Dr. Tom LaHue: Your enneagram advice and videos are the most helpful I've seen anywhere. In particular, the "Help for Type X" videos have made a huge difference in me understanding others, especially my wife (9) and kids (5, 7, 4, and probably 6). I liked them so much I'm having the family go through them together. Thank you!

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

As a 1w9, I strongly believe that 1s should be told about their annoying behaviours so that 1s can learn how to become better people.

24:40 - Nailed it. 1's actually want the criticism, because we want to improve, but we just have a hard time handling it. A little bit goes a _long_ way.

@LisaCapron

3 жыл бұрын

I feel like we do want the feedback but we are already so hard on ourselves it doesn’t take much for it to hurt.

@Stoffendous

3 жыл бұрын

Thing is if it's so difficult for 1s to handle criticism shouldn't they know best how hard it can come across? They seem to have no problems dealing it out left and right though. In my opinion that is hypocrisy.

@Faeriefungus

3 жыл бұрын

I won’t forget. I’m a two dating a 1. He’s 51 I’m 28. It’s been a confusing roller Coaster but all starting to make sense thanks to this channel!

@Faeriefungus

3 жыл бұрын

@@Stoffendous I agree but I agree on hypocrisy going both ways.

Oh man, feeling very called out!! LOL I’m a 1w2 and just this morning my husband came home and plopped all kinds of junk all over the counter in the kitchen where I was working. I was making zuppa toscana for dinner, getting homemade yogurt out of the pot and into mason jars, finishing up homemade granola (to go in said yogurt for the kids) and was about start dough for breadsticks. I gave him “the look” and all the kids (ages 19, 16, 14, 11 and 6) just looked at him and said some version of “Uh... dad.... did you want to die???” (He’s a 5. He had no clue why I needed things moved.)

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

The struggle is real.

@tlhogid663

2 жыл бұрын

😂

These are the best videos about enneagram that I've found! Maybe you could do a series about every number going to their health number and how that could look like...?

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I will think about that.

For my whole life I hated people who are selfish, lying and cheating others. I needed to know why society has such people and I came to know about personality disorders like NPD, ASPD etc. which helped me understand those toxic people and how their parents & society made them the way they are. Now having understood that it is impossible to have a society that has only good people I have become more compassionate and made peace with myself. And the yin yang ☯️ thing helped me too

I’d say I’ve listened to at least a weeks worth of hours on enneagram. I had all my six brothers, five sisters, and everyone they know take the enneagram test. It’s been endlessly fascinating . This 36:06 minutes I’ve watched your video has been more informative than all other hours combined. I mean I am a two so yes I’m over exaggerating a bit but for real! Thank you so so so so so much

Thank you so much for putting so much time and effort into these videos! I'm a 7 and I know it must be super difficult to make these consistently. It's honestly very impressive and inspiring to see that it's possible for a seven to focus like you do. Great work, as always :)

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

Thanks Dr! Particularly like how you encourage us to be understanding and compassionate.

Muchas gracias!!! I didn’t know about the enneagram until recently, and I am a type 1. Thank you for letting me see myself for who I am without judging me. For a self judging type 1 this is a gift and a blessing. It is easier to accept myself. You explain it wonderfully. Thanks!!!

Bro I love you. Thanks for this. It's helped me understand someone quite dear, and challenging, in my life. :) Blessings and freedom over you! 🤗

I just wanna say "THANK YOU" I don't know if there is any better way of sharing my gratitude in words. Feeling emotional! Really appreciated!

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, thank you!

I am a 1w2 social, and every time I watch your videos about 1's I feel like you've pegged me to a T. 8:15 - I've been there in my life. (It's just not efficient to not have your key ready. Have it out to unlock the door so you can keep going, get inside, get things done. Have to put the groceries away, finish the laundry, start dinner. Go Go Go. Running out of time for bath before bedtime.) But that is an example how you know 1s so well. Yeah the dishwasher has a specific order to it but I think that's a bigger/obvious example. You understand it is also just as simple as not having your keys ready. My husband is a 9w8 social. So most of the things in the house are organized the way I think it should be, but his 1 wing shows in the way he wants his shirts folded. I apparently don't fold them correctly according to his stipulations. I tried, it was just never quite right for him. So he folds his own shirts. I really like my type. I'm very happy being a 1 probably because I know I'm right. ^_^ Social 1 known as "owner of the truth" sounds cool to me. It may be 'big shoes to fill' to someone else but I got this, it comes so naturally. I know that anger is the sin of the 1, but I wonder if I have a touch of pride from my 2 wing as well, lol. 28:20 - "Why wouldn't you be a teacher?" Right? Why not? Because nobody listens to me! It's so frustrating. I've tried to help people but they either don't listen or still don't do it right. There are a lot of stupid people in the world. Actually trying to teach would stress me out. I work on being healthy but it is a struggle. Just when I think I'm getting the hang of it, I realize I'm headed the wrong way in the other direction. For example, my current situation, I thought I was doing better with tapping into my 9 wing -observing life, rather than nitpicking it to perfection. 30:50 - you're right, it didn't feel like health. Just the other day I realized I "put my head in the sand" too hard because I didn't "surrender and accept" or "accept people as they are". What I ended up doing was surrendering, observing, from afar. I withdrew, just pulled myself out of the situation. Accidentally like a "if you're not going to listen to my suggestions that will make your life better, then I'm just going to leave" that wasn't a move towards health and accepting other people, that's running away from the problem. But I realized it so now I get to try again. 32:17 - "But how will they grow?!" this is another example on how you get us 1s so well. The audio peaked when you said this line. I think that's a perfect example of a normal day-in-a-life of a 1. Others may have been jump scared but it's exactly what I was already thinking. If I had said it out loud someone could definitely interpret it as angry, I'd like to think passionate (-that probably comes from my 2 wing trying to help others) 32:52 - aww that aging rottweiler and here I was just thinking that I was growing soft in my old age (I'm 31, almost 32). That my bubbling frustration/anger was dwindling; my energy, my passion getting snuffed out because my advice was falling on deaf ears and I was slowly giving up. 33:07 - perfect with imperfections - My mom (6w5 my dad is a 5w6) just shared a Japanese word with me I'd never heard before: wabi-sabi Basically it means 'seeing the beauty & 'perfection' in something BECAUSE it's imperfect" Definitely a phrase that needs to go on a 1's affirmation/vision/motivation board. PS - sorry for the long comment. Apparently I got really excited about this video? haahaa Edit: formating

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

I am glad the video is helpful. Blessings.

Wonderful info! I laughed at the accuracy of the examples given of 1’s anger. “But how will they LEARN?!!!!?” 🤣 thank you for helping me better understand the 1’s in my life 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Lol this is so spot on! 😭 I’ve been told I often say “I just don’t get it” lol

Thank You for making me understand my husband (1) and myself (4) better. Your videos are absolutely amazing, you make it very informative and helpful. I appreciate the example (my weak spot, can't think of those myself). I'll dive into other personalities too, because understanding them bring me feeling of connection with others that I normally lack. THANK YOU 🙏🤗❣

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Glad to help.

My whole adult life has been a journey of learning to give up control. Leaning on the divine wisdom and plan of God has helped me to reside more often in t he Serene Acceptor space.

Type one: 'Sympathize with them, it's hard man.' Type three: 'JUST STOP DOING THE THINGS YOU DO!' I did feel called out a little in type three but this to that is really different. 😂😂 That being said you're doing wonderful and I'm learning alot about my 1 husband.

Thanks for the info and advice! This gives me a lot to consider. Someone suggested I might be an Enneagram One. Makes me think of a card I gave my (lovely) mom for Mother’s Day when I was a little kid. Scrawled over a pink heart it said: “I love you Mom! Even though you punish me.” Yeah, probably a One. 😆 Still looking for serenity...

Judge, Teacher, Serene Acceptor/Observer (thank you for this)

on the low side, the 1 not only sees all imperfections such as small things, but above all sees himself as an imperfection. As bad, imperfect, wrong. He thinks the others see him that way too. From that feeling he tries to make everything around him clear, to keep everything under control. Not so much because he thinks the others are not good enough, but deeply because he feels bad about himself and thinks the others think so too. And to avoid that bad feeling of himself.

Thank you from a social 4w5... I am scared of the type 1 for a lot of reasons. I understand it is my path of integration, but that energy is still scary for me. I have an family member that I am convinced is a 1. That 1 energy from her has been a hard road to appreciate for me. To understand that who she is just may be the better part of me... I am not quite there yet. When things in her life have gone south... I have seen her become more like me... and I know that can scare her, especially when she experiences the "out of control" times. I wish I could be a strength for her as she is for me. I wish I could appreciate her strength and learn to embrace it, instead of be fearful of it

@Rmetr0

3 жыл бұрын

Heyy soc 4w5 as well 😃 I was thinking of my step father as an 8, but after watching this video he seems to be a clear 1 And yeah, sometimes I'm scared so much of him and I was never thinking of him having that voice telling him about smth been done wrong and he just expresses it as angrily as he hears it Now I feel so sorry and compassionate to him for having to hear all of that and live with it 😢

The lady who introduced me to Enneagram guessed I am a type 1 I am actually 4w3... I take the guess as a compliment.

Excited you're doing this new series. My guy is a 1 x.x

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Glad to help.

12:00 totally describes something I do all the time! If I feel like I'm doing a bad job, I automatically go into self condemn mode before anyone else can. It's really sad that that's a thing.

32:15 i have never felt so called out

Very excited for this topic! Particularlly type 9!

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Coming soon!

As a 1, I used to struggle with people returning to and from their vomit! I had to learn when to look away or stay away.

I find for myself, it's important with every "type" to remember the typology is an indication of tendencies, not a pass to stereotype and pass judgment on a wide swath of folks as all one extreme caricature. I often think 7s get a bad deal when being seen as all-party-all-the-time, 3s as being all ambition, etc. The enneagram to me indicates the how of a core response, not necessarily who or what someone is as a person.

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, thanks

As a 4w3 I find myself in your description of the "judge" when I`m unhealthy. I wonder why because normally I should go to the one in health....whats going on?

Thanks for the video. One question, what is the origin of this attitude of the type 1, parents too demanding or may be immature (if my parents don’t protect or teach me i build a “second me “ in order to do it) . Sorry for my english

What is the best test to find your number? I feel like a 1 in some areas and a 9 in others and have taken test that even told me I was a 6!! I have been studying but am a little lost on my own number!!

When will the enneagram stop being so diplomatic? The first therapist I ever went to in my early 20s said to me “that’s a reason but NOT an excuse. I’m tired of having to “understand” the unhealthy types. Dr. Lahue, Do you ever talk about holding a type 1 accountable for being an asshole? This is the probably with being a “good Christian”. I’m a type 9 and for 48 years I’ve been trying to not only understand myself but also every other jerk on the enneagram. I thought that understanding how someone’s personality works that I could live in peace

Actually the healthy 1 is likely to acknowledge the world _is_ perfect. The hunchback got the most perfect hunch so to speak. And the world is sacred, it is not to be improved - any ideas to improve it ruins it for you. Edit: Oh there it goes: 33:00

Great information! I know some ones. Lol Always grading papers

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching!

Hello Dr. LaHue!!! First of all, thank you very much for this video. I am a one and all of your videos were incredibly edifying for me, the example of "the angry dad" was really my case. I have a question about the three health levels you discussed in this video: is it possible to experience different health levels as different areas of our lives are concerned? Thank you in advance for your attention. Alessandra

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Glad to help.

You might laugh at this, but I'm an 8w7 and it looks like my husband is a 1w2, sometimes he goes in 7, but boy when he loses his temper, as an 8 I wanna sort him out, but I have to bide my time and wait for him to calm down before anything can be resolved. When he's like that I want to leave and never come back.

For not doing many videos on 1's you have spent more than 2/3 the time on them at their worst? Is there a reason?

Wow thanx to point this out..no Rottweiler nor Dobermann in my head..ouff..great so indeed I'm an intj..5/6...😁🤣🤩😄🤪🤭🤗👏👏👏😊

I have living with 1 personality for 24 and I want to let go all my negative thoughts I don't know from where I can start I need to change a lot of things still learning and I am on the process my plan is switch to 8 I'm 96% 8 and 98% 1

The Type ones hear the voice of the accuser of the brethren, loud and clear. Distinguishing that the fight is not against "flesh and blood" (other people or themselves) but against that elemental power or authority of the air, is where this fight starts to be won. Who is greater? He who is in me....or the one who is in the world. Which Father do I want to be like....??

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Good point.

I'm a 5w6 and type 1 is my second highest type and ALL of this is true for me

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Social 1's often look like 5's. Interesting.

@seforaker

3 жыл бұрын

@@twlahue I have had people tell me they were misdiagnosed 5 for a 1 vice versa

is there a 5s levels of health video or is it too much to ask ? thanks anyway you're doing a great job.

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

I will look into that.

Family's angry everyday, and that's why I practically live in my car, but I accept it!

My mum, bf and best friend got me as a one. However, I am certain I am a 4w5. Does this mean I have integrated the healthy qualities of the one?

@twlahue

7 ай бұрын

Probably... also 1 may be in your "Tri-Type"

As a 5 it's only natural for me to point out how to do things better or question why things are being done a certain way but my 1 mom immediately assumes I'm being judgemental or ungrateful when I'm just trying to help 🤔

@LisaCapron

3 жыл бұрын

As a 1... trust me... timing is everything and how you phrase it is important! (I’m married to a 5.)

@beccawhosangs

3 жыл бұрын

I’m a 1. When someone points out a better way or critiques how I’m doing something I can definitely project negatively back onto that person because of insecurity or feeling “exposed” for being imperfect. We try so hard to do things right the first time so it’s extra painful when we are called out. It’s always a touchy thing for us, but like the person said above, I do think phrasing and timing are everything! Coming to us after the fact and calmly offering a different approach usually works best versus in the moment when we are in our active organizing/efficiency mode. ;)

Starts at 3.38

“Observe and accept life.”

@trustyourself-ashleyching3646

2 жыл бұрын

Love people as they are.

I loathe the unhealthy type 1 and I don’t want to understand without the permission to say “this isn’t okay with me”

The enneagram preaches nothing but understanding self and others (which is wonderful) but just the same as a sermon in church standing up for yourself is never mentioned. I finally started learning about Jesus (I grew up without religion) and let me tell you this….. Jesus is a badass. Funny how that’s never taught to our kids (how to protect self and respect self). All Christianity preaches is be “nice”. And most of the church goers do nothing but virtue signal.

Hello Dr. LaHue. Research wise, I think you might find the singer NF quite interesting. He talks about his life struggles and mental health in his music videos. What do you think is type could be? This is a thought based question, I don't expect an actual answer from you. For instance, in the music below "Leave me alone" he talks about how hard it is for him to get rid of his balloons (depression, dark thoughts, etc.), the people in white represent the people who decided to seek help and move on, the woman asleep wearing black clothes that he is trying to weak up represents his mother who died from an overdose when he was 18. He is also telling fame to leave him alone. You really need to hear the lyrics of this song because... wow... he is pouring himself out. I wish you a great Sunday in the company of your loved ones. kzread.info/dash/bejne/int7ucqIhby1ksY.html Edit: NF is a Christian and extremely discrete. At the end when he finally decides to unburden himself of a few balloons he gives them to (I have heard) God.

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

I do not know this singer. Thanks for sharing, maybe I will check it out.

@Stoffendous

3 жыл бұрын

@@twlahue Sounds like you won't Tom

When they rage and disrespect, I walk away and say I'll be back in an hour after they've cooled down.

@twlahue

3 жыл бұрын

Smart move.

@a.hakvoort8098

3 жыл бұрын

as a one I think walking away will make the one feel as if you putt yourself above thatperson and increase the type one's sense of being not-good. Why not stand next to him and say: you're yelling at me now, we can't have a conversation. Would you to calm down a bit and then let us talk and explain what is the matter?

@ashleyching3166

3 жыл бұрын

Fortunately, this is a past reference to an ex. Life is pretty good now 🙏

No wonder as a 4 I feel so deficient for my 1 🙃

@oscarl.3563

3 жыл бұрын

It's probably just the mouth in your forehead that gets to him.

@Stoffendous

3 жыл бұрын

@@oscarl.3563 Or the face entirely.

@oscarl.3563

3 жыл бұрын

@@Stoffendous That's just rude. It was a joke on the emoji you know.

What, me, lose my cool? Nah, it's just my accent ;)

Anger, response to world’s brokenness

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Everything is just as it should be

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe a full, perfect journey has mistakes and problems

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Some things are beyond my ability to change

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

Some problems are not my problems to solve

@ashleyching7894

2 жыл бұрын

1’s growth is loving and accepting as they are

I'm sorry Tom I just can't find compassion for this type. Strong dislike I'm afraid.