I was seriously putting off writing in my journal and then meditating when I found this video. Running away on youtube just trying to forget my pain. Thank you. You reminded me that journaling and meditating are helpful. I love your title. So many of us have had crappy childhoods. Subscribed and grateful for you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for subscribing, so glad you're here!

@kagame6524

Жыл бұрын

Are you me?! Lol putting KZread away and hitting the meditation mat

@erikalarsson

9 ай бұрын

Many times then a speak my truth they laughing or just ignore me .its hurt so afraid to say my opinion

@erikalarsson

9 ай бұрын

I dont know how to set boundaries or anger in a kind and respect full way .To afraid and get Dizzy or a hide and never go back

My uncle basically changed my whole life. I was raised as the only child of a single Narc mother. Her brother said to me one day. " You know your mother is jealous of you. That's why she wouldn't let you go to college, trying to make you believe you are gay and didn't buy you anything. She never wanted you to outshine her and she made you fade in the background. Don't let her steal the rest of your life. Get help. " He blew my whole world up.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Wonderful you had your own "Fairy" to help :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@alaysiakayebutler6299

3 жыл бұрын

Im so glad you had that person that was paying attention to your life and truly considered it all, with a loving perspective. Excellent..

@songsofsovereignty1009

3 жыл бұрын

you and I have the same mother! And to this day she is jealous and hateful towards me. We have no contact and I am better off that way!

@mauricepowers3804

3 жыл бұрын

Wow! That is beautiful he said that!!💖 My mother was jealous of me too

@jeanettecook1088

2 жыл бұрын

What a wonderful uncle, who told you the truth. I'm glad he did.

It's so beautiful and liberating to start feeling like a *real* person again. Somebody who likes things and has opinions and hobbies and personal taste... You could actually start to see a future for yourself and have some hope. You start seeing a person that people might like and more the more important part - a person you might like. No matter what happens throughout the day you have somebody to return home to - yourself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, that kind of freedom is what we crave ! -Cara@TeamFairy

@LittleBird888

3 жыл бұрын

Needed this. Thank you for sharing.

@ilanagriffith9984

3 жыл бұрын

I love that!

@nensi1972

2 жыл бұрын

...❤️🌹🕊️

@erinmcgraw5208

2 жыл бұрын

Beautifully put!!!!! ❤

This describes exactly how I spent nearly 40 years being a people pleaser. I went along with my family's dysfunction because they couldn't be bothered to tell me it wasn't my fault. I have my power back now. This will never be taken from me ever again.

@jenniferbarclay61

3 жыл бұрын

Wow

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Max_Graham yes, it is all about getting our power back, or actually being empowered to express ourselves! -Cara@TeamFairy

@user-xr7ts1cw8s

3 жыл бұрын

How did you switch it Max?

@euchiron

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-xr7ts1cw8s I was a child watching my parents' marriage failing while they pretended it wasn't. Not having them as role models wouldn't ever have occurred to me at 10. I went along with it, copying them. Nearly 4 decades later, after much therapy and medication, and seeing my dad's memoirs confirming it wasn't my fault, I can talk to my family about its Cold War without caring who started it. I'll trust the ones who can discuss it openly without pointing fingers. They can choose denial or connection, but trying to have both is what killed everything to begin with. That's no longer my path. I won't ask them to change their path either, but I'm not changing mine for anyone any longer. I don't need them to acknowledge that I wasn't the cause of the family rupture. I have the understanding I need. They need themselves to acknowledge it, otherwise they might as well be actively trying to drag me back into denial; intentionally or not, the end results are the same. You can label a bottle of poison "...but not intentionally", but it's still poison, to paraphrase Maya Angelou. Especially if it's used as a security blanket. Living a lie of omission is still living a lie. And I'm not standing on a soapbox shouting "thou shalt" because I did the same. I'm responsible for my actions too. If I have to say that first, so be it - it doesn't weaken me, unlike what we learn in childhood. This is real strength, to be able to tell oneself. I'll hold myself to these standards - reasonably and flexibly - because nobody else can.

@jamisonlamkin5576

3 жыл бұрын

As someone who recently turned 40, I so relate to this. All my life I've felt I've been a people pleaser. That is so awesome that you got your power back!

My biggest trigger is the fear of getting judged. Although I am very intelligent and capable, I had learning disabilities which put me at odds with the public education system, so for 12 years of my life I was hammered with the consistent message that I was a failure and I did not measure up. So putting myself out to be judged is just an incredibly emotional scenario for me which has encouraged me to play small.

@rixatrix

Жыл бұрын

The irony is that those public school teachers who made you feel inadequate are the smallest players of all. Nobody in the world is smaller than people who need to make children feel bad about themselves. You’re so much bigger than them all and I hope your life keeps getting better.

@jasonepstein8746

17 сағат бұрын

The most annoying thing to me was I was taking in more information than people around me, but treated like i wasn’t just because I wasn’t looking

Yes! I’ve told people “I used to be smart”, “I used to be creative”, “I used to be sharp”. It all feels lost to me now.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing, glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I blamed myself for brain fog for many years. I still have fog. I used to be a paralegal, now I'm working minimum wage. I just started the daily practice. I'm hoping it pulls me out of this.

@somethingbeautiful2212

3 жыл бұрын

Iris Seer Good luck and clarity to you 💝

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Iris_Seer we understand all that self-blame and self-loathing. Start with this practice kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZYKT1pKTg9nUj7w.html Glad you are here -Cara@TeamFairy

@irisseer2773

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you 💜

@mauricepowers3804

3 жыл бұрын

💖👍I used to be a trauma scrub nurse

@irisseer2773

3 жыл бұрын

@@mauricepowers3804 ❤️

I realized on Sunday one of my triggers is being forgotten. I visited a church and the person I sat with left me to go sit with someone else-without so much as a mention to me.(I realized halfway through the service when they never came back) and to make things worse no one spoke to me or made any conversation with me. (This is my families church where I know many of the people)So I felt so awkward and like an idiot. Worthless. Needless to say I spiraled & as the day progressed, smaller things related to being forgotten or ignored triggered me much more than they normally have been. By that night I was contemplating suicide. Thankful to be back in regulation and mental clarity but I learned a lot about myself that day.

@zahara6355

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. We can read the Bible on our own, don't need church.

@pattis.1645

3 жыл бұрын

Not sure if you really learned anything about yourself. I think you are a nice person. These days, most people are not. Something similar happened to me aftervmy own mother's funeral, where people go to have something to eat, I sat down next to my aunt, and she got up and walked away. Later, my sister did it at my brother's house. She was also rude to my son and he was grieving. These people are not better than we are. They are not serving God.

@Window4503

3 жыл бұрын

That’s sad and the exact opposite of how it should be. The only possible benefit of the doubt I can offer is COVID procedures. Some churches have seating procedures like mine. For now, look for a church that teaches the truth AND is hospitable no matter what. It isn’t your fault. They just failed and missed an opportunity to show love. Which is why they’re in church. Something similar happened to me once. I volunteered to help with youth group and was doing it for the first time. I walk in. Not a single greeting. No one looks up at me, no one introduces me to the teens, no one explains what’s going on or what to help with. Even the moms helping wouldn’t talk to me when we had pizza. I left that night feeling like I didn’t exist. It shook me up for a day and I needed reassurance from my friends that I wasn’t crazy. But that was on them. I helped out a few months later after avoiding it and some people started talking to me. Sometimes if a church is too tight knit, they’ll suck at being friendly. I would recommend talking to the pastor privately if it persists.

@Etuffly

3 жыл бұрын

And this is why people who believe in Jesus have stopped going

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@EarthAlien thanks for sharing what you noticed about your triggers. It's important we identify them but that won't heal us. There are a lot of tools in this community, glad you are here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Yes, I realize that I often say nothing at all because I worry about being "cancelled". Avoidance is my friend. And it's hard to change.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, it can be hard. Small steps, it's worth it :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!! This is me as well

@MS-bs8dd

Жыл бұрын

You’re here! You’re doing it! I agree with small steps, a little every day. When someone ten years ago said I was my own worst enemy it was an eye opener because I hadn’t yet grasped how hard and negative my self talk was. Now I see the programming and am slowly rising

@MichelleHell

Жыл бұрын

Same. They tried to cancel me from being trans for the past 10 years. Can't bully me back into the closet!

My way of playing small is to try to be as invisible as possible. If I can go to my local shop for example and I can go in and out quickly without being noticed and just keep out of everyones way I feel safe. I dont want to be seen and for anyone to talk to me which is why living alone is so peaceful and also having nobody in my life so I dont get hurt, My ideal would be to live in an otherwise uninhabited place- just me and my animals

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Welcome to our community, you can be as visible or not as you like :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@catherinewholey3630

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you

You explained my entire life to me in 15 minutes better than I could ever explain it to anyone else. God Bless you, for all that you do to help silent struggling survivors of childhood abuse.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you're here :)

It’s so true. I realized a while ago how afraid I was of everything. I had learned to be invisible to avoid any triggers. To avoid failure. To avoid people. But in the process I held myself back and put on a mask to everyone around me. I’ve held myself back all these years. It’s so hard to be brave. It’s hard to take the rage from angry parents and angry family members. Sometimes it’s also scary to face rage from the angry mob online. I want to be brave and feel comfortable being myself. I want to be original and contribute my own creations to this world.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

The Daily Practice is for you! bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

@user-uh5tb9er4o

Жыл бұрын

your post really touched my heart i hope feeling brave and contributing your creations feels even more harmonious today

I am paralysed with grief and grey rocking my narcissistic mother.. she disowned me today just because I asked her to say “please”... she can feel a loss of control and I didn’t realise I was the family scapegoat until I started therapy.. my mother should be ashamed of herself. She’s actually a Covert narc who enabled an alcoholic overt narc. I am trying to get out of this, thanks for this vid, I can’t handle this pain.

@shebakali6

3 жыл бұрын

The pain gets less over time. Hang in there. You are empathic, sensitive and a truth teller, and that is why you were targeted. 🙏🏾

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

If it helps, most enablers have no idea that is what they are doing, they need healing too but we can't ever get anyone else to see that. Glad you are here, hope you find some tools that resonate. -Cara@TeamFairy

@nikstar1313

3 жыл бұрын

Crappy Childhood Fairy thank you so much xxx thank you

@nikstar1313

3 жыл бұрын

shebakali6 thank you so much, I really appreciate your comment xxx

@SKCothrenArt

3 жыл бұрын

You did nothing wrong. Feel it to heal it, then let it go. The advice in this video is good and you might try Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northrup. I 'woke up' to the fact that I was surrounded by energy vampires a few years ago. You can do it! You're stronger than you know.

I live in a world where my skin color is looked at as negative. In my community, CPTSD is not acknowledged because beating and demoralizing your kid is culturally acceptable. Playing it small is inevitable.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

I encourage you to try out the free Daily Practice course courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy

@MarjoleinKeijser

2 жыл бұрын

Sending you hugs

@elizabethcameron6045

Жыл бұрын

You deserve better. Wishing you well.

@cedricd7110

Жыл бұрын

I totally understand and relate.

@LoriKLynn

Жыл бұрын

From the same community - sit down, shut up and you’d better not cry (the threat being that we would REALLY be given something to cry about). And perhaps that brought out strength in a lot of ppl; but for others, it just made us feel totally defeated. 40 years later, I live in a very small world where the only constant has been fear w/the added (painful) knowledge that there was/is so much more I could’ve gotten out of life if I hadn’t been so afraid. Terrified now of dying w/my hopes, talents and dreams still inside.

I wish I'd heard this twenty years ago.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

It's perfect that you are here now! -Cara@TeamFairy

@edifymeblog7076

3 жыл бұрын

Same!! I’ve always knew I was playing it small but not sure why! Now I know. She’s so on point

@lisaotis5474

3 жыл бұрын

me too! but Im hearing it now..we all are... thank you for creating this channel and to all the other lovely souls healing... ❤ for being brave amd showing up for themselves...

@elmfork52

3 жыл бұрын

You're lucky. I wish I had heard this fifty years ago.

@liznorth4028

3 жыл бұрын

@@elmfork52 right...so lets dont waste another moment

I learned as a child to remain silent in front of fearsome parents. I used to be asked impossible questions that stunned me into silence, so have avoided potential trouble. Far too safe and I feel like life has passed me by. Walking through the working life was at times like walking through a swamp, having to ultra focus and so exhausting. All the extra things one has to do to make life more normal is very hard and discouraging. So good to have down time and say "no" to working extra hours.

@susiflorence6960

Жыл бұрын

I can relate. Narcissistic father would ask impossible to answer questions 🙄 of me when I was a child. And early teen. This was in response to serious questions I asked him. Not realizing yet..that this 'dad' did not have my best interests at heart. And so I shut down. In confusion. My brother said..'I don't look to him for guidance'..but since all of my friends had great dads with their 'bedroom talks'..I didn't get the message. I thought it was my fault. Ah I do fit in here..don't I. Despite all that 'healing ' I mentioned in previous posts. I still. Fit In.

@susiflorence6960

Жыл бұрын

Such a lot of energy, the messed up parents put into messing up their kids. One has to wonder.

Thank you for talking about the brain fog. My children joke and say I’m getting early dementia. It’s so upsetting because I used to be so bright. I’ve always been messy, disorganised and at times chaotic. I’ve always been so hard on myself and isolated so other people didn’t see how hard I find normal life.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

I totally understand! -Cara@TeamFairy

@MS-bs8dd

Жыл бұрын

I relate. I feel like I don’t necessarily have to be a victim of my genes but still have a tiny underlying fear of memory loss since it runs through the fam; I’m adding rest in my day as a value. Funny how one friend came out intensely against the nap. Even citing a study. Geez. There again, doing me triggers people. And oh well. Carrying on.

@kerrymillar1267

Жыл бұрын

@@MS-bs8dd don’t listen to them, it’s your body and your life.

@MS-bs8dd

Жыл бұрын

@@kerrymillar1267 So True. misunderstandings just ignite a part, still, a wee bit. Am two days in to the writing and meditation; hopeful I can finally leave or integrate this split.

@susiflorence6960

Жыл бұрын

Brain Fog. I was called 'space cadet' by people much less intelligent.

Oh my goodness. I was so triggered by the way the dentist spoke to me today...i flipped out the chair and went berserk and walked out. He was so rude but I lost control and im mad at myself. He was talking to me like I was a child making me feel even smaller, im 44. Still glad I stuck up for myself though. Odious obnoxious man. I was shaking. Oh well. Tomorrow a new day.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

We get it, the goal is to stand up for ourselves and to do it sanely: baby steps. Glad you're here -Cara@TeamFairy

@vanessasouthern1792

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks 😊@@CrappyChildhoodFairy

@liznorth4028

3 жыл бұрын

Im sure you know practice makes better...be happy you started.. This life saving skill is necessary; you'll get better(calmer) as you do the daily practice and heal...you go girl! Looks good on you!!!

@cindy7733

3 жыл бұрын

omg!!! what is it with dentists??? i cried while undergoing dental work because of something mean he said to me. It is unnerving to be stuck in a chair in a room surrounded by someone who doesn't even respect you as a person. demeaning really.

@michelecollins1665

2 жыл бұрын

Lots of dentists are di cks

I'm seeing this video and it makes me wanna cry. Almost all my life I felt small because of trauma. I'm literally afraid to grow tall and shine. I know what I deserve, but I'm really struggling to pursue this. I really appreciate your videos and the way you talk. Thank you🙏

@akc1739

3 жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you mean. But listen, Just as Covid hit, I turned 55 and realized how lost I had been, stuck, depressed and feeling small. One year later, I’m 50 lbs thinner, SO much healthier! I recently quit my teaching job and am just opening myself to becoming a bigger version of myself. Why? Because I’m now 56 and this is the youngest I’m ever going to be for the rest of my life! I refuse to die wishing I’d found the courage and fortitude to make necessary changes... not just the weight, but all the emotional baggage that caused me to stress-eat. If I can, anybody can.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, so glad you're here

@mandolaa4855

3 жыл бұрын

@@akc1739 🙏👌

@liznorth4028

3 жыл бұрын

@@akc1739 wowww! Im happy for you and belueve the pandemic has been positive for many.

This is so me, I’m so more comfortable being alone because I’m afraid what will come out of my mouth. Mostly I’m quite kind and friendly but if I’m triggered before I know it I become very nasty.

@jamisonlamkin5576

3 жыл бұрын

I struggle with this so much!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Kathleen_Buckley when we are isolating but wish we didn't have to then we are in need of some new tools. Hope this video is helpful kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZYKT1pKTg9nUj7w.html glad you are here -Cara@TeamFairy

@SDsearcher

3 жыл бұрын

Gosh. Me too. I JUST got abrupt with someone who just wants to get close to me. He is just too much for me energetically and instead of just telling him to back off, I got really short with him and left. I hurt his feelings and now I feel like a POS. I’m much more comfortable being alone.

@judymanning2538

3 жыл бұрын

I too was just trigger by moms CNA. Cna was treating me like she was my parent. I was verbally strong with her but still not sure if I acted as appropriately as I would have liked.

@liznorth4028

3 жыл бұрын

..sounds like youve had enough! Good for youuu

"Show up as your real self"....This is a really important message for everyone, but especially for those of us that have CPTSD. Thank you for being your real self and bringing this message forward!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@philima

2 жыл бұрын

Very hard to do for me

@MS-bs8dd

Жыл бұрын

How’s that working for ya? Now being more myself people I’ve known twenty years are falling away. And I’m feeling better. 😊

I like that she talked about cancel culture. I appreciate her honesty and the values she expresses in response to it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@vectorair1

Жыл бұрын

🎉 yes!!! Agreed

Just this week I’ve learned that I have ADD, CPTSD, and I’m in a co-dependent trauma bonded relationship. It’s daunting but I believe in wholeness more now than ever. I finally have answers. I can trust myself not to fuck up my 40’s because I finally know why I do/don’t do things. I have infinite gratitude for you and your channel. God bless everyone on this journey.

@user-uh5tb9er4o

Жыл бұрын

hope you are thriving!!

This is so me. I'm always so afraid to offend people or say the wrong thing so I barely share anything and I can tell people don't like me for it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

In the language of the Daily Practice we would say, "I have fear people don't like me for it" :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@freyashipley6556

3 жыл бұрын

Ruby, I feel like you're a kindred spirit! I'm a great empathic listener, and people hardly ever notice that I don't talk about myself. I feel like I'd lose relationships if I asked people to listen while I said something real about myself.

@sadielady5129

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, I find things outside of myself to take about Weather, music. I know it gets boring after awhile. Part of me doesn't want to talk, I ask them questions so they can do all the talking then feel like a left myself out.

I didn't lose my intelligence but I have certainly lost my creativity. my creativity seems to have been funneled into my extreme survival ability. And that thing about disregulation, ugh it is the worst feeling in the world. I know I'm going to blow. Internet relationships with men who gaslight is the number one trigger of dysregulation. Happily single for the time being but I know I'm going to have to address this at some point.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

We relate! This is so common for us that Anna created a series just about dating and relationships. -Cara@TeamFairy

@LoveMimiCheri

2 жыл бұрын

Dezy h

I am trying to play big. But my dysregulation works in such a way that I become very hyped up. Every time that I'm trying to do things. And then I am just not capable of keeping things together.((( I struggle to find the balance between feeling excitement and inspiration and staying calm, focused, and productive.

@ariban

3 жыл бұрын

Me too

@jenniferg6818

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@aneeoakley759

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly the way I feel 😫

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Premchik what you said really resonated with people, you describe your dysregulation really well. We suggest starting here for relief: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZYKT1pKTg9nUj7w.html -Cara@TeamFairy

@petestevens3970

3 жыл бұрын

I experience this too: My desire and drive can put me in a state of “activation” and “dysregulation” like no other. For me, this is good in that its much better than the opposite. Awareness and using the tools at hand can bring me back earth: Understanding the origin, for me, is key. You can do it❤️

My problem is, is that when I get dysregulated (which many times is after I watch videos like this), I just want to sleep. The Brain Fog takes over and I just want to sleep. I don't feel as refreshed as such when I wake up, just a little clearer than before. It's like my mind can't handle it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

It may be beneficial for you to check out my courses so that you have more support. crappychildhoodfairy.com/

Damn, the mental acuity part is huge for me. I've been feeling "dumbed down" since I left high school but I'm starting to realize it's from struggling to heal from my childhood and failing because I didn't have the tools to do so. Thank you for your videos, my therapist showed me this channel.

@sowlechuza6892

3 жыл бұрын

You have a great therapist :) Have you seen Fairy's video that's specificly about the brain fog? She talks about diet there. It may be also useful for you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Park_Ranger_Raichu that's great! Glad you're here. Thanks for sharing with us :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I cut out meat, alcohol, sugar and dairy two years ago - personally, it has revolutionised my existence...wonderful!

@katiekane5247

3 жыл бұрын

Dairy & gluten really affect me, gave up alcohol a while ago, still working on sugar 😃

@dianeovercash6739

3 жыл бұрын

Diet is very important. For me, the carnivore diet has made a big difference in making me feel calm and happy.

@DrAElemayo

3 жыл бұрын

I could never give up butter. Hopefully one day I can end my addiction to sugar though

@FightingforGold

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve just given up sugar recently and the difference in my mood & energy are remarkable. Still a work in progress, but physical well being definitely works in tandem with mood.

@mewho6199

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrAElemayo Don't stress about it. Making extreme cuts to your diet and denying things you enjoy doesn't seem at all healthy. I enjoy Anna's advice, but I have no intention of taking diet advice from anyone ever again. Food is not my enemy, and I do not need to punish my body or feel guilty for eating.

Coincidental to this video, I reregulated myself twice today, woo hoo! One was a nuclear family member and one was Facebook. I recognized the sensations of dissonance and I did something else. Both make me feel bad and so, therefore, I dropped them both for the whole of the rest of March 2nd. And ahhh what a nice afternoon and evening it's been!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Wonderful! Thank you for sharing that! -Cara@TeamFairy

@williamsharman2159

3 жыл бұрын

Hello Rho🤝😊

The fog has been thick lately. I'm going to try the writing/meditation out when I'm really feeling frozen.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Anytime is a great start :)

@liznorth4028

3 жыл бұрын

Isnt it great?!!! Anna has literally saved lives sharing strategy with us and just that shes survived and is generous with the way she discovered... I'm thankful and amazed!

One of the quickest ways to a regulated nervous system is to stop connecting with people that love to dysregulate it! I know we can't control anyone else but we can control and choose who we allow into our lives!

Playing small is how I approach romantic relationships and I tend to shut down/run away even if i really like the person. I don't know how to change that

@jamisonlamkin5576

3 жыл бұрын

This is so my struggle as well, then I end up with people I really don't want to be with. Of course that's what I tell myself, I could be just shutting down or trying to run away.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Susiesan there are steps you can take for a beginning, but it won't change overnight. Glad you are here :)

@susiesan

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you so much :) I didn't search for your videos, but I came upon them somehow and I am glad I did

I am very deregulated to the point where I am physically numb. I'm trying to make it safe for me to come back into my body. I have been trying to fix the brain fog and memory loss for 3 years now. I can't afford to pay someone for help, so I am trying to heal myself. I am very grateful for your videos, they are very helpful! Much love to you and to everyone who is struggling. 💙

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Much love to you too! -Cara@TeamFairy

Just when I so wanted to avoid an opportunity! Phew! 🙄

@msjannd4

3 жыл бұрын

❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

Dehydration from tons of coffee a little alcohol = feeling low... also playing small .... was playing safe literally... its not just childhood trauma..... relegate... why didn't my counxelors specify this for me? I HAD so much trauma so much abuse so much!!!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Just not well known, more and more it's being recognized now :) -Cara@TeamFairy

You are so right about diet and sugar. I had to completely change my diet due to diabetes and started doing nutritional keto, which cuts out most carbs and all sugars and only eat non processed whole foods and within days my mental state and memory were better and only got better from there. I was no longer hangry or having crashes from carbs, I was as normal as I believe I could be, more in control, more even keeled. When your health is out of whack, it’s very hard to be in control of emotions and fire on all cylinders.

Wow. Small... Reminds me of being a young teen morbidly afraid of being called a Pu - -y. Labels like that can be paralyzing, or it can lead to acting out to prove "masculinity". So helpful. Thank you Anna!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Those labels are brutal -Cara@TeamFairy

The fear of disregulation (living small) has forced me to see myself as a coward. In all actually I am anything but. With CPTSD it takes courage to just walk and chew gum at the same time.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

I highly doubt you are a coward, but CPTSD is disorientating and what seems like small things can take a lot of effort. If you haven't, check out the daily practice video kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZYKT1pKTg9nUj7w.html -Cara@TeamFairy

oh my gosh. one of the ways i'm playing it small is by forgetting that i'm a certified nutrtionist! i totally agree with your suggestion to try reducing sugar.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

simple, not easy

I cannot get over how accurate you are- you literally speak the unspeakable thoughts... You are a blessing.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Am 43 and just learning this ; I blaming myself and playing small just saying it not my fault is freeing ! 🙌I know my triggers 😀recognize when I am dysregulated

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Wonderful!

Oh Anna you nailed that right on the head. I often feel like I'm walking through maple syrup and I am often in the company of energy vampires! . I am trying to clean up my diet, exercise, sleep and intermittent fast from both bad foods and toxic people too. I am noticing a big change. Thanks for all you do 💕

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Yay! Celebrations are in order for all these positive steps! Thanks for sharing good things with all here. It gives hope!

I've recently had my "big break" in my career, and it's brought up all sorts of insecurities and anxieties for me: tons of imposter syndrome, panic attacks (new for me!), a real tendency to get involved in fights on the Internet that are not at all worth my time and set me up for intense dysregulation. I've been learning a lot from my boss, who's a career idol of mine. I've been really struck by how gracious and patient he is, even as he powers through the work like a machine. I asked him what draws him to a creative project, and he said (paraphrasing), "I like to work on things I can serve." It's been humbling to get to work so close to him, and I have often felt in this process that I am not up to the task. One thing that was a little challenging was knowing what kind of personal infrastructure I needed to support this kind of work, and just not having the time to set things up in time to really "get there" before things got down to the wire. I'm trying to practice forgiveness for myself for that, and to remember that I really did give it a college try. In the immediate term, it means I have to take some time to really focus on self-care while I know I have a little down time. I got sick from stress in a few ways on top of the anxiety stuff, so I kind of hit a point in the work where my body and brain hit a brick wall. Most of what needs to happen is that I need to get my apartment in order, but it feels like such a herculean task. I have a professional organizer I've worked with before, and perhaps it's time to once again admit defeat and ask for her help again. Keeping a clean and orderly space has been a lifetime ordeal, and I think I could get so much more done and find my equilibrium so much easier if I wasn't living in a mess! This opportunity has provided opportunities for housekeeping in other areas. My finances are a mess, I've had to let go of a few toxic friendships, and I'm really having to stare down the ways I tend to get in my own way. I'll say that my experience doing fears-and-resentments work was really soiled for me by an AA sponsor who pressured me into doing amends with my biological family that were totally inappropriate and retraumatizing, so I've been resistant to diving in to your method. (I quit AA and Twelve Step groups in general after I got my PTSD diagnosis and got a lot of help from EMDR.) But maybe it's time to do a big overhaul and get some insight as to where taking responsibility and taking slow and steady actions can start to move the needle on my own healing. I feel very supported by my therapist and my psychiatrist and the people I'm keeping close to me, but I'll say that navigating an "overnight" career success has been very difficult, and most of the day-to-day work has involved telling myself that if I really was stupid and incompetent, I would have already been fired; and that (at least as far as work goes) I can trust my professional ethic and skills, and I can trust my collaborators to give me feedback when I need it. It's the leaning into trust that's been the hardest!

@karlsaintlucy

Жыл бұрын

I'm still trying to wrap my head around what you've said here about cutting people out. I've certainly done my fair share of cutting people out, but I honestly think my life is better for having gotten those people out. Certainly there are occasions in which I would have liked to have been kinder or more compassionate, but by and large, I think they deserved the response I gave them. The big thing I got from EMDR was the ability to access and express rage and anger; I wish I had gotten further with that therapist and learned to modulate it a bit better, but I've gotten far more and better results from being quick to throw people out of my life than I got out of doing the 12 steps.

Thank you Anna, wonderful insights. Playing small is also a benefit for those who do not care about your healing proccess. They want you to stay at the same level as you are: gullible, predictable, and easy to manipulate. It's the lesson I learnt as you heal and get better do not count on others support as their ego feel threatened.

@jamisonlamkin5576

3 жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness, yesss!

@somethingbeautiful2212

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Tomek_Baranski yes, this is right on. It shakes people up at first when we stop (over) reacting when triggered. A lot of us (not all, this is not a rule) have found though that when we have maintained sane boundaries over a couple years, those relationships change a lot and sometimes become amending and wonderful. -Cara@TeamFairy

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!!

If someone compliments my looks, I start pretending to be dumb so that they don’t feel insecure around me. It’s a WEIRD habit and I can’t seem to stop doing it.

@judymanning2538

3 жыл бұрын

I learned it from watching my mom do it. 🤗

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Ashley_Erlandson how observant of you to even notice this, that's HUGE. Just the awareness you are prone to doing it will begin to lessen it and some of the tools available here can help change it entirely. Check out the free Daily Practice course crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy

I’ve seeked out counseling because I knew i needed improvement of my well being. I’m living my life based around fear. Fear of making mistakes, being hurt, rejection. All this from a abusive mother and I have Shame based way of thinking. I always think it’s my fault or look at the negative. It’s been hard my life to be positive

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

The Daily Practice is designed for those fears that block us bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

I really enjoyed this message. I cut out sugar many years ago and it made managing my childhood trauma much easier. Years later I also cut out caffeine. That was a tough adjustment for about two weeks, but that also helped to make my trauma easier to manage. Since then, the tornadoes that go through my mind in times of crisis still happen, but they happen less likely and when they do I can get centered faster.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Simple changes (though hard sometimes) -- I wish they'd be the first thing doctors recommend!

@kazumak.1542

2 жыл бұрын

How many milligrams of caffeine where you consuming? I was drinking a bang energy drink with 300mg of caffeine. I stopped about 4 to 5 days ago

@MS-bs8dd

Жыл бұрын

Good for you! I still sometimes use sugar as a treat even tho my adult self knows it’s not really. It’s good to hear how handling life can be helped this way. 🙏🏽

I relate heavily. Been having this mask for a long time, where i show i am strong, and things dont bother me when i am quite dysreglated and disassociating a lot

@jamisonlamkin5576

3 жыл бұрын

Ohh gosh yes I relate to this so much as well.

@22lanisha

3 жыл бұрын

Oh wow I can relate because I just realized this year at 45

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

@Mill_Jll I see people already jumping on to relate to this, a lot of us do it a lot. "nothing to see here, everything is good (slowly dying...) glad you found this community :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@faffinabout323

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. It’s like taking this “armor” off is impossible because it’s become such a deeply ingrained habit. I’m so afraid of being vulnerable or opening up to anyone because that equates to being hurt or humiliated or weak in my mind. I want so badly to heal this crap.

I had narcissistic parents that were verbally abusive & I was the youngest of a large family. I just got out of a long & tumultuous relationship-he died of kidney cancer. He was the cruelest, most narcissistic human being (a classic, textbook case of narcissism). I’m grieving but sick to death of the CRAP I’ve put up with in my life. Your videos help me a lot-I want to rebuild my life at this point, and either stay single or eventually meet someone with my best interests at heart 💜. It would be wonderful to be able to heal from past trauma & abuse, and get into some healthy relationships.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You deserve that 💜 -Cara@TeamFairy

I once heard that the fear of success is much bigger than the fear of defeat. Made total sense. Also, when your survival strategy was to be as perfect as possible it can lead to you holding back or procrastinating cause you are too afraid it won’t be perfect

Isolation is a big problem for me at the moment, it started with covid and in part is still on-going. I have chronic health issues so I need to keep myself safe, but it has now progressed into social anxiety; to the point where if someone is rude to me during a day out; I just shut down and dont leave the house for weeks on end after the incident for fear of reocurring sadness or anger on my part. I didnt used to be so sensitive but the isolation since covid began hasnt helped

I definitely agree with the feeling of becoming stupid and thinking you never will get it back. Sometimes I go back and forth mostly because everytime I cet stuck in the "Nice, people pleasing" persona and I still have lots of fear and guilt when I assert myself especially with family. But I keep riminding myself that "this too shall pass" even if it can be really unbelievable. I realised I kind of have to do the opposite of what my intuition(education, belief system..) tell me, go into the fear.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

People pleasing is a habit we developed to survive, it won't go overnight. Glad you are here :)

This is very relatable. As a military brat, we were to be seen and not heard. As a scapegoat, I am not allowed to outshine the golden child. I have learned that the spotlight puts a target on my back. With the death of my son, I have lost my inspiration to heal and stay in dysregulation and I find relationships terrifying because only then am I vulnerable.

OMG. My whole life, I had dysregualted responses all over the place. As a result I did often keep my mouth shut when I knew I should speak up, but I did not know how to control my overly passionate responses in so many instances.

Playing small, turning down so many opportunities over the years based on assumptions about myself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Painful stuff, but it doesn't have to stay that way -Cara@TeamFairy

I was just talking to my psychologist yesterday about how aggressive and intolerant I'm in my relation ships with friends. If the person make something that I disapprove, I automatically don't consider my friend anymore.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

That's great self-awareness! The next step is working towards freedom from delusion. kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZYKT1pKTg9nUj7w.html -Cara@TeamFairy

@whitneykedzierski2605

3 жыл бұрын

Growing up how we did often means we lose our voice. I was their once too. I found this, maybe it will help u too x If I come across as harsh or overly tempered, its because for the first time in my life, I'm learning to advocate for myself. I have allowed people to s*it on me and apologised for creating a stink. I have allowed people to walk on me and said sorry for scuffing their shoes. I have been trying to excuse the fact that I even exist for as long as I can remember. I am just now learning to speak loud enough to be heard. Please be patient while I adjust the volume of my emotions. Kalen Dion

Where have you been all my life? This video expresses precisely what I'm going through right now regarding decision-making in my career. You are the one and only person I've ever known to have an understanding of what it's like to be in my skin. You have given me the courage to move forward today.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Glad you're here :)

Once you liberate yourself from the guilt your abuser convinced you of, you will heal. When you take ACTION - even when fearful, towards a fulfilling life, confidence and contentment become attainable. Envision the life you want and the peace and love you desire, it is waiting there for you. You must take it, and be what you wish to become through sheer force of will. We are beautiful and worthy. I know, and believe in myself as I have become who I wanted to become. I healed myself with the help of my loving wife. Truly you are doing Gods work, God bless you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you've found fulfillment & contentment :)

Brain fog, YES!!! I used to be so sharp and energetic but I just can’t move right now

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You ca do it! -Cara@TeamFairy

"walking through sandy honey", lol, that describes the brain fog feeling perfectly.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

@cindy7733

3 жыл бұрын

yes! i know that feeling all too well. excellent description.

Brain fog here. I’ve told people that I remember being sharp, and now I feel dull and foggy. I started to wonder if it was mental decline, although I’m just in my early 50s. Also, it’s kind of funny, but the phrase “playing small”, while 100% accurate, stirs up some kind of negative feeling in me. Like being told “step up!” Anyway, I know that’s not the intent, but I thought I’d share that for what it’s worth. Perhaps there is some connection. The part about life passing me by was right on the money. I very often wonder if I have any gifts, and if so, what they are and how to use them. Many times I feel I was sent here with an empty toolbox. Thanks for your videos.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

We hope you get some tools for that toolblox here, welcome to the community! -Cara@TeamFairy

This is only my second video watching this woman, and already I'm blown away by how she's basically describing me and my trains of thought/actions, etc, to a T. Thing is, I would never have described myself as being the subject of childhood neglect or abuse. I did experience trauma later in my teens and into adulthood, but even then, nothing too dramatic. And yet, everything stated here applies - disregulation, diagnosis of ADHD, foggy brain, and the rest. I don't even know what to say. Amazing.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

It sounds like you're in the right place and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I find it interesting that you mention ADHD being a misdiagnosis and a symptom. I took an autism quotient test yesterday, as people ask me all the time if I'm autistic, and I realized while going through the questions that my responses sounded more like defense mechanisms than symptoms. I wondered if maybe some people walking around with these diagnoses may be suffering from C-PTSD and not ADHD or Autism.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

It is certainly possible, many of us have received incorrect diagnoses which is why Anna brings up this point a lot. This is NOT to say if one has CPTSD all other diagnoses are incorrect either. -Cara@TeamFairy

@freyashipley6556

3 жыл бұрын

I used to think I might be on the spectrum because I felt like I was missing social information that everyone else had. I try to connect with other people, and I don't get any uptake/response. People often "ghost" me in all kinds of relationships, and I can't usually understand why. But after doing some research, I learned that I'm not at all autistic--I have CPTSD.

@LazyAHoleRanch

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy similarly related, I have had a chronic migraine since 2014. Yesterday after watching this video, I just jumped onto conquering a fear of something I had been wanting to do, but was terrified of being successful so I wouldn’t even try because it was scary. Within a couple hours I had a migraine flare up. It’s just crazy to me the lengths your brain will go to in order to “protect” you. Oh, I see you did this big, scary thing. Here’s a migraine. Go be safe, little one. 🤣

@jemstar3388

3 жыл бұрын

I was diagnosed with both Aspergers and C-PTSD and they can co exist, but there is a overlap of symptoms and sometimes it’s hard to know which one is which.

@lahicks9773

2 жыл бұрын

I am a nurse and I work in detox, psych and trauma. I truly believe that there are many people misdiagnosed because of c-ptsd. The medical community does not understand c-ptsd and people are uncomfortable with people's pain so they hand-out diagnoses and prescriptions. Let me add, some patients want to be diagnosed with something so they have some explanation of what they are experiencing. Our instant gratification society makes us think that a pill will solve everything but it won't, it will just add up to more pills and side effects. The answers are within us. We must be courageous, patient and kind to ourselves to find peace. ❤

Anna, I learned to be small to avoid the wrath. The only thing better would be invisibility as a kid. Now I see how that kept me small. I friend of my daughters writes a message on FB every day, she has undergone great healing. Here's a recent one; The script of our beginning was cast, the story's been told. All that remains untold is the ending. Day at a time, it's all we can ask for.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

that's lovely

@charlottehanna790

3 жыл бұрын

I had to stay "over there" as a child.

@MS-bs8dd

Жыл бұрын

I hadn’t put it together before but yes, the only thing better than playing small in my family would have been to be invisible or out of the way.

@susiflorence6960

Жыл бұрын

Yes. We were expected as kids to stay out of the way...it was Mothers mental problems that needed dealing with. So be quiet kids and don't add YOUR problems into the mix

Oh, I’m not afraid of my reaction; I’m just tired of my family’s BS and I don’t want it anymore.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

This topic would be great to extend to: how traumatized people attract like, and how to break the cycle of surrounding yourself with triggering community. Friends and partners can contribute the cycle of withdrawal.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Noted :)

You are an absolute positive force in this world. My wife brought me to your channel when I was at the point where hard work was showing the risk of success again and I was struggling not to let it overwhelm me, again. Your description of the sense of disassociation is eerily accurate and everything fit, even the ADHD root. It just really helped hearing how you articulate the situation and that felt like an affirmation of my experience. With the help of my wife and some good people I'm fortunate to have in my life, I am stepping into a new role, at with my family and literally at work and feel like I have a sense of self possession that is a new feeling. I'm sure I am one of many of these kinds of stories you hear and that's a good thing. Thanks

I never associated my brain fog and clumsiness to my childhood before this. Interesting, and now that I am older, it's vital that I begin the process of regulating daily- to preserve my poor bones!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

You can do it! We're here for you and we have tons of support bit.ly/2rukHvh -Cara@TeamFairy

Goosebumps! This feels like HOPE 🙏🏽❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

I will no longer play small. I'm tearing through the wall like that KoolAid pitcher! LOL. I've suffered this being passed up forever. I'm done. Time to heal. I so want my power back. I lost my identity when I got married. I divorced, and still working on getting back to me and my success. Woman! Thank you so much for letting me know that I AM normal.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Love the imagery of the KoolAid pitcher :) -Cara@TeamFairy

"Walking through sand and honey," that is exactly what it feels like. I have always felt like it was thick muddy water though.

I have been feeling ALL of this. Pulling away, closed, foggy. But there was no abuse. The only thing I could possibly associate to is neglect, but even that feels like a stretch to me. I've ben blaming my parents mentally for a while, feeling like there's a need for control on their part. And I've been having a hard time with their opinion of me. Yesterday, it was an energy thing. I told them something exciting, and immediately regretted it from the reaction. I could feel the doubt and they confirmed it shortly after, pointing out the negatives. Boy, you really cracked something open on me. Thank you

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

If you feel relatedness here, we suggest trying the daily practice kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZYKT1pKTg9nUj7w.html glad you're here! -Cara@TeamFairy

😳 it's like you're in my head. Especially this past week when I've had to go into my room of a million put-off-for-later things that I now have to finally face due to an upcoming move. This week has been SO HARD, and it's like every time I have to get in there my mind goes to sleep and it's like trudging through sludge to get myself in there, working through the fog, compounded by feelings of failure (past and present), inadequacy, stupidity, on and on.... *sigh* somehow just listening to your video makes me feel better, like maybe I'm not so dumb, lazy, and useless (I remember being smart too! If it's not too arrogant to say, really smart even 😕) Anyhow, my point is: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, AND THANK YOU. God bless Courageous You 🙏🏼🕊🤗🌻

CCF’s videos provide wonderful perspective and healing 💎😌🙏🏻 “He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.” -Chinese proverb

i've never felt more heard than when i watch your videos 💛

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Beautiful, thank you!

You are a wonderful person who has been helping me realize how to heal myself and become more of who I am.

@susiflorence6960

Жыл бұрын

Agreed. And that's just from videos

My mother used to encourage me to succeed by saying, "Just get mad! That's how I do it." I knew, but couldn't articulate at the time, that me using anger to motivate myself was a really bad idea...

"You get one thing done and off into the fog again." I dont like how much I can relate to this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Yes thank you , I always wanted permission to do anything, & avoidance !! Trusting my wounded folks to make decisions for me always sabatouging when I got better ,ignored when I was successful or responsible then my dad preferred me "mentally ill" do he could pair me up with my dear mom. Constantly disregulated poor thing I thought she drank too much coffee

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

We tend to find a lot of relatedness and support in the community, glad you are here! -Cara@TeamFairy

You’re incredible! I have no words to share how positively you are impacting my life. I am 55 years young and was a neglected child with no father. Just now learning and recognizing how to re-regulate and make a life for myself. Thank you and God bless you!! 💖

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you!

YES YES YES...., before I started my healing journey , as I have realised, I am extremely sensitive and had as a adult while not realising I had scptsd , allways used 'FALSE' strength , anger, confidence,loudness , independence as my 'bullet (trauma)proof vest' so no one would get close and protect myself . I hated it but never knew how or why i did it or to stop it. I then did a complete 360 when numb from severe grief and went, not small, allmost invisible. I actually have realised at allmost 50 yrs old , I have no idea what so ever , WHAT LIVING LIKE A 'normal ' human and just having peaceful emotions is !!!!?????. I only know, sadness, pain,anger,guilt and being told what I should be showing as emotions ,no matter what or else !. How does one teach themselves emotions they have never felt ???.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for being here on a healing journey with us! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you for being the light at the end of the tunnel. God bless you❤🌻

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

Your videos explain SO MUCH! I used to be good at math! I used to be really smart. Holy smokes! I love you, Fairy

@neilraymond920

3 жыл бұрын

And I mean to say: watching your videos, I'm just goin "Ohhhhh... that's what that was... Oh, THAT thing makes sense now.... Omg that's what I've tried to tell my loved ones is going on with me but I didn't have the words for!... THAT'S all my problem was, there? I thought I was crazy/ stupid"

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you!

Thank you for this video. Being a victim in my life has made me have no confidence. I need to start changing that. I'm 41 and still struggling to get any respect from anyone. I'm still trying to heal but I don't know how to get through abuse. I've had abuse in lots of different ways, physical, emotional, mental n sexual n been robbed m mugged a lot. People don't understand how lots of abuse can effect a person who has never been hurt so People keep still treating me bad. But thankyou for this video. I needed to hear this right now. I get more from your videos than all the counseling n therapy through the years. You understand a lot of things and I'm very grateful for your videos. Bless you so much 🙏

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like you've really suffered as many of us have. We're glad you found us and hope you start using some tools here to get that confidence boost :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I have several channels I refer when I see all the signs of a fellow cptsd carrier.yours is the first I say, the name is instantly confirming of the past experience. You explain thing simply with passion and empathy that is hard to rival. You just opened my mind to understand why, I can have conversations with people that want out of the never ending self sabotage, disregulation, and anxiety. But they do not follow through on taking any steps. I perceived that they wouldn’t do a damn thing to change for the fear of taking the responsibility that making those changes would bring, not take the responsibility for the choices they are making now. I was right in ways. But I understand why now. Up till this video, I was all, how could you not? How could any one not pursue being the strongest version of themselves, for their family, their children, everyone they come in contact with? I suppose I took that stance because I could see how my abusers were cowards of the worst sort. Taking responsibility was an act of spite, to constantly be brave was an act of spite. “I’m doing all this and I’m a third your age. What’s you excuse now?” Now I get the resentment, I’ve felt it, I indulged in not taking responsibility for a damn thing. It was a short period of time.. But I couldn’t get away from examples of what that ultimately brings. Despite the fact that when i meet other cptsd afflicted people, I see their greatness glowing through all the garbage they hold around them. Who, they really are without all of that. The WORK , besides aligning myself with my higher self, wich takes all my effort every day, is to stay in my lane, respect that person where they are on their path, give them some tools to heal themselves, and leave them alone. Work on me, live by example, be honest and in alignment with my values and integrity. So that everyone i come in contact with, gets the strongest version of me. Thank you for sharing your voice, perceptions, and encouragement with the world. Seriously

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

What an accurate and powerful testimony to the arc of healing. Thank you so much for sharing this. Perhaps you're already in my programs? If so, I hope to meet you in a course or Zoom calls soon.

@sawdustadikt979

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! I’m not in one of your programs. I’m seeing a powerhouse of a trauma therapist, my KZread algorithm finds all these interesting perspectives on this and narcissistic abuse and parenting. I’m a self employed carpenter and I work by myself. Like a munk, I’d have it no other way. So these concepts bounce around in my head all day, undeterred till I see how I am a part of the problem. Accepting my actions, now knowing better, take actions to be better,1-2% everyday. You keep on keeping on. You are helping so many people that are ready to help themselves. I’m glad you stopped playing small. We are all better for it.😁

I am 38 years old man and my life has be so hard on my self and for my love ones . Now I know I have CPTS I going know all I can about it and fixed my life so I can really live . God bless you . I feel so hopefully now 😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You got this!

I love listening to you talk. It's very comforting to recognise my own experiences in what you are saying. Thank you for saying it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

One of the biggest challenges is being able to talk about past trauma of this type. Even mention of it is difficult. From my experience, people will either avoid it (and you) or dismiss it as being nothing but dramatics. Few understand, let alone believe that one can be so constantly and consistently berated, beaten, told how much of a burden they are, deprived, etc… For that reason. I do not even bother mentioning it to anyone. Most people think I had a fantastic childhood. The only result that cannot be hidden is the lack of adult height due to a lack of nutrition in those early years. Howeever, THAT is the one thing that does the most damage. Most women shun you when you are shorter-than-average. A lousy childhood can be forgotten (or at least lived in adult life). Being a pariah because of the irrational prejudice that is promoted by the media… well no amount of “coaching” fixes it. I don’t play small, nor am I small (just shorter), nor am I not successful in all other aspects of life. However, being treated like I am a monster is something that I don’t wish on anyone.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Being treated poorly hurts on many levels, so glad you're here in our community :)

@farkinarkin5099

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks, CCF. :-)

Sometimes we must stop pedestalising our unavailable parent, becoming a scapegoat, 'being small' denying our true identity, vaidating our selves ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

:)

This is the most on-the-nose explanation of my life that I've ever experienced. Every single point hit home.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind words! I'm so happy to hear the video was helpful. -Calista@TeamFairy

I’m so glad I SURVIVED! 😎 I’m learning how to not be ‘small...’ Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Wonderful!

I am home all the time now and only go to town once a week to pick up groceries and I haven’t been happier. Everyone else says I need to be social but I get so set off by other people. I hear your message and think yes, I’m being small but it’s so much nicer. Headed to listen to the other video you recommended.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

If it's truly honest for you to keep to yourself and you feel joyful, then there is no reason not to keep on that way :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I'll know I am healing when I can listen to "Brave" by Sara Bareilles without sobbing and clutching at my throat. The words to that song are everything I needed to hear and didn't.

I shouted out "YES!" when you started you started describing walking through honey (with sand) because I always described it as walking through a pool of mossales. I've never heard someone else express the same concept.

Liked before I even listened because I know it's going to be good! And right on track with what I needed and have recently been mulling over. 😊Right on time, as usual!! Thank You Anna! 💜

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for listening

When I first heard this I had just started a contract position after not working for a year. 6 months later got a permanent position making over 6 figures which is what I should of been earning (it’s the average in my field) but always took the crap positions that no one else wanted. This video was so helpful for me, as everything described is what I had previously engaged in. Thanks Anna, still have a lot of work to do and hope to be signing up for proper coursework soon.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

That's amazing, so happy to hear that! -Calista@TeamFairy

I swear to God I know in the heart of my heart that I was made for more but for some reason I was always playing it small!!! First a need for me to get recognised by people and when people finally recognise me I tried to play it small, for them to not see me anymore. I run into hiding! Cant go without the recognition and peoples approval of my talent but also can go with full-on lime light on me! I always knew I was making this happen I always was aware of this but I never knew or learn I have to stop this! So I am trying my best to educate myself on this topic as much as possible because I suspect that it is possible for me to have CTPSD😕 6th April 2024 at 7:22 p.m. Saturday

I get afraid to do anything because I am afraid of criticism from others and then if i am criticized, from myself. I’ll sit for days fearful because I did something and feeling badly…or guilty. Somehow I cannot defend myself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

We recommend this free course bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

I connect so easily with people but I find it so hard to keep/stay connected as I'm so sensitive to being disrespected or overlooked. If I send a new friend a "hi are are things" and they don't answer thats it, that person is history. If I bump into an acquaintance and ask "how are you" and they respond with "I'm fine thanks" I think "I'm fine too thanks for asking" 😄

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 жыл бұрын

There are some great tools here you can pick up if you want to be better equipped for longer relationships, glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@marciahammond9735

3 жыл бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks, I'm all ears 😁🥰