I know a 9 who "leaks" his anger onto his pets. Nines NEED people that they can open up to. They do not do well on their own; they need to be loved and appreciated, and they will be generous beyond measure and have a heart of gold toward those who love them.

@alyssashoemaker3414

3 жыл бұрын

Once I finally decided to vent my anger and put it all out there, I became a much better person and so much closer to everyone around me 💕

I think Nines can fall into a dangerous vicious circle. They don’t want to stand out and so they are not explicitly praised or valued. This creates further anger that is expressed by isolation and passivity. Naturally, this makes them stand out even less and the spiral goes downward really fast until the fear of an unhealthy Six jolts them into action. Things can get really bad when the fear of anxiety or failure is the only thing that will get them to come out of that passivity.

@Jake_masta

4 жыл бұрын

This is so me...

@HiLoveLeighs

4 жыл бұрын

Wow, I've never felt more understood. Amazingly put.

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

I hope nobody think I am angry when I want to isolate!!! I enjoy being alone in my peaceful environment since I was young. I enjoy my autonomy and singing. Plus, I need to isolate to recharge my friendly energy. My mother did not allow me to isolate too much and gave me a social balance that saved me from being a lonely adult! She tried to save me from being a doormat, but I had to see it for myself and decide for myself that I no longer want to be a doormat anymore. I had to stand out, sometimes! Isolation gives me a break from it all!!!! 😊 I do make life changes to avoid anxiety, especially when I became aware of the causes!! Fear of failure when two ways: before, I avoided doing anything that is a risk of failure and caused my fear of failure to be a reality of more failure. Now, I try to do my best to do well in whatever I do to avoid failure and do well with positive feelings, like a 3!!!!

I raised a 9. I tapped into understanding personality as he entered highschool. It made our relationship amazing. It was so much easier to walk those last few years with him still being my child. I took what I learned of his personality and applied it. I understood his "laziness" so much better, his distractedness, his seemingly lack of care so much better. I brought him into projects in our home as a team mate, and my pal. We had a great relationship. He is the eldest of my 8 children. And was a gem of a kid. He is now married, a Christian man, and a great friend to all who know him. Very proud of him. But yes...... lol. All you say of the 9s. So so true.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Great. Your amazing.

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

God bless you!!! 🙏🏽🥰

I don´t want to fuse my agenda with others because at the end of the day, when I'm alone, I end up feeling nothing. Yesterday I felt like that, I was not happy or sad, I just didn't feel anything. And yes, I don't know what I want in life yet.

@facesncharcoal4152

3 жыл бұрын

This is so true for me as well. I can agree with people or play devil’s advocate but as soon as I’m by myself I have zero idea what I think and I hardly think at all...I’m just...there.

It's like the "good kids" of the family who just do what their parents want, even in their adulthood.

@thatonetangirl

2 жыл бұрын

Wow I never put those two things together. Growing up, I was always submissive towards my parents. Afraid to ask for anything, afraid to ask to hang out with friends, just did what they told me because I didn't want to hear them say "no".

The last part where he talks about not really wanting others to set the agenda for you actually brought me to tears. I know I don’t want that for myself, but it’s hard to break out of that. I really don’t want that for myself though.

As a 9 I feel acceptance with life and not necessarily a fusing with other people’s ideas or agendas. When I ask myself what I want out of life, it’s very difficult to answer. It’s not there. There is no overwhelming goal or desire. This is not distressing. I mostly want friends and for my kids to thrive. It’s hard to pinpoint goals. I’m not a striver and I don’t need accolades or admiration- never have -and I see that accolades are temporary. They feed the ego. I do not need that, however I do wish I knew of something I wanted, or would like to achieve.

@MrFireman164

3 жыл бұрын

I am dealing with that, I have achieved most if not all I wanted or even more than I thought I was capable of and not I just let life happen to me, don’t really care to set anymore goals. I am definitely a human being now that I older instead of a human doing.

@E3boss2003

Жыл бұрын

@@MrFireman164 At what age did ur life turn for the better? Just a reference for me

@MrFireman164

Жыл бұрын

@@E3boss2003 I’m 55 now I have been doing enneagram work for about 3 years, I’m very health and have been able to balance my wings, I still feel and probably always will like I have a lot farther to go as in health they say I have positive attributes of a 3 but I’m still not motivated like 3s are, I am quite content with my life, my kids are all raised and doing well, I will retire from a career with the fire department in about 4 years with 30 years in service, I wish I could have learned this when I was younger but maybe I wasn’t ready then.. have a great day and if you have anymore questions let me know.

@E3boss2003

Жыл бұрын

@@MrFireman164 Big up yh everything happens for reason

@faithkadiri1254

Ай бұрын

I am a 9. I found sufism (poet Rumi's path) and i found true Love, Peace, Harmony. When i am lost, i sit and sufi meditate and i find my purpose.

I just spent the last 30 minutes getting roasted… but after thinking about it and reading these comments I realize that I’m not alone haha. Being a 9 sucks at times because it’s incredibly hard to step out of our comfort zones and search ourselves. We have trouble finding out who we are and what we want in life because we are so Caught up in what makes others happy and how we need to act to fit in and be liked. We’ve gotten so good at avoiding conflict with others that we’ve become certified professionals when it comes to avoiding the conflict we feel within.

I’m a 9w1 who was raised by a narcissistic parent. I learned that going into sloth mode was the most effective way to survive abuse. I was hurt the most when I had attention. While this may have given me a feeling of security growing up, as an adult, I think that muting my thoughts, feelings, and desires is my own extension of that abuse.

@MrFireman164

3 жыл бұрын

Yep same boat

Ive recently just got into Enneagrams and realized Im a 9 and after watching this I never felt so understood as I do now. Now I know what I need to do to get out of my rut, thank you! Im in literal tears from this

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

I am so happy for you! That is how Don Riso and Russ Hudson made me feel. Feeling understood is a great feeling to have!!! I am always happy to meet people who took the time out to understand me. 🥰😊 Tom is an awesome person to make these videos for us!

@coralynnbrown6761

3 жыл бұрын

HUGS!!!

@alyssashoemaker3414

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!! He has nailed my personality to a tea!!!

I’m a 4 and my little girl is a 9. I help her own her voice and she helps me learn to compromise. It’s funny how different we are, but it’s awesome!

I’m a 9 and ever since I was little in middle school, long before looking into any of this for sure, I’ve always called myself a chameleon, pretty cool you used the same analogy!

@haleyv6487

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! For many years, I used the same, and my reasoning was that I'm "adaptable." Knowing now about the enneagram and my type, it's crazy I've had this 9-quality before even knowing what a 9 was!

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Interesting!

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

Threes are known as chameleon. I was never one of those. I just went with the flow of others to keep the peace and avoid conflict, like a stereotypical Nine, except I knew how to entertain people as a way to achieve my goal. Haley, I agree with the term "adaptable" (the healthy form) but I have to admit, sometimes, I was a doormat to keep the peace at all costs at my expense. I was angry with myself when I became aware of it.

FIND A 4!!!! EXACTLY! I actually initially tested as a 4 because I was already moving through this growth process of self-discovery. Entirely embracing the journey of 4 from low to high seemed to be an important step to growing as a 9.

I think I get stuck in my outhouse because I actually don't mind being in it. I think sometimes I actually forget I'm in it. "Oh yeah, I forgot I'm sitting on top of crap." Things have to get REALLY bad before I start moving.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Awesome. I laughed out loud at this comment. Blessings.

@JuliaJayATOP

4 жыл бұрын

My hubby lives in that outhouse wish he would listen to this video...very helpful for those of us who love 9s

I just recently found out about enneagrams. Im still trying to learn about 9's because i took an enneagram test that said I was a 9. So far from your video I am a 9. Im passive, and I can become passive agressive. I've never really been able to express anger towards my friends. I'm usually the one who avoids conflict, who doesn't voice an opinion at the thought of arousing conflict and the easy going type that just goes with the crowd. And i think thats why im finding it a little hard to really figure out who I am, because for the longest time I've just been going with the crowd. I mean still have a lot of learning to do about 9 and myself. But thank you for your video, it's helped. 😊 P.S. I like this video because you weren't only informative but you were also human. As if you were actually talking to a close relative or a loved one hahhahaha

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you found my channel. Thanks for the kind words.

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

Welcome to discovering yourself as a 9! Uncertainty, of our types is perfectly normal behavior for Nines!!!!!! I was the same way as you described!!! What helped me to change is following the Recommendations of Riso and Hudson. Scroll to the bottom of the page to find them and be patient with yourself!!!! www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-9

You nailed this, I am a 9w1...and couldn’t agree more. I am a dormant volcano as you said, and people are always shocked when I get fed up, since it takes me forever to get upset. But when I do I scorch the earth around me with no regrets.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Right.

@DionysusD

3 жыл бұрын

OH this is great!! LOL

@danaecampbell4316

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I exploded over something recently and I think I scared my best friend 😅 She's only known me as the peaceful, acquiescent person for the past 45 years. Yep, it took me 45 years to let it out and embrace my wing 8. I'm doing it more now and miracle if miracles, letting it out actually feeds my peace on an even deeper level. Who knew!

“you need to go to your outhouse that’s where you get relief” oh my goodness

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

When I went to Mississippi, I experienced the outhouse. He speaks the truth about it! It was a culture shock for me, the city girl who only knew toilets in bathrooms. Outhouses are stinky and disgusting!!!!!! 🤢🤮. 😆🤪

Thank you, Dr.LaHue! I will be 60 on May 1, and I’m a 9 who really want’s to live MY life and not merge. I’ve been married 36 years, my three children are grown adults, and I’m an only child. I’ve been merging all my life making sure I’m not disconnected. Well, I’m moving into a new decade of my life and I want to live MY life. The one that God has planned for me! It’s time to go pick some apples! 🍎 Thanks again.

The last bit about 4 s be helpful to a 9 is so true. My husband is a 4 and I’m a 9 and he has really helped me to wake up to the things I’m interested in and do my own soul searching. 9s go find yourself a 4!

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

I guess, a 4 helped me too. Don Riso co-founder of Enneagram Institute!

As a 9. I can agree about the traits of an unhealthy 9. There was one time that I felt unappreciated and taken advantage of at work and I just lost it. I became full of anxiety until it went to full depression and failed to show up at work for 2 weeks. Literally AWOL. I didn't realize I held everyone up because I was just always the follower. I didn't actually think that what I did actually mattered. When I finally went back, then that is when I realized I messed up the whole process.

@Raphael0654

3 жыл бұрын

Quite a testament to the 9, though; I'm saving a screenshot of this...! ^_^

When you basically said we need to deal with our anger or it will leak out...whoa! I always prided myself on "keeping a cool head" and not getting angry. I have felt ashamed when I notice it leaking out. Even though it's hard to hear, thank you so much for these insights. They are so eye-opening!

As a 9, going along with what others want has led to me losing my identity over time. My life can be all about my husband and kids lives and not my own interests and joys. Figuring out how to find myself and express what I prefer is important for personal development in relationships.

Thank you for saying 9s think people are stupid. Too often we are portrayed as loving everyone and very zen. If I don't like you, I just avoid you. Seems obvious for conflict avoidance, but not often discussed.

@alyssashoemaker3414

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!! Accurate!!

Thanks for helping me understand my type 9 teenage daughter!

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Awesome

@stephanieraetrahant436

4 жыл бұрын

@MrReedux I'm a 9 and wish this was how I had been parented as a teenager.

@layanna8702

4 жыл бұрын

God we need more parents like you 😞

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

@MrReedux I agree with you! I was too oblivious to understand on my own. We need people like Tom to wake us up in a more loving sort of way! My mother tried, but I could not hear her because her words were too harsh!!!

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

@@stephanieraetrahant436 ME TOO!!!!!!!! 😱

I'm a 9w1. Most of the time I'm fairly stable and within the average to healthy side of a 9. But with all this craziness surrounding COVID-19, social distancing, and everything else that's going on, I feel like I've been bouncing back and forth between the high/low of 9 on a nearly daily/every other day basis. There will be a days where I'm very productive, getting work done (within 48 hours of the shutdown in California I figured out how to teach my Sunday School class online), and engaged with life and then there will be a days where it takes nearly all my effort to get up and eat and I have now idea if I should scream at or hide from life. But then something happens, usually a conversation with a friend, and then I'm out of that rut, until the cycle decides to repeat itself again after a few days. Your comment about finding a 4 is quite true as the conversations I've had with a friend of that personality type have been extremely helping in me to understand who I am.

@haleyv6487

4 жыл бұрын

Wow, this is so spot on! I have spurts of moments where I can be really productive, and many other times where I feel that unproductiveness you talked about. The latter half is something I hate staying in, although it feels so comfortable, yet I often don't feel like I can climb out of that state when I'm in it. Productivity for me tends to happen when I leap into a task in order to hit the ground running.

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing, Marjorie!!!! I have days I am more productive and days I am struggling to get anything done!!! Maybe today, I will try something different even though I have edema from this weekend. And it is so comfortable, I agree Haley! Thanks for saying it out loud, so I can be more aware of my addiction to being comfortable! I need to get up and leap into a task with a distraction to provide comfort to my ears!! Thanks, you both have been helpful. I just need to work on a routine for the pandemic and avoid comfort until Dr Phil comes on at 3. Thanks again! We can do it when we actively try. 😉

Wow. Thank you. Been sleeping for 41 years going along with what’s happening. Haven’t really stopped to ask the hard questions of what I want for myself and life. Now going through things and have to figure it out. Wasn’t until recent that I discovered my type and why. Now I need to move forward. You nailed me to a t and that was good. Thank you. Got some searching to do now.

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

Pay attention to your own passion in actions and inner voice that is yours alone. That helped me when I was ready for this part of my life after a lot of healing.

@GurraGo

Жыл бұрын

I'm in the same age span and just discovered I am a 9. Curious about your progress. Would appreciate if you would share. Cheers!

Great information! So glad I found your channel! Lots to think about.

This is so interesting. I’ve only just begun to look in to Enniagrams. I’m a 9w1 and my husband is a 4w3, it’s been a real eye opener in terms of understanding our relationship and our roles within it. I most certainly have been casually water skiing behind his powerboat, he’s a hugely brave and creative person who makes me want to be my best self. I have also been very happy to be the facilitator and home maker whilst he’s achieving great things. I never thought about how I had never really known ‘me’ and what I like until I started counselling a year ago. There are times when I’m exhausted by his lust for life just want to go to sleep to the energy and ‘mess’ that he invites (my favourite word is comfort) but I’m so grateful for my 4, who’s really taught me so much. Thank you for your insights 😊

I have mistyped myself as a 2 for years but did not at all relate to the wanting to be needed aspect of a 2. This video gave me such a good perspective on what a 9 is instead of being lazy, undriven and easy going. The way you showed how a 9 can reach up to a 3 and dip down to a 6 .... just made it so clear to me.

This was SO helpful and so well delivered. Heard the message loud and clear. Thank you!!

Seriously, one of the best 9 videos right here. Thank you!

It feels very good to see this video ! Glad that someone could really and actually understand me ‘ everything that you said is very trueeeeeee ! Thank you so much

Thank you so much for this video! I realised so many things and today was no longer scared to show my anger to two persons who were disrespectful to me. It was a great feeling finally not to be afraid of a conflict. Bless you!

@Raphael0654

3 жыл бұрын

Rawr. >:3

I’m a 9w1 and married myself a 4w5! We’ve both been so so happy together! I chuckled when you said us 9’s need to find a 4! I’m so glad I found my 4! Also, I find that I’m so much more sluggish when I’m physically in pain. When I’m hurting, I don’t sleep well (I need lots of sleep...) and I just hurt all day and mentally exhausted. I’m really working to physically get well so I can be totally healthy as a 9!

The whole bit about needing to feel anger was Definitely worth the video and exactly what I needed to hear.

Can't thank you enough. Spot on 👌 One of the best videos on enneagrams!

The "putting a lid on it" and "sloth" analogies were spot on. As many have commented, some of the advice may sound harsh or like a tough dad, but it's what I needed to hear today. - a procrastinating 9

Get in the game !! Very good reminder I feel like I've stuck or maybe asleep in the out house for ages .

So spot on. Therapy is helping me not to let life pass me by.

Really enjoyed this. You are very knowledgeable, and your energy is sincere and caring.

Best video on 9's that I've seen yet. Thanks for your insight and personal take!

You are like a therapist for me. Thank you!

I think a good response to the question of “why can’t I live this way if I want?” Is because it’s coming from a place of fear. And operating from a fully fearful place isn’t what we want for the people in our lives. Of course people can still make whatever decisions they want but ultimately if I see people in my life who are mostly making decisions due to fear, I’m going to wish more for them because that’s what love and care looks like. If the people in my life are okay with me being in my negative 4 place all the time and operating in that fear/shame, then I’d question how much they really care. When you love people you want them to be free of their own chains.

@jatinsingh8122

Жыл бұрын

Very well put.

So, so good! This helps me understand 9s so much better. Thank you so much!

"just playing it safe is not safe" great words and great video. thank you.

Thanks, again for speaking truth from your heart! My partner in life is a 9, I'm a 4 and I think I have helped him achieve his goals, and also figure out what he wants in life. In exchange, he has helped me stay calm in times of chaos. The palm tree analogy resonates ;)

You're getting pretty good at understanding the different types. When you said, quoting a nine, "if I want to be a spectator and fuse my will with someone else, then why is that a problem," I was taken aback by how much you understood what that means. I know that's not the way you see the world but you're taking another's perception really seriously. Most people don't stop and think about how another's perception can be debilitating. It's easy to say "I'm not experiencing that pain so I don't understand what your problem is." I don't make sense.

This is the most helpful instruction I've heard on my nineness, and I've listened to alot.

That's me ! Thank you for the advice.

Thank you, this was the video i needed to hear. This gave me so much insight

This is GOLD. Thank you very much

Oh my goodness when you started talking about how nine's feel about other people, that we think they can be ignorant but you just better find a way to work around it. DANG. I felt so called out. Honestly, this whole video has been a real eye-opener to both my passive-aggressive nature and my tendency to bury my needs until they explode. It's not healthy! Thank you for these videos, and thank you for your work in the world.

@rachirooooo

2 жыл бұрын

I spend a bunch of time diving into vision boards and drawing together things that interest me because I do get lost in that matrix if I don't have goal posts and directions that I want to walk in. Thank you again for this video. I'm going to work on getting out of the mud :)

Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been in the outhouse for a while and I’m ready to start taking those steps towards 3. I’m excited to try again gosh thank you so much

Thank you Dr. Tom to learn more about myself. Sometimes I have to push myself or more often have to be thrown into a situation where I have to do a project. It is scary, but once I have actually finished the project and I feel so wonderfully alive! Now I understand why and maybe how to move myself towards that 3...sometimes. Overall, I do like being a nine because that is how I feel most comfortable. I'm going to watch your video "Help for Type 9's" to see if you have advice on how to learn to make my own decisions and how to know what it is that I want.

This is such truth. Now I am super aware that I am a type 9, I see myself in this so much. I am classically easy going and also can really get stuck in the mud and lose myself. Thank you for this wisdom.

Thank you for the video. This video has shown me how much I have accomplished as a 9. More than I ever give myself credit for. I'm finally a healthy 9 and reach into the 3 a lot. A planner has changed my life. I check off what needs to be done.

Oh my gosh, this is me to a T. Thank you so much for helping me understand myself a bit better

I laugh so much watching these videos. Resonating SO much! I appreciate the content!

Having been adopted and having struggled with reactive attachment disorder this really hits the nail on the head for me. There were times i felt like I was wrestling between being a creative artist and being a dutiful soldier. Recently in the last few years I've done a good job of balancing the swings between my feelings as well as verbally communicate with those around me how I'm feeling. There were years after I graduated college that I spent time in my "outhouse" and in depression. I was frozen in time. But thankfully with the help of family, friends, and God I have been able to get the ball rolling. Right now I'm working 2 jobs, working on becoming a professional golf instructor and hopefully some time next year becoming a golf club professional, which I'm super excited about! All that to say, to all my fellow 9's you got this! You are seen and heard! You're doing great! And you will do great things! Let me add a quote my therapist told me a long time ago and I think he was quoting something else when he said it but it was "a ship is safe at harbor but that's not what ships are for". Also also Mr lahue, it's very cool you went to Grace for your mdiv, I went there for my undergrad and was there for a year and a half working on a masters in counseling! Small world!

I just stumbled upon this video out of curiosity, as I’ve taken the Enneagram test four times. Funnily enough I got 9 twice, then a 6, and then 1. This video kind of knocked my socks off, so to speak. What an excellent video, and it hit so close to home. 👍🏻.

THANK YOU DR. TOM!!!!!! You nailed it!!!! 9s either don't know the damage they can do to other people or they are very Insidious. LOL Masterpiece video.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks. Blessings.

Incredibly helpful - thank you for this video.

You have described my husband in detail. I have lived with my type 9 husband for 10 years. Whatever the absolute opposite of a 9 is that is me. I never understood why people call this type the peace making type because I never feel like issues are resolved. He wants no conflict ever. How can you experience peace unless you resolve issues? That's not peace making; that's peace faking. A degree of conflict is necessary to achieve peace.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Maybe we should say the 9w8 is a peacemaker and the 9w1 is a peacekeeper.

@psychopathinthemaking

4 жыл бұрын

I agree, I'd also look further into the sp, so, sx variants. If he's an sp/so like me, balance is important to maintain our internal harmony or peace. I tend to hold onto the familiar because its a safe place, it's what I know I can handle and once I'm in balance I feel like I can take on anything, but life isn't a peaceful calm lake, its a storm, so I constantly have to fight to stay in balance to keep my boat afloat. It's one of the reasons I think we're so against conflict, it disrupts our balance and the balance of those around us. Keeping balance is inside is a full time job, and if you add external factors throwing wrenches into our plans, it can get downright frustrating. But since we don't want to trouble anyone or add further conflict to others or ourselves we suck it up and avoid confrontation all the while disassociating from our feelings, which may cause conflict for others if we release them (why do unto others what we don't want done to ourselves?) but its all still there and it can build up as a lot of frustration and anger which eventually comes out subconsciously as passive aggressiveness. It's an exhausting process. As a coping mechanism we may try to hoard what little peace we can by holding tight to familiar habits or things that bring us some comfort, but often enough they aren't the most helpful things to hold onto. Sp 9s can be creatures of habit.(I eat chocolate everyday and I have an slightly unhealthy attachment to the computer as antidepressant.-__-) I tend avoid or creep slowly into big changes if I can, if I'm thrown into those changes I can take a while to re orient myself (months or years) and facing conflict or breaking habits or losing relationships as it can feel like you're trying to peel your own skin off, your protective layer, only to be left completely vulnerable...whilst navigating in a storm and what's underneath...There's a reason why 9's have problems typing ourselves. We spend so much time and energy trying to keep balance with the factors around us that we neglect what's inside us. We're not present to ourselves and if we've been in that state of numbness for a while, can you blame us for not wanting to be? We're either stuck in the past or wondering for the future that's not even real yet and its a hard and long process to start afresh in the present. I'd say be patient with him and encourage him to be open minded and to try to find out why people react the way they do. He will have to learn to face and accept conflict and his anger, not as the danger that we first perceive it as but as tools for growth that can help show him what is going on around and within him and also help him learn how to react to it. I was finally forced into confronting my anger after losing a loved one. I hope he will have an easier time. It's a big lesson to learn that we always have a choice when dealing with emotions and feelings and that we might need a big change in perception. While I have learnt a lot from avoiding and staying quiet during arguments, I have found there is still a lot to learn from anger itself. Show him that anger is not just dangerous explosive energy but a reaction or result. A secondary emotion that springs from underlying issues and thoughts. It can be caused by fear, sadness, trauma, anxiety or grief, guilt, shame, crossed boundaries, worry, love, all sorts of things. As for building up self, we already have a pretty good idea of what we don't like. Self exploration can help take care of the rest and doing physical things is great for staying present. But it's up to him to realize that he has "fallen asleep" to himself to take the initiative to "wake up." From there it's his journey to take. We can't be present if there is nothing in us to be "present" for. "Present for what?" is something I often find myself asking myself blinking through mental haze. Which is why it seems safer to stay where we are. If you stand for nothing you fall for anything. So it's better to keep to what I know. But once my anxieties have calmed down, I'm present and I feel like have a grasp on how to deal with my anger and the conflict around me and I find a goal to work towards, I move into 3. ( Please note that this is just my personal perception on enneagram and myself as an "unhealthy" 9w1 INFP from what I've learnt though youtube videos like this and the Personality cafe forum. Observe your husband and move to suit as he is probably quite different from me depending on his personal experiences, level of mental health, his trifixes and cognitive functions. Hope this helped anyway. I felt like I worded some stuff poorly *hides face*) But I'd definitely call myself a peace keeper rather than a peacemaker..

@lesliecarrillo8176

4 жыл бұрын

Tal gurl just described my husband spot on 😂😬

Dr. Tom, I'm so happy to have found your channel. You've helped me see I am a SP4w5 and now I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is a SP9w1. Thanks so much.

I came across this video randomly, but I am a 9 and this was really powerful. Thank you, and I know how strange this will sound to anyone who isn’t a 9, but thank you for reminding me that it’s ok to be me and that that’s really what my friends and loved ones want from and for me.

I love it in the inner sanctum. I can move toward motivation and achieving but not to the point that it requires excessive interaction with people.

My sister shared this video with me as I just discovered that I was a 9 yesterday. It's as if I'm being described here perfectly. I lost my wife last year to a long struggle with Lupus and I've been trying to get my life back together. I actually thought I was a six at first until I took a test. The description of being in the outhouse of a 6 and struggling to be more of a 3 is totally a perfect message for me and is giving me some much needed hope and understanding. Thank you for sharing this with so much depth.

I love your personality. Thank you for the information it was super helpful!

Oh my gosh!!! I contacted my closest 4 friends earlier today while thinking over some earlier videos!! 😂 I asked them that EXACT thing! Oh my word!

I am E4. My husband E9. I love all you talked about E4 and now I am loving what you says for E9. I shared this video to my loved husband. I hope this helps him. Thank you very much to share a very complete information with love, fun and respect. Love your channel.

Trippy!! i just had a 4 kick me into being able to make a big decision i’ve been struggling to make forever

Thank you for your wonderful videos! I have to say, my mom and I (both for sure 9's) just watched your video and we cracked up at the end when you asked us to say that out loud about wanting to follow what others want! We both truly feel like that's exactly where we want to be in life-I know that may be hard to believe, but so true! :) I do wish occasionally I had the drive of some of my "3" friends, but being a stay at home mom and being there for my husband, kids, parents, friends and tons of other people is exactly where I want to be, and it stresses me out to think about a job "taking me away" and causing me to lose connection with others (and my job being an "inconvenience" to others who depend on me). :( But one day I do hope to be in a place where I can say it's my time, but at the same time, even writing that makes me a little sick lol! Maybe a part-time not so stressful position would be ideal for most 9's. :) Thanks again for your wonderful videos, my family watches them all and they have been such a blessing to us!

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it. Blessings.

i am a 9 and i’ve just discovered this about myself in the lowest low point of my outhouse. i cried throughout this entire 32 minutes video because i have never felt so understood. it all makes sense but i still feel so deep into the unhealthy version of 9 that any thoughts of getting better seem daunting and impossible

Making people late from time to time is the smallest of all the problems of the world, Dr Lahue! 9’s are precious gems! They balance the world’s madness. We are so lucky to have them! 🙏❤️🌸

Silently fume! Agreeing to something with no intention of actually doing it! Being last in the car because I just had to do something last minute, this is so accurate when I’ve been working too hard, or too many late nights, I just can’t push forward with my energy, and other people are making me do things when I need to recharge. You’re also accurate when I’m too low for too long, my energy kicks back in to move me.

Many of my closest friends are 9's. I am a type 4. I love them dearly - especially because they totally accept me and my uniqueness. Now I know how to help them, too. Thanks!

Thank u. I find this Fascinating! I know now where I need to improve. God used u to help 🙏

Thank you for helping us unterstand the “program“ and activate the true self

I’ve been trying to figure out whether I’m a 6 or a 9 and I really appreciated your explanation of the “outhouse.” I’ve definitely been going through some stressful situations but I identified with basically everything you said about conflict avoidance. Great video!

Wow, thank you. As a wife and step mother (and teacher) to 9s this is very illuminating and helpful to me. In the “defense” of 9s I can see how my spouse is like a 6 in terms of being action oriented in that being driven by fear - however - how it is “performed” is by being responsible performing the important tasks of responsibilities. “What do we need to be secure? How can we be prepared for this disaster? What could go wrong? What aren’t we being told by authorities? (Skeptic) and getting the ducks in a row to avoid disaster. As an aspiring Enneagram coach, this helps me discern the difference between fear based action of 9 versus the get the time so list done 1. Very helpful. Your articulation of neighbors and moving to the out house and apple orchard are wonderful metaphors which aid in clearer understanding in a fun way. 😎 You’re a wonderful teacher. Being your student is eye opening in a fun and profoundly helpful way. Yay.

Thank you so much! Love your teachings

2 months ago someone told me about Enneagrams an I have been reading an watching teachings I took one of those quick test to see where I fit actually I took it three times I was kind confused. I stumbled some would say but I think God directed me to your teachings on you tube , they were so very helpful you were some good at explaining I had to laugh at some of your examples cause it was so right on . I wanted to thank you!! I now I know I am a 9 I thought for a while I was a 2 or a one but kept going back to the nine you made it so clear. It was really helpful to watch your teaching on coaching a 9w1 . Thank you very much keep up the great work very much appreciated!

this was very helpful, thank you so much!

wow the nines get the message that they need to take on the values of the dominant people but deep down they never do and it creates resentment and conflict in my experience

@KJAlways

4 жыл бұрын

I did not take on their values deep inside (not a Sexual Nine), but I kept the peace and went alone with them to avoid conflict! They had scary tempers that I wanted to avoid!!! I find easier to just go with the flow! Riso and Hudson's Recommendations for Nines empowered me...it took years! Resentment and conflicts came into my awareness when I woke up!

This was very insightful!

100% accurate! I laughed when you said “go find a Four”; I’m married to one 😄

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Perfect!

Im such a 9 and just realized theres more people out there like me starting to understand myself

Was told I am a nine, so watched this. Felt extremely relatable lol. Thank you for the explanation and direction.

Love your videos! Thank you!!!

I really like you helped me realize how the 3 in me works with being a 9!

Very helpful video! Both informative and encouraging! First time looking into this and doing the enneagram test and I'm a type 9 (98% match). And this video is amazing! It's like he knows me! lol

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Glad to help.

9w8 The most cost effective rebellion is witholding compliance. A broken cog gets replaced, a faulty one gets oiled.

@25:00 very true in regards to anger, I was getting snappy with people close to me and then felt bad about it, but it was because else was hurting and I had no way of expressing it

I’ve witnessed the health of my spouse 9 as an accomplished accompanist in performance art. Merging with great musicians to kick the virtuosity and expression of a performing group up sky high. For example improvising alongside a poet, as a jazz musician aiding the soloist here and being the soloist there within the groups artistry. What I would say he wants is the thrill of being a contributing and valuable artist within a group experience. That’s what he wants - I think - To merge with an ensemble as a co creator or a sublime experience, and to be cherished for being part of that circle of friends, artists, family of creators. It also gives him A sky for his wings and stage for his voice. What I love about 9 performers is that they merge with the art and give themselves to the art. In performance it’s about the art not them. 9s make great artists within ensembles. I’ve witnessed 9s in family be excellent by creating more harmonious families because they want to be a cherished member in the family and cherish their family and because they WANT a family and want to enjoy being lived and valued in it.

Thank you, working on understanding my type 9 husband.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Blessings.

Thanks Dr Tom! Just moments into the video, it feels like you were just talking to me. So this is definitely worth watching again, especially when I am getting stuck in the mud again (: I'm looking forward to watching the video on the repressed anger leaking out! My anger sometimes surprises me... like, where did that come from? And then it takes tonnes of happy thoughts to calm myself down. ~ most likely a 9w1 (or 1w9?)

I am a 9, married to an 8, sister is a 1, with 2 boys4&5. I am surrounded by beautiful healthy people and I absolutely love that my life merges with them all. So I can understand those that say there is nothing wrong with being the spectator. However, there was a time in my life where I woke up to the dangers of that mentality and I learned to surround myself with those that are healthy and beneficial to me and not a detriment. I can rest in that spectator position because I’ve put in the work to align myself with those that benefit me and I regularly keep a check on my relationships with those in my life that don’t. Thank you for your help in understanding me better!

As a 9 I lack motivation I do want more. thank you for helping me realize that I can excel.

What amazes me is that a 7 has the patience to study other personality types!!! How come u are not out there looking for the next pleasure? A new toy?... a new body? Brilliant analysis of the 9. Many thanks. 9w8 :)

Dr. Tom it is like you know me personally... This is seriously top notch content and deep insight into type nine. You are amazing!! Could you also please make a video or let us know a few concrete steps pertaining to daily lives that we can do to reach our Cabins from out House and later even go uphill. That'll be so helpful.. Thank you and I totally respect your knowledge.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for the encouraging words. That sounds like a great idea...A practical steps video.