"They feel like they have to give a reason for being alive. There's not value in just existing or just being a human." Holy cow. I've been trying to discern if I'm a 9 or a 3, but you just cleared that right up. Thank you so much for your videos! I love them so much!

@fisherpeyton2824

3 жыл бұрын

@Ryland Brayden Definitely, been watching on Flixzone} for since november myself =)

@Dmtcadet

2 жыл бұрын

You said that same exact thing about fours

I’m a 3w2 and I don’t think I ever slowed down enough to realize some of these personality traits about myself. I always thought of myself as a follower but have come to learn that when I lead others I have to be careful to remain humble. When I lead with showing my vulnerability is when people really open up to trusting me so that I can help bring them to their full potential and help them change in meaningful ways if that makes sense. Being in leadership at church has really helped to groom and grow my leadership potential. I really liked how you said to think of myself as the first follower in a group. What a great way to lead. Thanks Dr Lahue

I love Dr. Tom's style. He is so clear, caring, articulate, natural, and real. I like very much the metaphor sof the neighbors you can borrow from, the outhouse, and the orchard. I found this very helpful in explaining the wings and integration/disintegration that I was having trouble understanding. Thank you.

I literally felt like you were staring into my soul and unpacking my entire life story the whole time. Thank you for the tremendous insight. It feels amazing to feel understood by someone else :)

I have never said "wow" so many times in a video. This is the first time that I fully understood my enneagram, especially facing depression during this pandemic. I have felt like a complete personality swap during this phase. Thank you so much for your videos!!

I’m a 3w4, and have been deeply (and adversely) effected emotionally by the covid crisis. I’ve been self flagellating because my normal method of just pushing through the problem (in this case: detachment and disengagement, not using my free time to be productive) isn’t working, and thus am spending a lot of time counting the number of fibers in my bed sheets. Thank you for offering this insight into why I am doing this. It’s been frustrating and scary, as it it is just so foreign. All that emotional stuff is not something with which I am comfortable. I guess I am going to have to figure it out (and naturally when I do, I will be the best and most adept at doing so 😀). Best wishes for health and safety.

This is very Insightful. I'm a 3w2. i spent most of my life playing the very obvious game of the three, and embodied the overbearing, outwardly overconfident stereotypical 3 persona. Until about 5 years ago, when I realized that I was not likable, and on the contrary, I was unpleasant, and kind of a jerk to be around. I had a real encounter with God at that time, and a lot of things changed, for the better mostly, but I misinterpreted my real path to change(being completely unaware of the enneagram). for a 3, all of life is a performance, a dance that you constantly shift to what is the most attractive alternative, but this fell apart for me. I intensely disintegrated to the nine and lost every ounce of the little amount of self worth I had. over the year I came to look it as humility, but I realize I was wrong now. I gave up searching for love and admiration. Like an abused dog, I was no longer scared that I might fail to procure these needs of the 3, but with my head hung low accepted it as the inevitable outcome of all my actions. I realize now though, that humility isn't thinking your worthless, and it isn't overconfidence. It's a correct self-observation. It's realizing that you are valuable to God, and that your worth is more than you could ever gain through accomplishments, and it's realizing that nothing you could ever do adds or subracts from that. The enneagram has truly been the instrument through which I learned this.

Thank Tom i’ m a 3 with a wing Of 4 and i love your expressing style. You really up lift people. Thank for touching my heart.

@Qar-bp1yr

2 ай бұрын

Unrelated, you look very cute in that profile photo.

Great vid! The one about overworking is definetely true. I did to the point of becomig sick for about 2 years. Had to re-learn how to not overwork/overstress myself.

17:00. Covid 19 has drastically reduced my work hours which has forced me to sit with myself and actually psalm 46:10. Be still and know that He’s God. It’s been so so hard to sit in my own thoughts and not be able to experience the job satisfaction I have on a continual basis in which I have the huge privilege to motivate, inspire, and lead as my work. This social distancing and time to sit and not do anything but stay home has revealed lots of stuff which is a blessing. Thanks for all you’ve contributed to your KZread video making, dr. Tom. We appreciate it.

@scrubs4everr

4 жыл бұрын

That is exactly my struggle too as a 3. Took me about 3 weeks of quarantine to realize 😅

@CindyBlueWho

4 жыл бұрын

I agree !!!

WOW. THIS explains why i thought i'm a 9 or 4 but wasn't that convinced... thank you for your analysis to reflect on

I'm a 3w4, counter subtype, in a retreat mode mode to heal the battle wounds for 15 months now literally in an outhouse (parent's house in the outskirts). Thanks for putting the downward spiral so succinctly. Apart from Enneagram, MBTI also helped me a lot in discovering the hidden sides of me.

Wow. This video has been so good. When you talked about being so focused on making tomorrow better that you can't enjoy today it hit me so hard! I'm so glad I found your videos. Keep up the good work!

Thank you for diving into the 3. This is really making me rethink decisions in my life and my journey thus far. This is crazy! Love it. Learning soo much about myself and others.

Definitely in the "wow" club, just recently took a short test to find out I was a 3... and didn't really know all about it. But I will say you hit every feeling I've had for the past year right on the head, and put my actions in a perspective that was comprehenable. And I want to say thank you! Seriously keep doing what your doing, you will definitely help people catapult themselves into the place they need to be, even if they are unsure about it.... speaking from personal experience haha

Thank you for this video. Your site was recommended by my yoga teacher as part of our teacher training. Not being a leader WOw. Stepping forward just happens because it's been so instilled by my mom, "be a leader not a follower" was the house motto. I'm going to give this a try.

I’m in a low state right now. Missed a deadline and spiraled into total self loathing and indifference to my goals. This is helping me tremendously. Thank you

Whew it’s so good. 3w4 sp here. When a teen my drive was like a starving wolf. Now a few decades later that rings so true ... you’re a person first

Cool revelation on being a leader/follower!!!! 😎😎 thanks Tom!!!

Dr. Lahue, I have a sister who is a 3. When she was young she was (the best) of us. Top student. Always good. Top. Top. Then in early 20’s life happened. From what I’ve read when under stress 3 goes to unhealthy aspects of 9. She became sick. Apathetic. Not achieving anything just stuck for past decade. I wish you’d do a segment on 3 under stress acting like an unhealthy 9 and how to get back together n path. You’ve spoke of it but no where can I find anything in depth with tools. Thanks. Btw I’m a 7. I practice and work on myself however it took me facing a life altering changing accident to stop my grass is greener, impulsive ways. I want to understand my younger sister and help her. As you said you haven’t had many 3 clients and to top that off she doesn’t like me bossing her around. She’s the achiever from childhood despite being stuck. Thanks

@NatalieBrownMusic

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, your sisters life sounds like mine. Trying to get unstuck 😢

@NatalieBrownMusic

3 жыл бұрын

@@aalin5701 I feel what you said here so much.

@framseen2

2 жыл бұрын

This is me exactly. Exactly. I was always Extreme over achiever. But then I had major burn out and I have completely lost my drive. I feel like I've been stuck in an unhealthy 9 and I have completely lost my way back. I would love guidance for how to get back

How the heck do I get out of the outhouse? Been here for 5 years and I am miserable 😢 I don't know what I want or like anymore. It is the most surreal place to be in for me after such a purpose driven life up until about 10 years ago.

@framseen2

2 жыл бұрын

This!! I feel every aspect of this 😩

I think Americans are socialized to be 3w4: achieving individuals

@YEDxYED

2 жыл бұрын

Lol, well it is a capitalistic society. If people aren’t encouraged to put up, then the society fails.

Just subscribed! Love it! I am a tie between a3 and a 4 and let me tell you love grits so HARD on the inside of myself 🤣🤣🤣 but your videos help me understand how to change my perspectives. Thank you!

Thanks. You are helping me to understand myself in confusion right now.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Awesome.

Thank you for clearing even more the mirror in front of me.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

@cwellik805

4 жыл бұрын

Omg...I married my outhouse

Great video! Your suggestion on asking myself "what am I running from" is very interesting and eye-opening for me as a type 3. I'm always very conscious of time passing - I keep working and I cannot relax because I'm always under the impression that I am not achieving things fast enough. Especially with exposure to social media, I see people younger than me achieving bigger things than me and I feel the pressure to meet their same level of achievement for fear of falling behind and running out of time. I think about the future when I'm old and about to die and I don't want to look back and not have any achievements to show for my life. So I think that's what I'm running away from. And it's funny that for how much us 3s work, when we are unhealthy we crash and burn, and we are essentially 'forced' to do nothing when before we never want to stop working. I did remember a period of time when I was depressed and did not feel like doing anything despite still feeling that anxiety of wanting to perform. What helped was for me to just take it easy on myself and to take regular breaks, to allow myself to just exist, without the pressure of achieving something every day.

@cheflonnieg

3 жыл бұрын

This is so relatable. Im working on this myself

Great insight! Thank you!!

This is ME!!!! I've asked the question, “why am I here “? I'm a 3w2.

I was waiting for this... this is the video that brought tears to my eyes (don't tell anybody).😅

17:00. Covid 19 has drastically reduced my work hours which has forced me to sit with myself and actually psalm 46:10. Be still and know that He’s God. It’s been so so hard to sit in my own thoughts and not be able to experience the job satisfaction I have on a continual basis in which I have the huge privilege to motivate, inspire, and lead as my work. This social distancing and time to sit and not do anything but stay home has revealed lots of life dissatisfaction and marriage dissatisfaction which is a blessing because I now have the time to work on it and not avoid it, as a could as an 8/2 and maybe 3 personality combination. Thanks for all you’ve contributed to your KZread videos making, dr. Tom. I’ve learned from each of them. We appreciate it.

Thank you for the awesome video! I’m a 4 and my partner is a 3. It has not been the easiest journey, but I do love him a lot

@desidezmusic9239

4 жыл бұрын

Same, has been very hard. Married for 9 year's, I love him, but sometimes feel like I truly don't know who he is.

Being a follower leading other followers is where I’m at right now. Struggle but yes I’m a 3 to the heart!

Thank you for this.

Love to learn more about 3 and moral relativism/criminality spawning from fear of average.

I've been in the outhouse through an overwhelming time

@UrbanArtCentral

3 жыл бұрын

As a female 3 who is quite vain, I do have very low maintenance for my hair which is noticeable by others. I pay attention to body weight and clothing choice but not skin and hair....Strange.

I’m a 3W2 and I have definitely been in the outhouse this past month. I have only learned I’m a type three This week and I have been binging all you videos. My husband is a 5 and it makes sense.

@NatalieBrownMusic

3 жыл бұрын

3w2 with a 5 also. How is it in your relationship?

I feel like I'm talking to a therapist... This is too personal ... Thank you 💕

I found out yesterday and I'm a type 3 personality 😤💯✌️

Great work

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks

As a 3x4 I often struggle to STOP working/thinking/doing ... therefore, I struggle with intimacy so much! Please, any advice on how to slow down, relax, and enjoy intimacy? Thanks!!

@karissahammond4587

3 жыл бұрын

Find some way to make sure that your modes of production are inaccessible. For example, if you work on a computer, leave it at home and drive out into the wilderness. Bring someone along with you. Your goal of the day must only be to see beauty in your surroundings and in the friend you brought along. It doesn't have to be this exactly. You could take a trip to the park or bookstore or your backyard. The only real requirements are that you must plan to take time for nothing. (4w3 here. It works for me and I hope it helps you too). Meditation might help too.

@tlhogid663

2 жыл бұрын

@@karissahammond4587 I am also 4w3 and would prescribe similar advice 👌🏾

3 here! Thank uuuu

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Glad to help.

E Fay Jones was an apprentice of Frank Loyd Wright. He designed several chapels that have amazing stories connected to them in Eureka Springs Arkansas. The third one is in Hot Springs. If so inclined you can also stop at Little portion hermitage and say hi to JMT in Arkansas ;)

@patrickdezeeuw4154

2 жыл бұрын

Just a few spiritual destinations forr those who ask themselves how did I end up in Arkansas? Lol

Well, this concludes I'm definitely a 3w4. So, from what I've gathered around, I'm an INTJ-A 3W4... Idk if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"what you want could already be in your back yard"

Did you go to liberty university in pa or in va?

A 3 doesn't want to get into their feelings because of the pain and the fear. True healing only comes when we all allow God to reach our inner being and heal us from our fears and pain, and through Christ's blood, this can be done.

I'm a 3 and I keep procrastinating and it is so hard to put myself to work anymore. I constantly fall behind on my courses and I break down during exams. What do I do. Am I taking the elements of 9?

@thefirsthero5266

3 жыл бұрын

I don't exactly know what your life looks like, but I must say that is a very relatable story for me. My disintegration started for several reasons, but I did end up kind of losing a lot of my productivity. for me (being a sexual subtype) it was mainly because after I lost so much, and failed so much, I began to think that avoiding the situation entirely was the best option(taking on the Nine need to avoid). My philosophy of life basically became, "of course I'd like to win, but I'd rather avoid the situation and keep it a mystery than risk losing again". This bled into everything, school, relationships, really every area of my life. I realized my main problem was a paralyzing fear of disapproval. others love meant so much to me, that I shut myself out from it, in an effort to avoid losing it. This ended up leaving me depressed and demotivated, with a very marred sense of self-worth, that negatively affected everything. this led also to procrastination, and then inevitably to more failure. If this is relatable in any way let me reassure you. specifically on the subject of school, I started out (as in k-8th grade) being a top-of-the-class student, and then high school hit, and it plummeted. I think the main problem for threes here is that since we then have to be more self-sufficient, our parents, guardians, and teachers don't show as much interest in our school, and cease to praise our success. so, when we get a bad grade a few times, it comes as a crushing blow which we tend to interpret as "I am no longer good, I can't succeed, and I am therefore worthless". Then we feel even worse, because while people show no interest in our success, they publicize our failures, and humiliation and hopelessness become the subtext of our lives. the problem here is we make what we do, and others reaction to what we do our source of worth, which leads to this, Just know, you are created in the image of God, infinitely valuable, not because of what you've done, or anything you could do, but just because you are. Don't fear failure, and be so anxious about the future that nothing else can come to pass. Take life one day at a time, working through the challenges individually. Know where your worth is, so that you won't psych yourself out trying to retain it. Also(this was an important lesson for me), be okay with the fact that you might not always be the best. you might not always get the best grade in your class, and you might not always get an A, but don't let that make you think that there are no other options, or that its A or nothing. Be okay with a B. Do your best, but don't spread yourself so thin and let the challenges of life become so much that you feel their impossible to overcome

Beyoncé is a 3. So I’m definitely interested in listening 😍

From a Missourian, why would you want to go to Arkansas ;) :)

In unhealth, disengaged, paralyzed

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Loyal to something greater than self

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Withdraw bc I can do it myself faster

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Disconnected from life, unmotivated, undisciplined.

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

What do I actually want out of life?

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Where do I want to end up in life?

I do not like that you say I must become loser to be happy. I want to be best

@Qar-bp1yr

2 ай бұрын

You wanting to be the best to be happy is your ego fixation. Is not a universal truth. Its all in your head. Thats what the enneagram is all about. Breaking out of our inner traps

@juliaxxx26

Ай бұрын

@@Qar-bp1yr depends what you mean by the best. Watching KZread 6h a day and eating garbage like I used to does not make you happy 😁