mommy and daddy, have transformed our underdog from a snappy brat into a proud tiny farm dog that everyone loves.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Lots of encouragement and validation, no screaming or hitting. What works for dogs works great for people too :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@terransage8857

3 жыл бұрын

🥲 so precious

@i2ndsight

3 жыл бұрын

@@terransage8857 awwww shucks Terran Sage. All it took was practice.

@heatherbruce1668

2 жыл бұрын

That is beyond wonderful ❤❤❤❤

@i2ndsight

2 жыл бұрын

@@heatherbruce1668 Thank you so much and may God bless you and keep you and yours! Mimi WooWoo is totally precious. She lets one of our ducks chase her! It is so cute it sends me into deep belly laughs with the whole slapping the thighs and all! They do it every day. Duck chases dog then after duck is tired dog gently chases duck back to the duck habitat.

Needed this so much. I spent my entire life self-loathing, and it always led to being treated poorly by others as well. Thank you.

@fluffyclouds555

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@asasial1977

3 жыл бұрын

Same here, and all the while completely believing it was entirely my fault.

@UniversalMysticsOfChrist

Жыл бұрын

I get it because of Law of Attraction. But I don't get it either because I don't mistreat people regardless of their self-esteem level. Why are people so mean?!

@thecatalyzing4175

Жыл бұрын

@@UniversalMysticsOfChrist I'm not entirely sure either. I think the most we can do is gravitate towards others who treat us kindly despite us struggling with our self-esteems... and continue to be just as kind towards others and ourselves as well.

@Chosen1Crown

Жыл бұрын

@@UniversalMysticsOfChrist Exactly.. same here . I don’t mistreat people because of there low self esteem or because they feel bad about there own self .. Crazy

Ever since I was about 12, I've had this black hole feeling in the middle of my chest above my stomach, an ache I was waiting for someone else to take away, so I tried to patch it with drinking and smoking and hanging out with unsafe people. So now I'm choosing coffee and KZread and laundry while this video helps me sit through my feelings. Thank you, Anna!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Sending you encouragement as you make steps towards healing. Thanks for being here. - Ashley, Team Fairy

@meganp8766

Жыл бұрын

These videos have helped me as well. Anna is great at explaining things. I remember a time when I would have described myself as feeling a similar way. I think I did once, or at least I had this mental picture of a black hole. Prayer and faith have helped me in addition to finding safe spaces like these, primarily online. Specifically when I remind myself that I am not alone and that I have a friend in Jesus. He suffered a lot on this earth and was described as despised, rejected, and a man of sorrows. I know not everyone is religious, but that feeling of having someone to turn to in prayer who can relate and has even been through so much more has helped me when I feel alone or rejected.

@liodemirror1775

10 ай бұрын

It's the solar chakra and the heart chakra. You can google practices to feel lighter

Working out with hand weights and body weight at home has increased my self confidence. Now I walk more upright and obviously feel stronger. How one dresses is also a big indicator of how you feel about yourself.

I always wondered why it's so easy to be treated like a piece of trash when you're not constantly displaying a happy attitude, this honestly annoys me how everyone immediately decides to kick you when you're already down. No one wants to admit that they're part of the continuing problem.

@kimlec3592

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, it's something i've experienced both from "people who care", and also the social workers in the hospital who tried to say i had no capacity and tried to convince me to move out of my house and rent an apartment???!!! This really not only shocked me at first, but now i'm just so over feeling afraid and intimidated after all my dealings with social workers over the years. The thing is, when you're down, people tell you to have pills. Hell, if you're in the mental health because you've split from reality, they give you the damn pills whether you want them or not. When you've been told all your life there's something wrong with you, you just go along with it. But it's not right. Actually the only thing that has and is working for me for the first time in a long time is getting back on the writing. This is one of the absolute best ways to even out your emotions to the extent that you can begin to think and have the freedom to express yourself - a big deal for most of us who were told there was something wrong with us, for simply having feelings and being human. The more i look into it, and the more i hear of people who've overcome a lot in life, it always seems that those who write are better able to handle the stuff that happens or has happened to them. From writing a little bit here and there, i've gone from not being able to do anything to being able to organise house repairs and clean, and get to the laundry and even sit a while with someone who isn't that interesting - maybe it's because we were so abandoned in so many ways when young that writing is a chance to attend and "listen" to ourselves through writing what we really feel and think, maybe allowing us to have a "voice" for the first time in many years, or possibly for the first time ever ! All i know is since i've gone back to writing - notes, shopping lists, random words - i've felt more calm, more able to think, more able to handle life. Pills have their place - if you feel you need them, it's fine. When i get very anxious, i need to take an antihistamine or a beta blocker to calm and unlock my tense muscles. And since i was young i've taken either headache tablets or anti-depressants to help me sleep when i could not. When things are really hard, and all you want to do is lie down and die, believe me, i've been there, many times. But the act of writing reminds you that you can let out whatever you're feeling, onto the page, and you don't need to wait for the therapist who may or may not ease your feelings. The thing is, if it's 3am and you're up and about because you just feel so hopeless and helpless - the therapist may not be available. But the pen and paper or phone or computer is. This is the great thing about writing. You can write your wrath or angst or sorrow onto the page, no one has to see it, so it doesn't have to be pretty or perfect - you can just let rip with how you really feel. And you can send it to yourself, before you send it to someone who may not receive it well. The thing is, a lot of us have got to nurture ourselves with writing if we had no helpful people in our lives. The fact that Anna is making this information more widely available is her service to people. And yes, she may charge for some of the courses and things she does - but the thing is, you can get writing to get yourself started on recovering your emotional balance pretty much straight away. In fact, for some, privacy is a huge issue, and writing privately for one's self is wise. For those of us who have been through so many mills we no longer care for what others think - we write publicly on here, in the hopes that something may click for others and they get the benefit from trying the writing from reading the benefits others have experienced. The funny thing is, you don't even always have to write about your feelings directly. Sometimes just writing about something you really enjoy can be really helpful too. It's the act of putting the words down in a way that makes sense to you that gives a sense of accomplishment and management of feelings which otherwise can feel unmanageable. Sometimes we need to give ourselves approval and permission first, before we head back out into the world to face others' opinions. Writing your way back to health and calm is totally available to anyone.

@straitjacket1930

Жыл бұрын

THIS!!!

@GabrielleTollerson

Жыл бұрын

EXACTLY

@corsicanlulu

5 ай бұрын

law of attraction sucks dont it? i hate it so much

I wish had I known this sooner. But I started learning a few years ago, just doing the basics is how I build my self esteem. Clean up after myself. Stick to a schedule. Do the things. It changes something in your brain when you start doing esteemable acts. Over the past few years this shift in attitude has allowed me to build routines, have success professionally, even get more into shape!

@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382

Жыл бұрын

Totally AGREE Doing builds self esteem

I didn't even have a crappy childhood, and i *still* value her advice and opinion, she's very knowledgable.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for being here! -Cara@TeamFairy

This is what low energy feels like to me. I feel anxious and irritable in this state so I seek ways to raise my energy before being too sociable; exercise, good music, clean and simplify my surroundings, walk with the dog, etc., whatever it takes to feel more at peace.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Great :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@ms.anonymousinformer242

2 жыл бұрын

I do that too ! And I feel like I have come a long way so fast just this year alone when it comes to limiting what I can do for others. I HAVE to focus on my youngest high needs child and myself, then everyone rose last. I wish I could spend more time with my teenagers but they have busy lives too. I try to keep them busy in ways my parents never allowed me to be. I used to wish I could learn a skill (like martial arts) or a sport ,my parents said no or they couldn't afford it. I know, now. They just were too lazy and/or not mentally present (mom in a cult she dragged me into it too, and sad physically abusive daily). So my teenagers do kickboxing 2-3x a week, the one still in high school is in 2 or 3 after school clubs and has had the same friends since first grade (she even created a 10+ person club of her own during that time) ,is popular , well liked by ALL etc... Im trying to teach them to stand up for themselves and practice boundaries too. The hardest to teach is my youngest who is high needs. He behaves in all the ways a kid shouldn't when it comes to displaying low self asteem. He was spoiled/unhealthy coddled by my husband for 10yrs and it's held him back developmentally. It's something his parents did with him. Which is the extreme opposite of how mine raised me. I had to struggle during his paat 10yrs to find that right balance myself. To not be too strict in a rigid way with him (which I was so afraid would lead to abuse because he is very defiant when pushed to do rings he doesn't want to do) , and stop yelling in the home. It's been almost 6-12months since I have changed my behavior to easing up on the strictness with him& stopped yelling, because hes the kind of kid, like his dad who if given an inch will take a mile and I mean that in a bad way for example if he isn't fed something healthy in the am he will fight to continue eating junk the entire day. He thrived with strict STRUCTURE /routine but at the same time needs lots of patience , LOTS of hugs. He has this need to get a hug like every few hours. He probably asks for hugs about 10x a day. I don't know for it's common for kids with asd. He acts so loving (attention seeking) like a kid who has down syndrome always so sweet and loving. Well for him he needs to scale it back some because it's not socially appropriate to keep hugging on strangers at his age which he has not done in over a year thankfully. I just got him to stop seeking attention from adult strangers within the past year too . For a long tiem he would hyper focus on the adults at the playground instead of the kids. Bringing him there daily has helped him to establish friendships with a handful of the same kids. He still asks to hug other children on the playground. I let him so long as it's OK with the other kid. He also likes to wrestle and tumble around on the ground with other boys playing good guys vs bad guys. And all the normal stuff title boys play. I hope he can develop long term friendships but doubtful at the same time. Why? He is 10 with the maturity of a 5 year old so when he is 20 with the maturity of a 12 or 13 yr old (My oldest was very immature like that at that age but was forced to grow up fast after being in a tragic situation a few yrs ago which also contributed to my ptsd now) it's not going to be easy for him because it's not socially appropriate for a child/teen to be friends/play with a full grown man who mentally in his mind thinks he's still a kid. So when he is too old for the playground he is going to need structured activities/hobbies to replace that. People don't understand & fear grown men playing with children. I do too ! It looks strange. And can't be healthy for either person even if one is developmentally delayed a bit. My oldest had that issue and I tried getting him diagnosed unsuccessfully. He seems to be doing well now socially in his mid twenties,outside his emotional issues that I know I caused on him from his childhood (my poor parenting). But he can't seem to be bale to live independently on his own yet.. he is 24 and despite not being abused like I was as a child he is FAR worse developmentally behind than I was. I had to grow up fast young from neglectful parenting where as me I was too hard on him when he was little way too over bearing and still had not woken up from the cult I was in . I was raised to be a jwhovah witness by my mom while my dad physically abused us. I only throw it out there online bc most of you will never know me in person. I know telling that to people scares them. It makes them think "holy crap this lady must be sooooo screwed up" 😳😬 I had people act so shocked 😲 when I woul first tell them about the abuse I endured, because for me it was my normal so I didnt think it was THAT bad. It wasn't until I LEFT that cult that I qoke up even more to how stunted my parents made me despite my having to grow up fast (was cooking,babysitting & caring for myself by age 10 a complete opposite of how my youngest is at his age. It's still weird to see kids age 10+ that can't cook or clean or shower without help. 🤔 ,like with my youngest. Even my middle children (the teenagers now who held long term straight A through school) coudl do all that at that age. I have to tell myself he is NOT me OR his siblings at his age. And just love him how he wants to be loved,and keep trying not to push him too much to do more than he can handle. My youngest is MUCH less mature for his age compared to his oldest brother when he was the same age. There is a 14 year gap between them so his brother is more like an uncle than a brother. So it will be tougher for him growing into manhood if he is maturing slower. But he is getting affection,attention, and patience from me and his dad that my oldest didn't get at his age either. There is another "little" (as in age but not size lol) boy he recently befriended at the playground. Who is one year older and seems to be at his cognitive level too. finally! I say that because his other (regular) friends on the playground rather he sees daily are ages 4-7 . The same age kid& him got along so well lastnight they both hugged goodbye. That boy didn't make eye contact with me once yesterday. I suspect he might also be on the spectrum. Or he could just be quirky and I was mis reading him. I do seen to recognize when kids are on the spectrum though after having two of my own( our of 4) on the spectrum. I just met the mom, so it's too early to dare ask about that. And he is also homeschooled.

To the magnificent soul reading this: You are valued. You are loved. You are so, so worthy 💗

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Love that 💜 -Cara@TeamFairy

@heathermahony110

2 жыл бұрын

I Loved hearing that! THANK YOU!! & The Same Vibes right back at you! 😇😍😎🙏💜

@pameladazey6900

2 жыл бұрын

You are a magnificent soul for posting such a kind comment

The odd thing about self esteem is that being as traumatized as I am, whenever I encounter extremely confident people my trauma response immediately sorts them into the 'danger category'. I immediately see them as narcissists who are there to hurt me, whether they are or not, they get put into that category. So what ends up happening is that if I end up having to interact with them, I am treating them as a threat and thus I behave in ways that I wish I didn't, namely that when you treat someone as a threat, you can't be open to them, you can't be nice to them. So then I am repeatedly labeled an asshole and thus not generally liked, at least in my old milieu. But then when I think about how much I hate them back, I say to myself, "good, they are walking pieces of garbage anyway." And maybe they are garbage in some cases. But this response doesn't help me get anywhere in life. Since I moved out west to a smaller community, I have had to try really hard to not react to strangers as threats. And then one day it occurred to me, "you know, that person at the gas station probably doesn't hate you", or "she may not have actually thought you were weird, you were just behaving skittishly". So much of this stuff is really coming up from the subconscious level. I have had to consciously start 'raising my vibration', and part of that means developing a response to strangers in which I do not automatically think that they dislike me or are going to react negatively to me. I think self-esteem is largely a conditioned response like that.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like there is progress happening, we can help with courses here courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy

The discovery of this channel has probably changed my life. I had diagnoses that ran the gambit from bipolar, panic disorder, anxiety, depression, ADHD, when really it was the trauma of my formative years that did the damage. I finally found a therapist who told me you have PTSD. I even went to a specialist for ADHD who said no you are not ADHD. I think she was headed the same direction but it was too expensive for me to keep seeing her. I was bullied by kids for being a bit darker in complexion than them in my Kentucky school from the moment I hit second grade. Then it morphed into being told I was ugly. Then I became pretty in the eyes of many all the sudden. I had ugly duckling syndrome. I dressed weird. I acted weird. I still had crooked teeth and bad skin and my dad didn't ever let me forget it. I overthought every interaction with others. I ended up with abusive men over and over or pining obsessively over unattainable ones. I was starved for love and affection and looked for it in horrible places. I had a vivid fantasy world and never asked for anything from my parents - so I might as well have been Cinderella while my sisters demanded EVERYTHING because they learned if they didn't, they would get nothing from my parents. My parents weren't parents. My sisters are now obsessed with controlling everything and being crappy to me still but I don't care. My mom was being battered by my dad daily in front of me. I was my own parent and my younger sister's parent and often my father's parent. He had untreated severe schizoaffective disorder. He was beating my sister. I saw everything. I heard everything. My dad also has strong narcissistic tendencies. We all had to be perfect. We had to look perfect to the outside world. Money was the most important thing then your looks (as a female). Nobody was helping with homework, if I went to bed, if I didn't wear the same thing from the day before. I looked like crap because my home life was absolute misery. Some teachers treated me like I was a nuisance and a bad kid. It hurt me just as much. I didn't know how to say I have an abusive home. The scars remained in adulthood. I was always messy, late for work, up and down and all around with my emotions. The list to see the counselor in college was 2 months out. So I never went. In jobs I was told why don't you have any confidence, you are too mousey, I was often a scapegoat for issues I don't even think I was a part of. I was a target of bullies. Finally, I was almost sex trafficked. That's what led me here and to therapy. Someone tried to victimize me in the most horrible way possible because they knew the quiet, timid girl from before. I stood up to him. For the first time ever I started calling people out on their BS. I started telling my family their judgmental expectations were not ok. I told my narcissist sisters their shit does stink and no I'm not abnormal or a broken little girl. I'm a girl who was beaten down from the time she was old enough to really be involved in life. I couldn't even see it with my own eyes. I could see the child me - enthusiastic, outgoing, and excited about everything - was ripped away. I became somebody else because of what happened to me. Now I know I have power, worth, and I can change. I deserve a happy life. With boundaries and someone who treats me well. I deserve to be treated with respect at work and no I'm not an imposter. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and all of those managers who told me I sucked - I'm successful. I'm going to become even more successful with a routine and therapy. Thank you for all you do and for validating and hearing and helping the many of us who have gone unheard for so long.

@sarahalessa78

Жыл бұрын

You are incredible! your story touched me deeply. I had goosebumps all over. I believe in you, you radiate strength and resilience.

@shawnykaltenbach9713

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for being so brave. It helped me to read your story bc there was similarities to mine. I am trying to face mine too. EMDR has been crucial fyi And, the gym, writing, yoga etc

@yvonnedaniel1053

Жыл бұрын

Bless you for your resilience. You are inspirational!

@numoonmystic7864

Жыл бұрын

I relate to scornful defiance.

@lisacurtis8162

Жыл бұрын

Wow, I can relate to alot of what you said. What a difficult, overwhelmingly abusive childhood. It's amazing that you are able to take care of yourself now. God bless you.

having ended friendships which had run their course i am less fearful of connecting to others because i have found a part of myself that is tough enough to end relationships if they r not good

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's so empowering :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

Big step! Congratulations!

@heathermahony110

2 жыл бұрын

I have grown to do that Myself!!! 👍👌💖 God Bless!! 🙏😇

I used to think I was stupid, worthless, unloved, unwanted, and all this crap. Well, now I’m starting to come out of that. And I’m now starting to believe, what if I’m not stupid? What if I’m not worthless. What if, just… what if, I am lovable? One of my hobbies is music. I can’t go a day without listening or thinking about music. I almost retired from making music, because I thought I wouldn’t be good enough. But I just started picking back up on playing music, and I’m rediscovering myself. I love to play the piano, and I love to sing whenever I get the chance. I’d love to play more instruments in the future, and I would love to work on my voice more so I can hit higher octaves. I know I have it in me to do that. But I’m just not comfortable to put my talents out there just yet.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

"What if....I'm wrong about being stupid, worthless, unloved etc." is a GREAT start. At least your questioning it :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@kathy4451

3 жыл бұрын

I was always told I was stupid also I know how that feels. An unexpected event took place in my life which I had 2days of extensive testing done by psychiatrist and psychologist and was told I was highly intelligent.... I wept when she told me this ... I'm very creative,have sold my creations casually... nothing serious. Many tell me I should be out there more selling but I still don't seem to believe in me ....ugh the struggles

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

Best question in the world: what if? It opens so many doors. When we ask that question, a large heavy castle door slams open. Can't shut that puppy if you tried. And guess what? Castles are big...imagine exploring every nook and cranny! Best to you on your journey!

@siennaprice1351

3 жыл бұрын

@@mrs.g.9816 honestly, I try to not let my abuser’s words be a trigger for me. The main trigger for me is my abuser’s temper. Even though I’m out of that environment, and in a much more loving environment, I am having triggers of my abuser’s temper, and it gets very uncomfortable. But I know my mom loves me, no matter how different I am. And my husband loves the heck out of me. And he knows what abuse is.

@siennaprice1351

3 жыл бұрын

@@kathy4451 you are highly intelligent. I’m very creative also. I love my imagination. But I don’t put myself out there as far as it goes with making music. Because I still struggle with thinking that no one would want to hear my music. But also I feel like people are sugarcoating when they say that they like my music. I feel like they’re really saying that they hate my creations. Even though I’m actually working my hardest on not worrying what others think or say.

I've never felt I had low self-esteem, but I seem to attract bullies which means that they sense something in me that isn't good. At that point, I become indignant. I'll pay better attention to it. This was an accidental eye opener. I'm glad I saw your channel

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Glad you found the channel! -Cara@TeamFairy

@andrewschultz6608

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, it feels like they have radar, but they do look for signs of weakness, and if we don't stop them, they plow through. The first time I was able to stonewall their bullying trial balloons, it felt really good. I almost felt like I had a cheat code. But it was fair. I notice this comment was from a year ago and I hope you've continued to make big strides--I just discovered this channel and it's making sense of things.

I attended a Catholic school from 2nd thru 8th grades. The teachers ,who were nuns, were extremely physically and mentally abusive almost on a daily basis! That abuse completly destroyed my self esteem and filled me with toxic shame that effected me into adulthood.

This reminds me of how I stopped accepting my home as a tiny apartment, and I felt worthy of having a lovely NICE BIG home...now I'm progressing to an even better place as well

"I was acting weird" was one of the most profoundly simple, honest things I've ever heard having said/felt/realized more and more (and more. . . ) myself, so I kneejerked cackled. 🙏🏼

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Love that! Be empowered by the weird :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I've come a long way, but still... there are always those days, or 'clusters' of days, really. You are my go-to lady to help get me back on track. Thank you for helping so many of us, and thank you for being YOU. ❤

@Sashas-mom

3 жыл бұрын

I second this comment! @Nicole Lyon 👍🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@deanarjones9114

3 жыл бұрын

I’ll third it

@heatherbruce1668

2 жыл бұрын

I fourth it!!😀

@hitashasharma2178

Жыл бұрын

I fifth this guys

What helped me most in the last couple of years since I discovered what CPTSD is was realizing that I'm not as weird as I think. I've survived and done well. Most of us have but we just don't give ourselves the credit we should. You talk about a boost for the self-esteem! When I began to understand that I'm not really weird that helped so much. A second thing that helped a great deal was that after I came to discover I have really good qualities I started to expect more good things in life. For instance, a potential romantic interest has to show me that he really is interested in me as a person and not as a sex object. He had to like the whole me and show me that he did by taking the time to get to know me.

Hunched back, neck is forward and chin is in front of the collar bone instead of straight up above the spine, scoliosis is common as a child... it’s so obvious to all except to ourselves. Sports are a huge therapy as they push us physically with strength and body position. Yoga and weights are also great. We embody low self esteem. High pitched voice and absence of adequate silence between each sentence... voice lessons and singing are great tools!! Thinking is off. We need to heal our messed up thinking! Always ask the good realistic questions that question our thinking 💭 and help us think realistically:-). Long road! I love Anna !! Definitely spiritual help is guiding Anna !!

@Inseparable724365

3 жыл бұрын

I used to call it "daughter of an alcoholic hunch" ... my step-daughter and my current wife both have it

@celesteinman56

3 жыл бұрын

Her I kindness is so appreciated

@angelaskaggs8037

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, even though I have struggles every day of my life, mentally, physically, it's EXHAUSTING!! I am just so tired of worrying about everything. My bills, my rent, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm getting off the subject, my bad. Anyway, yes, keep going.

@i2ndsight

3 жыл бұрын

I stand up straight because my back's so bent. It may take braces and crutches. Up and tall up the wall. Make a game of it. Pretend to be an ostrich or a ballet dancer. My husband is a recreation therapist. We're always playing or our hearts might break. We both have CPTSD diagnosees.

@Inseparable724365

3 жыл бұрын

@@i2ndsight Wow you both have CPTSD.. We do some informal coaching to a certain segment of the couples population. Ran across a couple where they both had traumatic childhoods. I recommended this channel for them. Didn't say anything but didn't give much of a chance for making it long term. My wife has CPTSD I don't, but we both have suffered from anxiety, sometimes severe, so we understand it. I would imagine thats true of you and your husband, you get each other ... tell us more about your relationship sucess

I haven't even watched this yet but this TITLE! OMG!

There’s no trauma in my childhood, but these symptoms are the only thing that have ever described my condition. And this belief in healing as an inside act of agency is so liberating and so true.

@JohnNathanShopper

3 жыл бұрын

@@gracelewis6071 Thank you for this

@YourMoonShine

2 жыл бұрын

You made me realize that when we think there was nothing wrong with our childhood but we have CPTSD symptoms it usually means we've experienced some kind of neglect. We are not aware because we have no comparison to how we should have been treated and what more we should have received. What we have experienced is the only reality we know and usually it's the same in adulthood because we surround ourselves with people who neglect us too. We live in a bubble.

@lunasea4309

2 жыл бұрын

often when I am in a low phase think that why my cptsd symptoms are so intense when I cannot remember any major event and I wonder and feel shame thinking am I overreacting?? And then I have to remind myself that cptsd can stem also from neglect and lack of sense of safety which I always had growing up... Thanks for bringing this up I felt I was alone who felt this way and thanks to other people who replied and shared their knowledge I feel good seeing such smart and supportive people.

I agree with what you say about how trauma survivor's give off a vibe and I would like to add a couple of things that I find helpful for me. I would add a huge dose of compassion and support and the working on of self acceptance to this process. I know for myself that I was buried under an immense amount of grief and terror from my trauma. A couple of times I got so lost in that place looking back now as to be in some danger especially as memories and realizations flooded back to me. Some people's trauma goes beyond what you could imagine. Trauma is also very isolating and extremely negatve pockets of self hate may surface and many other difficult beliefs about yourself. With that said I think that this is a wonderful program and is helping me at the age of 64 and after having some background in healing modalities and some other online support around trauma. If you have some or a lot of underdog days please know that you are not alone and please try not to feel too much shame because of it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Great message, thank you so much! -Cara@TeamFairy

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

Good notation. At 73, there are days when I think I'm flying with the rest of the ducks just fine only to find out I was driving DUI (not literally!). Our reality gets sorely tested. Best advice? Get the hard facts and make a judgement/decision from there. Couldn't hurt...might help. Best to you on your journey!

@amberv4223

2 жыл бұрын

💚

@lunasea4309

2 жыл бұрын

When I feel a lot of shame for self and hatred for other's I tell myself "I'm ok- they're ok" Repeatedly. If it's a specific person I think to my self "I'm ok - you're ok. "

@gingerlee1917

2 жыл бұрын

this is a really great post

I'm just glad there are people who have figured this stuff out and putting it on the internet as a resource to learn from. I've been seeking help for this my whole life and I get more from these free videos than the years of therapy sessions I've had. Thanks for putting this out there. It helps a lot. ❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for supporting this channel! -Cara@TeamFairy

I think this is the most concise and best video have seen about 'unlearning' victimhood behavior. Thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's great! Hope you keep watching :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I think "how to act normal around other people " is perfect. I would always ask my kids "do I look normal?" before we went just about anywhere. That's funny and so relatable. I like the way you think.

Thank you for putting a name on this...I am a graduate student and I had one of the worst semesters ever because I was struggling with the underdog effect for weeks. My self-esteem was extremely low, and when I feel that way, I get defensive really easily and that makes life hard for the people around me. It was all brought on by a visit from my mother early in the semester. I didn't realize that her being in town for a few days would have such a profoundly negative impact on me, but I felt like I completely lost myself for about two months. And it's even more discouraging when you think you have done so much work and come so far, but that "weird" self still creeps back in. Thank you for the encouragement, it is empowering to know that there are strategies to fight this and work through that trauma.

@ChristianaSenibo

2 жыл бұрын

Keep going. Healing happens 1 step at a time 👏🏾

@debbiehopper5288

Жыл бұрын

Maybe your mom suffers, too . Maybe?

Great video! I spent much of my life 'feeling sorry' for myself and then decided (when I was finally ready) that I wasn't going to do that anymore. It basically came down to deciding that I no longer wanted to view my life from a 'victim' perspective - I wanted to show up in the world from an empowered position (e.g. If there is something in my life that I don't like - I have the power to change it). I find myself slipping back into 'old habits' on once in a while, but most of the time I am consciously aware of this and able to remind myself of the commitment I've made to myself in this regard and move forward accordingly. Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy, for giving what I experienced a name!

Some days I can be very talkative and then some days just nothing comes to mind. I can’t think of anything to say. I’ll be with people they’re all talking and I just can’t think of anything to say so I’m just that guy in the corner

@rosahollander9497

3 жыл бұрын

You're perfectly normal

@riledmouse4677

3 жыл бұрын

This happens to me, too. It’s as if my mind goes blank; I literally can’t thinking a single thing to say. It can feel so isolating.

@kathy4451

3 жыл бұрын

My husband says I have 2 speeds....wide open or nothing!... Lol but I feel I live in my head mostly . I like it there best😉

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

My Dad and I were the same. We were the dust bunnies under everyone else's "happy feet". Give me a book and I can make wallpaper look great. Fret not, we've all been there!

@ms.anonymousinformer242

2 жыл бұрын

@@riledmouse4677 I think what you are referring to is what she teaches people in her other videos is dis regulation. A thing that happens as a trauma response to stress triggers. 😩 I can so relate.

Absolutely!! WE hold the KEY!! Taking back our own personal power! Forgiveness also doesn't necessarily rely on someone else apologizing.

@ChristianaSenibo

2 жыл бұрын

So true

Perhaps we can sense it in others but I have a feeling most of us have compassion and understanding for those people because of what we've been through. I've struggled for years with anger towards those who don't want to be around me and get to know me. How unfair is that, that we have to deal with more rejection from people after experiencing so much suffering already? This is a hard one for sure.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you're here, I have found the techniques taught in this program work beautifully :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I have struggled a lot with feeling mistrustful, targeted, other than, and just scared I guess. The best thing for me is just behaving differently the next day with the assumption that other people have literally forgotten yesterday. It’s surprising how much they actually do just look past! No one is judging you like you judge yourself! And of course, I look past for others similarly! Much better.

@user-st3pv2nc3o

Жыл бұрын

This helped me a lot! thank you

I don’t want to just act normal with other people. I just don’t want to feel like an F up all the time, like everyone else got that book to read that I didn’t get. Isn’t it interesting tho...being someone who was emotionally neglected & left to fend for myself...that a lot of my problems are related to or caused by the things I WASN’T shown or raised to do: like time management, being organized, even bathing on a regular basis. And then there’s that embarrassment & shame that comes later when you’re the late arrival or you show up at the party with no gift or old clothes or a messy car.

@breakingpoint3893

3 жыл бұрын

It's hard to feel good about ourselves when we've spent so many years believing the lies our minds and those around us who hurt us. The best thing we can do is give yourself a break from such individuals and remind ourselves that healing takes time. I'm with you 100% I've back peddled a lot because my therapist has been cancelling sessions alot I got sick of it and I requested a new one. It's unfortunate that these people who are licensed to help people "heal" pick and choose who's more important. When we start recognizing that we're not getting anywhere it's time to change things up a bit. Please know you arent alone and In time I believe we'll get better. ❤️

@angelaskaggs8037

3 жыл бұрын

Who ever you are, I'm your f'n twin!! i feel like I can never win..

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

@@breakingpoint3893 Good point about picking & choosing. Makes me rethink a few things. Thank you.

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

Well, we both didn't get that mysterious "here's everthing you need to know about doing everything perfectly". Be a trampoline and bounce it right back at them. This is your journey. Learn to forgive yourself. Accept what is and sweat like hell to learn more. You will do it. It's life long but, oh what a trip!

@heathermahony110

2 жыл бұрын

WOW!! Your the Only person besides myself that has said that about Therapists!! I Could Say SO MUCH Negative Stuff about MY Experience with Several Different one's I had! It's been VERY STRESSFUL FOR ME!!! & that Stress Only ADDED to the Reason's Why I went there in the first place!! That Stress stays in the body! This World is Packed Full of Nasty People! & it doesn't matter what jobs you have, or where you come from! They make the Choice to be that way, in my Observation!! (I'm Very Intuitive!) There's so many Jealous , & Judgemental people out there that Can't stand when people are Honest! Or if they Figure that YOU'RE SMARTER THAN THEY ARE!!.....anyways, Use you're Intuition, & get out as soon as a Red Flag appears. DON'T WAIT!!! Even if it takes a while to get where you need to be!.....Many Blessings to you, and anyone who watches this channel!😇🙏🙏🙏💜💕💜💕💜

I call it an "Eeyore" cloud ..

@ldoxey134

3 жыл бұрын

And so do my "used to be friends "

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

I love your explanation!

I hear your emotions on this subject. You are so real! you really helped this 64yrs young woman. Thank you!

The reason why I have set boundaries with certain people...

Words cannot describe how grateful I am to stumble across this channel. I've never felt normal or accepted or okay with anything about myself. This video put so much into perspective. Inner child and psychology youtube is my favorite corner. Thank you for your contribution.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Appreciate you saying so! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you anna. I was a professional victim for such a long time, never looked inward. It made me miserable. I wanted to ask if u could talk about how to undo any damage we have done with our children? (repeating the cycle) When i realised that i have cptsd, i started seeing the bad behaviours ive passed onto my children (eg; shouting at them for small things and big things and being unpredictable which was done to me). I cry about it all the time. I dont want them to be like i was.

@bridgetryan2663

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!

@bridgetryan2663

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! I have the same guilty feelings. I want a redo! Lol

@r.p.8906

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve been going through similar things and was amazed how, by me changing and becoming an adult with boundaries ( not acting from a child position) the children changed like by magic! Even when we live in different states, they reflect us very accurately

@seraphinaagordon8958

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

Don't be too hard on yourself. Kids are strong. As you grow, so will they.

Anna, you are a gift to those of us who see ourselves in your videos. I love your honesty, even though it sometimes hurts to see these things. When our defenses start to crack, and the crap starts to rise, we need someone like you to help us understand and move forward. I turn again and again to your wisdom, which never comes off as preaching. You have revealed your own vulnerabilities and shown us that healing is possible. This is hopeful for those of us who grew up believing we were too broken to ever be fixed. Thank you. I'm 70 years old and feeling hopeful that change is possible.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this inspiring comment!

Your reference to dogs is funny to me because that’s how I explained it to my best friend before. Whenever I’m struggling with my cptsd, I feel like I behave like a stray dog who’s been through a lot

How to act normal with other people--> a life lesson I seriously need!!!!! I love the original title

This here now! Not my parents .. not abusive ex's. Anna I love your videos. It just feels like you know me. My trauma has slowly been internalised. I often think back to my trauma in my marriage and I notice how well and normal I was then. It seems so frustrating to me that now .. more than a decade later of 'freedom' ... I am struggling so much worse. I think marital trauma triggered childhood trauma. Anyway, as usual a huge thank you from me. I can't wait to heal.

@debbiehopper5288

Жыл бұрын

I've been there too. I can relate. Great marriage now 21 years. However, I still always "feel" for the underdog in situations, like picking the Eagles. I'm always have to push myself to go out and meet new people.

I'm told I've developed and ego of sorts because of low self-esteem where you get into a mindset of constantly thinking you're better at a low point, instead of trying to improve.

I’ve recently watched a few of your videos and I just wanted to say thank you…this topic CPTSD didn’t exist when I was growing up 60 yrs ago, but my sister & I were raised by a narcissist mother that gave both of us life long issues…my sister is now a horrible narcissist and I suffer from depression…my mother has since passed and I don’t go near my sister. To make matters worse…I married 3 narcissists…All my life I thought I was crazy and I’ve had self esteem issues and now that my issue has been identified, I am determined to overcome this. I’ve subscribed so I can watch more and deal with it as I go…again…THANK YOU! This has really helped me…

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

I'm very glad you're here!

I feel so lucky to have come across your channel. I have been struggling with self esteem for as long as I can remember. The worst part of it has been feeling incapable and often feeling like I need a “real” adult to make decisions for me. As I heal I recognize that’s distorted thinking. At 29 I am just now feeling like a woman! I have made mall steps and feel proud. For some reason the self esteem is hard to keep in check when finding new employment. I can be in a situation that is mentally and financially taxing and stay stuck. It’s easy to get into the mindset of not feeling capable to do a job and that doubt can be paralyzing. Would love to see salaries and feel I’m worthy and capable of earning good money. I bet others can relate. We must keep pushing forward and educating ourselves on how to release the hurt.

solution at 11:29 "it's not our fault we have child-hood ptsd ... but the goal is to not worry so much about that but to be happy, and useful & connected to other people as our real selves"

In a quite serendipitous way I have come across your channel 2 hrs ago and I am hooked. Everything about your videos resonate with me, your words, your spirit, they way you look at the camera. Feels uncannily familiar. I am 45, from Europe and although I have made significantly positive changes in my career (resented the previous one) I haven't ever had a real relationship, I feel so disconnected from the world around me and I frequently fall in the darkest pit from which I struggle to climb out. I am gay and instead of loving it as a part of me, I blame my sexuality as cause of chronic loneliness and fear of dying alone. I grew up with an alcoholic father, emotionally distant, often verbally abusive and a mother deep in stress and struggling to keep the family afloat. I have been unhappy and lonely all my life. I work in the humanitarian field and although I can proudly say that I have helped many people, my heart is icy cold. I have tried therapy and esoteric modalities etc and although I am in a better place these days, I m not where I know I deserve to be. I am sticking with you, I feel you can take me further. Thanks, much love. P.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the comment- feel free to take a look at www.crappychildhoodfairy.com if you really want to go further :) -Cara@TeamFairy

This 12 minute video sums up about 5 years worth of therapy. Thank you!

Even the title hurts!

8:40 this explains soooo much! I was always late to school during the worst times of my life, it felt like a curse

@rainsara2795

2 жыл бұрын

Everyone knows me as the late girl in general 😬😩

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

@RainSara thank you for jumping in :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@rainsara2795

2 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy ❤❤

Omg !!! More videos like this PLEASE

Can totally relate. I've come along way in my Journey and I really like this WOMEN IM BECOMING. WE CAN DO THIS... PRAYERS TO ALL .. ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Yes we can! Thanks for encouragement 💪💜 -Cara@TeamFairy

Thanks for making these videos! They really seem to encourage thriving through the process of healing trauma! Pivoting my sense of happiness completely to my inner/core values has been everything. The CPTSD pivoted my focus externally toward what the abusers wanted of me. It is kind of amazing how much external negativity bias we are subjected to in life. Teachers, Parents, Bosses, etc can really suck up most of a person's energy, by always demanding and reinforcing how well a person subordinates to the authorities value system. Eventually you get spit out the other side with an inner monologue made from the collective negativity bias from authority figures, and you focus on pursuing their goals for THEM not YOURSELF. If your parents take the role of disciplinarian rather than loving mentor a person ends up having nothing but a desperation to quell the abuse from others before it starts... so much so that you preemptively abuse yourself for them. I spent my life in constant conflict between my true self begging to be satisfied, and my traumatized self trying to stay in the lines others have created. It's still there, but I am finally seeing it more clearly, and making more internally focused decisions for my health, happiness, and success. I am honestly thankful for the pandemic breaking up a life path that wasn't working for me.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

What an interesting comment. I know what you're saying. Collective negativity bias -- I'm going to think about that. Thanks.

This is so painful. I can see now that in my early twenties I was on my way to healing without even knowing all this. Now looking back I see how my mother manipulated me, and triggered my self destructive habits like seen in this video that caused me to lose it all. She knew what buttons to push. I had no chance of self defense. After a decade of mental torture, I just went no contact with her earlier this year. Really hard bc this is against my religion. BUT I can feel my life finally moving forward. Like I can jump back on the good train I was on all those years ago. Even spiritually, like I can let God back into my heart which was blocked my the crazy making behavior of my mom. I am now 30… I would love to truly restart and make up for the past 8-10 years.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Rooting for you! -Cara@TeamFairy

@amberinthemist7912

Жыл бұрын

This is so similar to my story. Except it was my mom and sister and I lost 20 years to them hooking me back in to their disfunction. But it's never too late! We can do this.

This was insightful. I think I'm going through the phase where I think I'm betting better but then through healing I start noticing other types of dysfunctional treatments from family and others many years ago I didn't realise was terrible that I'm now seeing as a grave issue. Its now revealing so many things and its a reminder of how terrible it was. Then the feelings come back and I realise I have more work to do. It feels like a setback. Childhood neglect is so damaging people underestimate its effects because it doesn't seem like a more direct interactive form of abuse but emotional unavailability and manipulation in the family unit by the absence of nurturing is just as damaging. On one hand having autism helped me survive because of the lack of picking up cues I may have been feeling more hurt back then but now going deeper into self indicates that autism delayed my understanding of what was truly going on.

@ms.anonymousinformer242

2 жыл бұрын

I can fully relate to that. Although I do not have asd , I do believe my childhood environment caused asd, like symptoms to manifest in me. And yes it also was a protection for me by me not seeing things and not having to be so hurt as a result. For example a guy co worker I used to have (who was friends with my husband) would constantly pick on me/tease me and play jokes on me bc it was fun for him to see me NOT get his jokes and remarks at me. On the other hand some people who have bullied me (as an adult) didnt get the angry reaction they were seeking from me (because I didn't take it as an insult lol ) so those other people left me alone after quickly getting bored when seeing I wouldn't respond or try to fight back so easily. Now as an adult in my 40s (no longer that teased twenty something lady in the past) I am very blunt and have figured out how to turn what I say into adding some humor and I have dry and morbid humor . So I figured out how to behave like a narcissistic (in things being SAID) to speak up for myself when being verbally attacked by strangers. It puts them in check real fast lol 😆. Also I wear a body camera 📷 to record my interactions in public and it has helped me so much in keeping abusers quiet bc if they do something that crosses the line legally or morally especially in places of business I have solid proof of their poor/unprofessional/abusive behavior to show management or corporate if/when needed. And I HAVE had to do that with success. Having a 3camera system inside my vehicle when I drove LYFT also helped get my rating back up to 5.0 because liars can't lie when they are being recorded if they do lie they get caught easier ! Haha

Hi Anna. I just want to thank you for existing and for your videos. It took me 15 years to try to figure out what was wrong with me. I come from a family of alcoholics where their needs were always more important than the child. Discovering your videos has saved my life and has allowed me to continue into my journey to try to move on and heal. Thank you so much and I hope that I can afford to speak to you in person one day.lol. God bless you 🙏

I've seen countless videos about this, but none of them was as helpful as this one. You explain things so easily and make it very clear. Thank you :)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

So appreciate you :) -Cara@TeamFairy

This makes a lot of sense. Great video, thank you!

Your vids always help me feel better and more self-aware as to what I am going through internally.

I am gaining power. Just through the "small steps" through you and my faith...and that my husband doesn't take my crap. I can't afford your course but just your KZread videos have helped me immensely! Thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You are welcome to take the free mini course bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

I am dyslexic, I have issues with time keeping, the psychologist that diagnosed me said it wasn’t possible for me to be better at time keeping, I have spent a lot of life trying to get better but also I have an agreement with work that is part of the equality policy for special needs that if I am late I will stay later, so not all lateness is poor decision making although I agree with everything else in the video xx

@Sam-ko3kq

Жыл бұрын

I think this video is actually very dangerous. I had high hopes at the start of watching it. However, to use being late as an example is not being accepting that as well as conditions such as cptsd, people can also have learning disabilities such as dyslexia and dsypraxia, as well as conditions such as ADHD and autism. People with these conditions who are neurodivergent can struggle with executive function and time management. They are not simply late on purpose or due to self sabotage as you suggest. I think it is incredibly dangerous to not acknowledge that there are psychological conditions but also distinct differences in the way ones brain can function simply due to being neurodiverse. It is a dangerous narrative to not recognise being late as an actualized problem with organisation, time management and executive function and instead see it only as a psychological issue. It may result in worsening self-esteem and encourage self-loathing and blaming to people who listen to this. Choose a better example and please recognise comorbidity of conditions as an actual presentation in people.

Thanks, I really needed to hear this right now.

Omg…..this nailed me! I am healing but awareness brings another level to listen to this…🙏🦋

You are doing such an awesome job Anna. My son is really struggling and I'm going to introduce him to your content. You are speaking the words I believe he needs to hear. Just too close for me and after losing his brother my own fear makes it hard for me to deal with him effectively. So happy to see you have truly found your calling. 💕

Thank you for doing what you do. I've been watching these videos for several days now. I had given up on therapy. Here with my phone and some quiet time and these videos I've received more constructive help than I have in fifty two years. I feel curious an interested about what could happen in my life instead of overwhelmed with shame and despair . Thank you

I wish I could get to the stage of just being able to concentrate on doing a course , day's are good until I need to better myself

@ldoxey134

3 жыл бұрын

I can't concentrate on anything! And I can't afford or find therapy to help me. My bible is all I can count on.

Thank you Anna, so many nuggets in here. My self esteem and confidence had been growing for sure. I've been on this path of healing for 3+ years, it's hard, there are ups and downs but it's so worth it. For me it also made massive difference being spiritually inclined and seeking my connection to God. Blessings and love 🤍🙏

I'm 57 and still have this I can't make it go away. I've done so much work on myself the last 15 years through 12 step work and therapy and it's still here.

What a beautiful soul. I'm so happy you found peace. You help so many many people. I understand now in my old age. You speak about things that for all my life rushed through my mind. I see now the area that will never be healed. But as always I'll make do.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Don't say that, you could be amazed at healing which could occur 💜 -Cara@TeamFairy

@anneugartechea7650

3 жыл бұрын

Mackadoo. My wake up call for "make do". I can laugh at the "doo" reference, but laughter also clears ones eyesight!

I LOVE THIS VIDEO, ONE OF MY FAVES YET!!! LET'S ALL MOVE FORWARD TOGETHER!!!!!!! THANK YOU ANNA!!!!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching ;) -Cara@TeamFairy

i had huge problem with this, but since i build self-esteem and started behaving nicely to myself, i can't stress it enough here, how much my life changed, and i am a happy person now

This channel is such a treasure, thank you 🙏🏽

@heathermahony110

2 жыл бұрын

I Second that!! 💜💙💜🙏😎😍😇👑👍💖🎆🎇🍻

This is so true right now, despite not really childhood abuse, but yes I was always the weird, poor, different kid

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Me too -Cara@TeamFairy

This is one of the simplest yet effective video on self esteem ❤️❤️ thank you so much for sharing ❤️

I've just found your videos and have been binge watching them. So much makes sense now. You're heaven sent. Thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Welcome!

Diagnosed with CPTSD and DID, and spent 2 years in therapy. Had to go on disability after being RN for 20 yrs after severe emotional breakdown on the job. Deep wailing from inside and couldn't stop. Shook from inside out and stuttering. Suffered from huge childhood amnesia. Memories began to return and let's just say, I had no idea those things had happened to me. Horrific. I wanted to do EMDR but was told I was too unstable and then my therapist moved out of state and I have not been able to find anyone who doesn't view their client like we are their cash cow. I had hope for your course and and wouldn't mind spending the money but the quiz questions don't really fit my symptoms. I don't think my brain, the way it is functioning in my daily life, can be fixed. From age 5 onward, I experienced my life in a permanent state of disassociation. Almost nothing got registered. I split, and split again, and again, and again. It was my go-to coping mechanism. Each split completely wiped out my memory to a clean, blank slate, and I loved it! It was like being reborn all over again. For example, when the phone call came in that morning that my cousin was dead, there was not even an inkling of memory that I had been with him that night and it was my dad who took his life. My dad was a serial and a pedo. My cousin was only one of many and I remembered none of it until my break down on the job. And even then I had no clue what was wrong with me. Slowly, ever so slowly it all began to percolate to the surface. I am not well and I can't find a therapist who takes their job serious. I have a psychiatrist who handles my Zoloft but the list they gave for counselors is backed up with borderline personally disorder patients. I think the worst is over but I get triggered and go unstable but at least I recognize it even though I can't control it.

@ms.anonymousinformer242

2 жыл бұрын

P.s. I had a similar experience. The living in complete numbness & disassociate until a big tragedy happened 4 years ago then again when the plan demic started in 2020 it was a HUGE hit to me as well.

@HK-cp8tm

2 жыл бұрын

Praying God's provision for you 🙏 Did you find a trauma therapist to work with?

@audreyandrea460

2 жыл бұрын

Read the Bible - the Gospels - and pray. Get a planner and write in every day “read Bible, pray”. Get prayer beads or rosary beads to hold. Start with the Lord’s Prayer then beginning praying to God, or Jesus, in your own words. Ask him for a therapist who can will help you. Be prepared to take the long, narrow road. God bless you.

@pixieheart9303

2 жыл бұрын

How are you doing 11 months later?

@pixieheart9303

2 жыл бұрын

@@ms.anonymousinformer242 plan demic is exactly what it is. Knowing what's really going is so difficult. Ignorance is bliss

I have suffered from this and want so badly to connect to others and I found out that I am seeking out the impossible to prove that it is possible. Making connections with lots of people is not my priority as much as it used to, it's connecting with myself on a real, authentic level. Once I am able to reconnect to myself and not the trauma self. I wanted to be listened to by people who could not almost to make a point. That angry child really followed me throughout my life. I make sure he is listened to as often as possible from my wise mind so I know when to leave a situation and how to rise above the stimulus that reminds me of a threat. I think that I was just repressed emotionally and that I needed just the space and time to feel safely. I see it as a new opportunity to love myself deeper and foster self esteem within instead of outside of myself. I am trying to use social media less and draw my boundaries.

Anna, Your skills are down to earth and fabulous. Thank you for picking me up off the ground with your positive attitude and understanding. Today is a brand new day, moving forward. All the best!

I live in a complex where everyone is either working or on SSI. I'm getting judged. I am extremely lonely. I don't know anyone here where i live.

@justgivemeanumber8215

3 жыл бұрын

Judged and so what?

@contentedspirit9022

3 жыл бұрын

Im on disability since 2012 and I have almost 3 acres that everything is in serious need of repairs. I've struggled with these issues since child and failed relationships although being a very good critical care RN. I am often looked down on due to my yard and outbuildings needing repair but I have no help and lack of money as I am also caring/raising my daughter with cPTSD and autism. I have gotten to the point where I know that NOBODY has the right to judge anyone else. Im 62 but I finally have gotten that far. I pray you, too, can realize that those who point fingers have 3 fingers pointing back to themselves. Maybe you can find one neighbor you can just start saying hello to and making smalltalk. You will eventually find someone to connect with. I now have one neighbor I talk to while the other neighbor calls the county when my trash is out too long or grass isn't cut. Oh well....life moves on. Virtual hug to you.

@Jason-ji5xl

3 жыл бұрын

@@contentedspirit9022 if you are in michigan let me know and we can mow for you. Please reply with a throwaway email. God bless!

@trulifrea8073

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jason-ji5xl your heartfelt reply touched me, thank you for being the best kind of American, the loving kind. God bless you

@contentedspirit9022

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jason-ji5xl Thanks so much for the offer. I'm in Georgia though. Will probably end up moving as it's too much to keep up now. When I was working, I would spend the whole weekend outside doing yardwork and my girls loved playing with the goats.

“A hurt idea of yourself.” That resonates!

I don't think I can express how much your videos are helping me. Thank you so much. 🌺🙏

Extremely helpful, thanks so much.

Hells yeah so much!!! Feeling that so much atm!!

Just want to thank you. I'm more conscientious about the daily practice, which I find helps me not be jumpy or self-conscious, but calmly deal. It's good.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

SO GOOD :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I LOVE YOU and I'm extremely grateful for sharing your wisdom here:) Thank you for leading us to path of healing and finally breaking these cycles for next generations❤️

Holy moly this is why I'm always late and get stressed and hate that I keep doing this then feel stupid and bad that I can't seem to get to work on time, then I stay up too late, wake up at the last minute, and wash, rinse, repeat!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

We understand! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Thankyou for this. This video was a like a wake up call that we hold they key to making changes. I suffer with low self esteem that fluctuates with cptsd, I'm hoping it's not permanent as it does feel very ingrained at times. I can completely relate to the late thing, I was late every day at school and work, this also crosses over with adhd which I thought in the past I had. Some say that adhd is trauma anyway?! Good habits can be meditating, listening to relaxing music, letting go of toxic people, yoga and thinking positively 🧡

Well done, we have choices and it takes courage to make changes.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, absolutely! -Cara@TeamFairy

Your message is for not only adults but also teens! I love this! Thank you

Anna I healed so fast ..and all credit goes to you ❤ I cant express what you mean to us ...truly a fairy 🧚‍♀️ thnku God for saving me from this 🙏🏻

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

10 ай бұрын

That's wonderful! Thank you for sharing, I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

One thing I try to remind a dear friend who has low self esteem and gets into the same self-doubting spiral repeatedly, "You cannot change the Done. But you can change how you move forward from Right Now." This channel has taught me so much about DearFriend. And then I recognized that the ADHD I thought I had is much more likely to be C-PTSD. And then I remembered some of the early childhood trauma that conditioned me to anticipate hostility and respond in like-kind. And now I can work on healing myself. And if DearFriend can notice improvements that I'm making, he may become interested in healing himself too. I know I cannot change him, but he has shown himself to be teachable when he wants to learn. The part about being late for work all the time -- that hit home with me. I get stuck in an elastic sense of time and hurry-paralysis stress response. And yes, I feel awful about walking into work late. Being scorned, or potentially fired, for being late only tells me they don't like it. It doesn't teach me how to overcome this tendency. "Healing the C-PTSD" will be a good start. ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy