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I wish i would have learned these skills in grade school. This is the kind of info that benefits everyone

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

There are so many things I wish were taught in schools :(

@arlenehutchinson9259

2 жыл бұрын

Amen I hope he does a teen course. This is the beginning of critical thinking....WHAT IS BEING SAID??

@aceracer7408

2 жыл бұрын

Dinner table life lessons. No microwaves, phones, newspapers or interruptions during dinner . Life was great. We knew it. Anyone remember the CCM Duomatic bikes?

@ezzellchic

2 жыл бұрын

This, media literacy and, I would have loved basic automobile care.

@trickywily2823

2 жыл бұрын

I just dont respond or simply talk about anything else

I've always been so honest and open and that's all I know. Last week someone asked me a question I didn't want to answer but I didn't know what else to do. Now I realize I need to turn the tables and answer with a question. I'm going to change how I deal with people now at 78 years old. I'm learning a new skill.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

My mother is 75 and considers herself a spring chicken. Smart as hell and learning every moment of her life. I'm guessing you're in the same boat. GOOD FOR YOU, RAINWOOD GRACE!

@dattepo7534

2 жыл бұрын

I love how your open to learn

@scarlettclark1939

2 жыл бұрын

You can always just say "I don't feel comfortable answering that question" and move on to another topic. If they get defensive or angry, or if they cross that boundary and continue to badger you for more information, this just might be a huge red flag.

@lovesings2us

2 жыл бұрын

Rainwood Grace - I love how you keep learning. Thank you for sharing. I'm almost 67 and am inspired by your words.

I don't know why, I just love your personality Dan. A genuine, upfront kind person. So rare.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

YOU DON'T KNOW WHY???? HMMM, don't let my mother hear you say that.

@found-it0620

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Sir, I know why: you properly regard your mum, it's just appropriate and mannerly to give her honor. Also, your tone is not caustic to have self respect. Thanks for caring to help.

@jaxong.2701

2 жыл бұрын

@@found-it0620 lol grab a dictionary before typing, with all due respect.

When I was in grade school, I read MAD magazine's "snappy answers to stupid questions". It helped me immensely.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Snappy can be good as long as it is not mean-spirited. It depends much on the intention of the speaker, and generally you can deduce that fairly easily. Mad Magazine had its virtues.

"We cant teach someone how inappropriate their behavior is. They have to realize it for themselves". This. Is. Wisdom. Xoxo

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

But we can train them how to treat us--what we will and won't accept. And. that. is. life.

@ceciliareynolds5949

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords AMEN!!

@zeldapinwheel7043

2 жыл бұрын

The people that do that know it's inappropriate. It's a tactic.

@SydMountaineer

2 жыл бұрын

To add to that, they only realize it when they experience the consequences of it (light being shined on it & others in the room shining even more light on it). Also, they're likely used to recipients of their abuse reacting emotionally & quickly, or not at all, so when they don't, and more time is spent on only the abuser's behavior, the abuser is the only one in spotlight and suffers more of a consequence.

"Why do you ask?" [an open-ended question] is always a handy phrase to have on hand. As is "Tell me X, I'm curious. Why do you want to know that?" [which is a power move used by interviewers]. And if all else fails reply with "That's a long story..." and sort of trail off. Or simple "Interesting..".

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Yes.

@Upstream5402

2 жыл бұрын

I love using "Why do you ask?" but wish I'd known to use it when I was very young. My sister-in-law would ask me how much I paid for something. When I'd answer truthfully, she say I paid too much. Annoying!

@lynx70123

2 жыл бұрын

Love these, too.

@dawntownsend4624

2 жыл бұрын

THIS. I’ve found this shuts it down quickly and cleanly, every time.

@bluewater3783

2 жыл бұрын

@@Upstream5402 I know someone like that, too, Joyce--and I finally figured out that if I asked him for advice beforehand where to get the best deal for something, he would say: "I don't know." But if I didn't ask for his advice beforehand, he would come out with the: "Oh, I/you coulda got that much cheaper!" 👀😊

“ How was your date last night “ “ If you were there you would know” lol I have no filter at times

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Hey, nothing wrong with that response. It wasn't rude and it was direct--and with humor.

I have found great success by usually just responding to such things with a cheerfully delivered “I make it a policy to never answer questions that are universally known to be intrusive (or inappropriate)”. And then move on immediately. It seems to work pretty well.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds excellent to me. Takes a lot of courage. Kudos to you.

@caroldier6425

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords I like both approaches, perhaps this one could be seen as more confident, rather than passive aggressive? (Talking from a teacher's perspactive.)

@justChristine

2 жыл бұрын

"I'd answer but I need to kill you after. " . Too harsh!

Thank you for sharing your Wisdom. People who are crass or rude will qualify their obnoxious remarks or questions with "I'm trying to get to know you." Or"You are too sensitive" or "I'm just being honest ". It's absolute Hell being around People sometimes .You never know what will come out of their Mouths and they always have excuses for their classless behavior.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

My favorite is the danger phrase "I'm just being honest." The implication is that everything that comes into the head should come out the mouth and that is pure, unadulterated nonsense. Some things need not be said. And you know that if the comment is prefaced by or followed with "I'm just being honest" the comment falls into the category of things that need not be said.

My response to the question of my age is always: “between the age of consent & death”.

I'm going to use these tips to deal with my rude sister in-laws. Lol

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks! Let me know how it turns out, ok?

@sumitachandra3052

2 жыл бұрын

Please... From my side too.

@sweetbeep

2 жыл бұрын

.... I wonder if they think you are rude too.

@annmelendez1898

2 жыл бұрын

@@sweetbeep I feel like the problem is, we are just like oil and water. The best part is , I rarely have to see them anymore. Now after watching some of these videos, I'm ready to deal with them .

@sweetbeep

2 жыл бұрын

@@annmelendez1898 .. well the thing about personalities are, I feel like loud ppl might think quiet ppl are rude and vice versa. Like it's just an opinion about what is rude or not. My brother once thought someone was rude and I thought he was perfectly fine if not considerate.

Thank you Dan for also making their rude questions feel less intimidating. I'm loving seeing them as being cockroach like questions, helps me feel in control. All by turning the light on them.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

My pleasure to present you with such a memorable image, Anna.

You are: refreshing, know your craft, make awesome illustrations, and, in general, convey concepts in an adroit way! Very helpful, thank you!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well thank you, Mart!

@PeacockButterfly

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! I love this guy!

@CompostWatcher

2 жыл бұрын

Aptly communicated.

Step 1. Narrate the scene - 0:41 Step 2. Ask them to repeat it - 2:05 Step 3. Ask the crowd for help - 3:41 Step 4. Ask an open ended question - 4:43

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Yes--I think :)

IDK about being dignified...I kinda like "It's none of your fcking business." Works every time.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Hey Recovering. I know perfectly well you don't talk that way to people.

@daniellee1722

2 жыл бұрын

It's case-by-case. Some ppl don't learn bc their whole MO is to get a reaction out of you. I grew up in a different time and place, where a man better watch what he says. If they run their mouth too much it won't end with verbal one-upmanship

@Childfree334

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Actually, "It's none of your f*cking business" is EXACTLY what I say to people who are rude enough to question my life choices and decisions, especially those who want to know why I choose to be childfree. Plus I have a resting b*tch face. Works every time.

@JJ-iq8mi

2 жыл бұрын

You're watching the wrong video. Idiot.

@recoveringbaptist2023

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords well...no. But behind their BACKS I've been known to! I decided to bite the bullet and car camp last May, to pay off my credit cards and save my pensions. I was cleaning out my car at a gas station vacuum pump when a woman actually came up to me and asked "Are you homeless?" I was SO offended. But no, I simply explained what I was doing and then LATER kicked myself, as neither I nor anyone ELSE has to explain themselves to anyone. Then the gas station attendant told me she asked HER if I was homeless. THAT was when I exploded that it was none of her blankety blanking BUSINESS! I can't believe the NOSINESS of ppl!!!

I wish I learned these tips❗ I got asked "how old are you?" By my previous supervisor because she was angry when I stood my ground and defend myself because I pointed out some of the things she said I did wrong when another staff aka her BFF did exactly the same thing. I just work like what I saw and I thought it was ok because I just started working. She said she will write me up. Because I'm the only little Asian at work so she intimated me by looking down on me. Man I wish I learn/ watch these videos 🤧

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well you can learn them now Hlee, and I hope you do.

This is just what I've been looking for. Recently, a friend I hadn't spoken to in years called me up on a Facetime, and while we were catching up, he began asking me extremely intrusive questions, like why I'm not married, or how come I broke up with my last girl friend, all questions that made me feel violated. Of course, I didn't want to cast a shadow on our conversation when catching up with him after so many years, but I couldn't help feel he was trying to poke holes in my life out of jealousy, and I didn't know how to respond without just telling the guy to mind his own fucking business. Now I know how to respond to an asshole like that. Thank you!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You're very welcome, Gill.

Listen, I just want to paint the picture on how valuable your videos are to me. Every week on Sunday I have a note in my calendar labeled therapy. I have several links from different creators where I watch for a whole hour and you're one of those people. Honestly I can't thank you enough. You're an incredible human being with so much wisdom and you do things in the most loving life without putting the people that put you down with revenge. So thank you so much for popping up in my feed every Sunday and of course I want to let you know that you are valued and you are loved and you're up an incredible human being. Thank you again for all of your time that you put in to spreading the love and the truth to the people around you. I am also a traveler and I'm super proud of myself but I'm in Columbia for the fourth time learning Spanish and I'm glad I watch this video.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me this, Robbie. Your reinforcing words mean a great deal to me. Write Jean at jean@danoconnortraining.com and tell her I said to shoot Say This Not That to you. I think you'll enjoy it as my gift to you--perhaps to look over next Sunday :)

I probably would have said “ so we’re having tacky hour instead of coffee I see”… let’s get back to what we’re here for lol

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well if that works, TRoT, go with it.

Having become slightly hard of hearing, I often have to ask people to repeat what they have said. It’s really useful for weeding out the disrespectful. It helps you take control of the conversation back. Most people have to rethink their question. It’s a great tool.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds good enough for me to steal.

@maidmarion2976

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it really works. So sick of Narcissists, we have to have some armour.

@maidmarion2976

2 жыл бұрын

Another answer that’s useful is ‘why do you want to know?’ Said with a smile.

@WH2012

2 жыл бұрын

@@maidmarion2976 Bingo. I'm so past beating around the bush with people.

@fourgrans

Ай бұрын

I have done that too and noticed how sheepish they get when forced to repeat their rude comment or question. It's kind of satisfying lol

Once again, absolutely perfect for teaching middle school!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

:)

Thank you so much . Your wise words have given me so much confidence . Especially in situations just like the one you described in this video. Thank you again . I hope you’re well

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Doing well, Wayne, and hope that you are too. I'm happy to have helped with your confidence :)

Dan O’Connor, that “narrate the scene” is brilliant and I think I can remember to do that!🌻

I've asked people "why would you say something like that? That could be seen as very hurtful if said to the wrong person." People are generally so dumbfounded by the response that they drop the issue or they apologize.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Great way to handle it, Jake.

Another great response to a rude question: Why do you ask? There was also this one time I said something to a guy who was being a jerk who asked me a question and I just looked at him and said, "If I cared what you thought I would let you know." And then I walked away.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well if you're really upset--this would work. Hopefully most people don't upset you enough to use that too often.

I love you Dan, you are so slick with regulating your emotion. I needed this just yesterday as I was attempting to purchase a perfume in the middle of the mall. The man was asking about my boyfriend…like multiple questions about it when I kept talking about the perfume. How weird. I finally just went along with him thinking I even have a boyfriend but then it came out that my boyfriend is still in another state. When actually the guy is not my bf and we broke up nearly two years ago. I did not make that purchase and I’m so happy, because I hated that interaction. So uncomfortable. How why does a perfect stranger feel they can intrude like that. Ewe.

Are you someone who DESERVES respect! BAM BAM BAM BAM.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Who doesn't deserve respect, Sheneda? I'm not sure your question was a knock-out.

7.8k gives this a thumbs up. That's a lot of people you're helping. We need you. 💜

I loved your "That's Interesting" response years ago - love this follow-up

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

:). Thanks for continuing to follow these videos, Mei Lin.

"Like cockroaches when you flip the switch"🤔👍🤙🤘🤝

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Yep.

Very much like #4, my go-to response to rude comments is (with heavy disappointment in my voice), "Aww, that's not nice. Why would you say that?" Or "Aww, that's a mean thing to say." Even if it's a boss or the office meanie, they immediately look embarrassed and start apologizing. Everyone thinks of themselves as a nice person who's clever, witty, hilarious. And maybe they were just trying to be funny, but this lets them know they miscalculated. It also works really well when you witness someone being rude to someone else. The talker always looks embarrassed by what they said and starts backpedaling, and the receiver is grateful for the social support.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Excellent and mindful.

All my life I have so often been asked this and been so embarrassed, even by perfect strangers. I felt humiliated when asked by a customer when I first approached them to offer help and that was the first thing they asked '"How old are you?" I didn't know how to respond and answered honestly and then he continued to argue with me that I must be wrong. I said (eventually) I'm not going to stand here and argue with you about my age. I felt so humiliated and disrespected as a person. I never knew how to properly respond to that horrible question until now. Thank you. Now I can use this for all the future horrible encounters that will come my way.

Hi, good video but I think steering it into a conversation gets everyone off track - my go to has always been " Well, Tom, I'm certain you didn't mean to ask me such a personal or inappropriate question" and leave it there and move on. It has always worked for me without hesitation and the point you made about having to show someone the person their behavior or comment/question was rude without making it awkward for everyone is is also accomplished.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Tonya, if the abbreviated version works for you, I say YOU GO! Whatever is mindful and works, and clearly your formula works for you.

@tonyaosborne6881

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Also enjoying several of your videos- new sub!

One of our favorite comebacks is asking: Why do you want to know? Another one is: I’m a very private person and I don’t like to talk about my personal life at work. Then ignoring it and changing the subject. I have no idea why coworkers want to know if I’m married or how many children I have. I didn’t know I was so fascinating. I’m there to work, not socialize, and that’s none of their business.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Right on Fatoldladinpjs! You're not just fat and old and in pj's; you're also smart and apparently fascinating to your coworkers :)

Thank you. Sometimes people ask me, "when are you getting married?" The last time someone asked me that i said, "oh are you going to marry us then?" Another time, someone asked out loud, "when's the big day? I replied, "oh, i didn't know that marriage was compulsory!"

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Those responses will do, Gaynor, if you ask me.

@pn6528

2 жыл бұрын

I like to cheerfully say, I guess whenever God allows..I'll keep ya posted. 😉

Thank you so much Dan I’m learning my value ….you’re awesome

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Marilyn, that is HUGE and I thank you for telling me that.

I did this kind of automatically once. It just came to me, and it WORKS. I was working with two 40+ year old people in an art school. I had just went vegan for ethical reasons, and this one woman was obsessed with teasing me about it. Always "you have to eat some meat" whenever I struggled lifting some heavy concrete plates and stuff. Then one day she did that shit again, and it just came to me "she's obsessed with this..", and I straight out said exactly that: "You are obsessed with my veganism, aren't you". She went white in the face, suddenly realizing she was being an ass attacking my deepest moral values and my physical abilities. Next time I saw her she offered me a vegan ice cream she had laying in the kitchen freezer. Never mocked me again. This TOTALLY works, especially on adults!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing that story, Julian. Yes, it works. :)

"There's nothing you can't say in a loving way." Another gem! For me, this could well take the anxiety out of responding when angry... There have been times when I've kept silent for fear of delivering an OTT, hurtful response. I can now see that this isn't necessary. A measured, firm but loving response would be far more effective all round.😊 Thank you, Dan!

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

OK, but wait a moment Kit; you left out an important part. There's nothing THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY that you can't say in a loving way." I make the distinction because some things shouldn't be said in the first place--i.e. you don't HAVE to say them. :) :)

@kitbenson8078

Жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you, Dan. That makes even more sense and I shall submit it to memory. 😊

Thanks for putting your time into these video's Dan, Appreciated.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

And thank you for appreciating that time, Un Named Channel.

Dan, thank you, sir! Your wisdom and instruction has helped me find a dream job! Really love this video! You have a clever and incisive wit to combat rudeness which I truly admire! Thank you again!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Happy to have helped you find your dream job. Please share these videos and spread the word.

Thank you.... I appreciate how you get right to the point and Dignity is very important!

1. Narrate the scene 2. Ask them to repeat the stupid garbage that they said & maintain my dignity 3. Look at the crowd, ask the crowd for help & watch them come to my defense 4. Ask an open ended question Got it!!! My Sister In Law better watch her step this Holiday season b/c I'm coming with instructions!!! Darkness is the absence of Light & she's definitely a cockroach!!! Thank You💖

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for a hilarious response, Creative Native. I especially liked "I'm coming with instructions."

When someone asks how old I am, I always reply something totally outlandish with a smirk and a wink, such as "Well gee, thanks for asking, I actually just celebrated my 572nd birthday, 'wink', how old are you?" That's my way of dodging the rude question and keeping them on their toes with a little humor. It usually makes them laugh as I charm them with humorous light hearted sarcasm. Takes the edge off the moment.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds good, mindful, effective, and funny.

@LeileeBaker805

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yea the age question🙄 If i had a dollar for every time i get asked that..

@mskinetik

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Question... What would you recommend to say to people who ask, "Do you have kids?" I do not have kids. Certain people sometimes dig into that subject and get judgy and ask "why not" or to which I reply, "kids are great but I never really wanted to raise children" and sometimes people keep digging deeper or even outright judge me for not wanting kids. Incredibly uncomfortable. What's a good way to diffuse or change the subject? This question might be worth an entire video response. I know a lot of people have a hard time with that question. I chose not to have kids but it must be especially sensitive for people who want kids but can't have them. People really can judge women harshy and I've also heard guys who have had a hard time with that question. There are different types of inquiries such as from family v.s. meeting new people who ask. I think inquiries from meeting new people can be the harshest. This subject can bring some people to tears. Thanks for your response. Love your channel! Thanks :)

@karaminoa6374

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry, I want to ask why is it rude and how may I find out someone's age without being disrespectful? And is there ever a right time to ask?

@mskinetik

2 жыл бұрын

@@karaminoa6374 When you first meet someone if you ask their age it can come across as judgemental. It doesn't really make a difference how old someone is. If you are getting to know someone on a personal level, or you're going on a date, then it's fine to ask. I think it has more to do with tone of voice and timing than anything. For example some people ask in a tone that is clearly assessing, judging, like in the video. Like someone asking an older coworker infront of others "So, you're how old? So you must be retiring soon." That is clearly judgemental.

Chuckle and ask "What's it to ya?" Or just carry on without having to dignify them with a response. Bottom line: don't let them get you off balance emotionally. A lion doesn't have to prove he is a lion :)

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

That would work. And I agree that you shouldn't be thrown emotionally. However, I believe for your sake you should keep your responses mindful. Mindful over clever.

@pn6528

2 жыл бұрын

Love this.

My sister started a new job. The two women working there asked her how old she was. She said I’d rather not say. After repeated questions and politely deflecting their inquiries, she’d finally had enough. She responded, “If women lie about anything, they’ll lie about either their age or their weight. I’ll bring in a copy of my birth certificate if you get on a scale and I get to see how much you weigh". That was the end of that.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Now that was funny :) :)

I always appreciate your insight and wisdom. I learn a lot with each video.

Lol. That cockroach analogy is a rock star! Love it!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

I have a home in Mexico. They didn't write La Cucaracha for nothin'!

Had a rude patient flip out about filling out a new registration form (he wasnt in since 2017) and said "I'm not filling out any more papers in this place!" And I just flatly said "you didnt fill out the paper fully in 2017 either". He said SO WHAT! I'll go somewhere else! I said again flatly- "you'll have to fill out paperwork there too." 😂🤷‍♀️ What would have been the customer service fake response to this? Because I'm positive he needed to feel dumb for that. He later apologized for flipping out, so I would put my response in the win column

You are God sent! THANK YOU

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, nyce.

This is pure gold. Thanks Dan!

Omg I’m so glad i found you!!! You’re brilliant! Thanks so much for sharing🤗

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome, Missy Dee.

This has been one of my favorite videos I have watched from you! Thank you Dan! I love the whole narrate the scene! Genius!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear it, Happy. Please feel free to share at will!

I love love love everything you have to share Dan!!

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE You!!!! True, honest and to the point. Everyone needs these skills and you, my friend, just made my day brighter!! Thank you for sharing your light!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

I love you Dan! I have gone my whole life never finding the right words. Must be my mercury retrograde. Thanks to you I’m learning.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Great, Regina. And btw, we're all learning, right? Hopefully every day. When we stop, well . . . .

You’ve been helping me for so many years. Thank you! ♥️

So simple, yet powerfully effective.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you; try it and let us know.

I'm happy to hear, that people are more interested in find integrity in the people around them.

I just love your brain! You are so clever and smooth!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well I'm kind of fond of my brain too, and try to feed it regularly to make certain it stays as healthy as possible. :)

Brilliant Dan love your strategy. I suffer from brain freeze and this video buys me time. I also love that you help us not answer the question at all. Love watching your videos.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Good to hear, Martha. I hope you're sharing these videos.

@happycampers7115

2 жыл бұрын

Oh me too! When I feel emotional about something I freeze up and alwan think of the best comeback later! I hate that!

powerful, thank you

Thank you so much your videos are most helpful!

Oh I love this!! I have some toxic people at work, which I’m sure we all do

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Yep.

thank you Dan, very valuable skills, I hope we can change the world of communication !!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

I hope so too, Pat P--change the global dialogue one conversation at a time. At least we can affect the universe in which WE live :)

Thank you. Excellent!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome.

You make me realize I'm a 41 year old kid. These videos are so simple they're genius. SUBSCRIBED!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks mrsigns100 and now that you've subscribed, be sure and share as you go through these videos :)

@mrsigns100

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords let's see if I can find mature enough people around me! 🤣

Great advice! Thank you! I loved the closing words and style 💕

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Mary.

Beautiful vid & lesson. You are SUCH a good teacher. I feel like I’m talking to someone I trust and love, like my uncle❤️ thanks

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

YOUR UNCLE AND NOT YOUR BROTHER? Omigod.

I really enjoy your talks.

2/14/23 question: I’m having trouble with a boss, actually it’s my boss’s boss (VP). Her mode of operation is making mean statements to you within a meeting when a lot of times she’s just assuming you made a mistake when it was someone else who made the mistake yet doing it in front of everyone (so humiliating) But a lot she may use non-verbal gestures directed right at you to show her disapproval or dislike of your work in meetings. She does it when no one else is really looking. Examples: Dirty looks, rolling her eyes, scrunching face squeezing her lips together. How do you handle such demeaning actions? She just demeans you and takes your dignity away. I work so hard and many hours to get things done with such unreasonable time demands. One little thing she doesn’t like and you get some sort of humiliating look or remark from her. She has said, I can’t believe people are so sensitive or this is how I am get over it. She does the same things to others as well. People have left for other jobs because of her actions. How do you handle these mean passive aggressive leaders? Please help. These type of leaders are everywhere in business! Thanks for your video post!

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Debra, if she's doing this to everyone, you all have two choices: Stop her when she accuses you of shoddy workmanship, and she's wrong. Stop her and ask if she is saying that you did xyz. Spotlight her behavior. Explain that she is pointing out errors that you did not make. Say it and then do not defend. Say it once. This might antagonize her; that's the risk you take, but it's worth it if she is actually taking away your dignity in front of others. Your other option is to quit. I would not remain in a job where my boss was treating me in a demeaning manner. However, first I'd try to deal with it, just as I outlined.

Your strategies here remind me of the old maxim "the best defense is a good offense", and it is nice that your suggestions are classy & high-road.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

I believe that can be true, Shell, as long as that offense is not offensive :)

Excellent video. Perfect timing. This is fabulous! I will work it into my colorful retorts, for the foolish...😃😄😃 You're the best, Dan!! 🆒👑🆒

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Colorful retorts--I like that. My mother always described our family as "colorful." Beats weird and strange, I guess.

I like it because the communication style is professional, diplomatic & mature. I’m aspiring to that & practicing it.

Wow, this is great! Thank you so much, Dan!

You are a wonderful teacher and I love the way you edit your videos!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

Brilliant! I would not want to tangle with you 😁. Thank you for the counter tips to avoid "gotcha" moments. I will now feel much more in control should those moments arise.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Tuffstuff :) :)

Excellent.

These are FABULOUS!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

I hope they help, Kristi.

I get inappropriate questions ALL the time, thanks for the great tips!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well dressed like that, Angelique . . . .

You Rock! Thank you.. I just started a office job for the first time and I was rudely asked my age the third day! wish I knew this information 2 months ago.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well, you're ready for the next time now, Syd. :)

@morgandash7378

2 жыл бұрын

You could say, “I’m old enough to know it isn’t professional to ask that question at work.”

@LaDeeDah

2 жыл бұрын

Welcome to office work. Freaking nightmare.

Thank you very much, i am gonna practice & implement,

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

All the best, Aniruddha!

This is the most helpful video I have found . So GRATEFUL you did it.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful and look for more like it. When you're ready to dig a little deeper, check out my courses at danoconnortraining.com, Lisa.

Very helpful, thankyou for this. I get asked rude questions more often than should and so far only been able to try and think of something witty to say… which is not always easy 🤯

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Ursula, you might want to concentrate on mindful rather than witty. Witty can easily backfire.

@Urshi9

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords yes I realise this now 🙈Thanks again 😊

Hey DAN!!!! Great to see this video - I think we all struggle from time to time with the "on the spot" interactions that throw us off our game. How do you do the voice change?!: Love it! Finding time to calm down and reconnect with the thinking brain is sooo important to being seen as a savy communicator. Narrating the scene is a great strategy! Thanks for sharing.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Oh that's just my mother. :)

You are so charismatic Dan I can’t get enough of your brilliant videos xxx

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

That's good, Kate, because more are coming.

You are a breath of fresh air!! No one talks about this stuff and it’s so necessary!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

There are many things we aren't talking about--that we should be talking about, Victoria. Don't you agree?

@aenigmatica8

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWordsI completely agree and I’m so glad you’re doing this! People are taught to be very agreeable and non-confrontational, so then when they need to be assertive and confident, it doesn’t come naturally! Your tips are really empowering. Thanks! 💕

The short answer: calmly drag them across the office 🤣

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Sure.

😂 #2 had me bust out laughing! Such a great one! An excellent tool for those backbiting types who attempt to bully their way into domination through accusation Thank you 🕊💝

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You're very welcome, GS.

@GodsSparrowSpeaks

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing what you have learned thru your experiences, bringing beauty from ashes 🕊💝

You are completely brilliant.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Well not completely, but I sometimes have my moments. :) :) :)

Very helpful! Thank you so much.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome and thank you for writing and PLEASE SHARE, Ma. Christina Isabel Cruz. BTW "Isabel" or "Isabella" is my mother's favorite name in the world :)

Lol I'm gonna be using these techniques on my grandma 😆 🤣

I usually say "excuse me", that way they have to repeat it and hear themselves, at that point I don't have to say anything else!

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a winner.

God bless you, Dan! You've bailed me out with your videos on more than one occasion, as I'm sure you've been a blessing to so many others.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

I hope I've been a blessing, because God knows I've been surrounded by good and blessed people my entire life. We should all be sharing our blessings, right? Think of what the world would look like. Or as John says "Imagine . . . ."

@FliegendeMaus1996

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords You're a huge inspiration for me (and not just in how to effectively communicate, but a shining example of love). What has been most effective with your training is keeping love as the driving force in everything we do!

Love ur advice....Thank u...

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You are welcome, Justice.

"Why don't you ask your mom?" Works on so many levels.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Yes :) :)

The information is interesting. I'm sensitive to noise, and the sounds of the clip as the words came up I found distracting and annoying. I thought the sound was something in the room I was in, I stopped the video to check as it wasn't apparent whether the noise was connected to the clip. Dan, would you consider a different type of sound for future videos?

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Each video is different from the next. Perhaps another video would suit you better. I hope so.

Infinite blessings and thanks to you for ALL of this as it's confirmation for my recent communications with those who feel entitled to information and to test or cross one's boundaries. I've told several people ( family included) that some things are rude and inappropriate and it's NOT their business so this is another tool for me especially as a Gemini who loves to communicate effectively and respectfully. I think it's extremely valuable to learn that you don't have to give an explanation or defense to others whose behaviors leave much to be desired.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Agree, Ronda.

Thank you.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome, Paul.

This is difficult to do in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Many times if I answer AT ALL to questions like, "Who were you texting last night?" Or other questions a controlling boyfriend asks the female he thinks he owns... It just causes a situation to escalate and I get cussed at.

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Sarafina, you are talking about a boyfriend whom you describe as emotionally and physically abusive? RUN RUN RUN away from that relationship. There are no techniques that apply to abuse except giving the relationship what it needs, which is DISTANCE.

@candy2325

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords I agree! That’s a lost cause at that point