But after I accomplish something I really wanted to, no matter how long I wanted it, I’m quickly unimpressed. I’m already feeling inadequate again until I reach the next milestone.

@sarahschmitt2091

3 жыл бұрын

I'll be over it once I know it's in the bag and not even done yet.

I started the 3s health progression pretty early, and I lost a lot of friends by being myself. Turns out all they wanted was my confident front and my skills and my time, not me. Even a friend who I confided that all people want is my accomplishments, that without that, no one would speak to me; eventually stopped reaching out to me. Growing and trying to be a better you is very painful for a 3. I learned this the hard way. Was it worth it though? Yes. absolutely.

@tcewmg3430

Жыл бұрын

DAMN....IM FACING THIS JOURNEY and as I think "should i put "me" away to be a softer version for them; I wonder.....does anyone like ME or know ME...or is that all my fault? WOW! This is deep. Thank you for sharing.

3's don't think they even have a problem, until they go to 9 and their world ends. Then they stumble upon the Enneagram bc they no longer have an identity. Wow, I think I could be a 3w4, after all these months.

@ashleyching5786

Жыл бұрын

Failure leads me to feel that I’m a failure.

@ashleyching5786

Жыл бұрын

Am I successful if I just can’t be a friend?

@ashleyching5786

Жыл бұрын

Calculator, Star,

@ashleyching5786

Жыл бұрын

Believer

You are saving my life.

As a 3 I will strive to incorporate these positive patterns of behavior to further my success. Thanks!

I'm a 3 and I have invested in a call with you, Dr Tom, and it was fantastic. ;0) You are a gift to all of us. Thank you for the insight you provided. You made such a difference in my life.

@cashaliciousdollarious2600

3 жыл бұрын

@Caden Wade shutuo

This is just my opinion, but I don’t think we are out of touch with our feelings at all, I think we just push them all down so other people don’t see, because if we look mad or sad or weak we think it will push people away. People don’t really care about how we feel, they just like the way they feel when they’re around us, so we focus on being encouraging and motivational and complimentary and helpful and problem solving. “Interested is interesting”

@jazon85k

3 жыл бұрын

This description sounds bit like type 2.

@jelmerskalleberg6987

Жыл бұрын

I feel the same way, this sounds like a sexual 3 with can look like a 2.

@nessa5123

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!! You are so spot on with this! Nicely put and very accurate 😊

@sagejudith

9 ай бұрын

I feel just the same way

Genuine and tuned into relationships, honest w/ failures, don't need to be the best, intrinsic motivation

I think the hard part for me is that when I slow down I have a sense of regret. Dealing with shame and regret is the hardest part, not actually slowing down. I've been trying to reframe what achievement means. To your point, spending time with people shouldn't make me feel ashamed, I have to remind myself that its time well spent with its own value. Weird feeling to know the logic, but still feel the regret and shame after the fact, regardless.

I cringed a lot during this video. It's insightful to know that I operate at Average a good deal of the time haha. I do have days where I've walked on the "Believer" level but I don't habitually LIVE there. I try so hard too. I guess that's my 3 still striving to be the best 🤷🏾. It is exhausting being a 3, I have a love hate relationship with myself. I love that I'm amazing at many things but hate that I do feel like a fraud. I question what I really like a lot , do I really like it because I like it or because it's the right thing to like in my circles🤔??? I will say that I love painting even though my husband (Type 5) says I'm not that good LOL. Ohh well 🤷🏾, it chills me out for a couple hours so I'll keep at it. Thanks for this video, it was very spot on...unfortunately lol.

Love your channel, just found it! I’m a 4 w 5. I’m listening to this, I suspect my husband is a 3 w 2. What a perfect opportunity for growth!

Wow! What a great video! I’m a 3w4 and this was spot on! I felt like a kid in the principals office or in a “come-to Jesus” moment many times. What changed my life a few years ago was learning and practicing mindfulness. I connected to my emotions and found value in me for being me. I do think I am headed to the “believer” stage and some days I operate in this level. But I also think I can experience the 3 stages in one day!! Thank you for all you Dr. LaHue

3, I started self growth with a bunch of therapists but my current one is the best I’ve ever had and now that I have her I don’t plan on going to anyone else.

I am a 4w5 but also relate to the 3s a lot. How I relate to 3s is of course the aspect of wanting to be the best(or most original) in everything I do but also the fact that I achieved it all by myself without any help. Which would explain why 3s don't tend to seek help to better themselves, they seek the high of "self-mastery" instead.

@_gara_ramos

3 жыл бұрын

same here!

You make such good content. So valuable and helpful. Thank you for the work you do. It inspires me to keep learning and growing.

Very interesting, Dr. Tom. I know several 3s, and you have certainly described them very well.

Yea. This was and is a key struggle ... authenticity. Believing that who you are can be lovable. Cause I guess from experience it wasn’t the case. To be real. I love that Velveteen Rabbit quote ... by the time you’re real all your hair may be loved off etc. But after you are real, you can’t be unreal again :)

Wonderful advice! Thank you!!

Every time you say that 3 want to be the very best.... the pokemon theme song appear 🎶 Im a 3w2 and loving your videos. Great info

I’m a 3w4, love this

Great information! Thank you for sharing.

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

So much truth. in this!

One thing that I heard a lot from my dad, also a 3, was the almost survival based importance of getting ahead. But eventually you have to ask ... who are you trampling when you get ahead?

Your videos have helped me so much🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Happy to help!

Well as a 3w2 myself, you actually have said why reaons for why 3s dont come for help without realizing it. 1) As we own the self help section, and we are writing self help books for others that would be because we are already sold on our ability to help ourselves and are now looking to share that with others. Thinking of if you are good at something why do it for free. 2) Relatibility. You mention kids in the hospital being valuable which is true, but we are those kids who got older and expereinced being told we weren't in one way or another. Picture someone running on a flight of stairs that leads to the clouds and keeps going on forever, and that person is running hard trying to prove that they have worth and then on that run they meet you and from how you speak about it you and many others kinda gloss over the reason for their running. You mention with the reference to the motivational video its constantly playing in our heads, and that feeling of lack of value is also constant....constant. You come across as saying that constant feeling is silly or something trivial, think about how easy it is to just to say well he just doesnt appreciate where I''m coming from or you haven't been there or just don't get it and just keep running up the stairs. I have in my life have paused due to running into a walls in life and truly appreciate your videos and rewatch them but for someone who hasn't tried to pause, empathy that constant negative reminder can be a better reason to pause

Thank you, I thought I was (and have tested as) 3balanced, but I think I definitely lean 3w2 and one of my besties might be 3w4.

Doc Tom have you ever thought of incorporating mbti into your channel?

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Great Idea...I will think about that.

3’s don’t come see me, either. I don’t think they usually believe they have any problems...usually, if they come in, it’s to “help me” understand a family member who is coming in for help.

Lol how many times have I fearfully admitted to my therapists and friends that I feel like a pretty package full of garbage😭. Doesn't matter how many times they say it's not true. Still doesn't feel like there's anything in there.

About the '3s don't book coaching sessions' thing, maybe 3s don't want to spend money on coaching when they think they can figure it out themselves. I guess they've been self-helping and doing self-therapy for a while so they don't really consider paid coaching or therapy.

Many 3s that I know put a premium on going to specialists that will in addition to giving greater understanding, also provide them with either some kind of professional certification by spending their time or an association that will increase their academic or professional prestige. Just an observation of 3s I know, undoubtedly not true across the board.

His words are really sanctimonious but I really like him

@vtgchanelswan

3 жыл бұрын

he’s just saying the truth about every type, not putting any one type on a pedestal. i’m pretty sure he explains his own like he explains others

@aodhanodonnell2148

3 жыл бұрын

@@vtgchanelswan no I wasn't trying to belittle him, I just thought the way he tried to relate to the viewer with only the camera was funny, he's talking to himself essentially, but I think he's a rightepus individual all the same

@vtgchanelswan

3 жыл бұрын

@@aodhanodonnell2148 i understand, it’s just a really good way to connect w people, he knows there are people actually watching this who are really trying to figure themselves out

@sechale

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah you know he’s not a 3 but I think we need the bollocking as we can be prone to self-deception. It’s a good pain lol

fml i'm at the lowest level

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

We all have to start somewhere... :-)

@talkshh

3 жыл бұрын

@@twlahue true, at least i know where i am and where i'm going.

@genericscreenname13

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@vtgchanelswan

10 ай бұрын

me too

America is such a three culture, and the defective character traits of threes (deception, loss of true self) is actually encouraged. It's almost perceived as "the way." I have a lot of resentment towards this because I'm criticized for not being like that myself. I can also see the damage being done to the planet as the result of these ideals. These people are racing as fast as they can to the detriment of their environment and they have no idea. I also think these people are desperately trying to not see the fact that they're mortal and will eventually die. Threes never want to tell me their age, not because age makes one less attractive, but because they're dying. Their is beauty in impermanence, but all they see is a grotesque decaying; a loss of life force. I can imagine that terrifies threes.

@RandolphTheWhite1

3 жыл бұрын

Wow. Slow down, randel from three months ago. Damaging the planet? What, did you do some ayahuasca or something. You're blaming climate change on the 3 architype? Give me a break, me.

Rewarded for performance, not who I am

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Can you see my inner makeup?

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

In touch with the inner life

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Calculator Strategy to move agenda

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Don’t settle for admiration when you’re deserving of love.

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Praise fades. Looks fade. What's left?