"Something tells me this guy's a big hit with the ladies." Something tells me this guy HITS ladies!

@Copter200

9 ай бұрын

Touché 😂

"I thought gelatinous cubes were green." Nope. They are translucent and colorless. So much so that they are effectively invisible when stationary. This is the same across multiple iterations of the D&D family of games. 5e requires a DC 15 Perception check to notice a stationary Cube that has not attacked. Pathfinder 2e requires a DC 23 Perception check to notice a stationary Cube. Pathfinder 1e requires a DC 15 Perception check to see it. D&D 3e also required a DC 15 Perception check. If you go back to AD&D, they didn't have anything like Perception checks at that point, but the Cube is described in the Monstrous Manual as, "So nearly transparent that they are difficult to see...." Additionally, the Cube across editions has usually had rules for what happens to a player that walks into it's space without noticing it. 5e just gives the Cube surprise. In comparison, Pathfinder 1e makes the same character automatically Engulfed by the Cube, potentially being Paralyzed and subject to turn-by-turn automatic damage.

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

I stand corrected.

@goncalocarneiro3043

Жыл бұрын

I give'em that. The cubes being stealthy as heck was always intended.

@rynowatcher

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, the really weakened them for 5e; they used to paralyze prey. 10 foot poles were not just for traps... I usually do gelatinous cubes having the dungeon walls, floors, and ceiling be unusually clean; like someone scrubbed everything, as a sign that there is something weird going on in this area and they should be careful.

@tenchraven

Жыл бұрын

This is a YMMV thing. I've been waiting to spring a deep green one on players for years, and it has what appears to bits of fruit and flesh in it. It smells like limes and peaches and ham and spice. It is a gelatanous cube, yes, and those are peaches the size of your head and chunks of ham in it. It's also part of the giant's lunch. I'm old enough for jello salad to be among the weird things I experienced in childhood.

Ah yes, the unintentional double-entendre. An RPG classic. And no, the OP will never hear the end of it. Many years ago, we were playing Gamma World, and one of the front-line fighters was running low on health. Someone in the second rank used their medical kit to administer some healing, saying "I inject him from behind". Cue hysterical laughter all around. It's become a group meme: Any time any of our characters heals someone, regardless of game system, we always say "I inject them from behind".

@edacheson8540

Жыл бұрын

Oh, we'll make sure he never hears the end of it.

The worst thing about the Gelatinous cube incident was the guy thinking it was inappropriate rather than just funny

Things to do when you accidentally declare the players see a "dead" NPC: 1. The NPC is a doppelganger, taking the form of the dead character. 2. The NPC is a pod person formed by eldritch beings in the shape of the dead character. 3. The NPC is a ghost of the dead character. 4. The NPC is a psychic vision bestowed upon the players, taking this form to portray their grief. 5. The NPC is a temporary hallucination. 6. The NPC is the dead character's twin. 7. The NPC was resurrected by some powerful entity for some unknown purpose 8. The NPC is a robot designed to look like the dead character. 9. The NPC is someone in disguise as the dead character to steal their identity. 10. The NPC is a wax replica used to lure the group into a trap. 11. "Oops, my bad. Thanks for correcting me. The NPC's not actually there." 12. "You did see them die before, and you see them alive now. How they're here is up to you to figure out." Things not to do: 1. Refuse to accept responsibility. 2. Accuse the players of taking notes, as if it's a bad thing. 3. Shift the blame onto the players without any remote reason or justification for doing so. 4. Switch topic and declare that you don't like the tone of voice/attitude the players are giving you. 5. Complain, and be generally aggressive towards everyone who doesn't kowtow to your every whim. 6. Power trip and act like you're doing the players some grand service by allowing them to play in your game.

I'm the DM from the second story. Thank you for covering it. It's nice to see that people think the same way as I do and that this guy was just out of line.

It endlessly funny how he relizes half way thought them saying "you get cover in white goo all over your body and faceeee-"

Here's how as keeper of the secrets I would handle that moment with the 'dead' NPC. Lean over my notes look my players dead in the eyes and say 'indeed?' Because cosmic horror and mystery are the staples of CoC; and THAT even if it was a mistake on my part, can be improved into a plot hook or point of intrigue real easily.

@brittanyrevia2542

Жыл бұрын

Right? This was such an easy fix! Did they fake their death? Did they get resurrected? Is it their ghost? Is it an evil twin? Is this an alternate universe after stepping through the front door? Is their corpse being worn by an eldritch being? But, no . . . RETCON.

@idigamstudios7463

Жыл бұрын

@@brittanyrevia2542 Or maybe, the first four sessions didn't happen anymore. Like a groundhog day kinda deal. They loop after meeting themselves coming to town.

Gelatinous. Cube. Bukkake. Okay THAT'S a new one.

That gelatinous cube thing was hilarious XD Also, they are supposed to be transparent! As for that last story, I would have left the game immediately at session 0. Dude doesn't even know the system is running! If not then, I would've left at session 1. An hour late, eats, then ask if people are ready yet? Nope. Pure waste of time.

Cat snuggles! As for the gelatinous cube story--mistakenly saying something lewd happens to the best of us. *points to the Matt Mercer NPC "Mike Hunt"*

the Gel cube story is less horror and more OP being too in the moment to realize what they were saying and went into a goofball panic

A bukkake gelatinous cube on death is new.

Right when you said, "Entice you with cats doing cute stuff." I got an pet ad with dogs in a bath lmao

I don't know if I've mentioned this Doge, but I like the voice you make when you mimic a person in the story, especially the stupid or jerky ones. Okay snuggle kittles - I love it when cats comfort each other. My current two aren't close, they get along but aren't smugglers. Good going Doge for being a darn find kittyherder.

Based on that DM's story about sexism. I pretty much figured that guy thinks women are delicate flowers. That they cant be creative.

@informitas0117

Жыл бұрын

"Delicate flower" is a nice way of saying "subhuman" which this asshat misogynist clearly thought.

@black69071

Жыл бұрын

@@informitas0117 Honestly wouldn't be surprised, if the guy was an "nice guy"/neckbeard/incel. It would be the chef's kiss of this shit show.

Ok now I'm putting a jello cube that explodes into white goo now

The incident with the gelatinous cube wasn't so bad, but the fact that the druid, after resting, found herself 9 months pregnant just to deliver birth to a baby cube is sus.

Ironically, this is the second time I have heard of a dm who got angry with a player taking notes

I'll be honest 😂 that gelatinous cube story got a good laugh outta me, as it's a great example of poor wording choice 🤣 OP clearly had no malicious or perverted intent, which just makes this all the funnier imo 💀

Don't be an idiot DM if you have a close friend group that is on the "viscous mockery" level of friendship. XD On a side note, the Gelatinous Cubes I've encountered were a kind of light blue color.

Makes me glad that the DMs I've had, when I started DMing and they were the players, they actually were far more supportive, and were willing to play along.

11:57 Gelatinous cubes are fully transparent - basically, they'd be almost invisible if not for the remains of the previous victims floating inside. That's why they're usually very, very dangerous for low level parties.

The gelatinous cube part reminded me on something else. Also poor DM.

In my experience, gelatinous cubes are basically a while family on their own. There are even gelatinous cubes called "puddings" and they more resemble moving goop piles than cubes, with black and grey puddings being better at blending into the environment causing players to need high DC to notice them. There was one instance where my party was in the underdark and we came across a guy who pledged himself to a goo god and became a human shaped goo person and we had to be careful to not get engulfed by all the goo in his throne room. It was an interesting session

@cvernon5256

Жыл бұрын

Oozes are a huge subset of creatures but Gelatinous Cubes, Black Puddings, Bones Oozes, etc are all quite different from each other. They're giant amoebas. That must have been an interesting showdown, though. The area encrusted with dried slime, still-fluid puddles flowing across the walls. I'm curious a to what this person wanted out of getting turned into jelly. Unless that was it; in which case, okay.

@unluckyone1655

Жыл бұрын

@cvernon5256 all I have to say is, the spell water walk would have been pretty handy. But instead my water genasi fighter had to concentrate more on using shape water to keep the other party members from getting engulfed in all the ooze. It was an interesting fight

The Gelatinous cube thing sounds like something I'd do INTENTIONALLTY. lol.

17:11 I don’t necessarily think that the NPC being alive in itself is a bad thing depending on the story it’s something that could be meant to add to the mystery. But the DM outright saying “guess I’ll rework it” is plane horrible because it shows that it wasn’t part of the mystery he just had them alive BECAUSE. And that’s bad.

The second story seems oddly familiar to me. I've written several stories and when I shared them with a friend of mine, he told me he was very surprised at how dark they are since he's always thought of me as a sweet, gentle woman.

If I had a nickel for every time Doge picked a horror story that somehow involves semen, I'd possibly have two nickels. Which isn't much, but it's weird that it's happened twice since I started watching his content.

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

I don't write em, I just read em, lol

@AmaryInkawult

Жыл бұрын

@@DnDDoge you do pick 'em~

@thechaoticvideogamer

Жыл бұрын

My horsey juice flashbacks are intensifying.

@destroyerinazuma96

Жыл бұрын

There's sea men on the balcony and sea men on the floor...

@aquaticcatfey

Жыл бұрын

@@destroyerinazuma96 Seamen in the bathroom and behind the closet door...

Story 2 OP is just a horndog lmao

On the subject of Gelatinous Cubes, a horror story of my own involves one. Phantasmal Force is an illusion spell that affects basically all of your senses. It forces an intelligence saving throw to prevent it. I had been engulfed by a gelatinous cube and decided to use the spell to get out. My DC was a 16, which was impossible for the cube to meet because of its 1 intelligence. I then used the illusion to escape by making it look like I had been pulled out. I was denied this creative solution because “I don’t allow replacements”

@tuomasronnberg5244

Жыл бұрын

I don't understand how an illusion of you escaping helps you to actually escape? 🤔

@iank472

Жыл бұрын

It also wouldn't work because Gelatinous Cubes are oozes which are almost universally mindless and unaffected by mind altering spells.

the gelationous cube incident remind me of a moment when I was introduce in a one shot of a friend. I was introduced by falling from a deep hole into a pile of bodies and pass out but I didn't take damage (DM say the bodies cushion my fall), and a group of humanoid fish creatures come to me and start put blue embalming goo. Out of exitement for playing the game I just say some stupid thing that made me feel ashamed for the resto f the game. -What they are bukkaking me with??- Yhe entire group bust in laugh with mu sudden stupidity but they didn't keep up with the laugh and took it just for the moment, still, I feel cringy everytime I remember this moment. I wake up upon they start gooing me with the blue thing and I proceed with the adventure.

Story 1 is the perfect example of "Awesome if i do it but awful if you do it"

Guy from the second story probaly thought he was hitting on op, and then got overly defensive when it was taken as an insult instead.

I didn't take notes in one of the games I joined, but my memory is good enough that I was able to pick up on the hints that the GM was laying out. She got so nervous at my ability to figure out the twist from the little details she gave that she stopped giving out hints despite the fact that I never revealed anything to the party for fear I would reveal something once I figured it out.

At the risk of speculating from a serious lack of information and detail, I'd expect that last DM was trying to work DM-ing into a paid job, and due to not really understanding, respecting, or liking the game or job in the first place assumed he was already overqualified for it. From that perspective, Call of Cthulhu might look like a dungeon crawler where nobody can bitch about the entire party randomly getting killed with no warning because PCs aren't expected to survive anyway. (I'm not saying I think that, but I can see the idea of that being appealing.) So the players needing five hours to create characters means the adult babies were babysat for five hours and the DM did a great job. In all probability the DM never wrote a plot to keep track of, just a handful of NPCs to use to send the player characters off to get killed or at least their players occupied for a few hours. I could be very wrong, but that's how it feels from the story.

Gelatinous Cubes can take on the color of their food. They are usually in sewers, so green is common. I usually make them clear in my campaigns to add to the surprise when the seemingly empty hall jiggles toward them xD

Why, yes. You *can* entice me with cats doing cute stuff

Story #2, in some form or another, has happened to all too many women who have hurt some douchebro's pride. Especially if it's something the douchebro considers himself entitled to gatekeep.

First story: I don’t understand why people pick on new players and DMs. If no new people get into the hobby, everyone who’s currently into it will eventually move on to something else or grow old and die, and the hobby will die with them. New players are the lifeblood of D&D, so those who truly love it should be welcoming the newbies with open arms. Treating new players and DMs badly is not only bad for maintaining the community you supposedly love, but it’s also just plain rude. Yes, people who are completely new to the game won’t always play optimally, but they’re completely new to the game! Be patient with them! Also, you don’t need to make the optimal move all the time. Some of the best moments in D&D campaigns come from mistakes and “suboptimal” choices. Good thing OP got out of there and found a better group! Second story: Wow, what a massive dickhead. OP made the right choice in kicking him, and I hope she tells the player who invited him about this. I’m hoping the other player was just a new friend of That Guy and didn’t know how he treated women, but if not… well, let’s just say that friends of misogynistic assholes tend to also be misogynistic assholes. Third story: Don’t worry, OP, we’ve all made a cube-fucking joke or two in our time. I will admit, though, that I’m questioning why you made the cube goo white instead of blue or green or any other color a gelatinous cube could be. At least the players found it funny instead of creepy. Enjoy your eternity of cube-kake jokes! Fourth story: Oh, sweetie… I started out feeling bad for the GM, because you know, we’ve all had the experience of starting a new system and not having memorized all the rules-but if you are going to run a full-on session for people at a store, you have no excuse for not knowing the basics. You also have no excuse for showing up an hour late with no explanation, then getting snotty with the players for showing up on time. Also, I get having to retcon things sometimes, but you have to let the players know you need to retcon it! If the GM had just said “Hey guys, I made a mistake and need to retcon it; that NPC was supposed to be alive,” the players probably would have understood because, you know, new GM. But instead, they just throw the retcon in out of left field and throw a fit when the players expect the game to have some internal logic and consistency? This person needs to not run any more games until they can learn to handle things like a big kid.

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

Fortunately, there are a lot of old school TTRPG vets out there that actually like getting new people into it. As I always say, these stories are just outliers

@benjisblackrose

Жыл бұрын

Op of story three: I forgot gelatinous cubes were clear in the moment, and the token for them on Roll20 looks milky white. 😅

This is apropos of nothing but my favorite character has a pet miniature gelatinous cube, it's a vegetarian that prefers Green Beans and it's name is Carl. She keeps him in a little clay pot and he's basically harmless, you can even pet him if you don't mind taking 1 hp of acid damage. ♥

DM who are just winging it and making their crap up on the fly don't like players takin notes because they are able to identify all of the DMs mistakes and point out faulty memory.

Lol the cube dude is a friend of mine of nearly 16 years. You should hear the other shit he says hahahahaha

Its the owo cube thumbnail for me

Dat thumbnail xD

It could have been a bone ooze if gelatinous cubes are green... actually, that's worse. The ooze description reminds me of my own slip up: Playing a child in a Game of Thrones tabletop game (he was a ward of the house, I wanted higher destiny points), he said something that sounded too intellectual and I meant to say "Maybe the Maester's rubbing off on him." What I said was "Maybe the Maester's been rubbing him off."

my gf always has the darkest topics on her campaign, slavery, sex, murder, etc and me being a guy terrified to touch them cus i don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable xD

Am I wrong because I assumed the gelatinous cube was clear due to its transparent ability

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

honestly, I always seen them depicted as green or blue, but when looking up images to use in the thumbnail, there were all sorts of colors.

@Shadowblader98

Жыл бұрын

@@DnDDoge well I assume it's cause they are basically slimes and those come in a massive batch of different colors across fiction

@benjisblackrose

Жыл бұрын

Idiot Dm OP here-we play on Roll20, because getting a bunch of 30 and 40 year olds together once a week isn’t feasible in real life. The tokens for gelatinous cubes for Roll20 depict them as a milky white color…

@Shadowblader98

Жыл бұрын

@@benjisblackrose ah if its the token for roll 20 then its more roll 20s fault for that weird design concept, i personally always saw them as see through after i read their transparent ability where they cant be seen until they move

I like ur cat

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

Me too!

Holy hell, the misogynist one made my head hurt. I always forget that there are people out there who think all women are subhuman and can't think. I think his "experience with women not making complex worlds" comes from his mom's goodnight stories, does he not understand there are a million female authors that make just as complex and dark worlds as men? I hope this dude was 14 or something with a whole lot of growing up to do.

Aww, cat buddies

If someone says you can't dm, believe them, boot them from the game since you aren't up to their standards. The last one, when the bad dm tries to switch to paid dm, my first thought was sunk cost because if you pay you stay, then flashbacks to all the paid dm horror stories where they break the basic functionality of the game to make their job easier. Cubekakke

Good thumbnail

No no, not green. Gelatinous cubes are suppose to be clear. Games were once written in a way to make you think it was a few ghosts floating through a hall, where PCs would run in to the creature

When I saw the thumbnail, I thought "Okay. The slimes are light blue or any other color!" And I was going to comment "I really hope the slimes aren't white." Turns out, well damn.

I would have kept my cool up until the Bill Cosby reference came out. So to speak. BTW, I've always seen gelatinous cubes depicted as colorless, and so clear you could easily walk into one accidentally.

Ummmm. That's definitely a thumbnail.

@gekolvr0734

Жыл бұрын

It is something that I have seen

@KyurekiHana

Жыл бұрын

That's definitely a title, too.

@edacheson8540

Жыл бұрын

​@Kyureki Hana based off what actually happened in game. The best part is he doesn't even know he's doing it until it's too late.

@ST-RTheProtogen

Жыл бұрын

Ah yes, the C U B E

@edacheson8540

Жыл бұрын

@@ST-RTheProtogen first Johnny two-dicks, now gelatinous cube bukkake. What happens next? Stay tuned to find out! Lol

Isn't the good thing in these rpgs is that the setting is there, and you don't need to homebrew it?

Mega Potion for you

What game is being played in the background?

Players are a dime a dozen. If you got players acting out and ruining the game tell them to cut it out. If they give you gripe tell them your game, your rules. They can go else where if they don't like it. If they continue to give you gripe. Give them a boot and select new players from the thousand out there.

Saw a girl play gear of war sawing the enemy in the mall …. But that just normal wonder where in the bubblegums world he cone from

First and Last stories: I hate people vying to be "King Nerd". It is almost always a ego thing for those lacking real decidedly poor or at least below average socialization.

The DM randomly decided that gelatinous cubes were white and they did the cubekakke by accident? I'm not saying coincidences don't happen, but it is a pretty odd assumption to make. Maybe they had a cloudy colored miniature that influenced that?

@benjisblackrose

Жыл бұрын

Op here-pretty much. We play on Roll20, and the token for them depicts the cube as a milky whitish color.

Ok I had to like because of the kitties..

I thought the cube was blue.

The "Veterans" of the 1st story. You have to bully a DM just cause he's new? May your dice rolls, always be Nat 1. And the dude in the 2nd story, man, talk about being cringe and sexist. And the DM who wanted a Call of Cthulhu game, don't do this to your players. Communicate

Considering gelatinous cubes are acidic and she got it all over her clothes. OP could have made the story significantly worse.

Everything is derivative of something else. That being said some of its good some of its bad regardless of what is between the dungeon masters legs.

I guess the cubes come in many colors?

Oh fiest dude is a big hit with the ladies all right..... big hit the block button

So in the first story as a DM you should never allow players to tell other players how to act or what they should do unless that player asks for help or advice. Also if your group treats you with consistent disrespect or disdain then just leave. There's loads of great players online clamouring for a DM.

I feed the algorithm overlords

What is the gameplay in the background?

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

Middle Earth Shadow of War

@cheyennetrumbos

Жыл бұрын

@@DnDDoge thank you! (As if I need more video games)

Nah, you need dramatic exits when the DM is that bad, in the last story. Yelling at you for taking notes because he was too lazy to do so? When you can't even trust the world exists in a rational manner, you can't get I to the game. Rip that sheet, sever your bonds to bad game.

Oh nice, I'm early

pikimin

Bro why would u keep dming for ppl making fun of yr world and bullying u? That's insane

Anyone know any incel sites where the guy in the second story might have gotten his "experience" from? Also, those are super cuddly kitties.

Oh my god, that sort of sexism pisses me off so much. "Woman can't come up with blood and gore, they don't know the first thing about describing a vitriol of that sort of thing that would invoke nightmares." If I was petty, younger, full of piss and vinegar, more petty spite, and had no self control, I'd be describing them their first period!

algorithm comment

The gelatinous cube doesn't sound true to me, but w/e

@edacheson8540

Жыл бұрын

Currently in that campaign. 100% as described in the post (although Doge did clean-up the language a bit).

@benjisblackrose

Жыл бұрын

Idiot DM OP here…could you, um, tell my crew it didn’t happen? It’d be super helpful. Ed up there is never going to let me live this or the Johnny Two-Dicks incident down.

@lalunafate

Жыл бұрын

My condolences x.x

@edacheson8540

Жыл бұрын

@Manddi Snell and I wasn't even there for Johnny Two-Dicks.

Well... I'm just surprised that many of the stories you read for us are easily just marked to be about people who are foolish or worse flat out dumb, still bold enough to stand up for their ego... These stories are about surprisingly short sighted people, and I'm never going to learn that there really are people who are like that. You can't say that because someone looks like one can't do another thing, especially when it's not about how they look. If I was a vet dnd player, I would question the players like noob should, and then share my perspective, still not necessarily pushing anything on anyone. DM comes up with certain story, because they feel like it's fit, and same for players, and should you exactly push on that? I just find these things dumb ways to play out the game. I would have said that one guy who thinks that girls like flowers and pink stuff, because they are girls, that... You really think that we are just some cookie cutter models like barbie dolls or something? They probably wouldn't get it. I like the feeling when my expectations get blown off, but it depends on what it is about.

WHYYY???? What is wrong with people. Even I was never this bad. Geez. I just made more tolerable, less cultish versions of my freinds from high school.

@jonathanfenton8695

Жыл бұрын

This is my reacrion to story 1. Story 2 is such a Matt Mercer moment. Completely twisted by Laura. Egged on further by Talesin, and with Marisha getting out of breath from laughter.

5th

Last one: the player is being really graceless for a new Keeper (dm's are d&d; Call of Cthulhu have Keepers of Arcane Lore). They are all learning the system, so it is a but hypocritical to expect the Keeper to know how to run the game perfectly if all the players do not even know how to make characters. That is expecting more out of others than yourself. 5 hours is a long time to make characters; I am not sure how that is possible unless they only had one book and took turns bogaurding it. An experienced player can make a character in 15 minutes but a new player might take up to an hour, particularly if they get confused or on the fence on a choice they do not understand. I just do not see how you can take 5 hours to make a character unless you are waiting on a book. The Keeper is coming off rude, but their behavior seems consistent with them moving the game to a later time slot and the other players not getting the memo. The Keeper might have changed it on the game shop's calander and OP never saw. Seems like a misunderstanding, but I cannot get why if you thought the Keeper was eating in the corner by themselves during game time why you would not go up and ask, "what the dealio, yo?" Instead of sitting and watching him eat while you seethed. The npc you thought was alive in a scene is a classic rookie Keeper mistake; they are learning the system. The Keeper should have owned it if it was a mistake, but it is Call of Cthulhu. There is a sanity loss for seeing a person you know is dead specifically called you in the rules for a reason. Not sure it was a mistake as much as the Keeper might have wanted them to look into why a dead person is walking about and saying, "yes, that character you are talking to now is dead," spoils the mystery. I think OP is lying about the end; it is one of those, "and everyone stood up and clapped," endings to where he left a group he hated to go seamlessly into a big group of his friends while taking the "bad dm's" group from him. I can see this group falling appart (that is how most gaming groups go), but leaving in mass while tearing up their sheets is some kind of strange revenge fantasy. It even ends with the Keeper in the story getting kicked out of the game shop; appeals to authority and taking an identity from the person that wronged you is a steriotypical narcissistic revenge fantasy. Not sure I have ever been to a game shop that would kick someone out for cursing at people; magic and war game players swear like sailors in every shop and convention I have ever been to; they gaming on a game shop owned by a church or something?

7:23 Where has this guy been living, Ive head so much Its EXPECTED most women to inject that shit into the game and they go hard into it that I’m getting a bit tired of it.

I call bullshit on the second case. The dude was clearly hitting on her, she either didn't realize it or didn't like him and there was a meltdown. It''s obvious she has not told the whole story.